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7/31/2019 Clarissa Volume 5
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CLARISSAHARLOWE
orthe
HISTORYOFAYOUNGLADY
NineVolumes
VolumeV.
CONTENTSOFVOLUMEV
LETTERI.LovelacetoBelford.--Anagreeableairingwiththelady.Delightfullyeasyshe.Obsequiouslyrespectfulhe.MissHowe'splotnownolongerhisterror.Givestheparticularsoftheiragreeableconversationwhileabroad.
LETTERII.Fromthesame.--Anaccountofhisipecacuanhaplot.InstructsDorcashowtoactsurpriseandterror.Monosyllablesandtrisyllablestowhatlikened.Politenesslivesnotinastorm.Proclamationcriers.Theladynowseessheloves
him.Hergeneroustendernessforhim.Hehasnowcreditforanewscore.DefiesMrs.Townsend.
LETTERIII.ClarissatoMissHowe.--AcknowledgedtendernessforLovelace.Loveforamanoferrorspunishable.
LETTERIV.LovelacetoBelford.--SuspiciousinquiryafterhimandtheladybyaservantinliveryfromoneCaptainTomlinson.Herterrorsontheoccasion.Hisalarmingmanagement.Sheresolvesnottostirabroad.Heexultsuponhernotbeingwillingtoleavehim.
LETTERV.VI.Fromthesame.--ArrivalofCaptainTomlinson,withapretendedcommissionfromMr.JohnHarlowetosetonfoodageneralreconciliation,providedhecanbeconvincedthattheyareactuallymarried.Differentconversationsonthisoccasion.--TheladyinsiststhatthetruthbetoldtoTomlinson.Shecarriesherpointthroughtothedisappointmentofoneofhisprivateviews.Heformsgreathopesofsuccessfromtheeffectsofhisipecacuanhacontrivance.
LETTERVII.LovelacetoBelford.--HemakessuchafairrepresentationtoTomlinsonofthesituationbetweenhimandthelady,behavessoplausibly,andmakesanoverturesogenerous,thatsheisallkindnessandunreservedtohim.Heraffecting
exultationonheramendedprospects.Hisunusualsensibilityuponit.Reflectiononthegoodeffectsofeducation.Prideanexcellentsubstitutetovirtue.
LETTERVIII.Fromthesame.--WhoTomlinsonis.AgainmakesBelfordobject,inordertoexplainhisdesignsbyansweringtheobjections.JohnHarloweaslysinner.Hard-heartedreasonsforgivingtheladyagleamofjoy.Illustratedbyastoryoftwosovereignsatwar.
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ExtractsfromClarissa'slettertoMissHowe.Sherejoicesinherpresentagreeableprospects.AttributesmuchtoMr.Hickman.DescribesCaptainTomlinson.GivesacharacterofLovelace,[whichisnecessarytobeattendedto:especiallybythosewhohavethoughtfavourablyofhimforsomeofhisliberalactions,andhardlyofherforthedistancesheatfirstkepthimat.]
LETTERIX.LovelacetoBelford.--LetterfromLordM.Hisfurtherartsandprecautions.Hishappydaypromisedtobesoon.Hisopinionoftheclergy,andofgoingtochurch.Shepitieseverybodywhowantspity.Loveseverybody.Heownsheshouldbethehappiestofmen,couldhegetoverhisprejudicesagainstmatrimony.Draughtsofsettlements.Ludicrouslyaccountsforthereasonwhysherefusestohearthemreadtoher.Lawandgospeltwodifferentthings.Sallyflingsherhandkerchiefinhisface.
LETTERX.Fromthesame.--Hasmadetheladymorethanoncelookabouther.Sheownsthatheismorethanindifferenttoher.Checkshimwithsweetnessoftemperforhisencroachingfreedoms.Herproofoftruelove.Heridiculesmarriagepurity.Severelyreflectsuponpublicfreedomsbetweenmenandtheirwives.Advantageheoncemadeuponsuchanoccasion.Hasbeenafteralicense.Difficultyinprocuringone.Greatfaultsandgreatvirtuesofteninthesameperson.Heiswillingtobelievethatwomenhaveno
souls.Hiswhimsicalreasons.LETTERXI.LovelacetoBelford.--Almostdespairsofsucceeding(ashehadhoped)byloveandgentleness.Praiseshermodesty.Hisencroachingfreedomsresentedbyher.Thewoman,heobserves,whoresentsnotinitiatoryfreedoms,mustbelost.Hereasons,inhisfreeway,uponherdelicacy.ArtoftheEasternmonarchs.
LETTERXII.Fromthesame.--AletterfromCaptainTomlinsonmakesallup.HeruncleHarlowe'spretendedproposalbigwithartandplausibledelusion.Sheacquiescesinit.HewritestothepretendedTomlinson,onanaffectinghintof
her's,requestingthatheruncleHarlowewould,inperson,givehisniecetohim;orpermitTomlinsontobehisproxyontheoccasion.--Andnowforalittleofmine,hesays,whichhehasreadytospring.
LETTERXIII.BelfordtoLovelace.--Againearnestlyexpostulateswithhiminthelady'sfavour.Remembersandapplaudsthepartsheboreintheconversationathiscollation.Thefrothywitoflibertineshowdespicable.Censuresthefolly,theweakness,thegrossness,theunpermanencyofsensuallove.Callssomeofhiscontrivancestrite,stale,andpoor.Beseecheshimtoremoveherfromthevilehouse.HowmanydreadfulstoriescouldthehorridSinclairtellthesex!Seriousreflectionsonthedyingstateofhisuncle.
LETTERXIV.LovelacetoBelford.--Cannotyetprocurealicense.Hassecuredaretreat,ifnotvictory.Defendsinangerthesimplicityofhisinventivecontrivances.Entersuponhisgeneraldefence,comparedwiththeprinciplesandpracticesofotherlibertines.Heroesandwarlikekingsworsementhanhe.Epitomeofhisandthelady'sstoryaftertenyears'cohabitation.Cautiontothosewhowouldcensurehim.Hadthesexmadevirtuearecommendationtotheirfavour,hesays,heshouldhavehadagreaterregardtohismoralsthanhehashad.
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LETTERXV.Fromthesame.--Preparativetohislittlemine,ashecallsit.Lovestowritetothemoment.Alarmbegins.Affectedlyterrified.
LETTERXVI.Fromthesame.--Theladyfrightedoutofherbedbydreadfulcriesoffire.Sheaweshimintodecency.Onanextortedpromiseofforgiveness,heleavesher.Repenting,hereturns;butfindsherdoorfastened.Whatatriumphhashersexobtainedbyhervirtue!Buthowwillsheseehimnextmorning,ashehasgivenher.
LETTERXVII.LovelacetoBelford.--DialoguewithClarissa,thedoorbetweenthem.Herlettertohim.Shewillnotseehimforaweek.
LETTERXVIII.Fromthesame.--Copiesoflettersthatpassbetweenthem.Goestothecommonstotrytogetthelicense.Sheshallseehim,hedeclares,onhisreturn.Loveandcompassionhardtobeseparated.Herfluctuatingreasonsontheirpresentsituation.Isjealousofhersuperiorqualities.Doesjusticetoherimmovablevirtue.
LETTERXIX.Fromthesame.--Theladyescaped.Hisrage.Makesasolemnvowofrevenge,ifoncemore
hegetsherintohispower.HismanWill.isgoneinsearchofher.Hishopes;onwhatgrounded.Hewilladvertiseher.Describesherdress.Letterleftbehindher.Accusesher(thatistosay,LOVELACEaccusesher,)ofniceness,prudery,affectation.
LETTERXX.Fromthesame.--AletterfromMissHowetoClarissafallsintohishands;which,haditcometoher's,wouldhavelaidopenanddetectedallhisdesigns.InitsheacquitsClarissaofprudery,coquetry,andunduereserve.Admires,applauds,blessesherfortheexampleshehassetforhersex,andforthecreditshehasdoneit,byherconductinthemostdifficultsituations.
[ThislettermaybeconsideredasakindofsummaryofClarissa'strials,herpersecutions,andexemplaryconducthitherto;andofMr.Lovelace'sintrigues,plots,andviews,sofarasMissHowecouldbesupposedtoknowthem,ortoguessatthem.]
AletterfromLovelace,whichfarthershowsthefertilityofhiscontrivinggenius.
LETTERXXI.ClarissatoMissHowe.--InformsherofLovelace'svillany,andofherescape.Heronlyconcern,what.Thecoursesheintendstopursue.
LETTERXXII.LovelacetoBelford.--
Exultsonhearing,fromhismanWill.,thattheladyhasrefugedherselfatHampstead.Observationsinastyleoflevityonsomepassagesinthelettersheleftbehindher.IntimatesthatTomlinsonisarrivedtoaidhispurposes.Thechariotiscome;andnow,dressedlikeabridegroom,attendedbyafootmansheneversaw,heisalready,hesays,atHampstead.
LETTERXXIII.XXIV.LovelacetoBelford.--Exultsonhiscontrivances.--Bywhatmeanshegetsintothelady'spresenceatMrs.Moore's.Herterrors,fits,exclamations.His
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plausibletalestoMrs.MooreandMissRawlins.Hisintrepidbehaviourtothelady.CopiesoflettersfromTomlinson,andofpretendedonesfromhisownrelations,calculatedtopacifyanddeludeher.
LETTERXXV.XXVI.Fromthesame.--Hisfartherarts,inventions,andintrepidity.Sheputshomequestionstohim.'Ungenerousandungratefulshecallshim.Heknowsnotthevalueofthehearthehadinsulted.Hehadaplainpathbeforehim,afterhehadtrickedheroutofherfather'shouse!Butthatnowhermindwasraisedabovefortune,andabovehim.'Hisprecautionarycontrivances.
LETTERXXVII.XXVIII.XXX.XXXI.XXXII.Fromthesame.--CharacterofwidowBevis.PrepossessesthewomenagainstMissHowe.Leadsthemtothinksheisinlovewithhim.Apthimselftothinkso;andwhy.Womenlikenotnovices;andwhy.Theirvulgaraphorismanimadvertedon.Tomlinsonarrives.Artfulconversationbetweenthem.MissRawlins'sprudery.HisforgedletterinimitationofMissHowe's,No.IV.Othercontrivancestodeludethelady,andattachthewomentohisparty.
LETTERXXXIII.XXXIV.XXXV.XXXVI.Fromthesame.--Particularsofseveralinterestingconversationsbetweenhimself,
Tomlinson,andthelady.Artfulmanagementofthetwoformer.Hernoblespirit.HetellsTomlinsonbeforeherthatheneverhadanyproofofaffectionfromher.Shefranklyownstheregardsheoncehadforhim.'Hehadbroughther,'shetellsTomlinsonandhim,'morethanoncetoownittohim.Nordidhisownvanity,shewassure,permithimtodoubtofit.Hehadkepthersoulinsuspenseanhundredtimes.'Bothmenaffectedinturnbyhernoblebehaviour,andgreatsentiments.Theirpleas,prayers,prostrations,tomovehertorelent.Herdistress.
THEHISTORY
OF
CLARISSAHARLOWE
LETTERI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAYEVENING.
Justreturnedfromanairingwithmycharmer,compliedwithaftergreatimportunity.Shewasattendedbythetwonymphs.Theybothtopttheirparts;kepttheireyeswithinbounds;mademoralreflectionsnow-and-then.OJack!whatdevilsarewomen,whenalltestsaregotover,andwehavecompletelyruinedthem!
ThecoachcarriedustoHampstead,toHighgate,toMuswell-hill;backtoHampsteadtotheUpper-Flask:there,incomplimenttothenymphs,mybelovedconsentedtoalight,andtakealittlerepast.ThenhomeearlybyKentish-town.
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Delightfullyeasyshe,andsorespectfulandobligingI,alltheway,andaswewalkedoutupontheheath,toviewthevariegatedprospectswhichthatagreeableelevationaffords,thatshepromisedtotakenow-and-thenalittleexcursionwithme.Ithink,MissHowe,Ithink,saidItomyself,everynow-and-thenaswewalked,thatthywickeddevicesaresuperceded.
Butletmegivetheeafewparticularsofourconversationinthecircumrotationwetook,whileinthecoach--ShehadreceivedaletterfromMissHoweyesterday,Ipresumed?
Shemadenoanswer.HowhappyshouldIthinkmyselftobeadmittedintotheircorrespondence?Iwouldjoyfullymakeanexchangeofcommunications.
So,thoughIhopednottosucceedbyherconsent,[andlittledidshethinkIhadsohappilyinpartsucceededwithoutit,]Ithoughtitnotamisstourgeforit,forseveralreasons:amongothers,thatImightaccounttoherformyconstantemploymentatmypen;inordertotakeoffherjealousy,thatshewasthesubjectofthycorrespondenceandmine:andthatImightjustifymysecrecyanduncommunicativenessbyherown.
Iproceededtherefore--ThatIlovedfamiliar-letter-writing,asIhad
morethanoncetoldher,aboveallthespeciesofwriting:itwaswritingfromtheheart,(withoutthefettersprescribedbymethodorstudy,)astheverywordcor-respondenceimplied.Nottheheartonly;thesoulwasinit.Nothingofbody,whenfriendwritestofriend;themindimpellingsovereignlythevassal-fingers.Itwas,inshort,friendshiprecorded;friendshipgivenunderhandandseal;demonstratingthatthepartieswereundernoapprehensionofchangingfromtimeoraccident,whentheysoliberallygavetestimonies,whichwouldalwaysbeready,onfailureorinfidelity,tobeturnedagainstthem.--Formyownpart,itwastheprincipaldiversionIhadinherabsence;butforthisinnocentamusement,thedistanceshesofrequentlykeptmeatwouldhavebeenintolerable.
Sallyknewmydrift;andsaid,Shehadhadthehonourtoseetwoorthreeofmyletters,andofMr.Belford's;andshethoughtthemthemostentertainingthatshehadeverread.
MyfriendBelford,Isaid,hadahappytalentintheletter-writingway;anduponallsubjects.
Iexpectedmybelovedwouldhavebeeninquisitiveafteroursubject:but(lyingperdue,asIsaw)notawordsaidshe.SoItoucheduponthisarticlemyself.
Ourtopicswerevariousanddiffuse:sometimesuponliteraryarticles[shewasveryattentiveuponthis];sometimesuponthepublic
entertainments;sometimesamusingeachotherwiththefruitsofthedifferentcorrespondenciesweheldwithpersonsabroad,withwhomwehadcontractedfriendships;sometimesuponthefoiblesandperfectionsofourparticularfriends;sometimesuponourownpresentandfuturehopes;sometimesaimingathumourandrailleryuponeachother.--Itmightindeedappeartosavourofvanity,tosupposemyletterswouldentertainaladyofherdelicacyandjudgment:butyetIcouldnotbutsay,thatperhapsshewouldbefarfromthinkingsohardlyofmeassometimesshehadseemedtodo,ifsheweretoseetheletterswhichgenerallypassedbetweenMr.Belfordandme[Ihope,Jack,thouhastmoremanners,thanto
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givemethelie,thoughbutinthyheart].
Shethenspoke:afterdecliningmycomplimentinsuchamanner,asonlyapersoncando,whodeservedit,shesaid,Forherpart,shehadalwaysthoughtmeamanofsense[amanofsense,Jack!Whataniggardlypraise!],--andshouldthereforehope,that,whenIwrote,itexceededevenmyspeech:forthatitwasimpossible,betheletterswritteninaseasyandfamiliarastyleastheywould,butthattheymusthavethatadvantagefromsittingdowntowritethemwhichpromptspeechcouldnotalwayshave.Sheshouldthinkitverystrangetherefore,ifmyletterswerebarrenofsentiment;andasstrange,ifIgavemyselflibertiesuponpremeditation,whichcouldhavenoexcuseatall,butfromathoughtlessness,whichitselfwantedexcuse.--ButifMr.Belford'slettersandminewereuponsubjectssogeneral,andsomeofthemequally(shepresumed)instructiveandentertaining,shecouldnotbutsay,thatsheshouldbegladtoseeanyofthem;andparticularlythosewhichMissMartinhadseenandpraised.
Thiswasputclose.
Ilookedather,toseeifIcoulddiscoveranytinctureofjealousyinthishint;thatMissMartinhadseenwhatIhadnotshowntoher.Butshedidnotlookit:soIonlysaid,Ishouldbeveryproudtoshowhernotonlythose,butallthatpassedbetweenMr.Belfordandme;butI
mustremindher,thatsheknewthecondition.No,indeed!withasweetlippoutedout,assaucyaspretty;implyingalovelyscorn,thatyetcanonlybelovelyinyouthsoblooming,andbeautysodivinelydistinguished.
HowIlongtoseesuchamotionagain!Hermouthonlycangiveit.
ButIammadwithlove--yeteternalwillbethedistance,attherateIgoon:nowfire,nowice,mysouliscontinuallyuponthehiss,asImaysay.Invain,however,isthetrialtoquench--what,afterall,isunquenchable.
Pr'ythee,Belford,forgivemynonsense,andmyVulcan-likemetaphors--DidInottellthee,notthatIamsickoflove,butthatIammadwithit?WhybroughtIsuchanangelintosuchahouse?intosuchcompany?--AndwhydoInotstopmyearstothesirens,who,knowingmyaversiontowedlock,areperpetuallytouchingthatstring?
Iwasnotwillingtobeansweredsoeasily:Iwassure,thatwhatpassedbetweentwosuchyoungladies(friendssodear)mightbeseenbyeverybody:IhadmorereasonthananybodytowishtoseethelettersthatpassedbetweenherandMissHowe;becauseIwassuretheymustbefullofadmirableinstruction,andoneofthedearcorrespondentshaddeignedtowishmyentirereformation.
Shelookedatmeasifshewouldlookmethrough:IthoughtIfelteye-beam,aftereye-beam,penetratemyshiveringreins.--Butshewassilent.Norneededhereyestheassistanceofspeech.
Nevertheless,alittlerecoveringmyself,IhopedthatnothingunhappyhadbefalleneitherMissHoweorhermother.Theletterofyesterdaysentbyaparticularhand:sheopeningitwithgreatemotion--seemingtohaveexpecteditsooner--werethereasonsformyapprehensions.
WewerethenatMuswell-hill:aprettycountrywithintheeye,toPolly,
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wastheremark,insteadofreplyingtome.
ButIwasnotsotobeanswered--Ishouldexpectsomecharmingsubjectsandcharactersfromtwosuchpens:IhopedeverythingwentonwellbetweenMr.HickmanandMissHowe.Hermother'sheart,Isaid,wassetuponthatmatch:Mr.Hickmanwasnotwithouthismerits:hewaswhattheladiescalledaSOBERman:butImustneedssay,thatIthoughtMissHowedeservedahusbandofaverydifferentcast!
This,Isupposed,wouldhaveengagedherintoasubjectfromwhichIcouldhavewiredrawnsomething:--forHickmanisoneofherfavourites--why,Ican'tdivine,exceptforthesakeofoppositionofcharactertothatofthyhonestfriend.
Butshecutmeshortbyalookofdisapprobation,andanothercoolremarkuponadistantview;and,Howfaroff,MissHorton,doyouthinkthatclumpoftreesmaybe?pointingoutofthecoach.--SoIhaddone.
HereendethallIhavetowriteconcerningourconversationonthisouragreeableairing.
Wehavebothbeenwritingeversincewecamehome.Iamtobefavouredwithhercompanyforanhour,beforesheretirestorest.
Allthatobsequiouslovecansuggest,inordertoengagehertenderestsentimentsformeagainsttomorrow'ssickness,willIaimatwhenwemeet.Butatpartingwillcomplainofadisorderinmystomach.
***
Wehavemet.Allwasloveandunexceptionablerespectonmypart.Easeandcomplaisanceonher's.Shewasconcernedformydisorder.Sosudden!--Justasweparted!Butitwasnothing.Ishouldbequitewellbythemorning.
Faith,Jack,IthinkIamsickalready.Isitpossibleforsuchagiddyfellowasmetopersuademyselftobeill!IamabettermimicatthisratethanIwishtobe.Buteverynerveandfibreofmeisalwaysreadytocontributeitsaid,whetherbyhealthorbyailment,tocarryaresolved-onrogueryintoexecution.
DorcashastranscribedformethewholeletterofMissHowe,datedSunday,May14,*ofwhichbeforeIhadonlyextracts.Shefoundnootherletteraddedtothatparcel:butthis,andthatwhichIcopiedmyselfincharacterlastSundaywhilstshewasatchurch,relatingtothesmugglingscheme,**areenoughforme.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXXIX.**Ibid.LetterXLII.
***
Dorcastellsme,thatherladyhasbeenremovingherpapersfromthemahoganychestintoawainscotbox,whichheldherlinen,andwhichsheputintoherdarkcloset.Wehavenokeyofthatatpresent.Nodoubt
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butallherletters,previoustothoseIhavecomeat,areinthatbox.Dorcasisuneasyuponit:yethopesthatherladydoesnotsuspecther;forsheissurethatshelaidineverythingasshefoundit.
LETTERII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.COCOA-TREE,SATURDAY,MAY27.
Thisipecacuanhaisamostdisagreeablemedicine.Thatthesecursedphysicalfolkscanfindoutnothingtodousgood,butwhatwouldpoisonthedevil!Intheotherworld,weretheyonlytotakephysic,itwouldbepunishableenoughofitselfforamis-spentlife.Adoctoratoneelbow,andanapothecaryattheother,andthepoorsoullabouringundertheirprescribedoperations,heneednoworsetormentors.
Butnowthiswastotakedownmycountenance.Ithasdoneit:for,withviolentreachings,havingtakenenoughtomakemesick,andnotenoughwatertocarryitoff,IpresentlylookedasifIhadkeptmybedafortnight.Illjesting,asIthoughtinthemidstoftheexercise,withedgetools,andworsewithphysicalones.
Twohoursitheldme.IhadforbidDorcastoletherladyknowanythingofthematter;outoftendernesstoher;beingwilling,whensheknewmyprohibition,toletherseethatIexpectedhertobeconcernedforme.--
Well,butDorcaswasneverthelessawoman,andshecanwhispertoherladythesecretsheisenjoinedtokeep!
Comehither,toad,[sickasthedevilattheinstant];letmeseewhatamixtureofgriefandsurprizemaybebeatuptogetherinthypuden-face.
Thatwon'tdo.Thatdroptjaw,andmouthdistendedintothelongoval,ismoreuponthehorriblethanthegrievous.
Northatpinkingandwinkingwiththyodiouseyes,asmycharmeroncecalledthem.
Alittlebetterthat;yetnotquiteright:butkeepyourmouthcloser.Youhaveamuscleortwowhichyouhavenocommandof,betweenyourcheek-boneandyourlips,thatshouldcarryonecornerofyourmouthuptowardsyourcrow's-foot,andthatdowntomeetit.
There!Begone!Beinaplaguyhurryrunningupstairanddown,tofetchfromthedining-roomwhatyoucarryuponpurposetofetch,tillmotionextraordinaryputyououtofbreath,andgiveyouthesighnatural.
What'sthematter,Dorcas?
Nothing,Madam.
Mybelovedwondersshehasnotseenmethismorning,nodoubt;butistooshytosayshewonders.RepeatedWhat'sthematter,however,asDorcasrunsupanddownstairsbyherdoor,bringon,OMadam!mymaster!mypoormaster!
What!How!When!--andallthemonosyllablesofsurprize.
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[Withinparenthesesletmetellthee,thatIhaveoftenthought,thatthelittlewordsintherepublicofletters,likethelittlefolksinanation,arethemostsignificant.Thetrisyllables,andtherumblersofsyllablesmorethanthree,arebutthegood-for-littlemagnates.]
Imustnottellyou,Madam--Mymasterorderedmenottotellyou--butheisinaworsewaythanhethinksfor!--Buthewouldnothaveyoufrighted.
Highconcerntookpossessionofeverysweetfeature.Shepitiedme!--bymysoul,shepitiedme!
Whereishe?
Toomuchinahurryforgoodmanners,[anotherparenthesis,Jack!Goodmannersaresolittlenatural,thatweoughttobecomposedtoobservethem:politenesswillnotliveinastorm].Icannotstaytoanswerquestions,criesthewench--thoughdesiroustoanswer[athirdparenthesis--Likethepeoplecryingproclamations,runningawayfromthecustomerstheywanttosellto].Thishurryputstheladyinahurrytoask,[afourth,bywayofestablishingthethird!]astheotherdoesthepeopleinahurrytobuy.AndIhaveinmyeyenowawholestreetraised,andrunningafteraproclamationorexpress-crier,asifthefirstwasathief,theotherhispursuers.
Atlast,OLord!letMrs.Lovelaceknow!--Thereisdanger,tobesure!whisperedfromonenymphtoanother;butatthedoor,andsoloud,thatmylisteningfair-onemighthear.
Outshedarts--Ashow!ashow,Dorcas!
OMadam--Avomitingofblood!Avesselbroke,tobesure!
Downshehastens;findseveryoneasbusyovermybloodintheentry,asifitwerethatoftheNeapolitansaint.
Instepsmycharmer,withafaceofsweetconcern.
Howdoyou,Mr.Lovelace?
Omybestlove!--Verywell!--Verywell!--Nothingatall!nothingofconsequence!--Ishallbewellinaninstant!--Strainingagain!forIwasindeedplaguysick,thoughnomorebloodcame.
Inshort,Belford,Ihavegainedmyend.Iseethedearsoullovesme.Iseesheforgivesmeallthat'spast.IseeIhavecreditforanewscore.
MissHowe,Idefythee,mydear--Mrs.Townsend!--Whothedevilareyou?--Troopawaywithyourcontrabands.Nosmuggling!norsmuggler,but
myself!Norwillthechoicestofmyfair-one'sfavoursbelongprohibitedgoodstome!
***
Everyoneisnowsurethatshelovesme.Tearswereinhereyesmorethanonceforme.Shesufferedmetotakeherhand,andkissitasoftenasIpleased.OnMrs.Sinclair'smentioning,thatItoomuchconfined
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myself,shepressedmetotakeanairing;butobliginglydesiredmetobecarefulofmyself.WishedIwouldadvisewithaphysician.Godmadephysicians,shesaid.
Ididnotthinkthat,Jack.Godindeedmadeusall.ButIfancyshemeantphysicinsteadofphysicians;andthenthephrasemightmeanwhatthevulgarphrasemeans;--Godsendsmeat,theDevilcooks.
Iwaswellalready,ontakingthestypticfromherdearhands.
Onherrequiringmetotaketheair,Iasked,IfImighthavethehonourofhercompanyinacoach;andthis,thatImightobserveifshehadanintentionofgoingoutinmyabsence.
Ifshethoughtachairwerenotamorepropervehicleformycase,shewouldwithallherheart!
There'saprecious!
Ikissedherhandagain!Shewasallgoodness!--WouldtoHeavenIbetterdeservedit,Isaid!--Butallweregoldendaysbeforeus!--Herpresenceandgenerousconcernhaddoneeverything.Iwaswell!Nothingailedme.Butsincemybelovedwillhaveitso,I'lltakealittleairing!--Letachairbecalled!--Omycharmer!wereItohaveownedthis
indispositiontomylateharasses,andtotheuneasinessIhavehadfordisobligingyou;allisinfinitelycompensatedbyyourgoodness.--Alltheartofhealingisinyoursmiles!--Yourlatedispleasurewastheonlymalady!
WhileMrs.Sinclair,andDorcas,andPolly,andevenpoorsillyMabell[forSallywentout,asmyangelcamein]withupliftedhandsandeyes,stoodthankingHeaventhatIwasbetter,inaudiblewhispers:Seethepoweroflove,criedone!--Whatacharminghusband,another!--Happycouple,all!
Ohowthedearcreature'scheekmantled!--Howhereyessparkled!--Howsweetlyacceptableispraisetoconsciousmerit,whileitbutreproaches
whenappliedtotheundeserving!--Whatanew,whatagaycreationitmakesallatonceinadiffidentordispiritedheart!
Andnow,Belford,wasitnotworthwhiletobesick?AndyetImusttellthee,thattoomanypleasanterexpedientsofferthemselves,tomaketrialanymoreofthisconfoundedipecacuanha.
LETTERIII
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWESATURDAY,MAY27.
Mr.Lovelace,mydear,hasbeenveryill.Suddenlytaken.Withavomitingofbloodingreatquantities.Somevesselbroken.Hecomplainedofadisorderinhisstomachovernight.Iwastheaffectedwithit,asIamafraiditwasoccasionedbytheviolentcontentionsbetweenus.--ButwasIinfault?
HowlatelydidIthinkIhatedhim!--Buthatredandanger,Isee,arebuttemporarypassionswithme.Onecannot,mydear,hatepeopleindanger
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ofdeath,orwhoareindistressoraffliction.Myheart,Ifind,isnotproofagainstkindness,andacknowledgementsoferrorscommitted.
Hetookgreatcaretohavehisillnessconcealedfrommeaslongashecould.Sotenderintheviolenceofhisdisorder!--Sodesiroustomakethebestofit!--Iwishhehadnotbeenillinmysight.Iwastoomuchaffected--everybodyalarmingmewithhisdanger.Thepoorman,fromsuchhighhealth,sosuddenlytaken!--andsounprepared!--
Heisgoneoutinachair.Iadvisedhimtodoso.Ifearthatmyadvicewaswrong;sincequietinsuchadisordermustneedsbebest.Weareapttobesoready,incasesofemergency,togiveouradvice,withoutjudgment,orwaitingforit!--Iproposedaphysicianindeed;buthewouldnothearofone.Ihavegreathonourforthefaculty;andthegreater,asIhavealwaysobservedthatthosewhotreattheprofessorsoftheartofhealingcontemptuously,toogenerallytreathigherinstitutionsinthesamemanner.
Iamreallyveryuneasy.ForIhave,Idoubt,exposedmyselftohim,andtothewomenbelow.Theyindeedwillexcuseme,astheythinkusmarried.Butifhebenotgenerous,Ishallhavecausetoregretthissurprise;which(asIhadreasontothinkmyselfunaccountablytreatedbyhim)hastaughtmemorethanIknewofmyself.
'Tistrue,Ihaveownedmorethanonce,thatIcouldhavelikedMr.Lovelaceaboveallmen.IrememberthedebatesyouandIusedtohaveonthissubject,whenIwasyourhappyguest.Youusedtosay,andonceyouwrote,*thatmenofhiscastarethementhatoursexdonotnaturallydislike:WhileIheld,thatsuchwerenot(howeverthatmightbe)themenweoughttolike.Butwhatwithmyrelationsprecipitatingofme,ononehand,andwhatwithhisunhappycharacter,andembarrassingways,ontheother,Ihadnomoreleisurethaninclinationtoexaminemyownheartinthisparticular.Andthisremindsmeofatranscribe,thoughitwaswritteninraillery.'Mayitnotbe,'sayyou,**'thatyouhavehadsuchpersonstodealwith,ashavenotallowedyoutoattendtothethrobs;orifyouhadthemalittlenow-and-then,whether,havinghadtwoaccountstoplacethemto,youhavenotbymistakeputthemtothewrongone?'A
passage,which,althoughitcameintomymindwhenMr.Lovelacewasleastexceptionable,yetthatIhavedeniedanyefficacyto,whenhehasteasedandvexedme,andgivenmecauseofsuspicion.For,afterall,mydear,Mr.Lovelaceisnotwiseinallhisways.Andshouldwenotendeavour,asmuchasispossible,(wherewearenotattachedbynaturalties,)tolikeanddislikeasreasonbidsus,andaccordingtothemeritordemeritoftheobject?Iflove,asitiscalled,isallowedtobeanexcuseforourmostunreasonablefollies,andtolaylevelallthefencesthatacarefuleducationhassurroundedusby,whatismeantbythedoctrineofsubduingourpassions?--But,Omydearestfriend,amInotguiltyofapunishablefault,wereItolovethismanoferrors?Andhasnotmyownheartdeceivedme,whenIthoughtIdidnot?Andwhatmustbethatlove,thathasnotsomedegreeofpurityforitsobject?Iamafraidof
recollectingsomepassagesinmycousinMorden'sletter.***--AndyetwhyflyIfromsubjectsthat,dulyconsidered,mighttendtocorrectandpurifymyheart?Ihavecarried,Idoubt,mynotionsonthisheadtoohigh,notforpractice,butformypractice.Yetthinkmenotguiltyofpruderyneither;forhadIfoundoutasmuchofmyselfbefore;or,rather,hadhegivenmeheart'seaseenoughbeforetofinditout,youshouldhavehadmyconfessionsooner.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXXXIV.
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**SeeVol.I.LetterXII.***SeeVol.IV.LetterXIX,&seq.
Nevertheless,letmetellyou(whatIhopeImayjustlytellyou,)thatifagainhegivemecausetoresumedistanceandreserve,Ihopemyreasonwillgatherstrengthenoughfromhisimperfectionstoenablemetokeepmypassionsunder.--Whatcanwedomorethangovernourselvesbythetemporarylightslentus?
YouwillnotwonderthatIamgraveonthisdetection--Detection,mustIcallit?WhatcanIcallit?--
Dissatisfiedwithmyself,IamafraidtolookbackuponwhatIhavewritten:yetknownothowtohavedonewriting.Ineverwasinsuchanoddframeofmind.--Iknownothowtodescribeit.--Wasyoueverso?--Afraidofthecensureofheryoulove--yetnotconsciousthatyoudeserveit?
Ofthis,however,Iamconvinced,thatIshouldindeeddeservecensure,ifIkeptanysecretofmyheartfromyou.
ButIwillnotaddanotherword,afterIhaveassuredyou,thatIwilllookstillmorenarrowlyintomyself:andthatIam
YourequallysincereandaffectionateCL.HARLOWE.
LETTERIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SAT.EVENING.
Ihadacharmingairing.Noreturnofmymalady.Myheartwasperfectly
easy,howcouldmystomachbeotherwise?
ButwhenIcamehome,Ifoundthatmysweetsoulhadbeenalarmedbyanewincident--Theinquiryafterusboth,inaverysuspiciousmanner,andthatbydescriptionofourpersons,andnotbynames,byaservantinablueliveryturn'dupandtrimm'dwithyellow.
Dorcaswascalledtohim,astheupperservant;andsherefusingtoansweranyofthefellow'squestions,unlesshetoldhisbusiness,andfromwhomhecame,thefellow(asshortasshe)said,thatifshewouldnotanswerhim,perhapsshemightanswersomebodyelse;andwentawayoutofhumour.
DorcashurrieduptoherLady,andalarmedher,notonlywiththefact,butwithherownconjectures;adding,thathewasanill-lookingfellow,andshewassurecouldcomefornogood.
Theliveryandthefeaturesoftheservantwereparticularlyinquiredafter,andasparticularlydescribed--Lordblessher!noendofheralarms,shethought!Andthendidherapprehensionsanticipateeveryevilthatcouldhappen.
ShewishedMr.Lovelacewouldcomein.
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Mr.Lovelacecameinsoonafter;alllively,grateful,fullofhopes,ofduty,oflove,tothankhischarmer,andtocongratulatewithheruponthecureshehadperformed.Andthenshetoldthestory,withallitscircumstances;andDorcas,topointherlady'sfears,toldus,thattheservantwasasun-burntfellow,andlookedasifhehadbeenatsea.
Hewasthen,nodoubt,CaptainSingleton'sservant,andthenextnewssheshouldhear,was,thatthehousewassurroundedbyawholeship'screw;thevessellyingnofartheroff,assheunderstood,thanRotherhithe.
Impossible,Isaid.Suchanattemptwouldnotbeusheredinbysuchamannerofinquiry.AndwhymayitnotratherbeaservantofyourcousinMorden,withnoticeofhisarrival,andofhisdesigntoattendyou?
Thissurmisedelightedher.Herapprehensionswentoff,andshewasatleisuretocongratulatemeuponmysuddenrecovery;whichshedidinthemostobligingmanner.
Butwehadnotsatlongtogether,whenDorcasagaincameflutteringuptotellus,thatthefootman,theveryfootman,wasagainatthedoor,andinquired,whetherMr.Lovelaceandhislady,byname,hadnotlodgingsinthishouse?Heasked,hetoldDorcas,fornoharm.Buthisdisavowingofharm,wasademonstrationwithmyapprehensivefair-one,thatharmwas
intended.AndasthefellowhadnotbeenansweredbyDorcas,Iproposedtogodowntothestreet-parlour,andhearwhathehadtosay.
Iseeyourcauselessterror,mydearestlife,saidI,andyourimpatience--Willyoubepleasedtowalkdown--and,withoutbeingobserved,(forheshallcomenofartherthantheparlour-door,)youmayhearallthatpasses?
Sheconsented.Wewentdown.Dorcasbidthemancomeforward.Well,friend,whatisyourbusinesswithMr.andMrs.Lovelace?
Bowing,scraping,Iamsureyouarethegentleman,Sir.Why,Sir,mybusinessisonlytoknowifyourhonourbehere,andtobespokenwith;
orifyoushallbehereforanytime?
Whomcameyoufrom?
Fromagentlemanwhoorderedmetosay,ifIwasmadetotell,butnotelse,itwasfromafriendofMr.JohnHarlowe,Mrs.Lovelace'seldestuncle.
Thedearcreaturewasreadytosinkuponthis.Itwasbutoflatethatshehadprovidedherselfwithsalts.Shepulledthemout.
DoyouknowanythingofColonelMorden,friend?saidI.
No;Ineverheardofhisname.
OfCaptainSingleton?
No,Sir.Butthegentleman,mymaster,isaCaptaintoo.
Whatishisname?
Idon'tknowifIshouldtell.
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Therecanbenoharmintellingthegentleman'sname,ifyoucomeuponagoodaccount.
ThatIdo;formymastertoldmeso;andthereisnotanhonestergentlemanonthefaceofGod'syearth.--HisnameisCaptainTomlinson,Sir.
Idon'tknowsuchaone.
Ibelievenot,Sir.Hewaspleasedtosay,hedon'tknowyourhonor,Sir;butIheardhimsayashowheshouldnotbeanunwelcomevisitertoyouforallthat.
DoyouknowsuchamanasCaptainTomlinson,mydearestlife,[aside,]youruncle'sfriend?
No;butmyunclemayhaveacquaintance,nodoubt,thatIdon'tknow.--ButIhope[trembling]thisisnotatrick.
Well,friend,ifyourmasterhasanythingtosaytoMr.Lovelace,youmaytellhim,thatMr.Lovelaceishere;andwillseehimwheneverhepleases.
Thedearcreaturelookedasifafraidthatmyengagementwastooprompt
formyownsafety;andawaywentthefellow--Iwondering,thatshemightnotwonder,thatthisCaptainTomlinson,whoeverhewere,camenothimself,orsentnotaletterthesecondtime,whenhehadreasontosupposethatImightbehere.
Meantime,forfearthatthisshouldbeacontrivanceofJamesHarlowe,who,Isaid,loveplotting,thoughhehadnotaheadturnedforit,Igavesomeprecautionarydirectionstotheservants,andthewomen,whom,forthegreaterparade,Iassembledbeforeus,andmybelovedwasresolvednottostirabroadtillshesawtheissueofthisoddaffair.
AndheremustIclose,thoughinsogreatapuzzle.
Onlyletmeadd,thatpoorBeltonwantsthee;forIdarenotstirformylife.
MowbrayandTourvilleskulkaboutlikevagabonds,withoutheads,withouthands,withoutsouls;havingneitheryounormetoconductthem.Theytellme,theyshallrustbeyondthepowerofoiloractiontobrightenthemup,orgivethemmotion.
Howgoesitwiththyuncle?
LETTERV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SUNDAY,MAY28.
ThisstoryofCaptainTomlinsonemployedusnotonlyforthetimeweweretogetherlastnight,butallthewhilewesatatbreakfastthismorning.ShewouldstillhaveitthatitwasthepreludetosomemischieffromSingleton.Iinsisted(accordingtomyformerhint)thatitmightmuchmoreprobablybeamethodtakenbyColonelMordentoalarmher,previous
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toapersonalvisit.Travelledgentlemenaffectedtosurpriseinthismanner.Andwhy,dearestcreature,saidI,musteverythingthathappens,whichwecannotimmediatelyaccountfor,bewhatweleastwish?
Shehadhadsomanydisagreeablethingsbefallheroflate,thatherfearsweretoooftenstrongerthanherhopes.
Andthis,Madam,makesmeapprehensive,thatyouwillgetintosolow-spiritedaway,thatyouwillnotbeabletoenjoythehappinessthatseemstoawaitus.
Herdutyandhergratitude,shegravelysaid,totheDispenserofallgood,wouldsecureher,shehoped,againstunthankfulness.Andathankfulspiritwasthesameasajoyfulone.
So,Belford,forallherfuturejoysshedependsentirelyupontheinvisibleGood.Sheiscertainlyright;sincethosewhofixleastuponsecondcausesaretheleastlikelytobedisappointed--Andisnotthisgravityforhergravity?
Shehadhardlydonespeaking,whenDorcascamerunningupinahurry--shesetevenmyheartintoapalpitation--thump,thump,thump,likeaprecipitatedpenduluminaclock-case--flutter,flutter,flutter,mycharmer's,asbyhersweetbosomrisingtoherchinIsaw.
Thislowerclassofpeople,mybelovedherselfobserved,wereforeveraimingatthestupidwonderful,andformakingevencommonincidentsmatterofsurprise.
Whythedevil,saidItothewench,thisalarminghurry?--Andwithyourspreadfingers,andyourOMadams,andOSirs!--andbecursedtoyou!Wouldtherehavebeenasecondoftimedifference,hadyoucomeupslowly?
CaptainTomlinson,Sir!
CaptainDevilson,whatcareI?--Doyouseehowyouhavedisorderedyour
lady?
GoodMr.Lovelace,saidmycharmer,trembling[see,Jack,whenshehasanendtoserve,IamgoodMr.Lovelace,]if--ifmybrother,--ifCaptainSingletonshouldappear--praynow--Ibeseechyou--letmebegofyou--togovernyourtemper--Mybrotherismybrother--CaptainSingletonisbutanagent.
Mydearestlife,foldingmyarmsabouther,[whensheasksfavours,thoughtI,thedevil'sinit,ifshewillnotallowsuchaninnocentfreedomasthis,fromgoodMr.Lovelacetoo,]youshallbewitnessofallpassesbetweenus.--Dorcas,desirethegentlemantowalkup.
Letmeretiretomychamberfirst!--Letmenotbeknowntobeinthehouse!
Charmingdear!--Thouseest,Belford,sheisafraidofleavingme!--Othelittlewitchcrafts!Wereitnotforsurprisesnow-and-then,howwouldanhonestmanknowwheretohavethem?
Shewithdrewtolisten.--AndthoughthisincidenthasnotturnedouttoanswerallIwishedfromit,yetisitnotnecessary,ifIwouldacquainttheewithmywholecirculation,tobeveryparticularinwhatpassed
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betweenCaptainTomlinsonandme.
EnterCaptainTomlinson,inariding-dress,whipinhand.
Yourservant,Sir,--Mr.Lovelace,Ipresume?
MynameisLovelace,Sir.
Excusetheday,Sir.--Bepleasedtoexcusemygarb.Iamobligedtogooutoftowndirectly,thatImayreturnatnight.
Thedayisagoodday.Yourgarbneedsnoapology.
WhenIsentmyservant,IdidnotknowthatIshouldfindtimetodomyselfthishonour.AllthatIthoughtIcoulddotoobligemyfriendthisjourney,wasonlytoassuremyselfofyourabode;andwhethertherewasaprobabilityofbeingadmittedtothespeechofeitheryou,oryourlady.
Sir,youbestknowyourownmotives.Whatyourtimewillpermityoutodo,youalsobestknow.AndhereIam,attendingyourpleasure.
Mycharmerownedafterwardsherconcernonmybeingsoshort.WhateverIshallmingleofheremotions,thouwilteasilyguessIhadafterwards.
Sir,Ihopenooffence.Iintendnone.
None--Noneatall,Sir.
Sir,IhavenointerestintheaffairIcomeabout.Imayappearofficious;andifIthoughtIshould,Iwoulddeclineanyconcerninit,afterIhavejusthintedwhatitis.
Andpray,Sir,whatisit?
MayIaskyou,Sir,withoutoffence,whetheryouwishtobereconciled,andtoco-operateuponhonourableterms,withonegentlemanofthenameofHarlowe;preparative,asitmaybehoped,toageneralreconciliation?
Ohowmyheartfluttered!criedmycharmer.
Ican'ttell,Sir--[andthenitflutteredstillmore,nodoubt:]Thewholefamilyhaveusedmeextremelyill.Theyhavetakengreaterlibertieswithmycharacterthanarejustifiable;andwithmyfamilytoo;whichIcanlessforgive.
Sir,Sir,Ihavedone.Ibegpardonforthisintrusion.
Mybelovedwasthenreadytosink,andthoughtveryhardlyofme.
But,pray,Sir,totheimmediatepurposeofyourpresentcommission;sinceacommissionitseemstobe?
Itisacommission,Sir;andsuchaone,asIthoughtwouldbeagreeabletoallparties,orIshouldnothavegivenmyselfconcernaboutit.
Perhapsitmay,Sir,whenknown.Butletmeaskyouonepreviousquestion--DoyouknowColonelMorden,Sir?
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No,Sir.Ifyoumeanpersonally,Idonot.ButIhaveheardmygoodfriendMr.JohnHarlowetalkofhimwithgreatrespect;andsuchaco-trusteewithhiminacertaintrust.
Lovel.Ithoughtitprobable,Sir,thattheColonelmightbearrived;thatyoumightbeagentlemanofhisacquaintance;andthatsomethingofanagreeablesurprisemightbeintended.
Capt.HadColonelMordenbeeninEngland,Mr.JohnHarlowewouldhaveknownit;andthenIshouldnothavebeenastrangertoit.
Lovel.Wellbut,Sir,haveyouthenanycommissiontomefromMr.JohnHarlowe?
Capt.Sir,Iwilltellyou,asbrieflyasIcan,thewholeofwhatIhavetosay;butyou'llexcusemealsoinapreviousquestion,forwhatcuriosityisnotmymotive;butitisnecessarytobeansweredbeforeIcanproceed;asyouwilljudgewhenyouhearit.
Lovel.What,pray,Sir,isyourquestion?
Capt.Briefly,whetheryouareactually,andbonâfide,marriedtoMissClarissaHarlowe?
Istarted,and,inahaughtytone,isthis,Sir,aquestionthatmustbeansweredbeforeyoucanproceedinthebusinessyouhaveundertaken?
Imeannooffence,Mr.Lovelace.Mr.Harlowesoughttometoundertakethisoffice.Ihavedaughtersandniecesofmyown.Ithoughtitagoodoffice,orI,whohavemanyconsiderableaffairsuponmyhands,hadnotacceptedofit.Iknowtheworld;andwilltakethelibertytosay,thatiftheyounglady--
CaptainTomlinson,Ithinkyouarecalled?
MynameisTomlinson.
Whythen,Tomlinson,noliberty,asyoucallit,willbetakenwell,thatisnotextremelydelicate,whenthatladyismentioned.
Whenyouhadheardmeout,Mr.Lovelace,andhadfoundIhadsobehaved,astomakethecautionnecessary,itwouldhavebeenjusttohavegivenit.--Allowmetosay,Iknowwhatisduetothecharacterofawomanofvirtue,aswellasanymanalive.
Why,Sir!Why,CaptainTomlinson,youseemwarm.Ifyouintendanythingbythis,[OhowItrembled!saidthelady,whenshetooknoticeofthispartofourconversationafterwards,]Iwillonlysay,thatthisisaprivilegedplace.Itisatpresentmyhome,andanasylumforany
gentlemanwhothinksitworthhiswhiletoinquireafterme,bethemannerorendofhisinquirywhatitwill.
Iknownot,Sir,thatIhavegivenoccasionforthis.Imakenoscrupletoattendyouelsewhere,ifIamtroublesomehere.Iwastold,Ihadawarmyounggentlemantodealwith:butasIknewmyintention,andthatmycommissionwasanamicableone,Iwasthelessconcernedaboutthat.Iamtwiceyourage,Mr.Lovelace,Idaresay:butIdoassureyou,thatifeithermymessageormymannergivesyouoffence,Icansuspendtheoneortheotherforaday,orforever,asyoulike.Andso,Sir,any
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timebeforeeighttomorrowmorning,youwillletmeknowyourfurthercommands.--Andwasgoingtotellmewherehemightbefound.
CaptainTomlinson,saidI,youanswerwell.Iloveamanofspirit.Haveyounotbeeninthearmy?
Ihave,Sir;buthaveturnedmyswordintoaploughshare,asthescripturehasit,--[therewasacleverfellow,Jack!--hewasagoodmanwithsomebody,Iwarrant!Owhatafinecoatandclokeforanhypocritewillatextofscripture,properlyapplied,makeatanytimeintheeyesofthepious!--howeasilyarethegoodfolkstakenin!]--andallmydelight,addedhe,forsomeyearspast,hasbeenincultivatingmypaternalestate.Iloveabraveman,Mr.Lovelace,aswellaseverIdidinmylife.Butletmetellyou,Sir,thatwhenyoucometomytimeoflife,youwillbeofopinion,thatthereisnotsomuchtruebraveryinyouthfulcholer,asyoumaynowthinkthereis.
Acleverfellowagain,Belford!--Earandheart,bothatonce,hetookinmycharmer!--'Tiswell,shesays,therearesomemenwhohavewisdomintheiranger.
Well,Captain,thatisreproofforreproof.Soweareuponafooting.Andnowgivemethepleasureofhearingtheimportofyourcommission.
Sir,youmustfirstallowmetorepeatmyquestion:Areyoureally,andbonâfide,marriedtoMissClarissaHarlowe?orareyounotyetmarried?
Bluntlyput,Captain.ButifIanswerthatIam,whatthen?
Whythen,Sir,Ishallsay,thatyouareamanofhonour.
ThatIhopeIam,whetheryousayitornot,CaptainTomlinson.
Sir,IwillbeveryfrankinallIhavetosayonthissubject--Mr.JohnHarlowehaslatelyfoundout,thatyouandhisniecearebothinthesamelodgings;thatyouhavebeenlongso;andthattheladywasattheplaywithyouyesterdaywasse'nnight;andhehopesthatyouareactually
married.Hehasindeedheardthatyouare;butasheknowsyourenterprisingtemper,andthatyouhavedeclared,thatyoudisdainarelationtotheirfamily,heiswillingbymetohaveyourmarriageconfirmedfromyourownmouth,beforehetakethestepsheisinclinedtotakeinhisniece'sfavour.Youwillallowmetosay,Mr.Lovelace,thathewillnotbesatisfiedwithananswerthatadmitsoftheleastdoubt.
Letmetellyou,CaptainTomlinson,thatitisahighdegreeofvilenessforanymantosuppose--
Sir--Mr.Lovelace--don'tputyourselfintoapassion.Thelady'srelationsarejealousofthehonouroftheirfamily.Theyhaveprejudicestoovercomeaswellasyou--advantagemayhavebeentaken--and
thelady,atthetime,nottoblame.
Thislady,Sir,couldgivenosuchadvantages:andifshehad,whatmustthemanbe,CaptainTomlinson,whocouldhavetakenthem?--Doyouknowthelady,Sir?
Ineverhadthehonourtoseeherbutonce;andthatwasatachurch;andshouldnotknowheragain.
Notknowheragain,Sir!--Ithoughttherewasnotamanlivingwhohad
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onceseenher,andwouldnotknowheramongathousand.
Iremember,Sir,thatIthoughtIneversawafinerwomaninmylife.But,Mr.Lovelace,Ibelieve,youwillallow,thatitisbetterthatherrelationsshouldhavewrongedyou,thanyouthelady,Ihope,Sir,youwillpermitmetorepeatmyquestion.
EnterDorcas,inahurry.
Agentleman,thisminute,Sir,desirestospeakwithyourhonour--[Mylady,Sir!--Aside.]
CouldthedearcreatureputDorcasupontellingthisfib,yetwanttosavemeone?
Desirethegentlemantowalkintooneoftheparlours.Iwillwaituponhimpresently.
[ExitDorcas.
Thedearcreature,Idoubtednot,wantedtoinstructmehowtoanswertheCaptain'shomeput.IknewhowIintendedtoanswerit--plumb,thou
may'stbesure--butDorcas'smessagestaggeredme.AndyetIwasupononeofmymaster-strokes--whichwas,totakeadvantageofthecaptain'sinquiries,andtomakeherownhermarriagebeforehim,asshehaddonetothepeoplebelow;andifshehadbeenbroughttothat,toinduceher,forheruncle'ssatisfaction,towritehimaletterofgratitude;whichofcoursemusthavebeensignedClarissaLovelace.Iwasloth,therefore,thoumay'stbelieve,toattendhersuddencommands:andyet,afraidofpushingmattersbeyondrecoverywithher,Ithoughtpropertoleadhimfromthequestion,toaccountforhimselfandforMr.Harlowe'scomingtotheknowledgeofwhereweare;andforotherparticularswhichIknewwouldengageherattention;andwhichmightpossiblyconvinceherofthenecessitytherewasforhertoacquiesceintheaffirmativeIwasdisposedtogive.Andthisforherownsake;Forwhat,asIaskedher
afterwards,isittome,whetherIameverreconciledtoherfamily?--Afamily,Jack,whichImustforeverdespise.
Youthink,Captain,thatIhaveanswereddoubtfullytothequestionyouput.Youmaythinkso.Andyoumustknow,thatIhaveagooddealofpride;and,onlythatyouareagentleman,andseeminthisaffairtobegovernedbygenerousmotives,orIshouldillbrookbeinginterrogatedastomyhonourtoaladysodeartome.--ButbeforeIanswermoredirectlytothepoint,praysatisfymeinaquestionortwothatIshallputtoyou.
Withallmyheart,Sir.Askmewhatquestionsyouplease,Iwillanswerthemwithsincerityandcandour.
Yousay,Mr.Harlowehasfoundoutthatwewereataplaytogether:andthatwewerebothinthesamelodgings--How,pray,cameheathisknowledge?--for,letmetellyou,thatIhave,forcertainconsiderations,(notrespectingmyself,Iwillassureyou,)condescendedthatourabodeshouldbekeptsecret.Andthishasbeensostrictlyobserved,thatevenMissHowe,thoughsheandmybelovedcorrespond,knowsnotdirectlywheretosendtous.
Why,Sir,thepersonwhosawyouattheplay,wasatenantofMr.John
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Harlowe.Hewatchedallyourmotions.Whentheplaywasdone,hefollowedyourcoachtoyourlodgings.Andearlythenextday,Sunday,hetookhorse,andacquaintedhislandlordwithwhathehadobserved.
Lovel.Howoddlythingscomeabout!--ButdoesanyotheroftheHarlowesknowwhereweare?
Capt.Itisanabsolutesecrettoeveryotherpersonofthefamily;andsoitisintendedtobekept:asalsothatMr.JohnHarloweiswillingtoenterintotreatywithyou,byme,ifhisniecebeactuallymarried;forperhapsheisaware,thatheshallhavedifficultyenoughwithsomepeopletobringaboutthedesirablereconciliation,althoughhecouldgivethemthisassurance.
Idoubtitnot,Captain--toJamesHarloweisallthefamilyfollyowing.Finefools![heroicallystalkingabout]tobegovernedbyonetowhommaliceandnotgenius,givesthebusylivelinessthatdistinguisheshimfromanatural!--Buthowlong,pray,Sir,hasMr.JohnHarlowebeeninthispacificdisposition?
Iwilltellyou,Mr.Lovelace,andtheoccasion;andbeveryexplicituponit,anduponallthatconcernsyoutoknowofme,andofthecommissionIhaveundertakentoexecute;andthistherather,aswhenyouhaveheardmeout,youwillbesatisfied,thatIamnotanofficious
maninthismypresentaddresstoyou.Iamallattention,CaptainTomlinson.
AndsoIdoubtnotwasmybeloved.
Capt.'Youmustknow,Sir,thatIhavenotbeenmanymonthsinMr.JohnHarlwe'sneighbourhood.IremovedfromNorthamptonshire,partlyforthesakeofbettermanagingoneoftwoexecutorship,whichIcouldnotavoidengagingin,(theaffairsofwhichfrequentlycallmetotown,andarepartofmypresentbusiness;)andpartlyforthesakeofoccupyinganeglectedfarm,whichhaslatelyfallenintomyhands.Butthoughanacquaintanceofnolongerstanding,andthatcommencingonthebowling-
green,[uncleJohnisagreatbowler,Belford,](uponmydecisionofapointtoeveryone'ssatisfaction,whichwasappealedtomebyallthegentlemen,andwhichmighthavebeenattendedwithbadconsequences,)notwobrothershaveamorecordialesteemforeachother.Youknow,Mr.Lovelace,thatthereisaconsent,asImaycallit,insomeminds,whichwillunitethemstrongertogetherinafewhours,thanyearscandowithothers,whomyetweseenotwithdisgust.'
Lovel.Verytrue,Captain.
Capt.'Itwasonthefootofthisavowedfriendshiponbothsides,thatonMondaythe15th,asIverywellremember,Mr.Harloweinvitedhimselfhomewithme.Andwhenthere,heacquaintedmewiththewholeofthe
unhappyaffairthathadmadethemallsouneasy.TillthenIknewitonlybyreport;for,intimateaswewere,Iforboretospeakofwhatwassonearhisheart,tillhebeganfirst.Andthenhetoldme,thathehadhadanapplicationmadetohim,twoorthreedaysbefore,byagentlemanwhomhenamed,*toinducehimnotonlytobereconciledhimselftohisniece,buttoforwardforherageneralreconciliation.
*SeeVol.IV.LettersXXIIIandXXIX.
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'Alikeapplication,hetoldme,hadbeenmadetohissisterHarlowe,byagoodwoman,whomeverybodyrespected;whohadintimated,thathisniece,ifencouraged,wouldagainputherselfintotheprotectionofherfriends,andleaveyou:butifnot,thatshemustunavoidablybeyour's.'
Ihope,Mr.Lovelace,Imakenomischief.--Youlookconcerned--yousigh,Sir.
Proceed,CaptainTomlinson.Prayproceed.--AndIsighedstillmoreprofoundly.
Capt.'Theyallthoughtitextremelyparticular,thataladyshoulddeclinemarriagewithamanshehadsolatelygoneawaywith.'
Pray,Captain--pray,Mr.Tomlinson--nomoreofthissubject.Mybelovedisanangel.Ineverythingunblamable.Whateverfaultstherehavebeen,havebeentheirsandmine.Whatyouwouldfurthersay,is,thattheunforgivingfamilyrejectedherapplication.Theydid.SheandIhadamisunderstanding.Thefallingoutoflovers--youknow,Captain.--Wehavebeenhappiereversince.
Capt.'Well,Sir;butMr.JohnHarlowecouldnotbutbetterconsiderthematterafterwards.Andhedesiredmyadvicehowtoactinit.He
toldmethatnofathereverlovedadaughterashelovedthisnieceofhis;whom,indeed,heusedtocallhisdaughter-niece.Hesaid,shehadreallybeenunkindlytreatedbyherbrotherandsister:andasyouralliance,Sir,wasfarfrombeingadiscredittotheirfamily,hewoulddohisendeavourtoreconcileallparties,ifhecouldbesurethatyewereactuallymanandwife.'
Lovel.Andwhat,pray,Captain,wasyouradvice?
Capt.'Igaveitasmyopinion,thatifhisniecewereunworthilytreated,andindistress,(asheapprehendedfromtheapplicationtohim,)hewouldsoonhearofheragain:butthatitwaslikely,thatthisapplicationwasmadewithoutexpectingitwouldsucceed;andasasalvo
only,toherself,formarryingwithouttheirconsent.AndtheratherthoughtIso,ashehadtoldme,thatitcamefromayoungladyherfriend,andnotinadirectwayfromherself;whichyoungladywasnofavouriteofthefamily;andthereforewouldhardlyhavebeenemployed,hadsuccessbeenexpected.'
Lovel.Verywell,CaptainTomlinson--prayproceed.
Capt.'HerethematterrestedtilllastSundayevening,whenMr.JohnHarlowecametomewiththemanwhohadseenyouandyourlady(asIpresumesheis)attheplay;andwhohadassuredhim,thatyoubothlodgedinthesamehouse.--Andthentheapplicationhavingbeensolatelymade,whichimpliedthatyouwerenotthenmarried,hewassouneasyfor
hisniece'shonour,thatIadvisedhimtodispatchtotownsomeoneinwhomhecouldconfide,tomakeproperinquiries.'
Lovel.Verywell,Captain--Andwassuchapersonemployedonsuchanerrandbyheruncle?
Capt.'Atrustyanddiscreetpersonwasaccordinglysent;andlastTuesday,Ithinkitwas,(forhereturnedtousontheWednesday,)hemadetheinquiriesamongtheneighboursfirst.'[Theveryinquiry,Jack,thatgaveusallsomuchuneasiness.*]'Butfindingthatnoneofthem
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couldgiveanysatisfactoryaccount,thelady'swomanwascomeat,whodeclared,thatyouwereactuallymarried.Buttheinquiristkeepinghimselfonthereserveastohisemployers,thegirlrefusedtotelltheday,ortogivehimotherparticulars.'
*SeeVol.IV.LetterL.
Lovel.Yougiveaveryclearaccountofeverything,CaptainTomlinson.Prayproceed.
Capt.'Thegentlemanreturned;and,onhisreport,Mr.Harlowe,havingstilldoubts,andbeingwillingtoproceedonsomegroundsinsoimportantapoint,besoughtme(asmyaffairscalledmefrequentlytotown)toundertakethismatter."You,Mr.Tomlinson,hewaspleasedtosay,havechildrenofyourown:youknowtheworld:youknowwhatIdriveat:youwillproceed,Iamsure,withunderstandingandspirit:andwhateveryouaresatisfiedwithshallsatisfyme."'
EnterDorcasagaininahurry.
Sir,thegentlemanisimpatient.
Iwillattendhimpresently.
TheCaptainthenaccountedforhisnotcallinginperson,whenhehadreasontothinkushere.
Hesaidhehadbusinessofconsequenceafewmilesoutoftown,whitherhethoughthemusthavegoneyesterday,andhavingbeenobligedtoputoffhislittlejourneytillthisday,andunderstandingthatwewerewithin,notknowingwhetherheshouldhavesuchanotheropportunity,hewaswillingtotryhisgoodfortunebeforehesetout;andthismadehimcomebootedandspurred,asIsawhim.
Hedroppedahintincommendationofthepeopleofthehouse;butitwasinsuchaway,astogivenoroomtosuspectthathethoughtitnecessarytoinquireafterthecharacterofpersons,whomakesogenteelanappearance,asheobservedtheydo.
Andhereletmeremark,thatmybelovedmightcollectanothercircumstanceinfavourofthepeoplebelow,hadshedoubtedtheircharacters,fromthesilenceofheruncle'sinquiristonTuesdayamongtheneighbours.
Capt.'Andnow,Sir,thatIbelieveIhavesatisfiedyouineverythingrelatingtomycommission,Ihopeyouwillpermitmetorepeatmyquestion--whichis--'
EnterDorcasagain,outofbreath.
Sir,thegentlemanwillstepuptoyou.[Myladyisimpatient.Shewondersatyourhonour'sdelay.Aside.]
Excuseme,Captain,foronemoment.
Ihavestaidmyfulltime,Mr.Lovelace.Whatmayresultfrommy
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questionandyouranswer,whateveritshallbe,maytakeusuptime.--Andyouareengaged.Willyoupermitmetoattendyouinthemorning,beforeIsetoutonmyreturn?
Youwillthenbreakfastwithme,Captain?
ItmustbeearlyifIdo.Imustreachmyownhouseto-morrownight,orIshallmakethebestofwivesunhappy.AndIhavetwoorthreeplacestocallatinmyway.
Itshallbebyseveno'clock,ifyouplease,Captain.Weareearlyfolks.AndthisIwilltellyou,thatifeverIamreconciledtoafamilysoimplacableasIhavealwaysfoundtheHarlowestobe,itmustbebythemediationofsocoolandsomoderateagentlemanasyourself.
Andso,withthehighestcivilitiesonbothsides,weparted.Butfortheprivatesatisfactionofsogoodaman,Ilefthimoutofdoubtthatweweremanandwife,thoughIdidnotdirectlyaverit.
LETTERVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
SUNDAYNIGHT.
ThisCaptainTomlinsonisoneofthehappiestaswellasoneofthebestmenintheworld.WhatwouldIgivetostandashighinmybeloved'sopinionashedoes!butyetIamasgoodamanashe,wereItotellmyownstory,andhaveequalcreditgiventoit.ButthedevilshouldhavehadhimbeforeIhadseenhimontheaccounthecameupon,hadIthoughtIshouldnothaveansweredmyprincipalendinit.Ihintedtotheeinmylastwhatthatwas.
Buttotheparticularsoftheconferencebetweenmyfair-oneandme,onherhastymessages;whichIwaslothtocometo,becauseshehashadan
halftriumphovermeinit.
AfterIhadattendedtheCaptaindowntotheverypassage,Ireturnedtothedining-room,andputonajoyfulair,onmybeloved'sentranceintoit--Omydearestcreature,saidI,letmecongratulateyouonaprospectsoagreeabletoyourwishes!AndIsnatchedherhand,andsmothereditwithkisses.
Iwasgoingon;wheninterruptingme,Yousee,Mr.Lovelace,saidshe,howyouhaveembarrassedyourselfbyyourobliquities!Yousee,thatyouhavenotbeenabletoreturnadirectanswertoaplainandhonestquestion,thoughuponitdependsallthehappiness,ontheprospectofwhichyoucongratulateme!
Youknow,mybestlove,whatmyprudent,andIwillsay,mykindmotiveswere,forgivingoutthatweweremarried.YouseethatIhavetakennoadvantageofit;andthatnoinconveniencehasfollowedit.Youseethatyourunclewantsonlytobeassuredfromourselvesthatitisso--
Notanotherwordonthissubject,Mr.Lovelace.Iwillnotonlyrisk,butIwillforfeit,thereconciliationsonearmyheart,ratherthanIwillgoontocountenanceastorysountrue!
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Mydearestsoul--Wouldyouhavemeappear--
Iwouldhaveyouappear,Sir,asyouare!IamresolvedthatIwillappeartomyuncle'sfriend,andtomyuncle,asIam.
Foroneweek,mydearestlife!cannotyouforoneweek--onlytillthesettlements--
Notforonehour,withmyownconsent.Youdon'tknow,Sir,howmuchIhavebeenafflicted,thatIhaveappearedtothepeoplebelowwhatIamnot.Butmyuncle,Sir,shallneverhaveittoupbraidme,norwillItoupbraidmyself,thatIhavewilfullypasseduponhiminfalselights.
What,mydear,wouldyouhavemesaytotheCaptainto-morrowmorning?Ihavegivenhimroomtothink--
Thenputhimright,Mr.Lovelace.Tellthetruth.Tellhimwhatyoupleaseofthefavourofyourrelationstome:tellhimwhatyouwillaboutthesettlements:andif,whendrawn,youwillsubmitthemtohisperusalandapprobation,itwillshowhimhowmuchyouareinearnest.
Mydearestlife!--DoyouthinkthathewoulddisapproveofthetermsIhaveoffered?
No.ThenmayIbeaccursed,ifIwillinglysubmittobetrampledunderfootbymyenemies!
AndmayI,Mr.Lovelace,neverbeunhappyinthislife,ifIsubmittothepassinguponmyuncleHarloweawilfulandpremeditatedfalshoodfortruth!Ihavetoolonglabouredundertheafflictionwhichtherejectionofallmyfriendshasgivenme,topurchasemyreconciliationwiththemnowatsodearapriceasthisofmyveracity.
Thewomenbelow,mydear--
Whatarethewomenbelowtome?--Iwantnottoestablishmyselfwiththem.Needtheyknowallthatpassesbetweenmyrelationsandyouandme?
Neitheraretheyanythingtome,Madam.Only,thatwhen,forthesakeofpreventingthefatalmischiefswhichmighthaveattendedyourbrother'sprojects,Ihavemadethemthinkusmarried,Iwouldnotappeartotheminalightwhichyouyourselfthinksoshocking.Bymysoul,Madam,Ihadratherdie,thancontradictmyselfsoflagrantly,afterIhaverelatedtothemsomanycircumstancesofourmarriage.
Well,Sir,thewomenmaybelievewhattheyplease.ThatIhavegivencountenancetowhatyoutoldthemismyerror.Themanycircumstances
whichyouownoneuntruthhasdrawnyouintorelate,isajustificationofmyrefusalinthepresentcase.
Don'tyousee,Madam,thatyourunclewishestofindthatwearemarried?Maynottheceremonybeprivatelyover,beforehismediationcantakeplace?
Urgethispointnofurther,Mr.Lovelace.Ifyouwillnottellthetruth,Iwillto-morrowmorning(ifIseeCaptainTomlinson)tellitmyself.IndeedIwill.
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Willyou,Madam,consentthatthingspassasbeforewiththepeoplebelow?ThismediationofTomlinsonmaycometonothing.Yourbrother'sschemesmaybepursued;therather,thatnowhewillknow(perhapsfromyouruncle)thatyouarenotunderalegalprotection.--Youwill,atleast,consentthatthingspasshereasbefore?--
Topermitthis,istogooninanerror,Mr.Lovelace.Butastheoccasionforsodoing(iftherecanbeinyouropinionanoccasionthatwillwarrantanuntruth)will,asIpresume,soonbeover,Ishallthelessdisputethatpointwithyou.ButanewerrorIwillnotbeguiltyof,ifIcanavoidit.
CanI,doyouthink,Madam,haveanydishonourableviewinthestepIsupposedyouwouldnotscrupletotaketowardsareconciliationwithyourownfamily?Notformyownsake,youknow,didIwishyoutotakeit;forwhatisittome,ifIamneverreconciledtoyourfamily?Iwantnofavoursfromthem.
Ihope,Mr.Lovelace,thereisnooccasion,inourpresentnotdisagreeablesituation,toanswersuchaquestion.Andletmesay,thatIshallthinkmyprospectsstillmoreagreeable,if,to-morrowmorningyouwillnotonlyowntheverytruth,butgivemyuncle'sfriendsuchanaccountofthestepsyouhavetaken,andaretaking,asmaykeepupmy
uncle'sfavourableintentionstowardsme.Thisyoumaydounderwhatrestrictionsofsecrecyyouplease.CaptainTomlinsonisaprudentman;apromoteroffamily-peace,youfind;and,Idaresay,maybemadeafriend.
Isawtherewasnohelp.IsawthattheinflexibleHarlowespiritwasallupinher.--Alittlewitch!--Alittle--Forgiveme,Love,forcallinghernames!AndsoIsaid,withanair,Wehavehadtoomanymisunderstandings,Madam,formetowishfornewones:Iwillobeyyouwithoutreserve.HadInotthoughtIshouldhaveobligedyoubytheothermethod,(especiallyastheceremonymighthavebeenoverbeforeanythingcouldhaveoperatedfromyouruncle'sintentions,andofconsequencenountruthpersistedin,)Iwouldnothaveproposedit.But
thinknot,mybelovedcreature,thatyoushallenjoy,withoutcondition,thistriumphovermyjudgment.
Andthen,claspingmyarmsabouther,Igaveheravertedcheek(hercharminglipdesigned)aferventkiss.--Andyourforgivenessofthissweetfreedom[bowing]isthatcondition.
Shewasnotmortallyoffended.AndnowmustImakeouttherestaswellasIcan.ButthisIwilltellthee,thatalthoughhertriumphhasnotdiminishedmyloveforher,yetithasstimulatedmemorethanevertorevenge,asthouwiltbeapttocallit.Butvictory,orconquest,isthemoreproperword.
Thereisapleasure,'tistrue,insubduingoneofthesewatchfulbeauties.Butbymysoul,Belford,menofourcasttaketwentytimesthepainstoberoguesthanitwouldcostthemtobehonest;anddearly,withthesweatofourbrows,andtothepuzzlementofourbrains,(tosaynothingofthehazardsherun,)doweearnourpurchase;andoughtnotthereforetobegrudgedoursuccesswhenwemeetwithit--especiallyas,whenwehaveobtainedourend,satietysoonfollows;andleavesuslittleornothingtoshowforit.Butthis,indeed,maybesaidofallworldlydelights.--Andisnotthatagravereflectionfromme?
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Iwaswillingtowriteuptothetime.AlthoughIhavenotcarriedmyprincipalpoint,IshallmakesomethingturnoutifmyfavourfromCaptainTomlinson'serrand.Butletmegivetheethiscaution;thatthoudonotpretendtojudgeofmydevicesbyparts;buthavepatiencetillthouseestthewhole.ButoncemoreIswear,thatIwillnotbeout-Norris'dbyapairofnovices.AndyetIamveryapprehensive,attimes,oftheconsequencesofMissHowe'ssmugglingscheme.
Myconscience,Ishouldthink,oughtnottoreproachmeforacontrivance,whichisjustifiedbythecontrivancesoftwosuchgirlsasthese:oneofwhom(themoreexcellentofthetwo)Ihavealways,withherownapprobation,asIimagine,proposedformyimitation.
Buthere,Jack,isthethingthatconcludesme,andcasesmyheartwithadamant:Ifind,byMissHowe'sletters,thatitisowingtoher,thatIhavemadenogreaterprogresswithmybloomingfair-one.Shelovesme.Theipecacuanhacontrivanceconvincesmethatshelovesme.Wherethereislovetheremustbeconfidence,oradesireofhavingreasontoconfide.Generosity,foundedonmysupposedgenerosity,hastakenholdofherheart.ShallInotnowsee(sinceImustforeverbeunhappy,ifImarryher,andleaveanytrialunessayed)whatIcanmakeofherlove,andhernewly-raisedconfidence?--Willitnotbetomyglorytosucceed?Andtoher'sandtothehonourofhersex,ifIcannot?--Wherethenwillbethehurttoeither,tomakethetrial?AndcannotI,asIhaveoften
said,rewardherwhenIwillbymarriage?
'Tislate,orratherearly;forthedaybeginstodawnuponme.Iamplaguyheavy.PerhapsIneednottohavetoldtheethat.Butwillonlyindulgeadozeinmychairforanhour;thenshakemyself,washandrefresh.Atmytimeoflife,withsuchaconstitutionasIamblessedwith,that'sallthat'swanted.
Goodnighttome!--ItcannotbebroaddaytillIamawake.--Aw-w-w-whaugh--poxofthisyawning!
Isnotthyuncledeadyet?
What'scometomine,thathewritesnottomylast?--Huntingaftermorewisdomofnations,Isuppose!--Yaw-yaw-yawningagain!--Pen,begone!
LETTERVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAY,MAY29.
NowhaveIestablishedmyselfforeverinmycharmer'sheart.
