by Drs. Marlies Tjallingii and Drs. Sytse Tjallingii docs/NLP develop better 2013... · The NLP Communication model ... Which p art of the body makes which step of giraffe language?

by Drs. Marlies Tjallingii

and

Drs. Sytse Tjallingii

Develop your unlimited powers even better, Follow-up NLP course page - 1 -

Contents: Description of the NLP-follow-up course. .............................................................. 3

1. Overview of the program .................................................................................................... 4

Day 1 ........................................................................................................................ 5

2. Goals for the follow-up course ........................................................................................... 5 1. Getting to know each other ...................................................................................................................................... 5 2. Which techniques were most useful for you? ........................................................................................................... 5 3. Your Goals for the follow-up course ........................................................................................................................ 6

3. How to advance in NLP? .................................................................................................... 7 4. Exercise: from success to excellence ....................................................................................................................... 7

4. The Pre-Suppositions of NLP ............................................................................................. 8 5. Exercise:How to start with pre-suppositions: .......................................................................................................... 8 6. Exercise:with pre-supposition 1: ............................................................................................................................. 8 7. Exercise:with pre-supposition 4: ............................................................................................................................. 8 8. Exercise:with pre-supposition 6: ............................................................................................................................. 8 9. Exercise:with pre-supposition 7: ............................................................................................................................. 9 10. Exercise:using pre-suppositions for a case: .......................................................................................................... 10

5. The NLP Communication model ...................................................................................... 11

6. Neurological Levels .......................................................................................................... 12 11. Exercise: Recognize the Neurological Levels in Communication .......................................................................... 16 12. Exercise: Aligning your Neurological Levels using your resources ...................................................................... 18

Day 2 ...................................................................................................................... 20

7. Values ............................................................................................................................... 20 13. Exercise: Important questions related to values are: ............................................................................................. 21 14. Exercise: Highly appreciated values: .................................................................................................................... 24 15. Exercise: Values as nominalizations: .................................................................................................................... 24 16. Exercise:1. How to become even more aware of your values ................................................................................ 28 17. Exercise:2: motivational values ............................................................................................................................. 29

8. Timeline ............................................................................................................................ 31 18. Exercise:Identifying the Timeline .......................................................................................................................... 32 19. Exercise:Floating above the timeline ..................................................................................................................... 32 20. Exercise: Discover a ‘Gestalt’ and the first Significant Emotional Event ............................................................. 33 21. Exercise:Healing with the Timeline ....................................................................................................................... 34

Day 3 ...................................................................................................................... 37

9. Non Violent Communication ............................................................................................ 37 22. Exercise:giving or receiving from the heart........................................................................................................... 38 23. Exercise:‘Inhale the light ‘ .................................................................................................................................... 39 24. Exercise: Observation and feeling ......................................................................................................................... 40 25. Exercise: Observe your thoughts: .......................................................................................................................... 40 26. Exercise: becoming aware of your needs ............................................................................................................... 40 27. Exercise: Observation or an Interpretation. .......................................................................................................... 44 28. Exercise: Indicate at each phrase if this is a feeling or a non-feeling. .................................................................. 44 29. Exercise: clear request or a demand / unclear request .......................................................................................... 45 30. Exercise: Taking Responsibility ............................................................................................................................. 45 31. Exercise: Which p art of the body makes which step of giraffe language? ............................................................ 46 32. Exercise ................................................................................................................................................................. 48

Day 4 ...................................................................................................................... 49

11. Video technique............................................................................................................ 49 33. Exercise: How to process a Significant Emotional Event with the ‘video technique ............................................. 50

12. Sub-modalities and Change .......................................................................................... 53 34. Exercise: Overcoming Negative Suggestions ......................................................................................................... 53 35. Exercise:Building better suggestions ..................................................................................................................... 55 36. Exercise: Enough is enough (threshold pattern) .................................................................................................... 56 37. Exercise:Fast Phobia Cure .................................................................................................................................... 57 38. Exercise:Laugh away Your Fears .......................................................................................................................... 58

13. Changing default settings in your mind ....................................................................... 59 39. Exercise:changing the default setting .................................................................................................................... 59

14. Butterfly-Qigong .......................................................................................................... 60

Day 5 ...................................................................................................................... 61

15. Strategies ...................................................................................................................... 61 40. Install a new motivation strategy ........................................................................................................................... 65 41. Exercise: What is your getting up strategy? .......................................................................................................... 65

Day 6 ...................................................................................................................... 67

16. Solution focused work .................................................................................................. 67 42. Exercise:Walking the scale for the entire group .................................................................................................... 69


43. Miracle question exercise, step by step ................................................................................................................. 70 17. Ho'o Pono Pono ............................................................................................................ 74

44. Exercise:in pairs .................................................................................................................................................... 77 18. Concluding exercise ..................................................................................................... 78

19. Reading more about NLP ............................................................................................. 79


Description of the NLP-follow-up course.

“Develop your unlimited powers even better!” This advanced NLP-course of 30 hours of training will bring you closer to a full NLP-Practitioner

Certificate.

You may find it not yet so easy to focus more on positive thoughts instead of negative thoughts and to let

the negative thoughts go?

Do you stay sometimes more on the side of the result than you would like to do?

Do you discover that you do not easily see what you can do yourself to solve a problem?

Does it ever happen to you that you have a memory of something which happened in the past, which brings

you to the belief that there is no solution in the direction you would prefer?

Do you want to live more according to your own values?

Do you want to respect even more the model of the world of the other and of yourself?

How would it be to create a little more calmness and confidence in your private life, in your work and in

contact with the people around you?

Do you want to create more insight into your goals which are important to you, and to notice how much

this means to you?

Would you like to have faster solutions for your problems in your relationships and / or in your

communication with colleagues?

Would you like to know how you can increase your abilities using NLP and integrating NLP in your entire

communication?

For whom is this NLP-follow-up course?

You followed the NLP-basic course "Your unlimited powers" and / or the follow-up NLP-course "Getting

to know your unlimited power even better". This advanced course will give you even more opportunities to

enrich your life with NLP.

During the basic course you have learnt many unknown powers. In this advanced course you will learn to

develop and apply them even better. Moreover, you learn new ones. You will become more aware of the

success factors which you have already used so far.

In this advanced course we practice how to focus on making sense of all aspects in your life. You practice

with techniques you have learnt already and with new ones. You will be able to put them into practice more

effectively, so that you add something substantially new to your life.

In the basic course you have already experienced that you have a lot more power than you may have

thought before. You can develop even more unknown abilities!

What is the purpose of the NLP-follow-up course?

With this advanced NLP-course you develop a greater awareness of how you can do things better than you

already did so far and you discover how you can trust your unconscious mind.

This is again a real practical course where you learn techniques which can help you to improve your private

and professional life.

Maybe you remember how you brought your own examples into the “open frame” in the NLP-basic course

and the other advanced NLP-course. This again will be a substantial part of the course. You now know how

much it gives you to share experiences with the exercises in a safe environment.

NLP offers you more mental freedom and gives opportunities to expand your choices.

What is the content of the course?

The topics we practice in this advanced NLP-course will refresh your knowledge and skills and deepen the

topics we studied in the basic course. Examples of topics are: effective communication, anchoring,


effective use of language, how to use metaphors, apply reframing. You will learn also new techniques

such as changing beliefs using submodalities (like the video technique), the use of strategies, solution

based techniques, the timeline, values, small (family) constellations, NLP in conflict situations and working

with parts. You practice with your own examples in a confidential and relaxed environment. Your own

personal growth in your private life and as a professional has priority. The handbook contains a wide range

of exercises, techniques and theory.

We expect the students to have followed at least the NLP-basic course or a similar course.

The Trainers are: Drs. Sytse Tjallingii is internationally certified NLP trainer and has extensive experience

in NLP training. Website: www.jeongekendevermogens.nl

Drs. Marlies Tjallingii-van der Werf is NLP Master Practitioner and has her own "quarrel academy"; she

has a long experience in NLP and nonviolent communication training, mediation, conflict handling and co-

counseling. Her website: www.ruzieleerschool.nl

1. Overview of the program

Day 1

Goals for this course:

The pre-suppositions of NLP

The NLP communication model

How to use the Neurological levels

Recognizing the Neurological levels in communication

Bringing the Neurological in line with each other

Day 2

Values in your private and professional life

Working with parts

Timeline: discovering your timeline

How to find a significant emotional event on the timeline

Processing negative events using the timeline

Day 3

Nonviolent communication

Sunday free.

Day 4

Video technique as a possible technique for processing emotional events

Changing beliefs

Day 5

Strategies: What are strategies?

Which strategies do you have?

Find your strategies

Changing strategies which are not effective

Day 6

Solution-focused techniques

Ho'oponopono: healing of relationships and situations.

http://www.jeongekendevermogens.nl/


Day 1

2. Goals for the follow-up course 1. Getting to know each other

To reach your targets for this course it is good to get to know the model of the world of your colleagues

even better.

Work in pairs two minutes each way, A interviews B, after 2 minutes B interviews A also in 2 minutes:

1) Where do you live?

2) What are you doing, most of the time?

3) What kind of capacities do you have already?

4) What capacities did you improve in the last course?

5) How did you do that?

6) What do you want to reach in this course?

You present the model of the world of the person you interviewed (max. 0,5 min).

2. Which techniques were most useful for you? Now that you already are more advanced in NLP you will meet sometimes specific situations where you

feel you're already quite effective. It could be that you still would like to consider what other options there

are in this situation to communicate even more successfully. Describe the technique you have used to make

a situation successful.

Describe an incident in which you would like to communicate more effectively.

An incident in which I would like to be even more effective

Techniques I have used in the successful situation


Criteria for a SMARTER goal 1. Specific sensory description of your goal and the steps needed to get there.

E.g.: If I, while I am in bed, am awake longer than 10 minutes, then I can

apply the three life questions to focus

2. Make your goal Measurable.

E.g.: I want to give at least 5 compliments during a week.

3. Acceptable (Ecological in NLP). Is it good for me, for my environment, and

for the people around me?

E.g.: Because I sleep more quiet, my partner also can sleep better

4. Realistic, first step is realistic and specific

E.g.: I register for a course, buy a book and read the first chapter. I will practice every day during 21

days

5. Time Specific, and be specific about, resources and the circumstances

E.g.: I will do the course within the coming month. The price of the course is x Euros, the starting date

is y and I hang on to date, I take the train, etc.

6. Evaluate your goals after the time you have set.

E.g. I have reached 70% of my goals,

7. Rewarding,

E.g.: I got what I really wanted and my colleagues praised me for this.

Further demands on well formulated goals: 8. Use positive terms (avoid 'not', 'no' or 'de-')

E.g.: Not: `After the course I do not worry anymore`. But: I'd better learn to think about the positive

aspects of an event.

9. Imagine that you already have achieved the goal

E.g.: I can focus on the valuable aspects of aging.

10. Make yourself responsible for the result

E.g.: I practice the techniques by myself using the manual of the course.

11. Think of more than one way to achieve the goal

E.g.: I can follow a good course, read a book and do exercises by myself, or seek help from a therapist.

12. Broaden your choices (formulate positive,).

E.g.: I can think of the positive aspects of an event, I make these more important and I can strengthen

the positive aspects even more.

3. Your Goals for the follow-up course What are your goals with the NLP course "Learning to know your unlimited power even better"?

To get a good idea about the goals you want to achieve, you are going to discover in which life areas you

want to achieve these goals.

My goals for this coarse are:

In the following areas:

S Specific

M Measurable

A Acceptable

R Realistic

T Time-Specific

E Evaluate

R Rewarding


What do people indicate as their success factors? 1. Self confidence, faith, belief ........................................................................................................... 39% 2. Fun, humor, joy .............................................................................................................................. 30% 3. Mission, target ................................................................................................................................ 28% 4. Perseverance .................................................................................................................................. 27% 5. Wisdom, knowledge, insight, understanding, learning, growing, developing ............................... 25% 6. Passion, drive, being driven, enthusiasm ....................................................................................... 23% 7. Honesty, openness ......................................................................................................................... 22% 8. Authenticity .................................................................................................................................... 16% 9. Acceptance, respect ....................................................................................................................... 16% 10. Boldness, being brave, courage .................................................................................................... 15%

3. How to advance in NLP?

We can describe NLP also as an empiric

method. That means a method that is created

out of experience. Or short: does it work in a

positive way or does it not (yet) work? It is

less important if a technique is proven in a

scientific way.

For this follow-up course counts: How can

you increase your positive experiences?

4. Exercise: from success to

excellence

Put the following ‘personal development

levels’ in the order of your own personal

growing process from success to

excellence.

Use the squares with the arrows.

‘Personal development levels’:

1. Understanding the results of your

communication (f)

2. Consistent and congruent behavior (h)

3. Predictable performance (e)

4. Eliminating negative emotions (c)

5. Ability to work with people and inspire

them (i)

6. Accepting the present as it is (b)

7. Completeness as a person (j)

8. Ability to reach the desired goals (d)

9. Determination to achieve personal

growth (a)

10. Ability to create a strong connection with

others (g)

Excellence

Success

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........

………...........


4. The Pre-Suppositions of NLP How to apply the NLP pre-suppositions? An essential part of NLP is a number of fundamental pre-suppositions about our mind, our body, our

behavior, and our model of the world. NLP pre-suppositions are not true or false, not to agree with or to

disagree. They are modeled from successful people by analyzing how they communicate with themselves

and with others. They are designed to be guidelines to live by. The following Exercise: was designed by

Robert Dilts, Todd Epstein and Judith DeLozier. The goal of the Exercise:is to become more familiar with

the pre-suppositions so that you can use them more easily in your communication with others.

5. Exercise: How to start with pre-suppositions: Work in pairs. Choose a situation in which one of you would like to have a better communication. Then

read the pre-suppositions and do some of the Exercises indicated at the pre-suppositions.

1. Respect for somebody else’s model of the world and that of

yourself.

6. Exercise: with pre-supposition 1: Analyze the differences between the models of the world of the people involved in this situation. See

how much you can respect these differences.

2. The meaning of your communication is the response that you

get.

3. Your mind and your body are parts of the same system, you

cannot separate them.

4. The map is not the territory. Every person has their own

individual map of the world. There is no single correct map of

the world.

7. Exercise: with pre-supposition 4: Find at least two other ways of interpreting the situation. How would a policeman, an artist, a

politician, a teacher or a salesman perceive this situation?

