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Coffee and Mornings

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Books by Raymund Tamayo Poetry Ten (Lovepoems) ● 2000 Ang Ma-Dramang Buhay ng mga Superhero ● 2001 Heartstrings ● 2002 Pormang Makata ● 2003 Caught in the Warmth ● 2006 Midnight Musings and Blanket Kisses ● 2007 Drafts ● 2008 Love Letters ● 2008 The Big Blue and Me ● 2009 Prose For You, Blue ● 1999 When Love Did Come ● 2001 Sometime in July ● 2003 Cloudy Days of Nowhere ● 2003 Published by LEAF® Books

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Raymund Tamayo

Coffee and Mornings

Thoughts and Reflections

LEAF® BOOKS OLONGAPO

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LEAF® BOOKS Published by Leaf Publishing Company, Inc. 6 Jacaranda St. Gordon Heights, Olongapo City (047) 223-56-89 If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book”. Copyright © 2010 by Raymund Tamayo All Rights Reserved No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission in writing from the publisher; except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine or newspaper. March 2010

This book is set in Adobe PDF format.

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D E D I C A T I O N S

For my one and only God, to whom all glory belongs.

For Denielle, my Morning-gladiator and Coffee-prizefighter.

For Ryah. I had you in mind while writing these entries. I hope by the time you read this you are old enough to understand why.

And for my friends who are with me in this journey. May you find strength, comfort and light in this little book.

love to you and always,

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Contents

Introduction 13

Friendship and Love 15

On Poetry 16

Dear Writer 18

Our Love for Maki 20

The Days of Our Lives 22

Mother’s Day Special 24

On Love 25

On Success and Remembering 28

Reaching Friends 29

Father’s Day Special 31

Something Spiritual 32

Love 33

Strength 37

More Thoughts on Poetry 38

The Queen 40

On Saying Goodbye 41

Perseverance 43

A Rainy Day 44

Starts and Stops 45

Something About Christmas 46

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On Writing Lonely Poems 48

A Love Story 49

The Big Blue and Me 51

Options 52

The Man from Manila 53

Earth Hour 55

Speechless 56

Remaining In Love 57

Thankfulness 59

Stretching the Summer 61

The Million Things She Gives Us 62

The Importance of Being Together 63

Cleaning Cobwebs 65

A Week In Life 66

On Being A Real Man 70

Long Hair 72

The Old Guitar 73

On Getting Through The Night 75

Another Love Story 76

Another Name 77

For My Father on His Birthday 78

Vegetable Garden 79

What You See In Others Is What They See In You 80

The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances 81

The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances 2 85

Confidence On The Future 87

To Celebrate A Life 89

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An Evening of Thanksgiving 90

Defying Discouragement 92

What a Wonderful World 93

Dreams 95

Don’t Forget to Sing 96

The Facts of Life 97

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Introduction The essays included in this book are from my personal blog found in www.bluerain03.multiply.com called “Up on the Roof” which ran for two years from March 2008 to February 2010. It was a great, exciting ride and I’m very sorry it had to end. There are just certain things that are not in our hands. I’ll surely miss the weekly coffee, writings and comments from my readers, but it’s time to move on and get on with “other” things. I thank God for all the wonderful and meaningful experiences He let me have during the run. Not everything was good, believe me, but I know everything was, and is, for the best. While I liked writing these thoughts so much, I loved reading them even more, as they bring to mind those happy and not so happy experiences and because they chronicle a particular time in my life. I learned a lot and am learning still. I know this book isn’t very commercial, and I intended it that way. I want this to be more intimate, more spiritual, a safe haven that only those who knew me, stayed with me, and are with me – literally or not – would completely understand. I share to them this book with my love and prayers. Meanwhile, to you, dear reader, I hope this becomes your appetizer for that main course of finally discovering the most important things in life.

Raymund Tamayo March 2010

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Friendship and Love How far is friendship from love? Not very. Both are immediate needs. Both deserve all the care that we can give them. All the trust that we can muster and let go of, all the selflessness that we too easily forget. Friendship thrives on love. Love is so much better with friendship added. And life doesn’t work very well in the absence of either. I am in love with, or do love very much, the friend that I have in my wife. I am glad that is the case, because I wouldn’t want it any other way than how I have it right now. To lose her will leave an emptiness somewhere inside that no amount of time or rationalization will ever fill. Nights are shorter with her around. It was always not enough. We talk about everything --- books, films, music, cooking, nba, poetry, the sea, God… the latest episode of Mom’s… everything and anything you can think of and can imagine. 10:00 pm is always the best time of the day for me… not breakfast, not writing corporate articles, not making movies, not taking a bath, not shooting winning jump shots, not playing the guitar and singing with a crowd, not going home… the best is 10:00 pm, when I’m alone with my wife, a hot cup of tea, and our daughter sleeping next to us. Friendship consists of being a friend, not having a friend. And so it is that friendship means loving rather than being loved. The gifts that one receives for giving are so immeasurable that it is almost an injustice to accept them. Today is Valentines day, and it only makes me think of red roses, fancy restaurants, unexpected letters, messages bent in fortune cookies, notes in bottles set adrift. I don’t have any of those, but kindness without expectation, that would be the gift. What I’m only trying to say is --- be a friend to your wife, laugh with her, sing with her. Tell jokes, if she laughs before the punchline then you know she really loves you. It is good to be friends with someone you promised forever with.

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On Poetry When someone asks me how long it took me to write a particular poem, like, for one, this "sunset" poem, I ask what is the date indicated below the poem. And even if I used up only minutes to commit the words to paper, I add the life I've lived to the point of writing and give that as my answer. I say that my poems of ten years ago are very different from the ones I write today. The work I do tomorrow will be miles apart from that done yesterday. My feelings when I wrote a particular poem may not be the same feelings that I feel today. But I'll be happy to share these poems with you. But I have to warn you... you cannot judge my poem. My poetry cannot be judged against those poets who have gone before me or even my contemporaries. Because I am the poem. The poem is me. No one can judge what I really felt that day. No one can safely tell me what my poems should be or should have been, because I lived in them... they are my feelings and my experiences and must stand as such. If you read a poem of mine and identify with it, then the poem becomes your experience. You will live it your own way - read into it something I probably never meant to say. That's how it should be. Unless I tell you what a poem of mine really means, you cannot judge it.

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SUNSET, CEBU, NICHOLAS SPARKS AND POETRY this is a september sunset but grey clouds are cheating us of the stars I mark this spot on my calendar this 28th day of september that you’re not around like days in roadway inn like nights on madelaine’s place I circle it in red so next year I can remember laugh and say I over-dramatized your absence I am alone in this stormy island hundreds of miles away from anything

I can call home do you know what cebu means? it means “change everything… but us” I know it’s corny, yeah, it is but as corny as it sounds you know it’s true and longing hearts were always

like that sitting here at the airport felt like I’m the best-selling author of nights in rodanthe just thinking, wishing, just that wanting to write, but like you absent were paper and pens if I could tell you one thing this lonesome september night I’ll say it as loving as I can don’t wait for love but do attend to it when it comes (September 2007)

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Dear Writer Thanks for the nice thoughts and good wishes. Have come through another one of those weeks when a smile or two is much appreciated. Where am I now? Physically in a good place here in Olongapo City, that after all my travels I love calling home. Emotionally? Pretty happy, excited (as always) to find more time to write and read and meet obligations, delighted to be finding so many old friends on the net. Love? I’m sleeping warmer than I can ever remember. Spiritually? Still connected. Still trusting and loving. Still hoping. But enough about me, this entry is for you. You say you want to write, then do. Do not accept advice on how or why or even to what purpose. Writing is its own reason. In the end inspiration is more dependable than what people think or say, or the truth. Perhaps writing brings out the truth. The truth in you, the truth in the writer. I am anyway certain that if we stay true to ourselves, what comes out of us will be honesty amplified. You should not be afraid of being honest. You shouldn’t feel terribly embarrassed to expose emotions that you didn’t want to admit you once had. Most well meant writings ought to discover its writer’s persona. If we refuse this, the best stuff stays in our heads and hearts, not once given the chance to be known or read, and it will die with us. Is that okay with you? You say that you have done some work. Good. Very good. You won’t regret it later on. In my case, I save everything I can. In my life, the more days go by, the less I trust on memory. Time flies so fast that it even leaves memories behind. I write, and I save. The inspiration used to create what was created or to continue some unfinished sentence may not come back again. But you may need it some day for whatever purpose or sometimes to carry you through some of the worst extremes – depression. I think about you and your work with increasing frequency. I picture you in that ramshackle table of yours after a long hard day ignoring

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the hot cup of tea or coffee prepared hours ago because you’re so indulged in what you’re doing. That’s okay. It’s better, though, to nearly finish the article first in your head the whole day before you give your hands free reign. The truth will always have less ornamentation when what we have to say is more clearly thought-out ahead of time. Plus, it reduces a lot of stress to think about good things while laboring all through the day. While I read, re-read, and think about your writings, I believe that you are not far along in becoming an important writer. I envy your future; will use it as one more reason to stay alive as long as possible, hoping I’m still around to be a part of it. Your path through the woods is safe here, your poems and letters find safe haven, too. Faith. A friend ends letters to me with that word. None of us can have too much of it. Faith, and love till next time.

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Our Love for Maki The more we get to know ourselves the harder it is to justify our quirks and habits. Fortunately the older we grow the more at ease we become with who and what we are. Last Black Saturday night was a great time. Denielle, Ryah, and I went for a moonlight ride and we found ourselves ending up at Teriyaki Boy in the Subic Bay Freeport at about 8:00 pm. We were all starving and thought this was what our taste buds were craving. A couple of minutes of chatting with the waitress then she gave us a comfortable sofa seat. My wife ordered for us and said, “the usual,” which means we’ve been there quite a number of times. The waitress went to the kitchen and after a few minutes came back with two servings of what people around here call “California Maki.” I’d fallen in love with it the second I tasted it which, as far as I can ascertain, was unusual because of my allergy to crustaceans. It’s kind of like sushi, only with boiled shrimp, a slice of ripe golden mangos, and seaweed flakes as fillings. What makes it irresistible is the joining of flavors of the wasabi dip and the caviar-coated rice crust that pops in your mouth as you chew this magical meal. I especially liked the feeling of having caviar bits stuck between my teeth, and enjoy licking them away with my tongue. 6 pieces cost P125.00, and I would gladly spend it any time of the day. Haha… okay, not really, but close to that. With all these “Maki-nations” on how I like Maki, I know, with my heart, that I wouldn’t enjoy dining there without my wife and daughter, even after all the luscious descriptions I stated above. It’s either with them, or not at all. A friend once said “the most intimate relationships began while dinner”, which I totally agree on. Denielle and I have developed, intensified, fortified our relationship through the years by eating together, whether at home or dining out.

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The most delicious meals I’ve had in my lifetime were always with her. Consequently, the most personal conversations were done while dining. As lovers we eat together and cope together and learn to reason with and respect each other more than we sleep with and make love to one another. Love is such a gift. No one can write a proper thank you note for receiving it or praise it enough to say what it really is, the meeting of alike minds and hearts; the willingness to commit, the ability to leave self to take care of itself while you concentrate on making it easier for another. Simple gestures while dining make up for a whole lot in the long run, believe me. So that’s what love and dining is to Emon Tamayo? Multiply that by infinity, take that to the depths of forever, and you still will barely have a glimpse of what I’m talking about. These are my words now, Bill.