TheCaptaincameatseven,aspromised,andreadyequippedforhisjourney.Mybelovedchosenottogiveushercompanytillourfirstconversationwasover--ashamed,Isuppose,tobepresentatthatpartofitwhichwastorestorehertohervirginstatebymyconfession,afterherwifehoodhadbeenreportedtoheruncle.Butshetookhercue,nevertheless,andlistenedtoallthatpassed.
Themodestestwomen,Jack,mustthink,andthinkdeeplysometimes.Iwonderwhethertheyeverblushatthosethingsbythemselves,atwhich
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theyhavesocharmingaknackofblushingincompany.Ifnot;andifblushingbeasignofgraceormodesty;havenotthesexasgreatacommandovertheirblushesastheyaresaidtohaveovertheirtears?Thisreflectionwouldleadmeagreatwayintofemaleminds,wereIdisposedtopursueit.
ItoldtheCaptain,thatIwouldpreventhisquestion;andaccordingly(afterIhadenjoinedthestrictestsecrecy,thatnoadvantagemightbegiventoJamesHarlowe,andwhichhehadansweredforaswellonMr.Harlowe'spartashisown)Iacknowledgednakedlyandfairlythewholetruth--towit,'Thatwewerenotyetmarried.Igavehimhintsofthecausesofprocrastination.Someofthemowingtounhappymisunderstandings:butchieflytotheLady'sdesireofpreviousreconciliationwithherfriends;andtoadelicacythathadnoexample.'
Lessniceladiesthanthis,Jack,lovetohavedelays,wilfulandstudieddelays,imputedtotheminthesecases--yetareindelicateintheiraffecteddelicacy:Fordotheynottherebytacitlyconfess,thattheyexpecttobethegreatestestgainersinwedlock;andthatthereisself-denialinthepridetheytakeindelaying?
'Itoldhimthereasonofourpassingtothepeoplebelowasmarried--yetasunderavowofrestriction,astoconsummation,whichhadkeptusbothtotheheight,oneofforbearing,theotherofvigilantpunctilio;even
tothedenialofthoseinnocentfreedoms,whichbetrothedloversneverscrupletoallowandtotake.
'Ithencommunicatedtohimacopyofmyproposalofsettlement;thesubstanceofherwrittenanswer;thecontentsofmyletterofinvitationtoLordM.tobehernuptial-father;andofmyLord'sgenerousreply.Butsaid,thathavingapprehensionsofdelayfromhisinfirmities,andmybelovedchoosingbyallmeans(andthatfromprinciplesofunrequitedduty)aprivatesolemnization,IhadwrittentoexcusehisLordship'spresence;andexpectedananswereveryhour.
'Thesettlements,Itoldhim,wereactuallydrawingbyCounsellorWilliams,ofwhoseeminencehemusthaveheard--'
Hehad.
'Andofthetruthofthishemightsatisfyhimselfbeforehewentoutoftown.
'Whentheseweredrawn,approved,andengrossed,nothing,Isaid,butsigning,andthenominationofmyhappyday,wouldbewanting.Ihadapride,Ideclared,indoingthehighestjusticetosobelovedacreature,ofmyownvoluntarymotion,andwithouttheinterventionofafamilyfromwhomIhadreceivedthegreatestinsults.Andthisbeingourpresentsituation,IwascontentedthatMr.JohnHarloweshouldsuspendhisreconciliatorypurposestillourmarriagewereactuallysolemnized.'
TheCaptainwashighlydelightedwithallIsaid:Yetowned,thatashisdearfriendMr.Harlowehadexpressedhimselfgreatlypleasedtohearthatwewereactuallymarried,hecouldhavewishedithadbeenso.But,nevertheless,hedoubtednotthatallwouldbewell.
Hesawmyreasons,hesaid,andapprovedofthem,formakingthegentlewomenbelow[whomagainheunderstoodtobegoodsortofpeople]believethattheceremonyhadpassed;whichsowellaccountedforwhatthelady'smaidhadtoldMr.Harlowe'sfriend.Mr.JamesHarlowe,he
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said,hadcertainlyendstoanswerinkeepingopenthebreach;andascertainlyhadformedadesigntogethissisteroutofmyhands.Whereforeitasmuchimportedhisworthyfriendtokeepthistreatyassecret,asitdidme;atleasttillhehadformedhisparty,andtakenhismeasures.Illwillandpassionweredreadfulmisrepresenters.Itwasamazingtohim,thatanimositycouldbecarriedsohighagainstamancapableofviewssopacificandsohonourable,andwhohadshownsuchacommandofhistemper,inthiswholetransaction,asIhaddone.Generosity,indeed,ineverycase,whereloveofstratagemandintrigue(Iwouldexcusehim)werenotconcerned,wasapartofmycharacter.
Hewasproceeding,when,breakfastbeingready,incametheempressofmyheart,irradiatingallaroundher,aswithaglory--abenignityandgraciousnessinheraspect,that,thoughnaturaltoit,hadbeenlongbanishedfromit.
NexttoprostrationlowlybowedtheCaptain.Ohowthesweetcreaturesmiledherapprobationofhim!Reverencefromonebegetsreverencefromanother.Menaremoreofmonkeysinimitationthantheythinkthemselves.--Involuntarily,inamanner,Ibentmyknee--Mydearestlife--andmadeaveryfinespeechonpresentingtheCaptaintoher.Notitlemyself,toherliporcheek,'tiswellheattemptednoteither.Hewasindeedreadytoworshipher;--couldonlytouchhercharminghand.
IhavetoldtheCaptain,mydearcreature--andthenIbrieflyrepeated(asifIhadsupposedshehadnotheardit)allIhadtoldhim.
Hewasastonished,thatanybodycouldbedispleasedonemomentwithsuchanangel.Heundertookhercauseasthehighestdegreeofmerittohimself.
Never,Imustneedsay,didanangelsomuchlooktheangel.Allplacid,serene,smiling,self-assured:amorelovelyflushthanusualheighteninghernaturalgraces,andaddingcharms,eventoradiance,tohercharmingcomplexion.
Afterwehadseatedourselves,theagreeablesubjectwasrenewed,aswe
tookourchocolate.Howhappyshouldshebeinheruncle'srestoredfavour!
TheCaptainengagedforit--Nomoredelays,hehoped,onherpart!Letthehappydaybebutonceover,allwouldthenberight.Butwasitimpropertoaskforcopiesofmyproposals,andofheranswer,inordertoshowthemtohisdearfriend,heruncle?
AsMr.Lovelacepleased.--Othatthedearcreaturewouldalwayssayso!
Itmustbeinstrictconfidencethen,Isaid.Butwoulditnotbebettertoshowherunclethedraughtofthesettlements,whendrawn?
Andwillyoubesogoodastoallowofthis,Mr.Lovelace?
There,Belford!Wewereoncethequarrelsome,butnowwearethepolite,lovers.
Indeed,mydearcreature,Iwill,ifyoudesireit,andifCaptainTomlinsonwillengagethatMr.Harloweshallkeepthemabsolutelyasecret;thatImaynotbesubjectedtothecavilandcontroulofanyothersofafamilythathaveusedmesoveryill.
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Now,indeed,Sir,youareveryobliging.
Dostthink,Jack,thatmyfacedidnotnowalsoshine?
Iheldoutmyhand,(firstconsecratingitwithakiss,)forher's.Shecondescendedtogiveitme.Ipressedittomylips:YouknownotCaptainTomlinson,(withanair,)allstormsoverblown,whatahappyman--
Charmingcouple![hishandsliftedup,]howwillmygoodfriendrejoice!Othathewerepresent!Youknownot,Madam,howdearyoustillaretoyouruncleHarlowe!
Iamstillunhappyevertohavedisobligedhim!
Nottoomuchofthat,however,fairest,thoughtI!
TheCaptainrepeatedhisresolutionofservice,andthatinsoacceptableamanner,thatthedearcreaturewishedthatneitherhe,noranyofhis,mighteverwantafriendofequalbenevolence.
Noranyofthis,shesaid;fortheCaptainbroughtitin,thathehadfivechildrenliving,byoneofthebestwivesandmothers,whoseexcellentmanagementmadehimashappyasifhiseighthundredpoundsa
year(whichwasallhehadtoboastof)weretwothousand.Withouteconomy,theoracularladysaid,noestatewaslargeenough.Withit,theleastwasnottoosmall.
Liestill,teasingvillain!liestill.--Iwasonlyspeakingtomyconscience,Jack.
Andletmeaskyou,Mr.Lovelace,saidtheCaptain;yetnotsomuchfromdoubt,asthatImayproceeduponsuregrounds--Youarewillingtoco-operatewithmydearfriendinageneralreconciliation?
Letmetellyou,Mr.Tomlinson,thatifitcanbedistinguished,thatmy
readinesstomakeupwithafamily,ofwhosegenerosityIhavenothadreasontothinkhighly,isentirelyowingtothevalueIhaveforthisangelofawoman,Iwillnotonlyco-operatewithMr.JohnHarlowe,asyouask;butIwillmeetwithMr.JamesHarlowesenior,andhislady,alltheway.Andfurthermore,tomakethesonJamesandhissisterArabellaquiteeasy,Iwillabsolutelydisclaimanyfurtherinterest,whetherlivingordying,inanyofthethreebrothers'estates;contentingmyselfwithwhatmybeloved'sgrandfatherhadbequeathedtoher:forIhavereasontobeabundantlysatisfiedwithmyowncircumstancesandprospects--enoughrewarded,wereshenottobringashillingindowry,inawomanwhohasameritsuperiortoallthegoodsoffortune.--TrueastheGospel,Belford!--Whyhadnotthisscenearealfoundation?
Thedearcreature,byhereyes,expressedhergratitude,beforeherlipscouldutterit.OMr.Lovelace,saidshe--youhaveinfinitely--Andthereshestopt.
TheCaptainrunoverinmypraise.Hewasreallyaffected.
OthatIhadnotsuchamixtureofrevengeandprideinmylove,thoughtI!--But,(myoldplea,)cannotImakeheramendsatanytime?Andisnothervirtuenowintheheightofitsprobation?--Wouldshelayaside,likethefriendsofmyuncontendingRosebud,allthoughtsofdefiance--Would
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shethrowherselfuponmymercy,andtrymebutonefortnightinthelifeofhonour--Whatthen?--Icannotsay,Whatthen--
Donotdespiseme,Jack,formyinconsistency--innotwolettersperhapsagreeingwithmyself--Whoexpectsconsistencyinmenofourcharacter?--ButIammadwithlove--firedbyrevenge--puzzledwithmyowndevices--myinventionismycurse--mypridemypunishment--drawnfiveorsixwaysatonce,canshepossiblybesounhappyasI?--Owhy,why,wasthiswomansodivinelyexcellent!--YethowknowIthatsheis?Whathavebeenhertrials?HaveIhadthecouragetomakeasingleoneuponherperson,thoughathousanduponhertemper?--Enow,Ihope,tomakeherafraidofevermoredisobligingmemore!--
***
Imustbanishreflection,orIamalostman.ForthesetwohourspasthaveIhatedmyselfformyowncontrivances.AndthisnotonlyfromwhatIhaverelatedtothee;butforwhatIhavefurthertorelate.ButIhavenowoncemoresteeledmyheart.Myvengeanceisuppermost;forIhavebeenreperusingsomeofMissHowe'svirulence.ThecontempttheyhavebothheldmeinIcannotbear.
Thehappiestbreakfast-time,mybelovedowned,thatshehadeverknownsinceshehadleftherfather'shouse.[Shemighthaveletthisalone.]TheCaptainrenewedallhisprotestationsofservice.Hewouldwritemewordhowhisdearfriendreceivedtheaccountheshouldgivehimofthehappysituationofouraffairs,andwhathethoughtofthesettlements,assoonasIshouldsendhimthedraughtssokindlypromised.Andwepartedwithgreatprofessionsofmutualesteem;mybelovedputtingupvowsforthesuccessofhisgenerousmediation.
WhenIreturnedfromattendingtheCaptaindownstairs,whichIdidtotheoutwarddoor,mybelovedmetmeasIenteredthedining-room;complacencyreigningineverylovelyfeature.
'Youseemealready,'saidshe,'anothercreature.Youknownot,Mr.Lovelace,hownearmyheartthishoped-forreconciliationis.Iamnowwillingtobanisheverydisagreeableremembrance.Youknownot,Sir,howmuchyouhaveobligedme.AndOMr.Lovelace,howhappyIshallbe,whenmyheartislightenedfromtheall-sinkingweightofafather'scurse!Whenmydearmamma--Youdon'tknow,Sir,halftheexcellenciesofmydearmamma!andwhatakindheartshehas,whenitislefttofollowitsownimpulses--Whenthisblessedmammashalloncemorefoldmetoherindulgentbosom!WhenIshallagainhaveunclesandaunts,andabrotherandsister,allstrivingwhoshallshowmostkindnessandfavourtothepooroutcast,thennomoreanoutcast--Andyou,Mr.Lovelace,tobeholdallthis,withwelcome--Whatthoughalittlecoldatfirst?whentheycometoknowyoubetter,andtoseeyouoftener,nofreshcausesof
disgustoccurring,andyou,asIhope,havingentereduponanewcourse,allwillbewarmerandwarmerloveonbothsides,tilleveryonewillperhapswonder,howtheycametosetthemselvesagainstyou.'
Thendryinghertearswithherhandkerchief,afterafewmomentspausing,onasudden,asifrecollectingthatshehadbeenledbyherjoytoanexpressionofitwhichshehadnotintendedIshouldsee,sheretiredtoherchamberwithprecipitation;leavingmealmostasunabletostanditasherself.
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Inshort,Iwas--IwantwordstosayhowIwas--mynosehadbeenmadetotinglebefore;myeyeshavebeforebeenmadetoglistenbythissoul-movingbeauty;butsoverymuchaffected,Ineverwas--for,tryingtocheckmysensibility,itwastoostrongforme,andIevensobbed--Yes,bymysoul,Iaudiblysobbed,andwasforcedtoturnfromherbeforeshehadwellfinishedheraffectingspeech.
Iwant,methinks,nowIhadownedtheoddsensation,todescribeittothee--thethingwassostrangetome--somethingchoking,asitwere,inmythroat--Iknownothow--yet,Imustneedssay,thoughIamoutofcountenanceupontherecollection,thattherewassomethingveryprettyinit;andIwishIcouldknowitagain,thatImighthaveamoreperfectideaofit,andbebetterabletodescribeittothee.
Butthiseffectofherjoyonsuchanoccasiongivesmeahighnotionofwhatthatvirtuemustbe[WhatothernamecanIcallit?]whichinamindsocapableofdelicatetransport,shouldbeabletomakesocharmingacreature,inherverybloom,allfrostandsnowtoeveryadvanceoflovefromthemanshehatesnot.Thismustbeallfromeducationtoo--Mustitnot,Belford?Caneducationhavestrongerforceinawoman'sheartthannature?--Sureitcannot.Butifitcan,howentirelyrightareparentstocultivatetheirdaughters'minds,andtoinspirethemwithnotionsofreserveanddistancetooursex:andindeedtomakethemthinkhighlyoftheirown!forprideisanexcellentsubstitute,letmetellthee,where
virtueshinesnotout,asthesun,initsownunborrowedlustre.
LETTERVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Andnowitistimetoconfess(andyetIknowthatthyconjecturesareaforehandwithmyexposition)thatthisCaptainTomlinson,whoissogreatafavouritewithmycharmer,andwhotakessomuchdelightinhealingbreaches,andreconcilingdifferences,isneitheragreaterman
noralessthanhonestPatrickM'Donald,attendedbyadiscardedfootmanofhisownfindingout.
Thouknowestwhatavarious-lifedrascalheis;andtowhatbetterhopesbornandeducated.Butthatingeniousknackofforgery,forwhichhewasexpelledtheDublin-University,andadetectionsinceinevidenceship,havebeenhisruin.Forthesehavethrownhimfromonecountrytoanother;andatlast,intothewayoflife,whichwouldmakehimafithusbandforMissHowe'sTownsendwithhercontrabands.Heis,thouknowest,admirablyqualifiedforanyenterprizethatrequiresadroitnessandsolemnity.Andcanthere,afterall,beahigherpieceofjustice,thantokeeponesmugglerinreadinesstoplayagainstanother?
'Well,but,Lovelace,(methinksthouquestionest,)howcamestthoutoventureuponsuchacontrivanceasthis,when,asthouhasttoldme,theLadyusedtobeamonthatatimeatthisuncle's;andmusttherefore,inallprobability,know,thattherewasnotaCaptainTomlinsoninalltheneighbourhood,atleastnooneofthenamesointimatewithhimasthismanpretendstobe?'
Thisobjection,Jack,issonaturalaone,thatIcouldnothelpobservingtomycharmer,thatshemustsurelyhaveheardherunclespeakofthisgentleman.No,shesaid,sheneverhad.Besidesshehadnot
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beenatheruncleHarlowe'sforneartenmonths[thisIhadheardfromherbefore]:andtherewereseveralgentlemenwhousedthesamegreen,whomsheknewnot.
Weareallveryready,thouknowest,tobelievewhatshelikes.
Andwhatwasthereason,thinkestthou,thatshehadnotbeenofsolongatimeatthisuncle's?--Why,thisoldsinner,whoimagineshimselfentitledtocallmetoaccountformyfreedomswiththesex,haslatelyfallenintofamiliarities,asitissuspected,withhishousekeeper;whoassumesairsuponit.--Acurseddeludingsex!--Inyouth,middleage,ordotage,theytakeusallin.
Dostthounotsee,however,thatthishousekeeperknowsnothing,noristoknowanything,ofthetreatyofreconciliationdesignedtobesetonfoot;andthereforetheunclealwayscomestotheCaptain,theCaptaingoesnottotheuncle?AndthisIsurmisedtothelady.Andthenitwasanaturalsuggestion,thattheCaptainwastheratherappliedto,asheisastrangertotherestofthefamily--NeedItelltheethemeaningofallthis?
Butthisintrigueoftheantientisapieceofprivatehistory,thetruthofwhichmybelovedcaresnottoown,andindeedaffectstodisbelieve:asshedoesalsosomepuisnygallantriesofherfoolishbrother;which,
bywayofrecrimination,Ihavehintedat,withoutnamingmyinformantintheirfamily.
'Wellbut,methinks,thouquestionestagain,IsitnotprobablethatMissHowewillmakeinquiryaftersuchamanasTomlinson?--Andwhenshecannot--'
Iknowwhatthouwouldstsay--butIhavenodoubt,thatWilsonwillbesogood,ifIdesireit,astogiveintomyownhandsanyletterthatmaybebroughtbyCollinstohishouse,foraweektocome.AndnowIhopethouartsatisfied.
Iwillconcludewithashortstory.
'Twoneighbouringsovereignswereatwartogether,aboutsomepitifulchuck-farthingthingorother;nomatterwhat;fortheleasttrifleswillsetprincesandchildrenatloggerheads.Theirarmieshadbeendrawnupinbattaliasomedays,andthenewsofadecisiveactionwasexpectedeveryhourtoarriveateachcourt.Atlast,issuewasjoined;abloodybattlewasfought;andafellowwhohadbeenaspectatorofit,arriving,withthenewsofacompletevictory,atthecapitalofoneoftheprincessometimebeforetheappointedcouriers,thebellsweresetaringing,bonfiresandilluminationsweremade,andthepeoplewenttobedintoxicatedwithjoyandgoodliquor.Butthenextdayallwasreversed:Thevictoriousenemy,pursuinghisadvantage,wasexpectedeveryhouratthegatesofthealmostdefencelesscapital.Thefirstreporterwas
hereuponsoughtfor,andfound;andbeingquestioned,pleadedagreatdealofmerit,inthathehad,insodismalasituation,takensuchaspaceoftimefromthedistressofhisfellow-citizens,andgivenittofestivity,aswerethehoursbetweenthefalsegoodnewsandtherealbad.'
Dothou,Belford,maketheapplication.ThisIknow,thatIhavegivengreaterjoytomybeloved,thanshehadthoughtwouldsosoonfalltohershare.Andasthehumanlifeisproperlysaidtobechequerwork,nodoubtbutapersonofherprudencewillmakethebestofit,andsetoff
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somuchgoodagainstsomuchbad,inordertostrikeasjustabalanceaspossible.
[TheLady,inthreeseveralletters,acquaintsherfriendwiththemostmaterialpassagesandconversationscontainedinthoseofMr.Lovelace'spreceding.Theseareherwords,onrelatingwhatthecommissionofthepretendedTomlinsonwas,aftertheapprehensionsthathisdistantinquiryhadgivenher:]
Atlast,mydear,allthesedoubtsandfearswereclearedup,andbanished;and,intheirplace,adelightfulprospectwasopenedtome.Foritcomeshappilyout,(butatpresentitmustbeanabsolutesecret,forreasonswhichIshallmentioninthesequel,)thatthegentlemanwassentbymyuncleHarlowe[Ithoughthecouldnotbeangrywithmeforever]:allowingtotheconversationthatpassedbetweenyourgoodMr.Hickmanandhim.ForalthoughMr.Hickman'sapplicationwastooharshlyrejectedatthetime,myunclecouldnotbutthinkbetterofitafterwards,andoftheargumentsthatworthygentlemanusedinmyfavour.
Who,uponapassionaterepulse,woulddespairofhavingareasonablerequestgranted?--Whowouldnot,bygentlenessandcondescension,endeavourtoleavefavourableimpressionsuponanangrymind;which,whenitcomescoolytoreflect,mayinduceittoworkitselfintoa
condescendingtemper?Torequestafavour,asIhaveoftensaid,isonething;tochallengeitasourdue,isanother.Andwhatrighthasapetitionertobeangryatarepulse,ifhehasnotarighttodemandwhathesuesforasadebt?
[ShedescribesCaptainTomlinson,onhisbreakfast-visit,tobe,agrave,goodsortofman.Andinanotherplace,agenteelmanofgreatgravity,andagoodaspect;shebelievesupwardsoffiftyyearsofage.'Ilikedhim,saysshe,assoonasIsawhim.'
Asherprojectsarenow,shesays,morefavourablethanheretofore,shewishes,thatherhopesofMr.Lovelace'sso-often-promisedreformation
werebettergroundedthansheisafraidtheycanbe.]
Wehavebothbeenextremelypuzzled,mydear,saysshe,toreconcilesomepartsofMr.Lovelace'scharacterwithotherpartsofit:hisgoodwithhisbad;suchoftheformer,inparticular,ashisgenerositytohistenants;hisbountytotheinnkeeper'sdaughter;hisreadinesstoputmeupondoingkindthingsbymygoodNorton,andothers.
Astrangemixtureinhismind,asIhavetoldhim!forheiscertainly(asIhavereasontosay,lookingbackuponhispastbehaviourtomeintwentyinstances)ahard-heartedman.--Indeed,mydear,Ihavethoughtmorethanonce,thathehadratherseemeintearsthangivemereasontobepleasedwithhim.
MycousinMordensays,thatfreeliversareremorseless.*Andsotheymustbeintheverynatureofthings.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXIX.SeealsoMr.Lovelace'sownconfessionofthedelighthetakesinawoman'stears,indifferentpartsofhisletters.
Mr.Lovelaceisaproudman.Wehavebothlongagoobservedthatheis.
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AndIamtrulyafraid,thathisverygenerosityismoreowingtohisprideandhisvanity,thatthatphilanthropy(shallIcallit?)whichdistinguishesabeneficentmind.
Moneyhevaluesnot,butasameantosupporthisprideandhisindependence.Anditiseasy,asIhaveoftenthought,forapersontopartwithasecondaryappetite,when,bysodoing,hecanpromoteorgratifyafirst.
Iamafraid,mydear,thattheremusthavebeensomefaultinhiseducation.Hisnaturalbiaswasnot,perhaps(ashispowerwaslikelytobelarge)todogoodandbeneficentactions;butnot,Idoubt,frompropermotives.
Ifhehad,hisgenerositywouldnothavestoptatpride,butwouldhavestruckintohumanity;andthenwouldhenothavecontentedhimselfwithdoingpraiseworthythingsbyfitsandstarts,or,asifrelyingonthedoctrineofmerits,hehopedbyagoodactiontoatoneforabadone;*buthewouldhavebeenuniformlynoble,anddonethegoodforitsownsake.
*ThattheLadyjudgesrightlyofhiminthisplace,seeVol.I.LetterXXXIV.where,givingthemotiveforhisgenerositytohisRosebud,he
says--'AsImakeitmyrule,wheneverIhavecommittedaverycapitalenormity,todosomegoodbywayofatonement;andasIbelieveIamaprettydealindebtedonthatscore;IintendtojoinanhundredpoundstoJohnny'saunt'shundredpounds,tomakeoneinnocentcouplehappy.'--Besideswhichmotive,hehadafurtherviewinanswerinthatinstanceofhisgenerosity;asmaybeseeninVol.II.LettersXXVI.XXVII.XXVIII.Seealsothenote,Vol.II.pp.170,171.
Toshowtheconsistenceofhisactions,astheynowappear,withhisviewsandprinciples,ashelaysthemdowninhisfirstletters,itmaybenotamisstoreferthereadertohisletters,Vol.I.No.XXXIV.XXXV.
SeealsoVol.I.LetterXXX.--andLetterXL.forClarissa'searlyopinion
ofMr.Lovelace.--Whencethecoldnessandindifferencetohim,whichhesorepeatedlyaccusesherof,willbeaccountedfor,moretoherglory,thantohishonour.
Omydear!whatalothaveIdrawn!pride,thispoorman'svirtue;andrevenge,hisotherpredominatingquality!--Thisoneconsolation,however,remains:--Heisnotaninfidel,andunbeliever:hadhebeenaninfidel,therewouldhavebeennoroomatallforhopeofhim;(butpridinghimself,ashedoes,inhisfertileinvention)hewouldhavebeenutterlyabandoned,irreclaimable,andasavage.
[Whenshecomestorelatethoseoccasions,whichMr.Lovelaceinhisnarrativeacknowledgeshimselftobeaffectedby,shethusexpressesherself:]
Heendeavoured,asoncebefore,toconcealhisemotion.Butwhy,mydear,shouldthesemen(forMr.Lovelaceisnotsingularinthis)thinkthemselvesabovegivingthesebeautifulproofsofafeelingheart?Wereitinmypoweragaintochoose,ortorefuse,Iwouldrejectthemanwithcontempt,whosoughttosuppress,orofferedtodeny,thepowerofbeingvisiblyaffecteduponproperoccasions,aseitherasavage-hearted
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creature,orasonewhowassoignorantoftheprincipalgloryofthehumannature,astoplacehisprideinabarbarousinsensibility.
TheselinestranslatedfromJuvenalbyMr.Tate,Ihavebeenoftenpleasedwith:
Compassionpropertomankindappears:WhichNaturewitness'd,whenshelentustears.OftendersentimentsweonlygiveTheseproofs:Toweepisourprerogative:Toshowbypityinglooks,andmeltingeyes,Howwithasuff'ringfriendwesympathise.Whocanallsenseofotherillsescape,Isbutabruteatbest,inhumanshape.
Itcannotbutyieldmesomepleasure,hardlyasIhavesometimesthoughtofthepeopleofthehouse,thatsuchagoodmanasCaptainTomlinsonhadspokenwellofthem,uponinquiry.
AndhereIstopaminute,mydear,toreceive,infancy,yourkindcongratulation.
Mynext,Ihope,willconfirmmypresent,andopenstillmoreagreeableprospects.Meantimebeassured,thattherecannotpossiblyanygood
fortunebefalme,whichIshalllookuponwithequaldelighttothatIhaveinyourfriendship.
MythankfulcomplimentstoyourgoodMr.Hickman,towhosekindinventionIamsomuchobligedonthisoccasion,concludeme,mydearestMissHowe,
YoureveraffectionateandgratefulCL.HARLOWE.
LETTERIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAY,MAY30.
IhavealetterfromLordM.SuchaoneasIwouldwishfor,ifIintendedmatrimony.Butasmattersarecircumstanced,Icannotthinkofshowingittomybeloved.
MyLordregrets,'thatheisnottobetheLady'snuptialfather.HeseemsapprehensivethatIhavestill,speciousasmyreasonsare,somemischiefinmyhead.'
Hegraciouslyconsents,'thatImaymarrywhenIplease;andoffersone
orbothofmycousinstoassistmybride,andtosupportherspiritsontheoccasion;since,asheunderstands,sheissomuchafraidtoventurewithme.
'Pritchard,hetellsme,hashisfinalorderstodrawupdeedsforassigningovertome,inperpetuity,1000£.perannum:whichhewillexecutethesamehourthattheladyinpersonownshermarriage.'
Heconsents,'thatthejointurebemadefrommyownestate.'
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Hewishes,'thattheLadywouldhaveacceptedofhisdraught;andcommendsmefortenderingittoher.Butreproachesmeformyprideinnotkeepingitmyself.Whattherightsidegivesup,theleft,hesays,maybethebetterfor.'
Thegirls,theleft-sidedgirls,hemeans.
Withallmyheart.IfIcanhavemyClarissa,thedeviltakeeverythingelse.
Agooddealofotherstuffwritesthestupidpeer;scribblinginseveralplaceshalfadozenlines,apparentlyfornootherreasonbuttobringinasmanymustywordsinanoldsaw.
Ifthousawest,'HowIcanmanage,sincemybelovedwillwonderthatIhavenotananswerfrommyLordtosuchaletterasIwrotetohim;andifIownIhaveone,willexpectthatIshouldshewittoher,asIdidmyletter?--ThisIanswer--'ThatIcanbeinformedbyPritchard,thatmyLordhasthegoutinhisright-hand;andhasorderedhimtoattendmeinform,formyparticularordersaboutthetransfer:'AndIcanseePritchard,thouknowest,attheKing'sArms,orwhereverIplease,atanhour'swarning;thoughhebeatM.Hall,Iintown;andhe,bywordofmouth,canacquaintmewitheverythinginmyLord'sletterthatisnecessaryformycharmertoknow.
Wheneveritsuitsme,Icanresolvetheoldpeertohisrighthand,andthencanmakehimwriteamuchmoresensibleletterthanthisthathehasnowsentme.
Thouknowest,thatanadroitnessintheartofmanualimitation,wasoneofmyearliestattainments.Ithasbeensaid,onthisoccasion,thathadIbeenabadmaninmeumandtuummatters,Ishouldnothavebeenfittolive.Astothegirls,weholditnosintocheatthem.Andarewenottold,thatinbeingwelldeceivedconsiststhewholeofhumanhappiness?
WEDNESDAY,MAY31.
Allstillhappierandhappier.Averyhighhonourdoneme:achariot,insteadofacoach,permitted,purposelytoindulgemeinthesubjectofsubjects.
Ourdiscourseinthissweetairingturneduponourfuturemanneroflife.Thedayisbashfullypromisedme.Soonwastheanswertomyrepeatedurgency.Ourequipage,ourservants,ourliveries,werepartsofthedelightfulsubject.Adesirethatthewretchwhohadgivenmeintelligenceoutofthefamily(honestJosephLeman)mightnotbeoneofourmenials;andherresolutiontohaveherfaithfulHannah,whetherrecoveredornot;weresignified;andbothasreadilyassentedto.
Herwishes,frommyattentivebehaviour,whenwithheratSt.Paul's,*thatIwouldoftenaccompanyhertotheDivineService,weregreatlyintimated,andasreadilyengagedfor.Iassuredher,thatIeverhadrespectedtheclergyinabody;andsomeindividualsofthem(herDr.Lewenforone)highly:andthatwerenotgoingtochurchanactofreligion,Ithoughtit[asItoldtheeonce]amostagreeablesighttoseerichandpoor,allofacompany,asImightsay,assembledonceaweekinoneplace,andeachinhisorherbestattire,toworshiptheGodthatmadethem.Norcoulditbeahardshipuponamanliberallyeducated,tomakeoneonsosolemnanoccasion,andtoheartheharangue
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ofamanofletters,(thoughfarfrombeingtheprincipalpartoftheservice,asitistoogenerallylookedupontobe,)whosestudieshavingtakenadifferentturnfromhisown,hemustalwayshavesomethingnewtosay.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterV.**Ibid.
Sheshookherhead,andrepeatedthewordnew:butlookedasifwillingtobesatisfiedforthepresentwiththisanswer.Tobesure,Jack,shemeanstodogreatdespighttohisSatanicmajestyinherhopesofreformingme.Nowonder,therefore,ifheexertshimselftopreventher,andtoberevenged.Buthowcamethisin!--Iameverofpartyagainstmyself.--Oneday,Ifancy,IshallhatemyselfonrecollectingwhatIamaboutatthisinstant.ButImuststaytillthen.Wemustallofusdosomethingtorepentof.
Thereconciliation-prospectwasenlargedupon.IfheruncleHarlowewillbutpavethewaytoit,andifitcanbebroughtabout,sheshallbehappy.--Happy,withasigh,asitisnowpossibleshecanbe!
Shewon'tforbear,Jack!
Itoldher,thatIhadheardfromPritchard,justbeforewesetoutonourairing,andexpectedhimintownto-morrowfromLordM.totakemydirections.IspokewithgratitudeofmyLord'skindnesstome;andwithpleasureofLadySarah's,LadyBetty's,andmytwocousinsMontague'svenerationforher:asalsoofhisLordship'sconcernthathisgouthinderedhimfromwritingareplywithhisownhandtomylast.
ShepitiedmyLord.ShepitiedpoorMrs.Fretchvilletoo;forshehadthegoodnesstoinquireafterher.Thedearcreaturepitiedeverybodythatseemedtowantpity.Happyinherownprospects,shehadleisuretolookabroad,andwisheseverybodyequallyhappy.
ItislikelytogoveryhardwithMrs.Fretchville.Herface,whichshehadvaluedherselfupon,willbeutterlyruined.'Thisgood,however,asIcouldnotbutobserve,shemayreapfromsogreatanevil--asthegreatermaladygenerallyswallowsuptheless,shemayhaveagriefonthisoccasion,thatmaydiminishtheothergrief,andmakeittolerable.'
Ihadagentlereprimandforthislightturnonsoheavyanevil--'Forwhatwasthelossofbeautytothelossofagoodhusband?'--Excellentcreature!
Herhopes(andherpleasureuponthosehopes)thatMissHowe'smotherwouldbereconciledtoher,werealsomentioned.GoodMrs.Howewasherword,forawomansocovetous,andsoremorselessinhercovetousness,
thatnooneelsewillcallhergood.Butthisdearcreaturehassuchanextensioninherlove,astobecapableofvaluingthemostinsignificantanimalrelatedtothosewhomsherespects.Loveme,andlovemydog,IhaveheardLordM.say.--Whoknows,butthatImayintime,incomplimenttomyself,bringhertothinkwellofthee,Jack?
ButwhatamIabout?AmInotallthistimearraigningmyownheart?--IknowIam,bytheremorseIfeelinit,whilemypenbearstestimonytoherexcellence.ButyetImustadd(fornoselfishconsiderationshallhindermefromdoingjusticetothisadmirablecreature)thatinthis
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conversationshedemonstratedsomuchprudentknowledgeineverythingthatrelatestothatpartofthedomesticmanagementwhichfallsunderthecareofamistressofafamily,thatIbelieveshehasnoequalofheryearsintheworld.
But,indeed,Iknownotthesubjectonwhichshedoesnottalkwithadmirabledistinction;insomuchthatcouldIbutgetovermyprejudicesagainstmatrimony,andresolvetowalkinthedullbeatenpathofmyancestors,Ishouldbethehappiestofmen--andifIcannot,Imaybetentimesmoretobepitiedthanshe.
Myheart,myheart,Belford,isnottobetrusted--Ibreakoff,tore-perusesomeofMissHowe'svirulence.
***
Cursedletters,theseofMissHowe,Jack!--Dothouturnbacktothoseofmine,whereItakenoticeofthem--Iproceed--
Uponthewhole,mycharmerwasallgentleness,allease,allserenity,throughoutthissweetexcursion.Norhadshereasontobeotherwise:foritbeingthefirsttimethatIhadthehonourofhercompanyalone,Iwas
resolvedtoencourageher,bymyrespectfulness,torepeatthefavour.Onourreturn,Ifoundthecounsellor'sclerkwaitingforme,withadraughtofthemarriage-settlements.
Theyaredrawn,withonlythenecessaryvariations,fromthosemadeformymother.Theoriginalofwhich(nowreturnedbythecounsellor)aswellasthenewdraughts,Ihaveputintomybeloved'shands.
Thesesettlementsofmymothermadethelawyer'sworkeasy;norcanshehaveabetterprecedent;thegreatLordS.havingsettledthem,attherequestofmymother'srelations;allthedifference,mycharmer'sare100l.perannummorethanmymother's.
Iofferedtoreadtohertheolddeed,whileshelookedoverthedraught;forshehadrefusedherpresenceattheexaminationwiththeclerk:butthisshealsodeclined.
Isupposeshedidnotcaretohearofsomanychildren,first,second,third,fourth,fifth,sixth,andseventhsons,andasmanydaughters,tobebegottenuponthebodyofthesaidClarissaHarlowe.
Charmingmatrimonialrecitativoes!--thoughitisalwayssaidlawfullybegottentoo--asifamancouldbegetchildrenunlawfullyuponthebodyofhisownwife.--Butthinkestthounotthatthesearchroguesthelawyersherebyintimate,thatamanmayhavechildrenbyhiswifebefore
marriage?--Thismustbewhattheymean.Whywilltheseslyfellowsputanhonestmaninmindsofsuchrogueries?--buthence,asinnumberlessotherinstances,wesee,thatlawandgospelaretwoverydifferentthings.
Dorcas,inourabsence,triedtogetatthewainscot-boxinthedarkcloset.Butitcannotbedonewithoutviolence.Andtorunariskofconsequencenow,formerecuriosity-sake,wouldbeinexcusable.
Mrs.Sinclairandthenymphsareallofopinion,thatIamnowsomucha
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favourite,andhavesuchavisibleshareinherconfidence,andeveninheraffections,thatImaydowhatIwill,andpleadforexcuseviolenceofpassion;which,theywillhaveit,makesviolenceofactionpardonablewiththeirsex;aswellasallowedextenuationwiththeunconcernedofbothsexes;andtheyalloffertheirhelpinghands.Whynot?theysay:Hasshenotpassedformywifebeforethemall?--Andisshenotinafinewayofbeingreconciledtoherfriends?--Andwasnotthewantofthatreconciliationthepretenceforpostponingtheconsummation?
Theyagainurgeme,sinceitissodifficulttomakenightmyfriend,toanattemptintheday.Theyremindme,thatthesituationoftheirhouseissuch,thatnonoisescanbeheardoutofit;andridiculemeformakingitnecessaryforaladytobeundressed.Itwasnotalwayssowithme,pooroldman!Sallytoldme;saucilyflingingherhandkerchiefinmyface.
LETTERX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAY,JUNE2.
Notwithstandingmystudied-forpolitenessandcomplaisanceforsomedayspast;andthoughIhavewantedcouragetothrowthemaskquiteaside;yetIhavemadethedearcreaturemorethanoncelookabouther,bythewarm,thoughdecentexpressionofmypassion.Ihavebroughthertoown,thatIammorethanindifferentwithher:butastoLOVE,whichIpressedhertoacknowledge,whatneedofacknowledgmentsofthatsort,whenawomanconsentstomarrying?--Andoncerepulsingmewithdispleasure,theproofoftrueloveIwasvowingforher,wasRESPECT,notFREEDOM.Andofferingtodefendmyself,shetoldme,thatalltheconceptionshehadbeenabletoformofafaultypassion,was,thatitmustdemonstrateitselfasminesoughttodo.
Iendeavouredtojustifymypassion,bylayingover-delicacyatherdoor.
Over-delicacy,shesaid,wasnotmyfault,ifitwereher's.Shemustplainlytellme,thatIappearedtoherincapableofdistinguishingwhatweretherequisitesofapuremind.Perhaps,hadthelibertinepresumptiontoimagine,thattherewasnodifferenceinheart,noranybutwhatproceededfromdifferenceofeducationandcustom,betweenthepureandimpure--andyetcustomalone,assheobserved,ifIdidsothink,wouldmakeasecondnature,aswellingoodasinbadhabits.
***
Ihavejustnowbeencalledtoaccountforsomeinnocentlibertieswhich
Ithoughtmyselfentitledtotakebeforethewomen;astheysupposeustobemarried,andnowwithinviewofconsummation.
Itookthelectureveryhardly;andwithimpatiencewishedforthehappydayandhourwhenImightcallherallmyown,andmeetwithnocheckfromanicenessthathadnoexample.
Shelookedatmewithabashfulkindofcontempt.Ithoughtitcontempt,andrequiredthereasonforit;notbeingconsciousofoffence,asItoldher.
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Thisisnotthefirsttime,Mr.Lovelace,saidshe,thatIhavehadcausetobedispleasedwithyou,whenyou,perhaps,havenotthoughtyourselfexceptionable.--But,Sir,letmetellyou,thatthemarriedstate,inmyeye,isastateofpurity,and[Ithinkshetoldme]notoflicentiousness;so,atleast,Iunderstoodher.
Marriage-purity,Jack!--Verycomical,'faith--yet,sweetdears,halfthefemaleworldreadytorunawaywitharake,becauseheisarake;andfornootherreason;nay,everyotherreasonagainsttheirchoiceofsuchaone.
ButhavenotyouandI,Belford,seenyoungwives,whowouldbethoughtmodest!and,whenmaids,werefantasticallyshy;permitfreedomsinpublicfromtheiruxorioushusbands,whichhaveshown,thatbothofthemhaveforgottenwhatbelongseithertoprudenceordecency?whileeverymodesteyehassunkundertheshamelesseffrontery,andeverymodestfacebeencoveredwithblushesforthosewhocouldnotblush.
Ionce,uponsuchanoccasion,proposedtoacircleofadozen,thusscandalized,towithdraw;sincetheymustneedsseethataswellthelady,asthegentleman,wantedtobeinprivate.Thismotionhaditseffectupontheamorouspair;andIwasapplaudedforthecheckgiventotheirlicentiousness.
But,uponanotheroccasionofthissort,Iactedalittlemoreincharacter.ForIventuredtomakeanattemptuponabride,whichIshouldnothavehadthecouragetomake,hadnottheunblushingpassivenesswithwhichshereceivedherfondhusband'spublictoyings(lookingroundherwithtriumphratherthanwithshame,uponeveryladypresent)incitedmycuriositytoknowifthesamecomplacencymightnotbeshowntoaprivatefriend.'Tistrue,Iwasinhonourobligedtokeepthesecret.ButIneversawtheturtlesbillafterwards,butIthoughtofnumbertwotothesamefemale;andinmyheartthankedthefondhusbandforthelessonhehadtaughthiswife.
FromwhatIhavesaid,thouwiltsee,thatIapproveofmybeloved's
exceptiontopublicloves.That,Ihope,isallthecharmingiciclemeansbymarriage-purity,buttoreturn.
FromthewholeofwhatIhavementionedtohavepassedbetweenmybelovedandme,thouwiltgather,thatIhavenotbeenameredangler,aHickman,inthepasseddays,thoughnotabsolutelyactive,andaLovelace.
Thedearcreaturenowconsidersherselfasmywife-elect.Theunsaddenedheart,nolongerprudish,willnotnow,Ihope,givethesableturntoeveryaddressofthemanshedislikesnot.Andyetshemustkeepupsomuchreserve,aswilljustifypastinflexibilities.'Manyandmanyaprettysoulwouldyield,wereshenotafraidthatthemanshefavouredwouldthinktheworseofherforit.'Thatisalsoapartoftherake's
creed.Butshouldsheresenteversostrongly,shecannotnowbreakwithme;since,ifshedoes,therewillbeanendofthefamilyreconciliation;andthatinawayhighlydiscreditabletoherself.
SATURDAY,JUNE3.
JustreturnedfromDoctorsCommons.Ihavebeenendeavouringtogetalicense.Verytrue,Jack.Ihavethemortificationtofindadifficulty,astheladyisofrankandfortune,andasthereisno
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consentoffatherornextfriend,inobtainingthisall-fetteringinstrument.
Imadereportofthisdifficulty.'Itisveryright,'shesays,'thatsuchdifficultiesshouldbemade.'--Butnottoamanofmyknownfortune,surely,Jack,thoughthewomanwerethedaughterofaduke.
Iasked,ifsheapprovedofthesettlements?Shesaid,shehadcomparedthemwithmymother's,andhadnoobjectiontothem.ShehadwrittentoMissHoweuponthesubject,sheowned;andtoinformherofourpresentsituation.*
*AsthisletteroftheLadytoMissHowecontainsnonewmatter,butwhatmaybecollectedfromoneofthoseofMr.Lovelace,itisomitted.
***
Justnow,inhighgoodhumour,mybelovedreturnedmethedraughtsofthesettlements:acopyofwhichIhavesenttoCaptainTomlinson.Shecomplimentedme,'thatsheneverhadanydoubtofmyhonourincasesofthisnature.'
Inmattersbetweenmanandmannobodyeverhad,thouknowest.
Ihadneed,thouwiltsay,tohavesomegoodqualities.
Greatfaultsandgreatvirtuesareoftenfoundinthesameperson.Innothingverybad,butastowomen:anddidnotoneofthembeginwithme.*
*SeeVol.I.LetterXXXI.
Wehaveheld,thatwomenhavenosouls.IamaveryTurkinthispoint,andwillingtobelievetheyhavenot.Andifso,towhomshallIbeaccountableforwhatIdotothem?Nay,ifsoulstheyhave,asthereisnosexinethereals,norneedofany,whatpleacanaladyholdofinjuriesdoneherinherlady-state,whenthereisanendofherlady-ship?
LETTERXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAY,JUNE5.
Iamnowalmostindespairofsucceedingwiththischarmingfrost-piecebyloveorgentleness.--Acopyofthedraughts,asItoldthee,hasbeensenttoCaptainTomlinson;andthatbyaspecialmessenger.Engrossmentsareproceedingwith.IhavebeenagainattheCommons.--ShouldinallprobabilityhaveprocuredalicensebyMallory'smeans,hadnotMallory'sfriend,theproctor,beensuddenlysentfortoChestnut,tomakeanoldlady'swill.Pritchardhastoldmebywordofmouth,thoughmycharmersawhimnot,allthatwasnecessaryforhertoknowinthelettermyLord
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wrote,whichIcouldnotshowher:andtakenmydirectionsabouttheestatestobemadeovertomeonmynuptials.--Yet,withallthesefavourableappearances,noconcedingmomenttobefound,noimprovabletendernesstoberaised.
Butnever,Ibelieve,wastheresotrue,sodelicateamodestyinthehumanmindasinthatofthislady.Andthishasbeenmysecurityallalong;and,inspiteofMissHowe'sadvicetoher,willbesostill;since,ifherdelicacybeafault,shecannomoreovercomeitthanIcanmyaversiontomatrimony.Habit,habit,Jack,seestthounot?maysubjectusbothtoweaknesses.Andshouldshenothavecharityforme,asIhaveforher?
Twiceindeedwithrapture,whichonceshecalledrude,didIsaluteher;andeachtimeresentingthefreedom,didsheretire;though,todoherjustice,shefavouredmeagainwithherpresenceatmyfirstentreaty,andtooknonoticeofthecauseofherwithdrawing.
Isitpolicytoshowsoopenaresentmentforinnocentliberties,which,inhersituation,shemustsosoonforgive?
Yetthewomanwhoresentsnotinitiatoryfreedomsmustbelost.Forloveisanencroacher.Lovenevergoesbackward.Loveisalwaysaspiring.Alwaysmustaspire.Nothingbutthehighestactoflovecansatisfyan
indulgedlove.Andwhatadvantageshasalover,whovaluesnotbreakingthepeace,overhismistresswhoissolicitoustokeepit!
Ihavenowatthisinstantwroughtmyselfup,forthedozenthtime,toahalf-resolution.AthousandagreeablethingsIhavetosaytoher.Sheisinthedining-room.Justgoneup.Shealwaysexpectsmewhenthere.
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Highdispleasure!--followedbyanabruptdeparture.
Isatdownbyher.Itookbothherhandsinmine.Iwouldhaveitso.Allgentlemyvoice.Herfathermentionedwithrespect.Hermotherwithreverence.Evenherbrotheramicablyspokenof.IneverthoughtIcouldhavewishedsoardently,asItoldherIdidwish,forareconciliationwithherfamily.
Asweetandgratefulflushthenoverspreadherfairface;agentlesighnow-and-thenheavedherhandkerchief.
IperfectlylongedtohearfromCaptainTomlinson.Itwasimpossiblefortheuncletofindfaultwiththedraughtofthesettlements.Iwouldnot,however,beunderstood,bysendingthemdown,thatIintendedtoputitinheruncle'spowertodelaymyhappyday.When,whenwasittobe?
IwouldhastenagaintotheCommons;andwouldnotreturnwithoutthelicense.
TheLawnIproposedtoretireto,assoonasthehappyceremonywasover.ThisdayandthatdayIproposed.
Itwastimeenoughtonametheday,whenthesettlementswerecompleted,andthelicenseobtained.Happyshouldshebe,couldthekindCaptainTomlinsonobtainheruncle'spresenceprivately.
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Agoodhint!--Itmayperhapsbeimprovedupon--eitherforadelayorapacifier.
NonewdelaysforHeaven'ssake,Ibesoughther;andreproachedhergentlyforthepast.Namebuttheday--(anearlyday,Ihopeditwouldbe,inthefollowingweek)--thatImighthailitsapproach,andnumberthetardyhours.
Mycheekreclinedonhershoulder--kissingherhandsbyturns.Ratherbashfullythanangrilyreluctant,herhandssoughttobewithdrawn;hershoulderavoidingmyreclinedcheek--apparentlyloth,andmorelothtoquarrelwithme;herdowncasteyeconfessingmorethanherlipscanutter.Nowsurely,thoughtI,ismytimetotryifshecanforgiveastillbolderfreedomthanIhadeveryettaken.
Ithengaveherstrugglinghandsliberty.Iputonearmroundherwaist:Iimprintedakissonhersweetlip,withaBequietonly,andanavertedface,asifshefearedanother.
Encouragedbysogentlearepulse,thetenderestthingsIsaid;andthen,withmyotherhand,drewasidethehandkerchiefthatconcealedthebeautyofbeauties,andpressedwithmyburninglipsthemostcharmingbreastthatevermyravishedeyesbeheld.
Averycontrarypassiontothatwhichgaveherbosomsodelightfulaswell,immediatelytookplace.Shestruggledoutofmyencirclingarmswithindignation.Idetainedherreluctanthand.Letmego,saidshe.Iseethereisnokeepingtermswithyou.Baseencroacher!Isthisthedesignofyourflatteringspeeches?Farasmattershavegone,Iwillforeverrenounceyou.Youhaveanodiousheart.Letmego,Itellyou.
Iwasforcedtoobey,andsheflungfromme,repeatingbase,andaddingflattering,encroacher.
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InvainhaveIurgedbyDorcasforthepromisedfavourofdiningwithher.Shewouldnotdineatall.Shecouldnot.
Butwhymakessheeveryinchofherpersonthussacred?--Sonearthetimetoo,thatshemustsuppose,thatallwillbemyownbydeedofpurchaseandsettlement?
Shehasread,nodoubt,oftheartoftheeasternmonarchs,whosequesterthemselvesfromtheeyesoftheirsubjects,inordertoexcitetheiradoration,when,uponsomesolemnoccasions,theythinkfittoappearinpublic.
Butletmeaskthee,Belford,whether(onthesesolemnoccasions)theprecedingcavalcade;hereagreaterofficer,andthereagreatminister,withtheirsatellites,andglaringequipages;donotpreparetheeyesofthewonderingbeholders,bydegrees,tobeartheblazeofcanopy'dmajesty(whatthoughbutanuglyoldmanperhapshimself?yet)glitteringinthecollectedrichesofhisvastempire?
Andshouldnotmybeloved,forherownsake,descend,bydegrees,fromgoddess-hoodintohumanity?Ifitbepridethatrestrainsher,oughtnot
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thatpridetobepunished?If,asintheeasternemperors,itbeartaswellaspride,artiswhatsheofallwomenneednotuse.Ifshame,whatashametobeashamedtocommunicatetoheradorer'ssightthemostadmirableofherpersonalgraces?
Letmeperish,Belford,ifIwouldnotforegothebrightestdiademintheworld,forthepleasureofseeingatwinLovelaceateachcharmingbreast,drawingfromithisfirstsustenance;thepioustask,forphysicalreasons,*continuedforonemonthandnomore!
*InPamela,Vol.III.LetterXXXII.thesereasonsaregiven,andareworthyofeveryparent'sconsideration,asisthewholeLetter,whichcontainsthedebatebetweenMr.B.andhisPamela,ontheimportantsubjectofmothersbeingnursestotheirownchildren.
Inow,methinks,beholdthismostcharmingofwomeninthissweetoffice:herconsciouseyenowdroptonone,nowontheother,withasighofmaternaltenderness,andthenraiseduptomydelightedeye,fullofwishes,forthesakeoftheprettyvarlets,andforherownsake,thatIwoulddeigntolegitimate;thatIwouldcondescendtoputonthenuptialfetters.
LETTERXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.MONDAYAFTERNOON.
AletterreceivedfromtheworthyCaptainTomlinsonhasintroducedmeintothepresenceofmycharmersoonerthanperhapsIshouldotherwisehavebeenadmitted.
Sullenherbrow,atherfirstentranceintothedining-room.ButItook
nonoticeofwhathadpassed,andherangerofitselfsubsided.
'TheCaptain,afterlettingmeknowthathechosenottowritetillhehadpromisedthedraughtofthesettlements,acquaintme,thathisfriendMr.JohnHarlowe,intheirfirstconference(whichwasheldassoonashegotdown)wasextremelysurprised,andevengrieved(ashefearedhewouldbe)tohearthatwewerenotmarried.Theworld,hesaid,whoknewmycharacter,wouldbeverycensorious,wereitowned,thatwehadlivedsolongtogetherunmarriedinthesamelodgings;althoughourmarriagewerenowtobeeversopubliclycelebrated.
'HisnephewJames,hewassure,wouldmakeagreathandleofitagainstanymotionthatmightbemadetowardsareconciliation;andwiththe
greatersuccess,astherewasnotafamilyinthekingdommorejealousoftheirhonourthantheirs.'
ThisistrueoftheHarlowes,Jack:theyhavebeencalledTheproudHarlowes:andIhaveeverfound,thatallyounghonourissuperciliousandtouchy.
ButseestthounothowrightIwasinmyendeavourtopersuademyfair-onetoallowheruncle'sfriendtothinkusmarried;especiallyashecamepreparedtobelieveit;andasherunclehopeditwasso?--But
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nothingonearthissoperverseasawoman,whensheissetuponcarryingapoint,andhasameekman,oronewholoveshispeace,todealwith.
Mybelovedwasvexed.Shepulledoutherhandkerchief:butwasmoreinclinedtoblamemethanherself.
Hadyoukeptyourword,Mr.Lovelace,andleftmewhenwecametotown--Andthereshestopt;forsheknew,thatitwasherownfaultthatwewerenotmarriedbeforeweleftthecountry;andhowcouldIleaveherafterwards,whileherbrotherwasplottingtocarryheroffbyviolence?
Norhasthisbrotheryetgivenoverhismachinations.
For,astheCaptainproceeds,'Mr.JohnHarloweownedtohim(butinconfidence)thathisnephewisatthistimebusiedinendeavouringtofindoutwhereweare;beingassured(asIamnottobeheardofatanyofmyrelations,oratmyusuallodgings)thatwearetogether.Andthatwearenotmarriedisplain,ashewillhaveit,fromMr.Hickman'sapplicationsolatelymadetoheruncle;andwhichwassecondedbyMrs.Nortontohermother.AndherbrothercannotbearthatIshouldenjoysuchatriumphunmolested.'
Aprofoundsigh,andthehandkerchiefagainliftedtotheeye.Butdidnotthesweetsouldeservethisturnuponher,forfeloniouslyresolving
torobmeofherself,hadtheapplicationmadebyHickmansucceeded?Ireadontothefollowingeffect:
'Why(askedMr.Harlowe)wasitsaidtohisotherinquiringfriend,thatweweremarried;andthatbyhisniece'swoman,whooughttoknow?whocouldgiveconvincingreasons,nodoubt'--
Hereagainshewept;tookaturnacrosstheroom;thenreturned--Readon,saysshe--
Willyou,mydearestlife,readityourself?
Iwilltaketheletterwithme,by-and-by--Icannotseetoreaditjustnow,wipinghereyes--readon--letmehearitall--thatImayknowyoursentimentsuponthisletter,aswellasgivemyown.
'TheCaptainthentolduncleJohnthereasonsthatinducedmetogiveoutthatweweremarried;andtheconditionsonwhichmybelovedwasbroughttocountenanceit;whichhadkeptusatthemostpunctiliousdistance.
'ButstillMr.Harloweobjectedmycharacter.Andwentawaydissatisfied.AndtheCaptainwasalsosomuchconcerned,thathecarednottowritewhattheresultofhisfirstconferencewas.
'Butinthenext,whichwasheldonreceiptofthedraughts,atthe
Captain'shouse,(astheformerwas,forthegreatersecrecy,)whentheoldgentlemanhadreadthem,andhadtheCaptain'sopinion,hewasmuchbetterpleased.Andyethedeclared,thatitwouldnotbeeasytopersuadeanyotherpersonofhisfamilytobelievesofavourablyofthematter,ashewasnowwillingtobelieve,weretheytoknowthatwehadlivedsolongtogetherunmarried.
'AndthentheCaptainsays,hisdearfriendmadeaproposal:--Itwasthis--Thatweshouldmarryoutofhand,butasprivatelyaspossible,asindeedhefoundweintended,(forhecouldhavenoobjectiontothe
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draughts)--butyet,heexpectedtohavepresentonetrustyfriendofhisown,forhisbettersatisfaction'--
HereIstopt,withadesigntobeangry--butshedesiringmetoreadon,Iobeyed.
'--Butthatitshouldpasstoeveryoneliving,excepttothattrustyperson,tohimself,andtotheCaptain,thatweweremarriedfromthetimethatwehadlivedtogetherinonehouse;andthatthistimeshouldbemadetoagreewiththatofMr.Hickman'sapplicationtohimfromMissHowe.'
This,mydearestlife,saidI,isaveryconsiderateproposal.Wehavenothingtodobuttocautionthepeoplebelowproperlyonthishead.IdidnotthinkyouruncleHarlowecapableofhittinguponsuchacharmingexpedientasthis.Butyouseehowmuchhisheartisinthereconciliation.
ThiswasthereturnImetwith--Youhavealways,asamarkofyourpoliteness,letmeknowhowmeanlyyouthinkofeveryoneinmyfamily.
Yetthouwiltthink,Belford,thatIcouldforgiveherforthereproach.
'TheCaptaindoesnotknow,sayshe,howthisproposalwillberelished
byus.Butforhispart,hethinksitanexpedientthatwillobviatemanydifficulties,andmaypossiblyputanendtoMr.JamesHarlowe'sfurtherdesigns:andonthisaccounthehas,bytheuncle'sadvice,alreadydeclaredtotwoseveralpersons,bywhosemeansitmaycometothatyounggentleman's,thathe[CaptainTomlinson]hasverygreatreasontobelievethatweweremarriedsoonafterMr.Hickman'sapplicationwasrejected.
'Andthis,Mr.Lovelace,(saystheCaptain,)willenableyoutopayacomplimenttothefamily,thatwillnotbeunsuitabletothegenerosityofsomeofthedeclarationsyouwerepleasedtomaketotheladybeforeme,(andwhichMr.JohnHarlowemaymakesomeadvantageofinfavourofareconciliation,)inthatyouwereentitledtomakethedemand.'An
excellentcontriver,surely,shemustthinkthisworthyMr.Tomlinsontobe!
ButtheCaptainadds,'thatifeithertheladyorIdisapproveofhisreportofourmarriage,hewillretractit.Nevertheless,hemusttellme,thatMr.JohnHarloweisverymuchsetuponthiswayofproceeding;astheonlyone,inhisopinion,capableofbeingimprovedintoageneralreconciliation.Butifwedoacquiesceinit,hebeseechesmyfair-onenottosuspendmyday,thathemaybeauthorizedinwhathesays,astothetruthofthemainfact.[Howconscientiousthisgoodman!]Normustitbeexpected,hesays,thatherunclewilltakeonesteptowardsthewished-forreconciliation,tillthesolemnityisactuallyover.'
Headds,'thatheshallbeverysoonintownonotheraffairs;andthenproposestoattendus,andgiveusamoreparticularaccountofallthathaspassed,orshallfurtherpass,betweenMr.Harloweandhim.'
Well,mydearestlife,whatsayyoutoyouruncle'sexpedient?ShallIwritetotheCaptain,andacquainthim,thatwehavenoobjectiontoit?
Shewassilentforafewminutes.Atlast,withasigh,See,Mr.Lovelace,saidshe,whatyouhavebroughtmeto,bytreadingafteryouinsuchcrookedpaths!--SeewhatdisgraceIhaveincurred!--Indeedyouhave
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notactedlikeawiseman.
Mybelovedcreature,doyounotremember,howearnestlyIbesoughtthehonourofyourhandbeforewecametotown?--HadIbeenthenfavoured--
Well,well,Sir;therehasbeenmuchamisssomewhere;that'sallIwillsayatpresent.Andsincewhat'spastcannotberecalled,myunclemustbeobeyed,Ithink.
Charminglydutiful!--Ihadnothingthentodo,thatImightnotbebehind-handwiththeworthyCaptainandheruncle,buttopressfortheday.ThisIferventlydid.But(asImighthaveexpected)sherepeatedherformeranswer;towit,Thatwhenthesettlementswerecompleted;whenthelicensewasactuallyobtained;itwouldbetimeenoughtonametheday:and,OMr.Lovelace,saidshe,turningfrommewithagraceinimitablytender,herhandkerchiefathereyes,whatahappiness,ifmydearunclecouldbeprevailedupontobepersonallyafather,onthisoccasion,tothepoorfatherlessgirl!
What'sthematterwithme!--Whencethisdew-drop!--Atear!--AsIhopetobesaved,itisatear,Jack!--Veryreadymethinks!--Onlyonreciting!--Butherlovelyimagewasbeforeme,intheveryattitudeshespokethewords--andindeedatthetimeshespokethem,theselinesofShakespearecameintomyhead:
Thyheartisbig.Gettheeapartandweep!Passion,Isee,iscatching:--Formyeye,Seeingthosebeadsofsorrowstandinthine,Begintowater--
Iwithdrew,andwrotetotheCaptaintothefollowingeffect--'Idesiredthathewouldbesogoodastoacquainthisdearfriendthatweentirelyacquiescedwithwhathehadproposed;andhadalreadyproperlycautionedthegentlewomenofthehouse,andtheirservants,aswellasourown:andtotellhim,Thatifhewouldinpersongivemetheblessingofhisdearniece'shand,itwouldcrownthewishesofboth.Inthiscase,Iconsented,thathisownday,asIpresumeditwouldbeashortone,
shouldbeours:thatbythismeansthesecretwouldbewithfewerpersons:thatImyself,aswellashe,thoughttheceremonycouldnotbetooprivatelyperformed;andthisnotonlyforthesakeofthewiseendhehadproposedtoanswerbyit,butbecauseIwouldnothaveLordM.thinkhimselfslighted;sincethatnobleman,asIhadtoldhim[theCaptain]hadonceintendedtobeournuptial-father;andactuallymadetheoffer;butthatwehaddeclinedtoacceptofit,andthatfornootherreasonthantoavoidapublicwedding;whichhisbelovedniecewouldnotcomeinto,whileshewasindisgracewithherfriends.Butthatifhechosenottodousthishonour,IwishedthatCaptainTomlinsonmightbethetrustypersonwhomhewouldhavebepresentonthehappyoccasion.'
Ishowedthislettertomyfair-one.Shewasnotdispleasedwithit.So,Jack,wecannotnowmovetoofast,astosettlementsandlicense:thedayisheruncle'sday,orCaptainTomlinson's,perhaps,asshallbestsuittheoccasion.MissHowe'ssmugglingschemeisnowsurelyprovidedagainstinallevents.
ButIwillnotbyanticipationmaketheeajudgeofallthebenefitsthatmayflowfromthismyelaboratecontrivance.Whywillthesegirlsputmeuponmymaster-strokes?
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AndnowforalittleminewhichIamgettingreadytospring.ThefirstthatIhavesprung,andattherateIgoon(nowaresolution,andnowaremorse)perhapsthelastthatIshallattempttospring.
Alittlemine,Icallit.Butitmaybeattendedwithgreateffects.Ishallnot,however,absolutelydependuponthesuccessofit,havingmuchmoreeffectualonesinreserve.Andyetgreatenginesareoftenmovedbysmallsprings.Alittlesparkfallingbyaccidentintoapowder-magazine,hathdonemoreexecutioninasiege,thananhundredcannon.
Cometheworst,thehymenealtorch,andawhitesheet,mustbemyamendehonorable,astheFrenchhaveit.
LETTERXIII
MR.BELFORD,TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.TUESDAY,JUNE6.
Unsuccessfulashithertomyapplicationtoyouhasbeen,Icannotfortheheartofmeforbearwritingoncemoreinbehalfofthisadmirablewoman:andyetamunabletoaccountforthezealwhichimpelsmetotakeherpartwithanearnestnesssosincere.
Butallhermeritthouacknowledgest;allthyownvilenessthouconfessest,andevengloriestinit:Whathopethenofmovingsohardenedaman?--Yet,asitisnottoolate,andthouartneverthelessuponthecrisis,Iamresolvedtotrywhatanotherletterwilldo.Itisbutmywritinginvain,ifitdonogood;andifthouwiltletmeprevail,Iknowthouwilthereafterthinkmerichlyentitledtothythanks.
Toarguewiththeewouldbefolly.Thecasecannotrequireit.Iwillonlyentreatthee,therefore,thatthouwiltnotletsuchanexcellencelosetherewardofhervigilantvirtue.
Ibelievethereneverwerelibertinessovile,butpurposed,atsome
futureperiodoftheirlives,tosetaboutreforming:andletmebegofthee,thatthouwilt,inthisgreatarticle,makethyfuturerepentanceaseasy,assometimehencethouwiltwishthouhadstmadeit.
Ifthouproceedest,Ihavenodoubtthatthisaffairwillendtragically,onewayoranother.Itmust.Suchawomanmustinterestbothgodsandmeninhercause.ButwhatImostapprehendis,thatwithherownhand,inresentmentoftheperpetratedoutrage,she(likeanotherLucretia)willassertthepurityofherheart:or,ifherpietypreserveherfromthisviolence,thatwastinggriefwillsoonputaperiodtoherdays.And,ineithercase,willnottheremembranceofthyever-duringguilt,andtransitorytriumph,beatormentoftormentstothee?
'Tisaseriouslysadthing,afterall,thatsofineacreatureshouldhavefallenintosuchvileandremorselesshands:for,fromthycradle,asIhaveheardtheeown,thoueverdelightedsttosportwithandtormenttheanimal,whetherbirdorbeast,thatthoulovedst,andhadstapowerover.
Howdifferentisthecaseofthisfinewomanfromthatofanyotherwhomthouhastseduced!--Ineednotmentiontothee,norinsistuponthestrikingdifference:justice,gratitude,thyinterest,thyvows,allengagingthee;andthoucertainlylovingher,asfarasthouartcapable
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oflove,aboveallhersex.Shenottobedrawnasidebyart,ortobemadetosufferfromcredulity,norforwantofwitanddiscernment,(thatwillbeanothercuttingreflectiontosofineamindasher's:)thecontentionbetweenyouonlyunequal,asitisbetweennakedinnocenceandarmedguilt.Ineverythingelse,asthouownest,hertalentsgreatlysuperiortothine!--Whatafatewillher'sbe,ifthouartnotatlastovercomebythyreiteratedremorses!
Atfirst,indeed,whenIwasadmittedintoherpresence,*(andtillIobservedhermeaningair,andheardherspeak,)Isupposedthatshehadnoveryuncommonjudgmenttoboastof:forImade,asIthought,butjustallowancesforherblossomingyouth,andforthatlovelinessofperson,andforthateaseandeleganceinherdress,whichIimaginedmusthavetakenuphalfhertimeandstudytocultivate;andyetIhadbeenpreparedbytheetoentertainaveryhighopinionofhersenseandherreading.Herchoiceofthisgayfellow,uponsuchhazardousterms,(thoughtI,)isaconfirmationthatherwitwantsthatmaturitywhichonlyyearsandexperiencecangiveit.Herknowledge(arguedItomyself)mustbealltheory;andthecomplaisanceeverconsortingwithanagesogreenandsogay,willmakesoinexperiencedaladyatleastforbeartoshowherselfdisgustedatfreedomsofdiscourseinwhichthosepresentofherownsex,andsomeofours,(solearned,sowellread,andsotravelled,)allowthemselves.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterVII.
InthispresumptionIranon;andhavingtheadvantage,asIconceited,ofallthecompanybutyou,andbeingdesiroustoappearinhereyesamightycleverfellow,IthoughtIshowedaway,whenIsaidanyfoolishthingsthathadmoresoundthansenseinthem;andwhenImadesillyjests,whichattractedthesmilesofthySinclair,andthespeciousPartington:andthatMissHarlowedidnotsmiletoo,Ithoughtwasowingtoheryouthoraffectation,ortoamixtureofboth,perhapstoagreatercommandofherfeatures.--LittledreamtI,thatIwasincurringhercontemptallthetime.
Butwhen,asIsaid,Iheardherspeak,whichshedidnottillshehadfathomedusall;whenIheardhersentimentsontwoorthreesubjects,andtooknoticeofthesearchingeye,dartingintotheveryinmostcellsofourfrothybrains;bymyfaith,itmademelookaboutme;andIbegantorecollect,andbeashamedofallIhadsaidbefore;inshort,wasresolvedtositsilent,tilleveryonehadtalkedround,tokeepmyfollyincountenance.AndthenIraisedthesubjectsthatshecouldjoinin,andwhichshedidjoinin,somuchtotheconfusionandsurpriseofeveryoneofus!--Foreventhou,Lovelace,sonotedforsmartwit,repartee,andaveinofraillery,thatdelightethallwhocomenearthee,sattestinpalpabledarkness,andlookedstaboutthee,aswellaswe.
OneinstanceonlyofthisshallIremindtheeof.
Wetalkedofwit,andofit,andaimedatit,bandyingitlikeaballfromonetoanother,andrestingitchieflywiththee,whowertalwaysproudenoughandvainenoughoftheattribute;andthenmoreespeciallyasthouhadstassembledus,asfarasIknow,principallytoshowtheladythysuperiorityoverus;andusthytriumphoverher.AndthenTourville(whoisalwayssatisfiedwithwithatsecond-hand;wituponmemory:othermen'swit)repeatedsomeverses,asapplicabletothesubject;whichtwoofusapplauded,thoughfullofdoubleentendre.
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Thou,seeingthelady'sseriousairononeofthoserepetitions,appliedstthyselftoher,desiringhernotionsofwit:aquality,thousaidst,whicheveryoneprized,whetherflowingfromhimself,orfoundinanother.
Thenitwasthatshetookallourattention.Itwasaqualitymuchtalkedof,shesaid,but,shebelieved,verylittleunderstood.Atleast,ifshemightbesofreeastogiveherjudgmentofitfromwhathadpassedinthepresentconversation,shemustsay,thatwitwithmenwasonething;withwomenanother.
Thisstartledusall:--Howthewomenlooked!--Howtheypursedtheirmouths;abroadsmilethemomentbeforeuponeach,fromtheversestheyhadheardrepeated,sowellunderstood,aswesaw,bytheirlooks!WhileIbesoughthertoletusknow,forourinstruction,whatwitwithwomen:forsuchIwassureitoughttobewithmen.
Cowley,shesaid,haddefineditprettilybynegatives.Thoudesiredsthertorepeathisdefinition.
Shedid;andwithsomuchgracefulease,andbeauty,andproprietyofaccent,aswouldhavemadebadpoetrydelightful.
Athousanddiff'rentshapesitbears;
Comelyinthousandshapesappears.'Tisnotatale,'tisnotajest,Admir'dwithlaughteratafeast,Norfloridtalk,whichmustthistitlegain:Theproofsofwitforevermustremain.MuchlesscanthathaveanyplaceAtwhichavirginhidesherface.Suchdrossthefiremustpurgeaway:--'TisjustTheauthorblushthere,wherethereadermust.
Hereshestopt,lookingrounduponheruponusallwithconscioussuperiority,asIthought.Lord,howwestared!Thouattemptedsttogiveusthydefinitionofwit,thatthoumightesthavesomethingtosay,
andnotseemtobesurprisedintosilentmodesty.
Butasifshecarednottotrusttheewiththesubject,referringtothesameauthorasforhismorepositivedecision,shethus,withthesameharmonyofvoiceandaccent,emphaticallydecideduponit.
Wit,likealuxuriousvine,Unlesstovirtue'spropitjoin,Firmanderect,tow'rdheavenbound,Tho'itwithbeauteousleavesandpleasantfruitbecrown'd,Itliesdeform'd,androttingontheground.
Ifthourecollectestthispartoftheconversation,andhowlikefoolswe
lookedatoneanother;howmuchitputusoutofconceitwithourselves,andmadeusfearher,whenwefoundourconversationthusexcludedfromtheverycharacterwhichourvanityhadmadeusthinkunquestionablyours;andifthouprofitestproperlybytherecollection;thouwiltbeofmymind,thatthereisnotsomuchwitinwickednessaswehadflatteredourselvestherewas.
Andafterall,Ihavebeenofopinioneversincethatconversation,thatthewitofalltherakesandlibertinesdowntolittleJohnnyHartopthepunster,consistsmostlyinsayingboldandshockingthings,withsuch
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courageasshallmakethemodestblush,theimpudentlaugh,andtheignorantstare.
AndwhydostthouthinkImentionthesethings,somal-a-propos,asitmayseem!--Only,letmetellthee,asaninstance(amongmanythatmightbegivenfromthesameevening'sconversation)ofthisfinewoman'ssuperiorityinthosetalentswhichennoblenature,anddignifyhersex--evidencednotonlytoeachofus,asweoffended,buttotheflippantPartington,andthegrosser,butegregiouslyhypocriticalSinclair,inthecorrectingeye,thediscouragingblush,inwhichwasmixedasmuchdispleasureasmodesty,andsometimes,astheoccasioncalledforit,(forweweresomeofushardenedabovethesenseoffeelingdelicatereproof,)bythesovereigncontempt,mingledwithadisdainfulkindofpity,thatshowedatonceherownconsciousworth,andourdespicableworthlessness.
OLovelace!whatthenwasthetriumph,eveninmyeye,andwhatisitstilluponreflection,oftruejest,laughingimpertinence,andanobscenitysoshameful,eventotheguilty,thattheycannothintatitbutunderadoublemeaning!