5. The most important information about somebody is his/her

behavior.

6. Behavior is adaptable and the actual behavior is the best

choice there is.

8. Exercise: with pre-supposition 6: People make the best choice available to them given their possibilities and capabilities at that moment

according to their model of the world.

Consider the issue or situation from at least three points of view (self-other-observer).What do you see,

hear and feel through your own eyes, ears and body? Step into the shoes of the other person. How

would you perceive the situation if you were that person?

Imagine you were an uninvolved observer looking at this situation. What would you notice about the

interaction from this perspective?


7. Every behavior has a positive intention

9. Exercise: with pre-supposition 7: At some level all behavior has (or at one time had) a positive intention. It is or was perceived as

appropriate given the context in which it was established, from the point of view of the person whose

behavior it is. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than responding to

problematic behavior.

Consider the positive intention(s) behind the

behavior(s) associated with the issue or situation.

What could be the positive intentions (protection,

looking for attention, establishing boundaries,

etc.) behind the behaviors of the other person

and/or your reactions?

8. Somebody’s behavior does not

represent the person he/she is;

accept the person and you

may want to change his/her

behavior.

9. Everyone has all of the

resources s/he needs.

10. I am the master of my mind

and thus of my results.

11. The person with the greatest number of choices in a given

situation is likely to get the best outcome.

12. There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

13. Resistance from somebody with whom you communicate is a

signal of shortage of ‘rapport’.

14. Change makes Change.

15. You cannot not

communicate.

16. All procedures should

enlarge the possibilities of

making different choices.

17. Accept the reality as it is.

positive intentions


10. Exercise: using pre-suppositions for a case: The following exercise is a possibility to apply the most important NLP pre-suppositions on the case

you choose. It gives you experiences for each pre-supposition you chose and gives you the possibility

to transfer them into the real context of the chosen situation.

1. First, make a circle for the case on a blank paper. Then arrange a

series of circles, representing some of the NLP pre-suppositions,

around the problem situation.

2. Step into the inner circle, associate with the case and the context in which it occurs

to create an anchor.

3. Step into each pre-supposition circle,

accessing and anchoring the idea, then look

at yourself in the problem context

(dissociated), through the filters of the pre-

supposition.

4. Access the pre-supposition fully, and then

step into the inner circle, integrating the pre-

supposition.

5. Continue so that you have accessed and integrated all circles with the pre-

suppositions useful in this case.

Circle

for the

case

1

Respect for the

model of the

world

4

The map is not

the territoy

6

Best choice in

that moment and

in that situation

7

Positive intention 8

Differentiate

between behavior

and person

Circle

for the

case


5. The NLP Communication model Complete NLP-Communication model

The 4th pre-supposition of NLP:

4. The words which we use are NOT the event or the reality, the

territory which they represent (The map is not the territory)


6. Neurological Levels The NLP model of the Neurological Levels is meant as a useful tool for organizing our thinking,

information gathering, and communication. Developed originally by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein, the Neurological Levels is one of the most useful

of all NLP models. It gives a basic structure to the other techniques because they are working on the

different levels in this model. Using the model enables us to understand in a clear and structured manner

what makes a person think, say and do. The Neurological Levels is a model which we can run in the background as we are doing what we do is it

chatting with someone or interviewing or any other activity we do in life. In a training session, for example, we can use it to clearly identify on which level we have good rapport or

where rapport is not yet so easy.

Environment: What are the surroundings or who are the people in my workplace?

Behaviors: What am I doing? Including things such as breathing, tension, etc

Skills: Which skills do I have to do something? Which skills do I need to improve?

Values: What motivates me to do what I’m doing?

Beliefs: Which beliefs do I reach with these values and which limiting beliefs do I have about the issue?

Identity: Who am I? What is my self-image?

Mission: What is to my mission in my life? What is the most important reason that I’m living?

The Neurological Levels can be used to organize my thinking about myself, about somebody else, a group

or an organization.

Mission

What is my goal in my life? Which activities and places are central to this

mission for my life/future? What is the contribution I intend to make to the

world. How much energy and satisfaction do I feel when I reach my mission?

Identity

My self-esteem, my sense of self, with what do I identify? This can include

identifying with being a man or woman, my job, marriage, religion, etc. It can

also include how I interpret events in terms of my own self-worth.

Beliefs & Values

Whether I believe something is possible or impossible, whether I believe it is

necessary or unnecessary, whether or not I feel motivated about it. For

example my most important value is getting positive reactions of other

people, or am I convinced of my own value.

Capability &

Skills Which capabilities and/or skills do I have for dealing appropriately with an

issue?

Behavior

My external behaviors. For example what an observer would see or hear or

feel when I am engaged in a particular activity.

Environment

My surroundings: the people, places, and time that are interacting with me

and responding to me, when I am engaged in a particular activity.



Why use the Neurological Levels? The Neurological Levels is one of the most valuable of all the NLP tools and skills which adds a quality of

precision and depth to both our communication with, and our understanding of, other people and ourself. This is why, for example, participants on our Basic NLP-course learn the model at the beginning of the

five/six-days training. It gives us the possibility to ensure that the participants are becoming aware of what

they want to change and on which level they should work. We will continually use it throughout all the

follow up courses. The Model of the Neurological Levels provides a structured way of understanding what's going on in any

system including the human personality, a partnership or marriage, a family, a team, a department, or even

an organization. We can use the model to recognize how the various levels interact and how they are related. And it

provides a set of questions to verify the relevance of information. We are able to keep track, in a highly structured manner, of the huge amount of information which is often

available when discussing an issue Examples:

A teacher draws his strength from the thought that he is

contributing to better possibilities for pupils in their

lives (Mission).

A teacher finds himself a good teacher, (Identity)

A teacher supports his students and gets energy out of a

close connection with his students trusting and

respecting them (Values)

He is convinced that all his students are able to develop

themselves in writing, reading, arrhythmic. (Beliefs)

He is capable to teach his students in spelling and

arithmetic in a humoristic way (Skills).

He does so primarily through humor, stimulating and

motivating his students (Abilities).

He often makes jokes, while connecting to one of the pupils (Behavior).

In his class he has various posters, all sorts of funny educational things, creating an educational space,

which is cheerful and sociable (Environment).

The Neurological Levels as a model for analysis When an issue arises, you can use the model to figure out at what level the problem exists. But you can also

find out what level is neglected in the description of the problem. And what may be the most important

issue: at which levels change is desired.

Gregory Bateson describes the neurologic levels as follows:

1. A higher logical level organizes the information on underlying levels.

2. Change at a lower level can bring change to a higher level

3. Change at a higher level will certainly bring change at all lower levels.

If your abilities, your behavior (and where applicable, the environment that you choose!) are in congruence

with what you pursue at the higher levels, we speak of 'alignment'. All levels work together and support

each other.

If we can recognize at which level a problem does occur we can choose one level

higher which is the most appropriate level for finding a solution.


Top down: from Mission to Environment Based on your Mission and Identity you choose your goals (Beliefs), you select and develop your skills

(capabilities). These you put into concrete actions (behavior) which you do in a certain place with certain

people (Environment). The lower in the model the more concrete it becomes. The top three levels are

abstract, 'internal' and less conscious, the lower levels are becoming more concrete and visible, more

conscious, and they express themselves in concrete action.

• The highest levels, your Mission (sense of meaning) and Identity, your Beliefs and Values, determine

what happens at the lower levels, they make you choose which skills and concrete behavior you

perform and how you evaluate your own behavior and that of others.

• The Values and the Beliefs which are connected to a specific Value are the drivers of our motivation

to achieve or avoiding this specific value. The model makes it possible to find out which

(unconscious) values are driving a determined behavior.

• You can discover new elements on the higher levels. When you think ‘logically’ about the

consequences and implementation you cannot easily over- or underestimate.

Bottom up: from Environment to Mission In the case that your concrete situation (Behavior, Environment) is not consistent with your Values,

Beliefs, Identity or Mission, then there are several possibilities to work with the Neurological levels:

• You interpret your surroundings so that you do not get into conflict with yourself: you generalize

things, distort them or don’t let them become conscious (maybe deleting these).

• You make adjustments at the lower levels so that you do not get into conflict with your surroundings

while you’re Beliefs, Values, Identity or Mission stay unaffected.

• You change your Beliefs according to your Behavior and Environment, which may affect your

Identity. In that case we get again a Top-Down effect: your changed Values lead to changes in your

Beliefs about what your Capabilities should be, and perhaps to other behavior (such as the choice of

a different profession, education, or a divorce) or going to work or live in a different environment.

Note A solution is never at the level where the problem is detected, it is always at a higher level

Mission


11. Exercise: Recognize the Neurological Levels in Communication Determine from the following statements on which neurological level they are.

Some statements may simultaneously express on several levels.

1. In another company, I would not get so quickly to the top as in this one.

2. For his work he is a few days in Paris and will fly from there to Brussels.

3. She is someone who wants to do everything for others.

4. Who looks at this film will quickly burst into laughter.

5. Girls simply have no talent for mathematics.

6. They are completely nontechnical.

7. Where is the bathroom?

8. It's all about the mentality in top sport.

9. I would like to do it, but I know that I will never succeed.

10. Is the door locked and the heater turned off?

11. It is not good for those young children to be out in the street so late.

12. If we make this year as much profit as last year, we are getting a good

place in the market.

13. What are you goanna do to improve this?

14. In our team we can use someone who is able to put out clear lines and who

is a leader.

15. Friendliness and fast service are important aspects in our company.

16. Children need peace and regularity.

17. I have trouble to keep focused on the objectives.

18. Maybe you're just a coward?

19. I am a stubborn troublemaker.

20. This decision surely will give us the success we want.

21. Before she goes to her work, she makes a tour in the city.

22. This is lovely work; the freedom and the challenge are exactly what I want.

23. Ultimately not only the company and our customers will benefit from it,

but also the people who produce our raw materials.

1. …………….

2. …………….

3. …………….

4. …………….

5. …………….

6. …………….

7. …………….

8. …………….

9. …………….

10. …………….

11. …………….

12. …………….

13. ……………

14. ……………

15. …………….

16. ……………

17. ……………

18. ……………

19. ……………

20. ……………

21. ……………

22. ……………

23. ……………

S = Skills and Capabilities

B = Behavior

E = Environment

M = Mission

I = Identity

V = Values and Beliefs


Exercise: Communication at one of the Neurological levels

In using language, you will discover how we sometimes express ourselves in a negative way on the

Neurological Levels. So the challenge is to express ourselves in a positive way at the same level.

Level: Question: Negative expression: Positive expression: MISSION: To what

purpose? I have nothing useful to do with my life?

…………………………………………………….

IDENTITY Who? I am worthless ……………………………………………………. BELIEFS Why? Because I am retired too early ……………………………………………………. CAPABILITIES How? I have no possibilities to get

out of this situation. …………………………………………………….

BEHAVIOUR What? There is nothing I can do about

it. …………………………………………………….

ENVIRONMENT Where,

when? My house is too small for me, I feel imprisoned.

…………………………………………………….

Example of Neurological levels in the field of education:

Situation: A student performed badly on a test. 1. Teacher: "Was there too much noise in the classroom?"

Effect:

The cause of the bad result is being placed in the

Environment; the student does not feel any appeal to

change his Behavior, Abilities or Beliefs (motivation?).

2. Teacher: “How would it have been if you work slower

while making the test next time?"

Effect:

The cause of the bad result is placed on the Behavior (and Behavior can be changed).

3. Teacher: "Do you want to have more insight into those exercises?"

Effect:

The teacher is concerned about the skills of the student. You have influence on improving your skills;

you can develop your skills and capabilities.

4. Teacher: "Don’t bother too much about it. Many girls eventually drop out at math."

Effect:

This Conviction will influence badly the self image of the female student and in that way on the entire

learning process. 5. Teacher: "Are you weak in math?"

Effect:

Such a remark touches someone in his or her Identity.

7. Teacher: “I know you are a go-getter, next time you will do better.”

Effect:

The student feels stimulated to work on this issue.


12. Exercise: Confusing Neurological Levels In our language we confuse easily Abilities and Behavior with Identity.

"You're crazy" we say, while the correct description would be "Your behavior is crazy."

Someone who is focusing for a while on this type of statements will note that people often use this kind of

statements. And you see it is easy to transform your language in encouraging language.

Experience the difference between:

- "You're an idiot" and "You're acting like a fool"

- "You're unmotivated" and "How could you get more motivation?" or “You will get more motivation by

working together with friends”

- "She is a weak speller" and "She spelled weakly" or “She can improve her spelling”

- "He is sneaky" and "He has sneaky behavior" or “He can behave more openly.”

Confusing Behavior or Abilities with Identity is damaging to the self-image of the person addressed.

When we do this while talking about someone else, we gossip. The listener will instinctively assume that

you're right, and you may think also negatively about him/her or maybe he or she thinks that you express

yourself carelessly.

And of course:

To enforce the self esteem and the identity of somebody it is OK to say "You're right!" instead of. `THIS

you are doing well." However, it makes more sense to say what specifically it is that the other person is

doing right, (e.g. the behavior). This makes it easier to accept the feedback. Remember the sandwich

feedback which gives a positive feedback on a higher e.g. identity level on the end.

13. Exercise: Aligning your Neurological Levels using your resources

Exercise in pairs: the worker (A) steps along the cards with the Neurological levels, taking the time to

go inward and tells the coach B what comes up, B makes notes for A.

1. Look for a resource: What would help you to come even more in line with your values, beliefs,

sense of identity and purpose in your life? What would make your life more meaningful and hope-

ful? Examples of resources are: love, energy, calmness, self esteem, spirituality, humor, power.

2. Put the cards with the Neurological levels on the floor with some distance in between the cards.

3. Focus on each level separately and determine how your resource can contribute to your lifeline on

this level.

a. Environment: When and where do you want to integrate your resource more fully?

b. Behavior: What behavior will help you to express your resource more at this time and this

place?

c. Skills/Capacities: Which skills help you to express your resource in this behavior?

d. Values and beliefs: How does the resource reinforce your values and beliefs which will help

you to get these skills?

e. Identity: What kind of person are you if you use this resource to strengthen your values and

beliefs? What kind of man/woman are you when you draw energy from this resource?

f. Mission: What is the most important and deeper purpose of your life? What is your life

mission? What is the relation with your resource?

