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Chapter Outline
• Developing a Smooth Flow of
Communication
• Communication Skills Men and Women: Do
They Speak the Same Language?
• Communication and Family Conflict
• Family Life in the Information Age
Communication
• Communication is the sending and receiving
of messages, intentional and unintentional,
verbal and nonverbal.
• Communication is basic to every human
relationship.
Factors Related to Communication:
• Trusting and confiding in one another
• Trying new ways to deal with problems
• Working together to solve problems
• Expressing caring and affection for each
other daily
Factors Related to Communication:
• At least one family member talking to his/her parents regularly
• Sharing feelings and concerns with close friends
• Parents spending time with teenagers for private talks
• Checking in and out with each other
Good communication
Helps minimize hostilities
Conflict management is essential to all intimate relationships
A person whose lack of communication skills finally leads to the demise of their marriage will soon find that any new relationship is also in trouble
Communication failure
When communication is not accomplishing what it is suppose to.
People seek pleasure and avoid pain
It is important to try to avoid negative thoughts and communicate in a positive manner
The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication
§ Commitment: The partners must be committed to make their relationship healthy and strong.
§ Couples often seek marriage counseling to late and so much pain and suffering have occurred that the commitment is destroyed
§ Principal of least interest
The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication
§ Growth orientation: The partners must accept the fact that their relationship will always be dynamic and changing, rather than static.
The Foundation Blocks of Successful Communication
§ Noncoercive atmosphere: The partners must feel free to be themselves, to be open, and to be honest.
This cannot exist in a one-sided, totalitarian relationship
3 types of marriages?
Laissez-faire: both partners have total freedom of choice and action
Democratic: shared responsibility and authority
Autocratic: both have responsibilities but authority is assigned to a single leader
Communication Skills
• Communication Motivation: A felt need to communicate
• Communication Skill: The ability to accomplish one’s communication goals
• Communication Behavior: Verbal and nonverbal actions that a person takes to accomplish his/ her goals
Identifying Problem Ownership
Clarifying responsibility, or problem ownership, is an
important first step in problem-solving communication.
Self-assertion
Self-assertion is the process of recognizing and expressing one’s
feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the
feelings and needs of others.
You-, I-, and We-Statements
You statements are least effective in problem solving situations.
Tend to create distance between people by placing blame on the other
Create and maintain an adversarial “I versus you or them” relationship
You-, I-, and We-Statements
I statements locate the feelings or concerns inside the person who is making the statement, rather than placing the problem on the other partner Less apt to provoke resistance
The other person however has been made aware that he/she is the cause of the other persons discontent
You-, I-, and We-Statements
We statements place the problem in the group or relationship rather than on one of the individuals in the relationship
Center the problem in both persons or in the group, places responsibility on both people
Empathic Listening
Empathy means not only understanding what the speaker is saying, but also responding to
and feeling the speaker’s nonverbal communications and
emotions.
Empathic Listening
Focus on the person who is talking
Nonjudgmental and accepting
Lets the speaker know that the listener hears and cares
Listen fully not selectively
Nonverbal Communication
If we are to be good listeners, part of our attention needs to be
directed to the nonverbal communications of the speaker,
often referred to as body language.
Nonverbal communication
Emotions are reflected throughout the body Hand gestures Eye contact/avoidance of
Very descriptive of a persons feelings Bodily expressions Facial expressions Personal space
Negotiating
In negotiation, the partners alternate between self-assertion
and empathic listening.
How women and men communicate
Page 140, lets go over this
Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies
• Denial: when one partner does not acknowledge the problem.
• Disqualification: when the person intends to cover an emotion and deny that a real conflict exists.
Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies
• Displacement: the person places emotional reactions somewhere other than the real conflict source.
• Disengagement: family members avoid conflict simply by avoiding one another.
Conflict-Causing Communication Strategies
• Pseudomutuality: Family members appear to be perfectly happy and delighted with each other. In this style of anger, no hint of discord is ever allowed to spoil the image of perfection.
5 negative types of couple interaction
1. Contempt- indicating one partner is inferior or undesirable
2. Criticism- making disapproving judgments about one’s partner
3. Defensiveness- not listening, but defending oneself against attack
4. stonewalling- refusing to listen to a partners complaints
5. Belligerence- being provocative challenging a partner’s power and authority
Anger
Mild anger episodes can strengthen relationships in some cases
Constructive anger can alert a person to a problem in the relationship (i.u,we statements)
Repressing anger over a long period of time can lead to emotional detachment and indifference
Topics of Conflict
Handling money, dividing household tasks, relative relationships, jobs,
social activities, alcohol use, moodiness, handling anger, and
children all appear to be possible areas of conflict for many couples.
1. The ability to accomplish one’s communication
goals is
a) Communication Behavior
b) Communication Motivation
c) Communication Skill
d) Commitment
Answer: c
• The ability to accomplish one’s communication goals is called communication skill.
2. According to the text, this is basic to every human relationship.
a) Commitment
b) Growth
c) Trust
d) Communication
Answer: d
• Communication is basic to every human relationship.
3. The process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of
others is
a) Commitment
b) Self-assertion
c) Communication
d) Problem Ownership
3. The process of recognizing and expressing one’s feelings, opinions, and attitudes while remaining aware of the feelings and needs of
others is
a) Commitment
b) Self-assertion
c) Communication
d) Problem Ownership