Then,asthouhastsomewhereobserved,*allhercorrectivesavowedbyhereye.Notpoorly,likethegeneralityofhersex,affectingignoranceofmeaningstooobvioustobeconcealed;butsoresenting,astoshoweach
impudentlaughertheoffencegivento,andtakenbyapurity,thathadmistakenitsway,whenitfellintosuchcompany.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXLVIII.
Suchisthewoman,suchistheangel,whomthouhastbetrayedintothypower,andwouldstdeceiveandruin.---Sweetcreature!didshebutknowhowsheissurrounded,(asIthenthought,aswellasnowthink,)andwhatisintended,howmuchsoonerwoulddeathbeherchoice,thansodreadfulasituation!--'Andhoweffectuallywouldherstory,wereitgenerallyknown,warnallthesexagainstthrowingthemselvesintothe
powerofours,letourvows,oaths,andprotestations,bewhattheywill!'
Butletmebegofthee,oncemore,mydearLovelace,ifthouhastanyregardforthineownhonour,forthehonourofthyfamily,forthyfuturepeace,orformyopinionofthee,(whoyetpretendnottobesomuchmovedbyprinciple,asbythatdazzlingmeritwhichoughtstillmoretoattractthee,)tobeprevailedupon--tobe--tobehumane,that'sall--only,thatthouwouldstnotdisgraceourcommonhumanity!
Hardenedasthouart,Iknowthattheyaretheabandonedpeopleinthehousewhokeeptheeuptoaresolutionagainsther.Othatthesagaciousfair-one(withsomuchinnocentcharityinherownheart)hadnotso
resolutelyheldthosewomenatdistance!--thatassheboardedthere,shehadoftenertabledwiththem!Speciousastheyare,inaweek'stime,shewouldhaveseenthroughthem;theycouldnothavebeenalwayssoguarded,astheywerewhentheysawherbutseldom,andwhentheypreparedthemselvestoseeher;andshewouldhavefledtheirhouseasaplaceinfected.Andyet,perhaps,withsodeterminedanenterprizer,thisdiscoverymighthaveacceleratedherruin.
Iknowthatthouartniceinthyloves.Butaretherenothundredsofwomen,who,thoughnotutterlyabandoned,wouldbetakenwiththeefor
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merepersonalregards!Makeatoy,ifthouwilt,ofprinciple,withrespecttosuchofthesexasregarditasatoy;butrobnotanangelofthosepurities,which,inherownopinion,constitutethedifferencebetweenangelicandbrutalqualities.
Withregardtothepassionitself,thelessofsoulineithermanorwoman,themoresensualarethey.Thou,Lovelace,hastasoul,thoughacorruptedone;andartmoreintent(asthouevengloriest)uponthepreparativestratagem,thatupontheendofconquering.
Seewenotthenaturalbentofidiotsandthecrazed?Theveryappetiteisbody;andwhenweourselvesaremostfools,andcrazed,thenarewemosteagerinthesepursuits.Seewhatfoolsthispassionmakesthewisestmen!Whatsnivellers,whatdotards,whentheysufferthemselvestoberunawaywithbyit!--Anunpermanentpassion!Since,if(ashamedofitsmorepropername)wemustcallitlove,lovegratified,islovesatisfied--andwhereconsentononesideaddstotheobligationontheother.Whatthenbutremorsecanfollowaforcibleattempt?
Donotevenchasteloverschoosetobealoneintheircourtshippreparations,ashamedtohaveevenachildtowitnesstotheirfoolishactions,andmorefoolishexpressions?Isthisdeifiedpassion,initsgreatestaltitudes,fittedtostandtheday?Donotthelovers,whenmutualconsentawaitstheirwills,retiretocoverts,andtodarkness,to
completetheirwishes?Andshallsuchasneakingpassionasthis,whichcanbesoeasilygratifiedbyvilerobjects,bepermittedtodebasethenoblest?
Werenotthedelaysofthyvilepurposesowingmoretotheawewhichhermajesticvirtuehasinspiredtheewith,thantothywantofadroitnessinvillany?[Imustwritemyfreesentimentsinthiscase;forhaveInotseentheangel?]Ishouldbereadytocensuresomeofthycontrivancesandpretencestosuspendtheexpectedday,astrite,stale,and(tome,whoknowthyintention)poor;andtoooftenresortedto,asnothingcomesofthemtobegloriedin;particularlythatofMennell,thevapourishlady,andtheready-furnishedhouse.
Shemusthavethoughtsotoo,attimes,andinherheartdespisedtheeforthem,orlovethee(ungratefulasthouart!)tohermisfortune;aswellasentertainhopeagainstprobability.Butthiswouldaffordanotherwarningtothesex,weretheytoknowherstory;'asitwouldshowthemwhatpoorpretencestheymustseemtobesatisfiedwith,ifoncetheyputthemselvesintothepowerofadesigningman.'
Iftrialonlywasthyend,asoncewasthypretence,*enoughsurelyhastthoutriedthisparagonofvirtueandvigilance.ButIknewtheetoowell,toexpect,atthetime,thatthouwouldeststopthere.'Menofourcastputnootherboundtotheirviewsuponanyofthesex,thanwhatwantofpowercompelsthemtoput.'Iknewthatfromoneadvantagegained,thouwouldestproceedtoattemptanother.Thyhabitualaversionto
wedlocktoowellIknew;andindeedthouavowestthyhopetobringhertocohabitation,inthatveryletterinwhichthoupretendesttrialtobethyprincipalview.**
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.**Ibid.SeealsoLettersXVI.andXVII.ofthatvolume.
Butdonoteventhyownfrequentandinvoluntaryremorses,whenthouhast
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time,place,company,andeveryothercircumstance,tofavourtheeinthywickeddesign,convincethee,thattherecanbenoroomforahopesopresumptuous?--Whythen,sincethouwouldestchoosetomarryherratherthanloseher,wiltthoumakeherhatetheeforever?
Butifthoudaresttomeditatepersonaltrial,andartsincereinthyresolutiontorewardher,asshebehavesinit,letmebeseechtheetoremoveherfromthisvilehouse.Thatwillbetogiveherandthyconsciencefairplay.Soentirelynowdoesthesweetdeludedexcellencedependuponhersupposedhappierprospects,thatthouneedestnottofearthatshewillflyfromthee,orthatshewillwishtohaverecoursetothatschemeofMissHowe,whichhasputtheeuponwhatthoucallestthymaster-strokes.
Butwhateverbethydeterminationonthishead;andifIwritenotintime,butthatthouhastactuallypulledoffthemask;letitnotbeoneofthedevices,ifthouwouldestavoidthecursesofeveryheart,andhereafterofthyown,togiveher,nonotforonehour,(beherresentmenteversogreat,)intothepowerofthatvillanouswoman,whohas,ifpossible,lessremorsethanthyself;andwhosetradeitistobreaktheresistingspirit,andutterlytoruintheheartunpractisedinevil.--OLovelace,Lovelace,howmanydreadfulstoriescouldthishorridwomantellthesex!AndshallthatofaClarissaswelltheguiltylist?
ButthisImighthavespared.Ofthis,devilasthouart,thoucanstnotbecapable.Thoucouldstnotenjoyatriumphsodisgracefultothywickedpride,aswellastohumanity.
Shouldestthouthink,thatthemelancholyspectaclehourlybeforemehasmadememoreseriousthanusual,perhapsthouwiltnotbemistaken.Butnothingmoreistobeinferredfromhence(wereIeventoreturntomyformercourses)butthatwheneverthetimeofcoolreflectioncomes,whetherbroughtonbyourowndisasters,orbythoseofothers,weshallundoubtedly,ifcapableofthought,andifwehavetimeforit,thinkinthesamemanner.
Weneitherofusaresuchfoolsastodisbelieveafuturity,ortothink,
whateverbeourpractice,thatwecamehitherbychance,andfornoendbuttodoallthemischiefwehaveitinourpowertodo.NoramIashamedtoown,thatintheprayerswhichmypoorunclemakesmereadtohim,intheabsenceofaverygoodclergymanwhoregularlyattendshim,Idonotforgettoputinawordortwoformyself.
If,Lovelace,thoulaughestatme,thyridiculewillbemoreconformabletothyactionsthantothybelief.--Devilsbelieveandtremble.Canstthoubemoreabandonedthanthey?
Andhereletmeadd,withregardtomypooroldman,thatIoftenwishtheepresentbutforonehalfhourinaday,toseethedregsofagayliferunningoffinthemostexcruciatingtorturesthatthecholic,the
stone,andthesurgeon'sknifecanunitedlyinflict,andtohearhimbewailthedissolutenessofhispastlife,inthebitterestanguishofaspiriteveryhourexpectingtobecalledtoitslastaccount.--Yet,byallhisconfessions,hehasnottoaccusehimself,insixty-sevenyearsoflife,ofhalftheveryvileenormitieswhichyouandIhavecommittedinthelastsevenonly.
IconcludewithrecommendingtoyourseriousconsiderationallIhavewritten,asproceedingfromtheheartandsoulof
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Yourassuredfriend,JOHNBELFORD
LETTERXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.TUESDAYAFTERNOON,JUNE6.
Difficultiesstilltobegotoverinprocuringthisplaguylicense.Ieverhated,andevershallhate,thesespirituallawyers,andtheircourt.
Andnow,Jack,ifIhavenotsecuredvictory,Ihavearetreat.
Buthold--thyservantwithaletter--
***
Aconfoundedlongone,thoughnotanarrativeone--Oncemoreinbehalfof
thislady?--Lietheedown,oddity!Whatcanstthouwritethatcanhaveforceuponmeatthiscrisis?--AndhaveInot,asIwentalong,madetheetosayallthatwasnecessaryfortheetosay?
***
YetoncemoreIwilltaketheeup.
Trite,stale,poor,(sayestthou,)aresomeofmycontrivances;thatofthewidowparticularly!--Ihavenopatiencewiththee.Hadnotthatcontrivanceitseffectatthattime,foraprocrastination?andhadInot
thenreasontofear,thattheladywouldfindenoughtomakeherdislikethishouse?andwasitnotright(intendingwhatIintended)toleadheronfromtimetotimewithanotionthatahouseofherownwouldbereadyforhersoon,inordertoinducehertocontinueheretillitwas?
Trite,stale,andpoor!--Thouartasillyfellow,andnojudge,whenthousayestthis.HadInot,likeablockhead,revealedtothee,asIwentalong,thesecretpurposesofmyheart,buthadkeptallintilltheeventhadexplainedmymysteries,Iwouldhavedefiedtheetohavebeenable,anymorethanthelady,tohaveguessedatwhatwastobefallher,tillithadactuallycometopass.NordoubtI,inthiscase,that,insteadofpresumingtoreflectuponherforcredulity,aslovingmetohermisfortune,andforhopingagainstprobability,thouwouldesthavebeen
readier,byfar,tocensureherfornicetyandover-scrupulousness.And,letmetellthee,thathadshelovedmeaIwishedhertoloveme,shecouldnotpossiblyhavebeensoveryapprehensiveofmydesigns,norsoreadytobeinfluencedbyMissHowe'sprecautions,asshehasalwaysbeen,althoughmygeneralcharactermadenotformewithher.
But,inthyopinion,Isufferforthatsimplicityinmycontrivances,whichistheirprincipalexcellence.NomachinerymakeInecessary.NounnaturalflightsaimIat.Allpurenature,takingadvantageofnature,asnaturetends;andsosimplemydevices,thatwhentheyareknown,
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thou,eventhou,imaginestthoucouldesthavethoughtofthesame.Andindeedthouseemesttoown,thattheslightthouputtestuponthemisowingtomylettingtheeintothembefore-hand--undistingushingaswellasungratefulasthouart!
Yet,afterall,IwouldnothavetheethinkthatIdonotknowmyweakplaces.Ihaveformerlytoldthee,thatitisdifficultfortheablestgeneraltosaywhathewilldo,orwhathecando,whenheisobligedtoregulatehismotionsbythoseofawatchfulenemy.*Ifthougivestdueweighttothisconsideration,thouwiltnotwonderthatIshouldmakemanymarchesandcountermarches,someofwhichmayappear,toaslightobserver,unnecessary.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXXIX.
Butletmecursorilyenterintodebatewiththeeonthissubject,nowIamwithinsightofmyjourney'send.
Abundanceofimpertinentthingsthoutellestmeinthisletter;someofwhichthouhadstfrommyself;othersthatIknewbefore.
Allthatthousayestinthischarmingcreature'spraiseisshortofwhat
Ihavesaidandwrittenontheinexhaustiblesubject.Hervirtue,herresistance,whicharehermerits,aremystimulatives.haveInottoldtheesotwentytimesover?
Devil,asthesegirlsbetweenthemcallme,whatofdevilamI,butinmycontrivances?IamnotmoreadevilthanothersintheendIaimat;forwhenIhavecarriedmypoint,itisstillbutoneseduction.AndIhaveperhapsbeensparedtheguiltofmanyseductionsinthetime.
Whatofuncommonwouldtherebeinthiscase,butforherwatchfulness!--AswellasIloveintrigueandstratagem,dostthinkthatIhadnotratherhavegainedmyendwithlesstroubleandlessguilt?
Theman,letmetellthee,whoisaswickedashecanbe,isaworsemanthanIam.LetmeaskanyrakeinEngland,if,resolvingtocarryhispoint,hewouldhavebeensolongaboutit?orhavehadsomuchcompunctionasIhavehad?
Wereeveryrake,nay,wereeveryman,tositdown,asIdo,andwriteallthatentersintohishead,orintohisheart,andtoaccusehimselfwithequalfreedomandtruth,whatanarmyofmiscreantsshouldIhavetokeepmeincountenance!
Itisamaximwithsome,thatiftheyareleftalonewithawoman,andmakenotanattemptuponher,shewillthinkherselfaffronted--Arenot
suchmenastheseworsethanIam?Whatanopinionmusttheyhaveofthewholesex!
LetmedefendthesexIsodearlylove.Iftheseelderbrethrenofoursthinktheyhavegeneralreasonfortheirassertion,theymusthavekeptverybadcompany,ormustjudgeofwomen'sheartsbytheirown.Shemustbeanabandonedwoman,whowillnotshrinkasasnailintoitsshellatagrossandsuddenattempt.Amodestwomanmustbenaturallycold,reserved,andshy.Shecannotbesomuchandsosoonaffectedaslibertinesareapttoimagine.Shemust,atleast,havesomeconfidence
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inthehonourandsilenceofaman,beforedesirecanpossiblyputforthinher,toencourageandmeethisflame.Formyownpart,Ihavebeenalwaysdecentinthecompanyofwomen,tillIwassureofthem.NorhaveIeverofferedagreatoffence,tillIhavefoundlittleonespassedover;andthattheyshunnedmenot,whentheyknewmycharacter.
MydivineClarissahaspuzzledme,andbeatmeoutofmyplay:atonetime,Ihopetoovercomebyintimidatingher;atanother,bylove;bytheamoroussee-saw,asIhavecalledit.*AndIhaveonlynowtojoinsurprisetotheothertwo,andseewhatcanbedonebyallthree.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVI.
Andwhoseproperty,Ipraythee,shallIinvade,ifIpursuemyschemesofloveandvengeance?Havenotthosewhohavearighttoherrenouncedthatright?Havetheynotwilfullyexposedhertodangers?Yetmustknow,thatsuchawomanwouldbeconsideredaslawfulprizebyasmanyascouldhavetheopportunitytoattempther?--Andhadtheynotthuscruellyexposedher,isshenotasinglewoman?AndneedItellthee,Jack,thatmenofourcast,thebestofthem[theworststickatnothing]thinkitagreatgraceandfavourdonetothemarriedmen,iftheyleavethemtheirwivestothemselves;andcompoundfortheirsisters,daughters,wards
andnieces?Shockingastheseprinciplesmustbetoareflectingmind,yetsuchthouknowestaretheprinciplesofthousands(whowouldnotactsogenerouslyasIhaveactedbyalmostallofthesex,overwhomIhaveobtainedapower);andasoftencarriedintopractice,astheiropportunitiesorcouragewillpermit.--Suchthereforehavenorighttoblameme.
Thourepeatedlypleadesthersufferingsfromherfamily.ButIhavetoooftenansweredthisplea,toneedtosayanymorenow,thanthatshehasnotsufferedformysake.Forhasshenotbeenmadethevictimofthemaliceofherrapaciousbrotherandenvioussister,whoonlywaitedforanoccasiontoruinherwithherotherrelations;andtookthisasthefirsttodriveheroutofthehouse;and,asithappened,intomyarms?--
Thouknowesthowmuchagainstherinclination.
Asforherownsins,howmanyhasthedearcreaturetoanswerfortoloveandtome!--Twentytimes,andtwentytimestwenty,hasshenottoldme,thatsherefusednottheodiousSolmesinfavourtome?Andasoftenhasshenotofferedtorenouncemeforthesinglelife,iftheimplacableswouldhavereceivedheronthatcondition?--Ofwhatrepetitionsdoesthyweakpitymakemeguilty?
Tolookalitterfartherback:Canstthouforgetwhatmysufferingswerefromthishaughtybeautyinthewholetimeofmyattendanceuponherproudmotions,inthepurlieusofHarlowe-place,andatthelittleWhiteHart,atNeale,aswecalledit?--DidInotthreatenvengeanceuponher
then(andhadInotreason?)fordisappointingmeofapromisedinterview?
OJack!whatanighthadIinthebleakcoppiceadjoiningtoherfather'spaddock!Mylinenandwigfrozen;mylimbsabsolutelynumbed;myfingersonlysensibleofsomuchwarmthasenabledmetoholdapen;andthatobtainedbyrubbingtheskinoff,andbybeatingwithmyhandsmyshiveringsides!Kneelingonthehoarmossononeknee,writingontheother,ifthestiffscrawlcouldbecalledwriting!Myfeet,bythetimeIhaddone,seemingtohavetakenroot,andactuallyunabletosupportme
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forsomeminutes!--Loveandragethenkeptmyheartinmotion,[andonlyloveandragecoulddoit,]orhowmuchmorethanIdidsuffermustIhavesuffered!
Itoldthee,atmymelancholyreturn,whatwerethecontentsoftheletterIwrote.*AndIshowedtheeafterwardshertyrannicalanswertoit.**Thou,then,Jack,lovedstthyfriend;andpitiedstthypoorsufferingLovelace.EventheaffrontedGodofLoveapprovedthenofmythreatenedvengeanceagainstthefairpromiser;thoughofthenightofmysufferings,heisbecomeanadvocateforher.
*SeeVol.II.LetterXX.**Ibid.
Nay,wasitnothehimselfthatbroughttomemyadorableNemesis;andbothtogetherputmeuponthisveryvow,'ThatIwouldneverresttillIhaddrawninthisgoddess-daughteroftheHarlowestocohabitwithme;andthatinthefaceofalltheirproudfamily?'
Norcanstthouforgetthisvow.AtthisinstantIhavetheebeforeme,asthenthousorrowfullylookedst.Thystrongfeaturesglowingwithcompassionforme;thylipstwisted;thyforeheadfurrowed;thywhole
facedrawnoutfromthestupidroundintotheghastlyoval;everymusclecontributingitspowertocompletetheaspectgrievous;andnotonewordcouldstthouutter,butAmen!tomyvow.
Andwhatofdistinguishinglove,orfavour,orconfidence,haveIhadfromhersince,tomakemeforegothisvow!
Ireneweditnot,indeed,afterwards;andactually,foralongseason,waswillingtoforgetit;tillrepetitionsofthesamefaultsrevivedtheremembranceoftheformer.AndnowaddingtothosethecontentsofsomeofMissHowe'svirulentletters,solatelycomeat,whatcanstthousayfortherebel,consistentwiththyloyaltytothyfriend?
Everymantohisgeniusandconstitution.HannibalwascalledThefatherofwarlikestratagems.HadHannibalbeenaprivateman,andturnedhisplottingheadagainsttheothersex;orhadIbeenageneral,and,turnedmineagainstsuchofmyfellow-creaturesofmy,own,asIthoughtmyselfentitledtoconsiderasmyenemies,becausetheywerebornandlivedinadifferentclimate;Hannibalwouldhavedonelessmischief;Lovelacemore.--Thatwouldhavebeenthedifference.
Notasovereignonearth,ifhebenotagoodman,andifhebeofawarliketemper,butmustdoathousandtimesmoremischiefthanI.Andwhy?Becausehehasitinhispowertodomore.
Anhonestman,perhapsthou'ltsay,willnotwishtohaveitinhispower
todohurt.Heoughtnot,letmetellhim:for,ifhehaveit,athousandtoonebutitmakeshimbothwantonandwicked.
Inwhat,then,amIsosingularlyvile?
Inmycontrivancesthouwiltsay,(forthouartmyecho,)ifnotinmyproposedendofthem.
Howdifficultdoeseverymanfindit,aswellasI,toforegoapredominantpassion!Ihavethreepassionsthatswaymebyturns;all
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imperialones--love,revenge,ambitionoradesireofconquest.
AstothisparticularcontrivanceofTomlinsonandtheuncle,whichperhapsthouwiltthinkablackone;thathadbeenspared,hadnottheseinnocentladiesputmeuponfindingahusbandfortheirMrs.Townsend:thatdevice,therefore,isbutapreventiveone.ThinkestthouthatIcouldbeartobeoutwitted?Andmaynotthisverycontrivancesaveaworldofmischief?fordostthouthinkIwouldhavetamelygivenuptheladytoTownsend'stars?
Whatmeanestthou,excepttooverthrowthyownplea,whenthousayest,thatmenofourcastknownootherboundtotheirwickedness,butwantofpower;yetknowestthisladytobeinmine?
Enough,sayestthou,haveItriedthisparagonofvirtue.Notso;forIhavenottriedheratall--allIhavebeendoingisbutpreparationtoatrial.
ButthouartconcernedforthemeansthatImayhaverecoursetointhetrial,andformyveracity.
Sillyfellow!--Dideveranyman,thinkestthou,deceiveawoman,butattheexpenseofhisveracity;how,otherwise,canhebesaidtodeceive?
Astothemeans,thoudostnotimaginethatIexpectadirectconsent.Mymainhopeisbutinayieldingreluctance;withoutwhichIwillbesworn,whateverrapeshavebeenattempted,noneeverwerecommitted,onepersontooneperson.AndgoodQueenBessofEngland,hadshebeenliving,andappealedto,wouldhavedeclaredherselfofmymind.
Itwouldnotbeamissforthesextoknowwhatouropinionsareuponthissubject.Ilovetowarnthem.Iwishnomantosucceedwiththembutmyself.Itoldtheeonce,thatthougharake,Iamnotarake'sfriend.*
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.
Thousayest,thatIeverhatedwedlock.Andtruethousayest.Andyetastrue,whenthoutellestme,thatIwouldrathermarrythanlosethislady.Andwillshedetestmeforever,thinkestthou,ifItryher,andsucceednot?--Takecare--takecare,Jack!--SeestthounotthatthouwarnestmethatIdonottrywithoutresolvingtoconquer?
Imustadd,thatIhaveforsometimebeenconvincedthatIhavedonewrongtoscribbletotheesofreelyasIhavedone(andthemoreso,ifImaketheladylegallymine);forhasnoteveryletterIhavewrittentotheebeenabillofindictmentagainstmyself?Imaypartlycursemyvanityforit;andIthinkIwillrefrainforthefuture;forthouartreallyveryimpertinent.
Agoodman,Iown,mighturgemanyofthethingsthouurgest;but,bymysoul,theycomeveryawkwardlyfromthee.Andthoumustbesensible,thatIcananswereverytittleofwhatyouwritest,uponthefootofthemaximswehavelongheldandpursued.--Bythespecimenabove,thouwiltseethatIcan.
Andpr'ytheetellme,Jack,whatbutthisthatfollowswouldhavebeentheepitomeofmineandmybeloved'sstory,aftertenyears'cohabitation,hadIneverwrittentotheeuponthesubject,andhadInot
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beenmyownaccuser?
'RobertLovelace,anotoriouswoman-eater,makeshisaddressesinanhonourablewaytoMissClarissaHarlowe;ayoungladyofthehighestmerit--fortunesonbothsidesoutofthequestion.
'Afterencouragementgiven,heisinsultedbyherviolentbrother;whothinksithisinteresttodiscountenancethematch;andwhoatlastchallenginghim,isobligedtotakehisworthlesslifeathishands.
'Thefamily,asmuchenraged,asifhehadtakenthelifehegave,insulthimpersonally,andfindoutanodiousloverfortheyounglady.
'Toavoidaforcedmarriage,sheisprevailedupontotakeastepwhichthrowsherintoMr.Lovelace'sprotection.
'Yet,disclaiminganypassionforhim,sherepeatedlyofferstorenouncehimforever,if,onthatcondition,herrelationswillreceiveher,andfreeherfromtheaddressofthemanshehates.
'Mr.Lovelace,amanofstrongpassions,and,assomesay,ofgreatpride,thinkshimselfunderverylittleobligationtoheronthisaccount;andnotbeingnaturallyfondofmarriage,andhavingsomuchreasontohateherrelations,endeavourstoprevailuponhertolivewith
himwhathecallsthelifeofhonour;andatlast,bystratagem,art,andcontrivance,prevails.
'Heresolvesnevertomarryanyotherwoman:takesapridetohavehercalledbyhisname:achurch-riteallthedifferencebetweenthem:treatsherwithdeservedtenderness.Nobodyquestionstheirmarriagebutthoseproudrelationsofher's,whomhewishestoquestionit.Everyyearacharmingboy.Fortunestosupporttheincreasingfamilywithsplendor.Atenderfather.Alwaysawarmfriend;agenerouslandlord;andapunctualpaymaster.Now-and-thenhowever,perhaps,indulgingwithanewobject,inordertobringhimbackwithgreaterdelighttohischarmingClarissa--hisonlyfault,loveofthesex--which,nevertheless,thewomensay,willcureitself--defensiblethusfar,thathebreaksnocontracts
byhisrovings.'--
Andwhatistheresoverygreatlyamiss,ASTHEWORLDGOES,inallthis?
Letmeaver,thattherearethousandsandtenthousands,whohaveworsestoriestotellthanthiswouldappeartobe,hadInotinterestedtheeintheprogresstomygreatend.Andbesides,thouknowestthatthecharacterIgavemyselftoJosephLeman,astomytreatmentofmymistress,isprettynearthetruth.*
*SeeVol.III.LetterXLVIII.
WereItobeasmuchinearnestinmydefence,asthouartwarminmyarraignment,Icouldconvincethee,byotherarguments,observations,andcomparisons,[Isnotallhumangoodandevilcomparative?]thatthoughfrommyingenuoustemper(writingonlytothee,whoartmasterofeverysecretofmyheart)Iamsoreadytoaccusemyselfinmynarrations,yetIhavesomethingtosayformyselftomyself,asIgoalong;thoughnooneelse,perhaps,thatwasnotarake,wouldallowanyweighttoit.--AndthiscautionmightIgivetothousands,whowouldstoopforastonetothrowatme:'Seethatyourownpredominantpassions,whateverthey
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be,hurryyounotintoasmuchwickednessasminedome.See,ifyehappentobebetterthanIinsomethings,thatyearenotworseinothers;andinpointstoo,thatmaybeofmoreextensivebadconsequence,thanthatofseducingagirl,(andtakingcareofherafterwards,)who,fromhercradle,isarmedwithcautionsagainstthedelusionsofmen.'AndyetIamnotsopartialtomyownfolliesastothinklightlyofthisfault,whenIallowmyselftothink.
AnothergravethingIwilladd,nowmyhandisin:'SodearlydoIlovethesex,thathadIfoundthatacharacterforvirtuehadbeengenerallynecessarytorecommendmetothem,Ishouldhavehadamuchgreaterregardtomymorals,astothesex,thanIhavehad.'
Tosumallup--Iamsufficientlyapprized,thatmenofworthyandhonesthearts,whoneverallowedthemselvesinpremeditatedevil,andwhotakeintotheaccounttheexcellenciesofthisfinecreature,willandmustnotonlycondemn,butabhorme,weretheytoknowasmuchofmeasthoudost.But,methinks,Iwouldbegladtoescapethecensureofthosemen,andofthosewomentoo,whohaveneverknownwhatcapitaltrialsandtemptationsare;ofthosewhohavenogeniusforenterprise;ofthosewhowantrathercouragethanwill;andmostparticularlyofthosewhohaveonlykepttheirsecretbetterthanIhavekept,orwishtokeep,mine.Werethoseexceptionstotakeplace,perhaps,Jack,Ishouldhavetentoacquittoonethatshouldcondemnme.HaveInotoftensaid,thathuman
natureisarogue?
***
Ithreatenedabovetorefrainwritingtothee.Buttakeitnottoheart,Jack--Imustwriteon,andcannothelpit.
LETTERXV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.WEDNESDAYNIGHT,ELEVENO'CLOCK.
Faith,Jack,thouhadsthalfundonemewiththynonsense,thoughIwouldnotownitonmyyesterday'sletter:myconscienceofthypartybefore.--ButIthinkIammyownmanagain.
Soneartoexecutionmyplot;sonearspringingmymine;allagreeduponbetweenthewomenandme;orIbelievethouhadstoverthrownme.
Ihavetimeforafewlinespreparativetowhatistohappeninanhourortwo;andIlovetowritetothemoment.
Wehavebeenextremelyhappy.Howmanyagreeabledayshaveweknowntogether!--Whatmaythenexttwohoursproduce.
WhenIpartedwithmycharmer,(whichIdid,withinfinitereluctance,halfanhourago,)itwasuponherpromisethatshewouldnotsituptowriteorread.Forsoengagingwastheconversationtome,(andindeedmybehaviourthroughoutthewholeofitwasconfessedlyagreeabletoher,)thatIinsisted,ifshedidnotdirectlyretiretorest,thatsheshouldaddanotherhappyhourtotheformer.
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Tohavesatupwritingorreadinghalfthenight,asshesometimesdoes,wouldhavefrustratedmyview,asthouwiltobserve,whenmylittleplotunravels.
***
What--What--Whatnow!--Boundingvillain!wouldstthouchokeme?--
Iwasspeakingtomyheart,Jack!--Itwasthenatmythroat.--Andwhatisallthisfor?--Theseshywomen,how,whenamanthinkshimselfnearthemark,dotheytempesthim!
***
Isallready,Dorcas?Hasmybelovedkeptherwordwithme?--Whetherarethesebillowyheavingsowingmoretoloveortofear?Icannottell,forthesoulofme,ofwhichIhavemost.IfIcanbuttakeherbeforeherapprehension,beforehereloquence,isawake--
Limbs,whythusconvulsed?--Knees,tillnowsofirmlyknit,whythusrelaxed?whybeatyouthustogether?Willnotthesetremblingfingers,whichtwicehaverefusedtodirectthepen,failmeinthearduousmoment?
Onceagain,whyandforwhatalltheseconvulsions?Thisprojectisnottoendinmatrimony,surely!
ButtheconsequencesmustbegreaterthanIhadthoughtoftillthismoment--mybeloved'sdestinyormyownmaydependupontheissueofthetwonexthours!
Iwillrecede,Ithink!--
***
Soft,Ovirginsaint,andsafeassoft,bethyslumbers!
IwillnowoncemoreturntomyfriendBelford'sletter.Thoushalthavefairplay,mycharmer.Iwillreperusewhatthyadvocatehastosayforthee.Weakargumentswilldo,intheframeIamin!--
But,what,what'sthematte!--Whatadouble--Buttheuproarabates!--WhatadoublecowardamI!--OrisitthatIamtakeninacowardlyminute?for
heroeshavetheirfitsoffear;cowardstheirbravemoments;andvirtuouswomen,allbutmyClarissa,theirmomentcritical--
Butthuscoollyenjoyingthereflectioninahurricane!--Againtheconfusionisrenewed--
What!Where!--Howcameit!
Ismybelovedsafe--
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Owakenottooroughly,mybeloved!
LETTERXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.THURSDAYMORNING,FIVEO'CLOCK,(JUNE8.)
Nowismyreformationsecure;forInevershallloveanyotherwoman!Oh!sheisallvariety!Shemusteverbenewtome!Imaginationcannotform;muchlesscanthepencilpaint;norcanthesoulofpainting,poetry,describeanangelsoexquisitely,soelegantlylovely!--ButIwillnotbyanticipationpacifythyimpatience.Althoughthesubjectistoohallowedforprofanecontemplation,yetshaltthouhavethewholebeforetheeasitpassed:andthisnotfromaspiritwantoningindescriptionuponsorichasubject;butwithadesigntoputaboundtothyrovingthoughts.Itwillbeiniquity,greaterthanaLovelacewaseverguiltyof,tocarrythemfartherthanIshallacknowledge.
Thusthen,connectingmylastwiththepresent,Ileadtoit.
Didstthounot,bytheconclusionofmyformer,perceivethe
consternationIwasin,justasIwasabouttoreperusethyletter,inordertoprevailuponmyselftorecedefrommypurposeofawakinginterrorsmyslumberingcharmer?Andwhatdostthinkwasthematter?
I'lltellthee--
Atalittleaftertwo,whenthewholehousewasstill,orseemedtobeso,and,asitproved,myClarissainbed,andfastasleep;Ialsoinamannerundressed(asindeedIwasforanhourbefore)andinmygownandslippers,though,toobligethee,writingon!--Iwasalarmedbyatramplingnoiseoverhead,andaconfusedbuzofmixedvoices,somelouderthanothers,likescolding,andlittleshortofscreaming.WhileIwaswonderingwhatcouldbethematter,downstairsranDorcas,andat
mydoor,inanaccentratherfrightedlyandhoarselyinwardthanshrillyclamorous,shecriedoutFire!Fire!Andthisthemorealarmedme,assheseemedtoendeavourtocryoutlouder,butcouldnot.
Mypen(itslastscrawlabenedictiononmybeloved)droppedfrommyfingers;andupstartedI;andmakingbutthreestepstothedoor,openingit,criedout,Where!Where!almostasmuchterrifiedasthewench;whileshe,morethanhalfundrest,herpetticoatsinherhand,unabletospeakdistinctly,pointedupstairs.
Iwasthereinamoment,andfoundallowingtothecarelessnessofMrs.Sinclair'scook-maid,whohavingsatuptoreadthesimpleHistoryofDorastusandFaunia,whensheshouldhavebeeninbed,hadsetfiretoan
oldpairofcalicowindow-curtains.
Shehadhadthepresenceofmind,inherfright,toteardownthehalf-burntvallens,aswellascurtains,andhadgotthem,thoughblazing,intothechimney,bythetimeIcameup;sothatIhadthesatisfactiontofindthedangerhappilyover.
MeantimeDorcas,aftershehaddirectedmeupstairs,notknowingtheworstwasover,andexpectingeveryminutethehousewouldbeinablaze,outoftenderregardforherlady,[Ishallforeverlovethewenchfor
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it,]rantoherdoor,andrappingloudlyatit,inarecoveredvoice,criedout,withashillnessequaltoherlove,Fire!Fire!Thehouseisonfire!--Rise,Madam!--Thisinstantrise--ifyouwouldnotbeburntinyourbed!
Nosoonerhadshemadethisdreadfulout-cry,butIheardherlady'sdoor,withhastyviolence,unbar,unbolt,unlock,andopen,andmycharmer'svoicesoundinglikethatofonegoingintoafit.
ThoumayestbelievethatIwasgreatlyaffected.Itrembledwithconcernforher,andhasteneddownfasterthanthealarmoffirehadmademerunup,inordertosatisfyherthatallthedangerwasover.
WhenIhadflowndowntoherchamber-door,thereIbeheldthemostcharmingcreatureintheworld,supportingherselfonthearmofthegaspingDorcas,sighing,trembling,andreadytofaint,withnothingonbutanunderpetticoat,herlovelybosomhalfopen,andherfeetjustslippedintohershoes.Assoonasshesawme,shepainted,andstruggledtospeak;butcouldonlysay,OMr.Lovelace!anddownwasreadytosink.
Iclaspedherinmyarmswithanardoursheneverfeltbefore:Mydearestlife!fearnothing:Ihavebeenup--thedangerisover--thefireisgotunder--andhow,foolishdevil,[toDorcas,]couldyouthus,byyour
hideousyell,alarmandfrightenmyangel!OJack!howhersweetbosom,asIclaspedhertomine,heavedandpanted!Icouldevendistinguishherdearheartflutter,flutter,againstmine;and,forafewminutes,Ifearedshewouldgointofits.
Lestthehalf-lifelesscharmershouldcatchcoldinthisundress,Iliftedhertoherbed,andsatdownbyheruponthesideofit,endeavouringwiththeutmosttenderness,aswellofactionasexpression,todissipateherterrors.
ButwhatdidIgetbythismygenerouscareofher,andmysuccessfulendeavourtobringhertoherself?--Nothing(ungratefulasshewas!)but
themostpassionateexclamations:forwehadbothalreadyforgottentheoccasion,dreadfulasitwas,whichhadthrownherintomyarms:I,fromthejoyofencirclingthealmostdisrobedbodyoftheloveliestofhersex;she,fromthegreaterterrorsthatarosefromfindingherselfinmyarms,andbothseatedonthebed,fromwhichshehadbeensolatelyfrighted.
Andnow,Belford,reflectuponthedistanceatwhichthewatchfulcharmerhadhithertokeptme:reflectuponmylove,anduponmysufferingsforher:reflectuponhervigilance,andhowlongIhadlaidinwaittoeludeit;theaweIhadstoodin,becauseofherfrozenvirtueandover-niceness;andthatIneverbeforewassohappywithher;andthenthinkhowungovernablemustbemytransportsinthosehappymoments!--And
yet,inmyownaccount,Iwasbothdecentandgenerous.
But,farfrombeingaffected,asIwished,byanaddresssofervent,(althoughfromamanfromwhomshehadsolatelyownedaregard,andwithwhom,butanhourortwobefore,shehadpartedwithsomuchsatisfaction,)Ineversawabitterer,ormoremovinggrief,whenshecamefullytoherself.
SheappealedtoHeavenagainstmytreachery,asshecalledit;whileI,bythemostsolemnvows,pleadedmyownequalfright,andtherealityof
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thedangerthathadalarmedusboth.
Sheconjuredme,inthemostsolemnandaffectingmanner,byturnsthreateningandsoothing,toquitherapartment,andpermithertohideherselffromthelight,andfromeveryhumaneye.
Ibesoughtherpardon,yetcouldnotavoidoffending;andrepeatedlyvowed,thatthenextmorning'ssunshouldwitnessourespousals.Buttaking,Isuppose,allmyprotestationsofthiskindasanindicationthatIintendedtoproceedtothelastextremity,shewouldhearnothingthatIsaid;but,redoublingherstrugglestogetfromme,inbrokenaccents,andexclamationsthemostvehement,sheprotested,thatshewouldnotsurvivewhatshecalledatreatmentsodisgracefulandvillanous;and,lookingallwildlyroundher,asifforsomeinstrumentofmischief,sheespiedapairofsharp-pointedscissorsonachairbythebed-side,andendeavouredtocatchthemup,withdesigntomakeherwordsgoodonthespot.
Seeingherdesperation,Ibeggedhertobepacified;thatshewouldhearmespeakbutoneword;declaringthatIintendednodishonourtoher:andhavingseizedthescissors,Ithrewthemintothechimney;andshestillinsistingvehementlyuponmydistance,Ipermittedhertotakethechair.
But,Othesweetdiscomposure!--Herbaredshoulders,andarmsso
inimitablyfairandlovely:herspreadhandscrossedoverhercharmingneck;yetnothalfconcealingitsglossybeauties:thescantycoat,assherosefromme,givingthewholeofheradmirableshape,andfine-turn'dlimbs:hereyesrunningover,yetseemingtothreatenfuturevengeance:andatlastherlipsutteringwhateveryindignantlookandglowingfeatureportended:exclaimingasifIhaddonetheworstIcoulddo,andvowingnevertoforgiveme;wiltthouwonderifIresumedtheincensed,thealreadytoo-much-provokedfair-one?
Idid;andclaspedheroncemoretomybosom:but,consideringthedelicacyofherframe,herforcewasamazing,andshowedhowmuchinearnestshewasinherresentment;foritwaswiththeutmostdifficulty
thatIwasabletoholdher:norcouldIpreventherslidingthroughmyarms,tofalluponherknees:whichshedidatmyfeet:andthereintheanguishofhersoul,herstreamingeyeslifteduptomyfacewithsupplicatingsoftness,handsfolded,dishevelledhair;forhernighthead-dresshavingfallenoffinherstruggling,hercharmingtressesfelldowninnaturallyshiningringlets,asifofficioustoconcealthedazzlingbeautiesofherneckandshoulders;herlovelybosomtooheavingwithsighs,andbrokensobs,asiftoaidherquiveringlipsinpleadingforher--inthismanner,butwhenhergriefgavewaytoherspeech,inwordspronouncedwiththatemphaticalpropriety,whichdistinguishesthisadmirablecreatureinherelocutionfromallthewomenIeverheardspeak,didsheimploremycompassionandmyhonour.
'Considerme,dearLovelace,'[dearwashercharmingword!]'onmykneesIbegyoutoconsidermeasapoorcreaturewhohasnoprotectorbutyou;whohasnodefencebutyourhonour:bythathonour!byyourhumanity!byallyouhavevowed!Iconjureyounottomakemeabhormyself!nottomakemevileinmyowneyes!'
Imentionedto-morrowasthehappiestdayofmylife.
Tellmenotofto-morrow.Ifindeedyoumeanmehonourably,now,thisveryinstantNOW!youmustshowit,andbegone!youcanneverinawhole
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longliferepairtheevilsyouNOWmakemesuffer!
Wickedwretch!--Insolentvillain!--yes,shecalledmeinsolentvillain,althoughsomuchinmypower!Andforwhat!--onlyforkissing(withpassionindeed)herinimitableneck,herlips,hercheeks,herforehead,andherstreamingeyes,asthisassemblageofbeautiesoffereditselfatoncetomyravishedsight;shecontinuingkneelingatmyfeetasIsat.
IfIamavillain,Madam!--Andthenmygrasping,buttremblinghand--IhopeIdidnothurtthetenderestandloveliestofallherbeauties--IfIamavillain,Madam--
Shetoremyruffle,shrunkfrommyhappyhand,withamazingforceandagility,aswithmyotherarmIwouldhaveencircledherwaist.
Indeedyouare!--theworstofvillains!--Help!dear,blessedpeople!andscreamedout--Nohelpforapoorcreature!
AmIthenavillain,Madam?--AmIthenavillain,sayyou?--andclaspedbothmyarmsabouther,offeringtoraisehertomyboundingheart.
Oh!no!--Andyetyouare!--AndagainIwasherdearLovelace!--herhandsagainclaspedoverhercharmingbosom:--Killme!killme!--ifIamodiousenoughinyoureyestodeservethistreatment:andIwillthankyou!--Too
long,muchtoolonghasmylifebeenaburdentome!--Or,(wildlylookingallroundher,)givemebutthemeans,andIwillinstantlyconvinceyouthatmyhonourisdearertomethanmylife!
Then,withstillfoldedhands,andfreshstreamingeyes,IwasherblessedLovelace;andshewouldthankmewithherlatestbreathifIwouldpermithertomakethatpreference,orfreeherfromfartherindignities.
Isatsuspendedforamoment:bymysoul,thoughtI,thouart,uponfullproof,anangelandnowoman!still,however,closeclaspinghertomybosom,asIraisedherfromherknees,sheagainslidthroughmyarms,anddroppeduponthem.--'See,Mr.Lovelace!--GoodGod!thatIshouldlive
toseethishour,andtobearthistreatment!--Seeatyourfeetapoorcreature,imploringyourpity;who,foryoursake,isabandonedofalltheworld.Letnotmyfather'scursethusdreadfullyoperate!benotyoutheinflicter,whohavebeenthecauseofit:butspareme,Ibeseechyou,spareme!--forhowhaveIdeservedthistreatmentfromyou?foryourownsake,ifnotformysake,andasyouwouldthatGodAlmighty,inyourlasthour,shouldhavemercyuponyou,spareme!'
Whatheartbutmusthavebeenpenetrated!
Iwouldagainhaveraisedthedearsuppliantfromherknees;butshewouldnotberaised,tillmysoftenedmind,shesaid,hadyieldedtoherprayer,andbidherrisetobeinnocent.
Risethen,myangel!rise,andbewhatyouare,andallyouwishtobe!onlypronouncemepardonedforwhathaspassed,andtellmeyouwillcontinuetolookuponmewiththateyeoffavourandserenitywhichIhavebeenblessedwithforsomedayspast,andIwillsubmittomybelovedconqueress,whosepowerneverwasatsogreatanheightwithme,asnow,andretiretomyapartment.
GodAlmighty,saidshe,hearyourprayersinyourmostarduousmoments,asyouhaveheardmine!andnowleaveme,thismomentleaveme,tomyown
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recollection:inthatyouwillleavemetomiseryenough,andmorethanyououghttowishtoyourbitterestenemy.
Imputenoteverything,mybestbeloved,todesign,fordesignitwasnot--
OMr.Lovelace!
Uponmysoul,Madam,thefirewasreal--[andsoitwas,Jack!]--Thehouse,mydearestlife,mighthavebeenconsumedbyit,asyouwillbeconvincedinthemorningbyoculardemonstration.
OMr.Lovelace!--
Letmypassionforyou,Madam,andtheunexpectedmeetingofyouatyourchamber-door,inanattitudesocharming--
Leaveme,leaveme,thismoment!--Ibeseechyouleaveme;lookingwildlyandinconfusionabouther,anduponherself.
Excuseme,mydearestcreature,forthoselibertieswhich,innocentastheywere,yourtoogreatdelicacymaymakeyoutakeamiss--
Nomore!nomore!--leaveme,Ibeseechyou!againlookinguponherself,
androundher,inasweetconfusion--Begone!begone!Thenweeping,shestruggledvehementlytowithdrawherhands,whichallthewhileIheldbetweenmine.--Herstruggles!--Owhatadditionalcharms,asInowreflect,didherstrugglesgivetoeveryfeature,everylimb,ofapersonsosweetlyelegantandlovely!
Impossible,mydearestlife,tillyoupronouncemypardon!--Saybutyouforgiveme!--saybutyouforgiveme!
Ibeseechyoutobegone!leavemetomyself,thatImaythinkwhatIcando,andwhatIoughttodo.
That,mydearestcreature,isnotenough.YoumusttellmethatIamforgiven;thatyouwillseemeto-morrowasifnothinghadhappened.
AndthenIclaspedheragaininmyarms,hopingshewouldnotforgiveme--
Iwill--Idoforgiveyou--wretchthatyouare!
Nay,myClarissa!andisitsuchareluctantpardon,mingledwithawordsoupbraiding,thatIamtobeputoffwith,whenyouarethus(claspingherclosetome)inmypower?
Ido,Idoforgiveyou!
Heartily?
Yes,heartily!
Andfreely?
Freely!
Andwillyoulookuponmeto-morrowasifnothinghadpassed?
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Yes,yes!
Icannottakethesepeevishaffirmatives,somuchlikeintentionalnegatives!--Say,youwill,uponyourhonour.
Uponmyhonour,then--Oh!now,begone!begone!--andnevernever--
What!never,myangel!--Isthisforgiveness?
Never,saidshe,letwhathaspassedberememberedmore!
Iinsistedupononekisstosealmypardon--andretiredlikeafool,awoman'sfool,asIwas!--Isneakinglyretired!--Couldstthouhavebelievedit?
ButIhadnosoonerenteredmyownapartment,thanreflectingupontheopportunityIhadlost,andthatallIhadgainedwasbutanincreaseofmyowndifficulties;andupontheridiculeIshouldmeetwithbelowuponaweaknesssomuchoutofmyusualcharacter;Irepented,andhastenedback,inhopethat,throughthedistressofmindwhichIleftherin,shehadnotsosoonfastenedthedoor;andIwasfullyresolvedtoexecuteallmypurposes,betheconsequencewhatitwould;for,thoughtI,Ihavealreadysinnedbeyondcordialforgiveness,Idoubt;andiffitsand
desperationensue,Icanbutmarryatlast,andthenIshallmakeheramends.
ButIwasjustlypunished;forherdoorwasfast:andhearinghersighandsob,asifherheartwouldburst,Mybelovedcreature,saidI,rappinggently,[thesobbingsthenceasing,]Iwantbuttosaythreewordstoyou,whichmustbethemostacceptableyoueverheardfromme.Letmeseeyououtforonemoment.
IthoughtIheardhercomingtoopenthedoor,andmyheartleaptinthathope;butitwasonlytodrawanotherbolt,tomakeitstillthefaster;andsheeithercouldnotorwouldnotanswerme,butretiredtothefartherendofherapartment,tohercloset,probably;and,morelikea
foolthanbefore,againIsneakedaway.
Thiswasmine,myplot!andthiswasallImadeofit!--Ilovehermorethanever!--AndwellImay!--neversawIpolishedivorysobeautifulasherarmsandshoulders;nevertouchedIvelvetsosoftasherskin:hervirginbosom--OBelford,sheisallperfection!thensuchanelegance!--Inherstrugglinglosinghershoe,(butjustslipton,asItoldthee,)herprettyfootequallywhiteanddelicateasthehandofanyotherwoman,orevenherownhand!
ButseestthounotthatIhaveaclaimofmeritforagracethateverybodyhithertohaddeniedme?andthatisforacapacityofbeingmovedbyprayersandtears--Where,where,onthisoccasion,wasthecallous,where
theflint,bywhichmyheartwassaidtobesurrounded?
This,indeed,isthefirstinstance,inthelikecase,thateverIwaswroughtupon.Butwhy?because,Ineverbeforeencounteredaresistancesomuchinearnest:aresistance,inshort,soirresistible.
Whatatriumphhashersexobtainedinmythoughtsbythistrial,andthisresistance?
Butifshecannowforgiveme--can!--shemust.Hasshenotuponher
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honouralreadydoneit?--Buthowwillthedearcreaturekeepthatpartofherpromisewhichengageshertoseemeinthemorningasifnothinghadhappened?
Shewouldgivetheworld,Ifancy,tohavethefirstinterviewover!--Shehadnotbestreproachme--yetnottoreproachme!--whatacharmingpuzzle!--Letherbreakherwordwithmeatherperil.Flymeshecannot--noappealsliefrommytribunal--Whatfriendhassheintheworld,ifmycompassionexertnotitselfinherfavour?--andthentheworthyCaptainTomlinson,andheruncleHarlowe,willbeabletomakeallupforme,bemynextoffencewhatitmay.
Astothyapprehensionsofhercommittinganyrashnessuponherself,whatevershemighthavedoneinherpassion,ifshecouldhaveseizeduponherscissors,orfoundanyotherweapon,Idaresaythereisnofearofthatfromherdeliberatemind.Amanhastroubleenoughwiththesetrulypious,andtrulyvirtuousgirls;[nowIbelievetherearesuch;]hehadneedtohavesomebenefitfrom,somesecurityin,therectitudeoftheirminds.
Inshort,Ifearnothinginthisladybutgrief:yetthat'saslowworker,youknow;andgivestimetopopinalittlejoybetweenitssullenfits.
LETTERXVII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.THURSDAYMORNING,EIGHTO'CLOCK.
Herchamber-doorhasnotyetbeenopened.Imustnotexpectshewillbreakfastwithme.Nordinewithme,Idoubt.Alittlesillysoul,whattroublesdoesshemaketoherselfbyherover-niceness!--AllIhavedonetoher,wouldhavebeenlookeduponasafroliconly,arompingbout,andlaughedoffbyninepartsintenofthesexaccordingly.Themoreshe
makesofit,themorepainfultoherself,aswellastome.
Whynow,Jack,wereitnotbetter,uponherownnotions,thatsheseemednotsosensibleasshewillmakeherselftobe,ifsheisveryangry?
ButperhapsIammoreafraidthanIneed.IbelieveIam.Fromherover-nicenessarisesmyfear,morethanfromanyextraordinaryreasonforresentment.Nexttime,shemaycountherselfveryhappy,ifshecomeoffnoworse.
Thedearcreaturewassofrightened,andsofatigued,lastnight,nowondersheliesitoutthismorning.
IhopeshehashadmorerestthanIhavehad.Softandbalmy,Ihope,havebeenherslumbers,thatshemaymeetmeintolerabletemper.Allsweetlyblushingandconfounded--Iknowhowshewilllook!--Butwhyshouldshe,thesufferer,beashamed,whenI,thetrespasser,amnot?
Butcustomisaprodigiousthing.Thewomenaretoldhowmuchtheirblushesheightentheirgraces:theypractiseforthemtherefore:blushescomeashastilywhentheycallforthem,astheirtears:aye,that'sit!Whilewemen,takingblushesforasignofguiltorsheepishness,areequallystudioustosuppressthem.
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***
Bymytroth,Jack,Iamhalfasmuchashamedtoseethewomenbelow,asmyfair-onecanbetoseeme.Ihavenotyetopenedmydoor,thatImaynotbeobtrudeduponmythem.
Afterall,whatdevilsmayonemakeofthesex!Towhataheightof--whatshallIcallit?--mustthoseofitbearrived,whooncelovedamanwithsomuchdistinction,asbothPollyandSallylovedme;andyetcanhavegotsomuchabovethepangsofjealousy,somuchabovethemortifyingreflectionsthatarisefromdividingandsharingwithnewobjectstheaffectionsofthemtheyprefertoallothers,astowishfor,andpromoteacompetitorshipinhislove,andmaketheirsupremedelightconsistinreducingotherstotheirlevel!--Forthoucanstnotimagine,howevenSallyMartinrejoicedlastnightinthethoughtthatthelady'shourwasapproaching.
PASTTENO'CLOCK.
Ineverlongedinmylifeforanythingwithsomuchimpatienceastosee
mycharmer.Shehasbeenstirring,itseems,thesetwohours.Dorcasjustnowtappedatherdoor,totakehermorningcommands.
Shehadnoneforher,wastheanswer.
Shedesiredtoknow,ifshewouldnotbreakfast?
Asullenandlow-voicednegativereceivedDorcas.
Iwillgomyself.
***
ThreedifferenttimestappedIatthedoor,buthadnoanswer.
Permitme,dearestcreature,toinquireafteryourhealth.Asyouhavenotbeenseento-day,Iamimpatienttoknowhowyoudo.
Notawordofanswer;butadeepsigh,eventosobbing.
Letmebegofyou,Madam,toaccompanymeupanotherpairofstairs--you'llrejoicetoseewhatahappyescapewehaveallhad.
Ahappyescapeindeed,Jack!--Forthefirehadscorchedthewindow-board,singedthehangings,andburntthroughtheslit-dealliningsofthewindow-jambs.
Noanswer,Madam!--AmInotworthyofoneword?--Isitthusyoukeepyourpromisewithme?--ShallInothavethefavourofyourcompanyfortwominutes[onlyfortwominutes]inthedining-room?
Hem!--andadeepsigh!--werealltheanswer.
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Answermebuthowyoudo!Answermebutthatyouarewell!Isthistheforgivenessthatwastheconditionofmyobedience?
Then,withafaintish,butangryvoice,begonefrommydoor!--Wretch!inhuman,barbarous,andallthatisbaseandtreacherous!begonefrommydoor!Norteasethusapoorcreature,entitledtoprotection,notoutrage.
Isee,Madam,howyoukeepyourwordwithme--ifasuddenimpulse,theeffectsofanunthought-ofaccident,cannotbeforgiven--
Othedreadfulweightofafather'scurse,thusintheveryletterofit--
Andthenhervoicedyingawayinmurmursinarticulate,Ilookedthroughthekey-hole,andsawheronherknees,herface,thoughnottowardsme,liftedup,aswellashands,andthesefolded,depreciating,Isuppose,thatgloomytyrant'scurse.
Icouldnothelpbeingmoved.
Mydearestlife!admitmetoyourpresencebutfortwominutes,andconfirmyourpromisedpardon;andmaylightningblastmeonthespot,ifIofferanythingbutmypenitence,atashrinesosacred!--Iwill
afterwardsleaveyouforawholeday;tillto-morrowmorning;andthenattendyouwithwritings,allreadytosign,alicenseobtained,orifitcannot,aministerwithoutone.Thisoncebelieveme!Whenyouseetherealityofthedangerthatgaveoccasionforthisyourunhappyresentment,youwillthinklesshardlyofme.AndletmebeseechyoutoperformapromiseonwhichImadeareliancenotaltogetherungenerous.
Icannotseeyou!WouldtoHeavenIneverhad!IfIwrite,that'sallIcando.
Letyourwritingthen,mydearestlife,confirmyourpromise:andIwillwithdrawinexpectationofit.
PASTELEVENO'CLOCK.
SherungherbellforDorcas;and,withherdoorinherhand,onlyhalfopened,gaveherabilletforme.
Howdidthedearcreaturelook,Dorcas?
Shewasdressed.Sheturnedherfacequitefromme;andsighed,asifherheartwouldbreak.
Sweetcreature:--Ikissedthewetwafer,anddrewitfromthepaperwithmybreath.
Thesearethecontents.--NoinscriptiveSir!NoMr.Lovelace!
Icannotseeyou:norwillI,ifIcanhelpit.Wordscannotexpresstheanguishofmysouonyourbasenessandingratitude.
Ifthecircumstancesofthingsaresuch,thatIcanhavenowayforreconciliationwiththosewhowouldhavebeenmynaturalprotectorsfromsuchoutrages,butthroughyou,[theonlyinducementIhavetostaya
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momentlongerinyourknowledge,]penandinkmustbe,atpresent,theonlymeansofcommunicationbetweenus.
Vilestofmen,andmostdetestableofplotters!howhaveIdeservedfromyoutheshockingindignities--butnomore--onlyforyourownsake,wishnot,atleastforaweektocome,tosee
TheundeservedlyinjuredandinsultedCLARISSAHARLOWE
***
Sothouseest,nothingcouldhavestoodmeinstead,butthisplotofTomlinsonandheruncle!Towhataprettypass,nevertheless,haveIbroughtmyself!--HadCaesarbeensuchafool,hehadneverpassedtherubicon.Butafterhehadpassedit,hadheretreatedreinfecta,intimidatedbyasenatorialedict,whataprettyfigurewouldhehavemadeinhistory!--Imighthaveknown,thattoattemptarobbery,andputapersoninbodilyfear,isaspunishableasiftherobberyhadbeenactuallycommitted.
Butnottoseeherforaweek!--Dear,prettysoul!howsheanticipatesme
ineverything!Thecounsellorwillhavefinishedthewritingsto-dayorto-morrow,atfurthest:thelicensewiththeparson,ortheparsonwithoutthelicense,mustalsobeprocuredwithinthenextfour-and-twentyhours;Prtichardisasgoodasreadywithhisindenturestripartite:Tomlinsonisathandwithafavourableanswerfromheruncle--yetnottoseeherforaweek!----Dearsweetsoul;--hergoodangelisgoneajourney:istruantingatleast.Butnevertheless,inthyweek'stime,orinmuchless,mycharmer,Idoubtnottocompletemytriumph!
Butwhatvexesmeofallthingsis,thatsuchanexcellentcreatureshouldbreakherword:--Fie,fie,uponher!--Butnobodyisabsolutelyperfect!'Tishumantoerr,butnottopersevere--Ihopemycharmercannotbeinhuman!
LETTERXVIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.KING'SARMS,PALL-MALL,THURSDAY,TWOO'CLOCK.
SeveralbilletspassedbetweenusbeforeIwentout,bytheinternuncioshipofDorcas:forwhichreasonminearesuperscribedbyhermarriedname.--Shewouldnotopenherdoortoreceivethem;lestIshouldbenearit,Isuppose:soDorcaswasforcedtoputthemunderthedoor
(aftercopyingthemforthee);andthencetotaketheanswers.Readthem,ifthouwilt,atthisplace.
***
TOMRS.LOVELACE
Indeed,mydearestlife,youcarrythismattertoofar.Whatwillthe
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peoplebelow,whosupposeusoneastotheceremony,thinkofsogreataniceness?Libertiessoinnocent!theoccasionsoaccidental!--Youwillexposeyourselfaswellasme.--Hithertotheyknownothingofwhathaspassed.Andwhatindeedhaspassedtooccasionallthisresentment?--Iamsureyouwillnot,byabreachofyourwordofhonour,givemereasontoconcludethat,hadInotobeyedyou,Icouldhavefarednoworse.
MostsincerelydoIrepenttheoffencegiventoyourdelicacy--ButmustI,forsoaccidentalanoccurrence,bebrandedbysuchshockingnames?--Vilestofmen,andmostdetestableofplotters,arehardwords!--Fromthepenofsuchaladytoo.
Ifyoustepupanotherpairofstairs,youwillbeconvinced,that,howeverdetestableImaybetoyou,Iamnoplotterinthisaffair.
Imustinsistuponseeingyou,inordertotakeyourdirectionsuponsomeofthesubjectswetalkedofyesterdayintheevening.
Allthatismorethannecessaryistoomuch.Iclaimyourpromisedpardon,andwishtopleaditonmyknees.
Ibegyourpresenceinthedining-roomforonequarterofanhour,andIwillthenleaveyoufortheday,Iam,
Mydearestlife,YoureveradoringandtrulypenitentLOVELACE.
***
TOMR.LOVELACE
Iwillnotseeyou.Icannotseeyou.Ihavenodirectionstogiveyou.LetProvidencedecideformeasitpleases.
ThemoreIreflectuponyourvileness,yourungrateful,yourbarbarousvileness,themoreIamexasperatedagainstyou.
YouarethelastpersonwhosejudgmentIwilltakeuponwhatisorisnotcarriedtoofarinmattersofdecency.
'Tisgrievoustometowrite,oreventothinkofyouatpresent.Urgemenomorethen.Oncemore,Iwillnotseeyou.NorcareI,nowyouhavemademeviletomyself,whatotherpeoplethinkofme.
***
TOMRS.LOVELACE
Again,Madam,Iremindyouofyourpromise:andbegleavetosay,Iinsistupontheperformanceofit.
Remember,dearestcreature,thatthefaultofablameablepersoncannotwarrantafaultinonemoreperfect.Overnicenessmaybeunderniceness!
Icannotreproachmyselfwithanythingthatdeservesthishigh
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resentment.
Iownthattheviolenceofmypassionforyoumighthavecarriedmebeyondfitbounds--butthatyourcommandsandadjurationshadpowerovermeatsuchamoment,Ihumblypresumetosay,deservessomeconsideration.
Youenjoinmenottoseeyouforaweek.IfIhavenotyourpardonbeforeCaptainTomlinsoncomestotown,whatshallIsaytohim?
Ibegoncemoreyourpresenceinthedining-room.Bymysoul,Madam,Imustseeyou.
Iwanttoconsultyouaboutthelicense,andotherparticularsofgreatimportance.Thepeoplebelowthinkusmarried;andIcannottalktoyouuponsuchsubjectswiththedoorbetweenus.
ForHeaven'ssake,favourmewithyourpresenceforafewminutes:andIwillleaveyoufortheday.
IfIamtobeforgiven,accordingtoyourpromise,theearlierforgivenesswillbemostobliging,andwillsavegreatpaintoyourself,aswellasto
YourtrulycontriteandafflictedLOVELACE.
***
TOMR.LOVELACE
Themoreyouteaseme,theworseitwillbeforyou.
TimeiswantedtoconsiderwhetherIevershouldthinkofyouatall.
Atpresent,itismysincerewish,thatImaynevermoreseeyourface.
Allthatcanaffordyoutheleastshadowoffavourfromme,arisesfromthehoped-forreconciliationwithmyrealfriends,notmyJudasprotector.
Iamcarelessatpresentofconsequences.Ihatemyself:AndwhoisitIhavereasontovalue?--Notthemanwhocouldformaplottodisgracehisownhopes,aswellasapoorfriendlesscreature,(madefriendlessbyhimself,)byinsultsnottobethoughtofwithpatience.
***
TOMRS.LOVELACE
MADAM,IwillgototheCommons,andproceedineveryparticularasifIhadnotthemisfortunetobeunderyourdispleasure.
Imustinsistuponit,thathoweverfaultymypassion,onsounexpectedanincident,mademeappeartoaladyofyourdelicacy,yetmycompliance
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withyourentreatiesatsuchamoment[asitgaveyouaninstanceofyourpoweroverme,whichfewmencouldhaveshown]ought,dulyconsidered,toentitlemetotheeffectsofthatsolemnpromisewhichwastheconditionofmyobedience.
Ihopetofindyouinakinder,and,Iwillsay,justerdispositiononmyreturn.WhetherIgetthelicense,ornot,letmebegofyoutomakethesoonyouhavebeenpleasedtobidmehopefor,to-morrowmorning.Thiswillreconcileeverything,andmakemethehappiestofmen.
Thesettlementsarereadytosign,orwillbebynight.
ForHeaven'ssake,Madam,donotcarryyourresentmentintoadispleasuresodisproportionatetotheoffence.Forthatwouldbetoexposeusbothtothepeoplebelow;and,whatisofinfinitemoreconsequencetous,toCaptainTomlinson.Letusbeable,Ibeseechyou,Madam,toassurehim,onhisnextvisit,thatweareone.
AsIhavenohopetobepermittedtodinewithyou,Ishallnotreturntillevening:andthen,Ipresumetosay,Iexpect[yourpromiseauthorizesmetousetheword]tofindyoudisposedtobless,byyourconsentforto-morrow,
Youradoring
LOVELACE.
***
WhatpleasuredidIproposetotake,howtoenjoythesweetconfusioninwhichIexpectedtofindher,whileallwassorecent!--Butshemust,sheshall,seemeonmyreturn.Itwerebettertoherself,aswellasforme,thatshehadnotmadesomuchadoaboutnothing.Imustkeepmyangeralive,lestitsinkintocompassion.Loveandcompassion,betheprovocationeversogreat,arehardtobeseparated:whileangerconvertswhatwouldbepity,withoutit,intoresentment.Nothingcanbelovely
inaman'seyewithwhichheisthoroughlydispleased.
IorderedDorcas,onputtingthelastbilletunderthedoor,andfindingittakenup,totellher,thatIhopedananswertoitbeforeIwentout.
Herreplywasverbal,tellhimthatIcarenotwhitherhegoes,norwhathedoes.--Andthis,re-urgedbyDorcas,wasallshehadtosaytome.
Ilookedthroughthekey-holeatmygoingbyherdoor,andsawheronherknees,atherbed'sfeet,herheadandbosomonthebed,herarmsextended;[sweetcreaturehowIadoreher!]andinanagonysheseemedtobe,sobbing,asIheardatthatdistance,asifherheartwouldbreak.--Bymysoul,Jack,Iamapityfulfellow!Recollectionismyenemy!--
Divineexcellence!--Happywithherforsomanydaystogether!Nowsounhappy!--Andforwhat?--Butsheispurityherself.Andwhy,afterall,shouldIthustorment--butImustnottrustmyselfwithmyself,inthehumourIamin.
***
WaitinghereforMowbrayandMallory,bywhoseaidIamtogetthe
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license,Itookpapersoutofmypocket,todivertmyself;andthylastpoptofficiouslythefirstintomyhand.Igaveitthehonourofare-perusal;andthisrevivedthesubjectwithme,withwhichIhadresolvednottotrustmyself.
Iremember,thatthedearcreature,inhertornanswertomyproposals,says,condescensionisnotmeanness.Shebetterknowshowtomakethisout,thananymortalbreathing.Condescensionindeedimpliesdignity:anddignityeverwasthereinhercondescension.Yetsuchadignityasgavegracetothecondescension;fortherewasnopride,noinsult,noapparentsuperiority,indicatedbyit.--This,MissHoweconfirmstobeapartofhergeneralcharacter.*
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXXIII.
Icantellher,howshemightbehave,tomakemeherownforever.Sheknowsshecannotflyme.Sheknowsshemustseemesoonerorlater;thesoonerthemoregracious.--Iwouldallowhertoresent[notbecausethelibertiesItookwithherrequireresentment,wereshenotaCLARISSA;butasitbecomesherparticularnicenesstoresent]:butwouldsheshowmorelovethanabhorrenceofmeinherresentment;wouldsheseem,ifitwerebuttoseem,tobelievethefirenodevice,andallthatfollowed
merelyaccidental;anddescend,uponit,totenderexpostulation,andupbraidingfortheadvantageIwouldhavetakenofhersurprise;andwouldshe,atlast,besatisfied(aswellshemay)thatitwasattendedwithnofurtherconsequence;andplacesomegenerousconfidenceinmyhonour,[powerlovestobetrusted,Jack;]IthinkIwouldputanendtoallhertrials,andpayhermyvowsatthealtar.
Yet,tohavetakensuchboldsteps,aswithTomlinsonandheruncle--tohavemadesuchaprogress--OBelford,Belford,howIhavepuzzledmyself,aswellasher!--Thiscursedaversiontowedlockhowithasentangledme!--Whatcontradictionshasitmademeguiltyof!
Howpleasingtomyself,tolookbackuponthehappydaysIgaveher;
thoughminewoulddoubtlesshavebeenunmixedlyso,couldIhavedeterminedtolayasidemycontrivances,andtobeassincereallthetime,asshedeservedthatIshouldbe!
IfIfindthishumourholdbuttillto-morrowmorning,[andithasnowlastedtwofullhours,andIseem,methinks,tohavepleasureinencouragingit,]Iwillmaketheeavisit,Ithink,orgettheetocometome;andthenwillI--consulttheeuponit.
Butshewillnottrustme.Shewillnotconfideinmyhonour.Doubt,inthiscase,isdefiance.Shelovesmenotwellenoughtoforgivemegenerously.Sheissogreatlyaboveme!HowcanIforgiveherforameritsomortifyingtomypride!Shethinks,sheknows,shehastoldme,
thatsheisaboveme.Thesewordsarestillinmyears,'Begone,Lovelace!--Mysoulisabovethee,man!--Thouhastaproudhearttocontendwith!--Mysoulisabovethee,man!'*MissHowethinksherabovemetoo.Thou,eventhou,myfriend,myintimatefriendandcompanion,artofthesameopinion.ThenIfearherasmuchasIloveher.--Howshallmypridebearthesereflections?Mywife(asIhaveoftensaid,becauseitsooftenrecurstomythoughts)tobesomuchmysuperior!--Myselftobeconsideredbutasthesecondpersoninmyownfamily!--Canstthouteachmetobearsuchareflectionasthis!--Totellmeofmyacquisitioninher,andthatshe,withallherexcellencies,willbemine
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infullproperty,isamistake--itcannotbeso--forshallInotbeher's;andnotmyown?--Willnoteveryactofherduty(asIcannotdeserveit)beacondescension,andatriumphoverme?--AndmustIoweitmerelytohergoodnessthatshedoesnotdespiseme?--Tohavehercondescendtobearwithmyfollies!--Towoundmewithaneyeofpity!--AdaughteroftheHarlowesthustoexcelthelast,andasIhaveheretoforesaid,notthemeanestoftheLovelaces**--forbidit!
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXLVII.**SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.
Yetforbiditnot--fordoInotnow--doInoteverymoment--seeherbeforemeallovercharms,andeleganceandpurity,asinthestrugglesofthepastmidnight?Andinthesestruggles,heart,voice,eyes,hand,andsentiments,sogreatly,sogloriouslyconsistentwiththecharactershehassustainedfromhercradletothepresenthour?
ButwhatadvantagesdoIgivethee?
YethaveInotalwaysdoneherjustice?Whythenthyteasingimpertinence?
However,Iforgivethee,Jack--since(somuchgenerousloveamIcapableof!)Ihadratheralltheworldshouldcondemnme,thanthathercharactershouldsuffertheleastimpeachment.
Thedearcreatureherselfoncetoldme,thattherewasastrangemixtureinmymind.*IhavebeencalledDevilandBeelzebub,betweenthetwoproudbeauties:ImustindeedbeaBeelzebub,ifIhadnotsometolerablequalities.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXXIII.
ButasMissHowesays,thesufferingtimeofthisexcellentcreatureishershiningtime.*Hithertoshehasdonenothingbutshine.
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXXIII.
Shecalledmevillain,Belford,withinthesefewhours.Andwhatisthesumofthepresentargument;butthathadInotbeenavillaininhersenseoftheword,shehadnotbeensuchanangel?
OJack,Jack!Thismidnightattempthasmadememad;hasutterlyundoneme!Howcanthedearcreaturesay,Ihavemadehervileinherowneyes,
whenherbehaviourundersuchasurprise,andherresentmentundersuchcircumstances,havesogreatlyexaltedherinmine?
Whence,however,thisstrangerhapsody?--Isitowingtomybeinghere?ThatIamnotatSinclair's?Butiftherebeinfectioninthathouse,howhasmybelovedescapedit?
Butnomoreinthisstrain!--Iwillseewhatherbehaviourwillbeonmyreturn--yetalreadydoIbegintoapprehendsomelittlesinkings,somelittleretrogradations:forIhavejustnowadoubtarisen,whether,for
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herownsake,Ishouldwishhertoforgivemelightly,orwithdifficulty?
***
Iaminawaytocomeatthewished-forlicense.
Ihavenowgiveneverythingbetweenmybelovedandmeafullconsideration;andmypuzzleisover.Whathasbroughtmetoaspeedierdeterminationis,thatIthinkIhavefoundoutwhatshemeansbytheweek'sdistanceatwhichsheintendstoholdme.Itis,thatshemayhavetimetowritetoMissHowe,toputinmotionthatcursedschemeofher's,andtotakemeasuresuponitwhichshallenablehertoabandonandrenouncemeforever.Now,Jack,ifIobtainnotadmissiontoherpresenceonmyreturn;butamrefusedwithhaughtiness;ifherweekbeinsistedupon(suchprospectsbeforeher);Ishallbeconfirmedinmyconjecture;anditwillbeplaintome,thatweakatbestwasthatlove,whichcouldgiveplacetopunctilio,atatimewhenthatall-reconcilingceremony,asshemustthink,waitshercommand:--thenwillIrecollectallherperversenesses;thenwillIre-peruseMissHowe'sletters,andthetranscriptsfromothersofthem;givewaytomyaversiontothelifeofshackles:andthenshallshebemineinmyownway.
But,afterall,Iaminhopesthatshewillhavebetterconsideredofeverythingbytheevening;thatherthreatofaweek'sdistancewasthrownoutintheheatofpassion;andthatshewillallow,thatIhaveasmuchcausetoquarrelwithherforbreachofherword,asshehaswithmeforbreachofthepeace.
TheselinesofRowehavegotintomyhead;andIshallrepeatthemverydevoutlyallthewaythechairmanshallpoppetmetowardsherby-and-by.
Teachme,somepower,thehappyartofspeech,Todressmypurposeupingraciouswords;Suchasmaysoftlystealuponhersoul,
Andneverwakenthetempestuouspassions.
LETTERXIX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.THURSDAYEVENING,JUNE8.
Oforacursetokillwith!--Ruined!Undone!Outwitted!Tricked!--Zounds,man,theladyhasgoneoff!--Absolutelygoneoff!Escaped!--
Thouknowestnot,norcanstconceive,thepangsthatwringmyheart!--WhatcanIdo!--OLord,OLord,OLord!
