Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
! 1!
!ACT$ONE$
$Prologue$$Lights'up'on'a'park.'Children'of'every'shape'and'size'play'on'the'most'perfect'day'of'summer.'ALICE'enters'with'her'sister'MATHILDA,'who'reads'aloud'from'a'book.'The'children'sing'to'the'audience'while'ALICE'inspects'the'park'with'a'magnifying'glass.''DODGSONLAND$(PT.$1)$$A'BOY'IN'A'WHITE'VEST'puts'his'new'watch'up'to'his'ear.'Runs'to'other'kids,'asking'them'for'the'proper'time,'always'fixing'his'watch.'A'SET'OF'TRIPLETS'plays'keepOaway'with'another'LITTLE'BOY’S'big'red'hat.'TWO'KIDS'practice'an'elaborate'handshake,'adding'more'and'more'levels'to'the'standard'greeting.'Several'other'KIDS'play'a'game'of'ROYAL'CARDSMEN,'like'War'or'Go'Fish.'One'CHILD'blows'bubbles'while'4'CHILDREN'pop'the'bubbles.'SEVERAL'GIRLS'pick'daisies.'A'BUNCH'OF'KIDS'play'ringOaroundOtheOrosie,'spinning'in'a'fast'circle'chain'until'they'all'fall'down.'Several'KIDS'play'1O2O3'red'light.'One'KID'acts'as'the'Red'Light,'spinning'around,'trying'to'catch'kids'moving.''ALL$$ ALICE!IN!WONDERLAND,!HOW!DO!YOU!GET!TO!WONDERLAND?!! OVER!THE!HILL!OR!UNDER!LAND,!OR!JUST!BEHIND!THE!TREE?!
! WHEN!CLOUDS!GO!ROLLING!BY,!THEY!ROLL!AWAY!AND!LEAVE!THE!SKY!! WHERE!IS!THE!LAND!BEYOND!THE!EYE!THAT!PEOPLE!CANNOT!SEE?!
! WHERE!CAN!IT!BE?!
!ALICE'sneaks'up'on'MATHILDA.'She'raises'the'magnifying'glass'and'makes'huge,'funny'faces'behind'her'sister’s'back.''
! 2!
MATHILDA:$And!during!the!American!Revolution,!King!George!the!Third,!or!Old!Mad!George,!as!some!have!so!called!him…blah!blah!blah!blah…!!
ALICE$$ CATS!AND!RABBITS!WOULD!RESIDE!IN!FANCY!LITTLE!HOUSES!
! AND!BE!DRESSED!IN!SHOES!AND!HATS!AND!TROUSERS!
!MATHILDA$$ IN!A!WORLD!OF!YOUR!OWN!
!MATHILDA:$…and!he!was!so!angry!at!General!George!Washington,!that!he!made!all!his!own!royal!soldiers!dress!in!bright!red!uniforms!that…blah!blah!blah!blah…!!
ACT$TWO$ROSE,$PETUNIA,$LILY,$DAISY,$VIOLET$'! ALL!THE!FLOWERS!WOULD!HAVE!VERY!EXTRA!SPECIAL!POWERS!
! THEY!WOULD!SIT!AND!TALK!TO!ME!FOR!HOURS!
! WHEN!I’M!LONELY…!!
ALL$$ IN!A!WORLD!OF!YOUR!OWN!!
MATHILDA:…and!of!course!these!bright!red!uniforms!made!them!look!just!like!giant!walking!lobsters!that!went…!(looking'up'into'ALICE’s'huge'face)!Eeeeek!!(taking'the'magnifying'glass'away'from'ALICE)!Alice,!honestly,!when!are!you!ever!going!to!grow!up?!!
ALICE:$$Look,!Mathilda,!I’m!a!lion!!Roooarrrrrr!!(ALICE'slinks'through'the'grass,'pretending'to'be'a'lioness.)!!
MATHILDA:$Alice,!you’re!just!a!silly!little!girl!pretending!to!be!a!lion.!Remember!what!Shakespeare!said:!“To!thine!own!self!be!true.”!Oh,!let!me!fid!that!book!and!I’ll!
show!you…!
