INSIDE

Felix PowellHouston Plumbing

& Gas

Danny McKinneyReal Estate

See pg. 4 - 9

How to succeed as a small business owner

Give, Give and Give Some More

PAGE 20

PAGE 32

Tips to help small business owners make changes to better their business.

Contributing to society and experiencing the great wealth of giving.

MR. D-MARS & ??????????

Giving Back Taking the Lead in the Community

“The circle of giving back is necessary for a thriving community.”

Texas Southern University... A Renaissance of Excellence

MR. D-MARS & Texas Southern University President Dr. John M. Rudley

nov. 25 - dec. 25 Inspire, Inform & Educate 46 Edition

By Carla Lane

PAGE 30

A step by step guide on the do’s and don’ts of donating.

By Patricia Haley

Charitable Contributions: When and how to give

By Christina R. Grochett

Supporting Literacy and Creating an Educated Workforce

Making literacy a community cause, and contributing to the foundation of society.

PAGE 15

Photography by Grady Carter

www.Nov 25 - dec 25 2010 2.

Publisher’s Message

Keith J. Davis, Sr.

D-MARS.com Business Journal

7322 Southwest Fwy, Suite 806Houston, Texas 77074713-272-9511 . Phone

713-272-6364 . Fax1-800-453-8752 . Toll Free

www.d-mars.com

MR. D-MARSTip of the Month

www.Nov 25 - dec 25 2010 3.

“d-mars.com is certified with SBE, HUB, DBE & Port of Houston SBDP.”

SR. PUBLISHERKeith J. Davis, Sr.

VICE PRESIDENTKevin Davis

JR. PUBLISHERKeith J. Davis, Jr.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEFDIRECTOR OF OPERATIONSChristopher P. Kirksey EDITING CONSULTANTReShonda Tate-Billingsley

ACCOUNTING MANAGEREugenie Doualla

OPERATIONS COORDINATOR INTERNJosue AlvaradoAshriel Dunham

SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVEMike JonesC.T. Foster

PHOTOGRAPHYLeon GalbreathGrady Carter

MARKETING CONSULTANTSJohnny Ray Davis, Jr.

MULTIMEDIA DIRECTORAndrea Hennekes LAYOUT & GRAPHIC DESIGNERSGhuzzala Malik (Faith)Myron Davis

DISTRIBUTIONBooker T. Davis, Jr.Johnny Ray Davis, Jr. CONTRIBUTING WRITERSBrandale MillsChristina R. GrochettMickey McGillMarilyn LoganYolanda GoreCarla LaneChris HartwellNoel PinnockDavid JonesMari WalkerT.Q. DoyleWilliam McElrathPatricia Haley

Youoftenhearofprofessional athletes, successfulbusinessowners and community leadersemphasize the importance of giving back to the community that helped shape their careers.Understandingthevalueofphilanthropicworkwillhelpdeterminetheheightofyoursuccess.

In the midst of the Thanksgiving holiday, instead of focusing on “Giving Thanks,” thismonth’sissueisgoingtofocuson“GivingBack.”Thisissuewillfeaturearticlesonorganizationsandleaderswhohavegivenbacktothecommunityandoffertipsonwaysourreaderscanmakepositivecontributionstosociety.

Sinceitsbeginnings,d-mars.comhasprimarilybeenfocusedongivingbacktothecommunity.Byproviding the communitywith a concise and reliable resource for credible information, Ihavehelpedbringbusinesses,customersandcommunitiestogether.Thisrelationshipiskeytolayingthefoundationforourfuturegenerationofleadersandmaintainingthe“giving”cycle.

Pleasecontinuetosupportouradvertisersandthenewesteditiontothed-mars.comenterprise,thed-mars.comHealth&WellnessJournal.KeepyoureyesopenforourFaith-BasedJournal,scheduledtobereleasednextmonth.Itisbecauseofyoursupportthatweareabletocontinuetobringyouseveralqualitypapers,servingasavoiceforourcommunity.

CONTENTS

“In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.”

– Flora Edwards

Texas Southern University……………………………………….…….............

McKinney Real Estate & Investment………………………………................

Supporting Literacy and Creating an Educated Workforce……..................

Young African American Males’ Struggles to Succeed………….................

Invest in Your Community…………………………………………………........

It’s Jones Virus Season: Get Vaccinated………………………………..........

How to Succeed as a Small Business Owner……………………………......

Lets Get Organized………………………………………………………….......

Financial Briefs………………………………………………………………......

Reciprocity 101………………………………………………………………......

Charitable Contributions: When and how to give…………………...............

Giving Back: At the Cost of Life…………………………………………........

Give Give and Give Some More…………………………………………….....

Invisible Wounds.........................................................................................

Who’s Draining You? You?...........................................................................

MetLife Study: Family Structure..................................................................

We Haven’t Changed Our Minds…………………………………………........

Holiday Fun Can Be Affordable………………….………………………….....

Cyber Stalking and the Law – Choosing to Empower Yourself……….........

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McKinney Real Estate & Investment: Turning a Negative Into a PositiveBy Brandale Mills, Contributing Writer

Most people who are facing bank-ruptcyorforeclosuresdon’tseeanimme-diate end in sight. In today’s economy,itbecomesevenmoredifficulttomain-tainmortgagepaymentsorinvestinonesfinancial future. Oneoutof tenhom-eowners are delinquent on their mort-gage. We anticipate another 7 millionforeclosures over the next few years inAmerica.

McKinney Real Estate & Invest-ment President/CEO, Danny McKin-ney, takes unfortunate situations likefacing bankruptcy and foreclosure andturnsanegativeintoapositive.

McKinney Real Estate & Invest-mentisafullservicerealestatecompany,managingrealestatesalesintheresiden-tialandcommercialmarkets.Thecom-pany listsandsellsproperties,alsopur-chasesShortSalesandREO’s,investinginthatpropertiespotentialgrowth.

“We buy pre-foreclosures and dis-tressedproperties.Webuyhomesgoinginto foreclosure and negotiate with thebankforaShortSale,”McKinneysaid.“Then we turn around and re-sale thepropertytoanewbuyeratadiscountedprice, creating a win-win situation forthebank,theseller,andthenewbuyer.”

WHAT IS A SHORT SALE? A“Short Sale” or “negotiated settlement”or “short pay” occurs when a Lenderagrees to accept less than the amountowed topayoff a loan as an alternativetoforeclosure. Ifthepropertyisworthlessthantheamountowedontheloan,then even if the Lender forecloses andtakesbacktheproperty,theyknowtheyaregoing to take a loss. WecanoftenconvinceaLenderthattheywill“dobet-

ter”iftheytakelessthanwhatisowednowratherthantakingthepropertybackbyforeclosureandtryingtosellitlater.

If you’re having problemsmaking your mortgage paymentdue to a hardship beyond yourcontrol,wewillconsultwithyouandprovideyouwitha freecre-ativehomesolutionguidetoleadyouinthedirectionyouneedtogo depending on your financialsituation,McKinneysaid.

“A lotofproperties areun-der market and undervalued,”McKinney said. “Most peopledon’tknowwhattodointhosesituations. They can’t sell thehome because they owe morethan what it is worth. That’swherewecomein.”

OurcompanyisrevitalizingareasinHouston by purchasing and redevelop-ingproperty and real estate inall com-munities including the African-Ameri-cancommunity,McKinneysaid.

“Many people are facing financialproblems because of the economy,” hesaid.“Wetendtofocusonhelpingthosepeople by lifting the burden of thoseexperiencingeconomic stressdue todi-vorce, loss of income or an untimelydeathinfamily,bybuyingtheirhometopreventaforeclosurefromappearingontherecreditwhichwillhelptheminthelongrun.OrifyoujustwanttosellforsomeQuickCashwecanclosein7days.

Inadditiontohelpinghomeownersavoidforeclosure,McKinneyalsoteach-es people in becoming private lenders.Throughhisprivatelendingprogram,ifyou’renotearningaboveaveragereturns,6%-12%+annuallyonyourinvestmentdollarsthenyoushouldconsiderpartici-patinginourPrivateLendingprogram.

MckinneycreatedthePrivateLend-ingopportunityforpeoplewhowanttohelp restore communities while at thesametimeputtheirinvestmentfundsinasafe,securerealestateinvestmentandearnveryhighreturns.

McKinneyeducatespeopleonhowtheycaninvestinrealestateasaprivatelender.,

“Ourprivatelendingprogramallowsthemtoearnadditionalincomeandhelptheircommunity,”McKinneysaid.

The Road to Success

Growing up in Houston, McKin-neyunderstood at an early age the im-portance of hard work and the sacri-fices needed in order to be successful.

EquippedwithhisB.A.inFinancefromHutson-TillotsonCollegeandaLawDe-greefromtheThurgoodMarshallSchoolof Law at Texas Southern University,McKinneyhasbeenarealestateprofes-sionalforover20years.

“There are peaks and valleys in allbusinesses,”hesaid.“In2007,Ihadtorevampthestructureofthebusinessandgo in adifferentdirection,but I’ve stillbeenabletofocusmyenergyonprovid-ingbettersolutionstothosefacingfore-closure.” Most people look at the realestatemarketasadownmarket. I tendto see theneed tohelppeoplewhoarehaving hardships in their homeowner-shipandprovidesolutionsforthose in-dividuals.Asoureconomycontinuestostruggletheforeclosurescontinuetorise.That’s an opportunity for me to helppeopleoutoftheirhardship.

McKinney said he has self-taughthimselfalotofthedo’sanddon’tsinhisprofession. There’s enough informationtoaccesstoeducateyourselfonanything.Thosewhoaresuccessfularethosewhoputwhattheylearnintoaction,hesaid.

“You have to be able to adapt andimprovise, especially in my industry,”McKinneysaid.“Asthemarketchanges,youhavetochangewithit.”

