VOL. CVI. NO. 1 7 LAWRENc E UNIVERSITY'S STUDENT NEWSPAPER. F r id ay . M a r c h 3 1 . 1 9 8 9

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G o u l d w i l l a d d r e s s C o n v o o n G e n e t i c e q u a l i t y

S tephen Jay Gould, world-renowned paleon­tologist and evolutionary theorist, will present a Lawrence University con­vocation address titled “Human Equality is a Contingent Fact of His­tory- Thursday. April 6. at 11:10 a.m. in the Lawrence Chapel.

Recognized by many as a "science superstar." Gould has received s $200 ,000 "genius" grant from the MacArthur Foundation, numerous literary awards for his popular books, and dozens of fellowships and prizes for excellence in scientific research and teaching.

In his lectures and writ­ings. Gould has made himself accessible to non- sc ie n t is t s . translating natural laws and scien­

tific Interpretation Into Intelligible English. His b o o k s - - The P a n d a ' s Thum b. The Mismeasure of Man. and Hen’s Teeth and H orses T e e t h , to name a few- have received an A m erican Book Award, a National book Critics Circle Award, and a Phi Beta Kappa Book Award.

Often combative and sometimes resented ln the sc ien tific com m u n ity , Gould has vocally cru ­saded against genetic de- t e r m ln is t s , d is p u te d claims that intelligence is inherited, and criticized theories that su ggests human behavior is de­termined by genes.

His most significant a n d c o n t r o v e r s i a l evolutionary idea, devel­oped with Niles Eldrldge

of the American Museum. Is the theory of punctu­ated equilibrium, also known as “punk eke." El­drldge and Gould hold that evolution is a series of random, haphazard Jerks, separated by long, stable periods of equilib­rium. Their theory puts Darwtn. who Insisted that evolution was a gradual, continual process.

Gould, who has taught at Harvard University since 1967 and ts now Alexan­der Agassiz Professor of Zoology, received an un­dergraduate degree from Antioch College in Ohio and a doctorate from Columbia University. He has a passion for snail- collecting. classical m u ­sic. Gilbert and Sullivan operettas, and baseball.

L a m d a S i g m a e n c o u r a g e s L i t e r a c y A w a i e n e s s ’M a g a z i n e r e c o g n i z e d f o r e x c e l l e n c e

Lawrence U niversity’s Alpha Pi Chapter of Lambda Sigma will be spon­soring a campus wide “Literacy Aware­ness Week" April 3-7, Lambda Sigma ls a national honor society of sophomore men and women dedicated to leader­ship. scholarship, fellowship, and ser­vice. The members of Lambda Sigma hope this literacy campaign will raise the consciousness of both the I>awrence and Appleton communities about the problem of illiteracy here in Appleton and throughout the nation.

On Monday April 3. at 7:30 p.m. in thr Riverview Lounge a representative from the Appleton “Literacy Education Ser­vices" will give a presentation. Tutors and students participating in this pro­gram will also take part in a panel dis­cussion. offering personal experiences concerning the program’s success. An

Informal question and answer session will follow the panel discussion.

In addition, a representative from the “Literacy Plus" program at Fox Valley Technical School will give a talk on that organization’s efforts to fight the problem of illiteracy in the Appleton community. Everyone is invited to at­tend on April 4, at 7:30 p.m. in Riverview Lounge.

Throughout the week of April 3-7, members of Lambda Sigma will d is­tribute pamphlets about illiteracy from a table ln Downer Commons. Con­cerned individuals can also get infor­mation telling how they can get in­volved in fighting the epidemic of illit­eracy.

Illiteracy ls a national and local problem. Only active participation will lead to its end.

Lawrence University's alumni magazine, L aw ren tA Vodai/, received .1 gold INtVd in the 4th A n n u . i l A<l [ missions Advertising Awards, announced ln tin Febniary Issue of the Admissions Marketing Report.

Lawrence Today w ss top awsrd winner tn the Ex-1 ternal Publications division for colleges with fewer! than 2,000 students. Silver and merit award-winners! 111 the same division were Saint Marv ol the Woods) College ln Indiana and Westminster College in Utah.

Lawrence also received a merit award In the Mis I cellaneous Publications division for its “Time and Trachtions” brochure, a 36 page pictorial history "ll Lawrence University and Milwaukee-Downer College,J which merged ln 1964.

Contest orgam/ers received more than 900 entrles| from colleges across the country. Judges made then selections based on an entry's quality of prodltttlonj creativeness of concept &nd clarity of message.

R i r c h e r s c h o o s e A p p l e t o n H e a d q u a r t e r s

by Tom Zoellner The John Birch Society, an

ultra-conservative political orga­nization, announced this month that it will make Appleton its national headquarters by September.

The socicty plans to close its existing headquarters in Belmont, Massachusetts and San Manno, California and to consolidate their resources in the Fox Valley.

A spokesperson for Appleton Mayor Dorthy Johnson said that the far-right group would not cause image problems for Appleton, already notorious for being the hometown of the aggressively anti-communist Sen. Joseph McCarthy. "We have a lot of free thinkers in Apple­ton," said the spokesperson. We have room for all kinds of ideas.

Not everyone in Appleton is conservative."

John McManus, a Birch soci­ety spokesman, said in a telephone interview that Ap­pleton was chosen as a headquarters because of its proximity 1 0 the center of the country, and the fact lhai its chief executive officer, G. Allen Bubolz, already lives here. "If [Bubolz] had lived in Eau Claire, wc would have probably moved there," said McManus.

McManus denied thal Apple­ton's relation with ihe late Sen­ator McCarthy had anything to do with the move, calling it "a delightful irony" instead

The John Birch Society is a political organization advocating

See page 8, column 4

P e r c u s s i o n t o p e r f o r m i n A r t C e n t e r G a l l e r y

Bongos, tambourines, congas, marimbas, and d r u m se ts will echo through the new art center on Saturday. April 1. Four of the most hlghly- acclalmed percussionists ln the nation will perform with Lawrence drum mae­stro Dane Richeson dur­ing the Percussive Arts Society's Wisconsin Day of Percussion.

The performance, titlec “The Ritual." will featur** visual art--the fiber and paper works of Appleton native Thomas Grade-- and drum m ing styles from all over the world. “The Ritual" begins at 7:30 p.m. In the main gallery of the art center; the performance Is free.

Audience members should bring pillows or chairs to sit on.

During the Day of Per­c u s s io n , h o s te d by Lawrence and sponsored

by the Fox Valley Arts Al­liance and Tony's Drum Shop, five guest clinicians will present workshops ln their areas of expertise. Tambourine and frame drumming expert Glen Velez (New York City), Latin percussion special­ist R u b en A lvarez (Chicago), marlmbist and composer Julie Spencer (California), Jazz drum­mer Jamey Haddad (New York City), and Milwau­kee Symphony timpanist Tele Lesbines will teach techniques for orchestra and band performance, conga, bongo, and tim ­bale. mallet keyboard, d ru m set , and frame drumming.

