Counselors Staff Development /Train the Trainer SessionAugust 10, 2009

By:Rosaura Rodriguez

Director for Guidance & At-Risk Population

Respect,

You’ve Got To Have It

To Have Good Communication!

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I. Introduction/Objectives/Research

II. Texas Administrative Code of Ethics and Standard Practices for Texas Educators 21.041 (8); 19 TAC 217.1, 247.2/Laredo ISD Employee Standard of Conduct DH (LEGAL)

III. Three Categories of Human Communication

IV. Building Effective Interpersonal Communication Skills Lead to Healthy Personal and Work Relationships/Self Assessment Exercise

V. Barriers to Effective Communication/Top 5 Mistakes by a Leader

VI. Nurturing a Climate of Respect and Dignity; Improving Communication Skills/5 Research based Techniques Program to Help Us Improve Communication Skills

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Introduction:

Objectives:

~ To review Texas Administrative Code, Educators Code of Ethics and Standard Practices for Texas Educators (Title 19, Chapter 247, Rule 247.2); District Statement of Philosophy.

~ To examine the many aspects of the ways of being treated that send a message of respect and dignity. ~ To evaluate our own interpersonal communication skills.

~ To provide tips for becoming a good communicator and team player/Improve productivity and retention. ~ To begin to develop personal plans to improve our value of team work. (Pledge; Action Plan)

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In order to insure that dignity and respect are accorded each District employee, the District has adopted regulations and policies.

~ DH (LEGAL) Employee Standards of Conduct – Educator Ethics, Texas Administrative Code Educators Code of Ethics and Standard Practices for Texas Educator (Title 19 Chapter 247, Rule 247.2)

~ DIA (LEGAL) Employee Welfare Freedom from Discrimination, Harassment, and Retaliation

~ DISTRICT: Statement of philosophy regarding the communication of respect and professional treatment with all employees of the district in relation to school business using the appropriate communication skills. (Board of Trustees April 2009)

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Research

~ “Good communication skills are required at all stages of life; set the stage for the rest of your life.” (Effective Communication Skills Blog, Barbara White, 2008)

~ “There are three types of communication skills, expressive skills, listening skills, and skills for managing the overall process of communication.”

~ People in organizations typically spend over 75% of their time in an interpersonal situation; thus, it is no surprise to find that at the root of a large number of organizational problems is poor communication.”

~ “Communicating with employees is more than just giving instructions for the day. The way information is communicated has a direct impact on work performance. Employees look to the leaders in an organization to set the tone and culture within the work environment. Offering open lines of communication in the workplace allows staff members to speak freely without fear of repercussion so that they readily share information, ideas and concepts; thus, improving employee productivity and retention.” (The Importance of Effective

Communication; Communication Skills in the Workforce February 8, 2008)

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Three Categories of Human CommunicationYour words and behavior tell people a lot about you...

Passiveness is a reluctance or inability to confidently express what you think and feel. In the past, our society rewarded women for being passive and men for being aggressive. But as gender roles change and women voice their concerns openly, this is changing. Men or women can be passive in their approach to communication.

Aggressive communication and behavior, whether direct or indirect, results in a put-down of the other person, making them feel hurt, defensive and humiliated. Aggressive behavior does not take the other person’s goals or feeling into account. Only the aggressor’s goals are met. This often generates bitterness and frustration that later returns as resistance and dissension. Think of a time when someone used aggressive communication at the expense of another person. How would you feel about approaching such a person? Aggression intimidates, demeans and degrades another person just as in passivity, men or women can be aggressive communicators.

Assertiveness is an alternative to the extremes of passiveness and aggressiveness. It is being confident in expressing what you think, feel and believe, standing up for your rights while respecting the rights of others. Assertion is rooted in respect: respect for yourself and for the other person. People tend to cooperate when they are approached or advised in a way that respects the needs of both parties. Assertive communication frequently allows both persons to get what they want.

Effective Communication SkillsJune 10, 2008

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What is Respect?

We define respect as respect of self and others. Respect includes: respect for the environment; respect for other people’s privacy, their physical space and belongings; and respect for different viewpoints, philosophies, religion, gender, lifestyle, ethnic origin, physically ability, beliefs and personality.

