Communication training 2013 a

Graham Robertson Behaviour Training 2013

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I hope you find this selection of slides useful. Do contact me if you would like more information.

Communication Workshop

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Be open and eclectic....

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Two sets of communication skills that do make a difference in the classroom & with individuals.

“Dealing with feelings that interfere with learning”.

“Seven skills that invite kids to cooperate”. 14 hours.......into 1.....!!!!

Key elements of the Ginott Model

• Congruent Communication– From the Latin congruere, ‘to meet together’ ie ‘connect’.

• Fostering Independence and Self Respect– Dependency breeds resentment

• Avoiding the Perils of Praise.– Describe what you see/feel – say it in a word!

• “If rapport is lost, all is lost”

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Congruent Communication

• Communication which increases self-esteem and decreases conflict.

• Talking with and responding to students in an empathetic manner.

• Appropriate expression of anger, and the use of “sane” messages that are logical and rational.

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Acting-Out Cycle

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Diamond Nine Activity Short-Term ‘Triggers’ of Behaviour

• Groups of 2/3.• Prioritise ‘triggers’.• Most common at top

of diamond etc.• Discuss/feedback.

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Short-Term Triggers of poor behaviour.

• Being shouted at.• Not being listened to.• Being distracted by

others.• Lack of skills to

complete a specific task.

• Failure to understand instructions.

• Tiredness.• Perceptions of

injustice.• Having personal

possessions taken or destroyed.

• Being bullied.• Being nagged.• Lateness.

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Skills for your ‘toolkit’.

• Acknowledging children’s feelings.

• Engaging cooperation.

• Faber & Mazlish – How to Talk so....

• Tallis site – go to ‘subjects’, – go to ‘support unit’.

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If rapport is lost, all is lost!!

Keeping a friendly disposition.

Active listening skills – identify feelings.

Empathy – show that identify with their needs/situation.

Ask questions. What do they think? Views? Problems?

Common ground – identify areas.

Give attention to them.

Show interest in the whole person – interests etc.

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Acknowledging children’s feelings.

1. Identify the child’s feelings.

2. Acknowledge the child’s feelings with a sound or word.

3. Give the child in fantasy what you can’t give in reality.

4. Accept the child’s feelings even as you stop unacceptable behaviour.

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Don’t deny or dismiss feelings.

• Angry child – “You’ve nothing to be angry about”.• Frightened child – “There’s nothing to be afraid of”.• Nervous child – “You have to toughen up”.• Miserable child – “ Come on. Cheer up”.• Moaney child – “I don’t want to hear your moaning”.• Muddled child – “Sort yourself out”.• Perplexed child – “It’s easy”.• Anxious child – “Don’t worry about it”

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SK1. Give the feeling a name.• Instead of denying the feeling ... Give the feeling

a name.• Its strange. When we urge a child to push a bad

feeling away, however kindly, she only seems to get more upset.

• Some fear that by giving a name to the feeling they will make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what she is feeling is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged her inner experience.

USEFUL FEELINGS WORDS

Confused Happy Worried Relaxed Angry Sad

Muddled

Puzzled

Perplexed

Unsure

Mixed up

Uneasy

Wary

Delighted

Cheerful

Joyful

Thrilled

Joyful

Pleased

Thrilled

Afraid

Anxious

Scared

Nervous

Frightened

Fearful

Uneasy

Careful

Threatened

Embarrassed

Calm

Quiet

Peaceful

Still

Contented

Strong

Cross

Furious

Mad

Irritated

Annoyed

Vexed

Fuming

Incensed

Seething

Miserable

Gloomy

Glum

Unhappy

Blue

Fed up

Upset

Low

Down

Withdrawn 13

Try to ID these feelings….

• “I can’t write”• “I don’t know how to do this work”• This story is boring.• I’m going to punch his face in”• “Mr. Robertson's a ************* teacher!!• “I don’t mind really”.• “Well, OK then”

SK2. Acknowledge with a word.

• Instead of questions and advice ... Acknowledge with a word.

• Its hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming or advising her.

• A simple “Oh... Mmm... I see.” Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions.

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SK3. Give in fantasy

• Students often refuse to respond to ‘reason’.• When we express a student’s wishes in fantasy, we

make it easier for her to deal with reality.• “Wouldn’t it be great if it were 3.30pm”• “You wish it were warm enough to hang out here in the

LSU in a T shirt”• “Wouldn’t it be great if lessons were optional”• “I guess you would be happy if jeans were part of school

uniform”• CM.

