B1 '45 67'677 % C larity

ClarityNumber 55 May 2006

Journal of theinternational associationpromoting plain legal language

Editor in chief:Julie Clement

Guest editor for this issue:Annetta Cheek

In this issueLegislative drafting

Master class in English, for Clarity’s conferencein Boulogne: writing the law in plain language—three versions 4

Conrad DehnInstructions for Queues Bill 4

Version 1—by Don MacphersonQueues Bill 2005 6

Version 2—by Robin DormerCommentary and Queues Bill 2005 9

Version 3—by Ben PiperQueues Bill 2005 12

Vicki SchmolkaDrafting master classes:plain language styles are not consistent 15

Other articles

Introduction to the international roundtableat the Fifth Plain Language AssociationINternational (PLAIN) Conference 19

Neil JamesPlain language developments in Australia 19

Claudia Poblete OlmedoPlain language in the Senate of Chili 22

Cristina GelpiPlain language in Spain 23

Anne-Marie HasselrotWhat’s on in plain Swedish 26

Sarah CarrRecent plain-language progress in the U.K. 27

Annetta CheekPlain language in the United States government 30

More from the PLAIN Conference

Removing barriers to food stamp assistance—one complex form at a time 32

Health literacy: the importance ofclear communication for better health 39

Making things clear: how we are winning—6 strategies and themes to our work 43

Catherine RawsonYou can fix your own English 50

Sarah CarrTechnical jargon: an approach, an idea andan offering 55

Mark AdlerTaking an overview: three rules of thumb 60

Clarity and general news 62–63

2 Clarity 55 May 2006

Country representatives

AustraliaChristopher BalmfordCleardocs.comPO Box 2225Hawthorn VIC 312202 9555 4849 (fax 03 9818 0599)[email protected]

BangladeshA.K. Mohammad Hossain1188/1 E Shewrapara, Kafrul Dhaka2 7162881 (fax 2 7171536)[email protected]

BrazilDominic MinettLex English Language Services LtdaRua Humberto I, 298Bloco B, Sala 2, 2o andar, Vila MarianaSao Paulo, SP 04018-0305084 4613 (phone & fax)[email protected]

CanadaNicole FernbachJuricom5171 boul. DecarieMontreal, Quebec H3W 3C2514 845 4834 (fax 845 2055)[email protected]

FinlandAnu SajavaaraMinna Canthin katu 2400250 Helsinki9 42022280 (cell 40 7050939)[email protected]

FranceAnne WagnerDépartement DroitUniversité du Littoral Côte d’Opale21, rue Saint-Louis, BP 77462327 Boulogne sur Mer Cédex03 21 99 41 22 (fax 21 99 41 57)[email protected]

Hong KongJonathan Hugo9B Shan Kwong Court32 Shan Kwong RoadHappy Valley Hong Kong SAR91053097 (fax 28166553)[email protected]

IsraelMyla KaplanPOB 56357, 34987 Haifa054 3132010 (fax 04 8110020)[email protected]

ItalyChristopher WilliamsVia Taranto 3370031 Andria (BA)0883 [email protected]

JapanKyal HillApartment 706 Presle Tamaishi4-15-28 Toshima, Kita-kuTokyo 114-0003080 3415 2082 (fax 03 5390 1700)[email protected]

East MalaysiaJuprin Wong-AdamalDepartment of Human Resources Development1st Floor, Block A, Wisma MUIS88999 Kota Kinabalu, Sabah88 218722 ext. 199 (fax 88 211 554)[email protected]

MexicoSalomé Flores Sierra FranzoniSecretaria de la Funcion PublicaInsurgentes Sur 1735 8o piso ala norteCol. Guadalupe InnDeleg. Álvaro Obregón01020 Mexico, D.F.1454-3000 ext. [email protected]

New ZealandRichard Castle148A Tinakori RoadThorndon, Wellington 600204 938 [email protected]

NigeriaDr. Tunde OpeibiDepartment of EnglishUniversity of LagosAkoka, Lagos1 5454891 3/[email protected]

PhilippinesVictor Eleazar4/F Unit C-2 Marvin Plaza Building2153 Chino Roces AvenueMakati City 120002 816 7673 (fax 816 7740)[email protected]

SingaporeLei-Theng LimFaculty of LawNational University of Singapore13 Law Link, 1175906874 6464 (fax 6779 0979)[email protected]

South AfricaCandice BurtPlain Language Communications Ltd.Box 1362Bedfordview 200883 3806893 (fax 450 1585)[email protected]

SpainCristina GelpiUniversitat Pompeu FabraLa Rambla, 30-3208002 Barcelona935 422 244 (fax 421 617)[email protected]

SwedenBarbro Ehrenberg-SundinJustitiedepartementetSE-103 33 Stockholm08 405 48 23 (fax 20 27 34)[email protected]

UKPaul ClarkCripps Harries Hall LLPWallside House12 Mt Ephraim RoadTunbridge WellsKent TN1 1EG01892 515121 (fax 01892 544878)[email protected]

USAProf Joseph KimbleThomas Cooley Law SchoolPO Box 13038Lansing, Michigan 48901-30381 517 371 5140 (fax 334 5781)[email protected]

Other European countries:Catherine [email protected]

All other countries:Please contact the USA representative

Patrons The Rt Hon Sir Christopher Staughton, The Hon Justice Michael Kirby, andH.E. Judge Kenneth Keith

Founder John WaltonCommittee

President: Professor Joseph Kimble ([email protected])Members: Country Representatives plus Simon Adamyk, Mark Adler, Michèle Asprey, Peter Butt,

Sir Edward Caldwell, Annetta Cheek, Robert Eagleson, Jenny Gracie, Philip Knight,Robert Lowe, John Pare, John Walton, Richard Woof.

Clarity 55 May 2006 3

This issueThis issue concludes our reports from the Clarityconference of July 2005 in Boulogne-sur-Mer, France.Most of the issue is devoted to reports from the 5thconference of the Plain Language Association INter-national (http://www.plainlanguagenetwork.org/).The conference, co-hosted by the Center for PlainLanguage (www.centerforplainlanguage.org) andthe group of federal employees devoted to plainlanguage, PLAIN (www.plainlanguage.gov), washeld in Washington, DC, in early November 2005.

Two major conferences in one year! About 160people from almost 30 countries attended the confer-ence in France. Washington hosted 300 people from16 countries.

The topics addressed by the plain languagecommunity and by Clarity continue to expand. Inaddition to the updates from various countries andChristopher Balmford’s excellent round-up of thesecond conference, you’ll see articles on healthliteracy—a major growth area for plain language—and on a United States-wide program to improve theforms used by citizens to apply for food stamps.

The guest editor for the next issue is Peter Butt. Inthe following issue, Christopher Balmford([email protected]) will be ex-ploring 2 themes. First, “the writer’s headspace”—in particular, why is it that some people’s writingends up awkward and unnecessarily formal evenwhen they genuinely want to write clearly? Second,how do grammar, punctuation, and usage affectclarity? If you have a contribution to make, pleasecontact the guest editor directly.

Annetta L. [email protected]

Dr. Cheek is an anthropologist bytraining, earning a PhD from theUniversity of Arizona in 1974.Most of her Federal career hasbeen in writing and implementingregulations. She became inter-ested in the Plain Languagemovement ten years ago, and sincethen has worked to spread the useof plain language across the gov-ernment. She spent four years asthe chief plain language expert onVice President Gore’s National

Partnership for Reinventing Government. She has been thechair of the interagency plain language advocacy group forten years, since it was founded, and administers the group’swebsite, www.plainlanguage.gov. Currently she is an Execu-tive Assistant to the Administrator of the Federal AviationAdministration, where she continues to focus on plain lan-guage projects and serves on the Web Council. She is alsovice-chair of the board of the private sector Center for PlainLanguage, a federally tax-exempt organization.

An international associationpromoting plain legal languagewww.clarity-international.netPresidentProfessor Joseph [email protected]

Clarity … the journalPublished in May and November

Editor in chiefJulie ClementPO Box 13038Lansing, Michigan 48909Fax: 1 517 334 [email protected]

Guest editor for next issuePeter ButtUniversity of Sydney173–175 Phillip StreetSydney, NSW 2000 [email protected]

Advertising ratesFull page: £150Smaller area: pro rataMinimum charge: £20Contact Joe Kimble, [email protected]

Copyright policyAuthors retain copyright in their articles.Anyone wanting to reproduce an article in wholeor in part should first obtain the permission of theauthor and should acknowledge Clarity as thesource of the original.

If the Revised Rent payable on and from anyReview Date ha e relevant ReviewDate rent R payable at therate prev eed RevisedRent pa forthwithpay to differencebetwee f Rent inrespect e relevantReview ceeding theRent Date attainmentand rent pa spect ofsuch period tog latedRate on each installment of such diffe e

Clarity


Conrad Dehn, QC, Chairman

A. It is proposed that we consider how to attemptto write in plain English a statute for thegovernance of queues in public places orplaces to which the public has access.

Theoretical background:

1. The UK government is concerned with theincreasing disorder at bus-stops in tubestations, outside cinemas, and in bars, and atthe reported death of a driver after a fight withanother motorist over a place in the queue at aCouncil rubbish dump [Times 15.1.05] . Thegovernment is of the view that the time hascome when in all appropriate circumstancesqueues must be formed and that they must beregulated to promote fairness and avoidconfusion and violence. Draftsmen aretherefore requested to draft an appropriate Billto be put before the legislature. It may beentitled “The Queues Act , 2005”.

The government’s view is that a queue doesnot require definition in the Act (such as eg “aline of people, vehicles etc, awaiting their turnto proceed, to be attended to, to obtain somegoods or services etc” :see Shorter OxfordEnglish Dictionary, 2002, Vol 2 p 2435]:

the term has been used in UK legislationhitherto without definition: see eg PublicHealth Act, 1925, S. 75(1); S.I. (1942) No 1691Reg 3 and Road Traffic Regulation Act, 1967,Sch 1 para 20.

2. In the view of the government the matters to bedealt with cover

(i) the circumstances and places in whichqueues must be formed (eg wherever andwhenever in a public place or in a place towhich the public has access more than twopersons want at the same time to go to or

enter a particular place or vehicle owned bya third party (hereinafter called “the goal”))

(ii) how this rule should apply where, as withbendybuses and tube trains, there is morethan one goal and there may until a latestage be uncertainty where in relation to thehead of the queue the goal may turn out to be[eg that as soon as this becomes apparentthe head of the queue should move to thenearest goal and the rest of the queue shouldfollow him in the same order)

(iii) the commission of a criminal offence if anyperson not in the queue attempts to force hisway into a queue or to get to the goal aheadof someone in the queue

(iv) the maximum width of a queue (eg twopeople not more than (say) 0.5 metres apart ,or one vehicle) and the maximumlongitudinal gap between those queueing(eg 0.5 metre)

(v) the line of a queue and its determination (egthe last person in the queue for the timebeing may determine its line so far as he isconcerned)

(vi) the right of any person to join a queue at—but only at—its end/back)

(vii) the right of any person in a queue to invite orpermit one but not more than one otherperson, whether or not already in thatqueue, to join him in that queue

(viii) that no person in a queue has the right topermit another person in that queue to invitea third person to join the queue with himrather than at its end/back

(ix) that any person in a queue may with theconsent of the person immediately behindhim reserve his place in the queue whilst heleaves it for a specified limited period [eg togo to the lavatory or to have something toeat]

(x) that no child below a certain age (eg 14)should be allowed in a queueunaccompanied by an adult and that wheresuch a child is accompanied by an adultthey should together count as one person

Master class in English, from Clarity’s conference in Boulogne:

writing the law in plain language—three versions

Instructions for Queues Bill


(xi) that the rights and obligations of children ina queue are [apart from babies in arms or apram] the same as those of adults

(xii) that no person in a queue has the right to beaccompanied by their dogs or other petanimal(s) without the consent of the personsimmediately behind and in front of them.

(xiii) that the person immediately in front of themhas the right to resolve any dispute betweentwo or more persons who claim to join orhave joined the queue at the same time

(xiv) that a person in a queue has the right to usereasonable force to prevent another personjoining the queue ahead of him

(xv) the date for commencement should be 30days after enactment.

The government is not aware of any precedents inthis field, does not think these questions requiredetermination by politicians or civil servants, and ifthe experienced draftsmen prefer other solutions tothose here suggested would be happy with theiradoption provided they are clear and reasonable.

The government desires that the Bill should so far aspracticable be drafted in a nationally neutral way sothat it may in due course be adopted in other partsof the world. The draftsmen will of course seek to

ensure that the bill is consistent with Human Rightsbut are not required to satisfy themselves that it is orto state what part of any particular country the billis or is not to apply to.

B. It is proposed that

(i) the members of the panel (other than theChairman) should in advance of theConference severally or jointly prepare adraft bill or bills which should be circulatedto all conference delegates before or at thelatest at the start of the Conference and

(ii) that the session should take the form of theexposition of those bill(s) by those membersof the panel and their oral considerationwith the delegates.

Other delegates are of course welcome themselves toprepare and submit draft bills to the panel before thesession starts and if time permits they should beconsidered too.

All drafts should if possible work with Windows XPand an overhead projector.

Conrad Dehn Oxford First Class Hons, Philosophy, Politics,& Economics, 1950; Barrister 1952 pupil of Leslie Scarman;QC 1968; Member of Parliamentary Bar; Member of Councilof the Statute Law Society for many years; Successfullyconducted many cases on statutory construction in appellatecourts.

It’s probably time I introduced myself. My name is Julie Clement, and I aman Assistant Professor in the Research and Writing Department at ThomasCooley Law School. My introduction to plain language was via Clarity’sPresident, Joe Kimble, when I was a student in his Research and Writingclass a number of years ago—an eye-opening experience, indeed! I havetried to incorporate plain language principles throughout my career: as alaw clerk with the Michigan Legislative Service Bureau, as a researchattorney and a supervising attorney with the Michigan Court of Appeals, asa law clerk with the Michigan Supreme Court, and now as a professor. Ineed not tell Clarity readers about the struggles and blind opposition toclear, concise writing—it continues to puzzle me. I am excited about my newrole as editor in chief of Clarity. It will be a wonderful learning experience,and I hope you will continue to educate me as I find my way. The guest editors have beenwonderful—Nicole Fernbach and Edward Caldwell in the November 2005 issue and AnnettaCheek this month. And I could not survive without Trish Schuelke and Joe. We continue to work ona number of formatting and content issues, so please keep sending your comments and suggestions.I hope you will enjoy reading this issue of Clarity as much as I have!

Introducing Clarity’s editor in chief


TABLE OF PROVISIONS

1. Short title

PURPOSE OF THIS ACT

2. Purpose

APPLICATION AND INTERPRETATION

3. Application

4. Interpretation

RULES FOR QUEUES OF VEHICLES

5. End of the queue

RULES FOR QUEUES OF PEOPLE

6. End of the queue

7. Cutting in permitted

8. New queue permitted

9. Returning to your place in queue

10. Pets in queue

11. Children to be accompanied by adult

RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES

12. Resolution by police officer

13. Resolution by person in queue

OFFENCE AND PENALTIES

14. Offence by driver

15. Offence by person in queue of people

16. Penalties

COMING INTO FORCE

17. When Act becomes law

1st Session, 38th Parliament,53-54 Elizabeth II, 2004-2005

HOUSE OF COMMONS OF CANADA

BILL C-

An Act regulating queues in public places

Her Majesty, by and with the advice and consentof the Senate and House of Commons, enacts asfollows:

Short title

1. The Queues Act.

PURPOSE OF THIS ACT

Purpose

2. The purpose of this Act is to encouragefairness in queues and prevent disorder,disturbances and violence.

APPLICATION AND INTERPRETATION

Application

3. (1) This Act applies to drivers of vehicles inqueues and to people in queues if three or morevehicles or people are waiting in a public place forentry to a place or for access to goods or services.

Formation of queue

(2) A queue may be formed along any line andhave any width or gap that is implicitly agreed on.But it is not a queue if the head of the line is notapparent or if a person cannot tell whether theyare in the line or not.

Meaning of “public place”

(3) A public place is any place to which thepublic has access by right or invitation.

Interpretation

4. For the purposes of sections 6 to 10, 12 and13, a child under the age of 14 who is with anadult and the adult are counted as one person.

RULES FOR QUEUES OF VEHICLES

End of the queue

5. (1) Every driver who joins a queue of vehiclesmust go to the end of it.

Exception

(2) A driver may cut in ahead of another driverin the queue or start a new queue only if permittedto do so by a person authorized to grant entry tothe place or access to the goods or services forwhich people are waiting.

Version 1— by Don Macpherson


RULES FOR QUEUES OF PEOPLE

End of the queue

6. (1) Every person who joins a queue ofpeople must go to the end of it.

Exceptions

(2) A person may cut in ahead of anotherperson in the queue or start a new queue only ifpermitted to do so by section 7 or 8.

Cutting in permitted

7. (1) A person may cut in ahead of anotherperson in a queue in any of the following cases:

(a) someone in the queue gives them their placeand leaves it;

(b) a person authorized to grant entry to theplace or access to the goods or services forwhich people are waiting permits them to cutin;

(c) no one in the queue behind the place wherethey cut in objects.

Invitations to join queue

(2) A person may cut in ahead of a person whoinvites them to join a queue if all of the followingapply to the person giving the invitation:

(a) they are in the queue;

(b) they have not already invited and beenjoined by another person;

(c) they have not themselves cut in ahead ofsomeone or been invited to join the queue;

(d) they are not giving the invitation on behalfof someone else in the queue who has alreadyinvited and been joined by another person.

New queue permitted

8. (1) A person may start a new queue insteadof joining an existing one only in the followingcases:

(a) they are permitted to do so by a person whois authorized to grant entry to the place oraccess to the goods or services for which peopleare waiting;

(b) it is uncertain where the head of the queuemay turn out to be (as is often the case, forexample, in queues for subway trains and busesor for access to goods or services delivered froma vehicle).

Limitation

(2) A person may not start a new queue underparagraph (1)(b) after the place that people arewaiting to enter is in sight or the place whereaccess to goods or services will be provided isapparent.

Returning to your place in queue

9. A person who leaves a queue may not returnto their place in it unless all of the following aretrue:

(a) they left for a short period of time andreturned when they said they would;

(b) the person waiting immediately behindthem agreed to hold their place;

(c) they left to eat, to drink, to meet theirphysical needs or to find a police officer orbecause they were unable to wait in line due totheir disability or special needs;

(d) their place has not moved past the head ofthe queue;

(e) the queue has never been dispersed.

Pets in queue

10. A person may not have a pet in a queueunless they have the permission of the personwaiting immediately in front of them andimmediately behind them.

Children to be accompanied by adult

11. A child under the age of 14 must be with anadult in the following types of queues:

(a) a queue for entry to a place that admitschildren under 14 only if they are with an adult;

(b) a queue for goods or services that areaccessible to children under 14 only if they arewith an adult.

RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES

Resolution by police officer

12. (1) A police officer may order any personwhom they believe on reasonable grounds hasdisobeyed or failed to comply with a rule forqueues of vehicles or queues of people to do one ofthe following things:

(a) join the queue at a specific place;

(b) go to the end of the queue;

(c) leave the queue.

Hearing

(2) Before making an order against a person thepolice officer must hear what they and anyone elsein the queue who wishes to speak have to say.

Order is final

(3) The police officer’s order is final and maynot be appealed to or reviewed by any court.


Effect of order on prosecution

(4) A police officer who makes an order againsta person under this section is not prevented fromcharging them with an offence under section 14 or15. But the court may dismiss the charge if theperson complied with the order and, in the court’sopinion, prosecution of the charge would beunfair.

Resolution by person in queue

13. (1) If two or more vehicles or people join aqueue at the same time and the drivers or thepeople who joined the queue disagree on theirsequence in it, they may ask the personimmediately in front of them to decide. If thatperson refuses, they may continue to ask people infront of them until they find someone who agreesto decide.

Effect of decision

(2) The decision is final and binds those whodisagreed on their sequence. They must complywith the decision, leave the queue or go to the endof it.

Effect of police officer’s order on decision

(3) If a person who is subject to a policeofficer’s order is also bound by a decision underthis section, the decision applies only to the extentthat it is consistent with the police officer’s order.

OFFENCE AND PENALTIES

Offence by driver

14. It is an offence for a driver of a vehicle todisobey or fail to comply with any of thefollowing:

(a) the rule for queues of vehicles in section 5;

(b) an order made under section 12;

(c) a decision referred to in section 13.

Offence by person in queue of people

15. It is an offence for a person to disobey or failto comply with any of the following:

(a) a rule for queues in any of sections 6, 9, 10or 11;

(b) an order made under section 12;

(c) a decision referred to in section 13.

Penalties

16. (1) A person who commits an offence undersection 14 or 15 is liable on summary conviction toeither of the following:

(a) if they are 18 years of age or over, amaximum fine of $500;

(b) if they are 14 years of age or over but under18, a maximum fine of $100.

Offence by child

(2) A child under the age of 14 may not beconvicted of an offence under section 14 or 15. Buta person who is 14 years of age or over may beconvicted as a party to an offence committed bythe child in any of the following cases:

(a) they do or fail to do anything for thepurpose of aiding the child to commit theoffence;

(b) they encourage or counsel the child tocommit the offence;

(c) they do something for the purpose ofhelping the child to escape, knowing that thechild committed the offence.

Imprisonment for non-payment of fine

(3) An offender may only be imprisoned forfailing to pay a fine if they are unwilling to pay it,though able to do so.

COMING INTO FORCE

When Act becomes law

17. This Act comes into force 30 days after itreceives royal assent.

Don MacPherson is Legislative Counsel with Canada’sDepartment of Justice.

Country reps wanted

If you are in a country without aClarity country representative andyou would consider taking on thejob, please contact Joe Kimble [email protected].


Robin Dormer

NB: References below to a “point” are to a sub-paragraph of paragraph 2 of the Instructions.

General

1. I have tried, I think, to cover all the paragraphsof the Instructions in one way or another.

2. I have referred to “he” and “him”, I fear,instead of “he or she” and “him or her”, in linewith the style for U.K. legislation.

Clause 1

3. Subsection (1)(a) refers to more than oneperson waiting, because it would seem that wedo not need to cater for the case where only twopeople are present if one of them is alreadybeing dealt with. If, for example, at asupermarket checkout, one person is alreadybeing dealt with, the next person must clearlyfollow the one being dealt with, and need nottrigger the queuing régime. It is the arrival of athird person (making two waiting, and onebeing dealt with) that triggers the queueingrequirement. However, if nobody is yet beingdealt with, then it will be the arrival of thesecond person which triggers the queueingrégime. So it seemed to me that the régime isnot confined to the case where “more than twopersons” want at the same time to achieve agoal (cf point (i) of the Instructions).

4. “A place to which the public have access”seemed to me to include a public place.

5. The list of goals set out in subsection (2) maynot be complete.

6. The Instructions say (point (x)) that nounaccompanied child under 14 should beallowed in a queue, and that an accompaniedchild under 14 together with theaccompanying adult count as one person. It

occurred to me that, with one possibleexception, this can be relevant only for thisclause. Once the child is in the queue, s/he isto have the same rights as adults (point (xi)). Itdid not seem necessary to me to state the latter,as a “child” is a “person”; but it is forconsideration whether the rights of childrenunder 14 are in all respects to be the same asthose of children of 14 and over. The possibleexception is paragraph 7(4) of the Schedule. Itseems that the policy on children needs furtherrefinement.

