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CompassionCOMPETITION?
JasonGonzalez [email protected]
Building a Compassionate Culture INACOMPETITIVEENVIRONMENT
TheremaybemanywaysofbuildingacompassionatecultureinacompetitiveenvironmentbutletmetellyoutwoofthemthatIknowintheoryandpractice.Oneisthroughexposuretosustainablecompassionandtheotheristhroughtraininginmindfulnessandcompassion.
Compassionformestartswhenwe‘see’theuniversalpreciousnessofeachperson—underneaththesecondaryaccidentsofrace,gender,abilities,looks,etc.They’reallaccidentsbecausenohumanbeinginallhistoryandinalltheworldhaschosenher/hisownrace,gender,abilitiesandlooksandyetthere’satendencyforustoclingtothesepropertiestothepointofother-ing,fearandevenviolence—blindingeachoneofusfromtherealityofourcommonhumanity.It’swhenwe‘see’thatwebegintofeel.Andwhenwefeel,wecanbeginto‘act’.
I’mgratefulthatthisinsightcametomenotfrombooksortalksbutfromseeingthelifeexampleofmyparents.Justafewweeksbeforethisconference,IdiscoveredthatmyPapaisdoingsomethingIconsiderincrediblycompassionatetopeoplehedoesn’tevenknow.(He’llbeembarrassedifIgopublicwithitsoI’lljustfocusonmyMamaCarmen)
Mamadidn’tcomefromanaffluentfamilybutwasabletoworkherwayuptobecomeaclinicalinstructorforamaster’snursingprogramme.Shetaughtandworkedasanursefulltime.Withmydad,shealsotookcareofthefamilyverywellwhenshecamehomefromatiringjobofcaringforotherpeople.Toaddtoher(andmydad’s)responsibilities,shealsocaredforourtwoelderlyandsickgranniesathome.Shewascompassionatethroughandthrough,24/7.Andwhat’sstrikingwasthatthere’snomemoryfrommeormysiblingsofhercomplainingabouttheenormoustasktoliveoutcareandcompassionwithinthehousehold.Therewasnomoaningabouttreatingbedsores,uncontrolledbowelmovements,andirritability.MybrotherevensaidtomelastweekthatheremembersMamahavinga‘lightnessofbeing’that’scontagioustothefamilyandthepeopleshemet.Outsidethefamily,shegavepracticalhelptopeoplewhofoundithardtogeteducationandmedicalcareduetopoverty.Shetalkedtoanyoneandeveryonejustbecauseshe‘saw’them.Isawtoothatshealwayshadpredilectiontothepoor.
MamaCarmendiedat45,aloneintheUS,becausesheflewaheadofthefamilytoprepareforusmovingthere.Whenpeopleheardaboutthis,westartedreceivingmonetarycontributionsforhermedicalbill.
ItwasahugemedicalbillthatwastotallypaidoffbydonationsfrompeoplewhoknewMama.Eventwomonthsafterherdeath,moneywasstillpouringin.That’swhenwedecidedtogive100%ofthesurplusinsupportofnurses.Formanyyearsafterherdeath,MamastillcontinuedgivingfinanciallytothoseinneedthroughtheCarmenGonzalezMemorialAward.
Atherfuneral,Iremembertherewereatleast5massivebuses,anumberofjeepneys(likesmallbuses)andcountlesscarsfullofpeoplemourningherloss.(Ithoughtshewasacelebrityatthatpoint!)Andthenaweekafter,amumof3kidswalkeduptomeinourstreettoaskifIwasCarmen’sson.Isaidyes.Soshethankedmebecause,accordingtoher,mymumpaidforherkids’tuitionfees.Myonlyreactioninmyheadwas,didPapaknowaboutthis?:)
Mamaalwaysadmiredmygranny’scompassiontopeoplearoundher.That’sprobablywhereshegothers.Beitemotionalcontagion,epigenetics,theexperienceispowerful.Interestingly,Mamaseemedtohavepractisedtheharmonybetweenbeingcompassionatetoherself—throughhumour—andshowingcompassiontoothers.Thatmakesherveryhuman,reachable.
