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BACKWARDS
BY:VASE&FUGLSANG2016Oneact.Duration:approx.75min.
Twoactorstaketheaudiencethroughafriendshipbetweentwomentouchingdownontenpointsintime.Thestoryistoldbackwards,beginningwithtwooldmenandendingwithapairoffive-year-olds.Thestagedesignissimple.Ascreeninthebackforprojectionofambiencecoloursandatonepointtobeusedforshadowpuppetry.Stagemanagementissimplewithsimplesetpiecesandpropsthatcanberolledorcarriedquicklyon-andoffstagebyplayersorastagehand.Costumesaresimple–oftenjusthintingattherole.Themusicconsistsofclassicsongswhichcanbeplayedfromtapealongwithothersoundeffects.Lightingandsound(andremote-controlledroboticvacuumcleaner)canberunbyoneortwopeople.Theplayisbestsuitedforsmalltomediumsizedstages.IthasbeenperformedsuccessfullythroughoutDenmarkwithapprox.150performancesonthreeseparatetours.TheplayhasbeentranslatedfromDanish,andanylinguisticenhancementorlocaladaptationiswelcome.
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CHAPTERS:11.DEATH(BACKWARDS)10.OBLIVION9.RETIREMENT 8.AUTUMN 7.MIDWAY 6.DIFFERENCES
5.THEBESTMAN4.CAREER3.BOYHOODDREAMS2.FRIENDS1.MEETING
-LIFECANONLYBEUNDETSTOODBACKWARDS;BUTITMUSTBELIVEDFORWARDS.
-SorenKierkegaard
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11.DEATH(BACKWARDS)
Music:DjangoReinhardt,"I'llseeyouinmydreams".Thecharacteristicbeep-beepcardiacrhythmofanECGmachineisheard.Thetwoplayersenter,eachcarryingacremationurn.Theystanduntiltheheartbeatendsinalongbeeeeep.
PLAYER1That’sitthen.Thelastofovertwobillionheartbeats.That’showmanywecanallexpect,onaverage,ifwearen’tveryunluckyanddon’tdoanythingtoofoolish.Sothat’sit,thosearetherulesofthegame.
PLAYER2Astheywerefortwofriendscalled...Alex...
PLAYER1...andTom.
PLAYER2Gotthemrighthere.Orwhat’sleftofthemanyway.We’lllearnabouttheirlivesinaminute,andtheirfriendship,whichiswhatthisisallabout.
PLAYER1Funnythings,friendships.
PLAYER2Youneverreallyknowwheretheycomefrom...
PLAYER1...whattheycandevelopinto...
PLAYER2...orhowtheyendup.
PLAYER1Buttonightwewillknow.Becausethisstorywillbetoldbackwards.
PLAYER2Fromoldagetochildhood.
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PLAYER1Sothelastchapter,entitledDeath,isalreadyoverwith,andthingscanonlygoforwardfromnowon!
PLAYER2Well...backwards.
PLAYER1Soinourstory,TomandAlexkeepgettingyounger.
PLAYER2Theirhealthgetsbetterandbetter.
PLAYER1Theirdreamgrownbiggerandbigger.Let’srewindacoupleofyears...
PLAYER2...andbeginwithChapter10:
PLAYER1Abouttwooldmen...
PLAYER2...andsomebiscuits.
10.OBLIVION
Transition,changeoflighting.Music:DjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".Setting:acarehome.Aroboticvacuumcleaner(remote-controlled)entersfromoneside.Tomenters,slowly,withacoupleofcardboardboxes.Alexthenentersfromtheothersideofthestage.Heisusingawalkerandhasapronouncedhunch.Hetriestogetpasttherobot.Afteracoupleofattempts,hefinallysucceeds.Therobotexits.Musicends.
ALEXHiTom.
TOMHey-hey.
ALEXYourfly’sundone.
5
TOMYes-yes.
TomhelpsAlexintoachair.
TOM(CONT.)Goingdown.
ALEXAmIthereyet?
TOMBitmore!
(checks)Let‘ergothen.
Alexdropsheavilyintothechairandproceedstounwrapapackageofbiscuits.
ALEXBiscuits.
TOMYes-yes.Exciting.
ALEXTheoneswealwayshave.
TOMIsee.Andyouare?
ALEXAlex.
TOMAlex,right.Letmejustwritethatdown...
(writesinnotebook)"Alex".Oh,you’reinherealready.
ALEXIcameyesterdaytoo.
TOMRight!
Alexnoticesthemovingbox.
6
ALEX(sighs)
No.Tom.Haveyoubeenpackingupagain?
TOMYessure.Allpackedupandreadytomoveout!
ALEXNo-no,Tom.Youlivehere.
TOM(looksaround)
Right.
ALEX(nods)
I’llunpack.Youputthingsawaythen!
TOMYes-yes!
Inthefollowingbit,AlexremovesitemsfromtheboxandhandsthemtoTom.WithoutAlexnoticing,Tomplacestheitemsintheothermovingboxashereceivesthem.
ALEX(picksupabook)
Bookshelf.(picksupacartonofmilk)
Refrigerator.(picksuparolloftoiletpaper)
Arsehole!
Thejokecreatesamomentofconnectionwhiletheybothlaughalittle.AlexalsofindsaTVremoteandasnowglobe,whichheputsonthetable.
TOMAndyouare?
ALEXAlex.
TOMAlex,right.Letmejustwritethatdown...
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Tomisabouttowriteinhisnotebook,butdiscoversadifferentname.
TOM(CONT.)Mary?
ALEXYourwife.
TOMOhright.AndAngela?
ALEXStaff.
TOMBlonde?
ALEX(nods)
Verynicelady!
TOM(smiles)
Hottie!
Alexfindsabathrobeinthebox.
ALEXSixSensesSpa&Wellness?Stolengoods,this!
TOMYes-yes!
ALEXSixSenses,that’sthatbloodycoldplace.
TOMProbably.
AlexhandsthebathrobetoTom,whoputsitoverhisarm.Alexfindsatoycar.
ALEXMatchboxcar?
TOMBugatti!
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Alexfindsapocketknife.
ALEXSwissArmyknife?Hey,that’smine,isn’tit?
TOMYes-yes!
AlexlooksatTominsurprise.HeiscarryingthebathrobeoverhisarmandproudlydisplaysthefullboxtoAlex.
ALEXRight!Alldonethen.
TOMYes.Allpackedupandreadytomove!
AlexnowseesthatTomhasputalltheitemsintotheotherbox.
ALEXNono.Tom,howmanytimesdoIhavetotellyou...
(resigned,overbearing)Let’sleavethatfortomorrow.Biscuits?
TOMExciting!
ALEXTheoneswealwayshave.
Tomsits.Alexbeginstoputbiscuitsonaplate.
TOMYessure.Andyouare?
ALEXAlex.
TOMRight!
Tompicksupthesnowglobetoinspectit.MeanwhileAlexhasspottedasmallphotographatthebottomoftheemptybox.Helooksatitinsurprise.
ALEXWheredidthiscomefrom?
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TOMWhat?
ALEX (showshimthephoto)This...Alice?
TOMAlex?
ALEX(bewildered)
No,Alice.WhydoyouhaveaphotoofAlice?
TOMThat’snotAlex.
(pointsatthesnowglobe)That’sAlexrightthere!Andthat’sme!Andlookatthis...
(shakesthesnowglobe)It’ssnowing?
Alexgivesup,nodding.
ALEXYes,it’ssnowing. (pause)Didyouknowthatoutofthebillionsofsnowflakesintheworld,nottwoarethesame?
TOMRight...
(briefpause)Andyouare?
ALEXAlex.
Transition,changeoflighting.Samemusic:DjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".
