Davy Crockett Salm 1840 Croc

8/12/2019 Davy Crockett Salm 1840 Croc

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Vol.

2.]

C.

GO AHEAD

97

[No. 2.

i'HE

CROCKETT ALMANAC

1840.

Crockett

scared

by

an Owl ...See

page 2.

Containing

Adventures,

Exploits,

Sprees

&

Scrapes

in

the

West,

&

Life

and

Manners

in

the

Backwoods.

STashville,

Tennessee.

Published

by

Sen Harding'.



PS.EFACB

Sense we

grot out thelasf

ATlm>-neck,

thar

h

been

so

tnutcli

enkurridgment

that i

hav

plucked

up

spunk

to

git

out

anuther.

I

hav

been

k

raising'

about,

and

living

on

my

pention,

ever

cents

1

got

out

the

last

one,

and hav spent

sum

part

of my

time in

New York

and

some

in

Bostown,

and

sum

in

Fillydelphy. When

I

goes

limping

up

Broadway

and Washington

Street or

Chessnut

Street,

fokes dont

no as

i

am

a

litterrary

kar-

aktur.

Prehaps one

wreizon

of that is

that the

printurs

diddeut

send

around

the

aulmynack

to

awl

thenoosepaypur

fokes

last

yeer,andso

it has-

ent

got

about

that i

am

the

chap what makes 'em.

My

late

frend

Kurnell Krockitt sot a good

deel

by

his

Allmynack, and sed

it shood never sink

so

long as

he

had

his

hed

above water; and now he

is

ded

and

gone, I

kalkulate

to

keep

it

up

out

o'

respect tohis

memory.

My

helth has

ben pritty

good

for a old

man,

and

thar

is

sum

hopes that

i

shall wether

my

by

Ben

Harding.

seventieth

year. As T spose

the

publick wood

like to no aul about me, as my

aulmynaks

is

aul

the

tork, and

as they

has profiles

took

doun

of

aul the grate karakturs,

imean to get an ingraver

to picktur

me

out.

1

intend

to cum out this yeer in rail skreeming

style,

and has engaged

to

have

it

printed so

slick

that slush wooden

t make it

no

slieker

; and

then

the kalkulations

will bt:

made

so

that if

a

feller

was blown

up

in

a

ateambote

he

cood contrive

to

be

blowed

into

enny

direction

he

thortpropppr.

The way

the

sigh-for-inn iti

done

up

this

year is

sumthing

for them to grin at jrhat has got know

teeth,

and

cant

chaw upon

the

matthewmattocks.

I'll

giv

enny

won leef to make me splice

the

main brace

by proxy, who kan

find

any

fault in

tiie sums. So

to

cut

short my

yarn,

I'll

only

say

if

ennybodv

thinks

he

kan

make a

better

allmy-

nack,

let

him

try,

That's aul.

Eclipses

in

the

year 1840

I spose the

reeder has seed

tokes

when

they

had.

picked a

pocket,

or done- sum

other

pokerish

job,

hide

behind

somebody

else to

get

out

of

site.

Well that is

jist

the

way

the

Sun and

Moon

will

do

this

year: and- they

will

do

it

twice.

The

Sun

will

be'non-eommittal

twice,

and

kinder

hide

partly

out o'

sight,

but

he

will be a

leetle

sly

about it, so

that

you

cant see

how it.

is done,

in

America.

Nobody

on

this

continent will

be

able

to

say

black

is

the

white

of

his

eye,

only in

them

parts of

the

world where they can see,

and that

wont

be

here by a jugfull.

As to the moon, she

will

dodge a

little behind

the

curtain, and

that

you

will

see

;

but- tot

her

time

it

wont

be

wizzibull

on this

here

continent,

no how

nor nohowsomever.

The

fust will

be

the

Moon at

the time

when it

is

full in

February—then you see it will

operate

like

cutting

a

big

slice

out

of

a

cheese,

but

then

it

will

all

he

dun

down

below the horrizun

out

of

site

;

jist

as

a

grate

turkle

bit

ofT

Sal Sleek's

toe

under

water,

when

she

was

swimming

over the

Massissippy.

The

second

will

be

the

Sun, on Tuesday,

March

couldn't see the

clipse in

North

America,

bekase

3d. Then '.he

Sun will

be

enermost

hid out

of

of what

the

cipher

sight, and it will

look

grand,

and

as

big as

a

paint-

1

lattitude.

s head

with

one

i

nokt out, and tother

i

asquint.

But it

will happen at half past II o'clock

in

the

night,

so that

yon

cant see

it

without

you

could

creep along

to

the

edare of

the

yearth

and

look

over.

But

the

fokes

in

Asha

will

see

it,

and

all

the.

pesky Hottentots

and wild

Arabs

what

lives

be-

tween

the

Injun

otion and Beer-in-Straits.

The

third

will

be the

Moon,ftnd

that will hap-

pen

on

Thursday,

August 13,

in

the

morning .

This will

be a

small e]ipse,and

will

be

wizzibull.

The

man

whot

duz

my mattummattocks has

sifered it

out, as

follows

:

The

fourth,

and

that's the

last

one,

will

be the

Sun.

It will

happen

on Thursday,

August

27, at

half

past two o'clock

in

the

morning

;

and then

the

sun

will

look grand,

for

it will

be clipsed awl

out

of sight—

but

you can't see it

bekase

its

out

of

sight

in

2

ways.

It's clipsed out of site, and

it's in

the

night

time too,

jist

as Zipporeth

Wing's

goose war out of

site

when

a

Yankee

pedlar

stole

it,

and

war

out of site agin

arter he

ett

it up.

But

if it warn't

out of_

site

nary time,

you

-man

calls

the

moon's south

Scorning

1

and livening

Stars.

morning.

But

arter

the

4th,

this here

Jupiter

will

be evening

star

till

The star

wot

they

call

VENUS will

show a

leg arly

every

morning, till arter

the

24th of

July,

bekase she

belongs

to

the

stars

in

the

American

flag,

and

wants to see

the

Fourth of July

by

day

break.

But

arter the

24th,

she

will only

be

up

of

evenings,

like Sam Flat's

gal

as

lived

near Pos-

sum

Swamp,

who

washed

her

close

every

nite

and

lay

abed

all

day

for

'em

to dry. So

she

could

on'y

be

up of

evenings.

Another

star

as

they

call

JUPITER,

what

I

spose

was

named

after

my

graud'ther's

dog Jupe,

will

be

Morning

Star till May

4th,

a

proppus

to commodate

the

New

York

fokes

what

moves on May

day

in

the

November

21st: and

arter

that the nights

will

be

so

cold,

it

wont

get

up

till

morning.

The star

what they

call MARS

will

shine

of evenings,

till May 4th, and arter

that,

it will be

up

every morning

so as

to

see the

New

Year

come

in.

Another star

they

call

SATURN,

will

present itself

also

every

morning

till June

9th

;

and then it will come

ot

evenings

till

Dec.

14th

;

and

arter

that,

it

will

go

down the back track, and

play possum in

the

morning.

Crockett Scared

by

an OwL

There

at

one

thing

that

happent to me

one

evening

thatsmn

fokes

weodent tell

for

seventeen

possum

skins

full

of

whiskee

;

but

I

never

stood

for

trifles,

and

aint

got

no need

of

kivvermg over

the.

truth,

for

to

giv fokes

a

high

notion.of my

kurridge.

Thar

never,

war

a

race

horse

that

lidja't

git

beet

sum

time in

his

lite; and

thar

never

was

a rifle

that

didn't

hang

fire

sum time

or

other.

For

all

that

the

peeple

will

stair when

they

learn

how

Daw

Crockett

got skeered

wunst,

and

they

will

stair

a

grate

deel

wuss

when

they

larn

what

it

war

that

skeered

him.

It

war

on

oiie foggy

evening

that I

had

ben

out

half

the

day

in

sarcli

of

a

big

painter as had been

poking

fun

at me

awl

night

aun squalling

most

rh

ikiK'US

under

my. winder.

I

got

site

of

him

wonst,

as

he

war

swimming

over a

rivver,

and

so

I

kepp

on

feia

trale

for

three ours arterward,

till

it

got

too

dark

to see,

and

the

foe cum

down

at

the

same

time

as if

the

Massissippi

was bilihg

away

and

turnin

to

steem.

So

I

cum to

a

dead^

*ti'I',

and

leaned

agin

a tree, with

the

muzzle

of

killdevil

under my

chin

;

and war

konsiderin

whether

the

painter

wood

cum

back

agin in the

nite,

when

sumthing

made a

little

noise

amungst

the

drv

twigs

over

my

head, and

then sung

out,

in a

strange

tung,

like

the

tree

war alive,

or I

hud

been

leaning

agin a krokodile

what

war

itandips

on

the

eend ot

his tale.

I

rekkon

I

jumpt

about

seven

foot,

tho

I

didn't

stop to

mez-

ure

the

distance,

and

then

the

cretur

bawled

out

ag-ii:i

as

if

he

war t-ryin

to

split

my

head

open

with

his

noisu. I

cant

say

that I

run

so

fast

as I

hav

run

afore

now

;

but

it

coodn't hardly

be said

that

I

wauked,

for

1

stradled

so

wide

that

I tore

my

trowses. The ground was

miry

and I

slipt

about

like I war

skating,

and

then

the

feller

in the

tree

kept up

his hollering.

But

at last

I

got

used

to it,

and

then I stopt,

and

drawed

trigger tho

I

coodn'tsee nothing.

But

as

soon

as killdevil

had spoke, I heered no

more

from the

feller in

the

tree,

and

I konkluded

he

war

dead.

So

I

konsidered

that

a

special

intar-

position

of Providence,

seeing

it

war likely

it

had

saved

my life.

I crept

softly

back

to

the

tree

cretur struggling amongst

o I.

went

up

and listened

to

hee

the

leeves;

but

I

heered

nothing.

Si

to the

tree,

with

my

arms

spread

out.

I

tro

sumthing

jist about that

time,

and sposed it

was

some

wadding I had

dropt. So I

stooped

down

and got

hold

on

a

bunch

of fethers, and then

I

knowed

it

war

a

bird,

and held

it

up.

It war

a

pesky

grate

owl,

und

then I

noed that

the cretur

war

what had

skeered

me by

his

hooting,

and I

remembered

the voice rite off.

1

spose

awl the

oaths

I swore then,

if

they war straitened

out,

wood

reech

clean acrost the

Massissippi.

It

war

the

fust

time that

1 had

run

from

a cretur not

so

big as

myself;

and I

felt

as

stripid

as a rainbow.

I

took

up

the

pesky

owl,

and

shook

him

by

one

leg

till

I got

tired, and

then

put

him

into

my

pocket. Arter that

I never

allowed myself

to

oe

skeered

at

any cretur, without

I

warsartin

itwar

not an owl.

-

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An

Evening

Visiter.

I

bleeve

i

never telled

the

reeder about

a

little

affair

that

cum about

shortly

arter

i

got

married

and went

to

settle on

the

north side

of the big

Muddy.

Thar war a

kuzzin

of my wife's

that

took

his

plunder

and

went

with

me.

He had

ben

to

Cincinnati and had

got a

grate

eddication

for

them

days.

He

could

grammarize and

geografize

and

fillossofize,

and would

wear

out a slate

a

siferin

in

one

weak.

Then

he

had his square

roots

and

his round roots,

and

I

bleeve

he had

fhe

root of

all

evil, for

he

war

jist

sich

a

pesky

feller as it

wood

take

five

hundred like

him

to

make an honest

man.

But

1

dont want

to ex-

plicitrize

him

too

hard

seeing that

he

is

dead,

and when one

is in

his

grave

he cant

harm nobody,

for he

is

a

quiet

citizen then, if

he never war

befour.

I sed

when i

fust begun this

story that

he

war a kuzzin to my

wife, but

that

war

a lie,

for

he only

maid me

bleeve

he

war,

but

i

found

him

out arterward. He

wanted to

go and settle

with

me in

the

cleering,

and

we

packed up and

went.