!MATHILDA'searches'for'The'Complete'Works'of'Shakespeare'while'Alice'gets'comfy'on'the'grass.!!
DODGSONLAND$(PT.$2)$$MATHILDA$$ BOOKS!AREN’T!BORING!!
ALICE$$ I!WOULD!RATHER!LIVE!MY!LIFE!EXPLORING!! LIKE!COLUMBUS!ON!A!VOYAGE!TOURING!
!
! 3!
ALL$$ THROUGH!A!WORLD!OF!HER!OWN!!
MATHILDA:$Columbus!discovered!the!New!World.!What!are!you!going!to!discover!except!more!trouble,!just!like!you!always!do…!
!
ALICE$$ NO!MORE!TROUBLE!FOR!THE!GREATEST!PROBLEM!WOULD!BE!!
THINGS!A!CHILD!COULD!UNDERSTAND!
!
ACT$TWO$SMALL$ALICE$$ MAYBE!SOMEHOW,!IF!THE!WORLD!COULD!RUN!!
ON!DREAMS!AND!MAKE!BELIEVE!AND!FUN!
!ALICE$$ THEN!I!COULD!BE!MOST!ANYONE!
!ALL$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $$MATHILDA:$Well,!Miss!Columbus!
YOUR!WORLD!WOULD!BE!A!WONDERLAND!!!! ! just!remember!to!!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! look!before!you!leap,!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! so!you!don’t!get!hurt!!
! LIFE!COULD!BE!A!WONDERLAND! ! ! ! searching!for!your!little!wonderland…!
Now!getting!back!to!
Mad!King!George,!wait,!let!me!find!the!
page…!! !! LIFE!COULD!BE!A!WONDERLAND!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ALICE:$$(yawn)!Yes,!a!wonderland!LIFE!COULD!BE!A!WONDER…! that’s!all!my!own!where!
(yawn)!anything!is!(yawn)!possible…zzzzzzz…!! !
!ALL$$ JUST!REMEMBER!“LOOK!OUT!BEFORE!YOU!LEAP”!! IT’S!A!WORLD!OF!WONDERS;!THE!MEMORIES!ARE!YOURS!TO!KEEP!
! ALICE!IN!WONDERLAND,!WHERE!IS!THE!PATH!TO!WONDERLAND?!
! OVER!THE!HILL!OR!HERE!OR!THERE?!I!WONDER!WHERE!!
!!
!
!!
!
! 4!
!
Scene$1$$The'CHESHIRE'CAT'enters'with'a'stage'manager’s'clipboard'and'flashes'a'big'smile.'! !
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Alice!is!about!to!discover!that!Wonderland!is!nothing!like!she!expected!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!It’s!a!land!filled!with!racing!Lobsters,!singing!Flowers,!painting!Cards,!and!even!a!Cheshire!Cat,!that’s!me!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$He!means!us.!But!I!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Meaning!me!–!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$That!is,!we!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Come!in!later.!First!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Alice!meets!a!pale,!longdeared,!carrotdmunching!fourdlegged!creature!known!only!as…!
!
CHESHIRE$CATS$1,2,3:!The!White!Rabbit!!!
The'CHESHIRE'CAT'gestures'offstage,'setting'up'a'big'entrance.'Nothing.'They'look'at'each'other'and'throw'a'huge'smile'to'the'audience.'!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Ahem,!I!saaaiiid,!first!she!meets…!!
CHESHIRE$CATS$1,2,3:!The!White!Rabbit!!!Nothing.'We'hear'crickets'chirping.''CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$Oh,!he’s!always!late.!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Yo,!White!Rabbit,!you’re!on!!!
The'WHITE'RABBIT'runs'on,'dressed'in'a'white'vest'and'carrying'a'big'pocket'watch.'ALICE'wakes'up'and'sees'him.'''WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!dear!!!!!
