Breaking Bard: The Tragedy of Walter White - A Play by Frank Musella

8/13/2019 Breaking Bard: The Tragedy of Walter White - A Play by Frank Musella

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Frank Musella Breaking Bard 1

Dramatis Personae

Walter White, a chemistry teacher, later Heisenberg

Skyler White, Walters wife

Walt Jr., Walters son

Marie Schrader, Skylers sister

Hank Schrader, a watchman, Maries husband

Steve Gomez, Hanks partner

Jesse Pinkman, Walters former student, later his partner

Badger, a clown and friend of Jesse

Skinny Pete, a clown and friend of Jesse

Emilio, a rogue and chemist

Getz, a watchman

Jane, suitor to Jesse

Andrea, suitor to Jesse

Tomas, Andreas brother

Brock, Andreas son

Tuco Salamanca, local drug dealer

Hector, Tucos uncle

Gus Fring, a local businessman and drug manufacturer

Mike Ehrmantraut, Guss main henchman

Victor, a henchman

Gale, a chemist

Saul Goodman, Walter and Guss attorney


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3/41


Breaking Bard: The Tragedy of Walter White

[1.1] Enter Walter White, alone

WALT

Alack! A day most loathsome and unkindServes as reminder to my impotence.

A wife with child, a child with half a mind

My sole companions oer this precipice

Of age and irreversible decline,

A fate untempered een by ignorance.

I am afflicted, but know not wherefore

A phlegm invades my lungs, turning my strength

Into a weakness childlike and infirm.

[He coughs]A birthday inauspicious and ill-met

Marks fifty years, and nil to show for it.

A noble chemist, driven to poverty,

Disgracd by my peers, now I must act

As loathd teacher to uncivil youth.

O, that I had their want of age and reason!

I would brave cruel Fortuna and her wheel

And turn my life round.

Enter Skyler and Walt Jr.SKYLER

Upon thy health I wish a full repair.

Takest thou this tincture, dutifully prepared

To bring a proper balance to thy humors.

WALT

This tincture is an ill-conceivd fraud

Prepared not by a chemist, but a clown.

Ill have none oft.

WALT JR.

And what of thy breakfast?

SKYLER

I have prepared my lord a special meal

Of bacon, made of corn and vegetables.

WALT

This Bacon is stale and derivative.


4/41


Id sooner eat authentic fat of pig

Adorned with maggots than this counterfeit.

WALT JR.

It tastes of ash, though twice as nutritive.

SKYLER (To Walt)

Enough of thy paternal insolence!

WALT (aside)

And curse thy unrepentant shrewishness.

WALT JR. (To Walt)

Forsooth, how does it feel to be ancient?

WALT

The same as when thou art a miscreant.

SKYLER

Cease thy banter; thou hast more sense than trousers.

WALT

And all the better-looking for want of them.

SKYLER

Get dressed anon! Thy stern foreman awaits,

And doctor to alleve your maladies.

Exeunt Skyler and Walt Jr.

WALT

Ill to, and cure this foul ailment today,

Or else commit my soul to pass away.

Enter doctorWALT

What news today, my honorable fellow?

DOCTOR

None but heartache and misery, my lord.

Answer me, Walt: smoke you the stinking weed?

WALT

Nay, I am no tobacconist, good sir.

DOCTOR

Alas, the tragedy is thereby trebled.This day I am the bearer of bad news:

Your lungs are cancerous and growing frail.

No surgeries nor tinctures well-prepared

Can salvage them. You have two years to live.

WALT

Thou tellst a fairy toy.


5/41


DOCTOR

Wherefore?

WALT

Thy collar bears the mark of mustardseed.

DOCTOR

I am a good and honest physician.

And truly sorry for your fatal plight.

WALT

Then fly with angels, begone from my sight!

Exit doctor

I am much afeardof this pronouncement

Which threats to tear me from this mortal coil

And leave my family unprovided for.

Enter Bogdan, the foreman

BOGDAN

This day grows older than your fragile bones

And yet your work remains unfinishd

As Caesars reign.

WALT

I know, mlord.

BOGDAN

Your bumbling drains my ducats by the hour!

Vouchsafe me loyalty in all endeavors.

Do you swear it?WALT

I swear, mlord.

BOGDAN

Then justify those hollow words with acts,

And kiss my boots until their soles reflect

Beelzebubs visage.

WALT

Ill not, sirrah.

BOGDANYou will, good sir, or find thee wanting work.

WALT

An twere my final breath as like today

As two years henceId face Satans visage

Rather than bear thy cruel indignities.


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BOGDAN

Thy dignity, or lack thereof, is earned

As is thy pay, befitting a common rogue.

If youll not kiss the bottom of my heel

Repent, and feel the struggle of thy lot.

WALT

Then swive thy eyebrows, selfsame in their width

And churlishness!

BOGDAN

Youll live to rue this day,

Or die a beggar, penniless, mark me.

Exit Bogdan

WALT

Alas, this is a moment bittersweet.

A torrent of abuses is undone,

But in it my finances are undone.

I need a job to work and gold to save,

Or wife and son will join me in the grave.

Enter Hank, Marie, Skyler, and Walt Jr.

CHORUS

What ho!

SKYLER

My love!

WALT JR.My dad!

HANK

Brother!

MARIE

My kin!

WALT

Good morrow, family. Wherefore come ye?

HANK

To celebrate thy birthday, gentle Walt.Thy better genius dominates thy soul

Yet plays the fool against thy aptitude.

WALT

I am insulted by this compliment.

HANK

Be still, dear Walt. I mean to pay respect


7/41


I am a simple cop and wish no harm.

WALT

If thou art a cop, then an empty one.

HANK

Brother, I am a man most filled with triumph.

