100:00:09,504 --> 00:00:11,350Abed, what are you doing?200:00:11,350 --> 00:00:13,812Freelancing.300:00:13,812 --> 00:00:15,772You're not a spy forthe city, are you?400:00:15,772 --> 00:00:18,301They've been sending footageof my classroom and500:00:18,301 --> 00:00:21,290pronounced me no worse thanthe teachers that work hard.600:00:21,290 --> 00:00:22,690I can't tell you whoI'm working for.700:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,810It's a surprise.800:00:23,810 --> 00:00:26,260Well, don't get in the way.900:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,220You know the rules, Jeff.1000:00:27,220 --> 00:00:30,060The sooner you ignore me, thesooner I stop being a factor.1100:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,030All right, people.1200:00:31,030 --> 00:00:36,420Yesterday I wrote theword law on the board.1300:00:37,710 --> 00:00:41,730This time, don't erase it, and maybetomorrow we'll get even further.1400:00:41,730 --> 00:00:45,100Now, I'm told Garrett has prepareda presentation for extra credit.1500:00:45,100 --> 00:00:47,960By the way, everyone in class getsthe credit because I'm not sure how1600:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,230much I should encourage this.1700:00:49,230 --> 00:00:50,170Go ahead, Garrett.1800:00:50,170 --> 00:00:50,670Thank you.1900:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,593My presentation isabout marriage law.2000:00:56,593 --> 00:01:01,190This is me, Garrett.2100:01:01,190 --> 00:01:01,819I'm in your class.2200:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,710This is Stacy.2300:01:05,710 --> 00:01:07,170She is in our class as well.2400:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,198This is what I want.2500:01:11,198 --> 00:01:14,574Oh, Garrett.2600:01:14,574 --> 00:01:17,214Stacy, will you marry me?2700:01:17,214 --> 00:01:22,438Oh.2800:01:22,438 --> 00:01:25,578Yes, yes, Garrett, yes, I will!2900:01:26,664 --> 00:01:31,007Oh, Garrett!3000:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,859Garrett and I have been seeing each otherfor 16 months, two weeks, and four days.3100:01:34,859 --> 00:01:37,111We met at the schoolstore, Pencils and Such.3200:01:37,111 --> 00:01:39,010He said he was therefor the such.3300:01:39,010 --> 00:01:42,180I remember I was sweating alot, and breathing heavy, and3400:01:42,180 --> 00:01:44,760my heart felt like it wasgoing to burst in my chest.3500:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,510But the day I met Stacy, most ofthose symptoms actually declined.3600:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,010Are you quite done?3700:01:51,010 --> 00:01:51,620Yeah.3800:01:51,620 --> 00:01:52,960Garrett wanted theproposal recorded.3900:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,570He thought his familymight wanna see proof.4000:01:54,570 --> 00:01:56,050So now what are you shooting?4100:01:56,050 --> 00:01:57,310You had a strangelook on your face.4200:01:57,310 --> 00:01:59,395Oh, you're noticing faces now?4300:01:59,395 --> 00:02:02,420Mm-hm. Aren't you still smellinghair to tell Frankie from Annie?4400:02:02,420 --> 00:02:03,400Yeah.4500:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,450Well, it's official.4600:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,670I'm getting laid.4700:02:06,670 --> 00:02:09,970Give me some moretime in a dream.4800:02:09,970 --> 00:02:13,256Give me the hope torun out of steam.4900:02:13,256 --> 00:02:16,670Somebody said it could be here.5000:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,717We could be roped up,tied up, dead in a year.5100:02:20,717 --> 00:02:25,313I can't count thereasons I should stay.5200:02:25,313 --> 00:02:28,754One by one, they alljust fade away.5300:02:28,778 --> 00:02:33,878Synced and uploaded by streetsahead5400:02:37,107 --> 00:02:38,135What are you doing?5500:02:38,135 --> 00:02:41,675Stop.5600:02:41,675 --> 00:02:43,359Hey, stop.5700:02:43,359 --> 00:02:50,200If you don't put that silly thing away,I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you.5800:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,167Oh, that's it.5900:02:52,680 --> 00:02:57,221Happy birthday.6000:02:57,221 --> 00:02:58,770What are you two doing?6100:02:58,770 --> 00:03:01,470We're doing Annie'smissing lover footage.6200:03:01,470 --> 00:03:04,580You, you know in movies where thehero's wife or girlfriend is dead or6300:03:04,580 --> 00:03:08,620missing, and so he sits in the darkand he watches her in a home movie,6400:03:08,620 --> 00:03:09,610or- Or a hologram.6500:03:09,610 --> 00:03:13,180Or a hologram over and over, and she'salways beautiful and full of love,6600:03:13,180 --> 00:03:14,560almost to the pointof being stupid.6700:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,220We're making footage like that for mein case I get kidnapped or murdered.6800:03:17,220 --> 00:03:18,520Oh, super healthy, guys.6900:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,540The