See page 8. colum n 1

Opinion March 31. 1989 PAGE 2

P l e d g e E d u c a t i o n : T h e o r y in P r a c t i c e ?One sunny clay last spring, when the

tulips were in bloom, a campus newspaper in Appleton spouted the following bit of well- balanced prose:

"If one thing has characterized Ihe ban ter and battling of the pro and anti Greek factions recently, it has been an un willingness (inability?) to isolate and iden tify specific abuses or benefits which can be attributed to Lawrence's Greek system.

"Such is the nature of the beast.'The attempts to pin down the positive or

negative characteristics fostered by the Greek sy s tem typically end with a road block o f cither inconclusive evidence or untestable hypotheses . . . "

This week, the minutes of several Sigma Phi Epsilon pledge meetings fell into the hands of Susan Morrow, whose response to them is expressed in a letter to the editor on this page.

These pledge meetings are Intended to instill in pledges the Ideals treasured by Sigma Phi Epsilon. Pledges must accept these Ideals, and adopt the attitudes of their brothers, before they arc "truly" Sig Eps. Pledge meetings represent the perpetuation of "Slg-Ep-dom."

The theoretical benefits of "Sig-Ep-dom" were holly defended last spring in letters to the editor from two students who are cur­rently active Sig Eps. The picture of pledge education which is revealed in the minutes of pledge meetings, however, indicates in­congruity between "Slg-Ep-dom" and life in the Sig Ep house.

"It's a shame that people have to steri'o type the Greek sys tem as it was portrayed in

F r o m th e E d i t o r ' s D e s k the movie "Animal House" because there are many great qualities that can be bestowed upon or brought out of an individual by be ing a member of a fraternity or sorority." 4/29/HH

"6:28 Mr.__ boufed a whopper, and Mr.___ consequently changed his location6:39 __ and I squoze llmberger, and anofficial fart fest was imminent." Meeting #7

"Joining the Greek system is an excellent w ay for a person to learn and sharpen lead ership skills." 4 /2 2 /8 8

"Once again, we were told by our pledge educators that we had 7 minutes to Impress them. We left and never came back." Meet­ing #8

"Greeks are not only activc after gradua tion. but during their four years on campus as well."' 4 /2 2 /8 8

’The DG wlng-dlng sucked ass." Meeting#8

" . . . If you take aw ay the Greek system, you are taking aw ay a major building block of a school of liberal arts which promotes diversity."' 4 /2 9 /8 8 *

"The Phi Delt challenge was finally agreed upon, even though there was some talk of pussying out of the g a m e" [their bold) Meeting #6

The responsibility of becoming a Greek is set on your shoulders. As a popular com­mercial says. 'You make the calL " 4 /2 9 /8 8

"Reflections on big brother revelationwere again made . . . Mr. __ remarked thathe had a kick ass time, and that he was so fucked that he thought he was on a pro tour making a key put [sic.] on the eighth hole.’’ Itheir bold] Meeting #7

"I came to Ijawrence because I believed it would open up my future, and the more op­tions one has. the better position he or she is in. I strongly urge Ijawrence University to keep its options open by having the Greek system continue to thrive on this campus." 4/22/HH

"Discussion of a DG bash at 9:00 Friday was discussed. Again, the unofficial name is 'rape a DG.' however, ln order not to be the sexists, we must officially call it something like put it on a DG,’ since they probably don't know what the hell that really means anyway." (their bold] Meeting #7

These minutes cannot be excused with a shrug of the shoulders and a simple "boys will be boys." Indeed, this dismissal reflects a revolting mindset which perpetuates the problem.

Sigma Phi Epsilon perpetuates acceptance sexual assaultTo the Editor,

The following Is an ex­cerpt from meeting min­utes found in a public area of University housing:

Discussion of a IX J bash at 0:00 Friday w a s d is ­cussed. Again the unoffi­cial name is "rape a I)G," however, in order not to be the sexists, ive must oj fictally call it something like "put it on a DG," since they probably don't know what the hell that r e a l l y

means a n yw a y , [their bold] ‘Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity. Pledge Meet­ing 7

In the m inutes from Pledge Meeting 8. the sec­retary ends wilh. "use the space provided below to tell everyone who you'd most like to put it on."

Although these were minutes of a pledge meet­ing. it was by the location in which they were posted (kitchen of the Sig Ep

The Lawrentian, USPS 306-680, ls published weekly, twenty-five Hines a year while classes are tn session by I'he lawrentian, Lawrence University. PO Box 5 9 0 . Appleton. WI. 54912. The Lawrentian is distributed free of charge to stu­dents. faculty, and stall on the Ijawrence University campus. Subscriptions are $12.00 per year. Second class postage paid at Appleton. Wisconsin.IOSTMASTER: send addrrss changes to I'he Lawrentian, PO Ik.x ‘ >99. Appleton .WI 54912.

Letters to the editor are welcome and encouraged. No letter can be printed unless it Is legibly signed by the author with his campus address. Names may be held upon request. The editor reserves the right to edit for style and space. Letters must be submitted by 5 p.m. Wednesdays for publication In Friday's issue. Letters snould be turned into the Information desk In the Student Union or mailed to the above address.

Editor....................................................................... Kris HowardSports Editor........................................................ Peter ElliottPhoto Editor...................................................Suzanne BarrowProduction Editor................................................. Laura WakeAdvertising M anager..............................Bryan BeauchampBusiness Manager......................................... Renee JohnsonCirculation M anager.................................... M artin BuergerTechnical Editor................................. ,...............David Kueter

Advertising staff: Rose Kelly, John BradleyProduction stafT: Barb Coe. Kate Congdon. Renee Johnson.My Lo Ly, Andrea Murschel. Amy Vorpahl

House), the condition of the papers, and the vari­ety of graffiti on the notes (yes. reply was made to who they would "most like to put It o n ”) that many, if not all, members of the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fra­ternity had read them. The second sentence , starting with "Again the . .. " implies that "rape a DG" was a well-known and well-supported event that had been discussed among members before.

These minutes also dis­cussed "pledge tests" that were being administered to new members. At the time they were written, "Pledge Educators" were to be integrating freshmen into the fraternity and educating them on the formal and informal re­quirements of activating into the fraternity. This raises questions. What Is the meaning of a liberal arts education for a Sig Ep pledge? What is the meaning of a liberal arts education for a Sig Ep member?

Alter the Incident last fall with their posters, what have they "learned"? When LU students discov­ered and demanded re­moval of Sig Ep posters d e p ic t in g a w om an dragged by her hair by a caveman, the fraternity responded with a note from two members. With now questionable sincer­

ity. they remarked that the posters were not meant to offend anyone.

Education on campus about rape crisis has in­creased greatly since the reported (and unreported) Incidents of date rape in the quad last year. An es­timated $1,500 has been spent Just this year to ex­pand awareness of this is­sue. The Sexual Assaults Prevention Task Force has been very active; in fact, they gave a presenta­tion to the Sig Ep house first term.

During Sexual Assault Awareness Week, there was a workshop by Men Stopping Rape, a film on rape culture, a speech by the Appleton Sexual As­sault Crisis Center on what to do if a friend ts a s s a u l t e d . p o s t e r s describing rape myths (such as rape is just a women’s issue and rape is committed out of passion or lust), a candlelight vigil that walked through the quad, and a poster that was put in the Union_ showing how common sexual assault is and that there are many victims on this campus.

