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Do you know that April is National Autism Awareness Month? Our cover feature on Actress Carol Bailey will inspire you to embrace the special gift of an autistic child with faith and mom-sense. Playwright and Reverend, Michael Anthony Simmons helps us navigate the stormy set of relationship drama. Tasha O gives fitness advice for losing & keeping weight of during menopause and look at the TRENCH COATS we found! Plus Natural Beauty, Family Business, Spring Cleaning & More in April 2014!
Citation preview
1 | P a g e
Actress Carol Bailey on
Life, Love and Mothering
An Autistic Son
Understanding Menopause &
Weight Gain
Dealing with DRAMA
In
Relationships
Fashion: Our Favorite Trench Coats for
Spring
April 2014
The Magazine for Bold Movers
2 | P a g e
3 | P a g e
Table of Contents
April 2014
The Magazine For BOLD Movers
Cover Feature: Carol Bailey On
Life, Love & Mothering An Autistic
Son 10
Life Changing Feature: Dealing
with DRAMA In A Relationship 14
Understanding Menopause &
Weight Gain 13
Trench Coat Trends We Like 23
In Every Issue Prime Time 4
Postings 6
Frankly Speaking 7
Your Body Strong 13
Loving 19
Sepia Style: 17
Naturally BOLD Naturally Me!
Superwoman Sanctuary 21
The Main Thing 25
4 | P a g e
PRIME TIME
The Family Business
When we hear the term, Family Business, we
usually think about a business that is owned by a
family; one that has been around for a few
generations and is well established as a source of
income. The family business uses the skills,
education and talents of the family to create income
for that family, and prayerfully others. The young
family members start working in the business early,
so by the time they finish high school or college,
they know where they “fit” in the family business.
That’s not the family business I’m talking about.
As I considered this editorial, my adult children
were making a video. One of them is studying
acting, while the other is studying film, production
and writing. We didn’t intentionally steer them in
that direction, but it didn’t just happen, either. They
are studying things that relate, but that use their
individual talents, creativity and personalities in
different ways.
Train up a child in the way he should go, and
when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Have we thought about the phrase, “The way he
should go?” In our society we busy, working adults
assuage our guilt by trying to get our children in the
BEST programs, the most ACADEMICALLY
ADVANCED school districts, the strictest athletics,
all in an attempt to make them “competitive”, and
dare I say, “conformative”. OK, I made that word
up and here’s the definition: conforming to what
other people think they should be. While we all
should endeavor to give our children the best we
can afford , we need to remember that money can’t
tell you the way they should go As a parent or one
with oversight for children you have to prayerfully
observe them; their likes, dislikes, talents, learning
styles, challenges and strengths. In the traditional
Family Business, somebody has to outline a vision
for the company and the employees – otherwise
what is the point of the business? Well God has
outlined a vision for each of us, including our
children, but you have to look for the “markers” in
your child that point to the way he (or she) should
go. And then, like one who oversees a business,
you have to
create
opportunities for
success. Our
children are
dying in the
streets because
those overseeing
the Family Business are too busy with other
people’s business.
In the Family Business, we get to provoke each
other to greater when we feel too weak to try
harder and give and receive comfort when it gets
too heavy for us. You have to listen when God
tells you, the characteristics in your children and
discerning His pleasure with their individual
brilliance. Hearing and internalizing what God says
about your children means you have to put your
ego, your desires for them, all the unfulfilled stuff
in you – away. Once the children come along,
getting them to successful adulthood is YOUR
PRIORITY.
Pause. That’s right. Whether you do it alone or
with a spouse, The Family Business is the business
of nurturing the next generation of leaders who are
right now living under your roof. There is
something in them for you, and there is
something in you for them. Pause again. If you
dare to embrace The Family Business, you will be
rewarded beyond anything you could imagine by
rejoicing in their success, and realizing that what is
in you has value in spite of what others have said.
In fact I believe as you really pour into your
children, you will find some commonality with their
gifts.
Did I mention this applies to spouses too? That
can be a little dicey because spouses don’t come to
us as children, but as people who may have been
misdirected by parental, societal, educational, and
(gasp) religious expectations. You don’t get to re-
raise them, but to fight for the essence of who God
says they are (and you know what that is because
you have unselfishly prayed and heard God tell you
5 | P a g e
their SWOT). Sometimes you may even have to
fight them for them. The best thing a woman can do
for her son is to let him see her honestly respect his
father – flaws and all and fearlessly engaging in
uncomfortable discussions. That takes nothing away
from his father and helps the son get used to
accountability from the one he spends his life with.
The best thing a father can do for his daughter is to
sincerely love her mother – good, bad and ugly, and
fearlessly engaging in uncomfortable discussions.
In an environment where love is unquestioned we
don’t have to tip toe around hard stuff. We work
through it like in any successful business. We
teach our children how to handle conflict in
relationships by how we deal with the conflicts in
ours. The Family Business, like the business I
talked about in the first paragraph should aim at to
meet its target – children who are not afraid be
BOLD in their love for family and AUTHENTIC in
their pursuit of "The way they should go".
Tend to ya’ business. You are loved
.
