Communication and Communication and RelationshipsRelationships

Chapter 10Chapter 10

What is your personal What is your personal communication style?communication style?

ExtrovertExtrovert

Social typesSocial types Start conversations easilyStart conversations easily Energized by talking to peopleEnergized by talking to people Find it easy to start a conversation or Find it easy to start a conversation or

ask someone for a dateask someone for a date In conflict situations, they talk louder In conflict situations, they talk louder

and fasterand faster

IntrovertIntrovert Rehearse what they are going to say before Rehearse what they are going to say before

they say itthey say it Need quiet for concentrationNeed quiet for concentration Enjoy peace and quietEnjoy peace and quiet Often labeled as “quiet” or “shy”Often labeled as “quiet” or “shy” Find it difficult to start a conversation or ask Find it difficult to start a conversation or ask

someone for a datesomeone for a date Withdraw from conflict situations to think it Withdraw from conflict situations to think it

overover

To improve communication, To improve communication, extroverts need to:extroverts need to:

Pause to give the introvert time to thinkPause to give the introvert time to think Avoid monopolizing the conversationAvoid monopolizing the conversation

To improve communication, To improve communication, introverts need to:introverts need to:

Make an effort to communicateMake an effort to communicate

Sensing TypesSensing Types

Are practical and realisticAre practical and realistic Like communication that is exact and Like communication that is exact and

step by stepstep by step Want concrete answersWant concrete answers Like to get to the point Like to get to the point Will describe a date in terms of actual Will describe a date in terms of actual

experience experience

Intuitive TypesIntuitive Types

They look at possibilities and They look at possibilities and relationshipsrelationships

They are often ingenious and creativeThey are often ingenious and creative They start imagining what the date will They start imagining what the date will

be like before it even happensbe like before it even happens Talk about dreams, visions, beliefs and Talk about dreams, visions, beliefs and

creative ideas creative ideas

Sensing and Intuitive TypesSensing and Intuitive Types

Sensing types need intuitive types to Sensing types need intuitive types to bring up new possibilities, deal with bring up new possibilities, deal with changes and understand different changes and understand different perspectives.perspectives.

Intuitive types need sensing types to Intuitive types need sensing types to deal with facts and details.deal with facts and details.

Feeling TypesFeeling Types

Prefer to avoid disagreements to Prefer to avoid disagreements to preserve peace and harmonypreserve peace and harmony

In a conflict situation, they take things In a conflict situation, they take things personallypersonally

Thinking TypesThinking Types

Are logical, detached and objectiveAre logical, detached and objective In a conflict situation, they use logical In a conflict situation, they use logical

arguments to prove that they are right arguments to prove that they are right

Feeling and Thinking TypesFeeling and Thinking Types

Feeling types need thinking types to Feeling types need thinking types to analyze, organize, follow policy and analyze, organize, follow policy and weigh the evidence.weigh the evidence.

Thinking types need feeling types to Thinking types need feeling types to understand how others feel and to understand how others feel and to establish harmony in the family and establish harmony in the family and business environments. business environments.

Judging TypesJudging Types

They need events to be structured and They need events to be structured and organized in order to relaxorganized in order to relax

They make decisions quickly and do not They make decisions quickly and do not like to change themlike to change them

They schedule and plan the datesThey schedule and plan the dates When traveling, they make a list and When traveling, they make a list and

pack carefullypack carefully

Perceptive TypesPerceptive Types They prefer the environment to be flexible They prefer the environment to be flexible

and spontaneousand spontaneous They like to keep their options openThey like to keep their options open They provide the fun and find it easier to They provide the fun and find it easier to

relaxrelax They often feel controlled by judging They often feel controlled by judging

typestypes When traveling, they are open to new When traveling, they are open to new

ideas and pack their suitcases at the last ideas and pack their suitcases at the last minuteminute

Judging and perceptive types Judging and perceptive types need each other. need each other.

Judging types need perceptive types to Judging types need perceptive types to relax and have fun.relax and have fun.

Perceptive types need judging types to Perceptive types need judging types to be more organized and productive.be more organized and productive.