ALICE:!How!cool!is!that!!I!wonder!what’s!the!right!thing!to!say!to!a!talking!rabbit?!!WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!dear,!dear,!dear!!!
! 5!
ALICE:!What’s!up,!doc?!No,!huh?!Uhm,!I!mean…hi,!my!name!is!–!$I’M$LATE$$WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ OH!NO,!OH!NO,!OH!NO,!OH!NO!!
! ! I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE!FOR!A!VERY!IMPORTANT!DATE!! ! NO!TIME!TO!SAY!HELLO,!GOODBYE!
! ! I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ HE’S!OVERDUE,!HE’S!IN!A!RABBIT!STEW!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ CAN’T!EVEN!SAY!GOODBYE!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ HELLO!!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE!
! ! I!RUN!AND!THEN!I!HOP!HOP!HOP,!I!WISH!THAT!I!COULD!FLY!
! ! THERE’S!DANGER!IF!I!STOP,!STOP,!STOP!!AND!HERE’S!THE!REASON!WHY!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ WE!KNOW!YOU’RE!LATE!
! ! IT’S!CLEAR,!SO!WHY!ARE!YOU!STILL!HERE!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’LL!NEVER!MAKE!IT!NOW,!I!FEAR!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ YOU’RE!LATE,!YOU’RE!LATE,!YOU’RE!LATE!$ $$ALICE:$But!where!are!you!running!to?!!
WHITE$RABBIT:$Well,!since!you!asked,!you!see,!the!Queen!of!Hearts!is!throwing…!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ HE’S!GOT!TO!GO!!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I!THINK!MY!WATCH!IS!SLOW!I!WOUND!IT!UP!!
BUT!NOW!IT’S!WOUND,!IT!MAKES!A!FUNNY!TICKING!SOUND!
$
! 6!
CHESHIRE$CATS$1,2,3$$ $ TICK!TOCK,!TICK!TOCK,!TICK!TOCK,!TICK!TOCK!! ! IT’S!RATHER!LIKE!A!CLOCK!
!WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ AND!THANKS!TO!THAT!I!HAVE!TO!RUN!WHEN!I’D!PREFER!TO!WALK!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ HE!REALLY!HATES!TO!RUSH!RUSH!RUSH!
IT!MAKES!HIM!AWFULLY!DIZZY!BUT!STILL!IT’S!ALWAYS!MUSH,!MUSH,!MUSH!
!WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ IT!HAPPENS!WHEN!YOU’RE!BUSY!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$ $$ $ BUSY!BUSY!BUSY!!
!WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ YES!YES,!AND!NOW!AS!YOU!CAN!GUESS,!NO!TIME!TO!SAY!HELLO!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ GOODBYE!!YOU’RE!LATE,!YOU’RE!LATE,!YOU’RE!LATE!$ $$ALICE:$Curiouser!and!curiouser!!Hadn’t!you!better!be!going!then?!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!I!don’t!believe!I’ve!explained!myself!quite!fully.!!
ACT$TWO$CATERPILLAR:!You!have!!You!have!!!WHITE$RABBIT:$Please!be!quiet.!Time!is!of!the!essence!!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ THE!TIME!IS!REALLY!FLYING!BY,!WE!MUST!BE!HAVING!FUN!
! ! BUT!NOW!THERE’S!NO!DENYING!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ WHY!I!HAVEN’T!EVEN!YET!BEGUN!!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ OH!NO!!
!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I!MUSTN’T!STAY.!THERE!MUST!BE!NO!DELAY!
!
! 7!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$$ $ AND!NOW!YOU!MUST!BE!ON!YOUR!WAY!!
! ! NOW!DON’T!FORGET!TO!WRITE,! ! ! WHITE$RABBIT$! ! WE!KNOW!YOUR!SCHEDULE’S!REALLY!TIGHT!! ! I’M!LATE!
$ $ $$ $ OH!LOOK!IT’S!HALF!PAST!TEN! ! ! ! I’M!LATE!! ! HE!MUST!BE!THERE!AND!BACK!AGAIN!