Een this morning I apprehended one:

A man, like you or me, but villainous

Had built a laboratory chemical

For manufacture of amphetamines,

Designed to rouse the mind and stir the spleen.

I confiscated his illicit goods

And rent unto the crown his heap of gold

Of near ten thousand pounds, a paltry sum.

When scofflaws earn so much, a war is on.

WALT

Ten thousand pounds! A fortune to be sure,

Is this the most thoust seizd for the crown?

HANK

The most? I should think not. It is quite common

To seize upon illicit gains this large.

WALT

Couldst thou have saved a mere sovereign or two

In honor of thy noble services?

HANKThe cash I took belongd to the state,

To turn over een a hapenny less

Would violate my duty to the law.

WALT

I sense thou art an honorable man.

HANK

My honor knows no bounds, much like thy wit.

I prithee join me on my next conquest,

And learn my honor, if I learn thy wit.WALT

I am most delighted to join thy cause

And help thee better execute thy duties.

(Aside)

A true delight it is, to learn this trade

This chemistry, illicit it may be,


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Brings many thousand pounds to feed my kin.

Ill watch the watchman keep vigil by the book,

And learn forsooth whether fortune favors the cook.

Exeunt

[1.2] Enter Walt, Hank, and Gomez, riding a watchmans carriage

HANK

At last! Our daylong journey is at end,

The laboratory yonder is our target.

WALT

Wherefore knowest thou this is a laboratory?

HANK

A noble spy, ignobly disguisd

To serve our purpose in this drug-conquest.

GOMEZ

The rogue today we have come to arrest

Has borne the alias of Captain Cook.

HANK

What is the villains land of origin?

GOMEZ

He bears the title of an Englishman.

HANK

Methinks the rogue a Spaniard transplanted.GOMEZ

Ill wager thee a crown upon his race.

HANK

A crown apiece! And now to his disgrace.

Enter a band of watchmen at one door, Emilio at the other

FIRST WATCHMAN

Scoundrel! Come out with hands raised in the air

And answer thy arrest!

EMILIOStand and fight, man!

They fight. The watchman subdues Emilio

SECOND WATCHMAN

What is thy name?

EMILIO

Emilio Koyama.


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GOMEZ

An Easterner! The wager is a draw.

HANK

Emilio his forename is Spanish,

A half a Spaniard earns me half a crown.

The watchmen lead Emilio away in chains

WALT

Could I perchance examine the laboratory?

HANK

By troth, dear Walt. Allow my men and I

To clear the scene, and follow us thereafter.

Exeunt Hank and Gomez

WALT

This fool will make a worthy sacrifice,

Whose errors will inform my better mischief.

Enter Jesse

WALT

I know thy visage. Art thou a Pinkman?

JESSE (Aside)

Alack! My ancient teacher knows I am

A captain chemical, a cook corrupt.

(To Walt)

Come you for my detention, lecturer?

WALTI am alone. No watchmen search for you

Or hinder thy escape from apprehension.

I am amazd by this transformation:

This fool I oft assailed while lecturing

For lack of wit or skill in chemistry

Today is known by watchmen through the land

As master-cook of these amphetamines.

JESSE

I know not what you mean.WALT

Een so, sirrah?

Thy carriage bears the name El Capitan

I am no rogue, but also am no fool:

You are the man the watchmen sought today.

JESSE


10/41


Wherefore comest thou? To lecture once again,

Repeating trifling lessons of years past?

To moralize my life of knavery

And bid me walk a straight and narrow path?

Ill hear none of thy teachings, wise old fool,

Behave as blackened lead, and split from me.

WALT

I come not to assail you, but to join you.

Thy knowledge of the Albuquerque streets

Has provd most useful and made thee rich.

Alas, thy narrow brush with the watchmen

Has made thee poor, and want Emilio,

Who is imprisond een as wespeak.

I wish to wrest a victory from defeat,

And join your wicked aptitude with mine.

You play your part, as merchant and druggist,

And, by my troth, Ill serve as thy chemist.

JESSE

This is madness.

WALT

But there is meth int.

If thou refuseth me as an accomplice

Ill tell the watchmen who their Captain is.

JESSEWhat choice have I? Meet me tomorrow noon,

And we will cook a drug to make men swoon.

Exeunt

[1.3] Enter Walt and Jesse, riding a carriage

JESSE

A halt!

WALTA Walt.

JESSE

A wagon filled with meth,

To evade the watchmen and searches unwanted.

WALT

This wagon cost a sum of fifty pounds


11/41


Most dear to me: my savings are all spent.

JESSE

Wouldst thou prefer thy son and wife to find

A laboratory hidden in thy house?

WALT

I would have you gather these chemist-tools

And bring them to thy basement, far away

From prying eyes of son or wife or law.

JESSE

My parents are a pair tyrannical

And would encumber all our plans anon.

WALT

All well and good. We have no time to waste,

My want of cash has grown most desperate.

JESSE

Then start the cook, and finish thy complaints!

Jesse throws a beaker at Walt

WALT

You fool! These beakers are all delicate

And must remain unbroken for our cook.

JESSE

Then mark me, noble teacher, for thy fears

Thou art a bitch.

WALTAye, but I am no dog.

I will remain the nimbler of our pair

Forevermore repairing thy mistakes.

Now to our work, and cease these bickerings.

They mix chemicals in glass beakers

JESSE

Thou art an artist! These crystals are most pure

And colorless; over a pound of them

Have marked the triumph of our chemistry.Join me in tasting that which we produced.

WALT

Ill never! You must here forestall thyself

From partaking in the fruit of our cooks.

JESSE

Madman! Why turn from thy schooling pursuits


12/41


And break bad as a chemist most unkind

If not to try the product? Art thou crazed?

WALT

I am awake, sirrah, for the first time.

And eager for adventure and novelty.