When

we

got

to the big Muddy, i

begun

to make

a

hole in

the

forest,

and

i

built a

log

house

as fast

as

i

could, tho i

wos obleeged to hav

killdevil at my

side all

the time, as the

painters

had

a grate deel

of

curosity

to see how a white

man's flesh

tasted.

Them

varmints had

got

tired

of

Indian

meet, for

their red

skins

war

bo

tuff

it

sot their

teeth

on

edge; and

so they war

very

dainty

arter

a

peece

of

my

bacon.

But i

couldn't

obleege

them

in

that way

no

how, tho

i

war

willing

to do

ennything

in

my

line

that war

reesonable

seeing

i

war

a

stranger

in

them parts

and didn't

want

to be

on bad

tarms

with

the in-

habitants.

They

put

me

to

grate

expence

for

ammunition,

and i

sent

some

of

them to

thedivil

without

benefit of

clargy,

and sum

of

them

1

shot

in

the stam

and they went

off shaking

their

tales

as

if

thty

felt

ridiculous.

All

this

time

the

feller that

war

with

me

kept poring

over

his

books, for

he

sed he

intended

to

open

a

skool

as

fSee

page

10.1





10

An

Evening

Visiter.-.continued

from

page

8.

soon as

our

clearing

had

got

peepled,

and he

looked

to me

and

my

wife

to

supply

him

with

a

smart

chance

of

skollars.

. ...

Arter i had

got

my

log

house

rigged

up

m

pritty

good

styles

we

all

moved

into

it.

It

war

rite

enuff

all but

one

winder

that

war

not

finished.

One

dark

evening

I

sot

in one

corner

and the

skoolmaster

sot

in

tother,

befour

a

roaring

fire.

Mv

wife

had

gone

to

bed

and war

fast asleep

in

a

crib i

had

bilt

up

on one

side

of

the

room.

Well,

while

we

sot

there

talking about

nothing

at

all,

i

heerd

a

sort

of

scratching

noise

outside of

the

house,

and

I

looked

up to

where

killdevil

hung;

but

before

i

could git up

to take it

down, a.mon-

stropolus

grate

wild

cat

bounced

in at

the

winder,

and in a

minnit

she

war

in

the

middle

of the

floor,

and crouched

down

and

wagged

her

tale,

and

kept her

eyes

rolling

in

her head

fust at

me and

then at the

skoolmaster.

He

looked

obflisticated,

and i

seed

he

could

not

sifer

himself

out

of

the

scrape.

The

varmint

was

the

most

saverageous

beast that i

ever

sot

my

2

eyes

on, and

her teeth

looked

as

white

as

if

she

had

cleaned

'em

every

mornin.

But

her

eyes

grew

bigger

and

wilder

every

minnit.

We

sot as

still

as

two.

rotten

stumps in a

fog.

I

did

not

dare

to

move my

head

to

look at

killdevil, for

i

couldn't

hav time

to take

it down

befour

the

varmint

would

have

her teeth

in my

carkass.

So

we

didn't

stir,

and the

wild

cretur

kept

squinting

fust

at

me

and

then at

my

trend,

not

knowing

which

to

choose,

and she

lookt

mighty

proud

to

think

she

could

have

the

pick between

us.

I

felt

so mad

i

kood

have

bit

through a

rive

inch

plank.

The

skoolmaster

nor

i

didn't

nary

one

of us

want

to

be

ete

up,

tor

i had

dun a hard

day's

wurk,

and war

too

tired to go

through

with

sich a

job

befour

i

had a

good

night's

rest.

. The

skoolmaster

war

hugaceously

oneasy,

and

i

seed he thort

it war

a

very

ridicu-

lous

peece

of

bizziness

;

so

he

speeks

to me,

and

sed,

What do

you think

we had best to

do,

Crockett? 1 telled him that

depended

mostly

on the

varmint

who

seemed

to

have

the

casting

vote

on this

okkasion,

but

it

war

most likely

one

of

us

wood

be

chawed up

befour

we

war

a

minnit

older, and as

he

had

good

laming,

i spose

he

knowed

how

to

make

his

peece with

God

in real

book

fashion ; but as

to

me i had

no

purtensions

to

laming, but

bleeved

i

war

never

guilty

of de-

sarting

a

trend

or

turning

my

back to

a hungry

feller-critter,

and

must trust to God's mercy to

make

it

up

to

me where

i

war lacking. Then

he

begun

to

blubber

rite

out, and

sed

if

we

could

only

direct

the

varmint's eyes to

the

place where

my

wife laid, he

might

ete

her

up,

and so our

lives would

be

saved

When i.

heered

that, i

forgot all

about

the

danger

and jumped

rite

up

on

eend like a Tamping

alligator.

I

war

going

to

ketch the

mean-spirited

infarnal coward, that

wanted

to

turn

off

the

danger on

a

woman,

rite

by

the

throat,

but

f

seed the

wild

cat

war

making

his

spring at me.

So i

jumpt towards killdevil

and

war

reeching

out

my

hand

to

take

it

down,

when

i seed

it

war

gone. I

felt

as

streaked as

a

bushel basket for haff a

second

;

but jist

as

the

varmint touched

me

with her

teeth,

i

heered kill-

devil speak

and the

wildcat,,tumbled

doun

dead

at

my

feet J

war amazed

at

fust,

but

in the next

minnit

my

wife

had her

arms around

my

neck.

Killdevil had hung

close to

her crib, and

when

i

jumped up

it woke her, and she had ketched

the

rifle

like

a

flash

and

fired it in

time

to

save

my

life. Then

i

seed

she

war

worthy to be

the wile

of

Davy

Crockett.

Ben

Harding's

Courtship.

When me

and

Ben

war

out

in

the

forest

one

day,

lie

got

to

torking

pretty

free,

and

at

last

he

got

upon

the

fare

sect.

He

telled me he

had

been

in

luv

;

and

when we

cum

to

a

plaice

called

Cold

Soring,

we

sot

our

rifles

up

agin

a

tree,

and

mixed

whisky

in

our

horn,

and

maid

sociable

for

an

our

and

a

hafF.

Arter

Ben

had

wrenced

out

his

mouth,

he

put

a

big

cud

in

one

sighed

of

his

cheek

and

sot

his

tung

upon

the

wild

trot

:—

D'ye

see,

Kornill

Krockitt,

I

wos

myer

very

much

given

to

overhaul a

she

craft

till I

got

on

the

lee

side

of

twenty

one.

But

about

that

time

th^r

wos

one

Bets

Undergrove

who

come

athwart

my

hawse

so

often

that,

at

last,

I

begun

to

fix

inv

blinkers

upon

her.

I

wos

jist

on the

point

ot

taking

a

viage to

see,

or

I

should

have

got

spliced

to

her

without

benefit

of

klarjee,as

they.say

when

a

thing

is to

be

done

in

a

hurry.

Sol

give

Bets a

rousing

buss,

and

told her

1 must

go

aboard,

tor

the

wind

wos

fare,

and the

capsun

was

going

round

like

grinding

coffee.

The

poor

gal

bawled

rite

out

and

stuck

her

nales

into

my

close

like

a

cat,

and

she

shed

teers

out of

one eye

like

spray

going

out

of

a

lee

skupper.

Her

tother

eye,

you

must

no,

wos

as

blind

as

a

skupper

nale.

1

iumped

into

the

jolly bote,

and my

messmates

pulled

me

off

to

the ship

;

but

we

lett

poor

Kets

standing

on

the cliff

till

the ship

got

clean

out-o-

sight-o-land.

There

she

stood

in her

white

gown

like

E.ldystone

light-house.

She

wos a

good gal,

and

I

never

seed

her

drunk

more

than

three

times

in

the

whole

two

year

that I

wos

acquainted

We

kreuced

awf

the coast

awhile,

and

then

went

up

the

strates,

and

wile

I

wos

there a thing

bappuned

that

let

me

into

the

fare

sect

very-

clear

;

and

it

wos

more

than

I had

ever

hiern

on

be

4.

We

kum

to

an

ankur

under

an

ileand

I

called Yvica.

There

wos a

big

black

bilding

;

stood

on the

hill

where

gals

is

kept

to lam

relig-

ion. They

call

it

a

nunnery.

I

wns

ashore

on

liberty

one

day,

with

haft'

a

duzzea

other char?

:

and we

were

pretty

well

corned

be

4

night.

.Mo

we agreed

to go

on a

lark

up

to

the

nunnery. We

found we

koodent

get

in

when we

got

there. An

old

woman

cum

to

the

door

with a

bunch of

keeze

hanging

to

her waisle,

and

she acted

as

bosun

over

the

establishment.

Ther wos

no

git-

ting

aboard

without

her

consent.

But

jist

as

I

wos turning off

like

a

sick

munky,

a

.poor ragga-

muffin

priest

cum

up

softly,

and

oftered to hire

me

his

dress,

for

a

glass

of

auguadent.

I

took

up with his

offer,

and was

soon

rigged

out in the

friar's

gear.

He help

rig

me out

;

and the rascal

shaved

off my

whiskers

and

all

the hare

from the

top of

my

head.

1 didn't hardly know

myself,

when

I

wos

finished,

and

had a grate

notion

that

I war

the

ship's

ehaplin who

had

cum

ashore

instead

of

me

by

mistake. As soon

as

I

was

rigged

all-a-tanto,

I

went

up

to the

gate

of

the

nunnery, and the old

woman let

me

in

mighty

quick.

It war

dark in

the hall,

and

she

didn't

know

me

from

the friar.

So

she

begun

to

tell

me

about

one

of

the

novisses ;

that,

I take

it,

wos

a

gal who

hadn't got

broke

into the

fashions.

She

wanted

I

should

see this gal, and

give

her

sum

good

sperituel

advise. I begun

to

groan,

and

hold

up

my

hands,

and

then

she

took

me

to

a

little

sort

of

locker,

where

the

poor

gal

was

kept.

As

soon

as

I

seed her

I

forgot

all

about

Betz

;

for

she wos

as pritty

as a

dolphin,

and

had

an

l

that

cut

rite

into

a

feller's

hart,

like

a jack-

knife

going

through

a

bit of

salt

junk.

As

soon

as

I

tound

myself

shot

up in

this

place with

the

gal, I

begun

to

try

to tork

to

her,

but somehow I

coodent

bring

my guns

to

bear,

and

git

hold of

the real Scripter

lingo;

and when

I

tried

to say

something ot that

sort,

she

laffed rite

out in

my

face. Be 4

I cood

get

over

that

and

look

her

in

the

countenance

agin, I

got fast

asleep,

for

I had

been poring

the

aguadent

and

cheechee

into

me

like

the

whale

swallowed

Jonah.

[

spose

I slept

about

three

hours,

and when

I

waked

up, the

gal

was

gone,

and

I

arterwards

heered

that

she had

made

her

escape from

the

house,

and

gone

back

to

her

friends.

I

felt

as

streeked

as

a

mackarel,

and

put

my

hand

in my

boozUm

to

feel for black

Betty;

hut

jist

then

I

heered a whisperin

in

the

next

cell

to

mine and

so

I hauled

my carkase

up

and looked

through

the

skylkej

and

there

T

seed

an

old

feller that called

himselt

a

friar,

and

there

wos

a

a pritty

gal

with

him

who had

come

to

sell

oranges.

I

seed

this old

rip

giv

her

two

or

three

smacks

on

the lips, and

put his

arm

around

her

waste. Then

I

lay

down

on

a

bench

close

by

the

skylite,

and

cood heer every word they

sed.

The

gal

agreed to cum the nixt

day

at

9 o'clock

in

the

mornin,

and she

axed

him how she

shood

tell his

cell

from the

rest,

so that she could find

it

with-

out any trubble. The

old porpus told

her

he

wood-put

a

long

nail

in

the

keyhole

of

the

door,

and

she

cood

feal

the

end

of

it

with

her

fingers.

So 1

laid still till

morning,

when I got

up,

and

went

out of my

cell,

and

found the nail in

the

keyhole of the old

feller's

door. [ pulled

it out.

softly, and took

it into my

den,

and stuck

it

through

my keyhole.

Pritty

soon the era

come

feeling

along

at the

dores,

and

she

felt

the

end of

the

nail.