Clause 2

7. The Instructions identify (at point (iii)) specificcriminal offences of queuejumping andforcible entry to a queue; but it seemed to methat contravention of all the rules needed to beaccompanied by criminal offences, otherwisethose parts of the régime that did not outlawqueue-jumping or forcible entry would beunenforceable. Examples of those are thelateral and longitudinal distance requirements,and the provision about temporary departurefrom a queue. So this draft makes all breachesof my queueing rules into a criminal offence.

Schedule

8. It seemed to me that we need to cause a queueto be formed in the first place. You cannot makesomeone join the end of a queue if there is noqueue to be joined; so the arrival of the thirdperson mentioned in paragraph 4 above, or ofthe second person if nobody is yet being dealtwith, must be what triggers a requirement for aqueue to be formed. Persons who arrive laterthen slot in at the “joining the queue” level.

9. Paragraph 7(5) and (6) seemed necessaryadditions to the régime.

10. Paragraph 9 does not work if the place indispute is the first place in the queue.Paragraph 11 does not work if the person inquestion occupied the last place in the queuebefore leaving it; but perhaps he should re-joinat the back when he returns.

11. Paragraph 13(2) also seemed necessary.

Commentary on version 2(below)


Queues Bill

CONTENTS

1 When this Act applies

2 Queueing requirements, offence and penalty

3 Citation, commencement and extent

Schedule—Rules about queueing

DRAFT OF A

B I L LTO

Make provision about queues.

E IT ENACTED by the Queen’s most ExcellentMajesty, by and with the advice and consent of

the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, inthis present Parliament assembled, and by theauthority of the same, as follows:—

1 When this Act applies

(1) This Act applies whenever—

(a) more than one person is waiting toachieve a goal mentioned insubsection (2),

(b) they are doing so in a place to whichthe public have access, and

(c) they cannot all achieve the goal atonce.

(2) The goals referred to in subsection (1)(a)are—

(a) to be attended to (for example, for aservice to be provided),

(b) to attend to something (for example,to use a toilet), or

(c) to pass through an opening (forexample, a door) or to pass aparticular point.

(3) An adult accompanying a child belowthe age of 14 together count as one personfor the purposes of subsection (1)(a).

2 Queueing requirements, offence andpenalty

(1) If this Act applies, each person waitingmust comply with the Rules aboutqueueing set out in the Schedule.

(2) A person who, without reasonableexcuse, fails to comply with any of theRules is guilty of an offence.

(3) A person guilty of such an offence isliable on summary conviction to a fine.

3 Citation, commencement and extent

(1) This Act may be cited as the Queues Act2005.

(2) This Act comes into force at the end of theperiod of 30 days beginning with the dayon which it is passed.

(3) This Act extends to England and Walesand the Côte d’Opale.

B

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

Version 2— by Robin Dormer

Robin Dormer is a member of the Office of the ParliamentaryCounsel in London. Before that he has also been a depart-mental lawyer at the Department of Health, and a member ofthe staff of the Law Commission for England and Wales.


S C H E D U L E Section 2(1)

RULES ABOUT QUEUEING

Interpretation

1 In this Schedule, references to the“goal” are to whichever goal isappropriate from the list in section 1(2).

Forming a queue

2 (1) If this Act applies, the persons waitingmust form a queue in accordance withthese Rules.

(2) The person at the front of the queue is tobe the person who arrived first, the nextperson is to be the person who arrivednext, and so on.

(3) A queue may be two persons wide ifmore than one person can achieve thegoal simultaneously.

(4) For the purposes of the remainder ofthese Rules, the two lines of personscount as two separate queues.

Form and position of queue

3 Each person in a queue must makesure that he is no more than 50centimetres away from the person infront of him.

4 Each person in each of the two separatequeues mentioned in paragraph 2(4)must make sure that he is no more than50 centimetres away from the person onhis right or left.

5 (1) This paragraph applies if the positionwhere the goal will be achieved is notcertain, or moves.

(2) When the position becomes certain, orstops moving, the person at the front ofthe queue must adjust his positionaccordingly, and those behind him mustadjust theirs correspondingly.

Joining a queue; queue-jumping

6 A person who joins a queue must do soat the end, unless paragraph 7 applies.

7 (1) A person already in a queue (“A”) mayinvite another person (“B”) to join him.

(2) If A does so, B may join the queue, butmust do so immediately behind A.

(3) It does not matter whether B was alreadyin the queue, or is a newcomer to it.

(4) A may not invite more than one otherperson to join him in a queue.

(5) B may not, in turn, invite another personto join him, unless A leaves the queuepermanently (other than because he hasachieved the goal), in which case Bbecomes A for the purposes of thisparagraph.

(6) If B leaves the queue permanently, thisparagraph applies to A again, if he isstill in the queue.

8 A person in a queue may not try to moveto a place nearer the front of the queue,except as allowed by paragraph 7.

9 If two or more persons claim thesame place in a queue, the personimmediately ahead of that place maydetermine which of them has the right toit, and that determination is binding onthose claiming the place.

Leaving a queue

10 A person who leaves a queue forfeits hisplace in it, unless paragraph 11 applies.

11 A person who leaves a queuetemporarily may return to his place in itonly if—

(a) the person immediately behindhim has agreed to that before heleaves, and

(b) his return to his place is inaccordance with the agreement.

Pets and children

12 If a person in charge of a pet is in aqueue, and the person immediately infront of him or the person immediatelybehind objects to the pet, the person incharge of it must either leave the queueor dispose of the pet.

13 (1) A child below the age of 14 is notallowed in a queue unless accompaniedby an adult.

(2) But the rule in sub-paragraph (1) doesnot apply if the child is doingsomething which a person of the child’sage may reasonably be expected to dounaccompanied (for example, queue fora toilet, or for public transport).

Use of force

14 A person in a queue may use reasonableforce to prevent another person joiningor re-joining the queue ahead of him,unless under paragraph 7, 9 or 11 thatperson has the right to join or re-join itthere.

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

45

50

55

60

65

70

75

80

85

90

95

100


Queues Act 2005

(An Australian (Victorian) Version)

Act No.

Table of Provisions

Clause Page

1. Purpose and outline 1

2. Commencement 2

3. Application of this Act 2

4. Definitions 2

5. When is there a queue ? 2

6. Offence to queue jump 3

7. Queue member may invite another personto join her or him 4

8. Reserving a place in a queue 5

9. Resolution of queue-joining disputes 5

10. Regulations 6

Endnotes 7

First Draft9/6/2005

A BILL

to ban queue jumping and for other purposes.

Queues Act 2005The Parliament of Clarity 2005 enacts asfollows:

1. Purpose and outline

(1) The purpose of this Act is to ban queuejumping.

(2) In outline, this Act—

(a) applies to most public queues, exceptthose involving vehicles; and

(b) makes it an offence to jump a queue,and to push in ahead of anyone alreadyin a queue, except in certain specifiedcircumstances; and

(c) provides a mechanism for theresolution of disputes concerning whogot to a queue first.

2. Commencement

This Act comes into operation on 14August 2005.

3. Application of this Act

(1) This Act only applies to queues that are ina place to which the public has access.

(2) This Act does not apply in respect of aqueue if some or all of the people in thequeue are in or on vehicles.

Note: The Vehicle Queues Act 2005 dealswith people in or on vehicles.

(3) This Act also does not apply in respect of aqueue if all of the people in the queue are—

(a) children; or

(b) students apparently under the controlof one or more teachers.

4. Definitions

In this Act—

“child” means a person who is under 14years of age;

“vehicle” has the same meaning as it hasin the Vehicle Queues Act 2005.

Note: Section 4 of the Vehicle Queues Act2005 states – ‘ “vehicle” means anymeans of transport other than a

Version 3— by Ben Piper


wheelchair, a pram, a stroller, in-lineskates or a skateboard;’.

5. When is there a queue ?

For the purposes of this Act, there is aqueue—

(a) if provision has been made at a placefor people to queue (be it by means ofbarriers, ropes or painted lines or byany other means), and more than 2people queue at that place; or

(b) in any other case, if at least 2 peoplehave the same apparent purpose at aplace and they have positionedthemselves in such a way relative toeach other that it is clear that there isagreement between them as to the orderin which they are each to be able to seekto achieve that purpose.

6. Offence to queue jump

(1) A person must not join a queue at any placeother than at the end of the queue unless—

(a) she or he is invited to join the queue infront of a person already in the queue,as permitted by section 7; or

(b) she or he has previously reserved her orhis place in the queue and is returningto that place, as permitted by section 8;or

(c) she or he is an Australian, and she orhe displays her or his Australianpassport to those in the queue; or

(d) she or he is otherwise permitted to doso by any regulation made for thepurposes of this section.

Penalty: £xx.

(2) A person must not seek to achieve the sameapparent purpose of those in a queue otherthan by joining the end of the queue.

Penalty: £xx.

(3) Sub-section (2) does not apply if it ispossible to achieve that purpose by using afacility that those in the queue do notappear to wish to use.

Example:

Fred wishes to make a phone call from a publictelephone. He walks down Oxford Street andsees 5 people lined up in front of a publictelephone waiting for another person to finisha call. Fred walks by, then turns the cornerinto Portman Street and sees an unattendedpublic phone. Sub-section (2) forbids Fred

from using the Oxford Street phone other thanby becoming the 6th person in the queuewaiting to use that phone. Sub-section (3)enables Fred to use the Portman Street phoneimmediately.

(4) This section does not apply to a person if aqueue is at a place, and the occupier of theplace, or a person who appears to be anemployee or agent of the occupier of theplace, permits or directs the person to doanything that is otherwise forbidden bythis section.

Example:

Jane is running late for her flight with ElCheapo Air. When she gets to the ticketcounter area she sees a long queue of peoplewaiting to be processed at the El Cheapocounters. A man wearing a uniform with an ElCheapo logo approaches her and asks herwhich flight she is taking. On hearing Jane’sanswer he escorts her to the head of thequeue. Sub-section (4) ensures that Jane doesnot commit any offence by jumping the queuein these circumstances.

7. Queue member may invite another person tojoin her or him

(1) A person in a queue may invite one otherperson to take a place in the queueimmediately in front of her or him.

(2) Sub-section (1) does not apply—

(a) to the person invited to take the place inthe queue if she or he accepts theinvitation; or

(b) to a person who has made, and hadaccepted, an invitation under sub-section (1).

(3) Sub-section (1) does not apply to a child ina queue.

(4) Sub-section (3) does not prevent a personfrom inviting a child to take a place in thequeue.

8. Reserving a place in a queue

(1) A person in a queue may, with the consentof the person immediately behind her orhim in the queue, reserve her or his place inthe queue.

(2) After obtaining consent to the reservationof her or his place in a queue, a personmay—

(a) leave the queue; and

(b) return to the reserved place in the queue.


(3) A person’s right to return to a reservedplace in a queue ceases if the person whoconsented to the reservation leaves thequeue.

Example:

Unfortunately the phone in Portman Streetreferred to in the example in section 6(3) didn’twork. Fred thus joins the Oxford Street phonequeue. He is third in line when he realises hedoesn’t have enough coins. He explains hispredicament to the woman standingimmediately behind him, and she agrees tohold his place while he pops into a nearbyshop to get more change. Unfortunately it’snot Fred’s day. There is a queue at the counterof the shop, so by the time Fred gets his coinsand returns to the queue in Oxford Street, thewoman who had agreed to hold his place isalready on the phone (and thus is no longer inthe queue). All Fred can do in thesecircumstances is to join the back of the queueagain.

9. Resolution of queue-joining disputes

(1) This section applies if 2 or more peopleseek to join a queue at about the same timeand a dispute arises between them as towhich of them should take precedence inthe queue.

(2) Any of them may ask the last person in thequeue before the dispute arose toadjudicate the dispute.

(3) If such a request is made and the personasked to adjudicate agrees to do so andnominates an order of precedence amongthose who are in dispute, each of those indispute must either join the queue in theorder nominated or else not join the queue

Penalty: £xx.

10. Regulations

The Governor in Council may makeregulations for, or with respect to, anymatter or thing required or permitted bythis Act to be prescribed or necessary to beprescribed to give effect to this Act.

Draft Note: I have deliberately not given effect toinstructions (iv), (v), (vi), (viii), (x),(xi), (xii) and (xiv) pending furtherdiscussion/more detailedinstructions. Although I have notspecifically given effect toinstruction (ii), I believe clauses 5and 6 cover some of the ground. Tothe extent that they don’t, I doubtwhether it is possible to give effect tothe instruction. My draft covers

some of the ground in instructions(x) and (xi), but in a way that may becontrary to those instructions.

Draft Note: [Post-Conference] I note that somethings in this draft (most obviouslysection 6(1)(c)) were written for thepurposes of oral presentation at theConference. In particular, I went outof my way to include section 4(Definitions) to provide a platform toraise certain issues. Normally in aBill of this size I would go out of myway to avoid including a definitionsection.

Ben Piper is a senior legislative drafter with the NationalTransport Commission. Before taking up that position earlierthis year he worked for just over 20 years as a legislativedrafter with the Office of the Chief Parliamentary Counsel(Victoria, Australia).

A new service for law firms

Mark Adler

a solicitor now retiring fromgeneral practice after 25 yearsand a former chair of Clarity

is offering

clear-legal-writing courses by email(accredited by the Law Society for

up to 12 CPD hours)and will also draft documents

as your agent, orin consultation with you.

Details, and terms of business,are available from

[email protected] andwww.adler.demon.co.uk

April Cottage, Logmore Green,Dorking, Surrey RH4 3JN, UK

Phone: +44 (0)1306 74 1055Fax: 74 1066


Vicki SchmolkaLawyer and Plain Language ConsultantOntario, Canada

The magic of an international conference is that itbrings together experts in a field from all over theworld and provides a wonderful opportunity to takestock and learn. The Master Classes in “fromscratch” English-language drafting at the Clarityconference in Boulogne-sur-Mer revealed that manydrafting issues remain unresolved. We do not yetshare a consistent approach to the drafting of lawsand regulations in plain English.

For the Master Classes, drafters from Australia,Canada, Ireland, and the United Kingdom prepareddraft Acts based on fictional drafting instructionscreated by Barrister Conrad Dehn, QC—to govern“queues in public places or places to which thepublic has access”—and by Sir Edward Caldwell—to establish “a remedy when a vendor of a housedeliberately conceals from the purchaser a source oftroublesome noise”. Three brave legislative drafterstackled each task.

Looking at the six resulting draft statutes, three ofwhich were published in Clarity 54 and three ofwhich are published in this issue, a drafting truthbecomes immediately apparent. Drafting is not apush button—instructions in, statute out—process.Clear as drafting instructions may seem to be, adrafter cannot work in isolation and needs to beable to discuss issues and intentions with the policyor subject-matter experts to understand sufficientlythe purpose of the proposed legislation. For eachdrafting exercise, the three drafters worked withoutbenefit of dialogue with the author of the draftinginstructions and without talking to each other.Interestingly, their draft Acts varied considerablyand showed different legislative approaches,although all the drafters applied plain languageprinciples, for example, using short sentences,familiar vocabulary, and vertical lists.

The six draft Acts are excellent material to use toidentify many of the drafting quandaries withwhich plain language specialists continue tograpple. This article examines some of theseoutstanding issues.

Title

Titles for the draft Acts ranged from summary toinformative:

• A Bill to make provision about queues

• An Act regulating queues in public places

• A Bill to ban queue jumping and for otherpurposes

• Troublesome Noise Disclosure Act

• Noise-Concealment Bill

• A Bill to provide new remedies to purchasers ofdwellings affected by undisclosed noise, to makeit an offence for a vendor to give false ormisleading information about noise in certaincircumstances, to establish an EnvironmentalEnhancement Fund and for other purposes. NoiseAct 2005

Observation

Drafters did not always choose to make the title ofthe draft Act descriptive of its legislative purpose.

Table of contents

Five of the six drafters provided a Table of Contents.For one draft Act, however, it consisted of threeitems, since that drafter chose to put the bulk of thequeuing rules in a Schedule to the Act. Anotherdrafter’s Act had ten sections and no parts.

Of the three drafters who created a draft statute withParts, one created three parts, labeling them:“Preliminary”, “Civil Remedies”, and“Miscellaneous”, generic titles which could befound in a variety of statutes. In contrast, anotherdrafter chose to label four parts: “DisclosingStatutory Troublesome Noise”, “EnvironmentalEnhancement Fund”, “Offences and Penalties”, and“Transitional Sections, Amendments to OtherLegislation, and Coming Into Force”. One drafterhad a three-stage hierarchy: Chapters, Parts, andSections. Only one drafter phrased a section title asa question and did so only once.

Drafting master classes: plain language styles are not consistent


Observation

A Table of Contents was not necessarily used as ameaningful way to give readers a quick overview ofthe Act and its provisions.

Definitions

Not all the draft Acts included specially definedwords. One drafter called the part with definitions“Key Concepts” and gave a separate section numberto each of five defined words or terms. Anotherdrafter chose to put the definitions at the end of thedraft in an Appendix rather than as one of theopening sections but provided a list of the definedwords in a box at the start of Part 1.

None of the drafters used a system, such as italics,underlining, or an asterisk, to indicate a specialmeaning when a defined word or term was used inthe draft Act.

Observation

How to manage definitions and their mostappropriate location within a statute is unsettled.

Lists and the use of “and” or “or”

The drafts display several approaches to the listingissue. One drafter used the traditional approach,putting an “and” or an “or”, depending on thecontext, at the end of the penultimate paragraph.“This Act applies whenever–(a) … , (b) … , and (c)… .”

Two drafters repeated the “and” or “or” at the endof every paragraph. “A person must not … unless–(a) … ; or (b) … ; or (c) … ; or (d) … .”

Two drafters did not use “and” or “or” at all. “Aperson may … in any of the following cases: (a) … ,(b) … , (c) … .”

One drafter used both “and” and “or” in the samesection. “A Local Authority can … only: (a) … ; or (b)… ; and (c).”

Those drafters who included the “and” or “or”either after every paragraph or before thepenultimate paragraph, used a semi-colon beforethe conjunction ( … ; and). The drafter who did notinclude a conjunction at all used commas at the endof each paragraph (x, y, z).

Observation

Drafters made different “and” / “or” choices,suggesting that there is no consensus on the clearestway to write a list. This issue might well benefitfrom testing to determine if the repetition of an“and” or “or” at the end of every paragraph wouldincrease reader comprehension.

“He” or “he/she” or “they” or “you”

The drafters were consistent within their owndrafts, but among the six drafts, each of thefollowing styles occurred. (Italics have been added.)

• “Each person in a queue must make sure that he isno more than 50 centimetres away from theperson in front of him.”

• “A police officer may order any person whom theybelieve …”

• “A person in a queue may invite one other personto take a place in the queue immediately in front ofhim or her.”

• “A solicitor or estate agent is retained by a client ifany firm of which he or she is a member or bywhich he or she is employed is retained by theclient.”

• “If a seller uses a lawyer to sell the Property, andthe lawyer knows that the seller has not donewhat section 8 requires, the lawyer must tell thebuyer before the buyer enters into any contract tobuy the Property.”

• “You, the buyer may [only] make a claim for anaward of damages for intentional non-disclosureor stn [statutory troublesome noise] by taking thefollowing steps: … (c) step 3—if you really want…”

Observation

Do we draft like we talk? Or draft to the highestlevel of grammatical correctness? Or push grammarrules to write what sounds right? It seemed thateach drafting option sounded wrong to the ear ofsomeone in the Master Class audience. There wasdefinitely no consensus on the best practice tofollow.

Notes / cross-references / examples

Two drafters chose to include cross-references andnotes in their texts. For example, one drafter gave abrief description of the content of a section that wasreferenced in another section. “A person is guilty ofan offence who (a) contravenes section 1.4(1) [Dutiesof seller, solicitor, and estate agent].”

Only one drafter provided both cross-reference notesand extensive examples to illustrate the applicationof a provision. Here’s a sample: “Jane is runninglate for her flight with El Cheapo Air. When she getsto the ticket counter area she sees a long queue ofpeople waiting to be processed at the El Cheapocounters. A man wearing a uniform with an ElCheapo logo approaches her and asks her whichflight she is taking. On hearing Jane’s answer heescorts her to the head of the queue. Sub-section (4)ensures that Jane does not commit any offence byjumping the queue in these circumstances.


Observation

Cross-references and examples help readers, butadd clutter. As well, the use of examples raisesissues concerning the choice of names and thegender of the characters—“Jane”, “El Cheapo Air”.The future role for cross-references and examples inan Act remains uncertain.

Placement of penalty provisions

While most drafters placed the penalty provisionstowards the end of the draft statute, one drafter useda shorthand style to clarify, immediately aftersetting out each offence, the penalty that could beimposed. “A person must not seek to achieve thesame apparent purpose of those in a queue otherthan by joining the end of the queue. Penalty: £xx.”

Observation

Providing the penalty information in conjunctionwith the offence has the advantage of immediatelylinking the consequences to the infraction. It alsoavoids penalty sections at the end of a statute whichare rife with cross-references.

Section numbering and numbers

Two different section-numbering styles were used.Most drafters followed tradition and used a numberfor the section and a number in brackets for thesubsection, continuing sequentially throughout thedraft statute: 1(1), 1(2), 1(3), 2(1), 2(2), 3, etc.

One drafter chose to use decimal numbers and tokeep all sections under Part 1 labeled with a 1, allsections under Part 2 labeled with a 2 etc: Part 1–1.1,1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5; Part 2–2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4, 2.5, etc.

Some drafters chose to use numerals for all numbersreferenced in the statute—“within 5 years” ratherthan “within five years”.

Observation

The issue for drafters is not only that the numberingsystem they use for a new statute has integrity andworks but also that the numbering system canwithstand the onslaught of amendments. The “byPart” decimal-numbering system would seem to beless vulnerable to chaotic numbering as a result ofmultiple amendments. It has the added advantageof allowing a reader to know immediately in whichpart of the statute the section can be found.

Writing numbers as numbers instead of usingwords may help readers grasp meaning morequickly but is awkward when a number starts asection or sentence.

Must / shall

And now we come to the one drafting issue that allsix drafters handled in the same way. The word“shall” is nowhere in their drafts. All six draftersused “may” to express permission or possibilityand “must” to create obligations.

Observation

Given the range of differences on other matters, it isencouraging to see that all the drafters believe that“shall” does not belong in a statute draftedfollowing plain language principles.

Conclusion

The Master Class exercises were an invaluableopportunity to appreciate how different draftersfrom different jurisdictions approach writingproblems. A world-wide interest in plain languagedrafting has not yet resulted in a sharedunderstanding of the best plain languagetechniques to use. We need more opportunities todiscuss options and then test their effectiveness tobuild our collective knowledge.

And it is clear that no one should everunderestimate the challenges of drafting clearly.