JESSE

This is as like as many pigs in flight.

In sooth, what brings you here to my abode?

WALT

A newfound cancer, plaguing both my lungs

Has left me much in need of revenue.

To alchemize and reap the gains thereof

Would turn a tragedy to triumphs new.

JESSE

Apologies, Sir White. I understand

How difficult the cancer skirmish is.

My aunt was thus afflicted years ago;

I tended to her needs until she passed.

If this be intimate, answer me not:

How long thy doctor thinkst thou like to live?

WALT

Two years at most, if I decide to fight.

Or less, if I accede eternal night.

JESSEThen fight without remorse or second thought.

WALT

Een though the last result is all for nought?

JESSE

Indeed. At worst your efforts bring unto you

Valor, and more time with thy family.

At best, you find a cure before unknown

And live the full remainder of thy days.

WALTThen lets press on, resolvd in our ways.

Enter Emilio

EMILIO (To Jesse)

God give you God-den, Captain! I am free

To roam the streets, though only under bail.

Lets cook again, ere I return to jail.


13/41


He sees Walt

Fie, fie! The watchman who attended me

As I was led to prison in my chains

Is come again to put me in the grave

With thy consent. Pinkman, thou art a rat.

JESSE

I am no rat.

EMILIO

Thy story makes no sense.

While I was being dragged away in chains

You were next door, laying with thy neighbors wife.

Thou must have known about the fated raid

Before my freedom was thus sacrificed.

And now you counsel with the architect

Of my undoing.

JESSE

He is a cook

I partnered with to craft my product again.

EMILIO

Then I am replacd! Stand and fight, coward!

This druggist can afford only one chemist.

He draws a sword

WALT

I am a stranger to the art of war,But must defend myself when so threatened.

He draws and stabs Emilio, killing him

I know not which was worse: his fencing skills

Or the polluted crystals that he cooked.

Now sell this batch of drugs we have created,

And give this common rogue no second look.

Exeunt

[1.4] Enter Walt and Skyler

SKYLER

Husband, thou lookst as pale as Death himself.

WALT

I shall be meeting him not long from now.

SKYLER


14/41


Wherefore? Hast thou grown ill so gravely?

WALT

The doctor found a cancer in my lung

And bid me live two years, if Ive good luck.

SKYLER

Then find a doctor practiced in alchemy

And other treatments experimental

And beat this cancer back into the depths

Of Hell from whence it came.

WALT

And spend my final years in suffering

At thmercy of these potions foul effects?

Is not nobler to suffer in silence

And quickly reach my fate determind?

SKYLER

Out upon you! Thou art a husband dear

And soon to be a father to two babes.

Ill grant thee no discretion in answering

The fatal question: thou mustnt cease to be.

WALT

Alright, fair wife, Ill fight another day

And find a doctor skillful and aggressive.

Enter Gretchen and Elliot

GRETCHENGreeting, Skyler! Salutation, dear Walt!

ELLIOT

My most-esteemd partner in chemistry!

Thy contributions have provd valuable

To my business. Ducats rain from the sky

Like drops of water falln to earth again.

My honored friends have come from far and wide

To give unto me tributes and respects

In celebration of my natal day.One comrade from the east brought me today

A coat made from the fur of tigers wild.

Another wrought a golden violin

Encrusted with fair diamonds and rubies.

Hast thou brought me a gift to honor me?

WALT


15/41


In sooth! Thy birthday cannot be forgot.

I bring to you this bowl of chicken bones

Suited to make a broth much like the ones

Which gave us sustenance in our poor youth.

ELLIOT

A thousand thanks for thy most friendly gift!

Ill honor it forever.

Walt turns away; Elliot throws the bones to the ground

WALT

I hear a buzz. Art thou a humblebee

Or rather a fierce boast in want of pity?

ELLIOT (To Skyler)

Wherefore behaves thy Walt so boorishly?

SKYLER (To Elliot)

He is afflicted with a fatal cancer

That fills him to excess with yellow bile.

ELLIOT (To Skyler)

Alack! I give to you my sympathies.

(To Walt)

The fates do smile on us, my oldest friend,

As demonstrated by this fortunate

And timely intersection of our paths.

I am in desperate need of thy great skills

In potion-craft and mixing chemicals.Thy wisdom proved a boon to me before;

Come work for me and join my fold once more.

WALT

Thy offer is most kind and generous,

Befitting a king admired through the land.

Regretfully I am like to deny it,

Fearing myself a burden and no boon.

ELLIOT

Fear not, dear Walt. Ill grant thee all provisionsRequired to make thee a most useful tool.

Thy salary will presently be doubled,

And Ill secure thy health from all incursions,

None but the finest doctors work for me.

WALT (Aside)

Methinks this fool knows more than he lets on.


16/41


(To Elliot)

I am forever in thy debt, old friend.

Allow me several days of peace and quiet

To give thy offer much consideration.

Exeunt all but Walt

WALT

This ass imagines he can ease his sins

And buy forgiveness like some trifling toy.

I have oft cursed his name unto the demons

That guard the gates of Hell like piles of gold.

Ten million pounds his treachery has earned,

And spared me not a shilling for my guidance.

Id sooner pass a year in brazen bull

Than take this traitors loathsome charity.

Exit

[1.5] Enter Walt and Jesse

JESSE

What, ho! I am returnd from my days

Of selling crystals to degenerates.

WALT

A hearty welcome to my young companion!

Thy prompt return has furnished me with cheer.Tell me of thy success. What hast thou earned?

JESSE

Sixpence and hapenny.

WALT

Sixpence and hapenny? I am undone!

I have spurned and insulted my foreman,

Rejected offers of a doctor gratis,

And you bring me sixpence and hapenny?

O, hammer thy cruel nails into my feetAnd hang me out to dry!

JESSE

Becalm thyself!