Using Expertise to Give BackAs a executive board member of

the Houston Real Estate Association,whichistheHoustonchapteroftheNa-tionalAssociationofrealestatebrokers.McKinneyprimarilyfocuseshisroleonbringingrealestateeducationtodiversecommunities.

“There isavastdifferenceofbasicknowledgecomparedtoothercommu-nities in financial awareness, real es-tatedevelopmentandwealthbenefits,”McKinneysaid.

Working with the Houston RealEstateAssociationhasenabledMcKin-neytofacilitatefreehomebuyerclasses,speak at area schools about careers inreal estateandeducate thecommunityonrealestateissues.

“It’strulyanexcellentorganizationand I amglad that I am apart of it,”McKinneysaid.

Danny McKinney

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McKinney Real Estate & Investment: Turning a Negative Into a Positive

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Supporting Literacy and Creating an Educated WorkforceBy Christina Robinson Grochett, University of Phoenix – Houston Vice President

By2018therewillbe46.8million job openings, ofwhich 63 percent willrequire a form of post-secondary education, ac-

cording to a study released in June bythe Georgetown University Center onEducation and the Workforce. Cur-rently,approximately59percentofjobsrequire post-secondary education. TheCenterpredictsthenationwillneed22million new college degrees, but willfallshortbyatleastthreemillion.(Formoreinformationaboutthestudy,visit:http://cew.georgetown.edu/jobs2018/)

Thedemand for a better-educatedworkforceislargelyattributedtothein-creaseduseoftechnology,whichisnowrequired in nearly every industry.Thisreport isalignedwithPresidentBarackObama’sgoaltohavethebesteducatedandmostcompetitiveworkforceintheworldby2020.

Reading skills are the foundationof a good education. Children whodon’tdeveloptheirreadingskills,oftenstrugglelaterinlifeandareunlikelytocontinue their education. Low literacylevels also directly affect the businessclimateandeconomicgrowthofacom-munity. Low literacy levels can limitcompanyefficiencyandincreaseoperat-ingcostsbyforcingemployerstospendmoreontraininganddevelopment.Un-fortunately,72percentof fourth-gradestudentsinTexasreadbelowaproficientlevel, according to a2009 report fromtheNationalCenterforEducationSta-tistics.Infact:

•11.3percentof children ages6-17inTexashave repeatedat leastonegrade.

• Texas is among the bottom fourstates for daily reading rates toyoungchildren.(Studiesshowthatreading to children helps developcriticalthinkingskills.)

Lowreadingproficiencyaffectsstu-dentdevelopmentandultimately,adultbehavior and future employment. Toimprove local literacy rates, Universityof Phoenix and the Houston Rockets

partnered to instill the importance ofreadingandeducationinlocalyouth.

The “Read to Achieve Challenge”aims to help young students developtheirreadingskillsandencourageadultsto regularly read to children.Thepro-gram, which uses incentives to inspirestudents to readby themselvesorwithparents between November 8 and De-cember 13, 2010, will award prizes tothe student and school with the mostreadingminutes.

Last month, the Houston Rock-etsandUniversityofPhoenixhostedakickoffeventattheToyotaCenterwhereplayersreadbookstoapproximately2003rd,4thand5thgradestudents.InFeb-ruary, the Rockets and the Universitywill reveal the results and celebrate allparticipantsataJamFestRally.

The Importance of Giving Back

University of Phoenix, which isthe official education partner of theHoustonRockets,selectedliteracyasitscommunity causebecause of the long-termbenefits.Readingisafundamentalbuildingblockthatsetsstudentsupforsuccess inschoolandresults inamorepositive attitude toward education.Withthatpositiveattitudestudentsaremore likely tocontinuetheiracademicjourney through college and beyond.The power of education belongs toeveryone and University of Phoenix iscommitted to supporting education atall levels. Ultimately, this partnershipand literacy initiative will strengthenourcommunityandcreatethenextgen-erationofleaders.

Christina Robinson Grochett is the

State Vice President/ Director of South Texas

for University of Phoenix. An accomplished

leader and champion of higher learning, she

was selected as one of the 2010 Women of

Influence by Houston Woman Magazine

and one of the Top 10 business women by

the American Business Women’s Association

in 2008. Under her leadership, the Houston

campuses were selected as a 2009 Best Place

to Work by The Houston Business Journal

and were awarded with the 2010, 2009 and

2008 Alfred P. Sloan Awards from the City

of Houston for Workplace Flexibility and

Innovation.

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Young African American Males’ Struggles to Succeed

Young African Americanmalescontinuetobeincri-sis. While thereare severalcommittedorganizations in

the greater Houston area, such as the100 Black Men, additional organiza-tions are needed to address the needsof these youngmen to ensure survivaleducationally, socially and morally.

Delta SigmaTheta Sorority’s HoustonAlumnaeChapter(HAC)hasansweredthiscallbylaunchingaprogramcalledEMBODI(EmpoweringMalestoBuildOpportunities to Develop Indepen-dence).

HAChostedthefirstofmanymeet-ings on Saturday, September 18, 2010atOneDeltaPlazalocatedat3333OldSpanish Trail. Approximately twenty-twoyoungmenattendedandwereem-powered by Houston native, DeValeSimmons,thekeynotespeaker.DeValeis a dynamic spiritual leader, motiva-tional speaker and author(Let ThemCome:RemovetheBarriers!)whohasestablishedhimselfasayouthadvocate.His strong interactive address focusedon three key points: 1) “Be You”; 2)“Be a Leader”; and 3) “Dream Big”.

Left to Right: Charles Savage (Executive Director, Fifth Ward

Enrichment Program); Matthew Deer (Fifth Ward Enrichment

Program); Lavarvia Jones (Fifth Ward Enrichment Program);

Carolyn Grant (Houston Alumnae Chapter); DeVale Simmons

(Keynote Speaker); George Davis (Simmons’Business Manager/

Consultant)

DeVale Simmon’s key points to participants:

1. Be You2. Be a Leader3. Dream Big

Date Topic/Activity Presenter(s)

Christmas Celebratory Event

Various male professionals

Martin Luther King, Jr. Celebratory Event

Mayor Prairie View, Honorable Frank Jackson

Black History Month Celebratory Event

Pending

Mini Lock in at One Delta Plaza

Rho Beta Beta Chapter (Omega Psi Phi Fraternity)

Career Fair Various male professionals

Culminating Event 2010/11 school year

HAC’s EMBODI Committee

January 15, 2011

February 19, 2011

April 16, 2011

December 18, 2010

March 19, 2011

May 21, 2011

Direct all questions regarding EM-BODIandscheduledeventstoCarolynGrant (Houston Alumnae Chapter) at

Fashion for Your Figure

Doyouspenda lotof timeshop-ping for clothes that you hardly everwear? If so, you’re not alone. Mostwomenspendanaverageofthreeyearsof their lives shopping, according to arecent survey by global online marketresearcherOnePoll.com.AndapollbyMyCelebrityFashion.co.uk found that25percentofwomenonlywear10per-centoftheclothestheyown;while91percenthaveanitemintheclosetthatstillhasthetagson.

Lifestyle expert Amy Sewell, ofShopwithStyle,has sometips tohelpyouputyourshoppingtimetogoodusebyfindingfashionthatsuitsyourfigure.

• The Perfect Suit. Choose a jacketwith small pads to define yourshouldersandawaistthatisslightlyfittedtogiveyouawomanlycurve.Pantswithaflatfrontandslightly-flaredlegswillminimizethetummyandcreatealonger,leanerlook.A-

lineskirtsoffergoodcamouflageforfullerhipsandthighs;skirtlengthsthat hit at or just below the kneeflattermostfigures.

• Keep It Monochromatic. Wearingthesamecolorfromheadtotoecre-atestheillusionofonelong,unbro-ken line,makingyouappear slim-mer.Thinkneutrals:black,camel,cream,darkbrown.

• Skim, Not Skin. Clothing shouldskimyour curves, so look for fab-rics thatdrape in aflatteringway.Heavyfabricswillhideyourshape,whilesuper-sheerfabricsandspan-dexreveala little toomuch.Knit-wear line Ming Wang is a perfectwrinkle-free and shape-retentiveclothingoption.

• FitIsKey.Buyclothingthatactual-lyfitsyourbody.Anythingtoolargeor too small will make you look

heavierthanyouare.Youwon’tfoolanyone by stuffing yourself intoa smaller sizeorhidingyourbodyunderloosefabric.

• Smooth Foundations. Wear pantsand skirts with built-in shapeweartoalleviatethehassleofextralayersthat can create bunching through-outtheday.MingWanghascreateda line of Slendersize bottoms withbuilt-in shapewear that works tosmoothandcontourallbodytypes.Since Slendersize pants and skirtsare available in both black andwhite, they can form the founda-tionofyourwardrobefromseasontoseason.

For more on Amy Sewell, visit www.shopwithstyle.net. To see the latest flattering fashions from Ming Wang, visit www.ming-wangknits.com.

The Fifth Ward Enrichment ProgramsupportedthiseventbybringingyoungmenfromE.O.SmithMiddleSchoolandKashmereHighSchool.Additionalparticipantswerebroughtbytheirpar-ents, grandparents, neighbor, churchmemberorfriend.

EMBODIwasconceivedtoaddressdata that suggests African Americanmalesarebeingunsuccessfuleducation-ally(lackofsuccessinschoolandhighdrop-outrates),socially(incarceration),

and emotionally (low self esteem andmentalhealthissues).HAC’sscheduledprogramagenda includes collaborationwithcommunityorganizations,middle/high schools, churches, fraternities,sororities, entrepreneurs, universities,professionalsportsteamsandcorporateAfrican American male professionals.The following calendar details futuremonthlyEMBODImeetingstobeheldatOneDeltaPlaza;10:00a.m.tonoon.

713-906-0715orgrant2252@aol.com.Delta Sigma Theta Sorority is commit-ted to making a difference.