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The Days of Our Lives Like nearly everybody else I don’t really have any typical days. Most though, are pretty boring like today for instance. Up at 5:00 am, slap cold water on my face, have 2 bananas, watch replay of Rachael Ray’s 30 minute meals and then jog for 7 miles. Back home. Shower and brush teeth. Shave if necessary. Read e-mail messages over coffee, bacon, butter and toast. By 7:30 am busy editing poems for the new poetry book. 9:00 am Denielle arrives from market and I assist her in preparing lunch. 10:00 am, I leave my wife to cook and I get Ryah from nanay to play and have a light snack, Oreo and milk. About 11:00 am, still playing with Ryah, I answer e-mails with my VAIO. A sumptuous lunch. Paksiw na pata, vegetable salad, rice, Coke, and a couple of ripe mangoes. At around a quarter to 1, retreat to my writing room, set the phone to silent mode and write until three. Work on songs until a tea break around 4:00 pm. Break includes an hour of playing again with Ryah. A short walk in the garden with Denielle. 5 to 6 watch nba basketball at btv. 6:30ish get in the car and fight traffic to Happy Valley where I shop for the evening meal (if we’re dining at home). By 7:30 pm I’ve finished sending another poem or whatever piece it may be to Corinne for proofreading and am having a San Mig Light at the porch. Then into the kitchen. (tonight I’m grilling tenderloin steaks with my “super secret” special sauce… shhhhh…) Scrub the new potatoes, boil them for mashing. Another cup of tea, snap off ends and wash the string beans. Take out the Brazo de Mercedez dessert from the fridge. Time to take a bath and dress for dinner. Check on Ryah, draw the bath, put on The Bread CD and read a chapter or two of The Notebook in the tub.

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Back at the kitchen, my wife’s turn to bathe with our daughter, I open the wine as entrée, door bell rings (they’re 15 minutes early). I open the door, it’s Angelina Jolie looking as pleasant as ever. Steals a kiss from me while husband, Brad, is parking the car and Denielle’s in the bath. Tomorrow, of course, will just be another day like today, except that Wolfgang Puck will be cooking. And if you believe that…

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Mother’s Day Special I’ve seldom fallen victim to thinking myself special or unusual. In truth I know I’m not. But it was a very special privilege for me to have known a woman like my mother, let alone have been her first child. As I always say, I would be half the man I am now if not for her patience, encouragement, support, perseverance, strength, and all those words that describe something beautiful and secure. As for my wife, she had only just begun a mother’s journey, and oh, what a good start. A great start. In loving someone else, it is more important to learn the needs of others than to dwell upon our own. And she does it better than anyone else I know. I love you, baby. Thank you for excellently taking care of our daughter. Life is transient. Death is always around every corner. Tell your moms “I love you” as often as you can. While you can.

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On Love For years, in an attempt to define or redefine love, I’ve filled whole books. I’ve said that “love is knowing when to be quiet, even when it hurts,” that it is “like the washing of waves,” and “anything that’s done with love is done with care.” I love, and therefore I am is too simple. That I write so much on love must mean it is important to me. I’m not a dictionary writer, or a slave, certainly not a politician, or, hopefully, not a moron, a liar, or a maniac. Neither am I a bluffer. It may be that we have used the word love too often that its meaning has become obscured. The dictionary tells us that love is (1) the profoundly tender or passionate affection for a person of the opposite sex; (2) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or sometimes to a friend; (3) a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person, sweetheart; (4) affectionate concern for the well-being of others; (5) strong predilection or liking for anything; (6) the object or thing so liked; and finally, (7) the benevolent affection of God for his creatures, or the reverent affection due God for them. This is how the world has made and mentioned love all these times. Despite the world’s many definitions, love is both more and less than the descriptions of those who do our thinking for us. Here on earth, the supply of love will never exceed the demand, but it should. There are people who wanted, needed love but the one they expect to give it to them doesn’t, thus they say “love is inexistent.” There are people who have a lot of love to give, but the one they wanted to give it to rejects it, thus they say “love is an illusion.” There are people who didn’t want or need any love, and consequently doesn’t give any love, thus they say “love is being selfish.” And finally there are people who have been hurt too many times, in not getting what they want, and are just confused about love and loving, thus they say “we cannot define love.” In knowing love, one must have a lot of patience. Particularly, patience in his or her own self. Time will come when we will know

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love, we just have to wait. Different people needed different durations, we’re that unique. We also must have a lot of hope. In a crazy, bluffy world we live in, it’s really very easy to give up on love and say, “ahhh… I just don’t know what love is” or “I don’t know if love will ever find me.” And a lot of faith. For who is best to define love than He who is love. We just have to believe. If not, then there’s nothing any One can do, and we’ll never find ourselves coming out from the mudpit of confusion we are in. It is our choice whether to believe love or not. Anyway, it was Love Himself Who gave us all the freedom to choose. Love has been defined; not by the intellectual geniuses the world knows or has known. And it is being defined every day; sometimes love’s definition is right smack in our face, we just don’t want to accept it and believe it. Oh, and by the way, here is what Scripture has to say on love: I may speak in different languages of men or even angels, but if I don’t have love, then I am only a noisy bell or a ringing cymbal. I may have the gift of prophecy; I may understand all the secret things of God and know everything; and I may have faith so great that I can move mountains. But even with all these things, if I don’t have love, then I am nothing. I may give everything I have to feed people, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned, but I gain nothing by doing these things if I don’t have love. Love is patient, and love is kind. Love is not jealous, it does not boast, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, love is not selfish, and love does not become angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is not happy with evil, but love is happy with the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. Love always trusts, always hopes, and always continues strong. Love never ends. There are gifts of prophecy, but they will be ended. There are gifts of speaking in different kinds of languages, but those gifts will end. There is the gift of knowledge, but it will be ended. These things will end, because this knowledge and these prophecies we have are not complete. But when perfection comes, the things that are not complete will end.

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When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child; I made plans like a child. When I became a man, I stopped those childish ways. It is the same with us. Now we see like we are looking into a dark mirror. But at that time, in the future, we shall see clearly. Now I know only a part. But at that time I will know fully, like God has known me. So these three things continue: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love. Pretty simple, easy to understand. Easy to know. But the real question is, and the more sensible one that is, once you get to know love, what will you do next?

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On Success and Remembering

A sweet June day and we’re promised more when kind rains arrive. Yesterday, talking to my wife as we sleep, I realized something when she asked “do you remember all your poems?” By that question we are talking about hundreds and hundreds, and it took me a while to ponder before answering. At church, when leading worship, I’ve been known to forget lyrics of songs I’ve sung a hundred times. When it happens more than once you learn quickly to make up something, anything, words, words nearly any words because the ensemble and the mantle of worship will not pause for you or for anything. What makes it easier during those incidents was because the new found words came from the heart. With poetry it’s different. No, I don’t have that many of my poems committed to memory but if I read or hear a phrase from something I’ve written I can almost always remember the exact circumstance of its origin. The how, the where, the why, and especially the who of it. To end this, I just want to share some thoughts on success. I measure success by how well I sleep on a given night. If I have not had to question my motives for any particular action I might have undertaken, or knowingly caused another human being trouble or discomfort, then I am at peace with my God and myself and I fall asleep easily. If sleep comes hard, then I know the day has been a personal failure. Afterward I say sorry and ask God’s forgiveness before I sleep.

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Reaching Friends I had a friend named Wesley. A good friend. He’s a musician, composer, and a free spirit. I treat him as badly as all of those I really care about. “All of those” is a bad choice of words, my friends these days are fewer than they’ve ever been. The trouble with friendship is that you have to put some work into it. I’m so busy putting work into work and church life that I neglect friends and suspend making decisions that might enable me to take care of both, better. All week I’ve been talking about friendship and time. Relationships. On and on I’ve pondered about the lack and need of both. There has to be a better way of keeping in touch --- without using the Internet or the highly-dependable cell phone --- a better way of building relationships and expanding friendships. A real way of reaching out to friends. Most of the time, we end up dead tired and ill equipped to even deal with those already closest to us, consumed by so many self-serving and self-equipping activities eventually leaving us without time for its application. It also drains us physically, even depriving ourselves of proper sleeping habits. How can you reach out effectively if, due to lack of sleep, smiling in itself takes energy and effort. Not all of us can live a normal day deficient of sleep, God created us unique. The result? Fewer friends, fewer opportunities for having new and real ones. Fewer opportunities for sharing. Some have a genius for friendship. It’s one thing to care and another to be capable of showing it. It is a talent I lack and because of it, one I’m sensitive about. Though I try, I’m long past the stages of apology. Anything I could say to those who needed me when I wasn’t there is too little, too late. What brings all this up is a request from Wesley a while back for “Jamming sessions.” Anybody who knows me knows I don’t smoke pot, but like all friends Wes and I have lots of codes and code words in our conversations. Wes was speaking about our making-music-

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and-creating-songs sessions. Wes is a fine music-maker and needs no help from me or anybody else so it’s become kind of a running gag between us. Reading between the lines, I know he just wants to have some time spent with me. Oh, how I know that I neglected these old friends for a long time now. I am sorry. I pray to God for miracles of finding pathways into old friends once again.

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Father’s Day Special The best things that my father taught me about life are humility, how important that is, having a low profile, letting your actions speak for themselves; and being consistent, always mean what you say and do what you say. If you say you are this or that, then prove it. Be responsible. My wife can say that most of my traits came from my dad and he influenced me a lot, especially on providing for my own family. I cannot discount the moments spent with him, the jokes, the games, the laughter, although most of them are brief, maybe even so collectively. I learned from him just by watching him. A father now myself, I cannot begin to describe how it feels. I may not be the perfect father, but I want to, I try to be… with my daughter Ryah, and to all the children to come. I am willing to study and to learn even more. To those of you who know your fathers, be good to them and whatever your differences may be, remember, they are still your fathers. If you feel they’re strict – perhaps they’re trying to save you from the mistakes they made while growing, or they want to make sure you reach the potential they know you have. If you don’t know your father, he’s missing, deceased, deserted you and your mother or remains anonymous for whatever reason... today is the day of all days to give whatever you can or cannot afford on the best possible Father’s Day gift for your mom. She did what he should have done.

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Something Spiritual The Scriptures contain all the most important thoughts, truths, and trails for those of us who wish to come closer to God. While people read into it what they themselves needed to hear, perhaps that is innate in us as humans. It would be nice, however, if some of us stopped dwelling on the fire and brimstone aspect of the Bible and spent more time reading, re-reading, and practicing the good and more positive thoughts to be found there. In taking the risk of writing on such personal topics as moral, ethical, spiritual, or religious beliefs, a writer should be as direct and clear as possible – as honest with himself as he can be, but still elastic enough to ignite the reader’s imagination. I am a firm believer that no two of us are alike, so what I believe won’t necessarily be the same as yours. I believe, for example, that belief in God is central to belief in life itself. If you believe the wind blows, the sun rises and sets, clouds form, that there are good people, and people who, ultimately, are so difficult to be with that you have to un-love yourself when they go near, you must also believe in God. It’s just that God is not so tangible. You can’t take Him by the hand or point Him out to your friends. I believe that a personal relationship with God is the most secure to be found on earth or within the cosmos. I believe that being religious is very different from being spiritual, wherein religiosity founds itself in doing good out of obligation or fear of being in hell, rather than doing good because of the love you have being in a close, loving, spiritual relationship with God, spirit to Spirit. I am not a pastor, and the farthest away from being a religious guru. I write this entry and offer them to you as one human being to another. It is my way of responding to the love God has been giving me all these years.