!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’M!LATE!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$ $! ! WE!KNOW!!
!WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’M!LATE!
!I’M$LATE$CHORUS$ $! ! SO!GO!!! ! !
! ! LATE!!LATE!!LATE!!LATE!! ! ! ! WHITE$RABBIT! !
! ! LATE!!LATE!!LATE!!LATE!! ! ! ! ! I’M!LATE!!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ WAIT!!
!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$ $! ! WHAT?!
!
WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’M!LATE!
! ! WELL…!!
I’M$LATE$CHORUS$ $! ! LATE!! YOU’RE!LATE!!!
The'WHITE'RABBIT'jumps'into'a'rabbit'hole.'ALICE'follows'him'but'stops'short.''CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Alice!followed!the!White!Rabbit!to!the!edge!of!the!Rabbit!Hole.!!ALICE:!Should!I!or!shouldn’t!I?!You!know!what!they!say:!!
ACT$TWO$CATERPILLAR,$SMALL$ALICE,$MATHILDA:!If!you!don’t!explore,!you’ll!never!discover!!
! 8!
!
ALICE:!But!my!sister!Mathilda!always!says:!!
MATHILDA:$Look!before!you!leap.!!
ALICE:!Well,!I’m!looking!and!it!looks!pretty!deep!and!dark!and!I!can’t!see!the!bottom!and!maybe!it!goes!all!the!way!to!the!center!of!the!earth!and!I’ll!be!burnt!to!a!crisp!in!the!molten!core!like!the!bad!marshmallow!we’ve!all!heard!so!much!about!!(pause)!Or!not.!(pause)!OK,!I!looked.!Now!it’s!time!to!leap!!!ALICE'jumps'down'the'rabbit'hole'and'falls'a'long'way.''CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Alice!jumped!into!the!dark!rabbit!hole…!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$And!fell!for!what!seemed!like!three!and!a!half!weeks.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$More!like!four!and!a!quarter.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$She!fell!and!fell!and!fell.!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!But!she!wasn’t!alone!!!
As'ALICE'falls'through'the'dark,'WONDERLAND'CREATURES'fall'and'offer'advice.!!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$$ALICE$$ $ I!GIVE!MYSELF!VERY!GOOD!ADVICE!! ! BUT!I!VERY!SELDOM!FOLLOW!IT!
!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$(QUEEN$OF$HEARTS,$KING$OF$HEARTS,$MAD$HATTER,$MARCH$HARE,$DORMOUSE)$$ $ THAT!EXPLAINS!THE!TROUBLE!THAT!YOU’RE!ALWAYS!IN!!
ALICE$$ $ BE!PATIENT!IS!VERY!GOOD!ADVICE!!
BUT!THE!WAITING!MAKES!ME!CURIOUS!
!VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS!! ! BUT!YOU’LL!LOVE!THE!CHANGE!!
SHOULD!SOMETHING!STRANGE!BEGIN!$ALICE$$ $ I’M!SURE!THAT!I!KNOW!RIGHT!FROM!WRONG!!
!
! 9!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS!! ! AND!YOU!HAVE!THE!BEST!INTENTIONS!! ! LIFE!SHOULD!BE!SUCH!A!MERRY!SONG!
! ! BUT!THERE!!
ALICE$$ $ BUT!THERE!!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$$ $ IS!WHERE!!
ALICE$$ $ IS!WHERE!I!GIVE!MYSELF!VERY!GOOD!ADVICE!
!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$$ $ BUT!YOU!VERY!SELDOM!FOLLOW!IT!
! ! WILL!SHE!EVER!LEARN!TO!DO!THE!THINGS!SHE!SHOULD?!
!MAD$HATTER:!The!price!of!your!hat!is!not!always!the!measure!of!your!brain.!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Be!careful!what!you!wish!for,!you!just!might!get!it.!!
KING$OF$HEARTS:$Necessity!is!the!mother!of!all!invention.!!
DORMOUSE:!Beauty!without!virtue!is!a!flower!without!perfume.!!