© V [email protected]

Vicki Schmolka is alawyer and plain languageconsultant working out ofKingston, Ontario,Canada. She draftsbanking documents,contracts, policies, andother legal documents, aswell as public legaleducation materials andconsultation papers. Sheadmires legislative drafterswho struggle for clarity ina murky environment.


More photos from Clarity’s July 2005 conferenceat the Université du Littoral Côte d’Opale

in Boulogne sur Mer, France.See Clarity 54 for other photos.

Sharing ideas at one of theinternational roundtables onplain language. From left toright: Neil James, SaloméFlores Sierra Franzoni,and Halton Cheadle.

Annetta Cheek and Peter Buttwatch as Vicki Schmolka leadsan international roundtable.

William Lutz, Michèle Asprey,and Christopher Balmford—thefinal panel at the conference.


Neil JamesPlain English Foundation, Australia

The Don

After a decade in which plain English progressedbehind the scenes in Australia, one recentphenomenon brought language back into broaderpublic prominence. In late 2003, Don Watson, thespeech writer of former Prime Minister Paul Keating,released a small volume of loosely connected rantsabout the misuse of language. Called Death Sentence,within weeks the book was walking off the shelves,and it went on to be the Book of the Year for 2004. Itgalvanized mainstream public debate aboutlanguage in a way that has not happened for over adecade. He followed up quickly with a companionbestseller called Watson’s Dictionary of Weasel Words.

But how might we read Watson’s success, comingas it does after more than two decades of a plainEnglish movement in Australia? Is it a sign ofgrowing support, or does it show that themainstream experience remains untouched by plainlanguage? Unfortunately, we just do not know.There is little comprehensive information availableabout the adoption of plain English in Australia.Nor do we have any systematic way of measuringits take up.

Institutional support

At the very least, the Watson phenomenon hasopened up much needed public discussion aboutplain English. Our language is now flavour of themonth in academic conferences and writers’festivals; it has attracted hours of radio time andmetres of column inches. The difficulty is that therehas been no established institution in Australia totake advantage of this opportunity. Unlike theUnited Kingdom, Australia has had no PlainEnglish Campaign with a ready media presence.

Such things have been tried in the past, of course.Official support for plain English peaked in theInternational Literacy Year in 1990. A publiclyfunded Reader Friendly Campaign produced aguide and documents kit. It launched the ReaderFriendly Awards and attracted considerable mediacoverage. After strong start, however, the organizersstruggled to raise sponsorship, and the campaign

The papers presented here originated inWashington at the Plain Language AssociationINternational’s fifth conference in November 2005.Although 14 countries were represented there, theseplain-language state-of-the-nation summariesrepresent six countries: Australia, Chile, Spain,Sweden, U.K., and U.S.A. We hope to present morein the next issue.

Courage, verve, tenacity, commitment—these arewords that come to mind in reading about thediverse and creative plain language histories andcampaigns around the world. Threaded through thetextures of these pieces is the uniting theme ofdemocratizing language for the people.

Read and enjoy!

Christine Mowat

Introduction to theinternational roundtable atthe PLAIN Conference

Plain languagedevelopments inAustralia


folded after two events. Plain language went behindthe scenes, quietly working its way throughcompanies and agencies, but without much of apublic presence. This is probably why the publicresponded so strongly to Watson: he provided amissing outlet for their frustration.

For if Watson’s success demonstrates one thing, it isthat there is still too much poor language about. Ourinstitutions still do not turn to plain language astheir first option. And unlike America, Australia hashad no plain language laws or ExecutiveMemoranda officially sanctioning plain language atany level of government or industry. There arepolicies of course, but without formal programs toback them up, they are often ignored. Withoutinstitutional backing, the battle for plain languagehas been fought workshop by workshop, documentby document, organisation by organisation.

The professions

There certainly have been significant gains. In thelaw, plain English has transformed the drafting oflegislation. Major Federal projects in the past decadeincluded the Corporations Law SimplificationProject and the Tax Law Improvement Project, butlaws governing sales tax, mining, aged care, and thepublic service also benefited from plainer language.The Courts, however, still largely use legalese. Astudy in the Queensland Supreme Court found thatthe readability of the bench books used to briefjuries was at Grade 17. Fortunately, the Courtlinkprocess in NSW, which is rationalizing courtadministration, has also begun to simplify over 300standard court forms, many of which used decadesold wording. Medium-to-large law firms are alsomaking plain language more mainstream, butprogress in the smaller suburban law firms has beenmuch slower.

In the world of finance, the public sector is leadingthe way. Four of the seven Auditors General inAustralia have introduced plain language over thelast five years. Unfortunately, only one of the ‘bigfour’ corporate accounting firms has done so, andfor the average taxpayers going to a localaccountant, very little has changed. Accountantstake the lead in their writing from AustralianAccounting Standards, which are close to the worstdocuments ever written in the English language.

Fortunately, the corporate world is coming underincreasing pressure to adopt plain language. Arecent Royal Commission found that the quality offinancial reporting directly contributed to the highprofile collapse of the insurance giant HIH.Commissioner Neville Owen recommended thatplain English audit reporting become mandatory.As a result, corporate regulators are beginning totake more notice of plain language, but there is notas yet any compulsion to do so.

The banks in Australia are not so open to plainerwriting. Nobody even attempts to read a mortgagedocument before they sign it. Recent case law mightstart to convince them: a bank not long ago lost acase solely because the bench ruled that itscustomers could not have understood the contractthey signed. Even the standard disclaimer that “Ihave carefully read and understood” the documentdid not save the bank.

But if the results in the legal, finance, and corporateworlds are mixed, the universities are almostdeterminedly in the stone-age. Academic jargon andobfuscation are rife. Departments of English are notthe natural supporters of plain language asdepartments of writing and rhetoric in America canbe. Yet the University of Sydney recently surveyed arange of employers about the writing skills of itsarts graduates, and found they fall significantlyshort of what they need in the workplace.

Then there is government. Almost every agency hassome kind of policy or pays some kind of lip serviceto plain English, yet few achieve anything like it. Asurvey by the Plain English Foundation found thatthe average readability of more than 600government documents from dozens of agenciesover the last five years came in at Grade 16. Theyuse about 40% passive voice. Their tone is still tooformal, and their layout is awful. There’s at leastanother generation’s work needed to turn themaround.

Future trends

So it is not all doom and gloom, but the taskremains large. Fortunately, we have some excellentplain language practitioners throughout thecountry, such as Peter Butt, Robert Eagleson,Annette Corrigan, Christopher Balmford, MichèleAsprey, and Nathan McDonald. But there arecurrently not enough of us for the job at hand. Weare largely a movement of individuals, all doingexcellent work, but without national standards towork to, without a professional association tostrengthen collective action, and withoutcomprehensive public programs to reach thebroader community. We tend to get together only atinternational conferences like Clarity and PLAIN.

One attempt to respond to these problems at aninstitutional level was the establishment of the PlainEnglish Foundation in 2003. I should declare thatthis is my organisation, so I’m speaking here aboutmy own future hopes. Our initial idea was to be anumbrella and a rallying point for plain language inAustralia. To begin with, however, we needed afinancial base. That comes from typical plainlanguage consulting activities: training, editing,template engineering, coaching, testing, and so on.


After completing a doctorate inEnglish, Neil James co-founded aplain English consultancy withPeta Spear in 2000 that is nowcalled the Plain EnglishFoundation. Neil has publishedtwo books and over 50 articles,essays, and reviews on languageand literature. He speaksregularly about plain language inthe media throughout Australia.

We have retrained over 3,000 professionals in plainlanguage. This gave us the financial backing to turnto a broader public purpose.

Sue Butler, editor of the Macquarie Dictionary,officially launched the Foundation at the SydneyWriters Festival in 2003, where we held the first ofour annual public forums on plain English. Thetopic of “Diseased English: can it be cured?” filledan entire theatre and left about 60 people on thefootpath outside listening to the discussion onspeakers. We repeated the experience in 2004 with asession on “Political speak: double talk versus plainEnglish”. These sessions generate considerablemedia interest—dozens of articles and interviewsacross six states. Even Rupert Murdoch’s tabloidTelegraph editorialized in support. These first eventsprove that it is possible to repeat the success of theReader Friendly Campaign of more than a decadeago.

The next stop is establishing a research program tofill some of the knowledge gaps about plainlanguage in Australia. In September 2005, theFoundation co-hosted a conference with theUniversity of Sydney on the methods of the newrhetoric movement and their implications forprofessional writing. This also attracted the media,with a radio audience in six states topping 2.5million people. We are also developing a system ofperformance indicators to measure professionalwriting in the hope of setting some standards forplain English in Australia.

For Christmas 2005, the Foundation trialed an emailcampaign, sending out a Christmas e-card withtraditional carols written in officialese, legalese, taxaccountant speak, computer jargon, and so on. Theidea was to circulate a PDF file for free as an ‘ideavirus’ promoting plain English, and the impact wasenormous. Within hours, newspapers around theworld were contacting us requesting permission toreprint. It was a positive lesson in the power of bothtechnology and humour in getting the plainlanguage message out there.

So like the plain language movementinternationally, Australia has no shortage ofopportunity, but there is more work ahead of usthan behind. In the last two years, we’ve re-emergedfrom behind the scenes to a more mainstream publicposition. If as a profession we can maintain thatpublic presence, and back it up with the practicalconsulting work that helps organisations to changetheir writing cultures, the next generation will seepermanent improvements in our public language.At the very least, we will not need a former speechwriter such as Don Watson to rally public support.

© N James [email protected]

New rules for leasesNew standard clauses will soon be requiredfor registrable leases in England and Wales(broadly, those for a term exceeding 7 years).The Land Registration (Amendment) (No 2)Rules 2005 (SI 2005 No. 1982) make thewording compulsory from 19 June 2006 andvoluntary meanwhile.

Draft compulsory clauses were sent out forconsultation last year and we were concernedto see that they were poorly drafted, and in thetraditional style. This was a step backwardsfor the Land Registry, and Clarity objected.

We are happy to say that most of the offendingmaterial has gone. The final version is notideal, but Clarity members should be able tocontinue drafting leases without serious moralor aesthetic discomfort.

The report on the consultation (including thenew rules) is available free fromwww.landregistry.gov.uk.


Claudia Poblete OlmedoLinguistic Assistant, Senate of Chile

Interest in plain language in Chile started throughits association with transparency in government.There developed an interest in giving the averagecitizen the most information about the activities,functions, and duties of the parliament—legislation,debates, etc. However, it became clear that it was notenough to give information about processes; it wasalso necessary to consider the quality of thelanguage through which the information was beingmade known. It was important that the message beunderstandable and accessible to the averagecitizen.

Here in Chile, we were aware of the plain languageactivities in Mexico, and in June of 2005, thanks toan invitation from the Mexican government, I visitedthat country to gain some basic knowledge of thetopic and understand how plain language (lenguajeciudadano in Mexico) worked and was put intopractice. The trip gave me the opportunity to visitThe Secretary of the Public Function, where Iattended a workshop about plain language andcame to understand its concrete application. Thistrip was very helpful and has served as motivationfor several initiatives here in Chile.

Motivated by the development of plain language inMexico, a conference called “Transparency, Right,and Language” was carried out in the Senate ofChile, on the 22nd of August, 2005. Two interestingtalks about the relationship of language and rightswere presented. This conference tried to open thedebate on how language can become a democrat-izing tool if it is understandable for the averagecitizen. Authorities and workers from different areasattended the conference—for example, professorsfrom different universities, chiefs of public services,librarians, short-hand writers, lawyers, etc.

The first presentation was by Lorena Donoso,professor of the University of Chile. She focused onthe analysis of laws with extensive citizen impactand on how these had been broadcast and,subsequently, understood by the population.

The second presentation was by Dr. Daniel Cassany,professor at Pompeu Fabra University in Barcelona,Spain, who discussed a series of aspects of plain

language, such as its meaning, origin, foundations,characteristics, the benefits it brings (communication,identity, values, and attitudes), the countries whereit has reached a major diffusion, its importance, andconsequences of its application. He also presented aseries of examples from Mexico and Spain.

This conference helped us reflect on plain languageissues and encouraged the authorities of the Senateof Chile to make a compromise on the delivery ofinformation in an accessible language. It alsoconvinced the authorities and the audience that notonly is the amount of information important, butalso that this information must be clear.

This activity was well received by the media of ourcountry; they covered it widely in the written press,on television, and on the Internet. It brought Chiliinto a world-wide effort which previously had littleimpact on us.

Dr. Cassany told us about the InternationalConference on Plain Language. I was fortunate inthat I was able to attend. I received muchinformation about the experiences differentcountries have had with plain language. It wasespecially helpful to me to see how the experiencewith plain language has been related to legislation,which is the area that is most interesting for theSenate.

All of this attention to plain language has helped tosupport the big challenge that is ahead for us inChile: to make both judiciary language and thelanguage of the law understandable to those whoneed it and use it—the average citizen.

For us, this is a very a difficult task that requiresalmost a “linguistic revolution.” We are aided byother models and initiatives, like that of Sweden,which involves their Ministry of Justice. Closerexperiences, even though not exclusively involvingthe judicial system, like the one of Mexico, are alsohelpful. On the other hand, this complex taskconstitutes an interesting and attractive challenge.The interest by the Senate authorities to continuewith this effort is the critical factor that will allowus to proceed.

A concrete advance in unifying the procedures andlanguage in the Senate will occur with theupcoming publication of our first Style Manual,which will guide the writing of documents in theSenate, simplifying the elements that make itdifficult to understand the text, such as a reloadedsyntax.

The big task for the future is to shake those who usejudicial language so that they think of their audi-ence when they work with the law. The mistake thatis made, it seems worldwide, is to believe that thelaw is made for another lawyer. Authors fail to seewhat in innumerable models of written expression(editing models) is called “rhetorical situation”

Plain language in theSenate of Chile


Cristina GelpiPompeu Fabra University, Barcelona

Introduction

Spain is situated in Southern Europe. It has a populationof approximately 40 million inhabitants and has been amember of the European Union since 1986. It is aparliamentary monarchy organised in autonomouscommunities, and its legal system is based on civil law(and not on common law); therefore, laws take precedenceover jurisprudence.

Plain language is not new to Spain. It has existed for 25years and is basically conceived as a movement forrenovating written language to make it more readilycomprehensible. To understand the plain languageconcept, the orientation of promotion campaigns, theresults we have seen up to now, the main difficulties indeveloping plain language to the fullest in all the fieldsof written language as well as the challenges that lieahead, we need to take a look at Spain’s recent history.

Plain language in Spain plays a key role because it isassociated with democracy and text comprehensibility. Itis especially important when it comes to formulatingcurrent legal writing.

When we talk about plain language inSpain we are not only referring to plainlanguage in Spanish

The Spanish Constitution states that Castilian is theofficial Spanish language of the State. All Spaniardshave an obligation to know it and the right to use it.At the same time, it also states that the otherSpanish languages, in other words, Catalan,Galician, and Basque, are also official in theirrespective autonomous communities. The SpanishConstitution acknowledges that the richness of thedifferent linguistic modalities of Spain is a uniqueheritage that must be protected and respected.

At the moment, all the inhabitants of the State areSpanish speakers. There are approximately 11million Catalan speakers, 4.5 million Galicianspeakers, and less than a million Basque speakers.Although all four languages enjoy similar legalrecognition, the campaigns aimed at spreading theprinciples and guidelines for plain languagewriting have varied from one autonomous

Plain language in Spain

(What am I writing? How am I writing? For whomam I writing?).

As a language teacher, researcher in the area ofwriting, and current law student, my personal chal-lenge is to convince my future colleagues about theimportance of plain language in the judicial area.

© C Poblete Olmedo [email protected]

Claudia Poblete Olmedo is aprofessor of Spanish with a degreein Cultural Journalism and aMasters in Linguistics.Currently, she is a law student.She was educated at the CatholicUniversity of Valparaiso. Sheteaches linguistics and phoneticsat the University of Valparaisoand is a linguistic adviser in theSenate of the Republic of Chile.She is a member of both Clarityand PLAIN.

Clarity seminarson clear legal writing

(accredited by the Law Society for CPD)

Mark Adler uses many before-and-afterexamples to teach the theory andpractice of clear, modern, legal writing,covering style, layout, typography, andstructure. One handout gives an outlineof the lecture, which is interspersed withexercises and discussion; the other givesmodel answers to the exercises.

The seminars are held on your premises,and you may include as many delegatesas you wish, including guests fromoutside your organisation. The normalsize ranges between 4 and 25 delegates.

The full version lasts 5 hours (apartfrom breaks) and costs £750 + travellingexpenses + VAT. But the arrangementsare flexible, with shorter versionsavailable.

Contact Mark Adler on+44 (0)1306 741055

[email protected]


community to another. This is mainly due to thedifferent populations of speakers as well as to thedifferent linguistic policies that have beenintroduced since 1978. In Catalan, plain language ishighly developed; in Galician and Basque, it haswitnessed a medium level of development, andplain language has only recently begun in Spanish.

Plain language in Spain has been inexistence for over 25 years.

Broadly speaking, the adoption of plain languageprinciples in Spain can be divided into threephases:

a) From 1940 to 1978. This is considered a priorphase because during this period Spain wasunder the General Franco dictatorship. Thewriting style of the Public Administrationduring this time was not readilycomprehensible. It was obscure and writtenexclusively in Spanish. The use of otherlanguages was restricted to the domesticsphere, and they almost completelydisappeared from institutional documents.

b) From 1980 to 1990. The first works on plainlanguage were brought out during this period,primarily in Catalan.

The autonomous governments and localadministrations were the first to change thestyle of their discourse with citizens. Writingguidelines were put forward for the first time,and these were mainly derived from English.Plain language during this period took on theform of a series of writing recommendations inlanguages that the dictatorship hadsuppressed for 40 years. The first simplifiedforms were also drawn up for writing legaldocuments.

c) From 1990 onwards. This is the period duringwhich plain language principles really tookoff. The linguistic normalization of theminority languages (Catalan, Galician, andBasque) began to yield results, in the form ofperiodical publications on plain writing aswell as style manuals for both public andprivate sectors. Throughout these years, plainlanguage guidelines have gradually beenadapted to address the specific characteristicsof the languages of the Iberian peninsula.Recommendations which had initially beendrawn up for English were remodeled after itbecame evident that the style of somerecommendations was not compatible with therhetorical style of the Hispanic languages.

Plain language in Spain is not just acampaign around simplification

At the end of the dictatorship, the minoritylanguages (Catalan, Galician, and Basque) had to

recover the rights and freedoms of democracy. Theneed arose in all three languages to recreate awriting style, given that continuity had been brokenby the dictatorship. This entire process came to beknown as “normalization.” And within this contextof creating a new rhetorical style, plain languagebecame a very opportune option.

One of the fields where plain language had thegreatest influence was in legal writing. Thesubsequent legal writing style combined threefundamental elements: normativity, precision, andplain language. Normativity is defined as respectfor the linguistic norms imposed by the academicinstitutions of the language (for the four languages:the Real Academia Española, Institut d’EstudisCatalans, Academia de la Lingua Galega, andEuskaraz). This matter is specific to cultures whichhave been predominantly influenced by RomanLaw. It acknowledges the existence of an authority,which expresses its decisions in grammars anddictionaries. Therefore, the legal language in Spainhad to be normative in this institutional sense.

Besides being normative and precise, the style ofwritten language had to respect tradition and thedemocratic principles of the State. Most of thelanguages of Spain had had their own written stylein previous centuries (in Catalan, for example, thetradition goes back to the fifteenth century). Asregards democratic values, public language had tobe respectful and not discriminate in matters ofgender, race, sexual orientation, ideology, andreligion.

All these considerations point to the fact that plainlanguage in Spain is not so much a campaign basedon simplification but a movement to create a style ofrhetoric for the languages of Spain. This is thereason why there have in fact been very fewcampaigns aimed at simplifying and reformulatingdocuments. There haven’t been large projects aimedat correcting the style of writing and, on the otherhand, most campaigns have focused on educatingthe population in how to write in plain language.

Plain language in Spain has modifiedguidelines which were originally drawn upfor the English language.

The principles of plain language are very muchalive in Spain today, but they have undergone aseries of implementation phases. In the beginning,written language guidelines were practicallyliterally translated from English without taking intoaccount that the style of rhetoric of the languages ofthe Iberian peninsula was not, in fact, comparablewith English. Very soon after that, people realisedthat the principles were valid in themselves but thatthe guidelines needed to be adapted in line withcertain formal characteristics such as the rhetoricalstyle of the languages of Spain.


For example, the syntactical structure of theRomance languages makes it difficult to formsentences with just 15 words. Although in English15 words are enough to form sentences, forRomance languages, they are not enough. It couldbe said that the functional equivalent of 15 words inEnglish is approximately 25 to 30 words in theRomance languages. The same can be said forcapital letters: in English, capital letters highlightthe text and make it more comprehensible, whereasin Romance languages, capital letters are regardedas a visual and functional obstacle in the text, andstylistic guidelines generally opt for the use of smallletters.

In addition to these modifications, the plainlanguage movement in Spain has made an effort todraw up a series of guidelines to address the mostfrequent inadequacies of the peninsular languages.For example, the use of the pronominal passive withan explicit agent, the use of the gerund whenreferring to a former action, the use of formulaicaddresses for the sender and receiver of a text,discrimination based on grammatical gender, etc.

Plain language in Spain still hassome way to go

Even though plain language is being promoted inall the languages of Spain and in all fields, it cannotbe said that it is a widespread reality throughout theState and in all communication situations.

Of all the languages, a lot of work still needs to bedone with Spanish as far as plain language isconcerned. Efforts have recently been made tospread it to all spheres, but it must be acknowledgedthat this is not an easy task. With regard to thedifferent areas, it plays a key role in the field ofeducation, because plain language forms a part ofthe curricula of compulsory as well as uppersecondary and university education. It is also veryimportant in legal writing, both in writing legalguidelines as well as in texts used in legal practice.

There are different kinds of obstacles that need to beovercome to spread plain language throughoutSpain. To a great extent these have to do with thelinguistic training received by legal practitionersand the language in which they acquire theirspecialised knowledge (very traditional and almostexclusively in Spanish).

Spreading plain language to all communicationsituations, in all the languages of Spain, and to allthe people who speak them is a challenge whichdemands a great deal of time and effort. Buteverything seems to point to the fact that we areheading in the right direction.

© C Gelpi [email protected]

Cristina Gelpíwas born inBarcelona, Spain.She has a PhD inCatalan Phi-lology and a BAin Law. She hastaught legaltranslation andbilingual lexi-cography at thePompeu FabraUniversity since 1993. Cristina is also a translator, specializingin legal texts from French and Spanish into Spanish andCatalan. Her other areas of research include plain legallanguage in Catalan and online bilingual lexicography.


What’s on in plain Swedish?

Anne-Marie HasselrotMinistry of Justice

There are two recent developments of note in theworld of Plain Swedish. One concerns excitingplans for a government body aimed exclusively atlooking after the Swedish language. The other isabout continuing our well-established PlainSwedish work in the field of European Unionlanguage usage.

