Copy Clinicafptoronto.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/G-21_Copy... · 2015-11-19 · executioner [s axe to the corn bunting For a tree sparrow, removing hedgerows is like removing

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Copy Clinic Being more creative with copy

Stephen Pidgeon

Some contact details…

Email me: stephenpidgeon @ gmail.com

Website: www stephenpidgeon.co.uk

Rarely, I tweet: @ stephenpidge

Published last Spring

Tomorrow

The art of finding connection

Common barriers

Connecting properly – the notion of a ‘concept’

A salutary tale

Making the ask – writing to move people

Some rules to abide by with exercises to make you

think (if there’s time!)

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Exercise 1: look for…

Connection…highlight parts that ‘chime’ with you

Need and solution

What tense predominates?

When did the donor first learn of their role?

When did the ask first appear?

And how was it consolidated?

What did you FEEL after you’d read it, generally?

A golden guide – is all this clear…

What’s the problem?

Why should I (the donor) care about it?

What is this charity doing about the problem?

What can I do as a donor?

Why do I need to give now?

What happens if I don’t give?

What is their proof of success?

Exercise 2

A cancer charity in Northern Ireland

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Tools for you to use…

‘The essential difference between emotion and reason

is that emotion leads to action and reason leads to

conclusions’

Donald Calne, Consultant Neurologist

University of British Columbia

Tool number ONE: Emotion

I am indebted to my copywriting colleague Pauline Lockier for lots of this material

The tools available to you

Emotion is the key driver

Metaphor delivers emotion

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Farmland birds

Monoculture is like a giant parasite sucking the lifeblood

out of farmland birds

A combine harvester used at the wrong time is an

executioner’s axe to the corn bunting


Farm birds





What’s the impact on tree sparrows of removing

hedgerow?

Exercise 3


Farm birds





For a tree sparrow, removing hedgerows is like removing

the fruit and veg from the supermarket

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Farm birds







Overseas Aid

Child sponsorship is like ….

Exercise 4








Child sponsorship is like ….holding a child’s hand as he or

she grows up









she grows up

What’s it like being a farmer in Zimbabwe?

Exercise 5

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she grows up

Being a farmer in Zambia is like trying to grow oranges in

Toronto – everything is against you.




You always need a BME

Beginning

Focus of the appeal

Who, what, where

Problem/solution - YOU are part of the solution

Big problem – what’s wrong

…and an outline of the donor’s task

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Middle

Solutions and cost

Impact

Reason to act now

Consequence of not acting/no money

Clear ask

Promise of transformational change

End

Another reason to act now

Impact and transformation

Repeat the ask





You might use the four pillars for the appeal

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The proposition rests on four pillars…

VISION

What the appeal

wants to

achieve?

ENEMY

Who or what evil

is preventing us?

HERO

Who is capable of

standing up to the

enemy?

RECIPIENT

Who benefits

from the hero

conquering the

enemy and

achieving the

vision

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Four pillars of the RNLI

VISION

ENEMY

HERO

RECIPIENT

No deaths at

sea

The cruel sea The volunteer

lifeboat

crewman

Stupid, rich

day-tripper

who fell off

his boat

Hospital Clowns in Norway

VISION

ENEMY

HERO

RECIPIENT

Daily magical moments for every child in

your local hospital; a

moment of joy shared with the

parents

Not enough money and not

everybody believes in the

power of hospital clowns

The healing laughter

brought by professional

clowns

Mums and dads

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Fundraising proposition….

Your kind gift of NOK 2,000 will help to provide a

child in hospital with a daily magical moment.

Professional clowns will bring peals of healing

laughter to the child and tears of joy to worried

mums and dads.

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Four pillars for song birds

VISION

ENEMY

HERO

RECIPIENT

Flocks of

songbirds flying

and singing

where there is

now only one

Decades of

high intensity

farming to

drive low food

prices

The mad-about-songbirds scientists

discovering the secrets of

bird-friendly crop and field

management

Everyone who

loves the sound

of birdsong in

the countryside

Bring the sound of songbirds

back to fields by helping to

fund research into bird-

friendly farming

Help my research into bird-

friendly farming so we can all

hear and thrill again to the

sound of songbirds in the

countryside

Game and Wildlife Conservation Trust

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You also need the four pillars for the appeal

Write in the present tense

Using the active tense

Passive/past

A major policy change was achieved by GWCT

Active/present

GWCT achieves a major policy change

Evidence shows this decline has been driven by large-scale changes to farming

Evidence shows that large-scale changes to farming are driving this decline

To meet increased demand for human food production, more intensive farming techniques are being used and this has reduced essential food sources and habitats for songbirds

The increasing demand for human food production is driving intensive farming techniques that reduce essential food sources and habitats for songbirds.