MARCH$HARE:!Time!is!of!the!essence!but!don’t!worry,!be!happy!!!ALICE$$ $ I!GIVE!MYSELF!VERY!GOOD!ADVICE!
!VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$$ $ BUT!YOU!VERY!SELDOM!FOLLOW!IT! $! ! WILL!SHE!EVER!LEARN!! ! ! ALICE! !$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ WILL!I!EVER!LEARN!
VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$TO!DO!THE!THINGS! ! ! ! ALICE$
TO!DO!THE!THINGS$VERY$GOOD$ADVICE$CHORUS$! ! SHE!SHOULD?!
!ALICE:$$ Aahhhhhh!!!(ALICE'lands'with'a'big'thud'on'her'bottom.)!!
!!
!
! 10!
Scene$2$$CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Finally…!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$Alice!landed…!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$Right!in!front!of!a!little!door.!!
ALICE:!This!is!where!the!White!Rabbit!went.!I!have!to!get!in.!!ALICE'tugs'on'the'DOORKNOB,'which'yelps'in'pain.''DOORKNOB:$Yeeooowwww!!Leggo!my!schnazzola!already!!!
ALICE:!Oh,!I’m!sorry.!I!have!to!find!the!White!Rabbit.!!
DOORKNOB:!Who!told!you!to!go!around!pulling!on!people’s!noses?!!ALICE:!You’re!not!a!person,!you’re!a!piece!of!housing!material.!!DOORKNOB:!Well,!doorknobs!have!feelings!too.!!
ALICE:!I’m!very!sorry!I!pulled!on!your!nose,!but!I!have!to!find!the!White!Rabbit.!!
DOORKNOB:!You’re!far!too!big!to!enter!Wonderland.!!!
ALICE:!Oh!no,!no!!But!I!just!have!to!get!in,!I!just!have!to!!(she'starts'to'cry)!!DOORKNOB:!Don’t!cry,!please!don’t!cry.!Maybe!if!you!drank!some!of!the!magic!potion!in!that!convenient,!floatingdnearby!bottle,!you!might!fit!in.!
!CHESHIRE'CAT'2'brings'out'a'bottle'with'a'large'label'that'says'DRINK'ME'and'floats'it'in'front'of'ALICE.!!
ALICE:!Remember,!Alice…!!MATHILDA:!Look!before!you!leap.!!ALICE:!I!really!don’t!know!what’s!in!this!bottle,!but!it!looks!so!pretty.!But!it!could!be!poison,!or!mayonnaise,!or!floor!polish,!or!a!frothy!combination!of!all!three!!But!I!
have!to!find!the!White!Rabbit.!Oh!well…!!
ACT$TWO$CATERPILLAR,$SMALL$ALICE,$MATHILDA:!If!you!don’t!explore,!you’ll!never!discover!!
$
! 11!
ALICE:!Bottom’s!up!!!ALICE'drinks'from'the'bottle.'SMALL'ALICE'replaces'ALICE.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$With!one!gulp!of!that!drink,!Alice!shrank!to!three!inches!tall!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$You!mean!three!inches!short.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$It!was!a!very!tall!three!inches.!!SMALL$ALICE:!Oh,!look!at!me.!I’m!the!right!size!!!DOORKNOB:!I!believe!someone!forgot!about!the!key!waaaay!up!there!on!that!shelf.!!
CHESHIRE'CAT'3'stands'on'a'chair,'holding'up'a'key.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Now!I’m!too!small!to!reach!the!key!!Oh!no,!no,!no.!(she'cries)!!DOORKNOB:!Please!try!to!suppress!your!emotional!outbursts.!Have!a!cookie.!!CHESHIRE'CAT'2'reveals'a'cookie'jar'labeled'EAT'ME'to'SMALL'ALICE.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Well,!it!looks!delicious.!But!how!do!I!know!what’s!in!it?!Don’t!be!silly,!Alice!–!what!harm!can!one!cookie!do?!