health department called.7000:03:19,540 --> 00:03:21,070They don't want anything back.7100:03:23,020 --> 00:03:24,518Britta, don't lookat the camera.7200:03:24,518 --> 00:03:25,480Okay, look at the camera.7300:03:26,540 --> 00:03:27,334Today's Garrett's wedding.7400:03:27,334 --> 00:03:30,533For those who don't know, Garrett,he's a guy we don't really know,7500:03:30,533 --> 00:03:33,796that we've known for like six yearsat school, the funny-looking guy.7600:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,328Britta, mean!7700:03:35,328 --> 00:03:36,977Sorry!7800:03:36,977 --> 00:03:40,280The eccentric-looking guy.7900:03:40,280 --> 00:03:41,220What's happening?8000:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,220Everything's going wrong.8100:03:42,220 --> 00:03:43,070That guy.8200:03:43,070 --> 00:03:45,860Remember when we saidwe were cleaning?8300:03:45,860 --> 00:03:48,640Yeah. But remember aboutAbed's documentary?8400:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,890The documentary is aboutwhat we're doing.8500:03:50,890 --> 00:03:52,050And we're cleaning.8600:03:52,050 --> 00:03:56,020Yeah, but if we're both cleaningthen there's nobody to explain why.8700:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,590She doesn't understandfilmmaking.8800:03:57,590 --> 00:03:58,720I lived in New York.8900:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,114What else should we talk about?9000:04:04,716 --> 00:04:08,592We volunteered our apartment as astaging area where our friends can get9100:04:08,592 --> 00:04:10,474ready and keep eachother on time.9200:04:10,474 --> 00:04:11,990Oh.9300:04:11,990 --> 00:04:14,540The thing to understandabout our friends9400:04:14,540 --> 00:04:19,020is that friends isn'tan adequate label.9500:04:19,020 --> 00:04:23,270We're an intensely,intimately bonded crew.9600:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,600Oh, I can't, no!9700:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,130No!9800:04:26,130 --> 00:04:30,890Do you want flashy forward,or cherry and classic?9900:04:30,890 --> 00:04:31,392Do you have black?10000:04:32,767 --> 00:04:33,364That's a no.10100:04:33,364 --> 00:04:36,700That beleaguered sigh means,no, I can't have black nails.10200:04:36,700 --> 00:04:37,780Don't look at the camera.10300:04:37,780 --> 00:04:41,920You absolutely can, and we allwill when our bodies decompose.10400:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,660Please don't Jim thecamera like that.10500:04:43,660 --> 00:04:44,500Jim the camera?10600:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,150The color black hasn'thad- It's not a color.10700:04:46,150 --> 00:04:48,530Anything to do with deathor edginess since '89!10800:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,780I mean, absence of color.10900:04:49,780 --> 00:04:51,570My accountant has black nails!11000:04:51,570 --> 00:04:52,630Your what?!11100:04:52,630 --> 00:04:54,461Don't jump on that, my accountant,it's a figure of speech.11200:04:54,461 --> 00:04:57,004It's a form of speechcalled making things up.11300:04:58,945 --> 00:04:59,712Abed, can you get that?11400:04:59,712 --> 00:05:01,670I can film you getting it.11500:05:01,670 --> 00:05:02,796It's open!11600:05:02,796 --> 00:05:03,503Is it?11700:05:03,503 --> 00:05:07,086I don't know, let's see.11800:05:07,086 --> 00:05:08,986Frankie. Hi girl.11900:05:08,986 --> 00:05:12,000So, I didn't, put on my weddingclothes, like you said.12000:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,460So we can get dressed togetherand be girls together.12100:05:14,460 --> 00:05:16,020This is gonna be fun.12200:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,300Annie and Britta told me to comeover and get ready with them for12300:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,550Garrett's wedding.12400:05:22,550 --> 00:05:24,100I didn't say no.12500:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,938Who says no tosomething like that?12600:05:25,938 --> 00:05:30,580A cold, off-puttingincompatible person.12700:05:30,580 --> 00:05:35,280The kind of person that turnsa sleepover into a stoning.12800:05:35,280 --> 00:05:38,530I had rocks, thrown at me.12900:05:38,530 --> 00:05:42,292Biblical, igneous, jagged,hateful, pointy, ninja rocks, and13000:05:42,292 --> 00:05:44,144that's not gonna happen again.13100:05:48,015 --> 00:05:48,700What have you been up to?13200:05:48,700 --> 00:05:52,980I think you already asked that.13300:05:52,980 --> 00:05:53,800Did you answer?13400:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,090Didn't I?13500:05:55,090 --> 00:05:57,180I think I did. Idon't think you did.13600:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,210Well, that's not like me.13700:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,545Well, maybe you're nervous.13800:06:01,545 --> 00:06:04,552No, no.13900:06:04,552 --> 00:06:07,817Well, why don't we just