Ann Williams - Cold, Cold Heart

8/12/2019 Ann Williams - Cold, Cold Heart

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Cold Cold Heart

Ann Williams

To save a child

Jake Frost FBI. agent. Speciality: Finding missing Children. Status: Self-imposed exile. Inhiding from himself.

Rachel ryden Single mother of a kidnapped child. !ne step a"ay from falling apartcompletely.

#fter $eing kidnapped as a child% Jake Frost had made finding missing children his life&s"ork until a rescue attempt gone "rong sent him o'er the edge. (o" a mother&s anguishedplea for his help forced him out of exile% forced him to focus on someone else&s pain%Because some"here out there "as a scared little girl% and right next to Jake "as a terrified"oman for "hom he "ould risk more than )ust his sanity...

*+ ,*! #R+S

en "ho "ill gi'e all they&'e got for their country% their "ork and their "omen.


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Prologue

It "as ele'en o&clock on a uiet Sunday morning in mid-June. /he s"eet perfume of"ildflo"ers% mixed "ith pine and ne"ly turned earth% filled the $almy air. /he sky o'erhead"as a deep ,edg"ood $lue.

In the distance a dog $arked% letting the cry trail off into a long mournful ho"l. /he engineof an automo$ile purred do"n the country road% trailing a thin streamer of yello" dust in its"ake. /he dust $illo"ed% "afted to and fro $y the $ree0e% thinned and settled lightly on"hate'er stood in its path.

# $right summer sun rose steadily% spilling /exas sunlight onto an ancient% spreading-oaktree. It filtered slo"ly through the $ranches% casting leaf-dappled shado"s on the $o"edheads of the som$er group of people gathered $elo" around t"o open gra'es.

#s the minister took his place at the head of the gra'es% a shiny $lack cro" s"oopedthrough the air and landed on a top $ranch of the tree. It hopped from one lim$ to anotheruntil it stopped% perched lo"% directly o'er the party $eneath.

Bending its sleek% glossy neck% turning its head this "ay and that% it settled a small%in uiring $lack eye on the silent group. /he hum of the minister&s soft 'oice as he $egan tospeak mixed "ith the drone of insects and floated a"ay on the $ree0e.

# solitary figure% dressed all in $lack from the top of his dark head to the shine of his$oots% stood $ack from the other mourners. ,ith $o"ed head and hands clenched in thepockets of his )acket% he focused ha0el eyes un$linkingly on the "hite "ood grain of thenearer coffin.

#fter a "hile% the man&s head lifted and he directed his glance to"ard the solemn faces ofthe people assem$led around the t"o gra'es. !ne at a time% he peered intently at each face%pro$ing the damp eyes% noting the stiffly held lips. #nd each time his eyes shifted to the

next face% he asked himself the same uestion.

id this one kno"1 /his one1 !r this one1 id any of them kno" that he "as the one theone responsi$le for the death of this "oman and her child1

If only he could ha'e another chance... if only he could go $ack... go $ack and change the


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past...

Chapter 1

Jake rose from his kneeling position% hunching his shoulders against the cold "ind. It rippedthrough his clothing% ruffled the too-long hair lying against his collar% and tum$led a $ro"ncurl into deep ha0el eyes.

*e&d $een "orking since eight o&clock that morning to reset the t"o gra'estones at thehead of the t"o gra'es. /hey&d $een knocked a"ry $y 'iolent storms and flash floodingduring the last three days.

Straightening% he arched his $ack to try to remo'e a kink caused $y the strain of shiftingthe three-hundred-pound mar$le stones "ithout help. *e placed a hand on a spot in hislo"er spine "here the pain "as the "orst and ru$$ed hard. From his spine% his fingers"orked their "ay around to his right hip "here he massaged the pain in muscle and $one.

/he storms "eren&t o'er yet2 the leaden sky o'erhead attested to that fact. But he&d ha'ekno"n in any case% $ecause the ache do"n the length of his right side "as as good as a$arometer% gauging the changes in the "eather.

Jake fro"ned% adding to the series of lines marking his face. 3ray hair had recently addeda ne" maturity to the mass of thick $ro"n "a'es co'ering his head% $ut he didn&t notice. *ene'er took notice of his appearance anymore.

Returning to his kneeling position% he $egan to gather the de$ris he&d remo'ed from theimmediate area into one large mass. # trash $ag% "eighted do"n "ith a rock% lay "aiting forit.

#s he stretched% reaching for a $eer $ottle someone had no dou$t thro"n from a passingcar or truck% his knees slipped in the mud and his hand came do"n hard on the $ottle&s$roken edge. Sharp pain $it into the palm of his hand and laced up his arm.
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4 amn54 Fighting to regain his $alance% he pulled $ack his hand and stared do"n at its palm.Blood "elled from $et"een the ragged edges of a deep "ound and spilled o'er the sides ofhis hand.

In frustration% muttering curses% he felt around in the side pocket of his dark green )acketand found a handkerchief. It "asn&t 'ery clean% and it "as damp from the rain% $ut it "ouldha'e to do for no". 6ater% he&d take care of the hand at home.

Just for a moment% as he stared do"n at the "ound% thoughts of Janet came to mind and"hat her reaction to such a "ound "ould ha'e $een.

Janet1 ,hen had he stopped thinking of her as other1

*ad the change come a$out the "eek after she&d died "hen he&d found the ne"spaperclippings1 !r had the change come a$out more recently% "hen he&d a"akened in the hospital%his $ody racked "ith pain and his mind filled "ith memories he&d kept safely locked $ehindan impenetra$le door for most of his life1

Shaking the $leak thoughts from his mind% he secured the handkerchief and "ent $ack to"ork. It really didn&t matter. (othing mattered anymore% except trying to make up a littlefor "hat he&d cost ary and 6acy /ol$ridge.

*e&d spent the last fi'e months trying to make up for "hat he&d cost them. *e&d paid fortheir $urial plots in this cemetery and all the funeral expenses% $ut he kne" that "ouldn&tmake up for the loss of their li'es.

/he only good thing that had come from their deaths "as this time he&d spent $y himself.*e liked li'ing in the /exas hill country alone. It ga'e him plenty of time to think. #nd he&ddone a "hole lot of thinking since the day he&d stood for the first time in this cemeteryfi'e months ago% "atching mother and child $eing laid to rest.

#s a result% he&d e'aluated his past and reached some true% if painful% conclusions a$out

himself and "hat had $rought him to this )uncture in his life. *e&d $een arrogant and cockyand he&d thought himself... infalli$le.

(e'er $efore no" had Jake e'er consciously examined his moti'es for "hat he&d done "ithhis life. But some"here inside he must ha'e at one time thought he "as doing "hat he didfor the right reasons.


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(o" he kne" the truth. *e "as a fraud. *is "hole life had $een $uilt on deception.

For the last ten years he&d fooled himself into $elie'ing he "as a humanitarian. #nd that herestored missing children to their parents out of a sense of duty. In all those years% hene'er once returned a child "ithout making a thorough in'estigation into the child&s homelife% and if there "as e'er a uestion of child a$use in any form% he in'ol'ed the appropriatelocal authorities.

*e&d al"ays thought he "as $eing so careful% $ecause he "anted to $e certain that thechildren he returned "ere $eing placed in the proper en'ironment for their safety and "ell-$eing. But that "as a lie "hite"ash for his true moti'es.

*e "asn&t doing all that checking for the children. #t least% he "asn&t doing it for thechildren as much as he "as doing it for himself to punish the parents to get $ack at allthose "ho "ere like his o"n...

# sudden crash of thunder )erked Jake&s attention to his present surroundings. *is glancedarted up"ard. Black clouds raced across the sky% "ith terri$le% t"isted forks of lightningdancing across their paths. ,ind slashed at the mighty oak a$o'e him% $ending and lashingits sturdy $ranches as though they "ere no more than t"igs.

Something some in$red instinct caused Jake to "hirl a$ruptly and stare through thegathering darkness. *is $reath lodged in his throat. *e "anted to run% $ut his feet "ereglued to the spot. *e "anted to $link% positi'e that "hat he "as seeing "ould disappear oncehe closed his eyes% $ut the muscles of his face remained rigidly fro0en in place.

# pale figure "ith flo"ing "hite ro$es floated slo"ly to"ard him. /he 'iolence around himfaded a$ruptly into o$li'ion as Jake&s eyes "idened and his mouth gre" slack.

Into his mind rose the image of his long-dead mother. She&d come for him5 Just as she usedto come for him "hen he "as a child...

4*ello5 I&m lost at least% I think I am.4

Jake shook his head to clear it% felt his muscles relax at the sound of her 'oice% and took a$old step in her direction. 4,ho are you14 he asked harshly. 4,hat do you "ant14


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/he "oman mo'ed closer% fighting to stay on her feet as a sudden% po"erful gust of "indshook her small frame. Clutching at the skirt of a "hite raincoat as it flapped "ildly aroundher knees% she raised her 'oice to make it heard a$o'e the "ind and asked% 4 o you kno" aman...4 the "ind caught her slight figure and thre" it off course 4.. .$y the name of JakeFrost14 She managed to regain her footing.

Jake&s defenses mo'ed instantly into place. 4,hy14

She "as standing only a fe" feet from him no". 4I&m looking for him.4 *er eyes pro$ed hisface and something in his expression made her ask% 4#re you Jake Frost14

4,hy14

She mo'ed closer. 4I&'e $een searching for you.4

#gain% gi'ing nothing a"ay% he asked% 4,hy14

4Because I need your help desperately .4 !ne fro0en-looking "hite hand snaked out of theco'er of her raincoat and fastened like a 'ise onto his arm. 47lease% you must help me. It&smy daughter... she&s $een kidnapped.4

Jake felt himself free0e up inside% 4I&m sorry% you&'e got the "rong man.4

48ou aren&t Jake Frost14

4I told you 4 the "ords "ere $uffeted a$out $y the "ind% $ut she had no trou$le hearingthem 4 you&'e got the "rong man.4

4,ait54 *e "as "alking a"ay. 47lease54

# $olt of lightning slashed through the air% striking a large $ranch of the tree $eneath"hich he stood. # puff of gray smoke shot up"ard% the sound of popping and cracking "ood

came sharply to ear as cold rain $egan to $eat an insistent tattoo against the ground.