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Invest In Your Community:

Giving back to yourcommunity is agreatway to help supportyour business. Non-profit organizations,

volunteergroupsandreligiousorganiza-tionsdosomuchtohelpthecommuni-tiesthatallofusareapartof,buttheycan’tdoitalone.Theyneedyourhelp.

Assuccessfulmembersofthecom-munity, we have a responsibility tohelp those that are less fortunate andcontributetothecommongood.Ifeelthis so strongly that it’s been a long-standingpracticeofminetodonateap-proximately10percentofmyincometo

charitableorganizations.Insomeyears,Iadmit,thishasbeenalot lessmoneythanotheryears,buteverylittlebittrulyhelpswhenitcomestogoodworks.

If youarenot able togivemoney,thengivetime,volunteeringwith localorganizationsthatwereabletouseyourskills.Thereare somanyorganizationsthatneedapairofhelpinghands-es-peciallyapairofhelpinghandsthatareregularlyavailable.

Youwillreallyenjoytheintangiblebenefit of giving. Giving back to thecommunitygivesyouapleasantfeelingof connectedness and the satisfactionof at least trying tomake theworlda

Giving Back to the Community Has Tangible Benefits

betterplace.There are tangible benefits to giv-

ingbacktothecommunity,too.Foronething,ifyougiveenough,you’llbeabletousethecharitabledeductiononyourincometax.Foranother,givingbacktothecommunitycanraiseyourbusiness’profile and even bring you more cus-tomersorclients.

Duringthisseasonlocalnewspaperarefilledwithphotosofbusinesspeoplepresenting checks to the directors ofcharitableorganizations,which isgreatpublicity.Manybusinessesevenincludetheircharitableworkintheiradvertise-ments,addingcopysuchas“5percent

of sales will be donated to (specificcharity)”, or sponsor particular chari-table events. Potential customers likethesenseofbeingabletocombinetheirpleasure inpatronizingabusinesswiththepleasurablesenseofhelpingothers.

Perhapsintheholidayseason,morethan at any other time, our hearts goouttoothers.Buttherearealwaysthosewhoarelessfortunatethanweareandwillappreciateourhelpallyearround.Givewhatyoucanregularlytothechar-itiesthatmakeadifferencetoyourlocaland national community. You may besurprisedatthebenefitsyoureap!

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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It’s Jones Virus Season: Get Vaccinated

By Marilyn Logan, Contributing Writer

Host of “The Money Lady Show”Hcctv@hccs.edu – Channel 19

Mon/Wed @ 3:30 p.m.

On “Our Street”, unemploymentis above 9.5 percent and the averagehouseholdnetworth(totalassets–totalliabilities)ofanAfrican-Americanfam-ilyrangesbetween$6,700tojustunder$10,000dependingonwhatstudyyouexamine.And,thebuyingpoweroftheAfrican-Americancommunityjustsur-passedtheonetrilliondollarmark-upfrom$810billionafewyearsago,dur-ingarecession!Comparethattoabout$80,000to$90,000fortheaveragenetworthofawhiteAmericanfamilyandonecanseethatafinancialepidemicisnegatively impacting our community.JustlikeHIV,thereisanotherinsidiousvirusrunningamokinoursocietyandfewseemtobetakingnote.IcallittheJones Virus!

Thesignsandsymptomsvarybutithasbeenknowntocauseonetodevelopafeverforrollingon“spinners”insteadof rolling out an IRA – individual re-tirementaccount!Or,causeonetoin-dulgeonaCLKandfeelaversetoandnauseatedaboutinvestingina401(K).Theinfectionisalsonotoriousforeat-ingawayataperson’sbottom-linewith-out them really feeling any symptomsor seeing any outward signs until an

economichiccupor coughoccurs.Areyougettingthepicture?Couldthisbeyou?Areyouimmune?AreyouinfectedwiththeJones Virus?

In order to make this infection ofconsumerism obsolete, we will haveto tackle this economic epidemic withtheresolveofourdepression-eraances-tors and eventually get financially vac-cinated.Ihavebeendoingmyresearchand here are some key money proteincomponentshoused in theJonesVirusvaccine:

“Less is more” proteinOur grandparents would never

spendawholecheckonapurse.Theyvaluedthedifferencebetweena“need”anda“want”.Whentheyreceivedextramoney, their first thought was how tosave it where our generation typicallythinksofhowto spend it.Sincewhendidweneed5bedroomsforafamilyoffive? – It is okay for children to shareabedroom. Less really, really, really ismore!

Paper proteinDebitandcreditcardshavegivenus

asensethatthepoolofmoneyislimit-less.Usingcashmoreallowsonetotan-gibly feel“thepainofpaying”.Studiescontinuetoillustratethatpeoplespendless when they use cash versus creditcards. One study showed that persons–ofthesameeconomicstrata-auction-ingforanitemwithacreditcardversusthoseusingcashhadabidtwiceashigh.

Choice proteinEven people living pay check to

paycheckhavefoundwaystosuccess-fullysave.Wemustchoosetopaydowndebtaggressivelyorriskbecomingsickwith the fever of creditors. One lessmanicure or one less meal out won’tkillyou,buttheJones Viruscontinual-

lydestroysfamiliesonadailybasis.Modestlivingdoeswork!Payingontimeisparamount–increasesinin-terestratesandlatefeesaresavingsdestroyers.So,whilegettingvacci-natedduringthesewintermonths,remember to get financially vacci-natedfor the Jones Virusandhelpstopthespreadoffinancialillitera-cybecausethisdisease,unlikesomeothers,doeshaveacure.

Now, get your money right!

Marilyn LoganAuthor – Motivational Speaker“I Can’t Afford to Marry You”Aguidetounderstandingthetrue

costoflove.Order Book Now!www.marilynlogan.com

QUESTIONS:Send all Money & Re-lationship questions to marilyn@mari-lynlogan.com. Your question may be an-swered in the next issue.

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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How to Succeed as a Small Business Owner

(Family Features) Michelle Binkshasalwayshadanentrepreneurialspirit.

Amovetoanewcitypro-videdherachancetostarther own consulting busi-ness, building from theexperience she receivedfrom her employment inlarge human resource de-partments.

“Starting my compa-ny was not a tough deci-sion, it was learning howtomaintainandgrowmycompanytowhereIwant-ed it to be that I neededhelp with,” said Binks,president and owner ofHRConsultingSolutions

Binks was not alonein needing help. TheSmall Business Admin-istration says 50 percentofall smallbusinesses failwithin thefirstfiveyears.But, according to a Dun

andBradstreetstudy,90percentofsuc-cessful businesses say they sought out

experthelp.Binks found thathelp through the

Business Accelerator Program, a freeprogram provided by American FamilyInsurancethatusesnationallyrecognizedsmallbusinessexpertstohelpsmallbusi-nessownerssucceed.

“What’s great about the BusinessAcceleratorProgramisthespecificityitprovidesforindividualcompanies,”saidBinks. “When starting my business, Ididn’t realize the huge importance ofsales and marketing, but the BusinessAcceleratorexpertsworkedwithmeper-sonallyandcoveredtheseareasinawaythat I could apply tomybusiness andmakeadifferencetomybottomline.”

Sheisjustonesmallbusinessown-erwhohasseenthepositivegrowthintheirbusinessbecauseoftheprogram.

“Entrepreneursfacenewchallengesevery day,” said Bob Wright, WrightBusiness Institute founder and Busi-nessAcceleratorcareercoach.“Overduepayments,materialsthatdon’tarriveontime,employeeswhodon’tshowupforwork,andmore.It’seasytofeeldauntedandbecomeparalyzed.Often,justtak-ingonesmallstepintherightdirectionwillgetthingsmovingtoreallytakeoff.The Business Accelerator program isa great step that will provide businessowners the tools to make those littlechanges that can immediately make adifferenceintheirbusiness.”

The Business Accelerator programexperts offer these tips to help smallbusinessownersmakethosechangesto

bettertheirbusiness:

•Target your Audience -It’stempt-ing to try a littlebit of every typeofadvertisingthat’sofferedtoyou.Butwithlimitedbudgets,entrepre-neurs endupwith a tinypresencein each. Instead, select a few me-diumsthat really reachyour targetaudienceandthatyoucanaffordtoestablishapresenceinbyusingfre-quencyandlargervisuals.

• Set Goals - What is your higherpurpose forbeing a small businessowner?Whatmattersmosttoyou?Writedownyouranswersandkeepthem close at hand. Share themwith your business partners, alliesand friends. Remind yourself ofthemwhenyoupickupthephone,whenyoufacerejection,whenyousqueezeinanothersalescallonthewaytopickupthekids.

• Sell Hope First -Many salespro-fessionalsmakethemistakeofget-tingcaughtupintryingtosellthefeatures and dimensions of theirproduct first – rather than engag-ingwiththecustomeraroundtheirhopesanddreams,aboutwhattheyhope toaccomplish. It’s importanttounderstandthebiggerpictureinpositioning yourself with a clientandinthemarketplace.

To find out more about the Business Ac-celerator program, visit www.amfambusi-nessaccelerator.com

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How to Succeed as a Small Business Owner

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Financial Briefs

Let’s Get Organized By Yolanda Gore, Contributing Writer

Whydomanypeoplehaveahardtimewiththeirday-to-dayroutine?Thebiggestproblemislackoforganization.Organizationisthebiggestparttohav-ingaproductiveday-to-dayroutine.Ofcourse,sometimesacurveballisthrownatapersontogetthemofftrack.Butifyou’reorganized,youshouldbeabletobouncerightback.

The first step to becoming orga-nized is to make a plan and put it inaction.Createascheduleofyourdailyactivities. One of the greatest tools tobeingorganizedishavingaplanner.Re-beccaTaylor,CoastalCarolinaUniver-sitySeniorEducationmajorsstatesthat

having a planner keeps her organized.Taylor has been using a planner sinceherfreshmanyearofcollege.Sheneverleaveshomewithoutherplanner.