say thatif you did answer, we forgot so14000:06:07,817 --> 00:06:09,350we're asking again.14100:06:09,350 --> 00:06:11,830Oh, I have been working.14200:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,950And I've been tendingto my personal affairs.14300:06:16,950 --> 00:06:17,450Mm.14400:06:22,830 --> 00:06:25,656Mia, I don't knowif I mentioned.14500:06:25,656 --> 00:06:31,457One of my sisters as well, youknow, one of them is deceased,14600:06:31,457 --> 00:06:36,157and the other ismentally retarded.14700:06:37,725 --> 00:06:38,845Panty raid.14800:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,330When I say drink, you say now.14900:06:42,330 --> 00:06:42,990Drink. Now.15000:06:42,990 --> 00:06:43,530Drink.15100:06:43,530 --> 00:06:45,930Now. When I saydrink, you say now.15200:06:45,930 --> 00:06:46,743Drink. Now.15300:06:46,743 --> 00:06:48,039Drink. Now.15400:06:49,345 --> 00:06:51,830Hey what are you guys doing?15500:06:51,830 --> 00:06:54,021We gotta go. The weddingstarts in like 40 minutes.15600:06:54,021 --> 00:06:56,690We batted the time.15700:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,940Huh? We lied to you causewe knew you'd be late.15800:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,970So we lied to youabout the time.15900:07:00,970 --> 00:07:04,870Yeah! You don't need perfectpeople to make a perfect team.16000:07:04,870 --> 00:07:07,730You need people whose flawsfeed into each other.16100:07:07,730 --> 00:07:10,185It's what do you call it?16200:07:10,185 --> 00:07:11,520Co-dependence.16300:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,040Synergy.16400:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,490For instance, there might besomething Britta hates doing,16500:07:14,490 --> 00:07:15,660but Annie loves doing.16600:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,680Or there might be somethingthat Annie hates doing, but16700:07:17,680 --> 00:07:22,040she does it anyways, because whatshe really loves is to feel useful.16800:07:22,040 --> 00:07:24,550You literally justdefined co-dependence.16900:07:24,550 --> 00:07:25,510Here's to synergy.17000:07:27,580 --> 00:07:28,310Oh, look at you.17100:07:28,310 --> 00:07:29,010You little helper.17200:07:29,010 --> 00:07:29,892Oh. Okay,17300:07:29,892 --> 00:07:35,877do you Garrett take Jack Nicholsonto be your lawfully wedded wife?17400:07:35,877 --> 00:07:37,775I do.17500:07:37,775 --> 00:07:40,896I do, Johnny.17600:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,140We invented a new game.17700:07:45,140 --> 00:07:47,580Celebrity Garrett marriage.17800:07:47,580 --> 00:07:50,491Christian Slater to beyour lawfully wedded wife.17900:07:50,491 --> 00:07:53,277I do.18000:07:53,277 --> 00:07:55,610I do.18100:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,499Boo.18200:07:56,499 --> 00:07:57,213There's only Nicholson.18300:07:57,213 --> 00:07:58,350Yeah, well, listen to him.18400:07:58,350 --> 00:08:00,660We were genius to padthe time margin.18500:08:00,660 --> 00:08:02,660Because now we have, like, threemore hours to play the game.18600:08:02,660 --> 00:08:03,449Okay.18700:08:03,449 --> 00:08:08,670Do you, Garrett, take AubreyPlaza to be your wife?18800:08:09,810 --> 00:08:10,937I do.18900:08:10,937 --> 00:08:12,494I do.19000:08:12,494 --> 00:08:15,110Wait.19100:08:15,110 --> 00:08:16,089What do you mean,three more hours?19200:08:16,089 --> 00:08:17,359How is that even possible?19300:08:19,386 --> 00:08:22,009What, what time is the wedding?19400:08:22,009 --> 00:08:23,658Wait, what time is it now?19500:08:23,658 --> 00:08:25,074We're late.19600:08:25,074 --> 00:08:25,724We're late.19700:08:25,724 --> 00:08:26,281Aah!19800:08:28,090 --> 00:08:32,916Gather everyone to the car.19900:08:32,916 --> 00:08:33,810What? Yeah.20000:08:33,810 --> 00:08:34,559We'll drive together.20100:08:34,559 --> 00:08:35,221We are not driving together.20200:08:35,221 --> 00:08:35,755It's already been settled.20300:08:35,755 --> 00:08:36,637Nothing was settled.20400:08:40,741 --> 00:08:42,070What?20500:08:42,070 --> 00:08:42,887They left me home alone.20600:08:42,887 --> 00:08:45,736I'm home alone.20700:08:45,736 --> 00:08:47,071Well, not really.20800:08:49,945 --> 00:08:51,588What the hell you doing?20900:08:51,588 --> 00:08:53,428C'mon, let's go, go,go, go, go, go, go.21000:08:53,428 --> 00:08:54,014Okay geez.21100:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,327Abed, you too.21200:08:58,327 --> 00:08:58,870Come on.21300:08:58,870 --> 00:08:59,550Oh, yeah.21400:09:01,670 --> 00:09:04,825We are here to witnessthe union of Garrett and21500:09:04,825 --> 00:09:10,380Stacy in the eyes of, well in theeyes of whatever power you choose.21600:09:10,380 --> 00:09:14,400Personally, I find the notion ofchoosing to be needlessly limited.21700:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,350What if I'm capable oftotal contradiction?21800:09:17,350 --> 00:09:23,490What if science and religionwere mine