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SK4. Accept the child’s feelings even as you stop

unacceptable behaviour.• “I can see you are still angry about being

punched. You are scribbling on the desk. I can’t allow that. Tell me more about what happened”.

• “You seem puzzled by what I’ve just said. The rule is no swearing. Now, help me to understand why you are angry with me”.

• “You seem to be really thrilled to get that merit award. Tell your friends about it without shouting – thanks”!

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Sample phrases for when you think your perceptions are accurate.

• I understand the problem as...• I’m sensing....• I wonder if...• I get the impression that...• As I hear it, You...• From your point of view...• In your experience...• As you see it...• You believe...• I’m picking up that you...• Where you’re coming from...• You mean...

• I can see the situation as...• Could it be that...• Correct me if I’m wrong...• Let me see if I understand...• You feel...• It seems to you...• From where you stand...• You think...• What I hear you saying...• I really hear you saying that...• You figure...

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Phrases to use when you have difficulty understanding

• Could it be...• I’m not sure if I’m with you...• What I guess I’m hearing is...• Is it possible that...• Could this be what’s going

on...• This is what I think I hear you

saying...• It appears you/me...• I somehow sense that maybe

you feel...• Maybe you feel...• Maybe this is a long shot...

• I wonder if...• Would you buy this idea...• Correct me if I’m wrong...• Does it sound reasonable...• From where I stand...• You appear to be feeling...• Perhaps you’re feeling...• Is there any chance that you...• Is it conceivable that...• Maybe I’m not with it, but...• I’m not sure if I’m with you...

Avoid the destructive ‘whys’

• Why can’t you be good for a change?

• Why are you so selfish?• Why do you have to fight

everybody?• Why can’t you be like

other students?• Why must you interrupt

everyone?• Why can’t you just be

quiet once in a while?

• Why do you always rush?• Why must you be such a

pest?• Why are you so

disorganised?• Why are you such a

busybody?• Why do you forget

everything I tell you?• Why are you so stupid?• Why are you so slow?

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Engaging cooperation.

1. Describe the problem

2. Give information.

3. Offer a choice.

4. Say it with a ‘word’ or ‘gesture’.

5. Describe what you feel.

6. Put it in writing.

7. Be playful.

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SK1. Describe the problem.• Instead of accusations.

– “Dale, you are so careless! There is acrylic paint all over the desk”

• Describe the problem.– “Dale, there’s paint on the desk”

• Instead of sarcasm.– “Whose the genius who forgot to put his name on the test”?

• Describe the problem.– “I have a test paper without a name”.

• Instead of orders.– “Stop that racket and get back to your class! Now! Move”!

• Describe the problem.– “Boys, you can be heard down the corridor”

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SK2. Give information.Give information without insult

• Instead of accusation .

– “What do you think your doing? Who gave you the right to deface this desk”?

• Give information.

– “Desks are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on”

• Instead of blame.

– “Why is your computer disk on the floor? Now it’s probably ruined”.


– “Computer disks don’t work when they are scratched or dirty”.

• Instead of a put-down.

– “Whew, your shirt smells! Didn’t anyone ever tell you about soap and water”?


- “ Gymn clothes need a once a week wash to keep them smelling clean”.

SK3 Offer a choice.Threats & orders = helplessness & defiance.

• Instead of an order

– “Clean up the paint. Now”!

• Offer a choice.

– You can clear the paint up with a wet rag or a sponge.

• Instead of a discouraging prophecy.

– “At this rate I’ll be retired by the time you start your coursework”.

• Offer a choice.

– “It can be hard making a start. Do you want to think about it some more, or do you want to talk it over”?

• Instead of a threat.

– “If you don’t get the coursework done you’ll be in over the hols”.

• Offer a choice.

– “I am available after school on Tuesdays & Thursdays, or the hols are a possibility”.

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Sk4. Say it with a word or gesture.Students hate long explanations & lectures

• Instead of a warning

– “Take your cap off or its a detention for you lad”!

• Say it with a word or gesture.

– “Cap”! (pat head)

• Instead of a lecture.

– “How many times do I need to tell you to be quiet? Do you think I’m talking for my own amusement”?

• Say it with a gesture.

– Finger to lips – arms/hands etc.

• Instead of accusations.

– “You did it again! You never leave room for margins. Thats why your coursework always looks so scruffy”.

• Say it with a word.

– “Margins”

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SK5.Describe what you feel.When teachers describe their feelings without attack or

ridicule,students listen & respond.- make no ref to character!

• Instead of sarcasm– “I see you’ve come well-prepared for the lesson Steven”.