There were posters giv­ing the times and places of all activities for this week placed in the Sig Ep house. The members were en­couraged to attend.

It should be unnecessary to remind these men that

rape is a crime. It may be argued that this was only a joke. Female and male victims, their friends and family, and socially con­scious individuals, how­ever. do not think rape is funny.

"Rape a DG" does not only indicate the igno­rance and callousness of this fraternity. This is the second similar incident this year, and the Sig Eps have clearly displayed their attitude toward women. Their collective position is one of patron- ization. disrespect, ani­mosity. hostility, and even violence. There are no excuses or acceptable apologies for this.

Frequently, controver­sies at Lawrence are dis­missed. It is time to ques­tion the existence of this fraternity.

First, what is the pur­pose of the Sigma Phi Ep­silon Fraternity? It is surely not scholarship; they have obv iously avoided the bombardment of educational materials on sexual assault. They cannot be concerned with the Lawrence community or even the world com­munity as they are antag­onistic to over half the population. The only clear intention of the fra­ternity is to encourage and support beliefs and

See page 8. column 1

Opinion March 31. 1989 PAGE 3

A m e r i c a l o s e s t h e T h o r e a u o f t h e W e s tby Dave Kueter

“This brings my outline of the natural and human history of our region up to the present. As for the f u ­ture. I am confident that its natural history will continue for a long time to come, give or take a f e w million years. The hu man story looks doubtful; but here. too. I believe that in the long run greed and stupidity will be overcome by intelligence, courage and love. Give or take a f e w million years."

Edururt Abbey

On Tuesday March 14, 1989, Mother Earth lost one of her most steadfast and articulate defenders. Edward Abbey died of in­ternal bleeding ln his

, home in Arizona at the ' age of 62. Author of nine­

teen books of fiction and n o n f ic t io n a l e s s a y s . Abbey was a denizen of the deserts of the Ameri­can Southwest.

“If a label is required, sa y that I am one who

loves the unfenced coun try . "

Abbey first came into public attention with Desert Solitaire: A Sea son in the Wilderness, an account of a year he spent as a park ranger at Arches National Monument in Southeastern Utah, “the center of the world. God’s navel. Abbey’s country, the red wasteland."

7 remember Abbey in a sandstone window over looking a m a z e o f canyons that wind off to ward ihe deep gorge of the Colorado River. He u>as chewing on a blade o f grass and the sombrero w as low again in obser vance of sundoum. Just like Abbey. Darkness uvxs coming on fast. Time to return to camp. Abbey rem oved the hat an d , holding it level, s low ly extended his arm toward the big river. Though it struck me as an unusual gesture, it w a s at once n a tu ra l an d moving. Abbey, saluting the slick rock with that silly som brero. reaching out to bless the stark chiseled

bounties of that wild be­yond. ”

John G. Mitchi'll

His most popular novel. The M onkey Wrench Gang, deals with a band of

Abbey, once referred to by author Larry Mc- Murtry as the Thoreau of the American West, was unswervingly opposed to the industrialization of the wilderness areas in which he made his hom e- “How can I explain to In­d ians and county com ­missioners that it is bet ter to live lean and hungry on the edge of Ihe wilder­ness than fa t in Ihe sub­urbs of the Gross National Product?"

radical environm ental­ists who. armed with thermite and explosives, light the onslaught of progress ln the southwest, destroying bridges and construction equipment, working toward the ulti­mate goal of the destruc­tion of the Glen Canyon Damn (Abbey’s spelling). The Monkey Wrench Gang was the inspiration for Earth First!, a no-com­promise environmental group.

"Of course, what the M onkey Wrench Gang does is outrageous. un- American and inimical to the sacred concept of proper ty , and I thor (Highly condemn them. If unchecked, they may eivn start dumping tea into Boston harbor....”

Rii'hunl Hradtivxi

Unfortunately, much of the American public will go on unaware of this great loss to society. However, those who love the wide open spaces may take comfort, for. a l­though his body failed him. Edward Abbey’s spirit lives on out among the sandstone, and will continue to haunt devel­opers and industrialists for generations to come.

Rest in Peace

“This is not a travel guide but an elegy. A memorial. You're holding a tom bston e in your hands. A bloody rock. Don’t drop tt on your foot• throw it at something big and glassy. What do you have to lose?"

U s e l e s s A I D S t a b l e t e n t s

To the Editor:A few weeks ago when I

was eating my meal at downer. I noticed that the L aw rence U n iv ers ity AIDS Task Force had put out a table tent. I read the table tent, and instead of f i n d i n g u s e f u linformation about AIDS.I found a list of useless statistics. I had hoped that the Task Force's next table tent would prove to be a better source of in form ation to help Lawrence students learn more about AIDS. To my dissappointm ent. how ­ever. the table tents which fo l lo w ed have not succeeded in promoting awareness or education.

While I believe that the intention of the Task Force is good, the table tents have been more along the lines of scare tactics than education. Telling us details such as the number of people who have died from the disease does not help us to know how NOT to become one of those statistics. The Task Force has not put out any table tents that have told us what we can actually DO about AIDS.

I am addressing this problem because AIDS e d u c a t io n is very Important, and the AIDS

Task Force owes it to Lawrence to enlighten our community. Here are some hood ways of doing that:

1. They can tell us some things that we can do to help prevent the spread of AIDS.

2. They can be more careful about the way in w hich th ey prevent information, so as not to scare nut rather to promote understanding.3. They can attempt to

break down some of the myths about AIDS, such as the m isconceptions that AIDS can be spread through casual contact and th a t AIDS is exclusively a gay disease.

4. They can sponsor workshops,informational sess ion s, and/or speakers, as some of the other task forces at Lawrence have done (after all. not EVERYONE has the privilege of eating at Downer!).

I hope that in the future the AIDS Task Force will begin to promote both u n d e r s t a n d i n g and education on this campus. AIDS is a problem with which all of us must deal. It’s time we started treating it more seriously.

-Anita Freer

E x c u s e m e , w a s I d r o o l i n g w h e n y o u w o k e m e ?

Back in September of1985, I trudged along on my first tour of the Seeley G. Mudd Library listening to the librarian explain m icrofilm and m i­crofiche (which I have yet to understand). Less than excited by my introduc­tion to the contents of the large toaster-like build­ing. I began to yawn dur­ing the librarian's a c ­count of “group study en­vironments" (what we know as fishbowls).

My counselor pointed out a fishbowl and re­marked that she had spent many hours sleep­ing on the floor of the sec­ond-floor fishbowl. Im­mediately I thought my assigned role-model was a little peculiar and decided never to trust the words of someone who slept ln a house of study.

After attending my first freshman studies class and developing an inferi­ority complex because by classm ates had marked their copies of As I Lay D y i n g with twelve different colors of high­lighters (in high school you were fined for any marks in your texts), I de­cided that lf I ever wanted to reach the status of a third-term senior. I had better spend some quality time ln the large toaster- like building across from

my pop tart-box-like res­idence hall (a.k.a. dorm).

I selected a carrel on the second floor quite arbi­trarily. I sat down and without leaving my new carrel reread “As I Die Reading" (as the vogue freshpeople had quickly learned to refer to our fa­vorite Faulkner work). This was my first long­term encounter with the library.