PLAYER2Chapter9,eightyearspreviously.AttheSixSensesSpa&Wellness!
Musicends.
10
9.RETIREMENT.
Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:fishpedicurestationatawellnessresort.Meditationmusicandsoundsoftricklingwater.Tomenters,removeshissocksandputshisfeetinthefishtank.Hesighswithcontent.Alexenterswearingabathrobeandsocks,carryinghisshoes.
ALEXSothisiswhereyou’vebeenhiding?
TOMWhatdoyoumean?
ALEXWesaidtomeetatthejacuzzi?
TOMWedid?
ALEXYes,justhalfanhourago.Youdon’tmakeiteasy,doyou?
TOMMusthaveslippedmymind.Anyway,howdoyoulikeit?
ALEXHonestly?Thisisprobablythedumbestbirthdaypresentyouhaveevergivenme.
TOMIt'sonlygoodforyoutotrysomethingnew!
ALEXYouwerealotmorefuntobewithbackwhenyoucouldhaveapintnowandthen.
TOMComeon,it’snicehere!
ALEXIt’scold.
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TOMGointhesaunathen.
ALEXToohot.
TOMSteam?
ALEX(shakeshishead)
Myasthma.
TOMSaltbath?
ALEXNo,mypsoriasiswillgetitchy.
TOMHeeheehee...
ALEXIt’snojoke,psoriasis,youknow!
TOMNotthat,it’sthese!
(hepointsintothetank)Thisissomefunnystuff.
Alexwaddlesoverandpeersintothefishtank.
ALEXArethose...fish?
TOMYes!It’scalledafishpedi!
ALEXFishpedi?
TOMTheyeatallthedeadskincells,corns,warts...andall!
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ALEXDoesthatnothurt?
TOMNo-no,itjustticklesabit.Tryit!
ALEXNotonyourlife.Howdoyouknowthosedumbfishknowthedifferencebetweendeadskinand...live?
TOMTheyjustdo.Atourageit’sdeadanyway,mostofit.Comeon!
Alexsighsandreluctantlypullsoffonesocktoputafootinthewater.Tomlooksathim.
TOM(CONT.)Onefoot!?
ALEXWellIdon’twanttolosethemboth.
Theysitforabit.Alexlooksintothefishtank.
ALEX(CONT’D)Whyaretheyalloverbyyou?
TOMMaybetrywashingyourfeet?
ALEXIsthatnotwhatwe’redoingnow?
TOMGivethemtime,now.Theyneedtogetusedtoyoufirst.Justliketherestofus.
ALEXVeryfunny!
(isbitten)Oow!
(takeshisfootoutofthewater)Theybite!Piranhas!
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TOMJustyouwait,you’llhavefeetlikeaninfant.
ALEXThat’sgoingtolooksillyonsomeonewho’s75.
Alexremoveshisfootandstartstoputhissockbackon.Tomspotssomething.
TOMRight!Here’sChristina!
ALEX(lookingaswell)
No,that’sCharlotta!
TOMWho?
ALEXTheinstructor!
TOMYes-yes,that’swhatI’msaying.She’sSwedish.Hottie!
Tomstands,sucksinhisstomach.
TOM(CONT.)Hejsan!We’reready!
ALEXEgads,thiscursedbodyimagecult!
TOMIt’sgoodforyou.Lookatyouslouching.
ALEXIamnotslouching!
TOMYesyouare.Whathaveyoudoneforyourbodyrecently?
ALEXWell,Itookdownthebathroommirror.
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TOMGetup,you.
(totheinstructor)Ibroughtmyfriendtoday...Um,kompis!
AlexgetsupreluctantlyandstandsbehindTom.
ALEXOhno,thisispathetic!Sheismuchtooyoung.Andthattightoutfit.
TOMHoldon...Waituntilsheturnsaround.Nowlook.
TheybothgazeatCharlotta,losingtheirtrainofthought.
ALEXGod,IloveSweden!
TOMJättebra!
Agongsounds.Transition,changeoflighting.Music:AlinaDevecerski,"FlyttaPåDej".Thepairbegintoperformseniorgymnasticsexercises.Tomisaccomplishedandleadsthechoreography.Alexfollowsalonghalf-heartedly.Musicvolumeisloweredafteralittlewhile.
ALEXSohowaboutSunday?Shouldwegoforabiteforlunch?
TOMSunday’snogood.
ALEXYouneverseemtobeupforanythingonSundays?
TOMWellyouknow,Maryhelpsoutatthechurch...and...soIdriveherthere.
ALEXOkay.Butwecannipoutforafewhourswhileshe’sbeingsaved,can’twe?
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TOMNotreally,I...Iusuallygoinaswell.
ALEX(looksatTomindisbelief)
Youoldhypocrite!
TOMWhat?
ALEXJusttryingtograbatickettotheeternityclubbeforeit’stoolate,eh?
TOMIjustgoinwithher!
Thegongsoundsagain.
ALEXNowwhat?
TOMTaiChi!
Transition,changeoflighting.Music:TaiChimusic.TheybeginaTaiChiroutine.
ALEX(quietly)
AllI’msayingiswhenyou’regone,you’regone.Andthenitbetterbeswift.
TOMWhy’sthat?
ALEXWellIdon’twanttobesittingthereallconfusedinsomecarehomewithwildhairandmyflyundone.Anyway,thismakesnopointatall.
TOMMightjustbethepoint!
Gong!TaiChimusicends.
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TOM(CONT.)(totheinstructor)
Jättebra.Seeyouagaintomorrow!Itwas...jättebra!
Theystarttoputtheirshoesbackon.
TOM(CONT.)So,doyoufeelanydifferent?
ALEXYes,nowthatyoumentionit...Myunderpantsarerightupmycrack.
TOM(shakeshishead,grinning)
Well,Iamgoingtothesauna.(walksoffinthewrongdirection)
ALEXTom!Thesauna!It’sthatdirection.
(points)You’llendupintheladies’otherwise.
Alexexits.
TOM(confused,tohimself)
Goddammit...youoldfool.
Tomexits.Transition,changeoflighting.Music:Boccherini,"QuintetNo.1"
PLAYER1Chapter8.Afewyearsearlier.Autumn.Salmonseason.
Musicends.
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8.AUTUMN.
Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:Agloriousautumnday.Thetwofriendsarefishingbyariver.Soundofrushingwater.Alexsitsonarockwithasmallchildren’sfishingrod.Heisreadingaloudfromabookaboutfishing,asTomenterswearingrubberboots.
ALEXTom,listentothis...“Laterintheseason,thewatersofferfineopportunitiesforperch,bream,pike,andpondloach.”Youmayevenhavethegoodfortune...”
TOM(hushesAlex)
Wellwearen’tgoingtocatchadamnthingifyouscareawayallthefish.
(noticeshisrod)Whatkindofakid’srodisthatyoubrought?
ALEXIt’ssomethingIgotforthechildrenonce.Atthispoint,Imightaswellhangontoit.Becomingagrandad,remember?
Alexistryingtountanglethefishingline.Tomisfishing.
TOMRight,howarethekids?
ALEXOh,goingSOwell.NicholasjuststartedUni.AndAnneisoffworkingforacharityabroad.
TOMWhataboutyouandAlice?Areyouonspeakingtermsthesedays?
ALEXWeeell...Aliceisn’treallythesortyouspeakwith.Morelike,yougetspokento.
(thelineistangledbynow)Canyouhelpmewiththis?
TomcomesovertoAlextohelphimrigup.
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ALEX(CONT’D)Actually,Aliceisre-marrying.Poorbloke.
TOM...Youknow,Marywasaskingaboutyou.
ALEXOhno,notthisagain.
TOMShehasthisfriend,Sarah...Divorced,lovelywoman.
