Why is everyone freaking out?Yes, the readings were off the charts, but I took the proper precautionsbefore entering the test chamber. Exposure to reality-alteringphenomenon was limited to acceptable levels while I fixed the problem.Yeah, my gear got twisted out of shape, but that's why it's there. Anill-fitting grounded causality suit is a small price to pay forpreventing a full-scale localized reality restructuring. I'm a goddamnedhero.The way my colleagues are shouting, though, you'd think the world justended. Their words are muffled by the safety glass, but their flailingarms and worried expressions are clearly visible through the window.You'd think I turned into a bug-eyed monster or sprouted a few extralimbs when I'm obviously still a plain old human.I smile and give a thumbs up. Relax guys, I'm an old pro. Everything isunder control.Confidence aside, I still need to take physical inventory before exitingthe chamber. Bending space-time like this is dangerous enough wheneverything is running properly, let alone right after disaster wasnarrowly averted.Let's see. Two arms, check. Two legs, also check. All visibleextremities and digits in place, including 10 fingers. Perfectly in linewith the human anatomy chart just outside the chamber. As expected theonly visible physical transfiguration is my suit, which grew severalsizes too large during the aborted restructuring event. These things aredesigned to absorb the brunt of unreality, and I've seen them do worsethan warp and grow a bit while still leaving their occupants unchanged,so nothing alarming there.I walk over to the terminal and punch in my initial results. Anothersafety precaution, as early reports of physical transfiguration can helpdetermine hidden mental alterations. More thorough examinations willcome, but scanning for obvious signs of psychosis has saved lives in thepast.That done, I need to finish the self-evaluation. As I pull off thehelmet and shake out my hair, take off the causality suit and strip outof my (also ill fitting) clothes, I notice my colleagues are allstaring. It's one thing to check in out of worry, but now they're justbeing a bunch of perverts. I can file a complaint with HR later, though.Right now I want to get out of here. I cover myself as best I can withone arm and shoo them away with the other. Modesty and shame quicklykick in and they avert their eyes.Alright, time for a more thorough check. Face feels completely familiar.Hair too, shoulder length, blonde. Glasses too large, but myopia seemsunchanged. Clothes warped, don't quite fit my form. Slim arms and legs,whole body fit and smooth, no notable scarring. Two breasts, one vagina.Ten toes as well. All standard to human norms, according to both my mindand the posted signage.I'm feeling pretty confident as I plug in the rest of the report.Cursory self-evaluation complete, everything unaltered and in place.Only losses gear and clothing, which are expendable. I start folding toplace them aside for further investigation.Then I look back up and see that those assholes are back to staring.What the hell is their problem, anyway? Only Johnson's not looking,apparently engrossed by something else. I hear a crackling noise. Thespeakers, which automatically shut down during the unreality breach, areback on.Johnson speaks. "Bernard? Bernard, a decontam team is on the way. Justhang tight. I'm sorry, but we can't open the chamber until we'veconfirmed the restructuring was purely physical."Wait. They're not letting me out? And who's Bernard? That's a man'sname. I'm...Oh. Oh shit.I step up to the window and let my colleagues take in the newfoundunderstanding and horror on my face, no longer caring to cover mynudity. We're on the same page now, and I don't have anything to hide.Then I turn away and sit down hard, head in my hands. Minor mentalalterations confirmed, meaning potential exists for unknown major mentalalterations. Major physical transfigurations certain. In light of newevidence, previously listed losses only personnel to avoidrestructuring.I don't have the will to enter the updated findings in the terminal. Somuch for being a hero. I stare at the ground as I wait for thespecialists that will poke and prod and question me. I'm still fairlycertain I'm mostly mentally sound, that I'll be released and return tomy usual routine after a short time, but that's of little comfort. Thisis about to become a very long day, the first in what suddenly seemslike a very uncertain rest of my life.