4. Take time to experience all levels and align them. Notice any new idea and let B write it down.

Keep an open mind so that it can flow (i.e. instead of ‘yes, but ...’ make it ‘yes and ...’) Experience

the new situation.

5. Look into the future of your life with this resource, notice that you are more in line with your values,


beliefs, identity and mission in these future scenarios and that you have a more meaningful and

hopeful life.

6. Test: In the next day’s try to become more aware of how your daily life can be more meaningful by

having clear goals and while feeling your resources.

Write some of your goals and indicate the resources you have:

Goals: Resources:


Day 2

7. Values Values are very important motivators in our lives. Along with the beliefs associated with each value they

determine which decisions we take in our lives. Values such as respect, acceptance of ourselves and of

others ensure our attitude to life. Values in a society, a culture or a group are ideals and motives that are

regarded as worthy of emulation. Values are beliefs about what is desirable. There are two types of values:

Instrumental values: a meaning that is attributed towards individuals, things or events by

individual persons or groups. Values are mostly collective, but can be felt very personally. The

mentality research in social science is emanating from a subdivision of the society values in

traditional values (Maintaining), modern values (Owning, Spoiling) and postmodern values

(Developing, Experiencing).

Intrinsic values: values that come from the idea that the good should be done. Ethical values

maintain their meaning and validity, even if they are in fact not supported by people and groups.

Examples of ethical values are justice, love, respect, freedom and equality. These are also the

motives and ideals on which concrete norms are based. Norms and rules are meant to realize these values.

Personal values can also be the motor of our behavior to avoid negative values such as suspicion, censure,

and exclusion.

It is interesting to become aware of how much avoidance or approaching you have in relation with values.

Where do you feel more energy when you approaching or when you are avoiding the value? E.g. how does

it feel to be proud or how

does it feel to avoid

embarrassment?

You use your values also

after an event to evaluate

how you judge something

you've done. Did you do the

good thing? Was it in

accordance with your

values? Was it valuable or

would you do a next time

something that is a little bit

more according to other

values? Values give

direction to everything you

do. They have a great

influence on the way you

live and on how you spend

your time.

How much are you aware of

your values?

Look again to the NLP-

communication model. (the

dark arrow) Where are your

values? Along with beliefs,

metaprograms the values are

situated in the filters on a NLP-communicationmodel


(deep) unconscious level.

Are you sometimes not satisfied with how you spend your time? Then look carefully into the values which

give direction to your behavior. You can change this and that can give you great satisfaction.

This is an important part of NLP. That is this topic is part this of the two follow-up courses. It will give you

insight into your own values in different contexts.

14. Exercise: Important questions related to values are: 1. What are your most important values?

2. When is it that your values were developed?

3. What influence do your different development phases have on your values?

4. Do you really want to change values?

5. How do values help you to realize change?

If you still do not know how to change, then this NLP course will help you to make a step forward. If you

don’t dare yet to change your values, then with a higher motivation you usually are willing to start

changing. This training gives you insight into what values are, how they come up, develop and how you

can make changes.

First you will elicitate your values (e.g. becoming aware of the values and making them visible) and then

you will place them in a certain hierarchy.

Second, you learn how to put your values more in line with each other and after that you can choose for

values which are most important to you.

This is a piece of personal development that will give you a lot of insight in your doings.

Where do values come from?

FAMILY RELATIVES ANCESTORS FRIENDS

CHURCH/RELIGION SCHOOL SPORT ECONOMY

MEDIA ENVIRONMENT WORK/VOLUNTEER WORK HOBBIES

Ancestors

In family constellations, a technique used a lot in combination with NLP, one can get in touch with the values passed on by the ancestors. This can be an enriching experience.


Definitions of values

Values……are helping us to find what we want to approach……or …….

what we want to avoid.

They are usually expressed through nominalizations. These are nouns that

cannot be put in a wheelbarrow

Approaching value

Examples: Respect is a nominalization of the verb to respect,

communication is a nominalization of the verb to communicate.

Values are abstract concepts for which we are willing to spend

resources such as money and time.

Money has no value in itself, but it can be converted into a value.

Values give direction to all human behavior.

First, they ensure the push or kinesthetic driving force with regard to

our actions.

Second, they function as criteria for the evaluation of our actions.

They are the perspective from where we assess whether something is

good or wrong, suitable or unsuitable.

Which values can you realize with money?

Which values not?


Values ………… Are largely unconscious and on the deepest level, they are the motivators of one’s fundamental purpose as

human beings.

We are generally more aware of our Environment and Behavior than of the higher levels, such as Values

and Beliefs. This is according to the Neurological levels.

Mission

Behavior

Environment


15. Exercise: Highly appreciated values: Our values are also criteria, with which we asses if something is in

agreement or not with this value or to which extent something meets

this value.

With the values which we apply as criteria we determine how we

evaluate something and what we want to do.

What is the value that rates as the highest criterion in use? A, B or C?

Examples of A, B and C could be:

A…………………………………………………………………….

B…………………………………………………………………….

C…………………………………………………………………….

We organize Beliefs (B) around our most important Values (V). See it as a kind of bookcase where the

beliefs are to be stored.

Example:

To the Value "Respect" you could organize the following Beliefs:

1. I do respect people of another culture.

2. My respect for someone is independent from the social

position that this person has

3. I do respect myself just like I respect the people around me.

4. I do respect for people of all ages

5. I do respect for other religions

6. I do respect for animals.

7. I do respect for nature

16. Exercise: Values as nominalizations: Values are nominalizations; for example, you can think of satisfaction, security, joy, challenge, honesty.

1. Satisfaction is the nominalization of:.................................

2. Security is the nominalization of:.....................................

3. Joy is the nominalization of:.......................................

4. Challenge is the nominalization of:......................................

5. Honesty is the nominalization of:.....................................

Beliefs We have done already a lot of work with Beliefs in the other two courses. Like changing beliefs or creating

an important conviction.

Each belief is somehow linked to a certain value, which probably is unconscious.

You may be more aware of your beliefs than of your values.

Beliefs are generalizations regarding our activities, with respect to what we are doing or what we should be

doing.

Beliefs are ideas about how we believe that the world is constructed.

1 to

satisfy

2 to

secure

3 to

enjo

y

4 to

challan

ge

5 to

be h

on

est

7

V

Respect

1

2

3 4

6

5 B

B

B B

B

B

B


Belief systems A belief system is a group of beliefs arranged around a certain highly appreciated Value.

Attitudes Attitudes are based on groups of belief systems. They are the total of our values and beliefs in relation to a

particular topic.

Beliefsystem

Quit Smoking & The Power of Your Beliefs

V

B

B

B B

B

B

B

V

B

B

B B

B

B

B

V

B

B

B B

B

B

B

V

B

B

B B

B

B

B


Developing Values

You roughly create your values in three phases of your life:

1. The imprinting period runs from your birth until you are about seven years old.

During this time you learn largely unconsciously from you parents.

0 year imprinting period 7 year

Which Values did you imprint in this period?

……………………………………………………………

2. The modeling period runs from eight until thirteen; you learn consciously

and unconsciously to copy from your friends and from other

important people in that time. Some of your most important

values, core values, are formed when you are about ten

years old.

8 year modeling period 13 year

Which values did you model during this modeling period?

……………………………………………………………………

3. The socialization period is between fourteen and twenty-one.

14 year socialization period 21 year

During this period you will learn the values which have influence on

your future relationships.

Which values did you learn during the socialization period?

………………………………………………………………


Core beliefs and core values Core beliefs and core values are very important; they are related to our identity and they are often

unconsciously installed in the first years of our life, simply by looking at how our parents related to each

other in the first seven years of our life. Core beliefs and core values are:

very important for your life;

related to our identity;

often already unconsciously created by simply looking at how our parents treat each other in our

first seven years of life;

are the most pervasive of all beliefs and values.

are mostly unaware of all the values and

they are probably the most important for defining and shaping our personality.

the most affecting core beliefs are the ones of which we are not aware;

Organization in our mind

You could say that there is a kind of organization from fully aware to fully unconscious.

Attitudes

Beliefs

Values

Core values

Meta Programs Memories and decisions can be situated on any place in this system.

Fully Aware

Fully unconscious


What you cannot do alone……

Jimmy Durante was in his time a famous entertainer. Everyone wanted

him in a show. When asked to act in a show for Veterans of the Second

World War he took the invitation, but informed immediately that he

had only time for a brief performance.

Happy with his commitment, the organizers agreed. Jimmy had his

performance, did his sketch and continued and continued and

continued to perform, 15, 20 and even 30 minutes long. When he

finally left the stage, someone asked him: "I thought you would

perform only a few minutes, what happened?”

His response was: "Did you see that two men in the front row?

The one had nothing but a left arm and the other a right arm.

Together they could still applaud and that's exactly what they did, all

this time loud and happy ".

17. Exercise: How to become even more aware of your values

In pairs 15 min. each; A (worker) starts with the Exercise: and B (coach) supports A in the process.

1. A chooses from the list on the following page, your ten most important values.

2. B asks for specific information regarding each individual value (and calibrates well, focusing on

non-verbal communication)

a. What does this value mean for you?

b. In which situation this value is important to you?

c. If you ask the ‘positive intention’ about this value, what comes to your mind?

d. What is the positive intention of that?

e. What is the positive intention of that?

3. B notices approaching and avoiding in A’s language; as well as any denials!

4. Which internal representation do you have at this value? Ask for the submodalities.

5. What is for you the flip side/the opposite of this value? (e.g. the flip side of love can be hate, but

also loneliness)

6. Where and when did you first experience this flip side? (find out if there is any unprocessed

negative emotion connected to it)

7. Discover how the value is directed. For example, for what percentage is the value driven by

approaching and how much by avoidance (i.e., how many unprocessed emotions are there behind

the value?)

8. You can indicate this in different ways:

a. Percentages (e.g. 80% approaching/20% avoiding or 40/60)

b. Spatial Approach (as in the image):

V B


18. Exercise: motivational values Visualization

1. Go back to a moment in which you are very highly motivated

2. Step into this memory,

3. See what you saw,

4. Hear what you heard,

5. Feel what you felt.

6. Which values motivated you?

Write these values down after the visualization.

The value of love The great Scottish essayist Thomas Carlyle married his secretary Jane Welsh. Jane

worshipped her husband and continued to work for him after their marriage.

Thomas was so absorbed in his work that he didn't even see how Jane's health

declined. She had cancer. Eventually she had to stop working and was bedridden.

Although Thomas loved his wife very much, he hardly took time to be with her.

Finally she died.

When he found her diary after her death, he discovered how much his wife loved

him. On a single page, for example, she wrote: "Yesterday he remained an hour

with me and it was heaven on earth. I love him so much". On the next page he

read: "Yesterday I have listened all day if I would hear his footsteps in the hall.

But it is already very late now and I don't think he even comes '.

Tormented by remorse, Thomas left the house and went to Jane's grave There his

friends found him and all what he said was:

"If I had known it, if I had known it". After her death, he hardly made attempts to write more.

Which values do you recognize in this picture?


Positive values to inspire you

Acceptance

Assertiveness

Consideration

Mercy

Thoughtfulness

Understanding

Helpfulness

Modesty

Decisiveness

Involvement

Reliability

Fairness

Concentration

Creativity

Gratitude

Servitude

Purposefulness

Generosity

Oneness

Simplicity

Honor

Respect

Honesty

Enthusiasm

Flexibility

Patience

Faith

Credibility

Peace of mind

Fidelity

Grace

Courtesy

Hope

Idealism

Empathy

Integrity

Commitment

Insight

Power

Patience

Love

Loyalty

Moderation

Compassion

Humanity

Charity

Generosity

Courage

Thoughtfulness

Humility

Sobriety

Independence

Entrepreneurship

Disengagement

Reverence

Openness

Cheerfulness

Sacrifice

Sincerity

Optimism

Tidiness

Fairness

Purity

Esteem

Collaboration

Perspicacity

Beauty

Tact

Satisfaction

Permissiveness

Accountability

Dedication

Faithfulness

Endurance

Determination

Resilience

Responsibility

Tolerance

Forgiveness

Confidence

Amazement

Perseverance

Eminence

Peacefulness

Joy

Amicable

Generosity

Appreciation

Dignity

Truthfulness

Wisdom

Diligence

Kindness

Self-control

Self-respect

Self-confidence

Certainty

Caring

Purity

8. Timeline What is the timeline?

The "Time Line" is one of the techniques

from what is called "the NLP toolbox".

The Timeline is concerned with how the

experiences of a person are saved in his

unconscious (on the timeline), and how

these experiences have an impact on the

actual behavior and the emotional well-

being.

Negative events from the past can be coded

internally in such a way that they still

bother a person in the present. This person

is often suffering from the unpleasant emotions that are tightly connected to the memory of an event.

The Timeline allows disconnecting negative emotions from the stored memory, so the memory becomes

neutral. Your past has not changed, but the idea or the interpretation of the event has been changed. You

get a new perspective on it. This change will also have behavioral consequences, because you now no

longer need to react towards your environment from negative decisions, beliefs, conclusions or fears from

the past.

It has been proved that those who have worked with the Timeline quickly experienced positive changes in

their wellbeing and behavior.

The ‘timeline’ of Palestine:


What is the direction of your timeline? If you would ask your unconscious, where your past is and where your future, you might say: "That is from

right-to-left or from the front to the back or from the top to the bottom" or in whatever direction in relation

to your body. And it's not your conscious concept which is important. It is your unconscious guiding you in

this process of discovering your timeline.

So if you would ask your unconscious where your past is, which direction would you then indicate? If you

would ask the same question in relation to your future, which direction would you indicate?

Be aware:

If you elicit (let come out) your timeline, make sure that you understand how you organize the past and the

future. If you have found your timeline, don’t judge this as right or wrong. It is your personal timeline and

that is how it works. That way is fine for you.

19. Exercise: Identifying the Timeline In pairs, A and B 7 minutes each way:

Keep in touch with the unconscious to find out how the unconscious storage is organized.

1. Remember something that happened a week ago

2. Note where it comes from (the direction in relation to your body)

3. Repeat step 1. and 2. with something that happened 1 month, 1 year, 5 years and 10 years ago

4. Repeat step 1. and 2. with something that you imagine in future 1 week, 1 month, 1 year from now.

5. "Now can you say that this arrangement is on a single line, or a certain linear-shaped arrangement of

your memories?