I had selected a carrel near the carrels of three seniors who lived in the library. Being naive. I be­lieved that I had to spend at least as much time in the library as they did. (You see, someone, proba­bly my infamous coun­selor. told me that study­ing gets easier as you i>et

older.) About a week into the term I noticed my car­rel-neighbor had removed his shoes and untucked his oxford Not only did he study ln this most un­kempt manner, but he roamed about the floor In such disgraceful attire.

It was soon alter this Incident, when I walked into the library in the middle of the day to find two of my carrel-neigh- bors asleep in the com ­fortable furniture nearby. Needless to say, I was shocked by the barbaric action s of my fellow Lawrentians. Unfortu­nately I fell victim to the La w ren t lan L ibrary Sleeping Sickness Virus

See page 8. column 3

Bruce Halbmaler demonstrates napping techneque

April Fools' Day March 31. 1989 PAGE 4

L U to b e c o m e U W -A

by April Luftkopf

In a statement released this morning, university officials announced that Lawrence University will become UW Appleton in August 1989.

“We’re tired of this silly liberal arts business," ex­plained a dean who refused to be identified. Schools of nursing, b u sin ess , and pharmacy will be added to the existing Lawrence cur­ricula. Prospective student Lily Briscoe observed glee­fully that, “Now I can pur­sue a degree and a career-- all in four years!"

Officials also plan to cre­ate a five-year engineering program by 1994.

Costs for converting the familiar Lawrence Vikings symbol into a Ducky the

Viking Badger design will be offset by the 1989-90 tu­ition increase. The new UW-Appleton administra­tion will use the funds to purchase all of the soon-to- be outdated Lawrence sp ortsw ear and other paraphernalia from Con­key’s and the Union book­store at wholesale pr&es.

Officials hope that the m er g e r w ill c r e a te com petitive ad m iss ion s and bolster retention. “II UW-Madison ls our Har­vard, the Lawrence/UW- Appleton will be our Car- leton," said Charles Ram­say, head of academic mergers for the UW system.

Rumors of a “poison pill” d e fe n se by Lawrence alumni and members of the class of 1989 remain u n su b stan tia ted . The Alumni Office declined comment on the merger.

Rik's memo reveals real reasons

by Bob Ebbc

Editorial policy is decided by the editor in consulta­tion with tea leaves, a divining rod. or a coin flip, whichever is handiest at the moment. Any opinions which appear unsigned are the opinions of the paper in general and If the other staffers don’t like them, (hey can gnaw on squrriel dung for all we care.

Her Majesty.............................................................Swiss KrisStaff Agitator............................................Johnny DeadlineViolence Editor............................................. Fib YakmasterBlurry Photos..............................................Suzv Q. BarrowsInsomnia Editor...................................................... L. AwakeMoney Handler................................................Renee BoeskyEndocrine Manager.....................................Fart in BuergerMacintosh Abuser................... Dave “The Beater" KueterSqurriel Chaser................................................Keggar HinesIn Charge of a I>ot of Important Things-Nark MiquetteJoumalsitic Paradox........................................ Steve SiegelHigh Boombah of Press Releases.............Rich MorrisonTuition Raiser........................................................Rik Warch

An inner office memo was circulated recently ln the E3usiness Office fur­th er ex p la in in g the $ 2 5 ,5 0 0 tab President Warch has placed upon each and every Lawrence student as the yearly cost of educating them. The 625 page memo was listed as “HIGH PRIORITY" and not for public viewing. However one of the staff left a copy by the toilet and an inquisitive Janitor made the information public. The memo de­scribes the real reasons why a s tudent costs $25 ,500 to the follow ing causes:

1) GROUNDS KEEPING: It costs the university roughly $4000 per student to maintain the grounds. Damage done by students, such as HUGE, gaping troughs caused by the dragging of large rocks across the sidew alks, contribute to this high co s t . Furtherm ore, Lawrence employs many surveyors and landsca­p e s to ensure the safety of the grass during spring thaw, namely to ensure that the water does not stay on the grass but in­stead em pties directly onto major areas of the sidewalk.

2) FOOD: Over $10,000 is spent on each student every year in the food area. To be able to serve many foods with fre­quency. for example hav­ing veal for 14 days in a row. entails a large cost. Also certain foods such as the Eggplant Casserole

cannot be shipped like normal food. Instead due to Federal Health Regula­tions these foods must be enclosed in 2 inch thick steel barrels, buried in concrete vaults, and left to chemically stabilize be­fore they can be served. Finally, some items of food have very short half- lives and must be shipped immediately before they disintegrate into lead.

3) BEER INSURANCE: For the special Beer Dam­age Coverage the Univer­sity must pay $450 per student. This special cov­erage helps to pay for any damage caused by the con su m p tion of beer. This includes beer trailers parking on the grass, beer cans Jammed into the fac­ulty mailboxes, and the revarnishing over vomit stains on Sampson House.

4) MEDICAL CARE: Lawrence must pay over $5000 a year to be able to ensure students of proper medical care for any emergency that may oc­cur. This money ensures that a trained profes­sional will be able to rush to the scene of an acci­dent, quickly analyze the victim ’s problem, and then say “Get him to a hospital!", all within a m a tter o f m in u te s . Lawrence realizes such split second action must be available and therefore pavs lop dollar for it

5) RECREATION CEN­TER: Lawrence must pay about $1000 per student to maintain the Rec Center. Or in more simpler terms, they have to pay to keep it from falling into the river. Unfortunately the measures seem to be inef­

A sk a s tupid ques t ion

nam c:Laura O'Neil m ajor: Catering f a v o r i te a t D o w n e r: Swedish meatballs The Law rcnce D ifference ls . . . the green scrambled eggs

p h o t o s by

McKell Moorhead

n a m e : Sam and Sven Warchm ajor: Xenophobia fa v o rite a t D ow ner:A lkaSeltzerThe Law rencc D ifferenceis . . . Xenophobia

name: Claude Bawls m ajor: Cinema fa v o rite a t D ow ner: theblue onesThe Law rcncc D ifferenceIs . . . $10,000

nam e: Christine Mitchell m ajor: Manicure f a v o r i te a t D o w n e r: Hungarian Goulash The Lawrence D ifference Is . . . see favorite food!

fectual, thus the Univer­sity ls considering raising tuition again next year to be able to begin construc­tion of another Rec Center on a more solid spot. Al­though “teetering on the edge of a steep hillside over a polluted river" may seem like a tough spot to improve on, the sites of “up a tree" and “a styro­foam box ln the middle of College Avenue" are being considered.

6) EMERGENCY CON­TRACEPTION STATIONS: For those who are unin­formed. Lawrence pro­vides Emergency Contra­ceptive Stations in the more obscure men’s bath­rooms on campus. Due to the high quality of the stations it costs the Uni­versity about $4000 per student. However these Stations are turning out to be an asset ln that they are showing a 250% profit over the last two terms. Tuition may be raised again next year to be able to give the students a choice between white and day glo orange contracep­tives.

