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The Power of Conditional Parental Regard: How the Experience of Mothers’ Contingent Love Shapes Our Parenting Behavior across Time, Temperament and Communication Channels. Avi Assor Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, Israel - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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The Power of Conditional Parental Regard:
How the Experience of Mothers’ Contingent Love Shapes Our Parenting Behavior across Time, Temperament and Communication Channels.
Avi Assor
Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, Israel
The longitudinal study reported in this talk was conducted with Yaniv Kanat-Maymon & Judith Auerbach as a senior collaborators, and with the following members of the BGU research group: Pazit Gabay-Elgy, Moran Cohen-Iluz, Orly weinish-Licht, Dotan Shapira, Carmen Chen & Ohad Ezra. The second study was conducted with Marina Shapira, Dotan Shapira and Gabi Johnson. Thanks also to Guy Roth for his valuable and ever present advice. Parts of the research funded by grants from ISF and BSF
“Still today I ask myself… if I did not spend so many
days and so many nights, if I did not cover with ink so
many pages, if I did not throw into the book market so
many books that nobody cared for – only out of the
crazy hope to please my grandfather”
Jean Paul Sartre: The Words
Conditional positive regard (CPR): The provision of more affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations.
“My father shows me more affection than he usually does if I do well in school (when I conceal my sadness and do not cry)"
Conditional Negative Regard (CNR):The provision of less affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations.
"My father shows me less affection than he usually does if I don’t do well in school (when I cry and show that I am
sad)".
The practice of Conditional parental regard is domain specific. For example, in academic, anger suppression, pro-social domains.
CPR is related to CNR, but each has distinct correlates.
Positive Views of Parental Positive Views of Parental Conditional RegardConditional Regard::
From a behaviorist perspective, conditional regard might represent the contingent administration of reinforcements and punishments, which is expected to improve discrimination between desired and undesired behaviors (Gewirtz & Pelaez-Nogueras, 1991; McDowell, 1988).
SDT research-based view of CR: 4 Types of Harmful Effects
Rigid & low quality functioning(in the domain on which parents’ regard was contingent and in related domains)
Introjected internalization of parent’s expectations: Sense of internal compulsion
Parental Conditional Regard(PCR)
Harm relationship w parents & others
Fragile, unstable & contingent self esteem
Missing Evidence in the Study of PCR
Despite clear indications that PCR is associated with maladaptive child and parent functioning there are some important missing links in the study of CR.
Some of these gaps also exist in relation to the larger constructs of parental control and autonomy Support.
This talk will briefly present studies addressing Two missing links:
1.What disposes parents’ to use PCR and how powerful are those disposing factors ? There is evidence by Soenens et al & Grolnick & Assor & Roth on Contingent SE. We focus on 2 other factors.2.How is PCR communicated? We examine an additional channel called indirect Vicarious PCR which, while powerful is also elusive
Parental Conditional Regard OrientationParental Conditional Regard Orientation: :
What do we know on the factors disposing What do we know on the factors disposing
Parents to use PCR with their kids? Parents to use PCR with their kids?
Based on SDT it is reasonable to assume that certain past experiences, as well as values and self-dynamics, and a certain type of world view may dispose parents to use PCR with their children.
In this presentation I focus on two of this disposing factors:
- Perception of one parents as using PCR
- Extrinsic Values
Perception of one parents as using PCR:
Intergenerational Transmission
Assor, Roth & Deci (2004 ) found inter-generational transmission of PCR. So that mothers describing their own mothers as using PCR were perceived by their daughters using the same PCR practice.
Mom perception of Mom perception of her mom as using her mom as using PCRPCR
Daughter Daughter perception of perception of mom as using mom as using PCRPCR
3 Gaps in the study of the the effects of moms’ experience effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR of their own moms as using PCR : :
““Difficult Child”Difficult Child”
1. Reversed Causality: Having a difficult child may cause parents to use more PCR (& other controls) which they then project retrospectively on their own parents.