to wield as I choose?21900:09:23,490 --> 00:09:24,566What if I'm God?22000:09:24,566 --> 00:09:28,670What if I'm God?22100:09:31,694 --> 00:09:33,744It is likely that I am not, but22200:09:33,744 --> 00:09:38,910I think it's totally out of line totake that possibility off of the table.22300:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,710Now, I understand thatvows have been written.22400:09:42,870 --> 00:09:48,182Stacy, when I first saw you,looking at you made me feel good.22500:09:48,182 --> 00:09:50,420Touching you, felt better and22600:09:50,420 --> 00:09:55,336knowing you made me realize thatwithout you, I, I am incomplete.22700:09:55,336 --> 00:09:56,379I know I look pretty complete.22800:09:58,628 --> 00:10:01,587Somebody over there laughedat that the wrong way.22900:10:01,587 --> 00:10:04,337You are my body and my soul.23000:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,337You are my favorite video game.23100:10:06,337 --> 00:10:06,921Yes.23200:10:06,921 --> 00:10:07,466Come on.23300:10:07,466 --> 00:10:08,227Guys, guys guys.23400:10:08,227 --> 00:10:11,269Everybody's looking at us.23500:10:12,836 --> 00:10:14,624Your was louderthan what I said.23600:10:21,027 --> 00:10:23,987Welcome! Everyone backthere, you're welcome.23700:10:23,987 --> 00:10:25,902Please join us.23800:10:25,902 --> 00:10:27,132Any of those peoplecould be God.23900:10:27,132 --> 00:10:27,922Okay.24000:10:27,922 --> 00:10:28,572Over there.24100:10:28,572 --> 00:10:30,628Yeah. Oh.24200:10:32,172 --> 00:10:34,614Yes. Ow!24300:10:34,614 --> 00:10:40,304Garrett, since we met youhave felt so familiar.24400:10:40,304 --> 00:10:42,876I love makingsandwiches with you.24500:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,960I love folding towels with you.24600:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,477I love giving you your painkillers, at the end of the day.24700:10:48,477 --> 00:10:50,828Aw.24800:10:50,828 --> 00:10:53,081Well that, thosearen't really vows.24900:10:53,081 --> 00:10:56,510That's a list of thingsyou love about me, yeah.25000:10:56,510 --> 00:10:57,600I'm so sorry.25100:10:57,600 --> 00:10:58,204It's okay.25200:10:58,204 --> 00:11:02,012Garrett, do you take Stacy tobe your lawfully wedded wife.25300:11:02,012 --> 00:11:02,593I do.25400:11:03,800 --> 00:11:08,283Stacy, do you take Garrett to beyour lawfully wedded husband,25500:11:08,283 --> 00:11:10,534to have and tohold and to honor.25600:11:10,534 --> 00:11:12,663Yes I do.25700:11:19,815 --> 00:11:21,640Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.and Mrs.25800:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,205Garrett Lambert, Garrettyou may kiss Mrs. Garrett.25900:11:36,384 --> 00:11:38,426Where the party at?26000:11:38,426 --> 00:11:44,543Okay, let's endure this.26100:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,098Are we mailing today, or what?26200:11:46,098 --> 00:11:47,327Who would have thought Barrett's26300:11:47,327 --> 00:11:48,814wedding would be thebest day of our lives.26400:11:48,814 --> 00:11:51,014Definitely not Garrett, sincehis name's not Barrett.26500:11:51,014 --> 00:11:51,711Whoopsie.26600:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,057We say a wrong a name.26700:11:53,057 --> 00:11:53,568Oh!26800:11:53,568 --> 00:11:54,259Racist.26900:11:54,259 --> 00:11:55,187Oh, no. You a racist.27000:11:55,187 --> 00:11:56,546That guy's a racist.27100:11:56,546 --> 00:11:59,013From here to there is racist.27200:11:59,013 --> 00:12:00,563Hm.27300:12:00,563 --> 00:12:04,005Oh.27400:12:04,005 --> 00:12:05,079Hi. Having a good time?27500:12:05,079 --> 00:12:06,211Oh, yes.27600:12:06,211 --> 00:12:07,575Are you Garrett's mom?27700:12:07,575 --> 00:12:08,527I sure am.27800:12:08,527 --> 00:12:10,265Aw.27900:12:10,265 --> 00:12:15,190I think you guys could maybe take astep back, gain a little perspective,28000:12:15,190 --> 00:12:20,313so you don't wreck the whole nightfor some really wonderful people.28100:12:20,313 --> 00:12:24,685You came to a wedding in themiddle of the vows through a bush.28200:12:24,685 --> 00:12:29,704I'm not Dr. Phil, but, I don'twant my son to kill himself,28300:12:29,704 --> 00:12:31,800so, do what you gotta do!28400:12:34,012 --> 00:12:36,676Yeah.28500:12:36,676 --> 00:12:39,940Hm.28600:12:39,940 --> 00:12:40,990Holy crap.28700:12:40,990 --> 00:12:42,085What have we done?28800:12:42,085 --> 00:12:44,050Okay, we just got checked.28900:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,290Mm-hm. And it waspretty deserved.29000:12:45,290 --> 00:12:48,500But, we're not just gonna standhere and lick our wounds either.29100:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,080Jeff is right.29200:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,870And that chipper passiveaggressive lady, she's right, too.29300:12:52,870 --> 00:12:59,407So, let's spread out and- Be the bestwedding guests, anyone has ever seen!29400:12:59,407 --> 00:12:59,981Yes.29500:12:59,981 --> 00:13:01,874Yeah. I'm not gonna over thinkit, I'm just gonna try it.29600:13:01,874 --> 00:13:02,640Try it. Okay.29700:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,132Yes.29800:13:04,132 --> 00:13:04,758Hey.29900:13:04,758 --> 00:13:05,292Mazel tov.30000:13:05,292 --> 00:13:09,827So, a stranger walked over to our veryproud group and smashed our pride30100:13:09,827 --> 00:13:14,630into pieces with a hammer, whichdefinitely felt like a disaster.30200:13:14,630 --> 00:13:19,740Then, I started to pick up the piecesof our pride, and weirdly enough,30300:13:19,740 --> 00:13:24,650the first piece I picked upwas my own pride, all of it.30400:13:24,650 --> 00:13:27,140It's almost like groupsand people in groups,30500:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,760can never be completeat the same time.30600:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,600Does that make any sense?30700:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,000No? Well, that's your problem.30800:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,330I love you, Abed.30900:13:39,330 --> 00:13:41,390Do I know how to be agood wedding guest?31000:13:41,390 --> 00:13:42,270Yes, I do.31100:13:42,270 --> 00:13:44,710A little too well,that's the problem.31200:13:44,710 --> 00:13:48,673My name is Elroy Patashnik,and from 2006 to 2009,31300:13:48,673 --> 00:13:51,640I was addicted toencouraging white people.31400:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,126All right!31500:13:53,126 --> 00:13:54,844Now there's a man whoknows his meatballs.31600:13:54,844 --> 00:13:56,167Thank you.31700:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,723It started as simple survival.31800:13:57,723 --> 00:14:00,148The tech industry in the90s, this face, this voice,31900:14:00,148 --> 00:14:02,230they're either gonna helpyou or hold you back.32000:14:02,230 --> 00:14:06,500So, you tap the gas, becausewell, why tap the brake?32100:14:06,500 --> 00:14:10,520Oh, you know, you knowwhat you're doing.32200:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,780This man knows exactlywhat he's doing.32300:14:13,780 --> 00:14:16,440I learned the cheat code.32400:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,170White people like encouragement.32500:14:18,170 --> 00:14:19,890It really doesn'tmatter what for.32600:14:19,890 --> 00:14:21,595Now, that's acontainer for liquid.32700:14:21,595 --> 00:14:22,640I never felt like a sellout.32800:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,030I never laugh at anything unfunny,never said anything untrue.32900:14:26,030 --> 00:14:29,113The thing is, and thiswill sound racist,33000:14:29,113 --> 00:14:34,640white people are very discouraged,and very discouraging to each other.33100:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,720Sweetie, you, you're getting meatballjuice everywhere but your plate.33200:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,070I think I'm going better thanyou are, with your asparagus.33300:14:40,070 --> 00:14:43,890Oh, now that's the wayto handle meatballs.33400:14:43,890 --> 00:14:45,510And look at you.33500:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,180Working that asparagus.33600:14:47,180 --> 00:14:51,779So, the day you start telling them,hey, just do what you're doing!33700:14:51,779 --> 00:14:52,475I love you.33800:14:52,475 --> 00:14:53,333I love you.33900:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,214You feel like a superhero.34000:14:55,214 --> 00:14:57,295But, what's the danger?34100:14:57,295 --> 00:14:58,920Why'd I stop?34200:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,420You know, same as anythingelse that makes you feel good.34300:15:03,420 --> 00:15:05,915If you don't put a lid on it.34400:15:05,915 --> 00:15:08,980Oh, look at these pants.34500:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,050Oh, oh, oh.34600:15:10,050 --> 00:15:13,954He should keep on wearing,34700:15:13,954 --> 00:15:17,869keep on wearing his pants.34800:15:17,869 --> 00:15:19,797There's no lid.34900:15:19,797 --> 00:15:23,820Stacy has a 90 yearold meemaw here.35000:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,190I pushed her aroundthe dance floor.35100:15:25,190 --> 00:15:27,070I think she liked it.35200:15:27,070 --> 00:15:28,660No, that's Polly.35300:15:28,660 --> 00:15:32,090No, Great Aunt Pollyis Garrett's side.35400:15:32,090 --> 00:15:32,630I haven't met her.35500:15:33,890 --> 00:15:36,258Oh my God, do you think shesaw me pushing meemaw, and35600:15:36,258 --> 00:15:38,321now she's wonderingwhat's wrong with her?35700:15:38,321 --> 00:15:39,080I'll be right back.35800:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,920Annie, the world will still needyou after you finish your cake.35900:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,710Am I that bad?36000:15:44,710 --> 00:15:45,640We have the same dragon.36100:15:46,770 --> 00:15:51,080Eventually you