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Love A certain father had two sons. The older son was a hardworking, faithful young man who labored in his father's fields without grumbling or complaining. However, the younger son was different. He loved to play and waste his time around, and as he grew older he became not only lazy but also a bad child. He developed bad habits of drinking, gambling, and womanizing. He wasted his father's money and he became an embarrassment to him. Ultimately, he became a pain in his father's heart. One day he was weary of being told to work all the time, so he demanded of his father the inheritance that was due him. (Sometimes Jewish sons would get their inheritance before their fathers would die.) The father gave him the money he had coming and the son left for the big city, not to wisely invest it there but to squander the money in evil ways. He spent it, eventually, on drinking, gambling, and womanizing, his favorite pasttimes. Within a short time he was without money --- and of course without friends, for those he thought were his friends were only interested in getting his money. A drought struck the land during that time and there was little food and few jobs. The younger son began to starve. His fine clothes became dirty, torn rags. Finally, he received a job feeding pigs for a farmer. He was so hungry that he wanted to eat the food that he fed to the pigs. The hunger pangs in his stomach grew worse. He felt miserable. The young man came to his senses when he realized that even the servants at his father's farm were better off than he was. But he also realized that he had sinned against his father. He wanted to go back to him, with much repentance, not as his father's son, but only as a servant. He repented to heaven for now he realized how much pain he had caused his father. Can you imagine how he must have felt as he set out on his trip back home?! Certainly, he must have felt ashamed for what he had done, for all the hurt and pain he had caused his parents. Certainly, he must have been afraid. What sort of reception would I get? Would the gate be locked? Would the sevants even let me in? Would my father yell to me and punish me? Would my father even let me come back home after the embarrasment that I had caused him?

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As he neared his house, he saw a figure standing by the gate, and he noticed that the gate was not closed but open. As he drew closer he saw it was his father, looking down the road in his direction. His father recognized him and started to run toward him. As the father reached him, he hugged him and kissed him, despite of his dirty clothes and horrible odor. The son began to talk. “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight, and am no more worthy to be called your son.” But in his excitement it seemed the father hardly heard his son. “Servants!” he shouted. “Servants, bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and sandals on his feet: And bring here the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.” And they began to be merry. So the wayward son was not punished, not reprimanded, not closed out. The gate was open, not shut. The father was overjoyed, not angry. The son was treated as a son, not as a servant. Not even as a criminal. This story is a dramatization of the parable of the lost son told by Jesus in Luke 15:11-32. Our Lord Jesus was always teaching in parables. What do you think he meant with this story? Jesus was simply illustrating the truth that there are only two kinds of religion in the world today. One kind of religion says we must earn our way back to God. God is an angry God, and we must appease that anger with sacrifices and rituals. We can never be fully certain that God will accept us because we never know fully what to do to please him. This is not the religion of the New Testament. The other kind of religion, Jesus says, shows us that God, like the father in the story, is eager to have us come back. We do not have to earn our way back! God himself welcomes us back. And just as the father put a robe on his son, put sandals on his feet, and put a ring on his finger, so the Heavenly Father will make us presentable to himself. We cannot make ourselves acceptable to God by anything we do. No rituals of worship, no sacrifices, no amount of good works can ever bring us to the point where we can turn to God and say to him

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that he must let us back into his presence. But if we come humbly, sorry for what we have done, completely broken and repentant, if we come as the son returned to his father, then Jesus says God will have the same attitude toward us that the father had toward the son. We will be welcomed back! It will be as if our sins never existed! This is the wonderful fact of the New Testament. No other religion teaches this. All others say that we must make ourselves pleasing to God. Only Christianity, the religion of the New Testament, says we can never make ourselves pleasing to God; but God himself will do this for us. Just as the father stood longing, waiting for his son to return, so does God longs for us to return to him. But how can God forgive our sins? Does He just ignore them? That is not fair, is it? No, God does not ignore our sins. Our sins are punished. But God loves us so much that he allowed his only Son to be punished for those sins. This is the most beautiful truth in the whole wide world: our Heavenly Father gave his one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to bear the punishment for sin that we should bear. So when we return to him and confess our sins, he can forgive us because he tells us that all the sin we have committed has been paid for by the death of Christ on the cross. That, my friends, is love for you. WE MUST DO TWO THINGS TO COME BACK TO GOD:

1. REPENT. This means we must say and admit that we have sinned. We must admit that we cannot make ourselves pleasing to God and must throw ourselves on his mercy.

2. BE BAPTIZED. This means we must believe that Jesus is our Savior and publicly state this before others. This public statement begins with baptism, when we are immersed in

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water and then lifted back again, symbolizing that we are dead in sin but alive in Christ. We must be willing to be known as Christians.

A Christian is a person to whom God has given his Holy Spirit. A new, transformed life comes to him that will never stop, not even at the time of physical death. The Holy Spirit dwells in him, changing him towards Christlikeness (2 Cor. 5:17) and producing a fruit of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). You can become a Christian right now. This is done by making a commitment to Christ in prayer. Pray this prayer: Heavenly Father, I have sinned against you and against others. I confess this sin. I ask that you receive me back as your child to live with you closely forever. I believe that you have punished my sins through your Son, Jesus Christ, and are now removed from me. Make me pleasing to you now. I receive Jesus as the Lord of my life and the Savior of my soul. Give me your Holy Spirit and fill me so that I may bring glory to you here on earth and in eternity. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord. Amen.

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Strength Strength. A word many of us mere mortals need these days. I don’t have to explain why. You know you need it, too. I have my one and only God, who promised to never leave me or forsake me. I believe Him, and with Him I find strength. My Almighty Father, who I would be lost without. But I would also be lost without my split-apart. She is my best friend here on earth. The one God gave me to really know who I am. My works connect us when we are apart and when we come together. Especially when we are together. The years have come and gone, trials, troubles, and a little bit of everything, still we are left with what we have built between us. I’d be lost without my friends, too. In addition to the ones I can reach out and touch, my closest friends are music and books. The house is full of both. Fortunately for me my earth-best friend feels the same as I do about both words and music. An added source of strength we should all remember to call on is our past experiences and the lessons we’ve learned from them. Finally, faith in God rather than our own selves will help us get through the toughest times. I need not elaborate the reality of that.

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More Thoughts on Poetry Generally, people thought poetry to be instruction, but most poems are an ending of themselves containing not just ideas on how but pure pleasure. Just the pleasure of the poem. What made me think of that is all the analysis people heap on poetry. Some goes beyond analysis and into scrutiny and criticism, enough to break a poem’s back. Defining poetry is risky – but a risk that every poet gladly takes. Perhaps poems lie somewhere between honesty and fantasy. Total truth would be reporting. Pure fantasy, meanwhile, would limit the possibilities of interpretation. Naturally, poetry has as many definitions as those of us who make up poems. A poet’s explanation of what a poem is or should be is different every time he’s asked. Words are always being re-examined, redefined every time they’re put together in a different way. The real enemy of poems is the elitist who would put it in a shelf only for a few to read when it is needed more by the masses than the privileged. The privileged have so many playthings already – knowledge, enlightenment, and the joy of words – as just a few toys like sports cars, laptops, and bling-blings. It is the ordinary people – extraordinary in their treatment and their need for learning, who should befriend and house a poet. We write our lines and rhymes specifically for someone, that’s true, but anyone should be able to find a treasure or two in them. True poets do not berate each other, it is not of their nature. I am grateful for all poetry. The good I try to ingest, the not so good might get a glance. The downright bad is easy to forget. To dwell on it or call it names is to risk injuring your own work. Years ago a certain person made a much-analytic comment on one of my works. She was known to be also a writer, although not a part of our college paper, and claims to love reading/writing poems. Time came when I had the opportunity to read one of hers and my co-writers wanted me to

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comment on it, hoping for a “get-even” sarcasm. Seeing that I’m not reacting, they humiliated her poem with machine gun words; I can remember my college editor remarking “I can describe that poem with 50 adjectives in one minute!” And, yes, he did. As a matter of fact I didn’t like the poem, or her use of words, so I just kept silent. Real poets know that they are a family, to degrade another is to diminish one’s self. Criticizing has always been easier than writing, but poets don’t take the easy road or he wouldn’t be a poet. Long ago I realized I couldn’t please everyone with my writings, but the objective was never to please but to impart, to share. Even so everyone doesn’t get “it”. Whatever it is is obviously different for everyone and that’s exactly as it should be. My “it” isn’t of the one-size-fits-all variety. With this, I thank every one who appreciates my poems, you are the reason why I want to keep on writing and improving. I’m getting better at what I do as I learn and grow more but I know I have yet to do my best work. Even without the monetary benefits, I know poetry has its way of enriching us. Besides, there are more in life than the things money can buy.

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The Queen Enduring a sluggish and protracted jeepney ride has always been a constant struggle for him. Dizzy and battered from office work and evening services, the only consolation he gets in going home (and riding jeepneys) is the pleasant sight of the mango tree gallantly standing in their frontyard. He would pause a while each night upon entering their broad lawn and stare at her like he never saw her before. Tough and strong, her mighty trunks stabilize her presence, her confident leaves lovely, whispering nightwind songs of appreciation. In the darkness of the horizon, she beamed majestically to his sight, reflecting light from illuminating stars that taint the evening sky. Other trees, even taller ones, and attractive plants surround her with much anticipation, in which their form insinuates somewhat a bow of respect. She looked so ideally unruffled, inspiring, and composed. Something that attracted his gaze time and time again. When he reached his room, her after image is still fixed in his memory. Upon pondering the thoughts haunting his head previous nights before, he looked at the mirror and asked himself, “Am I ready? Am I strong and confident enough as the majestic mango tree?” He stared at his oily face and weary eyes and slightly stepped backwards. The answer was obvious. Pablo Neruda was right. There are taller, purer, and lovelier ones than her. But she is the Queen.

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On Saying Goodbye Goodbye’s a word that should be said only to acquaintances and distant relatives, those who speed away at jeepney stops or at bus stations. Acquaintances the wind carries off to and fro or heading out to seek their own goals through you. Goodbye’s a word I will not say to you. Not on the deathbed or in the driveway. Not at the start of some prolonged resting trip that separates us sunup till sundown, or will last weeks, months, or a year, if such could ever be. But some words come too late to matter. A phone call never made. A letter lost, unanswered. A meeting and a dialogue not done. Recriminations go on ringing through our heads when we’ve missed an only chance and words come out of us like bullets when the time is gone. We lose a chapter and a chance because of hesitation or made-up withdrawal.