Thou hast made my job nigh impossible

By slaying the rogue who could have served our cause.

WALT


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Is there no other skillful criminal

Who could transform our pile of drugs to gold?

JESSE

There is a Spaniard who could lend a hand

His name is Tuco Salamanca, and

He bears a most violent reputation.

This villain may perchance procure our drugs,

But great convenience bears an awful price.

WALT

Ill hear none of thy fears or excuses.

Seek this knave out at once, and strike a deal

Of cash for drugs; go to, make thy appeal.

Walt hides. Enter Tuco

TUCO

You rang of me, Pinkman?

JESSE

I come upon most urgent business,

Bearing the finest meth in all England

For your consideration and purchase.

TUCO

I know you are no chemical master.

How can as base a rogue as thee possess

A store of drugs so pure and well-prepared?

JESSEI took assistance from a wise partner.

TUCO

I see no partner! Thou hast come alone

O brave young fool, approach me if you dare.

Jesse steps forward; Tuco pats him down and produces a bag

These drugs are crystals clear! Join me, Pinkman,

In sampling these unheavenly delights.

JESSE

Ill not, Tuco.TUCO

That was not a request!

I order you to snuff these drugs anon!

Jesse inhales a small handful of the crystals

How feelst thou, insolent little knave?

JESSE


18/41


I burn brighter than a score of suns.

Tuco inhales a larger handful

TUCO

A brilliant little imp! Ill buy the lot.

What payment do I owe you for this honor?

JESSE

A hundred pounds sterling.

TUCO

You have a deal!

Ill bring the cash to market in a fortnight.

JESSE

A fortnight? No, I need my cash today.

TUCO

The deal is done! My men will trawl the lands,

Extracting gold from pensioners and beggars

Themselves addicted to thy wholesome crystals,

And bring it thee next fortnight. Dost thou trust me?

JESSE

I do, but must be paid before I leave.

He reaches for the bag

TUCO

Cease, scoundrel! If thou needst gold so badly

Then thou shalt have it!

He fills a sack with gold, then beats Jesse with itThreat not my crystal-drug monopoly!

WALT (Aside)

My partner is in trouble. I must use

My chemical wit to salvage his raw hide.

(To Tuco)

Renownd Tuco, master of the trade

In methamphetamines. I have a deal

To aid thee in thy profit-seeking ways.

He produces a second bag of crystalsTUCO

What deal do you propose, o ancient sage?

WALT

Give unto me a hundred-fifty pounds:

The hundred for the sack of drugs you stole,

The fifty to restore my partners health.


19/41


TUCO

Your partner? Thither mewling bag of meat?

You see his injuries, and come before me?

And bring more crystal-drugs for me to steal?

Hast thou sense at all?

WALT

I do, in sooth.

Enough to know thy summary is flawed.

These are no drugs I bring to you today.

He throws a crystal to the ground, causing an explosion

TUCO

Art thou a madman?

WALT

No, a Heisenberg

Most uncertain. If thou art foolish enough

To lay a charge and put a hand on me,

Then watch thy very corpus come apart.

TUCO

Enough! I much admire thy bag of stones.

Bring me another next week, and take thy gold.

WALT

One bag will not suffice. You must buy four.

TUCO

Four bags it is! Thy drugs will sell as fastAs courtesans, though felt twice as profoundly.

Exit Tuco

JESSE

A mad savior! We cannot cook four bags

In our laboratory presently.

Though we be safe for now, it is short-lived:

Our failure to perform these promised duties

Will make worms meat of us in just a week.

WALTI am the man who always has a plan.

Well make an alteration to our cook

And use methylamine in our pursuit

Of both survival and a newfound wealth.

JESSE

No store in town will sell methylamine.


20/41


WALT

If none will sell it, then we must steal it.

JESSE

O, thou art not the teacher I once knew.

WALT

Lets get to work, and make our crystals blue.

With stealth and vigor, well complete our task

And carry to the carriage our stolen cask.

Exeunt

[1.6] Enter Walt, Jesse, Tuco, and Tucos guards

TUCO

Good morrow, gentlemen! But only if

You keep your word. Bringst you the drugs,

Four bags of which you promisd last week?

WALT

They are all here.

He produces four bags of blue crystals

TUCO

These crystals have turned blue

As the morning sky. Wherefore, noble chemist?

WALT

The cooking process has been greatly changedTo bring you these desired drugs anon.

Tuco snuffs a handful

TUCO

Blue, pink, or yellow! I care not what color.

Bring me more bags of these drugs every week.

Tuco exchanges a bag of gold for the drugs

(To Walt) You and I shall become rich men together.

FIRST GUARD

Just bear in mind that Tuco is thy chief.TUCO

What sayest thou?

FIRST GUARD

That thou art chief.

TUCO

Wherefore?


21/41


Thinkst thou this clever chemist isa fool?

FIRST GUARD

No, mlord.

TUCO

Then thou think me the fool!

FIRST GUARD

No, mlord.

TUCO

Forsooth!

As if I lack the full capacity

To speak in my own name! Insult me not,

Not here, not there, not now, not ever more!

He beats the guard, killing him

Dear Heisenberg, Ill see you in a week.

Exeunt Tuco and his remaining guard

WALT

O, we are done! This madman and his choler

Could make the angered lion look like a sheep.

Lets form a plan to Christen this foul lion,

Or else resign ourselves to eternal sleep.

Exeunt


22/41



SKYLER

My love! I bring to you exalted news

Beyond our greatest wishes of thy health.

A Moorish doctor, famous in his land

For practicing alchemy against cancers

Has come to town and settled, in pursuit

Of undiscovered cures to thy sickness.

Wilt thou go to him, and seek his services?

WALT

I have not felt so brisk in many moons

And wish to stay the course in my pursuits.

