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Connect to Be a Better You!
Sonya M. Zeller, DNP, MBA, RN November 4, 2016
Indiana Cancer Registrars Association Fall Conference
Learning Objectives
• The audience participants will become aware how to improve personal/professional connections.
• The audience participants will become aware how to improve self through collaboration and education.
Agenda • How to instantly connect • Secrets of great communicators • Why we need to be more positive • Structure is the antidote to stress
How to Instantly Connect
6/7/2017 4
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.” –Ralph Nichols
How to Instantly Connect • Research:
– connecting is as fundamental as food, shelter, and water. – Humans are hardwired as social creatures. – The brain feels social pain, i.e. loss of a relationship, as
physical pain. – MRI studies provide evidence that social and analytical
thinking operate like a seesaw. The social brain is the default.
How to Instantly Connect • Strong first impression
– 7 seconds, justifying initial reaction – Tied to positive body language (enthusiastic
tone, uncrossing arms, eye contact, learning in)
• Venture beyond superficial – Be open and reveal the real you
• Ask questions – “Why did you choose your profession?” – Questions to understand what makes them
tick
• Learn from them – Creates a bond, you learn, and they feel
important
How to Instantly Connect • Don’t regret removing the mask
– No regrets for opening up, empathize to approach
• Look for the good – Shut down the cynical voice, look for the good
• Smile – Unconsciously return the favor and positive feel good result
• Use their name – Research shows people feel validated by use of name during
conversation
• Platinum rule – Treat people the way they want to be treated – Shows you have been listening and have heard them—extra
effort
How to Instantly Connect • Not a contest
– Focus on learning about them and find common ground
• Turn off inner voice – Listen – Usually we focus on what we are going to
say – Turn off the inner voice and focus on what
they are saying
• Good news, we are programmed to connect – Get out of our own way and turn a
conversation into a real connection
Secrets of Great Communicators
6/7/2017 9
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” –George Bernard Shaw
Secrets of Great Communicators • Great
communication… – Is work – Creates a connection that is
real, emotional, and personal – Connection through
understanding of people – Speaks directly to the needs
and is ready to be heard
• Communication bias – Presumptions made – Rushed and preoccupied, stop
listening to the perspective of the other person
– Hold us back from true understanding
Secrets of Great Communicators • Speak to groups as individuals
– Level of intimacy, speaking to each person individually
– Eliminate the distraction of the crowd by delivering the message as you are speaking to a single person and emotionally genuine
• Talk so people listen – Adjust the message on the fly – Leads to asking questions
• Listen so people will talk – Provide opportunity for others to speak – Listen for tone, speed, and volume of voice
of others – Stay present
Secrets of Great Communicators • Connect emotionally
– Be transparent – Be human – Express feelings openly
• Read body language – Understand unspoken messages – Wealth lies in a person’s body
language – Messages become loud and clear
• Prepare your intent – Preparation goes a long way toward
intended impact – Develop conversation focus – Communication on point
Secrets of Great Communicators • Skip the jargon
– Business world is full of jargon and can alienate – Use sparingly
• Practice active listening – Ensures a feeling of being heard – Listen more than talk – Focus on the other person – Reframe what the other person is saying – Ask questions – Never interrupt
• Communication is dynamic and is intertwined with every day life!
Why We Need to be More Positive
6/7/2017 14
Why We Need to be More Positive • Well meaning advice, stay
positive, glass half-full, appears to be wishful thinking
• Brain is hard-wired to focus on threats, the survival mechanism – Breeds pessimism and negativity due to
mind’s tendency to wander to find threats
– Threats magnify perception to poor outcomes
– When the threat is real, the mechanism serves well Wh th tht i iid l
Why We Need to be More Positive • Positivity is a daily challenge
which requires focus and attention – Overcome the brain’s tendency to be
focus on threats and negativity – Will not happen by accident, practice
positivity
• Positivity and your health – Research has provided evidence
positivity promotes physical and psychological health
– Pessimists’ health deteriorates more rapidly
• Associated with weakened immune response to tumors and infection
Why We Need to be More Positive
• Positivity and performance – Research provides evidence positivity promotes
improved work performance – People can transform tendency toward
pessimistic thinking into positive thinking though simple techniques
• Three techniques to stay positive – Separate fact from fiction – Identify a positive – Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
Why We Need to be More Positive • Three techniques to stay
positive – Separate fact from fiction
• Most negative thoughts are not facts
– Identify a positive • Train your brain
– Eliminate the negative – Replace with positive – Write out negative thoughts
to discredit their validity – Cultivate an attitude of gratitude
• Reduces stress and improves life
Why We Need to be More Positive • Train your brain • Be aware of negative self-talk and outward
negative talk • Break old habits and force self to practice
positivity • Reap the physical, mental, and performance
benefits that come with a positive frame of mind
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
6/7/2017 20
• Research provides evidence productivity declines sharply after 50 hour work week
• Find balance between work and rejuvenating activities during time off
• Life outside of work—recharge, refocus, and reboot
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
• Rule #1—Disconnect – Remove yourself
electronically or designate specific times
• Rule #2—Minimize Chores – May monopolize
time, need time to relax and reflect
– Schedule allotted time
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
• Rule #3—Exercise – 10 minutes a day releases
soothing neurotransmitters that reduce stress
– Exercise to generate new ideas
– Find physical activity you enjoy
• Rule #4—Pursue a Passion – Way to escape stress and
open your mind to new ways of thinking
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
• Rule #5—Spend Quality Time with Family – Go to the park or out to a favorite
restaurant
• Rule #6—Schedule Micro-Adventures – Go to a concert or play, visit a
new hotel, take a hike – Research provides evidence that
anticipating something good to come is a significant part of what makes the activity pleasurable
– App on phone—Days Until
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
Structure is the Antidote to Stress • Rule #7—Wake Up
at the Same Time – Inconsistent wake-up
times disturbs your circadian rhythm (and can aggravate depression)
– Prepares your mind to be awake and alert
• Rule #8—Reflect – Reflect to improve and
plan
Structure is the Antidote to Stress
• Rule #9—Designate Me Time – Designate time during the
day for Me time
• Rule #10—Prepare for the Upcoming Week – Determine a time on the
weekend to plan for the next week to improve productivity and reduce stress
– The Week is more manageable
Conclusion • Connect, Collaborate, and Educate
Conclusion • You are in control…
Conclusion
References • Bradberry, T. (2015, December 20). 8 Secrets of great
communicators. Retrieved from https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-we-struggle-communicate-dr-travis-bradberry
• Bradberry, T. (2015, December 2). How to instantly connect with anyone. Retrieved from https://linkedin.com/pulse/how-instantly-connect-anyone-dr-travis-bradberry
• Bradberry, T. (2016, February 10). The antidote to stress is structure. Retrieved from https://linkedin.com/pulse/antidote-stress-structure-dr-travis-bradberry
• Bradberry, T. (2016, January 20). Why you (and I) need to be more positive. Retrieved from http://linkedin.com/pulse/mind-skills-gap-why-you-i-need-more-positive-dr-travis-bradberry