Compassionarguablyisn’tjustafeeling(youdon’thavetofeelitnecessarily).ButIbelieveyou’vegottohavethe‘eyes’toseesufferingsoyoucanacttoalleviateit.That’swheremindfulawarenesscomesin.ThisisthereasonwhyIconsidermyselfastudentofcompassion—notbecauseofanypersonalmeritbutmostlybecauseacompassionatelifetouchedme.I‘saw’it.
Companieshavetodowell.Productivity…
(Porter,2012)“Becomemorehuman.Don’tbeafraidofnot
beingsuccessful.”(Vanier,2018)
The LANGUAGEAssassin’sMentality
(Smith,2019)
Interruptmore,showpower
(Gino,2017)Compassionate‘Deep’
listening(Hanh,2012)
“Compassionprotectsusmorethanguns,bombs,andmoney.”(Hanh,2014)
PotentialBARRIERSConfusionwithterm‘compassion’
Self-preservation,selfishness&greed?
BacktooldenvironmentJasonGonzalez [email protected]
BARRIER1Confusionwiththetermcompassion
Wehavetechnicaldefinitionsofcompassion:
“altruisticmotivationtointerveneinfavourofsomeonewhoissufferingorisinneed”(Singer)
“asensitivitytosufferinginselfandotherswithacommitmenttotrytoalleviateandpreventit.”(Gilbert)
Fromacompetitivestandpoint,howwillthisbeofhelpifwewanttowinagainstor‘annihilate’competition?It’sacontestbetweenthestrongandtheweak.Compassioncanbeperceivedasaweakness,therefore,nothelpfulforanyorganisationthatwantstowin—beitatechcompany,asportsclub,aninnovationlab,asalesandmarketingorganisation,orwhatever.Competition’sstrengthisinitsabilitytoimprovequalityinperformance.
Andthereareotherwordsthatmaketheeverydayunderstandingofcompassionmoreconfusing,e.g.,pity,charity,empathy,sympathy,etc.
Thebottomlineis—whywouldweadoptcompassionifwewanttowininacompetitiveenvironment?Here,thelayperson’sunderstandingisfarmoreimportantthantheacademicdefinitionbecausetheformeropensorclosesthedoortocompassionasapractice.
BARRIER2Self-preservation,selfishnessandgreed
Self-preservationisveryobviouswhenwe’reonedge(reactiveandunaware).It’s‘mydeadline’thatI’mabouttomissthat’smoreimportantthanyourconcerns.It’sthepressurethisemailgivesmethatI’llhavetoprioritisebeforeIevenseethathomelesspersonneedingawarmcoffeeinawinternight.It’smyaddictiontobeingrightthatcanblockmefromlisteningtohowI’vecausedyousuffering.It’smyfluandmyirritationoveryourneeds.
Ourcurrentprevailingeconomictheoriesdon’thelpeither.They'remostlyfoundedontheprinciplesofselfishnessandgreedtothepointthataneconomyofcompassionseemsimpossible.Incompetitiveenvironments,it’sunderstandablethatpeoplegravitatetowardspower,incessantaccumulation,andproclivitytopleasurebecausethesethreecanbeperceivedtobetheperennialobviousescapefromsuffering.Evenifcompassioncanbeseenassomethingnoble,thesemakeitmoredifficultforcompassiontoinchitswaythroughadominantculturewheretheegoisking.
BARRIER3Backtooldenvironment
40yearsworthofhabitsencounteran8-weekprogramme,acompassion-centredretreat,oranaltruisticcommunity.Pluggedbackintotheoldcontextofcompetitivecriticism,insensitivity,self-centredness,machine-liketreatmentofpeople,impossibletargets,and/orreactiveincivility—withoutthetimetopracticemindfulnessandcompassion.Withoutpeopletopracticewithortogivesupport,whathappenstothehelpfulhabitspracticed?’40-yearsworthofoldhabitsvs.8weeksofpractice’means‘2,085weeksvs.8.’Themathprovesthenecessityforcommunitiesofpractice.That’sthereality.
Externalpolicyandstructuresalsoplayamajorpart.InarecentNewSavoyPartnershipsurvey,datashowsthat43%ofstaffreportedfeelingdepressedinthepreviousweek;42%reportedfeelinglikeafailureinthepastweek;72%thinkthey’reunderstaffedtodelivereffectivecare;and23%wereactivelythinkingofleavingtheNHS.(Figuresbroadlyconsistentsince2014)YouandIknowthatnoamountofmindtrainingsolvesgenuinestaffingproblems.