ALEXOhgiveitarest,Tom.
TOMJustgiveitachance.Thisone’salibrarian...yourkindofthing.
ALEXAndwhatdidyoutellher?
TOMWellItoldheryou’reawriter.
ALEXWillyoustop...What,withonebooktomyname?
TOMIthoughtthatwasareallygoodbook!OfcourseImentionedthatyou’rearetiredheadteacherwithajuicypension,I’mnotanidiot.Giveitachance. (jokingly)Shemaynotbetheprettiest,butgiveherascrubandathoroughshave,andshe’llbegoodasnew.
Alexsmilesreluctantlyatthejoke.Theycontinuefishinginsilence.
ALEXAnytakersforthe'internationalmega-corporation'?
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TOMI’vehadacoupleofoffers,actually.
ALEXYouwouldmissittoomuch,though!
TOMYouknowwhat.Ican’tbebotheredanymore.Bettertosellitoffandgetadecentprice.
ALEXWhichis...?
TOMEnoughforMaryandmyself.Mightevenbeabitleftoverforaproperfishingrodforamate!
AlexnoticedsomethingaboutTom.
ALEXNowIknowwhatitis!IhaveNEVERseenyouinwelliesbefore!
TOMThey’repractical.
ALEXDidmyearsdeceivemeordidTomAndersonjustrefertohisfootwearas‘practical’?YoualwayswearthosefancyItalianshoes.
TOMMarygotthemforme.
ALEXYouandthatMaryarereallyhittingitoff,eh?
TOMIt’sjustapairofwellingtons.It’snotlikeIstartedgoingtochurch.
Pause.Alexgetsupandcastshisline.Theyfishforabit.
ALEX(startled)
Ihaveabite!
20
TOMYes,sureyoudo.
ALEXIt’strue.Ihaveabite!!
TOMWellI’llbe!Youhaveabite!
TomputsdownhisrodtohelpAlex.
ALEXLookatit,it’senormous!Whatisit?
TOM(looksatthefish)
Ithinkit’sasalmon...Yougotasalmon,man!
Alexstruggleswiththefish.Herunsupanddowntheriverside.
ALEXOhhhh,it’ssobig!
TOMGiveitsomeslack!
ALEXIam!
TOMPullitin,man.Pullitin!
ALEXYoujustsaid‘slack’?Itisreallystrong.
TOMYou’vegotitworndownnow!I’lltakeapictureofyoulandingit.
Alexstruggleswiththesalmon.Itismorelikeitiswearinghimdown.Tomrunstogetthecamerabutstrugglestooperateit.
TOM(CONT.)Aaaarh...howdoesthisthingwork?
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ALEXPressthe‘ON’button.
Tomswitchesthecameraonandlooksintoit.
TOMIcan’tseeanything.
ALEXThecover!
TOMItwon’t...Ican’t...couldyou?
Theytradeplaces.AsTomtakestherod,thefishcomesoffthehook.Theybothlookattheloosefishingline.Alexiscomplainingloudly,whileTomissuddenlyquiet.
ALEXWhatareyoudoing?Youweresupposedtoholdit.
TOMShit.
ALEX (pacingbackandforth)Whataletdown.Itwasoneforthebooks.Anenormoussalmon...AndcaughtwithNick’slittlerod.Wellalmostcaught.Ihavetoremembertotellhim.Hisolddadlockedincombatwithagiantoftheocean.ThatwasstraightoutofHemingway...“TheOldManandtheSea”.No,Iwillnotgiveup.Iamsurethebeastisstillouttheresomewhere.AndIhaveafeelingwhereitmightbehiding.
TomisstandingwithhisbackturnedasAlexstartstorepositionhisequipmentfurtherdownstream.TomlooksatAlexsolemnly.
TOMI’mleavingonTuesday.ForSwitzerland.
ALEXIsee?
22
TOMGoingintorehab.It’sgoingtobeawhiletoo.
ALEX (stunned)
Ohcomeon,itcan’tbethatbad,surely...
TOM(cutshimoff)
Yesitis!Itisbad.Andyouknowit.
ALEXWelltoday,forexample,youhaven’t...
ThereisanawkwardpauseasAlexrealisesthatTomhasprobablyalreadyhadquiteabittodrink.
TOMItisthefirstthingIthinkaboutinthemorning,anditisthelastthingIthinkaboutbeforeIgotobed.Itendsnow.
ALEXYoumeansomekindof..clinic?
Tomnods,sitsdownontherock.
TOMIhavetogetfarawayfromeverything.Foralongtime.Youknow,thekindofcrapwhereyousitaroundinacircle,crying.I’lldefinitelyhateit.
Alexsitsdownnexttohim.
ALEX(smiles)
Youdefinitelywill.Icanjustpictureyou,Tom,singingKumbaya...
(stopshimself,suddenlyserious)
ALEX(CONT’D)IsthissomethingthatMary...?
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TOM(nods)
It’stherightthingtodo.Andit’smylastchance.AndIamscaredashell...
ALEXYouknow,ifthereisanythingIcando...anything!...Youknow!
TOMCouldyoudriveme?
ALEXSure,ofcourseIcandriveyou.Whattimeisyourflight?
TOMI’dlikeyoutodrivemeallthewaythere.
ALEXErrr...toSwitzerland?Why?
(longpause,asAlexrealizesthatTomcan’tmakeitonhisown)
Fine.Yes.Youknow,Icouldusealungfulofthatfresh,Alpineair.Begreatformyasthma.
TOMThankyou!
Theyhelpeachotherup.AlexgetsouthispocketknifeandhandsittoTom.
TOM(CONT.)WhattheDevil,doyoustillhavethat?
(attemptstohanditback)
ALEXKeepit.Youcan’tbegoingtoSwitzerland,fightingabattle...andnothaveaSwissArmyknife!
Tomsmilesandputstheknifeinhispocket.Theyexit.Lightsfade.Music:Queen:"Iwan'ttobreakfree"(solo-part).
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PLAYER1Chapter7.Wehavecomemidwaythroughlife.Andlifesometimestakesatumble...
Alexrushesacrossthestagewearingearprotectors.
PLAYER1(CONT.)...soyouhavetokeepyourbalance.
Musicends.Transition,changeoflighting.
7.MIDWAY.
Setting:Alex’house.Heisdraggingatableontothestageandproceedstofinishitssurfacewithasander.Tomenters(wearingsunglasses,hung-over/stilldrunkfromthenightbefore)carryingabagofsandwiches,abottleofwine,andAlex’mail.ThefactthatAlexcan’thearhimisusedforcomediceffect.
TOMHey!Hello.Helloooo?Foundyourmailinthehallway.
ALEXTom!Sogoodtoseeyou,Tom.
TOMIbroughtabitetoeat...andsomethingtowashitdown.
ALEX(hearsnothing)
Thankyou.Youtoo!
Tomleavestogetglassware.Alexkeepsonsanding.Tomreturnswithtwomugs.
TOMHey,whathappenedtoyourwineglasses?ThisisBarolo!
ALEXWhat?
TOMItalian!
25
ALEX(getsouthispocketknife)
Swiss!
AlexhandstheknifetoTomwhostartstouseitscorkscrewtoopenthebottle.
TOMIwasthinkingwecouldhitthetowntonight...listentosomemusic....
Alexfinisheswiththesander.
ALEXThere!
TOMWhatareyoudoingwiththattable?
ALEXSandingit.Sandingitallthewaydown.Thenstrippingitandpaintingit.
TOM(visiblyshook)
Isn’tthattheHansWegneryouandAlicebought?
ALEXWellit’sMYbloodyHansWegnernow!
Alexbeginstopackuphistools.Tomfinallyuncorksthewineandpourssomeinthemugs.
TOMThatwasaset.Whataboutthechairs?