Michele
Get The Tools You Need To Succeed With Ken Cheatham
2nd & 4th Mondays
At 7:00 pm CST
Conversations with Ken
About Life, Motivation &
Being Your Best Self
“Achieving your goal is simple, but not
easy.” Ken Cheatham
Blogtalkradio.com/bold-movers-radio
“The idea of building grit and building self-control
is that you get that through failure,” Randolph told
me. “And in most highly academic environments in
the United States, no one fails anything.”
― Paul Tough
The Family Business continued
6 | P a g e
Kind of like letters to the editor…only quicker
“Took a time out from my busy schedule
yesterday to read my copy of Sepia Prime
Woman Magazine and I must say that I
could not stop reading and ended up
reading the entire issue all at once. From
one great article to the next, I was
encouraged, inspired, I laughed and I
cried. I'm not a sweater person, I like suits,
but I've now got a few ideas on how to
make them compliment my wardrobe. I
loved loved Candace Payne's salute to
herself. Pastor Traci Childress' story of how
she found her purpose right within her own
family will certainly inspire others who may
have lost their way. "Why Can't We Just All
Get Along," is a question that I've asked
practically all of my life. I understand that
women act out of their pain. I pray for
healing for each of us so we can love
each other, the way God loves us.
Michele, thank you for pushing us to be
fierce! And you really are a nice person.
Oh, and I'm signing up with a running
coach! Thank you Sepia Prime Woman!”
SJ Chicago
“I just read the magazine from cover to
cover!!! OMG! I’ve heard the word
“Revelation” several times at church, but
after
reading
your
magazine
I realize
that a
revelation
is taking
place in
my life!!!
You are loved Big Time!!”
KJ Chicago
“I've started and I'm loving the articles.
After the emotions settled from your
BEAUTIFUL memory of Lynetta, then my
Bible read, I read, Not just any kind of
woman. Of course I kept going to awaken
still sitting at the computer at 3am (ouch).
The articles are personable that you can
relate or say that's me because they make
the reader feel what they are writing.
Hopefully I will stay awake to finish. High
excitement for the confrontational
dreamer. I intend on getting a pink Sepia
Prime shirt as well.”
CL Charlotte, NC
“I just read the magazine, and I really
enjoyed it. That Candace is awesome. She
helped me.”
RN Matteson
, IL
POSTINGS
Connect with Sepia Prime Woman and The BOLD Movers Network on FaceBook Follow Us on Twitter (@SepiaPrimeWoman, @BOLDMoversNet) Or Get everything (magazines, radio broadcasts, and videos) at
www.sepiaprimewoman.com
7 | P a g e
Frankly Speaking
Spring Cleaning
By Stephanie Franklin
Well…we did it! We survived the brutality of the
winter months cooped up like chickens, not really
wanting to leave the house with the exception of
those absolutely necessary trips, and I do mean
absolutely necessary! But now we are into spring
and you know what that means! Spring Cleaning!
Cleanup week when I was younger meant a good
week out of school and new clothes for me to wear
when I said my rehearsed Easter speech. It was also
a time when my mother went crazy, cleaning the
house like Better Homes and Gardens was coming
to do an interview! We washed windows, cleaned
out the closets, and scraped the corners and wood
framing with the end of a butter knife! The scent of
bleach and Pine Sol was so strong your eyes would
burn and you could smell it from the outside!
In a natural setting, spring cleaning was such a
rigorous and tedious process, but if we did an
inventory of our lives and applied the spring
cleaning principle, we would see that we often
confuse the things we need to keep with the things
we need to get rid of.
For instance:
Relationships: There are relationships that, due to
miscommunication, distance, and a myriad of other
reasons, are strained or broken, but need to be
reconciled. Then there are those toxic relationships
-- Jerry Springer and Maury worthy which bring
only strife, animosity and hurt; they need to be
buried and left in the ground.
Dreams, visions and goals: Well now…many of
these are in the cemetery with weeds growing on
top because we won’t even visit them! When you
were a googly eyed youngster, you had big dreams
of turning the world upside down. Somewhere
between college, marriage, parenthood and life 101,
those dreams got pushed further down the priority
list and in a lot of cases, forgotten. The secret to
overcoming your now mundane existence lies
within discovering your purpose once again and
walking in it! Get out those shovels, blow the dust
off of those journals and business plans and dream
again!
Leggings, Lycra, and all things knit: Many of
them got buried in the 80’s where they should have
stayed along with
so many other
fashion faux pas!
They have now
come back with a
vengeance to a
society that boasts
the most people in
denial about their
body types and
who declare, “If I
can get in it, it
fits!” Lies I tell
you! Just Lies!
Remember, the truth shall set you free!!
Negative thoughts: Sometimes we can’t move
forward because of the “rewind/hit play” button that
we continually rehearse of the negative things said
to us and about us (i.e. “you will never…”, “you
can’t because…”, “You shouldn’t because.”,
“You’re nothing but a…” etc.). STOP! Pull tape
and record new affirmations to rehearse. You are
not your past or the negativity spoken over you!
You is smart, You is kind, You is important!