COSTOF‘INCIVILITY’Reactivity48%intentionallydecreasedtheirworkeffort.47%intentionallydecreasedthetimespentatwork.38%intentionallydecreasedthequalityoftheirwork.80%lostworktimeworryingabouttheincident.63%lostworktimeavoidingtheoffender.66%saidthattheirperformancedeclined.78%saidthattheircommitmenttotheorganizationdeclined.12%saidthattheylefttheirjobbecauseoftheunciviltreatment.25%admittedtotakingtheirfrustrationoutoncustomers.
(Porath&Pearson,HBR2013)
(Akninetal.,2012)
“Whatmovesmeiswatchingyoungmenbondtogetherandtapintothemagicthatariseswhentheyfocustheir
wholeheartandsoulonsomethinggreaterthanthemselves.”
-PhilJackson
JasonGonzalez [email protected]
Jackson ELEVEN1. Leadfromtheinside
out2. Benchtheego3. Leteachplayer
discoverhisowndestiny
4. Theroadtofreedomisabeautifulsystem
5. Turnthemundaneintothesacred
6. Onebreath,onemind7. Thekeytosuccessis
compassion8. Keepyoureyeonthe
spirit,notthescoreboard9. Sometimesyouhaveto
pulloutthebigstick10. Whenindoubt,donothing11. Forgetthering
LIVINGWITHCOMPASSION
GIVINGUPCONTROL
TRUSTINGTHE
MOMENT
(Jackson,2013)
Possible through &THROUGH?
JasonGonzalez [email protected]
Compassionateleader CompassionatestaffCompassionatesystemsCompassionateculture
CompassionateresultsRightlivelihoodProhumanityProearth
YES,it’spossible…I’veseentwoofthemandI’mvolunteeringwithboth.
L’Archeexemplifiesthebrillianceofhumanity.Tendernessandcompassionareattheheartofwhattheydoinacommunitysetting.InL’Arche,peoplewithlearningdisabilities(a.k.a.Coremembers)aretheteachersofcompassionand‘being’human.Iknowthisfrommyownexperiencewiththecommunity,myreadingsofthefounder’sphilosophy,andmydialogueswiththevolunteerswhobenefitfromL’Arche.
WhenIgotoL’Arche,timebecomesjustthepresentmoment.There’snomoreneedtomeettargetsortohurryup.Socialcomparisonintermsofproductivityandtalentfadeintothebackground.WhenCoremembersseeaperson,theyjustgooverandtalktothem.There’smorespacefor‘being’humanandlessforbeingafunctionorarole.It’sjustthismoment…withpeopleoftheheart.Canthiscompassioncontagionbemeasured?Thisinterestbroughtmetoexplorethe$1.3-millionstudybyFullerandCaltechcalled,“Love,Compassion,andCare:VirtueScienceandExemplarityinRealLifeandintheLaboratory.”Theresearchinvolvedanextensiveself-identityinterview,questionnaires,tasksinvolvingdecisionsthatreflectgenerosityandcompassion,characteristicsofeye-gazetoemotionallysalientpictures,andpatternsofbrainactivity.Tofindoutmore,pleasecontactWarrenBrownattri@fuller.edu.Icontactedhimmyselfandhegenerouslysharedwithmetheirwork.
Andyes,peopleinL’Archeareproductivetoo—havingacateringsocialenterprisepoweredmostlybythepowerlessandanallotmentthat‘feeds.'
TheotheroneisStorehouse.
Thischaritybrilliantlyprioritisespeopleovertask.Inthetug-of-warbetweenproductivityandwellbeing,Storehouseprovesproductive.It’sabletosupportitselfwelldespitebeinginacompetitivespacewherecharitiesbattleforlimitedfunding.Itraisesitsownfundsprimarilybysharingitsethosthatasenseofhumanityandcommunityisoverandabove‘targets.’