Then

she

popped into

my

cell,

and

I

cotch'd

her

in

my arms.

She

begun to kiss

me rite



ir

irTnir'ffiffwwumtt

Account

of a

Goose

Pulling.

off,

and

I

thort I

wcs

up

to my ize

in

clover, but

all at

wunce

she

took

a iurcli

leeward

and

jumpt

back,

and

Jookt at

my face* then

she

seed J

war

not the

man, and

she

squalled

rite

out,

and

shook

like

a

leef.

So

the

tother

monk

heered

the gal

kreem and cum

running into my

cell, and

when

he

seed

me

and

the

gal,

his

holiness

wos

so

kut

up

that

he begun to fore like

a

buil->-for he

thort

he

had

took a

fansy

to

me.

The

gal jumpt

into

his

arms,

and

begged

him to

save

her from

me,

and

while

she

was

hanging

to

his

neck,

all the

monks and

nuns, and

the

old

woman

cum run-

ning up.

So

the

monk

tride

to

shake

off

the gal,

butshe

hung

to

him

like

a

turcle

to a

nizs

vrs

heel,

and

called

him

her.

own

true

love. I hauled

my

karkass

out of

the skrape,

and

left

'em

to

settle

the bizzinesa for

the

okl friar,

their

own

way.

Col.

Crockett

beat at a

Shooting

3*sEatcfc.

skull, as

slick

as

if I'd

clone

it with a

razor,

and

the critter never

stirred,

nor

knew

he'd lost

his

ears till

he

tried to scratch

'em.

'

Talk about

your

ritle

after

that,

Mike '

sez

I.

'Do you

see

that are

sow

away

offfurder than

the

eend of

the

world,' sez

Mike,

'with

a

litter

of

pigs

round

he-

*

and

he

Jets

fly. The

old sow give a

grunt,

but

never

stirred

in

her

tracks,

and

Mike

bills

to

loading

and

firing

for dear life,

till he hadn't left

one

of them are

pigs enough

tail to make a

tooth-

pick

on.

'Now,'

sez

he,

'Col.

Crockett,

Fll

be

pretticularly

obleedged to

yon

if you'll

put

them

are

pig's

tails

on

again,'

sez he.

'

That's onp9s-

sibl-,

Mike,' sez

I,

'but

you've left

one

of

'em

about

an

inch

to

steer by,

and if

it had

a-been

my work,

I wouldn't have done

it

so

wasteful.

I'll mend

your

shot.'

and so I

lets fly,

and

cuts

off

the

apology

he'd

left

the

poor

cretur for

decency.

I

wish

I may

drink

the

whole

of

Old

Mississip,

without a

drop of the rale

stuff

in

it, if you

wouldn't

have

thort

the

tail

had

been

drove

in

with

a

hammer.

That

made

Mike

a

kinder

sorter wrothy,

and he sends a

ball after his

wife

as

she

was

going

to the

spring

after

a

gourd

full

of

water,

and

nocked

half

her

coom

out

of

her

head,

without

stirring

a

hair,

and

calls

out to

her

to

stop

for

me

to

take a

blizzard

at

what

was

left on

it.

The

angeliferous

critter

stood

still

as

a

scarecrow in

a

cornfield,

for she'd

got

used to

Mike's tricks by long practiss.

'

No,

no, Mike,'

sez I,

'Davy

Crockett's

hand

would

be

sure

to

shake, if his

iron war

pointed

within a hundred

mile of a shemale,

and

I

give up

beat,

Mike,

and

as

we've had our eye-openers

a-ready,

we'll now

take a flem-cutter,

by way of

an

anti-fogmatic,

and

then

we'll

disperse.'

I

expect,

stranger,

you

think

old

Davy

Crock-

ett

war

never beat

at the

long rifle;

but be

war

ho.

I expect there's

no man

so

strong, but

what

he

will

find

some one

stronger.

If you

havent

heerd

tell of

one Mike

Fink,

I'll tell

you

some-

thing

about

him,

for

ho

war

a

helliferocipuR

fel-

low,

and

made

an almighty

fine

shot.

Mike^

was

oatman

on

the

Missrssip,

but he

had

a

little

cabbin on the

head of the

Cumberland,

and a

horrid

handsome wife,

that

loved him the

wick-

edest

that

ever

you

see.

Mike

only

worked

enough to find

his

wife

in

rags,

and

himself

in

powder, and lead,

and whiskey,

and

the

rest

of

the

time

he

spent

in

nockingover

bar and

turkeys,

and

bouncing

deer,

and

sometimes

drawing a

lead

on an injun. So

one

night

I fell

in

with

him

in

the

woods,

where

hirn

and his

wife shook

down

a

blanket

for

me

in

his wigwam.

In

the

morning

soz

Mike to

me,

'I've

got

the

handsomest

wife,

and

the

fastest

horse,

and the

sharpest

shooting

iron

in

all Kentuck. and

if

any

man

dare

doubt

it,

I'll be in

his

hair quicker

than hell could

scorch a

feather.'

This

put

my

dander

up,

and

sez

I,

'

I've

nothing

to say

agin your

wife,

Mike,

for

it cant be denied

she's

a

shocking

handsome

woman, and Mrs.

Crockett's in

Tennessee,

and

I've

got

no

horses.

Now,

Mike,

I

dont

exactly

like to

tell you you lie

about

what you say

about

your rifle,

but

I'm d

d

if

you

speak

the

truth,

and

I'll prove it. Do

you

see

that are cat

sitting

on the

top

rail

of

your

potato

patch,

about a

hun-

dred

and

fifty yards

off?

If

she

ever

hears

agin,

I'll be

shot

if

it shant be

without ears.' So 1

blazed away, and

I'll

bet

you

a

horse, the ball

cut off both the

old

torn

cat's ears close

to

his

head, and shaved

the

hair

off clean

across

the

Account

of

a

Croose

Pulling

1

.

As

related

by

Col.

Crockett to

a

Yankee, who did

not

know

what

the

thing

was.

My

eyes, stranger,

how

illiterate

some

people

in

the universal

world

war

broughten up, not to

know

what

a

goosepuliing

ar

?

No

wonder you Yankees is

despised

all

over

the

world.

Howsever, you

seem

to

be a

clever

sort

of

a

feller, quite a

conception

to the

gineral

rule,

and

I

dont

care

if

I

waste

a

few

words in

instructing you.

You see thar

war

a

little

dust

of a

jollification

at

Luke

Logroller's

improve-

ment

in

Rumsquattle

Bottom,

for

Luke

had

got

married to one

of

them cornfed

Conne,ticut

Hooshur

gals, that

you'll

see

sot

a-straddJe

on

every

fence

in Ohio.

Luke's

wife

war a

comple-

ment

to her

broughten up,

for

she

war

a

lady

every

inch of

her,

six

feet

high in

her

stocking

feet, that is

she

would

have

been, ony

she'd

got

no

stockings.

Her

hair

war

the

color

of

raw

flax,

and

hung

round

her

nock

and

shoieders

like

Spanish

bairn

on

a

magnoly.

The

parson

war

not come

wen

I

lit

down,

and

Luke

and

his

wife

war

divartin

themselves and

the

company

with

a

ressle

on the

grass

afore

the

door,

and I

wish I

maybe

flung

myself

if she

didn't

fling

him

three

times

hand running.

When

will

yon

find one

ot

your Yankee

gals

that

would do

that,

Stranger?

I

cant

say tho I

think

it

war

altogether

rite,

for

the

husband

ort

always

to

he

uppermost

in

the

family—

that ar a

fact, and Mrs.

Logroller

tore

her

best

gingham,

and

the

seat of Luke's

onmen-

tionables

in

the tussell.

When

the

parson

cum

and put

the

yoke

on Luke

and

his lady,

thar

war

scrub races

and

dancing that beat

cockfiting.

And then thar

war

rassling and

shooting

at

a

the

floor,

thar'd

have

been

such

gougeing.

So he

axes

the

gentlemen

if

they

wouldn't

like

a

goose-

pulling,

and they all

hurrahed

for

the goose

as

I've

since heered 'em

hurrah

for

Jackson.

But

it

war

not a goose

pulling

after all,

for it

war a gander pulling.

Mrs.

Logroller picked out

a gander

that

didn't

lay

eggs

before

Adam war

a

little boy;

but he

niought

have

done

it

if he'd

been

a

goose. It was

as

much

as

she

could do to

hold

him

between her

knees

while

she

pulled

the

feathers

clean

off

his

neck and

smeered

it

with

soft sope

asbeautifull

as

Jinerall

Jackson

did the

people.

The

way

he

squawked

war a

caution

you'd

raly

have thort

that

something

war

the

matter

with him

;

but

what

can you

expect

from

a goose.

I've

seen

a feller

lay

still

and

have

his

sculp

taken off

and

make

less

noise.

But

Luke

tied

him

by

the

legs

to

the

eend

of

a long

branch

of a

scrub

oke,

and those

gentlemen

what

had

horses

got on to

'em.

'Look

out

for

I'm a

cum-

min '

sez

Hugh

Horsefoot,

and

dasfied

at

the

gander

as if the devil had

kicked

him

on

eend.

But

goosey

wasn't to

be

had

that

time,

for

he

dodged

as if an

Injun

had

been

taking a

squint

at

him,

and

the

way

he run

his nose

agin

a

bough

war ridiculous. He

fell

off

and

bled

like a

stuck

pig.

And

thar war

a

good

many

more

what

tried

it;

but goosey dodged,

and

the

limb

surged

back-

ward and forward,

and

up

and

down,

and

his

neck

war well soped and

so

tough

it

imught

have

sarved to

cordell

a keel

boat

of

two

hundred

ton.

So thar

war few

that

got

hold

on

it,

and

them

that

did eouldn't

hold

on.

At

last

a

feller,

not

mark, and

I

suppose

it's

enough

to

say

Davy

j

knee

high

to a

chaw

of

tobacco

got

hold

and

Crockett

war

on hand

—

and

you needn't

ax

whose

wouldn't

let go, but hung onto

goosey

like

death

ball

cut

the cross the most

oftenest.

Thar

war

to a

dead

nigger,

and

his

horse

went

from

under

not

a

cent

leman

thar that war

a

sarcumstance him,

and

left him

hanging

like

Absalom

in

the

to

Davy

Crockett at rassling,

and

I'm

the

man

midst of

the

oke. But

the

bough

wouldn't

bear

what

sez

it.

How*;ver,

when the

whiskey

begun

him

and

the goose

too,

and

down he

come

and

to

fly

round, the

boys

begun

to

look

at each

other

barked

his

shins,

and

the

goose

played

away

i<49

so

many

wild

cats,

and

if

Luke

hadn't

have

about

his

head

with

his

wings,

so that

he

almost

thort

of

something

to- keep 'em

quiet,

his

lady

rumsquattled

him. By

this

time he

was

as

woiry

would have

had

a

bushel)

of

eves

to

sweep

up

off and

savagerous

as a

rattlesnake

in a

circle

ot

ash



12

Indian

Notions.

leaves

and fire, and he

got

tfoosey

between

his

feet

and

pulled

away at

his

head

with botn

hands.

But he

sot

his teeth to

no

righteoKS

pur-

pose—

the

head

wouldn't

cum

off.

Then

he

tried

to ring

it

off,

but

he

mite

as

well

have tried

to

twist off a

cotton

wood

a

hundred

year

old,

and

some

of

the

boys

offered

to

bet

that

goosey

would

whip

him

after

all.

That

made him

as

rothy as a

meat

axe,

and

he

swore

that

he

could

whip

every

goose that

ever

was

hatched,

and he

got

a

hatchet

and

tried

to

chop

off

the

poor

cre-

tur's

mazzard,

but

it

war

dull,

and the

ground

war soft,

and

all

he

could

do war to

drive

the

beast's

neck

into

the mud.

But

I

begun to

take

pity

on

goose

y,

for

his sufferings

was

intolerable,

and so 1

lent the

feller a

nife,

and he sawed his

head

off

with

it,

and put

the

animal

out

of

his

pain.

And

now,

stranger, [

expect

you'll

be

able

to tell

what a

goose

pulling is when

enny

body

axes

you.

