Building Positive Relationships with Parents and Advocates Marcus E. Hayes Exceptional Education Teacher Institute June 21-25, 2010 Hunters Lane High School

Building Positive Relationships with

Parents and AdvocatesMarcus E. Hayes

Exceptional Education Teacher Institute

June 21-25, 2010

Hunters Lane High School

Building Positive Relationships with Parents and Advocates

Teachers and other professionals providing educational services to exceptional children need to be aware of unique perspectives and communication styles common to the parents of children with disabilities. The ways people deal with feelings – especially disappointment, anxiety, fear, embarrassment, and anger – vary considerably, and often it is not easy to discern how parents are reacting to the realization that their child has a disability.


Your relationship with parents and advocates influences the way they view themselves and, more importantly how children may see themselves. Positive interactions between parents and teachers is best for the child. Both parties need to ensure the child comes first and that the goals for the child are key and shared. As parents, teachers, and professional advocates, we should all advocate for our children. Our goal is to create a vision of success and a positive education experience for our children with special learning needs.


Schools must make a sincere commitment to consider parents as partners in their children’s education. Professionals who are attempting to work and communicate with parents of children with disabilities should be prepared to support the parents’ rights and responsibilities.


Much of the need for information can be satisfied though regularly scheduled meetings, conferences, and planning sessions for a child’s individualized education program (IEP). Educators may assume that their own familiarity with public policy is shared by parents of children with disabilities.


Building positive relationships with parents and advocates begins with the law……

I D E A

Parent ParticipationIDEA Section: 300.322

• Each public agency must take steps to ensure that one or both of the parents of a child with a disability are present at each IEP Team meeting or are afforded the opportunity to participate including….

1. Notifying parents of the meeting early enough to ensure that they will have an opportunity to attend; and2. Scheduling the meeting at a mutually agreed on time and place.(b) Information provided to parents.

Parent Participation (continued)

1. The notice required under paragraph (a)(1) of section 300.322 must:

i. Indicate the purpose, time and location of the meeting and who will be in attendance; and

ii. Inform the parents of the provisions in Sec. 300.321(a)(6) and (c) (relating to the participation of other individuals on the IEP Team who have knowledge or special expertise about the child), and Sec. 300..321(f)(relating to the participation of the Part C service coordinator or other representatives of the Part C system at the initial IEP Team meeting for a child previously served under Part C of the Act)


2. For a child with a disability beginning not later than the first IEP to be in effect when the child turns 16 or younger if determined appropriate by the IEP Team, the notice also must:i. IndicateA. That a purpose of the meeting will be the consideration of the postsecondary goals and transition services for the child, in accordance with Sec. 300.320(b); andB. That the agency will invite the student; andii. Identify any other agency that will be invited to send a representative.


c. Other methods to ensure parent participation. If neither parent can attend an IEP Team meeting, the public agency must use other methods to ensure parent participation, including individual or conference telephone calls, consistent with Sec. 300.328 (related to alternative means of meeting participation).

d. Conducting an IEP Team meeting without a parent in attendance. A meeting may be conducted without a parent in attendance if the public agency is unable to convince the parents that they should attend. In this case, the public agency must keep a record of its attempts to arrange a mutually agreed on time and place, such as….1. Detailed records of telephone calls made or attempted and the results

of those calls;

2. Copies of correspondence sent to the parents and any responses received; and

3. Detailed records of visits made to the parent’s home or place of employment and the results of those visits.


e. Use of interpreters or other action, as appropriate. The public agency must take whatever action is necessary to ensure that the parent understands the proceedings of the IEP Team meeting, including arranging for an interpreter for parents with deafness or whose native language is other than English.

f. Parent copy of child’s IEP. The public agency must give the parent a copy of the child’s IEP at no cost to the parent.

Notice of Procedural Safeguards

• When to provide notice of procedural safeguards

• Prior Written Notice

• Notice in understandable language/native language

• Informed Parental Consent

• Access Rights

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), the Federal law concerning the education of students with disabilities, requires schools to provide parents of a child with a disability with a notice containing a full explanation of the procedural safeguards available under the IDEA, U.S. Department of Education regulations and Tennessee law and regulations.

When should procedural safeguards be given to parents?

• Initial referral or parent request for evaluation

• Receipt of the first State complaint

• Disciplinary action requiring a change of placement

• Parent request

Prior Written Notice

Your school district must give you written notice at least ten (10) school days prior to:• Proposing to initiate or change the

identification, evaluation, or educational placement of your child.

• Refusing to initiate or to change the identification, evaluation, or educational placement of your child.