A prayer for myself: I have stumbled and fallen somewhere in this day, every day. Raise me up again, my Lord, that I might work for You. If I have lied, enlarge on truth, or made up fact, continue to instruct me, Lord, in the true way. Let me hear you more clearly. If I have sinned against my neighbor, I have no excuse. If I have coveted what is my neighbor’s, I have no excuse. If I have been distant to a friend or indifferent to a stranger, I have no alibi that will justify my actions, and if I think I have, teach me otherwise. Take me from my self and let me serve You while I breathe Your air. Let me worship You. Let me be a good steward of the blessings you’ve given me, my family, my work, my talents, my ministry. Let me share Your love and kindness with those men and women of God

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I know and will come to know, and most especially to those who need you in their lives. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

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Perseverance Most of us give up too easily in nearly everything we attempt or hope to do. Designing a bridge takes talent, building it, muscle and diligence. Each of us has those qualities in one measure or another. Why is it we can identify these talents so easily in others but find it hard to discern them in ourselves? That is not so much a question as it is a fact. Early in our lives many of us (and I include myself in that number) never sticks to a plan long enough to fail at it. No one succeeds in everything they try… but without failure, how do we learn to prevent failing the next time. In love? Well, yes, sometimes. It may be that an ordinary act of making love makes us feel extraordinary – though what is so ordinary about an act of gentleness toward another, when we are told by preachers, teachers, and over-reachers of these times, that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with self? The secret is to learn how to catch yourself when you fall and fail, and not repeat it again. Whether it’s career, athletics, or raising a family: Make a plan. Stick to the blueprint until you’re sure it doesn’t work. Rethink, come in sideways if front on doesn’t lead you to your destination. You will be amazed and strengthened as you discover how many hidden talents you employed in getting from A to Z. And, of course, all of these should come with prayer and guidance from God; I assume we all know that. Living your life without a plan is like building a house destined for destruction. Imagine constructing a building without a plan, well, it’s bound to be in ruins. God will be with us if we choose Him to be with us. He’s the type who doesn’t force Himself on His created beings. But He always waits for us to make a step towards Him, and He promises to step towards us threefold. There’s no easy way through life, but I promise you, perseverance works. Never lose hope. It built The Pyramids and the China Wall. Apply it. Surely it can do a little something for you as it did for me.

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A Rainy Day I’ve tried to make a diary entry out of rain. It chills as quickly as it’s put to paper. Why I wonder? Olongapo rain is a fact of life. Gordon Heights‘ downpours have given me backaches in as many years. Just how the rain came down in Waterdam Road, long ago, is easily remembered. When the first drops fall half the city’s given to pretending it’s the first time ever. Therein lies the clue. Like a half-forgotten joke, surprises lose their awe, relived, retold. If I could talk with the truth about Olongapo rain, or all those years spent looking, I’d have stories to fill a volume, but rain chills in the telling.

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Starts and Stops “Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, or five times more? Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless…” – Paul Bowles

Starts and stops are everything. They are in themselves a beginning and an end. But more, within them lies the only pleasure life affords. I regret no love affair however small or temporary. I do not blame those who promised fidelity for always, then tired and went away. I rejoice that I have smelled the breath of angels, even for a small time. If I have regrets or feel inadequate, it comes from quarrels of my own making. Blindness to apology… poems made from sincerity that later proved untrue. But I believe that there will always be a second chance, a time for everything, an opportunity for correction.

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Something About Christmas December is good. Cold comfort. Warmth of friends. It’s a time when children are especially active, and adults contemplate on the year that passed. There is a purity to December. A strange calmness. The new year coming gives us excuses for reassessing our lives and attempting to resolve old conflicts. Maybe the purity of December has more to do with warmth than the cold.

Christmas is a time of celebration. Bright packages and bows of red, leche flans and halaya, Purefoods Fiesta Ham (the star of the Noche Buena), night carols that make dogs howl, children counting gifts under the tree, all promising we’ll be touched by something extraordinary. But Christmas is a time of memory as much as celebration. For some it is a memory of loss, intensified because of the seeming insufficiency. So much promised by friends and family, employers and colleagues, so little given in the rush. A feeling of inadequacy because you cannot afford to buy gifts even for your children. Christmas is and can be lonely for some. If we really do think about it, if we really would understand, our memories should find its way back to the infant in the manger a long time ago. We may not be there when it all happened, but memories can also be made up of things our hearts keep. It is not just remembering His birthday, but remembering the trials and truths that marked His life and, down these many centuries, also mark ours. We are better because He was the best. Throughout His life He set us the example, He carried the keys to His Father’s house, then threw them to us from the cross. Whatever went before, life only started when His life began.

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God may have been the architect, but He sent Christ, His only son, to be the builder of bridges, God to man, people to people. He showed us in a thousand ways that none of us need fear again, that worry is worth nothing, loneliness is self-indulgence, and death is only a passport to everlasting life. We know that December 25 may not be the real date when He was born, but what’s important is – at least once a year – we remember the birth of the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived on Earth, Jesus Christ. God’s Son. Our Savior. For without the birth, there will be no death and resurrection, and no salvation for you and me. This year, as Christmas makes its round again, resolve to smile inside and out. Carry kindness to its farthest edge, compassion still beyond. In the process you may even come to know yourself as you know Him, and like what you find. Christmas is more than memory and celebration. It’s more than giving gifts or feelings of inadequacy. It’s more than charity. It’s about a great God revealing how much He longs to be with His created beings for all eternity. Christmas is all about love.

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On Writing Lonely Poems Poetry springs from a combination of feelings, inspiration, and talent. Getting your heart torn by someone you love can help you express your feelings but can also hinder your perspective. Someone asked me then the following questions: When you write, are you experiencing the same feelings at the time? Are your poems written from memories of loss from yesterday? Or is it totally intuitive, your inspiration? I answered all questions with a Yes. At times I write while going through a difficult or happy experience and on other occasions the memory of a particular time or feeling can trigger a poem. The situation is different every time. I like the unpredictability of inspiration.

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A Love Story I was an odd person. I had many questions about my life and myself. I was the kind of girl who couldn’t connect with another person on a deeper level, or a higher level, which ever the case. I had had too many blah relationships that I felt love was always out of reach. I was wandering, lost, alone, but dreamed that somewhere there was a person for me who would understand me and accept the bags of baggage I carried into my adult life. I spent every penny I had on poetry books and music. I went without money for the essentials in life just to buy books and CD’s. No matter what happened to me, I could find answers in poetry and music that it became my constant companion. With these things with me… I knew there had to be another person out there looking for me the same as I was looking for him. I had a friend who was trying to write responses to notes, poems, and letters she receives from a young man that she wanted to marry. She came to me and I loaned her my collection of poems. The pages were marked with special prose; words that had significant meaning were underlined… sometimes twice. She wrote to him, using the words I marked, and eventually she did woo him into marriage. But only years later, she divorced the young man. I was sad for her, because I knew of his depth and qualities from his writings for her. Years later, 20 years in fact, I attended a church conference and who should I meet, but the young man who married and divorced my former friend. He was older, wiser, and just as genuine. He was still the poet I had remembered. I was fascinated and 365 days later, I became his wife. Friday, July 18 will be our 25th anniversary, we are old and gray now, but his love never waned even a bit. He is the same person to whom I helped a college friend send poetry responses and now he is my husband. In my cluttered and confused life during my 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s, I never thought that I would find someone who would complement

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me. Now, I am alive again, realizing that I was destined to be with him not only in this lifetime but for always. He still writes poems, but this time they were all for me and about me, and smiled when he gave them to me daily. He smiled the way I heard him smile a thousand times in my heart, and during those moments I feel that the long wait was worth more than enough. His poems affect me more than those done by poets of my first collection ever did. He has inspired me, given me tickets around the room and back. He has bought for me roses like everybody buys roses everybody. He has pushed the clouds away and he helped me find what is hardest to find… me. He’s just a man who need and wants, I love him so very much because he can touch that inner part of me, connect and understand me the way no one can. He has caught me in the warmth. Now, we’re in our mid-70’s, and he’s very ill. I know I am going to lose him in the next few months, but it’s all right. We know our spirits will meet again, but the separation until that day would seem to be too unbearable for me. I’ve been re-reading to him his poems and we’ve been listening to his music every day now. They will be my companions when he goes. But what I do know is that whatever happens, we are still together. There will be no goodbyes.

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The Big Blue and Me I have thought it true in the saying that “no man is an island” and yet I do believe that for awhile there I have been just that – an island to myself. Separated, adrift – though not set apart, dreaming that a dozen dolphins will come singing as they form a bridge from this place to the mainland (the mainland would be something peaceful and quiet). I am not a willing sailor, leaving land too long a time, I could not live the life of some far off fisherman, hip high in water every morning, dragging in the nets at night. But the ocean has always had a pull for me. Something draws and draws, I’ve no doubt of that, something from the sea, whichever one I’m near. And when I stray too far from beachland I’m called back. What calls or carries me till I’m within the range of water once again is a mystery. I do know that the calm times, the quiet ones, not necessarily the best – have been lived out near the ocean..

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Options I have heard there are options. To what, I say. To living, a man can always choose to die. Ah, but that’s the easy way out. The better way is to go on living. A bit harder but better. I have so much life and living that needs doing I’m surprised I ever thought of death. You’ve but to smile at me in the morning and a new life starts. When you frown that will be my excuse to live a while longer in order that I might charm a new smile out of you. The only other option is to be without you. I cannot imagine that now and so no options exist for me. That does not mean I’m over-confident. I would that I had left to me one safety zone. One place that I might come to, one island that I might row to should you run away from me.

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The Man from Manila Death is imminent to everyone. So far, nothing has been invented to stop the process of aging. It is important to understand that death is logical and preordained. From our birth we begin moving toward death. It may be that death upon this earth is merely the coming off of a body grown tired and weary, so that the soul and spirit can display itself in some better place. To be a Christian is to believe that death is a prelude to another life, an eternity with God. Jesus Christ said He is the only way to it. We know little of the so-called afterlife, since no explorer has returned to tell us about it. Except Christ. As George Michael said, “We got to have faith”. Do not be afraid of death. On the other hand, do not dwell on it or attempt to welcome it ahead of schedule. Although God gave us all the freedom to choose, suicide is not a practical alternative, because tomorrow always carries with it a promise of something better. And the promise should not be denied. I agree with my friend Ace Lee on what he wrote in his Multiply blog. Francis Magalona’s recent demise also struck a chord in me, so to speak. Like Ace, I was never sad or lonely whenever a celebrity dies, except maybe when the time FPJ passed away in 2004. But with the Master Rapper’s death, I must admit it was heartbreaking. Yes, we don’t know each other, but I felt a sense of loss. The world needs more people like him who thinks and initiates and makes a stand and tries to at least create better possibilities for this decaying world. I also felt a strange urgency about life. I was reminded that death is but a blink of an eye away. We never know. I was again reminded that it doesn’t have to be a happy life, but a full one. We are just but travelers in this short and temporary journey on Earth, and all those we come across should be treated with utmost respect and, of course, love. We pass this way only once, and when time comes for us to

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move beyond, the love we showered to those around and within us will hopefully be passed on and on. Following are excerpts from my comments in Ace’s blog: Yes, the “cool” man just stepped out. It’s kind of a reminder that death is imminent for everyone. I do not know how death will come to me, though once I thought I did. How will I greet it depends on how hard or easy it comes in. I am very sure that any pain that might accompany it could not be as bad or worse than some I’ve known within my life. I am resolved that, if I can, I will view the end as a writer does the blank page in front of him. A beginning. The master rapper is gone, but his story remains. He did his purpose here on Earth, the question is “Are we doing ours?” We need him because he makes music. But he needs us more, because without an audience a “musikero” is nothing. Each of us needs the other. Where would we live without the builder? How do we eat without the farmer? How would we travel without the pathfinder, the surveyor, the maker of roads who came before us? The individual is everything, because each of us is different. We remain unimportant without right relationships to others or at the very least appreciation to those who came before and our duty to those who will come after we are gone. Add something. Leave something. If only a fingerprint.

