Beginning Your Rough Draft

Start With An Important Observation

Don't start in the general. Put your most surprising or important observation into you opening.

•GeneralThe human brain is a complex and amazing organ.

•BetterSeeing stars, it dreams of eternity. Hearing birds, it makes music. Smelling flowers, it is enraptured. Touching tools, it transforms the earth. Butdeprived of these sensory experiences, the human brain withers and dies. (Inside the Brain --- Ronald Kotulak)

Put your connection with the subject in the lead.

Why are you attracted to the subject? Do you have a personal

reason for writing about this subject? What specific memories of

the subject come to mind?• General

The problem of longitude was one of the greatest scientific challenges of its day.

• BetterOnce on a Wednesday excursion when I was a little girl, my father bought me a beaded wire ball that I loved. At a touch, I could collapse the toy into a flat coil between my palms, or pop it open to make a hollow sphere. Rounded out it resembled a tiny Earth, because its hinged wires traced the same pattern intersecting circles that I had seen on the globe in my school room -- the thin black lines of latitude and longitude. (Longitude --- Dava Sobel)

Flaunt your favorite bit of research in the lead.

Start with the facts that made you smile, laugh, go

"ahaaa" or just plain grossed you out.

• GeneralDid you ever wonder why God created flies?

• BetterThough we've been killing them for years now, I have never tested the folklore that with a little cream and sugar, flies taste very much like black raspberries.

Start With A Bold or Challenging Statement.

It is meant to cause some people to disagree with

what you say, like one side of an argument.

• Example: Using horses and cattle in the sport of rodeo is animal abuse. What makes it more aggravating is that it is legal. According to the law, there is nothing wrong with chasing an animal down, tightening a rope around its neck, knocking it to the ground, and tying its legs together so it cannot move.

Use a quotation.

Quote a famous saying that is directly related to your topic.

• Example: President John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." I think today's Americans have forgotten Kennedy's message. We expect our country to take care of us, but we are not taking care of our country.

Start with a strongly stated question your readers might have.

In some ways all writing is about trying to answer our best

questions. A strong question is one we all want to know the

answer to.

• Weakly-statedIn this paper I will attempt to answer the question why history is important.

• BetterWhat's the point of studying history? Who cares what happened long ago? After all, aren't the people in history books dead?

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisThe thesis statement is expressed in one sentence

and covers the scope of the paper.

A thesis statement is an assertion, not a statement of fact or an observation.

– Fact or observation – Martin Luther King was a civil right activist.

– Thesis – Martin Luther King’s experiences with racism and inequality helped to create one of the greatest civil rights leaders in United States history whose ideals embodied the American Dream.

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisA thesis is the main idea, not the title. It must be a

complete sentence that explains in some detail what you expect to write about.

– Title – Life of Lucille Ball– Thesis – Lucille Ball’s influence as one of the first

female comedians extends beyond the time period in which she lived, creating an American icon who other female performers tried to emulate.

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisA thesis statement is narrow, rather than

broad. If the thesis statement is sufficiently narrow, it can be fully supported.

– Broad – Elvis Presley lead an interesting life.– Narrow – Elvis Presley created an American

legacy as well as much controversy through his legendary music that pushed the boundaries of his time.

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisA thesis statement is specific rather than

vague or general.– Vague – Hemingway’s war stories were very

good.– Specific – Hemingway’s stories helped create

a new prose style by employing extensive dialogue and strong Anglo-Saxon words which developed him into one of the greatest American writers of his time.

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisYOU CAN REVISE YOUR THESIS

STATEMENT WHENEVER YOU WANT TO WHILE YOU ARE WRITING YOUR PAPER.

WRITERS OFTEN DISCOVER WHAT THEIR REAL PURPOSE AND POINT IS IN THE PROCESS OF PUTTING THEIR THOUGHTS INTO WORDS AND READING WHAT THEY HAVE WRITTEN!

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your ThesisDO NOT use the word “thesis” in your thesis

statement. For example: The thesis of this paper is the life and fame of Michael Jordan and how he achieved the American Dream.

Introduction Paragraph

• Conclude with your thesis– Make sure you mention all three areas of

research – biography, fame, American Dream

By combining his boyhood experiences with his trademark sense of humor and unique writing style, Twain was able to achieve the American

Dream by writing novels that were not only successful and well-received during his lifetime, but have remained popular in

subsequent generations.

Topic Sentences

• Begin each body paragraph with a topic sentence that conveys the main idea of the paragraph.

Example: BiographyFrom growing up on the Mississippi

River to his adventures in the Western frontier, Twain was able to use his life’s experiences as a basis for many of his famous works.

American Dream Paragraph

• In this paragraph, you will have to draw conclusions from your research to prove whether or not your person accomplished the American Dream.

• You can use a variation of the 8.2 paragraph to help you with this – the 9.2 paragraph.

9.2 ParagraphThe 9 means there will be a total of NINE

sentences in the paragraph.

The .2 means that of those 9 sentences, TWO direct quotes.

Here is the breakdown of the entire formula:

1. Topic sentence introducing subject for first body paragraph

2. A sentence that gives your definition of the American Dream

9.2 Paragraph3. A direct quotation from the reading that

supports (or serves as evidence to) your answer in sentence one.

4 & 5. Sentences three and four are commentary sentences. Commentary is when you make a comment about the quote, clearly explaining to your reader why you selected this quote. It should explain what is significant about the quote and how it connects to your answer in sentence one. You need to have two commentary sentences following a quote.

9.2 Paragraph

6. A second direct quote that supports (or serves as evidence to) your answer in sentence one.

7 & 8. Sentences seven and eight are commentary sentences. Commentary is when you make a comment about the quote, clearly explaining to your reader why you selected this quote. It should explain what is significant about the quote and how it connects to your answer in sentence one. You need to have two commentary sentences following a quote.

9. This is your concluding sentence. This is the place where you “wrap it up,” or restate your answer in sentence one in such a way as to emphasize your point.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis did accomplish the American Dream. While she went through hardships and difficulties throughout her life, the American Dream does not promise an easy road. In fact, the American Dream many times represents achieving success despite the circumstances which occur in life. When Onassis became the first lady of The United States of America, “her beauty and understated elegance captivated the public and captured the spirit of change that was taking place in the nation” (Gerston 54). The ability to emulate change, progress and forward – thinking is part of the essence of the American Dream. She seemed to embody that “extraordinary change” her husband’s presidency represented (Gerston 54). Jacqueline Kennedy became one of the most popular first ladies even though she had only a short time in the White House (Caroli). Her ability to push beyond the tragedies she endured, specifically the assassination of her husband, “enshrined [her] in the world’s heart in November 1963 when she led the nation in mourning with quiet dignity and courage” (Gerston 54). Many felt that “she was equal to the demands of her fame, or that she had earned icon status through unusual composure” (Koestenbaum). Jacqueline became an American icon, and through this achievement, “left a distinct mark on the job” (Caroli). She tied the name “Camelot” to her husband’s administration, but essentially, it seemed to encapsulate her quintessence as well (Caroli). Based on the indelible impression she left on America, there is no question that Onassis lived, breathed and accomplished the American Dream.