Running head: AUTHOETHNOGRAPHY OF TIFF HAYES 1

Autoethnography: Reflections on the

Multicultural Competence Development of Tiff Hayes

Tiff Hayes

SDAD 578

Professor Yamamura

October 3, 2013

Seattle University

AUTOETHNOGRAPHY OF TIFF HAYES 2

I grew up in a trailer park. This isnt something I often share with people because, to be

completely honest, Im ashamed of it. It wasnt until middle school, as I watched my best friend

spend money like it actually grew on trees, that I began to understand that life looked a lot

different for other families. I remember being confused the day she came to school with her new

$24 lip gloss; that was enough money to pay for two weeks worth of school lunches.

As I continued through middle school and into high school, I began to see more of my

friends and peers consistently have more than I did and I suddenly became incredibly aware of

how little I had in comparison. It was then that I began to understand, even without having any

language or awareness of it, the importance of both actual and perceived class and status.

Looking back now, I am able to identify some of the value judgments I was making about people

in different social and economic classes; deciding which were better, and ultimately, which were

worse. Those value judgments have created many challenges both in my life as an individual and

in my multicultural competency development. I sometimes feel like I actively engage in

classism, while at the same time exist as a member of the target group.

Michele, my best friend that I mentioned earlier, is Korean American and in high school,

she had a group of friends who were Korean, Pilipino and Vietnamese. We were all sitting

together in the cafeteria one day when one of them said to me, do you feel like a minority?

Because youre the only white person here! Everyone laughed and I laughed along with them,

not fully understanding what he meant or why everyone thought it was funny. Michele explained

to me later that they didnt normally hang out with white people when they didnt have to

because they were always surrounded by white people, so at the times that they got to choose,

they chose each other. This was a paradigm shift for me because prior to that conversation, I had

never realized my privilege as a White person to be constantly immersed in a culture that is my

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own, with people who look like me and a society that understands me. In retrospect, I can see

that this is one of the first times I became aware of race privilege. Discrimination isnt something

I thought about because I didnt have to. I belonged to the dominant group and that meant I was

almost always surrounded by other White people.

My undergraduate education began at a community college. As Im able to reflect on it

now, attending Green River was one of the most positive experiences Ive had, in terms of my

multicultural competence development. I formed strong relationships with students from other

cultures, including some students from Sweden. They taught me that Swedes value deep

connections with others and not surface level interactions, which, to most westerners, feels rude

and unfriendly. They would rather forego small talk to engage in deep and meaningful

conversations. As difficult as this was for me to learn, I understood the reasons behind it.

Through this process, I became aware of a personal assumption that I hold: extroverted people

are more friendly than introverted people. Knowing this about myself increases my competence

because some cultures socialize people to be more introverted and if I continue to hold my

assumption as truth, I might treat them differently. I still struggle in interacting with introverts,

but now I am able to recognize that my assumption is not always true.

I transferred to Western Washington University during my junior year of college and

while there, I found myself surrounded by a group of mostly like-minded people: white, liberal,

educated folks who value diversity and multiculturalism. I loved this peer group because I was

comfortable and I fit in. I thought, spoke and acted in similar ways as my friend group and, at the

time, it seemed like I grew so much while I attended WWU. In actuality, my personal

development was robust at this time, but my multicultural development was not. The way we

learn and grow about our biases, assumptions and prejudices is when we are confronted with

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them and, for the most part, in Bellingham, there wasnt much confrontation. Western boasts a

diverse student body, but the reality is that its a pretty homogenous campus and while there, I

didnt see a problem with that. This wasnt a challenge then, but I now see it as a period of time

when my multicultural competence development was stunted.

I was thirteen the last time I spoke to or saw my dad. I have a fairly unique family

structure in that I was mostly raised by my mom and grandma, and the three of us made up our

own little family. As a young adult, I didnt appreciate my strange family structure because it

was just one more thing that set me apart from everyone else, when the thing I wanted most was

to fit in. In hindsight, my non-traditional family structure has absolutely shaped my multicultural

competence development because it means I dont assume that every person I meet comes from a

traditional nuclear family, which, in my experience, is true more often than not. I also place a lot

of value in being raised by two independent females as that has shaped my level of independence

and autonomy.

Growing up, I did not regularly attend church. My grandma is a practicing Catholic; and

apart from being baptized as an infant, its never been an expectation that I participate in her

traditions unless I chose to. As Ive gotten older, Ive seen the important role that religion and/or

faith plays in the lives of many of my friends, colleagues and the students that I support.

This lack of experience and knowledge has made it very difficult for me to relate to

students who hold strong identities within religious communities, traditions and values. I

sometimes find myself making assumptions about individuals with those identities based on

experiences Ive had in the past, expecting that all religious and/or spiritual people will make the

same judgments and treat me poorly based on their perception and beliefs about my life.

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Until I was twenty-three, I thought I was straight. I dreamed of getting married to a tall,

dark and handsome man, having children and being a wife and mother. All of that changed when

I started to have feelings for Kris. Never before had I been attracted to someone of the same

gender and I had no idea what to do with those feelings. I questioned them, I denied them and I

doubted myself. I knew gay people, but that wasnt me; or, it wasnt who I was supposed to be.

My identity developed very rapidly during my coming out process and I began to see many

examples of heterosexual privilege I had enjoyed before Kris and I became a couple. Its a

strange process, coming out, because it never really ends its a constant process, a decision I

must make almost daily in different situations and, sometimes, its not an easy one. I have axiety

about being in public as a couple, depending on where we are, who were with, what were

doing, what were wearing, what time of day it is, etc. and that is a feeling that was new to me

when I first began the coming out process. I was suddenly confronted with all of these feelings

that are standard to many queer people and I was unsure of how to mange them, and the guilt that

I felt when I realized I had never even thought about any of those things when I was dating men.

Kris and I celebrated our fifth anniversary just two days ago and I can confidently say

that my decision to embrace the feelings I had for her was one of the best ones Ive made, not

just for my relationship status or personal happiness, but also because of the effect its had on my

multicultural competence development. Becoming a part of the queer community has literally

changed my life in more ways I can recognize. I have learned more about power, privilege,

oppression, discrimination, predjudice, allyship and so much more because of my newly formed

identity as a queer woman and I have a better (not perfect) understanding of what oppression is

and how it feels to be discriminated against. I have become much more competent during the last

five years because of my involvement in the queer community and, although its a continuous

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process, not much unlike coming out, growing in my knowledge of social justice issues is

something I will do for the rest of my life.

Although its only been eight days since my first class in the SDA program at Seattle

University, Ive learned that development often comes in three steps: awareness, knowledge and

skills. I know that all three of those steps will continue to happen throughout my entire life and I

feel that my true awareness began developing in K 12, followed by a significant increase in

knowledge regarding privilege, oppression and multiculturalism throughout my undergraduate

years. One of my major goals for my time at SU is to more fully develop and hone my skills in

those areas.

Another goal I have for myself, after recognizing that the value judgments I make have

led to my bias toward the higher classes, is to ensure I dont assume this is a value my students

hold. I am now aware that in the past, I have encouraged students to work towards the higher

class, even though that may not be their goal or how they see themselves being successful. I

value wealth and success, but they may not, and that has been a serious challenge to my

multicultural competence development.