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Earth Hour Long before the trees begin to bud, before new grass starts to roll with the curvature of the hills and spread out evenly on the common, a certain uneasiness, a kind of insecurity arrives one morning just before sunrise. It presents itself, moves in and settles in. Not unkind, not troublesome, this uncertainty is more of an itch – an indication that all else pales before nature. Mornings in Gordon Heights do that to you – especially along Waterdam Road. The thrower of seeds lets go of his kernels in mid-March. Sometimes an early April rain cooperates. Later on acacia trees are all so heavy that their boughs bend low and nearly break. A rooster stands up and calls from his pedestal, a high-pitched squeak that all his brothers answer. Moist Santan flowers in everybody’s yards. Mango and Makopa fruits hang high in their branches. With a cup of coffee and a friendly guitar, one can sing with the early working birds busy feeding their young. Touch a cat that just woke up and toss her some of the biscuits in hand, the family dog looking in surprise or jealousy. Before sunrise in Gordon Heights, you wouldn’t believe it until you experience it. Once there, the plainest of us begin to feel beautiful and the fever deepens. Hope this can last forever.

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Speechless You fill me with tension anticipating, and that is better than not being filled at all. You open up your life to me – could I ask for more. I have no quarrel with men who’ve loved you, only appreciation for their good taste. I believe that every time we love or try to love, unconsciously we seek out our ideals, probably with help from someone else because we might see what we’re looking for in different people. Then again there are those rare times when someone, like a river crossing to the ocean, draws you effortless. Pulls you easy. Maybe this was such a time.

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Remaining in Love There are moments when we long to be able to help someone whom we love very much, when we long to be the bright sunny day that would take them away from the day’s troubles, but we can do nothing. Circumstances do not allow us to be with them, or the person is closed to any kind of assistance or support. Then all we are left with is love. At such times – when we can do nothing else – we can remain in love. Without expecting anything. Reward, change, or appreciation. If we do this, love will begin to ease away all worries. I know of a young man who is working out of the country and he continues to worry that his wife is having another man while he was away. At last, after two years, he goes home and meets her again. That moment when he looked into her eyes once more, all worries went away. All anxieties, nightmares, and fears. This is not meant to gossip. I wrote this down so we may never forget: perfect love casts out fear. One thing I learned traveling through life all these years is that love is ever present in the small things, and manifests itself in the simplest of actions. It is necessary therefore to remain in love, to keep it always, regardless of circumstances. To remain in love is to not hold it back, even when the one you love is not around to experience it. Picking up the phone and saying the affectionate words we have been postponing. Opening the door to someone who couldn’t. Asking a waiter for a glass of water, or the extra chili sauce. Asking forgiveness for our mistakes and admitting what we have done. Demanding a right that is ours. Paying our bus fare. Opening a bank account. Closing a bank account. Putting music on really loud when the person we love is far away. And turning the volume down when he or she is near. Knowing when to say “yes” and “no”. Discovering a sport that can be played by two. Knowing when to admit we love someone with all our heart, mind, and soul. And, of course, telling

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them. Not following any formula, not even the ones in this paragraph, because love is creative. And when all else fails, when loneliness and worries still linger because of the beloved’s absence, remember this story. A flower dreamed day and night for the rain to come, but nothing fell all through the summer months. The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long, warm nights she imagined a heaven full of his drops, which descends to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to appreciate the grass around her, show affection to bees flying about, and be friendly to the moon watching above. She was able to last until the next day, when she would continue to care for all the busyness around her. One night, the moon, who knew of the flower’s loneliness and longing for the rain, asked: “Aren’t you tired of waiting?” “Possibly, but I have to keep trying.” “Why?” “Because if I don’t remain in love, I will simply fade away. And one day, who knows, rain might come.” At times, when fear and solitude seem to crush all beauty, the best thing to do is to remain in love.

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Thankfulness For this “holy” day, I just want to share with everyone something I’ve written in my Friendster blog some years ago. Hope you all find comfort in it. We all need one. Here it is: "And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan." - LUKE 17:15-16 Thankfulness is first in the Christian life. Thankfulness is a conscious response of the soul and spirit dwelling in the awareness beyond the blessings to its source. We all know that everyone of us has sinned (Rom. 3:10; 3:23), but God loves us so much that He forgave us, He saved us from death, and He adopted us as his children. There could be no better reason for a grateful heart! Lepers in Jesus’ day were social outcasts. Their highly contagious condition has greatly separated them from those they love. When ten lepers encountered Jesus, they were desperately begging Jesus to show them mercy (Luke 17:13). After that Jesus sent them to the priest, and they were all healed! These ten men that had been forbidden to go into their community, to live in their own homes, to work in their own jobs, or even touch their own wives and children, now were freed! Imagine what unrestrained joy must have filled them as they ran back to meet their loved ones! But only one of the lepers, a Samaritan, which were normally rejected by the Jews back then, stopped and ran back to thank Jesus. “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine?” Jesus asked him. Ten lepers were healed, freed, rejoicing in the liberty of their new-found health. Ten men joyfully recounting the glorious experience they had with their loved ones. But only one considered the Source of the blessing and stopped to thank and worship the One who had given him back his life.

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We, too, as Christians, have been healed and freed from the bondage of our sins. We were made whole by our Savior. We are also free to enjoy the gracious life Jesus gave the ten lepers. But are we, like the nine other lepers, rush off so quickly to tell others of this good news without stopping first to thank our Redeemer? God looks for our thanks. Our worship, prayers, service, and daily life should be filled with praises and thanksgiving that is only for the One true God (Phil. 4:6).

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Stretching the Summer The river cuts a gully every bit as deep within the mind as the one opening the earth. Lay your troubles to God; let Him carry the water and you to that wide, friendly sea beyond imagination. But all is not imagined. The sun is real and everywhere.

Rain came too early this year. It’s not an unwelcome guest to tell you, I’ve always been a rain man, but I’ve also always liked summer and everything it brings, had brought, and it has barely touched my skin enough for me to write more poems about it. These days, I’ve been trying to stretch the summer a little longer. Every night when I sit down to write I always assure myself that tomorrow I’ll find the sun. But cold rainy Olongapo mornings deny me so. Just last weekend, I sat at the grassy hills of Lake Caliraya, stretched out in the backyard of our cabin the first hours of May and the last sunshiny hour of April. I hate to see most seasons go, but this year, summer ran the fastest. I would always rather be too warm, finding relief from the heat, than cold beneath a midnight blanket seeking out someone to be my warm up jacket. I love the rain, yes I do. But I also love summer, and she has a unique way of making me so.

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The Million Things She Gives Us

What can be said in praise of mothers? Never enough. They are the compass that sets us right in a sometimes dishonest world. Whatever we may say as men, of men and dear old dad, fathers always seem to be a work in progress, playing by the seat of their pants at fatherhood. But somehow mothers always arrive in our lives fully formed and ready to take on anything. Able they are, if we let them, to steer us in the right direction. Not just to the path they believe to be the right one but away from our decadent instincts and selves. So hats off to all moms everywhere! Every day ought to be Mother’s Day.

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The Importance of Being Together

A few years back, when I was still purchaser of our company, a certain salesman was offering me his products through the phone. He would call me every other day and email me weekly, sending an infinite range of product lines. For months I’ve always answered “no”. The truth is that there is a need for his product, only that instead of talking with “a voice”, I’d rather buy from someone I already know. One day, this man discovered that I was going to be in our Makati office for a meeting. When I arrived at the building, he was waiting for me at the lobby. He introduced himself and asked if I can give him a minute, saying: “I’m not someone who can’t take “no” for an answer. It’s just that I found out I’m doing things the wrong way.” One has the right to fight for himself, but one also has to know when certain things are proving to be impossible. I could simply say “no” again (like in the emails and phone calls), but I decided to try something more diplomatic. I set conditions that were impossible to fulfill. I said there should be no delivery charge to Subic, asked for a 15% discount on all orders, and a 60-day terms of payment. He agreed. “You’ll barely have a profit with those conditions,” I warned. “And I want you to personally deliver the items to me at the office every time.” He nodded and said thanks. “I’m so happy I finally got the chance to supply for a company like yours.” I said no problem. He continued to talk.

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“I’ve been in the selling business for years, but one thing I learned just recently from a mentor surprised me. Meetings. Being together. That was my mistake with you. Instead of sending a bunch of emails and numerous phone calls, I should have shown up right away at your office and made you see that I was real flesh and blood. If you want something, first of all you have to show your eyes. That’s what I’ve done ever since I learned it and I’ve had nothing but good results. We can have all the available means of communication in the world, but nothing, absolutely nothing takes the place of being together.” I shook his hand and looked in his eyes as we parted ways. He is now an accredited supplier of the Aboitiz group and one with the best records in relationships and sales.

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Cleaning Cobwebs For the past four weeks I’ve been re-reading the book Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren and I remember the time when I first read it almost 6 years ago in December 2003. During that time, after more than twenty days of reading and meditating and coming to know God in that spiritual journey, I realized that I was in a much worse state spiritually than when I started. In my solitude with God, I began to have awful, sad, and guilty feelings and I kept on asking Him “Why, Lord? Why do I feel this way?” I prayed and prayed and it seemed like God wasn’t answering. I told God that when I set out on that 40-day spiritual journey I thought I would grow closer to Him, but that after those many days I was feeling a great deal worse. Then one day, on the 28th day, God impressed something to me. “You are getting better, don’t worry,” He said. “When you turn on the lights of an old house the first things you will see are the cobwebs, the dust, and the broken furniture. They were there all these time; except that you just cannot see them in darkness. Now you are in the light, you have come to know your real self. You see all the cobwebs, the dust, and the broken furniture. It will now be easier for you to do your part in cleaning out your soul.”

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A Week in Life I’ve been thinking about what to share to you today, and perhaps the best thing I can talk about is what happened with me this past, very rainy, week. An ordinary week. Of course this is only in the domain of the natural… I have practically a lot more going on in my imagination. SUNDAY – MAY 31

A.) Went to church with the family in the morning. A blessed day of worshiping God with my bass guitar. Learned about the “Common Ailments of a Christian” during the message. Ailments meant in the spiritual life: Discouragement, Self-pity, Pride, Inferiority Complex, and Unbelief. The answer to avoid these things: Turn your eyes upon Jesus and consider Him in all things.

B.) 1:30 pm, had a late lunch at the house with Denielle. Fried chicken, noodles, and pineapple juice. Talked about the message earlier. To consider Christ is to set one’s whole mind upon Him and to be fully occupied with Him. Took a nap for an hour then prepared the car for the evening fellowship at church.

C.) 4:30 pm, meeting with the church leaders and workers. Talked about the coming team-building activity for Greenwich employees at Ann Raquel’s on Tuesday and Wednesday. Had dinner with the church family at Mango Valley afterwards. I especially liked the boiled shitake mushrooms.