!SMALL'ALICE'takes'a'bite.'TALL'ALICE'replaces'SMALL'ALICE.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Alice!grew!so!big!with!just!one!tiny!bite…!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$That!she!filled!the!entire!room.!!TALL$ALICE:!Now!I’m!too!big!!!DOORKNOB:!Sorry!kid,!you’ll!never!fit!in!Wonderland!now.!Try!Pittsburgh.!!
TALL$ALICE:!But!I!want!to!see!the!White!Rabbit.!(she'cries)!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Alice!cried!and!cried!and!cried!and!cried…!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!And!cried!and!cried!and!cried!and!cried…!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!And!cried!and!cried!and!cried!and!cried.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1,2,3:!Until!the!entire!room!was!filled!with!an!ocean!of!tears!!!
TALL$ALICE:!What!should!I!do?!
! 12!
!
DOORKNOB:!Hurry,!take!another!drink!from!the!bottle.!It’s!our!only!hope!!!
CHESHIRE'CAT'1'runs'the'bottle'over'to'TALL'ALICE.'She'drinks'and'is'replaced'by'SMALL'ALICE,'who'starts'swimming.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Alice!shrank!back!down!and!swam!into!the!ocean!of!tears!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$Doing!the!backstroke!through!the!keyhole!–!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$And!swam!all!the!way!to!Wonderland!!!SMALL'ALICE'swims'as'ROCK'LOBSTERS'row'the'DODO'BIRD'in'a'boat.''OCEAN$OF$TEARS$$DODO$BIRD$$ $ I!AM!THE!MONARCH!OF!THE!SEA,!!
THE!RULER!OF!THE!QUEEN’S!NAVY!
!ROCK$LOBSTERS$$ $ WE!SAIL!THE!OCEAN!BLUE!AND!OUR!SAUCY!SHIP’S!A!BEAUTY!
! ! WE!ARE!LOBSTERS!BRAVE!AND!TRUE…AND!ATTENTIVE!!
DODO$BIRD:!Stroke,!your!harddshelled!crustaceans!!Stroke!or!I’ll!boil!some!butter!and!eat!you!for!brunch.!
!
SMALL'ALICE'lands'on'the'shore'as'the'boat'arrives.!The'ROCK'LOBSTERS'enter.''ROCK$LOBSTER$MARTY:!What!a!trip!!!ROCK$LOBSTER$WENDY:!What!a!journey!!!ROCK$LOBSTER$TAMMY:!What!a!voyage!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$BOBBY:!What!a!cruise!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$BUDDY:!What!a!ride!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$MANDY:!What!a!disaster!!!SMALL$ALICE:!Who!or!what!are!you!creatures?!!
ROCK$LOBSTERS:!We’re!the!Rock!Lobsters!!!
! 13!
A'small'portion'of'the'B52’s'song'Rock'Lobster'plays'as'the'ROCK'LOBSTERS'do'their'specialty'Rock'Lobster'dance!'The'dance'finishes'with'all'the'Lobsters'shaking'off'the'water'from'their'bodies'in'ALICE’s'direction.''SMALL$ALICE:!Yech,!I’m!all!wet!!Anybody!got!a!towel?!A!blow!dryer?!An!extra!pinafore?!
!DODO$BIRD:!My!dear!young!damsel,!the!only!way!to!get!yourself!dry!in!Wonderland!is!to!start!an!official!Caucus!Race!!Racers!to!your!marks!!
!Other'SEA'CREATURES'join'the'ROCK'LOBSTERS'for'the'race.''THE$CAUCUS$RACE$$DODO$BIRD$
EVERYBODY!TAKE!YOUR!PLACE!!
BEFORE!WE!START!THE!CAUCUS!RACE!!
!ROCK$LOBSTERS$/$SEA$CREATURES$
WITH!YOUR!WINGS!AND!FEET!AND!FINS,!SOON!THE!RACE!BEGINS!!DONKEY!AND!ELEPHANT!IN!THE!RAIN!!
ELECT!TO!RACE!TIL!DRY!AGAIN!