The way in which the events are arranged does not need to be linear. Make sure that you discover the

timeline with your unconscious mind and try not to think with your conscious mind.

TEST

"Well, if you're thinking again to the directions in which you just pointed (your memories of the past and

your imagined the future), does it look like a line?"

If not: "Could you imagine that it is a line?"

If not: "Is your past ordered/arranged through space/location, e.g. the place where you lived?"

If yes: "What would it look like, in the context of this process, if it was stretched out in a line, and what

would it look like if you could stretch this line horizontally?"

20. Exercise: Floating above the timeline So, now you can float up above your timeline, and then you float into your past.

(Pause)

Are you there? "And now, you can float into your future.”

(Pause)

“Are you there?”

"OK, now fly higher and higher, so high that your timeline is smaller and smaller, to a dash.

Very well. "


"Well, and float back to the now, and float down into the present and come back in this room."

(Pause)

"How was your experience?"

* If you feel threatened to be sucked into an emotion of a Significant Emotional Event: "fly higher above

your timeline, just as high until the feeling has disappeared."

** If you don't manage to float up, e.g. because you're frightened, you can lower the level of the timeline."

***A Significant Emotional Event (SEE) is an important learning moment, an event with a negative

emotion, which still influences the emotions in actual events.

21. Exercise: Discover a ‘Gestalt’ Work in pairs 15 minutes each way.

You are walking on the timeline to discover the different events with the same undesired emotions. What

was the first event?

‘Gestalt’ is a German word expressing that an event is a ‘whole’, if it is touched by a part of the event you

tend to recall the entire event.

Picture of a 'Gestalt': same pattern / feeling / belief ‘Gestalt’

1st 2nd 3rd 4th ………………………………………….

You walk back from the Now to the first SEE using your body sensations and emotions as a guide.

SEE Now


Negative Significant Emotional Events:

past – now - future

Positions:

Position 1 is 15 to 20 minutes after the Significant Emotional Event, you look at the past

Position 2 is right above the Significant Emotional Event, so you look down

Position 3 is about 15 to 20 minutes before the event occurred, you look at the future

SEE = Significant Emotional Event.

22. Exercise: Healing with the Timeline Visualization, in the plenary group.

Position 1

1. "Imagine floating up above your timeline. You notice that this goes quite easily. You float higher and

higher, and everything which is under you is very insignificant and very meaningless. Hover over the

past up till the first Significant Emotional Event (SEE). Ask your unconscious, if you have found the

first SEE. Or is there an Event with such an emotion that took place even earlier? Go back to the very

first Event that you can remember. Position 1 is 15 to 20 minutes later than the Significant Emotional

Event took place. Take in position 1. You look at the past and find yourself diagonally above and after

this event, and notice where the emotions are. "

Position 2

2. "Float now to position 2, right above the event, so you look down. Notice where the emotions are, and

keep the positive learning experiences, you got from this experience. All that is important what you

have learned from this event.

And you store that in a special place you have set aside for all these learning moments and sometimes

you learn consciously, and sometimes you learn unconsciously, and that is both fine. Because you know

you can be confident that your unconscious has stored what was important to you to have learned and

saved now perfectly in that special place, so you know it's there when you may need it in future. "

SEE

3 2 1

Test 4

Past Now Future


Position 3

3. "When you are ready, then float to position 3, about 15 to 20 minutes before the event occurred, and

you turn around, the event is slanted laying before you and below you, and you look in the direction of

the Now, and the future. Where are the emotions? Be critical, did the emotions really disappear? If the

emotion is not completely gone, know that there is a part of you that thinks you should have learned

something from this event. And you will agree that it is important for all these positive learning

experiences that they are to be kept in that special spot what you've already reserved for that kind of

learning, and then it would be all right to let the emotion go, isn’t that right? "

Position 3 (continuation)

4. “Create or imagine an infinite source of love and healing above your head. Now, let it come through a

hole in your head from your higher self and let your body completely be filled up with that love and

healing. And let the power of love and healing come out through your heart and let it fill up your

(smaller) self in the timeline, until you are again completely one and healed.”

Position 4

5. "Lower yourself in the event, in position 4, be your (younger) self, look through your own eyes and

check the emotion (s).

Is / are there any emotion(s)? Or did they disappear. OK, then go back to position 3. "

6. "Come back over your timeline. Take the time you need. Go from the first event to the second event,

and then to the 3rd and the 4th until you arrive at the Now. Note that you can release the emotion of

each event. Take always position 3 with each subsequent event. Keep the learning experiences, and let

the emotions go. Go all the way back to the present, with the source of love and healing, and you may

find that all the emotions are gone. "

7. ”When you're ready, lower yourself to the Now and come back in this room. "

(Break State) 8. Test (You're back in the Now) "Imagine a past event, where you felt able to feel these old emotions. Go

back to that event and notice if you can feel the emotions or maybe you discover that you cannot feel

them anymore. Well, come back to the Now.”

9. Step into the future (You're back in the Now)

"Enter your future to an undetermined time in which you, as it happened in the past, might have felt this

emotion and notice if you can find that old emotion or maybe you discover that you cannot feel them

anymore. Okay? "

10. Well, come back to the Now.

‘SEE’

3 2 1

Test 4

Past Now Future


Three reasons why the emotions disappear

1. Psychological

The Timeline technique is based on the work of Leslie Cameron-Bandler in 'Emotional Hostage ", 1987

and the work of Alfred Korzybski, “Science and Sanity", 1933. In all emotions the element of time is

required to express their meaning. So a change in the time perspective reframes the emotion and it the

negative emotion disappears.

2. Metaphysical

Based on the book "A Course in Miracles', there is only one true emotion on the planet, which is Love. All

negative emotions are derivatives of fear and illusion. So a change in time perspective shows that the

emotion is an illusion and that this illusion disappears when love comes in its place.

3. Quantum Physics

In quantum physics, you can find clues to work in this way with emotions. This is based on the work of

Quantum Physics. An interesting site about Quantum Physics is: www.quantum-physics.polytechnique.fr

Take your time to draw wisdom from the mistakes which you made yesterday to remember the good things which can give you joy over many years to wipe the slate clean with what bothers you today unnecessarily to extend a little bit the rare moments of careless joy to do exactly what you like to do and sometimes blissfully doing nothing to not skip without reason any chance to be happy and start with it today Valeer Deschacht

http://www.quantum-physics.polytechnique.fr/


Day 3

9. Non Violent Communication after Marshall B.Rosenberg

5. Your request is actually

a demand

“I want you to do this.” “You have to do it now.”

5. Do a request

or take an action

Could you do this for me …..?

I am going to...........

4. There is only one option “Only you can fulfill this need to ..........., I cannot do this.”

I fully depend on you!

4. Options

Which options do I have

to fulfill my needs?

3. Make the other

for fulfilling my needs

“I don’t want you to make me angry.”

3. Acknowledge

one’s needs

2. Mix feelings and thinking

Mind reading:

“I see or I feel that you don’t like it.”

2. Feeling

Recognise your feelings

Acknowledge your own feelings

“When I see …. I feel...............”

1. Observe with judgment

Attribute your own judgements “You never do the right thing!”

1. Observe

Without judgment or interpretation

“I see............... “ “I hear............ “

responsible

Make a connection between feelings and needs

“I feel…., because I need ….”


The core of Non Violent Communication

Marshall Rosenberg tells the following story to illustrate what the core is of Non Violent Communication. “While I was waiting for a bus at a Greyhound-bus station in San Francisco, I saw a message on the wall: 'Teenagers don’t speak to people you don’t know.' This message was clearly directed to warn young teenagers who ran away from home, for the dangers of

the big city. For example there are pimps who put their eye on lonely, frightened teenagers at bus stations.

With feigned interest they offer friendship, food, shelter and perhaps drugs. And then they snare teenagers

to work for them in prostitution. So I was in a very unpleasant way reminded how some people abuse

others.

But when I walked into the waiting room, I was immediately a lot happier. I saw an elderly seasonal

worker sitting with an orange on his lap, apparently the remains of his lunch which he had brought in a

brown paper bag. On the other side of the waiting room sat a woman with a toddler on her lap who looked

with big eyes at the orange. When the man saw the boy's eyes, he stood up immediately and walked

towards him. When getting closer, he looked at the mother and asked her by a gesture if he could give the

child the orange. The mother smiled. But just before he approached the child, he stopped and kissed the

orange which he held in the cup of his two hands. Then he gave it to the child.

I sat next to the man and told him that I was touched

by what I had seen him do. He smiled and apparently

he found it nice that I had appreciated his act. "What

touched me most is that you kissed the orange before

you gave to the boy," I added. He looked seriously

and waited a bit. Then he said: "I am now sixty-five

years, and if there's anything I've learned in life, then

it is: give only if it comes from your heart.

“Do only the things which you can do

with the joy of a child who feeds the

ducks”

23. Exercise: giving or receiving

from the heart in Pairs: A tell first 2 minutes ‘while B listens, then B

tells 2 minutes while A listens

Think of a moment in your own life where you

experienced the joy of giving from the heart or

where you experienced the joy of receiving of

something which was given from the heart.


Giving and receiving 'Never can I receive more then when you take what I like to give you... If you give me something, then I give you my willingness to receive. You never give me more then when you want to receive’ (From a song 'Given to' from Ruth Bebermeyer

(Quote from White Eagle, a first nation leader)

24. Exercise:‘Inhale the light ‘ Visualization

One of the most beautiful methods to strengthen the more subtle bodies and the nervous system, is

breathing deeply People rarely realize how important it is to breathe properly, by breathing in a wrong way

and by having wrong thoughts we inhale every time a certain amount of poison in the physical body and

the more subtle bodies. For it is not only the breath coming in, but the incoming ethereal and spiritual

atoms which might damage or strengthen the health of the body. We propose to do the following simple

exercise: when you awake in the morning, then stand preferably in front of an open window (which should

have been open all night) and with your face to the sun.

Stand straight; so that you feel polarized, your spine straight, you solar plexus

under control, heels together, toes slightly apart. Concentrate, before you

inhale, with your whole being on the light, the sun. When you are surrounded

by the golden rays of the sun, and its vitality, and when you are taking this in,

you will experience in your heart a feeling of loving dependence of this

incredible life force. Inhale now, and as you inhale, you realize that you do

not only breath in air, but also the life-atoms themselves. Stretch your arms

up when breathing in, when this is helpful, and then exhale as you lower your

arms slowly. You breathe in and take in this flow of life and light and then let

it go out as a wish for the good of others. So take in the energy of life and

bless all living creatures. You will receive and you give and in that way you

will come into harmony with the rhythm of the stream of life. It will feed your

nerves and give you a feeling of peace and control. When you do this

Exercise:for two of three days, don’t say: “I don’t have time to do this exercise”

Discipline yourself until you breathing Exercise:which is part of your daily routine, which you don’t want

to miss; it will do it automatically, and so you'll come in harmony with the universal life force, as for your

brother and sister Indian in past times. Breathing deeply brings inner peace, persistence and it is a valuable

aid in times you will be tested with difficulties. A master is never distracted and doesn't worry; a master

can face everything with perfect calmness.

When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness

replaces violence and grieving!

-- CNVC founder, Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing, and right doing, there

is a field. I will meet you there.

-- Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī (1207–1273) (ن جالل دی ,(رومی محمد ال


25. Exercise: Observation and feeling In pairs: B reads the suggestions and A concentrates on the exercise. B makes notes of A’s

words.

a. Observation: Focus your attention on the environment: what do you see, hear, smell, and feel on this

spot?

b. Body Sensation and Feeling: First observe what you experience in your body

Is there a tense feeling in your face, shoulders, back, left knee, and small toe on your left foot?

How do you feel: irritation, boredom, quietness, sadness...?

A and B change roles, 2 x 3 minutes each way.

26. Exercise: Observe your thoughts:

Step 1. A closes her or his eyes and tells B what thoughts come up. Mention all the thoughts which come up. B

writes A’s thoughts in A’s notebook. After 3 minutes change roles

For step 1 you take 3 minutes each way.

Step 2 A and B look at the thoughts and see which of the thoughts are giving energy and which thoughts are

taking energy. With the list of needs on page 40 you also can look at some of the thoughts and see what

needs are in the thoughts.

Step 3 See which thoughts are giraffe and which are jackal language.

For the steps 2 and 3 you take 5 minutes each way

27. Exercise: becoming aware of your needs

Step 1. Ask yourself what the value is of practicing Non Violent Communication, and what you deeply long for in

your life, and in this world. Keep this longing, this need in your mind for a while. Say it loud and the other

person writes them down.

Step 2 What moment in your youth or the recent past do you remember where you were fully aware of your needs

and desires?

When and how do you express your needs at this moment? B writes these.

Remark: When you let your mind go to remember something, it is very worthwhile to stop for a moment to

breathe consciously and to observe your body sensations. In this way you stay in touch with your body and

the feelings which come up. Let your mind wander again.

Step 3 Be attentive for the moment in which you feel that you want to end the exercise. Take some deep breaths.

How do you feel now?

Are you aware of fulfilled or unfulfilled needs?

Take some time to focus your attention again on your environment, what you see, hear, smell, touch, before

you change roles.

A and B change roles.

Rumi


What does happen in a conflict?

Filters

A Delete 1. Jackal 5. Values

B Distort 2. Giraffe 6. Attitudes

C Generalize 3. Memories 7. Other filters

4. Beliefs

Jackal: 1e observation position, strongly associated: in the box

Giraffe: 3e + 2

e +1

e dissociated: out of the box


Steps of Non Violent communication

Compassion for self and other is important in all steps

Self: (I explore what I observe, feel, what my needs are.)

Other: (I step in the shoes of the other thinking what the

other might observe, feel, and need.

In the real communication process the other tells this

in own words.)

Step 1: What do you observe? (hear, see, smell, taste,

feel)

When I see (hear, smell, taste, and feel) ….

Step 1: What would the other observe concretely?

(hear, see, feel, smell, taste)

When you (the other) see, hear, smell, feel, taste ……

Step 2: What do I feel

(scared, angry, sad, happy….)

I feel …..

Step 2: What would the other feel?

(scared, angry, sad, happy….)

Do you feel ……?

Step 3: What is my need?

(Basic needs as: acceptance, safety, being

acknowledged ….)