Bad habits: This list could take up the rest of this
writer’s column and I don’t have that much time or
space! A few of these include procrastination,
Frankly Speaking continued
8 | P a g e
gossiping, laziness, lying, ignorance, greed, etc.
These are all destructive to your purpose and
destiny. Break and get rid of those bad habits and
then adopt some new ones that are productive to
your destination and legacy.
And last but not least…YOU! Many of us have
settled into the comfort of mediocrity and act and
look like beggars and paupers instead of the Bad
Mamma Jammas we are! We have let ourselves go
and are content with wearing Mom jeans whose
waist line comes to our necks, and socks with
cartoon characters on them. It has become
acceptable to wear pajama pants, house shoes and
satin hair bonnets outside of the house and justify it.
We have not even put ourselves on our list of things
to do! Knowing who you REALLY are makes
some things unacceptable. Breathe life back into
yourself! Bring sexy back (husbands would greatly
appreciate it!) Do something that brings enjoyment
to you! Learn to love yourself once again…curves,
crooked smile and all. Dumping the junk will
reveal that wonderfully creative and sassy lady you
have forgotten!
In the natural when the house was clean, you
breathed a sigh of relief because after all, there’s
nothing like relaxing in a clean house. Taking
inventory of our lives will bring the same result
without the hazardous chemical smells and the
burning of our eyes.
#Finallyexhaling… #Woossaahhhh….
It’s your move.
Make it a BOLD
One.
9 | P a g e
Coming Up in Sepia Prime Woman Magazine:
May: The Challenges & Blessings of
Mothering in 2014
June: The Men’s Issue
July: Get Aways, “Stay-cations” & Bringing
Back Summertime Fun!
Call to take advantage of our Business
Builder Special that includes a radio Interview,
Commercials on The BOLD Movers Network
and Premium Advertising Space. This is a
limited opportunity and the May Issue closes
April 22nd. What are you waiting for?
It’s Your Move: Make It A BOLD One
Call us at 312.646.0429
Or email: [email protected]
10 | P a g e
Actress Carol Bailey on Life, Love and Mothering
How long have you been
acting and what are some
things you have been in?
I have been acting on stage
since I was four years old. I
have been in school plays,
drama clubs and even
participated in some award
winning plays at the state
level, while in high school.
When I came to America
from Jamaica as a teen, I
was inducted into the
National Thespian Society.
Twenty years ago, I began
acting as professional. The
very first thing I did was a photo shoot for
Scholastic Book Fairs of America. I have been in
commercials for our local theme parks: Universal
Studios, Sea World, and I’ve done national
commercials for Walt Disney World and
McDonalds. I am in the Oscar winning movie,
Monster with Charlize Theron, where I appear as a
Court Reporter. I have also been in Beethoven’s Big
Break with Eddie Griffin as a dinner guest and
Tooth Fairy 2 as a home demonstration guest. It is
a blast and a privilege to get paid for doing what I
love most.
I also played an HIV patient, who was dying in the
hospital, as a part of a Public Service
Announcement for my state. I spent quite some time
explaining that, “No I was not dying and no I did
not have HIV”.
I am also extremely proud to be a member of SAG-
AFTRA (Screen Actors Guild-American Federation
of Television & Radio Artists); there are only
160,000 of us.
What emotions did you experience after finding
out one of your children was autistic?
The first thing I did was deny the facts. I looked at
the two older kids and told myself that this third one
was going to be okay – it would only be a matter of
time. Then I
discovered
that thyroid
disease with
a
combination
of a wheat
diet could
also be a
contributing
factor in
having
children on
the autism
spectrum.
After finding
that out, I
started
questioning if I was the reason for his diagnosis.
Finally, I realized that yes, my son was autistic and
that it was time to find ways to best serve him as a
parent. At this realization I felt God telling me that
we were given this child because we could be
trusted with him. One of our pastors said almost the
same thing to me the day after I heard this in my
heart; I was truly encouraged by it.
My son’s diagnosis is Autism with Pervasive
Development Disorder. The neurologist said the
only thing we could do was to give him a reduced
dose of a drug called Ritalin. We countered with the
suggestion of Vitamin Therapy to which the
neurologist said no. So, we decided that he was not
going to be on drugs either. We later found this
drug was so powerful that when the children on it
were not being medicated they were almost
uncontrollable. We did not want that for our son.
Over the next few months, I cried and prayed; we
cried and prayed, and I asked God, “Why?” At first
He was silent, or it could have been that I was not
paying attention because I kept asking. Finally, the
answer I heard was, “Why not?” I was shocked at
COVER FEATURE
11 | P a g e
first but it was definitely food for thought. I had
four young children, one of whom was diagnosed as
having special needs, but I also had a loving and
very supportive husband to help bear the load.
There are single parents in the same situation with
no support. I started walking out the path God set
for me.
As a member of our family, Kevin is always
included in our activities. There were times when he
chose not to participate but I think he realized that
we were not giving up on him so he joined the fun.
He also learned that we would not tolerate
misbehavior.
We have had to make adjustments. For example, if
we are going out to eat, we bring a snack so he has
something to munch on while we wait for our food.
When attending church, we choose the shorter
service and sit away from the speakers because he
is sensitive to loud noises.