.

When

the

gander

war

dead

some

of

the

boys

begun

to

cavail

again,

and

crow

for

a fife

;

but

the

dancing

put

a

stop

to

that.

The

whiskey

war

turned out of

an arthen jug

and

handed

round in

a

mussel

shell, for

Luke

war

poor,

and

hadn't

got all

his fixins

about

him.

The

gentle-

men

pulled

off

their

coats

to it, for

it

war

in July,

and

it war warm

work.

Airs.

Logroller's

mother

gave out the

tune,

as she

sot

knitting

her stocking

in

the

chimbly

corner, for We

hadn't

no fiddle,

and

I

can tell

you,

her darter

didn't

spare

shoe

leather. The

old

woman didn't know

me, and

she

had

to

call out the

riggers

as

well

as sing 'em,

for

the

dancers

to

navigate

by.

It

war

somehow

so.

'

Dance up

to that

gal

with

a

hole

in the

heel

of

her

stocking.'

'Down

in

the

middle

with the

blue

check

apron.' 'Now

chassez

with

slim

Sal

Dowdy.'

'Now

dance

up

to

the

entire

stranger.'

We danced

till

Luke

begun

to

git

pritty

consid-

erably

oneasy, and about, midnite, 'Gentlemen

and

Ladies,'

sez

he,

'

I'm

a

man

that

wouldn't

cum

for

to go

for

to

be onperlite on enny account

wliatsomever, and I

always expect to

do

the

thing what's rite

; but

gentlemen and

ladies,

suppose

my case

and

Molly's

war

your

own,

and

you'll

not take the stud it I

tell

you

that if you

live

enny

whar

its time

to go

hum.' So we

took

pity

on

Luke

and bid him

good

night.

I

expect

stranger,

if

you

knew

the

sport

of

a

wedding

in

the

back

woods,

you'd

want

to

go

there

and

be

married

once a

week.

Indian

Motions.

If

the

reeder

never

lived in

the west, I

spose

he

dont

no that the injuns

ar

all a

pesky

set

of

hethens,

and

has

notions

that

never war

set down in

the bible.

They

beleeve

that

a

rakkoon

or

a

painter,

or

a

rok

has

a

sole, and

are to

be

found

in

tother

world,

like a

kristian

what

worships

God and

fites

for

his euntry.

One day

when

I

had

been for 24

hours

on

the trale

of a

bare,

and

war

as

hungry

as

seven

wolves

tied

together

by

the

tale,

I

lost

my

way, and cum

upon

a

injun

wigwam

before

I

knowed what I

had got to.

I

thort

I

wood

go in

and

rest

myself. So

I

went

and

looked

in,

and seed a

very

hansum

yung

injun

thar;

but

it

war

the

only

injun that

ever

lookt

hansum

to

me. He

war

thinking

very

serious, and a

little

she

pappoose,

about

3

yeer

old

were

setting

on the

ground

klose

to

his feet

and

looking

up

into his

face.

They

lookt

more like

human creturs

with

human feelings,

than

any

of

the breed

that

I

ever

noed

before.

The

injun

got

up

and

felled

me

to

cum in.

So when I

had

sot

down

and

war

eeting a bowl of

sowp

that

the little

gal

had give me, I notissed that

the red

skin

war

very

still

;

and

he

didn't seem

to

no

as T

war

pressent;

and

the

gal

sot

down

agin

by

his feet

and

lookt

up

in his

face.

Then

I

konkluded

to make em

tork,

and

artur

a wile

I got

the injun to

speek of

his own

affares,

and he

telled me

his

story

so

strate

that if

he

had

had

a

white skin

instead

of a

red one

I

might

ha' kinder

half

beleeved

what

he

sed.

He

telled

me

that

his

wife

and

him

war

married bekase

they

both

had

loved

one

anuther

from

a

child;

and that

when she died it war

like the

sun

had

gone

down

into

the big

lake,

and

ben put

out

like a

wad falling

into

the

Massasippy.

He

sed

he

had

gone

to the

place

whar she

war

berried and sot thar

all

nite,

and

had

prayed

the

Good

Spirit

to

take him away

to the

land of

ghosts,

so

that

he

mite

see

his

wife,

for he eed

he

loved

her

like the

small

lake

what

receeves

the

streem

which

cums down

from

the

mountain;

and

when

the

streem

is

dried

up, the

lake

must

dry

up too,

bekase

no

more

water

would

cum

into

it.

A

little while

arterward

2

of

his

children died, and

he had

none

left

but

the

little

gal I

telled

of.

He sed how

things

went on

this

way for a

hole

yeer,

when

one

evening

that

he

war

goin

home

to

his

wigwam,

a

high

wind

lifted

him

off

his feet,

and

carried

him

over

some

kuntries what

he

had

never

seed

before,

till

he

cum

to

a

grate

lake,

and

thar

he

fell

with

his

own

wait,

and sunk

down

for

about

a

mile,

when

he

cum

out

upon

a butiful

green

plane.

The

grass war

all about

two

inches

hi^h,

but

lookt

more

fresh

and

green

than any grass

he

had

ever

need before.

He

walked

along

till

he

cum to

a high

wall

that

war

made

of

a

sort

of

rich glass, of

a

dark

blue cullor,

and

he thort

he

must

stop

here

; but

when

he

went

up

to feel of

it,

he

found

it

war

only

a

apperrition,

and

that

he

could

walk

rite

threw

it

Then he

knowed

he

war

in

tother world,

and he

felt

half

afeared

and

half

glad.

Two

painters

cum

along

jist

as

he got

thro'

the

wall

and

showed

there

teeth,

but they

war only ghosts and

coodent

bite

his

solid

flesh

—

but

hear

he

seed

beautiful

trees

and

groves,

and such

blessed

perfumes

cum up

into his

nose, that

he war

made

as

happy

as

a

lark.

Thar

war

streems

of

deer

water

what run

among

silver

sands,

and

thar

war

fruit

what war

streeked

with

red

and

gold

colors,

and

sich

birds,

and

sich

musie

they

maid

that

it

war

more

nor he

cood

do,

to

remember his own

name.

He

seed

two

or

three good

Indian

kings

thar

who

war

hunting

on

beautiful

white

hosses,

and

sum of

the

happy

soles

war

a

fishing

and

leeping,

and as

happy

as a

rainbow

when

the

sun

shines upon

it

He was

jist

coining

out

from a

whole

bed

of

pretty

roses,

when he

found

he

war

on

the side

of

a

cleer

and

deliteful

river.

He

was

looking up

and

down

the river,

and



Severe

Courtship.

13

seeing

the happy

soles

ketch

fish, when all at once,

he

saw

a

most glorious

woman on

tother

side

of

the river

who

was

looking rite at him,

and

she war dioppin leers, and

ringing her

hands, and

holding out

her

arms

to

him,

as

if

she

wanted

to

fly

rite

over

the river, but

coodent

get

akross.

He lookt

at

her and seed

it

was

his own

wife what

he

had

mourned

so long,

and

had

sot

on

her

grave

all

night,

so

often.

So

he

jumped

into

the

river,

and went

rite

down

to

the bottom,

as

it

war

only the gost

of

a river;

and

he

worked

over

and

they

run

into

each

others

arms,

but

she war

only

a

spirit,

and

he

coodn't

fee

her

till he

war

dead

too. But

they

cood

tork,

and

she axed

a

thousand

questions,

and

so did

he, and they

put

there

arms

around each

other

and

tried to

kiss;

and then

she led

him

to

a

most iliigant bovver

what

she

had built of

boughs

and

grate

roses,

and sweet

things

what he had never smelt

till

then;

and

he found

his two

little

dead

children in

the bower;

for

their

mother had found

'em

and

took

'em

with her.

She

telled

him

she

had built this

bower

for

him, as

she

new

he

war

honest

and

always

prayed

to the

good sperrit, and would

cum

to

that happy

place when

he

died,

with

the

other little

one.

Davy

Krockitt

is

none

of

your

whimperers,

but

if

I

didn't

drop

tears

as

big

as a

bullet,

I

hope

I may

be shot.

For the

injun telled

it

so like the

truth

that I

beleved

every

word

of

it

—

and

the little

gal too sed she

wanted to go thar

and

see her

mother.

I

bleeve the

injun thort

it

war

all true

himself. I

never

seed

him agin.

Severe Courtship.

1

have

had

sum

experunce in

love

matters, tho I dont

pretend

to

be

much smoother

than

a chesnul burr in November.





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Torking

of

hoss-flesh

one

day

with

Ben

Hard-

ing,

he telled me of his

doins

off

in forrin

kuntrys:—

The

annimal

kalled

a

hoss,

Kornill Krockitt,

never

took my

fansy

exaktly,

for

i

wunst tride

one.

He noed

nothing:

about

the rules of

saling,

and

for that

1

dont

think

thar is

a

cretur upon

arth

that

is

kut

out

for a

rail marine

like a

hoss.

When

i

was

in Spain where they dont go 2

fathum

from

the

house without riding- on a

hoss,

i

thort

i wood

jest

take

a

turn with one, for the

sakeof

being

in

the

fashun.

So

i

and

a

shipmate

named

Tom

Fiferail,

went to

a

feller that had

hosses

laying-

in dock, and axed him what he

would

charge

to

let

us

charter

one of his

hosses

for

the day. He telled us that we eood

hav one

for

six

rials;

So

we

agreed to it, and swore

we

wood

go

aboard

directly.

Then

he

fell to

rigging

the

craft.

In the fust

place

he put

on

a

couple

of

braces,

and

each end of 'em led

to

the

cretur's

cutwater.

Them was

for

to steer

by,

and he

sed

they

wood

turn

the

hoss's

head in a giffy. Then

he

clapped

a

poop

deck

made of lether rite on

the

beast

about midships,

and

lether

straps

hung

down

to

put

your

feet

in.

This

place was

rigged

Cruise.

up

for

the

steersman.

So

Tom

and

I

disputed

which

of

us shoald take his first

trick at

the

helium. Tom

got

on and I jumped

up

behind

he tried to steer, but

it

cum

awkard

to

him to

pull

the wheel

ropes facing the

helium ;

but

as

my

bak was towards

the head, I could do

it to

a

charm. So

I took the braces, and Tom

kept

a

look out

ahead

for

breakers with

bis

spy-glass.

I

found it plaguy easy

steering,

but

the

craft

wouldn't

mind

the

helium.

He went his

own

way,

and

bo

I had no trubble. At

last,

we

hove

in

sight of

a

shantee, where was

a

plenty

of

brandy,

and

wine,

and

I

axed

Tom

if we

hadn't

better

heave, to. He

agreed

to it, but

then we

didn't no

how it

was

done.

There

was a

grate

cloth

netting

over

the

poop-deck

and

I

thort

if

we cood

git

that

up, we

mite

throw

all aback,

but

we

sot

on

it,

and

when

I

tried to pull

it out,

we

both

took

a

lurch

and

cum

near going

overboard.

We

seed

we were

going

on

in a

heavy

sea-waj

nd

was

leaving the

shantee astern.

Says

Tom

this

wan't

do.

Well,

says Tom,

.vay,

•s I,

bring

her

head to the

wind,

and get

starn-way

on

her.

So

I

pulled

on

the weather-brace

and

Tom took

hold

and helped

me,

and

at last

we



18 Ben

Harding's

Account of

a

Shipwreck.

sot

the

cretur's head

in the

wind's

eye, but

-she

1

Craft to the wind.

Tom

give

the

word—

Let

go

fell off on tother

tack and

cum

about; so

that]

the

anchor

and

I

foiled

the

stone

off

the

hoss's

our heads

war

now

towards

the

shantee,

and I

tale; but

he

kept

on faster than

ever,

and

as

the

then we

cracked

on, at

the

rate

often

knots,

[cable

was

made fast around

my

body,

I

went off

But when we

got

tip

abreast the

shantee,

we

I

the

boss

quicker

than

you

could say

Jack Rob-

coedent.

come

to a

stand,

bat

went rite

by it.

j

inson.