D.) Went home. Shower. Pineapple Juice. Internet. Friends. Prayed. Sleep.

MONDAY – JUNE 1

A.) Woke up early, prayed and read. Prepared for work. Ham and eggs for breakfast. Drove off.

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B.) Lead the company’s morning booster (first hour of the morning every Mondays) because Sir Dante and Sir Mars were not around. I shared about what matters most in life. In summary, I told everyone that “life is all about love”. Love for God and love for other people. I hope they get it.

C.) Designed and conceptualized the front cover of our company magazine’s July 2009 issue. Very hard to think of new things that were never thought of before. Took a half day to do it.

D.) Lunch with Jeff (aka Ato) and friends at the stockroom. Charcoaled chicken wings, carrots and peas. Jeff had adobong manok, chicken wings also.

E.) Answered emails. Countless phone calls. Front cover is still not finalized. I have to go home.

F.) Picked up Denielle and Ryah at home for prayer meeting at church. Prayer meeting. Worshiped with my bass guitar. The presence of God is unbelievable.

G.) Same as letter D. above, only this time had a sandwich and hot chocolate instead of pineapple juice.

TUESDAY – JUNE 2

A.) Same as letter A. above. B.) Answered and wrote emails. Had a lot of concerns especially

about our company magazine and Corporate Social Responsibility projects. Countless phone calls.

C.) Had a meeting with people from the Department of Labor and Employment. Company inspection and I assisted. Had lunch with the DOLE people, Sir Edu, Ethel, and Beth at Cocolime. Beef pochero, assorted grilled seafood, humba, sisig, pakbet and sizzling boneless bangus.

D.) Continued on with the meeting. A few hours later, the inspectors agreed on their findings: “No violations of any kind”. Signed some documents. See you next year.

E.) Same as letter B. of June 2. F.) After work, it’s raining very hard. Picked up Denielle and

Ryah at home and off to Ann Raquel’s. Stopped by at 7-11 to buy some salt and Gatorade.

G.) Ann Raquel’s now for the team building, still raining very hard. Dinner with church people. Chicken joy. Our pastor lead a short session about God’s purposes for our life.

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Human videos. Worshiped again with my bass. Young people had a great time. Me too.

H.) Stayed at Ann Raquel’s for the night. The air-conditioning system is in full blast. Thank you, God, I get to sleep beside Ryah.

WEDNESDAY – JUNE 3

A.) Same as letter A. of June 1. Only this time without the breakfast. Drove off to work from Ann Raquel’s.

B.) Stopped by at Mini-Stop to get some breakfast. C2 Green and tuna sandwich.

C.) Back to work. Finally finalized the July issue cover. Thank God for Adobe.

D.) Same as letter B. of June 2. E.) Lunch time again! Ate at Neb’s with Ma’am Yoly, Jerry Paul

and the new guy, Jess. I had sinigang na baboy. F.) Afternoon, lots of things to think: how to get the 15 best

students out of the 10 public schools in Olongapo City and we will give them scholarship grants. How to promote the new Aboitiz Energy Solutions Inc. with their new general manager. What to write in my blog tomorrow.

G.) Downloaded some photos and edited news articles for the July issue. Some articles were to be re-written. It’s alright.

H.) After work, drove to Ann Raquel’s to pick up Denielle and Ryah and went home.

I.) At home, hotdogs and scrambled eggs for dinner. J.) At last, I get to be alone with my computer for once. Emailed

my mom and dad. Checked on the family’s budget planning. Wrote some lines and continued to work on my latest novel (the question of when will I finish this is still without an answer). Played Text Twist. Listened to James Taylor and Carole King for a moment. Checked on NBA.com and Multiply. Watched some parts of “The Inconvenient Truth”. Made an Audio-Visual presentation for Jay and Ethel’s wedding on Saturday. I used the song “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. Congratulations and Best wishes!

K.) Shower. Played with Ryah. Pineapple Juice. Friends. Prayed. Sleep.

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THURSDAY – JUNE 4

A.) Same as letter A. of June 1. Still ham and eggs for breakfast. B.) Same as letter B. of June 2. C.) Lunch with Jeff (aka Ato) and friends at the stockroom. I had

fried pork chops with cucumber. Jeff had the same adobo as last Monday.

D.) Same old same old letter B. of June 2. E.) Edited more articles from our Cebu EnerZones. Sorted out

photos. F.) After work, picked up Denielle and Ryah again and went to

church for workers’ Bible study. Studied together about using our God-given abilities in service to God.

G.) Had dinner at Golden Tea House with church workers afterwards. I had beef-wanton noodles and asado siopao (the best siopao in town!).

H.) Went home, edited the Jay-Ethel AVP, and then wrote this thing down. It’s already late and I want to get some sleep.

Good night. Sleep Warm.

TRIVIA: We seldom think of the health benefits coffee brings, much less the difference in nutritional value between regular coffee compared to gourmet coffee. Coffee that is classified as gourmet is usually the coffee we order at Figaro, Starbucks etc. has espresso as their foundation. Espresso is thought to have more health benefits than regular coffee but it’s only mainly due to its brewing method. Espresso is a concentrated form of coffee that is produced when water is forced under high pressure over finely ground coffee. The best of the coffee’s ingredients is expressed out in a quick method, this helps preserve beneficial antioxidants to maximize the health benefits and contains 2 to 3 times the number of anti cancer agents compared to regular coffee. But espresso is notoriously difficult to brew and many will find a hard time getting it right.

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On Being a Real Man The book Missing from Action: Vanishing Manhood in America by Weldon Hardenbrook talks about four false images of males:

A.) Macho Maniac – This guy denies his feelings and ignores the law. He never worries, complains, or apologizes. He just sweats. He accomplishes the impossible every few minutes and just bullies people.

B.) Great Pretender – He builds up self-esteem by belittling everybody else, particularly his wife and family. He imagines that he rules his family but really everybody’s ridiculing him behind his back. He’s frightened of the world and hides it by being critical and talking tough.

C.) World Class Whimp – He’s so incompetent that he is constantly outwitted by his children, wife, and dog. Nobody takes him seriously.

D.) Gender Blenders – He pretends to be masculine, but have a complete reversal of roles and identity.

But whom can we actually call a “real man”? We only have but the One who created man to consult. Let us look at an excerpt from an article by Pastor Rick Warren titled “God’s Model for Manhood”. I believe that being a male is a matter of birth but being a man is a matter of choice. A man’s greatness is not determined by the value of his wealth but by the wealth of his values. According to the Bible, here are five values God looks for in the life of a real man:

1.) Compassion – God is looking for men who put people before profits. Over time, relationships are more valuable than material things. The Bible says, “If I have not love I am nothing.” Too often men are just concerned about themselves that they don’t care about other people and even forget their own families. God is looking for men of love and compassion.

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2.) Consistency – God is looking for men who put character before conformity. They’re not afraid to be different and stand alone. These are men of conviction who cannot be bought at any price. Half committed is no commitment at all. Inconsistent men produce insecure children. The bottom line of manhood is integrity.

3.) Cooperation – God is looking for men who put cooperation before competition. An article I read recently says only 10% of men have real friends. They don’t know how to relate to other men and are afraid to let anybody get close to them. God is looking for men who puts his trust in him and is not insecure of his own masculinity.

4.) Commitment – God is looking for men who put the cause of Christ before comfort. According to a recent study, the number one complaint of wives is passive husbands. They are aggressive at work, taking the lead, but at home they are laid back. They hand over leadership and responsibility to the wife or kids or anyone else who would take it. They are even passive in their spiritual life. A real man is a man of action: what you believe, let us see it. A man of commitment takes care of his family in all dimensions; physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.

5.) Courage – God is looking for men who will put service before security. Today’s value system tells us to do everything we can to provide security for ourselves. The whole goal in life is to become secure and financially independent. God is looking for men with courage, who are willing to take the risk in service to Him.

I pray for God’s guidance in developing these values in my life all for His glory. And I also pray for every man, father, or father-to-be who reads this, that he may also be guided. Thank you.

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Long Hair A certain young man was combing his hair in the restroom of his workplace when a colleague entered and noticed how long it has grown since the last time they’ve met. “Are you trying to grow you hair longer?” “Nope. I actually like it short because it gets in my eyes this long.” “Then why don’t you get a haircut?” “I want to, but I don’t have the time,” he smiled. “You can have it this weekend,” the friend suggested. “Weekends are the busiest times of my week,” he looked at him still with that smile on his face. The friend laughed a bit. “I understand. You have so many things in mind. How can you smile? Do you ever rest? How do you cope up with all these responsibilities?” “I treat my work as worship to God. Since I came to know Him, He taught me that life is a trust. I believe God gave me these responsibilities to bring Him glory. So I do my best in everything for Him.” “So you do everything as if you’re doing them for God?” “Yes. That’s why I can still smile and tell you jokes.”

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The Old Guitar I had this guitar since 2003, December 9 to be exact. I acknowledge it as the first tangible gift God gave me. I received the Lord in my heart December 8, 2003, and the first thing I ever prayed for was a guitar. Back then, I thought I was the only guitar player who didn’t have his own guitar. One day later the Lord answered and there I have it. Just last week, after more than five years, I decided to give it away because I don’t use it anymore. All the strings were gone and there were already cracks on the neck and body. I thought that I should get rid of it as it only clutters our quiet time room. I packed it into its case and left it at the living room, together with my wife’s guitar, which, incidentally, she wanted to get rid of also. They both had similar casings. Her guitar was more of a mess; the fret board was detachable, while its bridge was broken. I told my brother, which is living with us in the same house, that he could take the guitars for himself or give it to someone else he wanted to. He said, “Okay, I’ll take one and will give it to my girlfriend’s brother.” I said, “Go ahead.” Two days passed and I noticed that there was only one guitar left in the living room. I was a little pissed because I very much wanted to dispose both. As I picked it up and opened the case, I was surprised to find my old guitar inside. I expected my brother to take it and leave my wife’s guitar because of the very obvious deterioration of the latter.

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At once I heard the Lord spoke to me, “Why do you want to give away the first gift I gave you? Don’t you know that it is a reminder of our reconciliation?” So I put it right back in its proper place – inside our quiet time room.

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On Getting Through The Night

At the age of seventeen, Milton Erickson was a victim of polio. Ten months after he contracted the disease, he heard a doctor tell his parents: “your son won’t live through the night.” Erickson heard his mother crying. “Maybe she won’t suffer so much if I get through tonight,” he thought to himself. And he decided not to sleep till dawn. In the morning he shouted out: “Hey mother! I’m still alive!” There was so much joy in the house that from then on he resolved to resist always one more night in order to postpone his parents’ suffering. He died in 1980 at a ripe, fulfilled age of 78, leaving behind a series of important books on the enormous capacity that man can overcome his own limitations.

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Another Love Story A couple traveled for days in the woods without speaking to each other. When they finally arrived in the middle of the forest, they found a wise man. “My companion said almost nothing to me during the whole journey,” said the young man. “A love without silence is a love without depth,” answered the wise man. “But she didn’t even say that she loved me!” “Some people always claim that. And many of us end up wondering if their words are true.” The three of them sat on a grassy slope nearby. The wise man pointed out to the sun barely penetrating the dense vegetation, then to the mountains, then to the adjacent river. “We can’t always hear God telling us He loves us. But it remains the same and does not change. God loves us, and we realize that through His creation.”