Ill to this black-faced doctor on the morrow

And give my health unto his trusted hands.

SKYLER

Grammercy, Walt! Thou hast gained much discerning

In dealing with thy cancers ill effects.

I pray thy wisdom has been well extended

To matters of the glistering pursestrings.

Spakest thou to Elliot, thy ancient partner

To accept his timely offerings of gold?

WALT

I did so yesterday. At Tewkesbury

I did enter into his stately mansionAnd did bid him good een. And he did give

A bag of gold to me, for the payment

Of my doctors, who did promise me my life.

SKYLER

I am most joyous at this pleasant tale!

WALT (Aside)

If she learns my dissembling, I am did.

A flourish sounds

SKYLERWhat noise disturbs me at this midnight hour?

WALT

I heard no noise to interrupt our peace;

This trumpet must have been your imagining.

A flourish sounds again

SKYLER


23/41


I hear the cry again! What nameless thing

Would come and break the silence of the even?

WALT

It must have been the lark, come to our home

To bid us wake with its enchanting song.

SKYLER

The midnight lark! Wherefore playest thou the fool

Who acts so timeless and unnatural?

WALT (Aside)

Better an innocent fool than a witty felon.

A third flourish sounds

Enter Tuco

TUCO (To Walt)

O Heisenberg! Join me this fateful night

Or show your wife thy corpse.

WALT

Ill to anon.

Head out, fair Tuco, and Ill follow thee.

Exeunt Tuco before Walt

SKYLER

My Walter, I have drawn for thee a bath

And filled it with most pleasing soaps and scents.

Art thou hither? Or art thou disappeared?

Fie me! My noble husbands gone away,Ill form a party to rediscover him

And bring him home again.

Exit

[2.2] Enter Walt, Jesse, and Tuco

WALT

For what cause bringst you my partner and I

Into your lair this evening?TUCO

A number of my men were led away

In chains by watchmen only yesternight.

I am suspicious that a double dealer

Lies hidden in my knavish company.

JESSE


24/41


Sir White and I are righteous, honest men

Duly offended by thy implication.

We are no sellswords or intemperate rogues

Given to fancying thy quick demise.

TUCO

I accuseth not, lest thou deserve accusing.

Neerdoze, my henchman, has of late gone missing

This coward must have turnd as a traitor

And proved the instrument of our undoing.

We must away to Spain before nightfall,

And flee the watchmens oerreaching grasp.

WALT

I have a wife and child here in town

And cannot flee to Spain upon thy whims.

TUCO

Then make thyself a family anew

And cease thy most unwelcoming dissent!

Exit Tuco

JESSE

I sense this scoundrel means to murder me.

I am no cook, but witness to his crimes.

Hast thou a plan, O master architect

To gain our freedom and my life again?

WALTThis Tuco is ignorant of the truth.

His Neerdoze was found dead three days ago,

A victim of apparent accident.

There is no sellsword in his company,

None to defend the violent madman here

Excepting his decrepit, ancient uncle.

Ill seek the villains dinner of roast pig

And pour this juice of hebona oer it.

He pours a vial of liquid over Tucos plateOne bite of this pork rightly poisond

Will leave the madman dead, delivring us

From this foul shack and tight predicament.

Enter Tuco and Tio Hector

TUCO

Prepare thyselves for thy imminent journey


25/41


And dine with me on finely-roasted pork.

Hector rings a bell

Tio! Silence thyself! Ill feed you first

To end this noise and let our travels start.

Tuco gives Hector his food

Hector throws his plate to the ground, shattering it

O, wherefore misbehavest thou, Tio?

Is thy roasted swine not satisfying?

Hector rings his bell and points an accusing finger at Walt

Do you dislike our guests, come to our home

To accompany us on our trip to Spain?

Do you distrust these men and think them foes?

He rings his bell again

What cause have you?

WALT

I can think of but one:

I did not stand to greet him as he entered.

TUCO

Is this the reason, Tio? Or does he lie?

Hector rings his bell

My uncle does not lie, you scurvy curs!

He beats Jesse and draws his sword

Forsooth, what have you done?

WALTWe tried to poison you, vile Tuco.

Thou art a foul, insane degenerate

That merits none but death immediately!

Jesse hits Tuco with a rock, then steals his sword and stabs him

JESSE

Who is the bitch-cur now, wounded madman?

Alarum. Walt and Jesse flee

Enter Hank

HANKO brother Walt, art thou here presently?

Thy Skyler sent me to recover you

And put you in your rightful place.

He sees Tuco

Een the same criminal my watchmen sought

In raiding his many lairs yesternight?


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Then stand, sirrah, and brave thy final fight!

They fight. Hank kills Tuco

My watchmen will deliver me many honors

For apprehending this abhorrent beast.

Ill bring his body thither as my proof

And hang him from the spit by cloven hoof.

Exit Hank with Tucos corpse

[2.3] Enter Jesse

JESSE

O, woe is me! My overbearing parents

Have found my beakers and my chemicals

And cast me from my home ungraciously.

No roof to guard, no carriage for a bed;

Ill need a place to lay me down my head.

Enter Jane

JANE

Welcome, thou gentle clod. My name is Jane,

My family controls these many dwellings,

Available for rent upon this day.

JESSE (Aside)

Ifaith, this pretty wench hath darkened locks

And eyes to pierce the bottom of my soul.I must procure this place while th sun is bright,

And peradventure lay with her tonight.

(To Jane)

By troth, lady, I am most interested

In thy dwelling. What costs thy residence?

JANE

A humble figure of five pounds a month.

JESSE

This home is beautiful, mlady fair,And I wish to reside in it anon.

JANE

I would be much remiss if I ignored

My diligence. What is thy occupation?

JESSE

I am a simple merchant, by my troth


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Who vends his goods in thAlbuquerque streets.