Because need ….

Step 3: What is the need of the other?

(Basic needs as: acceptance, safety, being

acknowledged ….)

…because you need ….

Step 4: What are my options?

I see the following options:

1. ………………………………………………

2. ………………………………………………

3. ………………………………………………

4. ………………………………………………

Step 4: What are the options for the other?

Possible options for the other are (of course the other

decides about this):

1. ………………………………………………

2. ………………………………………………

3. ………………………………………………

4. ………………………………………………

Step 5: What would be my request or my action?

I am willing to ….?

Step 5: What could be the request or action of the

other?

Are you willing to ….?


List with feelings This list can help you to give your feelings a name and to express your feelings. The list is a start and you

can add your own feelings or your own words to the list. Taken from a list in the book nonviolent

communication by Marshall Rosenberg, the new edition, 2007.

Feelings when your needs are satisfied AFFECTIONATE

compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm

ENGAGED

absorbed alert curious

engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated HOPEFUL expectant encouraged optimistic

CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant

AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked REFRESHED enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived

CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn

DISCONNECTED alienated

aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn

DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent

turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset

AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified

PEACEFUL calm clear headed comfortable centered content fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still

tranquil trusting

ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful hostile repulsed

The contents of this page can be downloaded and copied by anyone so long as they credit CNVC as

follows: www.cnv.org

Needs inventory

The following list of needs is neither

exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a

starting place to support anyone who wishes

to engage in a process of deepening self-

discovery and to facilitate greater

understanding and connection between

people.

Needs according to Maslow

http://www.cnv.org/


CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion

Connection continuation

intimacy

love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth

PHYSICAL WELL-

BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water

AUTONOMY choice freedom independence space spontaneity

HONESTY authenticity integrity presence

PLAY joy humor

PEACE beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order

MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding

Which of these needs do you have?

28. Exercise: Observation or an Interpretation.

10. Indicate at each phrase if it is an OBSERVATION or

INTERPRETATION?

10. The children were nagging for a longer break.

3. Linda asked me to explain the Exercise:once more.

8. Very often the children do not listen when I ask them to be quiet.

7. During this week Patricia was first in school every day.

6. Rick is aggressive 1. Yesterday John was very unreasonable to me.

2. This morning Nina was biting her nails, when I was telling a story.

9. Luuk told me that Robert had beaten him.

5. Walter is working too hard. 4. Rene is a very good student. Observation: 2, 3, 7, and 9 Interpretation: 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, And 10

29. Exercise: Which phrase is a feeling or a non-feeling.

FEELINGS and NON-FEELINGS?

1. It feels like Marit’s parents don’t take me seriously.

9. I am glad that the construction is going on.

6. I feel they understand me wrongly. 3. Hugo goes to another school. I feel sad about this.


8. I feel good for what you did for me. 4. I am completely fad up with you. I am really done.

7. If I don’t get and invitation for the meeting, I feel neglected.

10. I feel worthless, because you put me aside.

5. I am scared when the children fight. 2. I feel that Sandra is fooling me.

Feelings: 3, 5, 8, 9. Non-feelings: 1, 2, 4, 7.

30. Exercise: clear request or a demand / unclear request

Indicate at each phrase if this is a clear request or a demand.

4. I want you to understand what I tell you… 10. Could you please take these pencils to Mrs. Marten?

5. I want you to leave me alone.... 7. Can you stop writing at 5 past 3?

1. Would you please stop chatting? 3. I would like that you would be more self-confident.

6. Please be honest to me? 2. Could you please tell me one thing which I did that made you angry?

3. I would like to spend less time in meetings.. 9. Shall we agree on respecting each other?

Clear request: 2, 7, 10. Demand or Unclear Request: 1, 3, 4, 5,6,8,9.

31. Exercise: Taking Responsibility Indicate at each phrase if the speaker takes own responsibility for the fulfillment of his need or if the

speaker makes the other responsible for the fulfillment of his need

Taking responsibility for my NEEDS or making the other responsible for your

NEEDS.

1 I need that you are quiet. 2 I need your love.

3 For my health I really need clean air ? 4 I need that you stop smoking.

5 I would like to contribute to a good

teamwork. 6 I am ill and I need some care to take rest for

recovering.

7 I like to contribute to a good

atmosphere. 8 I really need you to make a good atmosphere.

9 I need you to come in time 10 I want to finish the work in time as we agreed and I

need to trust the team.

Expressing my need 3, 5, 6, 7, 10; Expressing what I want the other to do 1, 2, 4, 8, 9


Giraffe language What happens when you use the following three expressions?

Resistance: Yes, But Instead to say “Yes .. but”, try to say “Yes … and” The word “…and…“ does acknowledge what the other

person has contributed and you add your own experience. It is not “either your ideas or mine are true”

However it is: “And your ideas and my ideas are true” going together.

…..yes but ……… …… and ……

“Never say a but in an angry face”

Denial: No, never, without Use as little as possible negations as not and none. Our brains are not able

to store negations. So they hear only what you do not want to do. So if you

say: I don’t want to forget my keys. It could be very well that you forget

your keys. Or if you say: I don’t want to hit my head against the open door,

it might just happen. Maybe you have experienced this in your life. Try to

Exercise:the following:

“Don’t think of a blue elephant”

If you hear this phrase? What do you think of?

And what do you think of when someone says: think of a purple hat?

Exactly! It might be better to replace the word by something else

and not by a positive word.

It is easier to think of a purple hat instead of a blue elephant.

Get at the side of the cause. When you choose to stand of the side of the effect, choosing for the

role of the victim, you are not able to change the situation. The

other needs to change. If you choose for being at the side of the

cause you can change the situation yourself. In giraffe language this

means: I take responsibility for my own feelings. Of course the

other person is involved in the situation, but I don’t make the

person responsible for my feelings and for fulfilling my needs. For

example if you say: “He spoils my day” you choose being the

victim and you are at the side of the effect. If you say “I choose

being in a good mood today” you are at the side of the cause: You

decide yourself what and how you are feeling.

32. Exercise: Which part of the body

makes which step of giraffe language?

Head:

……………….

Heart:

……………….

Belly:

…………

Legs:

……………….


Looking for the Giraffe in the

Jackal language Using metaquestions

Very often people use expressions in which we can hear

judgments and negative emotions and generalizations. It is

very helpful to learn how to ask questions which help to

discover what makes the person say what he or she says. We are giving examples of

phrases and helpful questions, using the steps of Non Violent Communication. It

will help you to recognize the language patterns and to practice asking questions.

1. What did you observe?

2. What did you feel?

3. What did you need?

4. What options did you have?

5. What would you like to say or ask?

Jackal language

Meta language

Question Giraffe language (sometimes Milton

language)

Distortions

1. Mind reading

You know what someone else is

thinking:

"You don´t want to co/operate."

What makes you think that I

don´t want to co-operate?

What do you need to co-operate?

2. Judging without saying who

judges

"The government is unreliable.”

Who says so?

“I see that government does not do what they

promised. Do you need more confidence in what

the government is saying? What are the options to

deal with this?

3. Cause and effect (A B)

People place the cause of

something outside themselves.

"The rain is making me

depressive”

How exactly is it that the rain

makes you depressive?

It is raining and I can choose to make a nice day.

4. Making one experience

responsible for the other

"When he does not look at me, he

does not love me”

What makes you think so?

Did you ever look away from

someone while you loved the

person?

“What do you need to feel confident about your

relationship?

5. Presuppositions

"If my boss knew how hard I

work, he would behave in a

different way."

There are three presuppositions:

1. I work hard

2. My boss does not know that I

work hard. 3. My boss behaves in

a certain way.

1. How hard do you work?

2. How do you know that your

boss does not know that?

3. In what way does your boss

behave?

“Would you like to let your boss know how hard

you work?”


Jackal Language Question Giraffe language

Generalizations

6. General truths

Always, never, everyone,

nobody

"I never do anything right."

Never?

What would happen when

you would do something

right?

“Are you disappointed, because it went

differently from what you thought it would be?

“Do you need appreciation?”

7. General presupposition

a. Necessity, needs to, needs not

to, has to, does not have to, it is

necessary

"I am not allowed to tell the

truth!"

b. Possibility or impossibility

"I cannot not let go of my

work”

a. What would happen if you

would tell the truth?

Or you can ask: "What if?",

"Because?"

You ask for the effect or

result

b. What does prevent you

from letting your work go?

What would happen if you

would let go of your work?

(Look for the causes)

What do you need to let go of

your work?

a. “Do you need connection and would you like

to ask if the other person would listen to you?”

b. “do you need some rest?”

Deletions

8. Delete the verb

Process words, verbs which are

made into nouns

"They need to respect us."

How would you like to be respected?

Who need to respect us?

(You can change the noun into a

process word or a verb.

“Do you need respect?”

“How would you know that someone is

respecting you?”

9. Unspecified verbs

"She rejected me”

How exactly did she reject you?

Specify the verb.

“I felt sad because I thought she rejected me”

and “I felt happy when she showed her love”

10. Simple deletions

a. Simple deletions

"I don’t feel at ease."

b. Forgetting to indicate whom are

you talking about.

"They don’t listen to me." (No

specific person indicated).

c. Comparative deletions

"He is still worse."

(Good, better, best, less, most,

worse, worst).

a. About what you don’t feel at ease?

b. Who does not listen to you?

c. Worse than who? Worse than

what?

“Do you need to feel at ease?”

“Do you need to have contact and to connect

with the other and do you want to ask if they

are willing to listen to you?

“Do you need acknowledgement?”

33. Exercise: reactions to attacking questions Find of attacking or accusing expressions which you have heard from other people or which you use

yourself.

Formulate a question at each phrase, ask the question guessing the underlying feeling and the unfulfilled

need. Notice the person reaction of yourself and of the other.


Day 4

11. Video technique You use the video technique when you have experienced something in the past which is still coming up in

your thoughts all the time and what gives you an unpleasant feeling. We call this un undigested, unresolved

or ‘unprocessed’ event or a SEE = Significant Emotional Event. In these cases you can use the video

technique for processing the negative SEE’s

When do you apply the video technique?

1. When you have an unresolved experience

2. When you've experienced something which is difficult to talk about.

3. When you have a problem and you want to identify the cause of the problem.

4. When something happens which triggers you to think of something from your past, without

knowing what it is about.

5. When you need to do something in the future which is not yet so easy for you

How can you tell that something is “undigested” or unprocessed?

When you think of a SEE (Significant Emotional Event)

you feel emotional, uncomfortable or numb

you become paralyzed

you lose your ability to think clearly

you switch to your 'Survival Strategy’

the memory of a SEE is coming back over and over again and instantly, apparently with no reason.

perhaps you dream about it, maybe in a nightmare

Project a picture on a blanc wall

He/sheon the screen (talking about yourself in the third person)

(dissociated)

I look at myself on the screen

(dissociated)

The pocess: You are the projector and you project your images on a wall. You see yourself in the picture on

the wall, dissociated. You talk about yourself in the third person: she or he is there in the picture or in the

video.


34. Exercise: How to process a Significant Emotional Event with the

‘video technique

Instruction for the procedure

A is the worker, who wants to process her/his experience. B is the coach, supporting A.

A tells her/his story behind her sadness or pain; scene after scene.

The brain can only store stories, not singled out pain points.

‘Me here – she/he there on the video screen. Keep your eyes

on the screen!

Maintain a loving an supporting attitude to the person on the

screen. Express your love in each scene and each time when

you experience strong emotions, saying ‘I love you’ ‘You are

doing a wonderful job’. ‘I deeply respect you’

Steps in the video technique:

1. The worker goes back to a happier time before the painful event

and make a picture of it as the start of the video scenes.

2. Go back to the first scene where the beginnings of the painful event start to develop. Process

this scene. Let A tell small details in the scene: what dress does the person have. What does the

room look like? Can you say something loving to the person (he/she) in the scene?

a. Which persons do you see and where are they sitting?

b. What are their positions in the room?

c. What are they doing?

d. Where do you see yourself in the picture? Describe that in the third person. You first

name, she/he is doing …………………..….. (avoid using I) This is an important role of

the coach.

Associated and dissociated.

Association and dissociation within NLP are mental states to indicate how you deal with an experience.

Associated means that you put yourself in the experience. So you're in the scene for example when you enter

a visualization process and you see, hear and feel everything from your eyes, ears and feeling. It's like you're

actually there.You relive the situation in the here and now.

Dissociated from an experience means that you feel yourself outside the scene. You see yourself as you are

far from here in that experience. This has the advantage that you can look at yourself from the outside and

that you can observe how you behave in that given situation.

Both views have their specific advantages. Sometimes it is better to associate in an experience, for example,

when you want to visualize your own success in a particular field. Other times it is preferable to dissociate

from an experience, for example: when you want to process an emotion such as fear or sadness.

Moreover, it is true that moving back and forwards between the two mental states may provide you a lot of

information. In change mental states techniques moving between associating and dissociating is often used

to create new and surprising insights.

The essence of the video technique is

sending to yourself unlimited love:

In the scenes of your memory!


3. Go step by step through the scenes leading up to the painful event and then to the scenes after

the event. Do this until the event has passed by. At each scene make sure you do the following

steps:

a. Describe what you see: colours, shapes, movements, sounds, smell. So paying attention to

small details.

b. What does the person on the screen experience there and then? The questions of the coach

are focusing on the there and then on the screen: how does she/he (the small “you”) on the

screen feel? Or “what is the desire of the small “you” there on the screen?

c. Can you say something nice to her/him, from where you are now, looking at yourself in the

scene exeperiencing something painful? If A says it hesitating the coach can ask to repeat

the sentence once more.

d. If you are feeling strong emotions, accept them, but let them go again.

e. If the emotions become very strong, you can distance from yourself and look at the

spectator who is watching the video screen.

4. Ask the worker (A) to go to the following scene. Describe this scen as in step 3.

5. Ask the worker to describe the scen of the most emotional moment as in step 3.

6. Ask the worker to describe the moment of the end of the emotional moment. Tell again something

loving, positive, supporting to the person who represents you on an other moment.

7. Ask person A to describe a moment where everything was “back to normal”. Make a scene

(picture) of this moment. Describing the details.