I

jumped up

and seed por Tom going off

Then

we

hauled on

the

wether

brace

again

and

j

at

the

rate

of

sixteen

knots,

while

the

craft

was

away

we

went rs

far

tire

other

way till

we cum

j

pitching up

and

down, like a

brig's

jibboom

in

a

to a

fence,

and

there

we

brought

up

ail

standing.

I

calm. Tom

didn't know how

to bring to,

but

he

I

got

off,

and passed

Tonvun

a big,stone, and

he

]

laid

flat down, and put

his

arms around the

seized

it

to

the

end

of

a

piece of strong

three-

hoss's neck,

and

held

on

like

death to a dead

yarn spunyarn. So I got

on

agin

and

hold tire I

nigger*

At last

he

got

hold of the long

hair

with

stone,

which

was our

anchor, in

my lap.

Then

j

his

teeth

and stuck

like

a

louse

in

a

beggar's cap.

we turned

the

iread

of

our

craft

towards

the

i

The

hoss

never stopt till

he

got to his

owner's

shantee, and craked

on all

she

could

carry.

As

door—

and

I guess Tom

wont

try

that sarvice

agin,

soon

as

we

g«t

abreast the shantee, we hauled on

It's

wuss than being in the Patriot sarvice.

the weather

brace

and brought the head

of

our

|

Sen Harding's JLzconnt of

a

Shipwreck.

One day

Ben

west out

with

me to tree a bear;

and

he

got

clear of us arter

a

queer

fashion

that

I

won't

say

nothing

about,

because

the

reader

wants

to

hear

Ben's

story

fust. Me and

Ben sot

down

on a

stump

back to

back,

as there want

room

for us

to

set

side

by side, and he

took

out

his

pipe

and

begun

to smoke.

So

as

the smoke went up

his

nose,

it give

his

brains a

glister and

his

idees

come

out like he was speechifying

in

Congress.

He

told

this

story

which

I

spose must

be

true,

or lie

wood have

forgot

all

about

it, it was

so

long sense it happened.

Says

he

—

When

I

was

a little

shaver

about

as big as the Cappin's

dog, I

took

a great noshtin

to

go

to

sea, because I

thought* d'ye

see,

that

there

was no

work

to

be done,

and that the sailors had nothing

to

do, but

to

set

still

and

let

the

wind

blow 'em

along.

But

I

always

had

to

work where I

was

brought

op

—

but

I

wan't

brought

up

at

all,

I was

dragged

up

—

and

so I

meant to

top

my

boom

and

be

off like

a

rigger.

Well I

slept

in

the

cockloft, and

the sarvant

gal

slept

there

too,

and

I

couldn't

get

out

of

the

place

without

crawling

over

her,

and

I

must

go

in the night

if

I

went at

all,

for

there

war

as

many

eyes on

the

look

out

for

me

in

the

day time

as

ewr

peeped

over

a cathead

when

the port was

in

sight.

So J

didn't

know

exactly

how

to

work it.

I

had

got me

a

little snug tarpaulin

hat, that

looked

as

bright

as a

new

guinea,

and

a

bluejacket

that had

belonged to an old boats-

wain,

and

fitted

me

as

a

purser's

shirt

fits a

handspike. I had 'em all done

up

in a

bundle and stowed

away snug under

my pillow. I

laid

awake

till

I thought it

was

about

eight

bells,

and then

I

got

up

softly as

a

soger sliding down the gangway when

alfhands is

called. I

put on my

rigging

and then felt

my way

to

the door. I knew

when

I got

close

to the

door for

the

sarvant

gal

always slept

right across

the

passage*

and the smell

of

her

breath

come

up like

the

steem

from an old

slush

tub. I

knew

if

I

waked

her

up

it

was

all

day

with

me;

and

so

I

stood

still

to

see

if

she

war

hard

and

fast. I knew

by

her

breathing that

she

slept as solid as a

marine on

post,

and

then put

my hands

on

the floor

and

felt

my

way

to

her. I

first

touched her

bed

clothes,

and

then

her

flipper;

but

it

didn't

wake

her,

and so I

begun

to

get over her. She

laid

still

till

I

had

fairly

got

over her,

and

1

thought I was safe, but my toe

happened

to get tangled in

her

hair

and

as

it

was

never

combed,

if

was

hard work to

get

my

mudplanter

loosed.

She

woke up

and

jumped

like a

struck dolphin.

I

spose the

way

she

opened

her

throat

was

never

matched

since

Captin

Kid hailed

the

flying

Dutchman

off the

Cape

of

Good

Hope.

She

only

stopped

squalling

to take

breath,

and

the way

she

puffed it out

might

have

set

a

good

example

to

a

typhoon.

I spose her master

heard her,

but

as

good

hick

would

have

it,

he run

up

aloft to

her

while

I

was running

doun to

the

door.

When

I

got

to

the

door,

I

found

it

was

locked

and

barred.

I

unshipped

the

bar

with

one

hand

and

turned

the

key

with

the

other, and

let

moonshine

into the

entry

before the old

porpus

could

get

doun

stairs.

He

chased me

on horseback, but I

got

into

the bush,

and

had the

fun

o(

iarfing

at

him as

he

cum back.

I then

made

tracks for

the

seaport. Early

in

the

morning,

I went

doun

on

the wharf.

There

was

a

smack

there

just

going

out

on a

fishing cruise.

I

stepped

up to

the

cappin

and

doused my

peak,

and

asked

him

if he

wanted to

ship

a

hand.

He

was

a

long-sided Yankee

that had

been

one voyage

round

Cape

Horn

in a Nantucket

whaleman.

He

had

a

jaw

as

long

as

a

sword-fish's

sword,

and his

head

bobbed at

the end

of

his

long neck when

he spoke,

like

a

ship's

cat-head

riding at

anchor in a

heavy

sea-way.

He said he

wanted

a boy

about

my

size, and

asked me

if

I

knew

how

to

cook. I

thort the feller was

soft

in

his garret,

for I

had

always

seen

the

women

folks

do

the

cooking

when

I

lived

in

the

country,

and

I

larfed

in

his

face,

and

went

off.

The

next

craft

I

hauled my little

carcase

aboard

of

was

a brig

going

to

Norfolk.

The

cappin

was a

little

black

looking

fellow

with

an

eye

like a

scoured

pump-bolt,

and

his head

wa9 as

round

as a bullet.

He

asked

me where

I cum

from.

I told

him I

belonged

to

Norfolk,

and

I

gave him a

name

—

I

forget

now

what

the

name

was—

but it

was

the

first

one

I

could

think of.

He

agreed

to

take m*. We

hauled

out

of port in

about

two

weeks

afterwards.

As

soon

as we

got

to sea,

T

felt



Ben

Harding's

Account

of

a

Shipwreck.

rather

qualmish,

so

to

cure

me,

the

mate

sent

me

aloft

to

scrape

doun

the

top-gallant-

All

hands

was

It

would

have

I

hadn't

been

up

there

long,

when

the

wind

begun

to

pipe.

I

hurried

down,

and

it

was

well

that

I did,

for

the

top-gallant-mast

was

hanging

over

the

side,

before

m

feet

struck

the

deck.

Here

was

the

Devil

to

pay and

no

pitch

hot,

called

to

clear

awav

the

wreck;

but

it

begun

to

blow

like

seven

men

done

your

heart

go od

to

hear the

wind

squalling

amongst

the

rigging.

It

was

worse

than

a

camp-meeting.

We

laid

aloft

to take

in sail.

I

got on

the

tore-top-sail

yard

close

to

the

bunt,

and

the

foot

ropes

was

so

long

that

my

chin

cum

just

up

to

the

yard.

All

this

time

the

wind

was

blowing

so it

took

five

men

to

hold the

cappin's

hair

on.

At

last

the

ship

cum up

to

the

wind,

and the

sail

flapped

up

and

knocked me

right

off

the

yard

I

went

doun,

head,

neck,

and

shoulders,

into

the

top,

and

went

through

the

lubber

holes,

but

I

was

brought

up

by

the

futtock

shrouds,

or I

should

have

lost

the

number

ol

my

mess,

as

sure

as

the

Devil's

a

nigger.

The

hands

on the

yard

thought

1

had

gone

overboard,

but

they

were

in

such

a

hurry

they

couldn't

stop

to

see.

They

had

got

tlie

sail

almost

furled,

when

the

gale

freshened,

and

it

come

down

upon

us

like

a

rail

Hairy-

cane.

Away

went

the

sail

out of

the

boll-ropes,

and

the

men

hurried

down

irom

alolt.

I

laid

still

w'here

I

was,

as

I

knew

there

would

be

more

hard

work

to

do.

1

retty

soon

I

heard

the

pumps

a

going.

I

thought

the

brig

had

sprung

a

leak,

and so

I

d.dn

t

wan.

to

be drouned

alone,

and

I

went

down

on

deck.

As

soon

as

the

Capp.n

saw

me

he

put

his

speaking

trumpet

to

my ear,

and

asked

me

where

I

had

come

from.

I

told

him

Lhad

been

overboard,

but

that

I

had

been

washed

aboard

again

by

a

sea.

He

saidl



20

The

Heroine

of

Kentuck.

ought

to

be

thankful

for

my

providential

deliverance.

When he

said

that

I

begun

to

look

wild,

for

I

knew

we

must

be

in a

verv

dangerous

condition

or

else

the

Cappin

would

n't

have

talked

about

Providence.

The

Cappin

was of the

religion of a

louse,

when he

was

ashore—

he

only

went

to

meeting

when

he

was

carried;

and

I

knew

when

he

begun

to

be

gracious

that

we

had

sprung

a

leak

or

something worse.

In a

minute,

the

mate

jerked

me

along

bv

the

arm

and

told

me

to

take

my

turn

at

the

pump and

be

d

d

to

rne. I

felt

encouraged

when I

heard

him

swear;

but

just

then,

the

brig

pitched

over

on

her beam

ends,

and

two

men

went

overboard.

The

rest

of

the men

fell

down

on

their

knees

and

begun

to

pray.

That

made the

mate

as

mad as

a

pea

in a

hot

skillet,

and

he

ordered

them

to

get

up

and

cut away

the

mast. He

said it

was the

most

unseamanlike

conduct

he

ever

heard

of.

The

mast was

cut

away

and

the

brig

righted.

We

went

afoul of

the

pumps

again,

but

it

was

of no use.

The

hold

ami

cabin

were

soon

all

afloat,

and

the

Gappin's

arm

chair came

bobbing

out of

the

com-

panionway

without

being

sent

for.

All

this time

the sea

made

a

clean

sweep

over us,

and

another

man

was

carried

overboard.

The

long

and

short

of

it

is

that

we

found

it

of

no

ase

to

man

the

pumps

without

we

could

pump

the

ocean

dry,

and

we

considered

ourselves

sunk.

It

come

on

night,

and

a

pretty

night

it

was. There war no

more

star-light

than

there

is

in

an

earthern

jug.

The

sea

made

a clear breach right

over

us,

and we

expected

to

go douu

every

minute.

-

Besides

all this,

there

was

a great many

fleas

aboard

that

plagued

us

confoundedly.

About

day-light

the

Cappin

called all

hands

to prayers,

and

we

knelt

doun

while

he

prayed.

But

when

he

war

in about

the

middle

of

his

prayer, he

got

sight

of

a

large

ship

that

was

coming

right

down to

us.

He

jumped

up

off

his

knees,

flung

the prayer

book

into

the

lee

scuppers,

and

bawled

out,

By

G

—

d

there's

a

sail

The way

we

bundled

into

the

stranger's

boat,

and

the

way

we

swallowed

the

prime

West India

when we

got

aboard

the

ship was

enough

to

give old folks the

horse

distemper.

The

Heroine

of

Kaintuck.

Of

all

the

ripsnorters

I

ever

tutclied

upon,

thar

never

war

one

that

could

pull

her

boat

alongside

of

Grace

Peabody,

the

horowine

of

Kaintuck.

When

she

got

her

temper

fairly

up,

she

war

more

like

seven

thunder

bolts,

withed

together

with

cbaiu

lilening,

than a

human

cretur.

Her

tatlier

war

a squatter;

but

she

ganed

a

residence

as she

war

born

in the

plaice.