!DODO$BIRD$
WHEN!YOU!HEAR!THEM!SNEEZE!AND!COUGH!THEY’RE!OFF!!!
ROCK$LOBSTERS$$ $ (SNEEZE!)!!
SEA$CREATURES$$ $ (COUGH!)!!
SMALL$ALICE$THEY’RE!OFF?!
!
ROCK$LOBSTERS$$ $ (SNEEZE!)!
!SEA$CREATURES$$ $ (COUGH!)!
!DODO$BIRD$
THEY’RE!OFF!!
!!ROCK$LOBSTERS$/$SEA$CREATURES$$ $ (SNEEZE!)!
! 14!
!ROCK$LOBSTERS$/$SEA$CREATURES$FORWARD!BACKWARD!INWARD!OUTWARD!BOTTOM!TO!THE!TOP!!MAKES!NO!DIFF’RENCE!WHERE!YOU!RUN!!
!SMALL$ALICE$
AS!LONG!AS!YOU!DON'T!STOP!!
!ROCK$LOBSTERS$/$SEA$CREATURES$
NEVER!ANY!FINISH!LINE!!
!SMALL$ALICE$
YOU!MIGHT!WEAR!OUT!YOUR!SHOES!!!
ROCK$LOBSTERS$/$SEA$CREATURES$BUT!WHEN!THE!RACE!IS!OVER!NO!ONE!EVER!SEEMS!TO!LOSE!!
!
DODO$BIRD$PRIZES!!
$SMALL$ALICE$
PRIZES?!!
!
ROCK$LOBSTERS$PRIZES!PRIZES!PRIZES!!
FORWARD!BACKWARD!INWARD!OUTWARD!BOTTOM!TO!THE!TOP!!NEVER!A!BEGINNING!THERE!CAN!NEVER!BE!A!STOP!!
TO!SKIPPING!HOPPING!TRIPPING!CLOPPING!FANCY!FREE!AWAY!!
STARTED!IT!TOMORROW!BUT!WE’LL!FINISH!YESTERDAY!!!
ALL$ROUND!AND!ROUND!AND!ROUND!WE!GO!UNTIL!FOREVER!MORE!!ONCE!WE!WERE!BEHIND!BUT!NOW!WE!FIND!WE!ARE!BE!!
FORWARD!BACKWARD!INWARD!OUTWARD!!COME!AND!JOIN!THE!CHASE!!
NOTHING!COULD!BE!DRIER!THAN!A!JOLLY!CAUCUS!!
!ROCK$LOBSTERS$
JOLLY!CAUCUS!!
SEA$CREATURES$!! ! JOLLY!CAUCUS!!!
ALL$JOLLY!CAUCUS!RACE!!
!
They'all'collapse'in'a'heap.'The'WHITE'RABBIT'runs'on.!
! 15!
Scene$3$$I’M$LATE$REPRISE$$WHITE$RABBIT$! ! I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE!FOR!A!VERY!IMPORTANT!DATE!
! ! NO!TIME!TO!SAY!HELLO,!GOODBYE!!
DODO$BIRD$$ $ HE’S!LATE!!!
The'WHITE'RABBIT'runs'off.!!
SMALL$ALICE:$Oh,!Mr.!Rabbit,!wait!up!!Wait!for!me!$!DODO$BIRD:!But!my!dear,!come!back!–!you’re!a!natural!!And!you!forgot!your!organic,!glutendfree!winner’s!cookie!!(hands'SMALL'ALICE'a'cookie)!!SMALL$ALICE:$Thanks!!After!all!that!swimming!and!racing,!I!could!use!a!pickdmedup.!!SMALL'ALICE'nibbles'the'cookie.'ALICE'replaces'her.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$Alice!took!a!bite!of!that!cookie!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$And!grew!back!to!her!regular!size!!!
ALICE:!Curiouser!and!curiouser…!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Alice!decided!to!go!with!the!flow.!!