This session…



Connection is the key issue




Talk about LOSS not GAIN

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Which is more persuasive?

Implying loss

Stop songbirds disappearing at alarming rates

Stop pheasant chicks dying

Promising gain

Help to double songbird numbers

Help more pheasant chicks survive

Source: The Psychology of Persuasion. Robert Cialdini

In DM ‘loss’ is more persuasive But most charities prefer to ‘look on the bright side’

This session…






Talk about LOSS not GAIN

…is all of this VERY clear?

What’s the problem?

Why should I (the donor) care about it?

What is this charity doing about the problem?

What can I do as a donor?

Why do I need to give now?

What happens if I don’t give?

What is their proof of success?

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Exercise 3

A major children’s charity in UK

Today

A salutary tale

A contrasting tale of hope and opportunity

Common barriers to connection



Some rules to abide by (if there’s time!)

Key Rules of Fundraising Writing

Ask for ‘money’ not for ‘support’

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Key Rules of Fundraising Letters


Write in simple straightforward English

John Watson, a wonderful man!

In order to communicate with maximum effect to an

audience of purchasers, the requirement is to

employ a style of language that is comprehensible to

the majority of the individuals who will pursue it.

So we can talk to a group of buyers and get them to

do what we want, we need to use the kind of words

and phrases that will be understood by most of the

people who see them

Successful creativity in DM John Watson

George Smith, another!

Approximately – about

Participate – take part

Establish – set up

Utilise - use

• Use short sentences and vary the lengths

• Use short paragraphs and vary the lengths

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Write in simple straightforward EnglishEnglish

Format your letter for easy reading

Reading Gravity

TA

POA

Research by Colin Wheildon

Headline

Headline

A B

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Write in simple straightforward EnglishEnglish

Format your letter for easy readingforreading

Relate the story to the reader

For instance…

One in three of the population will suffer

from Cancer..

One in three of us will suffer …

One in three of your family and friends…

10 things to remember

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1. Tautology

A major nuclear disaster

He said he had nothing further to add

First invented or first discovered

Mutual agreement

Died from a fatal dose of heroin

2. Jargon

Biodiversity

Community development

Skill-sharing

Empower

Building capacity or capacity

development

A regular gift

Psychosocial and educational activities

3. Don’t fiddle…

The strongest desire is not love or hate, but the

need to change someone else’s copy

amend alter

vary

mutate

change

An immortal quote which certainly appears in David Ogilvy’s book

Source: probably David Ogilvy

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4. Colour

Coloured text gets easier as it gets closer

to black.

4. Colour

Coloured text gets easier as it gets closer to

black.

Coloured type on tints should mostly be

avoided.

4. Colour

Coloured text gets easier as it gets closer

to black.


avoided.

A reversed out page might look dramatic –

but it is the enemy of understanding

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5. Reversed out type

Coloured text gets easier to read as it gets

closer to black.


avoided.

A reversed out page might look dramatic – but

it is the enemy of understanding

In ‘reversed out’, sans serif is better than serif

type

6. Length of letters

7. Premiums

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8. Remember…

You get in the way:

– Your age

– Your office-based viewpoint

– Your involvement with charities

9 &10. Two gems from George Smith

If your boss or client are happy with the

copy it is probably under-achieving

If words look about right the first time

around, then both parties are presiding over

mediocrity. It may work, but it could have

worked better.

Fundraising copy deserves better than

comfort.

The other…

‘In the civil war in Uganda I was visiting camps for

people fleeing the fighting. We picked up a very

sick mother and her starving children to take them

to hospital in Kampala. In the crowded jeep a little

boy of five or six sat on my lap. We smiled at each

other as the jeep bounced along the rough direct

roads. He died before we reached the hospital.’

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‘The essential difference between emotion and reason

is that emotion leads to action and reason leads to

conclusions’

Donald Calne, Consultant Neurologist

University of British Columbia

Why is it so powerful?

Today

A salutary tale

A contrasting tale of hope and opportunity

Common barriers to connection



Some rules to abide by (if there’s time!)

Documents

Copy Clinicafptoronto.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/G-21_Copy... · 2015-11-19 · executioner [s axe to the corn bunting For a tree sparrow, removing hedgerows is like removing