Dealing with Challenging Parents

Judy Vanderpump

Family Learning Manager

• Internationally, dealing with difficult parents ranks among the top three stressors for teachers

• You would probably rather book in for root canal treatment!

Facts about parents who are difficult

• They do love their children• They don’t care about you• They won’t change on their own• Their perceptions are their reality• They CAN change how they work with you• You cannot ignore them and they will not go away

• ‘Parents, not schools’ key to exam success

Telegraph – Friday 12th October 2012

The research…..

• Feinstein and Symons (1999) found that parental interest in their child’s education was the single greatest predictor of achievement at age 16

• Parental involvement in their child’s reading has been found to be the most important determinant of language and emergent literacy (Bus, van Ijzendoorn & Pellegrini, 1995)

• Research also shows that the earlier parents become involved in their children’s literacy practices, the more profound the results and the longer lasting the effects (Mullis, Mullis, Cornille et al., 2004).

• Educational deficits emerge early in children’s lives, even before entry into school and widen throughout childhood. Even by the age of three there is a considerable gap in cognitive test scores between children in the poorest fifth of the population compared with those from better off backgrounds. This gap widens as children enter and move through the schooling system, especially during primary school years. (Goodman & Gregg, 2010)

more research……..• Dearing, Kreider, Simpkins and Weiss (2006) for the Harvard Family Research project, found

that family involvement in school matters most for children whose mothers have less education. More specifically, the authors found that increases in family involvement in the school predicted increases in literacy achievement for low income families and that family involvement in school matters most for children at greatest risk.

• Carter-Wall and Whitfield (2012) in a study for the Joseph Rowntree Foundation, in closing the educational attainment gap found that interventions focused on parental involvement in children’s education demonstrated evidence of impact on raising attainment. The study suggests that in terms of future policy and practice the area with the most promise in terms of raising attainment is parental involvement in their children’s education

• Field (2010) in his report ‘The Foundation Years: preventing poor children becoming poor adults,’ noted that the home learning environment has a positive impact on attainment for poor children with certain ethnic backgrounds. e.g., poor Chinese children (as measured by FSMs) do better at GCSEs than any other group except Chinese pupils who are not poor…’

Preventing challenges

• Recognise parents as important participants – exhibit a positive attitude towards parental involvement

• Increase communication with parents• Contact parents as soon as you see academic problems or

negative behaviour patterns• Be quick to praise the efforts of parents

Dealing successfully with telephone conversations• Be prepared – find out as much about the problem/concern

before the phone call.• Gather any information, files and notes to hand. Show that you

know their child well.• Make the phone call when you are relatively stress-free and

have time to listen to the parents. Do let them have their say and to articulate their concerns.

• Take notes and make verbal comments to show you are listening.

• Paraphrase and clarify.

Dealing successfully with telephone conversations• With perpetually needy or talkative parents, phone a

few minutes before taking a class.• Let the parents know it was important for you to return

their call but that you only have a few minutes to talk.• Encourages them to keep it ‘short and sweet’.

Face to face conversations• Approach the parent with respect but also expect respect• Project confidence by sitting next to the parent• Remain calm, friendly and professional at all times• Don’t argue or interrupt; just listen first and persuade later• Keep an open mind• Emphasise all positives and academic gains first• Share student work that supports your concerns• Put yourself in the parent’s shoes – this is your ‘home territory!’• Be aware of your body language• Watch the parents’ body language – look for signs of confusion,

anxiety, fear• End meeting on a positive note and thank the parents for coming

Know when to give in……..

• Know when to end a meeting – look for signs of escalation• Not every parent can be won over• Don’t take it personally• Some people are just abrasive, argumentative or difficult• Kill them with kindness – interact with difficult parents MORE

often! Let them know that they will get a smile and a pleasant demeanour every time, regardless of how difficult they have been.

To get in touch………

• Judy Vanderpump• Judith.vanderpump@wiltshire.gov.uk• Tel: 01225 898451• Professional Development Centre, Melksham