Storehouseprovidesfood,clothingandfurnituretopeopleinneed.Theleadersmodelkindnessandcompassiontothestaff,volunteersandserviceusers.I’msurethatit’snotperfectbecausenoorganisationis.Butbecausecompassionisexplicit,it’sintheheart.Andifit’sintheheart,it’sinthelanguage—“Youarewelcomehere…Whatisitthatyouneed?”“Wemissedyoulastweek.”“It’salrightifthekidsplaywiththefoodhampers.Someothervolunteerwillsortthem.”(Fromtheproductivitystandpoint,thelastquoteformewasthestrangestthingtoheartheleadersay).
Adultvolunteerspackhampersanddistributethemtopeopleonaweeklybasis.Kidsasyoungas3or4jointheirparentsinsortingcontainersofsugarandbiscuits.Ithinkthisistherightwaytoliveandwork.
It’scompassionandkindnessthroughandthrough.Fromtheleaderstothestaffandvolunteers…thentotheserviceusersinneed.Thentheserviceusersatsomepoint‘findfeet’tovolunteer.It’sanupwardspiralofbeingfullyhuman!
Learning from THEHAPPYWISE
‘Pretention’disabilityUnderdevelopedfranticways
Peopleof‘heart’and‘presence’
JasonGonzalez [email protected]
Compassionate Leaders àCULTURESThekeyistohavetherightpersonfortherightrole.InthewordsofL’ArcheBelfastDirector,ScottShively,“tobuildacompassionateculture,hireforcompassion.”It’seasiertotrainforskillsandknowledge.It’shardertotrainforcompassion.
Whiletheprincipleisniceintheory,historyshowsthat,accordingtoYuvalNoahHarari,“humanityhasfoundpurposeinmoney.”It’snotincompassion.Soourherculeantaskistofacilitatetheshift.
Thisiswherethemindfulnessteachercomesin.Theembodiment,thepresenceexperiencedbytheparticipantshowstherespectandtheacknowledgmentoftheparticipants’being—Ilistentoyou…Iseeyou…Youareseen.Thekindnessandcompassionshown(notjustasateacher’sfunctionbutasregular‘practice’)disturbthehabitsofself-punishingandobsessiveproductivityinacompetitiveenvironment.Themindfulnessteachers’words,preparationinmakingtinyadjustmentstocareforthebody,non-judgmentofselfandothers,non-interrupting,focusandspaciousness—allthesecultivatemindfulnessthrough‘encounter.’
Itrainseniorleaders(CEO’s,directors,businessowners,boardmembers,etc.)withthehopethatwhentheybecomemoremindfulandcompassionate,theorganisationstheyleadgetaffected.That’sthetheory.
Ifyoucan’thireforcompassion,trainforit.MINDFULNESStraininghasagreatpotentialforthis.
Big Role of MINDFULNESSIlearnedtobekindandcompassionatetomyselfbecauseofClaire’skindness/compassiontomein
class.(ClaireasfacilitatorofTheMindfulLeader)I’mactuallysharingkindnesstomyteamandaskingthemtobekindtothemselves.Asaleader,Ihaveimprovedtheenvironmentofsupportandchallenge.There’sdefinitelyagreatersenseof
“slowingdown&proactivity”ratherthan“rushing&reactivity.”I’vebeenabletoapplyintomyrolethepracticeofsensing,justbeingpresentandkind—increasingselfawareness…havinggreater
consciousnessofself,thereactivethoughtsandimpactonmybody.Imadespaceforpeacefulnessofthoughtsandchoosingquiettimestobestillandpresent.
STAGE1“Alllifesucks.”
STAGE2“Mylifesucks.”
STAGE3“I’mgreatandyou’renot.”
STAGE4“We’regreat.”
Cultureofsharedvalues.Thebiggerthefoe,themorepowerfulthetribe.
STAGE5“Lifeisgreat.”
Groupisincompetitionwithwhat’spossible,notwithanothertribe.
Figureabove(Logan,etal.,2011)
FinalWORDSUnderstandably,competitiveorganisationswilllikelytargetperformanceimprovementwhentheycommissionmindfulness-basedwellbeingprogrammes.That’sthemindfulnessteacher’sbrilliantchancetochangeMINDS—thatwhilewellbeingandperformancearebothimportant,it’swisertochangetheorderofpriority.Thenit’suptoyourmodellingofcompassiontochangeHEARTS.