Andthou,too,whohastendeavouredtoweakenmyhands,wiltbutclapthydragon'swingsatthetidings!
YetImustwrite,orIshallgodistracted!LittlelesshaveIbeenthesetwohours;dispatchingmessengerstoeverystage,toeveryinn,toeverywaggonorcoach,whetherflyingorcreeping,andtoeveryhouse
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withabillup,forfivemilesaround.
Thelittlehypocrite,whoknowsnotasoulinthistown,[IthoughtIwassureofheratanytime,]suchanunexperiencedtraitress--givingmehopetoo,inherfirstbillet,thatherexpectationofthefamily-reconciliationwouldwithholdherfromtakingsuchastepasthis--curseuponhercontrivances!--Ithought,thatitwasowingtoherbashfulness,tohermodesty,that,afterafewinnocentfreedoms,shecouldnotlookmeintheface;when,allthewhile,shewasimpudently[yes,Isay,impudently,thoughshebeClarissaHarlowe]contrivingtorobmeofthedearestpropertyIhadeverpurchased--purchasedbyapainfulservitudeofmanymonths;fightingthroughthewild-beastsofherfamilyforher,andcombatingwithawind-millvirtue,whichhathcostmemillionsofperjuriesonlytoattempt;andwhichnow,withitsdamn'dair-fans,hastostmeamileandahalfbeyondhope!--Andthis,justasIhadarrivedwithinviewoftheconsummationofallmywishes!
ODevilofLove!GodofLovenomore--howhaveIdeservedthisofthee!--Neverbeforethefriendoffrozenvirtue?--Powerlessdemon,forpowerlessthoumustbe,ifthoumeanedestnottofrustratemyhopes;whoshallhenceforthkneelatthyaltars!--Mayeveryenterprisingheartabhor,despise,execrate,renouncethee,asIdo!--But,OBelford,Belford,whatsignifiescursingnow!
***
Howshecouldeffectthisherwickedescapeismyastonishment;thewholesisterhoodhavingchargeofher;--for,asyet,Ihavenothadpatienceenoughtoinquireintotheparticulars,nortoletasoulofthemapproachme.
OfthisIamsure,orIhadnotbroughtherhither,thereisnotacreaturebelongingtothishouse,thatcouldbecorruptedeitherbyvirtueorremorse:thehighestjoyeveryinfernalnymph,ofthisworsethaninfernalhabitation,couldhaveknown,wouldhavebeentoreduce
thisproudbeautytoherownlevel.--Andastomyvillain,whoalsohadchargeofher,heissuchaseasonedvarlet,thathedelightsinmischiefforthesakeofit:nobribecouldseducehimtobetrayhistrust,weretherebutwickednessinit!--'Tiswell,however,hewasoutofmywaywhenthecursednewswasimpartedtome!--Gone,thevillain!inquestofher:nottoreturn,nortoseemyface[soitseemshedeclared]tillhehasheardsometidingsofher;andalltheout-of-placevarletsofhisnumerousacquaintancearesummonedandemployedinthesamebusiness.
TowhatpurposebroughtIthisangel(angelImustyetcallher)tothishellishhouse?--AndwasInotmeditatingtodoherdeservedhonour?Bymysoul,Belford,Iwasresolved--butthouknowestwhatIhadconditionallyresolved--Andnow,whocantellintowhathandsshemay
havefallen!
Iammad,starkmad,byJupiter,atthethoughtsofthis!--Unprovided,destitute,unacquainted--somevillain,worsethanmyself,whoadoreshernotasIadoreher,mayhaveseizedher,andtakenadvantageofherdistress!--Letmeperish,Belford,ifawholehecatombofinnocents,asthelittleplaguesarecalled,shallatoneforthebrokenpromisesandwickedartificesofthiscruelcreature!
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***
Goinghome,asIdid,withresolutionsfavourabletoher,judgethouofmydistraction,whenherescapewasfirsthintedtome,althoughbutinbrokensentences.IknewnotwhatIsaid,norwhatIdid.Iwantedtokillsomebody.Iflewoutofoneroomintoanother,whobrokethemattertome.Ichargedbriberyandcorruption,inmyfirstfury,uponall;andthreateneddestructiontooldandyoung,astheyshouldcomeinmyway.
Dorcascontinueslockedupfromme:SallyandPollyhavenotyetdaredtoappear:thevileSinclair--
Butherecomestheodiousdevil.Shetapsatthedoor,thoughtthat'sonlya-jar,whiningandsnuffling,totry,Isuppose,tocoaxmeintotemper.
***
Whatahelplessstate,whereamancanonlyexecratehimselfandothers;theoccasionofhisrageremaining;theevilincreasinguponreflection;timeitselfconspiringtodeepenit!--OhowIcurs'dher!
Ihavehernow,methinks,beforeme,blubbering--howodiousdoessorrowmakeanuglyface!--Thine,Jack,andthisoldbeldam's,inpenitentials,insteadofmovingcompassion,mustevermoreconfirmhatred;whilebeautyintears,isbeautyheightened,andwhatmyhearthaseverdelightedtosee.----
'Whatexcuse!--Confoundyou,andyourcurseddaughters,whatexcusecanyoumake?--Isshenotgone--Hasshenotescaped?--ButbeforeIamquitedistracted,beforeIcommithalfahundredmurders,letmehearhowitwas.'----
***
Ihaveheardherstory!--Art,damn'd,confounded,wicked,unpardonableart,isawomanofhercharacter--Butshowmeawoman,andI'llshowtheeaplotter!--Thisplaguysexisartitself:everyindividualofitisaplotterbynature.
Thisisthesubstanceoftheoldwretch'saccount.
Shetoldme,'ThatIhadnosoonerleftthevilehouse,thanDorcasacquaintedthesyren'[Do,Jack,letmecallhernames!--Ibeseechthee,Jack,topermitmetocallhernames!]'thatDorcasacquaintedherlady
withit;andthatIhadleftword,thatIwasgonetodoctors-commons,andshouldbeheardofforsomehoursattheHornthere,ifinquiredafterbythecounsellor,oranybodyelse:thatafterwardsIshouldbeeitherattheCocoa-tree,orKing's-Arms,andshouldnotreturntilllate.Shethenurgedhertotakesomerefreshment.
'ShewasintearswhenDorcasapproachedher;hersaucyeyesswelledwithweeping:sherefusedeithertoeatordrink;sighedasifherheartwouldbreak.'--False,devilishgrief!notthehumble,silent,grief,thatonlydeservespity!--Contrivingtoruinme,todespoilmeofallthatIheld
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valuable,intheverymidstofit.
'Nevertheless,beingresolvednottoseemeforaweekatleast,sheorderedhertobringupthreeorfourFrenchrolls,withalittlebutter,andadecanterofwater;tellingher,shewoulddispensewithherattendance;andthatshouldbeallsheshouldliveuponintheinterim.Soartfulcreature!pretendingtolayupforaweek'ssiege.'--For,astosubstantialfood,she,nomorethanotherangels--Angels!saidI--thedeviltakemeifshebeanymoreanangel!--forsheisodiousinmyeyes;andIhatehermortally!
ButOLovelace,thouliest!--Sheisallthatislovely.Allthatisexcellent!
Butisshe,canshebegone!--Oh!howMissHowewilltriumph!--Butifthatlittlefuryreceiveher,fateshallmakemerichamends;forthenwillIcontrivetohavethemboth.
Iwaslookingbackforconnection--butthedeviltakeconnection;Ihavenobusinesswithit:thecontrarybestbefitsdistraction,andthatwillsoonbemylot!
'Dorcasconsultedtheoldwretchaboutobeyingher:Oyes,byallmeans;forMr.Lovelaceknewhowtocomeatheratanytime:anddirecteda
bottleofsherrytobeadded.'Thischeerfulcompliancesoobligedher,thatshewasprevailedupontogoup,andlookatthedamagedonebythefire;andseemednotonlyshockedbyit,but,astheythought,satisfieditwasnotrick;assheownedshehadatfirstapprehendedittobe.Allthismadethemsecure;andtheylaughedintheirsleeves,tothinkwhatachildishwayofshowingherresentmentshehadfoundout;Sallythrowingoutherwitticisms,thatMrs.Lovelacewasright,however,nottoquarrelwithherbreadandbutter.'
Nowthisverychildishness,astheyimaginedit,insuchagenius,wouldhavemademesuspecteitherherhead,afterwhathadhappenedthenight
before;orherpurpose,whenthemarriagewas(sofarassheknew)tobecompletedwithintheweekinwhichshewasresolvedtosecreteherselffrommeinthesamehouse.
'ShesentWill.withalettertoWilson's,directedtoMissHowe,orderinghimtoinquireiftherewerenotoneforherthere.
'Heonlypretendedtogo,andbroughtwordtherewasnone;andputherletterinhispocketforme.
'Shethenorderedhimtocarryanother(whichshegavehim)totheHornTaverntome.--Allthisdonewithoutanyseeminghurry:yetsheappearedtobeverysolemn;andputherhandkerchieffrequentlytohereyes.
'Will.pretendedtocometomewiththisletter.Butthouthedoghadthesagacitytomistrustsomethingonhersendinghimoutasecondtime;(andtome,whomshehadrefusedtosee;)whichhethoughtextraordinary;andmentionedhismistruststoSally,Polly,andDorcas;yettheymadelightofhissuspicions;Dorcasassuringthemall,thatherladyseemedmorestupidwithhergrief,thanactive;andthatshereallybelievedshewasalittleturnedinherhead,andknewnotwhatshedid.Butallofthemdependeduponherinexperience,heropentemper,anduponhernotmakingtheleastmotiontowardsgoingout,ortohaveacoachorchair
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called,assometimesshehaddone;andstillmoreuponthepreparationsshehadmadeforaweek'ssiege,asImaycallit.
'Will.wentout,pretendingtobringthelettertome;butquicklyreturned;hisheartstillmisgivinghim,onrecollectingmyfrequentcautions,thathewasnottojudgeforhimself,whenhehadpositiveorders;butifanydoubtoccurred,fromcircumstancesIcouldnotforesee,literallytofollowthem,astheonlywaytoavoidblame.
'Butitmusthavebeeninthislittleinterval,thatsheescaped;forsoonafterhisreturn,theymadefastthestreet-doorandhatch,themotherandthetwonymphstakingalittleturnintothegarden;Dorcasgoingupstairs,andWill.(toavoidbeingseenbyhislady,orhisvoiceheard)downintothekitchen.
'Abouthalfanhourafter,Dorcas,whohadplantedherselfwhereshecouldseeherlady'sdooropen,hadthecuriositytogolookthroughthekeyhole,havingamisgiving,asshesaid,thattheladymightoffersomeviolencetoherself,inthemoodshehadbeeninallday;andfindingthekeyinthedoor,whichwasnotveryusual,shetappedatitthreeorfourtimes,andhavingnoanswer,openedit,withMadam,Madam,didyoucall?--Supposingherinhercloset.
'Havingnoanswer,shesteptforward,andwasastonishedtofindshewas
notthere.Shehastilyranintothedining-room,thenintomyapartments;searchedeverycloset;dreadingallthetimetobeholdsomesadcatastrophe.
'Notfindingheranywhere,sherandowntotheoldcreature,andhernymphs,withaHaveyouseenmylady?--Thenshe'sgone!--She'snowhereabove!
'Theyweresureshecouldnotbegoneout.
'Thewholehousewasinanuproarinaninstant;somerunningup-stairs,somedown,fromtheupperroomstothelower;andallscreaming,Howshouldtheylookmeintheface!
'Will.criedout,hewasadeadman:heblamedthem;theyhim;andeveryonewasanaccuser,andanexcuser,atthesametime.
'Whentheyhadsearchedthewholehouse,andeveryclosetinit,tentimesover,tonopurpose,theytookitintotheirheadstosendtoalltheporters,chairmen,andhackney-coachmen,thathadbeennearthehousefortwohourspast,toinquireifanyofthemsawsuchayounglady;describingher.
'Thisbroughtthemsomelight:theonlydawningforhope,thatIcanhave,andwhichkeepsmefromabsolutedespair.Oneofthechairmengavethemthisaccount:Thathesawsuchaonecomeoutofthehousealittle
beforefour(inagreathurry,andasiffrighted)withalittleparceltiedupinahandkerchief,inherhand:thathetooknoticetohisfellow,whopliedherwithoutheranswering,thatshewasafineyounglady:thathe'dwarrant,shehadeitherahusband,orverycrossparents;forthathereyesseemedswelledwithcrying.Uponwhich,athirdfellowreplied,thatitmightbeadoeescapedfrommotherDamnable'spark.ThisMrs.Sinclairtoldmewithacurse,andawishthatshehadabetterreputation;sohandsomelyasshelived,andsojustlyasshepaideverybodyforwhatshebought;herhousevisitedbythebestandcivilestofgentlemen;andnonoiseorbrawlseverheardorknowninit.
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'Fromtheseappearances,thefellowwhogavethisinformation,hadthecuriositytofollowher,unperceived.Sheoftenlookedback.Everybodywhopassedher,turnedtolookafterher;passingtheirverdictuponhertears,herhurry,andhercharmingperson;tillcomingtoastandofcoaches,acoachmanpliedher;wasaccepted;alighted;openedthecoach-doorinahurry,seeingherhurry;andinitshestumbledforhaste;and,asthefellowbelieved,hurthershinwiththestumble.'
Thedeviltakeme,Belford,ifmygenerousheartisnotmovedforher,notwithstandingherwickeddeceit,tothinkwhatmustbeherreflectionsandapprehensionsatthetime:--Amindsodelicate,heedingnocensures;yet,probablyafraidofbeinglaidholdofbyaLovelaceineveryoneshesaw!Atthesametime,notknowingtowhatdangersshewasabouttoexposeherself;norofwhomshecouldobtainshelter;astrangertothetown,andtoallitsways;theafternoonfargone:butlittlemoney;andnoclothesbutthoseshehadon!
Itisimpossible,inthislittleintervalsincelastnight,thatMissHowe'sTownsendcouldbeco-operating.
Buthowshemustabhormetorunalltheserisques;howheartilyshemustdetestmeformyfreedomsoflastnight!Oh!thatIhadgivenhergreaterreasonforaresentmentsoviolent!--Astohervirtue,Iamtoo
muchenragedtogiveherthemeritduetothat.Tovirtueitcannotbeowingthatsheshouldflyfromthecharmingprospectsthatwerebeforeher;buttomalice,hatred,contempt,Harlowepride,(theworstofpride,)andtoallthedeadlypassionsthateverreignedinafemalebreast--andifIcanbutrecoverher--Butbestill,becalm,behushed,mystormypassions;forisitnotClarissa[HarlowemustIsay?]thatthusfarIraveagainst?
'Thefellowheardhersay,drivefast!veryfast!Where,Madam?ToHolborn-bars,answeredshe;repeating,Driveveryfast!--Andupshepulledboththewindows:andhelostsightofthecoachinaminute.
'Will.,assoonashehadthisintelligence,speededawayinhopesto
traceherout;declaring,thathewouldneverthinkofseeingme,tillhehadheardsometidingsofhislady.'
Andnow,Belford,allmyhopeis,thatthisfellow(whoattendedusinourairingtoHampstead,toHighgate,toMuswell-hill,toKentish-town)willhearofheratsomeoneorotherofthoseplaces.AndonthisItheratherbuild,asIremembershewasonce,afterourreturn,veryinquisitiveaboutthestages,andtheirprices;praisingtheconveniencytopassengersintheirgoingoffeveryhour;andthisinWill.'shearing,whowastheninattendance.Woebetothevillain,ifherecollectnotthis!
***
Ihavebeentraversingherroom,meditating,ortakingupeverythingshebuttouchedorused:theglassshedressedat,Iwasreadytobreak,fornotgivingmethepersonalimageitwaswonttoreflectofher,whoseideaisforeverpresentwithme.Icallforher,nowinthetenderest,nowinthemostreproachfulterms,asifwithinhearing:wantingher,Iwantmyownsoul,atleasteverythingdeartoit.Whatavoidinmyheart!whatachilnessinmyblood,asifitscirculationwasarrested!
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Fromherroomtomyown;inthedining-room,andinandoutofeveryplacewhereIhaveseenthebelovedofmyheart,doIhurry;innonecanItarry;herlovelyimageineveryone,insomelivelyattitude,rushingcruellyuponme,indifferentlyrememberedconversations.
Butwheninmyfirstfury,atmyreturn,Iwentuptwopairsofstairs,resolvedtofindthelocked-upDorcas,andbeheldthevainly-burntwindow-board,andrecollectedmybaffledcontrivances,baffledbymyownweakfolly,Ithoughtmydistractioncompleted;anddownIranasonefrightedataspectre,readytohowlforvexation;myheadandmytemplesshootingwithaviolenceIhadneverfeltbefore;andmybackachingasifthevertebraeweredisjointed,andfallinginpieces.
ButnowthatIhaveheardthemother'sstory,andcontemplatedthedawninghopesgivenbythechairman'sinformation,Iamagooddealeasier,andcanmakecoolerreflections.MostheartilyprayIforWill.'ssuccess,everyfourorfiveminutes.IfIloseher,allmyragewillreturnwithredoubledfury.Thedisgracetobethusoutwittedbyanovice,aninfantinstratagemandcontrivance,addedtotheviolenceofmypassionforher,willeitherbreakmyheart,or(whatsavesmanyaheart,inevilsinsupportable)turnmybrain.WhathadItodotogooutalicense-hunting,atleasttillIhadseenher,andmadeupmatterswithher?Andindeed,wereitnottheprivilegeofaprincipaltolayallhisownfaultsuponhisunderlings,andneverbetoblamehimself,Ishould
beapttoreflect,thatIammoreinfaultthananybody.And,asthestingofthisreflectionwillsharpenuponme,ifIrecoverhernot,howshallIeverbeabletobearit?
Ifever--
[HereMr.Lovelacelayshimselfunderacurse,tooshockingtoberepeated,ifherevengenothimselfupontheLady,shouldheoncemoregetherintohishands.]
***
IhavejustnowdismissedthesnivelingtoadDorcas,whowasintroducedtomeformypardonbythewhiningmother.Igaveherakindofnegativeandungraciousforgiveness.YetIshallasviolentlycursethetwonymphs,by-and-by,fortheconsequencesofmyownfolly:andifthiswillbeagoodwaytootopreventtheirridiculeuponme,forlosingsogloriousanopportunityasIhadlastnight,orratherthismorning.
Ihavecorrected,fromtheresultoftheinquiriesmadeofthechairman,andfromDorcas'sobservationsbeforethecruelcreatureescaped,adescriptionofherdress;andamresolved,ifIcannototherwisehearofher,toadvertiseherinthegazette,asanelopedwife,bothbyher
maidenandacknowledgedname;forherelopementwillsoonbeknownbyeveryenemy:whythenshouldnotmyfriendsbemadeacquaintedwithit,fromwhoseinquiriesandinformationsImayexpectsometidingsofher?
'Shehadonabrownlustringnight-gown,fresh,andlookinglikenew,aseverythingshewearsdoes,whethernewornot,fromanelegancenaturaltoher.Abeaverhat,ablackribbonaboutherneck,andblueknotsonherbreast.Aquiltedpetticoatofcarnation-colouredsatin;arosediamondring,supposedonherfinger;andinherwholepersonandappearance,asIshallexpressit,adignity,aswellasbeauty,that
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commandstherepeatedattentionofeveryonewhoseesher.'
ThedescriptionofherpersonIshalltakealittlemorepainsabout.Mymindmustbemoreatease,beforeIundertakethat.AndIshallthreaten,'thatif,afteracertainperiodgivenforhervoluntaryreturn,shebenotheardof,Iwillprosecuteanypersonwhopresumestoentertain,harbour,abet,orencourageher,withallthevengeancethataninjuredgentlemanandhusbandmaybewarrantedtotakebylaw,orotherwise.'
***
Freshcauseofaggravation!--Butforthisscribblingvein,orIshouldstillrunmad.
Againgoingintoherchamber,becauseitwasher's,andsighingoverthebed,andeverypieceoffurnitureinit,Icastmyeyetowardsthedrawersofthedressing-glass,andsawpeepout,asitwere,inoneofthehalf-drawndrawers,thecornerofaletter.Isnatcheditout,andfounditsuperscribed,byher,ToMr.Lovelace.Thesightofitmademyheartleap,andItrembledso,thatIcouldhardlyopentheseal.
Howdoesthisdamn'dloveunmanme!--butnobodyeverlovedasIlove!--Itisevenincreasedbyherunworthyflight,andmydisappointment.Ungratefulcreature,toflyfromapassionthusardentlyflaming!which,likethepalm,risesthemoreforbeingdepressedandslighted.
Iwillnotgivetheeacopyofthisletter.Iowehernotsomuchservice.
Butwouldstthouthink,thatthishaughtypromise-breakercouldresolveasshedoes,absolutelyandforevertorenouncemeforwhatpassedlastnight?Thatshecouldresolvetoforegoallheropeningprospectsofreconciliation;thereconciliationwithaworthlessfamily,onwhichshehassetherwholeheart?--Yetshedoes--sheacquitsmeofallobligation
toher,andherselfofallexpectationsfromme--Andforwhat?--OthatindeedIhadgivenherrealcause!Damn'dconfoundedniceness,prudery,affectation,orprettyignorance,ifnotaffectation!--Bymysoul,Belford,Itoldtheeall--Iwasmoreindebtedtoherstruggles,thantomyownforwardness.Icannotsupportmyownreflectionsuponadecencysoill-requited.--Shecouldnot,shewouldnothavebeensomuchaHarloweinherresentment.Allshefearedhadthenbeenover;andherowngoodsense,andevenmodesty,wouldhavetaughthertomakethebestofit.
ButifeveragainIgetherintomyhands,art,andmoreart,andcompulsiontoo,ifshemakeitnecessary,[and'tisplainthatnothingelsewilldo,]shallsheexperiencefromthemanwhosefearofherhas
beenaboveevenhispassionforher;andwhosegentlenessandforbearanceshehasthusperfidiouslytriumphedover.Well,saysthePoet,
'TisnoblerlikealiontoinvadeWhenappetitedirects,andseizemyprey,Thantowaittamely,likeabeggingdog,Tilldullconsentthrowsoutthescrapsoflove.
ThouknowestwhatIhavesolatelyvowed--andyet,attimes[cruelcreature,andungratefulascruel!]Icansubscribewithtoomuchtruth
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tothoselinesofanotherPoet:
Shereignsmorefullyinmysoulthanever;Shegarrisonsmybreast,andmansagainstmeEv'nmyownrebelthoughts,withthousandgraces,Tenthousandcharms,andnew-discoveredbeauties!
LETTERXX
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
AletterisputintomyhandsbyWilsonhimself.--Suchaletter!
AletterfromMissHowetohercruelfriend!--
Imadenoscrupletoopenit.
ItisamiraclethatIfellnotintofitsatthereadingofit;andatthethoughtofwhatmighthavebeentheconsequence,haditcomeintothehandsofthisClarissaHarlowe.Letmyjustly-excitedrageexcusemyirreverence.
Collins,thoughnothisday,broughtitthisafternoontoWilson's,withaparticulardesirethatitmightbesentwithallspeedtoMissBeaumont'slodgings,andgiven,ifpossible,intoherownhands.Hehadbeforebeenhere(atMrs.Sinclair'swithintenttodeliverittotheladywithhisownhand;butwastold[tootrulytold!]thatshewasabroad;butthattheywouldgiveheranythingheshouldleaveforherthemomentshereturned.)Buthecarednottotrustthemwithhisbusiness,andwentawaytoWilson's,(asIfindbythedescriptionofhimatbothplaces,)andtherelefttheletter;butnottillhehadasecondtimecalledhere,andfoundhernotcomein.
Theletter[whichIshallenclose;foritistoolongtotranscribe]will
accounttotheeforCollins'scominghither.
OthisdevilishMissHowe;--somethingmustberesolveduponanddonewiththatlittlefury!
***
Thouwiltseethemarginofthiscursedlettercrowdedwithindices[>>>].Iputthemtomarktheplaceswhichcallforvengeanceuponthevixenwriter,orwhichrequireanimadversion.Returnthouittomethemomentthouhastperusedit.
Readithere;andavoidtremblingforme,ifthoucanst.
TOMISSLAETITIABEAUMONTWEDNESDAY,JUNE7.
MYDEARESTFRIEND,
YouwillperhapsthinkthatIhavebeentoo
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longsilent.ButIhadbeguntwolettersatdiffer-enttimessincemylast,andwrittenagreatdeal>>>eachtime;andwithspiritenough,Iassureyou;incensedasIwasagainsttheabominablewretchyouarewith;particularlyonreadingyour'softhe21stofthepastmonth.*
*SeeVol.IV.LetterXLVI.
>>>ThefirstIintendedtokeepopentillIcouldgiveyousomeaccountofmyproceedingswithMrs.Townsend.ItwassomedaysbeforeIsawher:andthisintervenientspacegivingmetimetore-perusewhatIhadwritten,Ithoughtitpropertolay>>>thataside,andtowriteinastylealittlelessfervent;>>>foryouwouldhaveblamedme,Iknow,forthefree-domofsomeofmyexpressions.[Execrations,ifyouplease.]AndwhenIhadgoneagoodwayinthesecond,thechangeinyourprospects,onhiscommunicatingtoyouMissMontague'sletter,andhisbetterbehaviour,occasioningachangeinyourmind,Ilaidthatasidealso.Andinthisuncer-
tainty,thoughtIwouldwaittoseetheissueofaffairsbetweenyoubeforeIwroteagain;believingthatallwouldsoonbedecidedonewayorother.
Ihadstill,perhaps,heldthisresolution,[aseveryappearance,accordingtoyourletters,wasmoreandmorepromising,]hadnotthetwopasseddaysfur-nishedmewithintelligencewhichithighlyimportsyoutoknow.
ButImuststophere,andtakealittlewalk,totrytokeepdownthatjustindignationwhichrisestomypen,whenIamabouttorelatetoyouwhat
Imustcommunicate.
***
Iamnotmyownmistressenough--thenmymother--alwaysupanddown--andwatchingasifIwerewritingtoafellow.ButIwilltryifIcancontainmyselfintolerablebounds.
Thewomenofthehousewhereyouare--Omydear,thewomenofthehouse--butyouneverthoughthighlyofthem--soitcannotbeverysur-
>>>prising--norwouldyouhavestaidsolongwiththem,hadnotthenotionofremovingtooneofyourown,madeyoulessuneasy,andlesscuriousabouttheircharacters,andbehaviour.YetIcouldnowwish,thatyouhadbeenlessreservedamongthem>>>--ButIteaseyou--Inshort,mydear,youarecertainlyinadevilishhouse!--Beassuredthatthewomanisoneofthevilestwomen--nordoesshegotoyoubyherrightname--[Verytrue!]--HernameisnotSinclair,noristhestreetshelives
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inDover-street.Didyounevergooutbyyour-self,anddischargethecoachorchair,andreturn>>>byanothercoachorchair?Ifyoudid,[yetIdon'trememberthatyoueverwrotetome,thatyoudid,]youwouldneverhavefoundyourwaytothevilehouse,eitherbythewoman'sname,Sin-clair,orbythestreet'sname,mentionedbythatDolemaninhisletteraboutthelodgings.*
*Vol.III.LettersXXXVIII.andXXXIX.
Thewretchmightindeedhaveheldoutthesefalselightsalittlemoreexcusably,hadthehousebeenanhonesthouse;andhadhisendonlybeentopreventmischieffromyourbrother.Butthiscontrivancewasantecedent,asIthink,toyourbrother'sproject;sothatnoexcusecanbemade>>>forhisintentionsatthetime--theman,whateverhemaynowintend,wascertainlythen,eventhen,avillaininhisheart.
***
>>>IamexcessivelyconcernedthatIshouldbepre-vailedupon,betweenyourover-niceness,ononehand,andmymother'spositiveness,ontheother,tobesatisfiedwithoutknowinghowtodirecttoyouatyourlodgings.Ithinktoo,thattheproposalthatIshouldbeputofftoathird-handknowledge,orratherveiledinafirst-handignorance,camefromhim,andthatitwasonlyacquiescedinbyyou,asitwasbyme,*uponneedlessandweakconsidera-tions;because,truly,Imighthaveittosay,if
challenged,thatIknewnotwheretosendtoyou!Iamashamedofmyself!--Hadthisbeenatfirstexcusable,itcouldnotbeagoodreasonforgoingoninthefolly,whenyouhadnolikingtothe>>>house,andwhenhebegantoplaytricks,anddelaywithyou.--What!Iwastomistrustmyself,wasI?Iwastoallowittobethought,thatIcould>>>notkeepmyownsecret?--Butthehousetobe>>>takenatthistime,andatthattime,ledusbothon>>>--likefools,liketamefools,inastring.Uponmylife,mydear,thismanisavile,acontemptiblevillain--Imustspeakout!--Howhashelaughedinhissleeveatusboth,Iwarrant,forIcan'ttell
howlong!
*SeeVol.III.LetterLVI.par.12.andLetterLVIII.par.12.--Wherethereaderwillobserve,thattheproposalcamefromherself;which,asitwasalsomentionedbyMr.Lovelace,(towardstheendofLetterI.inVol.IV.)shemaybepresumedtohaveforgotten.SothatClarissahadadoubleinducementforacquiescingwiththeproposedmethodofcarryingonthecorrespondencebetweenMissHoweandherselfbyWilson'sconveyance,andbythenameofLaetitiaBeaumont.
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Andyetwhocouldhavethoughtthatamanof>>>fortune,andsomereputation,[thisDoleman,Imean--notyourwretch,tobesure!]formerlyarake,indeed,[Iinquiredafterhimlongago;andsowastheeasiersatisfied;]butmarriedtoawomanoffamily--havinghadapalsy-blow--and,>>>onewouldthink,apenitent,shouldrecommendsuchahouse[why,mydear,hecouldnotinquireofit,butmustfindittobebad]tosuchamanasLovelace,tobringhisfuture,nay,histhensupposed,brideto?
***
>>>Iwrite,perhaps,withtoomuchviolence,tobeclear,butIcannothelpit.YetIlaydownmypen,andtakeitupeverytenminutes,inordertowritewithsometemper--mymothertoo,inandout--WhatneedI,(sheasksme,)lockmyselfin,ifIamonlyreadingpastcorrespondencies?For
>>>thatismypretence,whenshecomespokinginwithherfacesharpenedtoanedge,asImaysay,byacuriositythatgiveshermorepainthanpleasure.-->>>TheLordforgiveme;butIbelieveIshallhuffhernexttimeshecomesin.
***
Doyouforgivemetoo,mydear--mymotherought;becauseshesays,Iammyfather'sgirl;andbecauseIamsureIamher's.Idon'tkowwhat
todo--Idon'tknowwhattowritenext--Ihavesomuchtowrite,yethavesolittlepatience,andsolittleopportunity.
ButIwilltellyouhowIcamebymyintelli->>>gence.Thatbeingafact,andrequiringthelessattention,Iwilltrytoaccounttoyouforthat.
Thus,then,itcameabout:'MissLardner(whomyouhaveseenathercousinBiddulph's)sawyouatSt.James'sChurchonSundaywasfort-night.Shekeptyouinhereyeduringthewholetime;butcouldnotonceobtainthenoticeofyour's,
thoughshecourtesiedtoyoutwice.Shethoughttopayhercomplimentstoyouwhentheservicewasover,forshedoubtednotbutyouweremarried-->>>andforanoddreason--becauseyoucametochurchbyyourself.Everyeye,(asusual,whereveryouare,shesaid,)wasuponyou;andthisseemingtogiveyouhurry,andyoubeingnearerthedoorthanshe,youslidout,beforeshecouldgettoyou.--Butsheorderedherservanttofollowyoutillyouwerehoused.Thisservantsawyoustepintoachair,
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whichwaitedforyou;andyouorderedthementocarryyoutotheplacewheretheytookyouup.
'Thenextday,MissLardnersentthesameservant,outofmerecuriosity,tomakeprivatein-quirywhetherMr.Lovelacewere,orwerenot,withyouthere.--Andthisinquirybroughtout,>>>fromdifferentpeople,thatthehousewassuspectedtobeoneofthosegenteelwickedhouses,whichreceiveandaccommodatefashionablepeopleofbothsexes.
'MissLardner,confoundedatthisstrangeintel-ligence,madefurtherinquiry;enjoiningsecrecytotheservantshehadsent,aswellastothegentle->>>manwhomsheemployed;whohaditconfirmedfromarakishfriend,whoknewthehouse;andtoldhim,thatthereweretwohouses:theoneinwhichalldecentappearanceswerepreserved,andguestsrarelyadmitted;theother,thereceptacleofthosewhowereabsolutelyengaged,andbrokentothevileyoke.'
>>>Say--mydearcreature--say--ShallInotexe-
cratethewretch?--Butwordsareweak--WhatcanIsay,thatwillsuitablyexpressmyabhorrenceofsuchavillainashemusthavebeen,whenhemeditatedtocarryaClarissatosuchaplace!
'MissLardnerkeptthistoherselfsomedays,notknowingwhattodo;forshelovesyou,andadmiresyouofallwomen.Atlastsherevealedit,butinconfidence,toMissBiddulph,byletter.MissBiddulph,inlikeconfidence,beingafraiditwoulddistractme,wereItoknowit,communi-catedittoMissLloyd;andso,likeawhisperedscandal,itpassedthroughseveralcanals,andthen
itcametome;whichwasnottilllastMonday.'
IthoughtIshouldhavefainteduponthesurpris-ingcommunication.Butragetakingplace,itblewawaythesuddenillness.IbesoughtMissLloydtore-enjoinsecrecytoeveryone.Itoldherthat>>>Iwouldnotfortheworldthatmymother,oranyofyourfamily,shouldknowit.AndIinstantlycausedatrustyfriendtomakewhatinquirieshecouldaboutTomlinson.
>>>IhadthoughtstohavedoneitbeforeIhadthisintelligence:butnotimaginingittobeneedful,and
littlethinkingthatyoucouldbeinsuchahouse,andasyouwerepleasedwithyourchangedprospects,I>>>forbore.Andtheratherforbore,asthematterissolaid,thatMrs.Hodgesissupposedtoknownothingoftheprojectedtreatyofaccommodation;but,onthecontrary,thatitwasdesignedtobeasecrettoher,andtoeverybodybutimmediateparties;anditwasMrs.HodgesthatIhadpro-posedtosoundbyasecondhand.
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>>>Now,mydear,itiscertain,withoutapplyingtothattoo-much-favouredhousekeeper,thatthereisnotsuchamanwithintenmilesofyouruncle.--Verytrue!--OneTomkinsthereis,aboutfourmilesoff;butheisaday-labourer:andoneThompson,aboutfivemilesdistanttheotherway;butheisaparishschoolmaster,poor,andaboutseventy.
>>>Aman,thoughtbutof£.800ayear,cannotcomefromonecountrytosettleinanother,buteverybodyinbothmustknowit,andtalkofit.
>>>Mrs.Hodgesmayyetbesoundedatadistance,ifyouwill.Youruncleisanoldman.Oldmenimaginethemselvesunderobligationtotheirpara->>>mours,ifyoungerthanthemselves,andseldomkeepanythingfromtheirknowledge.Butifwesupposehimtomakesecretofthisdesignedtreaty,itisimpossible,beforethattreatywasthoughtof,butshemusthaveseenhim,atleasthaveheardyourunclespeakpraisefullyofamanheissaidtobesointimatewith,lethimhavebeeneversolittleawhileinthoseparts.
>>>Yet,methinks,thestoryissoplausible--Tom-linson,asyoudescribehim,issogoodaman,andsomuchofagentleman;theendtobeanswered>>>byhisbeinganimpostor,somuchmorethanneces-saryifLovelacehasvillanyinhishead;andas>>>youareinsuchahouse--yourwretch'sbehaviourtohimwassopetulantandlordly;andTomlin-son'sanswersofullofspiritandcircumstance;>>>andthenwhathecommunicatedtoyouofMr.Hickman'sapplicationtoyouruncle,andofMrs.Norton'stoyourmother,[someofwhichparticu->>>lars,Iamsatisfied,hisvileagent,JosephLeman,couldnotrevealtohisvileemployer;]hispress-
ingonthemarriage-day,inthenameofyouruncle,whichitcouldnotansweranywickedpur->>>poseforhimtodo;andwhathewritesofyouruncle'sproposal,tohaveitthoughtthatyouweremarriedfromthetimethatyouhavelivedinonehousetogether;andthattobemadetoagreewiththetimeofMr.Hickman'svisittoyouruncle.>>>Theinsistingonatrustyperson'sbeingpresentattheceremony,atthatuncle'snomination--Thesethingsmakemewillingtotryforatolerableconstruc-tiontobemadeofall.ThoughIamsomuchpuzzledbywhatoccursonbothsidesoftheques->>>tion,thatIcannotbutabhorthedevilishwretch,
whoseinventionsandcontrivancesareforeverem-ployinganinquisitivehead,asmineis,withoutaffordingthemeansofabsolutedetection.
ButthisiswhatIamreadytoconjecture,thatTomlinson,speciousasheis,isamachineofLove->>>lace;andthatheisemployedforsomeend,whichhasnotyetbeenanswered.Thisiscertain,thatnotonlyTomlinson,butMennell,who,Ithink,attendedyoumorethanonceatthisvilehouse,
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mustknowittobeavilehouse.
WhatcanyouthenthinkofTomlinson'sdeclar-inghimselfinfavourofituponinquiry?
Lovelacetoomustknowittobeso;ifnotbeforehebroughtyoutoit,soonafter.
>>>Perhapsthecompanyhefoundthere,maybethemostprobablewayofaccountingforhisbearingwiththehouse,andforhisstrangesuspensionsofmarriage,whenitwasinhispowertocallsuchanangelofawomanhis.--
>>>Omydear,themanisavillain!--thegreatestofvillains,ineverylight!--Iamconvincedthatheis.--AndthisDolemanmustbeanotherofhisimplements!
>>>Therearesomanywretcheswhothinkthattobenosin,whichisoneofthegreatestandmostungratefulofallsins,--toruinyoungcreaturesofoursexwhoplacetheirconfidenceinthem;thatthewonderislessthantheshame,thatpeople,of
appearanceatleast,arefoundtopromotethehorridpurposesofprofligatesoffortuneandinterest!
>>>ButcanIthink[youwillaskwithindignantastonishment]thatLovelacecanhavedesignsuponyourhonour?
>>>Thatsuchdesignshehashad,ifhestillholdthemornot,Icanhavenodoubt,nowthatIknowthehousehehasbroughtyouto,tobeavileone.Thisisacluethathasledmetoaccountforallhisbehaviourtoyoueversinceyouhavebeeninhishands.
Allowmeabriefretrospectionofitall.
Webothknow,thatpride,revenge,andadelighttotreadinunbeatenpaths,areprincipalingredientsinthecharacterofthisfinishedlibertine.
>>>Hehatesallyourfamily--yourselfexcepted:andIhaveseveraltimesthought,thatIhaveseen>>>himstungandmortifiedthatlovehasobligedhimtokneelatyourfootstool,becauseyouareaHar-lowe.Yetisthiswretchasavageinlove.--Love>>>thathumanizesthefiercestspirits,hasnotbeenable
tosubduehis.Hispride,andthecreditwhicha>>>fewplausiblequalities,sprinkledamonghisodiousones,havegivenhim,havesecuredhimtoogoodareceptionfromoureye-judging,ourundistinguish-ing,ourself-flattering,ourtoo-confidingsex,tomakeassiduityandobsequiousness,andaconquestofhisunrulypassions,anypartofhisstudy.
>>>Hehassomereasonforhisanimositytoallthemen,andtoonewomanofyourfamily.Hehas
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alwaysshownyou,andhisownfamilytoo,thathe>>>prefershispridetohisinterest.Heisadeclaredmarriage-hater;anotoriousintriguer;fullofhisinventions,andgloryinginthem:henevercoulddrawyouintodeclarationsoflove;nortillyour>>>wiserelationspersecutedyouastheydid,toreceivehisaddressesasalover.Heknewthatyoupro-fessedlydislikedhimforhisimmoralities;hecouldnot,therefore,justlyblameyouforthecoldnessandindifferenceofyourbehaviourtohim.
>>>Thepreventionofmischiefwasyourfirstmainviewinthecorrespondencehedrewyouinto.Heoughtnot,then,tohavewonderedthatyoudeclaredyourpreferenceofthesinglelifetoanymatrimonialengagement.Heknewthatthiswasalwaysyou>>>preference;andthatbeforehetrickedyouawaysoartfully.Whatwashisconducttoyouafterwards,thatyoushouldofasuddenchangeit?
Thuswasyourwholebehaviourregular,con-sistent,anddutifultothosetowhombybirthyouowedduty;andneitherprudish,coquettish,nor
tyrannicaltohim.>>>Hehadagreedtogoonwithyouuponthoseyourownterms,andtorelyonlyonhisownmeritsandfuturereformationforyourfavour.
>>>Itwasplaintome,indeed,towhomyoucom-municatedallthatyouknewofyourownheart,thoughnotallofitthatIfoundout,thatlovehadprettyearlygainedfootinginit.Andthisyouyourselfwouldhavediscoveredsoonerthanyou>>>did,hadnothisalarming,hisunpolite,hisroughconduct,keptitunder.
>>>Iknewbyexperiencethatloveisafirethatisnottobeplayedwithwithoutburningone'sfingers:Iknewittobeadangerousthingfortwosinglepersonsofdifferentsexestoenterintofamiliarityandcorrespondencewitheachother:Since,astothelatter,mustnotapersonbecapableofpremedi-tatedart,whocansitdowntowrite,andnotwritefromtheheart?--Andawomantowriteherhearttoamanpractisedindeceit,oreventoamanofsomecharacter,whatadvantagedoesitgivehimoverher?
>>>Asthisman'svanityhadmadehimimagine,thatnowomancouldbeproofagainstlove,whenhisaddresswashonourable;nowonderthathestruggled,likealionheldintoils,againstapassionthathethoughtnotreturned.Andhowcouldyou,atfirst,showareturninlove,tosofierceaspirit,andwhohadseducedyouawaybyvileartifices,buttotheapprovalofthoseartifices.
>>>Hence,perhaps,itisnotdifficulttobelieve,that
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itbecamepossibleforsuchawretchasthistogivewaytohisoldprejudicesagainstmarriage;andtothatrevengewhichhadalwaysbeenafirstpassionwithhim.
Thisistheonlyway,Ithink,toaccountforhishorridviewsinbringingyoutoavilehouse.
Andnowmaynotalltherestbenaturallyaccountedfor?--Hisdelays--histeasingways--hisbringingyoutobearwithhislodginginthesamehouse--hismakingyoupasstothepeopleof>>>itashiswife,thoughrestrictivelyso,yetwithhope,nodoubt,(vilestofvillainsasheis!)totakeyou>>>atanadvantage--hisbringingyouintothecom-panyofhislibertinecompanions--theattemptofimposinguponyouthatMissPartingtonforabedfellow,veryprobablyhisowninventionfortheworstofpurposes--histerrifyingyouatmanydifferenttimes--hisobtrudinghimselfuponyouwhenyouwentouttochurch;nodoubttopreventyourfindingoutwhatthepeopleofthehousewere--theadvantageshemadeofyourbrother'sfoolishprojectwithSingleton.
See,mydear,hownaturallyallthisfollowsfrom>>>thediscoverymadebyMissLardner.Seehowthemonster,whomIthought,andsooftencalled,>>>afool,comesouttohavebeenallthetimeoneofthegreatestvillainsintheworld!
Butifthisisso,what,[itwouldbeaskedbyanindifferentperson,]hashithertosavedyou?Gloriouscreature!--What,morallyspeaking,butyourwatchfulness!Whatbutthat,andthemajestyofyourvirtue;thenativedignity,which,inasituationsoverydifficult,(friendless,destitute,
passingforawife,castintothecompanyofcrea-turesaccustomedtobetrayandruininnocenthearts,)hashithertoenabledyoutobaffle,over-awe,andconfound,suchadangerouslibertineasthis;sohabituallyremorseless,asyouhaveobservedhimtobe;soveryvariousinhistemper,soinventive,soseconded,sosupported,soinstigated,toopro-bably,ashehasbeen!--Thatnativedignity,thatheroism,Iwillcallit,whichhas,onallproperoccasions,exerteditselfinitsfulllustre,unmingled>>>withthatcharmingobligingnessandcondescendingsweetness,whichisevermorethesoftenerofthatdignity,whenyourmindisfreeandunapprehen-
sive!
>>>Letmestoptoadmire,andtoblessmybelovedfriend,who,unhappilyforherself,atanagesotender,unacquaintedasshewaswiththeworld,andwiththevileartsoflibertines,havingbeencalledupontosustainthehardestandmostshockingtrials,frompersecutingrelationsononehand,andfromavillanousloverontheother,hasbeenenabledtogivesuchanillustriousexampleoffortitudeand
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prudenceasneverwomangavebeforeher;andwho,asIhaveheretoforeobserved,*hasmadeafargreaterfigureinadversity,thanshepossiblycouldhavemade,hadallhershiningqualitiesbeenexertedintheirfullforceandpower,bythecon->>>tinuanceofthatprosperousrunoffortunewhichattendedherforeighteenyearsoflifeoutofnineteen.
*SeeVol.IV.LettersXXIV.
***
>>>Butnow,mydear,doIapprehend,thatyouareingreaterdangerthaneveryetyouhavebeenin;ifyouarenotmarriedinaweek;andyetstayinthisabominablehouse.Forwereyououtofit,IownIshouldnotbemuchafraidforyou.
Thesearemythoughts,onthemostdeliberate>>>consideration:'Thatheisnowconvinced,that
hehasnotbeenabletodrawyouoffyourguard:thattherefore,ifhecanobtainnonewadvantageoveryouashegoesalong,heisresolvedtodoyouallthepoorjusticethatitisinthepowerofsuchawretchashetodoyou.Heistheratherinducedtothis,asheseesthatallhisownfamilyhavewarmlyengagedthemselvesinyourcause:andthatitis>>>hishighestinteresttobejusttoyou.Thenthehorridwretchlovesyou(aswellhemay)aboveallwomen.Ihavenodoubtofthis:withsuchalove>>>assuchawretchiscapableof:withsuchaloveasHerodlovedhisMarianne.Heisnowtherefore,veryprobably,atlast,inearnest.'
Itooktimeforinquiriesofdifferentnatures,asIknew,bythetrainyouarein,thatwhateverhisdesignsare,theycannotripeneitherforgoodor>>>eviltillsomethingshallresultfromthisdeviceofhisaboutTomlinsonandyouruncle.
DeviceIhavenodoubtthatitis,whateverthisdark,thisimpenetrablespiritintendsbyit.
>>>AndyetIfindittobetrue,thatCounsellorWilliams(whomMr.Hickmanknowstobeamanofeminenceinhisprofession)hasactuallyasgood
>>>asfinishedthesettlements:thattwodraughtsofthemhavebeenmade;oneavowedlytobesenttooneCaptainTomlinson,astheclerksays:--andIfindthatalicensehasactuallybeenmorethanonceendeavouredtobeobtained;andthatdifficultieshavehithertobeenmade,equallytoLovelace's>>>vexationanddisappointment.Mymother'sproctor,whoisveryintimatewiththeproctorappliedtobythewretch,hascomeatthisinformationinconfidence;andhints,that,asMr.Lovelaceisa
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manofhighfortunes,thesedifficultieswillprobablybegotover.
Butherefollowthecausesofmyapprehensionofyourdanger;whichIshouldnothavehadathought>>>of(sincenothingveryvilehasyetbeenattempted)butonfindingwhatahouseyouarein,and,onthatdiscovery,layingtogetherandruminatingonpastoccurrences.
'Youareobliged,fromthepresentfavourable>>>appearances,togivehimyourcompanywheneverherequestsit.--Youareunderanecessityoffor-getting,orseemingtoforget,pastdisobligations;andtoreceivehisaddressesasthoseofabetrothedlover.--Youwillincurthecensureofpruderyandaffectation,evenperhapsinyourownapprehension,ifyoukeephimatthatdistancewhichhashitherto>>>beenyoursecurity.--Hissudden(andassuddenlyrecovered)illnesshasgivenhimanopportunitytofindoutthatyoulovehim.[Alas!mydear,Iknewyoulovedhim!]Heis,asyourelate,every>>>hourmoreandmoreanencroacheruponit.Hehasseemedtochangehisnature,andisallloveand
>>>gentleness.Thewolfhasputonthesheep'scloth-ing;yetmorethanoncehasshownhisteeth,andhishardly-sheathedclaws.Theinstanceyouhavegivenofhisfreedomwithyourperson,*whichyoucouldnotbutresent;andyet,asmattersarecricumstancedbetweenyou,couldnotbutpassover,whenTomlinson'slettercalledyouintohis>>>company,**showtheadvantagehehasnowoveryou;andalso,thatifhecanobtaingreater,hewill.--Andforthisveryreason(asIapprehend)it>>>is,thatTomlinsonisintroduced;thatistosay,togiveyouthegreatersecurity,andtobeamediator,ifmortaloffencebegivenyoubyanyvillanous
attempt.--Thedayseemsnotnowtobesomuchinyourpowerasitoughttobe,sincethatnowpartlydependsonyouruncle,whosepresence,atyourownmotion,hehaswishedontheoccasion.Awish,wereallreal,veryunlikely,Ithink,tobegranted.'
*ShemeansthefreedomMr.Lovelacetookwithherbeforethefire-plot.SeeVol.V.LetterXI.WhenMissHowewrotethislettershecouldnotknowofthat.**SeeVol.V.LetterXII.
>>>Andthussituated,shouldheoffergreaterfree-doms,mustyounotforgivehim?
Ifearnothing(asIknowwhohassaid)thatdevilcarnateorincarnatecanfairlydoagainsta>>>virtuesoestablished.*--Butsurprizes,mydear,insuchahouseasyouarein,andinsuchcircum-stancesasIhavementioned,Igreatlyfear!the>>>manonewhohasalreadytriumphedoverpersons
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worthyofhisalliance.
>>>Whatthenhaveyoutodo,buttoflythishouse,thisinfernalhouse!--Othatyourheartwouldletyouflytheman!
>>>Ifyoushouldbedisposedsotodo,Mrs.Towns-endshallbereadyatyourcommand.--Butifyoumeetwithnoimpediments,nonewcausesofdoubt,Ithinkyourreputationintheeyeoftheworld,>>>thoughnotyourhappiness,isconcerned,thatyoushouldbehis--andyetIcannotbearthattheselibertinesshouldberewardedfortheirvillanywiththebestofthesex,whentheworstofitaretoogoodforthem.
Butifyoumeetwiththeleastgroundforsuspicion;ifhewoulddetainyouattheodioushouse,orwishyoutostay,nowyouknowwhat>>>thepeopleare;flyhim,whateveryourprospectsare,aswellasthem.
Inoneofyournextairings,ifyouhavenoother>>>way,refusetoreturnwithhim.Namemeforyour
intelligencer,thatyouareinabadhouse,andifyouthinkyoucannotnowbreakwithhim,seemrather>>>tobelievethathemaynotknowittobeso;andthatIdonotbelievehedoes:andyetthisbeliefinusbothmustappeartobeverygross.
Butsupposeyoudesiretogooutoftownfortheair,thissultryweather,andinsistuponit?Youmaypleadyourhealthforsodoing.Hedarenot>>>resistsuchaplea.Yourbrother'sfoolishscheme,Iamtold,iscertainlygivenup;soyouneednotbeafraidonthataccount.
Ifyoudonotflythehouseuponreadingofthis,orsomewayorothergetoutofit,Ishalljudgeofhispoweroveryou,bythelittleyouwillhaveovereitherhimoryourself.
>>>OneofmyinformershasmadesuchslightinquiriesconcerningMrs.Fretchville.Didheevernametoyouthestreetorsquareshelivedin?--Idon't>>>rememberthatyou,inanyofyour's,mentionedtheplaceofherabodetome.Strange,verystrange,this,Ithink!Nosuchpersonorhousecanbefound,nearanyofthenewstreetsorsquares,wherethelightsIhadfromyourlettersledmetoimagine
>>>herhousemightbe.--Askhimwhatstreetthehouseisin,ifhehasnottoldyou;andletme>>>know.Ifhemakeadifficultyofthatcircumstance,itwillamounttoadetection.--Andyet,Ithink,youwillhaveenoughwithoutthis.
IshallsendthislongletterbyCollins,whochangeshisdaytoobligeme;andthathemaytry(nowIknowwhereyouare)togetitintoyourownhands.Ifhecannot,hewillleaveitat
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Wilson's.Asnoneofourlettersbythatconvey-ancehavemiscarriedwhenyouhavebeeninmoreapparentlydisagreeablesituationsthanyouareinatpresent.Ihopethatthiswillgosafe,ifCollinsshouldbeobligedtoleaveitthere.
>>>Iwroteashortlettertoyouinmyfirstagitations.Itcontainednotabovetwentylines,allfulloffright,alarm,andexecration.Butbeingafraidthatmyvehemencewouldtoomuchaffectyou,Ithoughtitbettertowaitalittle,aswellforthereasonsalreadyhintedat,astobeabletogiveyouasmanypar-ticularsasIcould,andmythoughtsuponall.Andastheyhaveoffered,ormayoffer,youwillbesufficientlyarmedtoresistallhismachinations,bewhattheywill.
>>>Onewordmore.Commandmeup,ifIcanbeoftheleastserviceorpleasuretoyou.Ivaluenotfame;Ivaluenotcensure;norevenlifeitself,Iverilythink,asIdoyourhonour,andyourfriend-ship--For,isnotyourhonourmyhonour?Andisnotyourfriendshiptheprideofmylife?
MayHeavenpreserveyou,mydearestcreature,inhonourandsafety,istheprayer,thehourlyprayer,of
Yourever-faithfulandaffectionateANNAHOWE.
THURSDAYMORN.5.Ihavewrittenallnight
***
TOMISSHOWE
MYDEARESTCREATURE,
Howyouhaveshocked,confounded,surprised,astonishedme,byyourdreadfulcommunication!--Myheartistooweaktobearupagainstsuchastrokeasthis!--Whenallhopewaswithme!Whenmyprospectsweresomuchmended!--Butcantherebesuchvillanyinmen,asinthisvileprincipal,andequallyvileagent!
Iamreallyill--veryill--griefandsurprise,and,nowIwillsay,despair,haveovercomeme!--All,all,youhavelaiddownasconjecture,
appearstomenowtobemorethanconjecture!
Othatyourmotherwouldhavethegoodnesstopermitmethepresenceoftheonlycomforterthatmyafflicted,myhalf-brokenheart,couldberaisedby.ButIchargeyou,thinknotofcomingupwithoutherindulgentpermission.Iamtooillatpresent,mydear,tothinkofcombatingwiththisdreadfulman;andofflyingfromthishorridhouse!--Mybadwritingwillshowyouthis.--Butmyillnesswillbemypresentsecurity,shouldheindeedhavemeditatedvillany.--Forgive,Oforgiveme,mydearestfriend,thetroubleIhavegivenyou!--Allmustsoon--But
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whyaddIgrieftogrief,andtroubletotrouble?--ButIchargeyou,mybelovedcreature,nottothinkofcomingupwithoutyourmother'slove,tothetrulydesolateandbroken-spirited
CLARISSAHARLOWE.
***
Well,Jack!--Andwhatthinkestthouofthislastletter?MissHowevaluesnoteitherfameorcensure;andthinkestthou,thatthisletterwillnotbringthelittlefuryup,thoughshecouldprocurenootherconveyancethanherhiggler'spanniers,oneforherself,theotherforhermaid?Sheknowswhithertocomenow.ManyalittlevillainhaveIpunishedforknowingmorethanIwouldhaveherknow,andthatbyaddingtoherknowledgeandexperience.Whatthinkestthou,Belford,if,bygettinghitherthisvirago,andgivingcauseforalamentableletterfromhertothefairfugitive,Ishouldbeabletorecoverher?Wouldshenotvisitthatfriendinherdistress,thinkestthou,whoseintendedvisittoherinher'sbroughtherintotheconditionfromwhichsheherselfhadsoperfidiouslyescaped?
Letmeenjoythethought!
ShallIsendthisletter?--ThouseestIhaveleftroom,ifIfailintheexactimitationofsocharmingahand,toavoidtoostrictascrutiny.Dotheynotbothdeserveitofme?Seestthounowhowtheravinggirlsthreatenshermother?Oughtshenottobepunished?AndcanIbeaworsedevil,orvillain,ormonster,thatshecallsmeinthelongletterIenclose(andhascalledmeinherformerletters)wereItopunishthembothasmyvengeanceurgesmetopunishthem?AndwhenIhaveexecutedthatmyvengeance,howcharminglysatisfiedmaytheybothgodownintothecountryandkeephousetogether,andhaveamuchbetterreasonthantheirpridecouldgivethem,forlivingthesinglelifetheyhavebothseemedsofondof!
Iwillsetabouttranscribingitthismoment,Ithink.Icanresolveafterwards.YetwhathaspoorHickmandonetodeservethisofme!--Butgloriouslywoulditpunishthemother(aswellasdaughter)forallhersordidavarice;andforherundutifulnesstohonestMr.Howe,whoseheartsheactuallybroke.Iamontiptoe,Jack,toenteruponthisproject.Isnotonecountryasgoodtomeasanother,ifIshouldbeobligedtotakeanothertouruponit?
***
ButIwillnotventure.Hickmanisagoodman,theytellme.Ilovea
goodman.Ihopeoneofthesedaystobeagoodmanmyself.Besides,Ihaveheardwithinthisweeksomethingofthishonestfellowthatshowshehasasoul;whenIthought,ifhehadone,thatitlayalittleofthedeepesttoemergetonotice,exceptonveryextraordinaryoccasions;andthatthenitpresentlysunkagainintoitscellulaadiposa.--Themanisaplumpman.--Didsteverseehim,Jack?
Buttheprincipalreasonthatwithholdsme[for'tisatemptingproject!]is,forfearofbeingutterlyblownup,ifIshouldnotbequickenoughwithmyletter,orifMissHoweshoulddeliberateonsettingout,totry
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hermother'sconsentfirst;inwhichtimealetterfrommyfrightedbeautymightreachher;forIhavenodoubt,wherevershehasrefuged,butherfirstworkwastowritetohervixenfriend.Iwillthereforegoonpatiently;andtakemyrevengeuponthelittlefuryatmyleisure.
ButinspiteofmycompassionforHickman,whosebettercharacterissometimesmyenvy,andwhoisoneofthosemortalsthatbringclumsinessintocreditwiththemothers,tothedisgraceofuscleverfellows,andoftentoourdisappointment,withthedaughters;andwhohasbeenverybusyinassistingthesedouble-armedbeautiesagainstme;Iswearbyallthediimajores,aswellasminores,thatIwillhaveMissHowe,ifIcannothavehermoreexaltedfriend!Andthen,iftherebeasmuchflaminglovebetweenthesegirlsastheypretend,willmycharmerprofitbyherescape?
Andnow,thatIshallpermitMissHowetoreignalittlelonger,letmeaskthee,ifthouhastnot,intheenclosedletter,afreshinstance,thatagreatmanyofmydifficultieswithhersister-toastareowingtothisflightygirl?--'Tistruethatherewasnaturallyaconfoundedsharpwinterair;andifalittlecoldwaterwasthrownintothepath,nowonderthatitwasinstantlyfrozen;andthatthepoorhonesttravellerfounditnexttoimpossibletokeephisway;onefootslidingbackasfastastheotheradvanced,totheendangeringofhislimbsorneck.ButyetIthinkitimpossiblethatsheshouldhavebaffledmeasshehasdone
(noviceassheis,andneverbeforefromunderherparents'wings)hadshenotbeenarmedbyavirago,whowasformerlyverynearshowingthatshecouldbetteradvisethanpractise.Butthis,Ibelieve,Ihavesaidmorethanoncebefore.
Iamlothtoreproachmyself,nowthecruelcreaturehasescapedme;Forwhatwouldthatdo,butaddtomytorment?sinceevilsself-caused,andavoidable,admitnotofpalliationorcomfort.Andyet,ifthoutellestme,thatallherstrengthwasowingtomyweakness,andthatIhavebeenacursedcowardinthiswholeaffair;why,then,Jack,Imayblush,andbevexed;but,bymysoul,Icannotcontradictthee.
Butthis,Belford,Ihope--thatifIcanturnthepoisonoftheenclosed
letterintowholesomeailment;thatistosay,ifIcanmakeuseofittomyadvantage;Ishallhavethyfreeconsenttodoit.
Iamalwayscarefultoopencoverscautiously,andtopreservesealsentire.Iwilldrawoutfromthiscursedletteranalphabet.NorwasNickRoweeverhalfsodiligenttolearnSpanish,attheQuixoterecommendationofacertainpeer,asIwillbetogainthemasteryofthisvixen'shand.
LETTERXXI
MISSCLARISSAHARLOWE,TOMISSHOWETHURSDAYEVENING,JUNE8.
Aftermylast,sofullofotherhopes,thecontentsofthiswillsurpriseyou.Omydearestfriend,themanhasatlastprovedhimselftobeavillain!
Itwaswiththeutmostdifficultylastnight,thatIpreservedmyselffromthevilestdishonour.Heextortedfrommeapromiseofforgiveness,
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andthatIwouldseehimnextday,asifnothinghadhappened:butifitwerepossibletoescapefromawretch,who,asIhavetoomuchreasontobelieve,formedaplottofirethehouse,tofrightenme,almostnaked,intohisarms,howcouldIseehimnextday?
Ihaveescaped--HeavenbepraisedthatIhave!--Andnowhavenootherconcern,thanthatIflyfromtheonlyhopethatcouldhavemadesuchahusbandtolerabletome;thereconciliationwithmyfriends,soagreeablyundertakenbymyuncle.
Allmypresenthopeis,tofindsomereputablefamily,orpersonofmyownsex,whoisobligedtogobeyondsea,orwholivesabroad;Icarenotwhether;butifImightchoose,insomeoneofourAmericancolonies--nevertobeheardofmorebymyrelations,whomIhavesogrievouslyoffended.
NorletyourgenerousheartbemovedatwhatIwrite.IfIcanescapethedreadfullestpartofmyfather'smalediction,(forthetemporarypartisalready,inamanner,fulfilled,whichmakesmetrembleinapprehensionoftheother,)Ishallthinkthewreckofmyworldlyfortunesahappycomposition.
Neitheristhereneedoftherenewalofyourso-often-tenderedgoodnesstome:forIhavewithmeringsandothervaluables,thatweresentme
withmyclothes,whichwillturnintomoneytoanswerallIcanwant,tillProvidenceshallbepleasedtoputmeintosomewanttohelpmyself,if,formyfurtherpunishment,mylifeistobelengthenedbeyondmywishes.
Imputenotthisscheme,mybelovedfriend,eithertodejectionononehand,ortothatromanticturnontheother,whichwehavesupposedgenerallytoobtainwithoursex,fromfifteentotwenty-two:for,bepleasedtoconsidermyunhappysituation,inthelightinwhichitreallymustappeartoeveryconsideratepersonwhoknowsit.Inthefirstplace,theman,whohasendeavouredtomakeme,hisproperty,willhuntmeasastray:andheknowshemaydosowithimpunity;forwhomhaveItoprotectmefromhim?
Thenastomyestate,theenviedestate,whichhasbeentheoriginalcauseofallmymisfortunes,itshallneverbemineuponlitigatedterms.Whatisthereinbeingenabledtoboast,thatIamworthmorethanIcanuse,orwishtouse?Andifmypoweriscircumscribed,Ishallnothavethattoanswerfor,whichIshouldhave,ifIdidnotuseitasIought:whichveryfewdo.Ishallhavenohusband,ofwhoseinterestIoughttobesoregardful,astopreventmedoingmorethanjusticetoothers,thatImaynotdolessforhim.Ifthereforemyfatherwillbepleased(asIshallpresume,inpropertime,toproposetohim)topaytwoannuitiesoutofit,onetomydearMrs.Norton,whichmaymakehereasyfortheremainderofherlife,assheisnowgrowingintoyears;theotherof50£.perannum,tothesamegoodwoman,fortheuseofmypoor,asIhad
thevanitytocallacertainsetofpeople,concerningwhomsheknowsallmymind;thatsoasfewaspossiblemaysufferbytheconsequencesofmyerror;Godblessthem,andgivethemheart'seaseandcontent,withtherest!
OtherreasonsformytakingthestepIhavehintedat,arethese.
ThiswickedmanknowsIhavenofriendintheworldbutyou:yourneighbourhoodthereforewouldbethefirsthewouldseekformein,wereyoutothinkitpossibleformetobeconcealedinit:andinthiscase
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youmightbesubjectedtoinconvenienciesgreatereventhanthosewhichyouhavealreadysustainedonmyaccount.
FrommycousinMorden,werehetocome,Icouldnothopeprotection;since,byhislettertome,itisevident,thatmybrotherhasengagedhiminhisparty:norwouldI,byanymeans,subjectsoworthyamantodanger;asmightbethecase,fromtheviolenceofthisungovernablespirit.
Thesethingsconsidered,whatbettermethodcanItake,thantogoabroadtosomeoneoftheEnglishcolonies;wherenobodybutyourselfshallknowanythingofme;noryou,letmetellyou,presently,nortillIamfixed,and(ifitpleaseGod)inacourseoflivingtolerablytomymind?Foritisnosmallpartofmyconcern,thatmyindiscretionshavelaidsoheavyataxuponyou,mydearfriend,towhom,once,Ihopedtogivemorepleasurethanpain.
IamatpresentatoneMrs.Moore'satHampstead.Myheartmisgavemeatcomingtothisvillage,becauseIhadbeenherewithhimmorethanonce:butthecoachhitherwassoreadyaconveniency,thatIknewnotwhattodobetter.ThenIshallstayherenolongerthantillIcanreceiveyouranswertothis:inwhichyouwillbepleasedtoletmeknow,ifIcannotbehid,accordingtoyourformercontrivance,[happy,hadIgivenintoitatthetime!]byMrs.Townsend'sassistance,tilltheheatofhissearch
beover.TheDeptfordroad,Iimagine,willbetherightdirectiontohearofapassage,andtogetsafelyaboard.
Owhywasthegreatfriendofallunchained,andpermittedtoassumesospeciousaform,andyetallowedtoconcealhisfeetandhistalons,tillwiththeonehewasreadytotrampleuponmyhonour,andtostriketheotherintomyheart!--AndwhathadIdone,thatheshouldbeletlooseparticularlyuponme!
Forgivemethismurmuringquestion,theeffectofmyimpatience,myguiltyimpatience,Idoubt:for,asIhaveescapedwithmyhonour,andnothingbutmyworldlyprospects,andmypride,myambition,andmyvanity,havesufferedinthiswretchofmyhopefullerfortunes,mayInot
stillbemorehappythanIdeservetobe?Andisitnotinmyownpowerstill,bytheDivinefavour,tosecurethegreateststakeofall?Andwhoknowsbutthatthisverypathintowhichmyinconsiderationhasthrownme,strewedasitiswithbriersandthorns,whichtearinpiecesmygaudiertrappings,maynotbetherightpathtoleadmeintothegreatroadtomyfuturehappiness;whichmighthavebeenendangeredbyevilcommunication?
Andafterall,aretherenotstillmoredeservingpersonsthanI,whoneverfailedinanycapitalpointofduty,thanhavebeenmorehumbledthanmyself;andsometoo,bytheerrorsofparentsandrelations,bythetricksandbasenessofguardiansandtrustees,andinwhichtheirownrashnessorfollyhadnopart?
Iwillthenendeavourtomakethebestofmypresentlot.Andjoinwithme,mybest,myonlyfriend,inpraying,thatmypunishmentmayendhere;andthatmypresentafflictionsmaybesanctifiedtome.
Thisletterwillenableyoutoaccountforalineortwo,whichIsenttoWilson's,tobecarriedtoyou,onlyforafeint,togethisservantoutoftheway.Heseemedtobeleft,asIthought,foraspyuponme.Buthereturningtoosoon,Iwasforcedtowriteafewlinesforhimtocarrytohismaster,toatavernnearDoctorsCommons,withthesameview:and
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thishappilyansweredmyend.
Iwroteearlyinthemorningabitterlettertothewretch,whichIleftforhimobviousenough;andIsupposehehasitbythistime.Ikeptnocopyofit.Ishallrecollectthecontents,andgiveyoutheparticularsofall,atmoreleisure.
Iamsureyouwillapproveofmyescape--therather,asthepeopleofthehousemustbeveryvile:forthey,andthatDorcastoo,didhearme(Iknowtheydid)cryoutforhelp:ifthefirehadbeenotherthanavillanousplot(althoughinthemorning,toblindthem,Ipretendedtothinkitotherwise)theywouldhavebeenalarmedasmuchasI;andhaverunin,hearingmescream,tocomfortme,supposingmyterrorwasthefire;torelieveme,supposingitwasanythingelse.ButthevileDorcaswentawayassoonasshesawthewretchthrowhisarmsaboutme!--Blessme,mydear,Ihadonlymyslippersandanunder-petticoaton.Iwasfrightedoutofmybed,byhercriesoffire;andthatIshouldbeburnttoashesinamoment--andshetogoaway,andnevertoreturn,noranybodyelse!AndyetIheardwomen'svoicesinthenextroom;indeedIdid--anevidentcontrivanceofthemall:--Godbepraised,Iamoutoftheirhouse!
Myterrorisnotyetover:Icanhardlythinkmyselfsafe:everywell-dressedmanIseefrommywindows,whetheronhorsebackoronfoot,I
thinktobehim.Iknowyouwillexpediteananswer.Amanandhorsewillbeprocuredmeto-morrowearly,tocarrythis.Tobesure,youcannotreturnananswerbythesameman,becauseyoumustseeMrs.Townsendfirst:nevertheless,Ishallwaitwithimpatiencetillyoucan;havingnofriendbutyoutoapplyto;andbeingsuchastrangertothispartoftheworld,thatIknownotwhichwaytoturnmyself;whithertogo;norwhattodo--WhatadreadfulhandhaveImadeofit!
Mrs.Moore,atwhosehouseIam,isawidow,andofgoodcharacter:andofthisoneofherneighbours,ofwhomIboughtahandkerchief,purposelytomakeinquirybeforeIwouldventure,informedme.
Iwillnotsetmyfootoutofdoors,tillIhaveyourdirection:andIamthemoresecure,havingdroptwordstothepeopleofthehousewherethecoachsetmedown,asifIexpectedachariottomeetmeinmywaytoHendon;avillagealittledistancefromthis.AndwhenIlefttheirhouse,Iwalkedbackwardandforwarduponthehill;atfirst,notknowingwhattodo;andafterwards,tobecertainthatIwasnotwatchedbeforeIventuredtoinquireafteralodging.
Youwilldirectforme,mydear,bythenameofMrs.HarriotLucas.
HadInotmademyescapewhenIdid,Iwasresolvedtoattemptitagainandagain.HewasgonetotheCommonsforalicense,ashewroteme
word;forIrefusedtoseehim,notwithstandingthepromiseheextortedfromme.
Howhard,hownexttoimpossible,mydear,toavoidmanylesserdeviations,whenwearebetrayedintoacapitalone!
ForfearIshouldnotgetawayatmyfirsteffort,Ihadapprizedhim,thatIwouldnotseteyeuponhimunderaweek,inordertogainmyselftimeforitindifferentways.AndwereIsotohavebeenwatchedastohavemadeitnecessary,Iwould,aftersuchaninstanceoftheconnivance
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ofthewomenofthehouse,haverunoutintothestreet,andthrownmyselfintothenexthouseIcouldhaveentered,orclaimprotectionfromthefirstpersonIhadmet--Womentodesertthecauseofapoorcreatureoftheirownsex,insuchasituation,whatmusttheybe!--Then,suchpoorguiltysortoffiguresdidtheymakeinthemorningafterhewasgoneout--soearnesttogetmeupstairs,andtoconvinceme,bythescorchedwindow-boards,andburntcurtainsandvallens,thatthefirewasreal--that(althoughIseemedtobelievealltheywouldhavemebelieve)Iwasmoreandmoreresolvedtogetoutoftheirhouseatalladventures.
WhenIbegan,Ithoughttowritebutafewlines.But,bemysubjectwhatitwill,IknownothowtoconcludewhenIwritetoyou.Itwasalwaysso:itisnotthereforeowingpeculiarlytothatmostinterestingandunhappysituation,whichyouwillallow,however,toengrossatpresentthewholemindof
Yourunhappy,butever-affectionateCLARISSAHARLOWE.
LETTERXXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FRIDAYMORNING,PASTTWOO'CLOCK.
IoTriumphe!--IoClarissa,sing!--Oncemore,whatahappymanthyfriend!--Asillydearnovice,tobeheardtotellthecoachmanwheretocarryher!--AndtogotoHampstead,ofallthevillagesaboutLondon!--Theplacewherewehadbeentogethermorethanonce!
MethinksIamsorryshemanagednobetter!--Ishallfindtherecoveryofhertooeasyatask,Ifear!Hadshebutknownhowmuchdifficultyenhancesthevalueofanythingwithme,andhadshetheleastnotionofobligingmebyit,shewouldneverhavestoptshortatHampstead,surely.
Well,butafteralthisexultation,thouwiltask,IfIhavealreadygot
backmycharmer?--Ihavenot;--Butknowingwheresheis,isalmostthesamethingashavingherinmypower.AnditdelightsmetothinkhowshewillstartandtremblewhenIfirstpopuponher!Howshewilllookwithconsciousguilt,thatwillmorethanwipeoffmyguiltofWednesdaynight,whensheseesherinjuredlover,andacknowledgedhusband,fromwhom,thegreatestoffelonies,shewouldhavestolenherself.
ButthouwiltbeimpatienttoknowhowIcamebymylights.Readtheenclosedletter,asIhavetoldthee,Ihavegivenmyfellow,inapprehensionofsuchanelopement;andthatwilltelltheeall,andwhatImayreasonablyexpectfromtherascal'sdiligenceandmanagement,ifhewishesevertoseemyfaceagain.
Ireceiveditabouthalfanhourago,justasIwasgoingtoliedowninmyclothes,andithasmademesomuchalive,that,midnightasitis,IhavesentforaBlunt'schariot,toattendmeherebydaypeep,withmyusualcoachman,ifpossible;andknowingnotwhatelsetodowithmyself,Isatdown,and,inthejoyofmyheart,havenotonlywrittenthusfar,buthaveconcludeduponthemeasuresIshalltakewhenadmittedtoherpresence:forwellamIawareofthedifficultiesIshallhavetocontendwithfromherperverseness.