Mom reports Mom reports PCR from her PCR from her own momown mom
Mom uses Mom uses PCR with PCR with her childher child
Retrospective Projection
Missing evidence in the study of the effects of moms’ the effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR experience of their own moms as using PCR : :
Mom reports Mom reports PCR from her PCR from her own momown mom
Mom uses Mom uses PCR with PCR with her childher child
Only for children who are at least a bit “difficult” - Not low on Frustration Dysregulation ?
3. Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”:
2. Evidence NOT based on behavior observations: Assessment of PCR-based controlling mom behavior based on only on daughter & mom reports:
Mom reports Mom reports PCR from her PCR from her own momown mom
Mom uses Mom uses PCR with PCR with her childher child
So perhaps the link disappears for chidlren with an “easy” temperament?
3. Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”:
A second source of PCR: Extrinsic Values
According to SDT we can expect:
There is evidence that people who are high on extrinsic values behave in more manipulative and Machiavellian way. But there are no studies directly testing this hypothesis.
The present research will attempt to fill this gap
Parent adherence to Parent adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values such as status & such as status & formal achievementsformal achievements
Parent use of Parent use of Achievement oriented Achievement oriented PCR with child to PCR with child to promote child’s & promote child’s & parents statusparents status
MOM
Perception of own mom as using PCR to promote achievement
2-4 month before birth
CHILD FrustrationDysregulation& “easy” temp.attributes
Study 1a – Part of a much larger longitudinal Project
8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth
MOM
Controlling Ach - oriented behavior :
- Observed in a LAB teaching task
- Self - Reported behavior at HOME
MOM
Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
Study 1a - Method
Participants:
142 mothers completed the relevant questionnaires at the three waves; 91 of them also participated in a Lab task assessing Ach oriented controlling behavior.
All mothers are in good physical health, no pregnancy complications, and no other children for both partners.
Data collection continues, aiming at 180 mothers in the lab task. And 240 completing the wave 3 questionnaire.
Study also involves fathers, but mot in the lab.The first session also includes an interview with each partner, responses to vignettes, and other scales.
,.
2-4 month before birth:
Expecting mother’s reported experience of her own mom as
using PCR to promote achievement (7 items, α = .87):
As a child or adolescent I felt that:
1. My mom’s love for me depended on me getting good grades.2. My mom’s love for me depended on me working hard at school.
3. Mom thought that if I fail at school this is also her failure
2-4 month before birth:
Expecting mother’s extrinsic value orientation
(Extrinsic values stronger than intrinsic values); 8 items, α =
.92):
1. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important to find an occupation that provides status and a nice income, and to that end - interest in one’s work should often be sacrificed
2. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important, first of all, to find interest in what one does, whereas prestige or status are less interesting.
2-4 month before birth:
-Depressive feelings
-Social desirabity
-Structured interview and other instruments
8 month post birth:
Mother report of Child Frustration Dysregulation; 11
items, α = .82):
Child poor capacity to regulate frustration was assessed by the “Distress to Limitations” scale of the Infant Behavior Questionnaire – Revised (IBQ-R, Garstein & Rothbart ,2003).
“When my baby wants something and cannot not get it – she/he often gets very angry “.
"when something the baby was playing with had to be removed, s/he cry or show distress ofr a long time".
“When my baby is put in a place that restrains her/him, she/he very often resists or protests forcefully
8 month post birth:
Validation of the scale assessing Child Frustration
Dysregulation:
The self report scale was validated by correlating it with the arm-restraint procedure of the Lab-Tab (Laboratory Temperament Assessment, Goldsmith & Rothbart, 1996), a widely accepted procedure for assessing infant temperament in the lab.
Results showed a significant correlation between the self report scale and the lab assessment, a correlation that does not always appear.