And now when I meet parents of children with
special needs, I encourage them with the same
words God shared with me: “You have been
entrusted with this precious gift,” and those parents
usually begin looking at their situation with
renewed vision.
How do you keep yourself motivated?
As a woman of faith, I spend time daily reading the
scriptures, devotional material, positive
affirmations as well as praying and meditating on
what I have read. I have found that this helps to
keep me centered and not focused on what others
see as a problem, but thankful for our current
situation. We participate in Special Olympics
events throughout the year. One only has to look
around to realize that things are not so bad – they
could be much worse. I choose to spend my energy
being thankful and enjoying the moments that my
family has been given.
I also keep motivated by reading books, trade
magazines and going to the movies with my
husband (our favorite activity from our dating
days). I have also rediscovered my passion for
working out and I endeavor to spend time in the
gym on a daily basis.
What is your greatest hope for your son and for
your family?
My greatest hope for my son is that one day he will,
like the young Albert Einstein, look up from his
dinner and say, “The soup is too hot,” or some
similar event. I hope that he is able to clearly say
his name, address and phone number as
appropriate responses when questioned. My
mother-in-law read Einstein’s story and called to
tell us about it almost twenty years ago. We still
have hope that he will converse with us one day.
My greatest hope for our family is that they will
realize how proud we are of them as parents. We
are our son’s greatest cheerleaders and we all
celebrate him. When friends come over to visit, he is
introduced and welcomed as one of the gang and
that makes my heart glad.
I remember a time we were having a picnic in the
park when the kids were about 4, 6, 8 and 10. We
had 6 bikes and were taking a rest from riding. A
little boy asked my husband if he could ride one of
the bikes and we gave him Kevin’s bike because it
was just the right
size. Our youngest
put his hands on his
hips and confronted
the little boy, “You
betta leave my
brudda’s bike alone,
right now!” he
demanded, even
though he was a
good foot shorter
than the other boy.
We explained the
situation but little
brother kept an eye on the bike until it was
returned.
We do not take their love for granted and make time
to let them know how we feel about them.
What would you say to the mother who just
found out her son or daughter is autistic?
I would say that this road is going to lead you into
many discoveries, not only about your child but
12 | P a g e
about yourself. In all my years of reading and
research, the autism spectrum is so broad that it is
not a “one-size-fits-all” diagnosis. I would also say
pay attention to your child and get to know them in
ways such as:
Their likes and dislikes
Their triggers, i.e., (what causes them to
become irritable and why)
What things make them happy
What things make them sad
And also for yourself:
Identify your support system.
Consider what plans you have for their
future if their diagnosis does not change or
worsens.
What Is Autism?
What is Autism Spectrum Disorder?
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and
autism are both general terms for a
group of complex disorders of brain
development. These disorders are
characterized, in varying degrees, by
difficulties in social interaction, verbal
and nonverbal communication and
repetitive behaviors.
Autism appears to have its roots in
very early brain development.
However, the most obvious signs of
autism and symptoms of autism tend
to emerge between 2 and 3 years of
age. Autism Speaks continues to fund
research on effective methods for
earlier diagnosis, as early intervention
with proven behavioral therapies can
improve outcomes. Increasing autism
awareness is a key aspect of this work
and one in which our families and
volunteers play an invaluable role.
Autism statistics from the U.S.
Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in
88 American children as on the autism
spectrum–a ten-fold increase in
prevalence in 40 years. Careful
research shows that this increase is
only partly explained by improved
diagnosis and awareness. Studies also
show that autism is four to five times
more common among boys than girls.
An estimated 1 out of 54 boys and 1
in 252 girls are diagnosed with autism in the United States.
Excerpted from
www.autismspeaks.org
Kevin’s High School Graduation, June 1, 2012
13 | P a g e
YOUR BODY STRONG
Understanding Menopause & Weight Gain
By Tasha Odunuyi
How many of us have heard the dreaded
saying that the older you get the harder it
is to lose weight? When it comes to
staying fit it can be very challenging at
any age, but especially for women in
pre-menopause and menopause.
A study revealed that about 90% of all
women experience weight fluctuations
between the ages of 30 and 55. The
weight gain can range between 10 to 25
pounds during menopause and average a
pound a year.
Let's discuss the known contributing
factors to gaining weight during
menopause:
Testosterone: When you hear this word
you only think of men. The truth is that
women carry this hormone but in smaller
amounts than men. Testosterone is
responsible for building and maintaining
muscle mass along with a host of other
things. It allows the muscle cells to burn
calories and elevates your metabolism.
Unfortunately as your levels begin to
drop, you lose muscle mass and have a
much slower metabolism.
Estrogen: It's a very common thing for
estrogen levels to take a dip during
menopause causing cessation of
ovulation. The decrease is due to a drop
in the production of estrogen by the
ovaries causing your body to look for
other sources of estrogen. The other
source: fat cells resulting in calories
storing as fat in order to increase
estrogen levels.
Stress: High levels of stress can cause
havoc on a women's body and the first
place you start to notice the sudden
weight gain are the waistline, butt, arms
and hips. Too much stress on the body
plays a
negative role
and produces
much higher
levels of
cortisol
resulting in
weight gain.