Anothersteptobecomeorganizedistokeepyourareaneatandclean.Trytostayclearofclutter.Anyandeverythingthatyouneedtokeepyourdeskclutterfreecanbepurchasedatanyofficesup-plystore.Itwouldalsobeawisethingtoinvestinapapershredder.Getridofunnecessarypapersandbills.Iftheyaremorethanayearold,it’sasurebetthatyou have received other notices sincethen.Youmaywanttokeepincometax-esaroundforsevenyearsbeforeyougetridofthem.Itwouldalsobegreattoin-vestinafilecabinetandsafedepositboxtokeepyourmostimportantdocuments

suchas:birthcertificates,passports,so-cialsecuritycard,etc init.Ifyoudon’tfeel comfortable getting rid of a lot ofyour clutter, considerboxing thingsupand putting them out of reach so thatyoudon’trisktrippingoverthem.

Another way to become organizedistosetasideatleast15minutesadaytoprioritize your surroundings. By doingthis,youarecreatingaroutinethatwillcomenaturaltoyouafterdoingitafewtimes.Itisverywisetofocusononearea

at a time.You don’t want to get over-whelmed. Often times when a personbecomes overwhelmed, they just giveup. Whatever you do, don’t procrasti-nate. Procrastinating will only make itharderonyoutobecomeorganized.

Becoming organized doesn’t hap-penovernight.Itwillgraduallybecomeeasierandeasier.Itisoktotakeitniceand slow but, set guidelines and goalsforyourself.Bydoingthis,youwillseeachangeinyourorganizationalskills.

Teaching kids the value of charitable giving

Donatingtocharityisanimportantwaytogivebacktothoselessfortunate.And, it’s important to teachkids earlyonthevalueofcharitablegiving.

“Theholidayseasonisagreattimeto teach your children the invaluablelessonofhelpingthoseinneed,”saysIrvAshford,SeniorVicePresidentofPublicAffairswithComericaBank.“Whetherit’s making a monetary donation to acharity,providingtoysorusedclothingordonatingyourtimeatasoupkitchen,therearemanywaystohelp.”

Ashfordoffersthefollowingtipsonwaystoinvolveyourchildinthechari-tablegivingprocess.

Get your child interested. Teach-ingyourchildearlyontheimportanceofdonating iskey.Giving thempraiseand explaining how good it is to helpotherswillgetthemexcitedaboutgiv-ing. Even if times are tough, you can

giveagentlyusedtoyorclothingyourchildhasoutgrowntoanotherchildthatneedsit.Volunteeringisanotherwaytohelpothers,andagreatopportunityforchildren to see the value of charitablegiving first hand. You can bring themalongtohelpinasoupkitchenorevenparticipate in an event sponsored by anon-profitorganization.”

“Makesureyouinvolveyourchildinthedonationsotheyseewhereevery-thingisgoing,”saysAshford.“Ifyouaredonating to an angel tree, bring themwith you to place the gift there, or atthemall,letthemputloosechangeintotheSalvationArmybucket.They’llfeelgoodaboutitandwillwanttobemoreinvolvedinfuturedonations.”

Communicate with your kids.“Children often mimic the activitiesandbehavioroftheirparentsoranoldersibling,” Ashford explains.This meansit’sagoodideato involvetheminanyvolunteerworkyoudo.Thishelpsthemunderstand the importance of giving

your time and energy to others, andmayalsomakelittleonesmorelikelytowanttohelpouttoo.Besuretoexplainwhat you’re doing and why, and howtheirworkcanhelpothersnotonlydur-ing theholiday seasonbut throughoutthewholeyear.

Money and charitable giving. Ifyour child has an allowance, encour-age them to givea smallportion toa charity of theirchoice.Havethemput aside a setamounteachweekand bring themto the charity themoney is goingto so they can seehow their moneywill be used. It’simportant to tellyour child wheretheirmoneyisgo-ing and why, andalso to help themcreate aminibudgetplan. “Charitablegivingisagreatwaytoteachyourchil-dren how to become good financialstewards,”Ashfordsays.

Charitable giving as an education-al tool. Lotsoflearningtakesplaceout-sideoftheclassroom,andthere’snorea-sonwhyyoucan’treinforcesomeskillskids learn at school through charitable

giving opportunities. Ashford explainsthatchildrenwillboosttheirmathskillswhiletryingtobudgettheirmoneyandreadingcomprehensionskillsifyouletthemresearchandlearnaboutdifferentcharities.Ifthey’reoldenoughtovolun-teer,thiscanfurtherteachthemabouttimemanagementaswell.

Theholiday season isagreat timetoshowchildrenhowtogiveandbeunself-ish.Asyoumightbepreparing to spendtimewithlovedones,putasideafewhoursper week with yourkidstohelpothers.Ifyour kids are young-er, encourage themto go through theirtoys and clothes andset timeaside to sortout what they needand what they haveoutgrown. This willfurtherteachthemto

begivingandtorememberothersevenatthemostfamily-centrictimeofyear.

For more information, contact Kris-

tin Arena at kristin@allynmedia.com or

214.871.7723.

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By Carla Lane, Contributing Writer

I admit this was a big mistake….BUT, I went looking for a job with my best friend. I suggested we fill out applications for Company A, I called to see if we needed to schedule or

interview or could just walk in, I scheduled the interviews, I helped her with her resume, I even drove us to the interview! SHE didn’t even want to go, and really doesn’t even want to work. BUT she got the job! They didn’t even check my references! They hired her within hours of our interviews! I have not even heard back from them. I think it’s because she is prettier and thinner than me (she is a size 4 and I am a size 16)! I am more qualified, have more experience, and I needed and wanted the job!

By the way, this is just a job working at a front desk person for a party planning company. Do I have any recourse against the company? I know I am better quali-fied than she is. HELP!

Under federal law, an em-ployer doesn’t have to hire,or promote the most quali-

fiedapplicant.Buttheemployercannotbasedecisionsonpersonal characteris-ticsthatarenotjob-related.Thesechar-acteristicsofteninclude:

•Age•Race•Sex•Religion•Nationalorigin•Disability

The Employment Law Alliance’s“America At Work” poll asked 1,000Americansabouttheirviewsonappear-ance-baseddiscrimination.

Majorfindingsofthepollwere:

• 39% said employers should havethe right to deny employment tosomeonebasedonappearance, in-cludingweight,clothing,piercing,bodyart,orhairstyle.

• 33% said that in their ownwork-place workers who are physicallyattractive are more likely to behiredandpromoted.

• 33% said workers who are unat-tractive, overweight, or generallylook or dress unconventionally,shouldbegivenspecialgovernmentlegalprotection suchas thatgivenpersonswithdisabilities.

• Of the 39% who said employ-ers should have the right to denyemployment based on looks, men

outnumbered women 46% to 32%.Andwhitesoutnumberednon-whites41%to24%.

Theworkerswerealsoaskediftheyhadanyrelevantpersonalexperience.

• 16% said that they had been thevictim of appearance-based dis-crimination.

• 38% of those said the discrimina-tion was based on their overallappearance; 31% said it was theirweight;and14%saiditwasareac-tiontotheirhairstyle.

•Athird(33%)ofthosesayingtheyhadbeendiscriminatedagainstsaiditwasforsomeotherreason.

I amsureyouhaveheard the say-ing, “..beauty is in the eye of the be-holder..” the unfortunate truth ismostbeholders tend to agreeonwhatis beautiful. A number of researchershave independently found that, whenpeopleareaskedtorateanindividual’sattractiveness,theirresponsesarequiteconsistent, even across race, sex, age,class and cultural background. Facialsymmetry and unblemished skin areuniversally admired. Men get a bumpfor height, women are favored if theyhavehourglassfigures,andnonwhitesgetpointsforlightskincolor,Europeanfacialcharacteristicsandconventionally“white”hairstyles.

Amongthekeyfindingsofaquar-ter-century’s worth of research: Unat-tractivepeoplearelesslikelytobehiredand promoted, and they earn lower

salaries, even in fields in which lookshavenoobviousrelationshiptoprofes-sionalduties.(Inonestudy,economistsJeffBiddleandDanielHamermeshes-timatedthatforlawyers,suchprejudicecan translate to a pay cut of as muchas 12 percent.) When researchers askpeople to evaluate written essays, thesame material receives lower ratingsfor ideas, style and creativitywhen an

accompanying photograph shows aless attractive author. Good-lookingprofessors get better course evalu-ations from students; teachers inturn rate good-looking studentsasmoreintelligent.

Notevenjusticeisblind.Instudies that simulate legal pro-

ceedings,unattractiveplaintiffs receivelower damage awards.Two researchersat Cornell University, gave studentscasestudiesinvolvingrealcriminalde-fendantsandaskedthemtocometoaverdictandapunishmentforeach.Thestudents gave unattractive defendantsprisonsentencesthatwere,onaverage,22monthslongerthanthosetheygavetoattractivedefendants.

Just like racialor genderdiscrimi-nation, discrimination based on irrel-evantphysicalcharacteristicsreinforcesstereotypes and undermines equal-op-portunityprinciplesbasedonmeritandperformance. And when groomingchoices come into play, such bias canalsorestrictpersonalfreedom.

Suchpracticescanviolatethelawiftheydisproportionatelyexcludegroupsprotectedbycivilrightsstatutes--hencethesexdiscriminationsuit.Abercrom-bie&Fitch’snotoriouseffortstoproj-ect what it called a “classic American”lookledtoaracediscriminationsettle-mentonbehalfofminorityjob-seekerswho said they were turned down forpositionsonthesalesfloor.Butunlessthevictimsofappearancebiasbelongtogroupsalreadyprotectedbycivilrightslaws,theyhavenolegalremedy.

As the history of civil rights legis-lation suggests, customer preferencesshould not be a defense for prejudice.