Respect starts at the beginning…

Starts at home, what parents teach us.

Enter school, we are influenced by others.

World of Work , we learn about company cultures.

Adults learn to be respectful of self and other.

*Disrespect occurs when one is ignored, neglected, disregarded or dismissed. (It’s the Manager, Respect Starts at the

Beginning, Gallup Organization, May 1999)

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Daily Challenges:

1. Must remember that each person in the world has a valuable role to fulfill whether we agree with their way of doing or not; to enhance team work by being more aware of peoples differences and learning to work with them. (Dignity & Respect for All; Shelley Pearlman October, 1996)

2. If their way of living interferes with the way we view the world, we must negotiate reasonable ways to work with them, not condemn them for being who they are.

3. Flexibility can enhance performance and personal satisfaction; treating every member with dignity & respect will improve working conditions for all of us and in turn will have a positive impact on our system. (Dignity & Respect for all; Shelley Pearlman October, 1996)

4. Fairness means treating everyone the same. This can be a major roadblock to accommodate real needs in people’s lives that differs from person to person. (Dignity & Respect for all; Shelley Pearlman October, 1996)

5. With diligence, we can learn to be free from judgment.

6. Avoid Conflict!!! Whenever possible

Respect in the WorkplaceMay 1999

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Examples of inappropriate respect….

Example:

A boss constantly criticizes our work, using very negative and derogatory words about everything we do. Should we respect him/her

because they are “the boss”???

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Basic “choices” when faced with abusive situations:

1. Stay and speak out. In this case, we can tell the boss that we are willing to listen to their constructive comments, but we are not willing to be abused. If they are not willing to treat us with reasonable respect, we should not stay in the situation for our own health and mental well-being.

2. Stay and take it without complaining. If we continue to allow the abuse, we are in effect telling the boss that we don’t believe we are worthy of being treated with respect.. If we don’t feel we are worthy of respect, why should anyone else respect us. This about this long and hard if you find yourself in a situation like this.

3. We can leave. Leaving a job due to an unpleasant situation is often an agonizing decision since we so much want to believe that it should not be the only way out. However, if you consider the other 2 options, sometimes, this turns out to be the less difficult choice.

Many people no longer will allow themselves to be abused and will find another situation or company where they can be happy and productive. Abusive situations cannot sustain healthy, productive people. Those people will affected and become unhealthy fairly quickly.

It’s a Manager, Respect in the Workplace;

Marcus Buckingham & Curt Coffman,

August 1999

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Building Effective Interpersonal Communication Skills: Self- Assessment Exercise

The following exercise is designed to help you evaluate your own interpersonal communication skills and style, and provide you with helpful tips for becoming a good communicator – and team player!

Activity 1

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Barriers to Effective Communication –vs.- Nurturing a Climate of Respect & Dignity

1. Choice of Words: Language will influence the quality of communication; different levels of meaning; cultural differences.

~Principal & Central Office Staff – Office Walk In

Seek to communicate and to understand; build respect; use respectful language rather than sarcasm or hostility; avoid fire starters such as “No”

2. Body Language/Listening:Listen openly & with sympathy, be truly present; avoid interrupting, stand still, face the individual.

~ Principal, Parent & Central Office Staff – Parent Complaint

Good body language enhances a conversation, be aware of positive gestures & facial expressions; listen openly and with empathy, be truly present, face the individual stand still, avoid interrupting; respond in an interested way, a skilled communicator understands the importance of nonverbal communication.

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Con’t.. Barriers to Effective Communication –vs- Nurturing a Climate of Respect & Dignity3. Defensiveness/Aggression/Anger:

Be a positive thinker; build respect; use respectful language rather than sarcasm or hostility; remain calm.

~ Principal & Counselors – Lack of Classes

~ Teacher & Principal

Do not take things personally; “Reaction trap”; remain calm; avoid fire starters such as “No”

4. Power Struggle:Avoid “Fire Starters” – such as “No”; superior position

~ Principal & Teacher – Out of Town Conference

Recognize qualities, give rewards, accept that everyone’ style is different, look at situations as a challenge and opportunity for self-improvement.