Insulin
Resistance:
This can
occur when
your body
converts
calories into
fat .Over a period of time the body
resists insulin produced in the blood
stream and experiences weight gain.
Tasha Odunuyi is an NASM Certified
Personal Trainer and owner of Circle
of Life Fitness.
www.colfitness.com
14 | P a g e
Dealing with DRAMA in Relationships By Reverend Michael Anthony Simmons
Since the beginning of creation men and
women alike have shared and sacrificed
with attempts to satisfy each other’s
emotional and physical appetites, only to
be told that tomorrow’s menu will call
for something better and more exciting. I
am of the opinion that there is no such
luxury as a drama-free relationship.
Depending on the couple or single
person you’re talking to, however, you
will get a different definition of drama.
Drama is defined as the specific mode of
fiction represented in a performance.
The term comes from the Greek word
meaning action, which is derived from
the verb meaning to do or to act. When
we classify the disagreements and
argumentative times, or even the
behavior of our significant other in our
relationships as drama we are literally
saying that no matter how serious that
matter might be, or how urgent the
moment, it’s fictitious, a fallacy at best.
No wonder our wives or girlfriends get
offended when we refer to them as a
drama queens.
I consider myself to be a student of this
game of relationships. I’m always
intrigued at the end results of an
emotional co-existence when love is no
longer the nucleus. I began counseling
couples over 20 years ago prior to
officiating their marriage ceremonies
with hopes that the marriage relationship
will be lasting and mutually rewarding,
but not without drama. In fact, I explain
in great detail that they should expect
DRAMA!
Gleaning
from its
original
definition,
they should
expect the
other one to
act. I advised
them to find a
happy
medium, to
consider what
they love
about each
other, and
refer to that or those character traits
when unpleasant happenings occur.
In these sessions I tend to play the realist
or as they might see me, the pessimist.
My objective is to pre-warn them that
the honeymoon won’t last forever and
when tempers flare, (and they will) there
should be a resolve system in place.
They are many different ways of dealing
with those non-diplomatic times, when
you wish you had never said I do, or
agreed to commit to what right now feels
like “this God-forsaken relationship”.
The reality is that everyone handles
disagreements and DRAMA differently.
Personally speaking, I love a good
debate -- the reenactment of issues, and
recalling of statements that prompted me
to get you straight in the first place. On
the other hand, I try to cover my
negligence with charm and romance. It
took me years to fully understand that
LIFE CHANGING FEATURE
15 | P a g e
sexual prowess is time consuming and
limited in terms of an intimate
connection.
By the way, how often do we confuse
romance with intimacy? Most of us
weren’t schooled by someone else’s
experience without room for our own
relational discrepancies. Boys were
taught not to cry, not knowing that we
were actually being taught to be
deceptive to our own feelings of pain
and vulnerability. In reality, we should
have been taught perseverance, and
intestinal fortitude, not the ability to
mask our pain for gender pride. Women
were taught to submit no matter what.
This is one of the reasons so many
women remain in an abusive
relationship, or engage in the roller-
coaster of leaving and coming back.
More often than not, opposites indeed
attract. In the early stages of a
relationship, we’re on our best behavior,
not wanting to appear less than perfect. I
am definitely a proponent of
presentation, and making a good first
impression. However, somehow we have
taken that to mean, “I can’t be my true
self because I won’t be accepted.” Once
familiarly sets in and we gain each
other’s confidence, we become more and
more transparent. Lights, camera, action!
We began disagreeing with her opinion.
She becomes animated with her dislike
for you taking your shoes off in the
sitting area. He would rather watch the
game with the fellas; she wants you to
listen to her vent about her day at the
office. You used to take her shopping;
now you prefer to give her the money
and send her because she takes too long
and you don’t have that kind of patience.
“You changed”! No he didn’t, he’s just
becoming comfortable enough to risk
putting his priorities in front of yours.
It’s not that he’s being insensitive, or
taking you for granted, he just knows
that after you fuss, he’ll whisper sweet
nothings in your ear, seduce you, make
passionate love to you, and all will be
forgiven -- or will it? Women never
forget, they just settle for the idea of
better times to come. Then the big
argument happens, and she becomes a
hall of fame court room stenographer.
She recalls all of the past testimonies,
leaving us men to throw ourselves on the
mercy of the court.
Longevity in a relationship is
contingent upon several factors:
Acceptance of his/her flaws
Admission of your own
imperfections
Willingness to communicate during
difficult times
Ability to forgive
Deciding that this is who I chose to
love unconditionally
Unselfish behavior toward his/her
wants & needs
Managing their trust with
consideration of your own
And so the million dollar question is
how can we get past the DRAMA?
Where do we draw a line in the sand,
and say these are my core values, and I
will not compromise my dignity, or
moral convictions? I want to answer the
question by going on record and saying
that love is not blind and in fact has
20/20 vision. Love has the ability to see
what lust could only imagine. When you
listen to your heart, your soul gives
audible clarity. You must first clear the
mechanism. Understand truth versus
lies; reality versus fiction, and most
Life Changing Feature continued
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importantly joy rather than happiness.