Choose a happy event as a final ending

8. Count on your fingers all the events with a short description (the title of the scene). Sometimes

one of the pictures still provokes strong emotions. Then it might be helpful to make a picture

of the scene and give the picture a title. A can store the picture somewhere in a pocket or in a

bag or in a cupboard (as a visualization). This may be used on a later moment

9. Sometimes it can be a good idea to count the scenes on your fingers several times, backwards

and forwards

Suggestions for the coach:

You take care of A, it might be that emotions come up in the here and now. Let those come and when

the person is ready she or he continues with the scenes:

I here and she/he thereon the screen

Keep your eyes on the screen

This is important in the digesting process. Especially with traumatic events, people sometimes tend to

identify themselves with their trauma. (eg "I am a victim", this can now be: "I was a victim and now I'm

restoring back my power")


----wall with ‘screen’---

He/She on

The screen

Dissociating By dissociating, while talking about he/she there on the screen you start to create more distance –between

you here and now and your difficult and /or traumatic experience. Talking about yourself in the the third

person (he/she) makes it easier for people who are being blocked to talk about the experience than when

they talk about it in the first person (I)

By telling the story in the present tense you make the experience at the same time as close as possible, so

you create the space to process the experience.

With this procedure you can process experiences from the past. In advance you do not know what is comes

up and you do not know how much time the scenes do need for processing.

It is important to take time for this process and to close each scene with loving and supportive words for

the he / she on the screen.

Pointing on your fingers, telling the titles of each of the

scenes

1. Befor the SEE, when all was OK

2. The start of the SEE

3. The most emotional moment of the SEE

4. The end of the SEE

5. After the SEE, when it was OK again

1 Befor the SEE,

when

everything was

still OK

2 The start of the

SEE

3 The moment of

the SEE

4 The end of the

SEE

5 After the SEE

when

everything was

OK again

I am here dissociating

watching the screen

with pictures of my former me

on the screen


12. Sub-modalities and Change We have studied sub-modalities in the two other courses, so now we want to use them again in changing

negative thoughts about ourselves. Changing the sub-modalities of something which is not effective is an

easy exercise. We have some examples and we will practice with the exercises. We took some examples

from Richard Bandler’s book.

35. Exercise: Overcoming Negative

Suggestions

1. Think of something negative someone has told you or

something bad you say to yourself. Look to the image you

have from this.

2. Think of someone you distrust who has told you a lie and

remember how they told you the lie. Look to the image

you have from this.

3. Notice the submodalities of the picture of the negative suggestion .

4. Notice the submodalities of the lie

5. Look to the most important differences between the submodalities of both frames. These are the drivers.

Submodalities of the lie:

Visual: …………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Auditory: ………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kinesthetic………………………………………………..……………………………………………..

Olfactory/Gustatory ……………………………………………………………………………………..

Submodalities of the picture of negative suggestions which someone has told you or something bad you

say to yourself:

Visual: …………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Auditory: ………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kinesthetic………………………………………………..……………………………………………..

Olfactory/Gustatory ……………………………………………………………………………………..

Drivers: ………………………………………………………………………..


6. Move the image of the negative suggestion into the submodalities of the lie and

snap it into place so you think about the suggestions in the same way as the lie.

Example :

Different Submodalities Visual submodalities Auditory Submodalities

1. Number of images 2. Moving / Still 3. Size 4. Shape 5. Color / Black and white 6. Focused,/Unfocused 7. Bright,/Dim 8. Location in space 9. Bordered,/Borderless 10. Flatz3D 11. Associated/Disassociated

12. Close,/Distant

1. Volume 2. Pitch 3. Timbre (mood 4. Of sound) 5. Tempo 6. Tonality 7. Duration 8. Rhythm 9. Direction of voice 10. Harmony 11. Location 12. Internal or external

13. Unique qualities of the sound

Kinesthetic Submodalities: Olfactory/Gustatory Submodalities:

1. Location in body 2. Tactile sensations 3. Temperature 4. Pulse rate 5. Breathing rate 6. Pressure 7. Weight 8. Intensity 9. Movement/Direction 10. Vibration 11. Shape 12. Continuous or changing

13. Internal or external

1. Sweet 2. Sour 3. Bitter 4. Aroma 5. Fragrance 6. Pungency (strength of smell)


Changing personal history From Richard Bandler: ‘Get the life you want’ 2008 USA

One way to change your way of thinking about yourself is to use time lines. We did do this in this course in

an earlier moment. This time we do another Exercise:using the time line. By going back through your time

line into a time years ago when you were young and by hearing a positive suggestion that you believe and

are convinced about, it helps you begin to change how you feel. When you then imagine going through

your past experiences but with this new belief, you will find yourself having dealt more effectively with

every situation, and it will literally change your personal history in ways that benefit you. When you can

take on board new, positive suggestions and disbelieve the old, limiting suggestions, you will be ready to

tackle the rest of your problems, especially your fears.

36. Exercise: Building better suggestions

1. Think of a more useful suggestion that you want to believe.

2. Imagine yourself floating back in your time line to when you were very young and imagine hearing

someone, who you really believed, very convincingly saying this useful suggestion to you.

3. From inside this experience in the past, imagine yourself going through your time line, through

every experience from this past experience to the present with this new belief in yourself, and

notice how things change and how differently you feel in the light of this new belief.

4. When you get to the present day, you can repeat this with different suggestions and notice how,

each time, you feel better about the past and who you are in the present.

Getting over fears When it comes to getting over unfunctional

emotions, getting over fears is probably the biggest

obstacle people have. Over the years, people come to

therapists with such a wide variety of fears, and they

don’t all seem to work the same way.

People think they're afraid of elevators. People think

they're afraid of flying. People think they’re afraid of

driving. They’re afraid of bees. They're afraid of

spiders. They're afraid of snakes. They're afraid of

heights.

People think they are afraid of these things, but they are not. It’s not the object. It's not the height that

makes you afraid, it’s your brain. We know this because other people can be at the same height and they

don’t get afraid. The question becomes: what is the person who feels fear doing inside his head and, even

more important, what is the person who feels calm or confident in those situations doing inside his head?

To answer that, let's have a closer look at some of these fears.

Let's start with height fear. Most people with a fear of heights get out of bed easily. Of course this may be

only 50 cm of height to overcome. The truth is that what starts them feeling fear for height is whenever

they see themselves doing something in the next moment, they feel as if they are in the next situation. This

is a useful strategy to get out of bed. However, if you start to walk toward the edge and think you could

fall, you see yourself falling down, so you feel like you are falling so this internal representation creates

your fear.

A type of behavior therapy is desensitization: gradually exposing the patient to the fear in small steps from

the least fearful situation to the most fearful. This allows them to adjust to each step and overcome the fear

incrementally. With fear of height (acrophobia), this may begin by simply viewing a picture taken from a

great height, or mentally visualizing different situations involving heights. Then treatment may progress to

standing on a low stool, standing on a chair, riding in a glass elevator, and eventually standing on a roof or


other open height and peering over the edge. Not only do you have to look out from a high place, you

actually have to walk towaqrds the gap and look down. At each step, the patient learns deep breathing and

muscle relaxation techniques to control the physical symptoms of their fear. The size of the steps is

determined by the severity of the fear and how quickly the patient progresses.

After interviewing hundreds of people, it appeared how people got over fears. They all reached the point

where they got fed up with being afraid.

This is an important part of dealing with your fears. What you

need to do is to start to look at the times you’ve been afraid, not as

being separate, but as if they occurred one following fast after each

other. Looking at your fears this way does something very

important it builds up your disgust. Take five different episodes

where you were embarrassed by your fear, let's say it's of flying or

of heights. You specifically pick five times where you felt really

stupid about it.

Run the first memory then the second memory and then the third

memory and then the fourth memory and then the fifth memory.

With each one, make the pictures bigger and closer and brighter

and louder until, when you look at it, and when you see yourself in

these memories, something happens. Look at it to the point where you just say, "This is ridiculous."

If you run through all five and go back to the beginning and run through all five again and go back to the

beginning and run through all five again really, really fast, what will happen is that you'll begin to feel fed

up. There'll be a point where something inside you says, enough is enough.

37. Exercise: Enough is enough (threshold pattern)

1. Think of five times where you felt embarrassed by having your fear.

2. Make a movie of the first time you felt this way. Then the second time, third time, fourth time, and

fifth time.

3. Put all the times together, one after the other, in one continuous movie of you looking ridiculous,

being scared with this fear.

4. Make the pictures bigger and brighter as you run the movie of all five times in a row and you see

yourself.

5. Looking ridiculous. Run the movie over and over again until you feel really embarrassed by

yourself

6. Do this to the point where you start to say to yourself: This is ridiculous! Enough is enough.

The next thing you can do is to make a still image of yourself in the situation where you're afraid. Imagine

you are sitting in a movie theater with the still image on screen. Then imagine floating out of yourself in

the chair so you can look down and watch yourself, seeing yourself being afraid. Then start the movie. It's

like you're in a balcony watching yourself in the theater and you’re in the film. Now as you look at yourself

being afraid, I want you to stay in that third position and in your mind looking at yourself being afraid and

say to yourself: That's ridiculous. As you look at yourself being terrified, watching yourself being terrified,

something inside you will feel different.

Run all the way to the end of the episode, float

back down into the theatre, float into the movie,

and then run it backward so everybody walks

backward and talks backward, and throw in a

little circus music so it's as ridiculous as it could

be. Then, clear your mind for ten minutes and

then go back and think of what you were afraid

of. You will be amazed to discover that your fear

has severely diminished if not disappeared entirely.


38. Exercise: Fast Phobia Cure 1. Think of a phobia you have. Think of a time when you

experienced that phobia (or the imaginary situation that

defines your phobia).

2. Imagine yourself in a movie theater, watching yourself on

the screen going through the scary experience.

3. Imagine yourself in the projector booth of the theater,

looking down and watching yourself looking at yourself

in the cinema screen going through the scary experience.

4. Run the movie to the end to where you have successfully

survived the experience, and then imagine floating inside of

yourself at the end of the movie.

5. As you stand inside yourself at the end of the scary movie, imagine running it backward so that

everything goes backwards. You are walking backward, talking backward, moving backward and

hear circus music in your mind as you do this, until you get to the start of the movie to the point

before you encountered the experience. Then think of the phobia and notice how you feel

differently.

6. Repeat steps 1-5 a couple of times.

7. Notice the difference in your feelings when you do this and you think of the phobia, and notice how

you don´t feel that phobia anymore!

You can add a little laughter to that. You can, this time, look at a high place so you immediately go to that

height. Go to the place of fear and ask somebody to tickle you so you giggled a little bit and then let

yourself being led toward the edge of the deep precipice and let yourself being forced to look down. At first

as you look down, of course, you feel a little trepidation, but then you take a step onto it and take another

step and another step, with another tickle and another laugh, because everybody says that you´re going to

look back and laugh at your problems. This policy is, why wait? If you´re going to look back and laugh,

you might as well start laughing.

Laughter produces endomorphins that are an important part of changing your mind. The more you laugh at

what you're afraid of the more chemicals go into your body. Even if it's laughing artificially, that doesn´t

matter. If you can stop now and look at the same picture in your mind that scared you and not be afraid,

then you're ready for the next step. So, get up from your chair and go out and test it and test it and test it

and, bit by bit, it will simply disappear. (After Richard Bandler)


39. Exercise: Laugh away Your Fears

1. Think of a time when you laughed your head off one of those times when you found yourself

laughing and it was impossible to stop. Remember how it felt, what you were thinking and feeling

vividly.

2. Start chuckling to yourself as you do this until you are laughing continuously.

3. As you giggle away, start thinking of the thing you used to fear and notice as you laugh how it

begins to change in your mind. Notice that, as you laugh, when you think about it, the

submodalities of the fear change in front of your very eyes, as does the way you feel about it!


13. Changing default settings in your mind

(After Paul Liekens ‘Imprisoned in Language’ from a Dutch book) There are many ways to change a default setting. You can make a conscious choice, especially for those

default settings which you switch automatically to a mood which is limiting for you The technique we

describe is a simple technique at the behavioral level, where you immediately notice a change in your

response. The concept we use is a specific example to explain how it works, but of course you may choose

any other default setting where you yourself suffer from and which you want to change.

40. Exercise: changing the default setting For this Exercise: ‘Changing a default setting´ we take the word ‘relation’ or a word which may be more

adequate for you. Imagine that you are someone who feels each time when you hear the word relation , you

get a feeling of being deprived. From the one hundred thousand times that you have been in a relation, nice

ones and less nice ones, you choose the conviction which you made as a standard of snapshot where you

felt deprived emotionally. That in itself is not really beneficial to the development of your relationship.

Imagine that you become aware of this and that you want to do something about it. You can do that using

the following procedure

You choose a moment in the past in your relation where you felt being cared for, understood, anyhow a

moment where you felt good in yourself

You take the time to remember that moment completely . You are there again, you feel the temperature, if

it's hot or cold, you listen to the voices, you hear the quality of the sounds, you observe if the sounds are

sharp or soft; be aware of that good feeling entirely and notice where in your body that feeling is present.

If you're completely in that feeling, then you hear someone pronounce the word 'relationship' and from that

good feeling you repeat that word in yourself; stay there for a minute working on it. Do this a few times,

and ensure that you feel strongly that good feeling before you hear pronounce the word ‘relation’. If you

perform this exercise: correctly, you have that good feeling in your system at the same time that you hear

the word ‘relation’ This creates a new automatic neurological connection between hearing the word

‘relation’ and your feelings.

You can test whether the connection indeed is installed, by imagining that tomorrow in a particular group

of people the word 'relationship' is pronounced. Feel how your reaction is. Is it the old default setting or the

new default setting?

You can make this process more powerful, , for example,

by creating another connection first with the good feeling

at the word 'relationship', namely by,, pushing gently your

thumb and index finger of your right hand and at the

same time focusing your attention on that good feeling. If

you have those two fingers approximately half a minute

against each other, a neurological connection arises

between the tactile feeling (thumb and index finger

together) and the good feeling within you. You can test

that neurological connection indeed, by putting your

attention inward and then putting your thumb and index

finger together.

If the neurological connection is made, you will get within eight heartbeats automatically that good feeling.

If that is done successfully, you can activate the feeling pushing gently your thumb and index finger

together and then have this good feeling inside, while you listen to someone who pronounces the word '

relationship '.

You do this exercise: three times, and next you do a test in the future, without thumb and index finger.