46ookout54

Jake heard the crash% smelled the scorched "ood and glanced up% reali0ing immediately thedanger he "as in. # slight% soft $ody hit his% and they $oth tum$led to the ground. But the


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danger "asn&t o'er yet no" they "ere $oth in danger&s path.

Jake "ound his arms instincti'ely around the delicate $ody lying atop his and thre" theircom$ined "eight in the opposite direction of the falling lim$. /hey rolled se'eral times%Jake ending on $ottom as their momentum gradually slo"ed to a stop.

For a moment he lay there% panting% feeling the surge of adrenaline course through his 'einslike li uid po"er. #nd then% grasping the "oman $y the shoulders% feeling the rain "ash hisface% he pulled her head from his chest and asked in a $reathless "hisper% 4#re you allright14

48es.4

Shaking the mass of "et $ro"n hair from her eyes% she nodded slightly% tasting the rain%and ans"ered again% 48es... I&m fine... you14

/heir glances tangled and locked. Jake regarded her impassi'ely% 'ery much a"are for thefirst time in a long time% "hat it "as like to lie "ith a "oman stretched along the top of him.She "as so close he could see the dark rings of $lue surrounding the gray irises% feel herune'en $reath $lo"ing against his "et skin.

#s he "atched% something flared $ehind the gray eyes and Jake felt his insides uicken./he hands gripping her shoulders tightened. /his ne" pressure propelled her to"ard him%until her lips "ere a mere $reath from his.

4,ho are you14 Jake "hispered% the uestion $urning its "ay to his $rain.

7ale lids descended suddenly% shielding the expression in her eyes from his pro$ing stare.She couldn&t speak o'er the sudden pounding of her heart. ,ho "as this man% that he couldpro'oke such a reaction "ith a mere uestion and a glance from those young-old eyes1

Jake mo'ed her a$ruptly from him. /he rain "as coming do"n in a steady sheet as he

clim$ed uickly to his feet. #fter a momentary hesitation% he offered the "oman a hand up.

She grasped the hand "ithout looking% heard his sharp intake of $reath and glanced do"nat the red-soaked handkerchief tied loosely around its palm.

&&8ou&re hurt. ,hat ha'e you done1&&


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Jake pulled his hand from her grasp and sho'ed it into one of the many pockets in his )acket. 4It&s nothing.4 /urning a"ay% he strode purposefully to"ard the de$ris no" floatingin a gro"ing puddle of "ater.

3ra$$ing the trash $ag from $eneath the rock% he fum$led "ith it for a moment $eforefinding the opening% then dropped to his knees and using one hand as a scoop% $egan pushingthe pile of trash inside it. ,hy didn&t she go a"ay1

/he "oman stood o'er him% "atching. 4 id you hear "hat I said1 y daughter has $eenkidnapped and I ha'e to find her...,here are you going14

Jake "as on his feet% mo'ing to"ard the rusty iron gate set in the "all surrounding thecemetery. /he trash $ag "as slung o'er his shoulder% and he paused momentarily to depositit in a receptacle )ust outside the gate.

4,here are you going14 she asked again% trotting along at his side.%

4*ome "here you ought to $e in this storm.4

47lease% you ha'e to listen to me5 8ou&re my last hope5 I&'e got to find my daughter 4

4/hen go to the police.4

4I ha'e they can&t find her.4 She tugged on the slee'e of his )acket% $ringing him to asudden halt. 4 on&t you understand1 y little girl&s life may $e in danger.4

Jake felt his chest s uee0e tight. 4I can&t help you.4

4!h... please... they said you "ere the $est.4 /ears choked her 'oice% "elled up in her eyes%mixed "ith rain and ran do"n $oth cheeks. 4She&s only a $a$y. She needs me. She needs hermother... and I...4 She choked and shook her head% una$le to continue. ropping her hand

from his slee'e% she put $oth hands o'er her face and fought for control.

4I&m sorry.4 Jake stared some"here o'er her shaking shoulders to"ard the gra'eyard%spotted a small "hite headstone and hardened his heart. 4I&m not the man you "ant.4 /hegate "as open% and he "as a$out to pass through it% "hen her 'oice lashed out at him.


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4I sa'ed your life )ust no"5 oesn&t that count for anything1 Isn&t that "orth a fe"minutes of your precious time14

Jake turned $ack to look at her "ith dead eyes. #fter a long fro0en moment% he shook hishead% )ust once% and ans"ered% 4(o.4

4(o5 ,hat do you mean% no1 #re you telling me life means nothing to you14

4 y life%4 he explained softly% 4my life means nothing to me. (o"% if you&ll excuse me% I&mgoing home.4

4*o" can you )ust "alk a"ay1 ,hat a$out my daughter1 y $-$a$y is in danger of losingher life and you )ust "alk a"ay1 ,hat kind of man are you14

4/he kind "ho kno"s "hen he&s $eat.4

4,hat does that mean14 she asked angrily. 4I didn&t come to listen to conundrums. Justans"er me one uestion are you Jake Frost14

,hat difference did it make if she kne"1 48es.4

4/hen you&re the man I&m looking for. ,hy are you $eing so difficult14

4I am not the man you are looking for%4 he refuted "ith emphasis. 43o to the cops%4 headded% turning a"ay.

4I told you% I did. /hey couldn&t find her and neither could the FBI. /hat&s "hy I&m here.7lease% )ust hear me out. 6isten to "hat I ha'e to say. /hen...4 these "ords% apparently came"ith great difficulty 4 .. .if you still refuse to help me... I&ll lea'e "ithout a fight. I promise.4

For a long moment she thought she "as lost. *e ga'e no sign of ha'ing heard her final plea.!n the other side of the gate% he hesitated and muttered% 4,ho sent you14

4I&m sorry...4 she tried to step closer% fighting her o"n $attle "ith the "ind 4... "hat did you say1&&

4I said...4 he "hipped his eyes to her face 4..."ho sent you14


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4# man named a'ison.4

&& 3us a'ison5&& /he "ords "ere a curse.

48es.4 She nodded. 4/hat&s him.4

Jake strode through the gate angrily and stood holding it open. 4,ell14

She reali0ed he "as "aiting for her to )oin him.

Closing it after her% Jake )ammed $oth fists into his pockets and started do"n the road ata $risk trot. #fter a fe" yards% he stopped and turned $ack to look at her.

4,ell% are you )ust going to stand there% getting soaked1 It&s cold and I&m $eat.4

# moment later% she "as at his side. 4I&m Rachel ryden.4

4#nd your daughter14 *e didn&t "ant to kno"% $ut the "ords seemed torn from him againsthis "ill.

She hesitated $efore ans"ering. 4#my...her name is #my. o you kno" "hat it means14Rachel glanced up at the man&s stern profile. 4It means% $elo'ed.4

Jake&s )a" tightened and his steps uickened% $ut he made no comment.

/he house "as a good t"o-mile "alk from the cemetery in the $one-chilling rain% $ut Rachelkept up "ith his uick pace and made no o$)ection "hen he didn&t defer to her shorterstride. She "as )ust thankful to ha'e him agree to hear her out% a thing she&d thought "as$eyond hope "hen she&d first looked into those hollo" dark eyes.

3a0ing into them had $een like getting a glimpse inside hell and after the initial shock had"orn off% though she didn&t kno" the source of his o"n pri'ate hell% her sympathy had gone

out to him. If she hadn&t $een li'ing in a hell of her o"n% she&d ha'e turned right around andleft the man to find "hate'er comfort he could from the thing that "as slo"ly destroyinghim.

3us a'ison hadn&t explained "hat had changed this man into the shell of a man she no"sa". *e&d only "arned her that after a recent tragedy he&d $ecome a recluse. *e&d also


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said if anyone could find #my% it "as this man% marching grimly at her side.

/hanks to the pace set $y Jake% they reached his house in "hat must ha'e $een recordtime. /he house lay do"n a short gra'el "alk surrounded $y tall cotton"ood trees and afour-foot stacked-rock fence. It "as 'ery old% $uilt during the period "hen +uropeans "eresettling central /exas% and constructed from the rocks cleared from the area. # slopingporch "ith a metal roof ran the length of the house and at one end a fireplace chimneyclim$ed up past the red-painted roof.

Rachel slo"ly follo"ed Jake inside% noting he hadn&t paused to unlock the door. *e took his )acket off in the small entrance hall% hung it on a coat tree% and remo'ed his muddy $oots.

*e didn&t look at her as he held his hand out for her raincoat. (either did he $other"aiting for her "hen she stopped to slip off her damp shoes and socks $efore follo"ing himinto the short entrance hall. /here "ere t"o doors% one on either side of the hall% $ut shehad no idea ho" the rooms $eyond "ere used% $ecause $oth doors "ere shut. #t the end ofthe hall "as a short flight of stairs leading to the second floor.

Jake reached for the doorkno$ on the right and mo'ed into a small% sparsely furnishedroom. Striding to the fireplace% set at the end of the room% he remo'ed a long match fromthe container sitting on a corner of the stone mantel. *e knelt to set flame to the "oodalready laid.

*olding cold hands out to the flames% he noticed the soiled handkerchief and "as once morea"are of the steady thro$ from the "ound in his hand. *e supposed he ought to go upstairsand take a look at it% $ut first he "anted to hear this "oman&s story and get her out of hishair.

4I&m listening%4 he prompted "ith his $ack turned to"ard her.

4I "as taught that good manners re uired that you face the person speaking to you%4 shere$uked him softly% thinking the lack of comfort and "armth in the room&s furnishings

accurately reflected the man&s nature.

Jake&s )a" tightened. *e stood and turned to"ard her slight figure% ho'ering near thedoor. 4#re you here to gi'e me a lesson in manners or tell me a$out your daughter14

Rachel $it her lip% $ut there "as a slight air of defiance in the glance she allo"ed to rest


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$riefly on his face. /hen her glance slipped do"n"ard. 48our hand54 she gasped.

Jake looked at the hand he clutched unconsciously $y the "rist. /he handkerchief $indingit had $ecome saturated "ith $lood. /he cloth dripped slo"ly onto the floor% lea'ing darkred splotches against the "ood.

Cupping his other hand $eneath it "ith a disgusted air% he mo'ed to"ard her% passing close$y her as she stepped s"iftly out of his "ay. 4/his "ill only take a minute%4 he thre" $acko'er his shoulder as he slid around the corner and out of sight.