I

reckon

that

all

the

varmints

in the

state

stood

in

fear

of

her,

and

would

sooner

stick

their

tales

in

a

steal

trap,

than

feel

the

gripe

of

her

thum

and

4

finger

around

their

throttles.

She

had a

most

abstemi-

ous

eye,

and

when

she

gave one

look

at

a

painter

or

a

bear,

he

thought

the

sun

had

nz

within

rifle

shot of his

nose.

She

minded

no

sort

of

weather.

She would

go

through

a

snow-bank

without

looking

for the

path,

and

would

shed

rain

like

a

duck. It

took

seven

women to

hold

her

when

she

sneezed,

and

they

said

that

when

she

was

insulted

by a

Tennessee

bully

in

the

month

ot

March,

she

jumped

clean

out.

of

her

close,

she

war

so

furce

to

cum

at

him.

She

cum

pritty

neer

fitting

discharged

one

onlucky

morning

in Sept-

ember.

She

war

going

to

carry

home

some

work,

for she

got

her

living bv

making.

Prarie

pillows,

which

war

bear-skins

stuffed

with

buffalo

horn

scrapings,

and

they

war

made

for

two

conven-

iences,

to

sleep

on

for

one,

and

tor

the

tether,

when

your head

itched

in

the

nite,

you

could

skratch it

by

rubbing

it

agin the

piller.

Sp

she

did her

arrant,

and

then

sot out

to

cum.

home

through

the

woods,

as

it

war

gitting

late

in the

arternoon.

.

.

•

She hadn't got

fur

before

she

perseeved she

was

follored

by

something

of

the

four-legged

kind.

She

war

not skared

at

all,

and.

it

would

be

a

dangerous

predicament

for

the

bridge

of

a

man's

knows,

who

should tell

her

she

war

ever skared

at enny

thing.

But

she

kepp

one

kprner

of her

eye

open,

and

wawked

on.

In

a

little

while

she

kinder

thort she

saw

about fifty

wolves

coming

around

her

and

jumping

at her

throat.

As she

coodent

kill

'em

all

at

once,

she run

up a

tree

that

grew

slanting,

and

when

she got

to

the

top of

it

she

begun to

break

off

pieces

of the

limbs

and

throw

at 'em

;

and she

killed

two

or

three of the

pesky

creturs

in

this

way;

and

made

one

ot 'em

gape

for

fourteen

sekonds,

as

she

hit him

between

the

two ize

with

atwisas

big

round

as

her leg.

But

jist as

she

was

killing

them

off

by

decrees,

a

bear cum

up

out

of

the

tree,

which

war holler

inside, and he

bolted

out so

quick

that

he took

her

with him,

and

they cum

doun

together

on the

ground; but Grace

hung

on

upon

the bear

and

cum

down astraddle ot

his

back. The

wolves

got

out of the

way when they

cum

down, like

when

you throw a stone in

the

water;

but

they

closed

up

as the bear begun

to run.

Grace had

a

bit

of

stick in her hand, about

as

long as

my

rifle,

and

as thick

at

one

eend as a cat's body.

The

bear

didn't

like to

have

a

rider,

and the

wolves

tride

to

help

him

git

her

off;

and

as

he

cut

through the

dry

leaves,

.with

the

wolves

all

around

him,

jumping

at

Grace,

the

leaves and

twigs

flew

about, so

that

you couldn't

see

noth-

ing

but Grace's cudgel

as

she

swung

it

over

her

head,

to

bring it

down

upon

the

profile

of some

infarnul wolf, that

was

left

rolling in

the

forrest

behind them, and

spouting the

bloody

foam

from

his

lips. But the

wolves cum

thicker and

thicker,

and

Grace begun to git tired

in

the

arms.

She

held on

upon the

bear's

wool as well

as

she

could

;

but he

run and

jumped

and

roared,

be-

kase

he

knew

it

was

all

Grace's

fault

that

the

wolves rained

around him like a

snow-storm.

Grace's

cudgel begun

to

splinter,

and the

pesky

varmints

took advantage of that

sarcumstance,

for ther

is

no

onor

about 'em,

and

they

care

no

more for fare

play

than

an

injun

kares

for the

sarmont on the

mountin.

tirace begun to

think

her

time

had

cum,

for one

wolf

had

tore off

the

soul

of

her

shew,

and

another

one

had

got

the

skirt

<of

her

govvnd

in

his

teeth.

She

was

jist

about

letting

go of the bear

and

dropping

down

among

the

wolves,

when

help

cum.

I

had

been

out that arternoon with

Grizzle

a-hunting.

Griz-

zle

telled me as

plane

as he

cood

speak, that

thar

war

something to

pay

in the

bushes,

and

I

run

down that way;

and sure enuff,

I

seed

the twigs

and leeves a-flying

like

thar

war a

small

arth-

quake

running

along the

ground.

In

a

minnit

the

bear

cum

bolting

out

from

a

thicket,

with

wolves

all

around

him, and

I

seed

the

cudgel

agoing,

but

couldn't

see

Grace

till

1

got close to

her.

I

pulled trieger

upon

the

varmints,

and

shot. two.

Then Grizzle

and

I went

in

among

'em

like

the wonderful

workings

of

Providence

in

a

thunder

storm,

and

the

wolves

scattered

jist

as

Grace

cum

to the ground.

The

bear

got off

deer, for I

sposed he had

done

good

sarviss,

and

tisnotthe'fashun with

Davy

Crockett

to

do an

ongrateful

axeshun. Grace

telled

me

I had

saved

her

life, and a

fortnite

from

that

day,

she

sent

me a

pair

of new

stockings

that

she

had

gnit out

of

wolf-sinues.



The most

unpolite

trick that

ever

was

done

up

in

Gum Swamp,

tho

that is

the

most

unpolite

Flace

inside of the Massissippy,

was

done'when

was playing

possum for a

gal

in

my

young- days,

before

i had

ever

heered

of

Congress.

This

gal

was

named

Jerusha

Stubhs,and had

only

one

eye,

but

that

was pritty

enough for

two,

and

besides

it

had

a

grate

advantage

in

our

parts, whore

folks

mu3t rise

arly,

as

she

could

wake up

in haft* the

time

that

others could,

as

she

had only one

eye

to

open,

while other folks

had to

open

two.

One

of

her

legs was a

little

shorter

than

the

other,

but

I telled

her I

shouldn't

make no

fuss

about

that

as the

road to my

house laid all

along

on the

side

of

a

hill,

so that

the short leg

seemed as if

'twas

made

a purpose

for walking

to my

cabin.

She

had

had two

cancers

cut

out of

her

breast,

so

that

she was

as

flat

as

a

board up

and down

there,

which

I

couldn't

have

got

over no

how,

only

she had

a beautiful grate

humpon^her back,

and

that

made

up

for

having nothing

of

the kind

in

front.

Enermost

all

her

teeth

had

rotted

out,

but

then

she

had a

pesky grate

swallow,

so that

shecould

takedown

her vittles

without

chawing.

I

forgot

to say

how she

had

a

hare

lip,

but

then

she

had

a

long

nose,

which

almost

covered

the

place

from

sight.

There

was

a

grate

bunch

on

her

left

arm,

but

then

she

had

a

monstracious

Criim

Swamp

Breeding.

wen

on the

right

side

of

her

neck,

that

balanced

that

difficulty

and

marie it

all

even

agin,

She

was

wonderful

neat

at

pulling

up

parsenips,

and

could

shake a

dog by

the

ears,

and they

did

tell

how

she

chased

one

till

his

tale

drew

out

and

war

left

behind.

Shecould

lick

two

foxes,

and

make

a

wolf

feel

pesky

unsartin.

She

once

bust-

ed

a

pare of

bellusses

by

blowing

in

at

the

nose

of

'em,

and

smothered

a

chimney

that

war

o'

hre

by

settitg

on

the top

of

it.

You

may

suppose

such a

gal as

that

would

be

scarce

in

courting,

for she

could put

a

hole

through

any

man's

hart

at

seventy

pases

distunce.

Onluckily

i

warnt

on

very

good tarms

with

her

father,

tho

he

war

with

me. So i

got

akquainted

with

the

gal

a

leetle

at

a

time.

I

knowed

her

pritty

well

from

her

shoul-

ders

and

upwards,

but

she

kept

her

mind

to

her-

self, and

that

made me

feel

as

oneasy

as

a

steern-

boat

with

one

wheel.

But

i

felt

hugeously

mad,

when a

feller

from

doun

east

cum

into

Um

Swamp,

and

put up at

her

father's

house

with

ail

his

plunder.

He was a

skool-master,

and

tho 1

say

it myself he

was

kind

of

good

looking,

and

as

slick as

an eel

standing

up

on

his

tale.

1

sot and

lookt

on

whilst

he

was

talking

to

the

gal, and

didn't

know

what

to

do

about

rt_C

t?„SPpdwhile

-

but

when

'

'begun

to

git

over

npt

knowing

what

[See page

28

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Crockett

and the

Bear

and

the Swallows

People

tell

a

great

many

silly

stories

about

swallows.

Some

say

that,

if

you

kill

one

your

cows will

give

bloody

milk,

and

others tell

as

how they fly

away

in the

fall

and

come back

again in

the spring, when

the

leaves

of the

white oaks

are

jest

as big

as

a

mowses

ear.

Agin,

thar

ar

some that

tell

how

they keep Christmas

and

New Year's

among

the

little

fishes,

at

the

bottom

of

some

pond

;

but

you

may

tell all

them

that

sez

so

they

are dratted fools

and

dont

know

nothing

about the

matter.

Swallows sleep all

I

winter

in

the

holler

of

some

old

rotton

sycamore,

and I'll

tell

you

how

I

come

to

find

it

out.

I

war

out

airly

in

the

spring

with my

rifle

on

the

banks of the

Tennessee,

making

up

my

opinion abont

matters

and

things

in

general.

when all of

a

sudden

I heerd

a clap of

thunder,

and

that

sot

me a thinking

Now,

sez

I,

If I

war

to

go home

and

tel

of

that

the

boys

would

think

me

a d—

~-d liar, if

they didn't

dare

to

call

me

so; for who

ever

heard

of

such a

thing

as

thunder under

a

clear

sky of a

bright

spring

day.

And with

that

I looked

up,

and agin

1

heerd

the

thunder, but it war not thunder

any

how

1

could

fix

it;

for

a

hull

swarm

of swallors

come

bodily

out of an old hollow

sycamore,

and

it

war the

noise

thev

made

with the

flapping

of their

wings.

Now J thought

to myself

1

hat

them

ar

little

varmints war

doing

some

mischief

in

the

tree,

and

that

it

war

my duty to

see

into

it

;

for

you

see

just

then I

felt

hugeousby-Tandilerons:

for

I

See

page 21.}

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28 Gum

Swamp

Breeding—continued

from

page 2

to

do

about

it,

i

felt

an

almighty

notion

to

shove

my

tnum

nail

into

his left

eye.

Jerusha

seed

i

was

getting

to

be

very

odoriferous about

it,

tho

a

word

from

her

would

have

laid my bristles in

a mmnit.

At

last

she

sot

down

to

table

one

d

with

her

good

eye next

to the stranger,

and

her

nlmd

eye

next

to

me.

I

took

that

for

the

most

onrespectful

thing

that

was ever

done to

me,

and

looked

rue

at

the

stranger,

as

if i

war

tin

whether

it

war

besttoswallow

him

or

the

dinner.

You

might

as

well

try to

play

a game

of cards

on

the

back

of a

running

deer,

as to

keep

the run

of

how

he

looked.

I

cant

ritely

say how

many

col-

ors

he

.turned,

but

i

know

i

seed

three

or four

colors

in

his

face

that

i never

seed

onnyvvbere

else. I've

heered

tell

of

fellers

that

felt

blue,

but

he ielt

all

colors,

besides

a

spot

on the

eend

of

his

nose,

bo

he axed

me

what

i was

grinning

at,

and

i threw

out

one

leg

and

scraped

the

heel

of

the

other

foot

as

i

says,

says

i,

Stranger,

I dont

want to

onsult

you

be

4 the

gal,

but

if i

had

you

in

the

forest

I'd

hang

you

on

the

limb

of a

tree

by

your

onquestionable

ugly

nose.'

