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7/21/2019 CMIYC Script (MTI Version)
http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/cmiyc-script-mti-version 1/124
M U S I C A L N U M B E R S
CTI
1. Live In Liv ing Co lor 2
la . Live In Liv ing Co lor Tag 8
lb . L iv ing Roo m TV Ch r i s tma s 10
2. The Pin st r ip es Are Al l Th at They See 12
2a. Pin str ipe s Tag 16
3. Som eon e Else 's Skin 18
3a. A Wo rd From O ur Spo nso rs 25
3b. Spo nso rs Tag 26
3c. In tr o To F.B.I. Sce ne 27
3d . F.B.I. Sc en e 29
4.
Jet
Set 30
4a. Jet Set Playoff 36
4b. Tran si t ion to F i r ing Ran ge 38
5. D on ' t Break The Rules 40
5a. D on 't Break Playoff 45
6. Lat in Q ua rter P in st r ip es 47
6a. Sw ank Re stau ran t Source 47
7. But ter O ut ta Cre am 49
7a. But ter to Clu es 51
8. The M an Insid e The Clue s 53
9. Phi l Sp ecto r ' s Favo ri te Xmas 61
10. My Fav ori t e Time of Year 62
— IV —
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CT
2
11. En tr ' a c te 66
11a . In t ro To R ive rbe nd Ap ar tm ent s 66
12. D oc tor ' s O rd ers 68
12a. D oc tor ' s O rde rs Playoff 74
12b .L ive In L iv ing Color Repr i s e 77
13. Do n ' t Be A St rang e r 77
14. Litt le Boy Be A M an 83
14a . H an ra t ty ' s Repr i s e
.<
86
15. Seven W ond ers 88
15a. Sev en W on de rs to F.B.I 90
15b. In t ro To Stro ng Fam ily 94
16. (Ou r) Fa m ily Tree 98
16a. Tra nsit ion To Bar 101
16b .Ph one Ca l l / B re nda ' s Room 104
17. Fly, Fly A w ay 108
18. Go odb ye 112
19. Stu ck To geth er (Stra nge But True) 117
20. Bo ws 120
21. Exit M usic 120
— v —
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1
ACT ONE
Prologue
A gate area of a large, ultra- modern airport—circa
1960s.
Lights fade up. We hear the sounds of JETS takingoff and landing.
ANNOUNCEMENTS murmur throughout. Courtesy
phones, pages for passengers, calls for specific
airlines and flights, mentioning long-gone airlines
like TWA, Braniff, and Pan Am.
VOICE OVER ANNOUNCEMENT
Welcome to Miami Dade International Airport. Braniff flight 663 service to New York’s Idlewild
Airport is now boarding.
PASSENGERS hurry back and forth, to and from
their flights.
FRANK ABAGNALE, JR. has been sitting on an
airport chair reading the newspaper. FBI Agents
enter, revolvers drawn: BRANTON and DOLLAR.
They mistakenly pursue an airline passenger running
for his flight.
BRANTON
There he is! Hold it right there!
DOLLAR Stop or I'll shoot!
AGENT CARL HANRATTY enters from Stage
Right. As with the other agents, we don't see much
beneath the fedora.
HANRATTY
Hold your fire! Where the heck is he? He’s not giving us the slip this time.
Frank Junior, carrying a suitcase, rises from the chair
and quickly runs up the aisle.
Hanratty looks off stage, then notices Frank Junior exiting in
the house.
Frank Junior, still carrying his suitcase, quicklyreverses course and jumps up onto the stage with
AGENT COD on his tail. The Agents chase him.
Wait a minute, Men. There he goes! That’s him! Goddangit that’s him!
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BRANTON
Don't move!
DOLLAR
I'll shoot! I will shoot!
Frank Junior hesitates ...
COD
And he's a really bad shot.
... then takes off again. Hanratty gives chase.
HANRATTY
Dammit!
COD
(overlapping)
There. There he is!
BRANTON
(overlapping)
No you don’t!
DOLLAR
(overlapping)
I'm gonna shoot!
A deafening SHOT stops everyone in their tracks.
The Passengers all stop and stare. FRANK, JR.
drops the suitcase which falls open, exposing its
contents. Large quantities of cash.
HANRATTY
For the love of—Dollar, what does "hold your fire" mean where you come from?
DOLLAR (proud)
I fired a warning shot, Agent Hanratty!
COD(squints at ceiling)
I think you shot down a plane.
FRANK JUNIOR
That was close! You could hurt someone.
HANRATTY
Come on, Frank. I'd rather take you alive than dead.
FRANK JUNIOR
Can I at least make a statement first?
HANRATTY
At the airport? No.
FRANK JUNIOR
I'm sure these people want to know why you're shooting at me.(Looks to them: they kind of do)
I think they should know who I am and what I did and why I did it.
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3
HANRATTY
This is one of your tricks. Men!
(Jerks his head to the Agents, who close in)
You're not going to fool me again, Frank, like you did in that hotel room in L.A. You're
not putting on a show for these people.
FRANK JUNIOR A show?
(MUSIC: A figure from the orchestra—we'll call it
our STINGER.
Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)
A show.
(Frank Junior snaps his fingers.
MUSIC CONTINUES with a huge timpani roll.
A sudden reveal shows a lavish backdrop and
tuxedoed ORCHESTRA on a jazzy bandstand.)
We need some lights.
(He waves his arm. Lights change.)
COD
The hell is he doing?
FRANK JUNIOR
A studio audience.
HANRATTY
Misdirection. It's a con. That's the technique.
FRANK JUNIOR
Cameras. And the Frank Abagnale Junior Orchestra!
(He waves to the Orchestra, the CONDUCTOR
acknowledges, and launches into the song proper.)
HANRATTY
Frank, what the hell are you doing? Branton, Cod, get everyone out of here.
(As the other agents hurry the passengers to the exits,
Hanratty edges upstage to check out the orchestra,
keeping his gun on Frank Junior ...
... who crosses downstage to us.)
FRANK JUNIOR
My name is Frank William Abagnale ... Junior. This is my story.
HANRATTY
These people have musical instruments.
Strike bench and counter
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4
FRANK JUNIOR
I was a millionaire twice over and half again before I was twenty-one. I stole every nickel of it. I flew almost five
million miles as a Pan Am pilot, practiced medicine at a top Atlanta hospital, and worked as a prosecutor for the
State of Lousiana, all under assumed names. Mister Hanratty thinks he has all the facts, but only I know just how I
did it. And I did it in style.
(He sings to us. As he does, Hanratty comes
downstage and notices us, and tries not to be too
unsettled.)
SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
FRANK JUNIOR
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE
YES, I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
SO SIT BACK AND LET ME BE
YOUR T.V. GUIDE!
(The groove kicks in. Hanratty points the gun atFrank Junior.)
HANRATTY
All right, that’s enough. Frank, you're coming in. Now.
FRANK JUNIOR
Mister Hanratty, when that shot rang out, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I saw it all! Well I mean, the
highlights. Like on a television special or something. Like we used to watch, mom and dad and me.
HANRATTY
You think your life is a T.V. special?
FRANK JUNIOR
I know. Modesty has never been one of my virtues.
HANRATTYVirtue has never been one of your virtues.
FRANK JUNIOR
True story.
(sings)
I GOTTA STORY I'D LIKE TO TELL
BUT I'M GONNA NEED HELP TO TELL IT WELL
I GOTTA STORY ABOUT FAME AND MONEY
AND IT'S GOT MORE CURVES THAN A PLAYBOY BUNNY
I WANNA LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVE
I WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVE
AND IN LIVING COLOR!
(The ENSEMBLE has entered, and Hanratty finds
himself surrounded by dancing bodies ...)
ENSEMBLE
(on Frank Junior's "color")
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
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5
(... and he ducks, flails, and fights his way out to one
side, as Frank Junior continues. The Ensemble dress
Frank Junior for the show, and bring in the set.)
FRANK JUNIOR
SOMETHING SPECIAL'S UP TONIGHT
YES I'M
FRANK JUNIOR + ENSEMBLE
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
FRANK JUNIOR
LIFE AIN'T LIVED IN BLACK AND WHITE!
(speaks)
Ladies and gentlemen, the Frank Abagnale Junior Singers and Dancers!
(Hanratty fights his way through the Frank Abagnale
Junior Singers and Dancers and speaks to us.)
HANRATTY
Hold on, Folks, listen, by the time this guy was twenty years old, he had stolen almost one-point-eight million
dollars. He's a con man, plain and simple. Has been since the age of sixteen, when he bilked twenty grand from hisfather's Mobil card to buy presents for girls. When he got caught his only excuse was—
FRANK JUNIOR
I like girls.
HANRATTY
He likes girls. Tell the folks, Frank, how "I like girls" becomes "I'm wanted on five continents."
FRANK JUNIOR
Oh, you mean like the story of how Superman became Superman?
HANRATTY
(half beat)Your ability to pull myth from manure is truly impressive.
FRANK JUNIOR
Thank you!
FRANK JR. + ENSEMBLE
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
FRANK JUNIOR
AND IT'S BROUGHT TO YOU BY ME
YES IT'S LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLOR
FRANK JUNIOR
THIS WON'T FIT IN YOUR T.V.!
(speaks)
Also starring my parents, Frank and Paula Abagnale!
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6
(MUSIC CHANGES.
FRANK SENIOR and PAULA enter in a sweep, and
begin to dance together, beautifully. They are
mirrored by two other dancing couples. Stunning and
romantic.)
My parents met in France. A little village called Montrichard. After the war. My dad was a GI. My mother was
young and beautiful.
FRANK SENIOR
(To us)
All the people in that little French village were so happy to see Americans that they decided to put on a show for us.
So they crammed two hundred soldiers into a tiny social hall and the first person to walk on stage is your mother,
and she starts to dance ... The men are literally holding their breath. And I turned to my buddies and I said—
FRANK SENIOR + FRANK JUNIOR
—I am not leaving France without that woman.
PAULA
I always get into trouble when I dance with you.
(They dance. Frank Junior watches.)
FRANK JUNIOR
When I was a kid, I could watch them dance all night.
(Hanratty steps in.)
HANRATTY
[continuing as needed]
Frank, come on, I interviewed both your parents, don't try to sell me [some sentimental picture of domestic bliss]—
(Frank Junior plows forth as MUSIC CHANGES.
Frank Senior sweeps Paula off her feet, and they
dance off with the other couples.
FRANK JUNIOR
Also starring Playboy's Playmate of the Year, Cheryl Ann ... Something!
(Lights on CHERYL ANN, who's pissed.)
CHERYL ANN
I'm surprised you even remembered my first name. Listen, you no good sonofabitch—
FRANK JUNIOR
Thank you, Cheryl Ann! And introducing the Strong family, featuring the beautiful, sweet, faithful and true BrendaStrong, R.N.!
(Lights on BRENDA, with ROGER and CAROL
STRONG behind her)
BRENDA
Hi, Frank!
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FRANK JUNIOR
Hi, Brenda. Listen, I've got this show to do and you're gonna be in it. In fact, you’re one of the stars.
BRENDA
Frank, I wouldn’t do this for anyone but you.
FRANK JUNIOR
You're gonna be great. Now, will you wait for me over there? I'll let you know when it's time.
BRENDA
Frank. I love you.
(Brenda exits with her parents, Frank Junior
watches. And says, to himself:)
FRANK JUNIOR
I loved you, too.
(Hanratty has had enough.)
HANRATTY
All right, Frank. I've heard all I can hear. I don't want to hear any more.
FRANK JUNIOR
I don’t believe you. I think you want the rest of the story.
HANRATTY
I know the whole story – All right, wait a minute, there’s something that still bugs me. How’d you pass the bar
exam? In New Orleans? How’d you cheat the bar?
FRANK JUNIOR
All right Mr. Hanratty I’ll make you a deal. You let me finish, and I’ll tell you anything. We owe each other that
much, don’tcha think? I’ll get to tell my story. And you’ll have a full confession.
HANRATTY
Okay, deal. Frank. Or whatever you're calling yourself today … wait … where am I going?
(Hanratty disappears down the center elevator lift)
FRANK JUNIOR ENSEMBLE
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOP
JUST WINDOW DRESSING
SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOP
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S THE CLOTHES
THAT MAKE THE MAN
CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MAN
PLAY THE GAME
SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOP
JUST KEEP 'EM GUESSING
SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOP
MIX AND MATCH ME
TRY TO CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
OH, I GOTTA STORY THAT'S
STRANGE BUT TRUE
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8
I GOTTA STORY THAT'S
STRANGE BUT TRUE
SO COME FLY WITH ME
FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW
SO COME FLY WITH ME
FOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW
I'VE GOT THE WORLD
AT MY COMMAND
I'VE GOT THE WORLDAT MY COMMAND
AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN
DISNEYLAND
AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MAN
DISNEYLAND
I DON’T WANNA WAIT
FOR THE COPS TO ARRIVE
I WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVE
AND IN LIVING COLOR
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'M
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR BLINK YOUR EYES AND I'LL BE GONE, YES I'M
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'M
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
BLINK YOUR EYES
BLINK YOUR EYES BLINK YOUR EYES
AND I'LL
BE GONE BE GONE!
SONG ENDS.
(MUSIC begins again. The ensemble break their tableaux and dance in the background as Frank
Junior speaks to us — our host.)
FRANK JUNIOR
Ladies and gentlemen, our story begins on Christmas Eve, 1964, New Rochelle, New York. The Abagnale home. A
beautiful house on the best street. The house everyone wanted, and the family everyone wanted to be.
(Frank Junior goes, and the Ensemble comes
forward—and set the stage for the Abagnale home.)
SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (TAG)
ENSEMBLE
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
TUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
BLINK YOUR EYES AND I’LL BE GONE
(As we complete the TRANSITION TO ...)
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9
Scene 1: Living Room, The Abagnale House, New
Rochelle
(... and the dancers move to the background and then
disappear.
Paula opens the Christmas Tree.
Frank Senior watches her.
Frank Junior is watching a small color television set,
and the SINGERS fade from house speakers to the
television set—they're on the show Frank Junior is
watching.)
ENSEMBLE (ON TV)
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR …
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR …
SONG ENDS.
PAULAIt truly is a beautiful tree, Frank.
FRANK SENIOR
It’s the genuine spirit of real Christmas, right there - one hundred percent acrylic.
PAULA
But – so that I understand – you left this morning with a Cadillac and two hundred dollars and come home with a
Christmas tree, a television set, and a used Ford?
FRANK SENIOR
Can I strike a bargain or what? I left those guys with their heads spinning.
PAULAI think I know the feeling.
FRANK SENIOR
It’s that Abagnale magic. C’mon – dance with me.
PAULA
Frank, I DO have dinner going-
(But she starts to dance with him. Frank Jr. is still
with the television.)
FRANK JUNIOR
Wow Dad, you're right—everything is better in color.
FRANK SENIOR
How about that thirteen-inch screen?
FRANK JUNIOR
It’s like Andy Williams is right here in our living room.
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FRANK SENIOR
Nothing’s too good for my boy or my bride.
FRANK JUNIOR
But Dad, didn’t those guys know you were getting away with something?
FRANK SENIOR
People only know what you tell them, Frankie. It’s all a dance – swap the Caddy for the Ford, use the extra cash to
pay the mortgage, use the mortgage to leverage the bank loan, use the loan to tide the business over until you can get
the Caddy back. There’s always another move to make.
PAULA
(pulls away)
I really should see to dinner.
(She goes.)
FRANK JUNIOR
That’s great you got the loan, Dad.
FRANK SENIOR
Shh. I didn’t get the loan.
FRANK JUNIOR
You didn’t – but I thought you said-
FRANK SENIOR
I got something better.
(hands him a checkbook.)
Fifty checks. The account's in your name. I put twenty-five dollars in it so you can buy whatever you want. Don't
tell your mother.
FRANK JUNIOR
Thanks, Dad. But if they didn't give you the loan, why did you —
FRANK SENIOR One day you’re gonna want something from these people. A house, a car. They have all the money. And this meansfrom this day on, you're in their little club.
FRANK JUNIOR
But why didn't they give you the loan?
FRANK SENIOR
Ah, it’s just a technicality. They won't loan to anyone under I.R.S. investigation.
FRANK JUNIOR
Oh.
FRANK SENIOR Listen to me. You remember this story. Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up
and drowned. The second mouse wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into
butter …
FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIOR
… and he climbed out.
FRANK SENIOR
And who are we?
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FRANK JUNIOR
We're the second mouse.
FRANK SENIOR
Damn straight we are. We're gonna be fine. As a matter of fact, you know what ? We're going downtown to buy
you your Christmas present. A brand new Botany 500 suit.
FRANK JUNIOR
Dad, that’s too expensive.
FRANK SENIOR
Frankie. You know why the Yankees win all the time? It 's not the Mick. It's not Joe Pepitone. It's the uniform.
(MUSIC.)
The other teams just stand there, staring at the pinstripes, mesmerized. The Dodgers were so scared
they had to leave town.
SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
FRANK SENIOR
WHEN YOUR MOTHER WALKED INTO
THAT DANCEHALL IN MONTRICHARD
WHAT DID SHE SEE?
THROUGH THE HAZE OF CHAMPAGNE
DID SHE NOTICE MY BRAIN
OR MY COLLEGE DEGREE?
KID, WHAT SHE SAW … WAS THE UNIFORM!
THROUGH THE DIRT AND DEBRISYEAH, THOSE LADIES GAVE THANKS
TO US VISITING YANKS
CAUSE THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
(Frank Senior is joined by a bevy of BEAUTIFUL GIRLS in
Yankee pinstripes. Frank Junior comes downstage: our host.)
FRANK JUNIOR
(to us, pausing as needed)
Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest man I know. The man with all the moves, my dad—Frank ... Abagnale ...
Senior!
FRANK SENIOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLS
WHEN A PILOT WALKS ONTO THE PLANE
ALL THE PASSENGERS SMILE AND RELAX
DO THEY SEE HE’S STILL TIGHT
FROM THAT PARTY LAST NIGHT
AND THE BACK TO BACK “JACKS”?
OOOOOOOH
SMILE AND RELAX
SMILE AND RELAX
STEWED TO THE MAX
FRANK SENIOR
NO!, WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORM
HOW IT FITS TO A TEE
LIKE THAT VISITING TEAM
THAT THE YANKEES WILL CREAM
THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
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12
(The Beautiful Girls surround Frank Junior, and he
emerges dressed smartly in his prep-school blazer.)
IF YOU WANNA BE A SOMEONE
YOU CAN’T LOOK LIKE A BUM
A BOOK’S JUDGED BY IT’S COVER
THAT’S THE FIRST RULE OF THUMB
I WANNA SEE YA TAKE OFFSTRAIGHT TO THE TOP FLOOR
START DRESSIN’ TO IMPRESS ‘EM
SON YOU'LL STROLL IN THE FRONT DOOR
A KID IN A MAN’S CANDY STORE …
(As Frank Junior speaks to us, Jack Barnes and Paula
enter, not quite separately.
Jack goes to Frank Senior and shakes his hand. Paula
comes to Frank Junior. MUSIC CONTINUES as we
CONTINUE TO:)
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- 10 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e 1
L i v i n g R o o m T h e A b a g n a l e H o u s e N e w R o c h e l l e
... and the dancers move to the background and then disappear.
Paula opens the Christmas Tree.
Frank Senior watches her.
Frank Junior is watching a small color television set, and the SINGERS fade from house
speakers to the television set-they re on the show Frank Junior is watching.)
E N S E M B L E O N T V )
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR...
F R A N K J U N I O R
D ad, yo u w ere r ight . Ev ery th in g is bet te r in co lor.
F R A N K S E N I O R
H ow abo u t tha t 13 inch sc reen?
F R A N K J U N I O R
I t ' s l ike Hu l laba lo o i s r igh t her e in ou r l iv ing room
P A U L A
But - so tha t I un de r s t an d - y ou le ft th i s m orn ing w i th a Cad i llac and tw o hu nd re d
do l la r s and come home wi th a te lev is ion and a u sed Fo rd?
F R A N K S E N I O R
Ca n I s t r ike a bar gai n or w ha t? I lef t tho se guys w ith their he ad s s p inn ing .
*
P A U L A
I th ink I know the feel ing .