Duringtheearlycivilrightsera,employ-ersintheSouthoftenarguedthathiringAfricanAmericanswouldbefinanciallyruinous; white customers, they said,wouldtaketheirbusinesselsewhere.Inrejecting this logic, Congress and thecourtsrecognizedthatcustomerprefer-encesoftenreflectandreinforceprecise-lytheattitudesthatsocietyisseekingtoeliminate.Overthedecades,we’veseenthatthemosteffectivewayofcombat-ingprejudiceistodeprivepeopleoftheoptiontoindulgeit.

Discrimination according tophysical appearance, whether basedon height, weight or general attrac-tiveness isunfortunately, a factof life.This form of discrimination results inincreasedincomeandopportunitiesforattractivepersonsandlowerpay,anin-creasedchanceofpoverty,andreducedopportunities forthoseconsideredun-attractive.WhilelegislationsuchastheVocationalRehabilitationAct of 1973and the ADA may help to alleviatesome forms of appearance discrimina-tionintheworkplace,itisquestionablewhethertheycanprovidearemedyforallformsorinallsituationsandwheth-ertheyshouldeventry.Further,giventhestigmaattachedtounattractiveness,few will want to claim that status inpubliclitigation.Andinthevastmajor-ity of cases, the cost offiling suit andthedifficultyofprovingdiscriminationarelikelytobeprohibitive.Butstricteranti-discrimination laws could play amodestroleinadvancinghealthierandmore inclusive ideals of attractiveness.Attheveryleast,suchlawscouldreflectourprinciplesofequalopportunityandraiseourcollectiveconsciousnesswhenwefallshort.

Finally, my suggestion to you isthis,seekemploymentfromcompaniesthatwillvalueyourgiftsandtalentsandwant to put them to work for them.Surround yourself with people thatmakeyoufeelbeautifulinsideandoutandknowthat truebeauty is feltwiththatheart,notseenwiththeeyes!

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By Author Noel Pinnock, B.S., M.P.A., C.A., CCCContributing Writer

In1766,theworldwasintroducedto the word “rec-i-proc-i-ty”. Reci-procity has known synonyms such ascooperation, exchange, mutuality, orinterchange. The short definition canbe summed up in two words, “givingback.”InthiseditionofD-mars Busi-ness Journal, the emphasis has beenplacedontheessentialsofgivingback.Iamastrongadvocateofreciprocityanditisincumbentuponeveryonetounder-standthatthereistruevalueinhelpingothersandgivingback.Infact,manyofyou who will read this article are ableto read because someone in your past(home, school, etc.) decided to reachout andhelp you.Heor she took thetimetoteachyoutherudimentsofdis-cerningthealphabet,interpretingsym-bols,andreadingforunderstandingandcomprehension.Itwasnotlongbeforeyoumastered it and couldunderstandthe most complicated literature. Someofusdecidedthatitwassimplyenoughto learntheskillwhileotherschose to

pursueacareerathelpingothersbegintheirreadingjourney.Wecallorrefertothoseindividualsasteachers.

People oftentimes approach meafterIgiveaspeechorpresentatrain-ing session and ask me do I ministerorpreachatachurch.Iamalwaysflat-tered; however, my typical response istwo-foldandcenteredonthetwotypesofministers in theworld,ministersbyprofessionandinfluence.Ineithercase,weareallministers.Likewise,weareallteachers because we have an influence(positive or negative) on everyone wecomeincontactwithonamoment-by-momentbasis.SusanSkogoncewrote:

“There’s a deep wave of grassroots giving back sweeping the country. A surge of people across all age groups is volunteering like never before. But giv-ing back doesn’t mean that you don’t get anything in return. Helping others reach for a new day rejuvenates us in ways that another margarita-soaked va-cation, more stuff, a fatter resume, or a supersized house can’t begin to. We want to feel useful. We want to find meaning. We want to feel this alive and on fire with possibility.”

Herearethreesimplewaysyoucangivebackfromfindingyourtruecallingtoboostingyouroverallsenseofjoy:

1. Join a prayer group–prayerisanessential component of our exis-tencesaswellasourdestiny.Inter-cessoryprayerhasbeenthebedrockof our salvation and our country’sfreedom,sowhynotfallonbendedknees for someone else (in season

and out of season). Do not justsayIamgoingtoprayfor Brother John DoeorSister Jan Doe…takethe time topraywithoutdelay. Inthese uncertain times, we need tosaymorethanGodblessyou!

2. Iron up – somepeoplehavegonefurther than they thought theycouldbecausesomeoneelsethoughtthey could, so reach out and helpanotherpersonattainacareergoalor objective. King Solomon oncewrote, “As iron sharpens iron, soamansharpensthecountenanceofhisfriend.”(KJV)

3. Be creative - maybe you have arelative who is interested in a cer-

tainacademicarea,ratherthanjustgettingthemabathrobeorslippers,get theminformationandpossiblytickets to a speaker that is comingto town.Compliment yourneigh-bor on a “yard-well-done”…sendahandwrittennote(textmessagesandemailsdonotcount)toanem-ployee who completed the projectontimeandunderbudget.

Wedonotneeda season tobegingivingbackbecauseifyouhavetheop-portunitytogetupinthemorning,thenthatisreasonenoughbecausewhenyoudoituntotheleastofthem,youarere-ally doing it unto God...so, have fungiving back because one day someonewillgivebacktoyou!

Reciprocity 101

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By Mickey McGillFinancial Advisor HoustonContributing Writer

Inthecourseofayear,mostofusdonate a certain percentage of our in-come to charitable organizations. Theonly real questions are “when?” and“how?”togive.Likemostthingsfinan-cial,youcanincreasetheimpactofyourcharitabledonationsifyouhaveaplaninplace.

Include charitable giving in your budget. Rather than giving when themood strikes, make a commitment togiving in your monthly budget. Aftersetting aside savings for your future,allocate an amount you can afford togive.Puttingyourgivinggoalsonpapercanhelpyoubemoreintentionalaboutyourgiving andallowsyou to increaseor decrease your cash donations basedonyourfinancialcircumstances.

Zoom in on nonprofits whose missions match your values.Fromsav-ing the whales, to providing mosquitonettinginmalaria-proneareas,tofund-ing a food shelf— there are countlessworthwhile causes you could support.Focusfirst ononeor twowhoseworkis near and dear to your heart. Learnmore about each charity to make sureyou agreewith the organization’s goalsandactivities.

Evaluate the financial health of your favorite charity.Notallnonprofitorganizations are disciplined in theirbusiness practices. Take time to learn

how your charity of choice is orga-nizedandrun.Howwillyourmoneybespent?Checktoseethattheorga-nizationsyousupportaredoingtheirbest to keep operational costs to aminimumsothatthemajorityofthemoneytheyraisegoestowardmakingadifferenceversussolicitingdonationsorpayingtherent.

Stretch your giving.Givingthathasanelementofsacrificetendstobemoremeaningful for thegiver.Set agoal to increase yourgiving if you’renotwhereyou’dliketobeyet.Considerreducing spending in another area ofyourbudgettoincreaseyourgiving.

Give in more ways than one. Itfeels good to give — and even betterwhen the giving is hands-on and per-sonal. Get involved with the charitiesthatmattertoyou.Inadditiontowrit-inga check, considergivingyour timeand talents.You might also be able todonatestockorotheritemsofvalue.

Get advice.Talk to your financialadvisorabouthowyourcharitablegiving

fitsintoyouroverallfinancialplan.Yourtaxprofessionalcanalsoprovideinsightintotaxadvantagesandothertaxconsid-erationsrelatedtocharitablegiving.

Brokerage, investment and financial advisory services are made available through Ameriprise Financial Services, Inc. Member FINRA and SIPC. Some products and ser-vices may not be available in all jurisdic-tions or to all clients.

© 2010 Ameriprise Financial, Inc. All rights reserved.

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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Giving Back: At the Cost of Life

By Dr. D. L. JonesContributing Writer

When my first cousin Jonathandiedofsuddenheartfailureinhisearlythirties, my entire family was shockedanddevastated.Hewasaquietandgra-ciousyoungman,andwhenitcametogiving to others, he topped the chart.His spirit of generosity was evidentthroughouthisentirelife:hewasaper-sonwho lived to give.Not surprising,when he passed away his mother in-formedusthathehaddonatedhisvitalorgans longbeforehedied.This is anultimatedisplayofsomeonewholivedanddiedtogiveback.

Ifyouhavethedesiretohelpoth-ersinlifethenthelogicalsolutionisforyoutostartgivingback;evenatthecostoflife.Ifyouagree,thisarticleisamustreadforyou.

ThisisthestagewhereIaminmylife. I always sought and prayed for apurpose that was bigger than me. Forthe past twenty years I’ve been toilinginthefieldsofeducationandministry.Manyofmyformerstudentsandthosetouched by my ministry have sharedtheir appreciation and thankfulnessthroughout the years. Wherever lifetakesme,Ialwayswanttogivebackinhopestomakethisworldabetterplace.If you would like to journey with meonthispathofgivingback,Iwouldbehonoredtohaveyou joinme increat-ing a life of purpose by design.Thereobviously has to be a plan in place toaccomplish this but more importantlytherehastobeawillingnesstotakeac-tiontoreachthedesiredgoal.

Your Purpose: I would like to start with the end

resultfirst,whichisyourpurpose.Thiswill vary from one person to the nextand it will be a very personal. Allowyourselftodreamofwhatitisthatyouwouldliketodotohelpothersandcometothisconclusionwiththethoughtthatyourlifeandfinanceswouldnotbeanobject. Diligently pray about this be-causeitwillbethedrivingforcebehindyouractions.