Parental Consent

• You have been fully informed in your native language or other mode of communication.

• You understand and agree in writing to an action.

• You understand that the consent is voluntary and can be withdrawn in writing at anytime.

Independent Educational Evaluations

You have the right to obtain an independent educational evaluation of your child if you disagree with the evaluation of your child that was obtained by your school district.

If you request an Independent Education Evaluation (IEE)

• The district disagrees and requests a hearing to show its evaluation is appropriate.

• The district agrees and provides an IEE at public expense.

Additional General Points….

• Native Language

• Electronic Mail

• Confidentiality of Information (FERPA)

• Unilateral Placement in Private Schools at Public Expense

• Private School Services

• State Contacts, Legal Aid, Forms

State Complaint and Dispute Resolution Procedures

• Written Administrative Complaint

• Mediation

• Due Process Complaint

–Resolution Meeting

–Mediation

–Due Process Hearing

–“Stay Put”

Sound Familiar?

• You are bombarded with numerous emails from a parent on a daily basis. There’s not enough time in the day to respond to all of them.

• You have a parent who is very angry and demanding. She/he refuses to sign any type of documentation at meetings.

• A parent of one of your students constantly threatens to file a due process if you do not do what she wants.

The Common Thread

All of these scenarios represent parents who may be fearful and distrustful. This can be avoided or substantially minimized by establishing a relationship based on trust and respect in the very beginning. It is easier to establish trusting relationships from the onset than to repair relationships after damage has been done.


Anger:

Fear(Alleviate the fear)

Lack of Power(Give them back the power)

Communication is the Key!

• How we communicate with parents sets the stage for future interactions.

• It is our responsibility as educators to make initial contact and to maintain regular contact with our parents.

• There are many ways to make contact with parents….phone call, home visit, newsletters home, parent conferences, and email.

• We communicate our beliefs, motivations, and intentions through our behavior.

• Contact that encourages two-way communication is generally the best way to build relationships.

Beware of Email!

• While email is easy, convenient, and fast, be VERY careful about what you say in email.

• Informal communications such as email can come back to haunt you if you are not careful. Remember….email can not ever be completely deleted!

• Be careful not to read emotions into email.

What Do We Communicate?

All too often providers’ daily relationships with parents and advocates hit snags because of differing experiences and beliefs. All good relationships need continuing attention. Points to consider…..

• Listen carefully to what parents say about their children.

• Figure out what parents are asking for and why.

• Explain your position.


• Avoid being defensive.

• Look for common ground.

• Learn from each other.

• Be open to trying out parents’ suggestions.

• Put yourself in the parents’ shoes.

• Smile

• Share good events of the day.


• Report any accidents and how they happened. Parents are understanding and realize scrapes and bumps occur.

• Be available and understanding.

• Keep personal information shared by parents and advocates confidential.

• Don’t talk about a child’s deficits in front of the child. Set up a time to call and discuss issues with the parent.

• Continue to talk.

Remember……

Good communication between teachers and parents doesn’t just happen. It requires special skills on your part.

• Good listening techniques

• Tact

• Kindness

• Consideration

• Empathy

Remember……• Enthusiasm

• An understanding of parent-child relationships

• Be honest

No matter how you communicate with parents and the community at large – through conferences, telephone conversations, email, written notes, or reports, lobbying or fund-raising efforts, working together in the classroom – good communication and interpersonal skills will enhance your efforts.

The Right Attitude

• All families have strengths.

• Parents can learn new techniques.

• Most parents really care about their children.

• Cultural differences are both valid and valuable.

• Many family forms exist and are legitimate.

Recognize that schools and homes have shared goals.

Both are committed to the nurturing, development, and education of children. Teachers must believe that parents have a crucial role in their children’s education, and parents and teacher must trust each other.

Respect caregivers and communicate that respect.

Tone of voice, word choice, facial expressions, body language, expectations, how long we make people wait – all these communicate respect or lack of it. Many parents have personal, family, work, health, or other problems that we know nothing about. Avoid being judgmental, and give parents the benefit of the doubt.

Acknowledge the changes in the American family.

In most families, both parents work outside the home, including the families of school teachers. Yet many of us still think of this common lifestyle as an aberration. Further, millions of American school children come from single parent homes. Still others live with relatives or in foster homes.

Be Positive!

Parents enjoy positive communication! Most teachers only make contact when something goes wrong. Make sure if you give negatives that you also give positives!

Attributes of a Good Advocate• Listens to what you say and know about your

child.

• Analyzes and explains all the reports about your child.

• Creates a professional “second opinion” on all reports.