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Another Name A man said to a friend: “You talk about God as if you knew him personally; down to the sound of his voice. Why do you need to create something to believe in? Can’t you live without that?” His friend replied: “Do you have any idea how the universe and its billions of stars were created? Can you explain the miracle of life?” “Everything around us is the result of chance,” the man said. “Things just happen.” “Exactly,” the friend answered. “Things just happen is merely another name for God.”

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For My Father on His Birthday

Tomorrow is my father’s birthday, and I wish him a happy, blessed one. By the time he reads this he will have turned sixty two. I’m sure all of us who know and love him agree that he no doubt reached this year again with that trademark determination and resolve that he is famous of. In all these years of knowing him, being his first-born son, I’ve marveled at his genius, his decision-making, his fortitude to reach the goals he had established in his life. His focus to accomplish what his mind had set into is unbelievable. I wish to acquire this for myself, from him, because I know goals are only goals, dreams are only dreams, unless you do concrete steps to reach them. I’ve watched, even at some distance, how he was able to turn adversary to advantage and nearly always shed favorable light on the heaviest of circumstances. I’ve been observing him, and he doesn’t know it. And I’ve learned a lot just by doing that. I celebrate the every day thought of having a father like him. The biggest smiles I had in my life were those times I was in his arms. I may not tell him that every day, but I think it always. Never has it crossed my mind to have another father instead of him. For me, my mom and my brothers, he supplies the bluest of blue skies. I love you, Daddy. Happy Birthday to you.

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Vegetable Garden A woman was walking to a wet market for some green onions when she noticed a new vegetable garden around the corner. As she entered, she was surprised to see no bushes, no vines, and no herbs around. It was just an empty lot. A beautiful young man dressed in shining white clothing came to her, noticing her confusion. “What can I get you, ma’am? You can ask for whatever you want,” he said. “I want to be happy. I want peace, money, the capacity to be understood. I want to have more patience, to be strong in times of stress, and to be sensitive and more loving to other people. I want to go to heaven when I die. And I want all this to be granted to my friends too.” The young man reached for a pot on the side of the lot, took away some grains from inside, and handed them to the woman. “Here you have the seeds,” he said. “Begin to plant them, because here we don’t sell the fruits.”

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What You See In Others Is What They See In You

Cain and Abel were walking by a bank of a large river, and they had never seen anything like it. “There’s something inside it,” said Abel, looking into the water, not knowing it was his reflection. Cain noticed the same thing and raised his farmer’s stick. The image did the same thing. Cain stood waiting for the blow; his image did the same. Abel examined the surface of the water and smiled. The image smiled. He waved his hand, gesturing hello, and saw the other waving back. As they moved on, Cain thought: “How aggressive those creatures are who live in there.” And Abel thought to himself: “I’d like to return. Because I met someone both friendly and handsome.”

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The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances

September 8, 2009 was a day I almost died. Let me tell you how… Sometimes in life, things happen as if there was no sense in it happening. As if you are put into a circumstance that you cannot understand at all. A little bit of caution: If you have high blood pressure or a weak heart, please do not read the paragraphs below. Thank you. 5:30 pm: I was driving home from work in the midst of a daylong heavy rain and, by that time, signs of flooding on the streets were evident. I passed through the Subic Freeport’s Kalaklan Bridge and saw the river almost going over it. Big mistake: I went on and ignored it. 5:35 pm: Denielle called and asked me where I was. I told her I was driving and am along Kalaklan Road, and that the traffic is unmoving. I said I’d be home at about 15 minutes, the usual time it takes for me to travel. 5:45 pm: I used some street smarts and found a way to be in Mabayuan, driving forward at the shoulder of the opposite side of the road. Providentially, not a single police officer or traffic enforcer was in sight to see me. I really wanted to reach home as soon as possible despite the very heavy rain because I thought my family might need me. 5:55 pm: I reached the “Filtration” area, where barangays Mabayuan, Sta. Rita, and Gordon Heights meet in an intersection. Traffic stopped suddenly, but I was unaware of the cause. I stopped right in front of the Subic Water gate, about 20 meters from the Sta. Rita bridge. Floodwater is ankle-deep. A huge delivery truck was in front of me so I couldn’t see what’s ahead.

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5:58 pm: A maroon Odyssey van, and an old corolla were backing from the front of the truck in the opposite side of the road. They were saying something to me, but I couldn’t hear. Rain was too heavy. The truck in front of me started moving forward towards the flood then into the bridge. 6:00 pm: The unthinkable happened. Sta. Rita River overflowed from the bridge with a great flash flood, about chest-deep. I was caught in the middle of the torrent. Water quickly rushed inside the vehicle up to my stomach, while floodwater outside was up to the windows of the car. The strong current tossed a white old car behind me backwards. Some people were inside; I never knew what happened to them. I pushed the brakes real hard and pulled the hand brake to its maximum in an effort to not also be carried away by the flood. An idea came to me and I released the hand brakes. I drove up the ramp of the bakery in my right side. People were screaming, telling me to get out. Water inside slightly went down to my legs, but only seconds after, quickly came back to my stomach. I lifted my laptop with my right hand to protect it from the water inside, and tried to get out of the driver’s side door. I gave the door two big shoves (and for those who know how hard I shove, try to imagine), but it wouldn’t budge. The water outside was already too great. Some people outside opened the passenger’s side door for me. I reached out with my right hand, the one with the laptop, and immediately someone took the computer. They pulled me out. My shoes were taken off my feet in the process and were swept away by the flood. The engine was still running as I watched the car submerging deeper into the great flood. I went back inside in a last-ditch effort to save the car. The door closed mechanically. I pushed the accelerator pedal steadily so it wouldn’t enter the muffler, but water was coming up to my chest.

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I told the Lord in prayer, “Father, this car belongs to you. You’re the one who gave this to me, and you’re also the only one who has the right to take it back.” Finally, I gave up and released my grip on the steering wheel. I decided to get out of the car and save myself. The door on the driver’s side still wouldn’t move after again huge shoves. I tried the other door, but it was too far from me, and water outside also was up to its windows. People couldn’t come to me anymore because the water got deeper and the current was becoming stronger. I thought of opening the windows but the engine stopped abruptly, leaving me trapped and helpless inside. My heart began to beat so fast as water started moving up again, people were screaming outside, I’m beginning to think that this is the end of the line for me. I started shouting “Saklolo! Tulungan niyo po ako!” repeatedly while kicking the car doors. I thought of Denielle and Ryah, how they are waiting for me at home. I thought of Ryah growing up and being chased by boys. I was worrying who’s going to provide for her anymore. Tears flowed from my eyes as I said to myself, “Wala na.” I suddenly realized that life is very short to waste it away on temporary things. I told the Lord, “Father, if this is it, then I’ll gladly come home to you. Please take care of my family.” Then the miracle happened… I heard a loud thud from under the car, and then it started floating. Yes, the 2,000-kilogram car started floating! Water inside went down to my legs again, but I found myself and the car being swept away by the current backwards. People started screaming again because I was headed to an electric post with a live wire sticking out. People were shouting, “babangga siya sa kuryente! Makukuryente tayong lahat!” With that, three men unknown to me dove the water and caught the car from the back, guiding me away from the concrete post. I opened the door and jumped out. I found out that the water outside was already chest-deep. I calculated in my mind that if I haven’t floated,

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then the whole car would have already been fully underwater by now. And I already drowned and am already dead. I instructed the three men to help me get the car on higher ground. We moved towards the bridge with all our might. The car seemed to be very light at this point. We reached the bridge and as we adjusted the car parallel to it, water suddenly went down and back to the river. It was as if a force gently put down the car on the bridge. I was soaking all over, crying and thanking God over and over again. I thought I was dreaming. I keep on waking myself up, but no, this is real, this is really happening, I realized… and again, I praised and thanked God for giving me a second chance. Everything happened in a span of about ten minutes. Talk about a flash flood.

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The Undetected Sacredness of Circumstances 2

I have grown so old in loving you. I’ve let my eyes grow dull, my smiles become unsure, my words careless… I’m sorry… sometimes with other people, they look at me in the old way. But when you look at me now, I know I’m not the way I was. As promised last week, here are the answers to “frequently asked questions” about my flash flood experience:

1. What happened to your laptop? My laptop was taken from me when I tried to get out of the car the first time. Moments later after I am already safe and the car is on higher ground, I found out that it was taken by a 14-year old young lady by the name of “Marites”. She was the storekeeper of the bakery I mentioned about. I couldn’t forget her words when she told me “Huwag kang mag-alala, kuya, hindi naman po mawawala ito. Binabantayan ko.” Maybe an angel in disguise.

2. What happened to your shoes? Moments after I got my laptop back, a 7-year old came running towards me and handed me my pair of shoes. He said, “Kuya, kuya, sapatos mo!” excitedly. A cherub, maybe.

3. Who were the three guys that helped you? I only remembered the name of two of them, Paulo and Empoy. The third guy is Paulo’s nephew. Paulo, apparently the leader of the group, invited me at his house near the bridge to have dinner. Of course, I’m happy to say yes, first because I’m already cold and hungry, and secondly because I know that he will be blessed back for blessing others. I can’t keep that from him. Their house was also flooded but he and his family seem to not mind. They were friendly and simple. His wife was my schoolmate in high school. Her name’s Raquel, two years older than me, but, sadly, I don’t remember her. Praise God for these three warriors.

4. How did you get home? This is Phutie’s question. One and a half hours after I was flooded (this is about 8:00 pm), I

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tried to start the car and it worked. And, as if on cue, just as I started the car, Denielle arrived. After many thank-yous and God-bless-yous to Paulo and his crew, we were able to drive home safe and sound. The car is in Toyota Pampanga now, with the aircon’s fan blower and air bags being replaced. No damage to the engine and electrical parts whatsoever. Hopefully, we can pick it up this Saturday.

On top of all that, I thank God for providing everything our family needs during this experience. I thank God for the people who helped us. The Lord knows all of them by name and I pray that He will give it back to them a hundredfold. Thank you to my parents who were always very supportive, especially my dad. He knows what I mean. Thank you to our church family who were always here with us, caring and encouraging. Thank you to my old friends, even though they are miles away, they never fail to give comfort in their own little ways. And of course, thank you Denielle. For your prayers. For your patience. Thanks.