Looking after the Swedish language athome

Four national language policy objectives

In the autumn of 2005, the Swedish governmentproposed four new objectives for national languagepolicy in its Parliamentary Bill “Best language—aconcerted language policy for Sweden”. Itsobjectives are to ensure that:

• Swedish remains the main common language ofSweden,

• Swedish remains a complete language, servingand uniting society,

• the Swedish used by authorities is simple andcomprehensible,

• everyone has the right to develop and learnSwedish, to develop and use his or her ownmother tongue and minority language, also tohave the opportunity to learn foreign languages.

The objectives include Plain Swedish work

The government states that a public administrationthat wishes to gain and keep the trust of citizensmust communicate in language that is easy tounderstand. It also states that plain language work,i.e., action to improve official texts of various kindsand to adapt information to its intended audience,is important and should form a natural part of theactivities of government authorities. The Billproposes that the activities of the Plain SwedishGroup in the Government Offices should be movedto the new language planning body.

A new state body for language planning

The new body, which will be coordinated with anexisting institute for dialectology in the town ofUppsala starting July 1, 2006, will be based on theactivities of the Swedish language council, theFinnish language council in Sweden, and the PlainSwedish Group. There they will work together,looking after all aspects of the Swedish language.

Some of the relevant areas of activity of the newagency will be promoting the use of new Swedishterms, providing information, and helping peoplefind advice and language recommendations thatalready exist.

Obviously, this includes promoting clear andcomprehensible official texts. Other areas of workfor the new agency will deal with sign languageand with promoting and protecting the nationalminority languages Sami, Finnish, and Meänkieli.

Not included in the plans for the new agency,however, is the plain language work of the Divisionfor Legal and Linguistic Draft Revision in theMinistry of Justice. This work, which has been goingon for thirty years, will continue—with the excitingnew addition of a language service aimed at theEuropean Union.

Looking after Swedish in the EuropeanUnion

A few years ago, a special EU Language Service wasset up as part of the Division for Legal andLinguistic Draft Revision at the Swedish Ministry ofJustice. It has increased in importance over time andis kept very busy indeed! The backbone of this workis the website of the Swedish government(www.regeringen.se/klarsprak).

Guidelines and recommendations for EU texts

The information on the website includes checklistson how to comment on translations of draft EUlegislation still under consideration by theCommission, the Council, or the EuropeanParliament. There are also guidelines on how torequest corrections in legislation that’s already beenadopted. The website also provides access tovarious agreements and guides in the field ofdrafting legislation, drawn up by the institutionsthemselves.

This kind of information can prove useful forSwedish officials in EU working groups wherelegislation is drafted and discussed. Obviously, it’sgood if these officials are aware that the institutionsthemselves have agreed that legislative acts must beclearly, simply, and precisely drafted. Likewise, it’suseful to know that the institutions themselves havestated that drafters should avoid overly long articlesand sentences, unnecessary convoluted wording,and excessive abbreviations.


Recent plain-language progress in the UK

Sarah CarrCarr Consultancy and Plain Language Commission

In the UK, there is no dedicated plain-language functionin central government, although some departments dohave employees with some responsibility for plainlanguage. These people’s titles vary greatly, and it ishard to know exactly how many there are. I am awarethat the Department of Health has a Head of HealthLiteracy (Michael Horah), and the Forms Unit of HMRevenue & Customs has a Head of Usability (ChristineYates).

In the private sector, a number of businesses provideplain-language services. Three of the best-known areperhaps Plain Language Commission (PLC)(www.clearest.co.uk), Plain English Campaign Ltd(www.plainenglish.co.uk), and the Word Centre(www.wordcentre.co.uk). PLC is run by Martin Cutts,who conceived and co-founded the Plain EnglishCampaign in 1979 and was a partner there until 1988.Being an associate of PLC, I am most familiar with theirwork.

I am going to describe two recent examples of plain-language work in the UK: one based in government andthe other in the corporate world. Through my own (muchsmaller) business, Carr Consultancy(www.carrconsultancy.org.uk), I work with the UK’sNational Health Service (NHS). I will end by looking atplain-language progress in healthcare.

A government example: progress in law

Following Martin Cutts’ rewrite and redesign of theTimeshare Act, the Government has been runningthe Tax Law Rewrite Project since 1995. Its task is torewrite several thousand pages of tax law in plainerlanguage while keeping its essential meaning.

The project has improved tax law, but at a price tothe taxpayer. While asking us to use “extremecaution” when quoting its figures, the Tax LawRewrite Project says it has so far spent £19.9 millionon rewriting 760 pages of law. This means a cost of£26,000 a page. Projects like this do cost a lot to startup and in the early stages. Nonetheless, there arestill 2,090 pages to rewrite. Remember that thesecosts are only for rewriting tax law. All other lawsremain untouched.

A helpful network of contacts

A broad network of contacts from some fortygovernment agencies and all ministries has been setup. These people function as a gateway to thedifferent experts at the agency or ministry. Theychannel up-to-date information from the EULanguage Service to the experts and help thetranslators at the institutions quickly find the rightperson when they have questions aboutterminology, for example. The EU Language Service,in turn, works closely with the translators andlawyer-linguists in Brussels and Luxemburg andwith language organisations in Sweden.

The EU Language Service monitors work onbetter drafting practices

A good deal of work is now being done in the EU onbetter regulation. Clear and simple regulation is anissue to which Sweden gives priority. One of thethings the EU Language Service does is monitor andinfluence this area. In the work done with an inter-institutional agreement on how to improve thequality of legislation, for instance, Swedenemphasised the need for linguistic and editorialquality in legislation. During the work at theConvention on the Future of Europe, we evenproposed an addition to the new constitutionaltreaty on this very point, though unfortunately itdidn’t get through to the final negotiations.

But plain language thinking is taking root in the EUinstitutions as well, and the pressure must now bekept up!

© A Hasselrot [email protected]

Since 1997, Anne-MarieHasselrot has worked as aLanguage Expert at the Divisionfor Legal and Linguistic DraftRevision at the Swedish Ministryof Justice. She takes an active partin revising and modernising thelanguage of all kinds of govern-mental documents but primarilylegislative acts. Other tasks at theGovernment Offices includewriting guidelines and holdingtraining sessions for Governmentofficials. At present, she is also serving as an expert in thework of a law commission appointed to make a technicalrevision of all Swedish social insurance legislation. Beforemoving to the Ministry of Justice, she spent five years on theCommittee on Translation of EC Law, revising the Swedishtranslations of the European Union legislation. She holds aBachelor of Arts and a graduate degree from the academicprogramme for Swedish language consultants at theUniversity of Stockholm.


But some new laws, such as the Inquiries Act 2005,do read as if plain-language thinking has heavilyinfluenced them. Unfortunately there are others—the Gambling Act 2005, for example—that areanything but clear. Martin Cutts describes the latteras “an amazing exercise in elaborate andbewildering negativity with a plethora of internalcross-references.” He believes it is“incomprehensible to people with normalbrainpower.” If lessons have been learnt from theTax Law Rewrite, they have not been applied here.We think it would help if plain-languagepractitioners were involved in writing and revisinglaws.

In the first edition of Lucid Law in 1994, Martin Cuttscalled for a citizen’s summary to go with each Act.He repeated this in 2001, in Clarifying Eurolaw, andagain in 2002 in a follow-up booklet, Clarifying EC[European Commission] Regulations, with EmmaWagner. Emma, who helped start the Fight the FOGcampaign (http://europa.eu.int/comm/translation/en/ftfog), continues to champion theCitizen’s Summary project.

The idea behind the project is that citizens needclear and accurate information about EC and EU(European Union) legislation because it affects theirlife, work, and prosperity. The citizen’s summarywould give readers a quick overview of the maincontent, remind lawmakers of their ultimateaudience and paymasters, and deter Euroscepticsfrom deliberate misrepresentation. It would not havelegal force and would not be interpretive.

Instead, since 1999, a separate explanatory note hasbeen available through the Office of Public SectorInformation (www.opsi.gov.uk/legislation/uk-expa.htm). If you look at the summary for theGambling Act (which you can find by entering“Gambling Act” as the search term on this website),you will see just how inadequate and unplain it is.

The EC has recently proposed adding what it calls“layperson’s summaries” to policy documents. Thisis good, but shows that lawyers in the institutions ofthe EU still oppose summaries of legislativedocuments. Many politicians and communicationsexperts support citizen’s summaries. But lawyersseem not to understand that they would make EUlegislation more accessible and less prone tomisreporting by the Eurosceptic media.

Diana Wallis, a Member of the EuropeanParliament, has recently supported the Citizen’sSummary project by stating in her forthcomingopinion on the Application of Community Law thatshe considers it important “to improve the citizens’understanding of EU legislation and thereforeproposes to include a citizen’s summary in the formof a non-legalistic explanatory statementaccompanying all legislative acts.”

A corporate example: progress in financialservices

The Financial Services Authority (FSA) regulates thepersonal finance and insurance industries. It aimsalways to use plain language in communicatingwith consumers. Most of its public leaflets and factsheets about pensions and investments carry PLC’sClear English Standard. In August 2005, the FSAlaunched its redesigned website (www.fsa.gov.uk).Accredited by PLC, this is easier to use and moreaccessible, in line with consumer research.

The FSA also does its best to encourage financialservices companies to communicate plainly. Forexample, it has tightened the rules on referring topast performance in financial advertising. The FSAand the Financial Services Compensation Scheme (afund of last resort for consumers when firms gobust) are both corporate members of PLC.

In 2001, the Pensions Protection InvestmentsAccreditation Board (PPIAB) started running anaccreditation scheme. Supported by subscriptionsfrom the brands it certified, the scheme tested(among other things) the clarity of financial servicesdocuments. Sadly, it has now closed. The staff,among them many committed plain-languagepractitioners, are losing their jobs. It is not yet clearexactly what (if anything) the Association of BritishInsurers, which backed the PPIAB as part of itsRaising Standards scheme(www.raisingstandards.net), will be replacing itwith. A set of clarity platitudes under the RaisingStandards banner seems likely.

Progress in healthcare

In Europe, the European Medicine Agency(www.emea.eu.int) has begun publishingsummaries of European public assessment reportswritten so that patients and the public canunderstand them.

In the UK, there was an important move forward in1997, when the Centre for Health InformationQuality (CHIQ) was established with funding fromthe Department of Health, as part of an independentcharity, the Help for Health Trust. The CHIQ actedas a clearing house for the NHS and others, playinga lead role in evaluating health information for thepublic. It also provided training and support forproducers of health information, and developed theTriangleMark to accredit information that met itsstandards. The CHIQ considered three key elementsto the quality of information: relevance, accuracy,and clarity.

Sadly, the Help for Health Trust went intoliquidation in March 2005. The good news is thatthe manager, Tom Hain, is now Deputy Chair of thePatient Information Forum (www.pifonline.org.uk).This is an independent forum for sharing good


practice among those involved in producing anddisseminating consumer health information. Itsupports the need for patients to have high qualityinformation to enable them to become more involvedin their healthcare. Tom is also working with theDepartment of Health to set up an InformationAccreditation Scheme to start in 2007 (subject toministerial approval). This was heralded in thestrategy document Better information, better choices,better health (Department of Health, 2004), whichyou can read on the Department’s website(www.dh.gov.uk). The scheme will no doubt benefitfrom a lot of learning from the CHIQ and the PatientInformation Forum.

Although not official as yet, I understand that moregood news is expected: the Department of Health,through the National Consumer Council, is said tobe setting up the National Collaboration for HealthLiteracy later this year. Michael Horah is expected tomake an announcement in late May.

The NHS has been described as a “politicalfootball.” Constant policy changes make most NHSmanagers too busy in the short term to think of thelonger-term benefits of getting all staff to write inplain language. Much more of my work with theNHS is easing managers’ workload by writingindividual documents for them—a worthwhile task,but rather akin to fiddling while Rome burns.

This is a generalisation: I have worked with someNHS organisations that are genuinely keen to adoptplain language in their organisations. For example,my local primary care trust has used plain languageto decrease the volume and increase the clarity oftheir board papers. We believe this allows boardmembers to make better-informed decisions aboutthe health of the local population. We achieved thisthrough introducing a style guide and requiringanyone who wished to submit a paper to the boardto attend plain-language training. I have also editedpatient information into plain language for severalhospitals.

Health Scotland (www.healthscotland.com), themain health education body in Scotland, became acorporate member of PLC in 2005 and gets many ofits documents accredited by PLC.

Other providers of plain-language services willattest to similarly positive developments in manyindividual public bodies, businesses, and law firms.Our and their training, editing, and accreditationwork goes on—as does advocacy of plain languageand its enormous value to both organisations andindividuals.

© S Carr [email protected]

I would like to thank Martin Cutts (PLC), Mark Duman andTom Hain (Patient Information Forum), and Caroline Jarrett(Effortmark Ltd—www.effortmark.co.uk) for their commentsand information.

Sarah Carr has a first degree inFrench and Scandinavian withTeaching English as a ForeignLanguage, and a master’s inbusiness administration (MBA).Sarah worked as a manager in theNational Health Service (NHS) forseven years. She now runs CarrConsultancy, specialising in plainEnglish writing, editing andconsultancy for the NHS. Sarah isalso an associate of Plain LanguageCommission. Her publicationsinclude Tackling NHS Jargon: getting the message across(Radcliffe Medical Press, 2002).

Plain language in legalagreements—is it safe?

When? Tuesday 10 October 2006at 6.00pm

Where? Denton Wilde Sapte1 Fleet Place (off Limeburner Lane)London EC4

Many lawyers, even if they use plainlanguage to their clients, hesitate to departfrom “tried and trusted” precedents whendrafting contracts.

• Might a more user-friendly style of draftinghold pitfalls for the unwary drafter?

• Is this fear based on reality or on lawyers’traditional resistance to change?

Lord Justice Rix, formerly the judge in chargeof the Commercial Court in London and nowa member of the English Court of Appeal, haskindly agreed to address Clarity on the safetyof plain language in contracts.

This event will be open to non-members aswell as Clarity members—so reserve yourplace now.

Those who can give an email address willget a reminder in the autumn. To secure aplace please send an email

To: [email protected]

Subject: “plain language in legalagreements”

Contents: give your name, organisation,and email address.

For those without email, please post yourreply to:

Rachel Homer, Events TeamDenton Wilde Sapte124 Chancery LaneLondon, EC4A 1BU


Annetta CheekChair, Plain Language Action and Information Network

Through the late 1990s, plain language began to gain afoothold in the United States government because of thesupport from the Clinton administration, especially VicePresident Gore’s National Performance Review. We wereseeing many examples of plain language in the privatesector, and this encouraged the government’s efforts. Thecurrent administration does not have a formal plain-language initiative. However, a mandate forcommunicating clearly with the public is part of theadministration’s philosophy, and many agencies havestrong, active plain-language programs in place.

Federal Aviation Administration (FAA)

FAA has been building a plain-language programsince 1999, when a survey of an important customergroup, commercial pilots, revealed dissatisfactionwith the clarity of FAA’s standards and regulations.I work at FAA, in the Office of the Administrator,and help with plain-language projects in all parts ofthe agency, especially regulations and guidancematerial intended for the public. We have a programto train employees in plain language, which so farhas reached over 2,000 employees. The FAA hasmade important progress in plain language but hasa long way to go.

FAA hosts the government-wide plain language site,www.plainlanguage.gov, as well as the monthlymeetings of the government-wide plain languagegroup, PLAIN. The FAA’s Administrator, MarionBlakey, is very supportive of plain language and hasbecome a spokesperson for the government-wideinitiative. The FAA has a plain language website foremployees.

Federal Register

The Office of the Federal Register, which publishesall federal regulations in the Code of FederalRegulations, encourages agencies to use plainlanguage. In 1996, the Register redid its handbookfor regulation writers—the Document DraftingHandbook—to conform to plain-language principles.It has produced two excellent aids to plainlanguage, “Making Regulations Readable” and

“Drafting Legal Documents.” You can find thesetool on its website at http://www.archives.gov/federal-register/write/plain-language/.

Food and Drug Administration (FDA)

Many offices within FDA, such as the Center forDrug Evaluation and Research and the Center forDevices and Radiological Health, now stress howimportant it is to send their messages to the publicin clear language. They seek input from the public,through public meetings and usability testing, aboutwhat communication works and what doesn’t,especially in communicating health risks.

National Institutes of Health (NIH)

NIH has a plain language coordinating committeethat meets regularly and helps spread the wordabout clear writing to all the NIH Institutes andCenters. Every year, the agency hosts a large awardsceremony, recognizing the effort to communicateclearly in various ways, from technical reports topamphlets for general audiences to websites. Theagency developed an on-line tutorial in plainlanguage, targeted to medical writers.

Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC)

In his first speech to the staff of the SEC, current SECChairman Christopher Cox said that former SECChairman Arthur Levitt’s effort “to encouragewriting in plain English is still dead on. And whenit comes to exhortations to write in plain English,the SEC has to practice what it preaches in its ownrules and publications. Continuing to advance thisnoble initiative of my predecessors is but one ofmany ways in which I hope to build upon thesuccesses of the recent past, and to ensurecontinuity, clarity, and consistency in the SEC’spolicies.” The SEC has stepped up its efforts topromote plain English in financial disclosuredocuments such as the management discussion andanalysis section of the annual report. According toBusiness Week (September 26, 2005), the SEC hasinstructed companies that they must “tell investorsthe good, the bad, and the ugly about what’shappening in their business—in plain English.”

Social Security Administration

Social Security’s biggest achievement has been theplain language version of the statement all workers60 years old and older receive about their personalearnings and benefit estimates. Inspired by a 1989Congressional mandate, the finished product wasmailed to citizens starting in late 1999. The newstatement has been well received and is creditedwith helping Americans better understand SocialSecurity. The notice won a No Gobbledygook Awardfrom Vice President Gore.

Plain language inthe United Statesgovernment


Veteran’s Benefits Administration (VBA)

VBA teaches new employees clear writing skills,using site instructors trained using a satellite-training program. As well as a Reader-FocusedWriting Tools course (the basic satellite course), VBAnow offers regulation writing, a manager’s briefingto teach managers to review and support clearwriting, and a briefing paper course. VBA has alsodeveloped a format for Congressional responsesbased on meetings with Congressional staffers.

PLAIN—the Plain Language Action andInformation Network

The voluntary group of federal employees dedicatedto making their agencies more sensitive to the needto communicate clearly has been meeting monthlysince the mid-1990s. In early 2005 the grouplaunched a redesign of its website,www.plainlanguage.gov, developed by volunteers.The group continues to offer free half-day sessionsintroducing federal employees to plain languageprinciples.

What’s next?

Overall, the United States federal government stilladheres to a writing style that is overly complex,bureaucratic, and difficult, but demand for plainlanguage is growing. I get requests every week fromone agency or another for plain-language training.Much of this interest comes from the increasing

focus on the Internet as a means of communication.Many people who routinely turn out bureaucrati-cally written paper documents recognize that thisstyle won’t do on the web. More plain-languageprivate-sector documents are appearing, and thisencourages and empowers those in the governmentwho try to write more clearly. It also helps themconvince their colleagues to use plain language.

I am cautiously optimistic about the future of plainlanguage in the federal government. Progress hasbeen slow but continuous. It seems to be gaining abit more momentum. I think the next several yearswill see a healthy growth in government interest inquality communication. However, we still have along way to go.

© A Cheek [email protected]

Dr. Cheek’s biography can befound on page 3.

Lifting the Fog of Legalese: Essays on Plain Language

Joe Kimble’s book collects many of theessays he has written over the last 15 years.It combines the strong evidence and myth-busting arguments for plain language withlots of practical advice and examples. Plainwriters will love it; purveyors of legalesewill not.

Published in December 2005.Hardbound, 216 pages. US$23.

Available from Carolina Academic Press(www.cap-press.com) at a 10% discountor from amazon.com.


Kristin Kleimann, Ilana Bain, andLara WhitmanKleimann Communication Group, Inc.

Introduction

The U.S. Food Stamp Program helps lower-incomeAmericans and their families receive the food theyneed to maintain a consistent, healthy diet. Nearly“51 percent of Americans between the ages of 25and 60 will need to use food stamps,” and aremarkable “42 percent of the U.S. population willdeal with food insecurity during their lifetime.”1

From 1994 to 2000, overall participation in the FoodStamp Program sharply declined. Participationrates that had risen from 19 million in 1989 to 28million in 1994 suddenly dropped to 17 million by20002—a decline of more than 33 percent.3 Laterstudies showed the complexity of the applicationand the process were partially responsible for thedecline. Many eligible participants found theburden of overwhelming forms and processoutweighed the benefits of receiving assistance.4

Many Food Stamp Program application forms arelong and poorly organized and contain complex,legalistic language. Figure 1 shows a typical form’sfirst page. It is visually intimidating because of thelack of white space, small type, an unpredictablelayout grid, and too much bold and shading todraw applicants’ attention to the instructions at thetop. Further, the instructions are confusing andoften use passive voice and words applicantswould not use in everyday speech.

The bottom line is that forms like this one are notapplicant-centered. They are not designed with theneeds of the users in mind.

In 2002, Food and Nutrition Services (FNS), adivision of the U.S. Department of Agriculture(USDA), decided to help states improve theirapplication forms to improve access to benefits. ButFNS did not want to dictate or mandate how stateforms should look—a perfect federal- versus-state-conundrum. Any technical assistance to the statesneeded to be customized, in part, because of thedifferences in how each state administers the FoodStamp Program.

Kleimann Communication Group, Inc. (KCG)5

created a unique and customized approach toproviding technical assistance and was awardedthe contract to work directly with states. Ourapproach achieved FNS’s goal to allow statesflexibility in redesigning their applications. Whileeach state had a customized plan, we based all ourtechnical assistance on solid forms-design researchand expertise. Since 2002, we have workedcollaboratively with 29 states to reinvent and reviseconfusing food-stamp applications. The map inFigure 2 shows which states we have worked withso far.

We partner with each state for one year and addressthe following key goals:

• Improve food-stamp forms.

• Improve access to benefits for food-stampapplicants.

• Transfer forms-design knowledge to states.

• Build forms-design capacity within each state.

• Give states tools to redesign other forms.

How does the collaborative process work?

KCG and states partner in this project through asingle philosophy: clear communication is not anend, it is a process. We work to build forms-designcapacity within the states by contributing theexpertise they need to redesign their formseffectively. The idea is that the best projects resultfrom combining our expertise in communicationskills with the states’ expertise in contentknowledge. This project ensures that improvingprogram access is not limited to revising just the onefood-stamp form. Instead, the knowledge transferredextends beyond the one-year partnership and can beapplied to all forms and documents each stateproduces.

Our role

Besides assistance tailored to the states’ needs,states receive the following training, guidance, andtools:

Two-day forms design training. States receivetraining for state staff members about theprinciples of effective forms design. During thetraining, staff members practice using forms-

Removing barriers to food stamp assistance— one complex form at a time


Figure 1. Before version of an assistance application form.

DE

PAR

TM

EN

T O

F JOB

AN

D FA

MILY

SERV

ICE

SR

EQ

UE

ST FO

R C

ASH

, ME

DIC

AL A

ND

FOO

D STA

MP A

SSISTAN

CE

IMP

OR

TAN

T IN

FOR

MA

TIO

N A

BO

UT

FOO

D STA

MP

S, CA

SH A

ND

ME

DIC

AID

You have the right to file an application the day you contact the C

ounty Departm

ent of Job and Family Services (C

DJFS). A

ny food stamp, cash or m

edicaidbenefits you get w

ill go back to the date you filed if you qualify for help on that date. You can file this form w

ith your name, signature and address, but you m

ustfinish it and be interview

ed later.