The certain areas of fi­nance. such as professor’s sa lar ies and Physical Plant are not mentioned ln the memo, but were Jot­ted down on the back of a box of Ex-Lax, which was also discovered next to the toilet. The remaining $50 was on the box to be “rather high and could easily be cut back so we could alTord higher qual­ity jelly doughnuts and buy more of those neat little cocktail napkins for visiting wealthy prospec­tives."

n am e: Zorilla Helle Ihavanichm ajor: Astrocosmetology favorite a t Downer: Petite MarmlteThe Law rence D ifferenceis . . . th e h e a v e n ly fragrance of ”Eau de Fox."

a et a Law rentian photo poll

April Fools' Day March 31. 1989 P A G E 5

News in iCtngertc

A minor riot look place yesterday afternoon whenthe rope children escaped from their rope. One woman from Project Bridges commented. “They Just dropped it!" Approximately 15 Lawrentians who were having class on the lawn chased the children, managing to bring all but one back to the rope. Official reports in­dicate no previous incidents of this sort; nevertheless, parents are concerned and are looking into possible psychological counseling for the kids. “They have to learn not to let go." said the parent of he child who remains at large.

Members of Zero Mayfly Population Growth will be pouring kerosene into the Fox River on April 4th at 6a.m. Participants are reminded that the annual fish kill round-up will be on April 6th.

A small group of students met secretly several times this week in a conspiracy to return the juke box to its proper home--the Grill. These students bribed a secu­rity guard in order to hold their early morning meet­ings in Prof. Goldgar's Main Hall office. The leader of the group, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, explained that the decision to meet ln Goldgar's office was based on the need to “think like the enemy." “We thought that if we used his office, we might gain some understanding of how to defeat him." she said. The money for the bribe was raised by the sale of special chocolate eggs In the Grill.

H ousing C o m m itte e will meet to discuss housing the class of 1993 in Main Hall 501 on March 29th at mid­night. Those Interested ln attending should bring empty pizza boxes.

The National Committee of University Food Ser­vices has announced that Lawrence’s own Downer Food Service has won the competition for boring table tents. The apathy generated by these table tents is sur­passed only by the boredom which results from eating Downer s food. The committee applauded Downer for its commitment to low quality and high cost.

In honor o f W om en ’s H istory M onth , the Lighthouse will hold a Virginia Woolf tea and drown-proofing ses­sion at the Rec Center pool on March 32nd at 3 p.m. Following the tea. members will erect a symbolic bea­con atop Quad 6.

Lawrence'9 own Downer Food Service was awarded a contract for a nation-wide chain of campus food ser-

I vices earlier this week. Factors like well-rounded meals, friendly employees, and an all-around “woriy- free fun atmosphere" were taken into account in tne selection process.

Celebrating awnings in the class colors of green, red. purple, and blue will be constructed and installed early next week. Also look for exciting table tents leaturing the blueprints fo the new chains and 10 easy steps to thinner thighs on the reverse side.

A “Downer is Number 1" dinner will be served on Wednesday, April-5 at Downer and Colman dining rooms and will feature the chains winning menu of Texas Chicken Casserole. Waffle Fries. Artichoke

I Hearts, and (a new item) Lo-cal dessert bars featuring no cholesterol, no sugar or com syrup, and no fat. The main Ingredient is oat bran. That’s all the bakery is telling us.

A g n e s s w i l l l e a v e L U t o l e a d t h e m i g h t y P a c k e r s

bv Peter Elliott

A giant shock wave hit the LU campus this week when head football coach Rich Agness was hired as the new coach of the Green Bay Packers. Agness will replace Lindy Infante as leader of the perennially disappointing mishmash of felons that make up the Packers' squad. Infante w as u n a v a ila b le for comment, and is believed to have taken what Pack­ers' management termed as. “A break from football somewhere a hell of a lot warmer than the Fox Val­ley."

Alter leading LU to a 3-6 performance in 1988. Ag­ness stated that he had been talking informally with Packers' m anage­ment after the NFL sea­son. He also said that the deal went beyond a new Job but also encompassed Lawrence Itself. “As part of the deal. Downer Com­

mons will now be adver­tised as the official eatery of the Packers. In align­ment with this agreement, all members of the 1989 Packers will be issued Vali-Dines so they may eat at Downer whenever they please."

Com m enting on the coach's departure. Viking QB Carl DIRaimondo re­marked. “It's a shame to see him go. but I believe the coaching situation

will still be very good next year." This is in reference to the assu m p tion of coaching duties by uni­versity President. Rik Warch. “Dr. Dtck" Warch. as some of the players have termed him already, is under heavy fire for nis assumption of the posi­tion.

“Apparently there are some nasty rumors going around that Warch is u s ­ing the position to packet some of the extra tuition money coming in next year slated fo the athletic department." stated Kris Howard, editor of the cam pus newspaper and award-winning publica­tion The Lawrentian.

Whatever the situation with “Dr. Dick," Agness is happy with his new Job. "I just want to help this team win some games. It would be nice not to lose every time we play Tampa Bay. Detroit, or the Mon­sters of the Midway them­s e lv e s , the C hicago Bears."

FUCC: faculty takes over in coup

by Johnny Deadline

In a move that Dean of inmates Chuck Looter described as "really groovy man,” the faculty members of the Lawrence University Confusion Council seized power and deposed all the student members.

The faculty announced yesterday that the new title for the august policymaking board will be FUCC, or Faculty Under Constant Confusion.

The takeover came approximately fifteen

minutes into last weeks L U C C meeting when the steering committee tabled a motion to approve a housing resolution made by the events committee who blocked a motion to introduce parking legislation that was tabled by the housing committee who voted against the measure because they did not actually write the legislation that was currently on the floor, having been tabled twice and called to a vote three times and finally rejected by a narrow margin when it was learned that the

legislation had been passed two weeks ago.

L U C C president Andy Guster w a s just congratulating the council on its unusually efficient and speedy handling of the legislation when English Professor Joel Dando marched into the room with twelve armed professors and a cranky librarian in tow.

"I could say that the revolution was a success," said professor of English Peter Fritzell. "But I won't."

Hockey team heads to playoffDespite their w inless

sea so n , the National Hockey League has de­cided to let the Vikes par­ticipate in the NHL play- olTs. In defense of this ac­tion NHL president John Ziegler stated. “Why not? They play about as well as most teams in the Norris Division, where all the misfits of hockey are. They are good kids, and besides the state of Wis­consin doesn’t have a rep­resentative ln the league. So what the heck?"

However the Vikes will not be facing a cream puff team in the first round. They will play none other than the Los Angeles Kings and su p ersta r Wayne Gretzky. Remark­ing on the opposition Gretzky said. "We'll kill

’em. They’re a bunch of stupid college kids who didn’t win one game. Be­sides, are any of them on a Diet Coke commercial like me?"

Gretzky’s harsh words has lit a fire under the LU squad. Head coach Terry Brand said. “As great a player as he may be he has not right to say that. We'll have a few tricks up our sleeves."

Although no specifics were given. Brand was seen at a local hardware store special ordering several s e ts of brass knuckles.

F r e s h m a n s c o r in g leader Rob Stinsa had a positive outlook on the u p c o m i n g m a t c h . “Gretsky ls full of it. He makes it seem as if we're

c o m p le te ly h e lp le s s . We’re planning on putting together an unheard of scoring machine. Our en­tire season was Just an in­tricate ploy to make lt look like we didn’t have our bearings. Now that the NHL bought it hook, line, and sinker they're ln for a big surprise." he said with a humungous grin.