F R A N K S E N I O R
I t ' s tha t Abagna le mag ic . C 'mon - dance wi th me .
P A U L A
Frank , I hav e d inn er go ing—
But she starts to dance with him . Fra nk Jr. is still with the television.)
F R A N K S E N I O R
Nothing 's too good for my family .
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— 12 - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R N K S E N I O R
D am n s t ra ig ht w e are . We ' re go nn a be f ine. As a m at te r of fact, y o u k n o w w h a t ?
W e ' r e g o i n g d o w n t o w n t o b u y y o u y o u r C h r i s t m a s p re s e n t . A b r a n d n e w B o t a n y
500 suit .
F R N K J U N I O R
Da d, tha t ' s too expens ive .
F R N K S E N I O R
Fran kie . You kn o w wh y the Yankees w in a l l the t ime? I t ' s no t th e Mick. I t ' s no t Joe
Pep i tone . I t ' s the unifor m.
(MUSIC)
Theu See
The other team s jus t s tand there , s ta r in g a t the pins t r ipes , mes m eriz ed. Hel l , they
scared the Dodgers so much they lef t town.
WH EN YOUR MOTHER WALKED INTO
THAT DANCEHALL IN MONTRICHARD
WHAT DID SHE SEE?
THROUGH THE HAZE OF CHAMPAGNE
DID SHE NOTICE MY BRAIN
OR MY COLLEGE DEGREE?
KID, WHAT SHE SAW...WAS THE U NIFORM
THROUGH THE DIRT AND DEBRIS
YES, THOSE LADIES GAVE THANKS
TO US VISITING YANKS
CAUSE*THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
(Frank Senior grabs a
mic
and takes the stage. He s joined by a bevy of BEAUTIFU L
GIRL S in Yankee pinstripes.
Frank Junior c omes down stage: o ur host.)
F R N K J U N I O R
(to us, pausing as needed)
Ladies an d gen t l em en , the smar te s t ma n I know . The ma n wi th a ll the mo ves , m y
dad—Frank.. .Abagnale.. .Senior
F R N K S E N I O R
WH EN A PILOT WALKS ONTO THE PLANE
ALL THE PASSENGERS SMILE AND RELAX
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 13 -
B E U T I F U L G I R L S
SMILE AND RELAX
SMILE AN D RELAX
F R N K S E N I O R
DO THEY SEE H E'S STILL TIGHT
FROM THE PARTY LAST NIGH T
AN D THE BACK TO BACK JACKS ?
B E U T I F U L G I R L S
STEWED TO THE MAX
F R N K S E N I O R
NO WHA T THEY SEE IS THE UNIFOR M
HO W IT FITS TO A T
LIKE THE VISITING TEAM
THAT THE YANKEES WILL CREAM
THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
The Beautiful Girls surround Frank Junior, and he emerges dressed smartly in his
prep-school blazer.)
IF YOU W ANN A BE A SOM EONE
CA N'T LOOK LIKE A BUM
A BOO K'S JUDG ED BY ITS COVER
IS THE FIRST RULE OF THUMB
I WANNA W ATCH Y TAKE OFF
STRAIGHT TO THE TOP FLOOR
SO START DRESSIN' T O IMPRESS 'EM
AND SON YOU'LL STROLL IN THE FRONT DOOR
KID IN A MAN'S CANDY STORE...
As Frank Junior speaks to us, Jack Barnes and Paula enter, not quite separately.
ck goes to Frank Senior a nd shakes his hand. Paula com es to Frank Junior.
MUSIC CON TINUES as we CONTINUE TO:)
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14
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e
N e w R o c h e l l e i g h S c h o o l
F R N K J U N I O R
Eve rybod y loved my da d . Jack Barnes , the he ad o f the Cham ber o f Com merce ,
cal led h im—
F R N K J U N I O R a n d J C K B R N E S
—the mos t popu la r bus inessman in New Roche l le
P U L
wh y a re you w ear ing you r o ld schoo l b lazer? You ' r e go ing to pub l ic schoo l
now.
F R N K J U N I O R
I t ' s only tem pora ry . D ad ' l l get bac k on h is feet an d I ' l l be back at St. Francis before
you kn ow i t . The F lash i sn ' t the F lash wi tho u t h i s un i fo rm.
P U L
My brave l i t t le so ld ier . You aren ' t af raid of anyth ing .
F R N K J U N I O R
You do what you have to do .
P U L
Well , you do look handsome. Comme tu es beaul
She sighs, kisses him on the cheek, and goes.
Frank Junior heads to school.
He is met by a JOCK and a NERD )
F R N K J U N I O R
'Scuse me, is th is room 17 French?
N E R D
checking his outfit)
W ho wa nt s to kn ow ? The F.B.I.?
The two students LAUG H and move past him, the Jock accidentally on purpose
bumping Frank Junior and sending him stumbling.)
J O C K
Yeah. H e look s like
a...like
a subs t i tu te teacher o r someth in ' .
STINGER.
Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)
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2 5
F R A N K J U N I O R
Sho u ldn t you b oys be in c lass?
Depechez-vous. Vite. Vite. Vite.
> ^- •
(Lights change. Frank Senior and Paula are with a dour female PRINC IPAL.)
P R I N C I P A L
Mr. and Mrs . Aba gnale , I reg re t to in fo rm y ou th a t for the pas t we ek , Frank h as be en
teach ing M rs . Glaser s French c lass .
• \ i
P A U L A
a
S
R
He wh a t ?
f P R I N C I P A L
Your son has been p re tend ing to be a subs t i tu te t eacher. Lec tu r in g the s tud en ts ,
g iv ing ou t hom ew ork . Your sorvheld t h r ee teacher-parent conferences yesterday,
and was p lann ing a c lass field t r ip to a French Fry Factory in Trenton.
(Frank Junior wa its, nervously, outside the Principa l s office.)
P A U L A
You ha ve to forgive h im . Th ere s bee n so m uc h cha nge . We los t the house—
F R A N K S E N I O R
(smoothly cuts her off)
Principal Owings, on my way in from the outer off ice, I found th is necklace on the
floor. Is it yo ur s?
(He pulls a locket necklace from his pocket.)
P A U L A
Frank, p lease.
F R A N K S E N I O R
You m us t ha ve d rop pe d it . L ooks l ike i t w as ma de for you . *
P R I N C I P A L
Well . Mister Abagnale .
(But she takes it. As Frank Senior shakes hands with the Principal, w ho exits opposite,
Paula goes to Frank Junior.)
P A U L A
FRANKIE.
(She shakes her head again and goes. Frank Senior takes her place, putting on his hat.
Looks at his son, who slowly meets his gaze.)
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— 16 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R A N K S E N I O R
Fre nch f ry factory?
^ \
i
^ £ _ £
Finally, Frank Senior LAUG HS. And Frank Junior LAUG HS.)
F R A N K S E N I O R F R A N K J U N I O R
YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HIT THE HIGH-LIFE
WE 'VE ONLY JUST BEG UN
WE'RE GON NA BE TOGETHER
FRANK SENIOR AND SON
DINE AT "THE LATIN QUARTER"
A NIGHTCA P AT "TOOTS SHOR"
WE'RE G ON NA BE AT RINGSIDE
AN D LIFE WILL BE BETTER T HA N BEFORE
FOR TWO KIDS IN A MA N'S CANDY STORE
t
,. Frank Senior claps his son on the shoulder and goes. Frank Junior moves to fallow,
, but sees BETTY .)
| ̂ *
J/
F R A N K J U N I O R
Hi.
B E T T Y
,
Hi. I s the Pr inc ipal in he r off ice? I ne ed to g ive he r th is no te f rom m y mo ther ,
excus ing me f rom s ix th per iod .
i
F R A N K J U N I O R
You should fo ld i t . I t ' s more bel ievable that way.
B E T T Y
No , th i s r ea l ly i s a no te f rom m y moth er . -l-^-I M
F R A N K J U N I O R
J
W ha t ' s the f ir st th ing yo u do wh en you r moth er han ds you a no te? You fo ld i t up
and pu t i t in your pocke t .
A half-beat, and Betty folds the note.)
B E T T Y
Tha nks. I 'm Betty .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Frank .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
17 -
B E T T Y
s \ l \ 0 \
•
Nice jacket . \QQ < ^k ^ e l (jAldjs V
She plants an impulsive kiss on his cheek, and goes. He swoons and sings.)
F R N K J U N I O R
WHAT THEY SEE IS THE U NIFORM
JUST ASK ONE MAITRE D'
OR A TAILOR IN PARIS
GO ASK ROGER MARIS
THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE
p
Frank Junior dances his way home as we TRANSITION TO...)
{k
<sR
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18 -
CATCH
ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e
T h e A b a g n a l e A p a r t m e n t D o w n t o w n N e w R o c h e l l e
Mom Dad I met th is g ir l—
F R A N K J U N I O R
.. .and
as Frank Junior dances in the door, his mother and father dance on opposite.
But with a turn, in an instant, we see that it s not his father. It s JACK BAR NES.
And Frank Junior sees this, and they see him.
MU SIC STOPS suddenly.)
P A U L A
Frank ie You r em em ber your f a the r ' s f r iend , Jack Barnes?
J A C K B A R N E S
Frank . Go od to see you . Pau la , take care .
(He grabs his hat and goes. Frank Junior is silent.)
P A U L A
Are you hungry , F rank ie? I 'l l m ak e you a sa ndw ich .
(Frank Junior doesn t move.)
Frankie?
(No answer.)
You're not going to te l l h im.
F R A N K J U N I O R
N o
P A U L A
Th at ' s r ight . Th ere ' s noth ing to te l l . I 'm goi ng out for a few hou rs to v is i t som e old
f r iends f rom the tenn is c lub , an d wh en I get hom e, we ' l l a ll ha ve d i nne r toge ther ,
r ight?
(Frank Junior rubs his eyes. Paula gets her pocketbook.)
Do yo u need som e money , F rank ie? To bu y some comic books? Here , t ake two
dollars .
(She holds out the money to him, but he just looks at it. Then at her. MU SIC.)
L
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 19 -
F R N K J U N I O R
Two hu nd re d so ld ie rs in tha t t iny soc ia l ha l l , an d
you...you...
P U L
I w as s ix teen yea rs o ld w he n I m et yo ur father. I w as you r age . H ow cou ld I kno w
w h a t I w a n t e d ? Dites done
F R N K J U N I O R
You w an ted h im .
P U L
A n d I w an ted to ge t ou t o f France . A nd I w an te d to ha ve a chikl.
(She reaches for him , but he pulls away.)
(considers him, then)
I t w as a lon g t im e ago, Frank ie. Bel ieve m e, one day you ' l l look at yourse lf , and yo u
w o n ' t
be who
y o u we re .
^ ^ Q ^
^\QuJ [y
(He turns away from her and walks into his bedroom: piles of comic books, superhero
posters, a Flash bedsprea d. He takes his jacket off and tosses it.)
5
. L ^ F R N K J U N I O R
THERE'S NO PHONE BOOTH
THERE'S NO CAPE
THERE'S NO STEVE MCQUEEN
TO HEL P ME MAKE MY GREAT ESCAPE
HO W CAN I FLY
LIKE A HERO IN THE SKY
BE A SHOOTING STAR OUT IN THE STRATOSPHERE
? ^ f o r w c»-v~c{
WHERE'S THE SHADOW
HE MIGHT KNOW
WHE RE'S THAT SEARCHLIGHT IN THE SKY
TO POINT THE WAY TO GO?
THROUGH SOME NEW CLOUD
TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE CROWD
THO UGH THE FUTURE'S DARK
THERE'S ONE THING CRYSTAL CLEAR
THAT THERE'S NO HOME HERE. . .
(MUSIC CONTINUE S as we TRANSITION TO:)
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- 20 - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e
F a m i l y C o u r t a n d T r a i n S t a t i o n N e w R o c h e l l e
The Family Court Judge enters with Frank Senior and Paula...)
J U D G E
Son, l i s ten to me . We just ne ed a na m e. Your m ot he r or yo ur fa ther .
(...and
as the bedroom goes away, F rank Junior com es downstage for that
break-in-a-ballad
confessional moment.)
F R A N K J U N I O R f C~
to us)
One day the p r inc ipa l pu l l s me ou t o f c l a ss and dr ives me to the Cour thouse .
Do esn ' t t el l m e why . I wa lk in and see my pa ren t s u p f ron t , w i t h the ir l awyers , an d
the judge .
J U D G E
I t can get very expensive , people f ight ing over the i r chi ldren.
P A U L A
N ob od y ' s f igh ting . Look a t me , F rank . No bo dy ' s f igh t ing .
j The adults continue, overlapping , as Frank Junior sings to us.)
1 F R A N K J U N I O R
,
I
SO MANY VOICES TELLING ME TO CHOO SE
I
S J U D G E
\
Th e cou rt can decid e thes e thing s, bu t i t ' s be t ter if the family does .
^ F R A N K J U N I O R
; IT'S LIKE A GAME WH ERE EITHER TEAM I LOSE
\ F R A N K S E N I O R
Fra nk , jus t giv e th em a frame, an d this wil l al l be over. I t 's goin g to be okay.
F R A N K J U N I O R
THIS KINDA NOISE JUST MAKES ME WA NNA SHOUT
P A U L A
M y bra ve li t tle soldier . Do wh at you ha ve to do.
I
F R A N K J U N I O R
I I'D LIKE TO BUY A ONE-WAY TICKET OUT
j F R A N K S E N I O R
Fran k, I 'm sorry. I 've got no ro om to m ov e here .
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- 21 -
F R N K J U N I O R
RULES OF THE R OAD SAY DON T LOOK BACK ^ ^ ^ -
EYES STRAIGHT AHEAD, D ON T JUM P THE TRACK
TRY
A
NEW GAME
AND PRAY THAT I CAN W IN ^ • ^ > * f
«{t *~ .C
CAUSE I JUST DON T FEEL AT HOM E IN MINE
SO I LL SLIP NOW
INTO SO MEONE ELSE S SKIN
And as the music hits a driving groove, Frank Junior turns an d runs.
The Family Court disappears. Frank is on the street, COMM UTER S hurrying to
and fro.)
C O M M U T E R S
HOO-HOO, HOO HOO
F R N K J U N I O R
I SEE THE M APS FROM EVERY BOOK I VE READ
THE W ORLD S THAT I HAVE LIVED INSIDE
MY
HEAD
I THO UG HT A LOVE LIKE THEIRS COULD NEVER DIE
IF IT CA N FADE AWAY THEN SO CA N I
F R N K J U N I O R
YEAH FIRST YOU SEE ME ,
BUT THEN YOU DO N T
DON T LOOK FOR ME YOU
KNOW I WO N T
EVEN BE THERE
SO LET THE GAM ES BEGIN
CAUSE I
JUST DON T FEEL AT HOME IN MINE
SO I LL SLIP NOW
INTO SOMEONE
ELSE S SKIN
E N S E M B L E
0 0 0 0 0 0
KNOW I W ON T
AH-AH-AH-AH
AH-AH-AH-AH
HOO-HOO,
HOO-HOO
New Rochelle Train Station. A ticket agent appears. Frank Junior hands him a couple
of crum pled bills.)
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22
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R N K J U N I O R
One fo r Grand Cen t ra l S ta t ion , p lease .
R I L R O D G E N T
R ou nd tr ip is f ive dol lars . O ne wa y is three. You ha ve tw o.
The Railroad Agent holds up the bills. MUSIC CHAN GES.
Lights c hange, isolating F rank Junior. He looks at us, and speaks rapidly, without
pause, as the Railroad Agent continues as if Frank Junior is still in the scene with him.)
F R N K J U N I O R
Okay , so I d idn ' t r ea l ly know what I was doing, I ju s t kne w I ha d to ge t ou t , an d m y
ins t inc ts took over . M ain ta in eye con tac t . Kee p ta lk ing . A nd I t ake m y m on ey back
f rom the t icke t se l le r and make i t d i sappear —
He does, using a nifty bit of sleight-of-hand. MU SIC CHA NGE S.)
— an d I sp in som e ta le abou t m ee t i ng m y g r an dm oth er in the c ity wh i le I ask fo r m y
c h a n g e , e v e n t h o u g h h e d o e s n ' t o w e m e a n y c h a n g e —
R I L R O D G E N T
Wait , wha t?
F R N K J U N I O R
— b u t
I
ke ep ta lk ing , an d wa i t ing for my c hange , and in h is con fus ion he g ives m e
tw o do l la r s back , so no w I ha ve fou r do l la r s wh i ch i s en ou gh for my one way t icke t
to M anh at ta n , because I do n ' t p la n on com ing back— Tha nks , Mr . M or ton c ^ ^ J-
The Railroad Agent takes the money from Frank Junior, who takes the ticket without
missing a beat.
He turns to go, bu t:)
Hold i t
W h a t ?
R I L R O D G E N T
F R N K J U N I O R
R I L R O D G E N T
F R N K J U N I O R
Your ticket.
T h a n k y o u .
MUSIC BUILDS.)
T h e y w a n te d m e to choose...and I chose the N ew H av en l ine , Track Two ,
the ten-f if teen to New York City
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C TCH ME IF YOU C N
23
F R N K J U N I O R
I M GONNA
RUN D OW N THE STREET
RUN OUT OF TOWN
I M G ONN A RUN FROM THE
HOME TEAM
AND NEVER TOUCH D OWN
RUN FROM THE BOOKS
CAUSE IT S ALL BEEN
A
FAKE
I M GO NNA RUN FROM THE
CHOICES
THAT I DON T W ANNA MAKE
SCHOOL S NOT OUT BUT
I CA N T WAIT
IT S THE PERFECT TIME TO
GRADUATE
<-.<--K.<
c
*
TODAY
I VE GO T TO RU N AWAY N OW
I VE GOTTA RUN AWAY
^
E N S E M B L E
RUN DOW N THE STREET
RUN OUT OF TOWN
RUN FROM THE BOOKS
CAU SE IT S ALL BEEN
A
FAKE
A H H H
A H H H
A H H H
A H H H
TODAY-AY-AY-AY
HOO-HOO
HOO-HOO
I KNOW THEY LL SEE THE
TRUTH WHEN I MOVE ON
THEY LL NEED EACH OTHER
MUC H MORE ONCE I M G ONE
AND W HEN I M FLUSH
AN D HE S BACK ON HIS FEET
I LL PICK HIM U P AND
RIDE DOWN EASY STREET
N O TIME TO CRY
FOR ALL
THE YEARS
A RUSTY GAS TANK
FULL OF TEARS
GETS YOU NOW HERE
NOT THE PLACES I WANT IN
AND
I
JUST DON T
FEEL
AT
HOME IN MINE
SO I LL SLIP N OW
INTO SOM EONE ELSE S SKIN
OO OO OO
FULL OF TEARS
AH-AH
AH-AH
AH-AH-AH-AH
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24
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R A N K J U N I O R )
INTO SOM EONE ELSE S SKIN
INTO SOMEON E ELSE S SKIN
INTO SO MEON E ELSE S SKIN
E N S E M B L E )
INTO SOMEO NE ELSE S SKIN
INTO SO MEON E ELSE S SKIN
INTO SOMEONE ELSE S SKIN
INTO SO MEON E ELSE S SKIN
INTO SOMEO NE ELSE S SKIN
INTO SOMEON E ELSE S SKIN
INTO SOM EONE ELSE S
INTO SO MEO NE ELSE S SKIN
MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
25
S c e n e 5
C h a s e B a n k M a n h a t t a n
(On applause from SOM EONE ELSE S SKIN, Frank Junior comes downstage to speak
to us.
in ur Svousoi
F R A N K J U N I O R
And now, l ad ie s and gen t l emen, a word f rom my sponsors
(He gestures, and three ATTRAC TIVE ASSISTANTS come dancing in.)
These grea t p roduc t s can he lp you surv ive your f i r s t f ew weeks in New York wi th
just f if ty checks and a driver 's l icense.
(Three ATTRACT IVE ASSISTANTS bring in the products as Frank describes them.)
Swiss A rm y Penkn ives can he lp you a l t e r the age on yo ur d r iv e r ' s l i cense . Because a
sixteen-year-old cashing a check or opening an account by himsel f—
A T T R A C T I V E A S S I S T A N T 1
(with Swiss Army knife)
—gets a lo t of quest ions
F R A N K J U N I O R
Higgins b rand Genuine Or ig ina l Ind ia Ink f lows easy th rough your pen or brush—a
few dabs on your l icense , you ' re ten years older .