JANE

A noble salesman! Who is thy master?

JESSE

My master is a man who lives in shadow

And will not spare a word in my defense.

JANE

Thy gold is most unwelcome with no word.

JESSE

I beg you mercy! My ignoble parents

Have thrown me to the streets, with no regard

For whether I live or die. They have scorned me,

And claimed I disappoint their gentle hopes.

JANE

I know thy struggle, kindred vagabond;

My father bore the selfsame hopes of me.

I can allow you to reside in my dwelling

If thou wouldst pay me a nominal fee.

JESSE

Thy base humility is my doing!

What is thy fee, sweet-smelling flower of mine?

JANE

Thy rent is doubled, and due immediately.

JESSEThy fee is nominal in name only!

I find myself possessed of quantities

Of crystal-drugs to balance thy humors.

Wouldst thou accept a bag or two of thlike

In proper trade for this most humble home?

JANE

I can take no such trade, for my good health.

These eighteen months I have been abstinent

From my addiction to foul opiates.I want no bag of crystals, only stones.

JESSE

My stones are prized from Highland to Dorset;

I am delighted to share them with you.

They kiss

JANE


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Your gentle kiss betrays your naughty nature,

And I wish to make naught with you tonight.

JESSE

God smiles on me this day, or mayhap frowns.

Ill need a handful of this crystal strength

To have weight with you on this maiden voyage.

He inhales a handful of crystals

JANE

I am provoked by this act of imbibing,

And must take some narcotic to ease my itch.

She smokes from a bowl of opium

JESSE

I am a novice in the poppy arts,

And wish to learn from thy immodesty.

He smokes as well

JANE

How has the pipe affected thy humors?

JESSE

My years of pain and sadness are at end,

Replacd by a bliss most heavenly.

Lets put to rest the misery of men,

And here remain in this opium den.

Exeunt

[2.4] Enter Badger and Getz, dressed in a clowns garb

GETZ

Good morrow, gentle clown!

BADGER

Give you good morrow.

GETZ

I hear a buzz concerning thy profession.

Sellst thou a certain crystal for the humors?BADGER

I know not what you mean, sir, verily.

GETZ

If thou art chaste, I take thee at thy word.

But if thou sellst, I wish to buy a dram.

BADGER


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Dost thou gird me and play me for a fool?

I sellst not. Thou art a bacon-pig.

GETZ

Wherefore?

BADGER

Thy carriage is stowed yonder

Bearing false markings, like thy patchy garb.

Thou art a watchman, come to turn me in.

GETZ

I am but a jester, humble and plain

Who wishes to be rid of vile phlegm.

BADGER

Thou should have worn a garbage-porters garb

If thou wished to conceal authority.

GETZ

God keep you, rogue.

BADGER

Wherefore leavest thou so soon?

GETZ

Thy boorishness has much dissuaded me

From purchase of thy fiery crystal-drugs.

BADGER

Arrest thyself! I merely need thy vow

Of intemperance. A watchman never lies.GETZ

I am no watchman, this I swear to you.

BADGER

Then have thy dram, and wax thy blood tonight.

Getz leaves with the bag, then returns with sword drawn

GETZ

Get on the ground and cease all movements, scum!

I place you here under lawful arrest.

BADGERThis wordy paradox has clipped my wings!

A watchman never lies, and in denial

This villain fabricated, but thereby

Became no watchman, making this lie true.

Enter Saul

SAUL


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I heard thy call, and furnishd a Saul.

Allow me to render my assistance

In all matters, legal or otherwise.

BADGER

I gave no call, but thank thee, gentle lawyer.

I find my freedom much encumberd

By this false clown.

SAUL

This swan sings an alto

His first case from the womb will be his last.

Get thee gone from my sight, ignoble oaf;

Stay thy return until thy face grows hair.

Exit Getz

BADGER

Well-badgered, dear lawyer. Hast thou a notion

Of how to best secure my prompt release?

Enter Walt, hidden

SAUL

The watchmen who have badgered you today

Are most ambitious, and have more fish to fry.

Reveal thy cooks hidden identity

And all will be forgiven on your end.

BADGER

I am deathly afeared of Heisenberg,Explosive chemist of my meth-making.

I know not which is worse: whether to cross him

Or Styx, and pray my soul return again.

SAUL

A Heisenberg imprisoned is a babe

Mewling and thrashing air, but powerless.

Turn traitor now, give him no second thought.

WALT (Aside)

Alack! This lawless lawyers whinging wordsWill do me in before my cancer can.

I must secure my freedom undeservd

By means of some deceptive master plan.

He dons a false beard and approaches Saul

I come not to raze Badger, but to ransom him.

Here is the thirty pounds he wants for bail.


31/41


He hands over a small sack of gold

SAUL (To Badger)

Thy shaggy hero comes to aid thy cause

And to deliver you from madcap watchmen.

Now take a timeless breath and stand in pause

As thy rough bondman grants me compensation.

Exit Badger

What is thy name, bushy intruding oaf?

WALT

Walter Mayhew, my knavish nephews uncle.

SAUL

Sir Mayhew! Know thy gold is always welcome

As recompense for Badgers liberty.

WALT

Will the boy spend many years in prison?

SAUL

I vouchsafe, not a day! This little devil

Has stumbled on an opportunity

To set perplexd watchmen all agog.

The Heisenberg he serves as puny druggist

Is infamous among the watchman crowd

For manufacture of a certain crystal

With strength enough to raise the rotted dead.

Rejoice! Thy nephews most unlike salvationIs pledgd in this Heisenbergs demise.

A watchmans favorite game is tip-for-tap.

WALT

This news is most unwelcome and unkind.

I fear my nephews safety from reprisals;

A villain so well-known is like to kill.

