Child Behavior & Guidance Part 4: Positive Guidance & Discipline

Oklahoma Cooperative Extension ServiceCore In-Service

November 24, 20099:30-11:00 a.m.

Debbie Richardson, Ph.D.Parenting Assistant Extension SpecialistHuman Development & Family Science

Oklahoma State University

In-Service Objective

Extension Educators will be able to identify positive guidance and discipline

strategies and tools for use with toddlers through

school-age/pre-teen children

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Tomorrow’s Gifts

What are goals, hopes, desires for the child?

What behaviors and skills do you want them to develop?

What can you do to help accomplish these goals?

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What is Socialization & Guidance?

Sharing rules for living through example, demonstration, explanation, and focusing attention

Shapes behaviors with love, respect

Reinforce desired behavior

Is like gardening…

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Positive Discipline Teaches appropriate behavior and responsibility

Utilizes learning opportunities

Supports development of self-control

Shows how to get along with others, caring

Encourages independence, self-direction

Enhances self-worth, sense of competence

Protects children from harm

Sets reasonable, consistent limits while still allowing some choice among acceptable alternatives

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Positive Guidance & Discipline

Is ongoing - long-term focus

Based on age and stage of development

Based on appropriate expectations

for each child

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Effective Discipline

NurturingChildren learn best when loved & supported

GuidingTeaching how to act, manage feelings, learn responsibility, solve problems

CorrectingResponses to misbehavior that help learn how to behave better in the future

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Criteria for Effective Discipline

1. Does it help children feel a sense of connection?

2. Is it respectful and encouraging?

3. Is it effective long-term?

4. Does it teach important life skills?

Nelson & Erwin (2002)

Positive Discipline

Being a good example by staying calm and in control of feelings

Reduce need to say “no” with reasonable planning & childproofing

Learn what behavior is realistic for child’s stage of development

Give child words to tell how they feel and how to work out conflicts

State kindly but firmly a few reasonable rules & what will happen if rules are broken

Patiently repeat rules realizing young children need time to learn

Enforce consequences when child breaks a rule that he/she understands

Tailor guidance to child’s unique needs, temperament

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Negative Discipline May temporarily stop misbehavior, but seldom helps a

child learn why behavior was wrong and does not teach expected good behavior

May model and reinforce undesired behaviors (e.g., screaming, belittling, threatening, hitting, being secretive, manipulation)

May damage trust and child’s view of self

May build feelings of powerlessness, fear, hopelessness, anger & resentment

Inhibits development of self-discipline

May cause physical injuries and harm brain development

Negative Discipline Use shame or hurt to tell

child she/he has done something wrong

Control child rather than child using internal control

Sarcastic or belittling looks and remarks; tease

Unrealistic expectations of child’s behavior

Name calling

Threats of abandonment

Depriving child of basic needs (food, water, sleep)

Shaking child when frustrated or angry

Long time outs away from other people

Slapping or spanking parts of the child’s body

Believing and acting as if child is “out to get you”

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Results of PunishmentChildren subconsciously may respond in oneor more ways…

1. Resentment – This is unfair…

2. Rebellion – You can’t make me…

3. Revenge – I’ll hurt you back…

4. Retreat – I’m a bad person

5. Sneakiness – I won’t get caught next time

Nelson & Erwin (2002)

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Types of Discipline

Abusive-Harsh-Positive-Permissive-Neglectful

extreme……….moderate…………extreme

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Positive Parenting II: A Video-Based Parent Education Curriculum (University of Minnesota Extension Service, 1997).

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Positive Parenting II: A Video-Based Parent Education Curriculum (University of Minnesota Extension Service, 1997).

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Reframe Common Attitudes About Discipline

Get rid of conflict

Same problems over & over

Discipline interrupts

Conflict is inevitable.Use it to teach

What skills are missing?

Discipline/guidance is a key part of care

Guidance & Discipline Tool Kit

Relate to child’s development

Be detached

Set limits

Clear directions & choices

Rules - few but simple

Be firm & consistent

Positive attention & encouragement

Ignore misbehavior

Change setting or environment

Redirect, distract, divert attention

Time out/cool-down

Natural & logical consequences

Talk about feelings

Problem-solving17

Set Limits Specific expectations Guidelines or rules Shows concern and love Children need limits Limits that:

protect children from physical harm protect property protect children and others from

psychological harm emphasize respect for others

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Setting Rules Have a few reasonable, simple rules – i.e.

safety, noise, property, interactions

Involve children in developing rules

Post rules visually (words, pictures)

Teach rules systematically

Use fun ways to reinforce rules

Reinforce rules often at first then less with time

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Giving Directions Get children’s attention

before giving direction

Minimize # of directions

Individualize the way directions are given

Be clear, specific, concise

Give directions that are positive

Allow children opportunity to respond

When appropriate, give child choices & options for following directions

Provide positive feedback of children’s behavior

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Using Positive Attention Look for appropriate behaviors – it’s easy to

leave children alone when all is well

Spend more time using positive language and less time giving directions or corrections

Use verbal and nonverbal forms of positive feedback and encouragement

Individualize to children’s needs and preferences

Encourage other adults to use

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Using Positive Feedback & Encouragement – 4 Principles

Contingent on appropriate behavior

Descriptive & specific rather than general “good job”

Convey with enthusiasm

Based on effort

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Ignoring Misbehavior Not appropriate for abusive, destructive, unsafe

behaviors.