A T T R A C T I V E A S S I S T A N T 2
(with bottle of ink)
And no one can tel l the difference
F R A N K J U N I O R
Elmer 's Glue i s perfec t for the craf tsperson of any age who needs to change the i r
name . Wi th a pa i r of sc i ssors yo u can cu t an d pas te nam es f rom o the r doc um ent s ,
and yo u ' r e official ly F ran k Taylor Junior . A nd i f Fra nk Taylor w ea rs ou t his
welcome—
A T T R A C T I V E A S S I S T A N T 3
(with Elmer s Glue)
You can be Fran k Wil l iams
A T T R A C T I V E A S S I S T A N T 2
Or Frank Con ners .
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TTT
j*<
- 26
-
Or Wil l iam Taylor.
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
A T T R A C T I V E A S S I S T A N T 1
A S S I S T A N T 1
A SNIP,
A S S I S T A N T 2
A DAB,
A S S I S T A N T 3
A TOUCH OF GLUE
F O U R A S S I S T A N T S
AND YOU'LL BE GOO D TO GO
F R A N K J U N I O R
BIG THANKS TO ALL OUR SPONSORS
F O U R A S S I S T A N T S
NOW, RIGHT BACK TO THE SHOW
As the Attractive Assistants dance off)
F R A N K J U N I O R
In a few shor t months I soaked every branch of Chase Manhat t an in the f ive
bo rou ghs an d no r t he r n N e w Je rsey and d r op ped ru bbe r i n j u s t abou t eve ry ho t e l ,
grocery s tore , an d dry c l eaners f rom here to Ho bok en. I wa s the Joh nny App leseed
of fraud.
O ±<?
f) 5
Q
,
B A N K T E L L E R
I 'm sorry, Miste r Taylor. I ca n ' t cash this a check this large w i th ou t my
manager's
app rova l . If yo u 'd l i ke to wa i t a mo me nt I can go ge t . . . 'IJ&J?,*i'V \o
Kj
^
tf
-
rS/
<
> F R A N K J U N I O R
c v
^
Say, Dian e, I found th i s on the s idew alk ou t front , and I t h ink i t mig ht be yo urs —
He bends to his valise)
B A N K T E L L E R
Well Mister Taylor . . .
F R A N K J U N I O R
I t looks l ike i t was made for y o u . \y
K
f/l< <• v) S) >
0v
' *-
B A N K T E L L E R
Well . . .Uh.. .perhap s I can mak e an except ion for one of our m ost va lu ed cus tom ers .
wJL
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- 27 -
F R N K J U N I O R
Thank you Diane .
Once my f i r st fif ty checks ran o u t , I bo ug ht a l it t le p r in t ing p res s an d m ad e m y ow n.
I wa s p ro du c in g more rubb e r than a ti re facto ry . Mis te r Ha nra t ty an d h i s t eam we re
sti l l trying to pick up my trail .
(Frank Junior sings as we TRANSITION :)
AND THOU GH I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
AT THE FBI THE SHOW 'S IN BLACK AN D WHITE.
(A cluttered, down-on-its-heels FBI office with lots of filing cabinets, overflowing
wastebaskets and too many pizza
boxes.-
You wouldn t want to work there.
Four men in suits and ties are present. They are BILL COD, TOD BRANTO N,
JOHNN Y DOL LAR, a rookie, and CARL HAN RATTY, whom we ve already met and
the only on e who seems to be actually working at his desk. The others have their feet up
on their desks and are doing what they generally do best: belly-aching.
The phone is ringing.)
B R N T O N
So anyw ay , to m ake a long s to ry shor t , w e ' re h av in g tu rk ey fo r Chr i s tm as a f te r a l l .
I wa s jus t t ry ing to exp and you r t a s te bu ds , she t e ll s me . The y do n ' t need no
expan ding , I t e ll he r . N orm al peop le do n ' t ea t goose .
(CARL HANRAT TY answers the phone)
FBI.
The low er de pth s .
H N R T T Y
B R N T O N
H N R T T Y
This is specia l age nt Carl Ha nra t ty . M err y C hris tm as .
C O D
I t ' s a l l tha t Jul ia Q u id s ' faul t. She pu ts ' e m up to i t . W ha t w as wr on g w ith
Am er ican food? No th ing , t il l she cam e a long . You 'd op en a can of tun a , cho p so m e
onions and ce lery , add mayo, mix ' em a l l together and
voila
Haute cuisine. I ha te
Public Television.
D O L L R
Me, too. All they do is talk.
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24
Scene 6: F.B.I. Office
The elevators begin to lift the FBI office into view. Agents
BRANTON, COD, and DOLLAR are drowning in checks and
we hear:)
COD
Dollar! What have you done!
BRANTON
Yeah, Dollar, the next time we tell you to move file boxes, and you stack them ten high, could you make sure you’re
under them when they fall?
DOLLAR
Whoops!
HANRATTY
Leave the kid alone.
BRANTON
Come on, Hanratty. We always give the rookies a hard time. Don’t you remember how they razzed you?
HANRATTY
Yes, and it’s an experience I see no reason to repeat. Now listen, we have three or four major-league paperhangers
somewhere in this mess, so we are going to sort it out, even if it means we drop dead at our desks and our fossilized bones are discovered in some archeological dig in the twenty-first century.
COD
C’mon Hanratty it’s 4:45. It’s Thanksgiving.
HANRATTY
Listen — We do the job because it's the job and as long as I'm Interim Second Assistant Special Agent in Charge of
the Bank Fraud and Forgery Subdivision, North Atlantic region — thank you very much — we will do the job until
it’s done. Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving.
BRANTON
That’s easy for you to say, Hanratty. Some of us still have wives.
HANRATTY
Low blow, Agent Branton. And, by the way, go home for lunch one of these days, unannounced, and see how thatworks out for you.
(The men laugh.)
DOLLAR
He got you there.
BRANTONShouldn’t you be in another department? Like maybe daycare?
DOLLAR
I was auditing background checks for the Library of Congress and I asked for a transfer. I requested something
where I could use my gun. I like guns. And cars. Anything loud or fast, basically.
HANRATTY(shudders)
How about Shelley Winters? She’s loud and fast. Come on, Dollar, I know that this job is not as exciting as
fieldwork, or counter-intelligence—
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25
COD
Or a long, slow death.
HANRATTY
—and maybe nobody knows you're down here. But he does. Oh yeah, he does. The one you're after. He knows.
And the day you catch him, and you will, the day you slap those cuffs on him and watch them haul him away (music
under) —oh, now this is interesting (more music under). This is very, very interesting.
BRANTON
I know you think so, and that’s the sad thing.
HANRATTY
Look at these two. He’s changing the MICR numbers on the checks.
DOLLAR
Micker? Micker Mouse?
COD
Who the hell is Micker Mouse?
HANRATTY
MICR! MICR! M-I-C-R. Magnetic Ink Character Recognition. Jiminy Christmas, Frank Taylor
must've got hishands on a MICR encoder.
(looks at the other check)And Frank Williams too. Look here. If you change a zero-two to a one-two, a check that was cashed in New York
gets rerouted all the way to San Francisco and it’s weeks before the bank that cashed it knows they’re bad.
DOLLAR
You mean those numbers at the bottom the check actually mean something?
HANRATTY
They mean that Frank Taylor and Frank Williams and William Franklin are the same person. They mean that he can
stay in one place and write bad checks for weeks and weeks. And that means there must be thousands more checks
just like this out there – more bum checks than a Prague prison!
(A second load of checks drops.)
BRANTON, COD + DOLLAR Nooooo!
HANRATTY
And that means no Christmas for you MICR mouse.
(He points at Cod.)
And no Hanukah either.
(MUSIC. Frank Junior returns and the men sweep
the checks onto the lifts as we TRANSITION TO:)
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- 30
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e 6
O u t s i d e t h e T u d o r H o t e l M a n h a t t a n a n d i n t h e S k i e s
4 n
l W Jew
S
I
F R A N K J U N I O R
I ' d a lw ays w an ted to be good a t som eth ing . N o w I w as rea l ly
good...at
p a s s i n g b a d
checks . I w as a c rook , no th i ng more . Bu t the n one day , a s I w en t wa lk in g pas t the
Tudor Hote l on 42nd S t ree t , des t iny came wa lk ing ou t those revo lv ing
doors, y #/ «£
He almost collides with a beautiful young Pan Am STEW ARDE SS emerging, travel
bag in hand.)
G o s h ,
I'm
so—
He takes her measure.)
—sorry.
S T E W A R D E S S # 1 ( C I N D Y )
It's quit e all right.
She continues past him, as Frank watches, agape. A SECOND STEW ARDE SS comes
through the door.)
S T E W A R D E S S # 2
MINDY)
Excuse me .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Uhh—no,
excuse
me—kinda
la te to be checking out , i sn ' t i t?
S T E W A R D E S S # 2 ( M I N D Y )
We al l have evening f l ights .
F R A N K J U N I O R
We all...?
A parade of STEW ARDE SSES, all in the same Pan Am outfit, march in through the
door, satchels in hand. He bobs and weaves as they move through.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
O h , I—
excuse me—whoops —hello,
there. . .
STEWARDESS # 3 bumps him on her way by...)
S T E W A R D E S S
# 3
LINDY)
Oh Excuse me .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
31 -
F R A N K J U N I O R
N o . . .excuse m e . Um. W ho are yo u all w ai t in g for?
T H E S T E W A R D E S S E S
The pilots.
(Frank Junior
blinks,
STINGER.
He smiles at us, then at her.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
Excuse me, miss . .
.I've
been t ra in in g as a p i lo t . I s Pa n A m hi r ing?
S T E W A R D E S S 1 ( C I N D Y )
Aren ' t yo u swee t . Here .
(She pulls a business card from her bust. It s the wrong one. She pulls another; then
the third tim e s the charm :)
H ere i t is . Talk to Jerr y Taylor, V P of pe rso nn el . Tell hi m C ind y sent y ou .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Th ank you , M iss Cindy. Tell me—is f ly ing every th ing i t ' s c racked u p to be?
S T E W A R D E S S 1 ( C I N D Y )
The only th ing bet ter than flying—is a good long layover . V\J A
v^
̂ l—
(Frank Junior steps dow nstage: to us, our host.)
Lw&'.tS
t
r^k/r^^
F R A N K J U N I O R
Cindy, Mind y, Lindy, Kell ie, Shell ie, Ne ll ie, She rrie, Terri , Ka rrie, an d Jane . I l ike to
call th em Th e Jet Set .
C I N D Y
WOKE UP IN BROOKLYN
WITH A FROWN U PON MY FACE
(One by one, the other Stewardesses join her, telling Frank Junior how it is.)
M I N D Y
JUST LEFT W ISCONSIN
WHERE THERE'S CHEESE ENO UG H '
*
TO START THIS RAT RACE
C I N D Y
BUT THAN KS TO THE BROTHERS WRIGHT
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- 3 2 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
.• • -
v
\ C I N D Y M I N D Y
V
9
^ r. a '
. o O ^ .,*
WE DO N'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL SLEEP TONIGHT
ji> '
„•/ C I N D Y
V / 0 YEAH, I 'M A BIRD IN THE SKIES
M I N D Y
AN D TOMORROW W HEN I RISE
LINDY
I'LL WAKE UP IN PARIS
WITH A NEW LOVE IN MY HEART
S H E L L I E
OR MAYBE GERMANY
WITH THAT BRAND NEW PET
I MET IN STUTTGART
N E L L I E
SKY'S THE LIMIT, IT'S TIME TO PLAY
I'LL PUT DO WN RQOTS SOME OTHER DAY
J A N E
NO NEED TO,BE A LONELY JOE
S T E W A R D E S S E S
THE JET-SET IS THE
J A N E
ONLY WAY TO GO
One Stew ardess pulls a pair of horn-rimm ed glasses from her satchel and puts them on
Frank Junior. Another Stewardess opens her satchel, and he takes out a camera and a
notebook. A PAN AM EXE CUTIVE enters.)
*
P A N A M E X E C U T I V E
. A ^ r y A ^ U
So you ' re the k id wr i t ing the ar t ic le for the school paper?
F R A N K J U N I O R
turns to him, now a high school kid)
Yes s ir . Fran k Black f rom M onro e H ig h School . I w an t to kn ow e very th in g there is
to kn ow a bou t be ing a Pa n A m p i lo t . Fo r in s tance , wh at does i t m ea n w he n on e
p i lo t says to ano ther p i lo t, I ' ve bee n on the sam e equ ip m en t a l l wee k , jumpin'
p u d d le s fo r t h e w e a k a n d w e a r y ?
P A N A M E X E C U T I V E
M ean s they 've been f ly ing the sam e p lane , sho r t f lights , mo s t ly com mu ter s .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
33
F R A N K J U N I O R
An d wh a t ab ou t t hose I .D . bad ges t ha t I ' ve s een p i l o ts w ea r?
P A N A M E X E C
Every pi lo t has to ha ve i t wi th h im a t al l t imes . I t ' s an a i r l ine pers on nel ba dg e , l ike
t h i s one he r e from P an A m.
F R A N K J U N I O R
Th ank you for yo ur t ime, s i r Ca n I ge t a p ic ture ?
^
^.Q)C -ze>>oi^
P A N A M E X E C
Oh, sure .
Frank Junior points the camera right at his ID badge. FLA SH.)
F R A N K J U N I O R l
l l
G ot
it
The Executive goes and the Stewardesses are back.)
S T E W A R D E S S E S
WOULD JA
LIKE NEW MUSIC AN D MYST'RY
EACH AND EVERYDAY
LOSE THE SAME O LD MUSIC AND HIST'RY
MAKE A NEW FRIEND T HEN
FLYAWAY
One Stewardess brings Frank Junior an in-flight cart with familiar sponsor products:
Penknife, scissors, glue, India ink. Frank holds u p a blank piece of paper, and goes to
work making a Pan Am Badge.)
Q
^ ^ o f
w
̂ ^ <
t
;
AND.. .WAKE
UP IN TEXAS
WHERE THEY TREAT THEIR WOM EN RIGHT
AND T HEN TRY HOLLYWOOD
WHERE THE STARS GET LIT
OUT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
ANY CITY, NEAR OR FAR
FEELS TWICE AS GOO D AS WHERE YOU ARE
WH EN YOU'RE SICK OF THE STATUS QU O
THE JET-SET IS
THE ONLY WAY TO G O...
Frank Junior holds up his completed badge.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
My Pa n A m pi lo t ' s bad ge H ow cool i s tha t?
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— 34 - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
A Stewardess wheels the cart away.
A TA ILOR enters, uniform jac ket in his hand, pants drape d over his arm.)
<^[_
T I L O R
Awfully young to be a p i lo t , aren ' t ya?
F R N K J U N I O R
I get tha t a lot. I ' m jus t a co-pilo t.
T I L O R
putting the jacket on him )
W h y s o n e r v o u s ?
F R N K J U N I O R
How would you feel i f you los t your uniform your f i r s t week on the job?
T I L O R
Ah, I hea r you . That ll be one for ty- three n inety-seven.
F R N K J U N I O R
Ca n I wr i te yo u a check?
T I L O R
No—no
checks , no cash . Jus t need you i employee number .
He pulls out a form and begins to fill it out. Frank tries to read it upside down , to
count spaces far numbers:)
F R N K J U N I O R
Of cou rse. I t 's . Six. On e.
Four...zero.
Three.(?) Five.(?)S—
But before he gets the next num ber out, the Tailor nods, finished, and Frank Junior
pulls it back.)
T I L O R
Grea t I ' ll b i l l Pa n A m /th ey ' l l t ake i t ou t of yo ur nex t payche ck .
F R N K J U N I O R
Even bet ter .
Frank Junior and the Tailor go off as the PILO TS enter with Stewardesse s.)
frt S U
L L P I L O T S
WOULD'JA LIKE A SLEIGH RIDE, A HAYRIDE?
THEN KIDDO, JUST STAY H OM E
BUT, IF YOU W ANT JET-SET TH EN GET SET
TO LEAVE BEHIND KANSAS
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE ROME
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C A T C H M E I F Y o u CAN
35
Cc
L L S T E W R D E S S E S
WAKE UP IN RIO
HAVE YOUR COFFEE IN BRAZIL
L L P I L O T S
WHEN REAL LIFE GETS YOU DOWN
TAKE
A
P I L O T S a n d S T E W R D E S S E S
FAR-OUT, ONE-WAY
TRIP TO SPLITZVILLE
*
L L P I L O T S
SWEDISH, GREEK OR JAPANESE
L L S T E W R D E S S E S
A STEWARDESS IS TRAINED TO PLEASE
L L
SO IF YOU'VE G OT W HAT IT TAKES BELOW
WELL
THEN FLY THIS BIRD LIKE C UPID'S BOW
CAUSE TH E JET SET'S JUST A HOLIDAY
YEAH TH E JET SET GOES
UP, UP A ND
AWAY...SO
FLY
Frank Junior joins them, his uniform at last perfect, cap and aviators on. A stunning
sight.)
F R N K J U N I O R
RIGHT DOWN TO
IT LY
FOR LA BELLA FEM INA
JUMP IN A FOUNTAIN
S T E W R D E S S E S
WOO
F R N K J U N I O R
FOR
P I L O T S a n d S T E W R D E S S E S
BIG DOSE OF LA DOLCE VITA
F R N K J U N I O R
IF YOUR TASTES RUN MORE
RISQUfi
T W O S T E W R D E S S E S
WELL THE N, WE KN OW A JOINT IN OLD BOMBAY
\}OJt\
1
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36
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
L L
SO HAN G O N TIGHT
LET'S LOOP DE LOOP
IT'S TIME TO FLY
THIS CHICKEN COOP \QA/I /V-* b f
w
& ̂ ' ^ ^
SO PACK UP YOUR SUITCASE
CHECK YOUR WORRIES AT THE GATE
COME OUT AN D PLAY BOY
CRUISE THE WORLD TO FIND
YOUR PERFECT PLAYMATE
F R N K J U N I O R
THIN GS LOOK BETTER FROM ABOVE
SO BUCKLE UP, NEXT STO P IS LOVE
L L
FROM TIMBUKTU TO TOKYO
FROM MOZAMBIQUE TO MEXICO
YEAH THE JET SET IS THE
ONLY WAY TO GO \j X JC * . | i .
F R N K J U N I O R
BA D BA BOP BA BA BA D BA
r t v v . w A
A
VA
L L
OH-OH
SONG ENDS.
MU SIC begins again. As the others exit, one Stewardess retrieves Frank Junior...
until he sees CHE RYL ANN coming the other way, and he turns and follows her as we
TRANSITION TO...)
• t
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S c e n e
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 37 -
T h e P l a z a H o t e l M a n h a t t a n
(In the hotel corridor, Cheryl Ann senses Frank Junior and stops and turns.
x K i ,
L
C H E R Y L A N N
ry
~
Nice
uniform.
F R A N K J U N I O R
Um. Do I kn ow you f rom som ewh ere?
C H E R Y L A N N
Ma ybe. I w as on the cover of Seventeen.. .a few ye ars ag o.
R NK J U N I O R
O h , w o w , yeah—you re t h a t m o d e l C h e r y l Ann—something—in the Plaza . Gee ,
d ' y ou th ink I cou ld ge t an au to gra ph?
C H E R Y L A N N
Do you have a pen . . .in y o u r r o o m ?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Um . I th ink
I
do.
C H E R Y L A N N / ,
So. Capta in .
W * S L <*<** W ^
F R A N K J U N I O R
Oh—call me F rank .
C H E R Y L A N N
Frank. Are you going to make me an offer?
£ ^
{
.
< S w
^
> t / r >
,
c c
F R A N K J U N I O R ^
I — I 'm sorry — an offer for w ha t?
C H E R Y L A N N
A m an l ike you can bu y any th in g he wan ts . W ha t ' s a n igh t wo r th? Wi th me ?
(She opens her fur coat to reveal to FRAN K JR that she s naked underneath)
F R A N K J U N I O R
I — gosh , I r ea lly do n ' t know , Chery l . Um . Three h un dr ed ?