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HONNEREDSIR,
ThisistosertifieyourHonner,ashowIamheeratHamestet,whereIhavefoundoutmyladytobeinloginsatoneMrs.Moore's,nearuponHamestet-Hethe.AndIhavesoorderedmatters,thatherladyshipcannotsturbutImusthavenoticeofhergoinsandcomins.AsIknowedIdurstnotlookintoyourHonner'sfase,ifIhadnotfoundoutmylady,thoffshewasgoneofftheprems'sinaquarterofanhour,asamanmaysay;soIknowedyouwouldbegladatharttoknowIhavefoundherout:andsoIsendthissPeturPatrick,whoistohave5shillings,itbeingnownear12oftheclockatnite;forhewouldnotsturwithoutaheartydrinktoobesides:andIwaswillingallshuldebesnuglikewaysattheloginsbeforeIsent.
IhavemunnyofyoureHonner's;butIthoughtashow,ifthemanwaspayedbymebeforend,hemoughtplaytrix;soleftthattoyourHonner.
Myladyknowsnothingofmybeinghereaway.ButIthouteitbestnottolevetheplase,becauseshehastakentheloginsbutforafuenites.
IfyourHonnercometotheUpperFlax,Iwillbeinsiteallthedayaboutthetapp-houseortheHethe.Ihaveborrowedanothercote,insteadofyourHonner'sliferie,andablackewigg;socannotbeknoenbymylady,iffashowesheshuldseeme:andhavemadeasifIhadthetooth-
ake;sowithmyhancriffeatmymothe,thetethwhichyourHonnerwaspleasedtobettoutwithyourHonner'sfyste,andmydam'dwidemothe,asyourHonnernotifysittobe,cannotbeknoentobemine.
ThetwoinnerlettersIhadfrommylady,beforeshewentofftheprems's.OnewastobeleftatMr.Wilson'sforMissHowe.ThenextwastobeforyourHonner.ButIknowedyouwasnotattheplasedirected;andbeingafear'dofwhatfellout,soIkeptthemforyourHonner,andsocouldnotgiveumtoyou,untilIseedyou.MissHow'sIonlymadebelieftoherladyshipasIcarriedit,andsedashowtherewasnothingleftforhur,asshewishedtoknoe:soheretheybebothe.
Iam,mayitpleaseyourHonner,
YourHonner'smustdutiful,And,woncemore,happyservant,WM.SUMMERS.
***
Thetwoinnerletters,asWill.callsthem,'tisplain,werewrittenfornootherpurpose,buttosendhimoutofthewaywiththem,andoneofthemtoamuseme.ThatdirectedtoMissHoweisonlythis:--
THURSDAY,JUNE8.
Iwritethis,mydearMissHowe,onlyforafeint,andtoseeifitwillgocurrent.Ishallwriteatlargeverysoon,ifnotmiserablyprevented!!!
CL.H.
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Now,Jack,willnotherfeintsjustifymine!Doesshenotinvademyprovince,thinkestthou?Andisitnotnowfairlycometo--Whoshallmostdeceiveandcheattheother?So,Ithankmystars,weareuponaparatlast,astothispoint,whichisagreateasetomyconscience,thoumustbelieve.AndifwhatHudibrastellsusistrue,thedearfugitivehasalsoabundanceofpleasuretocome.
DoubtlessthepleasureisasgreatInbeingcheated,astocheat.Aslookers-onfindmostdelight,Wholeastperceivethejuggler'ssleight;Andstillthelesstheyunderstand,Themoreadmiretheslightofhand.
***
Thismydearjuggler'slettertome;theotherinnerlettersentbyWill.
THURSDAY,JUNE8.
MR.LOVELACE,
Donotgivemecausetodreadyourreturn.IfyouwouldnotthatIshouldhateyouforever,sendmehalfalinebythebearer,toassuremethatyouwillnotattempttoseemeforaweektocome.Icannotlookyouinthefacewithoutequalconfusionandindignation.Theobligingmeinthis,isbutapooratonementforyourlastnight'svilebehaviour.
YoumaypassthistimeinajourneytoLordM.'s;andIcannotdoubt,iftheladiesofyourfamilyareasfavourabletome,asyouhaveassuredmetheyare,butthatyouwillhaveinterestenoughtoprevailwithoneofthemtoobligemewiththeircompany.Afteryourbasenessoflastnight,
youwillnotwonder,thatIinsistuponthisproofofyourfuturehonour.
IfCaptainTomlinsoncomesmeantime,Icanhearwhathehastosay,andsendyouanaccountofit.
Butinlessthanaweekifyouseeme,itmustbeowingtoafreshactofviolence,ofwhichyouknownottheconsequence.
Sendmetherequestedline,ifeveryouexpecttohavetheforgivenessconfirmed,thepromiseofwhichyouextortedfrom
TheunhappyCL.H.
***
Now,Belford,whatcanstthousayinbehalfofthissweetrogueofalady?Whatcanstthousayforher?'Tisapparent,thatshewasfullydetermineduponanelopementwhenshewroteit.Andthuswouldshemakemeofpartyagainstmyself,bydrawingmeintogiveheraweek'stimetocompleteit.And,morewickedstill,sendmeuponafool'serrandto
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bringuponeofmycousins.--Whenwecametohavethesatisfactionoffindinghergoneoff,andmeexposedforever!--Whatpunishmentcanbebadenoughforsuchalittlevillainofalady?
Butmind,moreover,howplausiblysheaccountsbythisbillet,(supposingsheshouldnotfindanopportunityofelopingbeforeIreturned,)fortheresolutionofnotseeingmeforaweek;andforthebreadandbutterexpedient!--Sochildishaswethoughtit!
Thechariotisnotcome;andifitwere,itisyettoosoonforeverythingbutmyimpatience.AndasIhavealreadytakenallmymeasures,andcanthinkofnothingbutmytriumph,Iwillresumeherviolentletter,inordertostrengthenmyresolutionsagainsther.Iwasbeforeintoogloomyawaytoproceedwithit.Butnowthesubjectisallalivetome,andmygayerfancy,likethesunbeams,willirradiateit,andturnthesolemndeep-greenintoabrighterverdure.
WhenIhavecalleduponmycharmertoexplainsomepartsofherletter,andtoatoneforothers,Iwillsendit,oracopyofit,tothee.
Sufficeitatpresenttotellthee,inthefirstplace,thatsheisdeterminednevertobemywife.--Tobesurethereoughttobenocompulsioninsomaterialacase.Compulsionwasherparents'fault,whichIhavecensuredsoseverely,thatIshallhardlybeguiltyofthe
same.IamthereforegladIknowhermindastothisessentialpoint.Ihaveruinedher!shesays.--Nowthat'safib,takeitherownway--ifIhad,shewouldnot,perhaps,haverunawayfromme.
Sheisthrownuponthewideworld!NowIownthatHampstead-heathaffordsveryprettyandveryextensiveprospects;but'tisnotthewideworldneither.Andsupposethattobehergrievance,Ihopesoontorestorehertoanarrower.
Iamtheenemyofhersoul,aswellasofherhonour!--Confoundedlysevere!Nevertheless,anotherfib!--ForIlovehersoulverywell;butthinknomoreofitinthiscasethanofmyown.
Sheistobethrownuponstrangers!--Andisnotthatherownfault?--Muchagainstmywill,Iamsure!
Sheiscastfromastateofindependencyintooneofobligation.Sheneverwasinastateofindependency;norisitfitawomanshould,ofanyage,orinanystateoflife.Andastothestateofobligation,thereisnosuchthingaslivingwithoutbeingbeholdentosomebody.Mutualobligationistheveryessenceandsoulofthesocialandcommerciallife:--Whyshouldshebeexemptfromit?Iamsurethepersonsheravesatdesiresnotsuchanexemption;hasbeenlongdependentuponher;andwouldrejoicetoowefurtherobligationstoherthanhecanboastofhitherto.
Shetalksofherfather'scurse!--ButhaveInotrepaidhimforitanhundredfoldinthesamecoin?Butwhymustthefaultsofotherpeoplebelaidatmydoor?HaveInotenowofmyown?
Butthegrey-eyeddawnbeginstopeep--letmesumupall.
Inshort,then,thedearcreature'sletterisacollectionofinvectivesnotverynewtome:thoughtheoccasionforthem,nodoubtisnewtoher.Alittlesprinklingoftheromanticandcontradictoryrunsthroughit.
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Sheloves,andshehates;sheencouragesmetopursueher,bytellingmeIsafelymay;andyetshebegsIwillnot.Sheapprehendspovertyandwant,yetresolvestogiveawayherestate;Togratifywhom?--Why,inshort,thosewhohavebeenthecauseofhermisfortunes.Andfinally,thoughsheresolvesnevertobemine,yetshehassomeregretsatleavingme,becauseoftheopeningprospectsofareconciliationwithherfriends.
Butneverdidmorningdawnsotardilyasthis!--Neitheristhechariotyetcome.
***
Agentlemantospeakwithme,Dorcas?--Whocanwantmethusearly?
CaptainTomlinson,sayestthou?Surelyhemusthavetraveledallnight!EarlyriserasIam,howcouldhethinktofindmeupthusearly?
Letbutthechariotcome,andheshallaccompanymeinittothebottomofthehill,(thoughhereturntotownonfoot;fortheCaptainisallobliginggoodness,)thatImayhearallhehastosay,andtellhimallmymind,andlosenotime.
Well,nowIamsatisfiedthatthisrebelliousflightwillturntomyadvantage,asallcrushedrebellionsdototheadvantageofasovereigninpossession.
***
DearCaptain,Irejoicetoseeyou--justinthenickoftime--See!See!
Therosy-finger'dmornappears,Andfromhermantleshakeshertears:
Thesunarisingmortalscheers,Anddrivestherisingmistsaway,Inpromiseofagloriousday.
Excuseme,Sir,thatIsaluteyoufrommyfavouritebard.Hethatriseswiththelarkwillsingwiththelark.StrangenewssinceIsawyou,Captain!--Poormistakenlady!--Butyouhavetoomuchgoodness,Iknow,torevealtoheruncleHarlowetheerrorofthiscapriciousbeauty.Itwillallturnoutforthebest.Youmustaccompanymepartoftheway.Iknowthedelightyoutakeincomposingdifferences.But'tisthetaskoftheprudenttohealthebreachesmadebytherashnessandfollyoftheimprudent.
***
Andnow,(allaroundmesostillandsosilent,)therattlingofthechariot-wheelsatastreet'sdistancedoIhear!AndtothisangelofawomanIfly!
Reward,OGodofLove![Thecauseisthyown!]Rewardthou,asitdeserves,mysufferingperseverance!--Succeedmyendeavourstobringback
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tothyobediencethischarmingfugitive!Makeheracknowledgeherrashness;repentherinsults;imploremyforgiveness;begtobereinstatedinmyfavour,andthatIwillburyinobliviontheremembranceofherheinousoffenceagainstthee,andagainstme,thyfaithfulvotary.
***
Thechariotatthedoor!--Icome!Icome!
Iattendyou,goodCaptain--
Indeed,Sir--
Pray,Sir--civilityisnotceremony.
Andnow,dressedasabridegroom,myheartelatedbeyondthatofthemostdesiringone,(attendedbyafootmanwhommybelovedneversaw,)IamalreadyatHampstead!
LETTERXXIIIMR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.UPPER-FLASK,HAMPSTEAD.FRI.MORN.7O'CLOCK.(JUNE9.)
Iamnowhere,andherehavebeenthishourandhalf.--WhatanindustriousspirithaveI!--NobodycansaythatIeatthebreadofidleness.ItaketruepainsforallthepleasureIenjoy.Icannotbutadmiremyselfstrangely;forcertainly,withthisactivesoul,IshouldhavemadeaverygreatfigureinwhateverstationIhadfilled.ButhadIbeenaprince,(tobesureIshouldhavemadeamostnoble
prince!)IshouldhaveledupamilitarydanceequaltothatofthegreatMacedonian.Ishouldhaveaddedkingdomtokingdom,anddespoiledallmyneighboursovereigns,inordertohaveobtainedthenameofRoberttheGreat!AndIwouldhavegonetowarwiththeGreatTurk,andthePersian,andMogul,fortheseraglios;fornotoneofthoseeasternmonarchsshouldhavehadaprettywomantoblesshimselfwithtillIhaddonewithher.
AndnowIhavesomuchleisureuponmyhands,that,afterhavinginformedmyselfofallnecessaryparticulars,Iamsettomyshort-handwritinginordertokeepupwithtimeaswellasIcan;forthesubjectisnowbecomeworthyofme;anditisyettoosoon,Idoubt,topaymycomplimentstomycharmer,afterallherfatiguesfortwoorthreedays
past.And,moreover,Ihaveabundanceofmatterspreparativetomyfutureproceedingstorecount,inordertoconnectandrenderallintelligible.
IpartedwiththeCaptainatthefootofthehill,treblyinstructed;thatistosay,astothefact,totheprobable,andtothepossible.IfmybelovedandIcanmeet,andmakeupwithoutthemediatingofthisworthygentleman,itwillbesomuchthebetter.Aslittleforeignaidaspossibleinmyamorousconflictshasalwaysbeenarulewithme;thoughhereIhavebeenobligedtocallinsomuch.Andwhoknowsbutit
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maybethebetterfortheladythelessshemakesnecessary?Icannotbearthatsheshouldsitsoindifferenttomeastobeinearnesttopartwithmeforeveruponsoslight,orevenuponanyoccasion.IfIfindsheis--butnomorethreateningstillsheisinmypower--thouknowestwhatIhavevowed.
AllWill.'saccount,fromthelady'sflighttohisfindingheragain,alltheaccountsofthepeopleofthehouse,thecoachman'sinformationtoWill.,andsoforth,collectedtogether,standthus:
'TheHampsteadcoach,whenthedearfugitivecametoit,hadbuttwopassengersinit.Butshemadethefellowtogooffdirectly,payingforthevacantplaces.
'ThetwopassengersdirectingthecoachmantosetthemdownattheUpperFlask,shebidhimsetherdowntherealso.
'Theytookleaveofher,[veryrespectfully,nodoubt,]andshewentintothehouse,andasked,ifshecouldnothaveadishoftea,andaroomtoherselfforhalfanhour.
'TheyshowedheruptotheveryroomwhereInowam.ShesatattheverytableInowwriteupon;and,Ibelieve,thechairIsitinwasher's.'OBelford,ifthouknowestwhatloveis,thouwiltbeabletoaccountfor
theseminutiae.'Sheseemedspiritlessandfatigued.Thegentlewomanherselfchosetoattendsogenteelandlovelyaguest.Sheaskedherifshewouldhavebreadandbutterwithhertea?
'No.Shecouldnoteat.
'Theyhadverygoodbiscuits.
'Asshepleased.
'Thegentlewomansteptoutforsome,andreturningonasudden,she
observedthesweetlittlefugitiveendeavouringtorestrainaviolentburstofgrieftowhichshehadgivenwayinthelittleinterval.
'However,whentheteacame,shemadethelandladysitdownwithher,andaskedherabundanceofquestions,aboutthevillagesandroadsintheneighbourhood.
'Thegentlewomantooknoticetoher,thatsheseemedtobetroubledinmind.
'Tenderspirits,shereplied,couldnotpartwithdearfriendswithoutconcern.'
Shemeantme,nodoubt.
'Shemadenoinquiryaboutalodging,thoughbythesequel,thou'ltobserve,thatsheseemedtointendtogonofartherthatnightthanHampstead.Butaftershehaddranktwodishes,andputabiscuitinherpocket,[sweetsoul!toserveforhersupper,perhaps,]shelaiddownhalf-a-crown;andrefusingchange,sighing,tookleave,sayingshewouldproceedtowardsHendon;thedistancetowhichhadbeenoneofherquestions.
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'TheyofferedtosendtoknowifaHampsteadcoachwerenottogotoHendonthatevening.
'Nomatter,shesaid--perhapsshemightmeetthechariot.'
Anotherofherfeints,Isuppose:forhow,orwithwhom,couldanythingofthissorthavebeenconcertedsinceyesterdaymorning?
'Shehad,asthepeopletooknoticetooneanother,somethingsouncommonlynobleinherair,andinherpersonandbehaviour,thattheyweresureshewasofquality.Andhavingnoservantwithherofeithersex,hereyes,[herfineeyes,thegentlewomancalledthem,strangerasshewas,andawoman!]beingswelledandred,theyweresuretherewasanelopementinthecase,eitherfromparentsorguardians;fortheysupposedhertooyoungandtoomaidenlytobeamarriedlady;andwereshemarried,nohusbandwouldletsuchafineyoungcreaturetobeunattendedandalone;norgivehercauseforsomuchgrief,asseemedtobesettledinhercountenance.Thenattimessheseemedtobesobewildered,theysaid,thattheywereafraidshehaditinherheadtomakeawaywithherself.
'Allthesethingsputtogether,excitedtheircuriosity;andtheyengagedapeeryservant,astheycalledafootmanwhowasdrinkingwithKit.thehostler,atthetap-house,towatchallhermotions.Thisfellow
reportedthefollowingparticulars,astheyre-reportedtome:'SheindeedwenttowardsHendon,passingbythesignoftheCastleontheHeath;then,stopping,lookedabouther,anddownintothevalleybeforeher.Then,turningherfacetowardsLondon,sheseemed,bythemotionofherhandkerchieftohereyes,toweep;repenting[whoknows?]therashstepshehadtaken,andwishingherselfbackagain.'
Betterforher,ifshedo,Jack,oncemoreIsay!--Woebetothegirlwhocouldthinkofmarryingme,yettobeabletorunawayfromme,andrenouncemeforever!
'Then,continuingonafewpaces,shestoptagain--and,asifdisliking
herroad,againseemingtoweep,directedhercoursebacktowardsHampstead.'
Iamgladsheweptsomuch,becausenoheartbursts,(betheoccasionforthesorrowwhatitwill,)whichhasthatkindlyrelief.HenceIhardlyeverammovedatthesightofthesepellucidfugitivesinafinewoman.Howoften,inthepasttwelvehours,haveIwishedthatIcouldcrymostconfoundedly?
'Shethensawacoach-and-fourdrivingtowardsherempty.Shecrossedthepathshewasin,asiftomeetit,andseemedtointendtospeaktothecoachman,hadhestoptorspokenfirst.Heasearnestlylookedather.--Everyonedidsowhopassedher,(sothemanwhodoggedherwasthe
lesssuspected.')--Happyrogueofacoachman,hadstthouknownwhosenoticethoudidstengage,andwhomthoumightesthaveobliged!--ItwasthedivineClarissaHarloweatwhomthougazest!--MineownClarissaHarlowe!--Butitwaswellformethatthouwertasundistinguishingasthebeaststhoudrovest;otherwise,whatawild-goosechacehadIbeenled?
'Thelady,aswellasthecoachman,inshort,seemedtowantresolution;--thehorseskepton--[thefellow'sheadandeyes,nodoubt,turnedbehindhim,]andthedistancesoonlengthenedbeyondrecall.Witha
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wistfuleyeshelookedafterhim;sighedandweptagain;astheservantwhothenslylypassedher,observed.
'Bythistimeshehadreachedthehouses.Shelookedupateveryoneasshepassed;nowandthenbreathinguponherbaredhand,andapplyingittoherswelledeyes,toabatetheredness,anddrythetears.Atlast,seeingabillupforlettinglodgings,shewalkedbackwardsandforwardshalfadozentimes,asifunabletodeterminewhattodo.Andthenwentfartherintothetown,andtherethefellow,beingspokentobyoneofhisfamiliars,lostherforafewminutes:buthesoonsawhercomeoutofalinen-draperyshop,attendedwithaservant-maid,having,asitproved,gotthatmaid-servanttogowithhertothehousesheisnowat.*
*SeeLetterXXI.ofthisvolume.
'Thefellow,afterwaitingaboutanhour,andnotseeinghercomeout,returned,concludingthatshehadtakenlodgingsthere.'
Andhere,supposingmynarrativeofthedramatickind,endsActthefirst.Andnowbegins
ACTIISCENE.--HampsteadHeathcontinued.ENTERMYRASCAL.
Will.havinggotatalltheseparticulars,byexchangingothersasfranklyagainstthem,withwhichIhadformerlypreparedhimbothverballyandinwriting.--Ifoundthepeoplealreadyofmyparty,andfullofgoodwishesformysuccess,repeatingtomealltheytoldhim.
Buthehadfirstacquaintedmewiththeaccountshehadgiventhemofhisladyandme.ItisnecessarythatIgivetheetheparticularsofhistale,andIhavealittletimeuponmyhands:forthemaidofthehouse,whohadbeenoutofanerrand,tellsus,thatshesawMrs.Moore,[with
whommustbemyfirstbusiness,]gointothehouseofayounggentleman,withinafewdoorsofher,whohasamaidensister,MissRawlinsbyname,sonotifiedforprudence,thatnoneofheracquaintanceundertakeanythingofconsequencewithoutconsultingher.
MeanwhilemyhonestcoachmaniswalkingaboutMissRawlin'sdoor,inordertobringmenoticeofMrs.Moore'sreturntoherownhouse.Ihopehergossip's-talewillbeassoontoldasmine--whichtakeasfollows:--
Will.toldthem,beforeIcame,'Thathisladywasbutlatelymarriedtooneofthefinestgentlemenintheworld.Butthathe,beingverygayandlively,shewasmortaljealousofhim;and,inafitofthatsort,hadelopedfromhim.Foralthoughshelovedhimdearly,andhedoated
uponher,(aswellhemight,since,astheyhadseen,shewasthefinestcreaturethateverthesunshoneupon,)yetshewasapttobeverywilfulandsullen,ifhemighttakelibertytosayso--buttruthwastruth;--andifshecouldnothaveherownwayineverything,wouldbeforleavinghim.Thatshehadthreeorfourtimesplayedhismastersuchtricks;butwithallthevirtueandinnocenceintheworld;runningawaytoanintimatefriendofher's,who,thoughayoungladyofhonour,wasbuttooindulgenttoherinthisonlyfailing;forwhichreasonhismasterhasbroughthertoLondonlodgings;theirusualresidencebeinginthecountry:andthat,onhisrefusingtosatisfyheraboutaladyhehad
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beenseenwithinSt.James'sPark,shehad,forthefirsttimesinceshecametotown,servedhismasterthus,whomhehadlefthalf-distractedonthisaccount.'
Andtrulywellhemight,poorgentleman!criedthehonestfolks,pityingmebeforetheysawme.
'Hetoldthemhowhecamebyhisintelligenceofher;andmadehimselfsuchaninterestwiththem,thattheyhelpedhimtoachangeofclothesforhimself;andthelandlord,athisrequest,privatelyinquired,iftheladyactuallyremainedatMrs.Moore's,andforhowlongshehadtakenthelodgings?--whichhefoundonlytobeforaweekcertain;butshehadsaid,thatshebelievedsheshouldhardlystaysolong.Andthenitwasthathewrotehisletter,andsentitbyhonestPeterPatrick,asthouhastheard.'
WhenIcame,mypersonanddresshavingansweredWill.'sdescription,thepeoplewerereadytoworshipme.Inow-and-thensighed,now-and-thenputonalighterair;which,however,Idesignedshouldshowmoreofvexationill-disguised,thanofrealcheerfulness;andtheytoldWill.itwassuchathousandpitiessofinealadyshouldhavesuchskittishtricks;adding,thatshemightexposeherselftogreatdangersbythem;forthattherewererakeseverywhere--[Lovelacesineverycorner,Jack!]andmanyaboutthattown,whowouldleavenothingunattemptedtogetintoher
company;andalthoughtheymightnotprevailuponher,yetmighttheyneverthelesshurtherreputation;and,intime,estrangetheaffectionsofsofineagentlemanfromher.
Goodsensiblepeoplethese!--Hey,Jack!
Here,Landlord,onewordwithyou.--Myservant,Ifind,hasacquaintedyouwiththereasonofmycomingthisway.--Anunhappyaffair,Landlord!--Averyunhappyaffair!--Butneverwasthereamorevirtuouswoman.
So,Sir,sheseemstobe.Athousandpitiesherladyshiphassuchways--andtosogood-humouredagentlemanasyouseemtobe,Sir.
Mother-spoilt,Landlord!--Mother-spoilt!--that'sthething!--But[sighing]Imustmakethebestofit.WhatIwantyoutodoformeistolendmeagreat-coat.--Icarenotwhatitis.Ifmyspouseshouldseemeatadistance,shewouldmakeitverydifficultformetogetatherspeech.Agreat-coatwithacape,ifyouhaveone.Imustcomeuponherbeforesheisaware.
Iamafraid,Sir,Ihavenonefitforsuchagentlemanasyou.
O,anythingwilldo!--Theworsethebetter.
ExitLandlord.--Re-enterwithtwogreat-coats.
Ay,Landlord,thiswillbebest;forIcanbuttonthecapeoverthelowerpartofmyface.Don'tIlookdevilishlydownandconcerned,Landlord?
Ineversawagentlemanwithabetter-naturedlook.--'Tispityyoushouldhavesuchtrials,Sir.
Imustbeveryunhappy,nodoubtofit,Landlord.--AndyetIamalittlepleased,youmustneedsthink,thatIhavefoundheroutbeforeanygreatinconveniencehasarisentoher.However,ifIcannotbreakherofthese
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freaks,she'llbreakmyheart;forIdoloveherwithallherfailings.
Thegoodwoman,whowaswithinhearingofallthis,pitiedmemuch.
Pray,yourHonour,saidshe,ifImaybesobold,wasmadameveramamma?
No--[andIsighed.]--Wehavebeenbutalittlewhilemarried;andasImaysaytoyou,itisherownfaultthatsheisnotinthatway.[Notawordofalieinthis,Jack.]Buttotellyoutruth,Madam,shemaybecomparedtothedoginthemanger--
Iunderstandyou,Sir,[simpering,]sheisbutyoung,Sir.Ihaveheardofoneortwosuchskittishyoungladies,inmytime,Sir.--Butwhenmadamisinthatway,Idaresay,asshelovesyou,(anditwouldbestrangeifshedidnot!)allthiswillbeover,andshemaymakethebestofwives.
That'sallmyhope.
SheisafineladyasIeverbeheld.--Ihope,Sir,youwon'tbetoosevere.She'llgetoverallthesefreaks,ifonceshebeamamma,Iwarrant.
Ican'tbeseveretoher--sheknowsthat.ThemomentIseeher,all
resentmentisoverwithme,ifshegivesmebutonekindlook.AllthistimeIwasadjustingthehorseman'scoat,andWill.wasputtinginthetiesofmywig,*andbuttoningthecapeovermychin.
*Thefashionablewigsatthattime.
Iaskedthegentlewomanforalittlepowder.Shebroughtmeapowder-box,andIslightlyshookthepuffovermyhat,andflaptonesideofit,thoughthelacelookedalittletoogayformycovering;and,slouchingitovermyeyes,ShallIbeknown,thinkyou,Madam?
YourHonourissoexpert,Sir!--Iwish,ifImaybesobold,yourladyhasnotsomecausetobejealous.Butitwillbeimpossible,ifyoukeepyourlacedclothescovered,thatanybodyshouldknowyouinthatdresstobethesamegentleman--excepttheyfindyououtbyyourclockedstockings.
Wellobserved--Can'tyou,Landlord,lendorsellmeapairofstockings,thatwilldrawoverthese?Icancutoffthefeet,iftheywon'tgointomyshoes.
Hecouldletmehaveapairofcoarse,butclean,stirrupstockings,ifIpleased.
Thebestintheworldforthepurpose.
Hefetch'dthem.Will.drewthemon;andmylegsthenmadeagoodgoutyappearance.
Thegoodwomansmiling,wishedmesuccess;andsodidthelandlord.AndasthouknowestthatIamnotabadmimic,Itookacane,whichIborrowedofthelandlord,andstoopedintheshoulderstoaquarterofafootlessheight,andstumpedawaycrosstothebowling-green,to
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practisealittlethehobblinggaitofagoutyman.--Thelandladywhisperedherhusband,asWill.tellsme,He'sagoodone,Iwarranthim--Idaresaythefaultliesnotatallofoneside.Whileminehostreplied,ThatIwassolivelyandsogood-naturedagentleman,thathedidnotknowwhocouldbeangrywithme,dowhatIwould.Asensiblefellow!--Iwishmycharmerwereofthesameopinion.
AndnowIamgoingtotryifIcan'tagreewithgoodyMooreforlodgingsandotherconvenienciesformysickwife.
'Wife,Lovelace?'methinksthouinterrogatest.
Yes,wife,forwhoknowswhatcautionsthedearfugitivemayhavegiveninapprehensionofme?
'ButhasgoodyMooreanyotherlodgingstolet?'
Yes,yes;Ihavetakencareofthat;andfindthatshehasjustsuchconvenienciesasIwant.AndIknowthatmywifewilllikethem.For,althoughmarried,IcandoeverythingIplease;andthat'saboldword,youknow.Buthadsheonlyagarrettolet,Iwouldhavelikedit;andbeenapoorauthorafraidofarrests,andmadethatmyplaceofrefuge;yetwouldhavemadeshifttopaybeforehandforwhatIhad.Icansuitmyselftoanycondition,that'smycomfort.
***
ThewidowMoorereturned!sayyou?--Down,down,flutterer!--Thisimpertinentheartismoretroublesometomethanmyconscience,Ithink.--Ishallbeobligedtohoarsenmyvoice,androughenmycharacter,tokeepupwithitspuppilydancings.
Butletmesee,shallIbeangryorpleasedwhenIamadmittedtomybeloved'spresence?
Angrytobesure.--Hasshenotbrokenherwordwithme?--AtatimetoowhenIwasmeditatingtodohergratefuljustice?--Andisnotbreachofwordadreadfulcrimeingoodfolks?--Ihaveeverbeenforformingmyjudgmentofthenatureofthingsandactions,notsomuchfromwhattheyareinthemselves,asfromthecharacteroftheactors.Thusitwouldbeasoddathinginsuchaswetokeepourwordswithawoman,asitwouldbewickedinhertobreakher'stous.
Seestthounotthatthisunseasonablegravityisadmittedtoquellthepalpitationsofthisunmanageableheart?Butstillitwillgoonwithitsboundings.I'lltryasIrideinmychariottotranquilize.
'Ride,Bob!solittleaway?'
Yes,ride,Jack;foramInotlame?Andwillitnotlookwelltohavealodgerwhokeepshischariot?Whatwidow,whatservant,asksquestionsofamanwithanequipage?
Mycoachman,aswellasmyotherservant,isunderWill.'stuition.
Neverwastheresuchahideousrascalashehasmadehimself.Thedevilonlyandhisothermastercanknowhim.Theybothhavesettheirmarksuponhim.Astomyhonour'smark,itwillneverbeoutofhisdam'dwide
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mothe,ashecallsit.Forthedogwillbehangedbeforehecanlosetherestofhisteethbyage.
Iamgone.
LETTERXXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.HAMPSTEAD,FRIDAYNIGHT,JUNE9.
Now,Belford,forthenarrativeofnarratives.IwillcontinueitasIhaveopportunity;andthatsodexterously,that,ifIbreakofftwentytimes,thoushaltnotdiscernwhereIpiecemythread.
Althoughgrievouslyafflictedwiththegout,Ialightedoutofmychariot(leaningveryhardonmycanewithonehand,andonmynewservant'sshoulderwiththeother)thesameinstantalmostthathehadknockedatthedoor,thatImightbesureofadmissionintothehouse.
Itookcaretobuttonmygreatcoataboutme,andtocoverwithiteventhepummelofmysword,itbeingalittletoogayformyyears.Iknew
notwhatoccasionImighthaveformysword.Istoopedforward;blinkedwithmyeyestoconcealtheirlustre(novanityinsayingthat,Jack);mychinwraptupforthetooth-ache;myslouched,lacedhat,andsomuchofmywigaswasvisible,givingme,alltogether,theappearanceofanantiquatedbeau.
Mywife,Iresolvedbeforehand,shouldhaveacomplicationofdisorders.
Themaidcametothedoor.Iaskedforhermistress.Sheshowedmeintooneoftheparlours;andIsatdownwithagoutyOh!--
ENTERGOODYMOORE.
Yourservant,Madam--butyoumustexcuseme;Icannotwellstand--Ifindbythebillatthedoor,thatyouhavelodgingstolet[mumblingmywordsasif,likemymanWill.,Ihadlostsomeofmyfore-teeth]:bepleasedtoinformmewhattheyare;forIlikeyoursituation--andIwilltellyoumyfamily--Ihaveawife,agoodoldwoman--olderthanmyself,bytheway,aprettydeal.Sheisinabadstateofhealth,andisadvisedintotheHampsteadair.Shewillhavetwomaidservantsandafootman.Thecoachorchariot(Ishallnothavethemputupbothtogether)wecanputupanywhere,andthecoachmanwillbewithhishorses.
When,Sir,shallyouwanttocomein?
Iwilltakethemfromthisveryday;and,ifconvenient,willbringmywifeintheafternoon.
Perhaps,Sir,youwouldboard,aswellaslodge?
Thatasyouplease.Itwillsavemethetroubleofbringingmycook,ifwedo.AndIsupposeyouhaveservantswhoknowhowtodressacoupleofdishes.Mywifemusteatplainfood,andIdon'tlovekickshaws.
Wehaveasinglelady,whowillbegoneintwoorthreedays.Shehas
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oneofthebestapartments:thatwillthenbeatliberty.
Youhaveoneortwogoodonesmeantime,Ipresume,Madam,justtoreceivemywife;forwehavelosttime--thesedamn'dphysicians--excuseme,Madam,Iamnotusedtocurse;butitisowingtotheloveIhaveformywife--theyhavekeptherinhand,tilltheyareashamedtotakemorefees,andnowadvisehertotheair.Iwishwehadsentherhitheratfirst.Butwemustnowmakethebestofit.
Excuseme,Madam,[forshelookedhardatme,]thatIammuffledupinthiswarmweather.IambuttoosensiblethatIhaveleftmychambersoonerthatIought,andperhapsshallhaveareturnofmygoutforit.Icameoutthusmuffledupwithadreadfulpaininmyjaws;anagueinthem,Ibelieve.Butmypoordearwillnotbesatisfiedwithanybody'scarebutmine.And,asItoldthee,wehavelosttime.
YoushallseewhataccommodationsIhave,ifyouplease,Sir.ButIdoubtyouaretoolametowalkupstairs.
IcanmakeshifttohobbleupnowIhaverestedalittle.I'lljustlookupontheapartmentmywifeistohave.Anythingmaydofortheservants:andasyouseemtobeagoodsortofgentlewoman,Ishan'tstandforaprice,andwillpaywellbesidesforthetroubleIshallgive.
Sheledtheway;andI,helpingmyselfbythebanisters,madeshifttogetupwithlessfatiguethanIexpectedfromanclessoweak.Butoh!Jack,whatwasSixtustheVth.'sartfuldepressionofhisnaturalpowerstomine,when,asthishalf-deadMontalto,hegapedforthepretendedlyunsoughtpontificate,andthemomenthewaschosenleaptupontheprancingbeast,whichitwasthoughtbytheamazedconclavehewasnotabletomount,withouthelpofchairsandmen?Neverwasthereamorejoyfulheartandlighterheelsthanminejoinedtogether;yetbothdeniedtheirfunctions;theoneflutteringinsecret,readytoburstitsbarsforrelief-fulexpression,theothersobligedtoanhobblingmotion;when,unrestrained,theywould,intheirmaster'simagination,havemountedhimtothelunarworldwithoutthehelpofaladder.
Therewerethreeroomsonafloor:twoofthemhandsome;andthethird,shesaid,stillhandsomer;buttheladywasinit.
Isaw,Isawshewas!forasIhobbledup,cryingoutuponmyweakancles,inthehoarsemumblingvoiceIhadassumed,Ibeheldalittlepieceofherasshejustcastaneye(withthedoora-jar,astheycallit)toobservewhowascomingup;and,seeingsuchanoldclumsyfellow,greatcoatedinweathersowarm,slouchedandmuffledup,shewithdrew,shuttingthedoorwithoutanyemotion.Butitwasnotsowithme;forthoucanstnotimaginehowmyheartdancedtomymouth,attheveryglimpseofher;sothatIwasafraidthethump,thump,thumpingvillain,whichhadsolatelythumpedasmuchtonopurpose,wouldhavechokedme.
Ilikedthelodgingwell;andthemoreasshesaidthethirdroomwasstillhandsomer.Imustsitdown,Madam,[andchosethedarkestpartoftheroom]:Won'tyoutakeaseatyourself?--Nopriceshallpartus--butIwillleavethetermstoyouandmywife,ifyouplease.Andalsowhetherforboardornot.Onlypleasetotakethisforearnest,puttingaguineaintoherhand--andonethingIwillsay;mypoorwifelovesmoney;butisnotanill-naturedwoman.Shewasagreatfortunetome:but,astherealestategoesawayatherdeath,Iwouldfainpreserveherforthatreason,aswellasfortheloveIbearherasanhonestman.Butifshemakes
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toocloseabargainwithyou,tellme;and,unknowntoher,Iwillmakeitup.Thisismyconstantway:shelovestohaveherpen'orths;andIwouldnothavehervexedormadeuneasyonanyaccount.
Shesaid,Iwasaveryconsiderategentleman;and,upontheconditionIhadmentioned,shewascontenttoleavethetermstomylady.
But,Madam,cannotabodyjustpeepintotheotherapartment;thatImaybemoreparticulartomywifeinthefurnitureofit?
Theladydesirestobeprivate,Sir--but--andwasgoingtoaskherleave.
Icaughtholdofherarm--However,stay,stay,Madam:itmayn'tbeproper,iftheladylovestobeprivate.Don'tletmeintrudeuponthelady--
Nointrusion,Sir,Idaresay:theladyisgood-humoured.Shewillbesokindastostepdownintotheparlour,Idaresay.Asshestayssolittleawhile,Iamsureshewillnotwishtostandinmyway.
No,Madam,that'strue,ifshebegood-humoured,asyousay--Hasshebeenwithyoulong,Madam?
Shecamebutyesterday,Sir--
IbelieveIjustnowsawtheglimpseofher.Sheseemstobeanelderlylady.
No,Sir!you'remistaken.She'sayounglady;andoneofthehandsomestIeversaw.
Cotso,Ibegherpardon!NotbutthatIshouldhavelikedherthebetter,wereshetostaylonger,ifshehadbeenelderly.Ihaveastrangetaste,Madam,you'llsay;butIreally,formywife'ssake,loveeveryelderlywoman.IndeedIeverthoughtagewastobereverenced,whichmademe(takingthefortuneintothescaletoo,thatIown)makemyaddressestomypresentdear.
Verygoodofyou,Sir,torespectage:weallhopetolivetobeold.
Right,Madam.--Butyousaytheladyisbeautiful.Nowyoumustknow,thatthoughIchoosetoconversewiththeelderly,yetIlovetoseeabeautifulyoungwoman,justasIlovetoseefineflowersinagarden.There'snocastinganeyeuponher,isthere,withouthernotice?Forinthisdress,andthusmuffledupaboutmyjaws,Ishouldnotcaretobeseenanymorethanshe,letherloveprivacyasmuchasshewill.
IwillgoandaskifImayshowagentlemantheapartment,Sir;and,asyouareamarriedgentleman,andnotoveryoung,she'llperhapsmakethelessscruple.
Then,likeme,sheloveselderlyfolksbestperhaps.Butitmaybeshehassufferedbyyoungones.
Ifancyshehas,Sir,orisafraidsheshall.Shedesiredtobeveryprivate;andifbydescriptioninquiredafter,tobedenied.
Thouartatruewoman,goodyMoore,thoughtI.
Goodlack--goodlack!--Whatmaybeherstorythen,Ipray?
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Sheisprettyreservedinherstory:but,totellyoumythoughts,Ibelieveloveisinthecase:sheisalwaysintears,anddoesnotmuchcareforcompany.
Nay,Madam,itbecomesnotmetodiveintoladies'secrets;Iwantnottopryintootherpeople'saffairs.But,pray,howdoessheemployherself?--Yetshecamebutyesterday;soyoucan'ttell.
Writingcontinually,Sir.
Thesewomen,Jack,whenyouaskthemquestionsbywayofinformation,don'tcaretobeignorantofanything.
Nay,excuseme,Madam,Iamveryfarfrombeinganinquisitiveman.Butifhercasebedifficult,andnotmerelylove,assheisafriendofyour's,Iwouldgivehermyadvice.
Thenyouarealawyer,Sir--
Why,indeed,Madam,Iwassometimeatthebar;butIhavelongleftpractice;yetammuchconsultedbymyfriendsindifficultpoints.InapaupercaseIfrequentlygivemoney;butnevertakeanyfromtherichest.
Youareaverygoodgentleman,then,Sir.Ay,Madam,wecannotlivealwayshere;andweoughttodowhatgoodwecan--butIhatetoappearofficious.Iftheladystayanytime,andthinkfit,uponbetteracquaintance,toletmeintohercase,itmaybeahappydayforher,ifIfinditajustone;for,youmustknow,thatwhenIwasatthebar,Ineverwassuchasadfellowastoundertake,forthesakeofapaltryfee,tomakewhiteblack,andblackwhite:Forwhatwouldthathavebeen,buttoendeavourtoestablishiniquitybyquirks,whileIrobbedtheinnocent?
Youareanexcellentgentleman,Sir:Iwish[andthenshesighed]Ihadhadthehappinesstoknowtherewassuchalawyerintheworld;andto
havebeenacquaintedwithhim.
Come,come,Mrs.Moore,Ithinkyournameis,itmaynotbetoolate--whenyouandIarebetteracquainted,Imayhelpyouperhaps.--Butmentionnothingofthistothelady:for,asIsaid,Ihatetoappearofficious.
Thisprohibition,Iknew,ifgoodyMooreansweredthespecimenshehadgivenofherwomanhood,wouldmakehertakethefirstopportunitytotell,wereittobenecessarytomypurposethatsheshould.
Iappeared,uponthewhole,soindifferentaboutseeingtheroom,orthelady,thatthegoodwomanwasthemoreeagerIshouldseeboth.Andthe
rather,asI,tostimulateher,declared,thattherewasmorerequiredinmyeyetomeritthecharacterofahandsomewoman,thanmostpeoplethoughtnecessary;andthatIhadneverseensixtrulylovelywomeninmylife.
Tobebrief,shewentin;andafteralittlewhilecameoutagain.Thelady,Sir,isretiredtohercloset.Soyoumaygoinandlookattheroom.
Thenhowmyheartbeganagaintoplayitspug'stricks!
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Ihobbledin,andstumpedabout,andlikeditverymuch;andwassuremywifewould.Ibeggedexcuseforsittingdown,andasked,whowastheministeroftheplace?Ifhewereagoodpreacher?WhopreachedattheChapel?Andifhewereagoodpreacher,andagoodlivertoo,Madam--Imustinquireafterthat:forIlove,butImustneedssay,thattheclergyshouldpractisewhattheypreach.
Veryright,Sir;butthatisnotsooftenthecaseasweretobewished.
More'sthepity,Madam.ButIhaveagreatvenerationfortheclergyingeneral.Itismoreasatireuponhumannaturethanuponthecloth,ifwesupposethosewhohavethebestopportunitiestodogood,lessperfectthanotherpeople.Formypart,Idon'tloveprofessionalanymorethannationalreflections.--ButIkeeptheladyinhercloset.Mygoutmakesmerude.
ThenupfrommyseatstumpedI--whatdoyoucallthesewindow-curtains,Madam?
Stuff-damask,Sir.
Itlooksmightywell,truly.Ilikeitbetterthansilk.Itiswarmertobesure,andmuchfitterforlodgingsinthecountry;especiallyfor
peopleinyears.Thebedisinaprettystate.Itisneatandclean,Sir:that'sallwepretendto.
Ay,mightywell--verywell--asilkcamblet,Ithink--verywell,truly!--Iamsuremywifewilllikeit.Butwewouldnotturntheladyoutofherlodgingsfortheworld.Theothertwoapartmentswilldoforusatpresent.
Thenstumpingtowardsthecloset,overthedoorofwhichhungapicture--Whatpictureisthat--Oh!Isee;aSt.Cecilia!
Acommonprint,Sir!
Prettywell,prettywell!ItisafteranItalianmaster.--Iwouldnotfortheworldturntheladyoutofherapartment.Wecanmakeshiftwiththeothertwo,repeatedI,louderstill:butyetmumblinglyhoarse:forIhadasgreatregardtouniformityinaccent,astomywords.
OBelford!tobesonearmyangel,thinkwhatapainfulconstraintIwasunder.
Iwasresolvedtofetchherout,ifpossible:andpretendingtobegoing--youcan'tagreeastoanytime,Mrs.Moore,whenwecanhavethisthirdroom,canyou?--Notthat[whisperedI,loudenoughtobeheardinthenextroom;notthat]Iwouldincommodethelady:butIwouldtellmy
wifewhenabouts--andwomen,youknow,Mrs.Moore,lovetohaveeverythingbeforethemofthisnature.
Mrs.Moore(saidmycharmer)[andneverdidhervoicesoundsoharmonioustome:Oh!howmyheartboundedagain!Iteventalkedtome,inamanner;forIthoughtIheard,aswellasfelt,itsunrulyflutters;andeveryveinaboutmeseemedapulse;Mrs.Moore]youmayacquaintthegentleman,thatIshallstayhereonlyfortwoorthreedaysatmost,tillIreceiveananswertoaletterIhavewrittenintothecountry;andratherthanbeyourhindrance,Iwilltakeupwithanyapartmentapair
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ofstairshigher.
Notfortheworld!--Notfortheworld,younglady!criedI.--Mywife,asIloveher,shouldlieinagarret,ratherthanputsuchaconsiderateyounglady,asyouseemtobe,totheleastinconveniency.
Sheopenednotthedooryet;andIsaid,butsinceyouhavesomuchgoodness,Madam,ifIcouldbutjustlookintotheclosetasIstand,Icouldtellmywifewhetheritislargeenoughtoholdacabinetshemuchvalues,andillhavewithherwherevershegoes.
Thenmycharmeropenedthedoor,andblazeduponme,asitwere,inafloodoflight,likewhatonemightimaginewouldstrikeaman,who,bornblind,hadbysomepropitiouspowerbeenblessedwithhissight,allatonce,inameridiansun.
Uponmysoul,Ineverwassostrangelyaffectedbefore.Ihadmuchadotoforbeardiscoveringmyselfthatinstant:but,hesitatingly,andingreatdisorder,Isaid,lookingintotheclosetandaroundit,thereisroom,Isee,formywife'scabinet;andithasmanyjewelsinitofhighprice;but,uponmysoul,[forIcouldnotforbearswearing,likeapuppy:habitisacursedthing,Jack--]nothingsovaluableasaladyIsee,canbebroughtintoit.
Shestarted,andlookedatmewithterror.Thetruthofthecompliment,asfarasIknow,hadtakendissimulationfrommyaccent.
Isawitwasimpossibletoconcealmyselflongerfromher,anymorethan(fromtheviolentimpulsesofmypassion)toforbearmanifestingmyself.Iunbuttonedthereforemycape,Ipulledoffmyflaptslouchedhat;Ithrewopenmygreatcoat,and,likethedevilinMilton[anoddcomparisonthough!]--
Istartedupinmyownformdivine,Touch'dbythebeamofhercelestialeye,MorepotentthanIthuriel'sspear!--
Now,Belford,forasimilitude--nowforalikenesstoillustratethesurprisingscene,andtheeffectithaduponmycharmer,andthegentlewoman!--Butnothingwaslikeit,orequaltoit.Theplainfactcanonlydescribeit,andsetitoff--thusthentakeit.
Shenosoonersawwhoitwas,thanshegavethreeviolentscreams;and,beforeIcouldcatchherinmyarms,(asIwasabouttodothemomentIdiscoveredmyself,)downshesunkatmyfeetinafit;whichmademecursemyindiscretionforsosuddenly,andwithsomuchemotion,revealingmyself.
Thegentlewoman,seeingsostrangeanalterationinmyperson,andfeatures,andvoice,anddress,criedout,Murder,help!murder,help!by
turns,forhalfadozentimesrunning.Thisalarmedthehouse,anduprantwoservantmaids,andmyservantafterthem.Icriedoutforwaterandhartshorn,andeveryoneflewadifferentway,oneofthemaidsasfastdownasshecameup;whilethegentlewomanranoutofoneroomintoanother,andbyturnsupanddowntheapartmentwewerein,withoutmeaningorend,wringingherfoolishhands,andnotknowingwhatshedid.
Upthencamerunningagentlemanandhissister,fetched,andbroughtinbythemaid,whohadrundown,andhavingletinacursedcrabbedoldwretch,hobblingwithhisgout,andmumblingwithhishoarse
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broken-toothedvoice,whowasmetamorphosedallatonceintoalively,gayyoungfellow,withaclearaccent,andallhisteeth,shewouldhaveit,thatIwasneithermorenorlessthanthedevil,andcouldnotkeephereyefrommyfoot,expecting,nodoubt,everyminutetoseeitdiscoveritselftobecloven.
Formypart,Iwassointentuponrestoringmyangel,thatIregardednobodyelse.And,atlast,sheslowlyrecoveringmotion,withbittersighsandsobs,(onlythewhitesofhereyeshoweverappearingforsomemoments,)Icalleduponherinthetenderestaccent,asIkneeledbyher,myarmsupportingherhead,Myangel!mycharmer!myClarissa!lookuponme,mydearestlife!--Iamnotangrywithyou;Iwillforgiveyou,mybestbeloved.
Thegentlemanandhissisterknewnotwhattomakeofallthis:andtheless,whenmyfair-one,recoveringhersight,snatchedanotherlookatme;andthenagaingroaned,andfaintedaway.
Ithrewupthecloset-sashforair,andthenlefthertothecareoftheyounggentlewoman,thesamenotableMissRawlins,whoIhadheardofattheFlask:andtothatofMrs.Moore;whobythistimehadrecoveredherself;andthenretiringtoonecorneroftheroom,Imademyservantpulloffmygoutystockings,brushmyhat,andloopitupintotheusualsmartcock.
IthenstepttotheclosettoMr.Rawlins,whom,inthegeneralconfusion,Ihadnotmuchmindedbefore.--Sir,saidI,youhaveanuncommonscenebeforeyou.Theladyismywife,andnogentleman'spresenceisnecessaryherebutmyown.
Ibegpardon,Sir;iftheladybeyourwife,Ihavenobusinesshere.But,Sir,byherconcernatseeingyou--
Pray,Sir,noneofyourif'sandbut's,Ibeseechyou:noryourconcernaboutthelady'sconcern.Youareaveryunqualifiedjudgeinthiscause;andIbegofyou,Sir,toobligemewithyourabsence.Thewomenonlyarepropertobepresentonthisoccasion,addedI;andIthink
myselfobligedtothemfortheircareandkindassistance.
'Tiswellhemadenotanotherword:forIfoundmycholerbegintorise.Icouldnotbear,thatthefinestneck,andarms,andfoot,intheworld,shouldbeexposedtotheeyesofanymanlivingbutmine.
Iwithdrewoncemorefromthecloset,findingherbeginningtorecover,lestthesightofmetoosoonshouldthrowherbackagain.
Thefirstwordsshesaid,lookingroundherwithgreatemotion,were,Oh!hideme,hideme!Ishegone?--Oh!hideme!--Ishegone?
Sir,saidMissRawlins,comingtomewithanairbothperemptoryand
assured,Thisissomesurprisingcase.Theladycannotbearthesightofyou.Whatyouhavedoneisbestknowntoyourself.Butanothersuchfitwillprobablybeherlast.Itwouldbebutkindthereforeforyoutoretire.
Itbehovedmetohavesonotableapersonofmyparty;andtheratherasIhaddisobligedherimpertinentbrother.
Thedearcreature,saidI,maywell,beconcernedtoseeme.Ifyou,Madam,hadahusbandwholovedyouasIloveher,youwouldnot,Iam
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confident,flyfromhim,andexposeyourselftohazards,asshedoeswhenevershehasnotallherway--andyetwithamindnotcapableofintentionalevil--butmother-spoilt!--Thisisherfault,andallherfault:andthemoreinexcusableitis,asIamthemanofherchoice,andhavereasontothinkshelovesmeaboveallthemenintheworld.
Here,Jack,wasastorytosupporttothelady;facetofacetoo!*
*Andhere,Belford,lestthou,throughinattention,shouldbesurprisedatmyassurance,letmeremindthee(andthat,thus,bywayofmarginalobservation,thatImaynotbreakinuponmynarrative)thatthismyintrepidityconcerted(asIhavefromtimetotimeacquaintedthee)inapprehensionofsuchaneventashasfallenout.Forhadnotthedearcreaturealreadypassedformywifebeforenolessthanfourworthygentlemenoffamilyandfortune?**andbeforeMrs.Sinclair,andherhousehold,andMissPartington?Andhadshenotagreedtoheruncle'sexpedient,thatsheshouldpassforsuch,fromthetimeofMr.Hickman'sapplicationtothatuncle;***andthattheworthyCapt.Tomlinsonshouldbeallowedtopropagatethatbelief:ashehadactuallyreportedtotwofamilies(theypossiblytomore);purposelythatitmightcometotheearsofJamesHarlowe;andserveforafoundationforuncleJohntobuildhisreconciliation-schemeupon?âAndcanstthouthinkthatnothingwasmeantbyallthiscontrivance?andthatIamnotstillfurtherprepared
tosupportmystory?**SeeVol.IV.LetterIV.towardstheconclusion.***Ibid.LetterXVI.âIbid.
Indeed,Ilittlethought,atthetimethatIformedtheseprecautionaryschemes,thatshewouldeverhavebeenable,ifwilling,togetoutofmyhands.AllthatIhopedIshouldhaveoccasiontohaverecoursetothemfor,wasonly,incaseIshouldhavethecouragetomakethegrandattempt,andshouldsucceedinit,tobringthedearcreature[andthisoutoftendernesstoher,forwhatattentiondidIeveryetpaytothegrief,theexecrations,thetearsofawomanIhadtriumphedover?]to
bearmeinhersight:toexpostulatewithme,tobepacifiedbymypleas,andbymyownfuturehopes,foundeduponthereconciliatory-project,uponmyreiteratedvows,andupontheCaptain'sassurances.Sinceinthatcase,toforgiveme,tohavegoneonwithme,foraweek,wouldhavebeentoforgiveme,tohavegoneonwithme,forever.Andthat,hadmyeligiblelifeofhonourtakenplace,hertrialswouldallhavebeenthenover:andshewouldhaveknownnothingbutgratitude,love,andjoy,totheendofoneofourlives.ForneverwouldI,nevercouldI,haveabandonedsuchanadmirablecreatureasthis.ThouknowestIneverwasasordidvillaintoanyofherinferiors--Herinferiors,Imaysay--Forwhoisnotherinferior?
Youspeaklikeagentleman;youlooklikeagentleman,saidMissRawlins--but,Sir,thisisastrangecase;theladyseestodreadthesightofyou.
Nowonder,Madam;takingheralittleononeside,nearertoMrs.Moore.Ihavethreetimesalreadyforgiventhedearcreature--butthisisjealousy!--Thereisaspiceofthatinit--andofphrensytoo[whisperedI,thatitmighthavethefaceofasecret,andofconsequencethemoreengagetheirattention]--butourstoryistoolong.
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Ithenmadeamotiontogotomybeloved.ButtheydesiredthatIwouldwalkintothenextroom;andtheywouldendeavourtoprevailuponhertoliedown.
Ibeggedthattheywouldnotsufferhertotalk;forthatshewasaccustomedtofits,and,wheninthisway,wouldtalkofanythingthatcameuppermost:andthemoreshewassufferedtorunon,theworseshewas;andifnotkeptquiet,wouldfallintoravings:whichmightpossiblyholdheraweek.
Thepromisedtokeepherquiet;andIwithdrewintothenextroom;orderingeveryonedownbutMrs.MooreandMissRawlins.
Shewasfullofexclamations!Unhappycreature!miserable!ruined!andundone!shecalledherself;wrungherhands,andbeggedtheywouldassisthertoescapefromtheterribleevilssheshouldotherwisebemadetosuffer.
Theypreachedpatienceandquietnesstoher;andwouldhavehadhertoliedown:butsherefused;sinking,however,intoaneasychair;forshetrembledsoshecouldnotstand.
Bythistime,Ihoped,thatshewasenoughrecoveredtobearapresencethatitbehovedmetomakeherbear;andfearingshewouldthrowout
somethinginherexclamations,thatwouldstillmoredisconcertme,Iwentintotheroomagain.
Othereheis!saidshe,andthrewherapronoverherface--Icannotseehim!--Icannotlookuponhim!--Begone,begone!touchmenot!--
ForItookherstrugglinghand,beseechinghertobepacified;andassuringher,thatIwouldmakeallupwithheruponherowntermsandwishes.
Baseman!saidtheviolentlady,Ihavenowishes,butnevertobeholdyoumore!WhymustIbethuspursuedandhaunted?Haveyounotmadememiserableenoughalready?--Despoiledofallsuccourandhelp,andof
everyfriend,Iamcontentedtobepoor,low,andmiserable,soImaylivefreefromyourpersecutions.
MissRawlinsstaredatme[aconfidentslutthisMissRawlins,thoughtI]:sodidMrs.Moore.Itoldyouso!whisperingsaidI,turningtothewomen;shakingmyheadwithafaceofgreatconcernandpity;andthentomycharmer,Mydearcreature,howyourave!Youwillnoteasilyrecoverfromtheeffectsofthisviolence.Havepatience,mylove.Bepacified;andwewillcoollytalkthismatterover:foryouexposeyourself,aswellasme:theseladieswillcertainlythinkyouhavefallenamongrobbers,andthatIamthechiefofthem.
Soyouare!soyouare!stamping,herfacestillcovered[shethoughtof
Wednesdaynight,nodoubt];and,sighingasifherheartwerebreaking,sheputherhandtoherforehead--Ishallbequitedistracted!
Iwillnot,mydearestlove,uncoveryourface.Youshallnotlookuponme,sinceIamsoodioustoyou.ButthisisaviolenceIneverthoughtyoucapableof.
AndIwouldhavepressedherhand,asIheldit,withmylips;butshedrewitfrommewithindignation.
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Unhandme,Sir,saidshe.Iwillnotbetouchedbyyou.Leavemetomyfate.Whatright,whattitle,haveyoutopersecutemethus?
Whatright,whattitle,mydear!--Butthisisnotatime--IhavealetterfromCaptainTomlinson--hereitis--offeringittoher--
Iwillreceivenothingfromyourhands--tellmenotofCaptainTomlinson--tellmenotofanybody--youhavenorighttoinvademethus--oncemoreleavemetomyfate--haveyounotmadememiserableenough?
Itouchedadelicatestring,onpurposetosetherinsuchapassionbeforethewomen,asmightconfirmtheintimationIhadgivenofaphrensicaldisorder.
Whataturnishere!--Latelysohappy--nothingwantingbutareconciliationbetweenyouandyourfriends!--Thatreconciliationinsuchahappytrain--shallsoslight,soaccidentalanoccasionbesufferedtooverturnallourhappiness?
Shestartedupwithatremblingimpatience,herapronfallingfromherindignantface--now,saidshe,thatthoudaresttocalltheoccasionslightandaccidental,andthatIamhappilyoutofthyvilehands,andoutofahouseIhavereasontobelieveasvile,traitorandwretchasthouart,Iwillventuretocastaneyeuponthee--andOh!thatitwere
inmypower,inmercytomysex,tolooktheefirstintoshameandremorse,andthenintodeath!
Thisviolenttragedy-speech,andthehighmannerinwhichsheutteredit,haditsdesiredeffect.Ilookeduponthewomen,anduponherbyturns,withapityingeye;andtheyshooktheirwiseheads,andbesoughtmetoretire,andhertoliedowntocomposeherself.
Thishurricane,likeotherhurricanes,waspresentlyallayedbyashower.Shethrewherselfoncemoreintoherarmedchair,andbeggedpardonofthewomenforherpassionateexcess;butnotofme:yetIwasinhopes,thatwhencomplimentswerestirring,Ishouldhavecomeinforashare.
Indeed,Ladies,saidI,[withassuranceenough,thou'ltsay,]thisviolenceisnotnaturaltomybeloved'stemper--misapprehension--
Misapprehension,wretch!--AndwantIexcusesfromthee!
Buwhatascornwaseverylovelyfeatureagitated!
Thenturningherfacefromme,Ihavenotpatience,Othouguilefulbetrayer,tolookuponthee!Begone!Begone!Withafacesounblushing,howdarestthouappearinmypresence?
Ithoughtthen,thatthecharacterofahusbandobligedmetobeangry.
Youmayoneday,Madam,repentthistreatment:--bymysoul,youmay.YouknowIhavenotdeserveditofyou--youknow--Ihavenot.
DoIknowyouhavenot?--Wretch!DoIknow--
Youdo,Madam--andneverdidmanofmyfigureandconsideration,[Ithoughtitwaspropertothrowthatin]meetwithsuchtreatment--
Sheliftedupherhands:indignationkepthersilent.
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Butallisofapiecewiththechargeyoubringagainstmeofdespoilingyouofallsuccourandhelp,ofmakingyoupoorandlow,andwithotherunprecedentedlanguage.Iwillonlysay,beforethesetwogentlewomen,thatsinceitmustbeso,andsinceyourformeresteemformeisturnedintosorivetedanaversion,Iwillsoon,verysoon,makeyouentirelyeasy.Iwillbegone:--Iwillleaveyoutoyourownfate,asyoucallit;andmaythatbehappy!--Only,thatImaynotappeartobeaspoiler,arobberindeed,letmeknowwhitherIshallsendyourapparel,andeverythingthatbelongstoyou,andIwillsendit.
Sendittothisplace;andassureme,thatyouwillnevermolestmemore;nevermorecomenearme;andthatisallIaskofyou.
Iwilldoso,Madam,saidI,withadejectedair.ButdidIeverthinkIshouldbesoindifferenttoyou?--However,youmustpermitmetoinsistonyourreadingthisletter;andonyourseeingCaptainTomlinson,andhearingwhathehastosayfromyouruncle.Hewillbehereby-and-by.
Don'ttriflewithme,saidsheinanimperioustone--doasyouoffer.Iwillnotreceiveanyletterfromyourhands.IfIseeCaptainTomlinson,itshallbeonhisownaccount,notonyour's.Youtellmeyouwillsendmemyapparel--ifyouwouldhavemebelieveanythingyousay,letthisbethetestofyoursincerity.--Leavemenow,andsendmythings.
Thewomenstarted.--Theydidnothingbutstare;andappearedtobemoreandmoreatalosswhattomakeofthematterbetweenus.
Ipretendedtobegoingfromherinapet;but,whenIhadgottothedoor,Iturnedback;and,asifIhadrecollectedmyself--Onewordmore,mydearestcreature!--Charming,eveninyouranger!--Omyfondsoul!saidI,turninghalfround,andpullingoutmyhandkerchief.--
Ibelieve,Jack,myeyesdidglistenalittle.Ihavenodoubtbuttheydid.Thewomenpitiedme--honestsouls!TheyshowedtheyhadeachofthemahandkerchiefaswellasI.So,hasthounotobserved(togiveafamiliarillustration,)everymaninacompanyofadozen,ormore,obliginglypullouthiswatch,whensomeonehasaskedwhat'so'clock?--
Aseachmanofalikenumber,ifonetalksofhisbeard,willfalltostrokinghischinwithhisfourfingersandthumb.
Onewordonly,Madam,repeatedI,(assoonasmyvoicehadrecovereditstone,)IhaverepresentedtoCaptainTomlinsoninthemostfavourablelightthecauseofourpresentmisunderstanding.Youknowwhatyouruncleinsistsupon,andwithwhichyouhaveacquiesced.--Theletterinmyhand,[andagainIofferedittoher,]willacquaintyouwithwhatyouhavetoapprehendfromyourbrother'sactivemalice.
Shewasgoingtospeakinahighaccent,puttingtheletterfromher,withanopenpalm--Nay,hearmeout,Madam--TheCaptain,youknow,hasreportedourmarriagetotwodifferentpersons.Itiscometoyour
brother'sears.Myownrelationshavealsoheardofit.--Letterswerebroughtmefromtownthismorning,fromLadyBettyLawrance,andMissMontague.Heretheyare.[Ipulledthemoutofmypocket,andofferedthemtoher,withthatoftheCaptain;butsheheldbackherstillopenpalm,thatshemightnotreceivethem.]Reflect,Madam,Ibeseechyou,reflectuponthefatalconsequenceswithwhichthis,yourhighresentment,maybeattended.
EversinceIknewyou,saidshe,Ihavebeeninawildernessofdoubtanderror.IblessGodthatIamoutofyourhands.Iwilltransactfor
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myselfwhatrelatestomyself.Idismissallyoursolicitudeforme.--AmInotmyownmistress?--Haveyouanytitle?--
Thewomenstared--[thedevilstareye,thoughtI!--Canyedonothingbutstare?]--Itwashightimetostopherhere.
Iraisedmyvoicetodrownher's.--Youused,mydearestcreature,tohaveatenderandapprehensiveheart.--Youneverhadsomuchreasonforsuchaoneasnow.
Letmejudgeformyself,uponwhatIshallsee,notuponwhatIshallhear.--DoyouthinkIshallever?--
Idreadedhergoingon--Imustbeheard,Madam,(raisingmyvoicestillhigher,)--youmustletmereadoneparagraphortwooutofthislettertoyou,ifyouwillnotreadityourself--
Begonefromme,Man!--Begonefrommewiththyletters!Whatpretencehastthoufortormentingmethus?Whatright?--Whattitle?--
Dearestcreature!whatquestionsyouask!--Questionsthatyoucanaswellansweryourself--
Ican,Iwill,andthusIanswerthem--
StilllouderIraisedmyvoice.--Shewasoverborne.--Sweetsoul!Itwouldbehard,thoughtI,[andyetIwasveryangrywithher,]ifsuchaspiritasthinecannotbebroughttoyieldtosuchaoneasmine!
Iloweredmyvoiceonhersilence.Allgentle,allintreative,myaccent.Myheadbowed--onehandheldout--theotheronmyhonestheart.--Forheaven'ssake,mydearestcreature,resolvetoseeCaptainTomlinsonwithtemper.Hewouldhavecomealongwithme,butIwaswillingtotrytosoftenyourmindfirstonthisfatalmisapprehension,andthisforthesameofyourownwishes.Forwhatisitotherwisetome,whetheryourfriendsare,orarenot,reconciledtous?--DoIwantanyfavourfromthem?--Foryourownmind'ssake,therefore,frustratenot
CaptainTomlinson'snegociation.Thatworthygentlemanwillbehereintheafternoon;LadyBettywillbeintown,withmycousinMontague,inadayortwo.--Theywillbeyourvisiters.Ibeseechyoudonotcarrythismisunderstandingsofar,asthatLordM.andLadyBetty,andLadySarah,mayknowit.[Howconsiderablethismademelooktothewomen!]LadyBettywillnotletyouresttillyouconsenttoaccompanyhertoherownseat--andtothatladymayyousafelyintrustyourcause.
Again,uponmypausingamoment,shewasgoingtobreakout.Ilikednottheturnofhercountenance,northetoneofhervoice--'Andthinkestthou,basewretch,'werethewordsshedidutter:Iagainraisedmyvoice,anddrownedher's.--Basewretch,Madam?--YouknowthatIhavenotdeservedtheviolentnamesyouhavecalledme.Wordssoopprobriousfrom
amindsogentle!--Butthistreatmentisfromyou,Madam?--Fromyou,whomIlovemorethanmyownsoul!--Bythatsoul,IswearthatIdo.--[Thewomenlookeduponeachother--theyseemedpleasedwithmyardour.--Women,whetherwives,maids,orwidows,loveardours:evenMissHowe,thouknowest,speaksupforardours,*]--Nevertheless,Imustsay,thatyouhavecarriedmatterstoofarfortheoccasion.Iseeyouhateme--
*SeeVol.IV.LettersXXIX.andXXXIV.
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Shewasjustgoingtospeak--Ifwearetoseparateforever,inastrongandsolemnvoice,proceededI,thisislandshallnotlongbetroubledwithme.Meantime,onlybepleasedtogivetheselettersaperusal,andconsiderwhatistobesaidtoyouruncle'sfriend,andwhatheistosaytoyouruncle.--AnythingwillIcomeinto,(renounceme,ifyouwill,)thatshallmakeforyourpeace,andforthereconciliationyourheartwassolatelysetupon.ButIhumblyconceive,thatitisnecessarythatyoushouldcomeintobettertemperwithme,wereitbuttogiveafavourableappearancetowhathaspassed,andweighttoanyfutureapplicationtoyourfriends,inwhateverwayyoushallthinkpropertomakeit.
Ithenputthelettersintoherlap,andretiredintothenextapartmentwithalowbow,andaverysolemnair.
Iwassoonfollowedbythetwowomen.Mrs.Moorewithdrewtogivethefairperversetimetoreadthem:MissRawlinsforthesamereason,andbecauseshewassentforhome.
Thewidowbesoughtherspeedyreturn.Ijoinedinthesamerequest;andshewasreadyenoughtopromisetoobligeus.
IexcusedmyselftoMrs.MooreforthedisguiseIhadappearedinatfirst,andforthestoryIhadinvented.ItoldherthatIheldmyself
obligedtosatisfyherforthewholefloorwewereupon;andforanupperroomformyservant,andthatforamonthcertain.
Shemademanyscruples,andbeggedshemightnotbeurged,onthishead,tillshehadconsultedMissRawlins.
Iconsented;buttoldher,thatshehadtakenmyearnest,andIhopedtherewasnoroomfordispute.
JustthenMissRawlinsreturned,withanairofeagercuriosity;andhavingbeentoldwhathadpassedbetweenMrs.Mooreandme,shegaveherselfairsofofficeimmediately:whichIhumoured,plainlyperceivingthatifIhadherwithmeIhadtheother.
Shewished,ifthereweretimeforit,andifitwerenotquiteimpertinentinhertodesireit,thatIwouldgiveMrs.Mooreandherabriefhistoryofanaffair,which,asshesaid,borethefaceofnovelty,mystery,andsurprise.Forsometimesitlookedtoherasifweweremarried;atothertimesthatpointappeareddoubtful;andyettheladydidnotabsolutelydenyit,but,uponthewhole,thoughtherselfhighlyinjured.
Isaidthatour'swasaveryparticularcase.--That,wereItoacquaintthemwithit,somepartofitwouldhardlyappearcredible.But,however,astheyseemedhardlytobepersonsofdiscretion,Iwouldgivethemabriefaccountofthewhole;andthisinsoplainandsincerea
manner,thatitshouldclearup,totheirsatisfaction,everythingthathadpassed,ormighthereafterpassbetweenus.
Theysatdownbymeandthreweveryfeatureoftheirfacesintoattention.Iwasresolvedtogoasnearthetruthaspossible,lestanythingshoulddropfrommyspousetoimpeachmyveracity;andyetkeepinviewwhatpassedattheFlask.
Itisnecessary,althoughthouknowestmywholestory,andagooddealofmyviews,thatthoushouldstbeapprizedofthesubstanceofwhatItold
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them.
'Igavethem,inasconciseamannerasIwasable,thishistoryofourfamilies,fortunes,alliances,antipathies,herbrother'sandmineparticularly.Iaverredthetruthofourprivatemarriage.'TheCaptain'sletter,whichIwillenclose,willgivetheemyreasonsforthat.And,besides,thewomenmighthaveproposedaparsontomebywayofcompromise.'Itoldthemtheconditionmyspousehadmademeswearto;andtowhichsheheldme,inorder,Isaid,toinducemethesoonertobereconciledtoherrelations.
'Iowned,thatthisrestraintmademesometimesreadytoflyout.'AndMrs.Moorewassogoodastodeclare,thatshedidnotmuchwonderatit.
Thouartaverygoodsortofwoman,Mrs.Moore,thoughtI.
AsMissHowehasactuallydetectedourmother,andmightpossiblyfindsomewaystilltoacquaintherfriendwithherdiscoveries,IthoughtitpropertoprepossesstheminfavourofMrs.Sinclairandhertwonieces.
Isaid,'theyweregentlewomenborn;thattheyhadnotbadhearts;thatindeedmyspousedidnotlovethem;theyhavingoncetakenthelibertytoblameherforherover-nicenesswithregardtome.People,Isaid,evengoodpeople,whoknewthemselvestobeguiltyofafaulttheyhadno
inclinationtomend,weretoooftenleastpatientwhentoldofit;astheycouldlessbearthanotherstobethoughtindifferentlyof.'
Toooftenthecase,theyowned.
'Mrs.Sinclair'shousewasaveryhandsomehouse,andfittoreceivethefirstquality,[trueenough,Jack!]Mrs.Sinclairwasawomanveryeasyinhercircumstances:--Awidowgentlewoman,asyou,Mrs.Moore,are.--Letslodgings,asyou,Mrs.Moore,do.--Oncehadbetterprospectsasyou,Mrs.Moore,mayhavehad:therelictofColonelSinclair;--you,Mrs.Moore,mightknowColonelSinclair--hehadlodgingsatHampstead.'
Shehadheardofthename.
'Oh!hewasrelatedtothebestfamiliesinScotland!--Andhiswidowisnottobereflecteduponbecausesheletslodgingsyouknow,Mrs.Moore--youknow,MissRawlins.'
Verytrue,andverytrue.--Andtheymustneedssay,itdidnotlookquitesopretty,insuchaladyasmyspouse,tobesocensorious.
Afoundationhere,thoughtI,toprocurethesewomen'shelptogetbackthefugitive,ortheirconnivance,atleast,atmydoingso;aswellasforanticipatinganyfutureinformationfromMissHowe.
Igavethemacharacterofthatvirago;andintimated,'thatforahead
tocontrivemischief,andahearttoexecuteit,shehadhardlyherequalinhersex.'
TothisMissHoweitwas,Mrs.Mooresaid,shesupposed,thatmyspousewassodesiroustodispatchamanandhorse,byday-dawn,withalettershewrotebeforeshewenttobedlastnight,proposingtostaynolongerthantillshehadreceivedananswertoit.
Theverysame,saidI;Iknewshewouldhaveimmediaterecoursetoher.Ishouldhavebeenbuttoohappy,couldIhavepreventedsuchaletter
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frompassing,orsotohaveitmanaged,astohaveitgivenintoMrs.Howe'shands,insteadofherdaughter's.Womenwhohadlivedsometimeintheworldknewbetter,thantoencouragesuchskittishpranksinyoungwives.
Letmejuststoptotellthee,whileitisinmyhead,thatIhavesincegivenWill.hiscuetofindoutwherethemanliveswhoisgonewiththefairfugitive'sletter;and,ifpossible,toseehimonhisreturn,beforeheseesher.
Itoldthewomen,'IdespairedthatitwouldeverbebetterwithuswhileMissHowehadsostrangeanascendancyovermyspouse,andremainedherselfunmarried.Anduntilthereconciliationwithherfriendscouldbeeffected;orastillhappierevent--asIshouldthinkit,whoamthelastmaleofmyfamily;andwhichmyfoolishvow,andherrigour,hadhitherto'--
HereIstopt,andlookedmodest,turningmydiamondringroundmyfinger;whilegoodyMoorelookedmightysignificant,callingitaveryparticularcase;andthemaidenfannedaway,andprimm'd,andpurs'd,toshowthatwhatIhadsaidneedednofartherexplanantion.