This process you can perform with any other word that is a trigger or a bad association for you.


14. Butterfly-Qigong This exercise: stimulates the energy flow in the body. It helps for grounding the

body. Do the exercise: very slowly with attention for the movements.

Bend your underarms horizontally forward, the hand palms are open up.

Close your fingers very carefully as if you hold a butterfly in your hands.

Open your left hand slowly and turn the left hand palm forward.

Push the hand palm forward while you bend your knees a little bit.

Turn your hand palm up and pull the open hand backwards, stretch your legs up again.

Close your fingers carefully, as if you hold a butterfly in your hand.

Open your right hand slowly and turn the right palm forward.

Push the right palm forward while you bend your knees a little.

Turn your hand palm up, pull your open hand backwards and stretch your legs again.

Close your fingers carefully, as if you hold a butterfly in your hand.

Open both your hands and turn the hand palms forward.

Push both hands forward while you bend your knees a little.

Turn your hand palms up; pull your hands towards your body, while stretching your legs.

Close your fingers carefully, as if you hold a butterfly in each of your hands

Then put your hands at the side of your body.

* Notice how stable your feet are standing! You can repeat the exercise: as many times as you like it.


Day 5

15. Strategies Sometimes you want to motivate yourself to do something important, or you want to learn something, or

you want to sleep but remain worrying, sometimes you want to win a competition, in a job application you

want to be chosen for that dream job.......

To achieve something in your life you apply a strategy, usually unconsciously. If you want to achieve in

your life things which up till now you did not succeed, it is necessary to choose a successful strategy.

Would you like to learn these internal keys to success?

A strategy in NLP is a sequential series of representation systems that is followed to achieve a specific

goal.

If you are interested in the answer to the question: ' how does someone what he or she does? ‘Then you're

interested in which strategy someone uses to a particular result. The ' do ' is located at the level of skills in

the neurological levels.

Basically, all within NLP is originated from the thought that if we could find the structures behind

The definition of a strategy is: ' a sequence of internal and external representations that leads consistent to a

certain result '.

These representations we know from the representation systems: Visual, Auditory-tonal, Kinesthetic and

Auditory-digital. With internal we mean ‘in our thinking’ and with we mean 'from the outside world'. For

instance, you can create a picture from the inside (Visual-internal) and you also can take a look at

something from outside yourself (Visually-external). And so does that apply to sounds (At), feelings (K)

and reasoning (Ad).

A strategy is sometimes compared to the code of a combination lock. Each time you press the correct code

the lock will open. If you put wrongly one of the figures than the result will be different. Then you have

done the non-open strategy. This results in effective and less-effective strategies. The strategy gets the

name of the final result. So we know for example the sale strategy, decision strategy, motivation strategy,

reading strategy, learning strategy, and so on.

Eugene Galanther, Karl Pibram and George have added the so-called Miller1 TOTE-model to NLP. The

TOTE model was already used in the computer world and can be used to bring structure in all human

behavior.

1 Plans of the Structure of Behavior, 1960


TOTE stands for Test, Operate, Test and Exit, an order that is based on computer models.

1. Information that may be important for a strategy enters in advance. This is the first step: the

stimulus, the Input, with which the strategy is stimulated.

2. The next step is a Test in which is tested if the stimulus is relevant or not. Anyway, if the final

result is not valuable enough for you, you will not be prepared to begin the strategy. In doing so, it

has to meet the criteria.

3. The third step, the Operate, is the phase of the collection of information. This can be internal or

external information. These are indicated by a lowercase i or e. Internal information are memories.

External information consists of stimuli of the senses, from the outside world. Both internal and

external stimuli can be Visual (sight), Auditory (hearing), Kinesthetic (feeling), Olfactory (smell)

as Gustative (taste).

4. At the fourth step, the Test, the

result is compared with the criteria

outlined in the first phase (Trigger).

The two things which are compared,

have to be represented in the same

representation system. Next, there are

two possibilities. If the result is not

yet met or the result is achieved. In

the first case it is necessary to go

back to the start, to the Trigger phase,

to adjust the criteria (expectations) or

to the Operate phase to gather again

information, until finally the strategy

can be closed.

5. At the fifth step, the Exit, the

strategy has led to a good result and

the strategy is completed.

What is the best strategy to climb a

mountain?

+

Setting or access to criteria for the required state (emotions)

Compare or evaluate data on criteria

Select or give priority toinformation

Access or gathering information

-

+

- Input

1 Test

2 Operate

3 Test

4 Exit

5


Types of strategies The first step to discover the strategy of somebody is the process of by retrieval of information.

A few possible strategies:

In fact everything we do usually is a strategy or a series of strategies.

To discover a Strategy Discovering a strategy, we use the term ‘to elicit’; we need to ask some questions:

Example of a purchase strategy:

I saw (in the shop) some shiny red shoes (= Visual-external, Ve).

I asked the price (Auditory-external, Ae).

I said: "Yes this is it" (Auditory-internal, Ai).

Then I was entirely sure (Kinesthetic-internal, Ki) that I had to buy these shoes.

We write this in short:

Eat

Sport

Health

Wealth

Poverty

Love

Decision

Relaxation

Motivation

Tension

Disease

Depression

Sales

Give

Receive

Pleasure

Forget

Sex

Boredom

Food Marketing

Communication

Luck

Cycling upwind

Creativity

Ve A

e A

i K

i

also cyclists use this strategy strategy of gueese to fly efficient with energy

saw color asked the price yes this is it entirely sure

K+


Components of Acts A strategy consists of a sequence of components, which

are representations that lead to a particular result. The

human experience consists of an endless series of these

components. In order to approach this limitless number

of representations, in NLP there is classification of these

components based on their result.

Components

Visual

o External

o Internal >Construction

> Memory

Auditory

o External


>Memory

Auditory digital

Kinesthetic

o External


>Memory

x Proprioceptive (small tense senses in the muscles)

x Tactile

Olfactory (smell)

o External


>Memory

Gustatory (taste)

o External


>Memory

Acts

1. Requesting information

2. Using the information

3. Designing the strategy

4. Installation of the strategy

Is this the succesful chess strategy?

Is ‘swimming in a school’ a good strategy for fish?


41. Exercise: What is your getting up strategy? Work in pairs.

1. Person A closes his or her eyes and imagines getting up in the morning. What are the specific steps

to get up? B coaches and writes down V, At, K, or Ad, and internal or external.

2. B asks clarifying questions: what is the first step when you wake up? And then what? Then what?

Then what? B analyzes the representation system and if it is internal or external, using the

following model:

3. Continue this until the strategy is clear step by step.

4. A and B changes roles.

42. Install a new motivation strategy Work in pairs

1. For which task or action do you want a new motivation strategy?

Research together with the worker how he or she motivates put

himself or herself to do something.

Use (sub) modalities.

Example:

Someone sees first the work in front of his/her eyes, = Ve

Then he/she hears an angry voice = Ati

And then has a rotten feeling. = Ki

Only when that feeling is strong enough, he/she does the job.

2. Find a new effective motivation strategy

Go on until you have found the most important parts in a series

and the crucial element. The key element can often be found in

that element which changes in a crucial way.

Example:

Image = Vi-+ you imagine a clean desk,

Voice – Ati + "well done boy or girl!””

Pleasant feeling Ki + "you feel satisfied and proud that this is fixed"

So you get the pleasant feeling in advance and you experience any step as a part of the work that is

'finished'.

3. Apply the effective strategies to any ‘boring’ tasks for the worker.

Imagine something that needs to be done and to which you are reluctant to do it and apply the newly

discovered strategy.

Cleaning up your desk, a big job?

Not if you imagine a clean writing desk!


Change the (sub) modalities so that they fit into the new strategy. Apply it to various situations, times

and so on.

Make sure, that it becomes an automatism.

4. Finalize the exercise.

Ineffective motivation strategies: 1. disaster scenario: imagine if I don’t do or if I postpone it even longer;

2. "Imagine that I do it" instead of "imagine that it is finished";

3. Dictator style: voices in my head with many, must, have to, need to, should;

4. Thinking the 'big picture' thinking: see the entire job in front of you.

Successful motivation strategies: 1. Imagine that it is already ' finished '. Vi

2. Speak to yourself in a motivating manner. Ati

3. Feel the feeling that it is 'finished' and enjoy it. Ki

4. Take a small part of the whole to start with Ki+

Exercise: Installing your success strategy Work in pairs.

A Works, B coaches

1. A names a job or task, he has to do and to which

he has fear to start with, which he postpones

always or which he does not finish.

2. A searches for an experience in which he was

successful.

3. B asks for the steps A makes in this successful

experience (VAKOG specific).

4. B asks A to make a picture of the negative

consequences of not doing the unpleasant task (in

1).

5. Let A add motivating sounds, tones, and feelings (VAKOG) to the image, taken from the successful

strategy from step 2.

6. Let A if necessary add still another V+ At+ of K+ step.

7. Invite A to add what is so attractive to finish the job or task.

8. Support A to make this image very clear.

9. Ask A what is his next step?

10. Finalize the Exercise:for A and change roles

A journey of a thousand miles

begins with the first step

Chinese Philosopher: Laozi, 604 – 531 before Chr. Discover your unknown powers by taking the first step.


Day 6

16. Solution focused work The founders of this way of working are Steve de Shazer and

Insoo Kim Berg.

Steve de Shazer (1940, Milwaukee US – 2005, Vienna) was a

psychotherapist, actor and founder and pioneer of the Solution

based brief therapy. He was married to Insoo Kim Berg.

He wrote six important books, translated into 14 languages and

he presented his work in many countries all over the world

Originally De Shazer was a classical musician and he worked as

a jazz saxophone player. From his work as a musician he got his

great sensitivity which helped him a lot in his solution based therapy working with his clients.

Insoo Kim Berg (1934 – 2007) was born in Korea and she became a psychotherapist in the United States of

America. She became a pioneer in the Solution Based Brief Therapy. Together with her husband Steve de

Shazer she founded the Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee in the USA. Insoo Kim Berg published

ten well known books.

What is solution based work? Solution based therapy is directed towards results, working in a respectful way with clients towards

relatively quickly attained and sustainable changes. The therapy or techniques are used in therapy, training

sessions, by coaches, facilitators, consultants and managers. They are used in individual coaching work as

well as in team work.

Solution based coaching is different from traditional ways of coaching. Talking about the problem is part of

the techniques, but the coach does not look for the reasons of the problem nor trying to make a diagnosis.

Instead, the coach supports the client by asking questions to formulate goals in terms of concrete positive

results. The coach works in a non-directive way and maintains an attitude of not-knowing. This means that

he uses the premise that the perspective of the client is and remains leading. The coach asks questions

which must be classified as benevolently investigative.

The coach examines how the client sees his situation and helps him through his questions to achieve an

ever more constructive, realistic and useful perspective. The solution-focused coach assumes that the client

is able to choose his own goals and also that he already has the solutions needed to achieve those goals.

Research shows that client centered nature of the solution based techniques leads to a positive result of the

coaching. It also appears that it is possible to help clients to achieve more realistic and more useful ways of

thinking and looking without confronting them.

P - problems are acknowledged but NOT analyzed

O - outcomes desired are specified

W - where are you now on the scale?

E - exceptions to the problem are keys to solutions

R - relationships are enhanced and made productive

S - small steps forward leads to larger change


The premises of Solution Based techniques are simple and one has to learn how to use them.

1. When something is not broken, don’t repair it.

2. Stop doing what does not work, do something different

3. Do more of what works well

4. Learn from other what works and teach others what you know is

working.

It is a movement characterized by the following goals:

1. Generate hope for change

2. Respectful and authentic attention

3. Give the other the feeling that he or she is understood.

“Focus on the doors

not on the walls” Solution-Focused Scaling Questions Steve De Shazer talked with a client who came for his second session. He asked the client what was

better now. The client spontaneously replied: “I’ve almost reached 10 already!” De Shazer began to

play with the idea of using numbers to describe one’s situation. This started the development of the

scaling question used in solution-focused therapy (Malinen, 2001). Today, scaling questions have

developed into the most well known and most frequently used solution-focused techniques. Scaling

questions are relatively easy to use and extremely versatile. Nowadays, many therapists, coaches and

managers use them. Even many people who know little about the solution-focused approach know the

scaling question.

The following picture (Visser, 2009) visualizes all of these steps:


43. Exercise: Walking the scale 1. Everyone thinks of something which you would like to do better than you can do now.

2. Imagine a scale from 0 to 10 in this room.

3. Find a place in the room indicating the position where you are now in relation to your goal.

4. What did you do get on the place where you are now?

5. Stand on 10.

6. How do you know that you achieved your goal?

7. Stand again on the Now position.

8. Did you ever stand on a higher position than where you are now? (Very often we have had

better results than where we are now: earlier successes, which we tend to forget). How was

that? What did you do at that time?

9. What do you need to reach a step higher on the scale?

10. Visualize for yourself how you are going to do that.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CoK0rhOzDYU/Tuok_sDsq1I/AAAAAAAADqw/hrr1BpHOWmg/s1600/The+solution+focused+scale+-+Coert+Visser.jpg


The miracle question The miracle question is a well-known solution focused technique. It was

invented one day when Insoo Kim Berg did a therapy session with a client

with a serious problem. Insoo did not quite know how to progress during

the session. At some point in the conversation, she posed a question and

the answer was "Oh, a miracle would be needed to make that happen!"

and Insoo said, "Well, Yes.. ... imagine that miracle would happen...

“Insoo was surprised at how useful the answer that followed turned out to

be. And from that moment she started to develop the miracle question as it

is well known now. The miracle question asks the client to describe in

detail how his situation would be if a miracle would have happened and

his problem would be resolved. The power of the question is that it shifts

the client's attention very quickly away from the problem into the desired

future. The miracle question is in fact a series of questions that goes like

this:

44. Exercise: Miracle question step by step In pairs, 10 min. each way.

PART ONE

"I have a strange, perhaps unusual question, a question that takes some imagination ...

[Pause. Wait for some sort of signal to go ahead with the question.]

Suppose . . .

[Pause. The pause allows clients to wonder what strange and difficult thing I might ask them to

suppose.]

After we finish here, you go home tonight, watch TV, do your usual chores, etc., and then go to bed

and to sleep . . .

[Pause. Pretty normal, everyday stuff. Not so strange after all.]

And, while you are sleeping, a miracle happens . . .