(She closes her coat)
Five hundred?
(She starts down the hallway.)
A t h o u s a n d ?
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- 38 -
• -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
She stops. Turns.)
C H E R Y L N N
One thousand do l la r s .
F R N K J U N I O R
he reaches in a pocket and grabs a wad of checks)
I have to cash a check. \oe^z
-VTP V ̂cw ̂ •N*/*
C H E R Y L N N
You th ink th is hotel is going to cash a thousand dollar check at three a .m.?
F R N K J U N I O R
rifling through the checks and pulling one out)
Th ey ve don e i t for me before. I t s a ca shi er s chec k.
C H E R Y L N N
she takes it and inspects it)
Endorse i t over to me.
F R N K J U N I O R
I t s fo r fou r teen hu nd red .
~ A
C H E R Y L N N
You give me the check. . .
pulling cash from her bust)
..
.and
I l l g ive yo u four hu nd re d dollars .
She hands him the check and the cash and turns to go)
F R N K J U N I O R
Even bet ter .
.
fr
x
MUSIC. He follows her off.)
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 39 -
S c e n e 8
A F i r i n g R a n g e F B I T r a i n i n g G r o u n d Q u a n t i c o V A
As Frank Junior leaves with Cheryl Ann, Hanratty and the men enter, guns a blazing.
Hanra tty takes aim and fires off a round. )
B R N T O N
as he reloads)
So , Hanra t ty , wh y the he l l d id you d rag us ou t to Qua n t ico? Th is guy ' s a pe n and
ink m an . A pape rhang er . H e p roba b ly doe sn ' t even car ry a gun .
H N R T T Y
W e're get t ing closer to th is guy. You ne ed to get back so m e of the sk il ls yo u 'v e los t ,
s i t t ing a round , sneak ing peppermin t schnapps f rom your co f fee cup .
B R N T O N
But w e can ' t f ix a locat ion . O ne da y he ' s in Dallas . Th e next he ' s in Stu t tga r t .
Rome. Barcelona.
C O D
H e's gone g lobal . Th e las t ba d checks ca m e in f rom Liech tenstein . W her e the hel l is
Leichtenstein?
H N R T T Y
The p r inc ipa l i ty of L iech tens te in is a land locked a lp ine cou n t ry in Wes te rn Euro pe
bordered by Swi tzer land to the wes t and sou th and Aus t r ia to the eas t .
B R N T O N
He ' s ju s t a forger , Hanra t ty . There ' s no wa y the Bureau ' s gonn a g ive us t r ave l
money to L ich ten -what .
C O D
Lichtenstein .
Yeah.
B R N T O N
H N R T T Y
This guy 's jus t a forger like Mic key Ma ntl e is jus t a h i t ter . H e ' s got m y da nd er u p
a n d m y in te r e s t p iq u e d . ( T h a t 's " p iq u e d " w i th a " Q " ) . I t h a s n ' t p e a k e d in a l o n g
t ime . (Tha t ' s "pe ak ed " wi th a "K" ) H e ' s no t ju s t p lay ing the gam e, boys . H e ' s
m ak i ng the ru les . H e ' s a t rue ta len t .
C O D
Jesus , Ha nrat ty . You w an t to ar res t h i m or h ire h im ?
H N R T T Y
I see th is guy in my s leep . Six ty ish , salt-and-pepper tall. He's Old School , a
v i r tuoso . He ' s bee n ho n in g h is c ra ft fo r year s . Bu t , they a lw ays ma ke a mis take .
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- 40 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H A N R A T T Y )
I t 's the overconf idence . , Or the win e . Or the w om en .
Bullets WH IZ and DING and they
du k
for cover.)
B R A N T O N
What the he l l
D O L L A R
entering)
You know, i f shooting people is anyth ing l ike target pract ice , i t ' s very
disappoint ing . I d idn ' t feel a th ing .
H A N R A T T Y
Do ggo ne i t, th i s job i s no t ab ou t sh oo t ing a t peop le . A nd i f s no t abo u t
pu nc h in g the c lock , wa i t in g fo r r e t ir eme n t , o r en joy ing a qu ick ie wi th the
secretary o n 3 . I t ' s ab out jus t one gu y - th is Fra nk Taylor a .k .a . Fra nk
Wil l iams a .k .a . Wi l l iam Frank l in . H e ' s ou t there , toy in g wi th me . Taun t ing
me.
C O D
C'm on , Hanra t ty . H e doe sn ' t eve n kn ow you ex is t .
H N R T T Y
H e will. Believe it . H e will .
B R A N T O N
Oka y, okay. Stay cool.
H A N R A T T Y
I w i l l no t s tay coo l . I ha ve nev er bee n coo l an d I do n ' t in tend to s ta r t now.
B R A N T O N
Hanra t ty , were you a lways l ike th i s?
H A N R A T T Y
Long as I can
remember
MUSIC.)
I th ink I w as bo rn th i s way . Oth er k ids w an te d to p lay cops and robber s . I
on ly wan ted to p lay cops .
IT STARTS VERY EARLY
ONC E TH E BABY TOYS ARE GO NE
A
KID ON THE PLAYGROUND
HAS TO CHOOSE WHAT SIDE HE'S O N
kri L
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
4
l
( H A N R A T T Y )
IT'S THE BULLIES OR THE G OO D GUYS
BOY, THERE IS N O M IDDLE G ROU ND
THO UGH HOO DLUM S TRY TO BLUR THE LINE
AND TWIST THE TRUTH AROUND
THEN THEY CALL THEMSELVES A W INNER
BUT THEY'RE SELF-DECEIVING FOOLS
'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNING
IF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES
THE LAW IS LAYED U PO N US
WH EN A S KIDS WE FIRST ASK "W HY?"
OUR PARENTS SET THE RULES
W HE N 'CAUSE I SAID S O," THEY REPLY
AND TH OUGH I THOUGHT I HATED THEM
AND SCREAMED WITH ALL MY MIGHT
THE NEXT TIME THAT I HAD A CHOICE
GEE WHIZ I DID WHAT'S RIGHT
NO, I NEVER SNUCK A DRINK
I NEVER STOLE A PACK OF "KOOLS"
'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNING
IF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES
H A N R A T T Y
OR ELSE WE'RE LIVING
IN THE WILD WILD WEST
GOD'S KEEPING SCORE
YOU DON'T W ANNA
FAIL THAT
TEST
YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE
RIGHT AT THE LIFE
FOR WH ICH I STRIVE
BUT THOSE RULES,
THOSE LAWS
KEEP US A LIVE.
A G E N T S T A R G E T S
DON'T BREAK THE RULES
DON'T BREAK THE RULES
DON'T BREAK THE RULES
BUT THOSE RULES
THOSE LAWS
KEEP US ALIVE.
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42
C TCH ME IF YOU C N
( H A N R A T T Y )
IT STARTED BACK WITH MOSES
WHEN HE LED AROUND THE JEWS
AN D CLIMBED WAY
UP
THAT MOUNTAIN
TO PICK U P GO D S DAILY
NEWS
HE SCHLEPPED UP OLD MT. SINAI
CRIED AND BEGGED
ON THEIR BEHALF
HE ALMOST DROPPED
THOS E TABLETS
WHEN HE SAW THAT
GOLDEN CALF
NOW WE WE TEACH THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS
EVERY SUNDAY
IN OUR SCHOOLS
CAUSE THE GAME
AIN T WORTH W INNING
IF YOU RE BREAKING
ALL THE RULES
I GUESS
THE CO NSTITUTION, BOYS,
TO SOME IS TOO
COMPLEX
THEY THINK
OUR FOUN DING FATHERS FOUGHT
SO THEY COULD FORGE
SOME CHECKS
THEY SEE THEMSELVES
AS ROBIN HOOD
STEALING FROM THE RICH
( A G E N T S T A R G E T S )
THE JEWS
TELL ME THE
NEWS
OH LORD
WHAT?
EVERY SUNDAY
IN OUR SCHOOLS
AND BABY
I GUESS
WE RE T HINKING
THEY TH INK
AND NOW IT S LOOKIN
THEY SEE THEMSELVES
BUT DO N T YA KNOW THEY RE
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
43
i
l l
( H A N R A T T Y )
NOT PAYING BACK
THE THINGS THEY TAKE
WELL PAYBACK IS A BITCH
CAUSE THE WORLD A IN T
SHERWOOD FOREST
YOU CA N T GIVE AWAY
THOSE JEWELS
CAUSE THE GAME
AIN T WORTH W INNING
IF YOU RE BREAKING
ALL THE RULES
OR ELSE WE RE LIVING
IN
THE WILD WILD WEST
GOD S KEEPING SCORE
YOU DON T W ANNA
FAIL THA T TEST
YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE
RIGHT AT THE LIFE
FOR WHICH I STRIVE
BUT THOSE RULES,
THOSE LAWS
K P US ALIVE.
WHEN THEY STEAL
SOMEBODY S MONEY
SCREW H IS DAU GHTER
OR HIS WIFE
YOU DON T THINK
OF REPERCUSSIONS
AS YOU TAP DAN CE
THROUG H YOUR LIFE
( A G E N T S T A R G E T S )
NO T PAYING BACK
POW
YOU CA N T GIVE AWAY
THOSE JEWELS
DO N T BREAK THE RULES
DO N T BREAK THE RULES
DO N T BREAK THE RULES
BUT THOSE RULES
THOSE LAWS
KEEP US ALIVE.
US ALIVE
OO-OO .. .
BOP
OO-OO
BOP
OO-OO
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TW
-
44
J I i jjj jajixgn jiiiiiJHJHCTIWiWiWWiWWgiWWHBBIBlWI
CyircH M E I F
YOU CAN
fl
1
.
.-
( H A N R A T T Y )
THOUGH YOU SMILE
LIKE YOU RE A HERO
YOU RE AN OUTLAW
THROUGH AND THROUGH
BUT THE ODD S ARE
IN MY FAVOR, MA N
AND ONE DAY
I LL CATCH YOU
SO, GO SNEAK INTO A MOVIE
RUN A RED LIGHT,
SELL SOME PO T
IT S ALL THE SAME TO ME
YOU RE EITHER GUILTY
OR YOU RE NOT
IF WE ALL DID
WHAT WE WANTED
EVERY TIME WE FELT THE URGE
THE WORLD WOULD BE
IN TOTAL CHAOS
IT S ALREADY O N THE VERGE
YES, ITS LAWS THAT
KEEP US HUMA N
CAUSE WITHOUT THEM
WE RE JUST MULES
AND
THE GAME AIN T WORTH WINN ING
YES
THE GAME AIN T WORTH W INNING
N O
THE GAME AIN T WORTH W INNING
IF YOU RE BREAKING
ALL THE RULES
OR ELSE WE RE LIVING
IN THE WILD WILD WEST
( A G E N T S T A R G E T S )
YOU RE AN OUTLAW
THROUGH AND THROUGH
AN D ONE DAY
I LL CATCH YOU
SO GO SNEAK
DO O
WOP
DOO W OP
DO O WOP DOO W OP
WOW
THE WORLD WOULD BE
IN TOTAL CHAOS
BOP
CAUSE WITHOUT THEM
WE RE JUST MULES
THE GAME AIN T WORTH WINNING
THE GAME AIN T WORTH WINNING
THE GAME AIN T WORTH WINNING
DO N T BREAK THE RULES
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 45
H A N R A T T Y )
GOD'S KEEPING SCORE
YOU DON'T W ANNA
FAIL THAT TEST
YOU THUMB YOUR NOSE
RIGHT AT THE LIFE
FOR W HIC H I STRIVE
WHATTCHA SAY?
SING IT BOYS
KEEP US ALIVE
A G E N T S & T A R G E T S )
DO N'T BREAK THE RULES
DO N'T BREAK THE RULES
BUT THOSE RULES
THOSE LAWS
THOSE RULES
THOSE LAWS
THOSE RULES
THOSE LAWS
KEEP US ALIVE
BOP
H A N R A T T Y
All r ight , back to w ork . Cr i m e doe sn ' t take a hol iday . I ca n ' t bel iev e I jus t said that ^
JV
(The FBI Agents scatter.
SPLIT STAGE. Frank Junior enters with his suitcase. A lovely STEW ARD ESS enters
opposite, with a clipboard.)
S T E W A R D E S S
^ r
h<M -
5 U
Good morn in g , F i r s t Off icer . Are yo u my de ad he ad today ?
F R A N K J U N I O R
V ^ O f c ^ ^tJ G^l/ SL
Yes, m a ' am . Been on the sam e eq u ip m en t a l l we ek , jumpin p u d d le s f o r t h e w e a k
and weary .
S T E W A R D E S S
Firs t c lass is fu ll , bu t I 've got the ju m p seat ope n. C om e on a bo ard .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Thanks
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wt*wwrm**v I - wmw i >im
S
iHMUi,Mi nn » IIMH »JUJIIIUI pii'i'iu HI •» JWII.WH miimiimminuiwi
— 46 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
i
I S T E W A R D E S S
'
Be sure to w a tc h ou t fo r tha t
Skywayman.
-
F R A N K J U N I O R
{ S k y w a y m a n ? \^,k
a / J
. J
The Stewardess hands him a newspaper, opened and folded to an article. Frank Jr.
j scans
it.)
B R A N T O N
You ' re dange rous , k id . Who the he l l t augh t you to shoo t?
D O L L A R
i M y D ad dy tau gh t m e to tu r n a m is te r to a mis ses f rom 100 ya rd s .
Cod enters, with a flyer in hand.)
C O D
Ha nrat ty . I 'm go nn a regre t th is , b ut look a t th is f ie ld b ul le t in .
Hanratty grabs and scans it.)
t H A N R A T T Y + F R A N K J U N I O R
I overlapping; not in unison)
I
The Sky wa ym an. Al l the a i r l ines a re a f te r h im . .
.posing
as an a i r l ine pi lot . .
.flying
all
li
o v e r t h e w o r l d . . .
'
S T E W A R D E S S
j
hey
don t
know ho w he does
it.
V
; F R A N K J U N I O R
L
The Sky wa ym an. L ike a supe rhe ro . Cra zy w or l d w e l ive in . I 'l l ha ve to look ou t fo r
S T E W A R D E S S
;|
W o u l d y o u l ik e s o m e t h i n g t o d r i n k
before
we take off?
F R A N K J U N I O R
U m , m i l k ?
6
f f £
L
Frank Junior gives the paper back to the Stewardess and exits. She fallows.)
H A N R A T T Y
All r igh t , boys . We ' re check ing eve ry a i rp or t ho te l , mo te l , ca fe , and com missa ry on
the At lan t i c s eaboa rd . We jus t beca me f ron t pag e ne ws .
MU SIC. Hanratty and the boys exit and We go right to the Latin Quarter.)
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i — 48 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
I
F R N K S E N I O R
Look a t us, Frank ie . O n to p of the w or ld .
F R N K J U N I O R
Dad . I w en t by the s to re today .
F R N K S E N I O R
I ha d to c lose the s tore for a wh i le . I t s a l l ab ou t t imin g, Fran k. The go d da m n
g o v e r n m e n t k n o w s t h at , t h e y h i t y o u w h e n y o u r e d o w n . I w a sn t g o in g to l et t h e m
tak e i t from m e. So I jus t sh ut the do or s my self. Ca lled their bluff. Soo ner or later,
they ll forget about me.
Frank Junior slides a thick envelope across the table.)
W hat s th i s?
I
f
F R N K J U N I O R V
Let s op en the s tore up , Da d. Pay off the Feds . Get things back the w ay th ey w ere .
I can he lp ou t now. \ ^
F R N K S E N I O R
Keep i t . You got your own worr ies ,
F R N K J U N I O R
I m f ine . There s p l en ty m ore wh ere th i s came f rom, be l i eve m e .
F R N K S E N I O R
Th at s f ine ,
Frankie.
Take good care of yourse l f .
F R N K J U N I O R
But maybe i f Mom
sees —
F R N K S E N I O R
Do I look l ike I ne ed y ou r help ?
A moment.
Frank Sr. to bartender^
Double Bourbon .
Back to Frank Junior.)
Do n t wo r ry abou t yo ur mo m and me . F rankie . She s s tubb orn , a lways has been .
She s a fo rmidable w om an . But I w on t l e t he r go wi th ou t a f ight .
F R N K J U N I O R
I f she saw you had the s tore back—
F R N K S E N I O R
T w o h u n d r e d
GI s
in tha t t iny socia l ha l l , w atc hin g her dance . I di dn t speak a w or d
of French. A nd six we ek s la ter , she wa s my wife .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
49
F R N K J U N I O R
She could be again .
F R N K S E N I O R
I don ' t know, F rank ie .
F R N K J U N I O R
Lis ten, D ad, ever yth ing ' s d i fferent now . I got th is grea t job. I m ak e lots of mone y.
I can have b reakfas t in Rome , lun ch in Miami , an d d inn e r in San F ranc i sco .
(MUSIC)
F R N K S E N I O R
A nd he re I tho ug ht you w ere jus t a cop i lo t. I 'm p ro ud o f you , son .
F R N K J U N I O R
REMEMBER THAT STORY I LEARNED AT YOUR FEET
WELL NO W IT'S MY TURN, TAKE A SEAT
U
i t ^i
C
TWO LITTLE MICE OF GREAT RENOWN
FELL IN SOME MILK AND ONE PROCEEDED TO D ROW N
THE OTHER ON E'S STILL THE TOAST OF THE TOW N
CAUSE HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM
n
[
HE LOOKED AROUND, DEDUCED HIS PLIGHT
SAID "TH IS IS N O WAY TO SPEND A SATURDAY NIG HT "
BUT HE H AD THE STYLE TO MAKE THING S RIGHT
SO HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM
\ t
HE KICKED HIS LEGS UP
HE TOSSED AN D TURNED
SO NOT TO END U P A GHOST
HE DID THE HOKEY-POKEY
TILL THE CREAM WAS CHU RNED
THEN BABY, HE WALKED RIGHT OUT
AND BUTTERED HIS TOAST
V> °-^
NOW HE'S ON TOP FOR GOODNESS SAKES
YEAH, HE'S THE BIG CHEESE UP AT "LAND O' LAKES"
HE 'S LIVING PR OOF TH AT PO P ALL IT TAKES
IS A SCHEME
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F^mmmmrmmM^^mmmmm
— 5 — C TCH ME IF You CAN
i
( F R A N K J U N I O R )
SO IF YOU LAND IN THE GUTTER
JUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM
F R A N K J U N I O R
Your turn , Dad.
Nah—you're do ing g rea t .
F R A N K S E N I O R
F R A N K J U N I O R
C o m e on—we're a du o. Fra nk and De an . I ca n ' t do th is act so lo .
F R A N K S E N I O R
I W e ll , y o u k n o w . . .there i s one you haven ' t heard .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Really?
I:
1
i F R A N K S E N I O R
THERE WAS A COCKRO ACH IN BRAZIL
GOT DRUNK AT THE LOCAL COFFEE MILL
II HIS TIME WAS ALMOST UP UNTIL
HE MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS
{;;
E WH EN HE CAME TO HE HEARD SUCH A SOUND
'I
J THEN MUCH TO HIS SHOCK WHE N HE LOOKED AROUND
• HE HA D BEEN SCOOPED AN D WAS ABOUT TO BE GROU ND
I SO, HE MADE COFFEE OUT OF BEANS
HE MARCHED TO THE SOUTH ^
I AND HE STOMPED TO THE NORT H
' HE HAD^TO RACE AGA INST FATE
| HE DID THE CUCARA CHA 'TIL THE TEARS POURED FORTH
THEN SENOR, THING S BEGAN TO PERCOLATE
c h ^ C
j HE HELD HIS BREATH AN D SWAM TO THE TOP
BORROWED SOME BEANS FROM HIS MOM AND POP
THEN HE OPENED UP HIS OWN COFFEE SHOP
I
\ OUT IN QUEENS
WH EN HIS LIGHTS WERE ALMOST OFF
HE JUST MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS
F R A N K J U N I O R
Let ' s b r ing i t home
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CATCH ME IF You CAN
51
Alright
F R N K S E N I O R
B O T H
SO THINK OF THOSE TWO W HE N LIFE'S THE PITS
F R N K S E N I O R
"THE BUG"
F R N K J U N I O R
AND "THE MOUSE"
B O T H
AT THE END OF THEIR WITS
THEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFE
IS THAT ITS
WHA' CHA
DREAM
^
^
SO IF LEMONS CLOG YOUR SINK UP
DO N'T JUST STAND AROUN D AN D SCREAM
SPIKE SOME LEMONADE AND DRINK UP
AN D MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM
F R N K S E N I O R
JUST MAKE BUTTER O UT O F CREAM
F R N K J U N I O R
MAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAM
F R N K S E N I O R
I HEAR WHAT YOU 'RE SAYIN' SON,
I'LL MAKE BUTTER O UT O F CREAM
F R N K J U N I O R
SHA-DOO-BAH DWEE-LEEYAH DO-BAH
DWEE-LE-YAH DOO-BOP
F R N K S E N I O R
You always got ta get the las t word in
F R N K J U N I O R
Like Fathe r l ike Son Co m e on
^
\
*-
\y,\^lO
v
< *
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— 52 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
yV.
s
S c e n e 1
I d l e w i l d A i r p o r t M o t e l R o o m 1 3 5
Hanra tty, Cod, and Dollar inspect a much-u sed motel room: comic books, junk-food
containers, crum pled papers. Branton appears at the door.)