Get Started: This brings me to the part of the

equation that will make or break yourplanofachievingsuccess.Fromtimetotime we all have had good intentionsthathavenevercometofruition.Ifyoulookedbackatanexampleofagoodin-tention,whatwasitthatmadeitonlyathought?Theanswer formeplainandsimplewouldbetheabsenceofgettingstarted.Itisourfreewillwhetherornotwechoosetogetstarted.Thesaying“itwasthethoughtthatcounts”hassomemerit.However,youmusttakeitastepfurther by giving it some weight andanimation to find the impact of howsuccesscomesintoplay.Gettingstartedwill give you a sense of aliveness thatwillbenefitmorepeopleandsituationsthatyoumightnevercometoknow.

Develop A Plan: Inordertobesuccessfulinlifeyou

havetobepassionateaboutwhatyouaredoing.You need to find a vehicle thatwillassistyouinreachingyourgoalsandmustresonatefavorablywithyourmis-siontohelpothers.Whenyouareinaharmoniousstateofmind,morethingshaveatendencytoworkoutinaposi-tiveway.Itisveryimportanttowanttogrowandempoweryourself,spiritually,emotionally,physically,andmentally.

Yourpersonalsuccesswillbeunpar-alleledonce youobtain abalanced lifewhilegivingbacktoothers.Howdoyoudothis?First,alignyourselfwithothersthatarealreadygivingbackandlearnasmuchaspossiblefromthem.Choosingtoincludemostlysuccessfullikemind-edpeople inyourcircleof friendswillgreatlycontributetoyoursuccess.Hav-ing an attitudeof giving isparamountasyoumustlive,think,talk,anddream

abouthelpingothers.Tosee theworldasanabundantplace-notoneof lackwilltakeyoutothepeopleandresourcesneededtohelpothers.

Whatever it might be that youwouldliketodotohelpothers;youowe

itnotonlytoyourselfbutthemanythatare in need of your help. Just remem-berthatyoumustfirstgetstartedbeforeanyone will be the benefactor of yourGIVINGBACK!

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By Carla Lane, Contributing Writer

Give, Give and Give Some More

“Youmakealivingbywhatyouget,youmakealifebywhatyougive.”

--WinstonChurchill

As a business owner I am oftenaskedmanyquestions,butthetwoques-tionsIammostoftenaskedare,“Whydoyouspendsomuchmoneyandtimefor charitable causes?” And “How didyourfirmexperiencesuchphenomenalgrowthinsuchashortamountoftime?”

Ibelievethetwoquestionsarecon-nected,onethecause theother theef-fect. To put it simply, BECAUSE Iparticipateinmycommunityandtrytoalways GIVE more than I RECEIVE,my firm experienced phenomenalgrowthoveraveryshortperiodoftime.

Switchyouroutlookbyfocusingonhowandwhat you cangive insteadofwhatyouwill receive.Whenyou learnto give, you elevate yourself. Businessopportunities and ideas will appearwhenyouthinkabouthowyoucanhelpmake other people’s lives better, easier,happier. And as you give, you will berewarded.

I was always told by my parentstolivelifewithanopenhand,surethetakerswilltakebutthegiverswillgive.Ifyourhand isalwaysclosed trying toholdontowhatyou“think”isyoursnoonecanputanythinginit,noonecangiftyou.Whattheyweresaying,ishold-ing on to wealth is like trying to gripsand,thetighteryoutrytoholdontoit,themoreslipsthroughyourhand.

Givinganythingofyourselfallowsmoreroomforyoutoreceive.Thepos-sibilities that come to you when you

give are endless. Perhaps the greatestgiftisfromtheveryactofgiving,thatgift is the lesson that you have morethan you’ll ever need. In this respect,giving of yourself teaches you to bemore thankful for what you do have,ratherthanfocusonallthethingsyoudon’thave.

I remember in elementary schoolhaving a friend who sometimes didn’thaveanylunchmoney.Shehad5broth-ers and sisters, and her family didn’thavea lot.Because shewasmy friend,Ialwayssharedmylunchwithher.But,I would be starving by the time I gothome,afterawhilemymomaskedmeifIwaseatinglunchatschool.IconfessedthatIhadbeensharingmylunchwithmy friend. My mom just nodded herhead,but thenextdaywhenIopenedmylunch,Ihadanextrasandwichandanextrapickle!(I lovepicklesIhavetoconfessIkepttheextrapickleformyselfbutshegothersandwich!)Thisconcepthascarriedthroughmylife.Ifyougivefromyourheartyoucanandlikelywillreceiveblessingsbeyondwhatyoucouldeveraskorthink.

Hereareafewthoughtstoconsider:

Peoplearerememberednotforbe-ingrich,butforwhattheycontributedto society while they were alive. Notall of us can dramatically impact soci-ety,butwecanallgivesomethingback.Whenyoudie,noone(exceptperhapsyourheirs)will knowor care that youdiedrich.Butyoucanchangesomeone’slifebygivingfreelyofyourmoneyandtime.

All the greatest wealth mentorshavewrittenaboutthepowerofgiving.Napoleon Hill, Andrew Carnegie, WClement Stone… As Confucius notedin The Analects, ‘You yourself desirerankandstanding; thenhelpothers togetrankandstanding.Youwanttoturnyourownmerits toaccount;thenhelpotherstoturntheirstoaccount.’

Givingliterallymakesyouamagnetforwhateveryougive,beitmoney,love,time,peace,orjoy.Thismaysoundlikenew-agefoolishness,butIhavefoundittobeseriouslytrue.Themoreyouclingto wealth (just like fame or love), themoreitwilleludeyouandthelesssatis-fiedyou’llbewithyourcurrentcircum-stance. So if you want to be wealthy,spreadthewealth!

“Thereisawonderfulmythicallawofnaturethatthethreethingswecravemostinlife--happiness,freedom,andpeaceofmind--arealwaysattainedbygivingthemtosomeoneelse.”--PeytonConwayMarch

If you are religious--whether youfollow Christianity, Islam, Judiasm orany other religion--you are called togive.Evenifyouareatheistoragnostic,thespiritualprincipalofgivingisprob-

ablyimportanttoyou.“You will be made rich in every way

so that you can be generous on every oc-casion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.” --2 Corinthians 9:11

HappyThanksgiving!Peace&Blessings,

Carla

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Invisible Wounds

By Pastor Chris HartwellContributing Writer

Our exterior does not always looklike our interior. As long as the diffi-cultydoesnotinterferewithouragenda,wewillkeepcoveringitupandremainfrustrated, confused, discouraged anddesperate. Ourpainhasenrolledus inachallengingcoursethatwillearnusanadvanceddegreeintherealityofbroken-ness. When people gather in worshipcenterstheywanttoknowthreethings:Can I trust you, do you care, and canyouhelpme?

Psychologists quote a caseof a girlwho played the piano in a cinema inthe days of the silent films. Normallyshe was quite well, but immediatelythelightswentoutandcigarettesmokefilled the auditorium she began to beparalyzed.She fought against it, but atlasttheparalysisbecamepermanentandsomethinghadtobedone.Examinationrevealednophysicalcausewhatever.Un-derhypnosisitwasdiscoveredthatwhenshe was very young, only a few weeksold,shehadbeenlyinginoneofthoseelaborate old-fashioned cots with anarchoflaceoverit.Hermotherhadbentoverhersmokingacigarette.Thedrap-erieshadcaughtfire.Itwasimmediatelyextinguished and no physical hurt wasdonetoherbuthersub-consciousmindwas remembering this terror.The darkplusthesmellofthecigarettesmokeinthe cinema acted on the unconsciousmindandparalyzedherbody—andshedidnotknowwhy.

AnotedphilosopherbythenameofJohnPaulSatrewroteabookentitledNoExits.Inthisbookhegivesanimageofpeoplewhoarelockedinaroomtogeth-erwithnoneofthesameinterestandnoexits.Satreconcludes,“Hellcanbeoth-erpeople.”Whenpeoplegatherinourworshipcenterstheywanttoknowthree

things: Can I trust you, do you care,andcanyouhelpme?Ourcallingwillleadustotheintersectionwhereourpastmiserywillmeetsomeoneelse’spresentneed. Theneed in their liveswill takeprecedenceoverthebleedinginours.

Latelywesettleforareligiousexpe-riencebutnochange.Thissuggeststhatwe gather for excitement and not em-powerment.Oftentimeswhenweex-periencetragedywemedicateourmindswith unhealthy habits to make thememoriesmoremanageable.Themeansofcopingisworsethantheactualexperi-enceofmisfortune;thereisastigmathatyoucangethelpifyoucometochurch;reluctanttotellpeoplewehaveaprob-lem we explore breakthroughs in otherplaces;wekeep takinghit afterhit; re-peatingtheexperienceasaflashbackoverandoveragain;havingdifficultylettinggo of some of things you witnessed; itkeepstakingyoubacktotheinitialplaceof the original trauma; we attempt anadjustment to the unjustified sufferingwe conclude with monotonous misery.We have an illusion of self-sufficiency;wedesireawarm,safe,predictableenvi-ronment;butthereisadilemma,invis-iblewounds;pain impossible to ignoreeveninviewofthepromisesofGod;

It’shard tobeoptimisticwhen ev-erything seems so dark; the problemsandhardshipsweendurerequiremorethan words and eloquent phrases. It’sthe constant rebuilding of trust withdamaged goods. In the grocery storetheymarkthepricedownondamagedgoodsforquicksalebecausetheinjurieshavecausedittolosesomeofitsvalue.Theproductisnotworthasmuchasitusedto.Inspiteofourinherentworth-lessness and empty self-righteousness,Godfindsworthinus.GodcanusetheundesirableandtheintolerabletobuildHiskingdom.

For more information please visit www.hartwellministries.org or email pastor Chris at pastorchartwell@gmail.com.

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

Who’s Draining You? You?