Expressing the defense’s a tt itu d e tow ard the matchup, defense man Brian Toomey angrily stated . “They're dead meat! I’m personally go­ing to mess Gretzky up so bad. tlrtit even thinking of reproduction will be a thing of the past! Those fools are history!"

Action will begin Satur­day at the Tri-County Ice Arena in Neenah.

Campus News March 31, 1989 PAGE 6

C e l e b r a t e ! s p o n s o r s W i n d h a m H i l l C o n c e r tby Andrea Hines,

On Saturday, April S , the Celebrate! Cuumnu^e is sponsoring a fundraising con cert en tit led “An Evening with Windham Hill." The concert Is at 8 p.m. in the Chapel.

Performing will be Will A ckerm an, a co u st ica l guitarist and Philip Aaberg, pianist. The two will be accompanied by artists on the flute, bass, and oboe.

Ackerman, founder of Windham Hill Records, a small California-based label for New Age Music, rarely tours, so John Mimlaga, Celebrate! advi­sor, said the committee “Jumped at the chance" to have both musicians pla\ at Lawrence.

Aaberg and Ackerman are playing in Madison

A n u n u s u a l s p r in t !

the same weekend, so ihe committee thought they would give it a try. “We were look ing for a fundraiser that reflected th e a r ts h ere at Lawrence," said Mimiaga,b r e a k

adding that “Ackerman likes to play small audi­ences, so he is real excited about playing in the chapel."

Celebrate! is promoting the concert with WAPL

by Tom Zoellner

While other Lawrence students may have spent their spring breaks on the beaches Florida or in the bars of Bourbon Street, one Lawrentian spent his in the homeless shelters of Milwaukee with only the clothes on his back.

Phoung Huynh, a Junior from Cleveland, said that he underwent the experi­ence ln order “to really feel what it was like to be homeless. I wanted to see what they had to go through," he said.

With a bus ticket home hidden ln one shoe and twenty dollars of emer­gency money hidden in the other, Huynh started his adventure in the Mil­waukee Greyhound s ta ­tion where he followed two homeless men to see where they would go. They led him to a church sponsored rescue mission where Huynh was to spend his first night.

At the homeless shelter, he became an occupant number 117 in a room full of bunks that Huynh de­scribed as “like an army post." He was relieved of his clothes and only al­lowed to sleep ln his un­derwear. "I was scared of losing my $20 so I hid it tn my mouth before they asked me for my valu­ables." he said.

Huyhn said that he didn't slpep well that jhlght. partly out of fear of Attack, sihd partly that

everyone was snoring re­ally loud." He said that

shelter were suffering from problems with drugs or alcohol. “But most of them also spoke of getting out of where they were in life," said Huynh.

The next morning, after a required chapel service and a breakfast of oat­meal and old rolls, he met two homeless men, one w ho c a l le d h im s e lf “Tony" and another who called h im self “Terry." Both, in a way, were vic­tim s of circum stance; Tony was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and Terry had been robbed of his traveling money and was forced to live on the streets,

As he was to find out from Tony and Terry, “nobody starves ln Mil­waukee because I here are so many churches." He picked up a second meal at another church, and re­turned to the rescue shel­ter for a second night. Still fearful of losing his means of escape: his still

feaiurlng Windham Hill’s music on its 8-12 a.m. Saturday Jazz show to­morrow. April 1. WLFM will be in terv iew ing Aaberg from 2-4 tomor­row.

Tickets went on sale Wednesday March 29 at the box olllce and are $4 for LU students. $6 for LU faculty and senior citi­zens. and $8 for the gen­eral public.

The Celebrate! Commit­tee is sponsoring other events leading up to and following Celebrate! it­self. which ls May 13. They Include: the Second City comedy troupe, the Chi Town Jazz Group. 4 Guys Standing Around Singing, and a Voyager IV Laser Light Concert.

Mimiaga would like to remind everyone that “it's never too late to get in­volved!" Celebrate! needs help in the areas of set up and clean up. selling at the beer booths, and tech­nical services. Contact Dave Visser or Mimiaga at Raymond House if inter­ested.

S t u d e n t s p e n d s v a c a t i o n w i t h M i l w a u k e e ' s h o m e l e s s

S h a k e s p e a r e f i l m s in A r t C e n t e r

bus ticket, he hid them inside two books in the Milwaukee Public Li­brary, one appropriately titled The Golden Egg.

By the beginning of the third day, Huynh had had enough. He phoned a friend ln Milwaukee and arranged to meet her at the library. “I was tired and pretty smelly." he said. “I wanted to say goodbye to Tony and Terry, but they had al­ready left."

Huynh said that the ex­perience had touched him deeply. “It’s very difficult to conceive of that kind of life. We don’t have to do the things the homeless have to do. It was hard for me to adjust to that."

Huynh said his biggest regret of the trip was not treating his friends Tony and Terry to a meal with the $20. “I think both of them will even tu a lly s tra ig h ten out their lives," he said. “But for now. they’re still on the streets."

by Andrea Hines

Joel Dando will be showing three S h a k e­speare films in the Art Center auditorium to sup­plement his teaching of English 33. Introduction to Shakespeare.

The films to be shown are Franco Zeffirelli's P.QmCQ and Juliet on April 24. Orson Welles' Chimes at Midnight, and Roman Polanski s Ma cb eth on

May 15. All films will be­gin at 7 pm.

Open to the public, the films are shown for no cost “except for my five m in u te introduction." stated Dando. “I may comment on the differ­ences between the play and the movie, but it wlil be kept short." Funding for the films comes from the Colloquium Fund.

The showings are the first steps in the faculty's concern to consider the place of film in a ca ­demics.

SPRING TERM 1969 FINAL EXAM1CM M DULM

CldSi Meeting lime Final Exam Time

Monday, June 5 11:10 MWF 8:30 a.m.9:50 MWF 1:30 p.m.

Tuesday, June 6 8:00/9:00 TT 8:30 a.m.8:30 MWF 1:30 p.m.

Wednesday, Jum 7 1:30 MWF 8:30 ajii.2:50 MWF 1:30 p.m.

Thursday, June 8 12:30 TT 8:30 a.m.2:30 TT 1:30 p.m.

H o m e o f A p p l e t o n ' s 1 s t

e S i c i l i a n S t u f f e r !

EVERY DAY IS A SPECIAL DAY FOR YOU!

MONDAY — Downtown Appleton Employee Right!Ask for your FREE I.D . button

TUESDAY — League R ight! Com e in w earing any league clothing and get specials on pitchers of beer.

WEDNESDAY — Attitude Adjustment! F r e e h o r s d ’o e u v r e s and drink specials from 5 - 10 p .m .

THURSDAY — Lawrence Vniveraity Right! Come in w ith your Law rence I.D . and get 25% O ff pizzas and a Free pitcher of b eer. I.D . required

F R ID A Y — Fish Fry! Deep fried perch plate - ^ C>Also 20% O ff Seafood Stuffer.