^ V >
X
B R A N T O N
Han ara t ty The m ana ge r says he jus t checked ou t th ree ho urs ago . Was he re for
a lmost a week . N o fo rward ing .
^ C O D
Looks l ike he left in a hurry. / at o \ ^
"* ~——__ . - - ' *
H A N R A T T Y
, Al l r ight , gen t lem en. Im pre ss me . A m an 's secre ts are in his t rash.
I
I They begin to pore over the room, opening drawe rs, lifting cushions, inspecting
furniture.)
Mister Taylor , rea l name unknown, lef t us a goldmine.
D O L L A R
holds up a comic book)
The Flash. He l ikes comic books.
C O D
holds up a pizza box and a jar of peanut butter)
He l ives on junk food.
B R A N T O N
holds up a Playboy)
H e has a b reas t fetish.
C O D
O h m y god I t ' s Hanratty
H A N R A T T Y
Very funny. I ' l l m ak e a no te to la ug h later.
(sighs and picks up the wastebasket)
Bran ton, Cod, go can vas the other gu ests . Dol lar , ge t l icense pla te num be rs on eve ry
car in th e lot . I ' l l pro ces s th e roo m .
C O D
(as the men leave)
Right.
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 53
The other agents go. MUSIC.)
Som eth ing do esn ' t jive he re .
H N R T T Y
The Flash? . Pe an ut bu t ter ? M ay be he ' s got a kid?
Han ratty goes to work, picking through the garbag e.)
All r igh t , Mis te r Tay lor . I kn ow y ou ' re in he re som ewh ere .
SOME COMIC BOOKS
A MISS JULY
A MATCHBOOK FROM THE FLAME
SOME CHEWING GUM
A MISMATCHED PAIR OF SHOES
A LETTER H OM E
THAT WASN'T M AILED
A CHECK WITHOU T A NAME
YEAH, THEY'LL BE MY GUIDE
TO THE MA N INSIDE THE CLUES
A BOBBY PIN
TWO BASEBALL CARDS
SOME DAY-OLD CHINESE FOOD
SOME TICKET STUBS
THE RED SOX ALWAYS LOSE
Anyth ing?
A VALENTINE
THAT WASN'T SENT
A SCENT TO SET THE M OO D
WHEN I TAKE A RIDE
WITH THE MA N INSIDE
THE CLUES
B R N T O N
H N R T T Y
hands him a crumpled sheet of paper)
Pan A m s ta t ionery.
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— 54 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H A N R A T T Y )
(reads)
As a Pa n A m pi lot , m y family f lies for free . The tw o of yo u sh ou ld com e out to Los
A n g e l e s w i t h me^T^aybe t h e n —
/ /
(looks up)
Unf in i shed .
B R A N T O N
The two of w ho ?
H A N R A T T Y
W ho know s? But w e kn ow he ' s go ing to Los Ange les . A nd so a re we .
D O L L A R
Fantast ic . \
C O D
(as he and Branton turn to go)
N ow tha t ' s t he bes t i dea he ' s had ye t .
B R A N T O N
He could use the sun . If he were any mo re pa le , he 'd be t r ansp a ren t .
(The men exit. Hanratty moves to follow, but stops, and returns to the room.)
H A N R A T T Y
I'VE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVES
BUT NEVER AT MY OW N
THE TRAIL I'VE LEFT IS SUCH A DAM N CLICHE
THE LONELY WIFE, THE HOUSE FOR SALE
A MILLION N IGHTS ALONE
TO WISH YOU HAD THE THINGS YOU THREW AWAY
LIKE A FRONT DOOR KEY
A HOME COOKED MEAL
THE HAPPY BRIDE AND GROOM
THEN LIFE KICKS IN AND MAKES YOU PAY YOUR DUES
AND THEN YOU FIND
YOU'RE BY YOURSELF
IN A SINGLE HOTEL ROO M
THAT'S BEEN OCCUPIED...
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 55 -
H A N R A T T Y )
BY THE M AN INSIDE
THE CLUES
THE CLUES
Transition to...)
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—
56 — CATCH ME IF YOUCAN
Mr
S c e n e
A M o t e l P a t i o a n d R o o m ) i n L o s A n g e l e s
Hanratty and men enter with the MO TEL MAN AGER .)
£ Y * V0 W ^ t W ;
M O T E L M A N A G E R
H e wr ote three checks . The y al l c leared . I w as gon na depo si t th is one today. I do n ' t
wan t any t roub le .
H N R T T Y
The re w on ' t be an y trouble . I ' ll jus t take th is check and be on my w ay.
M O T E L M N G E R
G o o d . I d o n ' t w a n t m y c u s to m e r s h a r a s s e d .
H N R T T Y
You mean he 's s t i l l here?
M O T E L M N G E R
hesitates)
Two-oh-one.
J S
f i
w - '
9
V ^ ' ' H N R T T Y
I tak e the lead . You guys wa tc h the f ront, Do llar takes the o ther ex i t .
Hanratty draws his gun. Dollar eagerly follows suit.)
Put i t away.
Dollar complies, glumly.)
I f you ' re good l i t t le boys , I ' l l buy you al l a Good Humor bar .
M O T E L M N G E R
You sa id there w ou ld n ' t be any t roub le .
+ H N R T T Y
Relax , mis ter , you ' l l get one, too .
Hanratty proceeds, cautiously, gun drawn, to room 201. The rest exit, in other
directions.
Hanratty bursts in through the door...)
F.B.I.
...but
the room is empty. Hanratty slowly m oves in, looking over a bureau and table
filled with the impleme nts of forgery.
J
From the bathroom, a FLU SH. Hanratty points his gun.)
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 57 -
( H A N R A T T Y )
F.B .I. Com e ou t w i th you r ha nd s on yo ur h ead .
(Frank Junior calmly emerges from the bathroom. Nods at Hanratty. He s in a
different, black suit.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
Guy's got a MICR encoder , can you bel ieve that?
H A N R A T T Y
Do n ' t mov e . Pu t yo ur han ds on yo ur head o r I' ll shoo t .
(Frank Junior ignores the gun pointed at him and walks to the desk.)
F R A N K
J U N O R \
H e ' s g o t a b o u t tw o h u n d r e d c h e c k s here—a gal lon of India ink , draf t ing glue—he
even makes l i t t l e pay ro l l enve lopes addressed to h imse l f f rom Pan Am.
V
H A N R A T T Y
K e e p y o u r h a n d s w h e r e I c a n s^eejhem. --' '
F R A N K J U N I O R
Relax , bu dd y, yo u ' r e la te . The nam e' s Allen , Barry Allen , Un ited State s Secret
Service. Your m a n jus t t r ied to c l im b out the window—my par tner has h im in
cus tody downs ta i r s .
H A N R A T T Y
W h a t a r e y o u t a lk in g a b o u t? K e e p y o u r h a n d s u p
s
F R A N K J U N I O R
You th ink the F.B.I, a re the on ly ones t r ack ing th i s guy? H e ' s been dab b l ing in
governrrlent checks . W e 've bee n fo l lowing a pa pe r t r a i l for mon th s . We a lm os t h ad
h im in N ew York , then in, a mo te l ou ts ide D .C . nea r Du l les a i rpo r t . W ould you m ind
tak ing triat g u n o u t of^my f ace? I t ma kes me n ervou s .
H A N R A T T Y
Let me see some identif icat ion .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Here , t ake my who le wal le t .
(fosses him wallet)
You w an t my gun , too?
H A N R A T T Y
I d idn ' t expect Secret Service on th is .
F R A N K J U N I O R
D o n ' t w o r r y a b o u t it . W h a f s y o u r n a m e , a n y w a y ?
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— 5 8 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
,VJ =
H N R T T Y
Han ra t ty . Car l Han ra t ty .
F R N K J U N I O R
You m in d if I see an ID, Carl? C an 't be too careful thes e d ay s.
H N R T T Y
Sure.
Hanratty shows him his badge)
F R N K J U N I O R
Tough luck , Car l . F ive mi nu t es ea rl i er and yo u wo ul d hav e l anded yourse l f a p re t ty
good collar.
H N R T T Y
Tha t ' s okay , t en seconds l a t e r you w ou ld h ave be en sho t .
They laugh, then stop laughing
Hey, l i s ten. Tel l m e someth ing: W ha t does he look like?
F R N K J U N I O R
H e 's a hand so m e son of a b i tch .
H N R T T Y
I had him f igured for an older guy.
F R N K J U N I O R
H e is pre t ty da m n old. H e m us t be yo ur age a t least .
H N R T T Y
I asked for tha t one
F R N K J U N I O R
Just do me a
favorT
Sit tight a
nulratenwhile
I ge t some of this evidence downsta i rs .
I d o n ' t want
1
p e o p l e w a l k i n g througrrmy cr ime scene .
\
*
J E i A N R A T T Y
Sure.
Frank Junior picks up the MICR machine and heads for the door.)
F R N K J U N I O R
You know , som e ma id com es in he re and s t a r t s m ak ing the bed . I ha t e wh en tha t
h a p p e n s .
H N R T T Y
Wait.
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- 59 -
i f
F R N K J U N I O R
freezes, turns)
What?
H N R T T Y
Your wallet.
F R N K J U N I O R
H a ng o n to it t i l l I co me ba ck for the res t of the stuff . I tru st yo u.
**<«•
<
S f c
H A N R A T T Y
You shou ldn ' t . Tha t w as a joket *
r--
F R N K J U N I O R
You got me, Carl.
Frank Junior smiles at him and goes.) 3 {2L
H N R T T Y
Nice guy.
unable to contain himself)
We got him I lov e my job. I lov e it , I lov e it , I lov e it .
He stops. Thinks a minute. Opens the wallet. Fingers through the ID cards within.)
Frank Taylor . Fra nk Black . F rank Will iams. Fra nk Fuck
The other three agents rush in)
C O D
Where is he?
H N R T T Y
I ha d h im. H e wa s r igh t there
B R N T O N
Wh at a re you ta lk ing abou t?
H N R T T Y
I le t h i m convin ce me he w as som eo ne else . Barry Allen f rom th e Secret Service.
D O L L R
Barry Allen? The Flash?
H N R T T Y
What?
D O L L R
Barry Allen is the alter ego of the Flash.
S
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P
• flff/_
60
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H A N R A T T Y
O h Je sus Chr i s t .
D O L L A R
We a l l m ak e mistakes s i r i t ha pp en s to the best of us .
H A N R A T T Y
No t to me . N ot to me .
MUSIC.)
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52
Scene 13: A Hotel Room and the FBI Building, both Washington, DC
SONG: CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (PARTY VERSION)
(The Stewardesses and Pilots party as Frank Junior
looks on.)
PARTYGOERS
ANGELS SING, THE SOUND’S SUBLIME
LISTEN TO THOSE CHURCH BELLS CHIME
CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
(A few of the Stewardesses approach Frank Junior.)
LINDY
What’s the matter, honey?
CINDY
You look pooped!
MINDY
You need a good long layover.
FRANK JUNIOR I'm just going to get some air.
(Frank Junior struggles to extricate himself and get
offstage to get his letter jacket on.)
(The Stewardesses and Pilots dance off as we
TRANISTION TO Hanratty's office. He's poring
over documents with a loupe. Branton enters.)
BRANTON
Hanratty, come on. It's Christmas Eve. You're not going to redeem yourself with the boys upstairs by having amiserable holiday.
HANRATTY
You're wrong.
(checks his watch without looking up)
It's not Christmas Eve. It's Christmas.
BRANTON
You want me to stay?
HANRATTY
No. You've got kids. Go home.
BRANTON
Merry Christmas, Hanratty
(He goes. Hanratty's phone RINGS. He picks up.)
HANRATTY
This is Hanratty. Merry Christmas.
(Lights on Frank Junior at a pay phone.)
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53
FRANK JUNIOR
Hello, Carl.
HANRATTY
Who is this?
FRANK JUNIOR
I’ve been trying to track you down. Merry Christmas.
HANRATTY
Barry Allen, Secret Service! What do you want?
FRANK JUNIOR
I want to apologize for what happened out in Los Angeles.
HANRATTY
Yeah? Screw you.
FRANK JUNIOR
Carl, I’m sorry if I made a fool out of you.
HANRATTYGoddamn it, you don't feel sorry for me. The fact is, I knew it was you. I did. Maybe I didn’t pull the trigger but I
knew.
FRANK JUNIOR
People only know what you tell them.
HANRATTY
Then tell me something: how did you know I wouldn’t look in your wallet?
FRANK JUNIOR
I didn’t.
HANRATTYYou’re gonna get caught, you know that, don’t you? One way or another. Just like Vegas—the house always wins.
FRANK JUNIOR
I didn’t think I’d get you in. It’s Christmas. I thought maybe you had a family?
HANRATTY
No. No family.
FRANK JUNIOR
Me either.
SONG: MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
HANRATTY
YEAH, DON’TCHA LOVE THE YULETIDE FUN
THERE’S JOY AND CHEER FOR EVERYONE
I WAIT FOR SANTA WITH A GUN
YES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
FRANK JUNIOR
SOME SUGAR PLUMS I HAVEN’T KISSED
BUT MISTLETOE I MUST RESIST
CAUSE I’M ON ST. CARL’S MOST WANTED LIST
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54
BOTH
YES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
(Lights on Frank Senior and Paula, separately.)
HANRATTY, FRANK JR, FRANK SR, PAULA
AND THERE’S A HOME
WHERE YOU CAN’T GO
AND THERE’S A LIFE THAT’S FULL OF LOVEYOU USED TO KNOW
HANRATTY
FOR ME IT’S TRUE
FRANK SENIOR
BUT KID, NOT YOU
PAULA
CAUSE YOUR FAMILY’S HERE
FRANK SENIOR & PAULA
YEAH, THEY’RE STILL YOURS TO HOLDIF YOU …
FRANK SENIOR & PAULA & HANRATTY
COME IN FROM THE COLD
(Lights fade on Frank Senior and Paula.)
HANRATTY
SO, IF TOMORROW SANTA’S FLOWN
THE TREE IS DOWN AND YOU’RE ALONE
I'M ALWAYS HERE, RIGHT BY THE PHONE
FRANK JUNIOR & HANRATTYYES CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
HANRATTY
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You didn’t call me to apologize, did you?
FRANK JUNIOR
What do you mean?
HANRATTY
You’ve got no one else to talk to.
FRANK JUNIOR
(half beat)I have to go.
HANRATTY
Frank! Wait!
(Frank Junior almost hangs up the phone. But stops.
While Hanratty waits on the other end of the phone,
Frank Junior covers the mouthpiece and turns to us.)
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55
FRANK JUNIOR
Mister Hanratty was right. It was a lonely life. But I was about to meet someone, and she was gonna change
everything. Everything.
(Lights on Brenda. She stops and looks in our
direction, dreaming.)
But right now ... Tonight ...
HANRATTY
Frank?(Brenda fades. Frank Junior turns back to the phone.)
FRANK JUNIOR
I'm still here.
HANRATTY
Sooner or later you'll get tired of running.
FRANK JUNIOR
Sooner or later you'll get tired of chasing me.
HANRATTY
No I won't.
FRANK JUNIOR Look out the window.
HANRATTY
Why?
FRANK JUNIOR
Just do it.
(He sings.)
I’LL CALL YOU SOON, BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN
HANRATTYAND, FRANK, I HOPE WE’LL MEET AGAIN
LIKE WHEN YOU’RE SERVING EIGHT TO TEN
BOTHYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR
(Hanratty sees Frank Junior in the pay phone booth.
Frank Junior jumps off the stage and disappears up
the aisle of the theatre.)
HANRATTY
(to himself)
He’s a kid.(to us)
He’s a kid.
SONG ENDS.
END OF ACT ONE
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s» r
1^
- 66 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
A C T T W O
S c e n e 1
T h e F B I B u i l d i n g W a s h i n g t o n D C
•f-M
(As the Entr acte ends, we see Hanratty and his three men, hu ddled in a hallway.)
JW
H A N R A T T Y
Look, i t ' s s imp le. We kn ow h e 's a k id . We ne ed to f ind out wh o ' s responsib le for
the k id . So w e check ou t every run aw ay tee n and miss in g s tuden t in the t r i - s ta te
area over the past three years .
(A Lovely Lady brings in a stack of computer printouts.)
I pul led a l is t f rom th e ma infram e.
(The Lovely Lady hands him the top page of an accordion-feed computer printout.)
We just go to each addre ss , ask to see a family pho to .
(He pulls the paper, which just keeps coming.)
D O L L A R V o i c e O v e r )
How long wil l that take?
As long as i t takes . Let ' s go , men .
H A N R A T T Y
(Hanratty exits, the long list trailing behind him. The men follow. The last agent stays
behind, whipping
off
his fedora and R ayBans to reveal...
...Frank Junior. He w aves.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
Good luck wi th tha t
A part men I
(turns to us as the Lovely Lady takes his hat and RayBa ns)
My career as a p i lo t was p re t ty much done , and I ' d wrung ou t every bank in the
No r the ast , so it w as t im e to lay low for a whi le , l ive off m y savings . I m ov ed to t he
Riverbend A par t me n ts in At lan ta , Georg ia , a rea l nice complex ,
full
of professionals,
the per fect p lace to keep th ings quiet .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
67
ATLANTA DOCT OR enters at a stumbling run, drink in hand.)
A L L P A R T Y D O C T O R S N U R S E S
F R A N K J U N I O R
w s jus t there to ke ep a low profi le . N o m ore cons no mor e h i gh l iv ing no m ore
lies.
The ATLANT A DOCT OR approaches Frank Junior as we CONTINU E TO:)
It:
i l l
S i
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68 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
f
S c e n e
T h e R i v e r b e n d A p a r t m e n t s
a n d A t l a n t a G e n e r a l H o s p i t a l A t l a n t a
The ATLANT A DOCT OR throws an arm around him.)
fc '• ' u
A T L A N T A D O C T O R
Frank , wh at b r ings yo u to the R iverbend com plex? I tho ug h t i t w as ju s t u s
doc to r s and nu r ses here .
F R A N K J U N I O R
works the problem)
Oh. Well . You know. I'm a doctor. \~GAJL { * O^-As
0
—^
A T L A N T A D O C T O R
W hat do you do , su rgery? Or tho ped ics?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Pediatr ics?
A T L A N T A D O C T O R
Sno t-nosed l i t t le k ids? You can hav e 'em . Lis ten , I ' ll f ind ou t if
there's
a n y th in g
ope n dow n a t At lan ta Genera l . Be g rea t to hav e you there
He goes.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
Oh, no , than k you , I — I m ea n — W ha t was I th ink ing? V Cb\ f ̂ \_j ' j (^
MU SIC. Several very sexy NURSE S appear. Frank Junior looks at them...)
Oh y e a h .
c
e ^ U
r
cj ,
M
^ . r y
J ^ \
j 0
(...then back to us.)
Lad ies and gentlemen—nurses.
The NURSE S seduce Frank Junior into the medical profession - dressing him as a
doctor in the process.)
N U R S E
HEY DOCTOR, ARE YOU O N CALL?