[Pause. The context for this miracle is the client's normal, everyday life. This construction

allows for any kind of fantastic wishing.]

And, the problems that brought you here are solved, just like that! . . .

[Pause. Now the focus is on one particular miracle that is in line with this session.]

But, this happens while you are sleeping, so you

cannot know that it has happened."

[Pause. This is designed to allow the client to

construct his or her miracle without any

consideration of the problem and without any

consideration of the steps that be or might

have been involved.]

"Once you wake up in the morning,

a) “How will you go about discovering that this

miracle has happened to you?" OR,


b) "How will your best friend know that this miracle happened to you?"

[Wait. The therapist should not interrupt this silence; it is the client's turn to talk, to answer the

question. In fact, when the client's response is "un-reasonable" (in the therapist's view) the

therapist's most useful response is to continue his/her silence which gives the client a change to

"fix" the response, to make it more reasonable.]

[Many clients, particularly adolescents, find it easier to describe the day-after-the-miracle from

the perspective of other people. The individual's perspective is then dealt with in Part Two.]

PART TWO

"a) “How will your best friend discover that this miracle happened to you?" …

b) "How will you discover that this miracle has happened to you?"“ …..

Can you tell more about it?

And more?

PART THREE

"When was the most recent time (perhaps days, hours, weeks) that you can remember when things

were like this the day after the miracle?"

PART FOUR

"On a scale from 0 to 10, with 10 standing for how things are the day after the miracle and 0 standing

for how things were at the point that you called to arrange for this appointment, where - between 0 and

10 - are you at this point?"

[This "progress scale" is designed to help both therapist and client figure out where the client is

in relation to his/her goal(s) for therapy.]

"On the same scale, where do you think your best friend would say you were you made this session?"

"On the same scale, where would you say things were when things were like this on the miracle day?"

PART FIVE

[The opening question in second and later sessions.]

"So, what is better?"

["Better" is a construction and this is

designed to remind both coach and worker

that one of the goals in these subsequent

sessions is to help the client describe things

as "better." Failure to begin the subsequent

sessions with this question undermines the

value of the other four parts.]

PART SIX

[The "progress scale."]

"Remember that scale where 10 stands for the day

after the miracle?


Where would you say you are today on that scale?"

[It seems more useful to ask about this without reminding the client of his/her previous rating.

If the question is asked this way: "Last time you were at 3, where are you now?"

Clients tend to respond with "3" and they tend to respond to the open version with a rating

"higher" than that they gave in the previous session.]

To give an overview of all the possible perspectives, you can find them in this scheme:


What to do with the answers on the miracle question? Sometimes people indicate in answer to the miracle question that something has changed which has solved

the problem, but that stays beyond their own sphere of influence. For example: 'After the miracle I won the

Lottery!' Or: 'After the wonder my boss is suddenly nice!' Or: 'After the miracle I have found the dream job

of my life!' Or: 'After the wonder our team works like a well-oiled machine!'

All these answers are fine. As a beginning.

The effective approach is then to ask in detail all what will be

different, starting with the moment of waking up in the morning

after the miracle has taken place. And then to draw the miracle

within the own sphere of influence you could ask:

'Suppose the team works like a well-oiled machine, what would

that make possible for you?

How would it make possible for you to behave differently?

What would you do differently?'

The miracle question can be posed to individuals and also to

teams or to whole organizations.

What is the result of the miracle question? People act outside the here and now and start to imagine what their life would be like if the problem was

gone. This gives hope for change and is the beginning of actually changing!

Major ideas of solution-Focused Work


17. Ho'o Pono Pono (Ho'o = to make, Pono Pono = right good)

Where does Ho’oponopono come from?

It is a healing process from Hawaii. You can read more about

it in the book “Zero Limits The secret Hawaiian System for

Wealth, health Peace and More “van Joe Vitale, Ihaleakala

Hew Len. ISBN10: 0470402563/ ISBN13: 9780470402566

Stanley Ihaleakala Hew Len became known by his work as a

psychiatrist in a mental hospital for heavy violent and criminal

patients. He managed to bring most of the patients to peace and

normal behavior. This did not happen by talking to them or by

giving them medicines and all the techniques which had failed

so far. He did his work at home, at distance with the patient

folder in front of him and by doing Ho’oponopono. After

several months the patients could leave the mental hospital and

go back to the society and the mental hospital could be closed.

What Dr. Hew Len explains:. “You have two ways to live

your life,” “From memory or from inspiration. Memories are

old programs replaying. Inspiration is the Divine giving you a

message. You want to come from inspiration. The only way to

hear the Divine and receive inspiration is to clean all

memories. The only thing to do is to clean.”

Dr Hew Len spent a lot of time explaining how the Divine is our zero state – it’s where we have zero limits.

No memories. No identity. Nothing but the Divine. In our lives we have moments of visiting the zero limit

state, but most of the time we have garbage – what he calls memories – playing out.

“When I worked at the mental hospital and would look at the patients ‘charts," he told us, “I would feel the

pain inside me. This was a shared memory. It was a program that caused the patients to act the way they

did. They had no control. They were caught up in a program. As I felt the program, I cleaned.”

Cleaning became the recurring theme. … Here is the method of cleaning Dr Hew Len used the most and

still uses and the one I use today:

There are simply four statements that you say over and over, nonstop, addressing them to the Divine:

“I love you”

“I’m sorry”

“Please forgive me”

“Thank you”

Quote from Joe Vitale in “Zero Limits, The secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, health, Peace and More,

page 31 and 32.

Objective of this process:

To heal a disturbed relationship with a part in yourself for example a part that prevents you to be absolutely great and wonderful, you will notice that for example when the part does take a lot of energy from you.


Higher Self

Zelf Conscious

Mi Unconscious

Higher Self seen as the father

Conscious Mind seen as the mother, taking care of her child

Unconscious Mind, seen as the child that communicates with the father

Exercise: The process of Ho’o Pono Pono, a visualization:

- Make Rapport with the group or the person with whom you do the process.

- Explain what you are going to do, what the objective is of the visualization and what might be

the consequences.

- Do 4 x the “Ha-breath” (count 3 beats while breathing in through your nose, count 6 beats

while breathing out through your mouth, do this 4 x)

- The person (worker) or the group imagines that they are sitting in a theater with the stage

and a balcony. The worker(s) take place on the balcony, in such a way that (s)he can see the

stage down in the distance, slantwise in front of him/her.

- Tell the group: (here the process of

the Visualization starts)

- Feel the chair, the floor under your

feet, notice your breath, listen to my voice, you relax more and more. Let go. Even when your conscious mind cannot follow the steps immediately your unconscious mind will do the process and help you through the steps.

1. "Create a state with one or two chairs;

on these chairs you invite one or two people who are inhibiting you from being great and

wonderful. Keep this in mind that the people are representatives of the parts of yourself that need

healing. If there are people on the scene who are willing to support you, you will say "Thank you",

and they can go off the stage.

Contact with your Higher Self

(mission/spirituality/Source) is

impossible because of a blockade of the

connection between the conscious and

the unconscious mind. (This blockade

comes from negative emotions and

limiting decisions)

Higher Self

Conscious

Mind

Sub-

conscious

Life energy coming

from Mission

/Spirituality /your

Source/ your Higher

Self


2. “Turn the person(s) on the chairs with the face towards you, very slowly, 360 degrees, one by one."

3. “Ask yourself: "Is it okay for me

to heal?" (If not, then reframe)

"Ask yourself:" Is it okay to heal

that part in me which represents

the other / or with which I

identify, is it okay for that part to

heal? "(If not, what should be

done now so that you have the

feeling that it's okay to heal that

part of you which represents that

person? "(Note: If you are

willing to stand on the side of the

cause, then you are always able

to heal those parts which need to

be healed ...)

4. “Then create above your head

from the cosmos and under your

feet from the earth an infinite

source of love and healing. With

each inhalation that stream of

love and healing flows through a

hole into your head and through

your feet up. It comes into you, it

fills you up completely. Then let

these two streams of love and

healing flow through your heart

and let them go to the person(s)

on the stage. Take the time for

this process. If there are more

than one person on the stage do this with each of them. You remember that you still are sitting on

the balcony and the person(s) are on the stage down in the theater.

5. “Sometimes it is necessary to ask the other person what do you need from me to be able to say

good bye? That could be for example acknowledgment or forgiveness. That what the other person

indicates as a need you can send it with the stream of love and healing which is still flowing from

your heart.

6. "While you continue sending love and healing in your mind you do a conversation with the people

on the stage. It is Okay to do it with all at the same time. You say in yourself: “I am sorry”, “I

forgive you, you forgive me”, “I love you” or 'I say goodbye to you and you say goodbye to me”

“Thank you for the things you have given to me and the things I learnt from you”

And in your mind you make contact with the other, maybe by giving a hug, or shaking hands, a kiss

or whatever comes up in your mind "

7. "Ask your unconscious mind to indicate what kind of connection you have with the other person,

what does this connection look like. Maybe a cord from shoulders to shoulder, or heart to heart, or

from belly to belly. (No to be said out loud: This is called the Aka cord)

8. Untie this connection from yourself and let the part go. Notice what happens with yourself and how

it feels ....

9. See if you can forgive yourself, that you kept this connection even if this was not helpful for

yourself.

Ho’o pono pono

All problems begin as thought

All thoughts are imbued with memories,

memories of persons, places or things.

When you do Ho’o po pono

Divinity takes the painful thought

and neutralizes it

You don’t have to know

what the problem is

just notice any problem you are

experiencing mentally, physically,

emotionally or whatever.

Once you notice, your responsibility is

to immediately begin to clean your

memories

by saying:

“I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Thank you.

Repeat

until the energy is clean.


10. What do I need to fill up the space which the other filled up? Look what comes up in your mind.

Breath towards that part with what it needs to be filled up as an intention in your breath.

11. Maybe there are other parts in your body which need to be healed. Breath towards those parts as

well with the intention of what those parts need.

12. Then come back from the balcony, down the steps in the theater. Feel the chair on which you sit.

Feel your feet on the ground. Move your hands, your arms, your face, your feet, your legs. If you

are ready open your eyes and look around. Note: Take care of the ECOLOGY!! Make sure you preframe the process. The worker needs to know what is going to happen. The process does not deal with the person on the stage, but with that part in the worker which is representing the other!

45. Exercise: Ho’o pono pono in pairs A (coach) guides B (the worker) through the process. You can do this on your own.

1. Take someone in your mind with whom you cannot contact so easily.

2. Say in yourself: I am sorry (for example for what happened between us)

3. Forgive me (I hope you want to stay in touch with me or that you can let go without resentment).

4. Then say in your mind one of the following statements (look for the one which fits best to you) to

the person:

5. I love you.

6. I respect you.

7. I acknowledge you.

8. Thank you for the lessons I learnt from you.


18. Concluding exercise

The aim of this exercise: if to strengthen you in a conviction that something is not going so easy yet, that

you can do that with strength and you visualize that you have reached your goal already.

Some people do this walking bare feet over hot coals and there are other activities which are meant to

strengthen you in your decisiveness.

1. Look at the objectives you wrote for this course.

2. Write this on a piece of paper and if necessary adapt the goals. Write is short and as concrete as

possible.

3. Visualize as if you have reached your goal already.

4. Then take a straw in your fist in one hand and a potato in your other hand.

5. Visualize the goal and with this image in your mind you imagine that you have put the straw through the

potato.

6. In one movement you put the straw through the potato.

You reached your goal!


19. Reading more about NLP

(Books and websites) Books

1. “NLP for Dummies, Turn positive thoughts in positive action”. by Romilla Ready en Kate

Burton, ISBN 9043010502

2. “Introducing NLP, Psychological Understanding and Influencing people” by Joseph OÇonnor

& John Seymour ISBN : 10 185538 344 6

3. “NLP Workbook” A practical guide to achieving the results you want” by Joseph OÇonnor

ISBN 0 00 710003 5

4. “Free yourself from fears, overcome anxiety and living without worry” Joseph O’Çonnor

ISBN1-85788-360-8

5. “Unlimited power, the way to peak personal achievement” Anthony Robbins ISBN: 0449

90280-3; Arabic version with Jarir books 2008

6. “Awaken the giant within”, Anthony Robbins ISBN 0-671-79145-0

7. “Time Line Therapy and the basis of personality” Tad James & Wyatt Woodsmall ISBN0-

916990-21-4

8. “Training trances, multi-Level Communication, The therapy and Training” John Overurf &

Julie Silverthorn ISNB 1-55552-069-3

9. NLP for dummies Romilla Ready and Kate Burton, Addison Wesley

10. From coach to awakener, Robert Dilts Meta Publications, Capitola California 2003

11. How do you get in control of your feelings? Dr Ibrahim El Feqi

http://ibrahimelfiky.com/files/2012/12/3_of_October_2012.pdf with 8 titles of books from him

12. Brilliant NLP Molden, David / Hutchinson, Pat Arabic Jarir Bookstore, 2009

ISBN: 282204358; 9,-$

برمجة ية اللغوية ال ب ية العص الذك

websites: www.nlpls.com

www.nlpschool.com

www.renewal.ca/nlp5.htm

www.nlp.com

www.nlp-world.com

www.nlpinfo.com

www.richardbandler.com

www.johngrinder.co.uk

http://ibrahimelfiky.com

look at Google

Youtube:

Ibrahim el Feky يم حط ط ت راب بي ال ل س الhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY1t85ajHTg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrDRcZzCc9k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6W3xHTIxdY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_847dpXAeg

http://www.nl.bol.com/is-bin/INTERSHOP.enfinity/eCS/Store/nl/-/EUR/BOL_DisplayCreatorPageInformation-Start;sid=bcM78EhcQsI71AuGErYFx6iE9JykQ-qGYTc=?BOL_ARTIST_ID=45263&Section=BOOK

http://ibrahimelfiky.com/files/2012/12/3_of_October_2012.pdf

http://www.nlpls.com/

http://www.nlpschool.com/

http://www.renewal.ca/nlp5.htm

http://www.nlp.com/

http://www.nlp-world.com/

http://www.nlpinfo.com/

http://www.richardbandler.com/

http://www.johngrinder.co.uk/

http://ibrahimelfiky.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY1t85ajHTg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY1t85ajHTg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrDRcZzCc9k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6W3xHTIxdY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_847dpXAeg

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