ALEXShegotthose.
TOMAll12?
ALEXNo-no-no,Igotthetableandtwoofthechairs.Shegottenchairsplustheextensionleaves.Wehaditappraised,andthatmadeitequal.
26
TOMYoucan’tbloodystripandsandaWegnertable.That’saclassic!
ALEX(onhiswayout)
Seemstobegoingquitewell.Ihavetoshowyouthebestbit.
TOMYou’llde-valueit!
AlexleaveswhileTomfinisheshismugofwine.Andimmediatelypoursanother.
ALEX(OFF)Feastyoureyesonthis!
Alexreturnscarryingabluechair.
TOMYoupaintedthemblue!?
ALEXNotjustblue...Grecianblue.
TOMGrecianblue?What’swiththebirddroppings?
ALEXSeafoam.Ifeellikeit’sreallysettingtheatmosphere!
TOMYoushouldtrythiswine.It’sthegoodstuff.
ALEXYes,it’sreallycomingalongnicely.YouknowhowAlicealwayswantedallthoseheavycurtainsanddarkfurniture.Nowthere’llbelight,andplants,andlotsofair...Iopenedupintotheconservatory,youknow.
TOMYoudidwhat?!
27
ALEXItookthewalldown.
Tomgetsupandgoestolook.Alexlookstoo.
TOMYoutookdownaload-bearingwall?
ALEXNaaah,Idon’tthinkso.Morelikeover-bearing.
TOMSothosecracksintheceilingwerealwaysthere?
ALEXWell,it’sanoldhouse.Can’tyoupictureit,Tom?
AlexsitsTomdowninthechair.
ALEX(CONT’D)Thereyouare...in‘LittleGreece’.AndhereIsit,writing.I’vehadagreatideaforanovel.It’ssetbytheMediterranean.
TOMOkay.You’rewritingagain?Great!
Alexleaveswiththepowercord.Tomsitsdown,shook.
ALEX(OFF)Ineverusedtohavethetime–withAlice.ButnowIfinallyhavetheopportunity.Andtheenergy.Ineverhadsomuchenergy!
Alexcomesback.
TOMYes,Iseethat...areyoueating?
ALEXNah,I’mnotreallythathungry.
TOMYou’velostsomeweight.
28
ALEXIsthatnotjustyougaining?
(patsTom’sstomach)Youlookabitworseforwear,frankly.Youbeenoutboozing?
TOMJustacompanythingthatgotabitoutofhand.Youwouldn’thavesomethingforaheadache?
ALEXTrythebathroom.
TOM(pointstoaletter)
Don’tforgetyourmail.AndI’dgetsomeonetohavealookatthatwall,ifIwereyou.
Tomleavesforthebathroom.
ALEX(distracted,readstheletter)
Yes-yes,Ihavethoughtaboutit.(stillreading,tohimself)
Ohno,shedidn’t...
Tomreturns.
TOMYouhavetotakethatseriously...couldbedangerous.
ALEXShebloodydidtoo!
AlexhandsthelettertoTom,whoreadsitquickly.
ALEX(CONT’D)Hasshegoneandlostherbloodymind?
TOMMyGod...thatcallsforadrink,Ithink.
Tomrefillstheemptymug.
29
ALEXShe’sonlytakingeverything.Everything!SheHASlosthermind.
TOMWell,thisisfromabarrister...youcan’ttakethattoopersonally.
ALEXPersonally!?Thisisaboutaspersonalasitgets!I’vesacrificedeverything.DidIeverquestionanyofherridiculousideas?DidI?
TOMNo,youneverdid.
ALEXShegoteverythingjustthewayshewantedit!
TOMShecertainlydid.
ALEXImean,I’mnottheonewhowalkedawayfromitall.Ibetshefoundsomeoneelse.
TOM Comeon,youdon’tknowthat.
ALEXNothat’sright,Idon’tknowanything!Maybetherehavebeenmanyothers!
TOM (wantstochangethesubject)Alex,don’tyouthink...
Alexrushesaroundtheplace,gettingmoreandmoreworkedup.
ALEX...Andnowshewantsitall.ThekidsandthecarandtenWegnerchairs.Evenmybloodyfishingrod,that’sgonetoo.Shehastakenthetoilet
30
brush,Tom.Thetoiletbrush!Whatkindofasickpersontakesthetoiletbrushoutofthehandsofherex-husband?!
TomstopsAlex.
TOMOfcourseyou’reright,Alex.Butyoudohavetomoveontoo...
Alexcalmsdownabitandsitsdown.Hejumpsbackupimmediately.
ALEXYouknowagoodbarrister,don’tyou?Imean,you’vebeenbankruptthreetimes,youmustknowsomeone.
TOM(takestheletter)
Sure,I’lltakecareofit.You’vegotenoughonyourplateasitis,whatwith“LittleGreece”andall.
Theybothstandbythechair.SuddenlyAlexgetsemotional.
ALEXTom!Bebrutallyhonestnow...
(longpause)...isthatseafoamabitmuch?
TOMYouwantmetobehonest?
(pause)Itlooksgreat!
AlexhugsTom.
ALEXWithoutyouTom,IthinkImighthavegoneabitcrazy.
(briefpause)PAINTSTRIPPER!
Alexrunsouttogetacanofpaintstripper,putsitonthetable.
31
TOMHey!Whatdoyousaywetakethistableintothegardento...stripit?
ALEXOhright.Goodthinking.
Theypickupthetableandstarttocarryitout.
TOMPlusyouwon’thavetomowthegrass!
Theyexit.Thechairstays.Music:EricClapton,"MainlineFlorida".
PLAYER1Chapter6,inwhichAlexlearnsatime-honouredtruth:It’snotdifficulttobecomeafather,butbeingafatherissomethingelseentirely.
Musicends.
6.DIFFERENCES.
Transition,changeoflighting.Audio:afootballmatchbeingplayed.Setting:afootballpitchwheretwojuniorteamsareplaying.Alexisstandingbehindabarrieradvertisementthatreads“TOM’SDISCOUNTAUTO”.Heiswearingatrainingoutfitascoach.
ALEXThat’sright,spreadout,boys...andpushon!Yes,verygood...Comeon,helpNicholasout,there’snoonehecanpassto.
TomentersexcitedlywithaplasticbagfullofbeercansandjoinsAlexbehindthebarrier.
TOMOh,didtheystartyet?
ALEX(surprised)
It’sthesecondhalf.One-all.
32
TOM(looksattheadonthebarrier)
Ohgood,youputthebannerup.
ALEXOhyes,andthankyoufortheuniforms!
(pointstotheplayers)
TOMLooksgreat,doesn’tit.Wantone?
ALEX(withadisapprovinglook)
Nothankyou,notwhilewe’replaying.
TOM(totheplayers)
COMEON,NICK!(toAlex)
Ishebiggerthanyouatthispointalready?
ALEX(spotssomething)
....No,Ref,thatwasclearlyoffside!
TOMIwaswonderingifyouhavetimetohelpmovehousetomorrow?
ALEXMove?Who’smoving?
TOMLinda!
ALEXOhbutdidn’tshejustmovein?
TOMIjustcan’tdealwithit.Shewantstobetheboss,andeverythingIdoiswrong.
ALEXToobad,IreallylikedLinda.Or...amIthinkingofTina?
33
TOMOhno,shewasevenworse...
ALEXRats.SoLindaismovingout.
TOMYes,Lindaismovingout...andLisaismovingin.HaveyoumetLisa?
ALEXIdon’tthinkso?
(totheplayers)Watchyourman!Keepaneyeontheirnumbernine!He’sdeadly!
TOM(totheplayers)
TAKEHIMDOWN!(toAlex)
So?Youfree?
