Control urself

8/7/2019 Control urself

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• See a psychologist or licensed counselor. Seeing a therapist can help you learn to

recognize your anger warning signs before you blow up, and how to cope with your

anger. Ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a counselor specializing in anger management. Family and friends also may give you recommendations based on their

experiences. Your health insurer, employee assistance program (EAP), clergy, or state or

local agencies also may offer recommendations.• Take an anger management class. An anger management class can teach you what

anger is, how to recognize anger triggers and how to keep your anger under control. These

courses can be done individually, with spouses or families, or in groups. In addition to the

search methods for a psychologist or counselor, you can find organizations offering anger management courses on the Internet and through your district court.

• Read a book. There are a number of helpful books on anger management. A number of

them focus on particular situations, such as anger in teens, anger in men or anger incouples. Many of them are workbooks, with exercises that teach concrete skills.

Anger and irritability can be signs of an underlying mental health condition, such as depression

or bipolar disorder. If your symptoms don't improve, or you have signs or symptoms of anxiety or

depression, see a mental health provider for help.

Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5

steps

Cognitive behavioral therapy techniquescan help you unlearn thought patterns

that contribute to low self-esteem. Seeexamples of thoughts that can erodeself-esteem and learn healthysubstitutes.

Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every part of your life, including your relationships, your job and your health. But you can raise your self-esteem to a healthy level,

even if you're an adult who's been harboring a negative self-image since childhood.

Changing the way you think — about yourself and your life — is essential to boosting self-

esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques are especially helpful in changingunhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are based on the idea that your

feelings and behavior result from how you think about yourself and your life. Cognitive

behavioral techniques can help you recognize, challenge and ultimately replace negative thoughtsor inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realistic ones.



These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavioral therapy principles.

As you go through these five steps, consider jotting down your thoughts, experiences and

observations in a journal to help you use these steps more effectively.

Step 1: Identify troubling conditions orsituations

Think about the conditions or situations that you find troubling and that seem to deflate your self-

esteem, such as dreading a business presentation, frequently becoming angry or always expectingthe worst. You may be struggling with a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a

loved one, job loss or children leaving home, or a relationship with another person, such as aspouse, family member or co-worker.

Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts

Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your thoughts related to

them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — and your interpretation of what the

situation means. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, negative or neutral. They may berational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — based on false ideas.

Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinkingNotice when your thoughts turn toward the negative. Your beliefs and thoughts about a situation

affect your reaction to it. Negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can trigger physical, emotional and behavioral responses, such as:

• Physical responses. These may include muscle tension, a sore back, racing heart,stomach problems, sweating or changes in sleeping patterns.

• Emotional responses. These may include difficulty concentrating, or feelingdepressed, angry, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.

• Behavioral responses. These may include eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks,working more than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or

blaming others for your problems.

Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So test the accuracy of

your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether there

might be other explanations for the situation.



You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking, though. Most people have automatic,

long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and

beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are actually just opinions or perceptions.

These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If Idon't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."

• Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a

person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone willrealize I'm not up to this job."

• Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive

experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that testbecause it was so easy."

• Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no

evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so I must have

done something to make her angry."• Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I

feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a feeling is, it isn't a fact.

• Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecatinghumor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For

example, "I don't deserve anything better."

Step 5: Change your thoughts and beliefs

Once you've identified negative or inaccurate thinking you can replace it with accurate thoughtsand beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive ways to cope, and give your self-esteem a

boost.

It takes time and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing thoughts with accurateones. Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically. They can they can be hard to control

or turn off. Thoughts also can be very powerful and aren't always based on logic.

These strategies may help you:

• Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism

can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to gowell, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even

though it's tough, I can handle this situation."• Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections on

you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but

that doesn't make me a bad person."

• Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of thesewords, you may be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing

these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic expectations.



• Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "What

things have gone well recently?" "What skills do I have to help me cope with challenging

situations?"

• Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choose to

react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thinking patterns.

Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"• Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Tell yourself, "I

did a good job on the presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it

was good."

Achieving healthy self-esteem

With practice, these steps may come more easily to you. You'll be better able to recognize thethoughts and beliefs that are contributing to your low self-esteem. Because self-esteem can

fluctuate over time, you may want to revisit these steps, especially if you begin to feel down on

yourself again. Keeping a journal or daily log can help you track trouble spots over time.

Achieving a balanced, accurate view of yourself and accepting your value as a person can help

you feel happier and more confident. And that may rub off on others too, including your children,

family and friends.

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Control urself