'Itoldthemtheoccasionofourpresentdifference.Iavowedtherealityofthefire;butowned,thatIwouldhavemadenoscrupleof
breakingtheunnaturaloathshehadboundmein,(havingahusband'srightonmyside,)whenshewassoaccidentallyfrightedintomyarms;andIblamedmyselfexcessively,thatIdidnot;sinceshethoughtfittocarryherresentmentsohigh,andhadtheinjusticetosupposethefiretobeacontrivanceofmine.'
Nay,forthatmatter,Mrs.Mooresaid,asweweremarried,andmadamwassoodd--everygentlemanwouldnot--andstoptthereMrs.Moore.
'TosupposeIshouldhaverecoursetosuchapoorcontrivance,saidI,whenIsawthedearcreatureeveryhour.'--Wasnotthisaboldput,Jack?
Amostextraordinarycase,truly,criedthemaiden;fanning,yetcoming
inwithherWell-but's!--andhersiftingPray,Sir's!--andherrestrainingEnough,Sir's.--flyingfromthequestiontothequestion--herseatnow-and-thenuneasy,forfearmywantofdelicacyshouldhurtherabundantmodesty;andyetitwasdifficulttosatisfyhersuper-abundantcuriosity.
'Mybeloved'sjealousy,[andjealousyofitself,tofemaleminds,accountsforathousandunaccountablenesses,]andtheimputationofherhalf-phrensy,broughtuponherbyherfather'swickedcurse,andbythepreviouspersecutionsshehadundergonefromallherfamily,werewhatIdweltupon,inordertoprovideagainstwhatmighthappen.'
Inshort,'IownedagainstmyselfmostoftheoffenceswhichIdidnot
doubtbutshewouldchargemewithintheirhearing;andaseverycausehasablackandwhiteside,Igavetheworstpartsofourstorythegentlestturn.AndwhenIhaddone,acquaintedthemwithsomeofthecontentsofthatletterofCaptainTomlinsonwhichIleftwiththelady.IconcludedwithJamesHarlowe,andofCaptainSingleton,orofanysailor-lookingmen.'
Thisthouwiltsee,fromtheletteritself,wasnecessarytobedone.Here,therefore,thoumayestreadit.Andacharminglettertomypurposewiltthoufindittobe,ifthougivesttheleastattentionto
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itscontents.
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WEDN.JUNE7.
DEARSIR,
AlthoughIamobligedtobeintownto-morrow,ornextdayatfarthest,yetIwouldnotdispensewithwritingtoyou,byoneofmyservants,(whomIsendupbeforeuponaparticularoccasion,)inordertoadvertiseyou,thatitisprobableyouwillhearfromsomeofyourownrelationsonyour[supposed*]nuptials.Oneofthepersons,(Mr.Lilburnebyname,)towhomIhintedmybeliefofyourmarriage,happenstobeacquaintedwithMr.Spurrier,LadyBettyLawrance'ssteward,and(notbeingunderanyrestriction)mentionedittoMr.Spurrier,andhetoLadyBetty,asathingcertain;andthis,(thoughIhavenotthehonourtobepersonallyknowntoherLadyship,)broughtonaninquiryfromherLadyshiptomebyhergentleman;whocomingtomeincompanywithMr.Lilburne,Ihadnowaybuttoconfirmthereport.--AndIunderstand,thatLadyBettytakesitamissthatshewasnotacquaintedwithsodesirableapieceofnewsfromyourself.
*Whatisbetweenhooks[]thoumayestsuppose,Jack,Isunkuponthewomen,intheaccountIgavethemofthecontentsofthisletter.
HerLadyship,itseems,hasbusinessthatcallshertotown[andyouwillpossiblychoosetoputherright.Ifyoudo,itwill,Ipresume,beinconfidence;thatnothingmaytranspirefromyourownfamilytocontradictwhatIhavegivenout.]
[Ihaveeverbeenofopinion,Thattruthoughttobestrictlyadheredtoonalloccasions:andamconcernedthatIhave,(thoughwithsogoodaview,)departedfrommyoldmaxim.ButmydearfriendMr.JohnHarlowewouldhaveitso.YetIneverknewadepartureofthiskindasingle
departure.But,tomakethebestofitnow,allowme,Sir,oncemoretobegthelady,assoonaspossible,toauthenticatethereportgivenout.]Whenbothyouandtheladyjoinintheacknowledgementofyourmarriage,itwillbeimpertinentinanyonetobeinquisitiveastothedayorweek.[Andifasprivatelycelebratedasyouintend,(whilethegentlewomenwithwhomyoulodgeareproperlyinstructed,asyousaytheyare,andwhoshallactuallybelieveyouweremarriedlongago,)whoshallbeabletogiveacontradictiontomyreport?]
Andyetitisveryprobable,thatminuteinquirieswillbemade;andthisiswhatrendersprecautionnecessary;forMr.JamesHarlowewillnotbelievethatyouaremarried;andissure,hesays,thatyoubothlivedtogetherwhenMr.Hickman'sapplicationwasmadetoMr.JohnHarlowe:and
ifyoulivedtogetheranytimeunmarried,heinfersfromyourcharacter,Mr.Lovelace,thatitisnotprobablethatyouwouldevermarry.Andheleavesittohistwounclestodecide,ifyouevenshouldbemarried,whethertherebenotroomtobelieve,thathissisterwasfirstdishonoured;andifso,tojudgeofthetitleshewillhavetotheirfavour,ortotheforgivenessofanyofherfamily.--Ibelieve,Sir,thispartofmyletterhadbestbekeptfromthelady.
YoungMr.Harloweisresolvedtofindthisout,andtocomeathissister'sspeechlikewise:andforthatpurposesetsoutto-morrow,asI
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amwellinformed,withalargeattendancearmed;andMr.Solmesistobeoftheparty.Andwhatmakeshimthemoreearnesttofinditoutisthis:--Mr.JohnHarlowehastoldthewholefamilythathewillalter,andnew-settlehiswill.Mr.AntonyHarloweisresolvedtodothesamebyhis;for,itseems,hehasnowgivenoverallthoughtsofchanginghiscondition,havinglatelybeendisappointedinaviewhehadofthatsortwithMrs.Howe.Thesetwobrothersgenerallyactinconcert;andMr.JamesHarlowedreads(andletmetellyou,thathehasreasonforit,onmyMr.Harlowe'saccount)thathisyoungersisterwillbe,atlast,morebenefitedthanhewishesfor,bythealterationintended.HehasalreadybeenendeavouringtosoundhisuncleHarloweonthissubject;andwantedtoknowwhetheranynewapplicationhadbeenmadetohimonhissister'spart.Mr.Harloweavoidedadirectanswer,andexpressedhiswishesforageneralreconciliation,andhishopesthathisnieceweremarried.Thisoffendedthefuriousyoungman,andheremindedhisuncleofengagementstheyhadallenteredintoathissister'sgoingaway,nottobereconciledbutbygeneralconsent.
Mr.JohnHarlowecomplainstomeoftenoftheuncontroulablenessofhisnephew;andsays,thatnowthattheyoungmanhasnotanybodyofwhosesuperiorsensehestandsinawe,heobservesnotdecencyinhisbehaviourtoanyofthem,andthismakesmyMr.Harlowestillmoredesirousthaneverofbringinghisyoungernieceintofavouragain.IwillnotsayallImightofthisyoungman'sextraordinaryrapaciousness:--butonewould
think,thatthesegraspingmenexpecttoliveforever!'Itookthelibertybutwithinthesetwohourstoproposetosetonfoot(andofferedmycoverto)acorrespondencebetweenmyfriendandhisdaughter-niece,asshestillsometimesfondlycallsher.Shewasmistressofsomuchprudence,Isaid,thatIwassureshecouldbetterdirecteverythingtoitsdesirableend,thananybodyelsecould.Buthesaid,hedidnotthinkhimselfentirelyatlibertytotakesuchastepatpresent;andthatitwasbestthatheshouldhaveitinhispowertosay,occasionally,thathehadnotanycorrespondencewithher,orletterfromher.
'Youwillsee,Sir,fromallthis,thenecessityofkeepingourtreatyan
absolutesecret;andiftheladyhasmentionedittoherworthyfriendMissHowe,Ihopeitisinconfidence.'
[Andnow,Sir,afewlinesinanswertoyour'sofMondaylast.]
[Mr.Harlowewasverywellpleasedwithyourreadinesstocomeintohisproposal.Butastowhatyoubothdesire,thathewillbepresentattheceremony,hesaid,thathisnephewwatchedallhisstepssonarrowly,thathethoughtitwasnotpracticable(ifhewereinclinable)toobligeyou:butthatheconsented,withallhisheart,thatIshouldbethepersonwhomhehadstipulatedshouldbeprivatelypresentattheceremonyonhispart.]
[However,Ithink,Ihaveanexpedientforthis,ifyourladycontinuestobeverydesirousofheruncle'spresence(exceptheshouldbemoredeterminedthanhisanswertomeseemedtoimport);ofwhichIshallacquaintyou,andperhapsofwhathesaystoit,whenIhavethepleasuretoseeyouintown.But,indeed,Ithinkyouhavenotimetolose.Mr.Harloweisimpatienttohear,thatyouareactuallyone;andIhopeImaycarryhimdownword,whenIleaveyounext,thatIsawtheceremonyperformed.]
[Ifanyobstaclearisesfromthelady,(fromyouitcannot,)Ishallbe
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temptedtothinkalittlehardlyofherpunctilio.]
Mr.Harlowehopes,Sir,thatyouwillrathertakepainstoavoid,thantomeet,thisviolentyoungman.Hehasthebetteropinionofyou,letmetellyou,Sir,fromtheaccountIgavehimofyourmoderationandpoliteness;neitherofwhicharequalitieswithhisnephew.Butwehaveallofussomethingtoamend.
Youcannotimaginehowdearlymyfriendstilllovesthisexcellentnieceofhis.--Iwillgiveyouaninstanceofit,whichaffectedmeagooddeal---'Ifoncemore,saidhe,(thelasttimebutoneweweretogether,)Icanbutseethissweetchildgracingtheupperendofmytable,asmistressofmyhouse,inmyallottedmonth;alltherestofmyfamilypresentbutasherguests;forsoIformerlywouldhaveit;andhadhermother'sconsentforit--'Therehestopt;forhewasforcedtoturnhisreverendfacefromme.Tearsrandownhischeeks.Fainwouldhehavehidthem:buthecouldnot--'Yet--yet,saidhe--how--how--'[poorgentleman,heperfectlysobbed,]'howshallIbeabletobearthefirstmeeting!'
IblessGodIamnohard-heartedman,Mr.Lovelace:myeyesshowedtomyworthyfriend,thathehadnoreasontobeashamedofhishumanitybeforeme.
Iwillputanendtothislongepistle.Bepleasedtomakemycomplimentsacceptabletothemostexcellentofwomen;aswellasbelievemetobe,
DearSir,Yourfaithfulfriend,andhumbleservant,ANTONYTOMLINSON.
***
Duringtheconversationbetweenmeandthewomen,Ihadplantedmyselfat
thefarthestendoftheapartmentwewerein,overagainstthedoor,whichwasopen;andoppositetothelady'schamber-door,whichwasshut.Ispokesolowthatitwasimpossibleforher,atthatdistance,tohearwhatwesaid;andinthissituationIcouldseeifherdoorwasopened.
Itoldthewomen,thatwhatIhadmentionedtomyspouseofLadyBetty'scomingtotownwithhernieceMontague,andoftheirintentiontovisitmybeloved,whomtheyhadneverseen,norshethem,wasreal;andthatIexpectednewsoftheirarrivaleveryhour.Ithenshowedthemcopiesoftheothertwoletters,whichIhadleftwithher;theonefromLadyBetty,theotherfrommycousinMontague.--Andherethoumayestreadthemifthouwilt.
Eternallyreproaching,eternallyupbraidingme,aremyimpertinentrelations.Buttheyarefondofoccasionstofindfaultwithme.Theirlove,theirlove,Jack,andtheirdependenceonmyknowngoodhumour,aretheirinducements.
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.WED.MORN.JUNE7.
DEARNEPHEW,
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Iunderstandthatatlengthallourwishesareansweredinyourhappymarriage.ButIthinkwemightaswellhaveheardofitdirectlyfromyou,asfromtheround-aboutwaybywhichwehavebeenmadeacquaintedwithit.Methinks,Sir,thepowerandthewillwehavetoobligeyou,shouldnotexposeusthemoretoyourslightsandnegligence.Mybrotherhadsethisheartupongivingtoyouthewifewehaveallsolongwishedyoutohave.Butifyouwereactuallymarriedatthetimeyoumadehimthatrequest(supposing,perhaps,thathisgoutwouldnotlethimattendyou)itisbutlikeyou.*--Ifyourladyhadherreasonstowishittobeprivatewhilethedifferencesbetweenherfamilyandselfcontinue,youmightneverthelesshavecommunicatedittouswiththatrestriction;andweshouldhaveforbornethepublicmanifestationsofourjoyuponaneventwehavesolongdesired.
*IgaveMrs.MooreandMissRawlinsroomtothinkthisreproachjust,Jack.
Thedistantwaywehavecometoknowitisbymysteward;whoisacquaintedwithafriendofCaptainTomlinson,towhomthatgentlemanrevealedit:andhe,itseems,haditfromyourselfandlady,withsuchcircumstancesasleaveitnottobedoubted.
Iam,indeed,verymuchdisobligedwithyou:soisLadySarah.ButIhaveaveryspeedyopportunitytotellyousoinperson;beingobligedtogototowntomyoldchanceryaffair.MycousinLeeson,whois,itseems,removedtoAlbemarle-street,hasnoticeofit.Ishallbeatherhouse,whereIbespeakyourattendanceofSundaynight.IhavewrittentomycousinCharlotteforeitherher,orhersister,tomeetmeatReading,andaccompanymetotown.Ishallstaybutafewdays;mybusinessbeingmatterofformonly.OnmyreturnIshallpopuponLordM.atM.Hall,toseeinwhatwayhislastfithaslefthim.
Meantime,havingtoldyoumymindonyournegligence,Icannothelpcongratulatingyoubothontheoccasion.--Yourfairladyparticularly,
uponherentranceintoafamilywhichispreparedtoadmireandloveher.
Myprincipalintentionofwritingtoyou(dispensingwiththenecessarypunctilio)is,thatyoumayacquaintmydearnewniece,thatIwillnotbedeniedthehonourofhercompanydownwithmeintoOxfordshire.Iunderstandthatyourproposedhouseandequipagescannotbesoonready.Sheshallbewithmetilltheyare.Iinsistuponit.Thisshallmakeallup.Myhouseshallbeherown.Myservantsandequipagesher's.
LadySarah,whohasnotbeenoutofherownhouseformonths,willobligemewithhercompanyforaweek,inhonourofaniecesodearlybeloved,asIamsureshewillbeofusall.
Beingbutinlodgingsintown,neitheryounoryourladycanrequiremuchpreparation.
SometimeonMondayIhopetoattendthedearyounglady,tomakehermycompliments;andtoreceiveherapologyforyournegligence:which,andhergoingdownwithme,asIsaidbefore,shallbefullsatisfaction.Meantime,Godblessherforhercourage,(tellherIsayso;)andblessyoubothineachother;andthatwillbehappinesstousall--particularlyto
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YourtrulyaffectionateAunt,ELIZ.LAWRANCE.
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.
DEARCOUSIN,
Atlast,asweunderstand,thereissomehopeofyou.NowdoesmygoodLordrunoverhisbead-rollofproverbs;ofblackoxen,wildoats,longlanes,andsoforth.
Now,Cousin,sayI,isyourtimecome;andyouwillbenolonger,Ihope,aninfideleithertothepowerorexcellenceofthesexyouhavepretendedhithertosomuchasundervalue;noraridiculerorscofferataninstitutionwhichallsoberpeoplereverence,andallrakes,soonerorlater,arebroughttoreverence,ortowishtheyhad.
Iwanttoseehowyoubecomeyoursilkenfetters:whetherthecharmingyokesitslightuponyourshoulders.Ifwithsuchasweetyoke-fellowitdoesnot,myLord,andmysister,aswellasI,thinkthatyouwilldeserveaclosertieaboutyourneck.
HisLordshipisverymuchdispleased,thatyouhavenotwrittenhimword
oftheday,thehour,themanner,andeverything.ButIaskhim,howhecanalreadyexpectanymarkofdeferenceorpolitenessfromyou?Hemuststay,Itellhim,tillthatsignofreformation,amongothers,appearfromtheinfluenceandexampleofyourlady:butthat,ifeveryouwillbegoodforanything,itwillbequicklyseen.And,OCousin,whatavast,vastjourneyhaveyoutotakefromthedrearylandoflibertinism,throughthebrightprovinceofreformation,intotheserenekingdomofhappiness!--Youhadneedtolosenotime.Youhavemanyawearysteptotread,beforeyoucanovertakethosetravellerswhosetoutforitfromalessremotequarter.Butyouhaveacharmingpole-startoguideyou;that'syouradvantage.Iwishyoujoyofit:andasIhaveneveryetexpectedanyhighlycomplaisantthingfromyou,Imakenoscrupletobeginfirst;butitispurely,Imusttellyou,inrespecttomynew
cousin;whoseaccessionintoourfamilywemostheartilycongratulateandrejoicein.
IhavealetterfromLadyBetty.Shecommandseithermyattendanceormysister'stomycousinLeeson's.SheputsLordM.inhopes,thatsheshallcertainlybringdownwithherourlovelynewrelation;forshesays,shewillnotbedenied.HisLordshipisthewillingertoletmebetheperson,asIaminamannerwildtoseeher;mysisterhavingtwoyearsagohadthathonouratSirRobertBiddulph's.Sogetreadytoaccompanyusinourreturn;exceptyourladyhadobjectionsstrongenoughtosatisfyusall.LadySarahlongstoseeher;andsays,Thisaccessiontothefamilywillsupplytoitthelossofherbeloveddaughter.
Ishallsoon,Ihope,paymycomplimentstothedearladyinperson:sohavenothingtoadd,butthatIam
YouroldmadPlayfellowandCousin,CHARLOTTEMONTAGUE.
***
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Thewomenhavingreadthecopiesofthesetwoletters,IthoughtthatImightthenthreatenandswagger--'ButverylittlehearthaveI,saidI,toencouragesuchavisitfromLadyBettyandMissMontaguetomyspouse.Forafterall,Iamtiredoutwithherstrangeways.Sheisnotwhatshewas,and(asItoldherinyourhearing,Ladies)Iwillleavethisplaguyisland,thoughtheplaceofmybirth,andthoughthestakeIhaveinitisveryconsiderable,andgoandresideinFranceorItaly,andneverthinkofmyselfasamarriedman,norlivelikeone.'
Odear!saidone.
Thatwouldbeasadthing!saidtheother.
Nay,Madam,[turningtoMrs.Moore,]--Indeed,Madam,[toMissRawlins,]--Iamquitedesperate.Icannolongerbearsuchusage.Ihavehadthegoodfortunetobefavouredbythesmilesofveryfineladies,thoughIsayit[andIlookedverymodest]bothabroadandathome--[Thouknowestthistobetrue,Jack].Withregardtomyspousehere,Ihavebutonehopeleft,(forastothereconciliationwithherfriends,Ileft,Iscornthemalltoomuchtovaluethat,butforhersake,)andthatwas,thatifitpleasedGodtoblessuswithchildren,shemightentirelyrecoverherusualserenity;andwemightthenbehappy.Butthereconciliationherheartwassomuchsetupon,isnow,asIhintedbefore,entirelyhopeless--madeso,bythisrashstepofher's,andby
therashtempersheisin;since(asyouwillbelieve)herbrotherandsister,whentheycometoknowit,willmakeafinehandleofitagainstusboth;--affecting,astheydoatpresent,todisbelieveourmarriage--andthedearcreatureherselftooreadytocountenancesuchadisbelief--asnothingmorethantheceremony--asnothingmore--hem!--asnothingmorethantheceremony--
Here,asthouwiltperceive,Iwasbashful;forMissRawlins,byherpreparatoryprimness,putmeinmindthatitwaspropertobeso--
Iturnedhalfround;thenfacingthefan-player,andthematron--youyourselves,Ladies,knewnotwhattobelievetillnow,thatIhavetoldyouourstory;andIdoassureyou,thatIshallnotgivemyselfthesame
troubletoconvincepeopleIhate;peoplefromwhomIneitherexpectnordesireanyfavour;andwhoaredeterminednottobeconvinced.Andwhat,pray,mustbetheissue,whenheruncle'sfriendcomes,althoughheseemstobeatrulyworthyman?Itisnotnaturalforhimtosay,'Towhatpurpose,Mr.Lovelace,shouldIendeavourtobringaboutareconciliationbetweenMrs.Lovelaceandherfriends,bymeansofherelderuncle,whenagoodunderstandingiswantingbetweenyourselves?'--Afairinference,Mrs.Moore!--Afairinference,MissRawlins.--Andhereistheunhappiness--tillsheisreconciledtothem,thiscursedoath,inhernotion,isbinding.
Thewomenseemedmoved;forIspokewithgreatearnestness,thoughlow--andbesides,theylovetohavetheirsex,anditsfavours,appearof
importancetous.Theyshooktheirdeepheadsateachother,andlookedsorrowful:andthismovedmytenderhearttoo.
'Tisanunheard-ofcase,Ladies--hadshenotpreferredmetoallmankind--ThereIstopped--andthat,resumedI,feelingformyhandkerchief,iswhatstaggeredCaptainTomlinsonwhenheheardofherflight;who,thelasttimehesawustogether,sawthemostaffectionatecoupleonearth!--themostaffectionatecoupleonearth!--intheaccent-grievous,repeatedI.
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OutthenIpulledmyhandkerchief,andputtingittomyeyes,arose,andwalkedtothewindow--Itmakesmeweakerthanawoman,didInotloveher,asnevermanlovedhiswife![IhavenodoubtbutIdo,Jack.]
ThereagainIstopt;andresuming--Charmingcreature,asyouseesheis,IwishIhadneverbeheldherface!--Excuseme,Ladies;traversingtheroom,andhavingrubbedmyeyestillIsupposedthemred,Iturnedtothewomen;and,pullingoutmyletter-case,Iwillshowyouoneletter--hereitis--readit,MissRawlins,ifyouplease--itwillconfirmtoyouhowmuchallmyfamilyarepreparedtoadmireher.Iamfreelytreatedinit;--soIaminthetwoothers:butafterwhatIhavetoldyou,nothingneedbeasecrettoyoutwo.
Shetookit,withanairofeagercuriosity,andlookedattheseal,ostentatiouslycoroneted;andatthesuperscription,readingout,ToRobertLovelace,Esq.--Ay,Madam--Ay,Miss,that'smyname,[givingmyselfanair,thoughIhadtoldittothembefore,]Iamnotashamedofit.Mywife'smaidenname--unmarriedname,Ishouldrathersay--foolthatIam!--andIrubbedmycheekforvexation[Foolenoughinconscience,Jack!]wasHarlowe--ClarissaHarlowe--youheardmecallhermyClarissa--
Idid--butthoughtittobeafeignedorlove-name,saidMissRawlins.
IwonderwhatisMissRawlins'slove-name,Jack.Mostofthefairromancershaveintheirearlywomanhoodchosenlove-names.Noparsonevergavemorerealnames,thanIhavegivenfictitiousones.Andtoverygoodpurpose:manyasweetdearhasansweredmealetterforthesakeofowninganamewhichhergodmothernevergaveher.
No--itwasherrealname,Isaid.
Ibidherreadoutthewholeletter.Ifthespellingbenotexact,MissRawlins,saidI,youwillexcuseit;thewriterisalord.But,perhaps,Imaynotshowittomyspouse;forifthoseIhaveleftwithherhavenoeffectuponher,neitherwillthis:andIshallnotcaretoexposemyLordM.toherscorn.IndeedIbegintobequitecarelessof
consequences.
MissRawlins,whocouldnotbutbepleasedwiththismarkofmyconfidence,lookedasifshepitiedme.
Andherethoumayestreadtheletter,No.III.
***
TOROBERTLOVELACE,ESQ.M.HALL,WEDN.JUNE7.
COUSINLOVELACE,
Ithinkyoumighthavefoundtimetoletusknowofyournuptialsbeingactuallysolemnized.Imighthaveexpectedthispieceofcivilityfromyou.Butperhapstheceremonywasperformedattheverytimethatyouaskedmetobeyourlady'sfather--butIshouldbeangryifIproceedinmyguesses--andlittlesaidissoonamended.
ButIcantellyou,thatLadyBettyLawrance,whateverLadySarahdoes,
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willnotsosoonforgiveyou,asIhavedone.Womenresentslightslongerthanmen.Youthatknowsomuchofthesex(Ispeakitnot,however,toyourpraise)mighthaveknownthat.Butneverwasyoubeforeacquaintedwithaladyofsuchanamiablecharacter.Ihopetherewillbebutonesoulbetweenyou.Ihavebeforenowsaid,thatIwilldisinherityou,andsettleallIcanuponher,ifyouprovenotagoodhusbandtoher.
Maythismarriagebecrownedwithagreatmanyfineboys(Idesirenogirls)tobuildupagainafamilysoantient!Thefirstboyshalltakemysurnamebyactofparliament.Thatismywill.
LadyBettyandnieceCharlottewillbeintownaboutbusinessbeforeyouknowwhereyouare.Theylongtopaytheircomplimentstoyourfairbride.IsupposeyouwillhardlybeatTheLawnwhentheygettotown;becauseGremeinformsme,youhavesentnoordersthereforyourlady'saccommodation.
Pritchardhasallthingsinreadinessforsigning.Iwilltakenoadvantageofyourslights.IndeedIamtoomuchusedtothem--morepraisetomypatiencethantoyourcomplaisance,however.
OnereasonforLadyBetty'sgoingup,asImaytellyouundertherose,is,tobuysomesuitablepresentsforLadySarahandallofustomake
onthisagreeableoccasion.Wewouldhaveblazeditaway,couldwehavehadtimelynotice,andthoughtitwouldhavebeenagreeabletoallround.Thelikeoccasionsdon'thappeneveryday.
Mymostaffectionatecomplimentsandcongratulationstomynewniece,concludeme,forthepresent,inviolentpain,thatwithallyourheroicalnesswouldmakeyoumad,
Yourtrulyaffectionateuncle,M.
***
Thisletterclench'dthenail.Notbutthat,MissRawlinssaid,shesawIhadbeenawildgentleman;and,trulyshethoughtsothemomentshebeheldme.
Theybegantointercedeformyspouse,(sonicelyhadIturnedthetables;)andthatIwouldnotgoabroadanddisappointareconciliationsomuchwishedforononeside,andsuchdesirableprospectsontheotherinmyownfamily.
Whoknows,thoughtItomyself,butmoremaycomeofthisplot,thanIhadevenpromisedmyself?WhatahappymanshallIbe,ifthesewomencanbebroughttojointocarrymymarriageintoconsummation!
Ladies,youareexceedinglygoodtousboth.Ishouldhavesomehopes,ifmyunhappilynicespousecouldbebroughttodispensewiththeunnaturaloathshehaslaidmeunder.Youseewhatmycaseis.DoyouthinkImaynotinsistuponherabsolvingmefromthisabominableoath?Willyoubesogoodastogiveyouradvice,thatoneapartmentmayserveforamanandhiswifeatthehourofretirement?--[Modestlyput,
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Belford!--Andletmehereobserve,thatfewrakeswouldfindalanguagesodecentastoengagemodestwomentotalkwithhimin,uponsuchsubjects.]
Theybothsimpered,andlookedupononeanother.
Thesesubjectsalwaysmakewomensimper,atleast.Noneedbutofthemostdelicatehintstothem.Amanwhoisgrossinawoman'scompany,oughttobeknockeddownwithaclub:for,likesomanymusicalinstruments,touchbutasinglewire,andthedearsoulsaresensibleallover.
Tobesure,MissRawlinslearnedlysaid,playingwithherfan,acasuistwouldgiveit,thatthematrimonialvowoughttosupercedeanyotherobligation.
Mrs.Moore,forherpart,wasofopinion,that,iftheladyownedherselftobeawife,sheoughttobehavelikeone.
Whateverbemyluck,thoughtI,withthisall-eyedfair-one,anyotherwomanintheworld,fromfifteentofive-and-twenty,wouldbemineuponmyowntermsbeforethemorning.
Andnow,thatImaybeathandtotakealladvantages,Iwillendeavour,
saidItomyself,tomakesureofgoodquarters.Iamyourlodger,Mrs.Moore,invirtueoftheearnestIhavegivenyoufortheseapartments,andforanyoneyoucanspareaboveformyservants.Indeedforallyouhavetospare--Forwhoknowswhatmyspouse'sbrothermayattempt?Iwillpayyoutoyourowndemand;andthatforamonthortwocertain,(boardincluded,)asIshallorshallnotbeyourhindrance.Takethatasapledge;orinpartofpayment--offeringherathirtypoundbanknote.
Shedeclinedtakingit;desiringshemightconsulttheladyfirst;adding,thatshedoubtednotmyhonour;andthatshewouldnotletherapartmentstoanyotherperson,whomsheknewnotsomethingof,whileI
andtheladywerehere.
TheLady!TheLady!frombothwomen'smouth'scontinually(whichstillimpliedadoubtintheirhearts):andnotYourSpouse,andYourLady,Sir.
Inevermetwithsuchwomen,thoughtI:--sothoroughlyconvincedbutthismoment,yetalreadydoubting--IamafraidIhaveacoupleofskepticstodealwith.
Iknewnoreason,Isaid,formywifetoobjecttomylodginginthesamehousewithherhere,anymorethanintown,atMrs.Sinclair's.Butwereshetomakesuchobjection,Iwouldnotquitpossessionsinceitwasnot
unlikelythatthesamefreakishdisorderwhichbroughthertoHampstead,mightcarryherabsolutelyoutofmyknowledge.
Theybothseemedembarrassed;andlookedupononeanother;yetwithsuchanair,asiftheythoughttherewasreasoninwhatIsaid.AndIdeclaredmyselfherboarder,aswellaslodger;anddinner-timeapproaching,wasnotdeniedtobetheformer.
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LETTERXXV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Ithoughtitwasnowhightimetoturnmywholemindtomybeloved;whohadhadfullleisuretoweighthecontentsofthelettersIhadleftwithher.
IthereforerequestedMrs.Mooretostepin,anddesiretoknowwhethershewouldbepleasedtoadmitmetoattendherinherapartment,onoccasionofthelettersIhadleftwithher;orwhethershewouldfavourmewithhercompanyinthedining-room?
Mrs.MooredesiredMissRawlinstoaccompanyherintothelady.Theytappedatthedoor,andwerebothadmitted.
Icannotbutstophereforoneminutetoremark,thoughagainstmyself,uponthatsecuritywhichinnocencegives,thatneverthelesshadbetterhaveinitagreatermixtureoftheserpentwiththedove.Forhere,heedlessofallIcouldsaybehindherback,becauseshewassatisfiedwithherownworthiness,shepermittedmetogoonwithmyownstory,withoutinterruption,topersonsasgreatstrangerstoherasme;andwho,asstrangerstoboth,mightbesupposedtoleantothesidemost
injured;andthat,asImanagedit,wastomine.Adear,sillysoul,thoughtI,atthetime,todependuponthegoodnessofherownheart,whentheheartcannotbeseenintobutbyitsactions;andshe,toappearance,arunaway,aneloper,fromatender,amostindulgenthusband!--Toneglecttocultivatetheopinionofindividuals,whenthewholeworldisgovernedbyappearance!
Yetwhatcanbeexpectedofanangelundertwenty?--Shehasaworldofknowledge:--knowledgespeculative,asImaysay,butnoexperience.--Howshouldshe?--Knowledgebytheoryonlyisavague,uncertainlight:aWillo'theWisp,whichasoftenmisleadsthedoubtingmind,asputsitright.
Therearemanythingsintheworld,couldamoralizersay,thatwould
affordinexpressiblepleasuretoareflectingmind,wereitnotforthemixturetheycometouswith.Tobegraverstill,Ihaveseenparents,[perhapsmyowndidso,]whodelightedinthoseveryqualitiesintheirchildrenwhileyoung,thenaturalconsequencesofwhich,(toomuchindulgedandencouraged,)madethem,astheygrewup,theplagueoftheirhearts.--Tobringthishometomypresentpurpose,Imusttellthee,thatIadorethischarmingcreatureforhervigilantprudence;butyetIwouldnot,methinks,wishher,byvirtueofthatprudence,whichis,however,necessarytocarryherabovethedevicesofalltherestoftheworld,tobetoowiseformine.
Myrevenge,myswornrevenge,is,nevertheless,(adoreherasIwill,)uppermostinmyheart.--MissHowesaysthatmyloveisaHerodianlove.*
Bymysoul,thatgirl'sawitch!Iamhalfsorrytosay,thatIfindapleasureinplayingthetyrantoverwhatIlove.Callitanungenerouspleasure,ifthouwilt:softerheartsthanmineknowit.Thewomen,toawoman,knowit,andshowittoo,whenevertheyaretrustedwithpower.Andwhyshoulditbethoughtstrange,thatI,wholovethemsodearly,andstudythemsomuch,shouldcatchtheinfectionofthem?
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
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LETTERXXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
Iwillnowgivetheethesubstanceofthedialoguethatpassedbetweenthetwowomenandthelady.Wondernot,thataperversewifemakesalisteninghusband.Theevent,however,asthouwiltfind,justifiedtheoldobservation,Thatlistnersseldomheargoodofthemselves.Consciousoftheirowndemerits,ifImayguessbymyself,[There'singenuousness,Jack!]andfearfulofcensure,theyseldomfindthemselvesdisappointed.Thereissomethingofsense,afterallintheseproverbs,inthesephrases,inthiswisdomofnations.
Mrs.Moorewastobethemessenger,butMissRawlinsbeganthedialogue.
YourSPOUSE,Madam,--[Devil!--onlytofishforanegativeoraffirmativedeclaration.]
Cl.Myspouse,Madam--
MissR.Mr.Lovelace,Madam,aversthatyouaremarriedtohim;and
begsadmittance,oryourcompanyinthedining-room,totalkuponthesubjectofthelettersheleftwithyou.
Cl.Heisapoorwickedwretch.Letmebegofyou,Madam,tofavourmewithyourcompanyasoftenaspossiblewhileheishereabouts,andIremainhere.
MissR.Ishallwithpleasureattendyou,Madam:but,methinks,Icouldwishyouwouldseethegentleman,andhearwhathehastosayonthesubjectoftheletters.
Cl.Mycaseisahard,averyhardone--Iamquitebewildered!-Iknownotwhattodo!--Ihavenotafriendintheworldthatcanorwillhelp
me!YethadnonebutfriendstillIknewthatman!
MissR.Thegentlemanneitherlooksnortalkslikeabadman.--Notaverybadman,asmengo.
Asmengo!PoorMissRawlins,thoughtI;anddostthouknowhowmengo?
Cl.OMadam,youknowhimnot!Hecanputontheappearanceofanangeloflight;buthasablack,averyblackheart!
PoorI!--
MissR.Icouldnothavethoughtit,truly!Butmenarevery
deceitful,now-a-days.
Now-a-days!--Afool!--Havenotherhistory-bookstoldherthattheywerealwaysso?
Mrs.Moore,sighing.Ihavefounditso,Iamsure,tomycost!--
WhoknowsbutinhertimepoorgoodyMooremayhavemetwithaLovelace,oraBelford,orsomesuchvilefellow?Mylittleharum-scarumbeautyknowsnotwhatstrangehistorieseverywomanliving,whohashadthe
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leastindependenceofwill,couldtellher,weresuchtobeascommunicativeassheis.Buthere'sthething--Ihavegivenhercauseenoughofoffence;butnotenoughtomakeherholdhertongue.
Cl.Astothelettershehasleftwithme,Iknownotwhattosaytothem:butamresolvednevertohaveanythingtosaytohim.
MissR.If,Madam,Imaybeallowedtosayso,Ithinkyoucarrymattersveryfar.
Cl.Hashebeenmakingabadcauseagoodonewithyou,Madam?--Thathecandowiththosewhoknowhimnot.IndeedIheardhimtalking,thoughtnotwhathesaid,andamindifferentaboutit.--Butwhataccountdoeshegiveofhimself?
Iwaspleasedtohearthis.Toarrest,tostopherpassion,thoughtI,intheheightofitscareer,isacharmingpresage.
ThenthebusyMissRawlinsfishedon,tofindoutfromhereitheraconfirmationordisavowalofmystory--WasLordM.myuncle?DidIcourtheratfirstwiththeallowanceofherfriends,herbrotherexcepted?HadIarencounterwiththatbrother?Wasshesopersecutedinfavourofaverydisagreeableman,oneSolmes,astoinducehertothrowherselfintomyprotection?
Noneoftheseweredenied.Alltheobjectionsshecouldhavemade,werestifled,orkeptin,bytheconsiderations,(asshementioned,)thatsheshouldstaytherebutalittlewhile,andthatherstorywastoolong;butMissRawlinswouldnotbethuseasilyanswered.
MissR.Hesays,Madam,thathecouldnotprevailformarriage,tillhehadconsented,underasolemnoath,toseparatebeds,whileyourfamilyremainedunreconciled.
Cl.Othewretch!Whatcanbestillinhishead,toendeavourtopassthesestoriesuponstrangers?
Sonodirectdenial,thoughtI.--Admirable!--Allwilldoby-and-by.
MissR.HehasownedthatanaccidentalfirehadfrightenedyouverymuchonWednesdaynight--andthat--andthat--anaccidentalfirehadfrightenedyou--verymuchfrightenedyou--lastWednesdaynight!
Then,afterashortpause--Inshort,heowned,thathehadtakensomeinnocentliberties,whichmighthaveledtoabreachoftheoathyouhadimposeduponhim;andthatthiswasthecauseofyourdispleasure.
Iwouldhavebeengladtoseehowmycharmerthenlooked.--Tobesureshewasatalossinherownmind,tojustifyherselfforresentingsohighlyanoffencesotrifling.--Shehesitated--didnotpresentlyspeak.--When
shedid,shewishedthatshe,(MissRawlins,)mightnevermeetwithanymanwhowouldtakesuchinnocentlibertieswithher.
MissRawlinspushedfurther.
Yourcase,tobesure,Madam,isveryparticular:butifthehopeofareconciliationwithyourownfriendsismademoredistantbyyourleavinghim,givemeleavetosay,that'tispity--'tispity--[Isupposethemaidenthenprimm'd,fann'd,andblush'd--'tispity]theoathcannotbedispensedwith;especiallyasheownshehasnotbeensostrictaliver.
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Icouldhavegoneinandkissedthegirl.
Cl.Youhaveheardhisstory.Mine,asItoldyoubefore,istoolong,andtoomelancholy:mydisorderonseeingthewretchistoogreat;andmytimehereistooshort,formetoenteruponit.Andifhehasanyendtoservebyhisownvindication,inwhichIshallnotbeapersonalsufferer,lethimmakehimselfappearaswhiteasanangel,withallmyheart.
Myloveforher,andtheexcellentcharacterIgaveher,werethenpleaded.
Cl.Speciousseducer!--OnlytellmeifIcannotgetawayfromhimbysomebackway?
Howmyheartthenwentpit-a-pat,tospeakinthefemaledialect.
Cl.Letmelookout--[Iheardthesashliftedup.]--Whitherdoesthatpathlead?Istherenopossibilityofgettingtoacoach?Surelyhemustdealwithsomefiend,orhowcouldhehavefoundmeout?CannotIstealtosomeneighbouringhouse,whereImaybeconcealedtillIcangetquiteaway?Youaregoodpeople!--Ihavenotbeenalwaysamongsuch!--Ohelpme,helpme,Ladies![withavoiceofimpatience,]orIamruined!
Thenpausing,IsthatthewaytoHendon?[pointing,Isuppose.]IsHendonaprivateplace?--TheHampsteadcoach,Iamtold,willcarrypassengersthither.
Mrs.Moore.IhaveanhonestfriendatMill-Hill,[Devilfetchher!thoughtI,]where,ifsuchbeyourdetermination,Madam,andifyouthinkyourselfindanger,youmaybesafe,Ibelieve.
Cl.Anywhere,ifIcanbutescapefromthisman!Whitherdoesthatpathlead,outyonder?--Whatisthattownontherighthandcalled?
Mrs.Moore.Highgate,Madam.
MissR.Onthesideoftheheathisalittlevillage,calledNorth-end.Akinswomanofminelivesthere.Butherhouseissmall.Iamnotsureshecouldaccommodatesuchalady.
Deviltakehertoo!thoughtI,--IimaginedthatIhadmademyselfabetterinterestinthesewomen.Butthewholesexloveplotting--andplotterstoo,Jack.
Cl.Abarn,anouthouse,agarret,willbeapalacetome,ifitwillbutaffordmearefugefromthisman!
Hersenses,thoughtI,aremuchlivelierthanmine.--Whatadevilhave
Idone,thatsheshouldbesoveryimplacable?Itoldthee,Belford,allIdid:Wasthereanythinginitsoverymuchamiss?Suchprospectsofafamilyreconciliationbeforehertoo!Tobesuresheisaverysensiblelady!
Shethenespiedmynewservantwalkingunderthewindow,andaskedifhewerenotoneofmine?
Will.wasonthelook-outforoldGrimes,[soisthefellowcalledwhommybelovedhasdispatchedtoMissHowe.]Andbeingtoldthatthemanshe
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sawwasmyservant;Isee,saidshe,thatthereisnoescaping,unlessyou,Madam,[toMissRawlins,Isuppose,]canbefriendmetillIcangetfarther.Ihavenodoubtthatthefellowisplantedaboutthehousetowatchmysteps.Butthewickedwretchhismasterhasnorighttocontroulme.HeshallnothindermefromgoingwhereIplease.Iwillraisethetownuponhim,ifhemolestsme.DearLadies,istherenoback-doorformetogetoutatwhileyouholdhimintalk?
MissR.Givemeleavetoaskyou,Madam,Istherenoroomtohopeforaccommodation?Hadyounotbetterseehim?Hecertainlylovesyoudearly:heisafinegentleman;youmayexasperatehim,andmakemattersmoreunhappyforyourself.
Cl.OMrs.Moore!OMissRawlins!youknownottheman!Iwishnottoseehisface,nortoexchangeanotherwordwithhimaslongasIlive.
Mrs.Moore.Idon'tfind,MissRawlins,thatthegentlemanhasmisrepresentedanything.Yousee,Madam,[tomyClarissa,]howrespectfulheis;nottocomeintillpermitted.Hecertainlylovesyoudearly.Pray,Madam,lethimtalktoyou,ashewishestodo,onthesubjectofhisletters.
VerykindofMrs.Moore!--Mrs.Moore,thoughtI,isaverygoodwoman.Ididnotcurseherthen.
MissRawlinssaidsomething;butsolowthatIcouldnothearwhatitwas.Thusitwasanswered.
Cl.Iamgreatlydistressed!Iknownotwhattodo!--But,Mrs.Moore,besogoodastogivehisletterstohim--heretheyare.--Bepleasedtotellhim,thatIwishhimandLadyBettyandMissMontagueahappymeeting.Henevercanwantexcusestothemforwhathashappened,anymorethanpretencestothosehewoulddelude.Tellhim,thathehasruinedmeintheopinionofmyownfriends.IamforthatreasonthelesssolicitoushowIappeartohis.
Mrs.Moorethencametome;andI,beingafraidthatsomethingwouldpass
meantimebetweentheothertwo,whichIshouldnotlike,tooktheletters,andenteredtheroom,andfoundthemretiredintothecloset;mybelovedwhisperingwithanairofearnestnesstoMissRawlins,whowasallattention.
Herbackwastowardsme;andMissRawlins,bypullinghersleeve,givingintimationofmybeingthere--CanIhavenoretirementuninvaded,Sir,saidshe,withindignation,asifshewereinterruptedinsometalkherheartwasin?--Whatbusinesshaveyouhere,orwithme?--Youhaveyourletters;haveyounot?
Lovel.Ihave,mydear;andletmebegofyoutoconsiderwhatyouareabout.IeverymomentexpectCaptainTomlinsonhere.Uponmysoul,I
do.Hehaspromisedtokeepfromyourunclewhathashappened:butwhatwillhethinkifhefindyouholdinthisstrangehumour?
Cl.Iwillendeavour,Sir,tohavepatiencewithyouforamomentortwo,whileIaskyouafewquestionsbeforethislady,andbeforeMrs.Moore,[whojustthencamein,]bothofwhomyouhaveprejudicedinyourfavourbyyourspeciousstories:--Willyousay,Sir,thatwearemarriedtogether?Layyourhanduponyourheart,andanswerme,amIyourweddedwife?
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Iamgonetoofar,thoughtI,togiveupforsuchapushasthis,homeoneasitis.
Mydearestsoul!howcanyouputsuchaquestion?Itiseitherforyourhonourormyown,thatitshouldbedoubted?--Surely,surely,Madam,youcannothaveattendedtothecontentsofCaptainTomlinson'sletter.
Shecomplainedoftenofwantofspiritsthroughoutourwholecontention,andofweaknessofpersonandmind,fromthefitsshehadbeenthrowninto:butlittlereasonhadsheforthiscomplaint,asIthought,whowasabletoholdmetoit,asshedid.IownthatIwasexcessivelyconcernedforherseveraltimes.
YouandI!VilestofMen!--
MynameisLovelace,Madam--
ThereforeitisthatIcallyouthevilestofmen.[Wasthispardonable,Jack!]--YouandIknowthetruth,thewholetruth.--Iwantnottoclearupmyreputationwiththesegentlewomen:--thatisalreadylostwitheveryoneIhadmostreasontovalue:butletmehavethisnewspecimenofwhatyouarecapableof--say,wretch,(say,Lovelace,ifthouhadstrather,)artthoureallyandtrulymyweddedhusband?--Say;answerwithouthesitation.
Shetrembledwithimpatientindignation;buthadawildnessinhermanner,whichItooksomeadvantageof,inordertoparrythiscursedthrust.Andacursedthrustitwas;since,hadIpositivelyaverredit,shewouldneverhavebelievedanythingIsaid:andhadIownedthatIwasnotmarried,Ihaddestroyedmyownplot,aswellwiththewomenaswithher;andcouldhavenopretenceforpursuingher,orhinderingherfromgoingwheresoevershepleased.NotthatIwasashamedtoaverit,haditbeenconsistentwithpolicy.Iwouldnothavetheethinkmesuchamilk-sopneither.
Lovel.Mydearestlove,howwildlyyoutalk!Whatwouldyouhavemeanswer?ItisnecessarythatIshouldanswer?MayInotre-appealthis
toyourownbreast,aswellastoCaptainTomlinson'streatyandletter?Youknowyourselfhowmattersstandbetweenus.--AndCaptainTomlinson--
Cl.Owretch!Isthisananswertomyquestion?Say,arewemarried,orarewenot?
Lovel.Whatmakesamarriage,weallknow.Ifitbetheunionoftwohearts,[therewasaturn,Jack!]tomyutmostgrief,Imustsaythatwearenot;sincenowIseeyouhateme.Ifitbethecompletionofmarriage,tomyconfusionandregret,Imustownwearenot.But,mydear,willyoubepleasedtoconsiderwhatanswerhalfadozenpeoplewhenceyoucame,couldgivetoyourquestion?Anddonotnow,inthedisorderofyourmind,andtheheightofpassion,bringintoquestion
beforethesegentlewomenapointyouhaveacknowledgedbeforethosewhoknowusbetter.
Iwouldhavewhisperedheraboutthetreatywithheruncle,andaboutthecontentsoftheCaptain'sletter;but,retreating,andwitharejectinghand,Keepthydistance,man,criedthedearinsolent--tothineownheartIappeal,sincethouevadestmethuspitifully!--Iownnomarriagewiththee!--Bearwitness,Ladies,Idonot.Andceasetotormentme,ceasetofollowme.--Surely,surely,faultyasIhavebeen,Ihavenotdeservedtobethuspersecuted!--Iresume,therefore,myformerlanguage:youhaveno
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righttopursueme:youknowyouhavenot:begonethen,andleavemetomakethebestofmyhardlot.Omydear,cruelfather!saidshe,inaviolentfitofgrief[fallinguponherknees,andclaspingherupliftedhandstogether]thyheavycurseiscompleteduponthydevoteddaughter!Iampunished,dreadfullypunished,bytheverywretchinwhomIhadplacedmywickedconfidence!
Bymysoul,Belford,thelittlewitchwithherwords,butmorebyhermanner,movedme!Wondernotthenthatheraction,hergrief,hertears,setthewomenintothelikecompassionatemanifestations.
HadInotacursedtaskofit?
Thetwowomenwithdrewtothefurtherendoftheroom,andwhispered,astrangecase!Thereisnophrensyhere--Ijustheardsaid.
Thecharmingcreaturethrewherhandkerchiefoverherheadandneck,continuingkneeling,herbacktowardsme,andherfacehiduponachair,andrepeatedlysobbedwithgriefandpassion.
Itookthisopportunitytosteptothewomentokeepthemsteady.
Yousee,Ladies,[whispering,]whatanunhappymanIam!Youseewhataspiritthisdearcreaturehas!--All,allowingtoherimplacable
relations,andtoherfather'scurse.--Acurseuponthemall!theyhaveturnedtheheadofthemostcharmingwomanintheworld!
Ah!Sir,Sir,repliedMissRawlins,whateverbethefaultofherrelations,allisnotasitshouldbebetweenyouandher.'Tisplainshedoesnotthinkherselfmarried:'tisplainshedoesnot:andifyouhaveanyvalueforthepoorlady,andwouldnottotallydepriveherofhersenses,youhadbetterwithdraw,andleavetotimeandcoolerconsiderationtheeventinyourfavour.
Shewillcompelmetothisatlast,Ifear,MissRawlins;Ifearshewill;andthenwearebothundone:forIcannotlivewithouther;sheknowsittoowell:andshehasnotafriendwhowilllookuponher:this
alsosheknows.Ourmarriage,whenheruncle'sfriendcomes,willbeprovedincontestably.ButIamashamedtothinkIhavegivenherroomtobelieveitnomarriage:that'swhatsheharpsupon!
Well,'tisastrangecase,averystrangeone,saidMissRawlins;andwasgoingtosayfurther,whentheangrybeauty,comingtowardsthedoor,said,Mrs.Moore,Ibegawordwithyou.Andtheybothsteppedintothedining-room.
Isawherjustbeforeputaparcelintoherpocket;andfollowedthemout,forfearsheshouldslipaway;andsteppingtothestairs,thatshemightnotgobyme,Will.,criedI,aloud[thoughIknewhewasnotnear]--Pray,child,toamaid,whoanswered,calleitherofmyservantstome.
Shethencameuptomewithawrathfulcountenance:doyoucallyourservant,Sir,tohinderme,betweenyou,fromgoingwhereIplease?
Don't,mydearestlife,misinterpreteverythingIdo.Canyouthinkmesomeanandunworthyastoemployaservanttoconstrainyou?--Icallhimtosendtothepublic-houses,orinnsinthistown,toinquireafterCaptainTomlinson,whomayhavealightedatsomeoneofthem,andbenow,perhaps,needlesslyadjustinghisdress;andIwouldhavehimcome,werehetobewithoutclothes,Godforgiveme!forIamstabbedtotheheart
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byyourcruelty.
Answerwasreturned,thatneitherofmyservantswasintheway.
Notintheway,saidI!--Whithercanthedogsbegone?
OSir!withascornfulair;notfar,I'llwarrant.Oneofthemwasunderthewindowjustnow;accordingtoorder,Isuppose,towatchmysteps--butIwilldowhatIplease,andgowhereIplease;andthattoyourface.
Godforbid,thatIshouldhinderyouinanythingthatyoumaydowithsafetytoyourself!
NowIverilybelievethatherdesignwastoslipout,inpursuanceofthecloset-whisperingbetweenherandMissRawlins;perhapstoMissRawlins'shouse.
ShethensteptbacktoMrs.Moore,andgavehersomething,whichprovedtobeadiamondring,anddesiredher[notwhisperingly,butwithanairofdefiancetome]thatthatmightbeapledgeforher,tillshedefrayedherdemands;whichsheshouldsoonfindmeanstodo;havingnomoremoneyaboutherthanshemighthaveoccasionforbeforeshecametoanacquaintance's.
Mrs.Moorewouldhavedeclinedtakingit;butshewouldnotbedenied;andthen,wipinghereyes,sheputonhergloves--nobodyhasarighttostopme,saidshe!--Iwillgo!--WhomshouldIbeafraidof?--Herveryquestion,charmingcreature!testifyingherfear.
Ibegpardon,Madam,[turningtoMrs.Moore,andcourtesying,]forthetroubleIhavegivenyou.--Ibegpardon,Madam,toMissRawlins,[courtesyinglikewisetoher,]--youmaybothhearofmeinahappierhour,ifsuchaonefalltomylot--andGodblessyouboth!--strugglingwithhertearstillshesobbed--andawaywastripping.
Isteppedtothedoor:Iputitto;andsettingmybackagainstit,took
herstrugglinghand--Mydearestlife!myangel!saidI,whywillyouthusdistressme?--Isthistheforgivenesswhichyousosolemnlypromised?--
Unhandme,Sir!--Youhavenobusinesswithme!Youhavenorightoverme!Youknowyouhavenot.
Butwhither,whither,mydearestlove,wouldyougo!--ThinkyounotthatIwillfollowyou,wereittotheworld'send!--Whitherwouldyougo?
Welldoyouaskme,whitherIwouldgo,whohavebeentheoccasionthatIhavenotafriendleft!--ButGod,whoknowsmyinnocence,andmyuprightintentions,willnotwhollyabandonmewhenIamoutofyourpower;butwhileIaminit,Icannotexpectagleamofthedivinegraceorfavour
toreachme.
Howsevereisthis!--Howshockinglysevere!--Outofyourpresence,myangryfair-one,Icanneitherhopefortheonenortheother.AsmycousinMontague,intheletteryouhaveread,observes,Youaremypolarstarandmyguide,andifeverIamtobehappy,eitherhereorhereafter,itmustbeinandbyyou.
Shewouldthenhaveopenedthedoor.ButI,respectfullyopposingher,Begone,man!Begone,Mr.Lovelace!saidshe,stopnotinmyway.Ifyou
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wouldnotthatIshouldattemptthewindow,givemepassagebythedoor;for,oncemore,youhavenorighttodetainme.
Yourresentments,mydearestlife,Iwillowntobewellgrounded.IwillacknowledgethatIhavebeenallinfault.Onmyknee,[anddownIdropt,]Iaskyourpardon.Andcanyourefusetoratifyyourownpromise?Lookforwardtothehappyprospectbeforeus.SeeyounotmyLordM.andLadySarahlongingtoblessyou,forblessingme,andtheirwholefamily?CanyoutakenopleasureinthepromisedvisitofLadyBettyandmycousinMontague?Andintheprotectiontheyofferyou,ifyouaredissatisfiedwithmine?Haveyounowishtoseeyouruncle'sfriend?StayonlytillCaptainTomlinsoncomes.Receivefromhimthenewsofyouruncle'scompliancewiththewishesofboth.
Sheseemedaltogetherdistressed;wasreadytosink;andforcedtoleanagainstthewainscot,asIkneeledatherfeet.Astreamoftearsatlastburstfromherlessindignanteyes.Goodheaven!saidshe,liftingupherlovelyface,andclaspedhands,whatisatlasttobemydestiny?Delivermefromthisdangerousman;anddirectme--Iknownotwhattodo,whatIcando,norwhatIoughttodo!
Thewomen,asIhadownedourmarriagetobebuthalfcompleted,heardnothinginthiswholescenetocontradict(notflagrantlytocontradict)whatIhadasserted.Theybelievedtheysawinherreturningtemper,and
staggeredresolution,aloveforme,whichherindignationhadbeforesuppressed;andtheyjoinedtopersuadehertotarrytilltheCaptaincame,andtohearhisproposals;representingthedangerstowhichshewouldbeexposed;thefatiguesshemightendure;aladyofherappearance,unguarded,unprotected.Ontheotherhandtheydweltuponmydeclaredcontrition,andonmypromises;fortheperformanceofwhichtheyofferedtobebound.Somuchhadmykneelinghumilityaffectedthem.
Women,Jack,tacitlyacknowledgetheinferiorityoftheirsex,inthepridetheytaketobeholdakneelingloverattheirfeet.
Sheturnedfromme,andthrewherselfintoachair.
Iaroseandapproachedherwithreverence.Mydearestcreature,saidI,andwasproceeding,but,withafaceglowingwithconsciousdignity,sheinterruptedme--Ungenerous,ungratefulLovelace!Youknownotthevalueoftheheartyouhaveinsulted!Norcanyouconceivehowmuchmysouldespisesyourmeanness.Butmeannessmusteverbetheportionoftheman,whocanactvilely!
Thewomenbelievingwewerelikelytobeonbetterterms,retired.Thedearperverseopposedtheirgoing;buttheysawIwasdesirousoftheirabsence;andwhentheyhadwithdrawn,Ioncemorethrewmyselfatherfeet,andacknowledgedmyoffences;imploredherforgivenessforthisonetime,andpromisedthemostexactcircumspectionforthefuture.
Itwasimpossibleforhershesaidtokeephermemoryandforgiveme.WhathadstthouseenintheconductofClarissaHarlowe,thatshouldencouragesuchaninsultuponherasthoudidstdaretomake?Howmeanlymustthouthinkofher,thatthoucouldstpresumetobesoguilty,andexpecthertobesoweakastoforgivethee?
IbesoughthertoletmereadovertoherCaptainTomlinson'sletter.Iwassureitwasimpossibleshecouldhavegivenittherequisiteattention.
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Ihavegivenittherequisiteattention,saidshe;andtheotherletterstoo.SothatwhatIsayisupondeliberation.AndwhathaveItofearfrommybrotherandsister?Theycanbutcompletetheruinofmyfortuneswithmyfatheranduncles.Letthemandwelcome.You,Sir,Ithankyou,haveloweredmyfortunes;but,IblessGod,thatmymindisnotsunkwithmyfortunes.Itis,onthecontrary,raisedabovefortune,andaboveyou;andforhalfawordtheyshallhavetheestatetheyenviedmefor,andanacquittalfrommeofalltheexpectationsfrommyfamilythatmaymakethemuneasy.
Iliftedupmyhandsandeyesinsilentadmirationofher.
Mybrother,Sir,maythinkmeruined;tothepraiseofyourcharacter,hemaythinkitimpossibletobewithyouandbeinnocent.Youhavebuttoowelljustifiedtheirharshestcensuresbyeverypartofyourconduct.ButnowthatIhaveescapedfromyou,andthatIamoutofthereachofyourmysteriousdevices,Iwillwrapmyselfupinmineowninnocence,[andthenthepassionatebeautyfoldedherarmsaboutherself,]andleavetotime,andtomyfuturecircumspection,there-establishmentofmycharacter.Leavemethen,Sir,pursuemenot!--
GoodHeaven![interruptingher]--andallthis,forwhat?--HadInotyieldedtoyourentreaties,(forgiveme,Madam,)youcouldnothave
carriedfartheryourresentments--Wretch!Wasitnotcrimeenoughtogiveoccasionforthoseentreaties?Wouldstthoumakeamerittome,thatthoudidstnotutterlyruinherwhomthououghtesttohaveprotected?Begone,man!(turningfromme,herfacecrimsonedoverwithpassion.)--Seemenomore!--Icannotbeartheeinmysight!--
Dearest,dearestcreature!
IfIforgivethee,Lovelace--Andthereshestopped.--Toendeavour,proceededshe,toendeavourbypremeditation,bylowcontrivances,bycriesofFire!toterrifyapoorcreaturewhohadconsentedtotakea
wretchedchancewiththeeforlife!
ForHeaven'ssake,--offeringtotakeherrepulsinghand,asshewasflyingfrommetowardsthecloset.
WhathastthoutodotopleadforthesakeofHeaveninthyfavour!--Odarkestofhumanminds!
Thenturningfromme,wipinghereyes,andagainturningtowardsme,buthersweetfacehalfaside,Whatdifficultieshastthouinvolvedmein!Thatthouhadstaplainpathbeforethee,afterthouhadstbetrayedmeintothypower.--Atoncemymindtakesinthewholeofthycrookedbehaviour;andifthouthinkestofClarissaHarloweasherproudheart
tellsherthououghtesttothinkofher,thouwiltseekthyfortuneselsewhere.Howoftenhastthouprovokedmetotellthee,thatmysoulisabovethee!
ForHeaven'ssake,Madam,forasoul'ssake,whichitisinyourpowertosavefromperdition,forgivemethepastoffence.Iamthegreatestvillainonearthifitwasapremeditatedone;yetIpresumenottoexcusemyself.OnyourmercyIthrowmyself.Iwillnotofferatanypleabutthatofpenitence.SeebutCaptainTomlinson.--SeebutLadyBettyandmycousin;letthempleadforme;letthembeguaranteesfor
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myhonour.
IfCaptainTomlinsoncomewhileIstayhere,Imayseehim;butasforyou,Sir--
Dearestcreature!letmebegofyounottoaggravatemyoffencetotheCaptainwhenhecomes.Letmebegofyou--
Whataskestthou?ItisnotthatIshallbeofpartyagainstmyself?ThatIshallpalliate--
Donotchargeme,Madam,interruptedI,withvillainouspremeditation!--Donotgivesuchaconstructiontomyoffenceasmayweakenyouruncle'sopinion--asmaystrengthenyourbrother's--
Sheflungfrommetothefurtherendoftheroom,[shecouldgonofurther,]andjustthenMrs.Moorecameup,andtoldherthatdinnerwasready,andthatshehadprevaileduponMissRawlinstogiveherhercompany.
Youmustexcuseme,Mrs.Moore,saidshe.MissRawlinsIhopealsowill--butIcannoteat--Icannotgodown.Asforyou,Sir,Isupposeyouwillthinkitrighttodeparthence;atleasttillthegentlemancomeswhomyouexpect.
Irespectfullywithdrewintothenextroom,thatMrs.Mooremightacquainther,(Idurstnotmyself,)thatIwasherlodgerandboarder,as,whisperingly,Idesiredthatshewould;andmeetingMissRawlinsinthepassage,DearestMissRawlins,saidI,standmyfriend;joinwithMrs.Mooretopacifymyspouse,ifshehasanynewflightsuponmyhavingtakenlodgings,andintendingtoboardhere.Ihopeshewillhavemoregenerositythantothinkofhinderingagentlewomanfromlettingherlodgings.
IsupposeMrs.Moore,(whomIleftwithmyfair-one,)hadapprizedherofthisbeforeMissRawlinswentin;forIheardhersay,whileIwithheldMissRawlins,--'No,indeed:heismuchmistaken--surelyhedoesnotthink
Iwill.'
Theybothexpostulatedwithher,asIcouldgatherfrombitsandscrapsofwhattheysaid;fortheyspokesolow,thatIcouldnothearanydistinctsentence,butfromthefairperverse,whoseangermadeherlouder.AndtothispurposeIheardherdeliverherselfinanswertodifferentpartsoftheirtalktoher:--'GoodMrs.Moore,dearMissRawlins,pressmenofurther:--Icannotsitdownattablewithhim!'
Theysaidsomething,asIsupposeinmybehalf--'Otheinsinuatingwretch!WhatdefencehaveIagainstaman,who,gowhereIwill,canturneveryone,evenofthevirtuousofmysex,inhisfavour?'
Aftersomethingelsesaid,whichIheardnotdistinctly--'Thisisexecrablecunning!--Wereyoutoknowhiswickedheart,heisnotwithouthopeofengagingyoutwogoodpersonstosecondhiminthevilestofhismachinations.'
Howcameshe,(thoughtI,attheinstant,)byallthispenetration?Mydevilsurelydoesnotplaymebooty.IfIthoughthedid,Iwouldmarry,andlivehonest,tobeevenwithhim.
IsupposethentheyurgedthepleawhichIhintedtoMissRawlinsat
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goingin,thatshewouldnotbeMrs.Moore'shindrance;forthussheexpressedherself--'Hewillnodoubtpayyouyourownprice.Youneednotquestionhisliberality;butonehousecannotholdus.--Why,ifitwould,didIflyfromhim,toseekrefugeamongstrangers?'
Then,inanswertosomewhatelsetheypleaded--''Tisamistake,Madam;Iamnotreconciledtohim,Iwillbelievenothinghesays.Hashenotgivenyouaflagrantspecimenofwhatamanheis,andofwhathisiscapable,bythedisguisesyousawhimin?Mystoryistoolong,andmystayherewillbebutshort;orIcouldconvinceyouthatmyresentmentsagainsthimarebuttoowellfounded.'
Isupposethattheypleadedforherleaveformydiningwiththem;forshesaid--'Ihavenothingtosaytothat:itisyourownhouse,Mrs.Moore--itisyourowntable--youmayadmitwhomyoupleasetoit,onlyleavemeatmylibertytochoosemycompany.'
Then,inanswer,asIsuppose,totheirofferofsendingherupaplate--'Abitofbread,ifyouplease,andaglassofwater;that'sallIcanswallowatpresent.Iamreallyverymuchdiscomposed.SawyounothowbadIwas?Indignationonlycouldhavesupportedmyspirits!--
'Ihavenoobjectionstohisdiningwithyou,Madam;'addedshe,inreply,Isuppose,toafartherquestionofthesamenature--'ButIwill
notstayanightinthesamehousewherehelodges.'IpresumeMissRawlinshadtoldherthatshewouldnotstaydinner:forshesaid,--'LetmenotdepriveMrs.Mooreofyourcompany,MissRawlins.Youwillnotbedispleasedwithhistalk.Hecanhavenodesignuponyou.'
ThenIsupposetheypleadedwhatImightsaybehindherback,tomakemyownstorygood:--'Icarenotwhathesaysorwhathethinksofme.RepentanceandamendmentarealltheharmIwishhim,whateverbecomesofme!'
Byheraccentsheweptwhenshespoketheselastwords.
Theycameoutbothofthemwipingtheireyes;andwouldhavepersuadedmetorelinquishthelodgings,andtodeparttillheruncle'sfriendcame.ButIknewbetter.IdidnotcaretotrusttheDevil,wellassheandMissHowesupposemetobeacquaintedwithhim,forfindingheroutagain,ifoncemoresheescapedme.
WhatIammostafraidofis,thatshewillthrowherselfamongherownrelations;and,ifshedoes,Iamconfidenttheywillnotbeabletowithstandheraffectingeloquence.Butyet,asthou'ltsee,theCaptain'slettertomeisadmirablycalculatedtoobviatemyapprehensionsonthisscore;particularlyinthatpassagewhereitissaid,thatherunclethinksnothimselfatlibertytocorresponddirectly
withher,ortoreceiveapplicationsfromher--butthroughCaptainTomlinson,asisstronglyimplied.*
*SeeLetterXXIV.ofthisvolume.
Imustown,(notwithstandingtherevengeIhavesosolemnlyvowed,)thatIwouldveryfainhavemadeforherameritwithmyselfinherreturningfavour,andhaveowedaslittleaspossibletothemediationofCaptain
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Tomlinson.Mypridewasconcernedinthis:andthiswasoneofmyreasonsfornotbringinghimwithme.--Anotherwas,that,ifIwereobligedtohaverecoursetohisassistance,Ishouldbebetterable,(byvisitingwithouthim,)todirecthimwhattosayordo,asIshouldfindouttheturnofherhumour.
Iwas,however,gladatmyheartthatMrs.Moorecameupsoseasonablywithnoticethatdinnerwasready.Thefairfugitivewasallinalt.Shehadtheexcuseforwithdrawing,Ihadtimetostrengthenmyself;theCaptainhadtimetocome;andtheladytocool.--Shakspeareadviseswell:
Opposenotrage,whilstrageisinitsforce;Butgiveitwayawhile,andletitwaste.Therisingdelugeisnotstoptwithdams;Thoseito'erbears,anddrownsthehopeofharvest.But,wiselymanag'd,itsdividedstrengthIssluic'dinchannels,andsecurelydrain'd:Andwhenitsforceisspent,andunsupply'd,Theresiduewithmoundsmayberestrain'd,Anddry-shodwemaypassthenakedford.
Iwentdownwiththewomentodinner.Mrs.Mooresentherfairboarderupaplate,butsheonlyatealittlebitofbread,anddrankaglassof
water.Idoubtednotbutshewouldkeepherword,whenitwasoncegoneout.IsshenotanHarlowe?Sheseemstobeenuringherselftohardships,whichattheworstshecanneverknow;since,thoughsheshouldultimatelyrefusetobeobligedtome,or(toexpressmyselfmoresuitabletomyownheart,)toobligeme,everyonewhoseeshermustbefriendher.
Butletmeaskthee,Belford,Artthounotsolicitousformeinrelationtothecontentsoftheletterwhichtheangrybeautyhadwrittenanddispatchedawaybymanandhorse;andforwhatmaybeMissHowe'sanswertoit?Artthounotreadytoinquire,WhetheritbenotlikelythatMissHowe,whensheknowsofhersaucyfriend'sflight,willbeconcernedaboutherletter,whichshemustknowcouldnotbeatWilson'stillafter
thatflight,andso,probably,wouldfallintomyhands?--
Allthesethings,asthou'ltseeinthesequel,areprovidedforwithasmuchcontrivanceashumanforesightcanadmit.
IhavealreadytoldtheethatWill.isuponthelookoutforoldGrimes--oldGrimesis,itseems,agossiping,sottishrascal;andifWill.canbutlightofhim,I'llanswerfortheconsequence;ForhasnotWill.beenmyservantupwardsofsevenyears?
LETTERXXVII
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
Wehadatdinner,besidesMissRawlins,ayoungwidow-nieceofMrs.Moore,whoiscometostayamonthwithheraunt--Bevishername;veryforward,verylively,andagreatadmirerofme,Iassureyou;--hangingsmirkinglyuponallIsaid;andpreparedtoapproveofeverywordbeforeIspoke:andwho,bythetimewehadhalf-dined,(bythehelpofwhatshe
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hadcollectedbefore,)wasasmuchacquaintedwithourstoryaseitheroftheothertwo.
AsitbehovedmetopreparetheminmyfavouragainstwhatevermightcomefromMissHowe,IimproveduponthehintIhadthrownoutabove-stairsagainstthatmischief-makinglady.Irepresentedhertobeanarrogantcreature,revengeful,artful,enterprising,andonewho,hadshebeenaman,wouldhaveswornandcursed,andcommittedrapes,andplayedthedevil,asfarasIknew:[Ihavenodoubtofit,Jack!]butwho,byadvantageofafemaleeducation,andprideandinsolence,Ibelievedwaspersonallyvirtuous.
Mrs.Bevisallowed,thattherewasavastdealineducation--andinpridetoo,shesaid.WhileMissRawlinscamewithaprudishGodforbidthatvirtueshouldbeowingtoeducationonly!However,IdeclaredthatMissHowewasasubtlecontriverofmischief;onewhohadalwaysbeenmyenemy:hermotivesIknewnot:butdespisedthemanwhomhermotherwasdesiroussheshouldhave,oneHickman;althoughIdidnotdirectlyaverthatshewouldratherhavehadme;yettheyallimmediatelyimaginedthatthatwasthegroundofheranimositytome,andofherenvytomybeloved:anditwaspity,theysaid,thatsofineayoungladydidnotseethroughsuchapretendedfriend.
Andyetnobody[addedI]hasmorereasonthanshetoknowbyexperience
theforceofahatredfoundedinenvy;asIhintedtoyouabove,Mrs.Moore,andtoyou,MissRawlins,inthecaseofhersisterArabella.
Ihadcomplimentsmadetomypersonandtalentsonthisoccasion:whichgavemeasingularopportunityofdisplayingmymodesty,bydisclaimingthemeritofthem,withaNo,indeed!--Ishouldbeveryvain,Ladies,ifIthoughtso.Whilethusabusingmyself,andexaltingMissHowe,Igottheiropinionbothformodestyandgenerosity;andhadallthegraceswhichIdisclaimedthrowninuponmebesides.
Inshort,theyevenoppressedthatmodesty,which(tospeakmodestlyofmyself)theirpraisescreated,bydisbelievingallIsaidagainstmyself.
And,truly,Imustneedssay,theyhavealmostpersuadedevenmemyself,thatMissHoweisactuallyinlovewithme.Ihaveoftenbeenwillingtohopethis.Andwhoknowsbutshemay?TheCaptainandIhaveagreed,thatitshallbesoinsinuatedoccasionally--Andwhat'sthyopinion,Jack?ShecertainlyhatesHickman;andgirlswhoaredisengagedseldomhate,thoughtheymaynotlove:andifshehadratherhaveanother,whynotthatotherME?ForamInotasmartfellow,andarake?Anddonotyoursprightlyladiesloveyoursmartfellow,andyourrakes?Andwhereisthewonder,thatthemanwhocouldengagetheaffectionsofMissHarlowe,shouldengagethoseofalady(withher*alas's)whowouldbehonouredinbeingdeemedhersecond?
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume,whereMissHowesays,Alas!mydear,Iknowyoulovedhim!
NoraccusethoumeofSINGULARvanityinthispresumption,Belford.Wertthoutoknowthesecretvanitythatlurksintheheartsofthosewhodisguiseorclokeitbest,thouwouldstfindgreatreasontoacquit,atleast,toallowforme:sinceitisgenerallytheconsciousover-fulnessofconceit,thatmakesthehypocritemostuponhisguardtoconcealit.Yetwiththesefellows,proudlyhumbleastheyare,itwillbreakout
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sometimesinspiteoftheirclokes,thoughbutinself-denying,compliment-beggingself-degradation.
ButnowIhaveundervaluedmyself,inapologizingtotheeonthisoccasion,letmeuseanotherargumentinfavourofmyobservation,thattheladiesgenerallypreferaraketoasoberman;andofmypresumptionuponit,thatMissHoweisinlovewithme:itisthis:commonfamesays,ThatHickmanisaveryvirtuous,averyinnocentfellow--amale-virgin,Iwarrant!--AnodddogIalwaysthoughthim.Nowwomen,Jack,likenotnovices.Twomaidenheadsmeetingtogetherinwedlock,thefirstchildmustbeafool,istheircommonaphorism.Theyarepleasedwithaloveofthesexthatisfoundedintheknowledgeofit.Reasongood;novicesexpectmorethantheycanpossiblyfindinthecommercewiththem.Themanwhoknowsthem,yethasardoursforthem,toborrowawordfromMissHowe,*thoughthoseardoursaregenerallyowingmoretothedevilwithinhim,thantothewitchwithouthim,isthemanwhomakesthemthehighestandmostgratefulcompliment.Heknowswhattoexpect,andwithwhattobesatisfied.
