Family firstJudy Bou Rosendo, 36, has six children aged between seven and 18. She lives in Kingston upon Thames in Surrey with her partner, Pete.

and how to control itOver 97%* of British women admit to feeling stressed, and it’s no wonder considering how much we juggle

work, family and relationship commitments. Could we manage it better? Our experts advise three women

whose stress levels are at a peak WORDS Kim Sullivan PHOTOGRAPHS Ian Phillips-McLaren

Judy’s action plan

Health

‘When I have too much to do my brain goes into meltdown. I can’t think straight or concentrate’

‘Life is permanently hectic, and there are times of the day when it gets pretty fraught. The mornings when the kids are going to school are a nightmare, with some of them cycling, some going on the bus and me dropping the younger ones off. It can be totally draining. School holidays are the most stressful because I don’t get a

break. There are nonstop meals, the children’s friends round, places they need to be taken. On their first day back at school I sit and watch a film on my own to regain my sanity. The quiet is lovely.

‘I’ve suffered from ME for 10 years, which makes life extra stressful. I’ve always been a high-energy person, so going through periods of exhaustion is totally counter to my personality.

It’s been better since I cut out wheat, caffeine, sugar and citrus fruit.

‘Sometimes when I have too much to do my brain goes into meltdown. It feels like cotton wool and I just can’t think straight or concentrate. When this happens I go upstairs and sit quietly. I’ve been known to lock myself in the bathroom for a bit of peace!

‘I find it hard to sleep when I’m tired and stressed. I wake in the night and my head starts whirling. When I reach overload I get short-tempered with the kids, then end up apologising. My partner, Pete, is fabulous and helps when he can, but he works hard so often isn’t home until the rush is over.

‘We’re a very sporty family and I try to go swimming when I can. I love going to my Spanish class because it’s something just for me. My way of de-stressing is to have time to myself – curled up with a book, seeing friends, or shopping, but that’s not always an option when time is at such a premium.’

Dr Mariette Jansen‘Judy would benefit from learning simple meditation to help her rest and de-stress. There are several one-minute meditation practices she can do, focusing on breathing or tensions in the body. Visualisation techniques could also help to stop Judy from feeling overwhelmed. For instance, imagine a chest of drawers, and starting with the job that takes the least time, put it in the drawer and shut it out of your mind once it’s done.’

Amelia Freer‘Judy should boost her diet with energy foods containing B vitamins, such as rye, quinoa, buckwheat and corn. Fruits and vegetables such as berries, kiwi, peppers and potatoes provide vitamin C to help increase energy. She would also benefit from having a snack of houmous and oatcakes before bed. A little protein with a slow-release carbohydrate will keep blood sugar levels stable which may prevent Judy waking.’

Kelly Marshall‘Judy should make time for a quick metabolic-booster bodyweight workout to release stress and recharge. Try a continuous mini circuit at home doing 2-3 exercises that use lots of muscle groups, such as floor bridges, squats, lunges and press-ups. She could also put music on when doing household chores and work out to that. Yoga and Pilates are both powerful ways to achieve physical and mental relaxation, too.’

Our experts

Dr Mariette Jansen, life coachDr Mariette Jansen is a qualified life coach and counsellor. She specialises in techniques

to help reduce stress in people’s lives, such as talking therapies based on traditional psychotherapy and positive psychology, breathing, meditation and inner dialogue. She teaches mindfulness and meditation and has been working with individuals and groups since 2004 (stressfree coaching.co.uk).

Amelia Freer, nutritional therapist Amelia studied at the Institute for Optimum Nutrition, and is director of nutrition at

SP&Co, a health and fitness company in Chelsea, London. Experienced in all areas of nutrition therapy, Amelia helps clients change their diets to improve their health by offering practical and motivational advice and support. Amelia also advises a range of high-profile clients and magazines on nutrition (freernutrition.com).

Kelly Marshall, fitness expert Kelly has a masters degree in Sport and Exercise Medicine and has worked as a

fitness expert, personal trainer and sports massage therapist for over 10 years. Kelly works for Sainsbury’s Diets and writes for a range of publications. She is also director of The Body Project, a clinic that provides expertise on ways to optimise fitness, health and wellbeing (thebodyproject.net).

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Work/life balancing actCeline Rotterman, 38, is a single mother who juggles a demanding job as an international account manager for Variety, the entertainment business trade paper, with caring for her four-year-old son.

Dr Mariette Jansen‘Celine needs to find ways to offload her stress. Smiling is good as it relaxes your facial muscles and we tend to experience the emotion that goes with the expression. Breathing exercises can help too. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, pushing your tummy out, then hold the breath for a count of seven and breathe out through your mouth for a count of eight until your lungs feel completely empty.’