Other temp. attributes assessed at 8 month post birth:
Mother report of Child positive affectivity (surgency):
When during play, the baby is “thrown” into the air, he often laughs
In a “peek a boo” play she often laughs
When given a toy she often smiles or laughs
8 month post birth:
Mother report of Child Approach Tendency:
When you visit a new place, your baby often gets excited by the opportunity to explore a new place
When you baby gets a new toy, she immediately tries to grab it
and start playing with it
8 month post birth:
Mother report of Child Regulatory Capacity:
Long Duration of Orienting
My baby often looks at a picture or a booklet for more than 5 minutes
My baby often plays with a toy or an object for 5 – 10 minutes
Enjoying small pleasures:
My baby often enjoys being read to
My baby often enjoys small rhythmic activities like being rocked
18 month post birth:
Self reported achievement – oriented PCR behavior at home (10 items, α = .91):
1. To increase my child will to play in games that develop thinking and concentration – I give her a really warm attitude each time she plays with such games.
2. If my child is not willing to listen when I teach her new words – I show her that I’m angry or sad.
3. To make my child pay attention to new words I teach him – I hug him or clap my hands each tine he answers my questions.
4. If my child does not want to concentrate when we play games that develop thinking – I make him feel that I am less proud of him
18 month post birth:
Observed Controlling achievement-oriented mother behavior in the Lab teaching task
Based partly on Grolnick et al (1984) and Whipple, Bernier & Mageau (2010).
Procedure: After a 5 minutes worm up free play period
including mother and child, the mother is presented with the
following instructions:
"In this part you are asked to demonstrate and teach ‘Child Name’ how to play with the shape sorter and then how to construct a tower of cubes.”
Task duration = 4 minutes
Scoring System: Controlling versus Autonomy Supportive Mother Behavior During Teaching Task (15 sec. intervals)
1.Timing of intervention (e.g., too early versus when there is a need)
2.Motor behavior (e.g., pushing child‘s hand , moving child forcefully vs. sensitive help[e.g., holding the sorter steady so child can succeed])
3.Verbal or affective behaviors (e.g., commands, threats, prohibitions, stern disapproving affect versus gentle suggestions expressed in a pleasant tone)
4.Perspective taking and empathy in response to child difficulties (e.g., criticism or impatience versus verbal or nonverbal acknowledgement of difficulty)
5. Provision of choice (absent versus present).
6. Feedback following success (e.g., no feedback, or hostile feedback versus positive producr- or effort-focused feedback).
MOTHER
Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR
2-4 month before birth
CHILD
FrustrationDysregulation
Primary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by lab observations (n=91)
8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LAB teaching task
β = .21*
MOTHER
Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
β = .24*
β = .08 MOTHER
Depressive feelings
β = .01
MOTHERPerception of own mom as using Ach-riented PCR
2-4 month before birth
Secondary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by mother reports on behavior at home (n=136)
8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth
MOTHERExtrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
CHILD
FrustrationDysregulation
MOTHERControlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME
MOTHERDepressive feelings
β = .25*
β = .20*
β = .25*
β = .16*
MOTHER
Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR
2-4 month before birth
Important Replication across other temperament dimensions:8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LAB teaching task
MOTHER
Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME
CHILD: “Easy” temperament 1”:
(Approach & Positive affect)
MOTHER
Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR
2-4 month before birth
Important Replication across other temperament dimensions:8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LAB teaching task
MOTHER
Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME
CHILD: “Easy” temperament 2”:
(High regulatory capacity)
MOTHER
Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR
2-4 month before birth
Summary of main findings across DV assessment methods:
8 monthpost birth
18 month post birth
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LAB teaching task
MOTHER
Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values
MOTHER
Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME
Study 1 - ConclusionsStudy 1 - Conclusions
Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that:
a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother.
b.PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used
c.The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.
Study 1 - ConclusionsStudy 1 - Conclusions
Perhaps more interestingly, the study suggests that mothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCRPCR and her adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values may constitute early risk early risk factors factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning.
PARENT
Pre-natalConditional Regard (CR) Orientation:Percep. of own parents, values & world view, contingent S.E.