When we navigate our way through
relationship storms, if we have the right
storm apparatus, we’ll be fine. Jesus
makes it clear!
“Whosoever God joins together, let no
man put asunder”! That means, that no
predicaments, or situations, or
circumstances, or worst case scenarios
can disconnect what God connects. If
your relationship is going to survive the
DRAMA, God has to be the writer, and
director of the script. When we learn
how to love ourselves correctly, we can
begin loving someone other than
ourselves. We must learn to disagree
without being disagreeable. We can’t
afford to allow the sun to go down upon
our wrath. We should cherish every
moment, simply because according to
scripture, life is as a vapor, which
appears for a little while, and then it
vanishes. Confrontation can be a good
thing when its intent is to resolve and
resume. No relationship deserves the
ostrich approach -- avoiding the issues,
hoping they will go away. If this
romance and intimate rendezvous is
going to stand the test of time, two must
agree that we are stronger together than
we are apart.
And that we will remain…
Michael Anthony Simmons is an
ordained minister, a playwright and a
father.
Dealing With Drama continued
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Helping Churches and Small Business Survive So Our Communities Can Thrive
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Naturally ME, Naturally
BOLD By Sonya L Moore “You are .bold”! Those were the
words a young woman told me in
the restroom, as I washed my hands,
before returning to my office to finish
a presentation. I was professionally
dressed in a two-piece suit complete
with leather pumps. Although I
admit I had a bit of swag that day, I
didn’t know what she was referring
to until it dawned on me. She wasn’t
talking about how I was dressed; she
was referring to my hair – my afro! I
was utterly amazed at that
statement because I had not given
my hair a second thought that day,
other than making sure it was neat
and properly moisturized. (I can’t
stand dry hair, but that’s another
article for another day .) What I
found most shocking was that the
young woman also wore her hair
natural, but in a twist out style. I
asked her what was bold about my
hairstyle and she said, “There is no
way I could walk in here with an
afro. I am not that confident”.
Those words caused me to pause
but one word in particular stuck with
me – confident. Until that very
moment, I had not given a second
thought to my hair and workplace
acceptance, nor did I factor in the
confidence to determine my
preferred hairstyle. Now, don’t get
me wrong; to be professional at work
– my speak, my clothing and my
overall appearance
- are of the utmost importance,
especially in a corporate
environment with very few other
women of color in leadership
positions. Confidence was never an
obstacle or challenge to overcome
during my natural hair journey.
That one word, Confidence, let me
know that the natural hair struggle is
real and confidence is an issue for
some women. Was the lack of
confidence a self-inflicted obstacle
or was it really alive in my workplace
(or others) and I couldn’t see it?
Why was it not an issue for me, but it
was for this young lady? Could I
secretly be helping other Naturalistas
along in their journey just by wearing
my afro and being in a leadership
position? Who was paying attention
to my hair and what did (or does) it
mean to others? Was I “changing
the game” at my workplace? At that
moment, I realized that my personal
natural hair journey could help to
pave the way for acceptance and
breaking down barriers and fears of
“management not being ready for
natural hair” because I am
management! As these thoughts ran
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through my head, I realized that I
was the only African American woman
in my building in a leadership position
wearing my hair in its natural state. That
simple statement gave me pause.
Lack of confidence is something many
natural women struggle within their personal
and professional lives. It can stem from co-
workers, friends, family members and even
your spouse or partner; they may not want
you to be natural. However it’s in the
professional realm that may cause women to
reconsider going natural for fear of missing
out on a promotion or high-profile project
that will advance their career. It’s
understandable given the daily challenge
women of color face in having to work twice
as hard to get ahead. Who wants their hair
to be what might prevent them from getting
a promotion?
While it is important to fit in to your
organization, it’s more important to fit in
your own skin and be who you want to be.
Is it easy to find that balance? Not for some,
but if you can walk in your “inner
Naturalista”, do it! It’s up to you to “change
the game” and let others know that the way
you wear your hair is part of your character
and it adds a statement of individuality and
diversity to any organization.
You must also be ready to accept the
challenges that may come your way as a
result of honoring your Naturalista, so it’s
critical that you make the best decision for
you. It’s important for you to factor in the stage of life you are in as you think of your
career; be comfortable with yourself and
understand what could happen if your
culture is not ready to embrace a strong,
beautiful Naturalista walking around
confidently in the workplace. For some this
is a gamble they may not be ready for and
that is fine; the key is to know that you
could encounter a corporate culture not
ready to embrace your choice. For me, my
natural hair journey is mine and I am
walking in it. Reflecting back on the
encounter in the restroom made me think
then, and it causes me to reflect now. So,
wish me luck as I am being me and making
bold moves for Naturalistas in Ohio and
beyond!
Sonya L. Moore is the Founder of ‘Nati Naturalistas,
an active Cincinnati, Ohio membership- and
community-based natural hair society focusing on
empowerment, wellness, style and beauty for women
of all ages who are currently natural, thinking of
becoming natural, transitioning or caring for
someone with natural hair. Feel free to join our
society and learn more about ‘Nati Naturalistas -
www.meetup.com/nati-naturalistas/
Naturally Me….continued
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It’s Worth It!