Amelia Freer‘Celine should always take a good stash of healthy snacks, such as fruit and nuts or healthy snack bars, when she’s travelling to avoid blood sugar lows and having to rely on junk food, which lacks nutrients. By increasing antioxidant-rich foods such as tomatoes, green leafy vegetables, nuts, seeds, berries, oily fish and carrots in her diet she’ll help support her immune system to prevent frequent colds.’

Kelly Marshall‘Just 30 minutes of fairly vigorous activity a day could help reduce Celine’s stress, whether it’s playing with her son in the park or doing an exercise DVD. This will help her to cope with current stress and supply some immunity against future stress. Sitting at a computer for long periods combined with stress can cause muscle pain such as sciatica. Core training and balanced strength training will help to prevent this.’

‘I’ve always worked hard and enjoyed demanding jobs, and am highly organised, however under pressure I feel. I have targets to meet and am responsible for developing new business while keeping a close relationship with existing clients. The key cause of my stress is trying to stay on top of my job while single-handedly looking after my son. I put extra pressure on myself because I want to give him all the time I have when I’m at home, but that leaves me no time to relax, as I tend to finish off work when he’s asleep.

‘There are certain times when the pressure at work really piles on because I have to go abroad to film festivals and markets to meet clients and arrange meetings to create new business. It’s extra stressful preparing for these as I have to deal with clients while arranging childcare for my son, who I hate leaving. In the build-up to a work trip I often can’t sleep and feel exhausted

before I even get there.‘In some ways having my son

has made me learn to control my stress because I hate feeling stressed around him, but then I

internalise worries a lot more. I can muster the energy I need for work but am often run-down afterwards and tend to get ill with a bug or flu. I also have sciatica, which is worse when I’ve been stressed at work.

‘I’m lucky to have a very understanding boss. I also switch off my BlackBerry at weekends, which makes a big difference. There’s nothing worse than your child asking when you’re going to stop working because you’re on your BlackBerry in the park.’

‘The key cause of my stress is trying to stay on top of my job while looking after my son’

Celine’s action plan

Dealing with divorceSue Best, 48, is a divorced mother of four and works part-time as an office assistant at a local glazing company. She lives in Middlesex.

Sue’s action plan

Dr Mariette Jansen‘It would help if Sue tried to turn her stress and tension into relaxation. She should stand up, shake her hands and feet, then make long strokes on both arms from pit to hand and her legs from top to feet. It moves the stressed energy away and livens up the body and mind. Learning the “power of now” will also help. When Sue’s stressed she should tell herself that in the “now” she’s enjoying a cup of tea, and that’s all that matters.’

Amelia Freer‘Dehydration can worsen stress and cause mood swings, so Sue should aim to drink lots of water, and replace caffeine, fizzy drinks and alcohol with herbal teas and non-caffeine drinks. Sue should also avoid long periods without food as this can lead to low energy and mood. Sticking to regular meals and not eating carbohydrate foods on their own will help. Mixing carbs with protein will keep Sue’s blood sugar levels stable.’

‘I have just been through an incredibly stressful two-year divorce, which involved trying to track down my ex-husband who disappeared seven years ago, shortly after our daughter was born. After two years of hell, during which time I thought I would lose my house and my family be made homeless, it has all been sorted out. The worry of this, along with serious financial problems, have upped my stress to unbearable levels. I can’t really remember what it’s like not to be stressed and find it almost impossible to relax. It got to the point where I couldn’t cope, and was prescribed antidepressants – I hope to stop taking them soon.

‘I know it’s not good for me or the family. It certainly affects my youngest child, eight-year-old Lilimay. She becomes more demanding when I’m stressed and tired, then I end up getting angry and shouting. It’s not fair and I know she should be

in a happier environment. I get very tired, have headaches and problems sleeping, and go off food when I’m stressed, so my energy levels plummet.

‘I do some practical things to help reduce stress, like writing my thoughts down to get them out of my head. This can help, but my body feels wound up like a spring much of the time. I hardly ever feel I can just let go and say, “I can relax today.”

‘Absorbing myself in something that’s out of my routine really helps. I’ve learnt sugarcraft, and actually find making the delicate leaves of a flower relaxes me.

‘I know some stress can be positive – it’s helped me manage the bad times – but it’d be great if it wasn’t a big part of my life and I could get it under control.’

‘I thought I would lose my house and my family would be made homeless’

Kelly Marshall‘Regular exercise will help Sue tackle chronic stress by decreasing the production of the stress hormone cortisol and increasing endorphins, the “feel good” hormones. Exercise involving a change of scenery, such as swimming, will help take Sue’s mind off her problems. Martial arts, weight training and boxing are all excellent outlets for frustration, helping to reduce negative emotions and release internalised stress.’

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