Complete:Complete:

Your Personal Communication Your Personal Communication StyleStyle

Communication for SuccessCommunication for Success

Problems in CommunicationProblems in Communication

Just because a message was sent does Just because a message was sent does not mean that it was received. not mean that it was received.

ProblemsProblems

Message OverloadMessage Overload Worries and AnxietyWorries and Anxiety Rapid ThoughtRapid Thought Being a Good ListenerBeing a Good Listener AssumptionsAssumptions Hearing ProblemsHearing Problems Talking Too MuchTalking Too Much

How to Be a Good ListenerHow to Be a Good Listener

Talk LessTalk Less

Minimize DistractionsMinimize Distractions

Turn off the TV and music.Turn off the TV and music. Focus on being a good listener.Focus on being a good listener.

Don’t Judge Too SoonDon’t Judge Too Soon

Understand first and then evaluate.Understand first and then evaluate. Put aside your mindset to hear and Put aside your mindset to hear and

understand. understand.

Listen for the Main PointListen for the Main Point

Ask QuestionsAsk Questions

Feedback MeaningFeedback Meaning

Speakers often:Speakers often: Say one thing and mean another.Say one thing and mean another. Say something and not mean it.Say something and not mean it. Speak in a way that causes Speak in a way that causes

confusion.confusion.

How to Feedback MeaningHow to Feedback Meaning

Restate what has been saidRestate what has been said Ask for clarificationAsk for clarification Reword the message to check Reword the message to check

understandingunderstanding Listen for feelingsListen for feelings Use your own words to rephrase the Use your own words to rephrase the

message to check understandingmessage to check understanding

Exercise: Feedback MeaningExercise: Feedback Meaning

Tips for Good ListeningTips for Good Listening

Let the person talk. Talking Let the person talk. Talking helps to clarify thinking.helps to clarify thinking.

Feedback MeaningFeedback Meaning

Avoid being critical. It causes Avoid being critical. It causes anger that interferes with anger that interferes with communication.communication.

Share your experiences but Share your experiences but resist giving advice.resist giving advice.

Ask questions to clarify.Ask questions to clarify.

Be supportive. I am here if Be supportive. I am here if you need me.you need me.

Let people expressLet people expresstheir feelings. their feelings. It is not helpful to say,It is not helpful to say,“Don’t feel sad.”“Don’t feel sad.”

Don’t minimize the situation. Don’t minimize the situation. It’s only a _____. It’s only a _____.

Replace pity with Replace pity with understanding. understanding.

The Language of The Language of Responsibility. “I” and “You” Responsibility. “I” and “You” Statements. Statements.

Example: You must be crazy!Example: You must be crazy!What reaction do you get?What reaction do you get?

““You” statements:You” statements:

Label and blame.Label and blame. Demand rebuttal. Demand rebuttal. Cause negative emotions.Cause negative emotions. Escalate the situation. Escalate the situation.

““I” Statement: I” Statement: Instead of: You must be crazy.Instead of: You must be crazy. I don’t understand.I don’t understand.

““I” StatementsI” Statements

You accept responsibility for yourself.You accept responsibility for yourself. Better communication is possible. Better communication is possible.

Ways to Make an “I” StatementWays to Make an “I” Statement

Make an observation.Make an observation. State your feelings.State your feelings. Share your thoughts.Share your thoughts. Say what you want.Say what you want. State your intentions. State your intentions.

Example: Instead of “You’re a Slob!”:Example: Instead of “You’re a Slob!”:

Your things are all over the floor.Your things are all over the floor. I get angry when I step over your things.I get angry when I step over your things. I think it is time to clean up.I think it is time to clean up. Please pick up your things.Please pick up your things. I will pay your allowance when your I will pay your allowance when your

room is clean. room is clean.

Exercises:Exercises:Communication Worksheet Communication Worksheet

Rewrite the Script Rewrite the Script

Ladder of Powerful SpeakingLadder of Powerful Speaking

I promiseI promise I intend toI intend to I want toI want to I mightI might I shouldI should

For example, if I loan you the For example, if I loan you the money, will you pay it back?money, will you pay it back?