• Builds an action plan for your child’s success.

• Guides you through decisions for your child.

• Saves you time and stress in organizing the details.

Attributes of a Good Advocate• Advises you on the how-to of difficult

discussions.

• Helps you feel confident and knowledgeable in meetings.

“Hmmm….I thought that was my

job!”

Opportunities for Building Relationships with Parents

The Initial Evaluation: Getting Off to a Good Start

• Explaining the evaluation process, eligibility determination, and the initial IEP is CRUCIAL to establishing good parental relations.

• Keep in mind that most parents are TERRIFIED that something is wrong with their child. You may see many emotions.

• By adequately explaining the process, we can alleviate their fears somewhat by giving them good information regarding the process of evaluation/eligibility.

Developing the Initial IEP

• Remember that the parent knows NOTHING about special education services, IEPs, or their procedural safeguards.

• Fully explain the process as you go and take the time to answer their questions. It’s OK if this meeting takes a little longer than others-it’s their first time to go through this.

• Let them know they can call you if they have questions after the meeting. Establish an open door policy from the beginning.

Initial IEP, continued

• Incorporate parent input into the IEP as much as possible. You want to make sure the process is a partnership.

• Explain the progress report to them. They will not understand what the report means when they get it if you do not take the time to explain it to them on the front end.

• Make sure they know how to contact you before the meeting is over.

Subsequent IEPs• After the initial IEP, you will not need to explain

the process as thoroughly, but you need to continue to communicate the process.

• Explain Easy IEP and the need to create a draft IEP ahead of time for efficiency’s sake. Stress that it is just a DRAFT and that we want their input.

• Send the draft home a day or two before the meeting so the parent has a chance to review it prior to the meeting.

Subsequent IEPs, cont.

• Encourage and welcome questions about the content of the IEP, as well as the process. Let the parent know you are there to answer questions.

• Seek parental input as often as possible. You want to create a team approach to working with their child. We want to ensure that parental input is a priority and that this is communicated to the parents.

The best laid plans of mice and men…

Despite the best of intentions on your part, difficulties can still arise with parents. When this happens, try to remove yourself from the situation as much as possible and review it from the parent’s perspective. If you can keep from feeling personally attacked, you may be able to turn it around and reach out to the parent. Often it helps to know where the parent is coming from.

When Parents are Angry

Parents often get angry when they feel they are not being listened to. Make sure you are displaying good active listening skills. Parents become angry when they are frustrated or scared. Remember this is their child and communicate your concern and commitment to working with their child. Sometimes just asking, “How can I help make this better for you?”, can calm a parent down. Also, sometimes just letting a parent “vent” helps.

When Parents are Defensive

Parents may get defensive when they feel responsible for their child’s disability. Other parents may get defensive when they feel they feel they are not “good parents.” It is important that we communicate with parents in such a way that they do not perceive we are “blaming” them. Defensiveness may indicate that they believe we are. Remember it is their perception (right or wrong) that drives their reactions.

Defensiveness, cont.

Keep in mind that some parents are intimidated by coming in for a meeting and sitting in a room full of highly educated people. Be sensitive to this. Pay close attention to how the team is seated. Does it look like the school staff is sitting across from the parents like a judge and jury? Does it look like the parent is sitting in the “hot seat?”

Times Likely to Generate Strong Emotions in Parents

• Initial Evaluation

• Transition from Elementary to Middle School

• Transition from Middle School to High School

• Transition from High School to Post Secondary

• Manifestation Determinations/Discipline

Be Proactive

By being proactive and taking the initiative in establishing strong relationships with parents, we can often prevent problems from coming up later. This means really working hard to cultivate good relationships with parents, particularly during times of transition. It is a new school and a new experience and parents are often scared. This is a good time for you to “hold their hand” through the process.

Remember…

• An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Be proactive from the get-go.

• Parents are looking to you, the expert, to guide them through this process. Take your role to heart and be thorough in making sure they understand the process.

• Parents are our co-partners in the education of their child. Include them as much as possible, and seek their input as often as you can.

Remember…

• Parents will go through all the stages of grief as they deal with their child’s disability. Be respectful of this process and offer to help them through it.

• When you feel attacked, try to depersonalize the experience and realize that it is about more than you. Sometimes stepping back and trying to see it from the parent’s perspective will help you solve the issue.

• Listen, Listen, Listen!


“Effective partnerships between parents and professionals require collaboration. It is hard work”!

J. Fialka

Documents

Building Positive Relationships with Parents and Advocates Marcus E. Hayes Exceptional Education Teacher Institute June 21-25, 2010 Hunters Lane High School