SAUL

Thy nephew is unfit to live in prison

And will become soft and emasculate.Give me thy blessing in this trade of loosing

And let thy Badger bear the gain therein.

WALT

A hundred pounds.

SAUL

What for?


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WALT

Thy discretion.

SAUL

I am insulted by this trifling bribe.

My dear integrity is worth quatreble!

Get thee gone from my office and my sight

Or join the dreaded Heisenberg in flight.

WALT (Aside)

This fool is hard of both hearing and vision.

Ill learn him well, or make a deep incision.

He removes his false beard and draws a sword

Lawman! The two souls are one and the same,

This Heisenberg is my fictitious name.

And by the blade I do but silence seek,

Ensuring that our Badger will not squeak.

SAUL

Gods me! The villain come to do me in

Has sole province to ease my clients sin.

If you want help, then give me half a pence

For purchase of my skill and confidence.

By writ of common law, I must allow

My paid clients a secret-keeping vow.

WALT

Ill spare this hapenny. Now tell me, Jew,What cunning strategy thou hast devised

To save my wretched self from punishment.

SAUL

I am no Jew; my name is false as yours,

My nature false to save a many scoundrels.

I know another man, as false as we,

Whose countenance is counterfeit to thine.

Our James Kilkelly plays a criminal

And can stand in for thy false Heisenberg.WALT

Is een thy hair true?

SAUL

Nay, a periwig.

WALT (Aside)

This lawman gives me confidence indeed.


33/41


(To Saul)

Ill have this James, and thereby my surety.

What cost bears the pure mans illicit life?

SAUL

Some thousand pounds in cash, brought here anon

Along with one bag of your finest drugs.

WALT

I understand my freedom is not free;

Though costly, to these terms I must agree.

SAUL

A good decision from an ungood man.

Ill undertake this act of personation

Much to the foolish lawmens consternation.

Exeunt

[2.5] Enter Hank at the watchmens station

HANK

On countless nights I have remained awake,

Consumed by fear of my ineptitude,

Stoked by this wretched failure I have earned

In capturing this rascal Heisenberg.

I walk amongst the Albuquerque folk

And see the pallor in their dark, gaunt faces,Brought on by uncontrollable consumption

Of this cruel meth, blue as the morning sky.

The sight of their frail figures and wan features

Brings anguish and despair unto my heart.

Each day I fail to catch this loathsome chemist

Is one day closer to my dying day,

When I will be pitilessly remembered

For my miscarriages of handling law.

Enter GomezWhat, ho, partner! Come you as friend or foe?

A friend brings tales of gains and jubilation,

A foe brings none but shame and misery.

GOMEZ

I come as friend, dear Hank, with worthy news.

A good man, wont to stay anonymous,


34/41


Has given us the Heisenberg we seek.

The rogue has been delivered to our station

And is encaged in chains een as we speak.

HANK

Forsooth, confederate?

GOMEZ

Byr lady.

HANK

Now, by my faith! I can sleep well tonight,

With knowledge that my cursd enemy

Lays shackled and imprisoned at my door.

Gomez, Ill kiss the ground you walk upon,

And shower you with love and compliments!

GOMEZ

Art thou my partner, or my ladybird?

Stay thy excitement, and promptly grip thyself.

HANK

My marriage means I need no ladybird,

My wife has half thy feathers and twice thy grip.

GOMEZ

I know tis true; I saw the lusty wench

She gave me half her feathers yesternight.

HANK

The maid much misses her merkin, mlordAnd bids you give it back, or be a eunuch.

GOMEZ

Ive gained much understanding of thy union;

Thou playest the gelded part masterfully.

HANK

O fiend, I am awearied of these barbs.

Bring me the hangmans noose and Heisenberg,

And Ill see which of you is better hung.

Gomez brings in the false Heisenberg in chainsWho is this miscreant? I know his face.

GOMEZ

He bears the title of James Kilkelly.

HANK

O, we are badgered wellnigh down to nil!

This fatted criminal with balded head


35/41


Has graced our jail some score and thirteen times.

The common rogue can be no master cook!

GOMEZ

Shall I release him back unto the streets?

HANK

No, let him rot and gangrene in the feet.

I will accept this minor victory,

But our true work remaineth incomplete.

Exeunt


SKYLER

Husband, I am concernd by thy absence.

Thou hast oft vanished from our quiet home

And been found wandring naked in the streets.

Wherefore goest thou so?

WALT

I knoweth not.

SKYLER

Thy Moorish doctor has thy frame examined,

And found no indication that thy blood

Or other humors were distemperate.

Hearest thou the midnight lark on thy adventuresInto the blackened night?

WALT

I heareth not.

SKYLER

Then thou art not affected by delusions.

Thy prior student, Pinkman, has sometime

Intruded our domain. Hast thou seen him

Come calling at our door?

WALTI saweth not.

SKYLER

You have, of late, oerpowered me with kindness,

And taken on my breakfast-cooking role.

From whence comes this unnatural substitution?

Speak unto me.


36/41


WALT

I speaketh not.

SKYLER

Then you dissemble! Thy suspicious absence

Requires some nefarious account.

Enlighten me on thy illicit doings,

Or head to thy brewing demise alone.

WALT

These undue accusations vex my bones!

Decease these wholly slanderous inventions,

Or let thy sister judge thy harlotry.

A flourish

SKYLER

What vile accomplice visits unto me?

WALT

Death and destruction, lest you get thee gone.

Exit Skyler

Enter Saul

Well met, comrade!

SAUL

Well met, Sir Walter.

WALT

Despite our frequent meetings, I remain

Laden with debt by meddlesome doctors.My wife disdains me, and has tasked herself

With seeking out the truth of my affairs.

I fear my cooking days are at an end,

Before my true successes have begun.

I need a buyer of great quantity,

Whose clients have a want of quality.