By Charles & Traci Childress
Charles:
On April 21st, my wife and I will be
celebrating 24 years of marriage.
Among many other thoughts, that fact
also brings to mind the words that
Winston Churchill uttered to Britain’s
House of Commons in the first year of
World War II. He famously said "I have
nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and
sweat". No, marriage hasn’t been as
bad as all that, in fact it’s been a very
fulfilling and rewarding experience; one
I would not trade. I’m just observing
that, as with anything in life that’s worth
having, the commitment to a permanent
relationship has its difficulties, its
challenges and its sacrifices. If you want
to get your relationship to this point and
beyond, you will have to know and
embrace this fact. Keeping life,
communication, romance, spontaneity
and fun in your marriage beyond the
blissful early stage requires it.
Traci:
I can affirm that the struggle was
rewarding, but I also want to add that for
us, the struggle wasn’t all about being at
each others’ throats. The struggle was
more about the outside challenges we
faced while learning to understand how
each other deals with stress, and making
time, amid the stress, to celebrate one
another. Marriage would be very
uninviting if couples thought their
covenant vows were locking them in to a
war zone with each other. That is why I
made up my mind years ago to listen to
and esteem Charles, if I hadn’t we would
probably have declared “every man for
himself and God for us all.”
Charles:
Not long after we married it became
common for couples to write their own
vows and in more and more wedding
ceremonies we attended, this became the
norm. We often heard phrases like “I
can’t breathe without you”, and “I love
you more than life itself” or an
assortment of comments about each
other’s figure, or eyes or sense of humor
etc. There’s nothing wrong with these
kinds of statements and hopefully
everyone feels this way on their wedding
day. The thing that came to my mind
whenever I heard them, however, is that
they are feelings, and a product of the
early blissful days of marriage that don’t
necessarily represent the long haul. So
for instance, if in your vows you spoke
of your loves’ beauty, what happens
when the beauty fades and they become
wrinkled? Is the vow now void? The
traditional marriage vows are replete
with terms like “richer or poorer”,
“sickness and in health” and “til death
do us part”. These statements instill a
sense of responsibility, sacrifice and
longsuffering that along with all the
good times, represent the other side of
the coin that must also be in place if a
relationship is going to be able to
weather the rougher seas encountered on
the way to those double digit years.
LOVING
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Traci:
The thing that stands out to me, about
non-traditional vows, is how much of it
is retained. Did you write your own
vows? Do you remember them? If we
don’t remember the covenant we made,
how can we really move toward
honoring it? It’s in the tough times that
our vows are most important to recall,
that is, if we value the words we shared.
We hear this idea in business; we are
encouraged to write our goals and write
our vision, then put it up where we can
see it so when we feel like quitting we
can remember our “why.” Isn’t a
marriage covenant worth remembering?
If you are in the double digit years like
Charles and I, it’s not too late to recall
your “why”, and renew your vows in the
spirit of your mind.
Charles:
At times you will fight, but learn from it
and let it bring you closer to
understanding each other. At times you
will disagree, but let it pave the way to
acceptable compromises. At times you
will be frustrated, but let it build
patience which finds love and peace in
its midst. Your marriage can go the
distance, but it will take a listening ear,
an open mind and a forgiving attitude to
be among its ingredients.
Traci:
Some say, “For all these years, it seems
like all we’ve done is fight.” This may
be true, but that does not negate your
ability to reap the benefits from your
investment of blood, sweat, and tears (as
Charles put it); however, you will need
to forgive the past, before you can begin
to practice a forgiving attitude as you
move forward. Years of limited and even
bad communication can really put a toll
on hope for the future, but if wedded
bliss is what you want, write out the
word and put it someplace to remind you
what you are aiming for, and set yourself
to make choices and respond in a way
that will take you there…It’s Worth It.
Charles & Traci Childress have been married for 23 years. They have worked together to help couples enrich their marriages for over 17 years. You can visit their website at: funinmarriage.net. To hear The Marriage Network’s open discussion
with couples who are going the distance,
for better or for worse, go to
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bold-
movers-radio/2014/03/08/finding-
serenity The episode is called “Heavy
Love”. You can also register online for
our Couples in the Kitchen Workshop
scheduled for April 19th
at 4p. Just go to
www.FunInMarriage.net and click on
“Workshops and Events”.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes
unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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A for Effort: My Grade for Balance By Candice Payne These last couple of months my life has been very “springy”. After such a brutal winter mentally and physically, I’ve grown excited about
the new beginnings. The spring brings excitement, optimism, and joy…which lead to me taking action. Most people see spring as a time for new opportunities and are determined to make the best of them. I am ready for growth. I am ready to finally show that I can prevail against the opposing forces. I am so done with all that depression and despair that comes along with the winter. I decided that I was not going to turn down any challenge or opportunity to help me grow or push towards my dreams and goals. This is the year I am finally taking action to pursue my passion. Blogging has allowed me to bless others by encouraging them through my writing and it’s opened other doors.