If you cannot stay to fill out this form today, give us this first page. W

e must have at least the household’s nam

e and address and your signature, if you are theresponsible m

ember of the household or the household’s authorized r epresentative, so that today can be set as the application file date. You can fill out the rest

of the form at hom

e and bring or mail it to the C

DJFS of fice. H

owever, w

e must have the com

pleted form and conduct an interview

to decide if your householdis eligible to get your first food stam

ps right away. If you m

iss the interview that the C

DJFS schedules, you m

ust contact the CD

JFS and ask to reschedule yourinterview

. If you miss your interview

and do not contact the CD

JFS within 30 days fr om

the date that you file this form, you m

ay be denied benefits. The CD

JFSm

ay waive the face-to-face interview

if it is determined you m

eet a har dship condition. You can apply for one or all programs w

ith this form.

If English is not your primary language, or if you are hearing-im

paired, the CD

JFS will provide you w

ith someone w

ho can help y ou understand the questionsat the interview

. This person is called an interpreter and will be provided at no cost to you; the agency w

ill pay for the interpreter. Check the yes box below

if you need an interpreter. This interpreter should also be available at other times if you need to r eport changes or have questions about your case. The agency

must also provide you w

ith services and reasonable accomm

odations if you have a disability. Let your caseworker know

what you need.

*****IF YO

U N

EED FO

OD

STAM

P BENEFITS R

IGH

T AW

AY, A

ND

YO

U A

RE N

OT C

UR

REN

TLY R

ECEIV

ING

THEM

, AN

SWER

THE Q

UESTIO

NS O

N TH

ISPA

GE A

ND

PAG

E 2 . THIS W

ILL HELP U

S DEC

IDE IF Y

OU

QU

ALIFY

TO G

ET FOO

D STA

MP BEN

EFITS WITH

IN 24 H

OU

RS TO

7 DA

YS.*****

Street Address

___________________________________C

ity________________

County

________________State

______ZIP

________Phone ( )________________________

Mailing A

ddress (if different than street address)____________________________________

City

______________________State

_______________ZIP

_______________________A

dditional phone number w

here we can reach you ( )

_________________

Are you applying for som

eone who is not living w

ith you?•

Yes•

No

If yes, who?

_________________________________________________________________________Enter the address of the person(s) you are applying for if different than the above address.

Street Address

____________________________________________________________C

ity_______________________________

County

_________________________State

________________________ZIP

___________________Phone ( )

______________________

Primary language of the person com

pleting this form__________________________

Primary language of the person you are applying for

_________________________________

If your primary language is not English, or if you are hearing-im

paired, will you need an interpreter at the interview

?•

Yes•

No

•D

oes not apply

Is anyone in the household currently receiving cash, Medicaid or food stam

p benefits?•

Yes•

No

If yes, who?

_____________________________________________W

here (City/C

ounty/State)___________________________________________________

What are you applying for today? (C

heck all that apply)•

Cash A

ssistance•

Medical A

ssistance•

Food Assistance

Signature of Person Com

pleting Form_________________________________ Print N

ame

_______________________________________________D

ate________________________

JFS 07200 (Rev. 07/

2002)P

age 1

Words or term

s not used ineveryday speech:

... household’s authorizedrepresentative...

Com

plex Legal Language:

...may w

aive the...if it isdeterm

ined that you meet a

hardship condition.

Passive Voice

... you may be denied

benefits.


design tools and techniques and begin planningtheir redesign project. Training focuses on:

• Planning for a form redesign project.

• Structuring and organizing the form to helpapplicants complete tasks (Task Completion).

• Using layout and design to help applicantsnavigate through the form (Navigation).

• Simplifying and using easy-to-understandlanguage and sentence structure in the form(Comprehension).

Copies of the Guide to Assessing Food StampApplication Forms. We created this Guide in thefirst year of the project to help states evaluatetheir own forms as they redesign. It provideschecklists and valuable information aboutforms-design principles. The Guide parallels theprinciples discussed during the training (TaskCompletion, Navigation, and Comprehension).

Comprehensive expert review. We analyze thestate’s current form and prepare a documentthat details the strengths and weaknesses of theform. Additionally, we conduct interviews withstate eligibility workers about the current form.Because workers interact with the form andapplicants daily, they can provide moreinformation on what works and what doesn’twith the form. The Expert Review consolidatesthese comments and suggestions and guidesstates toward specific improvements.

Individualized State Plan(ISP). With the state’sworkgroup, we jointlydetermine goals, specificneeds, and a timeline. TheISP document provides anoutline for each state’sredesign project.

Design support. Manystates face specificquestions or problems thatthey need help with. Weprovide continuing designsupport to stateworkgroups through expertreviews of later drafts,hands-on revision supportfor troublesome tables, andforms-design advice asneeded.

Monthly e-newsletter. Wepublish an e-newsletter,ClearApps, which addressesissues that states may faceduring the redesignprocess. It contains one ortwo articles each month onprinciples of good forms

design as well as news and information aboutstate form-redesign progress.

One-day testing training. Toward the end of theyearlong collaboration, we help stateworkgroups plan for usability testing of theirapplications. We provide information abouttesting techniques and allow representatives achance to learn and practice testing roles. Weprovide sample testing materials and more helpto prepare states for usability testing their newforms.

State’s role

Equipped with skills and knowledge about goodforms design and plain language, staterepresentatives form a workgroup to reinvent theirform(s). The workgroups combine program expertisewith newly gained tools and guidance to create anew food-stamp application form. Theseworkgroups go beyond words; they don’t simplyedit the language in their forms—they rethink andre-create each form.

After the workgroup has a draft form, we providecomments and suggestions for further improvement.The workgroups then rework their forms, oftenmultiple times, and prepare a final draft that isready for usability testing with applicants.

Workgroups usually select several diverse locationsthroughout the state and test about five applicantsin each location using the new form. Testing

Figure 2. Map of States KCG has worked with over four years.


provides workgroups with invaluable informationabout what’s working in their new form and whatcould still be improved. Workgroups analyze thetesting results and make changes to their formsaccording to the results.

Typically, after workgroups have tested their forms,the yearlong KCG/State collaboration formallyends. State workgroups take varying amounts oftime to implement their new forms, but they canrequest additional consultation services onimplementing and evaluating their forms as needed.

What were the most typical problems withthe forms?

In working with the 29 states, we found severalcommon problems in food-stamp forms:

Accreted information. Food-stamp policychanges often. Forms gain new questions ornew information when policy changes, but theyoften don’t lose outdated or unnecessaryquestions or information. Accumulating newinformation without removing outdatedinformation results in a form with accretedinformation. Also, new information is oftenplaced at the end of the form where it’s easier toinsert. This can cause an illogical organization.

No overviews to help applicants understandthe process and the action to take. Many formssimply begin asking questions of the applicantwithout providing any contextual information.This lack of an overview can cause confusionand errors. Applicants often must begin usingthe form with no real sense of what they shoulddo before they fill out the form, while they fillout the form, and after they fill out the form.

Complex tables. Most forms use tables to collectinformation. While tables are an effective way togather much information, many food-stampforms contain tables that are cognitivelycomplex. These complex tables contain severaldiscrete tasks for applicants to complete. Also,these tables sometimes extend over multiplepages or contain asterisks or codes that sendapplicants out of the table to find moreinformation. Complex tables are difficult forapplicants, especially those of lower literacy, tocomplete and complete accurately.

An ineffective and complex layout (grid) tosupport the form’s hierarchy of information.Because of an ineffective and often inconsistentlayout, many forms appear dense andintimidating. Even if the language is notdifficult, the look of the layout can overwhelmapplicants.

Lack of logical flow and headings. Many formsdo not contain an organized infrastructure ofinformation. Forms lack clear sections of “like”

information and do not use headings toreinforce the form’s logic and organization.

No instructions or limited instructions. Withoutinstructions, applicants have a hard timedistinguishing what they need to do in certainsections.

Unfamiliar words and complex language.Forms use text that requires a high literacy levelto understand. Much of the language islegalistic, bureaucratic, and far too complex fortypical applicants.

What are the outcomes of this project?

States improved their forms

Through the FNS project, over half of the states inthe U.S. have successfully reinvented andredesigned their food-stamp and other benefit forms.These new forms—which use improved logic,layout, and language—better meet the needs ofapplicants and appear less intimidating.

Through hard work and dedication, states haveturned a form like the one in Figure 1 into formswith applicant-centered front pages like Figure 3.

This particular example eliminated the excessiveuse of bold and shading for the instructions, usedshorter line lengths by converting to portrait layout,used simpler words that applicants wouldunderstand, and answered all questions anapplicant might have about the process or how toapply on the first page.

Most states involved in the Technical AssistanceProject have created forms that are clearer and lessburdensome on applicants. As well as being easierto use for applicants, state agencies also benefitfrom the redesigned forms.

Access to the food stamp program increased

From 2004 to 2005, 664,6816 more peopleparticipated in the Food Stamp Program each monthin the 22 states that partnered with us in the firstthree years of the technical assistance program.This is an estimated increase each year of 7,976,172people. While the increase cannot be directlyattributed to the redesigned applications, states arecrediting some of the increase to a simplified form.

Applicants and state workers prefer the newforms

Usability testing proved that most applicantspreferred the new applications. During testing,applicants said the look and feel of redesignedforms were less overwhelming, and the languagewas easier to understand.

Several states have also conducted evaluativesurveys with eligibility workers and applicants afterthey implemented their forms. These states said that


Figure 3. After version of an assistance application form.

Note: The State of Ohio produces this form in color.

Appointment Date: Appointment Date:

You will be given an appointment date and time after you complete the following application.

How do I complete theface-to-face interview?

You will need to:1. Complete this application.2. Submit this application to your local County Department of Job and Family Services

(CDJFS).3. Co mplete a face -to -face interview, unless we tell you that you don’t need to.4. Provide needed items for the programs for which you are applying.

1. If English is not your primary language, or if you are hearing-impaired: The CDJFSwill provide you with someone who can help you understand the questions at theinterview . This service will also be available at other times if you need to reportchanges or have questions about your case.

2. If you have a disability: We will help you complete this application .

1. Fill out this application: Answer as many questions as you can on the application.You have the right to apply for assistance the day you contact your local CDJFS.

2. If you cannot fill out this application today: Fill out page one of the application withyour name, addr ess, and signature and turn it in to your local CDJFS office so that wecan provide benefits from today if you are eligible. You can fill out the rest of theapplication at home and return it to your CDJFS office.

3. Applying for someone else: You can choose someone to apply for benefits for you.This person is called an authorized representative. If you are applying for someoneelse, answer the questions as they relate to that person.

1. Return the application to your local CDJFS office: We will set up a face-to-faceinterview with you. Our offices offer evening and/or weekend hours . This willstart the application process and will help us decide if you can get food stampassistance within 24 hours to 7 days.

1. Come in for your interview: During this interview, we will complete the restof the application process. We will also tell you what assistance you may get.

2. If you cannot come in for your interview: You must contact your local CDJFSand reschedule your interview. If you do not contact us within 30 days fromthe date you file this application , we may deny your assistance and you willhave to reapply. You may not have to come in for an interview if wedetermine you meet a hardship condition such as illness or lack oftransportation .

JFS 07200 (Rev. 07/14/14) Draft 6

How do I apply forassistance?

Do you need helpcompleteing thisapplication?

How do I complete thisapplication?

Where do I turn in thisapplication?

Request for Cash, Food Stamp, and Medical Assistance


evaluations showed the new forms to be easier touse and understand by both applicants andeligibility workers. Specifically, applicants in somestates commented that “this new form is a lotbetter,” “It is very simple and easy to fill out,” and“In comparison to others, your form is at the top asfar as easy goes.”

States are redesigning other forms

States have addressed not only their food-stampapplication forms, many have also gone on toreinvent other forms their agencies and otheragencies use. As shown in Figure 4, at the end ofyear 1, our seven partner states had redesigned 7forms7; by the end of year 2, our eight partner stateshad redesigned 32 forms, and Iowa had 132 more inprocess. By the end of year 3, our eight partnerstates had completed seven forms, were working onsix more, and had plans for many others to follow.Currently, the eight year-4 states are working oneight forms.

New application forms are winning awards

In 2005, Virginia’s and Iowa’s redesigned formswon awards from the Society for TechnicalCommunication (STC). Virginia received an Awardof Excellence and Iowa won an Award of Merit.

The STC Virginia judge commented, “This is a veryattractive publication that meets the needs of itsintended audience. The information is readilyaccessible and easy to follow.”

The STC Iowa judge commented, “The layout,design, graphics, and text are very well done. Thewriters accomplished their goal of simplification,and should be able to use this form as a fineexample for simpli-fying other forms.”

State agenciesgained valuableknowledge andskills

The project pro-vided states withconcrete informa-tion on how tocreate functionalforms that use arange of infor-mation designtechniques. It gavethem the tools tofully redesign theirforms and notsimply changesome languageand move someelements aroundon the page. The

project enabled states to re-think forms to more fullyserve the needs of the target audience—bothapplicants and eligibility workers.

Throughout the project, 25 of 29 states8 participatedin forms design training with an average of about 20participants in each training session, totaling about500 staff members. Ten of the 29 states participatedin testing training, totaling about 120 staff members.This year’s testing training will bring our total to 17states and 204 staff members. In addition, the projecttransferred forms-design knowledge to staff outsidethe Food Stamp Program. Training participants alsoincluded staff from the Medicaid, Child CareAssistance, and Temporary Aid for Needy Families(TANF) Departments, among others.

Based on evaluations of our Forms Design Training,staff members found the information helpful. AnIowa participant commented, “For us, it was awhole new way of looking at forms. We werestuck—our forms looked bureaucratic, stodgy, andgovernmental . . . You made us open our eyes to awhole new way of thinking, and that was huge forus. We were stuck in a rut, but now we think abouthow we design things.” In addition, a Coloradoparticipant stated, “We are now working with agood foundation of knowledge and information. Nomore guessing or using personal opinions to createa user-friendly form.”

FNS accomplished its goal

Besides the states’ improvements, FNS was able toaddress the larger problem of declining food-stampparticipation at a systemic level without imposingstate standards.

Figure 4. Total number of redesigned forms.

160

140

120

100

80

60

40

20

0

Number offorms

CompletedIn Progress

Year 1states

Year 2states

Year 3states

Year 4states

(in progress)

Total


Conclusion

The Technical Assistance Project has had anastoundingly far-reaching impact on the states.Its effects will not disappear when the projectends. The project allowed each state to follow astreamlined, consistent redesign process yet stillcustomize its redesigned forms to meet thespecific needs of its program. Each state gainedknowledge, skills, and expertise throughknowledge transfer from forms-design andusability-testing training and later technicalsupport. This newfound expertise andacknowledgment that applicant-centered formsare important drove almost all 29 states tocontinue redesigning and reinventing otherforms. While the early focus was on a singlefood-stamp form, the project eventually affectedmultiple program forms and many otherdocuments the state produces.

In many ways, this project was a perfectamalgam of federal support, with its tendency tostandardize, and the need for individual states tokeep their individual programs and processes.The project also embodies contributory expertise:FNS, KCG, and each of our 29 states have beguncutting through the red tape that complexapplication forms present—even if it is just oneapplication form at a time.

Endnotes1 Jessica Martin, “High Rates of Food Insecurity,

Food Stamps, Show Americans’ EconomicVulnerability, Says Social Welfare Expert”Washington University in St. Louis News &Information (September 22, 2004): http://news-info.wustl.edu/tips/page/normal/3818.html.

2 Parker Wilde, et al, “The Decline in FoodStamp Participation in the 1990’s.”

3 Doug O’Brien, et al, “The Red Tape Divide:State-by-State Review of Food StampsApplications” America’s Second Harvest.

4 Ibid.5 KCG works in conjunction with two partners:

our Senior Advisor is Janice Redish of Redishand Associates, Inc., and our Online FormsExpert is Michelle Bishop of BishopCommunications, LLC.

6 Information calculated from the 22 states’participation rates in 2004 and projectedparticipation rates in 2005 as provided fromhttp://www.fns.usda.gov/pd/fsfypart.htm.

7 Unknown how many forms year-1 states hadin process.

8 In addition to the 25 states, Wyoming alsoreceived Forms Design Training but was notinvolved throughout the rest of the redesignprocess, so we did not include it in our total.

© Kleimann Communication Group, Inc. [email protected]

Kristin Kleimann, aSenior Analyst atKleimannCommunication Group,Inc., is the ProjectManager for the“Technical Assistance forDevelopers of Food StampApplications” project.She has worked with all

29 states, consulting and collaborating regarding their formredesign. She also provides workgroup facilitation, conductsexpert reviews, provides recommendations on benefit-assistance forms, and develops and conducts forms-designand testing training. She was involved in the development ofthe “Guide to Assessing Food Stamp Applications.” Ms.Kleimann is an information design, forms design, usability-testing, and training expert with over 11 years of experiencein the fields of research, evaluation, and technical assistance.

Ilana Bain, an Analyst atKleimann CommunicationGroup, Inc., is currently theAssistant Project Managerfor the “Technical Assistancefor Developers of Food StampApplications“ project. Shehas contributed to thesuccess of the project byleading forms design andtesting trainings, reviewing

draft applications and documents, producing examples andrecommendations of multiple forms, and providingsuggestions for how to achieve more user-centereddocuments. Ms. Bain is an experienced trainer, document-assessment and design specialist, and qualitative-researchexpert.

Lara Whitman is anAnalyst with KleimannCommunication Group,Inc. She served as StateLiaison and AssistantProject Manager for the“Technical Assistance forDevelopers of Food StampApplications” project.Throughout her three years

of involvement in this project, Ms. Whitman has conductedexpert reviews of forms, provided both forms-design andusability-testing training, consulted with states onworkgroup facilitation and redesign project management, andparticipated in the actual redesign of forms. Ms. Whitman isan expert in plain language, information design, formsdesign, and usability.


Joanne Locke, Rima E. Rudd, Leonard G.Doak, Cecilia C. Doak, Sue Stableford,Audrey Riffenburgh, Catherine Baker,Laurel Prokop, Margaret M. Farrell, andCapt. Jan Drass

For the past several years, the need to improve healthliteracy has been emerging as an important issue both inthe United States and Canada. In response to thisgrowing interest in the field of health literacy, conferenceplanners decided early on that it should be featured atthe Fifth Plain Language Association INternationalConference. This article highlights the key messagesshared during the three health literacy sessions.

Speakers focused on improving the understandability ofhealth information. They discussed the plain languagestrategies that make health information easier tounderstand and the critical need to test documents withthe intended audience.

This article also appeared in the American MedicalWriters Association Journal, Volume 21, Number 1,2006.

Why low health literacy is a problem

During the first session, health literacy experts RimaRudd, Leonard Doak, and Cecilia Doak explainedwhat health literacy is, why low health literacy is aproblem, and the benefits of clear healthcommunication.

Rudd highlighted the need to consider healthliteracy as an interaction between the skills ofindividuals and certain social factors, such as theexpectations and demands of the health sector.Changes to social factors can reduce or eliminateliteracy-related barriers to healthy activities andcare that about half of U.S. adults might normallyface. Improvements in both skills and social factorswill lead to improved health literacy, and socialfactors can be vastly improved through attention toplain-language principles. Studies show that mostof our health communication materials containcumbersome sentences and complicated structures,as well as unusual jargon and scientific terms notused in everyday speech. Hundreds of studies ofhealth communication materials suggest amismatch between the demands of the materialsand the skills of the intended audiences. One

powerful approach to improving health is to applyplain language principles to our written materialsand spoken directions.

In addition, Rudd suggests that we more closelyexamine the health activities we expect people toengage in and deconstruct each activity by listingall the tasks involved and the tools that people areoffered. We can then examine tasks and tools andconsider the skills we assume users have. Forexample, a parent responsible for giving medicine toa child must be able to recognize the medicine,understand the label, use a measuring device, use aclock and, perhaps, a calendar to plan time. Weknow from the literature that the directions offeredand tools at hand are often poorly organized, poorlydesigned, and poorly written.

Writing in plain language can help

The Doaks’ key message was that people withlimited literacy skills can understand almost anyhealth care instruction if it is presented in plainlanguage. Three strategies to provide plainlanguage are

• Use common words and conversational style

• Give examples

• Make the instruction interactive with the reader,listener, or viewer

Users especially need examples for words thatdescribe a concept, a category, or a value judgment,for example, normal range, legumes, excessive bleeding,respectively. They spoke of the importance of usingvisuals to relay messages to people who have no orlow literacy skills because when reading messages,readers look at the visual first, the caption second,and the text last. Research has shown that forpatient health care instructions, visuals (such assimple line drawings or stick figure pictographs)can increase recall by as much as 500% andcompliance by more than 100%.

The Doaks strongly recommended evaluating thesuitability of draft communications both “at yourdesk” and in the field. For at-your-desk evaluation,consider using the 22-factor Suitability Assessmentof Materials or “SAM” instrument.1 A field test withsmall numbers (10 to 30) of the intended audiencewill uncover problems early.

Health literacy: the importance of clear communication for better health


How to bridge the communication gapbetween health professionals and thepublic

The second health literacy session concentrated onimproving communications between science-basedprofessionals and the public. Health researchersand practitioners—scientists, public healthprofessionals, clinicians—often fear that plainlanguage will “dumb down” information andpromote inaccuracy as well. The public, however,struggles to understand and use even basic healthand science-based information. Therefore, the fivespeakers at this session focused on ways to bringthese two divergent perspectives together by usingcreative plain-language writing techniques.

Audrey Riffenburgh and Sue Stableford, members ofthe Clear Language Group, presented ways tobridge the communication gap between science-based health professionals and consumers.Professionals are legitimately concerned that healthand medical recommendations are evidence-basedand prefer to communicate by citing data andstatistics. Consumers, on the other hand, may lackthe literacy and numeracy skills to understand anduse this information.

While facts are important and necessary to supporthealth recommendations and decision-making,presenting them in creative writing formatsincreases consumer interest and understanding.Riffenburgh and Stableford suggested the followingeight techniques, based on research fromcommercial and social marketing, and showedexamples of each:

• Powerful illustrations or graphics

• Testimonials

• Dialogue

• Stories

• Checklists or “quizzes”

• Interviews

• Diaries

• Emotionally powerful language chosen carefullyfor the audience

Using stories to hook your audience

Catherine Baker and Jim Miller described how touse believable, emotionally charged, and appealingstories to hook readers into text on challengingtopics. Using their own work (creating texts ongenetics, evolution, and religion) as examples, theydescribed how narrative devices can help readersovercome anxiety about or indifference to a topic.While such texts have been popular with readers,some critics do not value the story device forcommunicating “serious” information. The

problem, according to Baker and Miller, may be thatsuch critics are comparing these story devices toliterature. Instead, they should be considered as“functional fiction,” that is, as short, believablestories that connect to readers and draw them intosubject matter they might otherwise avoid.