*SeeVol.IV.LettersXXIX.andXXXIV.
Thenthemeritofawoman,insomecases,mustbeignorance,whetherreal
orpretended.Theman,inthesecases,mustbeanadept.Willitthenbewonderedat,thatawomanprefersalibertinetoanovice?--Whilesheexpectsintheonetheconfidenceshewants,sheconsiderstheotherandherselfastwoparallellines,which,thoughtheyrunsidebyside,cannevermeet.
Yetinthisthesexisgenerallymistakentoo;forthesesheepishfellowsaresly.Imyselfwasmodestonce;andthis,asIhaveelsewherehintedtothee,*hasbetterenabledmetojudgeofbothsexes.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXIII.
Buttoproceedwithmynarrative:
HavingthuspreparedeveryoneagainstanylettershouldcomefromMissHowe,andagainstmybeloved'smessengerreturns,Ithoughtitpropertoconcludethatsubjectwithahint,thatmyspousecouldnotbeartohaveanythingsaidthatreflecteduponMissHowe;and,withadeepsigh,added,thatIhadbeenmadeveryunhappymorethanoncebytheill-willofladieswhomIhadneveroffended.
ThewidowBevisbelievedthatmightveryeasilybe.Will.bothwithoutandwithin,[forIintendheshallfallinlovewithwidowMoore'smaid,andhavesavedonehundredpoundsinmyservice,atleast,]willbegreat
helps,asthingsmayhappen.
LETTERXXVIII
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
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Wehadhardlydined,whenmycoachman,whokeptalook-outforCaptainTomlinson,asWill.didforoldGrimes,conductedhitherthatworthygentleman,attendedbyoneservant,bothonhorseback.Healighted.Iwentouttomeethimatthedoor.
Thouknowesthissolemnappearance,andunblushingfreedom;andyetcanstnotimaginewhatadignitytherascalassumed,norhowrespectfultohimIwas.
Iledhimintotheparlour,andpresentedhimtothewomen,andthemtohim.Ithoughtithighlyimportedme(astheymightstillhavesomediffidencesaboutourmarriage,frommyfair-one'shome-pushedquestionsonthathead)toconvincethementirelyofthetruthofallIhadasserted.AndhowcouldIdothisbetter,thanbydialoguingalittlewithhimbeforethem?
DearCaptain,Ithoughtyoulong;forIhavehadaterribleconflictwithmyspouse.
Capt.IamsorrythatIamlaterthanmyintention--myaccountwithmybanker--[There'sadog,Jack!]tookmeuplongertimetoadjustthanIhadforeseen[allthetimepullingdownandstrokinghisruffles]:fortherewasasmalldifferencebetweenus--onlytwentypounds,indeed,whichIhadtakennoaccountof.
Therascalhasnotseentwentypoundsofhisownthesetenyears.
ThenhadwebetweenusthecharacteroftheHarlowefamily;Irailedagainstthemall;theCaptaintakinghisdearfriendMr.JohnHarlowe'spart;withaNotsofast!--notsofast,younggentleman!--andthelikefreeassumptions.
Heaccountedfortheiranimositybymydefiances:nogoodfamily,havingsuchacharmingdaughter,wouldcaretobedefied,insteadofcourted:hemustspeakhismind:neverwasadouble-tonguedman.--Heappealedtotheladies,ifhewerenotright?
Hegotthemonhisside.
ThecorrectionIhadgiventhebrother,hetoldme,musthaveaggravatedmatters.
Howvaliantthismademelooktothewomen!--Thesexloveusmettledfellowsattheirhearts.
Bethatasitwould,Ishouldneverloveanyofthefamilybutmyspouse;andwantingnothingfromthem,Iwouldnot,butforhersake,havegonesofarasIhadgonetowardsareconciliation.
Thiswasverygoodofme;Mrs.Mooresaid.
Verygoodindeed;MissRawlins.
Good;--Itismorethangood;itisverygenerous;saidthewidow.
Capt.Whysoitis,Imustneedssay:forIamsensiblethatMr.Lovelacehasbeenrudelytreatedbythemall--morerudely,thanitcouldhavebeenimaginedamanofhisqualityandspiritwouldhaveputupwith.Butthen,Sir,[turningtome,]Ithinkyouareamplyrewardedinsuchalady;andthatyououghttoforgivethefatherforthedaughter's
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sake.
Mrs.Moore.IndeedsoIthink.
MissR.Somusteveryonethinkwhohasseenthelady.
WidowB.Afinelady,tobesure!Butshehasaviolentspirit;andsomeveryoddhumourstoo,bywhatIhaveheard.Thevalueofgoodhusbandsisnotknowntilltheyarelost!
Herconsciencethendrewasighfromher.
Lovel.Nobodymustreflectuponmyangel!--Anangelsheis--somelittleblemishes,indeed,astoherover-hastyspirit,andastoherunforgivingtemper.ButthisshehasfromtheHarlowes;instigatedtoobythatMissHowe.--Butherinnumerableexcellenciesareallherown.
Capt.Ay,talkofspirit,there'saspirit,nowyouhavenamedMissHowe![AndsoIledhimtoconfirmallIhadsaidofthatvixen.]Yetshewastobepitiedtoo;lookingwithmeaningatme.
AsIhavealreadyhinted,IhadbeforeagreedwithhimtoimputesecretloveoccasionallytoMissHowe,asthebestmeanstoinvalidateallthatmightcomefromherinmydisfavour.
Capt.Mr.Lovelace,butthatIknowyourmodesty,oryoucouldgiveareason--
Lovel.Lookingdown,andverymodest--Ican'tthinkso,Captain--butletuscallanothercause.
Everywomanpresentcouldlookmeintheface,sobashfulwasI.
Capt.Well,butastoourpresentsituation--onlyitmayn'tbeproper--lookinguponme,androunduponthewomen.
Lovel.OCaptain,youmaysayanythingbeforethiscompany--only,
Andrew,[tomynewservant,whoattendedusattable,]doyouwithdraw:thisgoodgirl[lookingatthemaid-servant]willhelpustoallwewant.
AwaywentAndrew:hewantednothiscue;andthemaidseemedpleasedatmyhonour'spreferenceofher.
Capt.Astoourpresentsituation,Isay,Mr.Lovelace--why,Sir,weshallbealluntwisted,letmetellyou,ifmyfriendMr.JohnHarloweweretoknowwhatthatis.Hewouldasmuchquestionthetruthofyourbeingmarried,astherestofthefamilydo.
Herethewomenperkeduptheirears;andwereallsilentattention.
Capt.Iaskedyoubeforeforparticulars,Mr.Lovelace;butyoudeclinedgivingthem.--Indeeditmaynotbeproperformetobeacquaintedwiththem.--ButImustown,thatitispastmycomprehension,thatawifecanresentanythingahusbandcando(thatisnotabreachofthepeace)sofarastothinkherselfjustifiedforelopingfromhim.
Lovel.CaptainTomlinson:--Sir--Idoassureyou,thatIshallbeoffended--Ishallbeextremelyconcerned--ifIhearthatwordelopingmentionedagain--
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Capt.Yournicetyandyourlove,Sir,maymakeyoutakeoffence--butitismywaytocalleverythingbyitspropername,letwhowillbeoffended--
Thoucanstnotimagine,Belford,howbraveandhowindependenttherascallooked.
Capt.When,younggentleman,youshallthinkpropertogiveusparticulars,wewillfindawordforthisrashactinsoadmirablealady,thatshallpleaseyoubetter.--Yousee,Sir,thatbeingtherepresentativeofmydearfriendMr.JohnHarlowe,IspeakasfreelyasIsupposehewoulddo,ifpresent.Butyoublush,Sir--Ibegyourpardon,Mr.Lovelace:itbecomesnotamodestmantopryintothosesecrets,whichamodestmancannotreveal.
Ididnotblush,Jack;butdeniednotthecompliment,andlookeddown:thewomenseemeddelightedwithmymodesty:butthewidowBeviswasmoreinclinedtolaughatmethanpraisemeforit.
Capt.Whateverbethecauseofthisstep,(Iwillnotagain,Sir,callitelopement,sincethatharshwordwoundsyourtenderness,)Icannotbutexpressmysurpriseuponit,whenIrecollecttheaffectionatebehaviour,towhichIwaswitnessbetweenyou,whenIattendedyoulast.Over-love,Sir,Ithinkyouoncemention--butover-love[smiling]givemeleaveto
say,Sir,itisanoddcauseofquarrel--fewladies--Lovel.DearCaptain!--AndItriedtoblush.
Thewomenalsotried;andbeingmoreusedtoit,succeededbetter.--Mrs.Bevisindeedhasared-hotcountenance,andalwaysblushes.
MissR.Itsignifiesnothingtomincethematter:buttheladyaboveasgoodasdenieshermarriage.Youknow,Sir,thatshedoes;turningtome.
Capt.Denieshermarriage!Heavens!howthenhaveIimposeduponmydearfriendMr.JohnHarlowe!
Lovel.Poordear!--Butletnotherveracitybecalledintoquestion.Shewouldnotbeguiltyofawilfuluntruthfortheworld.
ThenIhadalltheirpraisesagain.
Lovel.Dearcreature!--Shethinksshehasreasonforherdenial.Youknow,Mrs.Moore;youknow,MissRawlins;whatIownedtoyouaboveasmyvow.
Ilookeddown,and,asoncebefore,turnedroundmydiamondring.
Mrs.Moorelookedawry,andwithaleeratMissRawlins,astoher
partnerinthehinted-atreference.
MissRawlinslookeddownaswellasI;hereyelidshalfclosed,asifmumblingapater-noster,meditatinghersnuff-box,thedistancebetweenhernoseandchinlengthenedbyaclose-shutmouth.
SheputmeinmindofthepiousMrs.FetherstoneatOxford,whomIpointedouttotheeonce,amongothergrotesquefigures,atSt.Mary'schurch,whitherwewenttotakeaviewofhertwosisters:hereyesshut,notdaringtotrustherheartwiththemopen;andbutjusthalf-rearing
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herlids,toseewhothenextcomerwas;andfallingthemagain,whenhercuriositywassatisfied.
ThewidowBevisgazed,asifonthehuntforasecret.
TheCaptainlookedarchly,asifhalfinthepossessionofone.
Mrs.Mooreatlastbrokethebashfulsilence.Mrs.Lovelace'sbehaviour,shesaid,couldbenootherwisesowellaccountedfor,asbytheillofficesofthatMissHowe;andbytheseverityofherrelations;whichmightbuttooprobablyhaveaffectedherheadalittleattimes:adding,thatitwasverygenerousinmetogivewaytothestormwhenitwasup,ratherthantoexasperateatsuchatime.
Butletmetellyou,Sirs,saidthewidowBevis,thatisnotwhatonehusbandinathousandwouldhavedone.
Idesired,thatnopartofthisconversationmightbehintedtomyspouse;andlookedstillmorebashfully.Hergreatfault,Imustown,wasover-delicacy.
TheCaptainleeredroundhim;andsaid,hebelievedhecouldguessfromthehintsIhadgivenhimintown(ofmyover-love)andfromwhathadnowpassed,thatwehadnotconsummatedourmarriage.
OJack!howsheepishlythenlooked,orendeavouredtolook,thyfriend!howprimlygoodyMoore!howaffectedlyMissRawlins!--whilethehonestwidowBevisgazedaroundherfearless;andthoughonlysimperingwithhermouth,hereyeslaughedoutright,andseemedtochallengealaughfromeveryeyeinthecompany.
Heobserved,thatIwasaphoenixofaman,ifso;andhecouldnotbuthopethatallmatterswouldbehappilyaccommodatedinadayortwo;andthatthenheshouldhavethepleasuretoavertoheruncle,thathewaspresent,ashemightsay,onourwedding-day.
Thewomenseemedalltojoininthesamehope.
Ah,Captain!Ah,Ladies!howhappyshouldIbe,ifIcouldbringmydearspousetobeofthesamemind!
Itwouldbeaveryhappyconclusionofaveryknottyaffair,saidthewidowBevis;andIseenotwhywemaynotmakethisverynightamerryone.
TheCaptainsuperciliouslysmiledatme.Hesawplainlyenough,hesaid,thatwehadbeenatchildren'splayhitherto.Amanofmycharacter,whocouldgivewaytosuchacapriceasthis,musthaveaprodigiousvalueforhislady.Butonethinghewouldventuretotellme;andthatwasthis--that,howeverdesirousyoungskittishladiesmightbetohavetheir
wayinthisparticular,itwasaverybadsetting-outfortheman;asitgavehisbrideaveryhighproofofthepowershehadoverhim:andhewouldengage,thatnowoman,thushumoured,evervaluedthemanthemoreforit;butverymuchthecontrary--andtherewerereasonstobegivenwhysheshouldnot.
Well,well,Captain,nomoreofthissubjectbeforetheladies.--Onefeels[shruggingmyshouldersinabashfultry-to-blushmanner]thatoneissoridiculous--Ihavebeenpunishedenoughformytenderfolly.
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MissRawlinshadtakenherfan,andwouldneedshideherfacebehindit--Isupposebecauseherblushwasnotquiteready.
Mrs.Moorehemmed,andlookeddown;andbythatgaveher'sover.
Whilethejollywidow,laughingout,praisedtheCaptainasoneofHudibras'smetaphysicians,repeating,
Heknewwhat'swhat,andthat'sashighAsmetaphysicwitcanfly.
ThismadeMissRawlinsblushindeed:--Fie,fie,Mrs.Bevis!criedshe,unwilling,Isuppose,tobethoughtabsolutelyignorant.
Uponthewhole,IbegantothinkthatIhadnotmadeabadexchangeofourprofessingmother,fortheunprofessingMrs.Moore.AndindeedthewomenandI,andmybelovedtoo,allmeanthesamething:weonlydifferaboutthemannerofcomingattheproposedend.
LETTERXXIX
MR.LOVELACE
[INCONTINUATION.]
Itwasnowhightimetoacquaintmyspouse,thatCaptainTomlinsonwascome.Andtherather,asthemaidtoldus,thattheladyhadaskedherifsuchagentleman[describinghim]wasnotintheparlour?
Mrs.Moorewentup,andrequested,inmyname,thatshewouldgiveusaudience.
Butshereturned,reportingmybeloved'sdesire,thatCaptainTomlinsonwouldexcuseherforthepresent.Shewasveryill.Herspiritsweretooweaktoenterintoconversationwithhim;andshemustliedown.
Iwasvexed,andatfirstextremelydisconcerted.TheCaptainwasvexedtoo.Andmyconcern,thoumayestbelieve,wasthegreateronhisaccount.
Shehadbeenverymuchfatigued,Iown.Herfitsinthemorningmusthavedisorderedher:andshehadcarriedherresentmentsohigh,thatitwasthelesswondersheshouldfindherselflow,whenherraisedspiritshadsubsided.Verylow,Imaysay;ifsinkingsareproportionedtorisings;forshehadbeenliftedupabovethestandardofacommonmortal.
TheCaptain,however,sentuphisownname,thatifhecouldbeadmitted
todrinkonedishofteawithher,heshouldtakeitforafavour:andwouldgototown,anddispatchsomenecessarybusiness,inorder,ifpossible,toleavehismorningfreetoattendher.
Butshepleadedaviolenthead-ache;andMrs.Mooreconfirmedthepleatobejust.
IwouldhavehadtheCaptainlodgetherethatnight,aswellincomplimenttohim,asintroductorytomyintentionofenteringmyselfuponmynew-takenapartment:buthishourswereoftoomuchimportanceto
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himtostaytheevening.
Itwasindeedveryinconvenientforhim,hesaid,toreturninthemorning;butheiswillingtodoallinhispowertohealthisbreach,andthataswellforthesakesofmeandmylady,asforthatofhisdearfriendMr.JohnHarlowe;whomustnotknowhowfarthismisunderstandinghadgone.Hewouldthereforeonlydrinkonedishofteawiththeladiesandme.
Andaccordingly,afterhehaddoneso,andIhadhadalittleprivateconversationwithhim,hehurriedaway.
Hisfellowhadgivenhim,intheinterim,ahighcharactertoMrs.Moore'sservants:andthisreportedbythewidowBevis(whobeingnoproudwoman,ishailfellowwellmet,asthesayingis,withallheraunt'sservants)hewasafinegentleman,adiscreetgentleman,amanofsenseandbreeding,withthemall:anditwaspity,that,withsuchgreatbusinessuponhishands,heshouldbeobligedtocomeagain.
Mylifeforyour's,audiblywhisperedthewidowBevis,thereishumouraswellashead-acheinsomebody'sdecliningtoseethisworthygentleman.--Ah,Lord!howhappymightsomepeoplebeiftheywould!
Noperfecthappinessinthisworld,saidI,verygravely,andwitha
sigh;forthewidowmustknowthatIheardher.Ifwehavenotrealunhappiness,wecanmakeit,evenfromtheoverflowingsofourgoodfortune.
Verytrue,andverytrue,thetwowidows.Acharmingobservation!Mrs.Bevis.MissRawlinssmiledherassenttoit;andIthoughtshecalledmeinherheartcharmingman!forsheprofessestobeagreatadmirerofmoralobservations.
IhadhardlytakenleaveoftheCaptain,andsatdownagainwiththewomen,whenWill.came;andcallingmeout,'Sir,Sir,'saidhe,grinningwithafamiliarityinhislooksasifwhathehadtosayentitledhimtotakeliberties;'Ihavegotthefellowdown!--IhavegotoldGrimes--hah,
hah,hah,hah!--HeisattheLowerFlask--almostintheconditionofDavid'ssow,andpleaseyourhonour--[thedoghimselfnotmuchbetter]hereishisletter--from--fromMissHowe--ha,ha,ha,ha,'laughedthevarlet;holdingitfast,asiftomakeconditionswithme,andtoexcitemypraises,aswellasmyimpatience.
Icouldhaveknockedhimdown;buthewouldhavehissayout--'oldGrimesknowsnotthatIhavetheletter--Imustgetbacktohimbeforehemissesit--Ionlymakeapretencetogooutforafewminutes--but--but'--andthenthedoglaughedagain--'hemuststay--oldGrimesmuststay--tillIgobacktopaythereckoning.'
D--ntheprater;grinningrascal!Theletter!Theletter!
Hegatheredinhiswidemothe,ashecallsit,andgavemetheletter;butwithastrut,ratherthanabow;andthensidledofflikeoneofwidowSorlings'sdunghillcocks,exultingafteragreatfeatperformed.AndallthetimethatIwasholdingupthebillettothelight,totrytogetatitscontentswithoutbreakingtheseal,[for,dispatchedinahurry,ithadnocover,]therestoodhe,laughing,shrugging,playingoffhislegs;nowstrokinghisshiningchin,nowturninghishatuponhisthumb!thenleeringinmyface,flourishingwithhishead--OChrist!now-and-thencriedtherascal--
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Whatjoyhasthisdoginmischief!--MorethanIcanhaveinthecompletionofmymostfavouritepurposes!--Thesefellowsareeverhappierthantheirmasters.
IwasoncethinkingtorumpleupthisbillettillIhadbrokentheseal.Youngfamilies[MissHowe'sisnotanancientone]loveostentatioussealings:anditmighthavebeensupposedtohavebeensqueezedinpiecesinoldGrimes'sbreeches-pocket.ButIwasgladtobesavedtheguiltaswellassuspicionofhavingahandinsodirtyatrick;forthusmuchofthecontents(enoughformypurpose)Iwasenabledtoscratchoutincharacterwithoutit;thefoldsdeprivingmeonlyofafewconnectingwords,whichIhavesuppliedbetweenhooks.
MyMissHarlowe,thouknowest,hadbeforechangedhernametoMissLaetitiaBeaumont.Anotheraliasnow,Jack,toit;forthisbilletwasdirectedtoherbythenameofMrs.HarriotLucas.Ihavelearnedhertobehalfarogue,thouseest.
'Icongratulateyou,mydear,withallmyheartandsoul,upon[yourescape]fromthevillain.[Ilong]fortheparticularsofall.[Mymother]isout;but,expectingherreturneveryminute,Idispatched[your]messengerinstantly.[Iwillendeavourtocomeat]Mrs.Townsend
withoutlossoftime;andwillwriteatlargeinadayortwo,ifinthattimeIcanseeher.[MeantimeI]amexcessivelyuneasyforaletterIsentyouyesterdaybyCollins,[whomusthaveleftitat]Wilson'safteryougotaway.[Itisofvery]greatimportance.[Ihopethe]villainhasitnot.Iwouldnotfortheworld[thatheshould.]Immediatelysendforit,if,bydoingso,theplaceyouareat[willnotbe]discovered.Ifhehasit,letmeknowitbysomeway[outof]hand.Ifnot,youneednotsend.
'Ever,everyour's,'A.H.'June9.'
***
OJack!whatheart's-easedoesthisinterceptiongiveme!--IsenttherascalbackwiththelettertooldGrimes,andchargedhimtodrinknodeeper.Heowned,thathewashalf-seasover,ashephrasedit.
Dog!saidI,areyounottocourtoneofMrs.Moore'smaidsto-night?--
Cryyourmercy,Sir!--Iwillbesober.--Ihadforgotthat--butoldGrimesisplaguytough,IthoughtIshouldneverhavegothimdown.
Away,villain!LetoldGrimescome,andonhorsebacktoo,tothedoor--
Heshall,andpleaseyourhonour,ifIcangethimonthesaddle,andifhecansit--
Andchargehimnottohavealighted,nortohaveseenanybody--
Enough,Sir,familiarlynoddinghishead,toshowhetookme.Andawaywentthevillain--intotheparlour,tothewomen,I.
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InaquarterofanhourcameoldGrimesonhorseback,wavingtohissaddle-bow,nowonthisside,nowonthat;hishead,atothers,joiningtothatofhismoresoberbeast.
ItlookedverywelltothewomenthatImadenoefforttospeaktooldGrimes,(thoughIwished,beforethem,thatIknewthecontentsofwhathebrought;)but,onthecontrary,desiredthattheywouldinstantlyletmyspouseknowthathermessengerwasreturned.
Downsheflew,violentlyasshehadthehead-ache!
OhowIprayedforanopportunitytoberevengedofherfortheungratefultroubleshehadgiventoheruncle'sfriend!
ShetooktheletterfromoldGrimeswithherownhands,andretiredtoaninnerparlourtoreadit.
Shepresentlycameoutagaintothefellow,whohadmuchadotosithishorse--Hereisyourmoney,friend.--Ithoughtyoulong:butwhatshallIdotogetsomebodytogototownimmediatelyforme?Iseeyoucannot.
OldGrimestookhismoney,letfallhishandindoffingit;haditgivenhim,androdeaway;hiseyesisinglass,andsetinhishead,asIsawthroughthewindow,andinamannerspeechless--allhislanguagehiccup.
MydogneedednottohavegonesodeepwiththistougholdGrimes.Buttherascalwasinhiskingdomwithhim.
TheladyappliedtoMrs.Moore;shematterednottheprice.Couldamanandhorsebeengagedforher?--Onlytogoforaletterleftforher,atoneMr.Wilson's,inPall-mall.
Apoorneighbourwashired--ahorseprocuredforhim--hehadhisdirections.
InvaindidIendeavourtoengagedmybeloved,whenshewasbelow.Herhead-ache,Isuppose,returned.--She,liketherestofhersex,canbeillorwellwhenshepleases.
Iseeherdrift,thoughtI;itistohaveallherlightsfromMissHowebeforesheresolves,andtotakehermeasuresaccordingly.
Upshewentexpressinggreatimpatienceaboutthelettershehadsentfor;anddesiredMrs.MooretoletherknowifIofferedtosendanyoneofmyservantstotown--togetattheletter,Isuppose,washerfear;butshemighthavebeenquiteeasyonthathead;andyet,perhaps,wouldnot,hadsheknownthattheworthyCaptainTomlinson,(whowillbeintownbeforehermessenger,)willleavetheretheimportantletter,whichIhopewillhelptopacifyher,andreconcilehertome.
OJack,Jack!thinkestthouthatIwilltakeallthisroguishpains,and
besooftencalledvillainfornothing?
Butyet,isitnottakingpainstocomeatthefinestcreatureintheworld,notforatransitorymomentonly,butforoneofourlives!Thestruggleonly,WhetherIamtohaveherinmyownway,orinher's?
ButnowIknowthouwiltbefrightenedoutofthywitsforme--What,Lovelace!wouldestthouletherhavealetterthatwillinevitablyblowtheeup;andblowupthemother,andallhernymphs!--yetnotintendtoreform,norintendtomarry?
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Patience,puppy!--Canstthounottrustthymaster?
LETTERXXX
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
Iwentuptomynew-takenapartment,andfelltowritingincharacter,asusual.IthoughtIhadmadegoodmyquarters,butthecruelcreature,understandingthatIintendedtotakeupmylodgingsthere,declaredwithsomuchviolenceagainstit,thatIwasobligedtosubmit,andtoacceptofanotherlodging,abouttwelvedoorsoff,whichMrs.Moorerecommended.AndalltheadvantageIcouldobtainwas,thatWill.,unknowntomyspouse,andforfearofafreak,shouldlieinthehouse.
Mrs.Moore,indeed,wasunwillingtodisobligeeitherofus.ButMissRawlinswasofopinion,thatnothingmoreoughttobeallowedme:andyetMrs.Mooreowned,thattherefusalwasastrangepieceoftyrannytoahusband,ifIwereahusband.
IhadagoodmindtomakeMissRawlinssmartforit.ComeandseeMissRawlins,Jack.--Ifthoulikesther,I'llgetherfortheewithawet-finger,asthesayingis!
ThewidowBevisindeedstickledhardforme.[Aninnocent,orinjuredman,willhavefriendseverywhere.]Shesaid,thattobearmuchwithsomewives,wastobeobligedtobearmore;andIreflected,withasigh,thattamespiritsmustalwaysbeimposedupon.Andthen,inmyheart,Irenewedmyvowsofrevengeuponthishaughtyandperversebeauty.
Thesecondfellowcamebackfromtownaboutnineo'clock,withMissHowe'sletterofWednesdaylast.'Collins,itseems,whenheleftit,haddesired,thatitmightbesafelyandspeedilydeliveredintoMiss
LaetitiaBeaumont'sownhands.ButWilson,understandingthatneithershenorIwereintown,[hecouldnotknowofourdifferencethoumustthink,]resolvedtotakecareofittillourreturn,inordertogiveitintooneofourownhands;andnowdeliveredittohermessenger.'
Thiswastoldher.Wilson,Idoubtnot,isinherfavouruponit.
Shetooktheletterwithgreateagerness;openeditinahurry,[amgladshedid;yet,Ibelieve,allwasright,]beforeMrs.MooreandMrs.Bevis,[MissRawlinswasgonehome;]andsaid,shewouldnotfortheworldthatIshouldhavehadthatletter,forthesakeofherdearfriendthewriter,whohadwrittentoherveryuneasilyaboutit.
Herdearfriend!repeatedMrs.Bevis,whenshetoldmethis:--suchmischief-makersarealwaysdeemeddearfriendstilltheyarefoundout!
ThewidowsaysthatIamthefinestgentlemansheeverbeheld.
Ihavefoundawarmkissnow-and-thenverykindlytaken.
Imightbeaverywickedfellow,Jack,ifIweretodoallthemischiefinmypower.ButIamevermoreforquittingatoo-easypreytoreptilerakes!Whatbutdifficulty,(thoughtheladyisanangel,)engagesmeto
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somuchperseverancehere?--Andhere,conquerordie!isnowthedetermination!
***
Ihavejustnowpartedwiththishonestwidow.Shecalleduponmeatmynewlodgings.Itoldher,thatIsawImustbefurtherobligedtoherinthecourseofthisdifficultaffair.Shemustallowmetomakeherahandsomepresentwhenallwashappilyover.ButIdesiredthatshewouldtakenonoticeofwhatshouldpassbetweenus,noteventoheraunt;forthatshe,asIsaw,wasinthepowerofMissRawlins:andMissRawlins,beingamaidengentlewoman,knewnottherightandthefitinmatrimonialmatters,asshe,mydearwidow,did.
Verytrue:Howshouldshe?saidMrs.Bevis,proudofknowing--nothing!But,forherpart,shedesirednopresent.Itwasenoughifshecouldcontributetoreconcilemanandwife,anddisappointmischief-makers.Shedoubtednot,thatsuchanenviouscreatureasMissHowewasgladthatMrs.Lovelacehadeloped--jealousyandlovewasOldNick!
See,Belford,howcharminglythingsworkbetweenmeandmynewacquaintance,thewidow!--Whoknows,butthatshemay,afteralittlefartherintimacy,(thoughIambanishedthehouseonnights,)contrivea
midnightvisitformetomyspouse,whenallisstillandfastasleep?Wherecanawomanbesafe,whohasonceenteredthelistswithacontrivingandintrepidlover?
Butastothisletter,methinkestthousayest,ofMissHowe?
Iknewthouwouldestbeuneasyforme.ButdidnotItelltheethatIhadprovidedforeverything?ThatIalwaystookcaretokeepsealsentire,andtopreservecovers?*Wasitnoteasythen,thinkestthou,tocontriveashorterletteroutofalonger;andtocopytheverywords?
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
Icantellthee,itwassowellordered,that,notbeingsuspectedtohavebeeninmyhands,itwasnoteasytofindmeout.Haditbeenmybeloved'shand,therewouldhavebeennoimitatingitforsuchalength.Herdelicateandevenmindisseenintheverycutofherletters.MissHowe'shandisnobadone,butitisnotsoequalandregular.Thatlittledevil'snaturalimpatiencehurryingonherfingers,gave,Isuppose,fromthebeginning,herhandwriting,aswellastherestofher,itsfitsandstarts,andthosepeculiarities,which,likestrongmuscularlinesinaface,neitherthepen,northepencil,canmiss.
HastthouamindtotseewhatitwasIpermittedMissHowetowritetoherlovelyfriend?Whythen,readithere,soextractedfromher'sofWednesdaylast,withafewadditionsofmyown.Theadditionsunderscored.*
*Editor'snote:Inplaceofitalics,asintheoriginal,Ihavesubstitutedhooks[].
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MYDEARESTFRIEND,
YouwillperhapsthinkthatIhavebeentoolongsilent.ButIhadbeguntwolettersatdifferenttimessincemylast,andwrittenagreatdealeachtime;andwithspiritenoughIassureyou;incensedasIwasagainsttheabominablewretchyouarewith;particularlyonreadingyour'softhe21stofthepastmonth.
TheFIRSTIintendedtokeepopentillIcouldgiveyousomeaccountofmyproceedingswithMrs.Townsend.ItwassomedaysbeforeIsawher:andthisintervenientspacegivingmetimetoreperusewhatIhadwritten,Ithoughtitpropertolaythataside,andtowriteinastylealittlelessfervent;foryouwouldhaveblamedme,Iknew,forthefreedomofsomeofmyexpressions,(execrations,ifyouplease.)AndwhenIhadgoneagoodwayintheSECOND,andchangeyourprospects,onhiscommunicatingtoyouMissMontague'sletter,andhisbetterbehaviour,occasioningachangeinyourmind,Ilaidthatasidealso.AndinthisuncertaintythoughtIwouldwaittoseetheissueofaffairsbetweenyoubeforeIwroteagain;believingthatallwouldsoonbedecidedonewayorother.
***
[HereIwasforcedtobreakoff.Iamtoolittlemyownmistress:--Mymother*isalwaysupanddown--andwatchingasifIwerewritingtoafellow.WhatneedI(sheasksme,)lockmyselfin,**ifIamonlyreadingpastcorrespondencies?Forthatismypretence,whenshecomespokinginwithherfacesharpenedtoanedge,asImaysay,byacuriositythatgiveshermorepainthanpleasure.--TheLordforgiveme;butIbelieveIshallhuffhernexttimeshecomesin.]
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.**Ibid.
***
Doyouforgivemetoo,mydear--mymotherought;becauseshesaysIammyfather'sgirl;andbecauseIamsureIamher's.
[Uponmylife,mydear,Iamsometimesofopinion,thatthisvilemanwascapableofmeaningyoudishonour.WhenIlookbackuponhispastconduct,Icannothelp,andverilybelieve,thathehaslaidasidesuchthoughts.MyreasonsforbothopinionsIwillgiveyou.]
[Forthefirst:to-wit,thathehaditonceinhisheadtotakeyouatadvantageifhecould,Iconsider*that]pride,revenge,andadelighttotreadinunbeatenpaths,areprincipalingredientsinthecharacterofthisfinishedlibertine.Hehatesallyourfamily,yourselfexcepted--yetisasavageinlove.Hispride,andthecreditwhichafewplausiblequalities,sprinkledamonghisodiousones,havegivenhim,havesecuredhimtoogoodareceptionfromoureye-judging,ourundistinguishing,ourself--flattering,ourtoo-confidingsex,tomakeassiduityandobsequiousness,andaconquestofhisunrulypassions,anypartofhisstudy.
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Hehassomereasonforhisanimositytoallthemen,andtoonewomanofyourfamily.Hehasalwaysshownyou,andhisownfamilytoo,thatheprefershispridetohisinterest.Heisadeclaredmarriage-hater;anotoriousintriguer;fullofhisinventions,andgloryinginthem.--Ashisvanityhadmadehimimaginethatnowomancouldbeproofagainsthislove,nowonderthathestruggledlikealionheldintoils,*againstapassionthathethoughtnotreturned.**Hence,perhaps,itisnotdifficulttobelieve,thatitbecamepossibleforsuchawretchasthistogivewaytohisoldprejudicesagainstmarriage;andtothatrevengewhichhadalwaysbeenafirstpassionwithhim.***
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.**Ibid.***Ibid.
[Andhencewemayaccountfor]hisdelays--histeasingways--hisbringingyoutobearwithhislodginginthesamehouse--hismakingyoupasstotheotherpeopleofitashiswife--hisbringingyouintothecompanyofhislibertinecompanions--theattemptofimposinguponyouthatMissPartingtonforabedfellow,&c.
[Myreasonsforacontraryopinion,towit,thatheisnowresolvedtodoyouallthejusticeinhispowertodoyou,]arethese:--Thatheseesthatallhisownfamily*havewarmlyengagedthemselvesinyourcause:thatthehorridwretchlovesyou;withsuchalove,however,asHerodlovedhisMariamne:that,oninquiry,Ifindittobetrue,thatCounsellorWilliams,(whomMr.Hickmanknowstobeamanofeminenceinhisprofession,)hasactuallyasgoodasfinishedthesettlements:thattwodraughtsofthemhavebeenmade;oneavowedlytobesenttothisveryCaptainTomlinson:--andIfind,thatalicensehasactuallybeenmorethanonceendeavouredtobeobtained,andthatdifficultieshavehithertobeenmade,equallytoLovelace'svexationanddisappointment.Mymother'sproctor,whoisveryintimatewiththeproctorappliedtobythewretch,hascomeatthisinformationinconfidence;andhints,that,as
Mr.Lovelaceisamanofhighfortunes,thesedifficultieswillprobablybegotover.
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
[IhadonceresolvedtomakestrictinquiryaboutTomlinson;andstill,ifyouwill,youruncle'sfavouritehousekeepermaybesoundedatadistance.]
[Iknowthatthematterissolaid,*]thatMrs.HodgesissupposedtoknownothingofthetreatysetonfootbymeansofCaptainTomlinson.
Butyouruncleisan--
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
Butyouruncleisanoldman;*andoldmenimaginethemselvestobeunderobligationtotheirparamours,ifyoungerthanthemselves,andseldomkeepanythingfromtheirknowledge.--Yet,methinks,therecanbenoneed;sinceTomlinson,asyoudescribehim,issogoodaman,andsomuch
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ofagentleman;theendtobeansweredbyhisbeinganimpostorsomuchmorethannecessary,ifLovelacehasvillanyinhishead.--AndthuswhathecommunicatedtoyouofMr.Hickman'sapplicationtoyouruncle,andofMrs.Norton'stoyourmother(someofwhichparticularsIamsatisfiedhisvileagentJosephLemancouldnotrevealtohisvileremployer);hispushingonthemarriage-dayinthenameofyouruncle;whichitcouldnotansweranywickedpurposeforhimtodo;andwhathewritesofyouruncle'sproposal,tohaveitthoughtthatyouweremarriedfromthetimethatyouhadlivedinonehousetogether;andthattobemadetoagreewiththetimeofMr.Hickman'svisittoyouruncle;theinsistingonatrustyperson'sbeingpresentattheceremony,atthatuncle'snomination--thesethingsmakeme[assuredthathenowatlastmeanshonourably.]
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
[Butifanyunexpecteddelaysshouldhappenonhisside,acquaintme,mydear,withtheverystreetwhereMrs.Sinclairlives;andwhereMrs.Fretchville'shouseissituated(whichIcannotfindthatyouhaveevermentionedinyourformerletters--whichisalittleodd);andIwillmakestrictinquiriesofthem,andofTomlinsontoo;andIwill(ifyourheartwillletyoutakemyadvice)soonprocureyouarefugefromhimwithMrs.Townsend.]
[ButwhydoInow,whenyouseemtobeinsogoodatrain,puzzleandperplexyouwithmyretrospections?Andyettheymaybeofusetoyou,ifanydelayhappenonhispart.]
[ButthatIthinkcannotwellbe.Whatyouhavethereforenowtodo,issotobehavetothisproud-spiritedwretch,asmaybanishfromhismindallremembranceof]pastdisobligations,*andtoreceivehisaddresses,asthoseofabetrothedlover.Youwillincurthecensureofpruderyandaffectation,ifyoukeephimatthatdistancewhichyouhavehitherto[kepthimat.]Hissudden(andassuddenlyrecovered)illnesshasgivenhimanopportunitytofindoutthatyoulovehim(Alas!mydear,Iknewyoulovedhim!)Hehasseemedtochangehisnature,andisallloveand
gentleness.[Andnomorequarrelsnow,Ibeseechyou.]
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
[Iamveryangrywithhim,nevertheless,forthefreedomswhichhetookwithyourperson;*andIthinksomeguardisnecessary,asheiscertainlyanencroacher.Butindeedallmenareso;andyouaresuchacharmingcreature,andhavekepthimatsuchadistance!--Butnomoreofthissubject.Only,mydear,benotover-nice,nowyouaresonearthestate.Youseewhatdifficultiesyoulaidyourselfunder,]whenTomlinson'slettercalledyouagaininto[thewretch's]company.
*SeeLetterXI.ofthisvolume.
Ifyoumeetwithnoimpediments,nonewcausesofdoubt,*yourreputationintheeyeoftheworldisconcerned,thatyoushouldbehis,[and,asyourunclerightlyjudges,bethoughttohavebeenhisbeforenow.]Andyet,[letmetellyou,]I[canhardly]bear[tothink,]thattheselibertinesshouldberewardedfortheirvillanywiththebestofthesex,
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whentheworstofitaretoogoodforthem.
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
IshallsendthislongletterbyCollins,*whochangeshisdaytoobligeme.AsnoneofourlettersbyWilson'sconveyancehavemiscarried,whenyouhavebeeninmoreapparently-disagreeablesituationsthanyouareinatpresent,[Ihavenodoubt]thatthiswillgosafe.
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
MissLardner*(whomyouhaveseenhathercousinBiddulph's)sawyouatSt.James'schurchonSundaywasfortnight.Shekeptyouinhereyeduringthewholetime;butcouldnotonceobtainthenoticeofyour's,thoughshecourtesiedtoyoutwice.Shethoughttopayhercomplimentstoyouwhentheservicewasover;forshedoubtednotbutyouweremarried--andforanoddreason--becauseyoucametochurchbyyourself.Everyeye,(asusual,whereveryouare,)shesaidwasuponyou;andthisseemingtogiveyouhurry,andyoubeingnearerthedoorthanshe,youslidoutbeforeshecouldgettoyou.Butsheorderedherservantto
followyoutillyouwerehoused.Thisservantsawyoustepintoachairwhichwaitedforyou;andyouorderedthementocarryyoutotheplacewheretheytookyouup.She[describesthehouse]asaverygenteelhouse,andfittoreceivepeopleoffashion:[andwhatmakesmementionthis,is,thatperhapsyouwillhaveavisitfromher;ormessage,atleast.]
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
[SothatyouhaveMr.Doleman'stestimonytothecreditofthehouseandpeopleyouarewith;andheis]amanoffortune,andsome
reputation;formerlyarakeindeed;butmarriedtoawomanoffamily;andhavinghadapalsyblow,onewouldthinkapenitent.*Youhave[alsoMr.Mennell'satleastpassivetestimony;Mr.]Tomlinson's;[andnow,lastly,MissLardner's;sothattherewillbethelessneedforinquiry:butyouknowmybusyandinquisitivetemper,aswellasmyaffectionforyou,andmyconcernforyourhonour.Butalldoubtwillsoonbelostincertainty.]
[NeverthelessImustadd,thatIwouldhaveyou]commandmeup,ifIcanbeoftheleastserviceorpleasuretoyou.*Ivaluenotfame;Ivaluenotcensure;norevenlifeitself,Iverilythink,asIdoyourhonour,andyourfriendship--Forisnotyourhonourmyhonour?Andisnotyourfriendshiptheprideofmylife?
*SeeLetterXX.ofthisvolume.
MayHeavenpreserveyou,mydearestcreature,inhonourandsafety,istheprayer,thehourlyprayer,of
Yourever-faithfulandaffectionate,ANNAHOWE.
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THURSDAYMORN.5.
Ihavewrittenallnight.[Excuseindifferentwriting;mycrow-quillsareworntothestumps,andImustgetanewsupply.]
***
Theseladiesalwayswritewithcrow-quills,Jack.
Ifthouartcapableoftakinginallmyprovidences,inthisletter,thouwiltadmiremysagacityandcontrivancealmostasmuchasIdomyself.Thouseest,thatMissLardner,Mrs.Sinclair,Tomlinson,Mrs.Fretchville,Mennell,areallmentionedinit.Myfirstlibertieswithherpersonalso.[Modesty,modesty,Belford,Idoubt,ismoreconfinedtotime,place,andoccasion,evenbythemostdelicateminds,thanthesemindswouldhaveitbelievedtobe.]Andwhyallthesetakennoticeofbymefromthegenuineletter,butforfearsomefutureletterfromthevixenshouldescapemyhands,inwhichshemightrefertothesenames?And,ifnoneofthemweretohavebeenfoundinthisthatistopassforher's,Imightberoutedhorseandfoot,asLordM.wouldphraseitinalikecase.
Devilishhard(andyetImaythankmyself)tobeputtoallthisplagueandtrouble:--Andforwhatdostthouask?--OJack,foratriumphofmorevaluetomebeforehandthananimperialcrown!--Don'taskmethevalueofitamonthhence.Butwhatindeedisanimperialcrownitselfwhenamanisusedtoit?
MissHowemightwellbeanxiousaboutthelettershewrote.Hersweetfriend,fromwhatIhaveletpassofher's,hasreasontorejoiceinthethoughtthatitfellnotintomyhands.
Andnowmustallmycontrivancesbesetatwork,tointercepttheexpectedletterfromMissHowe:whichis,asIsuppose,todirectherto
aplaceofsafety,andoutofmyknowledge.Mrs.Townsendis,nodoubt,inthiscase,tosmuggleheroff:Ihopethevillain,asIamsofrequentlycalledbetweenthesetwogirls,willbeabletomanagethispoint.
Butwhat,perhaps,thouaskest,iftheladyshouldtakeitintoherhead,bytheconnivanceofMissRawlins,toquitthishouseprivatelyinthenight?
Ihavethoughtofthis,Jack.DoesnotWill.lieinthehouse?AndisnotthewidowBevismyfastfriend?
LETTERXXXI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SATURDAY,SIXO'CLOCK,JUNE10.
TheladygaveWill.'ssweetheartaletterlastnighttobecarriedtothepost-house,asthismorning,directedforMissHowe,undercovertoHickman.Idaresayneithercovernorletterwillbeseentohavebeen
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opened.Thecontentsbuteightlines--Toown--'Thereceiptofherdouble-datedletterinsafety;andreferringtoalongerletter,whichsheintendstowrite,whensheshallhaveaquieterheart,andlesstremblingfingers.Butmentionssomethingtohavehappened[Mydetectinghershemeans]whichhasgivenherverygreatflutters,confusions,andapprehensions:butwhichshewillwaittheissueof[Somehopesformehence,Jack!]beforeshegivesherfreshperturbationorconcernonheraccount.--Shetellsherhowimpatientsheshallbeforhernext,'&c.
Now,Belford,IthoughtitwouldbebutkindinmetosaveMissHowe'sconcernonthesealarminghints;sincethecuriosityofsuchaspiritmusthavebeenprodigiouslyexcitedbythem.Havingthereforesogoodacopytoimitate,Iwrote;and,takingoutthatofmybeloved,putunderthesamecoverthefollowingshortbillet;inscriptiveandconclusivepartsofitinherownwords.
HAMPSTEAD,TUES.EVEN.
MYEVER-DEARMISSHOWE,
Afewlinesonly,tillcalmerspiritsandquieterfingersbegrantedme,andtillIcangetovertheshockwhichyourintelligencehasgivenme--toacquaintyou--thatyourkindlongletterofWednesday,and,asImay
say,ofThursdaymorning,iscomesafetomyhands.Onreceiptofyour'sbymymessengertoyou,IsentforitfromWilson's.There,thankHeaven!itlay.MaythatHeavenrewardyouforallyourpast,andforallyourintendedgoodnessto
Yourfor-everobliged,CL.HARLOWE.
***
Itookgreatpainsinwritingthis.Itcannot,Ihope,besuspected.
Herhandissoverydelicate.Yether'siswrittenlessbeautifullythansheusuallywrites:andIhopeMissHowewillallowsomewhatforhurryofspirits,andunsteadyfingers.
MyconsiderationforMissHowe'seaseofmindextendedstillfartherthantotheinstanceIhavementioned.
Thatthisbilletmightbewithherassoonaspossible,(andbeforeitcouldhavereachedHickmanbythepost,)IdispatcheditawaybyaservantofMowbray's.MissHowe,hadtherebeenanyfailureordelay,might,asthouwiltthink,havecommunicatedheranxietiestoherfugitivefriend;andshetomeperhapsinawayIshouldnothavebeenpleasedwith.
Oncemorewiltthouwonderinglyquestion--Allthispainsforasinglegirl?
Yes,Jack--ButisnotthisgirlaCLARISSA?--Andwhoknows,butkindfortune,asarewardformyperseverance,maytossmeinhercharmingfriend?Lesslikelythingshavecometopass,Belford.AndtobesureIshallhaveher,ifIresolveuponit.
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LETTERXXXII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.EIGHTO'CLOCK,SAT.MORN.JUNE10.
IamcomebackfromMrs.Moore's,whitherIwentinordertoattendmycharmer'scommands.Butnoadmittance--averybadnight.
Doubtlessshemustbeasmuchconcernedthatshehascarriedherresentmentssoveryfar,asIhavereasontobethatImadesuchpooruseoftheopportunityIhadonWednesdaynight.
Butnow,Jack,forabriefreviewofmypresentsituation;andaslighthintortwoofmyprecautions.
Ihaveseenthewomenthismorning,andfindthemhalf-right,half-doubting.
MissRawlins'sbrothertellsher,thatshelivesatMrs.Moore's.
Mrs.MoorecandonothingwithoutMissRawlins.
Peoplewhokeeplodgingsatpublicplacesexpecttogetbyeveryonewhocomesintotheirpurlieus.Thoughnotpermittedtolodgetheremyself,Ihaveengagedalltheroomsshehastospare,totheverygarrets;andthat,asIhavetoldtheebefore,foramonthcertain,andatherownprice,boardincluded;myspouse'sandall:butshemustnotatpresentknowit.SoIhopeIhaveMrs.Moorefastbytheinterest.
This,devil-like,issuitingtemptationstoinclinations.
Ihavealwaysobserved,and,Ibelieve,Ihavehintedasmuchformerly,*thatalldealers,thoughbutforpins,maybetakeninbycustomersforpins,soonerthanbyadirectbribeoftentimesthevalue;especiallyifpretenderstoconscience:fortheofferofabribewouldnotonlygive
roomforsuspicion,butwouldstartleandalarmtheirscrupulousness;whileahighpricepaidforwhatyoubuy,isbutsubmittingtobecheatedinthemethodofthepersonmakesaprofessiontogetby.HaveInotsaidthathumannatureisarogue?**--AnddonotIknowthatitis?
*SeeVol.III.LetterXXXIV.**SeeVol.III.LetterXXXV.andVol.IV.LetterXXI.
Togiveahigherinstance,howmanyproudsenators,intheyear1720,wereinduced,bypresentsorsubscriptionofSouth-seastock,tocontributetoaschemebigwithnationalruin;whoyetwouldhavespurned
themanwhoshouldhavepresumedtoofferthemeventwicethesumcertainthattheyhadachancetogainbythestock?--Buttoreturntomyreviewandtomyprecautions.
MissRawlinsfluctuates,asshehearsthelady'sstory,orasshehearsmine.Somewhatofaninfidel,Idoubt,isthisMissRawlins.Ihavenotyetconsideredherfoible.ThenexttimeIseeher,Iwilltakeparticularnoticeofallthemolesandfrecklesinhermind;andtheninferandapply.
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ThewidowBevis,asIhavetoldthee,isallmyown.
MymanWill.liesinthehouse.Myothernewfellowattendsuponme;andcannotthereforebequitestupid.
AlreadyisWill.overheadandearsinlovewithoneofMrs.Moore'smaids.Hewasstruckwithherthemomenthesethiseyesuponher.Arawcountrywenchtoo.Butallwomen,fromthecountesstothecook-maid,areputintohighgoodhumourwiththemselveswhenamanistakenwiththematfirstsight.Betheyeversoplain[nowomancanbeugly,Jack!]they'llfindtwentygoodreasons,besidesthegreatone(forsake'ssake)bythehelpoftheglasswithout(andperhapsinspiteofit)andconceitwithin,tojustifythehonestfellow'scaption.
'Theroguehassaved150£.inmyservice.'--Moreby50thanIbidhimsave.Nodoubt,hethinkshemighthavedoneso;thoughIbelievenotworthagroat.'ThebestofmastersI--passionate,indeed;butsoonappeased.'
Thewenchisextremelykindtohimalready.Theothermaidisalsoveryciviltohim.Hehasahusbandforherinhiseye.Shecannotbutsay,thatMr.Andrew,myotherservant[thegirlisforfixingtheperson]isaverywellspokencivilyoungman.
'Wecommonfolkshaveourjoys,andpleaseyourhonour,sayshonestJosephLeman,likeasourbettershave.'*AndtruesayshonestJoseph--didIprefereasetodifficulty,Ishouldenvytheselow-bornsinnerssomeoftheirjoys.
*SeeVol.III.LetterXLVII.
ButifWill.hadnotmadeamorouspretensionstothewenches,weallknow,thatservants,unitedinonecommoncompare-notecause,areintimatethemomenttheyseeoneanother--greatgenealogiststoo;theyknowimmediatelythewholekinandkin'skinofeachother,though
dispersedoverthethreekingdoms,aswellasthegenealogiesandkin'skinofthosewhomtheyserve.
Butmyprecautionsendnothere.
OJack,withsuchaninvention,whatoccasionhadItocarrymybelovedtoMrs.Sinclair's?
Myspousemayhavefartheroccasionforthemessengerswhomshedispatched,onetoMissHowe,theothertoWilson's.WithoneoftheseWill.isalreadywell-acquainted,asthouhastheard--tomingleliquoristominglesoulswiththesefellows;withtheothermessengerhewillsoonbeacquainted,ifhebenotalready.
TheCaptain'sservanthashisusesandinstructionsassignedhim.Ihavehintedatsomeofthemalready.*Healsoservesamosthumaneandconsideratemaster.Ilovetomakeeverybodyrespectedtomypower.
*SeeLetterXXIX.ofthisvolume.
Thepost,generalandpenny,willbestrictlywatchedlikewise.
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MissHowe'sCollinsisrememberedtobedescribed.MissHowe'sandHickman'sliveriesalso.
JamesHarloweandSingletonarewarnedagainst.Iamtobeacquaintedwithanyinquirythatshallhappentobemadeaftermyspouse,whetherbyhermarriedormaidenname,beforesheshallbetoldofit--andthisthatImayhaveitinmypowertopreventmischief.
IhaveorderedMowbrayandTourville(andBelton,ifhishealthpermit)totaketheirquartersatHampsteadforaweek,withtheirfellowstoattendthem.Isparetheeforthepresent,becauseofthyprivateconcerns.Butholdthyselfincheerfulreadiness,however,asamarkofthyallegiance.
Astomyspouseherself,hasshenotreasontobepleasedwithmeforhavingpermittedhertoreceiveMissHowe'sletterfromWilson's?Aplaincase,eitherthatIamnodeepplotter,orthatIhavenofartherviewsthantomakemypeacewithherforanoffencesoslightandsoaccidental.
MissHowesays,thoughprefacedwithanalas!thathercharmingfriendlovesme:shemustthereforeyearnafterthisreconciliation--prospectssofair--ifsheshowedmeanycompassion;seemedinclinabletospare
me,andtomakethemostfavourableconstruction:Icannotbutsay,thatitwouldbeimpossiblenottoshowhersome.But,tobeinsultedanddefiedbyarebelinone'spower,whatprincecanbearthat?
ButImustreturntothesceneofaction.Imustkeepthewomensteady.IhadnoopportunitytotalktomyworthyMrs.Bevisinprivate.
Tomlinson,adog,notcomeyet!
LETTERXXXIII
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.FROMMYAPARTMENTSATMRS.MOORE'S.
MissRawlinsatherbrothers;Mrs.Mooreengagedinhouseholdmatters;widowBevisdressing;Ihavenothingtodobutwrite.ThiscursedTomlinsonnotyetarrived!--Nothingtobedonewithouthim.
Ithinkheshallcomplaininprettyhighlanguageofthetreatmenthemetwithyesterday.'Whatareouraffairstohim?Hecanhavenoviewbuttoserveus.Crueltosendbacktotown,un-audienced,unseen,amanofhisbusinessandimportance.Heneverstirsa-foot,butsomethingofconsequencedependsuponhismovements.Aconfoundedthingtotrifle
thushumoursomelywithsuchagentleman'smoments!--Thesewomenthink,thatallthebusinessoftheworldmuststandstillfortheirfigaries[agoodfemaleword,Jack!]thegreatesttriflersinthecreation,tofancythemselvesthemostimportantbeingsinit--marrycomeup!asIhaveheardgoodySorlingssaytoherservants,whenshehasratedatthemwithmingledangeranddisdain.'
Afterall,methinksIwantthosetostications[thouseesthowwomen,andwomen'swords,fillmymind]tobeover,happilyover,thatImaysitdownquietly,andreflectuponthedangersIhavepassedthrough,andthe
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troublesIhaveundergone.Ihaveareflectingmind,asthouknowest;buttheverywordreflectingimpliesallgotover.
Whatbriarsandthornsdoesthewretchrushinto(ascratchedfaceandtatteredgarmentstheunavoidableconsequence)whowillneedsbeforstrikingoutanewpaththroughovergrownunderwood;quittingthatbeatenoutforhimbythosewhohavetravelledthesameroadbeforehim!
***
AvisitfromthewidowBevis,inmyownapartment.Shetellsme,thatmyspousehadthoughtslastnight,afterIwasgonetomylodgings,ofremovingfromMrs.Moore's.
Ialmostwishshehadattemptedtodoso.
MissRawlins,itseems,whowasappliedtouponit,dissuadedherfromit.
Mrs.Moorealso,thoughshedidnotownthatWill.layinthehouse,(orrathersetupinit,courting,)setbeforeherthedifficulties,which,inheropinion,shewouldhavetogetclearoff,withoutmyknowledge;
assuringher,thatshecouldbenowheremoresafethanwithher,tillshehadfixedwhithertogo.Andtheladyherselfrecollected,thatifshewent,shemightmisstheexpectedletterfromherdearfriendMissHowe!which,assheowned,wastodirectherfuturesteps.
Shemustalsosurelyhavesomecuriositytoknowwhatheruncle'sfriendhadtosaytoherfromheruncle,contemptuouslyassheyesterdaytreatedamanofhisimportance.Norcouldshe,Ishouldthink,beabsolutelydeterminedtoputherselfoutofthewayofreceivingthevisitsoftwooftheprincipalladiesofmyfamily,andtobreakentirelywithmeinthefaceofthemall.--Besides,whithercouldshehavegone?--Moreover,MissHowe'slettercoming(afterherelopement)sosafelytoherhands,mustsurelyputherintoamoreconfidingtemperwithme,andwithevery
oneelse,thoughshewouldnotimmediatelyownit.
Butthesegoodfolkshavesolittlecharity!--Aresuchseverecensurers!--Yetwhoisabsolutelyperfect?--Itweretobewished,however,thattheywouldbesomodestastodoubtthemselvessometimes:thenwouldtheyallowforothers,asothers(excellentastheyimaginethemselvestobe)mustforthem.
SATURDAY,ONEO'CLOCK.
Tomlinsonatlastiscome.Forcedtoridefivemilesabout(thoughIshallimputehisdelaytogreatandimportantbusiness)toavoidthe
sightoftwoorthreeimpertinentrascals,who,littlethinkingwhoseaffairshewasemployedin,wantedtoobtrudethemselvesuponhim.IthinkIwillmakethisfelloweasy,ifhebehavetomylikinginthisaffair.
Isentupthemomenthecame.
Shedesiredtobeexcusedreceivinghisvisittillfourthisafternoon.
Intolerable!--Noconsideration!--Noneatallinthissex,whentheir
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cursedhumoursareintheway!--Pay-day,pay-hour,rather,willcome!--Oh!thatitweretobethenext!
TheCaptainisinapet.Whocanblamehim?Eventhewomenthinkamanofhisconsequence,andgenerouslycomingtoserveus,hardlyused.Wouldtoheavenshehadattemptedtogetofflastnight!Thewomennotmyenemies,whoknowsbutthehusband'sexertedauthoritymighthavemetwithsuchconnivance,asmighthaveconcludedeitherincarryingherbacktoherformerlodgings,orinconsummationatMrs.Moore's,inspiteofexclamations,fits,andtherestofthefemaleobsecrations?
Mybelovedhasnotappearedtoanybodythisday,excepttoMrs.Moore.Is,itseems,extremelylow:unfitfortheinterestingconversationthatistobeheldintheafternoon.LongstohearfromherdearfriendMissHowe--yetcannotexpectaletterforadayortwo.Hasabadopinionofallmankind.--Nowonder!--Excellentcreatureassheis!withsuchafather,suchuncles,suchabrother,asshehas!
Howdoesshelook?
Betterthancouldbeexpectedfromyesterday'sfatigue,andlastnight'sillrest.
Thesetenderdovesknownot,tillputtoit,whattheycanbear;
especiallywhenengagedinloveaffairs;andtheirattentionwhollyengrossed.Butthesexlovebusyscenes.Stilllifeistheiraversion.Awomanwillcreateastorm,ratherthanbewithoutone.Sothattheycanpresideinthewhirlwind,anddirectit,theyarehappy.--Butmybeloved'smisfortuneis,thatshemustliveintumult;yetneitherraisethemherself,norbeabletocontroulthem.
LETTERXXXIV
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.SATNIGHT,JUNE10.
Whatwillbetheissueofallmyplotsandcontrivances,deviltakemeifIamabletodivine.ButIwillnot,asLordM.wouldsay,forestallmyownmarket.
Atfour,theappointedhour,Isentup,todesireadmittanceintheCaptain'snameandmyown.
ShewouldwaitupontheCaptainpresently;[notuponme!]andintheparlour,ifitwerenotengaged.
Thedining-roombeingmine,perhapsthatwasthereasonofhernamingthe
parlour--mightyniceagain,ifso!Nogoodsignforme,thoughtI,thisstiffpunctilio.
Intheparlour,withmeandtheCaptain,wereMrs.Moore,MissRawlins,andMrs.Bevis.
Thewomensaid,theywouldwithdrawwhentheladycamedown.
Lovel.Not,exceptshechoosesyoushould,Ladies.--Peoplewhoaresomuchabove-boardasIam,neednotmakesecretsofanyoftheiraffairs.
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Besides,youthreeladiesarenowacquaintedwithallourconcerns.
Capt.Ihavesomethingstosaytoyourlady,thatperhapsshewouldnotherselfchoosethatanybodyshouldhear;notevenyou,Mr.Lovelace,asyouandherfamilyarenotuponsuchagoodfootofunderstandingasweretobewished.
Lovel.Well,well,Captain,Imustsubmit.Giveusasigntowithdraw,andwewillwithdraw.
Itwasbetterthattheexclusionofthewomenshouldcomefromhim,thanfromme.
Capt.Iwillbow,andwavemyhand,thus--whenIwishtobealonewiththelady.Heruncledotesuponher.Ihope,Mr.Lovelace,youwillnotmakeareconciliationmoredifficult,fortheearnestnesswhichmydearfriendshowstobringittobear.ButindeedImusttellyou,asItoldyoumorethanoncebefore,thatIamafraidyouhavemadelighteroftheoccasionofthismisunderstandingtome,thanitoughttohavebeenmade.
Lovel.Ihope,CaptainTomlinson,youdonotquestionmyveracity!
Capt.Ibegyourpardon,Mr.Lovelace--butthosethingswhichwemenmaythinklightlyof,maynotbelighttoawomanofdelicacy.--Andthen,
ifyouhaveboundyourselfbyavow,youought--MissRawlinsbridling,herlipsclosed,(buthermouthstretchedtoasmileofapprobation,thelongerfornotbuttoning,)tacitlyshowedherselfpleasedwiththeCaptainforhisdelicacy.
Mrs.Moorecouldspeak--Verytrue,however,wasallshesaid,withamotionofherheadthatexpressedthebow-approbatory.
Formypart,saidthejollywidow,staringwitheyesasbigaseggs,IknowwhatIknow.--Butmanandwifearemanandwife;ortheyarenotmanandwife.--Ihavenonotionofstandinguponsuchniceties.
Buthereshecomes!criedone,hearingherchamber-dooropen--Hereshecomes!another,hearingitshutafterher--Anddowndropttheangelamongus.
Weallstoodup,bowingandcourtesying,andcouldnothelpit;forsheenteredwithsuchanairascommandedallourreverence.YettheCaptainlookedplaguygrave.
Cl.Praykeepyourseats,Ladies--Praydonotgo,[fortheymadeofferstowithdraw;yetMissRawlinswouldhavebursthadshebeensufferedtoretire.]Beforethistimeyouhaveallheardmystory,Imakenodoubt--praykeepyourseats--atleastallMr.Lovelace's.
Averysaucyandwhimsicalbeginning,thoughtI.
CaptainTomlinson,yourservant,addressingherselftohimwithinimitabledignity.Ihopeyoudidnottakeamissmydecliningyourvisityesterday.Iwasreallyincapableoftalkinguponanysubjectthatrequiredattention.
Capt.Iamgladtoseeyoubetternow,Madam.IhopeIdo.
Cl.IndeedIamnotwell.Iwouldnothaveexcusedmyselffrom
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attendingyousomehoursago,butinhopesIshouldhavebeenbetter.Ibegyourpardon,Sir,forthetroubleIhavegivenyou;andshalltheratherexpectit,asthisdaywill,Ihope,concludeitall.
Thusset;thusdetermined;thoughtI,--yettohavesleptuponit!--But,aswhatshesaidwascapableofagood,aswellasabad,construction,Iwouldnotputanunfavourableoneuponit.
Lovel.TheCaptainwassorry,mydear,hedidnotofferhisattendancethemomenthearrivedyesterday.Hewasafraidthatyoutookitamissthathedidnot.
Cl.PerhapsIthoughtthatmyuncle'sfriendmighthavewishedtoseemeassoonashecame,[howwestared!]--But,Sir,[tome,]itmightbeconvenienttoyoutodetainhim.
Thedevil,thoughtI!--Sotherereallywasresentmentaswellashead-ache,asmygoodfriendMrs.Bevisobserved,inherrefusingtoseethehonestgentleman.
Capt.Youwoulddetainme,Mr.Lovelace--IwasforpayingmyrespectstotheladythemomentIcame--
Cl.Well,Sir,[interruptinghim,]towavethis;forIwouldnotbe
thoughtcaptious--ifyouhavenotsufferedinconvenience,inbeingobligedtocomeagain,Ishallbeeasy.
Capt.[Halfdisconcerted.]Alittleinconvenience,Ican'tsaybutIhavesuffered.Ihave,indeed,toomanyaffairsuponmyhands;butthedesireIhavetoserveyouandMr.Lovelace,aswellastoobligemydearfriend,youruncleHarlowe,makegreatinconvenienciesbutsmallones.
Cl.Youareveryobliging,Sir.--Hereisagreatalterationsinceyoupartedwithuslast.
Capt.Agreatoneindeed,Madam!Iwasverymuchsurprisedatit,onThursdayevening,whenMr.Lovelaceconductedmetoyourlodgings,where
wehopedtofindyou.
Cl.Haveyouanythingtosaytome,Sir,frommyunclehimself,thatrequiresmyprivateear!--Don'tgo,Ladies,[forthewomenstoodup,andofferedtowithdraw,]--ifMr.Lovelacestays,Iamsureyoumay.
Ifrowned--Ibitmylip--Ilookedatthewomen--andshookmyhead.
Capt.Ihavenothingtooffer,butwhatMr.Lovelaceisapartyto,andmayhear,exceptoneprivatewordortwo,whichmaybepostponedtothelast.
Cl.Pray,Ladies,keepyourseats.--Thingsarealtered,Sir,sinceI
sawyou.Youcanmentionnothingthatrelatestomenow,towhichthatgentlemancanbeaparty.
Capt.Yousurpriseme,Madam!Iamsorrytohearthis!--Sorryforyouruncle'ssake!--Sorryforyoursake!--SorryforMr.Lovelace'ssake!--AndyetIamsurehemusthavegivengreateroccasionthanhehasmentionedtome,or--
Lovel.Indeed,Captain,--indeed,Ladies,Ihavetoldyougreatpartofmystory!--AndwhatItoldyouofmyoffencewasthetruth:--whatI
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concealedofmystorywasonlywhatIapprehendedwould,ifknown,causethisdearcreaturetobethoughtmorecensoriousthancharitable.
Cl.Well,well,Sir,saywhatyouplease.Makemeasblackasyouplease--makeyourselfaswhiteasyoucan--Iamnotnowinyourpower:thatconsiderationwillcomfortmeforall.
Capt.GodforbidthatIshouldoffertopleadinbehalfofacrime,thatawomanofvirtueandhonourcannotforgive!Butsurely,surely,Madam,thisisgoingtoofar.
Cl.Donotblameme,CaptainTomlinson.Ihaveagoodopinionofyou,asmyuncle'sfriend;butifyouareMr.Lovelace'sfriend,thatisanotherthing;formyinterestandMr.Lovelace'smustnowbeforeverseparated.
Capt.Onewordwithyou,Madam,ifyouplease--offeringtoretire.
Cl.Youmaysayallthatyoupleasetosaybeforethesegentlewomen.--Mr.Lovelacemayhavesecrets--Ihavenone:--youseemtothinkmefaulty:Ishouldbegladthatalltheworldknewmyheart.Letmyenemiessitinjudgmentuponmyactions;fairlyscanned,Ifearnottheresult;letthemevenaskmemymostsecretthoughts,and,whethertheymakeforme,oragainstme,Iwillrevealthem.
Capt.NobleLady!whocansayasyousay?
Thewomenhelduptheirhandsandeyes;each,asifshehadsaid,--NotI.
Nodisorderhere!saidMissRawlins:--but,(judgingbyherownheart,)aconfoundeddealofimprobability,Ibelieveshethought.
Finelysaid,tobesure,saidthewidowBevis,shrugginghershoulders.
Mrs.Mooresighed.
JackBelford,thoughtI,knowsallmine;andinthisIammoreingenuous
thananyofthethree,andafitmatchforthisparagon.
Cl.HowMr.LovelacehasfoundmeouthereIcannottell:butsuchmeandevices,suchartful,suchworsethanWalthamdisguisesputon,toobtrudehimselfintomycompany;suchbold,suchshockinguntruths--
Capt.Thefavourofbutoneword,Madam,inprivate--
Cl.Inordertosupportarightwhichhehasnotoverme!--OSir!--OCaptainTomlinson!--IthinkIhavereasontosay,thattheman,(therehestands!)iscapableofanyvileness!--
Thewomenlookedupononeanother,anduponme,byturns,toseehowI
boreit.Ihadsuchdartingsinmyheadattheinstant,thatIthoughtIshouldhavegonedistracted.Mybrainseemedonfire.WhatwouldIhavegiventohavehadheralonewithme!--Itraversedtheroom;myclenchedfisttomyforehead.OthatIhadanybodyhere,thoughtI,that,Hercules-lie,whenflaminginthetorturesofDejanira'spoisonedshirt,Icouldtearinpieces!
Capt.DearLady!seeyounothowthepoorgentleman--Lord,howhaveIimposeduponyouruncle,atthisrate!HowhappydidItellhimIsawyou!HowhappyIwassureyouwouldbeineachother!
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Cl.OSir,youdon'tknowhowmanypremeditatedoffencesIhadforgivenwhenIsawyoulast,beforeIcouldappeartoyouwhatIhopedthenImightforthefuturebe!--Butnowyoumaytellmyuncle,ifyouplease,thatIcannothopeforhismediation.Tellhim,thatmyguilt,ingivingthismananopportunitytospiritmeawayfrommytried,myexperienced,mynaturalfriends,(harshlyastheytreatedme,)staresmeeverydaymoreandmoreintheface;andstillthemore,asmyfateseemstobedrawingtoacrisis,accordingtothemaledictionofmyoffendedfather!
Andthensheburstintotears,whichevenaffectedthatdog,who,broughttoabetme,washimselfallBelfordedover.
Thewomen,sousedtocrywithoutgrief,astheyaretolaughwithoutreason,bymereforceofexample,[confoundtheirpromptitudes;]mustneedspullouttheirhandkerchiefs.Thelesswonder,however,asImyself,betweenconfusion,surprise,andconcern,couldhardlystandit.
What'satenderheartgoodfor?--Whocanbehappythathasafeelingheart?--Andyet,thou'ltsay,thathewhohasitnot,mustbeatiger,andnoman.
Capt.Letmebegthefavourofonewordwithyou,Madam,inprivate;andthatonmyownaccount.
Thewomenhereuponofferedtoretire.Sheinsistedthat,iftheywent,Ishouldnotstay.
Capt.Sir,bowingtome,shallIbeg--
Ihope,thoughtI,thatImaytrustthissolemndog,instructedasheis.Shedoesnotdoubthim.I'llstayoutnolongerthantogivehertimetospendherfirstfire.
Ithenpassivelywithdrewwiththewomen.--Butwithsuchabowtomygoddess,thatitwonformeeveryheartbutthatIwantedmosttowin;forthehaughtymaidbentnotherkneeinreturn.
TheconversationbetweentheCaptainandthelady,whenwewereretired,wastothefollowingeffect:--Theybothtalkedloudenoughformetohearthem--theladyfromanger,theCaptainwithdesign;andthoumayestbesuretherewasnolistenerbutmyself.WhatIwasimperfectinwassuppliedafterwards;forIhadmyvellum-leavedbooktonotealldown.Ifshehadknownthis,perhapsshewouldhavebeenmoresparingofherinvectives--andbutperhapsneither.
Hetoldherthatasherbrotherwasabsolutelyresolvedtoseeher;andashehimself,incompliancewithheruncle'sexpedient,hadreportedhermarriage;andasthatreporthadreachedtheearsofLordM.,LadyBetty,andtherestofmyrelations;andashehadbeenobliged,inconsequence
ofhisfirstreport,tovouchit;andasherbrothermightfindoutwhereshewas,andapplytothewomenhereforaconfirmationorrefutationofthemarriage;hehadthoughthimselfobligedtocountenancethereportbeforethewomen.Thatthishadembarrassedhimnotalittle,ashewouldnotfortheworldthatsheshouldhavecausetothinkhimcapableofprevarication,contrivance,ordoubledealing;andthatthismadehimdesirousofaprivateconversationwithher.
Itwastrue,shesaid,shehadgivenherconsenttosuchanexpedient,believingitwasheruncle's;andlittlethinkingthatitwouldleadto
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somanyerrors.Yetshemighthaveknownthatoneerrorisfrequentlytheparentofmany.Mr.Lovelacehadmadehersensibleofthetruthofthatobservation,onmoreoccasionsthanone;anditwasanobservationthathe,theCaptain,hadmade,inoneofthelettersthatwasshownheryesterday.*
*SeeLetterXXIV.
Hehopedthatshehadnomistrustofhim:thatshehadnodoubtofhishonour.If,Madam,yoususpectme--ifyouthinkmecapable--whataman!theLordbemercifultome!--Whatamanmustyouthinkme!
Ihope,Sir,therecannotbeamanintheworldwhocoulddeservetobesuspectedinsuchacaseasthis.Idonotsuspectyou.Ifitwerepossibletherecouldbeonesuchaman,Iamsure,CaptainTomlinson,afatherofchildren,amaninyears,ofsenseandexperience,cannotbethatman.
Hetoldme,thatjustthen,hethoughthefeltasuddenflashfromhereye,aneye-beamashecalledit,dartthroughhisshiveringreins;andhecouldnothelptrembling.
Thedog'sconscience,Jack!--Nothingelse!--Ihavefelthalfadozensuchflashes,sucheye-beams,inasmanydifferentconversationswiththissoul-piercingbeauty.
Heruncle,shemustown,wasnotaccustomedtothinkofsuchexpedients;butshehadreconciledthistoherself,asthecasewasunhappilyuncommon;andbytheregardhehadforherhonour.
Thissetthepuppy'sheartatease,andgavehimmorecourage.
SheaskedhimifhethoughtLadyBettyandMissMontagueintendedheravisit?
Hehadnodoubtbuttheydid.
Anddoesheimagine,saidshe,thatIcouldbebroughttocountenancetothemthereportyouhavegivenout?
[Ihadhopedtobringhertothis,Jack,orshehadseentheirletters.ButIhadtoldtheCaptainthatIbelievedImustgiveupthisexpectation.]
No.--HebelievedthatIhadnotsuchathought.Hewasprettysure,thatIintended,whenIsawthem,totellthem,(asinconfidence,)thenakedtruth.
Hethentoldherthatherunclehadalreadymadesomestepstowardsageneralreconciliation.Themoment,Madam,thatheknowsyouarereallymarried,hewillenterintoconfidencewithyourfatheruponit;havingactuallyexpressedtoyourmotherhisdesiretobereconciledtoyou.
Andwhat,Sir,saidmymother?Whatsaidmydearmother?
Withgreatemotionsheaskedthisquestion;holdingouthersweetface,astheCaptaindescribedher,withthemostearnestattention,asifshewouldshortenthewaywhichhiswordsweretohavetoherheart.
