BEOWULFBEOWULF:By Preston Walker:By Preston Walker

CAST:CAST:HrothgarHrothgar

BeowulfBeowulf

GrendelGrendel

Grendal’s MotherGrendal’s Mother

The DragonThe Dragon

Beowulfs MenBeowulfs Men

The MonsterThe Monster

Herot is the Dane’s ancient mom and pop’s coffee house. Herot is the Dane’s ancient mom and pop’s coffee house. Every morning before pillaging another European town they would Every morning before pillaging another European town they would java up before donning their horned helmets. java up before donning their horned helmets.

But this morning “a murderous creature who poses a great But this morning “a murderous creature who poses a great danger to the people…” stood ready to open a Starbucks to put danger to the people…” stood ready to open a Starbucks to put them out of business!them out of business!

Enter BeowulfEnter Beowulf

Beowulf … hears about this and decides to “purge Beowulf … hears about this and decides to “purge all all evil from this hall” .evil from this hall” .

He goes to Hrothgar…He goes to Hrothgar… and promises to slay the and promises to slay the monster.monster.

Round One…FIGHT!Round One…FIGHT! Beowulf waits with his men inside the coffee shop for the evil capitalist to Beowulf waits with his men inside the coffee shop for the evil capitalist to

return for another raid of java. Grendel, “seeing the hall full of sleeping return for another raid of java. Grendel, “seeing the hall full of sleeping warriors” crept slowly through the place and inhaled all of the coffee…and warriors” crept slowly through the place and inhaled all of the coffee…and goes a little crazy…goes a little crazy…

Beowulf, waking up from the loud noises in the coffee Beowulf, waking up from the loud noises in the coffee

house bathroom, grabs his legendary sword and smacks house bathroom, grabs his legendary sword and smacks

Grendel upside the head.Grendel upside the head.

VICTORY!VICTORY! ““Beowulf, a prince of the Geats, had killed Grendel”.Beowulf, a prince of the Geats, had killed Grendel”. To reward Beowulf, Hrothgar grants Beowulf his own royal To reward Beowulf, Hrothgar grants Beowulf his own royal

documenter, to record the story of Beowulf’s life…who later flees documenter, to record the story of Beowulf’s life…who later flees to escape the drudgery of the boring epic to small Colorado town to escape the drudgery of the boring epic to small Colorado town to do more interesting things…to do more interesting things…

Yo Mamma!Yo Mamma! Uh oh! Has Beowulf bit off more than he could chew! Now he has to Uh oh! Has Beowulf bit off more than he could chew! Now he has to

deal with Grendel’s mom! deal with Grendel’s mom! Beowulf dove into the lake which she lived, “For hours he sank Beowulf dove into the lake which she lived, “For hours he sank

through the waves; at last he saw the mud at the bottom”.through the waves; at last he saw the mud at the bottom”.

Coincidence?Coincidence? Beowulfs trusty weapon could do nothing against Grendel’s Beowulfs trusty weapon could do nothing against Grendel’s

mother. Does he give up? I wish….but NO! All he does is look mother. Does he give up? I wish….but NO! All he does is look around and ‘coincidentally’ there lies a “heavy sword. Forged by around and ‘coincidentally’ there lies a “heavy sword. Forged by giants, strong and blessed with their magic.”giants, strong and blessed with their magic.”

Long live the KingLong live the King

•“After being honored by Hrothgar, Beowulf and his fellow Geats return home” and becomes King of the Geats. But even today King Beowulf is still known best for… his art school!

•The Geats put away their armor and swords and muster their paints….this masterpiece is of the King Beowulf!

Dragon his arse back to battleDragon his arse back to battle ““Beowulf rules Geatland for fifty years. Then a dragon menaces Beowulf rules Geatland for fifty years. Then a dragon menaces

his kingdom”.his kingdom”. The beast kept making fun of the Geat’s art….and that REALLY got The beast kept making fun of the Geat’s art….and that REALLY got

the old King mad. He set out to slay the beast with his legendary the old King mad. He set out to slay the beast with his legendary paint brush.paint brush.

His men were supposed to help him….but they werent quite as His men were supposed to help him….but they werent quite as brave as they used to be…brave as they used to be…

The story ends… WOO HOO!The story ends… WOO HOO! After defeating the beast with an art supply, he wins the Hero After defeating the beast with an art supply, he wins the Hero

of the Millenium Award, after his speech he thanked all who of the Millenium Award, after his speech he thanked all who made it possible…made it possible…

“For this, this gold, these jewels, I thank our Father in Heaven, Ruler of the Earth…”

•What he didn’t know was that he was only being asked to introduce the swordsman of the year award….and was laughed off stage. He was so embarrassed, he fled Geatland, never to return for another thousand years or so…where he made the SAME MISTAKE!

THE END