Back to basics for clarity

In her talk, Laurel Prokop discussed how plainlanguage brings clarity to medical information thatprofessionals deliver to the public. However,winning medical and science professionals over toclear writing requires convincing them that, just asbiotechnology is science, English is also science.Language is a discipline. Writers must know andskillfully use language conventions to communicatewell. When writers ignore the rules of language,muddiness and ambiguity result. The message islost.

As with the life sciences, Prokop explained, skilledwriting follows a method, a process. Writtenlanguage uses elements (words), order (syntax),rules (grammar), and bonds or links (wordrelationships). These fundamentals are similar tothe elements or materials, the structure, the rules,and the links or correlations that are part of lifesciences.

Sentence diagramming shows students graphicallywhether they have written a sentence that adheresto the rules of English. Sentence diagrammingnearly vanished in English or what became knownas “language arts” classes between the 1960s andthe late 1990s. But, according to Prokop,diagramming is making a promising comeback.And its return is just in time to fortify the advancedmessaging so essential to teaching the public aboutour monumental progress in the health sciences.

Testing to make sure your message isunderstandable

During the final session of the day, speakersdiscussed how to evaluate messages and materialswith an audience, including the challenges ofsending messages about public health andemergencies. They acknowledged that even with acommitment to user testing, it’s not always that easyto figure out how to assess understanding.

Chris Zarcadoolas and Mercedes Blanco talkedabout how people should write to the broadpopulation. They see health literacy as broadlyapplicable to issues such as disaster education(most recently, hurricane Katrina and bird flu). Theysaid that it is not hard to find complex, confusinginformation but that poor communication is fixableif someone can figure out what is broken. They use amethod called Participatory Action Research to findout what is broken. This involves testing the


analysis and revising the information, using theaudience as part of the creation process. They alsostressed the importance of knowing variouscultures. For example, a document should not betranslated word for word because culturaldifferences must be considered to ensure that thecorrect idea is being presented.

Communicating risk information clearlyby testing along the way

Margaret Farrell talked about communicatingcomplex risk information plainly and fairly,presenting lessons learned from the NationalCancer Institute’s (NCI’s) I-131 Project. In 1999, theInstitute of Medicine directed the Department ofHealth and Human Services to educate the publicabout the health effects of radioactive iodine-131 (I-131) fallout from nuclear weapons tests conductedin Nevada from 1954 to 1963. The NCI organized abroad crossdisciplinary team of communicators andscientists to work closely with members of theconcerned public. This task force obtained inputfrom citizens, consumer advocates, physicians,scientists, health department representatives, riskcommunicators, and other government officialsabout the best way to communicate health risksposed by exposure to I-131 accurately, effectively,and credibly.

The NCI developed a wide variety of communi-cation materials through an extensive and iterativeprocess. The agency involved concerned citizens,professional organizations, and federal partners inevery step of the process, from identifying the typesof materials to developing and approving content.NCI staff tested the materials in diverse geographicregions throughout the U.S. They created a flip chartspecifically to address concerns of NativeAmericans, who were disproportionately impactedby the fallout. Its format, a portable tabletop display,was suggested by health leaders who sought a toolthat would allow them to provide presentations tosmall groups in a variety of settings.

Key to the success of the tools was the closecollaboration among the graphic designer,communications specialists, and NCI scientists. Allensured that the information was scientificallyaccurate as well as readily grasped by the public.This iterative and collaborative process wasessential in presenting complex risk informationfairly. It has been adopted by the NCI as a model forsimilar communication strategies. (Information onthe communications campaign is available atwww.cancer.gov/i131.)

Educating federal communicators

Jan Drass described her work with the Centers forMedicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), an agencythat communicates complex health benefit

information to populations at high risk for lowliteracy because of factors such as age, income,education, and cultural barriers. CMS has built astrong foundation for its education program,including

• Coordinated and extensive consumer research

• Guidelines and training materials

• Plain language materials

• Low literacy experts

• Consistent terminology for materials in Englishand Spanish

• Alternative formats such as large print, Braille,and audiotape

Most recently, research related to new MedicarePrescription Drug Coverage has provided someimportant information on messages, terminology,and audience concerns that have guided educationinitiatives. For example, the needs, issues, andchoices are different for people with Medicare whohave employer or union prescription-drug coveragethan for those with low incomes. Also, usingconsistent terminology across education initiativesto describe coverage is critical to increase familiarityand understanding of the new benefit and to reduceconfusion.

Keeping the audience needs in mind

A key message heard throughout the day was theimportance of keeping the needs of the audience inmind. To communicate health information clearly,health communicators must ensure that their targetaudience can “obtain, process and understandbasic health information they need to makeappropriate health decisions.” This excerpt of thehealth literacy definition used in the Institute ofMedicine’s 2004 report on health literacy is similarto a widely accepted definition of plain language.That is, a plain language document is one in whichpeople can find what they need, understand whatthey find, and act appropriately on thatunderstanding. Speakers agreed that using plainlanguage is a promising strategy for clearlycommunicating health information and improvinghealth literacy. They also highlighted the need forhealth communicators to test documents with theirintended audience to ensure they are sending thataudience a clear message.

More information on how to improve health literacyis available on the Internet (see box on page 42).

Endnotes1. Doak CC, Doak LG, Root JH. Teaching Patients with

Low Literacy Skills, 2nd ed. Philadelphia, PA:Lippincott, 1996.

© J Locke [email protected]


Joanne Locke is the PlainLanguage Advisor in the Office ofDisease Prevention and HealthPromotion, in the US Departmentof Health and Human Services,Rockville, MD. She focuses onenhancing the links between plainlanguage and health literacy. Shewas FDA’s plain languagecoordinator from 1998–2004, andin 2005, helped establish the FDAHealth Literacy Working Group.Joanne is Board Chair for the new

Center for Plain Language, and she was Co-Chair of the 2005Plain Language Association INternational Conference.

Rima Rudd is a Senior Lecturer on Society, HumanDevelopment, and Health at the Harvard School of PublicHealth, Boston, MA.

Leonard Doak is President and Cecilia Doak is Director ofHealth Education, Patient Learning Associates, Potomac,MD.

Audrey Riffenburgh is President of Riffenburg andAssociates and a founding member of the Clear LanguageGroup, Albuquerque, NM.

Sue Stableford is Founder and Director of the Area HealthEducation Center’s Health Literacy Center, University ofNew England, Biddeford, ME.

Catherine Baker heads Plain Language Communications inBethesda, MD.

Laurel Prokop is a life scientist, editor, and President of thedocument consulting company Techstyle Group LLC inHouston, TX (www.Techstyle.com).

Margaret M. Farrell is a Public Affairs Specialist at theNational Cancer Institute, National Institutes of Health,Bethesda, MD.

Capt. Jan Drass, US Public Health Service, is SeniorTechnical Advisor at the Centers for Medicare and MedicaidService’s Office of Research, Development, and Information,Baltimore, MD.

Health Literacy Resourceson the Internet

US Department of Health and HumanServices

www.nih.gov/icd/od/ocpl/resources/improvinghealthliteracy.htm

www.hrsa.gov/quality/healthlit.htm

www.ahrq.gov/browse/hlitix.htm

Institute of Medicine report, HealthLiteracy: A Prescription to EndConfusion

www.nap.edu/books/0309091179/html/

ORDERING YOUR COPY

UK & Europe:

Willan Publishing (UK)

www.willanpublishing.co.uk

Email: [email protected]

North America:

Gaunt Inc (USA)

www.gaunt.com

Email: [email protected]

All other countries:

The Federation Press (Aus)

see contact details below

Michèle Asprey’s book has established itself in Australia as the best explanation of plain language for both lawyers and the profession generally. It is clear and easy to read: a great example of the art of plain language. The third edition is a comprehensive revision and update:

It covers the significant developments in plain language and the law since 1996.

It includes two new chapters, one on writing email and writing for the internet, and the other on designing documents intended to be read on the computer screen.

Chapter 3 (Why plain language?) has been expanded and divided into two chapters:

Chapter 3 – Why plain language? and Chapter 4 – Plain language around the world,

reflecting the many developments in plain language

The Federation Press

Published July 2003

ISBN 1862874646 Paperback, 336 pages

rrp AU$45.00 (excl GST)

T H E F E D E R AT I O N P R E S S PO Box 45, Annandale NSW 2038, Australia Phone (61 2) 9552 2200 Fax (61 2) 9552 1681

email [email protected] www.federationpress.com.au

PLAIN LANGUAGE FOR LAWYERSPLAIN LANGUAGE FOR LAWYERS

3RD EDITION3RD EDITION

Michèle M Asprey New!


Christopher BalmfordFounder, and CEO cleardocs.com

The first World Usability Day

Our conference began with pre-conferenceworkshops held on an auspicious day—3November 2005 was the first ever World UsabilityDay. Organised by the Usability Professionals’Association, the day was celebrated in 35 countrieswith more than 120 events. The theme for the daywas “Making It Easy”.

Usability and clear communication are twin themes.They involve making opportunities and products—or in our case documents—effective, efficient, andsatisfying to users.

May there be many more World Usability Days. (Bythe way, the 2006 date is Tuesday 14 November, seewww.upassoc.org.)

Maybe a “world” day doesn’t go far enough. We justsaw the premiere—at this very conference—of theCanadian (see www.nfb.ca) short animation filmInvasion of the Space Lobsters. It may not sound rele-vant but it was the film which finishes with the line:

“Earthlings, we come in peace. We can fix thebar-be-que!”

In that light, you may be thinking we need a“universe usability day”. But for now, we’ll have tomake do with the usability challenges here on earth.

Accessibility

Closely related to usability is the issue ofaccessibility—that is, making opportunities,products, and documents available to everyone.

And when it comes to information accessibility,Sweden seems to be leading the way. MariaSundin’s presentation about the website forSweden’s parliament told us that you can click:

• to have the text read aloud to you

• to have the text appear in any of 4 languages

• to watch a film of a person signing the text to you

• to have the text appear in a style of writingdeveloped for people with cognitive or learningdisabilities. This involves the text being madeparticularly plain and with set out creative line

breaks. The sentences, and even parts ofsentences, appear on separate lines so as tovisually separate thoughts and even half thoughtssee Box 1.

You can see all this accessibility innovation atwww.riksdagen.se. For me, these developmentswere more than an “aha moment” … they weresomething close to an epiphany. (If you’re lucky, aconference has an epiphany.)

Box 1

Easy to read text …with creative line breaks(from Swedish Parliament’s website)

www.riksdagen.se

We can take heart from the increasing focus onusability and from the improving accessibilitysolutions. They show us that documents can bemade clearer, simpler, and easier to use. And theyshow us that we can increase the range of peoplewho can get access to ideas, to information, and toknowledge.

This conference revealed six themes that are helpingus get there.

Theme 1—Remove concerns, providecomfort

First, we need to remove the concerns of those whofear that plain language is about mere wordsubstitution or who fear that if documents are madeclear then there must be:

Most people vote at polling stations,

It may be in a school or library.

At the polling station you take voting papers.

All parties have different voting papers.

You can mark a name with a cross on the voting paper.

Then you vote for the person,

that you want to enter the parliament.

Nobody may know which party you vote for.

That is why you go behind a screen when you vote.

When you vote you put the voting-papers in the ballot envelope.

It is important that everybody get the chance to vote.

If you cannot come to the polling-station on the election day

you can vote at the post office

two weeks before the election.

Making things clear:how we are winning—6 strategies and themes to our workThe closing session from the Fifth Plain Language Association INternational(PLAIN) Conference


• some loss of accuracy, certainty, and precision; or

• a risk of “dumbing down” the ideas we arewriting about; or

• a risk of degenerating into baby talk.

Still—even now—we need to remove these concerns.Sigh. And we probably always will. Sigh and sighagain. So we need to be patient. We need to beprepared to explode the myths over and over. As ourvery own Professor Joseph Kimble does—and didfor us again at the conference. Although theseconcerns are legitimate as initial concerns, thereality is that the research, the analysis, and thereal-life plain-language documents in use all overthe world show these concerns to be myths.

In fact, plain language increases accuracy, certainty,and precision. It preserves all necessary ideas,qualifications, and procedural steps. It retains anappropriate style. And it involves the carefulcombination of language, structure, and design tomake sure that the message is usable and accessibleto its audience and for its purpose.

As we remove these concerns, we create more peopleopen to clear communication.

Theme 2—Government leadership

The second theme that is helping us to make thingsclearer is government leadership. Governmentshave, and can, help promote clarity by:

• running campaigns about the benefits of clarityand how to achieve it. In various countries thereare, or have been, government sponsored readerfriendly (and unfriendly) awards with related kitsetc. Also, law reform commissions in Ireland, NewZealand, and Victoria, Australia have publisheddiscussion papers and reports pointing out thebenefits of clarity and exploding the myths thatstop many people (especially lawyers) fromembracing it.

• regulating to require clarity Governments canalso regulate to require clarity. In the US, theSecurities Exchange Commission is increasinglyrequiring clear disclosure. Dr Cynthia Glassman,one of the six commissioners of the SEC—theleader of the world’s financial system—said atour conference “Clear disclosure is crucial tofinancial markets”. The SEC requires clarity inprospectuses. At least 12 US states require plainlanguage in legal documents. Similarrequirements are appearing elsewhere.

• providing resources Regulators are alsoproviding tools to help deliver clarity. Again, theUS SEC has an excellent drafting guide toencourage and help companies to make theirdisclosure documents clear.

• leading by example Governments are alsoleading by example. Governments are rewriting

tax legislation in New Zealand, Australia, and theUnited Kingdom. They are changing the culture oflarge departments in relation to clearcommunication. For many years, Melodee Mercerfrom US Veterans Affairs has been helping heragency write more clearly. We heard from AnnGelineau, and her colleagues at the US InternalRevenue Service, speak about how the IRS isworking to change that agency’s culture “onenotice at a time”. It was a joy to attend thispresentation and to see and feel the project’swarm collaborative nature.

• making unintelligible documentsunconstitutional or perhaps even “unenactable”If the Swedish development in websiteaccessibility was an epiphany at this conference,then the epiphany at Clarity’s conference inFrance a few month’s earlier, was the thought thatunintelligible legislation could beunconstitutional or even “unenactable”. AtClarity’s conference:

• we heard from Madame Bergeal, Director ofLegal Affairs, Ministry of Defence, France, thatthe French Constitutional Council believes thatunintelligible law may be unconstitutional; and

• we heard from Monsieur Flückiger, Professor,University of Geneva, that some of the worstexamples of US legislative legalese he saw at theconference would be most unlikely to becomelegislation in Switzerland—simply becausetheir style would almost certainly lead them tobe rejected in a referendum. Swiss law requiresa referendum to be held on any piece oflegislation for which 50,000 citizens petition fora referendum. In most years, there are four orfive referenda. One of the things that triggerspetitions, referenda, and the rejection ofproposed laws is unintelligibility.

This news from Switzerland was almost enoughto make me set up a political party to agitate forAustralia to merge with Switzerland … or toadopt its system.

When the draft EU Constitution was rejected,journalists reported that one of the reasons peoplevoted “No” was because of the unintelligibility ofthe document. Perhaps, people would have feltmore comfortable (and more inclined to vote“Yes”) if the document had included graphics—for example: some flow charts of how certainsystems worked; some charts of howorganisations related to one another; some tablesand some examples that would help to make theideas more accessible and comprehendible.

We need to move beyond headings andparagraphs. We need to embrace graphics as westrive to make our messages clear. Maybe theproposed EU Constitution could have beenpresented in the “Mustor maps” that Nathan


McDonald spoke about. See Box 2 for ademonstration of how 4 pages of heavily detailedtext about welding standards can be presented ina new—inspiring—sort of “map-come-flowchart”. My sense is that Nathan’s ideas are themost exciting development in our field.

Theme 3—Promote benefits of clarity

Also, we need to go on promoting the benefits ofplain language. This is the third theme that ishelping us to make things clearer.

The benefits of clarity include:

• Social benefits, access to justice etc. Variousorganisations are promoting the social benefits ofplain language: namely, improving access tojustice; enabling consumers to make informed,confident decisions about the law, their health, theproducts they buy and how to use them; andimproving the community’s respect for ourgovernments and for the rule of law. Thesebenefits are promoted by the wonderfulorganisations that made this conference happen:Plain Language Association INnternational, PlainLanguage Action and Information Network(within the US government), and the Center forPlain Language. They also include the PlainEnglish Commission (UK) and the Plain EnglishCampaign (UK), … and Clarity too!

• True disclosure We have seen how and why theUS SEC requires plain language. Australia’sequivalent body (www.asic.gov) has released adiscussion paper about requirements forcompanies to make prospectuses “… morereadable. That means shorter and clearer. … Sofar, there’s been a lot of ‘over-disclosure’ to limitliability. That is clearly not the purpose of thedisclosure requirements.” At last, the regulatorsare saying too much information can make thingsworse: make documents shorter so they areclearer.

• Improved efficiency (cost) and effectiveness(substance) Professor Joseph Kimble hassummarized the research about the economicbenefits of plain language in his article Writing fordollars, writing to please. A new cost savinghighlight—maybe even a record—is in the offing.Rose Grotsky spoke of a project she coordinated inToronto for two large Canadian companies—onein financial services and the other intelecommunications. Her team rewrote andredesigned the online information system for eachcompany’s call centre. The potential return oninvestment is expected to be between CAN$3.5million and CAN$15.2 million over a three-yearperiod. Bottom line—for every $1.00 spent, thecompanies have the potential to save up to $17.45.

• Improved effectiveness—greater content,compliance etc. An epiphany—there’s that wordagain—at PLAIN’s 4th conference (in Toronto in2002) was in the presentation from Merwan Saher,Director of Communications with the Office of theAlberta Auditor General. Merwan spoke about aproject to improve the clarity of audit reports. As ademonstration, the office took one of its auditreports from the previous year and rewrote it inplain language. The epiphany came whenMerwan said:

What we’ve learned so far is that structurethat forces the auditor to discretely set outaudit criteria, findings, and implicationsexposes substandard work. So clear, concisewriting influences our audit rigour byidentifying the need for more thought orevidence. In summary, by exposingunsupported audit recommendations, plainlanguage improves audit quality.

Merwan reminds us that plain language canimprove the substantive of the document—that is,by improving the communications relating to itsaudits, the Office of the Alberta Auditor Generalimproved the quality of its audits.

• An organisations documents enhancing itsbrand Too often when documents are read bycustomers (or other audiences), they sour therelationship. Instead, they should sweeten it. Anorganisation’s documents form the voice of itsbrand. We need to encourage decision-makers tohold their organisation’s documents up to thelight and to measure them against the claims theorganisation makes about itself. Those claimsappear in the organisation’s mission statement, inits visions, in its brand promise, and in all sorts ofcharters. Some claims are internal: some areexternal. Usually, the claims are not aligned withthe style of the organisation’s documents. Few, ifany, organisations claim to be: heavy, overlyformal, unhelpful, and impenetrable. Yet thosesorts of words describe many documents. So thosedocuments need to be rewritten to make them liveup to and enhance the organisation’s brand. (Thisthinking about the “voice of the brand” is one ofthe themes of my plain-language work.)

These last few benefits—about efficiency,effectiveness, and an organisation’s documentsforming the voice of its brand—suggest that, in theend, it is competition that is likely to deliver thebenefits of clarity to all.

Theme 4—Accept the anguish: hold fast

If those benefits are to be achieved, then we need toaccept the anguish of the journey and we need tohold fast and take heart. There is much to take heartfrom.


Mustor mapping—Text becomes flow chart becomes map … and messages become more manageable. For moreinformation, see www.mustor.com.

Box 2

and

or

and


Bryan Garner announced at this conference that in2006 he will be issuing grade scores for the writingof judges on the US Supreme Court. That wasunthinkable until Bryan said it. But then, in the NewYork Times on 16 October 2005, Jonathan Glaterasked “Must Lawyers Write Badly” and examinedsome convoluted sentences written by the then USSupreme Court nominee Harriet E. Miers.

This development involves plain language enteringthe very pinnacle of the US legal system: a systemthat is surely one of the world’s most stylisticallyconservative writing environments. That anominee’s writing style is of interest to the mediashows us that the world is catching up: claritymatters like never before.

Theme 5—Education, training, conferences,research (multi-disciplinary) etc.

We should also take heart from conferences like thisone. We need these multi-disciplinary events fromwhich to learn and to be re-inspired. It is the multi-disciplinary approach that helps us to determine inwhich direction we should head as we strive to findout how to make our documents clearer. At thisconference, the multi-disciplinary approach wasprominent:

• Design At the pre-conference design workshopgiven by Ginny Redish, Susan Kleimann andKaren Schriver and in Nathan Macdonald’s workat Mustor.

• Usability At the after dinner speech by BurkeyBelser, the designer of the nutrition facts labels onfood packaging. He reminded us how theusability issues in product design and documentcreation are so similar. A highlight for me wasBurkey pointing out how the purpose of thenutrition facts label had changed over the years.When the predecessor label was first developed inthe 1970s, it was shaped by the depression: by“vitamins and the need to eat MORE”. But in themodern world, fresh food travels far. And theissue is “ carbohydrate, fat and the need to eatLESS”. The label’s audience and purpose hadchanged. So the label had to change too. AnotherBurkey highlight was how the complexity of mostappliances makes him think: “My appliancewants me to learn how to use it. It wants arelationship!”

• Creative writing techniques Several speakersspoke of using creative sources and techniques forhelping us communicate. Catherine Baker and JimMiller spoke of using stories to engage readers—much in the way that in the novel Sophie’s world: Anovel about the history of philosophy, the authorJostein Gaarder uses a story through which toweave the historical detail.

Other speakers, Sue Stableford and AudreyRiffenburgh, spoke of using pictures, stories,

testimonials, and diaries to engage readers inwhat might otherwise be dry material. They spokeof researching on blogs and in chat rooms to findout how a document’s audience talks about atopic, the language they use, the preconceptions(and misconceptions) they have about the topic.Understanding all this helps us to tailor thecontent of our message and to work out how bestto structure and phrase that message.

• Beyond the document At one of the conferencelunches, Harvey Fineberg President, Institute ofMedicine of The National Academies, spoke. Hespoke about the problems of the wrong medicinebeing prescribed or taken (or taken at the sametime as another medicine). This is a major cause ofdeath in the US. So improving the clarity of thedocuments that a patient receives about themedicine is important. But also, we need toremember to think beyond the document: whatcan we do to improve the processes around thedocument.

Theme 6—Change attitudes to writing

As we move outside the document, one of the placeswe need to try to get to is inside the writer’s head.We need to find out why it is that people who seemto want to write clearly end up writing nonsense.Some of them write nonsense even though they areaware of the guidelines about writing clearly andeven when someone points out to them that theyneed to think about the document’s audience andpurpose. How do we get them through that? Why isit that people get distracted trying to “sound like” alawyer (or whatever it is they are)? Why do theythink professional writing has to be so formal?

Several of us spoke about how to change thewriter’s headspace: notably Mary Dash, who asksthe writers she trains to talk to her about the sort ofpeople they know who are similar to their audience.This helps them to understand their audience andto connect with their audience before starting towrite. And that changes their writing for the better.(Just quietly, this “headspace” theme will be one ofthe themes of the May 2007 issue of Clarity. Let meknow if you’d like to write an article.)