I decided this is the year to no longer neglect myself but to nurture my gifts (add my hair and eyebrows in there too). I have to push, motivate, and encourage myself the same way I push my children. I remember explaining to them my plan to take more time to myself and to do other things that may not include them (aside from emotional indulging of cookies, ice cream, or chocolate). In their minds the only businesses I have to take care of is pay bills and go to the grocery store to get snacks for their classrooms. Even though it’s our job as parents to make major sacrifices for our children, I want to help them understand that there will be times where I won’t be at their every beck and call. Being a stay at home mom has been a blessing. I’ve NEVER missed a moment in their lives. They’ve always had my full participation. I believe they are my greatest investments. So what happens when the Mommy who had no business gets some business? She tries to find balance. She feels guilt. All of that Kelly Price singing “IT’S MY TIME” is paused when one of the children needs her. We can’t deny that our children make us melt and it’s hard to say no to them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that just like there is nothing wrong with telling them “no” when you need to invest in yourself. I admit this is the hardest thing to do at first. This is why balance is so important. I’ll always be a Mom. I want to experience life as Candice
SUPERWOMAN SANCTUARY
23 | P a g e
the writer/blogger and blog talk radio host. Guilt had me running through the door at 7:50pm preparing to host a show that started at 8:00pm. I couldn’t miss the Kindergarten spring concert. Baby girl was so excited about singing “You Got A Friend In Me” from the movie Toy Story. Without balance, though, you can become overwhelmed and lose the joy of doing things that matter the most (to you). People without balance will fall down, and lose their mental peace on the way down. I read a quote by Jessye Norman that said says: “Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself.” Of course I was not going to miss the Spring Concert; however I had to teach my children that they do not NEED me for everything. The older they get the more self-sufficient they become which can open up some extra free minutes for writing and planning shows. This is not promoting child neglect. It is possible to have a successful business and a non-chaotic household at least some of the time. I’m just encouraging you to give TO yourself just as much as you give OF yourself. Enjoy the choices you make. Balance it and keep it moving! "At the end of the day, my most important title is still MOM-in-CHIEF." Michelle Obama
Candice Payne is Blogger for the Superwoman
Sanctuary and host of The Woman Cave on
The BOLD Movers Radio Network.
FIND YOUR BALANCE
Finding Serenity With
Traci Childress
Fridays at 7:00 pm CST
The BOLD MOVERS NETWORK
Blogtalkradio.com/bold-movers-radio
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It’s Raining Style….Trench Trends
We Like
The spring 2014 New York collections are shaping up to be all about ease and elegance. “We especially loved seeing cool trench coats in soft materials and colors on the runway at Jason Wu, Michael Kors and Donna Karan. “ (thezoereport.com)
According to Plus Model Magazine.com, The classic trench coat has come a long way from its days of just being a simple black or khaki long jacket. It has been reinvented a few times and this spring, it comes in vibrant colors and prints. This spring is all about being bold and here’s a few trench coats in bold prints that will surely add some pop to any outfit you choose to pair it with.
SEPIA STYLE
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Floral Print Belted Trench from eShakti
Striped Trench Coat from Ashley Stewart
“The best thing one can do when
it's raining is to let it rain.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
SEPIA STYLE
Joe Brown’s Marvellous Floral Mac from Simply Be
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The Main Thing
Did He or Didn't He? Terri Wilson
Let me start by saying these articles are designed to make you think about the subject and
possibly say, “That doesn’t sound quite right and then go and research it for yourself. I
often tell my Ladies Class, “Don't believe me, look it up when you get a chance and see
what the Word says about it. This could very well be one of those articles for you.
Ever since we were little and going to Sunday school, we were taught Jesus was crucified
on Good Friday and rose on Easter Sunday and that was fine for us then, because the
Easter Bunny would bring us a basket of Easter candy too.
In recent years, though, there have been a few avenues of thought. There are some who
think He couldn't have been crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday. They tend to base
their thoughts on the passage of scripture from Matthew 12:40, taken from the King
James Version, where when Jesus was asked by the Pharisees about a sign He said, “For
as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly, so shall the Son of man be
three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.” There are also those who believe
time back then was not calculated like time is today and because of that, He was crucified
on Friday and rose on Sunday.
Though there is nothing impossible for God, there are some who believe from what He
said in Matthew there was no way He could have been crucified on Friday. Now
remember, we were taught they asked for His body before sundown because at sundown
the Sabbath began and it was also the beginning of a high holy day, The Feast of
Unleavened Bread.
Okay, so let’s see. From before sundown on Friday to before sundown on Saturday is one
day and before sundown on Saturday to before sundown on Sunday is two days. Oh, but
wait, the Word says in Matthew, it was “towards the dawning of the first day of the week”
when Mary brought spices to anoint His body and found the stone rolled away and the
tomb empty. To borrow a phrase, “Things that make you go hmmmmm.”
So whether or not you believe He was crucified on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday really
is not important. What IS important is that He rose and to this day stands in the gap for
us making intercession on our behalf. Be Blessed.
Terri E. Wilson is a licensed minister, a women’s coach at her church, and author.
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This would make a great Mother’s Day Gift or to wear as you walk To Find A Cure. The shirt
comes in pink and black and proceeds from the pink shirt go to the Susan B. Komen Fund for
a cure. Let’s Make A BOLD Move against cancer.
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