AnotherUpdatefromLinkCareCenter

BecomeaSuperParentwithSuperPowers!JenniferSmith,Ph.D.

• ThePowerofListening!--Dustoffyouractivelisteningskillsandletyourchildknowtheyarethemostimportantpersoninyourliferightnow.Thisisatimeforyoutoreallyhearandseekunderstandingwithwhatyourchildiscommunicating;thisisnotatimetoofferopinionsorchallengetheirthinking.Yourgoalistowalkawaywithanewunderstandingandperspectiveofwhatyourchildthinksabout.Thisissimilartothedaysoftryingtosortthroughascribbleddrawingyourpreschoolerproudlypresentsandthentellsalongstoryofwhatit’sabout.Thethoughtsintheirheadsaresovaluable;howtheyexperiencedaparticularsituationiscomplex,andwhattheyconsidertobesolutionstoaproblemareuniqueandinteresting.Listeningtoyourchildisasuperpowerthatwillstrengthentheirself-worthandletthemknowtheyareimportantandhaveanimportantplaceinthisworld.Thesecondsuperpoweroflisteningisitwillstrengthentherelationshipbetweenthetwoofyouandincreasethelikelihoodtheywillcometoyouinthefuture.

• ThepoweroftheApology!--Saying“I’msorry”hasthepowertocompletelychangetheconversation,andhelpsyourchildlearnmanynecessarythingsinthisworld.Thesuperpoweroftheapologymodelsforyourchildwhatitmeanstoapologizemeaningfully,howtoreceiveanapology,andhowtorespondinforgiveness.Anothersuperpowertheapologyholdsisitshowsyourhumanitytoyourchild;it’savulnerablepositiontotakeinlettingyourchildunderstandthatyouarenotperfectanddonotalwaysrespondinthebestway.Bequicktoapologizeforyourinappropriatebehavior,andallowthattoremainwithouttheexpectationthatyourchildwillfollowsuit.Solicitingtheirapologyisforanothertime,yourapologyisastand-aloneopportunitytoconnectwithyourchildandtakeresponsibilityforyourself.

• ThePoweroftheDo-Over!--Wecanrewriteandredoatanytime.Thesuperpowerofthe“do-over”meansthatatanypointinthedaywecanstartoverandtryagain.Evenifwehaveonlybeenupfor15minutes.Evenatbathtime.Evenifweareinthecaroratthepark.Letyourchildknowthatwearegoingtostartourdayoverandtryagaintobethebestversionofourselftoday.Ifyouareathomeit’sfuntoevengobacktobed,pretendthatyouarewakingupfortheday,anddoyourroutinealloveragain.It’saresetforyou,andforthem!

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• ThePowerofEncouragement!--Celebrateyourchildwithsomewordsof

affirmationandencouragementthroughwriting.Leaveanoteintheirlunchbox,backpack,ordayplanner.Sendasillypicturewithanencouragingnote.Leaveajokeonthebathroommirrorwithanencouragingword.Keepyourencouragementsandaffirmationsrelatedtotheirpersonalityandavoidcommentingontheirbehavior.Youarebuildingtheirinternaldialogueandthoughtswitheachinteraction,andthisisanopportunitytointentionallyvalidatetheawesomeanduniquepartsofyourchild!Thesewordswillgoalongwayinbuildingtheirself-imageandself-confidence,whichtranslatestomoresecureinterpersonalrelationshipsandwisechoicesdowntheroad.Havesomefun!

• ThePowerofTime!--Aimtospendqualitytimewitheachchildbyfinding10minutesperdaytoconnectwiththem.Avoidtalkingabouttheschedulefortomorrow,theirstudyhabits,orwhattheyareeating,andinsteadengagewithyourchildintheirworld.Youmayfindyourselfplayingtictactoeoraquickgameofuno,readingtheirfavoritebooktogether,lookingatthestars,pettingthedog,singingtheirfavoritesong…thepossibilitiesareendless!Getonthefloor,snuggleuponthecouch,andgetreadytoseewhataninterestingandfunchildyouhave.

• ThePowerofInvolvement!--Takeaninterestinthethingsyourchildisinterestedin.Thisisanopportunityfordevelopingastrongconnectionbetweenthetwoofyou,aswellasfurtheringyourchild’sstrongsenseofself.Music,books,movies,shows,comics,foods,thisisallfairgamewhenlearningaboutyourchild’sinterest.YoumayhavetoendurelearningthedifferencesbetweenEndermenandWitherorwhataV-buckis,butit’sworthit!Ourkidswanttoknowthatweareproudofthemandpleasedwiththeirchoices.Thisisaneasywaytosneakintotheirworldforashorttimeandletthemknowthattheirinterestsarecool.Youmayevenlearnsomething.

• ThePowerof(Messy)Creativity!--Getmessy!Weoftenlosesightofwhatkidsdobest—play!Andplayisinherentlymessy.Dedicateaspaceinyourhome(insideoroutside)whereit’soktobealittlemessyandyouwon’tgetoverlyanxiousaboutthemess.Aspacewithadoorworksreallywellforthisasyoucansimplyclosethedoorandmoveon.Allowyourchildrentoleavethelegosoutalittlelongertocontinuetheircreativeplay.Allowthemtomakeslimeandunderstandhowmaterialscometogethertoformsomethingweird.Encourageyourchildtoexpresshim/herselfwithartandcreativity.Beingplayfulallowsyourchildtheabilitytodevelopasenseoftheirlikesanddislikes,processtheiremotionsandexperiencesintheday,andpromotesresponsibilitywhentheycleanuptheirspace.

JenniferSmithisalicensedPsychologistonourCounselingCenterstaff.Shefocusesonworkingwithchildren,families,andmarriages.SheismarriedtoRyan,andisthemotherofLacyandNolan.Whennotdoingtherapy,ormakingcreativemesseswithherkids,shelikestorun,havingbeena

starcross-countryrunnerincollege.

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