42 monthpost birthMastery &Free Play
2-4 month before birth
CHILD Temperament:FrustrationDysregulation
The larger picture of the longitudinal Study & future directions :8 monthpost birth
18 monthpost birthMasterytasks
24 monthpost birthParentalRequests
PARENT
Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping
PARENT
Control (inc. PCR)CHILD Introjected response
CHILD Temperament:FrustrationDysregulation
PARENT
Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping
ENDEND
Study 2Study 2
The Multiple Appearances of Parental Conditional The Multiple Appearances of Parental Conditional
Positive Regard: Direct and Vicarious Conditional Positive Regard: Direct and Vicarious Conditional
Regard as Predictors of Labile Self-Esteem Regard as Predictors of Labile Self-Esteem
DynamicsDynamics
Marina Shapira, Ezra Ohad, Pazit Gabay-Elegy, Dotan Marina Shapira, Ezra Ohad, Pazit Gabay-Elegy, Dotan
Shapira, & Avi AssorShapira, & Avi Assor
Following the distinction between learning based on direct reinforcement & learning based on observations of others (social learning), we examine in this study two possible channels through which PCR might be communicated & learnt:
Direct Conditional Regard: Parent shows more regard to her/his child following the child’s academic achievement and investment.
Vicarious (implied) Conditional Regard: Parent shows increased regard to other children when they invest and achieve academically, which then causes the child to believe that his/her parent would love and value her/him more deeply if they too will achieve.
Direct versus vicarious Conditional Regard Direct versus vicarious Conditional Regard
Several studies suggest that Several studies suggest that direct PCR direct PCR creates a creates a pressuringpressuring, , fragile & labile self-evaluative dynamics fragile & labile self-evaluative dynamics in children (e.g., in children (e.g., Assor & Tal, 2012; Assor et al., 2004; Roth et al 2009):Assor & Tal, 2012; Assor et al., 2004; Roth et al 2009):
+
Direct Ach-
oriented PCR
toward self
Introjected
Achievement
Motivation aimed at securing parental regard
Self devaluation
after failure
+
+
Self
aggrandizement after success
We hypothesize that vicarious academic PCR has an additional We hypothesize that vicarious academic PCR has an additional contribution to introjected motivation (beyond direct PCR) because contribution to introjected motivation (beyond direct PCR) because it makes it even clearer that parent regard depends on achievement.it makes it even clearer that parent regard depends on achievement.
It is also possible that the experience of vicarious CR may create a It is also possible that the experience of vicarious CR may create a particularly pressuring introjected achievement motivation particularly pressuring introjected achievement motivation when the other person receiving CR due to achievement is one’s when the other person receiving CR due to achievement is one’s siblingsibling. .
In this situation, In this situation, children’s need to receive parental regard children’s need to receive parental regard through their achievements might be enhanced because of through their achievements might be enhanced because of concerns with position in the family, intensified experience of concerns with position in the family, intensified experience of relative need deprivation & jealousy issues. relative need deprivation & jealousy issues.
And indeed there is evidence that many children are concerned with And indeed there is evidence that many children are concerned with differential treatment in the family (e.g., Daniels & Plomin, 1985) differential treatment in the family (e.g., Daniels & Plomin, 1985)
Vicarious CR Involving SiblingsVicarious CR Involving Siblings
The figure below depicts our hypothesis concerning the unique The figure below depicts our hypothesis concerning the unique contribution of vicarious sibling-oriented PCR to labile self-contribution of vicarious sibling-oriented PCR to labile self-dynamics (above & beyond direct PCR) :dynamics (above & beyond direct PCR) :
+
Direct Ach-
oriented PCR
toward self
Introjected
Achievement
Motivation aimed at securing parental regard
Self devaluation
after failure
VicariousAch-
oriented PCR
toward Sibling
+
+
+
Self
aggrandizement after success
Two Studies focusing on parental conditional Two Studies focusing on parental conditional positive regard (PCPR)positive regard (PCPR)
Study 2a – Vicarious PCPR toward Sibling Study 2a – Vicarious PCPR toward Sibling
140 undergraduate students completed a self report questionnaire 140 undergraduate students completed a self report questionnaire
assessing the variables of interest. assessing the variables of interest.