SATURDAY — Pasta R ight! Spaghetti or m ostaciolli for two * *7.93

SUNDAY — Family R ight! 25% O ff pizzas and Free p itcher of soda.

ALL NEW MENU

featuring

ITALIAN and

321 E. College Ave., App.

I

731-1128 AMERICAN cuisine.J

Sports March 31. 1989 PAGE 7

B a s e b a l l t e a m s h i n e s u n d e r F l o r i d a s u n

by Peter Elliott

The Lawrence baseball team got olT to a fantastic start for the 1989 season by posting a 4-0 record over spring break in Panama City. Florida.

In the first game of the a n n u a l road tr ip , Lawrence defeated Earl- ham College of Indiana 11-3. After getting off to an early 2-0 first inning lead . Earlham faded quickly. Duffy Thomas closed the gap to 2-1 in the second with a sacrifice fly, and Joe Krueger put the Vikes in the lead for good with a 3-run third inning homer.

Lawrence put the game out of reach with six runs in the sixth inning, two of which were provided by Thomas' 2-run single. Peter Murchie earned a complete game victory al­lowing two earned runs and striking out eight.

Lawrence's success con­tinued against Earlham the next day in a 12-3 rout. Another excellent complete game pitching performance, this time by Bart Isaacson, led the way to the LU victory.

Bill Briesemeister's 3- run homer paced the Vikings in a crucial seven run attack in the third inning. Briesemeister’s home run. the thirteenth of his career, broke a long standing LU record for most career round trip­pers.

Briesemeister added to his record the next day

with another 3-run homer in the first inning to help lead LU to a 9-1 drubbing ol Millikin University of Illinois. Lawrence added three more runs in the second with RBIs from Cory Kadlec. Shawn Ko­emer. and Briesemeister.

Great pitching also con­tinued to be a Viking highlight. Joe Krueger pitched a complete game like his two predecessors and struck out three while allowing only one hit.

The Vikes last victim was MacMurray College in a close 2-1 contest. Af­ter tying the game at 1-1 on a Bart Isaacson sacri­fice fly m the fifth, two sixth inning errors, a hit batsman, and a walk gave Lawrence the victory.

John Maki pitched well allowing only one earned run and striking out three in five innings. Isaacson shut down MacMurray in the sixth inning to gain the win in relief.

C om m enting on the team's early success head coach Jeff School says, “I'he wins were a result of the seven or eight weeks of hard work the team put In working out indoors. Once we started winning the gam es, confidence bred confidence in the players’ abilities."« In regard to a goal for the entire season School said. “Initially we said we wanted to win conference, and go on from there. Af­ter the Job we did in Florida, w e’re off to a pFetty good start."

O u t d o o r t r a c k t a k e s o i l

£ G'lT&D' U L(Home Games in CAPS)

Pate ODDOnmt Time

April 1 ST. NORBERT 1:00 P.M.April 4 WAUKESHA TECH 1:00 P.M,April 8 it Beloit 1:00 P.M.April 11 at St. Norbert 1:00 P.M.April 15 at Ripon 1:00 P.M.April 18 at Marquette 1:00 P.M.April 22 BELOIT 1:00 P.M.April 29 RIPON 1 00 P.M.May 2 VITERBO 1:00 P.M.May 4 at Waukesha Tech 1:00 P.M.May 9 al Milwaukee School

of Engineering1:00 P.M.

May 13 Midwest Conference Championship at North Division Winner

1:00 P.M.

I t e m s I m p o r t e d f r o m I n d i a , A s i a , T a r £ a s t;

T u r k e y , G r e e c e , X n d o n i e s i a , d u a t e m a l a

Hours: 12-4 Sun.10-8 Mon.10-6 Tues, Wed. 10-9 Thurs, Fri. 10-6 Sat.

Paper Lanterns

Jewelry

Incense

Book Bags

Scarves

Mexican Blankets

Lava Lamps

Mexican Hooded Pullovers

Military Salvage Wear

Tapestries

Fish Nets

Unique Clothing

Posters

Purses

Friendship Bracelets

W a l l e s H a r d l u 'E v e r I m p o r t s

d r e a t f u CD e a d

artifacts

7 3 1 - 2 8 8 5

109 E. College Ave.

bv Peter Elliott

The Lawrence track team had mixed results with a men's loss and a w om en's victory over Carroll College in the first outdoor meet of the year held in Panama City. Florida.

For the men, Shad Stru- ble led the way in the tleld taking first place in the discus with a throw of 127' 8 1/2". and a second place in the Javelin with a mark of 133 feet. James Ander­son also won the pole vault with a height of 8' 6".

Keith VanderM eulen paced the Vikes with a first place In the 1500 me­ter run tn 4:17.6 and first in the 800 meter run in 2:08.9. Steve Hack also had a first place in the 400 meter dash with a time of 52.5 seconds.

The women's team was victorious in a 55-50 win

over Carroll. Stephanie Samuel did well ln the field with a first place toss of 34' 5 1/2 " in the shot- put. and a first place mark of 88' 8 ” ln the Javelin throw. Ginger Prokos also received a first place In the discus with a throw of 107' 9".

In the running events. Leonleke Wolters won llrst places ln the 100 me­ter and 200 meter dashes with times of 13.8 seconds and 29.0 seconds respec­tively. Amy Neubert came ln first ln the 400 meter dash In 1:05.7, while Tracy Shukosky came out on top in the 100 meter hurdles in a time of 17.9 seconds.

The Lawrence 4x400 meter relay team of Missy Nohr, Neubert, Prokos. and Wolters won the event in a time of 4:39.2.

The Vikings’ next meet will be Saturday at noon at Northwestern College.

T enn is starts season at Hilton Head

bv Peter Elliott

The Lawrence m en’s tennis squad got off to a 1- 2 start in action during spring break in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

In the first meet of the year. Lawrence lost to Emory and Henry 5-4. Eric Schacht won in No. 2 singles 6-1, 3-6. 6-2, Jeff Conta was victorious In No. 3 singles with a 6-1, 4- 6, 6-2 win, while Jason Spaeth captured No. 5 s in g les in a 6 -2 , 7 6 straight sets victory. Only the No. 3 doubles team of Mark Flegel and Eric Pe­terson won 6-4, 3-6, 7-4 in the doubles category.

Hard times continued for the team in a 6-3 loss to UW-LaCrosse. Schacht posted a 6-2, 6-2 win, while Conta won in straight sets as well by a score of 7-6. 6-3, Mark

Rehder also triumphed ln No. 4 singles with a 6-4, 4- 6, 6-4 win.

However. Lawrence fin­ished off the trip wilh a 6- 3 win over Siena Univer­sity. Both Schacht and Conta won in straight sets (6-4, 6-2, and 6-2, 6-2 re­spectively) lo notch per­fect records thus far this season. Jason Spaeth also earned a 3-6, 6-2, 6-4 win tn No. 5 singles. The Vikings were also very successful with doubles. The No. 1 team of Schacht-Spaeth won 6-1 3-6, 6-2, the No. 2 team of Conta-Rehder won 6-2, 6- 4. and the No. 3 paring of Flegel-Peterson was vic­torious by a score of 6-4, 6-1.