I should pay it back.I should pay it back.

I might pay it back.I might pay it back.

I want to pay it back.I want to pay it back.

I intend to pay it back.I intend to pay it back.

I promise to pay it back.I promise to pay it back.

Will you marry me and be true Will you marry me and be true to me?to me?

I should.I should.

I might.I might.

You know, I really want to.You know, I really want to.

I intend to.I intend to.

Yes, I do. I promise. Yes, I do. I promise.

Be Aware of Negative Self-Talk. Be Aware of Negative Self-Talk. Do You Recognize any of Do You Recognize any of These?These? I have to be perfectI have to be perfect I need the approval of everyoneI need the approval of everyone That’s always the way it is.That’s always the way it is. You made me feel that way.You made me feel that way. I’m helpless in this situation.I’m helpless in this situation. If something bad can happen, it will If something bad can happen, it will

happen. (Murphy’s Law)happen. (Murphy’s Law)

Barriers to Effective CommunicationBarriers to Effective Communication

CriticizingCriticizing Name-calling or labelingName-calling or labeling Giving adviceGiving advice Ordering or commandingOrdering or commanding ThreateningThreatening MoralizingMoralizing DivertingDiverting Logical arguingLogical arguing

How to Approach a ConflictHow to Approach a Conflict

Win-LoseWin-Lose Lose-LoseLose-Lose CompromiseCompromise Win-WinWin-Win

Win-LoseWin-Lose

One person wins and the other losesOne person wins and the other loses Example: games and sportsExample: games and sports Involves competition Involves competition

and powerand power There is only one winner.There is only one winner. What happens to the loser?What happens to the loser?

Lose-LoseLose-Lose Both people loseBoth people lose Fighting to the deathFighting to the death Example: wars, divorceExample: wars, divorce What is the result?What is the result?

CompromiseCompromise

Both parties in the conflict have some of Both parties in the conflict have some of their needs mettheir needs met

Example: Buyer and seller of a used carExample: Buyer and seller of a used car As long as both are satisfied, the As long as both are satisfied, the

outcome is positiveoutcome is positive Problems arise when people are asked Problems arise when people are asked

to compromise their valuesto compromise their values

Win-WinWin-Win

Both parties work together to find a Both parties work together to find a solution in which both winsolution in which both win

There is no loserThere is no loser

Steps in a Win-Win SolutionSteps in a Win-Win Solution

Identify the problemIdentify the problem Set a good time to discuss the issueSet a good time to discuss the issue Describe your problem and needsDescribe your problem and needs Look at the other point of viewLook at the other point of view Look for alternatives that work for both Look for alternatives that work for both

parties. parties.

Group Discussion:Group Discussion:

1. What are the 1. What are the qualities of a qualities of a good friend?good friend?

2. What are the five most 2. What are the five most important qualities of a good important qualities of a good relationship?relationship?

Surviving the Loss of a Surviving the Loss of a RelationshipRelationship

Stages of Recovery from LossStages of Recovery from Loss

Shock or denialShock or denial Anger or depressionAnger or depression Understanding or acceptanceUnderstanding or acceptance

Suggestions for RecoverySuggestions for Recovery

It takes time.It takes time. It is OK to feel sad and cry.It is OK to feel sad and cry. Talk or write about it.Talk or write about it. Take care of yourselfTake care of yourself

Get plenty of rest and eat wellGet plenty of rest and eat well Avoid addictive behaviorsAvoid addictive behaviors Relax and exerciseRelax and exercise

Keys to Success:Keys to Success:Failure is an Opportunity for Failure is an Opportunity for LearningLearning

Falling down is not failure, Falling down is not failure, failing to get up is.failing to get up is.

FF is for is for FFeedback, not eedback, not FFailure.ailure.

Use the No Shame, No Blame Use the No Shame, No Blame Approach:Approach: What went wrong?What went wrong? How much damage How much damage

was done?was done? How can I fix it?How can I fix it?

Life is not a spelling bee, it is Life is not a spelling bee, it is more like a baseball season. more like a baseball season.