Confronting and MediatingConfronting and Mediating

Housing Staff TrainingHousing Staff Training

August 22, 2006August 22, 2006

Confronting and Confronting and mediating are different mediating are different forms of communication forms of communication about issues.about issues.

Both require skill in anger Both require skill in anger management and management and negotiation. negotiation.

DISCLAIMER:DISCLAIMER:

I am a very well educated white, male, I am a very well educated white, male, Protestant, ordained, married, late Protestant, ordained, married, late

middle-aged, middle-class, middle-aged, middle-class, Southeastern American clergyperson in Southeastern American clergyperson in

a connectional church, working in mental a connectional church, working in mental health in a state higher education health in a state higher education institution. My presentation will institution. My presentation will

undoubtedly show theundoubtedly show theinfluence of these characteristics.influence of these characteristics.

Some Basic RulesSome Basic Rules

• There are lots of ways to do it right.There are lots of ways to do it right.

• Everybody has to be somewhere.Everybody has to be somewhere.

• Everything is connected to everything Everything is connected to everything else.else.

• There’s no such thing as a free lunch.There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT CONFLICT MANAGEMENT and NEGOTIATIONand NEGOTIATION

EFFECTIVE PROBLEM EFFECTIVE PROBLEM SOLVINGSOLVING

1) Identify the Problem1) Identify the Problem

2) Brainstorm Possible 2) Brainstorm Possible

SolutionsSolutions

3) Select One Proposed 3) Select One Proposed

SolutionSolution

4) Evaluate It4) Evaluate It

A Communication ModelA Communication Model

Useful for All CommunicationUseful for All Communication

TThhee sseennddeerr hhaass aa TThhee rreecceeiivveerr hhaass ttoo mmeessssaaggee ttoo ttrraannssmmiitt.. ssoommeehhooww ““pprroocceessss”” iitt.. TTHHOOUUGGHHTT PPEERRCCEEIIVVEEDD TTHHOOUUGGHHTT ““II wwaanntt ttoo ggoo ttoo ““HHee wwaannttss ttoo ggeett ttoowwnn wwiitthh tthhee aawwaayy ffrroomm mmee..”” gguuyyss ttoonniigghhtt..””

EE NN CC OO DD EE

DD EE CC OO DD EE

TTHHOOUUGGHHTT PPEERRCCEEIIVVEEDD TTHHOOUUGGHHTT ““II wwaanntt ttoo ggoo ttoo ““HHee wwaannttss ttoo ggeett ttoowwnn wwiitthh tthhee aawwaayy ffrroomm mmee..”” gguuyyss ttoonniigghhtt..””

““YYoouu wwaanntt ttoo bbee aawwaayy ffrroomm mmee??””

EE NN CC OO DD EE

DD EE CC OO DD EE

““NNoo,, II jjuusstt wwaanntt ttoo ggoo cceelleebbrraattee BBiillll’’ss pprroommoottiioonn..”” TTHHOOUUGGHHTT PPEERRCCEEIIVVEEDD TTHHOOUUGGHHTT ““II wwaanntt ttoo ggoo ttoo ““HHee wwaannttss ttoo ggeett ttoowwnn wwiitthh tthhee aawwaayy ffrroomm mmee..”” gguuyyss ttoonniigghhtt..””

““YYoouu wwaanntt ttoo bbee aawwaayy ffrroomm mmee??””

EE NN CC OO DD EE

DD EE CC OO DD EE

ANGERANGER

• A completely normal, usually A completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion.healthy, human emotion.

HOWEVER

• Potentially a dangerous emotion, Potentially a dangerous emotion, which can tell us a lot about which can tell us a lot about ourselves.ourselves.

Triggers of AngerTriggers of Anger

External:External: SpeSpecific person (co-worker or supervisor)cific person (co-worker or supervisor) Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or Event (traffic jam, canceled concert or flight, talking trash about your family, etc)flight, talking trash about your family, etc)

Internal:Internal: Worrying about personal problemsWorrying about personal problems Memories of traumatic eventsMemories of traumatic events

Dealing With My AngerDealing With My Anger

Express itExpress it

Suppress itSuppress it

Calm yourselfCalm yourself

Cognitive RestructuringCognitive Restructuring(Changing “Stinking Thinking”)(Changing “Stinking Thinking”)

•Anger exaggerates “ain’t it awful” thinking.Anger exaggerates “ain’t it awful” thinking.

•Avoid “never” and “always”Avoid “never” and “always”

•Logic defeats angerLogic defeats anger

•Focus on the REAL problemFocus on the REAL problem

Water levelWater level ANGER

disappointment

unappreciated