I'M N OT FEELING SO WELL AT ALL
I KEPT THINK ING ABOUT YA
AS I COULD NO T SLEEP A WINK LAST N IGHT
J
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- 69 -
N U R S E 1 )
I TOSSED AND TURNED THE WHOLE N IGHT LONG
KEPT FEELING LIKE SOMETHING 'S W RONG
I NEED A CHEC KUP
TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT
A L L N U R S E S
SO I...
N U R S E 1
MADE THIS APPOINTMENT
AN D I CLEARED YOUR AFTERNOO N
A L L N U R S E S
YES,
I...
N U R S E 1
NEED ME A LITTLE
T.L.C.
AN D I GOTTA GET SOME SOON...
A L L N U R S E S
LET ME TELL
YA
THAT
N U R S E 1
MAYBE I NEVER LISTENED G OO D
I NEVER DID THE THINGS I SHO ULD
BUT I'M READY
TO TAKE DOC TOR'S ORDERS
BABY, I NEVER FELT SO BAD
I NEED SOMETHING I NEVER H AD
AND I'M READY...
TO TAKE DOCT OR'S ORDERS
A L L N U R S E S
OOHOOH...
(The Nurses turn upstage)
F R A N K J U N I O R \ti< \^ C^A^rOr. Si- t ' S ^
Ho w wa s I go ing to pu l l th i s one off? Th en I tho ug ht o f i t , Ben Casey a lway s m ad e
it look easy on television.
(BEN CASEY
and a
BEN CASEY INTERN appear.
'
Frank Junior watches as Ben Casey makes a diagnosis
ala
a TV epsisode)
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CATCH ME IF You CAN
73
N U R S E S
OOH-OOH-OOH
OOH-OOH-OOH
AH-AH
N U R S E 4
I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT AN APPLE A DAY
TO BE THE STRONGEST GAL IN TOW N
BUT IF AN APPLE A DAY
KEEPS THE DOCTO R AWAY
I'M G ON NA BURN THAT
ORCHARD DOWN
N U R S E 3
BABY DO N'T STOP UNTIL I'M HEALED
I'VE G OT BLUE CROSS
I'VE GOT BLUE SHIELD
AND I'M READY
TO TAKE DOCTO R'S ORDERS
N U R S E 2
BABY, YO U'D BETTER OPER ATE
N U R S E 1
THEN TO MIAMI TO RECOUPERATE
N U R S E 2
YES I'M READY
TO TAKE DOCT OR'S ORDERS ^p Y
A L L N U R S E S
j ^ w ^
TALKING 'BOUT WHAM-BAM
HOT DAMN
N U R S E 4
OXYGEN PLEASE,
CAN 'T CATCH MY BREATH
DOCTOR YOU GOT THE KISS OF DEATH
AND I 'M
N U R S E S D O C T O R S
KNO W WHA T THEY SAY
OOH...
O OH OOH
GONNA BURN THAT
ORCHARD DOWN
OOH OOH
READY
DOCTOR'S ORDERS
OOH...
READY
~
A,our,^
A L L M E N
WHAM BAM
HOT DAMN
N U R S E S
OOH OOH
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r
- 74 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
N U R S E S 1 4
READY
READY
COME ON, LET'S ROCK
STEADY
E N S E M B L E
READY
READY
COME O N, LET'S ROCK
STEADY
A L L
'CAUSE I'M READY...
FOR DOC TOR'S ORDERS j, C_XNJV
N U R S E 4
WOO
The doctors and nurses g o to party. Frank Junior grabs some shut-eye ona_gurney.
Brenda enters.) v, ( /
B R E N D A
Doctor Con ners? Doc tor Con ners?
F R A N K J U N I O R
wakes with a start)
Oh, I wa s . .
.uh. . .I'm
not ge t t ing a lot of s leep a t the apar tment these days.
^ < p B R E N D A
Doctor Conners , do you know which pa t i en t ge t s the O-Negative?
She holds up a blood bag, dark red in translucen t plastic. Frank Junior takes one look
an d turnsjmd clutches his stomach, groaning .)
Doctor?
A nurse strides through.)
N U R S E
O-negative O-negative Where ' s tha t O-nega t ive?
Brenda holds it up and the nurse grabs it. Ma ybe Frank Junior looks up just in time to
see it change hands, which sets him o ff again. Either way, after the Nurse is gone:)
B R E N D A
Are yo u ok ay?
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- 75 -
F R N K J U N I O R
Sorry...just s o m e b a d tuna.. .at the cafeteria.
B R E N D
Is there any th in g I can do?
F R N K J U N I O R
You could have coffee with me.
B R E N D
But thei r coffee' s wor se tha n thei r tuna. Oh | A j j a A^OVC cv\ ^ i
0
^
0
^ U
C
<M_^
F R N K J U N I O R
*
I 've t r ied to make conversat ion wi th you four t imes a day for e leven days and
you 've barely even said hel lo .
B R E N D
I 'm so sorry , Doctor Co nner s . Hel lo .
F R N K J U N I O R
Hello.
half beat)
Goodbye .
She moves to go.)
Nurse S t rong
B R E N D
F R N K J U N I O R
B R E N D
I 'm sorry, sir . They don' t l ike us to fraternize with the doctors.
F R N K J U N I O R
Pretend I 'm not a doctor . Pre tend I 'm a Pa n A m pi lo t .
B R E N D
Oh, I do n ' t th ink I could see you as a p i lo t . A p laybo y ma ybe .
F R N K J U N I O R
I 'm not really in to a l l tha t Riverb end m ad nes s . I t ' s jus t , I do n ' t know , a pa r t I p lay .
B R E N D
So you ' re no t really a sk i r t -chasing pa r ty an im al , you jus t w an t peop le to th ink yo u are?
F R N K J U N I O R
Well, ye ah. I m ea n, no. I mean—wait.
\
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76
-
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
B R E N D
Good day , Doc to r Conners .
F R N K J U N I O R
You' re very ser ious .
B R E N D
I 'm just t rying to do a good job, sir .
F R N K J U N I O R
Well , I am too , I 'm the youngest doctor here .
B R E N D
j I ,
t
Are n ' t you awfu l ly yo un g to be a doc to r?
F R N K J U N I O R
I get that a lot.
B R E N D
j I ' m the youn ges t nu r se here . . .
| F R N K J U N I O R
j ( A nd the bes t nu r s e w e have .
i|
B R E N D
j Oh , no one eve r l i s tens to me . Th ey ' re a l l so conf iden t an d sure of them selve s
and...tall.
F R N K J U N I O R
If you w an t t hem to l i st en , yo u ju s t have to sound l ike you k no w w ha t you ' r e t a lk ing
abou t . .Act like yo u hav e conf idence, a nd pr et ty soo n yo u wi l l . Act like yo u ' re no t
a f ra id , and you won ' t be . Okay?
^ £ ^ ^ < * B R E N D
smiles)
Okay.
*
F R N K J U N I O R
Hey—there s
a smile.
Two Interns enter at a run, with a gurney.)
I N T E R N
# 2
Doc tor Conner s , w e 'v e got a k i tchen accident . M eat sl icer . A nd the y can ' t exact ly
f ind the hand . . .
Frank Junior takes one look and starts to lose it. Brenda steps up.)
l o
C t
B R E N D
Tra um a O ne. I ' l l cal l surgery . Go
•[
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77 -
n
The Interns hurry off.)
See? Look at you .
F R N K J U N I O R
B R E N D
Thank you . Docto r Con ner s .
F R N K J U N I O R
Call me Frank.
B R E N D
Okay. Frank.
a moment, then she remembe rs:)
Oh Surgery
She hurries off. Frank Junior watches her go.
MU SIC. He sings.)
F R N K J U N I O R
LIVE IN LIVING COLOR
NOW THE PICTURE SEEMS SO CLEAR
SHE'S ALIVE IN LIVING COLOR
SO EXCUSE ME WHILE I DISAPPEAR...
VX
tSA<
fo/
j^rS
» f f
FRA NK JR exits. Hanratty appears opposite, watching him.) ^ o
yt>f\S*-^ , 1
IT A TVTTJ A T T V ^ ^ V
H A N R A T T Y
Sooner or la ter , they always make a mistake.lSooner o r la te r . M ean wh i le , wh i le he
was busy wi th Brenda , we were c rack ing th i s th ing p re t ty qu ick ly .
Be A
Si
So m ay be th is is m y pa r t of the s ho w . . . Sor t of a
film
noir k ind of th ing .
I t w as hot , eve n for A ug us t . So ho t m y ass wa s s t ick ing to the seat of the car l ike a
f ly on paper and my su i t was my own per sona l sauna .
Paula enters, a few years older, with three handsome dancing boys. Hanratty will
become the fourth.)
But no t as ho t as the wo m an I w as ab ou t to in te rv iew. She gave ne w m ea n in g to the
word
femme
fatale. Too ba d she w as som e poo r k id ' s mo the r .
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S c e n e 3
T h e B a r n e s H o u s e a n d A B a r N e w R o c h e l l e
P U L
I ha ve n ' t s een F rank ie , s ince he ra n away .
I ALWAYS KNEW I'D SEE THIS DAY
I CA N'T SAY IT'S A SHOC K
WH AT'S THAT EXPRESSION? QU EST-CE QUE C'EST?
HE'S A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK
BUT IF YOU SEE HIM
PLEASE PASS ON THIS PLEA
DO N'T BE A STRANGER
TELL HIM THAT FOR ME
H N R T T Y
I f I could jus t look a t a photo. . .
P U L
I don ' t have a recen t one . Here. . .his jun io r c la ss yea rbo ok . . . ~
One of the Handsome Dancing Men hands her the yearbook. She opens the book up,
and Hanratty grabs it.)
H N R T T Y
Th a t ' s h im . He ave ns to Be tsey , tha t ' s h im .
(reads
from yearbook)
Class Treasurer?
P U L
I s m y F rank ie in som e sor t of t rou b le?
H N R T T Y
M a'am , yo ur son ' s in a g rea t dea l of t roub le . H e ' s pas s in g ba d checks , fo rg ing
g o v e r n m e n t d o c u m e n t s —
Paula takes the yearbook back from him and gives it back to one of the Handsom e Men.)
P U L
Hal f o f the k ids h i s age a re on do pe bu t you chase a ft e r F rank ie because he ma de a
l i t t le mis take?
Tantpis.
Tell m e h o w mu ch , I ' l l w ri t e y ou a check—
H N R T T Y
So far i t ' s one- poin t-fou r m il l ion do l lars .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 79
P U L
Ce n est pas p ossible.
H N R T T Y
Oh , if s possib le. Unlikely, bu t possible.
P U L
He must be good at th is .
H N R T T Y
If yo u wer e t ry in g to ra ise a crook , yo u sho uld be very pr ou d.
P U L
MY FRANKIE HAD A CLEVER MIND
HE COULD SPEND H OURS ALL ALONE
I W OU LD N T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED TO FIND
HE CHANG ED HIS DIAPER ON HIS OWN
COULD I HAVE BEEN THERE MOR E?
WELL,
C EST
LA VIE
DO N T BE A STRANGER
TELL HIM THAT FOR ME
H N R T T Y
You ha ven t hea rd f rom h im s ince yo u le ft you r hu sba nd ?
P U L
I m to b l ame. I s t ha t wh a t you re say ing?
H N R T T Y
I don t do b l ame, ma am . I j u s t ca t ch the bad guys .
P U L
Frank ie w as the resu l t of a n ig ht of pa ss io n in a four th ra te ho te l in N orm an dy . Tw o
adu l t s w ho shou ld have kn ow n be t t e r. N obo dy wins . Leas t of a l l F rank ie .
THO UG H I TRIED, I COU LDN T HIDE
WH EN LOVE HAD FLOWN AWAY
CHILDRE N CLOSE THEIR EYES
BUT STILL
THEY
SEE
I TOOK A CHAN CE,
A
NEW ROMANCE
IS IT A CRIME TO SAY
I MADE A CHOICE
AND CHOSE W HAT S BEST FOR ME
Ml.:
H N R T T Y
H ow mig h t I l oca t e you r son ?
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I 1:
•i
- 8 0 - - C ATC H M E IF YO U C AN
P U L
Ask his fa ther . H e says Fran kie wr i tes to him .
H N R T T Y
A n d wh er e can I f ind his fa ther?
P U L
Check the ba rs in town .
H N R T T Y
Okay then .
Split scene: The Barnes living room splits the stage with a dive bar and Frank Senior
on a barstool.
Paula continues to dance with the THREE ATTRAC TIVE MEN in the background.)
F R N K S E N I O R
I USED TO BE A PRINCE TO HER
THIS PRINCE HAS LOST HIS CROWN
I BROUGHT HER LAUGHS, SHE WANTED FUR
NO W ONDER LOVE FELL DOW N
ARREST THAT CLOWN WH O SAID
THE BEST THIN GS I N LIFE ARE FREE
THE N, D ON T BE A STRANGER
TELL HER THAT FOR ME
Both parents are isolated in spots)
ONE MORE RO UND AT THE LOST AND FOUND,
THAT S IF YOU VE GOT THE DO UGH
HAPPY HOU R IS SUDDENLY LAST CALL
P U L
MY EYES ARE DRY, I SAID GOODBYE
SO MANY TEARS AGO
B O T H
THE PAST IS JUST A PHO TO ON THE WALL
F R A N K S E N I O R
j IGUESSTOYOUISEEMASCHMUCK
j WELL, I LL JUST BIDE MY TIME
i
i P U L
i
IN LOVE, ALL S FAIR
1
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CATCH ME IF YOUCAN
- 81 -
F R N K S E N I O R
'CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT LADY LUCK
CAN STILL TURN ON A DIME
P U L
COMME A LA GUERRE
F R N K S E N I O R
AND MAYBE ONE
WILL ONCE AGA IN BE THREE
P U L
C EST C QUE J AI TOUJOURS DIT
F R N K S E N I O R
DO N'T BE A STRANGER
TELL THEM THA T FOR ME
P U L
DO N'T BE A STRANGER
TELL HIM THA T FOR ME
B O T H
4 T
C^^U^-CV
DO N'T BE A STRANGER
TELL THEM THAT FOR ME.
H N R T T Y
Do yo u have any idea w her e you r ch i ld i s?
F R N K S E N I O R
H e's a lw ays in the a i r. H e ' s a p i lo t w i th Pan Am W ha t a li fe
(He lifts an envelope from the bar, toys with it.)
H N R T T Y
He ' s no t a p i lo t anym ore , Mis t e r Aba gna le . Ne ver was . H e ' s a coun te r fe it e r an d con
man .
F R N K S E N I O R
I kne w tha t . I j u s t wan ted to see w ha t you knew.
(looks Hanr atty over)
You expect a father to give up his son.
H N R T T Y
Yes. I w ou ld expec t a fa ther to do that . Peo ple get sho t in m y l ine of wo rk . Real
guns. Rea l bullets. I 'd l ike to br ing h im in al ive.
i
1
J H
11 ii
i i|
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S:
- 82 - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R N K S E N I O R
Okay . He re s the t ru th .
waves the envelope)
Go t a le t ter f rom hi m just today. H e jo ine d up . H e s over in Viet N am , serv ing h is
country .
H N R T T Y
Can I see that le t ter?
F R N K S E N I O R
shakes his head, puts letter away)
•
N o r e tu rn addre ss . H e s in un i fo rm , r i sk ing h is l ife for yo u and me . No t a bad w ay
•j to leave h is t roub les be hin d , I d say . H e got ou t of th e ga m e at jus t the r igh t t ime .
H N R T T Y
| The gam e?
[ F R N K S E N I O R
il
You kno w, the game . D on t le t the bast ard s get the best of you . Look ou t for
j j you r se l f, w he n the ban ks an d the gov ern me n t an d the b ig boys t ry to rob you b l ind .
\ H N R T T Y
ls
t h a t w h a t y o u t a u g h t y o u r k id ?
,
F R N K S E N I O R
,, i A m a n sho uld go af ter w ha t he w an ts in l ife .
II*
P
H N R T T Y
ri
i: i A m an sho u ld f ace u p to w ha t he s done .
Frank Senior throws back his drink and sings. A standoff, and then they turn back to
their drinks. The BART ENDE R turns to pour them another.)
Mis te r Abagna le .
F R N K S E N I O R
Please—Frank.
H N R T T Y
Frank . Your k id needs you now.
F R N K S E N I O R
W ha t can I do for h i m tha t he ca n t do bet ter for h im self?
H N R T T Y
You ca n te l l h i m to com e in . You can te l l h i m i t s t im e to s top . You m ay be the only
one who can .
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- 83 -
F R N K S E N I O R
Then I th in k we ' re a l l in t rouble , Car l . Hel l , the k id us ed to see m e as Frank Sinat ra ,
Jesus Ch rist , and JFK all rol led into one . I co ul dn ' t l ive u p to tha t . I did th e be st I
could. I told him I lov ed
him—every
day.
H N R T T Y
M a y b e y o u should ve to ld h im not to commit grand larceny .
F R N K S E N I O R
Way of the wo r ld , Car l . O ur fa thers screw us up , w e turn aro un d and do the sam e
to ou r kids. I t ' s the etern al cycle.
H N R T T Y
Unti l someone breaks i t .
F R N K S E N I O R
LITTLE BOY, BE A MAN
YEAH, THAT WAS POP'S ONLY PLAN
Frank Senior slams his glass on the bar; Hanratty switches glasses, giving Frank
Senior th full drink.)
HE NEVER KISSED ME
•OR SANG BABY MIN E
SURE, I 'D HAVE LOVED A HUG
BUT HEY, I CAME OUT JUST FINE
AN D IF I EVER WO ULD CRY
H N R T T Y
I be t I can guess wh a t ha pp en ed nex t . . .
F R N K S E N I O R
HE'D SMACK THE TEAR FROM OUT MY EYE
H N R T T Y
Badda-boom
F R N K S E N I O R
HE TOLD ME GRO W UP, KID, YOU 'RE N O PETER PAN.
LITTLE BOY, BE A M AN .
Frank Senior throws bac k the second drink, and Hanratty signals far the two m ore.)
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84 — CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H A N R A T T Y
But yo u wa nt to do yo ur k id be t t e r , righ t?
F R A N K S E N I O R
You have any kids , Carl?
H A N R A T T Y
I do not
F R A N K S E N I O R
Then w ha t the he l l do you kn ow abo ut it ? I s ' pose you r fa the r was a p r ince .
H A N R A T T Y
Yeah, of Darkness .
F R A N K S E N I O R
H a h
H A N R A T T Y
LITTLE MA N, GR OW SOM E BALLS
THAT MOTTO RANG THROUGHOUT THE HALLS
ON MY TEN TH BIRTHDAY
HE SHOWED ME
A
GUN
THEN TOOK ME TO THE CORNFIELDS
AND SAID "OKAY...RUN "
HIS SENSE OF HUMOR WAS LAME
LUCKY FOR M E, SO WAS HIS AIM
IF HE H AD SEWN SOME NEEDLEPOINT
TO HAN G O N THE WALLS
IT
WOULDA
SAID "LITTLE MA N, GRO W SOM E BALLS."
They toa st with the new drinks ...)
* B O T H
BALLGAMES THAT HE MISSED
NIGHTS HE CAME HOM E PISSED
WELL, I DON 'T THINK ABOUT THAT ANY LONGER
H A N R A T T Y
NO ONE IN THE BLEACHERS
F R A N K S E N I O R
FISTFIGHTS WITH MY TEACHERS
B O T H
I'M LIVING PROOF WHAT DOESN'T KILL YA
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- 85 -
B O T H )
MAKES YA STRONGER
H A N R A T T Y
W hat say w e break the los ing s treak , Fran k? Set the k id s tra ight .
F R A N K S E N I O R
thickly)
Aw, the kid 's f ine.
pulls the envelope out, waves it)
A p i lo t Serv ing h is coun t ry
slaps the envelope on the bar) \
He's doin ' f ine.
H A N R A T T Y
You're sure about that .