Parental conditional positive regard Parental conditional positive regard : “As a child and : “As a child and
adolescent I felt that If I succeeded in school, my mother adolescent I felt that If I succeeded in school, my mother
will be more warm and affectionate towards me”.will be more warm and affectionate towards me”.
Parental conditional positive regard toward siblingParental conditional positive regard toward sibling: “: “As a As a
child and adolescent I felt that my mother appreciated my child and adolescent I felt that my mother appreciated my
sister/brother very much because he/she was successful in sister/brother very much because he/she was successful in
school. school.
χ2/df = 1.9; IFI=.94 ;CFI = .94; TLI =.9; RMSEA = .07.
PCPR towardssibling
.29*
.52**
PCPR towards self Introjecte
d motivatio
n
.33* .73***
.78***
Self aggrandizement followin
g success
Self devaluatio
n following
failure
Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward a Sibling as Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward a Sibling as Predictors of Introjected Motivation and Labile Predictors of Introjected Motivation and Labile Self-Esteem Self-Esteem ::
χ2/df = 1.48; IFI=.96 ; CFI = .96; TLI =.94, RMSEA = .067.
PCPR towards others
in general
.28*
.39**
Study 2Study 2: Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward : Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward Others Others
in in GGeneraleneral as Predictors of Labile Self Dynamics as Predictors of Labile Self Dynamics
PCPR towards
selfIntrojecte
d motivatio
n
.40** .82***Self
aggrandizement following
success
Self devaluatio
n following
failure
.87***
Our findings suggest that the negative effectsOur findings suggest that the negative effects
of PCPR might be evenof PCPR might be even more widespread than more widespread than
suggested by past research suggested by past research because these because these
effects operate both directly and indirectly through effects operate both directly and indirectly through
vicarious learning.vicarious learning.
Thus, parents who do not use direct PCPR in relation Thus, parents who do not use direct PCPR in relation
toto
their child may nevertheless promote negative their child may nevertheless promote negative
motivational and self esteem outcomes in their child motivational and self esteem outcomes in their child
through vicarious PCPR.through vicarious PCPR.
Conclusions:Conclusions:
Sibling oriented vicarious PCPR was not found to be Sibling oriented vicarious PCPR was not found to be
more more
harmful than others oriented vicarious PCPR. Not sure harmful than others oriented vicarious PCPR. Not sure
how to how to
interpret this. We need further research on this and interpret this. We need further research on this and
the exact the exact
dynamics underlying the effects of vicarious PCPR.dynamics underlying the effects of vicarious PCPR.
Conclusions:Conclusions:
Parents may need to be more aware of the way they demonstrate appreciation of academic achievements within and outside the family. For example, avoid extreme child-aggrandizing reactions,
Possible Implications:Possible Implications:
General conclusionGeneral conclusion
Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that:
a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother.
b.PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used
c.The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.
General conclusion: The Power & Robustness of CPRGeneral conclusion: The Power & Robustness of CPRThe two studies provide evidence for what my be called the power of CPR.
We found that expecting mothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCRPCR and their adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values may constitute early risk factors early risk factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning.
Importantly, these effects cannot be easily ascribed to methodological artifacts, they emerge also when different child temperament factors are considered and they affect mother observed behavior and not only her reports.
We also have some evidence that PCR may operate in multiple and sometime elusive ways via indirect vicarious PCR.
Study 1 – Possible ImplicationsStudy 1 – Possible Implications
- Using the scoring system of controlling versus autonomy supportive behavior and exemplary and harmful behavior videos (subject to participants consent) as teaching tools.
- Complements parts missing in to attachment based intervention programs
- Results point to the need to address in interventions experiences and relational models based onPCR from parents and value orientation. Without doing so, the teaching of desired parental behaviors may fail.
ENDEND