Identify 1-2 specific behaviors to focus on

Plan carefully

Neutralize reactions to misbehaviors

Return your attention as soon as child begins to behave appropriately

Teach other children to ignore inappropriate behaviors

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When you Ignore Most children will initially react with an

increase in challenging behavior to attract attention

Be prepared to wait out the testing period

Remember…Consistency is the key!

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Redirection

Can be nonverbal, verbal, or physical

Should not be confrontational

Should focus on behavior you saw and provide specific feedback I saw you take that toy from Cameron. Can you give it back or should I help you?

When children are withdrawn or off task, it’s important not to ignore

Time Out

To regain self-control

Is not punishment

Suits ages 3 to 12 years - should not be used under 3

About 1 min. per year of age

More likely to work if “time in” is positive

Plan ahead

Do not overuse

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Reverse Time Out

For adults to take a break

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Consequences Helps children learn from experience & take

responsibility for their behavior

Must logically relate to the behavior

Child must see the relationship and know there is a choice

Use in a firm, kind, friendly manner

Infants and toddlers may not be able to understand or control

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Consequences can be…

NaturalTo learn natural order of the world.If you don’t eat, you will be hungry.

Logical Arranged by adult to fit situation.

If you don’t put dirty clothes in the hamper, you won’t have clean clothes to wear.

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Use Discipline Problems to Talk about Feelings

Young children may not understand how they or others are feeling

Try to describe the feelings you see

Children can learn the effect their behavior has on others

Tell the child exactly what he/she did that made someone else upset

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Problem-solving & Cooperation

Children as young as 3 can begin to work out problems

Ask children to… - name the problem- offer solutions- both agree to the solution

32The Incredible Years Parent Training Program, Webster-Stratton.

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A strong, close parent-child bond

built on trust and respect is

the foundation for discipline

that teaches self-control

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Discipline Reminders Stay calm

Provide a short time to “cool down”

Take action as soon as possible

Be consistent

If you don’t get the results you want, think the situation through and try again.

Keep and use and sense of humor!

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Promoting Children’s Success A change in a child’s behavior usually occurs

with a change in the adult’s behavior or practice

Build positive relationships with children, families, and co-workers

Design an environment that promotes child engagement

Focus on teaching children what TO DO – teach expectations, routines, & skills

Tips for Positive Parenting Tools The more tools parents have, the more

effective they will be

Many parents use positive tools but may need to unlearn negative ones

Positive tools offer options for teaching and solving problems

No one tool works every time, with every child, or every situation

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More Tips… When under stress, parents often resort to

negative uses of tools

Tools used in families in which we were raised are powerful influences

Every positive tool used is a deposit in the emotional bank account – negative tools are withdrawals

Identify beliefs, hopes, and goals to accomplish with children and choose tools accordingly

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Special Concerns

Spanking/corporal punishment

Abuse

Discussion & Applications

Reflections on last week’s video clips

Today’s information

Implications for parents? For child care providers?

Others?

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View Video Clips

Peaceful Parenting (11 min.)http://www.childrensmn.org/Communities/

PeacefulParentingVideo.asp

Positive DisciplineFive Criteria (3 min.) TV Interview (8 min.)

http://www.janenelsen.com/video.html

More…. 40

Video ClipsPositive Discipline (5 min.)http://www.aplaceofourown.org/watch_video.php?

type=field&id=279&pos=0&rate=hi&player=rpTantrums (5 min.)http://www.aplaceofourown.org/watch_video.php?

type=field&id=349&pos=0&rate=hi&player=rpManaging Disruptive Behavior (5 min.)http://www.aplaceofourown.org/watch_video.php?

type=field&id=299&pos=0&rate=hi&player=rpUsing Praise and Encouragement Effectively (5 min.)http://www.aplaceofourown.org/watch_video.php?

type=field&id=507&pos=0&rate=hi&player=rp

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Wrap-up

Wrap-Up

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Questions & comments

In-service evaluation

Next Session: Tues. December 1 Research & Resources

References

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Landy, S. (2002). Pathways to competence: Encouraging healthy social and emotional development in young children. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing.

Nelson, J., & Erwin, C. (2002). Positive discipline for childcare providers. New York: Crown Publishing.

Smith, C. A. (2003). Responsive discipline. http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/courses/rd/index.htm

University of Minnesota Extension Service (1997). Positive Parenting II: A video-based parent education curriculum.

Fact sheets, article abstracts, and other resource materials provided separately

Various textbooks and other reference materials