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Conversation Skills: Conversation Skills: When I DisagreeWhen I Disagree
DefinitionsDefinitionsWordWord DefinitionDefinition
compromise the settlement of a dispute with a solution that benefits both parties
criticism an opinion that points out someone’s faults
respect consideration or thoughtfulness toward another person
constructive criticism pointing out a mistake in a manner that is carefully considered and meant to be helpful
When I DisagreeWhen I Disagree
Calm down before speaking Calm down before speaking Find Find somethingsomething to agree with in to agree with in
what the other person is sayingwhat the other person is saying ““Sure, but…” or “OK, but…”Sure, but…” or “OK, but…” Tell why I feel differentlyTell why I feel differently
Adapted from Navigating the Social World by Jeanette MacAfee
When I When I Disagree…Disagree…
Listen to the Listen to the other personother person
Continue to Continue to respond in respond in positive wayspositive ways
Don’t go on too Don’t go on too longlong
Treat others Treat others with respect with respect
Treat Others With Treat Others With RespectRespect
Consider the feelings of Consider the feelings of othersothers
Use positive messages (I Use positive messages (I statements)statements)
Avoid:Avoid:– Name callingName calling– Emotional statements Emotional statements
(like “that’s stupid!”)(like “that’s stupid!”)– AccusationsAccusations– ““You always___” You always___”
or “You never____”or “You never____”
Agree or Agree or Disagree?Disagree?
Jazz is the Jazz is the most most interesting interesting kind of kind of music.music.
Agree or Agree or Disagree?Disagree?
Pepperoni Pepperoni pizza is the pizza is the best.best.
Agree or Disagree?Agree or Disagree?
Dogs are smarter than cats.Dogs are smarter than cats.
Agree or DisagreeAgree or Disagree
The most important subject in school The most important subject in school is math.is math.
Agree or Agree or DisagreeDisagree
Non-fiction is Non-fiction is more more interesting interesting than fiction.than fiction.
How can I feel How can I feel better when I better when I disagree with disagree with
someone?someone?1.1. AGREE TO DISAGREE!AGREE TO DISAGREE!
AGREE to DISAGREEAGREE to DISAGREE
Well, if that’s what you think…?
I guess we just think differently.
Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.
You do it your way and I’ll do it my way.
How can I feel How can I feel better when I better when I disagree with disagree with
someone?someone?1.1. AGREE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE!DISAGREE!
2.2. Search for a Search for a Win-Win Win-Win solutionsolution
Search for Win Win SolutionsSearch for Win Win Solutions Win Lose – “I win and you’re a Win Lose – “I win and you’re a
loser”loser” Lose Win – “Whatever you Lose Win – “Whatever you
want”want” Lose Lose – “We’re both going Lose Lose – “We’re both going
down”down” Win Win – both nice and tough Win Win – both nice and tough
at the same time: “I won’t at the same time: “I won’t step on you, but I won’t be step on you, but I won’t be your doormat either”your doormat either”
CartoonCartoon
From 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
Win Win = CompromiseWin Win = Compromise
the settlement of a dispute with a solution that benefits both parties
CriticismCriticism
Constructive?Constructive?Hurtful?Hurtful?
an opinion that points out someone’s faults or mistakes
““That’s absolutely That’s absolutely ridiculous. That will ridiculous. That will
never work!”never work!”
““I’m not sure if it will I’m not sure if it will work that way, maybe work that way, maybe
you could try this”you could try this”
““Oh man, you’re so Oh man, you’re so gross, you spilled sauce gross, you spilled sauce
on your shirt.”on your shirt.”
““There’s some sauce There’s some sauce on your shirt. When on your shirt. When
that happened to me I that happened to me I wore my jacket the wore my jacket the
rest of the day.”rest of the day.”
Give Suggestions – Give Suggestions – Constructive CriticismConstructive Criticism
Accepting “Criticism”Accepting “Criticism”
Stay calmStay calm Decide if it is constructive or hurtfulDecide if it is constructive or hurtful
Constructive?
“OK, I’ll think about it”
Hurtful?
Treat it like teasing – ignore!
Let it Go!Let it Go!
www.time.com
So, what do you think?So, what do you think?
Sure ya can, Bill!
“So, what do you think?
Can you disagree
with someone
and still be friends?”
When I disagree with someone I When I disagree with someone I will…will…
Discuss it calmlyDiscuss it calmlyAgree to DisagreeAgree to DisagreeSearch for a Win-Win SolutionSearch for a Win-Win SolutionRemember constructive criticism Remember constructive criticism
is meant to be helpfulis meant to be helpful
“Social Power” Point