A hard process—but worth it

Writing clearly is hard work. Susan Kleimann spokeat the pre-conference design workshop about howbefore we start to plan a document we should findout:

• the questions that the reader is trying to ask; and

• the message the writer wants to send.

Then we need to check whether those two thingsalign. Hmmn … sometimes they do. And sometimesthey don’t.


Dr Glassman, the SEC commissioner, spoke of thisissue in relation to disclosure when she said:

• “The discloser (the writer) wants to limit liability.

• “The investor (the reader) wants timely completeinformation.”

Some CEO’s are champions of disclosure. Others arechampions of regulatory compliance.

I know whom I’d rather work for, because it waseasy. And I know whom I’d rather work for, becauseof the challenge.

Our task is big. The work is hard. It’s worth it. It’sfun. There’s a lot to learn. Keep thinking. Goodluck. And thank you.

© C Balmford [email protected]

Christopher Balmford, plain-language writer, trainer, and clearcommunication cultural-changeconsultant. And founder ofCleardocs.com—an automated,online plain-language documentprovider for certain sorts ofAustralian legal documents.

Photos from the Fifth International Conference ofthe Plain Language Association INternational,

last November in Washington, D.C.

From left to right: Sarah Carr,Anne-Marie Hasselrot, Neil James,Phil Knight, Vicki Schmolka,Christine Mowat, Annetta Cheek,Salomé Flores Sierra Franzoni, andCristina Gelphi at the internationalroundtable on plain language.

From left to right: Janice (Ginny)Redish, Karen Schriver, and JoanneLocke. Redish won an an award fromthe Center for Plain Language foroutstanding plain-language leader inthe private sector, and Locke was aconference organizer and cochair


Susan Milne, the president ofPLAIN, presenting flowers toJoanne Locke at the end of theconference. Photo by Bill Dubay.

Bryan Garner, in the middle of theback row, surrounded by old andnew friends. Garner won a lifetimeachievement award in plain legallanguage from the Center for PlainLanguage. Photo by Bill Dubay.

More photos from the Fifth International Conference ofthe Plain Language Association INternational

Joe Kimble, Susan Kleimann, andAnnetta Cheek. Cheek won an anaward from the Center for PlainLanguage for outstanding plain-language leader in the public sector.Photo by Bill Dubay.


Catherine RawsonInternational Business EnglishBeijing, China

A piecemeal approach to improving the readability ofEnglish texts written by non-native speakers is costlyand ineffective. A successful initiative relies on firmsgiving writers the resources and training they need toimprove over time. In return for their investment, firmscan hold writers accountable for meeting a pre-set qualitystandard.

The first part of this 2-part article titled “Just Fix theEnglish” (in Clarity No. 53) looked at the expectationsof non-native speakers of English (NNS) when they seekthe help of native-English speakers (NES). To set acontext for understanding what is involved in “fixing”NNS English, examples were given from linguisticswhich showed that errors are not all created equal: someerrors hamper the transfer of meaning, while others donot. Moreover, grammatical correctness is not an end initself, since correct English can convey no meaning.

The key to helping NNS lawyers improve their Englishwriting is to give them the resources and training theyneed to work independently towards fulfilling a pre-setquality standard. Outlined below are the steps involved.

What is quality?

When firms wish to improve how their NNSlawyers write, they invariably see this as part of alarger quality initiative aimed at producing well-written texts cost-effectively. To this end firms needto:

1. formulate writing and style guidelines

2. capture know-how

3. identify common translation errors

4. standardise the appearance of documents.

Plain style + relevant content = quality

Less is more when it comes to writing. Clientsatisfaction surveys repeatedly show that clientswant clear, concise, to-the-point texts. To be wellwritten, a text must be clear, concise, and correct1.Beyond this, a text must be relevant to the client’sneeds, both business and emotional. A relevant textis complete, concrete, coherent, customized2. Together

these seven criteria add up to a Client-CentredCommunication™3. This article focuses solely onthe 3Cs: clear, concise, correct.

NNS English

An occasional NNS error does not impedereadability nearly so much as linguistic complexitydoes. Unfortunately, most NNS lawyers, like theirNES colleagues, are accustomed to writing in aformal business style that relies on long, complexsentences replete with jargon and high-soundingwords. If they transport this style into English, theysoon stumble. Grammatical and word-choice errorscombined with poor writing style soon defeatreaders—especially NNS readers.

When NNS writers say, “Just fix the English,” theyexpect only grammar and translation errors to becorrected. Yet good writing demands that stylefaults and deviations from house style rules also becorrected.

To learn from their mistakes, NNS writers need toknow WHY changes have been made to their texts.An example of how feedback could be given by ahuman editor with the luxury of time is shown inthe 160-word letter in Figure 1. That short letter,though readable, needed 25 corrections to meet afirm’s pre-set standards. The corrections areexplained in endnotes that fall into 4 categories:

1. house style deviations

2. plain-English style faults (see below)

3. translation errors

4. know-how tips.

While sufficient to allow a writer to understandwhy a change is needed, the end-notes do not referto the source documents. To know more, the writerwould need to dig out the firm’s house style andother reference materials. Since few writers have thetime to do this, the solution is to link the referencematerials to the error messages on-line. How to dothis is explained below.

Writing resources

1. House style

Every firm needs a style guide which lays downrules for writing standard information like dates,currencies, numbers, and so on. In so far as theserules settle on one of many possible ways ofpresenting information, they are arbitrary. However,without rules for consistency, the efficiency ofproducing documents is undermined andinconsistency guaranteed. Inconsistency is not anoption, as readers equate it with sloppiness.

A typical style guide4 for a multilingual firmincludes rules on:

ownyour EnglishcanYou fi x


• writing clearly, the principles of plain language

• formatting and layout (see section below ontemplates)- numbers in text- large numbers- decimals- fractions- percentages- mathematical symbols- calculations and formulas- telephone numbers- dates- times- centuries

• countries

• currencies

• measurements

• abbreviations and acronyms

• foreign words and phrases

• references and quotations

• punctuation

• verbs: singular or plural

• terminology

• translation errors

The guideline that might be given for writing datesis: “Write the date in full, without commas in theorder day/month/year. For example: 9 May 2005,not May 9th, 2005”.

2. Style faults (plain English)

Plain English avoids the following style faults(some of which occur in the sample letter inFigure 1):

1. Long sentences (25 words)

2. Passive verbs

3. Hidden verbs

4. Complex words

5. Jargon/abstract words

6. Overused words

7. Legalese

8. Clichés

9. Business clichés

10. Redundancies

11. Tautologies

12. Overwriting

13. Foreign words

14. Translation errors

3. Translation errors and know-how tips

Every firm needs to create a list of the translationerrors commonly made by their NNS lawyers if theywant to have any hope of overcoming them. Likemost tasks, it is sensible to assign the task to aperson with the ability and time to do it properly.

When given this task, I ask my clients to give me 200pages of text drawn from a cross section ofdepartments with the name of a contact person foreach department. From these pages I extract a list ofincorrect translations and terminology that needexplaining to outsiders if legal and cultural gaps areto be bridged.

I send this preliminary list to the departmentalcontacts for comment. After some to-ing and fro-ing,the list is ready for the departmental contact to referto an internal focus group for its input. Once thefocus group has settled the list and I have checked itone last time, it is ready for the programmer to createa customised database from.

4. Templates

Firms refer to their standard-form documents forletters, memos, and so on as “templates”. Thesetemplates are customised with the firm’s chosenartwork and layout. Because word-processingsoftware has default templates, the two types oftemplates are easily confused in casualconversation.

A customised template does not control theappearance of the text typed into it. To promotebranding and efficient document production, firmsusually prescribe the “style” of font. For example,Times New Roman 10 pt for body text and Courier16, 14, and 12 for heading levels 1, 2, and 3,respectively.

A firm’s chosen “style” usually differs from theword-processing program’s default style. Changingthe default style requires advanced word-processingskills. Since most writers do not have this level ofskill, it makes sense for firms to build in buttons onthe menu bar that create the customized style with amouse click.

Training

Firms often make the mistake of investing inlanguage training rather than writing trainingbecause they mistakenly believe the cause of theirNNS lawyers’ poor writing is lack of languagecompetence. To identify what training is needed, Iadminister a quick English language test. Ifcandidates have upper intermediate English orbetter, they need writing-skills training to improvetheir writing. Candidates with a lower level ofEnglish need conventional language training.

Without writing training, lawyers will not bepersuaded of the need to write in plain English, and


so will not change their writing habits. However,training on its own is not enough to improvewriting skills. Memory guru Tony Buzan reportsresearch in his book Use Your Head5 which showsthat 80% of lessons learned are forgotten, unlessreinforced within 24 hours. Thus, writers simplycannot put theory into practice without immediateand continuing reinforcement. Being unaware oftheir habitual writing errors, they need on-goingfeedback to improve their writing.

Software to the rescue

I once thought my plain English training could bereinforced by editing. But even an in-house editingservice6 reaches too few lawyers. Now I rely onStyleWriter, the on-line editor,7 because a softwaretool, unlike human editors, is available 24/7.

Software takes the ego out of writing. No one needknow if a text was “dreadful” to begin with8. Whatmatters is that the client received a text that met thefirm’s quality standard.

StyleWriter works much the same way as aspellchecker but produces far more impressiveresults. As with a spellchecker, writers runStyleWriter before printing off their first draft. Whileediting, writers learn by doing, as StyleWriter openstheir eyes to their writing errors.

A Dutch, French, or German speaker used to writing“I have been a lawyer since 10 years” soon breaksthe habit with the help of the prompt “if this is atranslation of depuis; seit; sinds prefer for”. Havingbeen forced to see the error and understand itsorigin, the writer gladly substitutes “since” with“for” by clicking on “for”.

At Clarity’s July 2005 conference in France, Idemonstrated how StyleWriter can be customized topick up translation errors and deviations fromhouse style and to offer know-how tips. Mydemonstration used a version of the softwarecustomised to apply house style rules similar tothose used by the European institutions9 and theEuropean Commission’s advice on how to writewell, particularly on how to avoid false friends10,euro-speak, euro-jargon, abbreviations, andacronyms11.

In the sample letter (in Figure 1), the date May 9,2005, should have been written 9 May 2005 tocomply with the house style rules. Stylewriter’scustomised program picked up this deviationbecause it was one of the many possible disalloweddeviations including yy/mm/dd, abbreviationssuch as 09.05.05 and so on.

Customising StyleWriter is more cost-effective thanprinting handbooks which, unread, gather dust.StyleWriter saves editing costs too because it allowsNNS (and NES) lawyers to correct the 3Cs of poorwriting—clear, concise, and correct—leaving

professional editors to concentrate on the 4Cs ofcontent: complete, concrete, coherent, customized.Instead of endlessly correcting the same mistakes,editors have the time to clarify content. Since clearcontent is what clients value, time spent on this taskis time well spent.

Is training necessary?

StyleWriter is easy to use. But lawyers will not use itunless they are persuaded that its assessment,analysis, and advice are sound. Without training,educated people like lawyers are apt to dismissStyleWriter if it has the audacity to tell them theirtexts are anything less than good12.

Lawyers reason that they write for a living, so theymust do it well. To challenge this complacentassumption, I open my training with the quote:“Lawyers are professionals who write—not professionalwriters”.

Getting lawyers to change their writing style beginsat the top. Everyone from partners to legal supportstaff need to undergo the training. Participants atmy training have the chance to air their reservationsabout abandoning their current writing style forplain English. To build enthusiasm for the project, Irecommend firms run competitions and send outweekly writing tips before and after the training.

Measuring success

Apart from increasing efficiency, StyleWriter makesit possible for firms to monitor the quality of theirEnglish texts. By analysing the statistics whichStyleWriter collects on each document, firms cantrack the improvement in writing standards of everystaff member.

Some firms set improvement targets as part of anindividual’s performance assessment.

Over time, managers will see a steady improvementin the standard of the firm’s English texts whentheir writers use StyleWriter. They will probablyalso see better writing in other languages becauseclients everywhere prefer plain language, andlawyers respond to client praise. Better written textsin languages other than English is a bonus multi-lingual firms can expect from using StyleWriter toreinforce the principles of plain language writing”.

Endnotes1 These three criteria draw on writing skills. Correct

refers here to the absence of spelling, punctuation,and translation errors. Correct also refers to theformatting of a document because consistency ofappearance counts toward presenting a credibletext.

2 The criteria concrete, complete, and customized drawon legal skills and client care. Coherent refers topresenting ideas logically from the reader’s pointof view. Separate training is needed to developthese skills.


Mrs. C M Rawson1,

Company Secretary

Williamsons Limited

8 Underwood St.2

London SW2 5XW

England3

May 9, 20054

Dear Mrs5 Rawson,

Re6: Employment in Belgium

Although Turkey is a candidate7 for membership to the European Union (EU), as Turkey is a thirdcountry8, it’s9 citizens are not yet entitled to work in the EU. In order to10 join the EU Turkey mustcomply with the acquis communautaire11 12 which takes years.

Until Turkey is found adequate13 for membership, Mr Mehmet, a Turkish national, can only work inBelgium if he holds a work permit. Working without a permit could start a negative evolution14 so anapplication15 should be made for the permit at this point in time16.

As a Belgian employee Mr Mehmet will be entitled to a Termination Indemnity17 18of 21.000,0019 (twentyone thousand)20 Euros21 if you end his contract early.

Please do not hesitate to22 contact us if we can be of further assistance23.

Yours faithfully24,

Mr25 Robert Brown

Figure 1 Endnotes1 House style: ‘Mrs. C M Rawson’ —> ‘Ms C. M. Rawson’2 House style: ‘St.’ —> ‘Street’. Do not abbreviate.3 House style: ‘England’ —> ‘ENGLAND’. Use capitals

for country names.4 House style: ‘May 9, 2005’ —> ‘9 May 2005’. Use format

dd/mm/yy.5 House style: ‘Mrs’ —> ‘Ms’. Use neutral form unless you

know addressee prefers Mrs.6 Foreign word + Redundancy + House style: ‘Re’ —>

delete this redundant, archaic word.7 Euro jargon: an ‘applicant country’ is one that has

applied to join the EU. It graduates to a ‘candidatecountry’ when its application is accepted. For definitionsof EU jargon see A Plain Language Guide to Euro jargon atwww.euopa.eu.int/abc/eurojargon/index_en.htm).

8 Euro jargon: ‘third country’ —> ‘non-member country’9 Grammar error: ‘it’s’ (contraction of ‘it is’) is incorrect

here —> ‘its’1 0 Redundancy: ‘in order’ —> delete these redundant

words.1 1 Euro jargon: ‘aquis communautaire’ means the body of EU

law with which an applicant country must comply togain entry to the EU. Reword this sentence.

1 2 Foreign words: ‘aquis communautaire’ is French. Translateforeign words into English to aid reader comprehension.

1 3 Translation error: ‘adequate’ (false cognate of FR:adéquat) ‡ ‘suitable’ (= FR: approprié)

Figure 1.

1 4 Jargon/abstract: ‘negative evolution’. What will happenthat is negative? Fines? Deportation? State the likelyconsequences of breach concretely.

1 5 Hidden verbs + passive voice – ‘an application … bemade’ = to apply. Rewrite in the active voice using theverb to apply: ‘you should apply …’

1 6 Redundancy: ‘at this point in time’ —> ‘now’.1 7 Translation Error: ‘indemnity’ (false legal cognate for FR

indemnité) ‡ ‘compensation’ (= FR: réparation).1 8 Know-how tip: EN: to indemnify = FR: garantir. Under

English law indemnity = guarantee. An indemnity is anagreement (written or verbal) to pay another the debtowed by a third party on demand without proofdefault. A guarantee is an agreement (in writing) topay another the debt owed by a third party on default.

1 9 House style: ‘21.000,00’ is incorrect. Write ‘21,000.00’.2 0 Redundancy: ‘(twenty one thousand)’ ‡delete.2 1 House style: ‘Euros’‡EUR (Note: EUR is the

international banking code for the Euro and comes infront of the figure).

2 2 Cliché + negative formulation: ‘please do not hesitate tocontact’ —> ‘please contact’

2 3 Hidden verb + passive + cliché: ‘if we can be ofassistance’ —> ‘if we can assist you’. Considerdeleting.

2 4 House style: ‘faithfully’ —> ‘sincerely’ (to match theformality of the salutation).

2 5 House style: ‘Mr Robert Brown’ —> ‘Robert Brown’ (notitles in signoff).


3 For more about the 7Cs of Client Centred Commu-nication, please see my article Why Plain English isa Gift for Foreign Lawyers in Clarity No. 47.

4 If you would like to see a chart detailing the typeof issues covered by the listed items, please sendme an email.

5 Use your Head, Tony Buzan. BBC, 2003 ed. at pg.67.

6 I set up an in-house editing service staffed by NESlawyers for the Benelux’s then largest law firm,Loeff Claeys Verbeke. This firm is now part ofBritish-based multinational legal firm, Allen &Overy.

7 I am an authorized agent for StyleWriter. If youwish to download a free trial version of thestandard version please visit my website at:www.BusinessEnglishInternational.com.

8 StyleWriter rates documents on a scale from“excellent” to “dreadful”. I recommend firms set“average” as the starting target and raise it to“good” 2 months later. Four months after that,lawyers are ready for training on the 4 Cs thatreally count to satisfying clients: complete, concrete,coherent, customized.

9 The EU has many style guides. The rules in theseguides vary; sometimes they even conflict withone another, possibly because they deal withdifferent kinds of documents. This confusingsituation, however, is largely irrelevant, since fewEU writers seem to be aware that the style guidesexist—let alone know what their purpose is.

10 An example of a false friend or cognate fromFrench to English is actuel. The correct Englishtranslation for actuel is current or topical.

11 The EC’s booklet: Fight the Fog, How to WriteClearly is available on-line at www.europa.eu.int/comm/translation/en/ftfog. See page 10 for“False friends and other pitfalls”. “FOG” standsfor “full of garbage” and its campaigners say it is“a problem for all our languages”.

12 Most lawyers score “dreadful” before undergoingthe training. To let them see how much they learnabout good writing from just 1 day’s training, Ihave them do a benchmark writing task. Thetraining day closes with them using StyleWriter toassess and then correct their writing tasks as agroup.

© C [email protected]

Catherine Rawson helpsmultilingual organisationsensure that their staff writeclear, concise, readable English,regardless of their nativelanguage. By using tailoredsoftware to reinforce Catherine’splain English training, herclients are able to monitor thequality of their Englishcommunications.

Members by country

Australia 125Austria 1Bahamas 2Bangladesh 5Belgium 5Bermuda 2Brazil 2British Virgin Islands 1British West Indies 4Canada 70Chile 1Denmark 4East Malaysia 1England 327Finland 6France 1Germany 5Gran Canaria 1Hong Kong 17India 6Ireland 5Isle of Man 1Israel 3Italy 2Jamaica 1Japan 7Jersey 3Luxembourg 1Malta 2Mexico 5Netherlands 6New Zealand 18Nigeria 6Philippines 1Scotland 10Singapore 12South Africa 72Spain 3St. Lucia 2Sweden 15Switzerland 2Thailand 1Trinidad and Tobago 1USA 218Wales 8

Total 991


Sarah CarrCarr Consultancy and Plain Language Commission

This is three mini-articles in one:

• my ideas on technical jargon, its value and dangers,and how I suggest dealing with it (the approach)

• a suggestion for a new column (or two) in Clarity—‘Linguistic Lingo for Lawyers’ (and ‘Legal Lingo forLinguists’), including a request to you for feedback,ideas and contributions (the idea)

• my go at a first column, on grammatical terms for verbforms in English (the offering).

My interest in jargon started as a benign form ofpeople-watching. In my six years as a NationalHealth Service (NHS) manager, I entertained myselfin dull meetings by observing my colleagues’linguistic carry-ons.

It was only later, when my eldest child was bornwith congenital heart defects, that I realised jargoncan be far from a laughing matter. Living at thehospital during his several bouts of cardiac surgery,I was an outsider to the medical jargon thatsurrounded me. The staff, for all their phenomenalskills and kindness, spoke to parents as if we wereprivy to their secret code. Long medical phrasesabounded; and even the apparently everyday wordsseemed to have their own special meaning. One day,a nurse told me: ‘Your baby is alarming.’ I felt quitepanicky—until I realised that she meant one of hismonitors was needlessly sounding its alarm.

Returning to work some time later, I heard aconference of NHS non-executive directors(laypeople) list ‘NHS jargon’ as one of the ten ‘mostdifficult barriers’ they had encountered when newto the service. It was this that led me to write mybook, on tackling NHS jargon. And it was then that Irealised jargon is not just one thing; nor is it alwaysbad.

An approach

Defining and tackling technical jargon

Types of jargon

The word ‘jargon’ comes from an old French wordmeaning ‘the twittering and chattering of birds’. Itcame into English in the fourteenth century, whenits meaning was extended to include ‘meaninglesstalk’ or ‘gibberish’.

The Longman Dictionary of Business Englishdefines jargon as:

(1) language, written or spoken, that is difficult orimpossible for an ordinary person to understandbecause it is full of words known only to specialists

(2) language that uses words that are unnecessarilylong and is badly put together.1

Many linguists believe that the word ‘jargon’ wouldbe best reserved for the first of these definitions.Some people also refer to this as ‘technical jargon’,‘shop talk’ or ‘terms of art’.

There have been many suggestions for words todescribe the second type of jargon. The mostpopular today is perhaps ‘gobbledegook’, originallyan American word thought to echo the sound ofturkeys. Alternatives used over the years include‘bafflegab’, ‘bureaucratese’, ‘officialese’,‘doublespeak’, ‘stripetrouser’ (invented by GeorgeOrwell) and ‘FOG’ (frequency of gobbledegook).

A third type of jargon—buzz words and phrases—isalso rife in most organisations these days. Shouldyou have a window of opportunity, I will bottom out andcover off the key issues in this arena. Once brought up tospeed with the agenda, you will be able to get your ducksin a row and hit the ground running on talking in buzzwords.

The value of jargon

Jargon is often written off as a bad thing. Buttechnical jargon is both necessary and useful formembers of a profession or other group tocommunicate with each other. At its best, it acts as akind of shorthand, allowing them to expressspecialist concepts concisely. It therefore improvescommunication, and saves time and money.

Technical jargon: an approach, an idea and an offering


The problems only start when technical jargon isused in writing to people who are not familiar withit, without explaining what it means. Ordinarywords used with a specific meaning that the writerdoes not make clear (such as ‘alarming’ above) areparticularly dangerous. Readers may completelymisunderstand the message.

But I believe it is a good thing to include technicaljargon in documents for the public and other groupswho are not familiar with it, so long it is wellexplained. There are two reasons for this:

• From a practical point of view, it is impossible toreplace completely most words and phrases thatfall into the category of technical jargon withplain-English translations that are concise andaccurate in meaning.

• From an ethical point of view, exposing theaudience to technical jargon can help them tounderstand more about the field. This gives themmore power.

Take the analogy of patients going to see theirdoctor. They want to have a clear explanation oftheir diagnosis, in layperson’s language, but theymay well find it useful to be have the medical termtoo. They will then:

• know if their diagnosis is the same as that ofsomeone else they know

• be able to look up more about it in a book or on awebsite

• feel that the doctor credited them with the interestand intelligence to hear and use the medical term.