9pstairs% Jake un"rapped the hand o'er the sink. /he deep gash appeared to go almost tothe $one and it "as going to need stitches. /he medicine closet standing $eside the sinkheld e'erything he&d need. It "ould $e a"k"ard% using his left hand% $ut...

46et me help.4

Jake glanced into the mirror and sa" Rachel&s image float into 'ie". 4I can manage%4 he saidshortly% then dropped a plastic $ottle of antiseptic he "as attempting to open onto thefloor.

4I didn&t say you couldn&t%4 she responded% $ending to reco'er the $ro"n $ottle.

Jake opened a plastic tray resting on the side of the sink and reached for a small s uarepackage. 6ifting it% he placed it $et"een strong% "hite teeth. But $efore he could rip it open%Rachel reached for the package% her eyes on the dimple in his chin. She tugged lightly% and"hen he didn&t release it% her eyes mo'ed up"ard. /he message in his eyes "as clear. 7layingnursemaid to him "ouldn&t "in her any $ro"nie points.

#fter a moment% his )a" relaxed and Rachel remo'ed the package from his teeth. *efollo"ed her mo'ements "ith narro"ed eyes as she ripped it open. Remo'ing the needle andsuture% she laid it on the small utility ta$le at her side and reached for his hand.

49h-uh.4 Jake clenched his fingers and pulled them out of reach.

4,hat14

*is unin)ured hand snaked out past her shoulder and retrie'ed a sealed package off theshelf $ehind. *anding it to her he said% 43erms.4


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Rachel&s lips compressed% $ut she opened the package and pulled on the tight-fittingru$$er glo'es. Firmly taking hold of his "rist% she raised cool gray eyes to his face and said%4Be $ra'e no"% it "ill only hurt for a little "hile.4

*e let that pass to ask skeptically% 4 o you kno" "hat you&re doing14

4!f course%4 she replied "ithout $atting an eyelid.

48ou&'e done this $efore14

4,hat do you think14

Jake opened his hand slo"ly. Rachel s"allo"ed% took a deep $reath and cupped his in)uredhand in her smaller one% dra"ing it close. #s casually as she could manage% she asked% 4*o"did you do this14

43lass. I slipped in the mud.4

4I think "e&d $etter "ash it out% )ust in case there are any $roken pieces of glass... oranything foreign inside.4

Jake allo"ed her to peel $ack the edges of the "ound% exposing the $luish-"hite mem$raneco'ering the $one. *e heard her uickly smothered gasp and felt -a glimmer of satisfaction.

4/his is going to sting%4 she murmured insipidly% pouring the antiseptic directly into the cut.Jake clenched his )a" tight% $ut except for a slight tremor in the hand resting in hers% hee'idenced no other sign of discomfort from the sharp sting of the medicine.

Rachel licked dry lips% pushed an errant strand of hair $ack from her damp forehead "iththe $ack of one hand% and tilted his hand slightly o'er the sink. /he second stream ofmedication "ashed o'er the open "ound from top to $ottom.

4/here%4 she said% $reathing a little une'enly follo"ing the flo" of pink li uid into the $asin"ith her eyes% 4ho"&s that14

4It hurts like hell%4 Jake ans"ered succinctly.


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4I&m sorry%4 she murmured.

/here "asn&t a glimmer of apology in the gray eyes resting on his face. /ouch: .

43et on "ith it%4 he said impatiently% tearing his glance from the sight of her full $ottomlip. /he "ound "as ready for suturing.

4 on&t you ha'e something... some kind of medication to deaden the area 4

4(o5 Just se" it. If you&re afraid to% then gi'e it to me and let&s $e done "ith it.4

48-yes% all right.4

uring the next fifteen minutes it "as hard to say "ho suffered more. Rachel concentratedcompletely on the )o$ at hand% feeling e'ery sta$ of the needle as it passed through Jake&stough hide.

Jake "ithstood her efforts in grim% tight-lipped silence. If he "as in pain% no one "ouldkno" it. ,hen the last knot had $een tied and cut% Rachel stood staring at the not-so-neatro" of $lack knots and shook her head remorsefully.

4 ay$e you "ould ha'e done a $etter )o$ of it.4

Jake closed his fingers% hiding a "ince% and made a fist. 4It&s done% that&s "hat counts.4

Rachel insisted% despite his protestations% upon "rapping a strip of "hite gau0e around hispalm to protect the stitches. But "hen she started to clean up the mess% he pointed to"ardthe door and told her to get out.

4It "ill only take a moment 4

4I&ll do it myself54 he $arked shortly.

Rachel "as half"ay do"n the stairs "hen the slamming door echoed loudly throughout thehouse. She&d accomplished more than she&d hoped "ith her first aid. (o" he kne" she"asn&t someone "ho ga'e in at the first sign of an o$stacle.

,hen he )oined her a fe" minutes later% she "as sitting "ith folded hands staring into the


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fireplace. *e pulled a straight-$acked chair% t"in to the one on "hich she sat% $efore thefire% and sat facing her. 4!kay% let&s hear your story.4

Rachel stared do"n at her hands clutched tightly on the lap of her $lack "ool slacks. Shekne" "ithout his ha'ing to say it that he&d already made up his mind. /he instant he&dentered the room% she&d kno"n that "hat had taken place upstairs had lost her thead'antage. She )ust couldn&t figure out ho".

4I don&t kno" "here to $egin. ay$e I&d $etter tell you a little $it a$out 3ary 4

43ary14

Rachel nodded. 48es 3ary% my ex-hus$and. *e... "e... met in college. I "as a student and hetaught literature 4

4*e&s a teacher14

4College professor yes. *e&s a fe" years older than me. #fter "e got married% he "anted toha'e a child right a"ay% $ut I insisted "e "ait. I didn&t kno"...4

She t"isted her fingers into impossi$le shapes% trying to think ho" to tell him all that hadhappened in as fe" sentences as possi$le. /he cool% controlled "oman "ho&d matched him titfor tat upstairs "as gone. In her place "as a distraught mother% frightened for her child&ssafety.

4*o" "as I to kno"14 She met his glance "ith trou$led eyes. 4*o" "as I to kno" he "as...sick14

4Sick14

4I... yes... this isn&t making any sense to you% is it14

Jake )ust looked at her.

/aking a deep% calming $reath she said% 46et me start again. 3ary and I met in college andfell in lo'e oh% not right a"ay% $ut soon after "e started dating.

4,e got married a year after I graduated. I "as teaching school I&m a kindergarten


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teacher. #ny"ay% "e got married and "ere happy. 3ary "anted to start a family right a"ay%$ut I talked him into "aiting for a "hile. I liked there $eing only the t"o of us...4 Shehesitated. 4 o you kno" "hat I mean14 she asked% meeting Jake&s unflinching dark eyes.

43o on.4

4I $ecame pregnant a year later and "e had.. .#my.4 She smiled% lost in the memories ofthose first fe" days home from the hospital. +'erything had $een perfect. 3ary had $eenkind and lo'ing and so solicitous of her "elfare. *e&d e'en gotten up at night to take care ofthe $a$y so she could sleep...

4I should ha'e kno"n something "as "rong "hen he insisted I go $ack to "ork immediatelyafter my six-"eek checkup. ,e&d talked a$out it a$out "hen I&d return to "ork anddecided I&d stay home "ith the $a$y for the first year.

4But he finally con'inced me ha'ing a "oman in to care for #my "ould $e all right. #nd$esides% I had "orked four years to get my teaching certificate% I agreed "ith him that Ishould use it. I lo'e teaching and though I lo'e #my more% I let him con'ince me he kne""hat "as $est.

4I "ould ne'er ha'e kno"n "hat "as happening if the head of the +nglish departmenthadn&t called me and asked if there "as something seriously "rong "ith #my. It seemed3ary had $een lea'ing his classes% turning them o'er to graduate students% and going homeduring the day uite fre uently in the months since #my&s $irth.

4I felt like such a fool54 She t"isted at the gold $and on her left hand. 4I didn&t kno" "hathe "as talking a$out% all I could do "as stum$le through an apology and half pretend I kne""hat 3ary "as doing. /hat e'ening% "hen I "ent home% I got aida the "oman "e&d hired tolook after #my aside% and asked her "hat "as going on.

48ou see%4 she admitted slo"ly% 4I thought 3ary "as... ha'ing an affair.

4But aida told me she% too% had $een pu00led "hen 3ary $egan coming home in the middleof the day and sending her home. She said she&d thought she "asn&t doing a good )o$. But"hen she approached 3ary "ith her fears% he&d told her she "as doing an excellent )o$% andassured her he had some free time and )ust "anted to en)oy $eing a daddy. /hen he&d toldher they should )ust keep this $et"een themsel'es and he&d gi'en her a raise.


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4/hat&s "hen I $egan to think $ack and reali0ed ho" he&d gradually $een pushing me out ofmy o"n daughter&s life.4

She stopped% s"allo"ing $ack tears and cleared her throat. 4#nd the a"ful thing a$out it isthat I let him get a"ay "ith it5 I "as so caught up in my "ork% I didn&t see "hat "ashappening.&&

She took a moment to compose herself and then continued. 4,hen I confronted him "ith"hat I&d $een told $y $oth aida and the head of the +nglish department% he fle" into arage. I "as stunned. I&d ne'er seen him angry. *e "as al"ays in complete control of hisemotions.4

Jake slanted a sharp glance. #l"ays in control1 Surely there "ere times% "hen they "erealone% that his control had slipped.

43ary said he kne" "hat "as $est for #my and "e "ouldn&t discuss it again.4 *er 'oicethinned. 4/hat&s "hen he mo'ed out of our $edroom and into the spare room on the otherside of the nursery. /hings "orsened after that. *e fired aida "ithout consulting me andleft e'ery morning "ith #my% $efore I "ent to "ork.

4I didn&t kno" "hat to do. I tried talking to him and he $ecame 'iolent. So% I called a closefriend and explained "hat "as happening. She suggested getting 3ary professional help. I"as afraid to e'en mention the idea to 3ary. ,hen I did... he hit me.4

Rachel compressed trem$ling lips% una$le to continue for a moment. #fter taking asteadying $reath% she murmured% 4I filed for di'orce the next day the day after he hit me.

4I had to lea'e the house "ith #my under police guard% $ecause he threatened my life. *e$egan to call me at home% and sometimes at "ork% and say 'ile things o'er the phone% so Igot a restraining order against him.