will slay it, or trainit, or dissolve in its stomach.36200:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,740Its name is Helping Others.36300:15:53,740 --> 00:15:55,390If I train it, can Igive it a cooler name?36400:15:55,390 --> 00:15:57,410If you train it, you cando anything you want.36500:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,150If you slay it, I don't know.36600:15:59,150 --> 00:16:02,150I guess you get a newdragon named Yourself.36700:16:02,150 --> 00:16:03,320And then you'd be Jeff Winger.36800:16:04,490 --> 00:16:06,480Yeah, that guy needs help!36900:16:07,899 --> 00:16:12,790What would you name your dragon?37000:16:12,790 --> 00:16:16,570I think we need alist of dragon names.37100:16:16,570 --> 00:16:19,950Yeah! And then we need toget you away from Jeff.37200:16:19,950 --> 00:16:22,957Is what I wanted to say, buthow is that my business?37300:16:25,709 --> 00:16:29,197You don't show these topeople when you finish them?37400:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,493No. Okay, good.37500:16:35,034 --> 00:16:37,290So then why do youmake them, again?37600:16:37,290 --> 00:16:38,230It relaxes me.37700:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,380It's like knittingwith less discipline.37800:16:40,810 --> 00:16:41,930Princess Firebreath.37900:16:41,930 --> 00:16:43,380Sir Pent.38000:16:43,380 --> 00:16:45,140Doctor Rachel Spinetail.38100:16:45,140 --> 00:16:46,050Holly Hotbreath.38200:16:46,050 --> 00:16:47,030Ugh.38300:16:47,030 --> 00:16:47,970Jimmy Talon.38400:16:47,970 --> 00:16:49,310Christian Scale.38500:16:49,310 --> 00:16:51,350I got into a bit of acelebrity pun barrel here.38600:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,410Carson Scaley.38700:16:52,410 --> 00:16:53,480Jude Claw.38800:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,510Ariana Puffington.38900:16:56,010 --> 00:16:58,510Hi. Are these yourbiggest ice cubes?39000:16:58,510 --> 00:16:59,804No, you're boisterous!39100:16:59,804 --> 00:17:01,130Where's my brother!?39200:17:01,130 --> 00:17:03,230I've gotta thing to sayabout my friend Garrett!39300:17:03,230 --> 00:17:07,990There has been a plot twist in the storyof our comeback as wedding guests.39400:17:07,990 --> 00:17:12,350Garrett's older brother Bones hasrelapsed during his weekend pass and39500:17:12,350 --> 00:17:15,350will be unable to dothe best man toast.39600:17:15,350 --> 00:17:16,670You got him?39700:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,340So, I took Garrett'smom's side and39800:17:19,340 --> 00:17:23,770told her after our behavior today, itwas the least I could do for them.39900:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,380And I'm not gonna Winger speechit, this is a thing of substance.40000:17:27,380 --> 00:17:30,800We pooled all the inside infobased on all the mingling, and40100:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,020this toast is rocketfueled selflessness.40200:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,910And this wedding is gonna regret theday it thought we'd make it about us.40300:17:37,910 --> 00:17:41,273Because we're about to be the firstguests in history to out-toast40400:17:41,273 --> 00:17:43,030the entire wedding party.40500:17:43,030 --> 00:17:44,750God, I love my job!40600:17:45,870 --> 00:17:47,020Wait, this isn't my job.40700:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,930God, I love myself!40800:17:48,930 --> 00:17:52,281That was Stacy's first time!40900:17:55,253 --> 00:17:58,050But it's not gonna be herlast time, right Garrett?41000:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,770So many classic toast errors.41100:18:02,770 --> 00:18:04,400A fire hydrantcould follow this.41200:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,160I love you so much, andplease, keep painting.41300:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,080Don't let Garrett, don't paint.41400:18:10,080 --> 00:18:14,050Don't let Garrett keepyou from painting.41500:18:14,050 --> 00:18:14,920Okay, I'm done.41600:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,460Okay, Stacy's friendAndi everybody.41700:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,432Next up we have areplacement best man,41800:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,770Garrett's friend from GreendaleCollege, Jeffrey Winger.41900:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,260There's a lot of things Ican say about this couple.42000:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,640They're both in my classat Greendale, and42100:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,294like all my students, Igive them till about June.42200:18:33,426 --> 00:18:39,060No, you guys'll be fine forever, aslong as Stacy never lets Andi babysit.42300:18:40,210 --> 00:18:42,150Or go near a child.42400:18:42,150 --> 00:18:46,050Or be in the same townas a pair of scissors.42500:18:46,050 --> 00:18:47,970This girl's a