He then

axed

his

gal

it

it would

be

imperlite

if

he

jist

took the

tip

of my

nose

between

his

thum

and

finger

and

givit

a

small

pull.

He

telled her

be

would do

nothing

more,

and

would

make no

noize

about

it,

and

that

he

could

do

it

all

in

haff

a minnit. She

telled

him

he

might

do

that

if he

chooze,

but she

wouldn't

allow

onnythin^

else to

be

done

about

it, only

that

;

and

so

she leaned back

in her cheer,

to let

hirnput

his

arm

out

before

her

he

sed.

That

wos

the

fust

tin:

d do

what

wos so mad

tork

of pulling

my

nose

as

if

it was only

snuffing

a

kandel

that

couldn't

strike back

agin.

I

wos

thinking

whether

i shood

eat him

vVith salt,

or

take

him in his

boots

jist as

he wos,

when i

seed

him

lay

down

his

nife and fork

and

reech

out his

hand. I sot as

at

ill

as

a

clam

till

he

got his

hand

close

to

my

mouth,

and

then i opened shell

and

took his Hipper between

my

teeth. He

yelled

like

a

nnst of young

wild

cats

struck

with

lite-

ning,and insinnivuted it hurt

him beautiful.

The

gal begun to bawl out and

take

the

feller's part,

and

that astonished

me

so

much

that i

forgot

to

let go the

feller's

hand

till

my

teeth

almost met

through

it.

There

was

a

smart

chance of

hot

soup on

the

table,

and

that was

kicked

over

rite

off,

for

he

floundered

about

like

a

speared

sam-

mun, without

stopping

this

time,

to

ax

the

gal

whether it would

be

imperlite

or

not. She ketch-

ed hold

of

his coat

tail to haul

him

away

from

me, but

that

only

hurt him

wuss,

and

so

to

git

cleer of

her he

kicked

backwards,

and

put his

heels

into

her

bowels

like

he was

going to walk

over

her.

Pritty

soon

the

hot

soup

begun to run

down into his

boots, and

then he

danced

wuss

than

ever

and

upset

the

table,

and

all

the dishes

went

to smash. At last he

got on his

nieze

and

axed

my

pardun,

and then

i let him

go.

Now

i

went home and

thot

it was all over,

but

what

does the

gal's

father

do

but send me

a

bill

of the

crokkerv,

that

the feller broke when

he

upsot the

table. 1 thot

this

was the most

unpolite thing

that

ever

i

heered on,

and so i sent

the

munny

be-

kase

i

thot 'twould be a disgrace to me

lor sich

a

couldn't

stir, to

think

the

kussed

varmint

shood

'

mean

feller to

think

i

owed him any thing.

Col.

Crockett,

the

Bear and the

Swallows,

from

p.

25

the

nabors

had made

me

a

Justus pease.

So I

cut

down

a

saplin

with

my knife

and

set it

agin

the

tree

and dim

up

like

a

squirrel

;

for

you

know

a

sycamore

has

a

smooth

bark.

As

1

warbending

over the

edge

of the

holler

to

look

down,

the saplin

broke

under

me, and

trying

to catch

at

something

I

lost

my

balance

and fell

down

into

the

tree

head

foremust.

When

I got

to the bot-

tom

I

found

myself

a little

the

nastiest

critter

ever

you saw,

on

account

of

the

swallow's

dung,

and

how

to get out

I

didn't

know;

for

the

hole

war

deep,

and

when

1 looked

up

I

could

see

the

stars

out

of

the top.

Presently

I

put

my

hand

into

some thing

as

soft

as a

feather bed,

and

I

heerd

an

awful

growling,

so

that.

I

thought

it

war the

last trump

sounding

to fall

in

anddress

to

the right

for

the day

of

judgment. But

it war

only

an old bar

I woke

out of

his

winter nap,

and

I

out

butcher

to

see

which

war the best

man.

But

the

kritter

war

clean

amazed

and

seemed

to

like

my

room

better

than

my company

and

made

a

bolt to

get

out of the

scrape, most

cowardly.

Hollo,

stranger

sez

I

;

we

dont part

company

without

having

a fair

shake

for a fite; and

so

saving

your

presence,

I

clinched

hold both his

posterities.

But

finding

the

hair

war like to

give

way

I

got

hold

of his

stump

of

a

tail

with

y

teeth, and then

I

had

him

fast enough.

But

still

he kept on

climing

up the

holler,

and [ begun

to sorter

like

the idee; for you

know

he

couldn't

git

up

without

pulling

me

up

arter

him.

So

when

he

begun to get tired, 1

quickened

his pace

with

an

awful

fundamental poke

with

my

butch-

er, jest by way

of

a

gentle hint.

Before

long

we

got

to

the top

of the tree,

and then

I

got

to the

ground

quicker

than

he did,

seeing he

come

down

tale

foremust,

I got

my

shooting

iron

to be ready

for him.

But he

kinder

seemed

to got enough

of

my company,

and

went

ofT

squeezing

as if

some

thing

ailed

his hinder parts,

which I thought

a

kind

of curious

;

for

I've no opinion

of a fellow

that will

take

a

kick

;

much

less

such usage

as

I

give

him.

However,

1 let him go

;

for it

would

be

onmanly to

be onthankful

for

the

sarvis he

done me,

and

for

all

I

know he's

alive yet.

And

it

war not

the only thing I had to

thank

him

for,

I

had

a

touch

of

the

toothache

before,

and

the

bite I

got

at

his tale

cured me

entirely. I've

never had

it since,

and

1 can

recommend

it to all

people

that has

the

toothache

to

chew

two

inches

of a

bear's tale. I'ts a

sartin

cure.

Thar

ar a

wicked sight

of

vartue

in bear's grease,

as

I

know

by

my

own

experience.

Thar

is

sum fokes that

makes

much

of their

riggers

and

laming

and aul

sorts of inventions,

and

I

spose

when

they got

their

steembotes and

rail

roads

a going

they thort

they war going

to

upset

the

world

rite

off and

make the sun

rise

by

steem,

and

contrive

a

new

way

to

maik

karves

grow

up

to be

oxen in

one

nite

;

but

I'll be

shot

if I

ever

wanted

to

use

any

thing better than

God's

critters,

which he has

made

with

legs

and

fins to

swim.

As

for your

steembotes

and rail-road

whir-

ligigs

they ar

only

a

sapling

compared

to

what

Bartholomew

Grithard

did last fall.

I

war going

out

with

my

dog Tiger

to parsecute

sum

of

the

varmints

in

Little

Creek

near

yellow-leg. Swamp,

when

I seed

the

waters

of the Massissippy in a

wuss

pother

than

the

Pukes

at the

election. I

knowed

it

warn't

a

steembote

bekase

thar war

no

smoke, but

the

spray

war

thick

enuff to make

up for

it. I

run down

by the

side

of

the

river

to

smell

out

the

muss,

and

then

I

seed

a

alligator's

head,

and

then his tale

whisking

about

like a

sapling

in

a

whirlwind.

But

I

seed that

Bar-

tholomew

was

rite arter the

varmint in his boat,

and

he war

going

at

sich a rate

I knowed he

would

tree him

befour

long.

Then

I seed

anoth-

er

pesky

grate

alligator

cuting out

like

awl

possest

rite

along side

of the

tother

one. So

1

up

with

my

gun

to shoot,

and

Bartholomew hauled

out to

me

to

hold

fire,

for

the

two

varmints

was

tackled

up

and

harnist

to his bote, and he

A

Kentucky Team.

war

driving 'em

down

stream.

That

war a

settler

and

I

stood

and grinned

at

'em

till

I

loosened

2 of

my

front

teeth,

and as soon as they

got

out o' sight, I

haw

hawed

rite

out a

laffing,

and I

lafFed for

about

haff

an our,

so

woilent that

the

trees

shed

all

their

leeves.

A

day

or

two

arterwards, I met

Bartholomew

in

the

woods, and he

telled me he

hoped I

would

be keerful not to

draw

a

lead

on

any of his

crit-

ters, as

he had a

number what

he war

trying

to

brake

for

the

harness.

I

axed

him

if

he

thort

any

kristian

cretur could

use them

pesky,

unsar-

kumsized

alligators.

He

sed

he

knowed

it, and

then

he

went on

to say

that he

had

one teem as

war parfectly kind

in harness,

and

that

he

should

put

in aul

he

new to

git

a

chance

for to

carry the

male

with

that teem.

He

sed how he

had sent

an invite to Amoss

Kindle

to

kum

and

look

at

his

beasts,

and he

shood lett

Mister

Kindle

drive

'em out

a

few,

round about the

Great Bend

if

he

want

sattisfide

without

doin

on it.

Arter

a

while

Bartholomew

found

it

cost

a

pleggy

site

to

keep

'em, and

he

turned 'em

out to graze,

and

they aul

cut

dirt

up

streem and didn't

cum

back

at

nite,

the

ongrateful

kritters;

but

Bartholo-

mew

sed

lie

shouldn't

keered

nothing

mutch

about

it only

for one young

one that

war

jist

cum

of age, which he

war trying

to

brake in

for

the

saddle, so

as

he cood

go to

meeting

on

Sunday

without using

his

bote.



Scrape

with the

Indians.

I war setting:

in my door

waiting

for dinner

to

cool,

one hot day

when I

heered

a rustling

amongst

some

hop vines

as growed

at

the

eend

of

the

house. 1

bawled

out

to

my

wife

to bring

killdevil,when

I seed

it

war

nothing but

a pedlar,

that

cum

steeling around the

house

as

if

he

war

jelus

about

being

soph.

S;>

when

he

knowed

1

had

seen

him, he

walked

up

to

where

I sot. He

telled

me he

had cum

all the way

from

'yond

the

mountains

with

a

bundle of

spektafcles to

sell

to the

injuns.

I

didn't like

his

looks

very

well,

but

I

never

turned a

feller

cretur

out

into

the

forrest, when

he

war

hungry.—

So

I

telled

him

to

walk

in

and

he

should

have

sumthing

to put

in

his

b;>wels.

He

sallied

into

the

house

like an

eel

crawling

into

a

jug.

I

turned

my

head tother

way when

he

begun

to

eat,

for

1 never

liked

to

look

at

a

man

what I

give

a dinner

to

till

he had

dun.

Artei he

war

dun

eating,

he tride to sell

me

sum

of his

plunder,

but I didn't know

the use

on

'em. for

that

war before

1

had been to

Kongress.

He

telled me

they

would help fokes

to

see. He

sed

I

must

by a

duzzin

pare, tor the more of

them

you

put on

your ize,

the

further

you

could see.

I

thort

he

were

kinder

lying

and

kinder

telling

the

truth.

But

he

torked

me out of

my munny,

and

I

took

a

passle

of his spektakles.

The way

he

didn't

clear

out all

that

night

and

all

the next

day war a

caution

to

squatters.

He lay rite

down along

side ot

my provisions

and

whiskey

barrel like

he

war

a

famine

manufacturer.

1

heered

a

noise

jist

about day brake one

mornin.

and

I lookt up

and

seed

the pedlar war

jist

going

out the

dure. L

telled

my wife

he

war

gone, and

she sed

it

were

like

being

cured

of the

fever

and

agee;

but

when I

got up

I seed that

my powder

horn and

shot

bag war

gone

too.

That

made

me

so

mad that

I

split

every button

off

my trowsers,

and

I

swore so hard

that

it like to

ha'

lifted

the

roof of

the

house rite

off.

I

sallied

out

arter

the

feller.

I

had

a

smart

chance

of small shot

in

my

rifle,

and

ment

to

make his rump

look like

a

huckkleberry

pudding.

f

had

gone

a

good peace

thro'

theforvest

before

noon,

when

Iheereda

noise

behind

me.

I

lookt

and

seed a passel

of Injuns.

They war

a good

ways

off,

but

they

war

curnin

rite toward

the

place where

I

sot.