4/he first day of the di'orce hearing 3ary sho"ed up in a rage% he cursed the )udge in his

cham$ers and made threats against #my and me. ,hen the child custody hearing came up% I"on sole custody of our daughter.

4I ne'er sa" him again% not until a$out three months after the di'orce "as final. *e caughtme in the parking lot of a grocery store after dark. #my "as "ith me. *e forced us into hiscar and dro'e us into the country. /here% he )erked open my door and sho'ed me out onto


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the ground. *e said...4

48es14 Jake prompted "hen it looked like she "asn&t going to continue.

4*e said...if I came after #my.. .he&d kill her and then he&d kill himself.4

Jake felt the "ords like a $lo" to his gut.

Chapter 2

(o5 /his "as too much like the last time5 *e couldn&t do it not again5

47lease% "ill you help me find my $a$y.. .$efore he hurts her14

!n the point of refusing out of hand% Jake pushed himself a$ruptly to his feet% caught a$rief glance from her desperate eyes% and turned uickly a"ay. Staring into the flames% heconsidered "hat helping this "oman might mean to him and decided he couldn&t take the

chance.

4(o.4

4,-"hat did you say14

4(o I can&t help you.4

She couldn&t $elie'e her ears. #fter all that she&d told him% he "as refusing her.

4/hree "eeks he&s had her three "eeks. 3od only kno"s "hat he may ha'e done to her% and you say no... no% you can&t help m-me14

Rachel $egan to shake all o'er% and she didn&t kno" if it "as caused $y despair or rage. *erteeth chattered together loudly and nausea rose in her throat. She "anted to $e strong shehad to $e strong for #my% $ut this constant fear a$out 3ary&s threat "as slo"ly destroying


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her.

She "anted her $a$y5 ,hy couldn&t anyone understand that all she "anted in the "hole"orld "as her $a$y1 ay$e% if she could make him understand...

4 -do you kno" do you ha'e any idea of "-"hat I&m feeling14 /he deepest% darkest anguishshe&d e'er kno"n mixed "ith fury churned inside her. 4*a'e you any idea of the helplesshopeless feeling inside me1&&

Raising herself slo"ly from the chair% she looked into his face% e'en though he refused tomeet her eyes. 4+'ery day% "hen I a"aken% the first thought in my mind is of #my. I thinkof seeing my child% holding her "arm% "iggling little $ody close.4 Rachel crossed empty armso'er her chest. 4#nd feeling her chu$$y arms "ind their "ay around my neck.4 She touchedthe side of her neck in memory. 4#nd hear her soft childish 'oice "hispering in my ear% &Ilo'e you% ommy.&4 *er 'oice $roke% and her )a"s clenched tightly to try to still theirspasmodic ui'ering as she struggled to get control of her $reathing% so she could continue.

4#nd then I remem$er... I remem$er she&s gone... and I can&t find her.4 /he tension gre"tight "ithin her% making her "ords come out in )erky spurts. 4I don&t kno" "here to look forher.4 She gestured "ildly "ith her hands. 4!utside this room is the "hole "orld. /here&s somuch of it. #nd she could $e any"here any"here 5

4 o you kno" ho" helpless that makes me feel1 o you ha'e any idea ho" desperate% ho"desperate and hopeless I feel% kno"ing that no one% not the police% not e'en the FBI% has$een a$le to find my child14

She mo'ed until she stood directly in Jake&s path% staring up at his 'eiled expression. 4S-she&s lost and n-no one can f-find her... except... may$e you...4

Jake tried to distance himself from the pleading 'oice% the expression of stark pain on herpale face% $ut it "as impossi$le. Because he&d felt that same hopeless despair himself. !nelook into her face and he recogni0ed the agony of spirit she "as going through% $ut he had

no "ords of comfort to offer her. *e "as fro0en inside. #nd so he did the only thing hecould do at that moment. *e left the room in silence.

Rachel stood "here he&d left her% a feeling of defeat no" added to those of anguish anddespair. She should )ust go. *e&d made his decision.


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But can you accept it1 Can you gi'e in so easily1 /his is your child&s life5

# 'oice inside spoke to her% demanding that she continue to try to persuade this man%Frost% to help her. It "as the same 'oice that had dri'en her to fly to ,ashington% .C.% andseek out 3us a'ison2 to $eseech him to do something more to find her child% $ecause "eekshad passed and no one in the field had come up "ith a lead. Jake Frost "as her last hope.Someho"% she simply had to get him to agree to help her.

She "as ready for him "hen he reappeared% $ut he surprised her $y returning "ith a cup ofsteaming li uid in one hand. *e further surprised her $y crossing to her chair% reaching forher hand% and "rapping it around the cup.

4 on&t touch me54 She )erked a"ay from him.

Jake gre" still% a muscle "orking in his )a"% $ut he didn&t speak% only stood% holding the cupout to her. #fter a long% tense moment% she accepted it "ith a shaking hand. /he hot li uidimmediately sloshed o'er the cup&s rim and onto the floor at Jake&s feet.

(o" Jake had no patience "ith her. Cupping the $ack of her head% he "rapped a firm handaround hers and guided the cup unerringly to her mouth. Rachel hesitated% slanting him alook of suppressed fury% $ut declined to struggle against his hold.

/he rim of the cup $umped against the edge of her lo"er lip% splashing it "ith li uid. Slo"lyshe unclenched her lips and reluctantly tasted his offering "ith the tip of her tongue.

Jake "atched grimly% explaining in terse tones% 4It isn&t laced "ith arsenic. y.. .mother$elie'ed strongly in the curati'e aspects of hot% honey-s"eetened% tea.4

Rachel noted the slight hesitation $efore the "ord mother and filed it a"ay for futurecontemplation. /he thought uppermost in her mind "as his refusal to help her.

/aking a deep $reath% hands steadier no" strangely enough% the tea seemed to $e helping

she took a large% $racing gulp $efore "hispering% 47lease% "on&t you reconsider1 ,on&t youchange your mind... and help me14

(o5 #gain% the ans"er fought its "ay to the tip of his tongue% $ut this time his lips refusedto shape it.


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4,hy me14

Rachel looked confused. 4,hat do you mean14

4,hy did you come to me 14 he repeated. 4If you talked to 3us a'ison% then he must ha'etold you that I no longer "ork for the agency. I don&t do that kind of "ork anymore.4

4But you&re the $est 4

4 on&t you understand14 he asked angrily% her single-mindedness $eginning to get to him.4 ust I repeat myself yet again1 I no longer "ork for the agency I uit5 Find yourself agood pri'ate detecti'e% someone "ho speciali0es in missing 4

4I did%4 she interrupted impatiently. 4I found you54

4But I&m not a'aila$le.4

48ou&re the $est54

4I&m not5; he yelled% "hirling on her angrily. 4I&m not the $est. Can&t you get that through your head1 #nd ... I ... "ill ... not ... take ... this ... case54 he thundered.

48ou must%4 she said uietly% refusing to get into a shouting match "ith him. 4*e said you"ere the $est there e'er "as and e'er "ill $e%4 she argued doggedly.

43us a'ison said I "as the $est14 he asked uickly. She nodded. 4I don&t $elie'e you.4 3ushad $een there the night he "as shot. 3us kne" all a$out 6acy and ary /ol$ridge. *ecouldn&t $elie'e that 3us could recommend him.

4 id a'ison tell you "here I "as14 he asked a$ruptly.

48es.4

4 amn him54 Jake s"ung to"ard the fireplace and slammed a fist against its unyieldingsurface% feeling the impact all the "ay do"n his spine.

Rachel )umped% her eyes dra"n to the spreading red stain on the "hite $andage "rappedaround his fist. *e&d pro$a$ly torn the stitches loose.


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46ook...4 She clim$ed to her feet% still holding the cup% and mo'ed to"ard him% setting thecup on the mantel. 4I don&t kno" "hy you left your )o$% or "hat you ha'e against r.

a'ison. #nd I don&t care%4 she added uickly. 4I only kno"% my child my little #my needs me.She&s in trou$le...4 *er 'oice $roke and she hesitated% s"allo"ing

tightly% fighting to keep things in $alance and retain control of her emotions. 4She&s introu$le.4 She "as losing the $attle. *er 'oice ui'ered% 4She needs me... she needs hermother.&&

3ra$$ing hold of his shirt "ith $oth hands% she tried to force him to look at her. 4 o youunderstand1 y $a$y needs me5 4

Jake&s glance touched the trem$ling lips and ui'ering chin $efore mo'ing up to hersmoldering eyes and then darting uickly a"ay. ,hat "ould it take to get her off his $ack1

48our help%4 she "hispered desperately% as if in ans"er to his silent uestion. 4*elp me andI s"ear you&ll ne'er see or hear from me again. #s soon as I ha'e #my in my arms% I&llforget your name. I promise% no one "ill kno" it "as you "ho helped me if that&s "hat you"ant.4

*er hands $unched and tugged tighter on his shirt "ith each "ord. 4,ill you help me14

6ifting unfathoma$le dark eyes% Jake made himself look into hers. *e searched the grayeyes% reached past her thoughts and del'ed into her soul. ,hat he sa" there distur$ed him.It also made it impossi$le for him to refuse her. 48es.4 /he "ord "as dragged from himagainst his "ill.

4!h% 3od...4 Rachel collapsed% sagging against him in sudden relief. 4!h% thank you5 /hank you54

Jake carefully extricated himself from her touch% telling himself he didn&t "ant her

gratitude% all he "anted "as her silence and her uick remo'al from his life. But the feel ofher soft cheek% pressed to his shoulder% lingered long after they mo'ed apart.

4 on&t thank me yet%4 he ans"ered darkly% striding to"ard the door. 48ou may "ake onemorning and find yourself $itterly regretting the day you e'er set eyes on me% or asked formy help.&&


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Rachel "atched his uick exit "ith pu00led eyes% $ut follo"ed uickly in his "ake% eager toget the search started% no" that he&d agreed to it. /hree "hole "eeks. It had $een three"hole "eeks since 3ary had snatched their frightened child from her helpless arms anddisappeared "ith her.

4,hat do "e do first14 she asked% only a step $ehind as he marched do"n the dark% narro"hall.