T. Q. Doyle, Coach and Image Consultant – MBA, SPHRContributing Writer

Life is pretty grand for a popularTVweather caster on theWestCoast,anactorwitharecurringroleonamajornetworksitcom,oranastronauthavingcompleted two Shuttle missions.Theyare individuals that I claimas relativesand a friend, who are two generations

fromlifeinfarming,andachievedtheirgoalswith limited resources. Theyaretheepitomeofpeoplewhoseebeyondthepresenttorealizethattheworldsitsintheirhands.

Frankly, I possess true happinessfor anyone who attains a challenginggoalintheirlifetime.Beitgettingthatnewhome,startingabusiness,achiev-ing a new promotion, becoming thenext singing sensation, or becoming alawyer–anddoingsointhefaceofcer-tainodds.

The odds are prolific in that theyareconstantlypresentandreproduceaswewalklife’sjourney.Sowhydoweaddtothemwithexcusesfornotbecoming“theone”?Theexcuses I’veheardvary,asfollows:

• I have a very busy social calendarthat’simperativetomaintain.

• Imusttakecareofmykidsandcanonlyfocusononethingatatime.

• I just have too much (drama) to

contendwithandresolve.

• Afterinvesting$1500inthatmusi-calinstrument,Iwilltryitoutoneday.

• I don’t want my less-motivatedfriends to think I’m better thanthem.

• Myfaithandbeliefinmyselfchang-esbytheday.

• Successismeantforothers,notme.

• I didnot see the results ofmy ef-fortswithin a fewweeks so I gaveup.

• Ineverhadanythingandwillneverhaveanything.

• Ijustdon’thavethemoney.

And then there’s the all too com-mon,“IwillpursueitassoonasIcom-

plete‘X’.”Well,lifewillneverpresenttherightmomenttopursueourdreamsand,youmayrecallmysaying,wecandrainourtimeandenergyjustthinkingaboutitversusdoingit.

Truly,therearetimeswhenourbestis just not enough. In these cases, wemustpersevereanddosowithpatience.Thisisthelaunchtothatnextlevel.Aschildrenofahigherbeing,wearecalledto consistently and foremost act withfaith,prayer andobedience.Thisdailycommitment WILL lead to discipline,godly living, and abundant rewards –ingredientstooursuccess.

Theunderlyingmessagehere is toprioritize the important elements ofyourlifeandalwaysacknowledgetheminthatorder.Indoingso,youwillmaxi-mizeyourworldofopportunities.

www. 41.Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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By Charles Swindell, Financial Services RepresentativeMetLife Bayou City TX AgencyContributing Writer

MetLife Study: Family Structure Shapes Every Aspect of Mid-Lifer’s Retirement Planning, Income and Security

Can family structure dictate yourleveloffinancialcomfortinretirement?

A great deal of attention has beenpaidtotherolethatgenderplaysinre-tirementplanning,butfamilystructureisacriticalandoftenoverlookedcompo-nent.AnewstudyfromMetLife’sMa-tureMarketInstituteshowsthatfamilydynamics strongly influence retirementplanningforpeopleinmid-life.

TheFamily Matters studywasde-veloped to determine the degree towhich family structure influences howpeopleplanforretirement.Itaddressedthreespecificmid-lifesegments– ‘Tra-ditionalFamilies’(twoparentsandchil-dren from their current relationship),‘BlendedFamilies’(twoparentswithatleastonechildfromapreviousrelation-ship)and‘SingleWomen’(widowed,di-vorcedornever-marriedwomenwithorwithoutchildren).

OneoftheStudy’scentralfindingsisthatBlendedFamiliesandSingleWom-endonotconsiderthemselvespreparedfor what retirement holds.The major-ityofTraditionalFamilies(55%)haveaclear ideaofwhattheyhopetoexperi-ence and achieve in retirement, com-paredwithonly38%ofSingleWomenand48%ofBlendedFamilies.Similarly,nearly sevenoutof ten (66%)of Tra-ditionalFamiliesfeelatleastsomewhatprepared for retirement, compared toonly56%ofBlendedFamiliesand40%

ofSingleWomen.BlendedFamiliesandSingleWom-

en also believe that their families faceuniquechallengeswhenitcomestore-tirementplanningspecificallybecauseoftheirfamilysituation.Nearlytwo-thirds(62%) of Single Women and BlendedFamilies (61%) think that it’s signifi-cantly more difficult for them to saveforretirementthanitisfortheirfriendswhohavedifferentfamilysituations.

RoughlyoneinfiveBlendedFami-liesandSingleWomen(19%and18%,respectively) are concerned that theydon’thavesafeguardstoensurethatanex-spousewillnotlayclaimtotheirin-come or savings meant for themselvesortheirchildren.Thissentimentisevenhigher among those that have experi-enced a divorce in the past five years.These recently-divorced respondentsare also more concerned than theirpeers about having sufficient separatefundsearmarkedfortheirchildren’sin-heritance.

Single Women are more wor-ried than theirpeers (38%vs.27%ofBlended Families and 23% of Tradi-tionalFamilies)thattheywillnothaveasetlevelofmonthlyincomethatlaststhroughouttheirretirement.

Many single female respondents,for instance, share the sentiment,“Be-cause I am a widow, I do not have the buffer of a second income; it all falls on me.” AlargenumberofSingleWomenrespondentsbelievethattheretirementsavings imperative is higher for themthan it is for those who are married.Despitethis,SingleWomenareactuallymuchlesslikelytoownmanycommontraditionalsavingsorincomeproducts.

Thestudyalsoshowsthatsomere-tirement issues transcend family struc-ture. Healthcare is a critical issue forall. Roughly two-thirds (63%)ofTra-ditionalFamiliesdonotexpecttohaveenoughmoneytocoverhealthcarecostsin retirement, as is the case with 69%ofSingleWomenand66%ofBlendedFamilies.

Of the entire group surveyed, al-most half (47%) identify a need formoresavingsandassets;29%wouldlike

abettergaugeofboththeirroutineandunpredictableretirementexpenses.

Retirement income and health-care are two universal concerns forpre-retirees.Thechallengeforthoseinmiddle age is to make the unpredict-able elements in their lives – the cur-rentandfutureneedsoftheirchildren,the assets or in-come that go toanex-spouse,theirown healthcareand other costs –more manageable.Moresecuritywithregard to incomeand assets wouldbeofgreathelptothemastheytran-sition into retire-ment.

Complex fam-ily structures addan extra level ofunpredictability toretirement plan-ning, and today’smiddle-aged Americans are seekingways to make their income last a life-time and tools to support their goals.Theyarelookingforprofessionalplan-ningandfinancialproductsfor“familiesliketheirs,”notjustgenericadvice.

For additional information on thetools MetLife can provide to ensure

that retirees fromeverykindof familystructurecansafeguardtheirretirementsavings,ortoviewmoreontheMetLifeFamilyMattersStudy,pleasevisitwww.metlife.comor contactCharlesSwind-ellat832-251-5493,10333RichmondAveSuite1050,Houston,TX77042.

This article appears courtesy ofCharles Swindell.Charles is a Reg-istered Represen-tative offering se-curities, includingvariable productsthrough MetLifeSecurities, Inc.(MSI) (memberFINRA/SIPC) ,New York, NY10166. Insuranceand annuities is-sued by Metro-politan Life In-surance Company(MLIC), NewYork, NY 10166.MSI and MLIC

areMetLife companies.He focuses onmeeting the individual insurance andfinancial servicesneedsofpeople fromallprofessions.YoucanreachCharlesattheofficeat10333RichmondAveSuite1050, Houston, TX 77042 and 832-251-5493.

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

www. 43.

By William McElrathContributing Writer

To change your outlook, you must first change your mindset.

Looking back at our his-toryasAfricanAmericans,we have read and heardabout how our ancestorswere stolen from their

homeland,broughttoanewworldandforcedintoanewanddifferentwayoflife. From the time of their capture,their hearts were being broken andminds slowly transformed. They hadtoendurethehorrificconditionsofbe-ingchainedinthebellyofacold,filthy,cramped,dark,andwetshipforweeks.Theseconditionsbrokemanyheartsassome of them watched loved ones dieonthejourneytothenewworld.Oncehere this conditioning was intensifiedthrough a system called slavery. Theywere treatednotashumanbeings,butaspropertybeingboughtandsoldtothehighest bidder. This system separatedhusbands from wives, daughters frommothersandsonsfromfathers.Throughseparationsandbrutalpunishments,theslavemasterwasnotonlyabletobreakthe spiritofour ancestors;hewas alsoable to control their thinking. Theywere constantly told theywerenot in-telligent,couldnotthinkandlazy.Theywere brainwashed into thinking theycould not take care of themselves andhad to rely on their master for food,shelter, clothing, and their well being.Eventhoughthemajorityofourances-torswerenotsatisfiedwiththeirwayoflife, they were afraid to take a chanceonfreedom.Havingbeentoldsomany

timestheywerenotcapableofindepen-dence,they lostall faith inthemselves.So most of them began to believe liv-ingon theplantationwas thebestop-tionavailabletothem.Thentherewerethose of our ancestors who refused toacceptslaveryastheirwayoflife.Theybelieved therewas abetter lifebeyondmaster’s fence. They had dreams andbelieved they could make their dreamcome true. These were our ancestorswhotraveled theundergroundrailroadorrantofreedom.Theywerewillingtotakeachance,becausetheywerenotsat-isfiedwiththeirsituationanddecidedtodosomethingaboutit.