At last

they seed

me,

and

gave

a

whoop

and

run

to

where

I

war

like

a

whole herd of

buffaloes.

I

cut

dirt

around

amongst

sum bushes,

and

then

I seed

that

one

eend

of a log

was

open,

and

the open

eend

war

hid

in

the

bushes.

But

[

found

the

hole war

very

small.

So

I

stuck my finger

down

my

throte

and

threw

up

all the vittles

that

war

in

my

bowels,

lint

I

war

not small

enuff yet,

and

1 tride

to

think of

the

meanest

thing that

I

ever

did,

so

as

29H

I

might feel small.

By

them

means

I

got

in

a

proper

fix

for

squeezing

in,

but

arter

all

it war

like

spiking

a

cannon.

The injuns

cum

up

jist

as I had

got.

in.

They

flew

around

in a

hlusteri-

ferous

temper

when

they

seed

I

war

gone,

and

then they

sot

down

on

the

Jog. Jist

at

that

mo-

ment

I

felt I

war going to

sneeze,and

I

warafeared

it J did

it

would

split the

log

rite open.

By

good

luck

1

hadalirtlotractinmypockit

put out

by

the

Aati-snuff-taking

Society.

1

stuffed

one

leef

of

it up

my

nose

and

that

hindered

me from

sneezing.

At

last

the

red

skin

varmints

jumped

up,

and

fed

'hey

must

cross

the

river that

war

close by.

We'll

roll

this

log

down,

says they,

and

we'll

cross over

on

the log.

I

war

jist

a

goin

to

speak

up

and

tell 'em

that

wood

be

very

foolish,

but

I

altered

my

mind

and

laid

still.

I

felt the

log

begin

to

move,

and

my

hair

wood

have

stood

strait

up

only

thar

want

room

enuffin

the

log

for

it

to move.

They

snaked

the

log

out

from

amongst

the busnes,

and

begun to

roll

it

down

towards

the

river. I

dravved

up

my

feet

all

I could,

for

if

the

injuns

had

knowed

what

sort

of hart

thar

war

in that

stick they

wood

hav

bored

it

out

without

a

skrew

augur.

When

they

got

down

enymost

to

the

river

I

felt

mighty

pertiklar. I

seed

that

if I

got into

the

river,

the

log

must

do all the

swim-

ming,

for thar

war

no

room

for me

to

strike

out.

Besides

1

knowed

that

when

I and the

log

got

wet, I should

swell,

so thar

would

be

no gittin^

out for I war

wedged

pritty

tight already.

At

last I

konkluded

to

stand

up to

my lick

log, salt

or no

salt,

it it war

only

for

to

cheet

the cussed

varmints

out

of

my

scalp.

So they

rolled

the

log

into

the

water.

\

held

my breth

till they

had

shoved

off

a

little

ways,

and then

begun

to

hitch

out feet

foremost.

I

got

out

and

seed

the

injuns

war all

straddle

of

the

log,

and

paddling

as

fast

as

tl'.ey

could,

with

their

back

towards

me.

I

knowed it

1

struck

out

for

the

shore thev

would

heer

me

and

turn

their

heads,

so

1

jist

rolled

the

log over fust,

and

then

swum

for

the

land.

As

soon

as I

got

up

on

the

shore,

I

seed

the

injuns

coming one

arter

the

other.

\

put some dry-

powder into

my

pan,

and

telled

them

i wood

shoot the fu^t

injun

as

clapped

his foot

on the

land.

So they stopt

and

begun

to dispute

which

should come

ashore

fust.

Thev

telled

me

if

I

wood

cut off

my

skalp

and

fling

it

to

them,

thar

should

be

no

further

harm

done.

That

made

me

so mad I war

afeared

the

shot

in

my

rifle would

melt

and

run

out

the

muzzle.

They

didn't like

to back

out

for

fear

of

being

called

squaws

when

they

got

to

theit

camp.

At

last

one

of 'em

said

he knowed

me—

that

I

wore

a wig and

hadn't

got

no skalp,

and so

the

pesky

cowards

swam

oft*.

She

'STankee's

Bar

Room,

Come

next

September it's

two year since

a

sawney

chap

named

Nicholas Barney

hauled

his

ugly corpse

into

our

parts

and set

up a

shop

at

the head of

Musquash

Swamp for

to sell

out

liquor. Some

fokes

said that

he

used to go to

aq ,

his neighbors

and

get

well

treated

and

carry

off

liquor to put

into

his bottles.

Howsomever

his

horn

tumblers

war so

little

that when

a

hunter

got

hot

with the chase

and called

on

him

for

a

glass,

it

would

all

vapurate

with

the

heat

of

his breath

before he could

get.

it

to his

mouth.

Such

a

varmint as

that,

war

never seen

in

our

clearing

before.

Nobody

else

had

ever

thought

of selling

whiskey,

bekase

it is

the staff

of

life.

Some of

us

wanted

to clear

him out, but

he

talked

so

_

fair about it, we

couldn't

find it

no

ways

possible to

give

a reason,

only

wc

knew

we

hated

the

pesky

cretur worse

than

a

bed-blanket

full of

thunder bolts pickled

down

with three

or

four

lengths

of

chain

lightning.

He war

the

queerest

looking

cretur

that

ever

1

seed.

His

face

was

so ugly

that he never

dast

to

look

at

anyone

for fear

of

losing

their custom,

and

his

ears was set

so

far

back

on his

head

that

he

could hear

what

war

said

behind his

back

better

than what war said before hi*

face.

There

war

a

squatter

named

Benjamin

Kitchen

that

come

into

our parts, and

he

was

barf a

Yankee

him-

self.

So whenever

he

bought

a

glass

of

liquor,

he

got Nicholas to

chalk

it

down

till

he

had a

score

as

long

as

a

young

saplin. The

Yankee

was

most onscruplows

amorous

arter money,

but somehow

he

trusted

Ben

from the

top

of the

door

clear down

to

the

bottom

of it. The

chork

marks

war as thick

as swallows

in Spring.

But

when

pay

day come,

all

of

a sudden

the Yankee

found

the

score

gone.

He ript

and

swore like

a

devil

headed

up

and

rolled

down

hill in

a emptv

whiskey

cask.

Ben

telled

him to

show

him

his

account,

and

then

he

would

pay

it. But

it

was

all

rubbed

off

the

board

as

clean

as

a

licked

platter,

and

so there

was

nothing

to

pay. No

human

cretur

had

been

that

wav, and

so the

feller

begun

to

conclude

the chork

had

fell

of

itself.

Mebby

he thought

the

account

had

got

to

be

so

heavy

that it's

own

weight

made

it fall

off.

Howsomever

he

thought

he

would

watch next

time.

Ben's

account

begun

to run

up

agin,

andBarney

kept

an eye on

the

board.

Ben

had

an

old

cow

that

used to

feed

about

in them

parts;

and

he

seed

her come

straggling

along

one

arter-

noon,

and

smelling

about

as

if she

had lost

some-

thing.

He

had

often

seen

her there

before,

and

so

he

didn't

take

much

notiss

till

she got

up

pritty

close

to

his

shantee.

Then

he

looked

rite

at

her:

and

what

should

the

old cretur

do

but

go

strait

up

to

the

chork

marks

and

beerin

lickinar

them

off with

her

tongue.

Barney

flew out of

the

winder

and

cotched

her

by the

tale

as

ran-

tankerous

as

a

domestic

sea

sarpint

;

and then

ben

Kitchen

come

staving

up and

axed him

what

he

was

doing

with

his

cow.

He then

seed

into

it

all,

for

the

cow

had

ben

driv

up that

way

by Ben

on

proppus,

and

had

been teached

to

lick

down

scores

from

a calf

up.

They

had

a

hot dispute

about

it,

that

wouldn't

hav ben

settled

till

this

day,

only

they

agreed to

leave

it

to

two

good

men.

As

[ had

ben

to

Congress,

Barney

chose

me,

and

Kitchen chose

a

puke named

Ephraim

Gnzzel.

When the

peeple heered

that

Ephraim

and

me

[See

page

33.1



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The

Yankee's

Bar Room...

.continued

from page 29,

war

to

arbitrate

tlie

thin?,

there was

a

grate

coming

together of

the

naburs,

to

see

which

would hang

fire

fast. Not

knowing what

might

happen

f

took

my

big

knife

and

rifle

with

me,

acd .cut

out

for the

place where

we

war

to

have

the

talking

match. It

was

on the

top

of

a

grate

hill.

I

stood

in the

hollow

of

one stump, and

Grizzle stood

in

another.

Grizzle took

a

running

start

and begun*

says

he,

It's

no

use

in talking.

D'ye

see, who

ever heered

of

selling whisky

in

these parts before.

I

wouldn't

do

it

to

an

jnjun.

Mr.

Kitchen's

eow

licked

off

the

marks—

well

licking off

them is not so

had

as

licking a man

any

how

you

can

fix

it,

I've been

licked myself,

and never

said

a word

about

it except when I

lost

my left

ear. I

say

that

Mr. Barney desa.

ves

to be

rode

on

a

rail,

for complaining

agin

a

dumb

beast. The

eow

was

more

reasonable than

some

human

ereturs, and

knowed it

want

right to

sell

whiskey in the

forrest.

Says

I.

**

have

you

shut pan?

and

he said

how

he

was.

So

I took

in breath

and

let

down

upon

him. Says I,

u

Its

worser

to mislead a

dumb

cretur

and lam

it

to

do

wrong,

than

it

is to do

it

yourself.

If your client

had

licked the

varmint

instead

of

teeching

his

cow to lick the chalk

marks,

Iwoul

iti't have said

a

word.

Fair

play

is

fair

play,

and

your

friend

is

a

skunk.

He

grit

his

teeth

at

me,

'and

poked

out

his

tongue

about

six inches. With

that

I telled

him

1 was a

pick-

ixe

and

would

dig

hkn

out

of

his stump.

He

said

he was

a

flint

imaire

cut

out

of a

big

roek.

I

telied

him

my

gizzard

was a

wasp's

nest

and I

breathed

rifle

balls.

He

said

he

could

double

up

a

streak

o'

lightening

and thrash

me with

one

eend of

it.

Then

I

was

pesky

oneasy and

spit

at

him so hard that if he hadn't dodged it, he'd

have

had

his

nose

knocked

flat. He came

to

me

feet

foremost,

and

1 eaught

his great

toe

in

my mouth,

but

the nail

came

off

very lucky for him, and

he

got his toe back

again.

But

while

he

was

bring-

ing his

foot

to

the

ground, I

caught the

slack

of

his breeches

in

my

teeth and

lifted him up in

the

air,

swinging

like

a

scale

lieam,

as

if

he didn't

know

which eend it

was

best to

light on.

But

his

trowsers tore

throueh

in a

minnit. and

he

come

doun

sprawling.

He

jumped

up

speechless,

and

looked round

as

amazed

as

if

he war

just

born into

the world

He

seed I war jist reddy to

lay

my

paw

on him agin,

and

his

skin

crawled.

He turned as

pale

as

a

scalded

nigger, and

telled

the peeple

that

was

looking

on how they had

bet-

ter

interfere

as

he wus afraid he should

be

the

death

of

me,

if

we cum

to

the

scratch

agin. I

telled

the lying sarpint to

own

he

war

chawed

up,

or

I

woul

1 make

fiddie-strings

of his tripe.

So

he squat low

and felt

mean.

He

sneaken

off

like

an

injun

in a clearing.

So

the

Yankee cum up

and give me

joy.

Says

I,

I

tell

you

what

stranger.

I've got

your

ease

for

y°u

bekase I

was axed to

take

up

your

cause,

and

I

never

re-

fuses to do a

favor

to a

man

what

aint

able to

stand

up

to his

own

lick

log.

But

now

I tell

you

as

a

friend,

and

my

name is

Davy

Crockett, that

you

had better make

tracks

out

of

this clearing

as

fast

as

dry

dust

in a

thuuder

squall, for I only

pled your

case

bekase the

other

varmint

was a

streak

or

two

meaner

than you;

but

you are

mean

enough

to put

the

sun

in

eclipse.

That

I

was the

last

that

was

seen of him in

them

parts



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