,ithout ans"ering% Jake flipped a s"itch set in the "all )ust inside the kitchen door andflooded the room "ith $right% yello" light. ,hen he did ans"er% it "asn&t "hat she "antedto hear. 4 ,e d nothing. I&ll need to kno" e'erything you can tell me a$out your hus$and&s$ackground and your life together $efore your di'orce.4

4/hat&s all14 Rachel asked $leakly. 48ou )ust "ant to talk14 She "anted action5 She&d spentthe last t"enty-one days ans"ering uestions and "aiting for someone to do something$esides "rite things do"n and ask more uestions.

4For no"%4 he ans"ered coolly.

7lacing an old-fashioned teakettle $eneath the faucet% Jake filled it "ith "ater. *e turnedto find Rachel standing directly $ehind him as he mo'ed a"ay from the sink. She glanced upinto his flat% expressionless eyes and stepped uickly out of his path% s"allo"ing theargumentati'e "ords she&d $een a$out to $om$ard him "ith.

4#ll right%4 she conceded "ith faint grace% "atching him place the teakettle on the sto'eand light the $urner $eneath it. 4I&'e got most of "hat you&ll no dou$t "ant in the car.4 Shecouldn&t help adding in fed-up tones% 4I&'e spent a lot of time these past three "eeksans"ering uestions.4

Jake glared at her momentarily $efore his head disappeared into a ca$inet in search ofclean cups. 3us must ha'e $een a"fully sure of him if he&d entrusted official documents%

intended for him% to this "oman.

48ou get the paper"ork% and "hen the tea is ready% "e&ll get started.4

4It&s all in the car. #nd my car&s parked at the cemetery%4 she added ruefully. In theensuing silence% pistol-shot rain slammed against the roof of the house as though to remind


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them of the inclement "eather raging outside its "arm cocoon. Jake straightened from therefrigerator "ith a pitcher of milk in one hand and shrugged in resignation.

43i'e me your keys.4 *e set the milk on the round "ooden ta$le and held out a reluctanthand.

Rachel looked from the $lood-stained $andage to his face. 4I can go after it. It isn&t thatfar.4

4/he keys%4 he repeated.

She fished in the pocket of her slacks and held them out to him. Jake took them% sho'edthem into his )eans% and turned to"ard the door.

4,hen the "ater&s hot%4 he thre" the instructions o'er his shoulder as he mo'ed do"n theshort hall"ay% 4pour it into the teapot and let it steep% the tea is already inside. It should $ea$out ready to drink $y the time I return.4

3ra$$ing his coat from the coat tree% he sho'ed his arms into the slee'es and $ent toretrie'e a $oot.

48ou&ll get soaked%4 Rachel protested uickly% as he pulled on the mud-caked $oots% noticingthe circles of dried mud on the knees of his )eans for the first time.

Jake shrugged% opened the door and closed it $et"een them "ithout another "ord.!utside% he $reathed a uick sigh of relief. It "as the first easy $reath he&d dra"n sincehe&d turned and spotted the ghostly pale figure coming to"ard him in the cemetery.

*e really didn&t mind the $risk "alk in the pouring rain. It soothed the unsettled feelingsthe "oman stirred inside him "ith her presence in his house. She reminded him of things he"ished he could forget and aroused emotions $etter left alone.

Jake found her car% a dark $lue


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and strode do"n the hall to"ard the kitchen. *e "as looking for"ard to that cup of hot tea./he only thing that "ould make it $etter "ould $e to find the "oman and all trace of herpresence gone from his house.

#s he passed the stairs% Rachel suddenly appeared at the top. Jake glanced up at the sameinstant she sa" him and paused "ith her hand on the ne"el post. She must ha'e to"el-driedher hair% $ecause it lay in soft fluffy "a'es a$out her head and floated gently to hershoulders.

*er face "as flushed pink "ith her efforts and there "as a faint glo" in the gray eyes. /hetop t"o $uttons of the "hite $louse she "ore had $een unfastened and the slee'es rolled uppast her el$o"s. Jake&s eyes took in the rosy hue of her cheeks% set against the palecreaminess of her skin% and noted the hint of a shado"ed hollo" "here the gaping $lousepartially exposed her $reasts% as he strode $y "ithout pausing.

4I hope you don&t mind%4 Rachel called to his rigid $ack% 4I took the opportunity to "ash up.4

In the kitchen% Jake slapped the folders do"n on the ta$le% poured milk and tea into one ofthe $lue ceramic mugs% and took a large gulp. # slight step $ehind "arned him she&dfollo"ed.

Rachel stepped up to his side and eyed the manila folders. 4So% you found them. 3ood. (o""e can get started4

Jake raised a dark $ro"% and mindful of his $urning tongue% took a small sip of the hot tea$efore asking% 4,e14

48es% I&m going to "ork "ith you on this.4 She sa" refusal in the ha0el eyes and addeduickly% 47lease I need to do this.4

Jake took another sip from his cup% picked up the folders and headed to"ard the door.

&& ,here are you going1 4

4/o read these.4

4,hat a$out me1 ,hat should I do14


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4=eep still% unless I ask you a uestion.4

4/hat&s all14

4For no".4

4But time is slipping past. ,hat a$out going after him1 ,hen do "e go after him1 *e could$e any"here any"here in the country5 ,e can&t )ust let him slip 4

4#nd "here do you suggest "e look14 Jake asked curtly% t"isting to face her.

4I...4 Rachel shook her head. 4I don&t kno" that&s up to you.4

4+xactly.4 *e left the room "ithout a $ack"ard glance.

Rachel poured herself a cup of tea% spooned in a generous amount of sugar from amushroom-shaped $o"l sitting in the center of the ta$le% and hurried after him. ,hetherhe liked it or not% she "as going to take part in the search for her daughter. It "asn&t goingto $e the "ay it had $een "ith the San #ntonio police.

#ll she&d gotten from them "as ad'ice a$out keeping the home fires $urning and lettingthem do their )o$s. She&d done that% and "hat had it got her1 #my "as still missing% andthey "ere no closer to finding her.

#nd as far as the FBI "as concerned% the agents she&d dealt "ith so far had $eenclosemouthed and formally distant. #ll% that is% except 3us a'ison. *e&d $een kind andconcerned.

+ntering the li'ing room% she found Jake sitting stiffly in the same chair he&d sat in earlier./he only concession he&d made to"ard comfort "as in crossing his feet at the ankles andturning the damp $ottoms of his stocking feet to"ard the heat of the fire. *is cup of tearested on the floor $eside him% and the first folder lay open on his lap.

Rachel took a seat and sipped her tea. For the next thirty minutes% except for an occasionalsnap from the fireplace and the rustling of paper as he turned one page after another% theroom remained silent.

It "asn&t easy% $ut Jake did his $est to concentrate on "hat he read and ignore the "oman


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perched on the edge of the chair directly across from him% her eyes glued to his face.

4,ell14 Rachel prodded "hen he&d dropped the last page onto the folder lying on the floor$eside his chair. 4*a'e you any ideas14

4Se'eral%4 Jake responded laconically% lifting his mug of tea% 4$ut none concerning the"herea$outs of your hus$and.4

4+x-hus$and%4 she corrected s"iftly.

4It&s late.4 Jake s"allo"ed the last sip of tepid tea and got to his feet. 4I&'e had a longday... and so ha'e you. ,here are you staying14

4Staying14 She looked at him $lankly.

48es% "here are you planning to stay "hile you&re here14

4I.. .don&t kno".. .I came here directly from the airport. I didn&t e'en think a$out...4 Shelet the "ords drift off.

Jake ga'e her a look that said he "asn&t surprised to learn she didn&t ha'e a place to stayfor the night. 4,ell% there aren&t any guest houses or motels in the area% it&s too remotefor that. I thought may$e you had friends li'ing some"here near$y.4

4(o...I&m sorry%4 she apologi0ed% kno"ing instincti'ely that he "ouldn&t "ant her stayingo'ernight in his house.

4I ha'e a spare room%4 Jake admitted reluctantly. 4I suppose you could make do "ith it forthe short time you&ll $e needing it%4 he added "ith a pointed glance at her face.

*e "as letting her kno" his tolerance of her "ould last no longer than a day or t"o at themost% )ust until he&d sorted through the facts in the case. ,hen she&d ans"ered all his

uestions% she&d $e on her "ay $ack to San #ntonio.

Rachel let the implication pass "ithout challenge. She kne" "hat she had to do% and no one%not e'en this man "ho had finally% un"illingly% agreed to help her% could deflect her fromthat purpose.


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4,ould you like a refill14 Jake asked on his "ay to the kitchen for more tea for himself.

Rachel shook her head and glanced do"n at the face of her "atch. It "as only a little pasteight% $ut it "as pitch-$lack outside and the dampness of the "eather made her feel dulland dro"sy.

/he dri'e from the San #ntonio airport had $een long and tiresome. But looking for JakeFrost% and "ithstanding his implaca$le attitude once she&d found him% had used up "hatlittle remaining reser'e of strength she&d $een a$le to muster in the last three "eeks. Sheneeded time to rest and regroup for the $attles she "as certain lay ahead "ith this taciturnman.

4#ll I "ant is a sho"er or a $ath%4 she added uickly% in case a sho"er "asn&t a'aila$le% 4anda $ed.4

4 inner 4

4(o food.4 Rachel made a face and shook her head. 4I couldn&t eat a $ite.4

4If that&s "hat you "ant.4 *e shrugged% secretly glad he&d $e spared more time that nightin her presence. 4If you&ll follo" me.4

Jake led the "ay up the narro" flight of stairs. /here "ere three doors along this ne"hall"ay% all on the same side and three "indo"s in the opposite "all.

/he first door led to his $edroom "hich he didn&t $other offering to sho" her. /he nextone "as a small $athroom. Rachel "as already "ell-ac uainted "ith that room $y no".

Stopping at the third door% Jake t"isted the doorkno$ and pushed the door in"ard. *estood $ack to let her precede him into the room. ,hen they "ere $oth standing in themiddle of the small% s uare room% he said% 4It isn&t four-star% $ut it&s "arm and dry. #ndthere 4 he gestured 4 is the $ed.4

Rachel eyed the large% old-fashioned% four-poster sitting against one "all% co'ered "ith athick colorful uilt. 4/hank you%4 she replied% anticipating the fe" hours of o$li'ion she&dfind no" in sleep.

Jake pointed to a door centered in the "all opposite the $ed. 4/hat leads to the $athroom.


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,e share. /here are clean to"els and "ashcloths in the closet at the end of the hall.4

4/hank you%4 Rachel murmured tiredly.