With that, I would like you all to make me a promise. From now on, on your way to work, on your way home, or if you’re just driving or walking down a road, find something beautiful to notice. It doesn’t have to be something you see – it could be a scent, perhaps, of freshly baked bread wafting out of someone’s house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches one dry leaf as it falls gently to the ground. The smiles of people around you. Please look for these things, and cherish them. For although it may sound trite to some, these things are the stuff of life. The little things God put here on earth for us to enjoy. The things we often take for granted. We must make it important to notice them, for at any time… believe me, it can all be taken away. I’m happy I got to say these words before my time came. And I’m happy I get to share these thoughts with the ones I love so much. Sleep Warm. Love, Emon

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Confidence On The Future The series of events happening around the world these past couple of years surely gives any person a feeling that our lives are not that safe anymore. No one can ever surely tell that he/she is going to be free from harm even in his/her own house. Case in point is the recent tragedy here in the Philippines, the tropical storm “Ondoy” onslaught. Deaths are reaching to about 300 as of today, and many more are still missing. Families, clans died together, in one embrace. Children and old people drowned without a fight. And those were deaths right in their own homes. My heart grieves for these people. Since 2005, many global catastrophes have occurred, the earthquake in China, cyclone in Myanmar, tsunamis in Indonesia and Sri Lanka, hurricanes in America, the recent earthquake in Indonesia again, and many more that I didn’t mention and didn’t know about. I hope and pray that people with get the message behind all these events. This is not about religion, this is about reality. Reality that God, above all, is still in control of everything. And if we don’t heed His message, humble ourselves, pray, seek His face, and turn from our wicked ways, these things will continue. Nature is finally retaliating after centuries of abuse by ignorant men. Have you ever thought that all these things were of man’s own doing? As you all know, I myself was almost a victim of these natural disasters. I myself almost made it to the Philippines’ “death” tally this September. When someone goes through something like that, his perceptions change. Pictures change. I learned to love and appreciate the little things in life. I learned to be grateful for my family even more. But that’s me, what about you? You don’t need to be nearly dead to learn that. I hope so. You are going to die – someday. Me too. Only a fool would go all through life totally unprepared for something that everybody knows

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is inevitable. You’re not ready to live until you’re ready to die. You don’t know how to live until you’re ready to die. God promised in His Word that no matter what, a good future is in store for those that love him and abide by His words. Death, therefore, is a transfer, a promotion. It’s on to better things; no more pain or problems. If we just trust God, accept Him in our hearts through Jesus Christ, and continue having that intimate relationship with Him, then we can say that to live is for Christ, and to die is gain! We are confident about our future! When I hear the phrase “a good future”, I no longer think about a mansion, a beach house, nice cars, a fat bank account, and tons of cash. What comes to my mind is spending eternity with the Lord forever. Now, how about that for a good future! But that doesn’t mean I no longer aspire for these things. I do everything excellently, for the Lord, and I believe His promises of blessings and a good life for me and my family will follow. It’s just the way it is. He will make the work of my hands prosperous. It’s just that my first priority is my personal relationship with God, and everything follows next. Because ultimately, at the very end, it will just be ourselves and God - face to face. In ending, I would like to encourage all of you with this verse from my most favorite chapter of all time in the Bible, Psalm 23. Join me, and let us keep this in our hearts always. “Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” - Psalm 23:6

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To Celebrate A Life I spent October 12, 2009 somewhere in the island of Cebu. The greater part of the day I expended meeting with the Corporate Communications group of Aboitiz, planning our press releases for next year, and traveling on an airplane and a company car back to Olongapo city. All those times, I remember my mother. For the first 25 years of my life, before I got married, she was the parachute that kept me from falling. She was the guide, the compass that set my path straight. She still does today, don’t get me wrong. But she graciously took a runner-up seat. In life and in love, in good times and bad, she was always there. She knew everything about me; just by the tone of my voice she could tell whether I’m upset, excited, or if I was in love; and, most importantly, who I was in love with. She taught me many things, to always be fair, to keep a humble heart, and to put my faith in God first before anyone and anything else. Above all, she educated me how a woman ought to be loved. A lesson I will forever cherish and remember. On that regard I’m sure Denielle would agree. She used to be number one woman in my life. And although she only comes in second now, I know she understands. As usual, she understands. I love you so much, Mommy. A very Happy Birthday to you. I celebrate your life, as I also celebrate mine. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, I always keep that in mind. This I want to tell you, sometimes runner-ups are still the best. Love you.

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An Evening of Thanksgiving At last, quiet days are here as our company concluded our anniversary month with a thanksgiving dinner celebration last night. As appropriately said by our newly promoted Senior Vice President and Chief Operating Officer sir Dante Pollescas, “It was simple yet worth remembering”. Our President and Chief Executive Officer sir Jim Aboitiz also said something that struck me – “I thank God for the blessing of having the opportunity to serve here in Subic. Everything, after all, is for Him and comes from Him…”

I firmly believe that the real act of Thanksgiving can be best expressed and seen through the act of Service. A thankful heart is always a serving heart. I always say that the true measure of our thanksgiving is not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them. Each of our blessings – life, talents, work, ministry, and family – are given by God for a special reason. It’s what we do about these blessings that truly matters to God, how we take good care of them, and how we use all of them only for the glory of His name. Ask me why do I excellently serve at work? It’s to bring glory to God and to express to Him my thanks. Why do I excellently serve at church? It’s to bring glory to God and to express to Him my thanks. Why do I excellently serve my family? It’s to bring glory to God and to express to Him my thanks. Each one of us has his own blessings to take care of. They are a trust from God. Let’s live life with a grateful heart by using the gift of our lives in honor and glory of God.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my wife, Denielle. She herself has something “excellent” going on with her. Thank you,

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baby, for the every day of waking up at 5:00 am – before me – so you can prepare my breakfast and my corporate wear for work. Thank you for taking good care of Ryah, everything she is right now is because of you. Thank you for loving me and Ryah, serving us in your own excellent way --- these things will not go unnoticed by God, believe me! I know you do this out of a thankful heart for God’s glory. Take care and I love you. Sleep Warm.

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Defying Discouragement I have been nursing a sprained ankle since Saturday afternoon. Got it playing basketball with the boys from church. After hitting the last shot to win the game, my right ankle twisted as I landed. Tsk tsk. I think I’m getting older. Staying at home is okay, I get the time to read and write and think and rest. But losing the ability to use my right foot puts little discouraging thoughts in my head. I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it. I can’t help around the house. I think about stuff at work. I think about stuff at church. I feel powerless and useless. But with this circumstance, I know very well that God is again trying to teach me something. Satan’s favorite tool is discouragement. I notice that many people are discouraged because the things they want to happen are not happening – at work, at church, in the family, in their health and finances, in the community. Seems like all prayers are left unanswered. But let me say this in love: If we are discouraged – that is our choice. Discouragement is a choice. We can focus on the purpose or the circumstance. It is really our choice. With this realization, I pray that God will continue to put in my heart that “trust in Him” that I so need these days. Meanwhile, I’ll stay still and know He is God.

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What a Wonderful World Most people nowadays have a mindset that we’re living in a hopeless world. Full of violence and immorality, prejudice and injustice, poverty and famine, wars and death. Yes, that’s true. But we should not lose hope and ignore the beautiful things around us: our family and friends, health and talents --- the beauty of God’s creations and the sacred truth of His unconditional love for us. Seldom do we hear people talk about these wonders anymore. I specially liked this song because it is a breath of fresh air, reminding me of God, His love and His creations, the miracle of having to say “I love you” to people that I love. Watching Ryah grow to be the kind of woman God intended her to be. Little big things we take for granted every day. It reminds me that it is OK, everything’s gonna be alright… it feels good and it is necessary TO LOVE… give all that I have… say the words “I am in love with you”… SHOW to that person and the world how, never ashamed of the wonderful minutes, hours, days, and years God let me borrow, grateful I am to spend it IN LOVING. I thank God for my family, whose presence in my life gives me happiness “that I have no right to expect.” I thank God for my work, where every day is a challenge and an opportunity to show my best. I thank God for the church, where real love dwells, I can’t imagine how can I go through life without these people. I thank God for my friends, here and all around the world, this journey wouldn’t be as fun without them. I thank God, most specially, for this relationship with Him. Father God, even though other people proclaim that this planet You made should have been more appropriately called “hell”, I still say thank you for this wonderful world You prepared for us. It really is wonderful until we exercised our freedom to choose. Sorry for the times we’ve been uncaring, unconcerned, indifferent of it. I know and believe You have prepared a new, more wonderful world in the

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future for those that love You. You’re the best, Lord. I love You. Amen.

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Dreams To begin the New Year and this blog’s 100th entry, I’d like to share something about dreams. I mean those little or big desires that we have for our future. Those things that constantly come into our minds as we drive, as we pay our bills, as we prepare for lunch. Dream I did along that Sunday shore. I know God rewards the dreamer with continued dreams. I believe all of us has or had dreams. Some big dreams when we were younger (I’d liked to be the president of the Philippines way back when I was in elementary), but didn’t go the way we may have planned, so we put them in our sidewalks and settled for status quo. I also believe that every one of us had our share of disappointments, but we must not forget that every day is a new day, and we serve a God who makes all things new. One thing I learned during this walk with God was if we trust Him enough, nothing is impossible. He said so in His Word. We serve a God who is above and beyond anything we can think of. There’s nothing we can dream of that God cannot do. Of course, it should be according to His will. I encourage you, if you haven’t done it yet – ask God in prayer to bring you the right people, the right opportunities, and the right resources – as we follow His leading in our hearts, we will see these dreams coming true all for His glory! I am saying this in the same way that I am learning it… presently. I hope to take you with me on this ongoing journey.

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Don’t Forget to Sing We can very easily be burdened with the tasks at hand. Endless housework, financial insufficiencies, stressful jobs, demanding people, and a difficult ministry. Complexities are often made more complex by relationship problems and that unwritten rule saying “the world is for the strong” and “only the fittest survive.” In all this, we can easily begin to feel overwhelmed and burned out. Life becomes a burden; joy and happiness crawls out of our doorsteps. Often times we respond to these circumstances by thoughtfully planning the next holiday to recoup our energies, only to find out that more things has to be done at home or at church when the holiday or vacation leave comes. A more permanent solution, I suggest, is to plan a regular personal space for quietude and renewal in the midst of our busy lives. As part of that renewal, we need to learn how to sing. In this case, when I say “sing”, I mean it can be singing without a sound. Coffee, tea, or snacks with friends and family. Breakfast in the park. A special meal with your loved one, followed by an equally special “you know what.” Reminiscing with friends. A party for no reason at all except to celebrate each other’s presence. An evening of snacks while watching a movie at home. The list could go on. “Singing” takes different forms for different people. But, in the midst of life, the most important thing is to not forget to sing.

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The Facts of Life Many of us may remember a time of our lives when our parents, or someone else, took us aside and explained to us “The Facts of Life.” In simple terms, it was “how babies were made.” Growing up and growing older (these are two mutually exclusive terms), we eventually realize that there are many other facts of life other than just having babies! For this week, let me remind ourselves of these four common facts of life I’ve learned in recent years to take with us as we journey on together:

1. Life has Unexpected Circumstances. Things don’t always turn out the way we expect them to be. We are not God. If we don’t grasp and remember this, we will always be disappointed.

2. Life has Unending Choices. Life is not only composed of circumstances we can’t control, but more importantly choices that we can control. And these choices influence our performance and behavior.

3. Life has Unavoidable Consequences. Decisions come with repercussions. The truth is God gave us all the freedom to choose. We are free to choose anything we want, live the way we want, reject Him or not, but we cannot avoid the consequences of our choices. This is the truth, and no one can break this truth: What we sow is what we reap.

4. Christ can make Unimaginable Changes in you life. Education doesn’t change people. Money can’t buy love and happiness. Religion or social engineering will not turn people around. It’s a relationship with The One who created us for a purpose that provides change.

Let me ask you this question: What is in your life that you would like to see changed, but you just don’t have the power to change it? With God, impossible is nothing. We aren’t here by accident. God has a

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good plan for all of us, a GREAT plan, and when we get into that plan – life becomes beautiful and meaningful. Now that is a fact of life.