wreck.42600:18:47,970 --> 00:18:50,880He's being too mean.42700:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,005No, he's reading the room.42800:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,555Andi was a bummer,they needed this.42900:18:53,555 --> 00:18:56,260Life's about two peoplemerging their lives, but43000:18:56,260 --> 00:19:01,310that means two families areleaving here tonight as one.43100:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,780That's a big deal.43200:19:02,780 --> 00:19:06,450Now my friends and I came heretonight as outsiders, but43300:19:06,450 --> 00:19:08,210thanks to some good advice,43400:19:08,210 --> 00:19:14,110we spent the night learning aboutthese two clans of outsiders.43500:19:14,110 --> 00:19:17,600We learned that Garrett'suncle Tony is a photographer.43600:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,910But Uncle Tony, did you know thatStacy's friend Lawrence makes and43700:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,100sells frames?43800:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,660Yeah, look each other up,get some business going.43900:19:24,660 --> 00:19:28,460Oh, and Garrett's neighborDawn loves vintage cars.44000:19:28,460 --> 00:19:32,970Stacy's chiropractor Susanbrought her dad, and guess what?44100:19:32,970 --> 00:19:36,210Her dad worked in anautomobile factory in the 60s.44200:19:36,210 --> 00:19:39,930Yeah, I know, these are the kind ofthings you learn being the biggest44300:19:39,930 --> 00:19:41,770jerks at a wedding.44400:19:41,770 --> 00:19:43,760Here's another goldennugget in the gravel.44500:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,335Some of you have worked the dance floorwith Garrett's divine great aunt44600:19:48,335 --> 00:19:50,063Polly, 90 years young.44700:19:51,363 --> 00:19:57,341And some of you chatted with Stacy'smeemaw, also 90 years young.44800:19:59,570 --> 00:20:04,418Now, I don't know if they'veeven met before tonight,44900:20:04,418 --> 00:20:10,280but we did learn that both ofthem were born in the same town.45000:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,150Sheridan, Wyoming.45100:20:12,150 --> 00:20:16,010Now Garrett and Stacy, would youmind getting them both out here?45200:20:16,010 --> 00:20:16,770All right.45300:20:16,770 --> 00:20:17,949Yeah!45400:20:17,949 --> 00:20:20,206I know Aunt Polly's here.45500:20:20,206 --> 00:20:21,748Isn't she beautiful?45600:20:23,343 --> 00:20:24,540Okay.45700:20:24,540 --> 00:20:27,681Who has got eyes on meemaw?45800:20:29,831 --> 00:20:31,873This is meemaw.45900:20:31,873 --> 00:20:34,841Oh, this is meemaw!46000:20:34,841 --> 00:20:36,290Okay, I feel like an idiot.46100:20:36,290 --> 00:20:38,191I'm so, so sorry.46200:20:38,191 --> 00:20:40,181Garrett, where's Aunt Polly?46300:20:42,956 --> 00:20:44,789Okay.46400:20:44,789 --> 00:20:49,849I, now I don't feel as stupidbecause either someone46500:20:49,849 --> 00:20:54,831here is lying, or this family'sa lot closer than we thought.46600:21:03,165 --> 00:21:10,498And now, this is a man thatknows how to marry his cousin.46700:21:23,623 --> 00:21:26,206None of this would have happenedif I wasn't always trying to help.46800:21:26,206 --> 00:21:28,472Actually, none of this would havehappened if I hadn't tried helping you46900:21:28,472 --> 00:21:29,248with your helpfulness.47000:21:29,248 --> 00:21:31,165Oh, don't tortureyourself with that logic.47100:21:31,165 --> 00:21:33,665None of us would have metif Hitler hadn't been born.47200:21:33,665 --> 00:21:36,291Also none of Britta's argumentswould have a default analogy.47300:21:36,291 --> 00:21:37,331Excuse me?47400:21:37,331 --> 00:21:38,748He's saying you go tothe Hitler well a lot.47500:21:38,748 --> 00:21:40,248What are you, Hitler, Hitler?47600:21:40,248 --> 00:21:43,915Okay, Britta, we're all the worstright now, take a day off.47700:21:43,915 --> 00:21:45,331I did.47800:21:45,331 --> 00:21:49,150Between us ruining the ceremony andruining the reception when we were all47900:21:49,150 --> 00:21:51,623just individual people,I wasn't the worst.48000:21:51,623 --> 00:21:53,248I'm only the worstwith you guys.48100:21:53,248 --> 00:21:54,540Well, me too. Me too.48200:21:54,540 --> 00:21:56,248I was a good deanbefore you guys.48300:21:56,248 --> 00:21:56,873Aw.48400:21:56,873 --> 00:21:57,795You can't disprove it.48500:21:57,795 --> 00:21:59,748I relapsed because of you guys.48600:21:59,748 --> 00:22:00,540What? Oh it's not a big deal.48700:22:00,540 --> 00:22:01,665White people problems.48800:22:01,665 --> 00:22:02,249Oh.48900:22:02,249 --> 00:22:03,415I like this group.49000:22:03,415 --> 00:22:05,040I'm at my best whenI'm with you guys.49100:22:05,040 --> 00:22:05,790Well, that clinches it.49200:22:05,790 --> 00:22:06,290Separate cabs.49300:22:06,290 --> 00:22:06,831Separate cabs.49400:22:06,831 --> 00:22:09,165Separate cabs.49500:22:09,165 --> 00:22:10,540Hi!49600:22:10,540 --> 00:22:14,248For those still with us, we