4/here&s a lock on the inside of the $athroom door.4 *e crossed the room% thre" open thedoor to the $athroom and indicated the sliding $olt on the door opposite them. 49se it.4

Rachel roused herself long enough to "hisper% 4I kno" this must $e a terri$le incon'eniencefor you and I&m sorry. I "ant you to kno"% I do appreciate your hospitality.4

Jake $rushed her thanks aside and "as half"ay do"n the stairs "hen he heard her call%4 y keys54 *e hesitated $efore turning $ack.

4I need my car keys to get my $ag from the car%4 she explained apologetically.

4I&ll $ring it along in a fe" minutes.4 ,ithout "aiting for a reply% Jake resumed his descent.

4/hank you%4 Rachel called softly to his unyielding $ack% "ondering "hat she&d said this timeto upset him.

# short "hile later% Jake returned "ith her $ag. *e stood in the hall"ay and pushed theexpensi'e leather suitcase through the door "ith his left hand.

Rachel had gro"n tired of "aiting for him to return "ith her $ag and had taken her $ath. #large $ath to"el "as "rapped around her slight figure and tucked $eneath one arm.

4,ould you like me to take a look at that14 she asked% opening the door "ider and indicatingthe hand he kept protecti'ely near his "aist.

#fter one $rief glance at pale i'ory shoulders% Jake dropped the hand to his side and shookhis head curtly% keeping his eyes on the door $eside the narro" opening.

4If you change your mind a$out something to eat% there&s food in the refrigerator.4 *a'ingsaid that% he stomped do"n the stairs.

In the kitchen% he slapped together a sand"ich. Fifteen minutes later% he&d taken only a$ite from it% $ut he&d drunk a "hole pot of tea. #t the $ack of his mind a small 'oicetaunted him "ith the fact that his 'isitor had come prepared to stay.


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# picture of pale% creamy shoulders and a long% delicate neck rising from the $lue of his$ath to"el floated through his mind. Jake sho'ed himself a"ay from the ta$le and thre"the rest of his sand"ich into the gar$age. Just t"o days% that&s all he&d gi'e her% and thenshe "as out of his house.

# fe" minutes later% Jake made himself comforta$le in front of the fireplace and sat do"nto "ork. Sleep "as a commodity that had $een in short supply for the past se'eral months.*e "as learning to li'e "ithout it. *e couldn&t a$ide tossing and turning and staring into thedark% so he sat up and read most nights% or "ent for long "alks.

/onight% his sleeplessness "ould gi'e him plenty of time for "ork. #nd the sooner he sol'edthe riddle of her hus$and&s disappearance% the sooner he&d $e free of Rachel ryden&sdistur$ing presence in his life. ,hen she "as gone% things "ould return to normal or "hathad $ecome normal in the last fi'e months.

Jake read the documents she&d pro'ided him a second time and $egan to form a picture of3ary ryden. ,hat he imagined "as a uiet% intellectual man% one "ho seemed to ha'e fe"interests outside teaching.

Jake could imagine him existing day-to-day% li'ing in the pages of the dry% dusty $ooks from"hich he taught. #nd then one day% he must ha'e looked up and seen Rachel&s lo'ely% eagerface staring $ack at him. For the first time in almost forty years% he must ha'e disco'ered"hat it "as to $e a man hopelessly in lo'e "ith a real flesh-and-$lood "oman.

*e "ondered if 7rofessor ryden had e'er considered the fact that Rachel might $e onlyinfatuated "ith the idea of gaining attention from an older man% one "ho perhaps $rought tolife for her the romantic $allads of $ygone years. *o" surprised he must ha'e $een toreali0e the fresh-faced young coed thought herself enough in lo'e "ith him to considermarriage. # certain sympathy for the man $egan to gro" inside Jake as he $egan to picturethe man as 'ictim.

*e&d heard Rachel&s side of the story. But there "as a lot she hadn&t said. ,hat had takenplace during the marriage to cause its dissolution1 ,as the man% as she&d intimated%mentally unsta$le1

#nd if not% then "hat had occurred after the di'orce to make 3ary ryden rip the littlegirl from her mother&s arms in such a cruel fashion1 *ad that part of Rachel&s story e'en


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$een true1

*e&d read the transcripts of the di'orce and custody proceedings pro'ided $y the court.7rofessor ryden had indeed made threats against Rachel% $ut no threat had $eenmentioned against the little girl&s life.

In his experience% Jake had learned that there "ere al"ays t"o sides to e'ery issue.(either "as e'er all "hite or all $lack.

*ad Rachel $een a good mother1

/he room gre" cold around him as the thought popped into his mind. If she hadn&t $een% ifperhaps she&d $een too harsh cruel% e'en in her treatment of the little girl% that could $ethe reason her hus$and had taken the child a"ay. *adn&t he seen "hat he $elie'ed to $e anexpression of guilt $ehind the "oman&s eyes a little "hile ago1

Jake stared into the fire&s dying em$ers and remem$ered his o"n past...

4Is that a chocolate handprint on the $athroom "all14 a shrill 'oice $ounced off the ceilingand "alls% "renching him from sleep.

Jake sat up and ru$$ed chu$$y fists into sleepy dark eyes.

4 id you hear me1 #ns"er me "hen I talk to you5&&

Rough hands gra$$ed him $y the shoulders% extricating him from the $edclothes% and shookhim ruthlessly. 4#ns"er me5 *a'en&t I told you% o'er and o'er again% not to put your filthyhands on the "alls14

Be"ildered at first% $ut $ecoming frightened no"% Jake $egan to shi'er in the "oman&shard% hurting grasp. /he large diamond-and-ru$y ring she "ore on her left hand cut painfullyinto his shoulder as she shook him harder "ith each "ord.

4I I&m s-sorry...4 he sniffed. 4I f-forgot 4

4Sorry54 Shake. 4Forgot14 Shake. 4 o you think% slap against the side of the face 4... that gets you off again14 Slap to the other side of the face. 4,ell% think again% little asterFrost5 /his time...4 Slap% slap% 4...you get "hat&s coming to you something to make you


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remem$er the next time you think you can soil the house "ith your filth.4 *ard shake.

4# sound "hipping%4 she promised% a note threading its "ay through the shrill tones% 4that&s"hat you deser'e. #nd remem$er% this is for your o"n good% so you gro" up to appreciatenice things.4

She "as sitting on the $ed no"% turning him o'er on her knees. Jake could smell herexpensi'e perfume. It "as a light% airy fragrance and it ne'er seemed to fit the 'iolent%exacting nature of the "oman "earing it% not e'en to a mere $oy of four years.

Crying no"% he glanced up and spotted a tall% dark silhouette in the door"ay. 4 -daddy5 7- please...4*e reached to"ard the figure% crying harder "hen he sa" the man turn silently anddisappear.

4/his is one "hipping%4 the "oman promised "ith relish% as she uncoiled the o$)ect in herhand an o$)ect he hadn&t noticed until no"% 4you "on&t soon forget.4

# sudden crash of thunder $rought Jake $ack to the present "ith a startled )ump. Ru$$inga tired hand across his face% the sound of those last "ords echoing in his $rain% Jakethought a$out ho" "rong she&d $een. *e had forgotten the $eatings. *e&d forgotten themfor a 'ery long time.

*e forced his thoughts on the "oman upstairs. *ad she threatened% perhaps "hipped% hero"n daughter for 4her o"n good41

!$'iously there had $een a pro$lem in the marriage $efore it $roke up. By Rachel&s o"nadmission% they&d stopped sharing a $ed long $efore the di'orce. *ad that really $een3ary&s idea... or hers1

espite ho" things had looked to the court at the time of the di'orce and child custody$attle% it "as possi$le 3ary ryden had $een the "ronged party. ,hat if the man had only$een trying to protect the child% resorting to kidnapping her% $ecause it "as the only "ay he

could ensure her safety1

(ot e'ery parent "ho had the custody of a child or children deser'ed it. /hat&s a lessonhe&d learned a long time ago.

*e didn&t kno" "hat to make of Rachel ryden. /rue% she&d come looking for him% come


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from ,ashington% .C.% if she "as to $e $elie'ed. #nd he $elie'ed that% $ecause she"ouldn&t ha'e kno"n "here to find him if 3us hadn&t told her. (o one else kne" "here he"as.

But there "as no denying the guilt he&d glimpsed in her eyes. *e )ust "asn&t certain yet"hat had caused it.

Chapter 3

Rachel sat on the side of the $ed and stared "retchedly at the floor. Sleep "as impossi$le.She hadn&t had a full night&s sleep since #my&s kidnapping and tonight "as going to $e nodifferent.

/he last expression she&d seen on her hus$and&s face% the almost inhuman glitter in his coldgreen eyes% flashed into her mind and she $egan to trem$le. *e couldn&t hurt their $a$y oh%3od% he couldn&t hurt #my5 Could he1

Bunching her fists angrily% she asked herself "hy% $efore it had got to this stage% hadn&tshe reali0ed ho" $adly he&d needed help1

Before the di'orce she&d asked him se'eral times to see a doctor% $ut he al"ays refused.She should ha'e insisted5 She should ha'e done something anything to make him see "hat"as happening to him. /o them. #nd then may$e she "ouldn&t $e in this cold% unfriendlyhouse "ith this a"ful man and #my "ould still $e "ith her.

9na$le to sit still any longer% she )umped to her feet and $egan to pace the parameter ofthe tiny room. (o matter ho" many times she "ent o'er things in her mind% she still couldn&tunderstand "hat had happened to change the uiet% gentle man she&d gro"n to kno" and lo'einto the angry% possessi'e man 3ary ryden had later $ecome.

,hen had he changed1 *e&d al"ays $een different from other men% that&s "hat hadattracted her to him in the first place. *is courtly manner and soft 'oice had easilycharmed the shy% t"enty-year-old Rachel% "ho "as a"ay from home for the 'ery first time.


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/o her% his gallantry had made him seem like one of the gentle knights they studied in hisclasses. #s though riding to her rescue% he&d stepped into her life "hen she&d neededsomeone most and made e'erything $etter.

*o" could she ha'e kno"n "hat t"isted emotions lay hidden $elo" the surface1 Right fromthe first he&d treated her "ith a kindness and consideration lacking in most men "ith "homshe "as ac uainted. #nd "hen they&d married and she&d $ecome pregnant% he&d treated heras though she "as more precious to him than life itself. /here had $een nothing he "ouldn&tdo for her.