• Talk about your feelings.– “It irritates me to have to stop what I’m doing & lend you a pen

every lesson”.• Instead of shaming.

– “The cover teacher told me how rotten you all were to her. You aught to be ashamed of yourselves”.

• Talk about your feelings.– “I didn’t like hearing that my class gave the cover teacher a hard

time”.• Instead of name-calling.

– “You are all so rude! Can’t you see I’m talking to Saheed”?– “It frustrates me to be interrupted when I’m talking to someone”.

Sk6. Put it in writing. Students often shut out adult talk.

• Post-it notes. – “Too loud” – Thanks.– “On-task” – Thanks.

• Marking box.– Name & Date That's Great!

• Dear Abdul,Your coursework was due last Friday! Let me know when I can expect it. I look forward to your reply.Yours Sincerely,

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Sk7. Be playful!Use another voice...

• Dam Busters theme!

• Gangster.

• Muppet Show.

• Andy Pandy....

• Good Byeeee

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How Can I Get Myself To React Less?

FEEL THINK DO

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How can I Get Myself To React Less?Be aware of your Inner Dialogue. Possible

FeelingsPossible Behaviour

“Who does s/he think s/he is?”

Anger Aggression

“How could s/he behave like that in my classroom?”

Hurt Non-assertion

“This looks nasty: I’d better go along with it”

Fear Non-assertion

“He’s getting annoyed but I’ve seen this before”.

Calmness Assertion

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How can I Get Myself To React Less?

• Keep control of your own behaviour so you can respond assertively.

• Become aware of your own ‘inner dialogue’.• “Professionals who behave confidently and who

give the impression that things are under control are less likely to be assaulted or to witness assaults”.

• Plan for problem involvement of a second adult.

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Communication is the key!

• “The majority of situations, where there is a potential for violence, can be handled through communication”.

(Quote from ‘Managing Aggression’. HMP)

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Defusion Strategies

Staff should seek to:-• Appear confident.• Display calmness.• Create some space.• Speak slowly, gently

& clearly.• Lower your voice• Avoid staring

• Avoid arguing & confrontation.

• Show you are listening.

• Calm the student before trying to solve problem.

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Defusion Strategies.

• Give a clear statement of what you want: “ I want you to....”

• Stick to your statement. Repeating as necessary. (Stuck needle technique)

• Deflect the student’s responses, the ones that undermine your statement: e.g. irrelevances, arguing etc.

• Preface re-statements with recognition of their view, “I’ve heard your reason for.......I want you to.....”

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Choice

Gives pupils some control over the situation; is less likely to initiate point-blank refusal.

Take up time

Allows pupils not to lose face. Watching and waiting is, in a way, issuing a challenge. We need to be clear about expectations.

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Defusion Strategies

Partial agreement

‘Maybe you were talking about your work but now I would like you to...'

‘When...then’ direction

This is trying to avoid the negative - 'No you cannot go out because you have not finished your work' becomes 'When you have finished your work, then you can go out'.

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Defusion Strategies

Privately understood signals

For drawing the class together or to monitor the noise level.

Tactical ignoring

Appropriate for attention-seeking behaviour or 2nd, focus on 1st behaviour. Praise the nearby pupil..

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Defusion Strategies

Redirect behaviour

By reminding students what they should be doing.

Avoid getting bogged down in discussions about what is wrong.

Consequences & sanctions

In line with school policy.

Implemented clearly and consistently.•detention or ‘catch-up’ ??

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Deferred consequences

Deal with issue later - it removes the 'audience’.

Avoids confrontation.

A quiet 1:1 is more likely to have a positive outcome.

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Non threatening body posture:

• Use a calm, open posture (sitting or standing).• Reduce direct eye contact (confrontational ?).• Allow the student adequate personal space.• Keep both hands visible.• Avoid sudden movements.• Avoid audiences.

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• “Flip the script”.• “Stuck needle” technique.• “Breakaways”• “Four Step” strategy.

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Reflect & Review & Resolve!

• Please think over what we have touched upon.• What three things will you add to your personal

toolkit?

1. .

2. .

3. .• Now we need to complete the School evaluation

sheet.

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Timeless Thoughts!

• “Punishment hardens and numbs, it produces obstinacy, it sharpens the sense of alienation and strengthens the power of resistance”.

Nietzsche.

• “It is difficult to fight against anger; for a man will buy revenge with his soul”.

Heracleitus

(Aristotle ‘The Politics’)

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Documents

Communication training 2013 a