ALEXAhwell,no,afraidIcan’t.Tomorrow’sjustnogood.Ihavetowashtheuniforms,Ihaveessaystomark,andIhavetogopickupthisfurniturewithAlice.
TOMMorefurniture?
ALEXYes,Alicemadearealbargain.AnoriginalDanishWegnertablewithtwoleavesandadozenmatchingchairs–forunder£1000.
TOMWell-well.Wasitnotyouwhousedtosaythatifyouownmorethanseventhings,thenyourthingsownyou?
ALEXWellyes,inprinciple...butthisisaclassicofmoderndesign!AliceandIwillbeabletoenjoythissettogether...fortherestofourlives.
34
(spotssomethingonthepitch)Noooo,surelythat’snotafreekick?
TOM(yellsatthereferee)
YOU’REFULLOFSHITE,YABASTARD!(toAlex)
It’slikeyouneverhavetimeforanythinganymore?
ALEXMe?Well...thatisashame.Butyouknowhowitis.
TOMNoIdon’t,actually.
Afouliscommittedonthepitch.
ALEXYEEEES!Apenalty!Wegetapenalty!
Theycheerandbangonthebarrier.
ALEX(CONT’D)Thatissoimportant!
TOMYes!Nicholasistakingit!
ALEX(worried)
Ohno,whyhim?Itnevergoeswell.
TOMOFCOURSEitwill.Yourson...mygodson.Ofcoursehe’llputitin.
(yells)Giveitagoodwalloping,Nick!
ALEXNo-no-no,he’sgoingtomiss.Hegothispoornervesfromme.
(turnshisbacktothepitch)Ican’twatch.
35
TOMCOMEONTHEN,NICK!
WeseefromTom’sexpressionthattheboymissestheshot.Alexturnsaroundtolook.
ALEXOhno,he’sdevastated.AndAlicewillbemadthathewasputinthatposition...
TOM(shouts)
COMEONREDS!(toAlex)
WhatifIrescheduleforSaturday,canyoucomethen?
ALEXNoevenworse,wehavetolookatlocationsforAnne’seighteenthbirthday.
TOM(confounded)
What?Ithoughtthatwasgoingtobeasmallparty–familyonly?
ALEX (suddenlyputonthespot)Weeeeellyes,thatwastheplan.Butitsortofgrewoutofhand...youknowAlice.Shehasallthesefriends...andbeforeweknewit...
TOM (hurt)Okay...so...howmanywillyoube?
ALEXOhIdon’tknow...nomorethan30or40.Alicehandlesalltheinvitationsandstuff.50atthemost.
TOMYou’rearealshit,youknow!
36
ALEXButIreallytriedto...itwouldjustbeeasierifyouandAlicegotonabitbetter...whyisityou’renottalkingtoeachotheranymore?What?Whyisthat?
TOM (ignoresthequestion)That’smygod-daughter!You’reagiantshit,youare!ANDagiantwimp!
ALEXWellIcan’tpleaseeveryone...
TOM(cutshimoff)
Youknowwhat?Don’teventry,mate!Goodbye!
TomthrowsdownhisbeercanatAlex’feetandstartstoleave.
ALEX(stopshim)
Tom.(briefpause)
I’llswingbywithacoupleofinvitestomorrow.
Tomleaves.
ALEX(CONT’D)(tohimself)
Wecanseeaboutmovingaswellthen.(totheplayers)
Ohcomeon,lookalive,Nicholas!
Lightsfade.Music:EarthWindandFire,"MightyMighty".
PLAYER1 (grinning)Chapter5.Twohappyboys.Tomorrow...isn’tforanotherday!
37
5.THEBESTMAN.
Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:inthebathroomofanightclub.Alex’sstagnight.
TOMComeon!
Alexcomescrawlingin.Musicends.
TOM(CONT.)Areyouokay?!?
ALEXOfcourse.Justhaveto...
(rushestothetoiletbowl)
TOMGlassesglassesglasses.
TomremovesAlex’glassesatthelastmoment.Alexisonhisknees,throwingupintothetoilet.TompassestissuepapertoAlexasneeded.
ALEX(bellowingfromthedepths)
AUAIIIUUUAEEEECHA!
TOMNo,Idon’tthinkyoushouldhavehadthatlastpitcher.
ALEXALIIIIOOOOKEEEEEMEEEEE!
TOMNo,sheisnotgoingtokillyou.We’llgetyoubacktoverticalyet.Youonlyhavetowalkthelengthofthechurchtomorrow...andnobodysaysyouhavetowalkinastraightline!Youstillhavetheabilitytosay‘Ido’.
ALEXIdonot!
Theybothlaugh.Alexwipeshismouthwithsometoiletpaper.
38
ALEXOhhey,Ifeelmuchbetternow.
TOMYoulookgreattoo!Here’stothat.
(hepullsoutaflask)
ALEXYes,cheerstothat!
Theydrink.Perhapstheysingalittledrinkingsong.Alexisleaningonthetoiletbowl.
TOMDoyouwanttohearthespeech?
ALEXWhatspeechisthat?
TOMWell,thespeechI’mgoingtogivetomorrow.
ALEXOh,thatspeech.No,actuallyIdon’t.
TOMThehellyoudo!
ALEXYeah,actuallyIdo.
Tomgetsacrumbledpieceofpaperfromhispocket.
TOMDon’tworry,it’sgonnabehilarious.I’llspillallthebeststories.
ALEXWaitwait,mymother-in-lawwillbethere.
TOMTohellwithher.You’renotmarryingher.Doyouwanttohearthespeechornot?
ALEXOkay,maybejustgivemethegistofit.
39
TOMSo.I’mgoingtobeginwiththebeginning...
ALEXThat’sagreatplacetobegin!
Bothlaughing.
TOMSoI’llstartoffwiththetimewefirstmet,lookingatthenakedladies.Oneofthemwasaginger...
BOTHTopANDbottom!
TOMAndthenItakeusthrougheverything,likeourcampingtrips,whenwe’ddrinkyourdad’salcohol...
ALEXEw...IthinkImightbesickagainactually.
TOMAndIsavedapoemyouwrote.
ALEXYoudid?
TOMYes!AndI’llbloodyreaditoutloud!Shit...Itwassupposedtobeasurprise.
ALEXTom!Don’tworryaboutit.Iwon’trememberbytomorrow.
TOMThenthereweretheyearswhenwedidn’tseeeachother...
ALEXSkipthose.Tooboring.
40
TOMYes,scratchthat.ThenI’llskipaheadtowhen–BOOM–suddenlywemeetagaininthattaxi.Allthefunstuffwedidoutonthetownwithgirlsand...
ALEXI’mjustgoingtorestmyheadhere...Iamlistening,though!
Alexcloseshiseyesandturnshisfaceawayfromtheaudience.
TOMThenI’llsaysafewnicethingsaboutAlice...
ALEXYouknow...thatcanbewellworthit!
TOMImean,it’stogetinwithhersister,ofcourse...ifthat’sokay?
ALEXFinebyme!We’dbecomefamily!We’dbecousins!
Theylaughforabit.
TOMThenImighttellanotherjokeortwo,andthen...
(hepackshisspeechway)...Imightgooff-scriptcompletelyandtalkabouthowhappy...andproud...Iam...tohaveyouasafriend.AndhowI’vealwayslookeduptoyou,evenifperhapsyoudon’tbelievethat.
Alexdozesoffatthispoint.
TOM(CONT.)Andhowyouarethecleverestandbestfriendanyonecouldhave.Thatyouarealwaysthereforme,andhowluckyAliceis...andeventhoughit’sgoingtobeyoutwonow,itwillstillbeustwo...becausearealfriendshiplikethisisararething.Sowhenyouhaveafriendshiplikeours,it’simportanttoholdontoit,andtotelleachother...