F R A N K S E N I O R
Ya gotta let 'e m go, Carl. C an ' t ho ld on forever.
he sings) ' ~~
v
\
LITTLE MAN, LITTLE ME
THEYCOME
WITH N O W ARRANTY
. I TRIED TO FIX IT
BUT WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED
IT'S HA RD TO SAY BUT FATHER
B O T H
DOESN'T ALWAYS KNOW BEST
F R A N K S E N I O R
SO CARL, WHEN YOU HAVE A KID
H A N R A T T Y
MY EX SAID HEAVEN FORBID
F R A N K S N IO R
DO AS
I
SAY, NO T A S
I
DID
B O T H
LIKE DAD AFTER DA D AFTER DA D AFTER DAD
SINCE THE WHOLE MESS BEGAN
F R A N K S E N I O R
YOU DO THE BEST YOU C AN
' II
1
;
1
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86 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H N R T T Y
LITTLE BOY, BE
A
MAN
(Hanratty watches Frank S enior waver, sit hard, and pass out cold, head on the bar.
Music switches to MAN INSIDE THE CLUES
Hanratty picks up the letter and checks the return address.)
B R T E N D E R
Anything e l se for ya?
H N R T T Y
Pa yp ho ne ? I ne ed to ge t to At lanta .
(pulls out
few bills)
M ake su re he ge t s hom e , okay?
B R T E N D E R
Buddy, he i s home.
(MUS IC. Hanratty steps outside the bar.)
i
H N R T T Y
I VE
LOOKED
INTO SO M ANY LIVES
BUT NEVER GOT THIS CLOSE
THE DISTANCE MADE IT EASIER TO SEE
I LIKE TO DO THE JOB AT H AN D
A N D T H E N
IT'SVADIOS
BUT HERE S A CASE TH AT S GOT THE BEST OF ME
AN ENVELOPE
\
WITH HIS ADDRESS
^
A BRAND N EW SET OR TRACKS
LEADING TO A KID WITH NO ROADS LEFT TO CH OOSE
\
THERE S NO ONE LEFT
T6
SAVE THE DAY
IT S TIME TO FACE THE FACTS
i
O I LL TAKE THAT RIDE
TO THE BOY INSIDES THE CLUES
(He goes. TRANSITION TO ...)
\
\
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 87 -
<H_
I
tdlfvtact
l
i
c e n e 4
F r a n k J r s B e d r o o m j f ^ t l
4JV
U ^
Frank Junior em erges from the covers.)
F R N K J U N I O R
Brenda. Brend a i t ' s okay. C om e on.
Brenda emerges.)
B R E N D
I 'm sorry , Frank . I want to. I just—I m not ready.
F R N K J U N I O R
f
y w n ^ ( W o ^ d
Brenda , it s all right—we can wa it . I 'd wait forever for you . I m ea n, i t took a mo nt h
just to get you to talk to me.
B R E N D
I t ' s not l ike I do n ' t l ike you .
F R N K J U N I O R
No, i t ' s fine—I love a chal lenge.
B R E N D
You could hav e an y nu rse here . You kn ow g ir ls f rom eve ryw here . You 've be en to
Par is , and I ta ly , and th ink of a l l the beautifu l women there must be in Germany.
W h y m e ?
w ; v r ^FRANK
J U N I O R
Because.. .1
love that yo u wo rk ha rd a nd yo u ' r e good at your job . I love that I can
just be myself w ith you . I love t fjat you alw ay s tel l the t ru th . So I can ask y ou
anything, like...wrty-ld_you-teave N e w O r l e a n s ?
B R E N D
turns away)
Oh. No r eason . Well—I sort of ran away.
F R N K J U N I O R
You ran away Wow. W hy w ou ld yo u do som eth in g l ike tha t?
B R E N D
I wa s engag ed . To be mar r ied . H e was the son of m y fa ther ' s l aw par tner , and h e
wa sn ' t ve ry n ice to me , an d on the mo rn in g of m y w ed d i ng d ay I looked a t mysel f in
my d ress an d I r ea l ized I d id n ' t wa n t to m ar ry h im . A nd so I l ef t. Ho me . A nd I
haven ' t been back s ince.
F R N K J U N I O R
I 'm glad you ran away.
L
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I-
ll
,vx:*
v
- 88 -
CATCH ME I F YOU CAN
£ 0 > f o w ^ ^ £ 0 )
F R A N K J U N I O R )
(reaches for her)
I l l nev er hu r t you .
B R E N D A
Bu t y o u re th e H a rv a rd g ra d u a te wo r ld t r a v e le r a n d I m ju s t . . .ordinary.
F R A N K J U N I O R
Or din ary is beau t i fu l . I do n t nee d Par is . I do n t nee d a fancy res taur an t o r a spo r ts
car.
Al l tha t o the r s tuff wa s jus t w ha t I fou nd a lon g w ay . . .while I w a s lo o k in g for you .
Frank sings.)
I VE SEEN THE SEVEN W ONDER S
IF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEW ^J )
BUT ALL THEM SEVEN WONDERS , * , ,
WELL, THEY CA N T COMPARE TO Y O U ^ S W*>*^ T*
I VE BEEN A LOTTA PLACES
YES, I VE TRAVELED NE AR AN D FAR
BUT NOW
I
KNOW
THAT HOM E IS WHERE YOU ARE
NIAGA RA FALLS? {J C (J
A LEAKY FAUCET THAT A PLUMBER OUGHTA FIX
THE PYRAMIDS?
ARE REALLY JUST A DUSTY PILE OF BRICKS.
>
THE
TAJ MAH AL?
j -o < W .
A FIXER-UPPER.
THE GRAND CANYON?^ \ J<U
JUST A HOLE.
THE GRAND CANAL IN VENICE?
AN EYE-TALIAN TOILET BOWL.
I VE SEEN THE SEVEN W ONDER S
IF YOU GIVE OR TAKE A FEW \
At/
^ •
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• n
- 92 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
T L N T D O C T O R
Do you ha ve any idea w ho yo u r e look ing for?
(Branton p ulls ou t Frank Junior s y earbook photo.)
B R N T O N
Frank W il l iam Abag na le Jun ior .
D O L L R
A.K.A. Frank Will iams, Frank Taylor , Frank—
L L A G E N T S
Shut up , Dollar .
T L N T D O C T O R
You know, we d id ha ve a Frank Conne r s .
C O D
Frank Coll ins?
T L N T D O C T O R
Frank Conner s .
C O D
Frank Conner s .
H N R T T Y
Wait—so wh o s F rank Co l l in s?
T L N T D O C T O R
You tel l me, I do n t know .
H N R T T Y
F r a n k Conners. Looked l ike th is?
T L N T D O C T O R
W itho ut the uniform . Ra n off w it h a nurs e. Bren da something. D o n t k n o w w h e r e .
Too bad—good doctor .* Tu rned i n all h is pap er w or k o n t im e.
H N R T T Y
You let th is man operate on pat ients?
T L N T D O C T O R
Oh , no . H e jus t sup erv ise d the ER.
H N R T T Y
For the love of—Doc you ever go in to take ou t an append ix and come ou t wi th
someth ing e l se?
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- 93 -
Once or twice. W hy ?
T L N T D O C T O R
H N R T T Y
Let s go.
MU SIC: A vaudeville out. Hanratty and men leave. Lights change.
Transition to:
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- 94 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e 6 : T h e S t r o n g H o u s e N e w O r l e a n s
As the Strong Family Dining Living room farms around them, Frank Junior and Carol
Strong have a moment. Brenda and her father, Roger Strong enter a few steps behind
and take their seats at the dinner table)
C A R O L S T R O N G
Fam ily i s im por t an t to u s , Dr . Conne r s . You m igh t say it ' s every th in g . Bren da ' s
g rea t g randm othe r , An na M ae Lu lu Jean Abe rna thy , was m ar r ie d in the front par lo r
to her great grandfather , Jean Paul David Abraham For t , f -o- r - t , which is French for
s t rong . We ' r e an o ld N ew O r leans fami ly wi th ju s t a da b of Jewish . H ow e lse do
yo u exp la in the Ab rah am ? Brend a i s ou r on ly ch i ld . We a re very par t icu la r a bou t
w h o s h e b r in g s h o m e .
B R E N D A
So is Brenda, mother .
Frank Jr and Carol are seated)
R O G E R
So, before Atlanta , you were in Californ ia?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Yes, s ir . D ea th Valley Ch ildr en 's Ho spita l .
R O G E R
They have a Ch i ld ren ' s Hosp i ta l in Dea th Val ley?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Yes, s ir . Righ t be hin d the M acy 's .
C A R O L
Wel l go dd am n and gum bo , Brenda , I th ink yo u lande d one th i s t ime . M uch b e t te r
tha n that ra t t y l i t t le Delacro ix boy. This on e 's a hu n ky hu nk of you-be tcha.
B R E N D A
Mother .
R O G E R
Doc tor Co nne rs . Do yo u com e f rom a large family?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Please, si r, cal l m e Frank. I 'm a n only chi ld , bu t I ho pe to have lo ts of k ids . Fam ily
is the mos t impor tan t th ing .
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95 -
C A R O L
Ding d ing Cor rec t answe r . But no w the mak e-or -break rou nd . Do n ' t l i e to me ,
now.
re
you . A Luth e ran?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Why, yes, I am a Lu ther an.
R O G E R
Well then, Frank, would you l ike to say grace?
(off Frank Junior s hesitation:)
Unless yo u ' r e no t comfo rtable . *
F R A N K J U N I O R
Oh, no, absolutely.
(folds hands, bows head, thinks)
Two l i tt le mice fe ll in to a bu ck et of cream. The f i rst mo us e quickly g ave u p an d
drowned bu t the second mouse , he s t ruggled so ha rd tha t he even tua l ly churned
tha t c ream in to bu t t e r and he wa lked ou t . Am en.
R O G E R B R E N D A
Amen.
C A R O L
Am en and God dam n Tha t w as jus t beau t i fu l . W here d id yo u l ea rn tha t , yo u p iou s
piece of cutie-pie?
F R A N K J U N I O R
The, ah, F i rst Lu the ran Ch urc h of De ath Valley.
R O G E R
Frank , hav e yo u dec ided w hich hosp i t a l you w an t to wo rk a t he re in N ew Or leans?
F R A N K J U N O R
Well , to be qui te honest , I 'm thinking about ge t t ing back into law
R O G E R
Are you a doctor or a lawyer?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Before I w en t to me dica l school , I pas sed the bar in Cal i fornia . I prac t ice d la w for
one year , then I decided, why not t ry my hand a t pedia t r ics .
B R E N D A
You 're jus t full of su rpr ises .
i ri
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—
96 - CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
F R A N K J U N I O R
(a look to us: he s surprised himself)
Yes I am
R O G E R
Awfu l ly y ou ng to be a lawyer , a r en ' t y ou?
F R A N K
I get that a lot.
C A R O L
Sakes a l ive, the yu m m y Yankee i s a doc to r and a lawyer Oh , Brenda , dar l in ' , you
h i t the jackpo t w i th th i s one
R O G E R
W here d id you go to law schoo l? Ha rva rd , Yale , Co lu mb ia . . . ?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Berkeley.
B R E N D A C A R O L
Berkeley
B R E N D A
T h a t ' s w h e r e d a d d y w e n t
F R A N K J U N I O R
Oh Wow. Fantas t ic .
R O G E R
So . F rank . Was tha t snake Ho l l in gsw or th s t il l t each ing there w he n you w en t
th rough Berke ley?
F R A N K J U N I O R
H o l l i n g s w o r th . . .yes. G ru m py o ld Ho l l ingsw or th , righ t? I t e l l ya , me ane r tha n ever.
R O G E R
*•
A nd th at do g of h is? Tell m e Frank, wh at w as the na m e of h is li t t le dog?
F R A N K J U N I O R
(works the problem, then:)
I 'm so r ry . The dog wa s de ad wh e n I go t there .
R O G E R
H ow u nfo r tuna te . A doc to r, a lawyer , a Lu th eran . So w ha t a r e you , F rank? 'Caus e I
th ink you ' r e abou t to ask my da ug h te r ' s ha nd in mar r iage , an d I hav e a r igh t to
know.
F R A N K J U N I O R
j Kn ow w hat , s i r?
«
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C A T C H M E IF YOU CAN
- 97 -
vi
R O G E R
The t ru th . What a re yo u do ing here? W hat i s a m an of yo u r accom pl i shmen t s do ing
with Brenda?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Bre nda ' s the best g i r l I ' ve ever kn ow n, s i r .
R O G E R
But w ho are yo u Frank ? If yo u w an t m y b less ing . . .If y o u w a n t m y dau ghte r.. .I d
l ike to hea r the t ru t h f rom yo u now.
F R A N K J U N I O R
The t ru th? The t ru th , sir...is...The t ru th i s I m no ta lawyer . I 'm no t a doctor . I 'm
nothing, really . I 'm just a k id wh o ' s in love w i th yo ur dau ghter .
R O G E R
No. I kn ow wh at you a re .
pause)
You' re a romant ic .
F R A N K J U N I O R
lam?
R O G E R
Yes you a re . M en like u s a re no th ing wi th ou t t he wo m en w e love .
F R A N K J U N I O R
W e ll g o d d a m n a n d g u m b o M a y I h u g y o u ?
All laugh.)
B R E N D A
Oh, F rank
Brend a and Frank kiss, at length. Roger clears his throat to no avail. Finally, Carol
jumps up.)
O h , D a d d y
O h , M o m m y
Would you look at the t ime
Is i t seven - th i r ty a l read y?
C R O L
R O G E R
C R O L
R O G E R
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- 98 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
Pf*. -
s
i t t ime
for
Mitch?
Mi tch , who ' s Mi tch?
Mitch Mil ler
B R E N D A
F R A N K J U N I O R
R O G E R
C A R O L , R O G E R B R E N D A
And the S ing Along Gang
(They all he d for the couch and click the TV on.
R O G E R
Take i t , Mother.
(PROJECTIONS of The Strong Family Singers singing along as Carol sings.)
C A R O L
I FEEL A MIGHTY QUAK E
THE SOUTH BEGINS TO SHAKE
UNDER OUR FAMILY TREE
THE LEAVES BEGIN TO BLOW
GONE W ITH THE WIN D THEY GO
ALL THRO UGH OUR FAMILY TREE
UP TOP MAGNOLIAS BLOOM
THEY SPREAD THEIR SWEET PERFUME
FOR THIS ANC ESTRAL JUBILEE
NOW EVERY BOUGH MUST PULL ITS WEIGHT
ITS TIME TO PRUNE A ND PROPAGATE
SO WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY TREE
C o m e o n D a d d y
O h n o I coul—alright then I wi l l
R O G E R
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
99 -
R O G E R
I HEAR THE DOGWOOD'S BARK
A SEED'S BEGUN TO SPARK
INSIDE OUR FAMILY TREE
A
TWIG BEGINS TO POKE
FROM OUT THAT MIGHTY OAK
TO JOIN THE JAMBOREE
R O G E R & L A D I E S
AND LIKE A SLIDE TROMBONE
HE GLIDES OUT FULLY G ROW N
A
DIXIELAND R S V P
C A R O L
RUFF RUFF
TSSST
MMM
MMM
JAMBOREE
M E N
SAVE SOME OF THAT GUM BO FOR ME
C A R O L
WA-WAH
WA-WA-WA-WAH
BOP BU BOP BU BOP BU BOW
R O G E R
AN D N O ON E MIND S AN EXTRA LIMB
C A R O L
ESPECIALLY W HE N IT LOOKS LIKE H IM
R O G E R C A R O L
SO WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY TREE
R O G E R
Alr igh t F rank , a sk tha t ques t ion yo u cam e he re to a sk .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Sir , H o w so on can I take the ba r exam in Lou isiana? A nd , Bren da. I 've ma de a lot of
mis t akes in the pas t , bu t I w ou ld n ' t cha nge a s ing le one , becau se they a l l l ed m e to
you . Brenda S t rong , w i l l yo u m ar r y me?
B R E N D A
Yes Fra nk C onn ers, I wi l l m ar ry yo u.
S T R O N G F A M I L Y S I N G E R S
WOO
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100
M
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
i
F R A N K J U N I O R
I LL GIVE A REBEL YELL
TO EVERY SOUTHER N BELLE
UNDE R OUR FAMILY TREE
I
i :
:
I'LL SWING THE SECOND LINE
WHEN OUR TWO CLANS COMBINE
FOR SOME BIG
+ A L L
EASY HARMO NY
F R A N K J U N I O R
TRUMPETS BEGIN TO SHO UT
S T R O N G F A M I L Y
TO WELCOME OUR NEW SPROUT
F R A N K J U N I O R
YOU'VE CHARMED THIS YANKEE REFUGEE
S T R O N G F A M I L Y
WE'RE ALL SO LUSH AND OVERGROWN
F R A N K J U N I O R
NOW I KNOW I'LL NEVER BE ALONE
S T R O N G S
WE'RE GLAD YOU CLIMBED OUR
F R A N K J U N I O R
FAMILY TREE
S T R O N G S
YOUR LOVE HAS RAISED THE BAR
I'M SWINGING O N A STAR
F A M I L Y S I N G E R S
BA BA BA BA BOP WOW
DOO WOW
DOO WOP
F R A N K J U N I O R
FOR THAT WHO NEEDS A LAW DEGREE? ?
G I R L S
THE TREES THAT BEAR THE RIPEST FRUITS
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C A T C H
ME IF YOU CAN
- 101 -
F> if
B O Y S
ARE TREES THAT HAVE THE DEEPEST ROOTS SO
L L
SO WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY
WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY-
WELCO ME TO OUR FAMILY TREE
F R N K J U N I O R
Look out o ld Frankie is home
L L
YEAH
After applause:
MU SIC. Roger takes Carol and they dance close. Much as Frank Senior and Paula
danced at the top of th show. Frank Junior watches Roger and Carol dance.
Brenda helps Frank Junior o n with a winter coat and scarf. He gives her a kiss, and as
Roger and Carol dance off w TRANSITION TO:)
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1 0 2 CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
S c e n e
D i v e B a r N e w R o c h e l l e
(Frank Senior, in a postal uniform, at the bar, a crusty old BAR TEND ER behind it.
Frank Junior enters.)
F R A N K J U N I O R
Dad
F R A N K S E N I O R
(turns, doesn t go to him )
What a re you do ing here?
F R A N K J U N I O R
I—I cam e to see you . W ha t a r e you d o in g d ressed l ike tha t?
F R A N K S E N I O R
I took a job . A gov ern m en t job . I m bea t in g th em a t the i r ow n game. I m a
g o v e r n m e n t
employee—you
see how beautifu l that is? You got a good lawyer?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Well , I sor t of am a law ye r now .
F R A N K S E N I O R
Look at th is le t ter . The I.R.S. w a n t s m o r e . T h e y a t e t h e c a k e . N o w th e y w a n t t h e
crum bs . You kn ow w hat ? I l l m ak e th em cha se me . Fo r the r es t of the i r l ives .
(looks at Frank Junior)
I had an FBI agent come see me.
| |
F R A N K J U N I O R
Mis te r Hanra t ty .
F R A N K S E N I O R
I
You go t the i r num ber , son . Th e Un i ted S ta tes gov ernm en t , cham p . Ru nn ing for the
hills .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Da d . I t s over . I m gon na s top now.
F R A N K S E N I O R
The y r e neve r gon na ca tch you , F rank . W hy wou ld you s to p?
F R A N K J U N I O R
I m se t t l ing dow n . I m go ing to r a i se a f amily .
(reaches into his coat, pulls out an invitation)
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T J 1
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 103 -
F R A N K J U N I O R )
I cam e here to give yo u this . I t ' s an invi ta t ion to an eng ag em en t par ty . Da ddy , I 'm
get t ing m arr ie d. C an yo u bel ieve tha t? I 'm get t in g m arr ied . I 've got tw o t ickets for
you and mom, f i rs t -c lass , and the wedding—
F R A N K S E N I O R
W hy wou ld you d o tha t? You ' re on top of the wo r ld .
F R A N K J U N I O R
I 'm changing my l i f e , Dad . And you won ' t have to wor ry about any th ing anymore .
The house , the Cadi l lac , I 'm g oing to get i t a l l back. Ev eryth ing the y took from u s.
A n d M o m w il l see —
F R A N K S E N I O R
Your m oth e r ' s r emar r i ed . To m y fr i end Jack Barnes . They have a ho use on L ong
Island.
Why would she do tha t?
Do n ' t ge t ma r r i ed , F rankie .