SAUL

Marry, I have the man! A friend of mine,

Wishing to hide his countenance from thine,Hath shown great interest in thy blue-sky meth.

He runs a business large and powerful,

Hiding in sunlight rather than the night.

What quantity of drugs do you possess?

WALT

Some eight-and-thirty pounds of product pure


37/41


Lie at my partners house. Upon the word

I can retrieve them and deliver them.

SAUL

Spare me the details, sour compatriot;

I wish to have no knowledge of thy crimes.

Go to the eating-house at Chessington,

And lay in wait for this most cautious man.

WALT

How will I find the tradesman that I seek?

SAUL

With thy patience and merit, if thou hast any.

WALT

Then let us fly, I have no time to waste.

Ill bring my rook unto thy eating-house

And wait until this agent is revealed,

Then use my furtive wit to strike a deal.

Exeunt

[2.7] Eating-house, enter Walt and Jesse

JESSE

Wherefore come we to this uncomely place?

WALT

To meet a most important shopkeeper,In aid of our pursuit to sell the drugs

That you possess in your new-rented home.

Or have you taken them all upon this hour?

JESSE

Not all, forsooth, but just enough to feel

The weariness of being here with you.

WALT

I understand now how your mother feels.

JESSEI understand why nothing thy wife feels.

WALT

Ill never understand thy cutting tongue.

Get thee a chicken, lest you want to draw

The attention and suspicion of our peers.

JESSE


38/41


I eat no chicken, only fetid fish.

WALT

I know, by troth, your mistress feeds you well.

JESSE

How do we even know the gentleman

Is here today? Could this not be a ruse,

Designed to keep us duly occupied

While our competitor steals all our gains?

WALT

My faith is strong.

JESSE

Then mine perchance is weak,

And ill-suited to these most childish games.

Exit Jesse

WALT

If he lacked wit, he would be smarter still;

As yet, he claims a mental deficience.

Enter Gus

GUS

Is thy food well-prepared and satisfying?

WALT

Aye, master cook, thy chicken is delicious.

GUS

Then weve no further business to discuss.Exit Gus

WALT

This man is rather brusque and ill at ease,

A cool demeanor varies this warm food.

I see him stealing glances at my table,

With eyes suggesting cunning, sly designs.

Ill call him, and his patience importune.

Pray pardon!

Enter GusGUS

Do you need something?

WALT

Some fine ale, and the lending of your ear.

GUS

Here is thy ale. Impart on me your thoughts.


39/41


WALT

Wherefore do you snub me, spiteful merchant?

GUS

I understand you not.

WALT

I think you do.

A friend of mine scheduled a meeting here,

To discourse on some private business matter.

Are you not my present counterparty?

GUS

If you wish to complain about your food,

Please speak with my apprentice over yonder.

WALT

I was informed by my associate

That I would meet a cautious, careful man.

You match this portraiture as well as I.

GUS

You do not match this portraiture at all.

Your partner came delayed and unsober,

Risking our hidden venture at every turn.

My spies have claimed this is his natural state;

Are they not wrong?

WALT

No, they are not,But his addiction is solely my concern.

GUS

You have poor judgment, and cannot work with me.

WALT

Word of my product spreads throughout the land

Faster than flood waters oerwhelmed Noah.

I have the purest crystals ever cooked,

And with my help, we can become rich men.

GUSWealth is not all that matters, Mister White.

WALT

My partners state of mind is frivolous,

And will not interfere with our employment.

You will never see him, give you my word.

GUS


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Why worketh thou with this buffoon at all?

WALT

Only a fool can bear his loyalty,

And serve as humble pawn so willingly.

GUS

How many crystals dost thou have today?

WALT

Some eight-and-thirty pounds, ready to go

With thy consent upon our partnership.

GUS

Alls well. Bring unto me thy stock remaining.

If you return before the hour is done,

Ill give you some gold sovereigns six thousand.

Exceed this bound by just a second more,

Then grace me with your presence nevermore.

Exit Gus

WALT

This merchants bearing is as cold as ice;

I sense he never makes a blunder twice.

My time is short! Ill to my partners house

And undertake this game of cat and mouse.

Exit

[2.8] Enter Walt at one door, with Jesse and Jane sleeping near the other

WALT

Sblood! My hour of need is nearly passed,

And no closer to finding my product,

Which I am sworn to give the merchant-cook.

Awake, Jesse!

He wakes

Where have you shrewdly hidden

The crystal-drugs we cooked up in our carriage?JESSE

If they are cooked, lookst thou in the kitchen.

He falls asleep

WALT

The kitchen! A place so elegant and simple

That I would never think look there withal.


41/41


He searches the kitchen

Ifaith! The fool intoxicate has found

My salvation, een in his state of stupor.

He takes the large bag of drugs

I must to Chessington without delay,

Or let this scoundrel hold me at a bay.

He runs across the stage, tripping over Janes bed

Jane begins to choke

Zounds! I must play the doctor to this patient,

And clear the maidens lungs or must I?

Yea I mustor must not, as it were

She has done nothing wrongor has she now?

In laying with Jesse in this opium den,

She threats his life and my new enterprise

It is a sin to kill without just cause

But my cause is just, and I kill no one.

Ill let cruel Mother Nature runher course,

And give no intervention by my force.

She dies. He flees. Jesse wakes

JESSE

This slumber has proved most restorative.

He sees Janes body

O, what darkness through my closed door breaks?

What foul deceiver giveth not, though takes?It is but Death, and I have been his bringer.

I have most gravely erred in her wooing,

And through these narcotics, been her undoing.

O Death unkind, exchange me for this maid

And give her life anew, be thou not staid!

He cries. Exit

Documents

Breaking Bard: The Tragedy of Walter White - A Play by Frank Musella