41
(seesthatAlexisasleep)Hey.Alex.Areyousleeping?
ALEX What?No,I’mwideawake!AndIhavesomethingtotellyou.
TOMWhat?
ALEXI’mgoingtobesickagain!
Alexthrowsupagain.Music:EarthWindandFire,"MightyMighty".
PLAYER2Chapter4.InwhichfortunecomesalongasTomgetsthebootbyhisgirlfriend...Susan
(thinkstohimself)...OrwasitJanet...itwasn’tCarol...maybeJane?Ohwell...Chapter4.
Musicends.
4.CAREER.
Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:Inacity,atnight.Tomisonthestreetinhissocks.It’sraining.Heisarguingwithhisgirlfriend,whoisonthesecondfloorofabuilding.
TOMHelen...forChrist'ssake...letmein.IsaidI’msorry,didn’tI.Justletmeinsowecantalkaboutit.
(briefpause)Ican’tbedownhereinjustmysocks!
AsingleshoelandsinfrontofTom.Heputsiton.
TOM(CONT.)Comeon,Helen...oneshoe?!
Ajacketfallsfromabove.Heputsiton.
42
TOM(CONT.)Justgivemefiveminutes.I’monmykneeshere...goddammit.
(hegivesup,turnsaround,whistles)Taxi!
Tomtriestohailataxi.SpotlightonAlex,whoisataxidriver.(twochairs,onediagonallybehindtheother)Tomistryingtoputhisshoeon,hopping.Hegetsintothebackseat.
ALEXEvening.Whereto,then?
TOMTrainstation.Sogladyoustopped...Iamsoaked!Lookatmyshoe.That’sagenuineBelmondo...completelyruined.
ALEX(recognizesTominthemirror)
What,Tom!?
TOMAlex?!Whatareyoudoinghere?
ALEXI’mataxidriver!
TOMMyGod,Alex...wait,I’llcomesitinthefront.
TomscootshischairforwardsoheisnexttoAlex.
TOM(CONT.)Wow,isitgreattoseeyou!Howlonghasitbeen.3,4years.
ALEX6.
TOMSix,isitreally?Sogoodtoseeyou.Youhaven’tchangedonebit!
43
ALEXNeitherhaveyou.
TOMWhendidyoumovehere?
ALEXFouryearsago.
TOMRight!Andthewriting?Areyouafamouswriteryet?
ALEXNah,I’veputthatasideforthemoment.I’matUninow...Englishandliteraturestudies.
TOMUniversity?
ALEXYes,it’sveryinteresting.Iamwritingmythesis.It’s...takingawhile.
TOMWowman,university.I’vecaughtaridewithaprofessor!
ALEXWell...thisisjustasidethingtomakeabitofmoney.
TOMYeahyeahsure.Goodjobtoo...Ineverthoughtthey’dgiveyoualicensewithminussixinbotheyes.
ALEXIdidfailthetestthreetimes.
Theybothlaugh.
TOMOhman,isitgreattoseeyou!
Soundofavehiclehorn.
44
ALEXOhno,I’mstoppedinabuslane.
Tomstickshisheadoutofthewindow,yells.Alexstartstopullthecaraway.
TOMGIVEITAREST,YOUTOSSER!We’rehavingaconversationhere.
(toAlex)Youreallyhaven’tchangedabit.
ALEXNeitherhaveyou.
(awkwardpause)Whataboutyou?Whatareyouuptothesedays?
TOMWell,whataren’tIupto?AtthemomentI’mworkingforacardealership.Justgotpromoted.SoIhaveacompanycarandeverything!
TomhandsAlexabusinesscard.
ALEXWellwellwell.Sowhyaretakingataxi?
TOMCar’swithInlandRevenuejustnow.Somemisunderstandingabouttheregistration.
ALEXDoyoulikethejob?
TOMNah,I’mjustinittolearnalltheangles,thenI’mopeningmyownshop...“TOM’SDELUXEAUTO”.
ALEXTom’sDeluxeAuto?
TOMYessir.Onlythebest!Noneofyourcheapbangers.
45
ALEXSo,ManagingDirector,eh?
TOMProfessor!
ALEX (anotherawkwardpause)Sowhat’swiththatshoe?
TOMOh,justthiscrazychick...Helen.Whyaretheonesthataregreatinbedalwaysbonkersaswell?
ALEXWellI’msureIdon’tknowaboutthat.
TOMOhokay.Whataboutyou?Youhaveaspeciallady?
Alexsmilesshyly.
TOM(CONT.)Youbloodyhave.Youhaveagirlfriend!Iwassureyou’dgotoyourgraveavirgin.
ALEXNono,letmejust...
(herummagesinhispockets)...Hereweare!
AlexfindsaphotoinhisinsidepocketwhileTomquicklygrabsthewheel.
ALEX(CONT’D)That’sAlice.We’vebeentogether2years.ShereadsHistoryofArt.
TOMAnotherprofessor!
(studiesthephoto,surprised)DamnAlex,she’sahottietoo.Andshe’saginger...isitreal?
Alexturnsred.Nods.
46
TOM(CONT.)Soareyougettingmarriedorwhat?
ALEXOhno.AliceandIdon’tbelieveintheinstitutionofmarriage.
TOMWhat?OhIgetit...alwaysbesttokeepyouroptionsopen.
ALEXAndpersonalfreedom–that’simportant.
TOMOhdefinitely.Youhavetowatchoutforthatpersonalfreedom.
ALEXWealsobelievethatwecanlivenon-materialisticlives.
TOMYes?
ALEXYouknow,there’saChineseproverbwhichsays:Ifyouownmorethanseventhings,thenyourthingsownyou!
TOMOhokay.Right.Wellwedotendtogetmorethings,don’twe. (anotherawkwardpause)Didyousayseventhings?
ALEXYes,seven.
TOMWellthat’llgiveyouapairofcleanunderpantseachdayoftheweek.
Alexgetsthejokeandtheybothlaughforabit.
47
TOM(CONT.)Itisreallygreattoseeyou.Professorandeverything,ohman.
Alexstopsthetaxi.Tombeginstofindhiswallet.Alexstopshim.
ALEXNonono,thisoneisonme!
TOMHeythanks!Fantastictoseeyouagain.Ihavethoughtaboutyoualot,youknow.Ireallyhave...Iwonderwhatol’Alexisupto.
ALEXOkay...sohowcomeyouneverwrote?
TOMWhat?
ALEXWesaidweweregoingtowritetoeachother.Iwrotetoyou...
TOMYes?
ALEXThreetimes.Youneverwroteback.
TOMNooo,weeell...Iwasmovingaroundalotatthetime...andyouknowme.You’retheonewhohasawaywithwords.
(laughs)
Thereisanawkwardsilencebetweenthem.Alexisclearlyhurt.
TOM(CONT.)Youknowwhat...I’msorry!
Alexdismisseshim.
ALEXNo,it’smethat...
48
TOMListen,whatareyoudoingfornewyears’eve?
ALEXNewyears’,I’mnotsure...
TOMWellIam.Youaregoingtoapartyatourplace.Youandthehottie...whatwashername?
ALEXAlice.
TOMYes.YouandAlice,meandHelenandabunchofotherpeople.
ALEXIsn’tHelentheonewhojustkickedyouout?
TOMOh,she’llhavecomearoundbythen.Sowhatdoyousay?
ALEXI’dhavetoaskAlice.
Tomgetsoutofthetaxi.
TOMHeyman,it’llbejustlikeoldtimes.
Alexrollsdownthewindowandcallstohim.
ALEXTom!Seeyoulater!
TOMGreat!