won'tbe cutting the cake or dancing.49700:22:14,248 --> 00:22:17,272And I believe there was a guy in aHomer Simpson costume that was gonna49800:22:17,272 --> 00:22:17,915surprise me.49900:22:17,915 --> 00:22:20,540That won't be necessary!50000:22:20,540 --> 00:22:23,790Drive safe, and thankyou for coming.50100:22:23,790 --> 00:22:25,331What are you going to do?50200:22:25,331 --> 00:22:25,999Chang!50300:22:25,999 --> 00:22:26,915Chang!50400:22:26,915 --> 00:22:28,165We're going home.50500:22:28,165 --> 00:22:29,081Are you gonna stay married?50600:22:29,081 --> 00:22:29,873Chang!50700:22:29,873 --> 00:22:30,790Chang! Chang!50800:22:30,790 --> 00:22:32,764We consulted with a lawyer, and50900:22:32,764 --> 00:22:35,623it is legal in this stateto marry your cousin.51000:22:35,623 --> 00:22:39,456But after talking to our family,we feel an annulment is warranted.51100:22:39,456 --> 00:22:40,331What no, screw that.51200:22:40,331 --> 00:22:41,165Chang. No.51300:22:41,165 --> 00:22:42,081Chang. No.51400:22:42,081 --> 00:22:42,582Chang, get back here.51500:22:42,582 --> 00:22:43,498Hey, screw you guys.51600:22:43,498 --> 00:22:45,022No, this familyis so screwed up,51700:22:45,022 --> 00:22:47,081you thought you were twodifferent families.51800:22:47,081 --> 00:22:48,552Now that you know you're not,51900:22:48,552 --> 00:22:51,331you can't wait to leave, andyou want this guy to do what?52000:22:51,331 --> 00:22:52,665Forget he's in love?52100:22:52,665 --> 00:22:53,998For you?52200:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,280You want him to take onefor this crappy team?52300:22:56,280 --> 00:22:56,940Let him finish.52400:22:56,940 --> 00:22:58,540They were lettingme finish, sir.52500:22:58,540 --> 00:23:00,040I know, I was being sarcastic.52600:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,373Okay, you know?52700:23:07,373 --> 00:23:10,831Garrett, who loves youhere more than Stacy?52800:23:10,831 --> 00:23:12,665Nobody.52900:23:12,665 --> 00:23:15,832Stacy, is it your faultGarrett's your cousin?53000:23:15,832 --> 00:23:17,373No.53100:23:17,373 --> 00:23:19,983Is anyone here going to makeless fun of these two or53200:23:19,983 --> 00:23:22,540be better friends to themno matter what they do?53300:23:22,540 --> 00:23:23,248No. No.53400:23:23,248 --> 00:23:23,956No.53500:23:23,956 --> 00:23:27,498It's you against the world,and you will not win.53600:23:27,498 --> 00:23:30,207But, you get to make your moves.53700:23:30,207 --> 00:23:31,498Not them.53800:23:38,628 --> 00:23:45,166Stacy, will you be mylegally incestuous wife?53900:23:45,166 --> 00:23:45,790Yes.54000:23:45,790 --> 00:23:48,665Everyone stay and eatcake, or go to hell.54100:23:56,748 --> 00:23:58,644This is about me.54200:23:58,644 --> 00:24:05,030I didn't think I coulddo it, but I did.54300:24:05,030 --> 00:24:05,727Smile.54400:24:05,727 --> 00:24:06,888Smile.54500:24:06,888 --> 00:24:07,956Garrett, look up.54600:24:07,956 --> 00:24:09,915Yay!54700:24:09,915 --> 00:24:11,040Oh.54800:24:18,877 --> 00:24:20,623So much Jenny.54900:24:25,873 --> 00:24:28,331Wow, what an episodeof Community.55000:24:28,331 --> 00:24:32,350Hi, I'm Briggs Haddon creditedauthor of this weeks episode.55100:24:32,350 --> 00:24:35,620You might have noticed anemphasis on the topic of incest,55200:24:35,620 --> 00:24:37,010well that's no accident.55300:24:37,010 --> 00:24:39,870For the past two years, when notserving as writer's assistant on55400:24:39,870 --> 00:24:42,110Community, I've been researchingincest on the internet.55500:24:42,110 --> 00:24:44,210What I found, surprised me.55600:24:44,210 --> 00:24:47,245Did you know that first cousins canhave children without great risk of55700:24:47,245 --> 00:24:48,748birth defect or genetic disease?55800:24:48,748 --> 00:24:52,081That's a quote directly from theNew York Times, April 4, 2002.55900:24:52,081 --> 00:24:54,069But despite thisscientific fact,56000:24:54,069 --> 00:24:57,790state laws on incest remaininconsistent and woefully outdated.56100:24:57,790 --> 00:25:00,479I mean I, I can make love tomy cousin in Nebraska, but if56200:25:00,479 --> 00:25:04,165I take her on a date in South Dakota,I'm looking at 15 years prison time.56300:25:04,165 --> 00:25:07,623I told the Community writers,attention must be paid.56400:25:07,623 --> 00:25:10,248They said they'd allow me toaddress it on one condition.56500:25:10,248 --> 00:25:14,206At the end of the episode, I mustappear and identify myself as a writer.56600:25:14,206 --> 00:25:16,863Look, I'm not trying to tellyou how to feel about incest,56700:25:16,863 --> 00:25:20,120I'm just letting you know, there'smore to it than you've been told.56800:25:21,320 --> 00:25:26,340I'm Briggs Haddon, and I wrote theCommunity season six, incest episode.56900:25:26,340 --> 00:25:27,456Good night.57000:25:27,480 --> 00:25:39,180Synced and uploaded by streetsahead26.05.201557100:26:02,665 --> 00:26:03,831Did you get any of that?57200:26:07,873 --> 00:26:08,373Yahoo!