The Vikings have two meets at home this Satur­day with a match at 9:00 A.M. against Wheaton College and at 2:00 P.M. versus North Central Col- lege.

THUNDERBIRDAMKIUCAN (tllAIXlATh S< MOOI.

Of- IVTEHMTK)V\l, VIAN/M,1 MI N I Clendak*, ,V rir.o iu H.’Wioi. I s.\

A representative will be on campus TUESDAY, APRIL 4 , 1989

to discuss GRADUATE STUDY

Interviews may be scheduled at CAREER PLANNING AND PLACEMENT

Campus News March 31. 1989 PAGE 8

drooling . . .P e r c u s s i o r . .

Continued from page 1

Velez, Alvarez. Spencer, and H addad w ill be fea­tu re d p erfo rm ers w ith R ich eso n d u r in g th e evening concert.

Velez, one of the most sought-a fte r percussion­ists perform ing today, ls p e rcu ss io n is t w ith the Paul W in ter Consort and the Steve Reich Ensemble. A n a u th o r ity on ta m ­b ourine h istory , he has studied W estern , B ra z il­ian, South Indian, Arabic, A z e rb a ija n i (Ira n ) and A frican d ru m m in g . In a d d itio n to perfo rm in g w ith P au l W in te r and Steve R e ic h , he h as w o rk e d w ith R ic h a rd Stoltzm an, Eddie Daniels, an d L,yle M ays , and recorded on the CBS, R C A , D e u t s c h eG ram ophon, and None- "nrh labels.

Jam ey Haddad, leader of the group “Nam es," has received two National E n ­dow m ent for the A rts g ran ts for Jazz p e rfo r­m ance and a Fu lb rlg h t Fellowship for study and research of South Ind ian m usic in M adras. Ind ia. He performed at the 1988 Olym pics in Calgary and Expo '88 (Brisbane, Aus­tralia) w ith W orld Drum s, a group of more than 120 drum m ers from 3 0 coun­tries. H addad had also p e rfo rm e d w ith Lyle Mays. Herbie M ann , Son- nie S titt , and the New York Samba Band.

The registration fee for the D ay o f Percussion workshops is $18. To reg­is ter or ob ta in more in ­fo rm ation , contact Dane Richeson. 735 -661 1 . Par­tic ipants m ay also regis­te r at the M us ic -D ram a C enter on A pril 1 from 8:30-9 a.m.

S ig E p . . .

continued com page 2

conduct reprehensible to society.

If the rest of the Lawrencc community is not sym pathetic with their misuj'jiii&m- views, why m is t we tolerate them?

The men of Sigma Phi Epsilon are given Univer­sity housing uncondi­tionally and are allowed to chose their own board. No independent male students and no women are given these options. Housing at Lawrence has always been a sensitive issue, especially recently. S tudents interested in living together lor educa­

tional purposes must go through enorm ous b u ­reaucracy.

What ls a liberal arts education at Lawrence? It is not just classes and lt is not Just relations with professors. We should be able to learn from other students in class and out of class; we learn from our com m un ity . I have learned about the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity and do not believe ours is a community that will condone their actions. If you are similarly con ­cerned. please contact me. Their actions will not go unchallenged.

Sincerely.Susan Morrow

C o n t in u e d f ro m p a g e 3

(LLSSV) as well.One evening after filling

my stomach with yet an­other delectable Downer dinner, I rested my head on my carrel (for Just a minute, I swear). I awoke about twenty m inutes later with the first symp­toms of the sleeping sick­ness: spiral-face. On top of that, the page of notes I had fallen asleep upon had blurred into a damp mess of blue ink and yel­low highlighter.

I looked about to deter­mine if anyone had seen my indiscretion. My car- rel-neighbors were pre­sent. smiling. Yes, my face was yellow and I had a row of parallel indenta­tions extending down the side of my face.

As my years at Ijawrence progressed, the disease manifested itself in a pro- g r e s s i v e f a s h io n . Through cut my freshman year the sickness led me to take naps of thirty minutes or less while sit­ting at my carrel. Into my sophomore year I found m yself dozing in the lounge chairs for up to an hour and waking with in­dented upholstery pat­terns on may face and arms. In my Junior year I would often sleep on the couch on second floor or even on the floor beside my carrel.

Late in my Junior year I developed the symptom fo moving a lounge choir to my carrel (against library regulations of course) and curling up for a long nay with my feet extended onto the desk chair. Sometimes I would even make plans to have a friend wake me up at a

certain time. I fancied the idea of bringing an alarm clock to the library, but I assumed my new younger and LLSSV immune car- rel-neighbors would not be appreciative of my dis­ease.

During my senior year I fell victim to the d iseases academic crippling effects Just as my friends had. Not only do I wander the library with my shirt un­tucked and without shoes on my feet, but I have brought my pillow and quilt to the library. I even ask complete strangers to

wake me up in several hours. I've occasionally moved away from my four-year home on the second floor to the Her­itage room after a particularly demanding day. or onto the funky cu sh ion s on the third floor.

I have a complete record of my illness recorded in the blurred and wrinkled pages of my class notes and textbooks. The only known cure for LLSSV is graduate school where sleep is obsolete.

Birchers • • •Continued from page 1 R“ >scvc"' a" dk Eisenhower werr

® all agents o f the com m unists. Inless governm en t and the fight recent days, the group has called a g a i n s t th e s p r e a d o f for and end to social security, re­com m unism . It w as founded in fcrring to it as Socia lism ." The 1958 by M assach u se tts candy society does not publish exact m aker Robert W elch who nam ed m em bersh ip sta tistics, but says the righ t w ing soc ie ty afte r a m em bersh ip is in the "lens o f m is s io n a ry w ho h ad b een thousands.” su pposed ly k illed by C h inese "I expect there 's going to be a C om m unists. The Birch Society curiosity about us in A ppleton," gained national prom inence in the said M cM anus, "But I d o n 't 1960's when its founder charged e x p e c t a n y o p p o s i t io n o r th a t P r e s id e n t s T ru m a n , picketing or anything like tha t.’’

The Alcohol and Dmg Education Committee (ADEC) is sponsoring a six week lecture series with speakers from the Chemical Dependency Unit of Theda Clark Regional Medical Center focusing on the awareness and education ofalcoholism and substance abuses.The talks will be given at 7:00 p.m. in the main lounges of residence halls and the Coffeehouse The dates and topics of discussion are:

Tues. April 4. Trever - “Alcohol as an Illness"Weds. April 12, Ormsby-- “Co-dependency"Thurs. April 20. Sage-- “Chemical Dependency and

Women"Tues. April 25. Colman- “Chemical Dependency and

College Students"Weds. May 3, Coffeehouse— “Recovery from Chemical

Dependency"Thurs. May 1 1, Plantz- “Adult Children of

Alcoholics"

Northwestern University Summer Session ’89 111 ink or swim.

2003 Sheridan Koad F\.in*on, Illinois 60208-2650

Save me a seat. Send me a fret' copy of the Summer Session S9 catalog with financial aid and registration information (available mid March).

Please send the catalog to 0 my home 0 my school.

«r>*,

Think or swim.

We give you credit for making tough choices.

Mail this coupon, or call 1-800-FINDS-NU; in Illinois, 1312) 4^1-4114.

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