AlexdrivesoffandTomdiscoversthathestillhasthephoto.HetriestogetsAlex’attentionbutthetaxiistoofaraway.Heputsthephotoinhispocket.(Maybewehaveseenthisphotobefore-inthefuture-maybenot)
Music:OtisRedding"Changegonnacome".Player2pullsasmalltentacrossthestage.
49
PLAYER2Chapter3.Thedreamsarebig,nothingisimpossible,andeverythingisseventeenyearsold.
Fademusic.
3.BOYHOODDREAMS.
Transition,changeoflighting.Itisnight.Thetwoboysarecamping.Weseetheirshadowsinatentonthescreenintheback.Theyperformusingbackprojection.
TOM(OFF)Areyoucoming?
ALEXI’mhere,I’mhere.
AlexcrawlsintothetentwhereTomis.
TOMLookwhatIgot!
ALEXBlackberrybrandy?!Doesn’tthattasteawful?
TOMYes!I’vegotfourbottles!Gotsomewhitewinetoo.
ALEXWon’tyourmumnotice?
TOMNah,she’sgotloadsofbottlesallovertheplace.Whatdidyoubring?
Alexgetsoutabottle.
ALEXMymumanddaddon’treallydrinkthatmuch...butIgotthisfromdad’sclinic.
TOMWhatthe...85percentalcohol??
50
ALEXYes,it’sthestufftheyusetocleanallthedentalequipment.
(producesacigar)AndIgotthis.It’sarealCuban.
Theymanagetolightthecigar.Alexhasago,coughs.
TOMStop,you’regettingitwet!Giveithere.Thisishow...
Tomtakesoverandpuffsonthecigar.
TOM(CONT.)Checkmeout.ManagingDirectorTomAnderson.Sportscar.Gianthouse.Hotwife.Canyoupictureit?
ALEXYeahyeah,Iseeit!Whenareyoumoving?
TOMAfterthesummerholidays.I’mgoingtoliveinmyuncle’sbasement.
ALEXCor,I’dlikethat!
TOMWhydon’tyoucomealong!
ALEXNo,IhavetofinishmyAlevels.
TOMAlright,nextyearthen.We’llgetaflatandeverything.Comeon,readittomeagain.
ALEXButit’snotdoneyet!
TOMSure.Comeon!
51
ALEXAlrightthen.
(producesasmallnotebook;readsfromit)
Weglideawaytogethersoftlyonaforestlake,deep,andblackasshale.Inapaperboat,aglanceofloveasasail.
TOMThat’sbloodybrilliant!
ALEX(readson)
Therudderofmyheart’sentwinedinamermaid’sgingerhair.Treadsoftlybecauseyoutreadonmydreams.
TOMPerfection.Itsoundsjustlikesomeofthestuffwereadinschool.
ALEXWell,Ididborrowacoupleoflinesattheend.
TOMDoesn’tmatter!Everyonedoesthat.Justonesmallsuggestion...I’mnopoetofcourse...thismermaid...maybesheshouldbeablonde?
ALEXI’llthinkaboutit.
TOMButapartfromthat.Youcangoallthewaywiththat!
ALEXYouthinkIcouldgetitpublished?!
TOMYesman,girlsarecrazyaboutthisstuff.Allthatstuffaboutloveanddreams...well...Idon’tknowabouttreadingonthem.
52
ALEXOh,it’snotneardone.
TOMCanIborrowit?Icouldbringitroundtosomeofthose...printers.
ALEXPublishers?
TOMYessure,I’mgreatatthatkindofthing.DoyoumindifIlearnitbyheartand...youknow...tryitonsomegirls?
ALEX(smiles)
You’dlikethat,eh?
TOM(laughs)
TheygoCRAZYforthatstuff,isallI’msaying.
Theybothlaugh.Alexstartstocough.
ALEXIneedsomefreshair–Ihavethatasthma.
Alexcrawlsoutofthetent,coughing.Transition,changeoflighting.Nightsky.Tomfollowshim.Rearscreenlightsdown,nightlightsonstage.Theyliedownontheirbacksandlookupatthesky.
ALEX(CONT’D) (pointingtostarsandconstellations)TheNorthStar.TheBigDipper.UrsaMinor.
TOMWehavetowrite!
ALEXYessure.Orion'sBelt.
TomturnstoAlex,seriousnow.
53
TOMNo,Ireallymeanit!WehavetoPROMISEeachotherwe’llwrite!
ALEX(seriously)
Yes.Ofcourse.Let’ssayeveryweek.
TOMYes,ATLEAST!
Briefpause,stargazing.
ALEXDoyouknowhowmanystarsthereare?
TOMNo,doyou?
ALEXNobodydoes.Wewillneverbeabletoseeitall.Theysaytheuniverseisinfinite.
TOMOhcomeon,it’sgottoendsomewhere!
ALEXNowayofknowing.Somepeoplesayitallbeganinonetinyspotthatdidn’thavetimeoranything...andthenBANG,itjustexplodedintothecosmos.AndTHENtimebegan.
TOMIdon’tunderstandonebitofthat.
ALEXAndmaybeitwillallstartcontractingbacktogetheragain.
TOMAndthenwhat?Timewillgobackwardsorwhat?
ALEXWell,maybe?
54
TOMYouhavethestrangestheadonyou.I’mgoingtogobackwards...totakeapiss.Andthenwearegoingtodrinkyourdad’salcohol.
Tomgetsuptogopee,Alexliesback,ponderinghispoem.
ALEXWeglideawaytogethersoftlyonaforestlake,deep,andblackasshale.Inapaperboat,aglanceofloveasasail.Therudderofmyheart’sentwinedInamermaid’sblond...No,long,blond...blond,longhair...inamermaid’sgingerhair. (shoutingout)Tom!Gingerisbetter!
Music:TheBeatles:"Doyouwanttoknowasectret".
PLAYER2Chapter2.Hormonesarejustbeginningtostirbelowthesurface.Andtwoladsdiscoversomethingaboutgingers.
Musicends.
2.FRIENDS.
Transition,changeoflighting.Soundofbirdssinging.Earlysummermorninginwoodlandorapark.Alexissearchingforhisdog.
ALEXSkipper?Skipper?
Alexexits.Tomenters,setsaladderagainstagardenwallorfence.HeisabouttoclimbitwhenhehearsAlexapproaching.Hestepsawayfromtheladder;playsinnocent.
55
ALEX(CONT’D)Skipper!
AlexnoticesTom.Theysizeeachotherup.Alexdecidestogotheotherway,soheturnsaround.
TOMCan’tfindyourdog?
ALEXIt’sjustthathe’saKleineMünsterländer...Sohe’llcatchthescentofarabbitorsomething.
TOM(cutshimoff)
Hey,I’veseenyoubefore.
ALEXIhaveseenyoutoo.
TOMDoyoulivehere?
ALEXNo,Igotoschoolinthecity.
TOMOneofthemposhschools?
ALEXWhat?
TOMSinceyou’recarryinghomeworkaround.
ALEXOhhh,that’snothomework...I’mjustreadingit.
TOMNotforschool?
ALEXIt’sreallygood.“HuckleberryFinn”.It’saclassic.
(givesthebooktoTom)Youcanborrowitifyouwant,butitbelongstothelibrary.
56
TOM(givesthebookback)
What’syournameagain?
ALEXAlexander.
TOMThatisalongname.
ALEXAndwhat’syournameagain?
TOMI’mTom.
ALEXThatisashortname.
TOMSooooAlex...
(briefpause)Haveyoueverseenanakedlady?
ALEXEr...what,like...nakednaked?
TOMYeah,whatdidyouthink?
(points)Climbupandseeforyourself!
ALEXWhat’supthere?
TOM(whispers)
It’saloonybin...justforladies.
ALEXDoyoumeanasanatorium?