F R A N K J U N I O R
F R A N K S E N I O R
F R A N K J U N I O R
But—why would she do tha t to us?
F R A N K S E N I O R
The re 's no us any mo re . Listen to me . I 'm you r fa ther.
F R A N K J U N I O R
Then tel l me to stop.
F R A N K S E N I O R
W hy wo uld I t e ll yo u to s top?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Because you ' re my fa ther .
F R A N K S E N I O R
You can ' t s top. You' re on a w inn in g st reak. You got ta r ide tha t , baby. Ride i t
as Frank Junior begins to back away.)
You ' re an Abagna le C 'm on , s ing i t w i th me
a cappella, he sings:)
THEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFE
IS THAT IT'S WH A' CHA DREAM
Frank
Jr
pushes him away and exits.)
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106 - CATCH
M IF Y O U
CAN
S c e n e
B r e n d a s B e d r o o m , S t r o n g H o u s e , N e w O r l e a n s
(Frank Junior madly stuffing his suitcase. Bren da sweeps in, in a party dress.)
B R E N D A
Frank , wh ere sho u ld I pu t t hese? The y re checks , eng age me n t g if ts from D ad dy s
friends—
(breaks off, sees what he s doing:)
W hat r e yo u do ing? Eve ryone s dow ns ta i r s wa i t ing to me e t t he g room- to -be .
F R A N K J U N I O R
I have to leave.
B R E N D A
W h a t ?
l
| F R A N K J U N I O R
if
B renda , yo u love me , r i gh t? I me an , yo u love me no mat t e r wh a t?
B R E N D A
Well—of
cou r se . F rank , wh a t s go ing on?
F R A N K J U N I O R
You d love me wh ethe r I w as s i ck , o r w he th er I w as poo r , o r w he th er I ha d a
different n a m e ?
(He opens a suitcase and it s full of money .)
B R E N D A
Frank , whe re d you ge t al l t ha t mo ney ?
F R A N K J U N I O R
Brend a, l i s ten to me . A
name—what's
a na m e, r igh t? I t do esn t mat ter . M y na m e is
F rank Conners , r i gh t?
That's
w ho I am w i th you . But w e al l ha ve secrets .
Som et im es wh e n I t ravel , I us e the na m e Fran k Taylor. Th at s my secret .
B R E N D A
Fran k, w ha t are yo u ta lk in g abou t? W hy are yo u say ing al l th is?
F R A N K J U N I O R
I do n t w an t to l ie to yo u any mo re. I m not a doctor . I nev er we nt to me dica l school .
,
t
hi
I m no t a lawy er , o r a H ar va rd gra dua te , o r a Berkeley gra dua te , o r a , a Luth eran . I
i ;
r an aw ay f rom ho m e tw o year s ago w he n I w as s ix teen .
B R E N D A
F r a n k . . .You're no t a Lu th eran?
I
b L
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- 108 -
y ~
,ii
'• r
1
i
I
offstage)
Brenda
Brenda
Is he here?
B r e n d a . W h e r e
is
he?
He ' s gone .
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
C R O L
R O G E R
B R N T O N
H N R T T Y
B R E N D
H N R T T Y
Where'd
he go?
gets no answe r, then, gently:)
Listen to me , Bren da, sw eeth ear t , th is cou ld end ver y badly . W e've got m en af ter
h im in every s ta te . M en w ho sh oot to k i ll . You ha ve to te l l m e whe re he i s.
B R E N D
I can ' t .
Cod bursts in.)
C O D
Hanra t ty . Th ree of t he gues t s sa w som eone l eav ing ou t t he back .
H N R T T Y
to Brenda, moving to go)
D o n ' t g o a n y w h e r e .
Hanratty, Carol, and Cod go.)
R O G E R
Brenda , da r l ing , if yo u love h im , you ' l l do the r igh t th ing . Young Lady
Roger shakes his head and exits.)
t
WH EN I WAS A CHILD
MY EYES WERE CLEAR, I SAW THE GO OD SIDE
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
109
B R E N D A )
THAT S THE KIND OF SECOND SIGHT
THAT DOESN T LAST TOO LONG
BUT WH EN I WAS LOST
I HEARD A VOICE THAT BROUGHT ME HEALING
THAT S THE KIND OF SPECIAL HOPE
HE BROUGHT ME WITH HIS SONG
PEOPLE ONLY SAW THE DOCTOR ,
LAWYER, INDIAN CHIEF
BUT HE WAS JUST
A LONELY LITTLE BOY TO M E.
WITH HIS SWEET AND GENTLE TOUCH ,
HE SURE UNLOCKED MY SOUL
SO IN RETURN,
I SURELY WANT TO HEL P TO SET HIM FREE...
YEAH, NOW I WANNA SEE HIM
FLY...FLY...
I LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY
FLY FLY FLY AWA Y...
I DID N T GET TO SAY GOODBYE, GOODBYE
NO NEED TO TELL ME W HY MY BABY
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
YOU LL FLY BACK HOM E TO ME ON E DAY
T H R E E W O M E N
OOH-OOH. MMM-MMM.
OOH-OOH. AH-AH
B R E N D A
MEN WH O THEY CALL REAL
WERE REALLY FAKES
AND LEFT ME N OTH ING
BUT THIS MA N THEY CALL A FAKE
GAVE ME SOM ETHING REAL
T H R E E W O M E N
MMM-MMM-MMM
AH. AH-AH.
MMM-MMM.
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-
110 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
It
i
•
l
B R E N D A )
I VE KN OWN CRUEL, CRUEL ME N
WITH CHRISTIAN NAMES
WH O TAUGHT ME MANNERS
BUT THIS MA N WITHO UT A NAME
TAUGHT ME HO W TO FEEL
T H R E E W O M E N )
OOH-OOH
OOH-OOH
AAH-OOH-OOH.
THEY ONLY SAW THE MA GIC TRICKS
THE SMOKE AN D MIRRORS
WAS I THE ONLY ON E
TO EVER SEE THE BOY
SO NOW THEY WANNA
CLIP HIS PRECIOUS WINGS
AND BRING HIM DOW N
BUT IN H IS HEART AND SOUL S
THE KIND OF GOO D THEY
CA N T DESTROY
OOH-OOH-OOH.
OOH .. .
BOY.
AAH-AAH.
A H H - A H H
BRING HIM D OWN
A H H - A H H
OOH-OOH-OOH.
,(
i
I
YEAH, NOW I WANNA SEE HIM
FLY...
FLY...
I LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY
FLY FLY
FLY AWA Y...
WE DID N T GET TO SAY GOODBYE,
GOODBYE
N O NEED TO TELL ME WHY MY BABY
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
YOU LL FLY BACK H OM E TO M E
ONE DAY
(Brenda s bedroom goes away.)
BABY WHE N YOU RE IN THE CLOUDS
PLEASE KEEP A LOOKOU T
MAYBE DARLING FIND A HIDEAWAY
FLY
FLY AWAY
GOODBYE
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
OOH-OOH. AAH.
AAH-AAH.
OOH-OOH.
AAH.
L .
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- ll -
V \
B R E N D A )
FOR YOU AN D I
YOU AND I
NOW I LL SEE HIM
FLY...FLY...
I LL BE YOUR ALIBI MY BABY
FLY, FLY, FLY AWAY...
T H R E E W O M E N )
YOU AND I.
OOH.. .
FLY...FLY...
FLY, FLY,
FLYAWAY...
WE DID N T GET TO SAY GOODBYE,
GOODBYE
NO NEED TO TELL ME WH Y MY BABY
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
YOU LL FLY BACK HO ME TO M E ON E DAY
GOODBYE
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
YOU LL FLY BACK HOM E T O ME O NE DAY
MAYBE IT S BECAUSE
YOU LL FLY BACK HO ME TO M E O NE DAY
AND I LL BE WAITING FOR YOU THERE
YOU WILL FLY BACK HO ME TO ME O NE DAY.
OOH-OOH.
OOH-OOH.
AAH-AAH
AAH-AAH. OOH.
OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH.
OOH-OOH-OOH.
FLY,
FLY AWAY.
Lights to black. In black, we hear the deafening roar a jet plane taking off.)
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- 212 -
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
li
,1
.
S c e n e 9
M i a m i I n t e r n a t i o n a l A i r p o r t
Lights on the same airport scene we saw at rise:
A deafening SH OT stops everyone in their tracks. Frank JR is center with his open
suitcase o n the ground and his hands in the air. The Passen gers a ll stare.)
iir
Cod X tA
F R N K J U N I O R
That was c lo se you cou ld hu r t someone .
H N R T T Y
Co me on , F rank . I ' d r a ther t ake yo u a l ive tha n d ead .
F R N K J U N I O R
C an I a t leas t ma ke a s ta te me nt f irs t?
H N R T T Y
At the a i rpo r t ? No . You ' r e no t pu t t i ng on a sho w fo r t hese pe op le .
F R N K J U N I O R
A s h o w ?
B R E N D
F r a n k
She breaks and runs towards him. The agents stop her before she gets to him)
F R N K J U N I O R
Brenda
H N R T T Y
Brenda wa s yo u r b ig mis t ake . We fo l lowed her r igh t t o you .
B R E N D
Frank, I 'm sorry. I t r ied.
F R N K J U N I O R
I t ' s okay . I un de rs tan d .
B R E N D
rank— love you .
H N R T T Y
All r igh t , get he r ou t of here . Co d, get ev ery on e out of here .
HANRATTY: For the love of —Dollar, what does "hold your fire"mean where you come from?DOLLAR: I fired a warning shot,Agent Hanratty!COD: I think you shot down aplane.
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C A T C H M E
IF YOU CAN - 113 -
B R N T O N
Ha nra t t y do n t l e t h im—
H N R T T Y
I got this. Just go .
And they do.)
I m sorry, Fran k. I t s t im e to g ive up .
F R N K J U N I O R
IT S
MY HAPPY ENDING .
r
H N R T T Y
Tha t s no t t rue , F rank .
F R N K J U N I O R
NO W IT S TIME TO SAY
GOODNIGHT-
WE CAN STOP PRETENDING.
TELL
THE SPOTLIGHT MAN TURN OFF MY LIGHT.
CAUSE THE SHOW IS DONE NOW
AN D IT S TIME TO LEAVE THE STAGE.
YEAH, THE GOOD GUYS WO N NOW
AN D THE BAND H AS NO MORE SONGS TO PLAY
IT S A HAPPY END ING SO I LL SAY
GOODBYE
GOODBYE TO ALL THE MAKE BELIEVE
GOODBYE
THERE S N O M ORE M AGIC U P MY SLEEVE
THERE S NOT HING LEFT TO ACT UP HERE
I LL
TAKE MY BOW AN D DISAPPEAR
NO QUESTIONS LEFT FOR ANSWERING
THERE S ONLY ONE WO RD LEFT TO SING
GOODBYE
H N R T T Y
You can t ju s t wa lk aw ay f rom f rom th is . You r e w an ted on every con t inen t .
F R N K J U N I O R
IT S A HAPPY ENDING
TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH.
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114
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
w
F R A N K J U N I O R )
NOW THE CURTAIN S DESCEND ING
AN D I HOPE YOU GOT YOUR M ONEY S WORTH
GON NA STOP THE SHOW NOW
CAUSE I WANNA LEAVE ON TOP
SO GET UP AND GO NOW
CAUSE THERE S NOTHIN G LEFT INSIDE MY HEA D
EVERYTHING THA T S LEFT TO SAY S BEEN SAID
i
11
BUT GOODBYE
GOODBYE TO ALL THE SONG A ND DANCE
GOODBYE
OFFSTAGE I STAND A BETTER CHANCE
H i
THE SH OW IS THRO UGH , THE PART S BEEN PLAYED
NO STANDING IN THE WINGS AFRAID
NO VIOLINS OR PHONY TEARS
THE W ORD THA T S MUSIC TO MY EARS
IS GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
I M NOT AFRAID OF STOPPING
THIS EN D COULD BE MY START
I WANNA LIVE A LIFE
AN D NOT JUST PLAY A FART
1 1
' ,
I LL WALK INTO THE SUNSET
I LL SAIL*ACROSS THE SEA
THE FINAL WORD
THE LAST YOU LL HEAR OF ME
OF M E
IS GOODBYE
GOODBYE TO EVERY NIGHT ALON E
GOODBYE
GOODBYE TO LIVES THAT I DON T OW N
I M TIRED OF LIVING ON A STAGE
A LIFE THAT S ONLY O N THE PAGE
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
115
( F R A N K J U N I O R )
THE EMPTY LIVES ARE IN THE PAST
I'VE TRIED BEFORE, BUT HER E'S THE LAST
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
GOODBYE
I do n ' t und er s ta nd . You' re s t il l here .
H A N R A T T Y
Yup. A nd yo u ' r e un de r arres t . I t do esn ' t jus t en d becaus e your w an t i t to . You do n ' t
wa lk out of yo ur l ife as if i t nev er ha pp en ed . You do n ' t ge t to do tha t .
F R A N K J U N I O R
My da d ' s wa i t ing fo r m e u p nor th . We ' re gon na mo ve back to N ew Roche l le, we ' re
gonna open up the s to re—
H A N R A T T Y
Your da d ' s de ad , Frank . I 'm sorry to be the one to te ll yo u. G ra nd C entra l Station—
he fe l l down some s ta i rs and broke his neck.
F R A N K J U N I O R
N o
H A N R A T T Y
The po lice repor t s a id he ' d b een d r ink in g .
F R A N K J U N I O R
You' re ly ing to me.
H A N R A T T Y
I don' t l ie .
F R A N K J U N I O R
No . You do n ' t ge t to say tha t . Th at ' s no t h o w this ends .
H A N R A T T Y
I 'm sorry . I 'm sorry , Fran k. N ow i t ' s t im e to face u p to w h at you 've don e. I t ' s t im e
to stop.
F R A N K J U N I O R
What i f I don ' t know how?
H A N R A T T Y
You don ' t have a choice .
F R A N K J U N I O R
I cou ld go. I cou ld run , r igh t now .
i • is
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i
- 116 -
l: i
| , Iff
I
1
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1
I 1
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I know , bu t you w on t .
H o w d o y o u k n o w ?
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
H N R T T Y
F R N K J U N I O R
H N R T T Y
Because yo u re t i red of runn ing . Because i t w on t b r ing you da d back .
F R N K J U N I O R
I jus t wan te d to ge t h im back o n his fee t.
H N R T T Y
I know . Lis ten, com e w ith me. You do you r t ime, pay yo ur deb t to socie ty an d w e l l
ge t yo u ou t ear ly . You l l com e wor k a t the Burea u.
F R N K J U N I O R
At the FBI?
H N R T T Y
We need yo ur know -how . We re yea rs beh ind on fo rge ry and counterfeiting a n d
no w w i th these comp ute rs and c red i t ca rds comin g in , i t s on ly go ing to ge t wo rse . . .
F R N K J U N I O R
Th e FBI? Real ly? You m ea n you l l lock me up , then le t m e out an d pa y me to d o
wha t you locked me up fo r?
H N R T T Y
Tha t s w ha t I s a id .
F R N K J U N I O R
Would I ge t a badge?
H N R T T Y
Ev en better. You ll get a l ife.
F R N K J U N I O R
B u t w h y w o u l d y o u want to he lp me?
H N R T T Y
Pause.)
Because I m the on ly one w h o can .
Pause.)
Hanratty cuffs Frank Jr.)
F R N K J U N I O R
Th an ks for no t g ivin g u p on me, Mis ter Han ra t ty . You re pre t ty cool .
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- 117 -
Frank, Jr. suddenly hugs Hanratty)
H N R T T Y
Than k yo u . N ob od y ever s a id tha t abo ut m e be fore.
Hanratty slowly raises his arms to return the hug)
F R A N K J U N I O R
So ho w d o we end th i s?
Your way.
MUSIC.)
H A N R A T T Y
STOP YOUR SOBBIN' KID, BEFORE I SHOOT.
YOUR NOSE IS RU NN ING ON MY ONLY SUIT.
WHO D AVE
THOUGHT I 'D SHARE THIS DANCE WITH YOU
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER
WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE.
F R A N K J U N I O R
wipes his eyes, musters a smile)
. GUESS YOU CAUG HT ME, NO W THE CHASE IS DONE .
YOU MUST ADMIT I GAVE YOU QUITE THE RUN .
MISTER
TORTOISE-HERE S
YOUR RABBIT STEW.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER
WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE.
H A N R A T T Y
TELL MISTER RIPLEY AT BELIEVE IT OR NO T
H A N R A T T Y F R A N K J U N I O R
THE SHOW IS OVER AND HE'S ALL THAT I GOT.
H A N R A T T Y
HAR D TO BELIEVE IT BUT WE'RE TYING THE KNOT TODAY
F R A N K J U N I O R
THA T'S OKAY.
H A N R A T T Y
FRANK, TH AN K YOUR PUBLIC WH ILE YOU'RE STILL IN YOUR PRIME.
THEY W ON 'T BE SEEING YOU FOR QUITE A LONG TIME.
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— 2 1 8 —- C A T C H M E
IF YOU CAN
I
•
( H A N R A T T Y )
AN D AFTER YOU'VE PAID FOR YOUR LIFE OF CRIME
WELL KID WE'LL SEE WH AT GO OD BEHAVIOR C AN DO.
H A N R A T T Y F R A N K J U N I O R
'TIL THEN WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER
W HIC H IS STRANGE BUT TRUE.
Fran k Junior turns to us.)
H A N R A T T Y
Okay , F rank . H ow 'd you do i t? How d you cheat on the Louis iana bar exam?
F R A N K J U N I O R
I d i dn ' t cheat . I s tud ied .
H A N R A T T Y
N o I hate you .
F R A N K J U N I O R
Agent Hanra t ty tu rned ou t to be a s good a s h i s word .
H A N R A T T Y
Frank was sentenced to f i f teen years in pr ison but was paroled af ter seven for good
behavior .
F R A N K J U N I O R
I s e t u p my o w n secur ity comp any a nd w ou ld pa y back eve ry bad check I pas sed .
C H E R Y L A N N
The bas ta rd neve r pa id me back .
H A N R A T T Y
N ot now, Ch eryl A nn . Let i t go.
F R A N K J U N I O R
Brenda marr ied a rea l doctor and l ived happi ly ever af ter .
H A N R A T T Y
Frank an d I becam e good f r i ends .
F R A N K J U N I O R
H e ev en agreed to be the godfa ther to m y kids . True s tory.
MUSIC BUILDS as
th
full company enters.)
F R A N K J U N I O R , H A N R A T T Y + F U L L C O M P A N Y
j HEY, MISTER LAWYER, MISTER TWO-ON-THE-AISLE-
t YOU NEVER CAN PREDICT W HE N FORTUNE MAY SMILE.
If
JI
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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
- 2 1 9 -
H N R T T Y
IN FACT, I THINK I 'M GO NN A BREAK WITH TRADITION.
AN D TELL
J
EDGAR HOOVER, "BABY I'VE GONE
FISHINT
F R N K JUNIOR
IF YOU H AD REA D THIS, YO U'D HAVE
SAID
"N O WAY " .
I ALMOST M ADE IT LOOK LIKE CRIME DOES PAY
• THE RE'S LOTS OF FOLKS THA T I MISS EVERYDAY
He looks around at all the faces from his
past the
full company.)
F R N K J U N I O R & HANRATTY
BUT NOW A NEW DUET HAS M ADE ITS DEBUT
AND NOW WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER
C O M P N Y
OH YEAH
B O T H
IN AND OUT OF LUCK TOGETHER
C O M P N Y
OH YEAH
B O T H
I 'M GLAD WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER
WHICH IS STRANGE BUT TRUE.
F R N K J U N I O R
YOUR JUNIOR PARTNER CAME TH ROU GH .
H N R T T Y
A SIMPLE CASE OF MO NKEY SEE, MONKEY DO.
F R N K J U N I O R
I 'M GLAD TO BE ON YOUR TEAM.
H N R T T Y
LET'S MAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAM
F R N K J U N I O R
SHA-DOO-BAH DWEE-LEEYAH DO-BAH
DWEE-LE-YAH DOO-BOP
E N S E M B L E
YEAH
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•ri
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(The curtain falls.)
T H E E N D