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Con’t.. Barriers to Effective Communication –vs- Nurturing a Climate of Respect & Dignity

5. Distrust/Interpersonal Relationships:Affected by past experience with the individual/stereotyping based on the group.

~ Director & Employee – Staff Meeting

Be clear about what you expect, be accessible, be consistent and fair; treat people with dignity.

6. Blame Game:Never put blame on others.

~ Principal & Secretary

~ Administrator & PEIMS Clerk

Problem solve, help your staff solve problems; take responsibility for your mistakes.

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Con’t.. Barriers to Effective Communication –vs- Nurturing a Climate of Respect & Dignity

7. Listening to Gossip:Avoid participating in gossip.

~ Communities in School & Library Clerk

Look at the situation as a challenge and opportunity for self-improvement; do not assume others see situations the same as you.

8. Other Situations~ Teacher & Teacher ~

Student & Student

~ Teacher & Student ~ Parent & Child

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Con’t.. Barriers to Effective Communication –vs- Nurturing a Climate of Respect & Dignity

5 Powerful Effective Communication Skill Secrets:

Peter Murphy December 2007

A. Respect (skill for avoiding and defusing tensions, disputes and grievances)

B. Focus on the other person (put yourself in other person’s shoes)

C. Read between the lines (gently probe in the area or reassure them that are safe to speak their mind)

D. Body language (your body language says that you are open and willing to listen)

E. Consider your response (take a deep breath, step back and think before you speak)PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE…

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Become A Friendlier Person

1. Don’t Criticize, condemn or complain.

2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

4. Become genuinely interested in other people.

5. Smile

6. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

The Communication Process; Barriers to Communication Basic Skills

Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book (Power of Self Improvement)

Principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Win People to Your Way of Thinking

10. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

11. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

12. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

13. Begin in a friendly way.

14. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

15. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

16. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

17. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

18. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

19. Appeal to the nobler motives.

20. Dramatize your ideas.

21. Throw down a challenge.

Con’t… Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book Principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Be a Leader

21. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

22. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

23. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

24. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

25. Let the other person save face. 26. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every

improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” 27. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up

to.

28. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

29. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Con’t… Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book Principles from How to Win Friends and Influence People

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Break the Worry Habit Before It Breaks You1. Keep busy.

2. Don’t fuss about trifles.

3. Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries.

4. Cooperate with the inevitable.

5. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.

6. Don’t worry about the past.

Cultivate a Mental Attitude that will Bring You Peace and Happiness

1. Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope.

2. Never try to get even with your enemies.

3. Expect ingratitude.

4. Count your blessings – not your troubles.

5. Do not imitate others.

6. Try to profit from your losses.

7. Create happiness for others.

Con’t… Dale Carnegie’s Golden Book Principles from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

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Five Basic Needs…

2008, Gail Pursell Elliott

TEAM WORK!!!!

Freedom/SafetyBelong Power Fun Survive

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What People Want!!!

~ Honesty

~ Objectivity

~ Feedback

~ Mechanism for self-evaluation

~ Support

~ Fairness

~ Consistency

~ Dignity and Respect

~ Feel Safe!2008 Gail Pursell Elliott

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Aristotle

“We are what we repeatedly do; …excellence then

is not an act, but a habit.”

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

Cindy GarciaBlas Martinez

Lety MoctezumaZulema Perez

Roberto GonzalezLety Castaneda

Mirta FloresLeo Rangel

Cynthia Conchas & Macdonell’s StudentsCecilia HodgesCindy Villarreal

Ma. Teresa GuardiolaElsa Flores & Milton Students

Thelma TenorioLydia RogerioMarla UrdialesErnesto FloresMartha RubioSandra Saenz

Dr. Georgeanne ReuthingerRaul Gomez

Lupita GonzalezDr. Martha Villarreal & VMT Students

Laura RiosVeronica CastillonJeannette Martinez

Mario PerezPaula ArcosRuben VelaJulio OvendoDiana JuarezMayra Peña

Azenneth CruzClaudia Rodriguez