TOMYes-yes,forladies!Andinthesummertimetheyloungeaboutinthegarden.
57
ALEXWithnoclotheson?
TOMYoucanseeeverything!Eventhebottombits!
Theybothgiggle,butit’stoomuchforAlex.
ALEXSkipper!
TOMAreyouscared?
ALEX(hesitates)
No...no,I’mnotscared!
TOMClimbupthem.I’llkeepwatch.
Alexslowlyclimbsuptheladdertopeekoverthewallattheforbiddensight.Tomteaseshim.
TOM(CONT.)Someone’scoming!
Alexisstartled.Tomlaughsdisarmingly.
ALEXIthoughtforaminute...
TOMYeahyeah,upyougo.
(whispers)Canyouseeanything?
AlexnodsatTom.
ALEXThere’sonethere.
TOMIsshelyingonherbackoronherfront?
58
ALEXOnherback!
TOMIssheaginger?
ALEXYes...topandbottom!
TOMMyturn!Alright?
Alexdescendsslowlydowntheladder.HestopsonthelastrungwithhisbacktoTom.Tomrealiseswhathashappened.
TOM(CONT'D)Isitstiff?
ALEX(shyly)
No,comeoffit...
TOMIt’sbloodysupposedto.Ifit’sstiffthatmeansyou’renotafairy!
ALEX(lookingdown)
WellI’mdefinitelynotthat,then.
TOMMyturnnow.Keepwatch.
Tomclimbstheladderquickly.
ALEXYouseeanything?
TOMOooohh...ItIStheginger.She’stheonewiththebiggestknockers!
ALEXTom!IthinkIhavetogohomenow.
Alexbeginstoleave.Tomcomesdownofftheladder.
59
TOMDon’tyoutellanyoneaboutthis!
ALEXIwouldnever!
TOMThisisourspotnow.
ALEXYes!
TOMYouhavetoswear.
ALEXSwear?Thenwebetterdoitlikeinthebook.Inblood!
AlexgetsouthisSwissArmyknifewhileTomholdshisbook.
TOMIsthatarealSwissArmyknife?
ALEX(nodsasheunfoldstheknife)
Corkscrew,screwdriver,toothpick,bloodknife!
Alexspitsonhisfinger,wipesitonhisshirt.Tomdoesthesame.Alexpricksaholeinhisfinger.WhenhegoestodoittoTom,Tomretractshishand.
ALEX(CONT’D)It’sjustalittleprick.YoucanlookawaywhileIdoit.
AlexpricksaholeinTom’sfinger.Theymashtheircutstogetherandwipetheirfingersontheirclothes.TomhandsthebookbacktoAlex.
TOMSo,seeyoudownhereagaintomorrow?
ALEX(nods)
Icanbringtwosodas.
60
TOMDoyouhavecola?
ALEXYes.
Alexbeginstoleave.
TOMDoyouwantmetohelpyouwithyourdog?
ALEXIdon’tthinkyoucan.
TOMWannabet?Icanwhistle.
ALEXIdon’treally...bet.
TOMSure,everyonedoes.Whatdohave?
Alextakessomecoinsfromhispocket.
ALEXTwobobandsixpence.
TOM(takesthecoins)
Okay,it’sabetthen!
Tomwhistlesloudlywithhisfingersacoupleoftimes.Theylookforthedog.Itdoesn’tcome.
TOM(CONT'D)Alrightthen.Youwin.
(handsthemoneybacktoAlex)
ALEX (pause)But...youstillowemetwobobsixpence.
TOMYes-yes.Youcangetthemtomorrow.Thatisastrangedogyouhave.
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ALEXIt’snotstrange.
(smiles)Butitisabitdeaf.Seeyoulater!
TOMYeah,seeyou!
Tomstops,lookstocheckthatAlexisgoing.Alexexits.Tomclimbstheladderagain,looks,andputshishanddownhistrouserfront.Music:LouisArmstrong,"WinterWonderland".
PLAYER2Wehavearrivedattheend.Orrather,thebeginning.ThisisChapter1,whereitallbegins...withhalfaliquoricepipe.
Musicends.
1.MEETING.
Transition,changeoflighting.Setting:aChristmasmarket.Alexissittingonabenchwithalargebagofsweets.Tomenters,chewingonamouthfulofsweets.HethrowsawayhisemptybagandsitsdownnexttoAlex.
TOM(looksoverwithenvy)
Howmuchyougotleft?
ALEXOnegobstopper,threeredfruitdrops–andoneblue–andhalfapennypipe.
TOMYouareslow.
ALEXIamnotallowedtoeatalotofsweets...mymumanddadaredentists.That’sthemoverthere!
(points)
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TOMMymum‘sacleaner.IcaneatallthesweetsIwant.That’sheroverthere.
(points)
ALEXShe’sfat.
TOMYes.
(briefpause)Canyouwhistle?
(hewhistleswithhisfingers,badly)
ALEXIcanwhistleinwards.
(whistlestheMarseillaiseinwards)That’stheMarsa-maise.
(briefpause,thenspotssomething)Yourfly’sundone!
TOMMydad’saracecardriver!
ALEXIshereally!?Inaracecar?
TOMYouthinkI’mlying?
ALEXIjustnevermetanyonewhohasadadwhoisaracecardriver.
Tompompouslyproducesasmalltoycarfromhispocket.
TOMIgotthislastyear.
Alexexaminesthecarwithadmiration.
TOM(CONT'D)That’sthekindhedrives.
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ALEXWoooow.
(readswithdifficultyoffthecar)B-UisBU...G-A-TisGAT...T-Iis...T-I-T-I...isBUGA-TITI!
TOMIsthatwhatissays?
ALEXYes.Can’tyouread?
TOMCourseIcan.
(takesthecarback)
ALEXMydadcandrillintoteeth.
TOMMydadtravelsallovertheworld.America...Spain...He’scomingbackformybirthday.I’llbesix.
ALEXI’llbesixtoonexttime.We’rehavingNea-pop-litanicecream.
TOMWe’rehavingthattoo!
ALEXIliketheredpartbest.
TOMMetoo.
ALEXIalwayssavethatforlast.
TOMWhydoyoudothat?
ALEXIjustliketohavesomethingtolookforwardtoo.
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TOMThatsoundsstupid.Itwillmelt.Youshoulddoittheotherwayaround.Youeattheredfirst.Thenthebrown,thenthewhite,andthenyoutrade.Becausethere’salwayssomeonethatdoesn'tlikethebrown.
ALEXOhwow,you’rereallyclever.
TOMWellIamstartingschoolsoon.
ALEXMetoo!
TOMWewillbeclassmatesthen!
ALEXWell...I’llbegoingtoaschoolinthecity.
TOMBugger.
ALEX(briefpause)
Here,youcanhavemypennypipe.
TOMIcan?
AlexpassestheliquoricepipetoTom.Heeatsitimmediately.
TOM(CONT.)Okaythenyoucanplaywithmyracecar...forawholehour.Iliveinthenewestatesbytherailway.
ALEXMymumsaysI’mnotallowedtogodownthere.
TOMThenI’llhavetocometoyou.
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ALEX(looksTomupanddown)
Idon’tthinkI’mallowedthateither.
TOMButthenwe’llnevergettoplay.
ALEXNo,Iguessnot.
Theysitforbitinsilence.Snowstartstofall.
TOMOh,lookatthat...
ALEXIt’ssnowing?
TOMYes,it’ssnowing.
ALEXDidyouknowthatoutofallthesnowflakesintheworld,therearen’ttwothatarethesame?
Music:EncoreofDjangoReinhardt,"BlueDrag".Aconeoflightclosesonthepairtomakethescenelooklikethesnowglobefromthebeginningoftheplay.Musicandlightsfade.
END
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