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Yourmother,Madam,burstintotearsuponit:andyourunclewassopenetratedbyhertenderness,thathecouldnotproceedwiththesubject.Butheintendstoenteruponitwithherinform,assoonashehearsthattheceremonyisover.
Bythetoneofhervoiceshewept.Thedearcreature,thoughtI,beginstorelent!--AndIgrudgedthedoghiseloquence.IcouldhardlybearthethoughtthatanymanbreathingshouldhavethepowerwhichIhadlost,ofpersuadingthishigh-souledwoman,thoughinmyownfavour.Andwouldestthouthinkit?thisreflectiongavememoreuneasinessatthemomentthanIfeltfromherreproaches,violentastheywere;orthanIhadpleasureinhersupposedrelenting:forthereisbeautyineverythingshesaysanddoes!--Beautyinherpassion!--Beautyinhertears!--HadtheCaptainbeenayoungfellow,andofrankandfortune,histhroatwouldhavebeenindanger;andIshouldhavethoughtveryhardlyofher.
OCaptainTomlinson,saidshe,youknownotwhatIhavesufferedbythisman'sstrangeways!Hehad,asIwasnotashamedtotellhimyesterday,aplainpathbeforehim.Heatfirstbetrayedmeintohispower--butwhenIwasinit--Thereshestopt.--Thenresuming--OSir,youknownotwhatastrangemanhehasbeen!--Anunpolite,arough-manner'dman!Indisgraceofhisbirth,andeducation,andknowledge,anunpoliteman!--Andsoacting,asifhisworldlyandpersonaladvantagessethimabove
thosegraceswhichdistinguishagentleman.Thefirstwomanthateversaid,orthateverthoughtsoofme,that'smycomfort,thoughtI!--Butthis,(spokenoftoheruncle'sfriend,behindmyback,)helpstoheapupthyalready-too-fullmeasure,dearest!--Itisdowninmyvellum-book.
Cl.WhenIlookbackonhiswholebehaviourtoapooryoungcreature,(forIambutaveryyoungcreature,)Icannotacquithimeitherofgreatfollyorofdeepdesign.And,lastWednesday--Thereshestopt;andIsupposeturnedawayherface.
Iwondershewasnotashamedtohintatwhatshethoughtsoshameful;and
thattoaman,andalonewithhim.
Capt.Farbeitfromme,Madam,tooffertoentertoocloselyintosotenderasubject.Mr.Lovelaceowns,thatyouhavereasontobedispleasedwithhim.Buthesosolemnlyclearshimselfofpremeditatedoffence--
Cl.Hecannotclearhimself,CaptainTomlinson.Thepeopleofthehousemustbeveryvile,aswellashe.Iamconvincedthattherewasawickedconfederacy--butnomoreuponsuchasubject.
Capt.Onlyonewordmore,Madam.--Hetellsme,thatyoupromisedtopardonhim.Hetellsme--
Heknew,interruptedshe,thathedeservednotpardon,orhehadnotextortedthepromisefromme.NorhadIgivenittohim,buttoshieldmyselffromthevilestoutrage--
Capt.Icouldwish,Madam,inexcusableashisbehaviourhasbeen,sincehehassomethingtopleadinthereliancehemadeuponyourpromise,that,forthesakeofappearancestotheworld,andtoavoidthemischiefsthatmayfollowifyouabsolutelybreakwithhim,youcouldprevailuponyournaturally-generousmindtolayanobligationuponhim
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byyourforgiveness.
Shewassilent.
Capt.Yourfatherandmother,Madam,deploreadaughterlosttothem,whomyourgenerositytoMr.Lovelacemayrestore:donotputittothepossiblechance,thattheymayhavecausetodeploreadoubleloss;thelosingofason,aswellasadaughter,who,byhisownviolence,whichyoumayperhapsprevent,maybeforeverlosttothem,andtothewholefamily.
Shepaused--shewept--sheownedthatshefelttheforceofthisargument.
Iwillbethemakingofthisfellow,thoughtI.
Capt.Permitme,Madam,totellyou,thatIdonotthinkitwouldbedifficulttoprevailuponyouruncle,ifyouinsistuponit,tocomeupprivatelytotown,andtogiveyouwithhisownhandtoMr.Lovelace--except,indeed,yourpresentmisunderstandingweretocometohisears.Besides,Madam,yourbrother,itislikely,mayatthisverytimebeintown;andheisresolvedtofindyouout--
Cl.Why,Sir,shouldIbesomuchafraidofmybrother?Mybrotherhasinjuredme,notIhim.WillmybrotheroffertomewhatMr.Lovelacehas
offered?--Wicked,ungratefulman!toinsultafriendless,unprotectedcreature,madefriendlessbyhimself!--Icannot,cannotthinkofhiminthelightIoncethoughtofhim.What,Sir,toputmyselfintothepowerofawretch,whohasactedbymewithsomuchvilepremeditation!--Whoshallpity,whoshallexcuseme,ifIdo,wereItosuffereversomuchfromhim?--No,Sir.--LetMr.Lovelaceleaveme--letmybrotherfindme.Iamnotsuchapoorcreatureastobeafraidtofacethebrotherwhohasinjuredme.
Capt.Wereyouandyourbrothertomeetonlytoconfertogether,toexpostulate,toclearupdifficulties,itwereanotherthing.Butwhat,Madam,canyouthinkwillbetheissueofaninterview,(Mr.Solmeswithhim,)whenhefindsyouunmarried,andresolvednevertohaveMr.
Lovelace;supposingMr.Lovelacewerenottointerfere,whichcannotbeimagined?
Cl.Well,Sir,Icanonlysay,Iamaveryunhappycreature!--ImustresigntothewillofProvidence,andbepatientunderevils,whichthatwillnotpermitmetoshun.ButIhavetakenmymeasures.Mr.Lovelacecannevermakemehappy,norIhim.IwaithereonlyforaletterfromMissHowe--thatmustdetermineme--
DetermineyouastoMr.Lovelace,Madam?interruptedtheCaptain.
Cl.Iamalreadydeterminedastohim.
Capt.Ifitbenotinhisfavour,Ihavedone.IcannotusestrongerargumentsthanIhaveused,anditwouldbeimpertinenttorepeatthem.Ifyoucannotforgivehisoffence,Iamsureitmusthavebeenmuchgreaterthanhehasownedtome.Ifyouareabsolutelydetermined,bepleasedtoletmeknowwhatIshallsaytoyouruncle?Youwerepleasedtotellme,thatthisdaywouldputanendtowhatyoucalledmytrouble:Ishouldnothavethoughtitany,couldIhavebeenanhumblemeanofreconcilingpersonsofworthandhonourtoeachother.
HereIenteredwithasolemnair.
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Lovel.CaptainTomlinson,Ihaveheardapartofwhathaspassedbetweenyouandthisunforgiving(howeverotherwiseexcellent)lady.Iamcuttothehearttofindthedearcreaturesodetermined.Icouldnothavebelieveditpossible,withsuchprospects,thatIhadsolittleshareinheresteem.NeverthelessImustdomyselfjusticewithregardtotheoffenceIwassounhappyastogive,sinceIfindyouarereadytothinkitmuchgreaterthanitreallywas.
Cl.Ihearnot,Sir,yourrecapitulations.Iam,andoughttobe,thesolejudgeofinsultsofferedtomyperson.Ienternotintodiscussionwithyou,norhearyouontheshockingsubject.Andwasgoing.
Iputmyselfbetweenherandthedoor--YoumayhearallIhavetosay,Madam.Myfaultisnotofsuchanature,butthatyoumay.Iwillbeajustaccuserofmyself;andwillnotwoundyourears.
Ithenprotestedthatthefirewasarealfire.[Soitwas.]Idisclaimed[lesstruly]premeditation.IownedthatIwashurriedonbytheviolenceofayouthfulpassion,andbyasuddenimpulse,whichfewotherpersons,inthelikesituation,wouldhavebeenabletocheck:thatIwithdrew,athercommandandentreaty,onthepromiseofpardon,withouthavingofferedtheleastindecency,oranyfreedom,thatwouldnothavebeenforgivenbypersonsofdelicacy,surprisedinanattitude
socharming--herterror,onthealarmoffire,callingforasoothingbehaviour,andpersonaltenderness,shebeingreadytofallintofits:myhoped-forhappydaysonear,thatImightbepresumedtobelookeduponasabetrothedlover--andthatthisexcusemightbepleadedevenforthewomenofthehouse,thatthey,thinkingusactuallymarried,mightsupposethemselvestobethelessconcernedtointerfereonsotenderanoccasion.--[There,Jack,wasaboldinsinuationonbehalfofthewomen!]
Highindignationfilledherdisdainfuleye,eye-beamaftereye-beamflashingatme.Everyfeatureofhersweetfacehadsoulinit.Yetshespokenot.Perhaps,Jack,shehadathought,thatthispleaforthewomenaccountedformycontrivancetohaveherpasstothemasmarried,whenIfirstcarriedherthither.
Capt.Indeed,Sir,Imustsaythatyoudidnotwelltoaddtotheapprehensionsofaladysomuchterrifiedbefore.
Thedearcreatureofferedtogobyme.Isetmybackagainstthedoor,andbesoughthertostayafewmoments.Ihadnotsaidthusmuch,mydearestcreature,butforyoursake,aswellasformyown,thatCaptainTomlinsonshouldnotthinkIhadbeenvilerthanIwas.NorwillIsayonewordmoreonthesubject,afterIhaveappealedtoyourownheart,whetheritwasnotnecessarythatIshouldsaysomuch;andtotheCaptain,whetherotherwisehewouldnothavegoneawaywithamuchworseopinionofme,ifhehadjudgedofmyoffencebytheviolenceofyourresentment.
Capt.IndeedIshould.IownIshould.AndIamveryglad,Mr.Lovelace,thatyouareabletodefendyourselfthusfar.
Cl.Thatcausemustbewelltried,wheretheoffendertakeshisseatuponthesamebenchwiththejudge.--Isubmitnotminetomen--nor,givemeleavetosay,toyou,CaptainTomlinson,thoughIamwillingtohaveagoodopinionofyou.Hadnotthemanbeenassuredthathehadinfluencedyouinhisfavour,hewouldnothavebroughtyouuptoHampstead.
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Capt.ThatIaminfluenced,asyoucallit,Madam,isforthesakeofyouruncle,andforyourownsake,more(IwillsaytoMr.Lovelace'sface)thanforhis.WhatcanIhaveinviewbutpeaceandreconciliation?Ihave,fromthefirst,blamed,andInow,again,blameMr.Lovelace,foraddingdistresstodistress,andterrortoterror;thelady,asyouacknowledge,Sir,[lookingvaliantly,]readybeforetofallintofits.
Lovel.Letmeowntoyou,CaptainTomlinson,thatIhavebeenaveryfaulty,averyfoolishman;and,ifthisdearcreatureeverhonouredmewithherlove,anungratefulone.ButIhavehadtoomuchreasontodoubtit.Andthisisnowaflagrantproofthatsheneverhadthevalueformewhichmyproudheartwishedfor;that,withsuchprospectsbeforeus;adaysonear;settlementsapprovedanddrawn;herunclemeditatingageneralreconciliationwhich,forhersake,notmyown,Iwasdesiroustogiveinto;shecan,foranoffencesoreallyslight,onanoccasionsotrulyaccidental,renouncemeforever;and,withme,allhopesofthatreconciliationinthewayherunclehadputitin,andshehadacquiescedwith;andrisqueallconsequences,fatalonesastheymaytoopossiblybe.--Bymysoul,CaptainTomlinson,thedearcreaturemusthavehatedmeallthetimeshewasintendingtohonourmewithherhand.Andnowshemustresolvetoabandonme,asfarasIknow,withapreferenceinherheartofthemostodiousofmen--infavourofthatSolmes,who,asyoutellme,accompaniesherbrother:andwithwhathopes,withwhatview,
accompanieshim!--HowcanIbeartothinkofthis?--Cl.Itisfit,Sir,thatyoushouldjudgeofmyregardforyoubyyourownconsciencenessofdemerit.Yetyouknow,oryouwouldnothavedaredtobehavetomeassometimesyoudid,thatyouhadmoreofitthanyoudeserved.
Shewalkedfromus;andthenreturning,CaptainTomlinson,saidshe,Iwillowntoyou,thatIwasnotcapableofresolvingtogivemyhand,and--nothingbutmyhand.HadInotgivenaflagrantproofofthistotheoncemostindulgentofparents?whichhasbroughtmeintoadistress,whichthismanhasheightened,whenheought,ingratitudeandhonour,tohaveendeavouredtorenderitsupportable.Ihadevenabias,Sir,in
hisfavour,Iscruplenottoownit.Long(muchtoolong!)boreIwithhisunaccountableways,attributinghiserrorstounmeaninggaiety,andtoawantofknowingwhattruedelicacy,andtruegenerosity,requiredfromaheartsusceptibleofgratefulimpressionstooneinvolvedbyhismeansinunhappycircumstances.
Itisnowwickednessinhim(awickednesswhichdiscreditsallhisprofessions)tosay,thatthislastcruelandungratefulinsultwasnotapremeditatedone--ButwhatneedIsaymoreofthisinsult,whenitwasofsuchanature,andthatithaschangedthatbiasinhisfavour,andmakemechoosetoforegoalltheinvitingprospectshetalksof,andtorunallhazards,tofreemyselffromhispower?
Omydearestcreature!howhappyforusboth,hadIbeenabletodiscoverthatbias,asyoucondescendtocallit,throughsuchreservesasmanneverencounteredwith!
Hediddiscoverit,Capt.Tomlinson.Hebroughtme,morethanonce,toownit;themoreneedlesslybroughtmetoownit,asIdaresayhisownvanitygavehimnocausetodoubtit;andasIhadapparentlynoothermotiveinnotbeingforwardtoownit,thanmytoo-justly-foundedapprehensionsofhiswantofgenerosity.Inaword,CaptainTomlinson,(andnow,thatIamdetermineduponmymeasures,Ithelessscrupleto
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say,)Ishouldhavedespisedmyself,hadIfoundmyselfcapableofaffectationortyrannytothemanIintendedtomarry.IhavealwaysblamedthedearestfriendIhaveintheworldforafaultofthisnature.Inaword--
Lovel.Andhadmyangelreallyandindeedthefavourformesheispleasedtoown?--Dearestcreature,forgiveme.Restoremetoyourgoodopinion.SurelyIhavenotsinnedbeyondforgiveness.YousaythatIextortedfromyouthepromiseyoumademe.ButIcouldnothavepresumedtomakethatpromisetheconditionofmyobedience,hadInotthoughttherewasroomtoexpectforgiveness.Permit,Ibeseechyou,theprospectstotakeplace,thatwereopeningsoagreeablybeforeus.Iwillgototown,andbringthelicense.Alldifficultiestotheobtainingofitaresurmounted.CaptainTomlinsonshallbewitnesstothedeeds.Hewillbepresentattheceremonyonthepartofyouruncle.Indeedhegavemehopethatyourunclehimself--
Capt.Idid,Mr.Lovelace:andIwilltellyoumygroundsforthehopeIgave.Ipromisedtomydearfriend,(youruncle,Madam,)thatheshouldgiveoutthathewouldtakeaturnwithmetomylittlefarm-house,asIcallit,nearNorthampton,foraweekorso.--Poorgentleman!hehasoflatebeenverylittleabroad!--Toovisiblydeclining!--Changeofair,itmightbegivenout,wasgoodforhim.--ButIsee,Madam,thatthisistootenderasubject--
Thedearcreaturewept.SheknewhowtoapplyasmeanttheCaptain'shinttotheoccasionofheruncle'sdecliningstateofhealth.
Capt.Wemightindeed,Itoldhim,setoutinthatroad,butturnshorttotowninmychariot;andhemightseetheceremonyperformedwithhisowneyes,andbethedesiredfather,aswellasthebeloveduncle.
Sheturnedfromus,andwipedhereyes.
Capt.And,really,thereseemnowtobebuttwoobjectionstothis,asMr.Harlowediscouragednottheproposal--Theone,theunhappymisunderstandingbetweenyou;whichIwouldnotbyanymeansheshould
know;sincethenhemightbeapttogiveweighttoMr.JamesHarlowe'sunjustsurmises.--Theother,thatitwouldnecessarilyoccasionsomedelaytotheceremony;whichcertainlymaybeperformedinadayortwo--if--
Andthenhereverentlybowedtomygoddess.--Charmingfellow!--ButoftendidIcursemystars,formakingmesomuchobligedtohisadroitness.
Shewasgoingtospeak;but,notlikingtheturnofhercountenance(although,asIthought,itsseverityandindignationseemedalittleabated)Isaid,andhadliketohaveblownmyselfupbyit--oneexpedientIhavejustthoughtof--
Cl.Noneofyourexpedients,Mr.Lovelace!--Iabhoryourexpedients,yourinventions--Ihavehadtoomanyofthem.
Lovel.See,Capt.Tomlinson!--See,Sir!--Ohowweexposeourselvestoyou!--Littledidyouthink,Idaresay,thatwehavelivedinsuchacontinuedmisunderstandingtogether!--Butyouwillmakethebestofitall.Wemayyetbehappy.Oh!thatIcouldhavebeenassuredthatthisdearcreaturelovedmewiththehundredthpartoftheloveIhaveforher!--Ourdiffidenceshavebeenmutual.Ipresumetosaythatshehastoomuchpunctilio:IamafraidthatIhavetoolittle.Henceour
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difficulties.ButIhaveaheart,CaptainTomlinson,aheart,thatbidsmehopeforherlove,becauseitisresolvedtodeserveitasmuchasmancandeserveit.
Capt.IamindeedsurprisedatwhatIhaveseenandheard.IdefendnotMr.Lovelace,Madam,intheoffencehehasgivenyou--asafatherofdaughtersmyself,Icannotdefendhim;thoughhisfaultseemstobelighterthanIhadapprehended--butinmyconscience,Madam,Ithinkyoucarryyourresentmenttoohigh.
Cl.Toohigh,Sir!--Toohightothemanthatmighthavebeenhappyifhewould!Toohightothemanthathasheldmysoulinsuspenseanhundredtimes,since(byartificeanddeceit)heobtainedapoweroverme!--Say,Lovelace,thyselfsay,artthounottheveryLovelace,whobyinsultingme,hastwrongedthineownhopes?--Thewretchthatappearedinviledisguises,personatinganold,lamecreature,seekingforlodgingsforthysickwife?--Tellingthegentlewomenherestoriesallofthineowninvention;andassertingtothemanhusband'srightoverme,whichthouhastnot!--Andisit[turningtotheCaptain]tobeexpected,thatIshouldgivecredittotheprotestationsofsuchaman?
Lovel.Treatme,mydearestcreature,asyouplease,Iwillbearit:andyetyourscornandyourviolencehavefixeddaggersinmyheart--Butwasitpossible,withoutthosedisguises,tocomeatyourspeech?--And
couldIloseyou,ifstudy,ifinvention,wouldputitinmypowertoarrestyouranger,andgivemehopetoengageyoutoconfirmtomethepromisedpardon?TheaddressImadetoyoubeforethewomen,asifthemarriage-ceremonyhadpassed,wasinconsequenceofwhatyourunclehadadvised,andwhatyouhadacquiescedwith;andtherathermade,asyourbrother,andSingleton,andSolmes,wereresolvedtofindoutwhetherwhatwasreportedofyourmarriageweretrueornot,thattheymighttaketheirmeasuresaccordingly;andinhopestopreventthatmischief,whichIhavebeenbuttoostudioustoprevent,sincethistamenesshasbutinvitedinsolencefromyourbrotherandhisconfederates.
Cl.Othoustrangewretch,howthoutalkest!--But,CaptainTomlinson,givemeleavetosay,that,wereIinclinedtoenterfartheruponthis
subject,IwouldappealtoMissRawlins'sjudgment(whomelsehaveItoappealto?)Sheseemstobeapersonofprudenceandhonour;butnottoanyman'sjudgment,whetherIcarrymyresentmentbeyondfitbounds,whenIresolve--
Capt.Forgive,Madam,theinterruption--butIthinktherecanbenoreasonforthis.Youought,asyousaid,tobethesolejudgeofindignitiesofferedyou.Thegentlewomenherearestrangerstoyou.Youwillperhapsstaybutalittlewhileamongthem.Ifyoulaythestateofyourcasebeforeanyofthem,andyourbrothercometoinquireofthem,youruncle'sintendedmediationwillbediscovered,andrenderedabortive--IshallappearinalightthatIneverappearedin,inmylife--forthesewomenmaynotthinkthemselvesobligedtokeepthesecret.
Charmingfellow!
Cl.Owhatdifficultieshasonefatalstepinvolvedmein--butthereisnonecessityforsuchanappealtoanybody.Iamresolvedonmymeasures.
Capt.Absolutelyresolved,Madam?
Cl.Iam.
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Capt.WhatshallIsaytoyouruncleHarlowe,Madam?--Poorgentleman!howwillhebesurprised!--Yousee,Mr.Lovelace--yousee,Sir,--turningtomewithaflourishinghand--butyoumaythankyourself--andadmirablystalkedhefromus.
True,bymysoul,thoughtI.Itraversedtheroom,andbitmyunpersuasivelips,nowupper,nowunder,forvexation.
Hemadeaprofoundreverencetoher--andwenttothewindow,wherelayhishatandwhip;and,takingthemup,openedthedoor.Child,saidhe,tosomebodyhesaw,prayordermyservanttobringmyhorsetothedoor--
Lovel.Youwon'tgo,Sir--Ihopeyouwon't!--Iamtheunhappiestmanintheworld!--Youwon'tgo--yet,alas!--Butyouwon'tgo,Sir!--theremaybeyethopesthatLadyBettymayhavesomeweight--
Capt.DearMr.Lovelace!andmaynotmyworthyfriend,andaffectionateuncle,hopeforsomeinfluenceuponhisdaughter-niece?--ButIbegpardon--aletterwillalwaysfindmedisposedtoservethelady,andthataswellforhersakeasforthesakeofmydearfriend.
Shehadthrownherselfintoherchair:hereyescastdown:shewas
motionless,asinaprofoundstudy.TheCaptainbowedtoheragain:butmetwithnoreturntohisbow.Mr.Lovelace,saidhe,(withanairofequalityandindependence,)Iamyour's.
Stillthedearunaccountablesatasimmovableasastatue;stirringneitherhand,foot,head,noreye--Ineverbeforesawanyoneinsoprofoundareverieinsowakingadream.
Hepassedbyhertogooutatthedoorshesatnear,thoughthepassagebytheotherdoorwashisdirectway;andbowedagain.Shemovednot.Iwillnotdisturbtheladyinhermeditations,Sir.--Adieu,Mr.Lovelace
--nofarther,Ibeseechyou.
Shestarted,sighing--Areyougoing,Sir?
Capt.Iam,Madam.Icouldhavebeengladtodoyouservice;butIseeitisnotinmypower.
Shestoodup,holdingoutonehand,withinimitabledignityandsweetness--Iamsorryyouaregoing,Sir!--can'thelpit--Ihavenofriendtoadvisewith--Mr.Lovelacehastheart(orgoodfortune,perhapsIshouldcallit)tomakehimselfmany.--Well,Sir--ifyouwillgo,Ican'thelpit.
Capt.Iwillnotgo,Madam;hiseyestwinkling.[Againseizedwithafitofhumanity!]Iwillnotgo,ifmylongerstaycandoyoueitherserviceorpleasure.What,Sir,[turningtome,]what,Mr.Lovelace,wasyourexpedient;--perhapssomethingmaybeoffered,Madam--
Shesighed,andwassilent.
REVENGE,invokedItomyself,keepthythroneinmyheart.IftheusurperLOVEoncemoredrivetheefromit,thouwiltneveragainregainpossession!
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Lovel.WhatIhadthoughtof,whatIhadintendedtopropose,[andIsighed,]wasthis,thatthedearcreature,ifshewillnotforgiveme,asshepromised,willsuspendthedispleasureshehasconceivedagainstme,tillLadyBettyarrives.--Thatladymaybethemediatrixbetweenus.Thisdearcreaturemayputherselfintoherprotection,andaccompanyherdowntoherseatinOxfordshire.ItisoneofherLadyship'spurposestoprevailonhersupposednewniecetogodownwithher.ItmaypasstoeveryonebuttoLadyBetty,andtoyou,CaptainTomlinson,andtoyourfriendMr.Harlowe(ashedesires)thatwehavebeensometimemarried:andherbeingwithmyrelationswillamounttoaprooftoJamesHarlowethatweare;andournuptialsmaybeprivately,andatthisbelovedcreature'spleasure,solemnized;andyourreport,Captain,authenticated.
Capt.Uponmyhonour,Madam,clappinghishanduponhisbreast,acharmingexpedient!--Thiswillanswereveryend.
Shemused--shewasgreatlyperplexed--atlast,Goddirectme!saidshe:Iknownotwhattodo--ayoungunfriendedcreature!WhomcanIhavetoadvisewith?--Letmeretire,ifIcanretire.
Shewithdrewwithslowandtremblingfeet,andwentuptoherchamber.
ForHeaven'ssake,saidthepenetratedvarlet[hishandsliftedup];for
Heaven'ssake,takecompassionuponthisadmirablewoman!--Icannotproceed--shedeservesallthings--
Softly!--d--nthefellow!--thewomenarecomingin.
Hesobbeduphisgrief--turnedabout--hemm'dupamoremanlyaccent--Wipethycursedeyes--Hedid.Thesunshinetookplaceononecheek,andspreadslowlytotheother,andthefellowhadhiswholefaceagain.
Thewomenallthreecamein,ledbythatever-curiousMissRawlins.Itoldthem,thattheladywasgoneuptoconsiderofeverything:thatwehadhopesofher.Andsucharepresentationwemadeofallthathadpassed,asbroughteithertacitordeclaredblameuponthefairperverse
forhardnessofheartandover-delicacy.
ThewidowBevis,inparticular,putoutonelip,tossedupherhead,wrinkledherforehead,andmadesuchmotionswithhernowlifted-up,nowcast-downeyes,asshowedthatshethoughttherewasagreatdealofperversenessandaffectationinthelady.Now-and-thenshechangedhercensuringlookstolooksofpityofme--but(asshesaid)shelovednottoaggravate!--Apoorbusiness,Godhelp's!shrugginguphershoulders,tomakesucharoutabout!Andthenhereyeslaughedheartily--Indulgencewasagoodthing!Lovewasagoodthing!--buttoomuchwastoomuch!
MissRawlins,however,declared,aftershehadcalledthewidowBevis,
withaprudishsimper,acomicalgentlewoman!thattheremustbesomethinginourstory,whichshecouldnotfathom;andwentfromusintoacorner,andsatdown,seeminglyvexedthatshecouldnot.
LETTERXXXV
MR.LOVELACE[INCONTINUATION.]
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Theladystaidlongerabovethanwewished;andIhopingthat(lady-like)sheonlywaitedforaninvitationtoreturntous,desiredthewidowBevis,intheCaptain'sname,(whowantedtogototown,)torequestthefavourofhercompany.
IcarednottosendupeitherMissRawlinsorMrs.Mooreontheerrand,lestmybelovedshouldbeinacommunicativedisposition;especiallyasshehadhintedatanappealtoMissRawlins;who,besides,hassuchanunboundedcuriosity.
Mrs.Bevispresentlyreturnedwithananswer(winkingandpinkingatme)thattheladywouldfollowherdown.
MissRawlinscouldnotbutoffertoretire,astheothersdid.Hereyes,however,intimatedthatshehadratherstay.Buttheynotbeingansweredassheseemedtowish,shewentwiththerest,butwithslowerfeet;andhadhardlylefttheparlour,whentheladyentereditbytheotherdoor;amelancholydignityinherpersonandair.
Shesatdown.Pray,Mr.Tomlinson,beseated.
Hetookhischairoveragainsther.Istoodbehindher'sthatImight
givehimagreed-uponsignals,shouldtherebeoccasionforthem.Asthus--awinkofthelefteyewastosignifypushthatpoint,Captain.
Awinkoftheright,andanod,wastoindicateapprobationofwhathehadsaid.
Myfore-fingerheldup,andbitingmylip,getoffofthat,asfastaspossible.
Aright-forwardnod,andafrown,sweartoit,Captain.
Mywholespreadhand,totakecarenottosaytoomuchonthatparticular
subject.
Ascowlingbrow,andapositivenod,wastobidhimriseintemper.
AndthesemotionsIcouldmake,eventhosewithmyhand,withoutholdingupmyarm,ormovingmywrist,hadthewomenbeenthere;as,whenthemotionswereagreedupon,Iknewnotbuttheywould.
Shehemmed--Iwasgoingtospeak,tosparehersupposedconfusion:butthisladyneverwantspresenceofmind,whenpresenceofmindisnecessaryeithertoherhonour,ortothatconsciousdignitywhichdistinguishesherfromallthewomenIeverknew.
Ihavebeenconsidering,saidshe,aswellasIwasable,ofeverythingthathaspassed;andofallthathasbeensaid;andofmyunhappysituation.Imeannoill,Iwishnoill,toanycreatureliving,Mr.Tomlinson.Ihavealwaysdelightedtodrawfavourableratherthanunfavourableconclusions;sometimes,asithasproved,forverybadhearts.Censoriousness,whateverfaultsIhave,isnotnaturallymyfault.--But,circumstancedasIam,treatedasIhavebeen,unworthilytreated,byamanwhoisfullofcontrivances,andgloriesinthem--
Lovel.Mydearestlife!--ButIwillnotinterruptyou.
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Cl.Thustreated,itbecomesmetodoubt--itconcernsmyhonourtodoubt,tofear,toapprehend--yourintervention,Sir,issoseasonable,sokind,forthisman--myuncle'sexpedient,thefirstofthekindheever,Ibelieve,thoughtof!aplain,honest,good-mindedman,asheis,notaffectingsuchexpedients--yourreportinconformitytoit--theconsequencesofthatreport;thealarmtakenbymybrother;hisrashresolutionuponit--thealarmtakenbyLadyBetty,andtherestofMr.Lovelace'srelations--thesuddenletterswrittentohimuponit,which,withyour's,heshowedme--allceremony,amongpersonsbornobserversofceremony,andentitledtovaluethemselvesupontheirdistinction,dispensedwith--allthesethingshavehappenedsoquick,andsomeofthemsoseasonable--
Lovel.LadyBetty,yousee,Madam,inherletter,dispenseswithpunctilo,avowedlyincomplimenttoyou.Charlotte,inher's,professestodothesameforthesamereason.GoodHeaven!thattherespectintendedyoubymyrelations,who,ineveryothercase,arereallypunctilious,shouldbethusconstrued!Theywereglad,Madam,tohaveanopportunitytocomplimentyouatmyexpense.Everyoneofmyfamilytakesdelightinrallyingme.Buttheirjoyonthesupposedoccasion--
Cl.DoIdoubt,Sir,thatyouhavenotsomethingtosayforanythingyouthinkfittodo?IamspeakingtoCaptainTomlinson,Sir.Iwill
youwouldbepleasedtowithdraw--atleasttocomefrombehindmychair.AndshelookedattheCaptain,observing,nodoubt,thathiseyesseemedtotakelessonsfrommine.
Afairmatch,byJupiter!
TheCaptainwasdisconcerted.Thedoghadnothadsuchablushuponhisfacefortenyearsbefore.Ibitmylipforvexation:walkedabouttheroom;butneverthelesstookmypostagain;andblinkedwithmyeyestotheCaptain,asacautionforhimtotakemorecareofhis:andthenscoulingwithmybrows,andgivingthenodpositive,Iasgoodassaid,resentthat,Captain.
Capt.Ihope,Madam,youhavenosuspicionthatIamcapable--
Cl.Benotdispleasedwithme,CaptainTomlinson.IhavetoldyouthatIamnotofasuspicioustemper.Excusemeforthesakeofmysincerity.Thereisnot,Iwillbeboldtosay,asincererheartintheworldthanher'sbeforeyou.
Shetookoutherhandkerchief,andputittohereyes.
Iwasgoing,atthatinstant,afterherexample,tovouchforthehonestyofmyheart;butmyconscienceMennelleduponme;andwouldnotsufferthemeditatedvowtopassmylips.--Adevilishthing,thoughtI,fora
mantobesolittlehimself,whenhehasmostoccasionforhimself!
ThevillainTomlinsonlookedatmewitharuefulface,asifhebeggedleavetocryforcompany.Itmighthavebeenaswell,ifhehadcried.Afeelingheart,orthetokensofitgivenbyasensibleeye,areveryreputablethings,whenkeptincountenancebytheoccasion.
Andhereletmefairlyowntothee,thattwentytimesinthistryingconversationIsaidtomyself,thatcouldIhavethoughtthatIshouldhavehadallthistrouble,andincurredallthisguilt,Iwouldhavebeen
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honestatfirst.Butwhy,Jack,isthisdearcreaturesolovely,yetsoinvincible?--EverheardstthoubeforethatthesweetsofMayblossomedinDecember?
Capt.Bepleased--bepleased,Madam--ifyouhaveanydoubtsofmyhonour--
Awhiningvarlet!Heshouldhavebeenquiteangry--ForwhatgaveIhimthenodpositive?Heshouldhavestalkedagaintothewindow,asforhiswhipandhat.
Cl.Iamonlymakingsuchobservationsasmyyouth,myinexperience,andmypresentunhappycircumstances,suggesttome--aworthyheart(such,Ihope,asCaptainTomlinson's)neednotfearanexamination--neednotfearbeinglookedinto--whateverdoubtsthatman,whohasbeenthecauseofmyerrors,and,asmyseverefatherimprecated,thepunisheroftheerrorshehascaused,mighthavehadofme,orofmyhonour,Iwouldhaveforgivenhimforthem,ifhehadfairlyproposedthemtome:forsomedoubtsperhapssuchamanmighthaveofthefutureconductofacreaturewhomhecouldinducetocorrespondwithhimagainstparentalprohibition,andagainstthelightswhichherownjudgmentthrewinuponher:andifhehadpropoundedthemtomelikeamanandagentleman,Iwouldhavebeengladoftheopportunitygivenmetoclearmyintentions,andtohaveshownmyselfentitledtohisgoodopinion--andIhopeyou,
Sir--Capt.Iamreadytohearallyourdoubts,Madam,andtoclearthemup--
Cl.Iwillonlyputit,Sir,toyourconscienceandhonour--
Thedogsatuneasy--heshuffledwithhisfeet--hereyewasuponhim--hewas,therefore,aftertherebuffhehadmetwith,afraidtolookatmeformymotions;andnowturnedhiseyestowardsme,thenfromme,asifhewouldunlookhisownlooks.
Cl.Thatallistrue,thatyouhavewritten,andthatyouhavetoldme.
Igavehimarightforwardnod,andafrown--asmuchastosay,sweartoit,Captain.ButthevarletdidnotrounditoffasIwouldhavehadhim.However,heaverredthatitwas.
Hehadhoped,hesaid,thatthecircumstanceswithwhichhiscommissionwasattended,andwhathehadcommunicatedtoher,whichhecouldnotknowbutfromhisdearfriend,heruncle,mighthaveshieldedhimevenfromtheshadowofsuspicion.ButIamcontented,saidhe,stammering,tobethought--tobethought--what--whatyoupleasetothinkofme--till,till,youaresatisfied--
Awhore's-bird!
Cl.Thecircumstancesyoureferto,Imustownoughttoshieldyou,Sir,fromsuspicion;butthemanbeforeyouisamanthatwouldmakeanangelsuspected,shouldthatangelpleadforhim.
Icameforward,--traversedtheroom,--wasindeedinabl--dypassion.--Ihavenopatience,Madam!--andagainIbitmyunpersuasivelips.
Cl.Nomanoughttobeimpatientatimputationsheisnotashamedtodeserve.Aninnocentmanwillnotbeoutrageousuponsuchimputations.Aguiltymanoughtnot.[Mostexcellentlywouldthischarmingcreature
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capsentenceswithLordM.!]ButIamnotnowtryingyou,Sir,[tome,]onthefootofyourmerits.IamonlysorrythatIamconstrainedtoputquestionstothisworthiergentleman,[worthiergentleman,Jack!]which,perhaps,Ioughtnottoput,sofarastheyregardhimself.AndIhope,CaptainTomlinson,thatyou,whoknownotMr.Lovelacesowell,as,tomyunhappiness,Ido,andwhohavechildrenofyourown,willexcuseapooryoungcreature,whoisdeprivedofallworldlyprotection,andwhohasbeeninsultedandendangeredbythemostdesigningmanintheworld,and,perhaps,byaconfederacyofhiscreatures.
Thereshestopt;andstoodup,andlookedatme;fear,nevertheless,apparentlymingledwithheranger.--Andsoitought.Iwasglad,however,ofthispoorsignoflove;noonefearswhomtheyvaluenot.
Women'stongueswerelicensed,Iwasgoingtosay;butmyconsciencewouldnotletmecallherawoman;norusetohersovulgaraphrase.Icouldonlyravebymymotions,liftupmyeyes,spreadmyhands,rubmyface,pullmywig,andlooklikeafool.Indeed,Ihadagreatmindtorunmad.HadIbeenalonewithher,Iwould;andsheshouldhavetakenconsequences.
TheCaptaininterposedinmybehalf;gently,however,andasamannotquitesurethathewashimselfacquitted.Someofthepleaswehadbothinsistedonheagainenforced;and,speakinglow,Poorgentleman!said
he,whocanbutpityhim?Indeed,Madam,itiseasytosee,withallhisfailings,thepoweryouhaveoverhim!
Cl.Ihavenopleasure,Sir,indistressinganyone;notevenhim,whohassomuchdistressedme.But,Sir,whenITHINK,andwhenIseehimbeforeme,Icannotcommandmytemper!Indeed,indeed,CaptainTomlinson,Mr.Lovelacehasnotactedbymeeitherasagratefuloragenerousman,norevenasaprudentone!--Heknowsnot,asItoldhimyesterday,thevalueofthehearthehasinsulted!
Theretheangelstopt;herhandkerchiefathereyes.
OBelford,Belford!thatsheshouldsogreatlyexcel,astomakeme,at
times,appearasavillaininmyowneyes!
Ibesoughtherpardon.Ipromisedthatitshouldbethestudyofmywholelifetodeserveit.Myfaults,Isaid,whatevertheyhadbeen,wereratherfaultsinherapprehensionthaninfact.IbesoughthertogivewaytotheexpedientIhadhitupon--Irepeatedit.TheCaptainenforcedit,forheruncle'ssake.I,oncemore,forthesakeofthegeneralreconciliation;forthesakeofallmyfamily;forthesakeofpreventingfurthermischief.
Shewept.Sheseemedstaggeredinherresolution--sheturnedfromme.ImentionedtheletterofLordM.IbesoughthertoresigntoLadyBetty'smediationallourdifferences,ifshewouldnotforgivemebefore
shesawher.
Sheturnedtowardsme--shewasgoingtospeak;butherheartwasfull,andagainsheturnedawayhereyes,--AnddoyoureallyandindeedexpectLadyBettyandMissMontague?--Anddoyou--Againshestopt.
Iansweredinasolemnmanner.
Sheturnedfrommeherwholeface,andpaused,andseemedtoconsider.But,inapassionateaccent,againturningtowardsme,[Ohowdifficult,
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Jack,foraHarlowespirittoforgive!]LetherLadyshipcome,ifshepleases,saidshe,Icannot,cannot,wishtoseeher;andifIdidseeher,andsheweretopleadforyou,Icannotwishtohearher!ThemoreIthink,thelessIcanforgiveanattempt,thatIamconvincedwasintendedtodestroyme.[Aplaguystrongwordfortheoccasion,supposingshewasright!]Whathasmyconductbeen,thataninsultofsuchanatureshouldbeofferedtome,anditwouldbeaweaknessinmetoforgive?Iamsunkinmyowneyes!AndhowcanIreceiveavisitthatmustdepressmemore?
TheCaptainurgedherinmyfavourwithgreaterearnestnessthanbefore.Webothevenclamoured,asImaysay,formercyandforgiveness.[DidstthouneverhearthegoodfolkstalkoftakingHeavenbystorm?]--Contritionrepeatedlyavowed;atotalreformationpromised;thehappyexpedientagainurged.
Cl.Ihavetakenmymeasures.Ihavegonetoofartorecede,ortowishtorecede.Mymindispreparedforadversity.ThatIhavenotdeservedtheevilsIhavemetwithismyconsolation;IhavewrittentoMissHowewhatmyintentionsare.Myheartisnotwithyou--itisagainstyou,Mr.Lovelace.IhadnotwrittentoyouasIdidintheletterIleftbehindme,hadInotresolved,whateverbecameofme,torenounceyouforever.
Iwasfullofhopenow.Severeasherexpressionswere,IsawshewasafraidthatIshouldthinkofwhatshehadwritten.And,indeed,herletterisviolenceitself.--Angrypeople,Jack,shouldneverwritewhiletheirpassionholds.
Lovel.Theseverityyouhaveshownme,Madam,whetherbypenorbyspeech,shallneverhaveplaceinmyremembrance,butforyourhonor.Inthelightyouhavetakenthings,allisdeserved,andbutthenaturalresultofvirtuousresentment;andIadoreyou,evenforthepangsyouhavegivenme.
Shewassilent.Shehademploymentenoughwithherhandkerchiefathereyes.
Lovel.Youlament,sometimes,thatyouhavenofriendsofyourownsextoconsultwith.MissRawlins,Imustconfess,istooinquisitivetobeconfidedin,[Ilikednot,thoumayestthink,herappealtoMissRawlins.]Shemaymeanwell.ButIneverinmylifeknewaperson,whowasfondofpryingintothesecretsofothers,thatwasfittobetrusted.Thecuriosityofsuchisgovernedbypride,whichisnotgratifiedbutbywhisperingaboutasecrettillitbecomespublic,inordertoshoweithertheirconsequence,ortheirsagacity.Itissoineverycase.Whatmanorwoman,whoiscovetousofpower,orofmakingarightuseofit?Butintheladiesofmyfamilyyoumayconfide.Itistheirambitiontothinkofyouasoneofthemselves.Renewbutyourconsenttopasstotheworld,forthesakeofyouruncle'sexpedient,and
forthepreventionofmischief,asaladysometimemarried.LadyBettymaybeacquaintedwiththenakedtruth;andyoumay,(asshehopesyouwill,)accompanyhertoherseat;and,ifitmustbeso,considermeasinastateofpenitenceorprobation,tobeacceptedorrejected,asImayappeartodeserve.
TheCaptainagainclapthishandsonhisbreast,anddeclared,uponhishonour,thatthiswasaproposalthat,werethecasethatofhisowndaughter,andshewerenotresolveduponimmediatemarriage,(whichyethethoughtbyfarthemoreeligiblechoice,)heshouldbeverymuch
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concernedwereshetorefuseit.
Cl.WereIwithMr.Lovelace'srelations,andtopassashiswifetotheworld,Icouldnothaveanychoice.Andhowcouldhebetheninastateofprobation?--OMr.Tomlinson,youaretoomuchhisfriendtoseeintohisdrift.
Capt.Hisfriend,Madam,asIsaidbefore,asIamyour'sandyouruncle's,forthesakeofageneralreconciliation,whichmustbeginwithabetterunderstandingbetweenyourselves.
Lovel.Only,mydearestlife,resolvetoattendthearrivalandvisitofLadyBetty;andpermithertoarbitratebetweenus.
Capt.Therecanbenoharminthat,Madam.Youcansuffernoinconveniencefromthat.IfMr.Lovelace'soffencebesuch,thatawomanofLadyBetty'scharacterjudgesittobeunpardonable,whythen--
Cl.[Interrupting;andtome,]IfIamnotinvadedbyyou,Sir;ifIam,(asIoughttobe,)myownmistress,Ithinktostayhere,inthishonesthouse,[andthenhadIaneye-beam,astheCaptaincallsit,flashedatme,]tillIreceivealetterfromMissHowe.That,Ihope,willbeinadayortwo.Ifinthattimetheladiescomewhomyouexpect,andiftheyaredesiroustoseethecreaturewhomyouhavemade
unhappy,IshallknowwhetherIcanorcannotreceivetheirvisit.Sheturnedshorttothedoor,and,retiring,wentupstairstoherchamber.
OSir,saidtheCaptain,assoonasshewasgone,whatanangelofawomanisthis!Ihavebeen,andIamaverywickedman.Butifanythingshouldhappenamisstothisadmirablelady,throughmymeans,Ishallhavemorecauseforself-reproachthanforallthebadactionsofmylifeputtogether.
Andhiseyesglistened.
Nothingcanhappenamiss,thousorrowfuldog!--Whatcanhappenamiss?Arewetoformouropinionofthingsbytheromanticnotionsofagirl,whosupposesthattobethegreatestwhichistheslightestofevils?HaveInottoldtheeourwholestory?Hasshenotbrokenherpromise?DidInotgenerouslyspareher,wheninmypower?Iwasdecent,thoughIhadheratsuchadvantage.--GreaterlibertieshaveItakenwithgirlsofcharacteratacommonromping'bout,andallhasbeenlaughedoff,andhandkerchiefandhead-clothesadjusted,andpetticoatsshakentorights,inmypresence.Neverman,inthelikecircumstances,andresolvedasIwasresolved,goadedonasIwasgoadedon,aswellbyherownsex,asbytheimpulsesofaviolentpassion,waseversodecent.Yetwhatmercydoessheshowme?
Now,Jack,thispitifuldogwassuchanotherunfortunateoneasthyself--hisargumentsservingtoconfirmmeintheverypurposehebroughtthemtoprevailuponmetogiveup.Hadheleftmetomyself,tothetendernessofmyownnature,movedasIwaswhentheladywithdrew,andhadhesetdown,andmadeodiousfaces,andsaidnothing--itisverypossiblethatIshouldhavetakenthechairoveragainsthim,whichshehadquitted,andhavecriedandblubberedwithhimforhalfanhourtogether.Butthevarlettoarguewithme!--topretendtoconvinceaman,whoknowsinisheartthatheisdoingawrongthing!--HemustneedsthinkthatthiswouldputmeupontryingwhatIcouldsayformyself;and
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whentheextendedcompunctioncanbecarriedfromthehearttothelipsitmustevaporateinwords.
Thou,perhaps,inthisplace,wouldsthaveurgedthesamepleasthatheurged.WhatIansweredtohimthereforemaydoforthee,andsparetheethetroubleofwriting,andmeofreading,agooddealofnonsense.
Capt.Youwerepleasedtotellme,Sir,thatyouonlyproposedtotryhervirtue;andthatyoubelievedyoushouldactuallymarryher.
Lovel.SoIshall,andcannothelpit.IhavenodoubtbutIshall.Andastotryingher,isshenotnowintheheightofhertrial?HaveInotreasontothinkthatsheiscomingabout?Isshenotnowyieldingupherresentmentforanattemptwhichshethinkssheoughtnottoforgive?Andifshedo,mayshenotforgivethelastattempt?--Canshe,inaword,resentthatmorethanshedoesthis?Womenoften,fortheirownsakes,willkeepthelastsecret;butwillostentatiouslydintheearsofgodsandmenwiththeirclamoursuponasuccesslessoffer.Itwasmyfolly,myweakness,thatIgavehernotmorecauseforthisherunsparingviolence!
Capt.OSir,youwillneverbeabletosubduethisladywithoutforce.
Lovel.Well,then,puppy,mustInotendeavourtofindapropertime
andplace--Capt.Forgiveme,Sir!butcanyouthinkofforcetosuchafinecreature?
Lovel.Force,indeed,Iabhorthethoughtof;andforwhat,thinkestthou,haveItakenallthepainsIhavetaken,andengagedsomanypersonsinmycause,buttoavoidthenecessityofviolentcompulsion?Butyet,imaginestthouthatIexpectdirectconsentfromsuchaloverofformsasthisladyisknowntobe!Letmetellthee,M'Donald,thatthymaster,Belford,hasurgedonthysideofthequestionallthatthoucansturge.MustIhaveeverysorryfellow'sconsciencetopacify,aswellasmyown?--Bymysoul,Patrick,shehasafriendhere,[clappingmy
handonmybreast,]thatpleadsforherwithgreaterandmoreirresistibleeloquencethanallthemenintheworldcanpleadforher.Andhadshenotescapedme--AndyethowhaveIansweredmyfirstdesignoftryingher,*andinherthevirtueofthemostvirtuousofthesex?--Perseverance,man!--Perseverance!--What!wouldstthouhavemedeclineatrialthattheymakeforthehonourofasexweallsodearlylove?
*SeeVol.III.LetterXVIII.
Then,Sir,youhavenothoughts--nothoughts--[lookingstillmoresorrowfully,]ofmarryingthiswonderfullady?
Yes,yes,Patrick,butIhave.Butletme,first,togratifymypride,bringdownher's.Letmesee,thatshelovesmewellenoughtoforgivemeformyownsake.Hasshenotheretoforelamentedthatshestaidnotinherfather'shouse,thoughtheconsequencemusthavebeen,ifshehad,thatshewouldhavebeenthewifeoftheodiousSolmes?Ifnowshebebroughttoconsenttobemine,seestthounotthatthereconciliationwithherdetestedrelationsistheinducement,asitalwayswas,andnotloveofme?--Neitherhervirtuenorherlovecanbeestablishedbutuponfulltrial;thelasttrial--butifherresistanceandresentmentbesuch
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ashithertoIhavereasontoexpecttheywillbe,andifIfindinthatresentmentlessofhatredofmethanofthefact,thenshallshebemineinherownway.Then,hatefulasisthelifeofshacklestome,willImarryher.
Well,Sir,Icanonlysay,thatIamdoughinyourhands,tobemouldedintowhatshapeyouplease.Butif,asIsaidbefore--
NoneofthySaid-before's,Patrick.Irememberallthousadist--andIknowallthoucanstfarthersay--thouartonly,PontiusPilatelike,washingthineownhands,(don'tIknowthee?)thatthoumayesthavesomethingtosilencethyconsciencewithbyloadingme.Butwehavegonetoofartorecede.Arenotallourenginesinreadiness?Dryupthysorrowfuleyes.Letunconcernandheart'seaseoncemoretakepossessionofthysolemnfeatures.Thouhasthithertoperformedextremelywell.--Shamenotthypastbythyfuturebehaviour;andarichrewardawaitsthee.Ifthouartdoughbedough;andIslapthimontheshoulder--Resumebutthyformershape,andI'llbeanswerablefortheevent.
Hebowedassentandcompliance;wenttotheglass;andbegantountwistandunsaddenhisfeatures;pulledhiswigright,asifthat,aswellashisheadandhearthadbeendiscomposedbyhiscompunction,andoncemorebecameoldLucifer'sandmine.
Butdidstthouthink,Jack,thattherewassomuch--What-shall-I-call-it?--inthisTomlinson?Didstthouimaginethatsuchafellowasthathadbowels?Thatnature,solongdeadandburiedinhim,astoallhumaneeffects,shouldthusreviveandexertitself?--YetwhydoIaskthisquestionofthee,who,tomyequalsurprise,hastshown,onthesameoccasion,thelikecompassionatesensibilities?
AstoTomlinson,itlooksasifpovertyhadmadehimthewickedfellowheis;asplentyandwantonnesshavemadeuswhatweare.Necessity,afterall,isthetestofprinciple.Butwhatisthereinthisdullword,orthing,calledHONESTY,thatevenI,whocannotinmypresentviewsbeservedbyit,cannothelpthinkingeventheaccidentalemanationsofitamiableinTomlinson,thoughdemonstratedinafemalecase;andjudging
betterofhimforbeingcapableofsuch?
LETTERXXXVI
MR.LOVELACE,TOJOHNBELFORD,ESQ.
ThisdebatebetweentheCaptainandmewashardlyoverwhenthethreewomen,ledbyMissRawlins,entered,hopingnointrusion,butverydesirous,themaidensaid,toknowifwewerelikelytoaccommodate.
Oyes,Ihopeso.Youknow,Ladies,thatyoursexmust,inthesecases,preservetheirforms.Theymustbecourtedtocomplywiththeirownhappiness.Aluckyexpedientwehavehitupon.Theunclehashisdoubtsofourmarriage.Hecannotbelieve,norwillanybody,thatitispossiblethatamansomuchinlove,theladysodesirable--
Theyalltookthehint.Itwasaveryextraordinarycase,thetwowidowsallowed.Women,Jack,[asIbelieveIhaveobserved*elsewhere,]haveahighopinionofwhattheycandoforus.MissRawlinsdesired,ifIpleased,toletthemknowtheexpedient;andlookedasiftherewasno
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needtoproceedintherestofmyspeech.
*SeeLetterXXIV.ofthisvolume.
IbeggedthattheywouldnotlettheladyknowIhadtoldthemwhatthisexpedientwas;andtheyshouldhearit.
Theypromised.
Itwasthis:thattoobligeandsatisfyMr.Harlowe,theceremonywastobeagainperformed.Hewastobeprivatelypresent,andtogivehisniecetomewithhisownhands--andshewasretiredtoconsiderofit.
Thouseest,Jack,thatIhaveprovidedanexcuse,tosavemyveracitytothewomenhere,incaseIshouldinclinetomarriage,andsheshouldchoosetohaveMissRawlins'sassistanceattheceremony.NordoubtedItobringmyfair-onetosavemycreditonthisoccasion,ifIcouldgethertoconsenttobemine.
Acharmingexpedient!criedthewidow.Theywereallthreereadytoclaptheirhandsforjoyuponit.Womenlovetobemarriedtwiceatleast,Jack;thoughnotindeedtothesameman.Andallblessedthe
reconciliatoryschemeandtheproposerofit;and,supposingitcamefromtheCaptain,theylookedathimwithpleasure,whilehisfaceshinedwiththeapplauseimplied.Heshouldthinkhimselfveryhappy,ifhecouldbringaboutageneralreconciliation;andheflourishedwithhisheadlikemymanWill.onhisvictoryoveroldGrimes;bridlingbyturns,likeMissRawlinsintheheightofaprudishfit.
ButnowitwastimefortheCaptaintothinkofreturningtotown,havingagreatdealofbusinesstodispatchbeforemorning.NorwashecertainthatheshouldbeableagaintoattendusatHampsteadbeforehewenthome.
Andyet,aseverythingwasdrawingtowardsacrisis,Ididnotintend
thatheshouldleaveHampsteadthatnight.
Amessagetotheaboveeffectwascarriedup,atmydesire,byMrs.Moore;withtheCaptain'scompliments,andtoknowifshehadanycommandsforhimtoheruncle?
ButIhintedtothewomen,thatitwouldbeproperforthemtowithdraw,iftheladydidcomedown;lestsheshouldnotcaretobesofreebeforethemonaproposalsoparticular,asshewouldbetous,whohadofferedittoherconsideration.
Mrs.Moorebroughtdownwordthattheladywasfollowingher.Theyallthreewithdrew;andsheenteredatonedoor,astheywentoutatthe
other.
TheCaptainaccostedher,repeatingthecontentsofthemessagesentup;anddesiredthatshewouldgivehimhercommandsinrelationtothereporthewastomaketoheruncleHarlowe.
Iknownotwhattosay,Sir,norwhatIwouldhaveyoutosay,tomyuncle--perhapsyoumayhavebusinessintown--perhapsyouneednotseemyuncletillIhaveheardfromMissHowe;tillafterLadyBetty--Idon'tknowwhattosay.
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Iimploredthereturnofthatvaluewhichshehadsogenerouslyacknowledgedoncetohavehadforme.Ipresumed,Isaid,toflattermyselfthatLadyBetty,inherownperson,andinthenameofallmyfamily,wouldbeable,onmypromisedreformationandcontrition,toprevailinmyfavour,especiallyasourprospectsinotherrespectswithregardtothegeneralreconciliationwishedforweresohappy.Butletmeowetoyourowngenerosity,mydearestcreature,saidI,ratherthantothemediationofanypersononearth,theforgivenessIamanhumblesuitorfor.Howmuchmoreagreeabletoyourself,Obestbelovedofmysoul,mustitbe,aswellasobligingtome,thatyourfirstpersonalknowledgeofmyrelations,andtheirsofyou,(fortheywillnotbedeniedattendingyou)shouldnotbebeguninrecriminations,inappeals?AsLadyBettywillbeheresoon,itwillnotperhapsbepossibleforyoutoreceivehervisitwithabrowabsolutelyserene.But,dearest,dearestcreature,Ibeseechyou,letthemisunderstandingpassasaslightone--asamisunderstandingclearedup.Appealsgiveprideandsuperioritytothepersonsappealedto,andareapttolessentheappellant,notonlyintheireye,butinherown.Exaltnotintojudgesthosewhoarepreparedtotakelessonsandinstructionsfromyou.TheindividualsofmyfamilyareasproudasIamsaidtobe.Buttheywillcheerfullyresigntoyoursuperiority--youwillbethefirstwomanofthefamilyineveryone'seyes.
Thismighthavedonewithanyotherwomanintheworldbutthis;andyetsheistheonlywomanintheworldofwhomitmaywithtruthbesaid.Butthus,angrily,didshedisclaimthecompliment.
Yes,indeed!--[andthereshestoptamoment,hersweetbosomheavingwithanobledisdain]--cheatedoutofmyselffromtheveryfirst!--Afugitivefrommyownfamily!Renouncedbymyrelations!Insultedbyyou!--Layinghumbleclaimtotheprotectionofyour's!--IsnotthisthelightinwhichImustappearnotonlytotheladiesofyourfamily,buttoalltheworld?--Thinkyou,Sir,thatinthesecircumstances,orevenhadIbeeninthehappiest,thatIcouldbeaffectedbythispleaofundeservedsuperiority?--YouareastrangertothemindofClarissaHarlowe,ifyouthinkhercapableofsopoorandsoundueapride!
Shewentfromustothefartherendoftheroom.
TheCaptainwasagainaffected--Excellentcreature!Icalledher;and,reverentlyapproachingher,urgedfartherthepleaIhadlastmade.
Itisbutlately,saidI,thattheopinionsofmyrelationshavebeenmorethanindifferenttome,whethergoodorbad;anditisforyoursake,morethanformyown,thatInowwishtostandwellwithmywholefamily.TheprincipalmotiveofLadyBetty'scomingup,is,topurchasepresentsforthewholefamilytomakeonthehappyoccasion.
Thisconsideration,turningtotheCaptain,withsonoble-mindedadear
creature,Iknow,canhavenoweight;onlyasitwillshowtheirvalueandrespect.Butwhatadampwouldtheirworthyheartsreceive,weretheytofindtheiradmirednewniece,astheynowthinkher,notonlynottheirniece,butcapableofrenouncingmeforever!Theyloveme.Theyallloveme.Ihavebeenguiltyofcarelessnessandlevitytothem,indeed;butofcarelessnessandlevityonly;andthatowingtoapridethathassetmeabovemeanness,thoughithasnotdoneeverythingforme.
Mywholefamilywillbeguarantiesformygoodbehaviourtothisdear
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creature,theirniece,theirdaughter,theircousin,theirfriend,theirchosencompanionanddirectress,allinone.--Uponmysoul,Captain,wemay,wemustbehappy.
But,dearest,dearestcreature,letmeonmyknees[anddownIdropt,herfaceallthetimeturnedhalffromme,asshestoodatthewindow,herhandkerchiefoftenathereyes]onmykneesletmepleadyourpromisedforgiveness;andletusnotappeartothem,ontheirvisit,thusunhappywitheachother.LadyBetty,thenexthourthatsheseesyou,willwriteheropinionofyou,andofthelikelihoodofourfuturehappiness,toLadySarahhersister,aweak-spiritedwoman,whonowhopestosupplytoherself,inmybride,thelostdaughtershestillmournsfor!
TheCaptainthenjoinedin,andre-urgedheruncle'shopesandexpectations,andhisresolutioneffectuallytosetaboutthegeneralreconciliation;themischiefthatmightbeprevented;andthecertaintythattherewasthatherunclemightbeprevailedontogivehertomewithhisownhand,ifshemadeitherchoicetowaitforhiscomingup.but,forhisownpart,hehumblyadvised,andferventlypressedher,tomaketheverynextday,orMondayatfarthest,myhappyday.
Permitme,dearestlady,saidhe,andIcouldkneeltoyoumyself,[bendinghisknee,]thoughIhavenointerestinmyearnestness,butthepleasureIshouldhavetobeabletoserveyouall,tobeseechyouto
givemeanopportunitytoassureyourunclethatImyselfsawwithmyowneyesthehappyknottied!--Allmisunderstandings,alldoubts,alldiffidences,willthenbeatanend.
Andwhat,Madam,rejoinedI,stillkneeling,cantherebeinyournewmeasures,betheywhattheywill,thatcansohappily,soreputably,Iwillpresumetosay,forallaround,obviatethepresentdifficulties?
MissHoweherself,ifsheloveyou,andifsheloveyourfame,Madam,urgedtheCaptain,hiskneestillbent,mustcongratulateyouonsuchhappyconclusion.
Thenturningherface,shesawtheCaptainhalf-kneeling--OSir!OCapt.
Tomlinson!--Whythisunduecondescension?extendingherhandtohiselbow,toraisehim.Icannotbearthis!--Thencastinghereyeonme,Rise,Mr.Lovelace--kneelnottothepoorcreaturewhomyouhaveinsulted!--Howcrueltheoccasionforit!--Andhowmeanthesubmission!
Notmeantosuchanangel!--NorcanIrisebuttobeforgiven!
TheCaptainthenre-urgedoncemoretheday--hewasamazed,hesaid,ifsheevervaluedme--
OCaptainTomlinson,interruptedshe,howmuchareyouthefriendofthisman!--IfIhadnevervaluedhim,heneverwouldhavehaditinhispowertoinsultme;norcouldI,ifIhadneverregardedhim,havetakento
heartasIdo,theinsult(execrableasitwas)soundeservedly,soungratefullygiven--butlethimretire--foramomentlethimretire.
IwasmorethanhalfafraidtotrusttheCaptainbyhimselfwithher.HegavemeasignthatImightdependuponhim.AndthenItookoutofmypockethislettertome,andLadyBetty'sandMissMontague's,andLordM.'sletters(whichlastshehadnotthenseen);andgivingthemtohim,procureforme,inthefirstplace,Mr.Tomlinson,are-perusalofthesethreeletters;andofthisfromLordM.AndIbeseechyou,mydearestlife,givethemdueconsideration:andletmeonmyreturnfindthehappy
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effectsofthatconsideration.
Ithenwithdrew;withslowfeet,however,andamisgivingheart.
TheCaptaininsisteduponthisre-perusalpreviouslytowhatshehadtosaytohim,ashetellsme.Shecomplied,butwithsomedifficulty;asifshewereafraidofbeingsoftenedinmyfavour.
Shelamentedherunhappysituation;destituteoffriends,andnotknowingwhithertogo,orwhattodo.Sheaskedquestions,sifting-questions,aboutheruncle,aboutherfamily,andafterwhatheknewofMr.Hickman'sfruitlessapplicationinherfavour.
Hewaswellpreparedinthisparticular;forIhadshownhimthelettersandextractsofletterofMissHowe,whichIhadsohappilycomeat.*Mightshebeassured,sheaskedhim,thatherbrother,withSingletonandSolmes,wereactuallyinquestofher?
*Vol.IV.LetterXLIV.
Heaverredthattheywere.
Sheasked,ifhethoughtIhadhopesofprevailingonhertogobacktotown?
HewassureIhadnot.
WashereallyofopinionthatLadyBettywouldpayheravisit?
Hehadnodoubtofit.
But,Sir;but,CaptainTomlinson--[impatientlyturningfromhim,andagaintohim]Iknownotwhattodo--butwereIyourdaughter,Sir--wereyoumyownfather--Alas!Sir,Ihaveneitherfathernormother!
Heturnedfromherandwipedhiseyes.
OSir!youhavehumanity![Shewepttoo.]Therearesomemenintheworld,thankHeaven,thatcanbemoved.OSir,Ihavemetwithhard-heartedmen--inmyownfamilytoo--orIcouldnothavebeensounhappyasIam--butImakeeverybodyunhappy!
Hiseyesnodoubtranover.--
DearestMadam!HeavenlyLady!--Whocan--whocan--hesitatedandblubberedthedog,asheowned.AndindeedIheardsomepartofwhatpassed,thoughtheybothtalkedlowerthanIwished;for,fromthenatureoftheirconversation,therewasnoroomforaltitudes.
THEM,andBOTH,andTHEY!--Howitgoesagainstmetoincludethisangelofacreature,andanymanonearthbutmyself,inoneworld!
Capt.Whocanforbearbeingaffected?--But,Madam,youcanbenootherman's.
Cl.NorwouldIbe.Butheissosunkwithme!--Tofirethehouse!--Anartificesovile!--contrivedfortheworstofpurposes!--Wouldyouhaveadaughterofyour's--ButwhatwouldIsay?--YetyouseethatIhavenobody
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inwhomIcanconfide!--Mr.Lovelaceisavindictiveman!--Hecouldnotlovethecreaturewhomhecouldinsultashehasinsultedme!
Shepaused.Andthenresuming--inshort,Inever,nevercanforgivehim,norheme.--Doyouthink,Sir,IneverwouldhavegonesofarasIhavegone,ifIhadintendedevertodrawwithhiminoneyoke?--Ileftbehindmesuchaletter--
Youknow,Madam,hehasacknowledgedthejusticeofyourresentment--
OSir,hecanacknowledge,andhecanretract,fiftytimesaday--butdonotthinkIamtriflingwithmyselfandyou,andwanttobepersuadedtoforgivehim,andtobehis.Thereisnotacreatureofmysex,whowouldhavebeenmoreexplicit,andmorefrank,thanIwouldhavebeen,fromthemomentIintendedtobehis,hadIaheartlikemyowntodealwith.Iwasalwaysabovereserve,Sir,Iwillpresumetosay,whereIhadnocauseofdoubt.Mr.Lovelace'sconducthasmademeappear,perhaps,over-nice,whenmyheartwantedtobeencouragedandassured!andwhen,ifithadbeenso,mywholebehaviourwouldhavebeengovernedbyit.
Shestopt;herhandkerchiefathereyes.
Iinquiredaftertheminutestpartofherbehaviour,aswellasafterherwords.Ilove,thouknowest,totracehumannature,andmore
particularlyfemalenature,throughitsmostsecretrecesses.Thepitifulfellowwaslostinsilentadmirationofher.Andthusthenoblecreatureproceeded.
Itisthefateinunequalunions,thattolerablecreatures,throughthem,frequentlyincurcensure,whenmorehappilyyokedtheymightbeentitledtopraise.AndshallInotshunaunionwithaman,thatmightleadintoerrorsacreaturewhoflattersherselfthatsheisblestwithaninclinationtobegood;andwhowishestomakeeveryonehappywithwhomshehasanyconnection,eventoherveryservants?
Shepaused,takingaturnabouttheroom--thefellow,devilfetchhim,a
mummyallthetime:--Thenproceeded.
Formerly,indeed,Ihopedtobeanhumblemeanofreforminghim.But,whenIhavenosuchhope,isitright[youareaseriousman,Sir]tomakeaventurethatshallendangermyownmorals?
Stillsilentwasthevarlet.Ifmyadvocatehadnothingtosayforme,whathopeofcarryingmycause?
Andnow,Sir,whatistheresultofall?--Itisthis--thatyouwillendeavour,ifyouhavethatinfluenceoverhimwhichamanofyoursenseandexperienceoughttohave,toprevailuponhim,andthatforhisownsake,aswellasformine,toleavemefree,topursuemyowndestiny.
Andofthisyoumayassurehim,thatIwillneverbeanyotherman's.
Impossible,Madam!IknowthatMr.Lovelacewouldnothearmewithpatienceonsuchatopic.AndIdoassureyouthatIhavesomespirit,andshouldnotcaretotakeanindignityfromhimorfromanymanliving.
Shepaused--thenresuming--andthinkyou,Sir,thatmyunclewillrefusetoreceivealetterfromme?[Howaverse,Jack,toconcedeatittleinmyfavour!]
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beforeurged.TheCaptainsecondedmewithequalearnestness.Atlast,eachfelldownonourkneesbeforeher.
Shewasdistressed.Iwasafraidatonetimeshewouldhavefainted.Yetneitherofuswouldrisewithoutsomeconcessions.Ipleadedmyownsake;theCaptain,hisdearfriend,heruncle's;andbothre-pleadedthepreventionoffuturemischief;andthepeaceandhappinessofthetwofamilies.
Sheownedherselfunequaltotheconflict.Shesighed.Shesobbed.Shewept.Shewrungherhands.
Iwasperfectlyeloquentinmyvowsandprotetations.Hertearfuleyeswerecastdownuponme;aglowuponeachcharmingcheek;avisibleanguishineverylovelyfeature--atlast,hertremblingkneesseemedtofailher,shedroptintothenextchair;hercharmingface,asifseekingforahidingplace(whichamother'sbosomwouldhavebestsupplied)sinkinguponherownshoulder.
Iforgotattheinstantallmyvowsofrevenge.Ithrewmyselfatherfeet,asshesat;and,snatchingherhand,presseditwithmylips.IbesoughtHeaventoforgivemypastoffences,andprospermyfuturehopes,asIdesignedhonourablyandjustlybythecharmerofmyheart,ifoncemoresheshouldrestoremetoherfavour.AndIthoughtIfeltdropsof
scaldingwater[couldtheybetears?]trickledownuponmycheeks;whilemycheeks,glowinglikefire,seemedtoscorchuptheunwelcomestrangers.
Ithenarose,notdoubtingofanimpliedpardoninthissilentdistress.IraisedtheCaptain.Iwhisperedhim--bymysoul,man,Iaminearnest.--Nowtalkofreconciliation,ofheruncle,ofthelicense,ofsettlement--andraisingmyvoice,Ifnowatlast,CaptainTomlinson,myangelwillgivemeleavetocallsogreatablessingmine,itwillbeimpossiblethatyoushouldsaytoomuchtoheruncleinpraiseofmygratitude,myaffection,andfidelitytohischarmingniece;andhemaybeginassoonashepleaseshiskindschemesforeffectingthedesirablereconciliation!--NorshallheprescribeanytermstomethatIwillnot
complywith.
TheCaptainblessedmewithhiseyesandhands--ThankGod!whisperedhe.Weapproachedtheladytogether.
Capt.Whathinders,dearestMadam,whatnowhinders,butthatLadyBettyLawrance,whenshecomes,maybeacquaintedwiththetruthofeverything?Andthatthenshemayassistprivatelyatyournuptials?Iwillstaytilltheyarecelebrated;andthenshallgodownwiththehappytidingstomydearMr.Harlowe.Andallwill,allmust,soonbehappy.
ImusthaveananswerfromMissHowe,repliedthestilltremblingfair-one.Icannotchangemynewmeasuresbutwithheradvice.Iwill
forfeitallmyhopesofhappinessinthisworld,ratherthanforfeithergoodopinion,andthatsheshouldthinkmegiddy,unsteady,orprecipitate.AllIshallfurthersayonthepresentsubjectisthis,thatwhenIhaveheranswertowhatIhavewritten,Iwillwritetoherthewholestateofthematter,asIshallthenbeenabledtodo.
Lovel.ThenmustIdespairforever!--OCaptainTomlinson,MissHowehatesme!--MissHowe--
Capt.Notso,perhaps--whenMissHoweknowsyourconcernforhaving
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offended,shewillneveradvisethat,withsuchprospectsofgeneralreconciliation,thehopesofsomanyconsiderablepersonsinbothfamiliesshouldbefrustrated.Somelittletime,asthisexcellentladyhadforeseenandhinted,willnecessarilybetakenupinactuallyprocuringthelicense,andinperusingandsigningthesettlements.InthattimeMissHowe'sanswermaybereceived;andLadyBettymayarrive;andshe,nodoubt,willhaveweighttodissipatethelady'sdoubts,andtoacceleratetheday.Itshallbemypart,meantime,tomakeMr.Harloweeasy.AllIfearisfromMr.JamesHarlowe'squarter;andthereforeallmustbeconductedwithprudenceandprivacy:asyouruncle,Madam,hasproposed.
Shewassilent,Irejoicedinhersilence.Thedearcreature,thoughtI,hasactuallyforgivenmeinherheart!--Butwhywillshenotlaymeunderobligationtoher,bythegenerosityofanexplicitdeclaration?--Andyet,asthatwouldnotaccelerateanything,whilethelicenseisnotinmyhands,sheisthelesstobeblamed(ifIdoherjustice)fortakingmoretimetodescend.
Iproposed,asonthemorrownight,togototown;anddoubtednottobringthelicenseupwithmeonMondaymorning;wouldshebepleasedtoassureme,thatshewouldnotdepartformMrs.Moore's.
SheshouldstayatMrs.Moore'stillshehadananswerfromMissHowe.
ItoldherthatIhopedImighthavehertacitconsentatleasttotheobtainingifthelicense.
IsawbytheturnofhercountenancethatIshouldnothaveaskedthisquestion.Shewassofarfromtacitlyconsenting,thatshedeclaredtothecontrary.
AsIneverintended,Isaid,toaskhertoenteragainintoahouse,withthepeopleofwhichshewassomuchoffended,wouldshebepleasedtogiveordersforherclothestobebroughtuphither?OrshouldDorcasattendherforanyofhercommandsonthathead?
Shedesirednotevermoretoseeanybodybelongingtothathouse.ShemightperhapsgetMrs.MooreorMrs.Bevistogothitherforher,andtakeherkeyswiththem.
Idoubtednot,Isaid,thatLadyBettywouldarrivebythattime.IhopedshehadnoobjectiontomybringingthatladyandmycousinMontagueupwithme?
Shewassilent.
Tobesure,Mr.Lovelace,saidtheCaptain,theladycanhavenoobjectiontothis.
Shewasstillsilent.Sosilenceinthiscasewasassent.
WouldshebepleasedtowritetoMissHowe?--
Sir!Sir!peevishlyinterrupting--nomorequestions;noprescribingtome--youwilldoasyouthinkfit--sowillI,asIplease.Iownnoobligationtoyou.CaptainTomlinson,yourservant.RecommendmetomyuncleHarlowe'sfavour.Andwasgoing.
Itookherreluctanthand,andbesoughtheronlytopromisetomeetme
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earlyinthemorning.
Towhatpurposemeetyou?Haveyoumoretosaythanhasbeensaid?Ihavehadenoughofvowsandprotestations,Mr.Lovelace.TowhatpurposeshouldImeetyouto-morrowmorning?
Irepeatedmyrequest,andthatinthemostferventmanner,namingsixinthemorning.
'YouknowthatIamalwaysstirringbeforethathour,atthisseasonoftheyear,'wasthehalf-expressedconsent.
Shethenagainrecommendedherselftoheruncle'sfavour;andwithdrew.
Andthus,Belford,hasshemendedhermarkets,asLordM.wouldsay,andIworstedmine.MissHowe'snextletterisnowthehingeonwhichthefateofbothmustturn.Ishallbeabsolutelyruinedandundone,ifIcannotinterceptit.
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