In the $eginning% their life had $een filled "ith happy times% times like the night #my had$een $orn. She could clearly remem$er the look of )oyous astonishment on 3ary&s face% thefirst time he&d seen his $a$y daughter.

,hat had gone "rong1

*ad she done something to cause him to turn into the kind of monster that could tear afrightened% "eeping child from its mother&s arms1 /he kind of monster that could threatenhis o"n child&s life1

She hated him5 3od% ho" she hated him5 If he "ere here% right no"% sick or not% she&d...she&d scratch his eyes out.

Raising her face to"ard the ceiling% arms held stiffly at her sides% hands knotted into fists%she "hispered% 4,hy1 ,hy has he done this terri$le thing1 ,hy ha'e you let him1 !h% 3od%please% let me find my $a$y let me find her safe and sound.

4#nything I&ll promise you anything if you&ll only let her $e ali'e and "ell.4

/aking a deep $reath% she added on a note of desperate anger% 4I&ll find you% 3ary ryden%I&ll find you if it takes a lifetime. If it takes e'ery last cent I ha'e% if I ha'e to $eg% $orro"

or steal% cheat and lie% I&ll find you. #nd "hen I do% hea'en help you. *ea'en help you$ecause no$ody else "ill $e a$le to5 4

Rachel strode to"ard the "indo"% pounding a closed fist against her forehead% andmuttered% 4/hink5 ammit% think5 ,here could he ha'e gone1 ,here "ould he ha'e taken#my1 It has to $e someplace I "ouldn&t normally think to look.4


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ra"ing $ack the dra$ $ro"n drapes% she stared into the darkness outside "hile her mind$usily considered 3ary&s possi$le destination. #n occasional flare of lightning in the distancethre" her image $ack at her.

It "as during one such display that she caught a glimpse of the expression in her eyes. Shedre" $ack from the ne"% ra" look of desperation in her eyes and uickly co'ered her face"ith her hands.

/hat expression. It "as the one she&d seen on 3ary&s face the instant he&d stomped on the$rakes% almost thro"ing her through the "indshield% reached across her and thro"n the cardoor open to sho'e her outside. She&d landed painfully on the rough gra'el road% stunned $yhis $eha'ior. y 3od% the look in his eyes that&s "hen she&d finally admitted to herself thathe truly hated her and she didn&t e'en kno" "hy.

For months $efore the di'orce% she&d $een asking herself the same uestion. ,hy1 ,hy"as this happening1 She&d $een a good "ife and mother% hadn&t she1

*adn&t she1

6eaning her hot forehead against the cool glass% she closed $urning eyes so she "ouldn&tha'e to see her o"n image and tried to recall "hen things had first $egun to change. /henight of #my&s second $irthday party came to mind. /hat "as the first time it had $eenmade glaringly o$'ious to her that 3ary "as )ealous of the "armth and affection $et"eenRachel and their little daughter.

(early all of the +nglish department and their families had sho"n up that night% ande'eryone had seemed to $e in good spirits. any of the other professors had $een "ell$eyond the child-rearing age% and some had grandchildren.

3ary had $een the youngest professor "ith tenure% and despite running up against a little )ealousy no" and then% he&d $een "ell-liked $y his peers.

But the night had $elonged to #my. She&d reigned like a little princess o'er the "holeproceeding% charming e'eryone in sight "ith her huge $lue eyes and $right% toothy smile.Rachel could still see her in the "hite lace-ruffled dress "ith matching panties% holding outher arms for Rachel to pick her up.


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It "as time to cut the cake% and #my "as )umping up and do"n "ith excitement. #ll of asudden% 3ary had "hisked the little girl into his arms and hurried to"ard the ta$le "herethe cake sat "aiting to $e cut. #my&s little face had looked startled at first% then suddenlypuckered "ith tears.

For a moment% the anger in his expression had shocked Rachel into immo$ility. She&d ne'er%in all their time together% seen such an expression on his placid% good-natured face. #my$egan to "himper% and her tears released Rachel from her paralysis.

3ary had locked eyes "ith Rachel% and a moment later% released the child so she could runto her mother. #fter that% he&d disappeared and didn&t reappear until the guests "eresaying good-night.

/hat "as the first time Rachel had tried talking to him a$out his odd $eha'ior. *e&d angrilydenied there $eing any pro$lem "ith him% then accused her $itterly of trying to monopoli0etheir daughter&s affections.

She&d $een stunned $y the unfair accusation $ut hadn&t $een a$le to think of any "ay toaddress it. 6ater% he&d seemed his old self and denied e'er making the allegation.

7erhaps it "as her fault that things had turned out the "ay they had. She should ha'etaken more notice of 3ary&s strange mood s"ings% follo"ed $y a$solute denial. If she had...if only she had...

Rachel&s cheek stuck to the glass and she reali0ed she "as crying. /"isting a"ay from the"indo"% she "iped $oth cheeks "ith the heels of her hands.

She had to get hold of herself5 It "ouldn&t do any good to rehash the past. ,hat hadhappened had happened. It "asn&t 3ary "ho "as important no". It "as #my.

#ll her guilt "as for #my5 She had to get #my a"ay from 3ary $efore he hurt her% orinfected her "ith his o"n particular $rand of madness5

Calm. She had to stay calm. /aking a deep $reath% she forced $ack the tears% hiccuppedlightly and took another deep $reath. She couldn&t afford to allo" herself to $e go'erned$y emotion. She had to think clearly.

*er lip trem$led and she $it it so hard she tasted $lood. *o" could she stay calm% "hen he


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had her $a$y 1 *e could $e capa$le of anything e'en murder. She had to find her5 She hadto find her uickly5

#ll at once she shi'ered% $ecoming a"are that the room "as $itterly cold. She shi'eredagain in the thin cotton nightgo"n and ru$$ed at her $are arms.

*er glance fell on the small electric heater sitting in a corner of the room. It left a lot to$e desired "hen it came to sta'ing off the room&s damp chill. Rachel hurried to the suitcasesitting open on a chair at the foot of the $ed% and $egan to rifle through it% looking forsomething "armer to put on.

# persistent gna"ing in the pit of her stomach reminded her she&d turned do"n her host&searlier offer of food. /he only thing keeping her from going do"nstairs to search therefrigerator "as the possi$ility of running into the man.

Jake Frost "as a strange one. *e distur$ed her in many "ays. /here "as something a$outhim...she couldn&t uite put her finger on it... $ut... his eyes ... something happened inside her%e'ery time she looked into his eyes.

Rachel shook herself and forced the man&s image from her mind. /he idea that he occupiede'en a small portion of her thoughts irritated her. She didn&t "ant to think a$out anything$ut #my% and certainly not another man after her recent experiences "ith 3ary.

But her mind had found a focus other than the painful thoughts a$out her missing child andrefused to let it go.

Something Jake Frost had said% "hen he&d finally agreed to help her% teased the edges ofher memory...

8ou may "ake one morning and find yourself $itterly regretting the day you e'er set eyeson me% or asked for my help.

,hat had he meant $y that1

Jake "as deeply immersed in "ork "hen a light sound from the stairs a$ruptly shatteredhis concentration. # moment later% Rachel peered around the door&s frame.


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4!h5 I didn&t kno" you "ere... did I distur$ you14 she asked uneasily. She hadn&t expectedto find him do"nstairs "orking at this time of night.

4(o%4 Jake ans"ered shortly% closing the note$ook and putting aside his pen. +asing long%cramped legs $ack from the narro" opening $eneath the desk% he stood and stretchedtiredly.

4I&m ready for a $reak.4

Rachel felt suddenly tongue-tied in his presence. She "anted to ask him straighta"ay "hathe&d meant $y the comment a$out her $eing sorry she&d met him% $ut something held the"ords $ack.

o'ing "ith him as he strode to"ard the kitchen% Rachel "as careful% "ithout reallykno"ing "hy% to keep a safe distance $et"een them as they passed do"n the dark% narro"hall"ay. #s for Jake% he seemed totally o$li'ious to her presence.

7assing through the kitchen door% he flipped on a light s"itch and strode directly to therefrigerator. /he silence that had follo"ed them from the li'ing room gre" tight "ithtension as he $egan to remo'e items from inside the refrigerator and set them on thecounter.

Rachel stood a"k"ardly "atching% too shy to admit she "as star'ing% and "ishing she&dstayed in her room. If she&d kno"n he "as a"ake% nothing "ould ha'e dragged herdo"nstairs $efore morning.

4#re you ready for that sand"ich14

Rachel )umped at the sound of his 'oice and murmured tentati'ely% 4# sand"ich "ould $egood and a cup of the tea "e had earlier... if it&s no trou$le.4

4I "as )ust a$out to make coffee.4 *e turned to face her% surprising them $oth "ith hisnext "ords. 4Is that okay14

Rachel nodded "ordlessly as he turned $ack "ithout "aiting for her ans"er and took aplastic container from the free0er. *e mo'ed to"ard the coffeemaker. Remo'ing the lid% hedumped coffee $eans into an electric grinder and pressed do"n on the handle.


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/he sound of grinding coffee filled the air% grating on Rachel&s already ra" ner'es. She "asglad "hen he let go of the handle and remo'ed the cuplike lid to pour the dark rich coffeegrounds into a sno"y "hite filter.

In a fe" minutes% "hile he gathered the ingredients for sand"iches% an unusual aroma $eganto fill the air. Rachel sniffed and fro"ned. Jake caught her pu00led expression and almostallo"ed himself a smile.

4,hat do you think14 he asked% after he&d handed her a cup of the steaming li uid and"atched her take the first sip.

4It&s... different.4 She glanced up into his face% $ut a'oided looking directly into the ha0eleyes. 4,hat is it14

4Coffee%4 he ans"ered solemnly. Rachel almost smiled "hen a moment later he added% 4#nd$randy. I soak the coffee $eans o'ernight in $randy. Sometimes I soak them in rum. It addsa little something to the fla'or.4

Rachel took another hearty sip. 4It&s good%4 she decided. 4I like it.4

/hat pleased him. #s insignificant as it "as% the fact that she liked his o"n special "ay ofmaking coffee eased a fraction of the mounting tension $et"een them.

/heir glances met. Rachel sa" reluctant appro'al in Jake&s eyes and her o"n defenses$egan to "a'er.

