Bullying

Understanding and dealing

with the problem

What is Bullying?

A conscious, willful, and deliberate hostile

activity intended to harm.

Behind your back or “in your face”

Obvious or hidden by supposed friendship

Involving one person or a group

Coloroso, B. (2002). the bully, the bullied, and the bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishing.

Bullying and Conflict

Bullying is not normal childhood conflict Conflict is an inevitable and healthy part of social interaction.

A conflict generally has at least two sides with each side

thinking that it is right.

Bullying is not always impulse aggression

(e.g. students with anger management difficulties)

These students have difficulty dealing with conflicts and

anger in appropriate ways.

Key Elements of Bullying

Imbalance of Power – the desire to control another person

Intent to Harm - enjoys inflicting pain on target

Threat of Further Aggression - not meant to be a one time event

Terror - now the bully can act without fear of retaliation

Forms of Bullying

Physical

Obvious forms (hitting, kicking)

Spitting

Damaging clothes or property

Forms of Bullying

Verbal

Intimidating e-mails

Notes containing threats, accusations, rumors,

gossip

Cruel criticism

Racist slurs

Sexual comments

Forms of Bullying

Social/Relational

Often joined with rumor

Ignoring, isolating, excluding

Stares, “dirty looks”, rolling of eyes

Sighs, frowns, snickers

Hostile body language

Used to reject someone or ruin a friendship

Forms of Bullying

Cyberbullying

Can reach people with remarkable speed

Difficult to identify person responsible

People may feel they do not have to take

responsibility for their actions

Occurs when you feels safe…at home

You can often feel trapped…no safe place to turn

Ways Teens Cyber Bully

Sending cruel or threatening emails, texts, or instant messages to someone

Posting private or embarrassing photos of someone without asking

Creating a website to make fun of someone

Blogging about people behind their back

Making up fake accounts on social networking sites (like MySpace or Facebook) to ridicule others

The newest website.. Ask.fm

Ways Teens Cyber Bully

Using someone’s password to hack into their email

Rating people in online polls

Spreading secrets or rumours about people online

Harassing other players in online video games (flaming)

Doctoring photos, adding image of a person’s face and sending to others

Interesting Facts

60 % of boys who are identified as bullies between grades 6 and 9 had a criminal conviction by the age of 24

Approximately 10% of students are involved in bullying on a daily basis at school

Peers are involved approximately 85% of the time.

Bystanders intervene in 19% of bullying episodes.

Characteristics Of A Bully

There are three main factors that allow kids to

harm others without feeling empathy,

compassion or shame.

1. A sense of entitlement

2. An intolerance toward difference

3. A liberty to exclude, isolate and segregate a person

deemed not worthy of respect or care

Coloroso, B. (2002). the bully, the bullied, and the bystander. Toronto: HarperCollins Publishing.

Possible Indicators - Bully

Students who bully others may display some of these

behaviours

like to dominate other people

like to use others to get what they want

only concerned with their wants and pleasures

view weaker siblings or peers as prey

use blame, criticism, and false allegations

refuse to accept responsibility for their actions

crave attention

tend to hurt others when parents/adults are not around

Possible Indicators - Target Students who are targets of bullying may display some of

these behaviours

• an abrupt drop in grades and lack of interest in school

• stop participating in social activities

• steal money from home

• have torn or missing clothing

• have stomach aches, headaches, panic attacks, or changes in

sleeping

• play alone, or prefer to hang out with adults

• are sad, angry or scared after receiving a phone call/email

What to do if your child is a target of

bullying

Ask your child directly

Give child option to talk about it or not

Assure that you are there to listen; not judge; victim

not to blame

Believe and validate feelings

Applaud the reporting of the incident

Help them in being specific about the details

Involve them in social activities outside of school

What to do if your child is a target of

bullying

Treat the school as an ally/establish a plan with the

school

Encourage your child to continue to speak with you

about any other incidents

Do not advise your child to physically fight back

Do not confront the bully or his/her family

Help your child develop a protective shield

Creating a Protective Shield

Children need to be

actively and

purposefully taught

these strategies and

given opportunities to

practice them to

increase their comfort

level and develop

confidence.

Get help

Assert yourself!

Ignore/walk away

Use positive self-talk

Use humour

Own it and have a

comeback

Use a “poker face”

Garrity, Carla et al. (2000) Bully Proofing Your Child: A Parent’s Guide. Sopris West, Colorodo

What to do if your child is

aggressive or bullies

Keep lines of communication open-a child who bullies will minimize the wrong doing or excuse it

Do not accept excuses or blame

Affirm that bullying will not be tolerated

Teach empathy through modeling; discuss how the victim must feel

Arrange for an effective non-violent consequence

Unplug the drug; supervise the amount of violent TV/video/computer games that are being watched

What to do if your child is

aggressive or bullies

Help the child feel successful; praise efforts at pro-

social, responsible behaviour

Provide opportunities for the child to do good

(volunteer work, community service etc.)

Be a positive role model

Cooperate with the school-speak to teachers and

administrators about how your child is doing in

changing the behaviour

Seek partnerships if necessary (social worker, school

psychologist, outside agencies)

“It is not the violence of

the few which scares me.

It is the silence of the many.” -Martin Luther King

Video Clips http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNumIY9D7uY (Childnet International)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwKgg35YbC4&feature=related (Megan Video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdeqbHEbQDc&feature=relmfu (Claire Video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4EjrFPAbbY&feature=related (Primetime ABC)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjjcjgEiEo8&feature=related (Kids Help Phone)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SMLADgjDMU (bullying hand video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6Hnk3Ep2I4&feature=related (music video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nptzg2odTKw (UNITED music video)

Video Clips- Human Rights

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2kIYgrGi5o (free and equal )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=nSOkmW6wZt8&feature=endscreen (torture)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYthVsrN4aY&feature=relmfu (slavery)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBOfgbAQ8R8&feature=relmfu (don’t discriminate)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNOD2Dnyt2k&feature=relmfu (the right to life)