Buzz words can be similarly useful as a type ofshorthand, their plain-English translations oftenbeing longer. However, the meaning of buzz wordsis often obscure, even among colleagues.Gobbledegook can almost always be replaced byplain-English alternatives that are less long-windedand clearer in meaning.

Tackling technical jargon

Like most professions, NHS management has plentyof technical jargon: types of organisation; staffgroups and posts; documents; care types andservices; clinical specialties, conditions andtreatments; funds and budgets; measures andstandards; and many more. I advise my NHS clientsto take the following approach in tackling technicaljargon:

• Stage 1: Decide what to explain.

Think about your audience. Will they understandyour technical jargon? Ideally, ask someone fromthe target audience, if you can. If they willunderstand (for example if you are writing forcolleagues), then go ahead and use it freely. (Besure, however, that you are not conning yourself

Characteristics of different jargon types

Buzz words

• Many verbs

• Often derived fromother fields, especiallysports

To an extent

To an extent

Yes

Fast

Not necessarily

Varies

Type of jargon

Typical linguistic features

Common in writing?

Common in plannedspeech?

Common in spontaneousspeech?

Rate of change

In an ordinary dictionary?

Typical length of plain-English alternatives

Technical jargon

• Official names forthings

• Sometimes spelt withcapital letters

• Commonly shortenedto abbreviations oracronyms

Yes

Yes

Yes

Depends on rate ofchange in professionalarea (very fast in NHS,as government policychanges continually)

No

Longer

Gobbledegook

• Long words

• Abstract nouns

• Latin words

• Long-winded,complex andimpersonal style

Yes

To an extent

Only words andphrases, not structures

Slow

Yes

Shorter


into believing buzz words or gobbledegook to betechnical jargon.) If they will not understand, thenyou will need to explain it.

• Stage 2: Explain the technical jargon.

Explain each term briefly as you use it, simplyand concisely (in just enough detail for the readerto be able to understand your message). Thismeans that the audience gets an immediateexplanation of what you mean, without having tolook away from the document. If you think yourreaders would find a more detailed explanationuseful, provide a glossary (in plain English) forthem to read later.

An idea

‘Linguistic Lingo for Lawyers’ and‘Legal Lingo for Linguists’

When I was at the Clarity conference in Boulogne, Inoticed that many people opened a conversationwith the question: ‘Are you a linguist or a lawyer?’Of course, many Clarity members are both. As alinguist alone, with an interest in ways of tacklingtechnical jargon, I thought that I could perhapscontribute to Clarity by explaining some commonlyconfused linguistic terms, or difficult linguisticpoints.

My idea is that this could become a regular columnin Clarity (to which different people couldcontribute). It could be called ‘Linguistic Lingo forLawyers’. I wondered too whether we could have aparallel column: ‘Legal Lingo for Linguists’? As areader without legal training, I would certainly findthat useful.

There would be advantages for readers and writersof the columns:

• For readers—the plain-English explanationscould improve our knowledge and understandingof technical terms. It would also be interesting toobserve others’ techniques for explainingtechnical jargon.

• For writers—the process of explaining our jargonin plain English would be interesting and useful,and may even sharpen our own understanding ofit.

• For both—the columns would provide a buildingcollection of ready-made explanations, which wecould use unchanged (subject to Clarity’scopyright policy) or as a starting-point in our day-to-day work, for example if we needed to explainlinguistic or legal terms to a lay audience.

Perhaps the columns would bring about morearticles on different approaches to tackling technicaljargon. As Clarity is an international organisation,perhaps writers could look at whether differentapproaches are needed for different languages orlanguage groups.

The third part of this article offers an example of the‘Linguistic Lingo for Lawyers’ column, looking atterms to describe verb forms. I have chosen this topicbecause I have noticed the terms ‘tense’ and ‘voice’being confused. But I hope that readers will write inwith their own ideas on terms they would like toexplain, or see explained. My piece is about one areaof grammatical terminology, which particularlyinterests me. But others may be able to explain termsfrom all kinds of other areas of Linguistics with alink to plain language: phonetics and phonology,morphology, semantics, sociolinguistics,psycholinguistics, and pragmatics.

I see the columns, whatever their topic, as beingmore practical than theoretical. They would be fairlyshort (say, around 500 words, with a commentaryon the writer’s approach as an optional extra). Thiswould encourage contributions and make themattractive to read.

What do you think? Would you like to see theseregular columns? Do you have ideas for topics to fillthem? Would you like to write for one? Whether thecolumns continue as long-standing, regularcolumns depends on what you think. Please emailyour views to Clarity’s editor in chief, Julie Clement,at [email protected].

Value of different jargon types

Buzz words

Negative

Type of jargon

Effect on communication

Technical jargon

Positive—if used withaudience thatunderstands it, orexplained to audiencethat does not

Negative—if usedunexplained withaudience that does notunderstand it

Gobbledegook

Negative


An offering

Linguistic Lingo for Lawyers—grammatical terms for verb forms in English: ‘tense’ and‘voice’

What ‘tense’ and ‘voice’ meanTwo grammatical terms that are commonly confused are ‘tense’ and ‘voice’. Both describe verb forms, butexpress quite different contrasts.

Tense and voice in English andother languages

Languages vary as to how theyshow tense and voice. Somelanguages use inflections(different forms of the same rootword). English has only twoinflections for tense: present (forexample I write) and past (such as Iwrote). It forms the future tense(and other present and pasttenses) by creating verb phrases using auxiliary (supporting) verbs, for example, I shall write (future), I amwriting (present) and I had written (past). The passive voice is formed in the same way: so that I choose (active)becomes I was chosen (passive).

Remember that ‘tense’ and ‘voice’ are grammatical (not semantic) terms. This means that there is not alwaysa neat one-to-one correspondence between grammatical form and the meaning expressed. For example,tense is clearly strongly related to time, but tense and time do not always correspond: the present tense mayrefer to past time (such as in a newspaper headline: minister resigns) or future time (she’s going tomorrow).

Other grammatical terms for verb forms

As well as ‘tense’ and ‘voice, there are other grammatical terms that describe verb forms in English:

Term Expresses: Categories of term (with examples)

Aspect How long the action lasts, • Simple (she repairs)whether it is repetitive, and • Progressive (she is repairing)—also called ‘imperfect’ orwhether it is complete ‘continuous’

• Perfect (she has repaired)—also called ‘non-progressive’ or‘non-continuous’

• Progressive and perfect (she has been repairing)

Mood Whether the action is a fact; • Indicative (God saves the Queen)wish or supposition; or • Subjunctive (God save the Queen)command • Imperative (Save the Queen)

Number Whether the action relates to • Singular (I go, it goes)one person or thing, or more • Plural (we go, they go)

Person Whether the action refers to the • First (I work)writer, the person addressed, or • Second (you work)some other individual or thing • Third (she works)

Term Contrast usually expressed Categories (in English)

Tense Where in time the action or Paststate described in the clause Presentor sentence is located, relative Futureto the time of writing

Voice Whether the subject of the Activeclause or sentence is taking Passivethe action, or having the actiondone to them.


Using these terms to describe real verbs

We can describe every finite verb (those that are not infinitives – to cook – or participles – cooking or cooked) inEnglish using these terms. Those who studied Latin at school will remember ‘parsing’ Latin verbs in thisway. For example, to use three verbs from the start of this article:

(my interest in jargon) started (I) entertained (my first child) was born

Tense past past past

Voice active active passive

Aspect perfect perfect perfect

Mood indicative indicative indicative

Number singular singular singular

Person third first third

Relevance of terms to plain English

Of the terms covered in this article, those that crop up most frequently in writing about plain English are‘voice’ and ‘person’. This is because we, as plain-English practitioners, tend to recommend using the activevoice, and first and second persons, where possible. The term ‘tense’ occurs less frequently. We must avoidsaying ‘passive tense’ or ‘active tense’, which, as this piece explains, are incorrect terms.

The process

My commentary on explaining these terms

1. I have found that explaining these terms has made me think critically about them. Unexpectedly, Iended up doing quite a lot of reading and research.

2. I would also like to compare my approach here to the one I suggest in the first mini-article. This pieceis almost a glossary itself, since its whole aim is to explain terms.

3. In thinking about how much to explain, I decided I could assume that readers would understandbasic terms such as ‘verb’, ‘subject’, and ‘clause’. I briefly explained slightly more unusual ones,such as ‘inflection’ and ‘finite’, to be on the safe side. I chose not to include a glossary explainingthem in more detail, partly as I thought that many readers would already know what they meant,and partly as it could make the piece longer and rather dry (given that it is already glossary-like).

4. In hindsight, I wish I had asked some readers what terms they understood: easier said than donewhen busy and working to a deadline, but no doubt a good investment.

5. Looking forward, if I need to use the terms ‘tense’ and ‘voice’ (or other terms for verb forms) in myday-to-day writing, I could use this piece to write a brief explanation (say, for ‘tense’: the verb formthat sets the action or state in the past, present or future). I could use it further if I needed also to include amore detailed explanation, in a glossary. I hope you will find it useful too.

Reference1 Adam JH (1982) Longman Dictionary of Business English. Longman, Harlow, p 261

© S Carr [email protected]

Sarah Carr’s biography can befound on page 29.


working on my right and a draft of the contentspage next to it on my left. And I adjust both of themas necessary.)

High Street lawyers often skip the thought stage andrely on hand-me-downs. They rely on a precedent—or just their favoured form of words—to work, notonly in general but for the case in hand. They workunder pressure and do not have time to check thedetail each time; that job is delegated silently andretrospectively to whoever developed the precedent.And the provenance is often casual; the lawyer mayhave come across the document without knowingwho wrote it or what the original client’sinstructions were. Just one example for now:

As I was completing this typescript a propertydeveloper’s solicitor sent me papers which hadclearly not been thought through, and which didnot reflect the arrangement between the parties. Heoffered an unworkable standard contract-and-draft-lease package to my client for his purchase of a flatin a newly converted building. He expected me toapprove the documents without amendment,especially as one flat had already been sold andanother was ahead of us on the way to exchange.But both documents were full of obvious mistakes,from which I select only three groups.

The muddle of the first group mostly speaks foritself (though I mention the unwisdom of omittingthe definite article from the definiendum: it is onlythe (this) flat which is defined by clause 2.2, not anyflat):

1.2 “Property”: Flat Number 3 at the Estate

…

2.2 “Flat”: the flat at the Property

…

2.4: “Property”: the Property short details ofwhich are given in the Particulars andmore fully described in the draft Leaseattached to this Contract

The second group of errors is more problematic:

11.1 The Seller hereby agrees upon the saleof the last of the six flats at the Estate totransfer the freehold of the Estate to theManagement Company at a nominalconsideration

This could be read The seller, reciting the sale of thelast of the six flats, agrees to transfer the freehold at anunspecified time, though I agree that thisinterpretation is stretched.

More seriously, what is a sale? It could be arguedthat the grant of a lease was not a sale; thedefinition of a purchaser in s.205 of the Law ofProperty Act to include a lessee does not apply tothis document. But even if that unmeritoriousargument failed the seller could evade the freehold

Mark AdlerAuthor, Clarity for Lawyers

Joe Kimble has kindly asked me to contribute a regularcolumn on drafting for those members who are mainlyinterested in practical tips.

In this first one, taken from a draft version of the 2ndedition of my book Clarity for Lawyers1, I offer threeunrelated rules of thumb for good writing.

In any document it’s important to retain anoverview to keep the detail in context. It isparticularly important with legal writing, in whichthe reader’s view of the wood is often impeded byimpenetrably dense growth.

So before diving into the detail in later issues, I offerthree perspectives of my wood to summarise thechanges I suggest.

• Ask yourself: How would I say this if I was not beinga lawyer?

• Write invisibly (so that the reader is focused onwhat you are saying, and oblivious to how youare saying it). Style distracts from substance.

• Don’t meander; go directly from beginning to endin a straight line, except to the extent that you canjustify a scenic route. So:

1. Think what you want to say (and keep it inmind).

2. Say it unpretentiously and without fuss.

3. Then stop.

4. But edit exhaustively.

I have put stop before edit because I mean thathaving said what you want to say you should notwander on; it wastes time and signals a lack ofconfidence. Editing comes next because it isintended to hone the text rather than add to it(although it may prompt you to step back a stage toinclude a point previously overlooked).

Point 1—Think what you want to say—includes thelawyer’s real job: not to translate ordinary languageinto “legal” language but to think through thescheme they are creating to ensure that it does thejob. That requires a good aerial view of the wood aswell as attention to individual trees and theirbranches. (To help me grapple with the detail andstructure of this book I use my large-screen Mac todisplay a whole page of the text on which I am

Drafting tipsTaking an overview: three rules of thumb


transfer (which had been advertised to attractbuyers) by granting a shorthold tenancy of the lastflat, giving or lending it to his daughter, oroccupying it himself.

And how much is nominal?

Here is the third group:

15.1 The Seller has secured the incorporationof [ ] Estate Management CompanyLimited (“the Management Company”)a company limited by guaranteewhereby each members guarantee islimited to One Pound (£1.00) The formof Memorandum and Articles ofAssociation of the ManagementCompany have been established and theBuyer shall raise no objection inconnection therewith

15.2 As soon as the Estate has beenconcluded and all properties thereinsold or at such earlier dates as the Sellershall specify the Seller shall arrange forthe Buyers or one of them or theirsuccessors in title to become a memberof the Management Company andBuyers or one of them as aforesaid shallapply for and shall accept suchmembership

The seller’s solicitor couldn’t insert the name of thecompany because it had not yet been incorporated(despite the earlier sale of one flat on identicalterms). And according to the company’s mem andarts it was limited by shares, not guarantee.

Moreover, this wording allowed the seller to changethe advertised scheme by restricting membershiparbitrarily to only one of joint buyers.

To reflect the elaborate share structure of thecompany’s mem and arts and the arrangementbetween the parties clause 15.2 should have saidsomething like this:

15. When all the flats have been let oroccupied the seller must:

(A) Transfer a “B” share in themanagement company to eachleaseholder (so that co-tenants willco-own their share); and

(B) Redeem the “A” share.

(I have referred to co- rather than joint tenants toavoid the suggestion that it does not apply totenants in common.)

There was no need for original clause 15.1:

• The papers supplied with the contract shouldhave included the management company’scertificate of incorporation, making the first lineotiose.

• The mem and arts, which were supplied:

– Explained how the company was limited(which was not by guarantee); and

– Deprived the buyer of any prospect ofchallenging their contents until the seller hadpassed the company and freehold to thetenants (after which they should be free tovote changes in the normal way).

This lack of thought and of perspective—and theconsequent poor drafting—are sadly commonplace.

Endnotes1 The Law Society of England & Wales is

publishing it through Marston Book Services<www.marston.co.uk>. It is due out in August at£24.95.

© M Adler [email protected]

Mark Adler is an Englishsolicitor specialising in plain legalwriting, a past chairman ofClarity, and a former editor of thisjournal. The second edition of his1990 book Clarity for Lawyers isdue to be published by the LawSociety in August.

Clarity:electronic or paper?We publish Clarity in both electronic (.pdf)and paper forms, in May and November. Theelectronic version reaches you sooner becausethe paper version has to be posted from theUS all around the world. You can ask forClarity to be delivered to you either or bothways.

Just let your country representative knowif you want to change the way you receiveClarity.


Joe KimbleLansing, Michigan, USA

From the President

Most of this message will be devoted to my 2006annual report, prepared for Clarity’s annualmeeting last February.

But first I want to say how delighted Clarity is thatSir Kenneth Keith—whose new title is H.E. JudgeKenneth Keith—has agreed to become our thirdpatron. Judge Keith has been a longtime supporterof plain language. In the early 1990s, he waspresident of the New Zealand Law Commission,which published a number of important reports onimproving the clarity of New Zealand legislation.He later served on the New Zealand Court ofAppeal and Supreme Court, and has now (as wenoted in Clarity 54) been elected to the InternationalCourt of Justice. Clarity is very honored to have suchan esteemed patron.

Here, then, is a somewhat shortened version of myannual report—

Let me report on four things: finances, our 2005conference, the journal, and our membership anddues system.

First, finances. At the end of the year, the U.S.account was essentially flat. Of course, some of thecountry representatives are holding Clarity money,so Clarity is not broke, but I had hoped to have somemoney in the U.S. account as well.

The total cost of each journal (layout, printing, andmailing) is creeping up somewhat. Clarity 53 wasexpensive because it was longer than usual at 72pages, so all the costs were increased. That’s okay,because we wanted a good issue going into theconference.

Remember that we have enough money to produceand mail the journal if we are collecting dues fromall members. The key is to collect the dues and keepadding new members. More on that below.

Second, the July conference. By all accounts, it was agreat success. About 160 persons from almost 30countries attended. Except during the plenarysessions, we had concurrent sessions running intwo amphitheaters. And in one of theamphitheaters, we provided for simultaneoustranslation.

The conference produced several side benefits aswell. (1) Exposure for Clarity, of course. Wepromised that everyone who was not already amember would receive a one-year membership inClarity. At the conference, everyone received Clarity

53. And Cindy Hurst,my administrativeassistant, has now gonethrough the list ofpersons attending andsent them Clarity 54. Wehave thus fulfilled ourobligation. And I hopewe will gain some newmembers. (2) Newcountry representatives.We identified three newrepresentatives at theconference and onereplacement representative. (3) Material for thejournal. You may have noticed that, except for onearticle, everything in Clarity 54 was from theconference, and this issue includes thepresentations from the other master class.

Third, the journal. For the fourth straight year, wehave produced two issues of the journal, right onschedule. A professor at my school, Julie Clement,has agreed to take over the editorship—at least untilwe find someone else who will do it. I am helpingwith the transition. And in response to requests formore practical drafting items in the journal, MarkAdler has promised on his life to write a regulardrafting column.

Finally, our membership and dues system. I amdetermined to get our system working moreeffectively. It is critical that, in March, eachrepresentative send a friendly reminder letter tomembers who have not paid dues. For me, thisalways produces a flood of renewals. (I’m baffledwhy more people don’t pay when they see the bigyellow notice we now place in the November issue;inertia, I guess.) And it is equally important thatrepresentatives send me a cull list of members whodon’t pay. I should get that list in April or May. To alarge extent, Clarity’s success depends on the goodefforts of our country reps.

This year, we lost our country representative inIndia. But we added new reps in Bangladesh,Finland, Mexico, Nigeria, Philippines, and Spain,and we have substituted new reps in Canada, HongKong, and South Africa. We now have reps in 22countries. Pretty impressive. (Incidentally, we aredue for a new Clarity brochure—maybe in 2006 ifwe can find a sponsor again.)

All in all, a good year for Clarity.


AustraliaBanking and Financial Services Ombudsman[Elizabeth Wentworth]MelbourneHenry Davis York[Library Manager]New South WalesStuart KaayBaker & McKenzieNew South WalesKatherine KulakawskiBlake Dawson WaldronNew South WalesRon MacDonaldQUT Law SchoolQueenslandLee MatherLegal Aid Western AustraliaWestern AustraliaBob MilsteinMilstein and AssociatesSouth YarraSue PurdyTurtons LawyersNew South WalesDonald RobertsonFreehillsNew South WalesSouthern Cross UniversityCoffs Harbour CampusNew South WalesSouthern Cross UniversityLismore CampusNew South WalesRachel SpencerSchool of LawFlinders UniversityAdelaideVictorian Law Reform Commission[The Librarian]VictoriaWestpac Banking GroupNew South Wales

CanadaLibrary of Parliament[Serials Section (Trade)]OntarioDavid ScearceDepartment of Justice CanadaBritish Columbia

Roger PattersonBaker & McKenzieHong Kong SARJianhong ZhouWan Chai

JapanEri OkazakiKanagawa

MexicoCasilda MalagonInnovacion MexicoMexico, D.F.Eduardo RomeroSecretaria de la Funcion PublicaMexico, D.F.Sergio Block SevillaCon-textoMexico, D.F.Carlos ValdovinosSecretaria de la Funcion PublicaMexico, D.F.

New ZealandDavid OliverLangley TwiggNapier

NigeriaDr. Innocent ChiluwaCovenant UniversityOgun StateMojsola ShodipeUniversity of LagosLagos

SpainDr. Daniel CassanyUniversitat Pompeu FabraBarcelonaCristina GelpiUniversitat Pompeu FabraBarcelona

SwedenIngrid OlssonNational Post and Telecom AgencyStockholmEva WetterhallSkatteverketUppsala

USAMike DurantState of CaliforniaCalifornia

Senate of Canada[Law Clerk and ParliamentaryCounsel]OntarioIrving SilverOntario

ChileClaudia PobleteAsesora linguistica del SenadoSenado de ChileVina Del Mar

EnglandTony HerbertLondon

FinlandRichard FoleyUniversity of LaplandRovaniemiGovernment Terminology Service[Riitta Brelih or Kaisa Kuhmonen]GovernmentJaana KolaMinistry of Agriculture andForestryGovernmentPirjo KuismanenNordea Bank Finland, PlcNordeaResearch Institute for theLanguages of Finland[Aino Piehl]Helsinki

Hong KongJonathon AbbottGilt ChambersQueenswayNigel BruceUniversity of Hong KongHong KongJonathan HugoHappy ValleyHong Kong SARIrene LeungSouth HorizonsGilbert MoDepartment of JusticeQueenswayDavid MorrisDepartment of JusticeQueensway

New members


1 IndividualsTitle Given name Family name

............................................................................................

.................................................. Position ...........................

2 Organisations

............................................................................................

3 Individuals and organisations

............................................................................................

............................................................................................

.................................................. Fax ................................

............................................................................................

Application for membership of ClarityIndividuals complete sections 1 and 3; organisations, 2 and 3

How to join

Complete the application formand send it with your subscrip-tion to your country representativelisted on page 2. If you are inEurope and there is no represen-tative for your country, send it tothe European representative.Otherwise, if there is no represen-tative for your country, send it tothe USA representative.

Please make all amounts payableto Clarity. (Exception: ourEuropean representative prefersto be paid electronically. Pleasesend her an email for details.) Ifyou are sending your subscrip-tion to the USA representativefrom outside the USA, pleasesend a bank draft payable in USdollars and drawn on a US bank;otherwise we have to pay aconversion charge that is largerthan your subscription.

Privacy policy

Your details are kept on acomputer. By completing thisform, you consent to your detailsbeing given to other members orinterested non-members but onlyfor purposes connected withClarity’s aims. If you object toeither of these policies, please tellyour country representative. Wedo not give or sell your details toorganisations for their mailinglists.

Name

Firm

Qualifications

Contact Name

Name

Phone

Address

Main activities

Email

Annual subscriptionAustralia A$35Bangladesh BDT 1500Brazil R50Canada C$30Finland ∈25France ∈25Hong Kong HK$200Israel NIS125Italy ∈25Japan ¥3000Malaysia RM95Mexico 250 PesosNew Zealand NZ$50Nigeria 3000NPhilippines 1500Singapore S$40South Africa R100Sweden SEK250Thailand THB1000UK £15USA US$25Other European countries ∈25All other countries US$25

P