Suddenly% Jake dragged his ga0e from hers and turned uickly a"ay% "ary of this sudden$ond of understanding that had sprung almost naturally $et"een them "ith little more thana shared cup of coffee.

4Cold cuts are all I ha'e for sand"iches 4

4/hat&s fine%4 Rachel said uickly. 4Is there something I can do to help14

4(o5 I... prefer doing things myself.4

Feeling as though he&d reached out and slapped her for no apparent reason% Rachel pulled


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out a chair in confusion and dropped onto it. She lifted her coffee cup in unsteady handsand took a large gulp.

So% that&s the "ay it "as going to $e $et"een them. ,ell% that "as fine "ith her. She&dalready concluded that he "as a man to $e kept at a safe distance. So long as he found herdaughter% that&s all that mattered.

Jake peeled $ack crisp lea'es of lettuce and held them under the faucet. It "as a"k"ard%using his right hand and trying to keep it dry. It hurt like the de'il% $ut he refused to gi'e into the pain and ask for help.

+arlier% in the upstairs $athroom% he&d repaired the t"o stitches he&d ripped out "hen he&dallo"ed his anger to get the $est of him. It hadn&t $een easy% $ut he&d managed alone. *e&d$een managing alone for a good many years.

*e kne" he&d $een a$rupt to the point of $rutal "ith the "oman )ust no"% $ut he needed tokeep a certain distance $et"een them. For her sake as "ell as his% he couldn&t afford to seeher as a person. She must remain nothing more than the mother of the child for "hom hesearched.

It "as $ad enough ha'ing her stay $eneath his roof. 3ritting his teeth% Jake picked up thecutting knife in his left hand and prepared a"k"ardly to slice a tomato. /he first attemptnearly mangled the soft 'egeta$le.

4 ammit%4 he muttered $eneath his $reath.

48ou kno"%4 the "ords came from some"here near his right shoulder% 4I&m 'ery good atslicing tomatoes.4

Jake offered her the knife "ithout further protest% and despite his care% their fingertipsmet on the handle. +'erything inside him gre" suddenly still. *is $reathing stopped% trappedsome"here inside his chest. +'en the $lood in his 'eins refused to flo"% "hile his eyes

rested on their )oined fingers% "a'ered% then slo"ly lifted to"ard her face.

Rachel&s soft lips "ere half-parted in a moue of surprise. She stared up at him $lankly% adistur$ed light in the gray eyes.

Jake came to his senses a$ruptly% )erking his fingers from the shock of her touch. Stepping


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carefully around her% he mo'ed a"ay from the sink.

4+'erything you&ll need is there on the counter% so eat%4 he grated roughly $efore lea'ingthe room.

It "as a "hile later "hen he returned. Rachel "as sitting at the ta$le% slo"ly munching on asand"ich. She&d placed another plate "ith a sand"ich on it directly across from her. # mugof fresh coffee sat $eside it.

Jake took his place "ithout comment% lifted the cup and drank deeply $efore reaching forthe thick% deli-style sand"ich. *e $it into it cautiously% che"ed slo"ly% and s"allo"ed. But hetasted nothing. It could ha'e $een made of card$oard for all he cared% yet he "asdetermined to eat e'ery $ite of it% e'en if it choked him.

4/his "ill pro$a$ly cause us $oth to ha'e nightmares.4

Jake stopped che"ing and glanced in her direction.

4/he food%4 she explained. 4+ating this late at night and then going to $ed is supposed tocause nightmares.4

Jake resumed che"ing% and they ate "ithout speaking after that. ,hen their plates "ereempty and a second pot of coffee had $een $re"ed% Rachel couldn&t stand the silence amoment longer.

4,e don&t ha'e to like each other% you kno"% )ust $ecause "e&re "orking together.4

4,hat makes you think "e&re "orking together14 he asked "ithout expression.

4#ren&t "e14 she asked uickly. 4I&m not going to 4

4/ell me a$out your hus$and.4

4 -my hus$and14 /he uick change of topic thre" her for a moment. 4,hat do you "ant tokno"14

4,hat did he do% "hen he "asn&t teaching% or $eing a hus$and and father14


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4 o1 8ou mean... like a ho$$y14

Jake shrugged. 4If you like.4

4,ell...4 she fro"ned 4... he liked to read.4

4,hat a$out sports14

48ou mean% did he like "atching onday night foot$all14

4(o.4 Scraping his chair $ack from the ta$le% he picked up his empty mug and headed forthe coffee pot. 4I mean something he liked to participate in like hunting% or fishing.4

4!h. I...don&t kno".4 # thin line appeared $et"een the fine $ro"s as she concentratedharder. 4I don&t remem$er his e'er mentioning either of those things.4

4,hat a$out friends14

4,hat a$out them14

Jake almost snapped at her in irritation% $ut he s"allo"ed the angry "ords and asked%carefully% 4,as there someone at "ork% perhaps that he "as particularly close to1 Someone"ho might not ha'e come to the house all the time a friend% "ho "asn&t your friend% too14

48ou mean a man14

4I mean anyone% man% "oman% or child.4

4I...4 she shook her head 4... I don&t kno".4

4,hat a$out old girlfriends14

4,hat a$out them14

4 id you e'er talk a$out them14

4(o. ,e ne'er discussed anyone he&d...dated% $efore "e met.4


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4,eren&t you curious14

Rachel hesitated $efore shaking her head% reali0ed his $ack "as turned to her andans"ered in a soft 'oice% 4(o.4

4,hat a$out your old $oyfriends did you discuss them "ith him14 Jake turned fromrefilling his mug and leaned $ack against the counter% impaling her "ith a sharp glance.

4,e didn&t discuss either of our former.. .dates%4 she ans"ered stiffly.

4*o" long did you say the t"o of you "ere married14 *e raised an eye$ro".

Rachel s"allo"ed uncomforta$ly. 4#lmost six years.4

*e ga'e a nod she didn&t uite like and asked% 4,hat a$out his family14

4*e didn&t ha'e any.4

4(o1 ,hat a$out his mother and father14

4*e.. .didn&t talk a$out his father e'er. #nd his mother is dead.4

4,hen did she die14

Rachel shrugged.

4,here did she die14

4Some"here%4 she ans"ered slo"ly% 4here% in /exas% I guess.4 Running a finger around therim of her cup% she felt compelled to explain% 4*e didn&t like to talk a$out the past 4

4*o" do you kno"1 id he say that14 Jake fired the uestions at her.

Rachel&s eyes shot to his face. 4(-no he )ust didn&t seem to "ant to talk a$out his life$efore "e met% and I didn&t like to pressure him.4

4,eren&t you interested in his $ackground1 *is family1 ,here he gre" up% or "hat he&ddone% $efore the t"o of you met14


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48-yes... $ut not $ecause it really mattered. ,hat mattered "as the "ay "e felt a$out eachother 4

4*ad he e'er $een married $efore14

4 -married1 (o "hy do you ask14

Jake le'ered his tall frame a"ay from the counter and crossed the room to standsome"here $ehind her. 4*e "as uite a fe" years older than you... that doesn&t seem to $ean unreasona$le uestion to me% under the circumstances.4

4/"el'e years%4 she muttered and then said in a louder 'oice% 4*e "as only t"el'e yearsolder than me that isn&t so great a difference.4

Rachel felt em$arrassed talking a$out her ex-hus$and "ith this man. Someho"% she felt asthough she had to explain e'erything a$out her marriage to him% and still it "ouldn&t matter%$ecause she kne" he $lamed her for the loss of her child )ust like she $lamed herself.

4I lost my parents my second year in college. 3ary offered me... comfort... sta$ility 4

4Is that "hy you married him14 Jake asked a$ruptly.

4(o54 she turned to"ard him angrily% dealing his face a glancing $lo" "ith "rathful eyes. 4Imarried him $ecause I lo'ed him.4

4 o you still lo'e him14 Jake asked "ith his eyes on her face% gauging the uickly changingexpressions taking place there. 4 o you hate him14 he asked softly $efore she could ans"er.

4Really54 Rachel "as on her feet in an instant. 4I don&t see "hat this has to do "ith anything4

&ns"er the uestion54

4I "on&t54

4,hy not14


45/244

4,hich one14 Rachel&s fists "ere clenched at her sides% her $reathing une'en% as she facedhim across the narro" space separating them.

Jake shrugged. 48ou pick.4

4*e&s not the same man I married I&m not the same "oman. I don&t lo'e him.4

4 o you hate him14

/he nails on $oth hands $it painfully into the tender flesh of her palms. 4*e&s stolen mychild 4

4/he girl is his child% too%4 Jake reminded her $luntly.

4 y hus$and is sick5 angerous5 *e&s unsta$le. *e flies into fits of rage 4

48ou&re 'ery angry yourself at the moment. id you e'er get this angry $efore yourdi'orce14

Rachel fro"ned. 4,hat do you mean14

4 id you e'er scream and yell at your hus$and1 #t your little girl14 he asked in a softer'oice.

4,hat are you saying1 ,hat are you accusing me of14

Jake s"ung a"ay from her. 4I&m not accusing you of anything. I&m trying to $uild a pictureof this man your hus$and 4

4+x-hus$and.4

4 in my mind% that&s all. #nything I learn a$out him and your relationship "ith him "ill help

me determine "here he might ha'e gone.4 *e faced her suddenly. 4/hat is "hat you "ant%isn&t it1 For me to find your ex-hus$and and little girl14

Rachel continued 4to stare at him "ith narro"ed eyes. It "as a reasona$le uestion. 48es.4

She relaxed her angry $earing and slo"ly sat do"n in the chair% her 'ision turning in"ard. 4I


46/244

don&t think I can explain 3ary% or our relationship% to you. #ll I kno" is that in the $eginning%he "as so... different% from "hat I expected "hat I "as used to in a man.

4*e ne'er came to see me "ithout $ringing me something a flo"er% a $ook of poetry% a small$ox of candy.4

Rachel $linked and met Jake&s steady ga0e. 4,e didn&t rush into anything. ,e took time toget to kno" each other.4

4 id you14

She let the skepticism in the uestion pass. 4*e "as kind and gentle. ,asn&t kno"ing thatenough14

/he uestion irritated him. 48ou tell me. ,as it14

Rachel pressed her lips together firmly% "renching her ga0e from his face. 4/his hasnothi

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Ann Williams - Cold, Cold Heart