Fast forward to 2010, there aremany of us today who have long hadadreamtocreateandoperateourownbusiness. Through themany sacrificesof our ancestors, we have had an op-portunity to gain the knowledge, ex-perience, and skills to run a business.Some of us have had an opportunityto head multimillion dollar operationsfor large corporations and we’ve donesowithgreat success.We’ve learned toanalyze, project, invent, innovate, andunderstandtheconceptofbusiness.Wehavethatgreatidea,innovativeproductoruniqueservice thatcouldbeagreatsuccess story. Wehave the knowledgeand know how, but lack the faith totakeachanceonourselves.Wearestillafraidtoopenmaster’sgateandruntofreedom. The difference between usandourancestorsisweknowthereisabetterlifebeyondthegate.Ratherthantakeachanceonourdream,wewouldratherworkonajobwhereweareun-happy,underutilized,andwithnoideaofwhatthefutureholds.Theopportu-nitytogrowtoourfullpotentialwork-ingforsomeoneelsewillneverhappenfor the majority of us. We will nevergetthechancetointerjectourideasorplanstomakeacompanybetter;orat-tainthepositionwehaveearnedandthesalarywedeserve.Asinthepast,manyofusstillfeeltheneedforsomeoneelseto takecareofus. Wehavebeen toldto find a good job with a good com-

pany and work till re-tirement. They willprovide what you needto live the Americanway: a paycheck, healthinsurance, and a retire-ment plan. Rather thanjumpthe fenceandruntofreedom,thevastma-jorityofushaveadoptedandacceptedthiswayoflife.Eventhoughweknowwecansuc-ceed,somehowwehavenotbeenabletoshakethat inbredneedforsomeonetotakecareofus.Westillbelievesomeoneelse can takebetter careofus thanwecantakecareofourselves. Wearestillafraidtojumpthefenceandruntofree-dom. That deep seeded fear that wasbeatintoourancestorshasbeencontin-uallybeingpastdownfromgenerationtogenerationandwehavebeenunabletoovercomeit.

When we think of pursuing ourdream,formostofusthefirstthingthatcomes tomind is failure.We never look at whatwecangain;we’realwayslooking at what we canlose.Wehavetheknowl-edgeandskillsbutnotthefaith.Wehavetheability,butthatdeepseededfearthat we cannot take careofourselveswillnotletustake control our destiny.Insteadoftryingtomakeourdreamscometrue,weconjureupanendlesslistofexcuseswhywecannotafford to take thechanceand we never even makean effort. In our hearts,westillhavethatneedtobeasharecropperinsteadof the shareholder, theemployee instead of theemployer, the followerinsteadoftheleader.Wecannot find the strengthtohavefaithinourselves.We refuse to believe we

canbeasuccessstory.Untilweareabletochangeourwayofthinking,wewillnot change our direction. We nowmorethaneverhavetheopportunitytolivetheAmericandreamanddoforour-selves,butwhatarewedoing?Wemusttakeachance,havethefaithandmaketheefforttomakeourdreamcometrue.Thescenehaschanged,butwehaven’tchangedourminds.

For any comments please email William McElrath at anwcommunica-tions@yahoo.com.

Take A ChanceIf life is not what you want

Your dreams are standing still,It’s time to evaluate the situationFind out what you can and will.

How can you change what it isInto what it ought to be,

How can you change your road in lifeBe what you want to be?

You must take a chance on believingTake a chance this time,Reach for all the gusto

Stand in front of the line.

You can create a new tomorrowChange the course of your fate,

Enjoy a new beginningBut a chance you have to take.

© William McElrath

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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Holiday Fun Can Be AffordableT

raditionally, the holidayseasonisatimeofindul-gences. Any combina-tion of gifts, travel andentertaining can result

in big end-of-year expenditures. Butthisyear—in lightofdeclining invest-ment portfolios, sinking house valuesandashakyjobmarket—manyAmeri-canconsumerswillbelookingforwaystotoasttheseasonwithoutbreakingthebank.Ifyou,too,wanttoavoidover-spending,herearesometipstocelebratemorefrugally:

Set proper expectationsIthelpstomakesureeverybodyin

your family is onboard with the cost-conscious approach. If you are mar-ried,haveafrankdiscussionwithyourspouse about spending limits. If youhave children, make sure they under-stand that your plans for the holidayswillfocusonfunthatcanbehadwith-out spending a lot of money. If yourchildrenareoldenough,youmayevenusethisasanopportunitytoexplainthefundamentals of household economicsand involve them in setting holidayspendingprioritiesforthefamily.

Plan aheadTake time to write down a list of

possiblegiftsyouhopetopurchaseforfamilyandfriends.Knowingwhatyouwantaheadoftimemayhelpyouavoidmaking poor decisions and impulsepurchasesonceyouhitthestores.

Invest time to save moneyThe best deals can be found by

shopping around.Checkout stores inyour area and investigate what’s avail-able online. The emergence of onlineshoppinghasmadeitmucheasiertodoyour homework before you buy. Webretailers will help you determine bestpricesfortheproductsyouarelookingtopurchase.

Track your spendingOne of the best ways to keep

spendingundercontrolistosetalimit.

Within your family, this can be on aper-personbasis,oryoucansetabud-getthatdictatesyourmaximumholidayspending.Oncethisnumberischosen,see if you can come in under budget.Trackallofyourpurchasesandbecer-tain toholdonto receipts. Youmightalsorequestgiftreceiptswhereavailableandtucktheminsidecardsorgiftboxes.

Be smart about gift cardsGiftcardshavebecomeincreasing-

ly popular and more widely available.Makesureyouunderstandthetermsofagiftcard(suchasexpirationdates)be-foremakingapurchase.

Get a jump on the seasonGiven the forecast for below-aver-

age consumer spending,many retailersare cautious to avoid stockpiling largeinventories thisholiday season. Ifyoushop early, you will be more likely tofind what you’re looking for at a rea-sonableprice. Conversely, lastminuteshoppingcouldresultinspendingmorethanyouplanned,particularlyifyouaredeterminedtobuyspecificitems.

And finally…Thesetipsareaboutgiftbuying.But

rather than making gifts and packagesthe center of yourholiday celebration,tryputtingmoreemphasisonspendingquality time with family and friends.Encouragegamesandconversation;youmaybesurprisedtofindhowlittleyoumisstheexcessesofyearspast.

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010

Cyber Stalking and the Law – Choosing to Empower YourselfBy Patricia Haley, Contributing Writer

“Make no mistake – this kind of harassment can be as frightening and as real as being followed and watched in your neighborhood, or in your home”

– Al Gore, on cyber stalking.

Cyber stalking. Another catchphrase that we are used to hearing intheblessingandcurseof the technol-ogyage.

But for those who have actuallyexperiencedcyberstalking,itisavir-tual realm of terror, a psychologicalroller coasterof anunexpected inva-sion.Itintrudesintheworstpossiblyway–throughcyberspace–infectingtheuseofwhatwehaveoftenasourthird hand – our smart phone wire-lessdevices. Lurkingandwaiting topounce,thecyberstalkerpreysonourminds,emotionalhealth,andpoten-tially drives us to states of anxiety,terror,andblanketfear.

We can often ignore someone’sunrequited verbal advances. We canshakeoffsomeoneyellingandharassingusover thephone. Buthowdoesoneavoid their email, instant messaging,texting, and other means of electroniccommunication?Aproductiveindivid-ualthatdoeseventheminimumofelec-tronic communication is unable to doso.Assuch,cyberstalkingcreatesaju-risdictionofcontrolthatinfiltratesintoevery areaofour lives. The fact thatcyber stalking is not (at least initially)an immediate physical threat does notnegate the seriousness of an electronicassaultuponus.Itcan,andshouldbetakenseriouslybyanyoneimpactedandsubjectedtosuchharassment.

TheNationalCenterforVictimsofCrimedefinescyberstalkingas “threat-

ening behavior or unwanted advances directed at another using the internet and other forms of online and computer communications”.

Believethatweareimmunetosuchan experience? Think again. This isnotsomethingrelegatedtothearenasofteenagepassiongoneawry,ortopeoplemutuallyengagedinaheatedargument.It impacts all ethnicities, ages, and so-cialeconomicgroups,andbothgenders.No one is exempt.

Weareunabletocontroltheactionsofanother.Assuch,wecannotguaran-teethatwewillnotbesubjectedtoun-wanted means of electronic communi-cations.Whatwecanensure,however,isthatweprotectourselvesbyexploringour individual state laws and ensuringthatthosestatelaws,aswellasotherin-dividualmeasures,areexploredtokeepourselvessafe.

Help is available for you. Almosteverystatehascyberstalkinglegislatureinplace. TheStateElectronicHarass-ment/CyberstalkingLawsisaresourceto check particular state codes. Al-though the language may or may notinclude electronic communication, theharassment in its purest form shouldmakethingseasyifinordertohaltcyberharassment.Someguidelines:

•Tellyourclosefriends/familyabouttheharassment. This is nodiffer-entfrominpersonharassmentandintimidation.Itisdesignedtoter-rorizeandisolate.Ensurethatthosewhocareaboutyouknowtheinfor-mation needed to assist and offersupporttoyou.

• Block the offending party fromcontacting you through electroniccommunication. Though this isanaction that’snot foolproof, it isan immediate resource to preventthem from contacting you fromtheir particular IP/email/phonenumber.Youareabletoblocktheiremail address, cell phone number,oranyotherelectronicpathusedtoharassandoffend.

•The law isonyour side. Inmanystates,cyberstalkingisakintocivilharassment. You may be lawfullyable to receive a civil harassmentrestraining order, forbidding theparty from contacting you eitherdirectlyorindirectly. Keepacopyoftheorderinyourcarandhome,and file it with your local law en-forcementagency.

•Saveallofyourelectroniccommu-nication. Although this may be asourceofanxietyandstressforyou,these pieces of communication isempirical evidence to substantiate

yourclaimsthatyouarebeingcy-ber stalked,particularly ifyoucanimmediately identify the offender.Even if you are not, there are ad-ditional actions that can be takenbylawenforcementtoensureyourprotectionandsafety.

Yourrightsstartwhereanotherper-son’s ends. To be seized electronicallyandheldhostage is a formof control.You can take back your control, andutilizetheresourcesthatareavailabletoyou,frombothastateandfederalper-spective,inorderthatyoumayliveyourbestlifenow.

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THE EXPERT NETWORK

Nov 25 - dec 25 2010