ALICE:!Totally!cool!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$And!chased!after!the!White!Rabbit!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$But!ran!into!Tweedle!Dee!and!Tweedle!Dum!–!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Literally!!!ALICE'runs'into'TWEEDLE'DEE'and'TWEEDLE'DUM'and'all'three'fall'down.!!
ALICE:!Oh,!I’m!sorry!!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!Oh,!how!do!you!do,!Sorry!!I’m!Tweedle!Dum.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!And!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!I’ve!never!met!anyone!named!Sorry!before.!!
! 16!
ALICE'and'the'TWEEDLES'shake'hands'in'a'confusing,'elaborate'handshake.!!ALICE:!Oh,!I’m!sorry,!but!I’m!not!Sorry.!I’m!sorry.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:$Oh,!how!do!you!do!!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!No,!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!!
ALICE'and'the'TWEEDLES'shake'hands'in'a'confusing,'elaborate'handshake.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!No,!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!You’re!Tweedle!Dum.!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Oh,!am!I?!I’m!sorry.!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!What!a!coincidence!!So!is!she!!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!(to'ALICE)!Are!we!related?!!ALICE:!I’m!sorry?!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Oh,!how!do!you!do!!I’m!Tweedle!Dum!!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!Then!I!must!be!Tweedle!Dee.!!!
ALICE'and'the'TWEEDLES'shake'hands'in'a'confusing,'elaborate'handshake.!!
ALICE:!Don’t!you!know!who!you!are?!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Well,!there’s!no!need!to!attack!us!!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!Yes,!we’ve!only!just!met!!!
ALICE:!I!thought!you!knew!each!other.!I’m!sorry.!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:$Oh,!how!do!you!do?!I’m!Tweedle!Dum.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!And!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!!ALICE'and'the'TWEEDLES'shake'hands'in'a'confusing,'elaborate'handshake.!!
ALICE:!And!I’m!out!of!here!!It’s!been!fun,!but!I!have!to!find!the!White!Rabbit.!!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!Meeting!and!running!ain’t!very!polite.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!Don’t!you!have!no!manners?!!
! 17!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!There’s!a!right!way!–!!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!And!a!wrong!way!–!!!TWEEDLES:!To!do!things!!!
HOW$D’YE$DO$AND$SHAKE$HANDS$$TWEEDLE$DUM$
WHEN!FIRST!YOU!MEET!A!GENTLEMEN!OF!CALIBER!AND!CLASS!!
TWEEDLE$DEE$YOU!DON'T!JUST!MEET!AND!RUN!MY!DEAR!!
THAT’S!CALLOUS!COARSE!AND!CLASS!
!TWEEDLES$
SOCIETY!HAS!SET!THE!RULES!BY!WHICH!WE!ALL!MUST!PLAY!
$TWEEDLE$DUM$
SO!LISTEN!WHILE!WE!SPELL!THEM!OUT!$TWEEDLE$DEE$
AND!YOU'LL!BE!DISTINGUÉ.!$TWEEDLES$
SAY!HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!
HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!!
STATE!YOUR!NAME!AND!BUSINESS!!
ALICE:!Well,!that’s!just…!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Ah,!ah,!ah…!!ALICE:!(resigned)!How!do!you!do?!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!Excellent,!excellent.!And…!(ALICE'offers'her'hand.)!!
TWEEDLES:$Perfect!!$TWEEDLES$
IF!MANNERS!COULD!PREVAIL!!!
ALICE$AND!YOU!DO!NOT!ACT!LIKE!A!PIG!!
!
!
! 18!
TWEEDLES$OINK!OINK!THE!PROBLEMS!THAT!THE!WORLD!PRESENTS!!
MIGHT!NOT!SEEM!QUITE!SO!BIG!!
ALICE$A!BOW!OR!CURTSEY!MORE!OR!LESS!CAN!BRIGHTEN!UP!THE!DAY!AND!IF!YOU!KNOW!WHAT!FORK!TO!USE!!
!
TWEEDLES$THEN!YOU!ARE!ON!YOUR!WAY!
!ALICE$/$TWEEDLES$
SAY!HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!!
!ALICE$
SHAKE!HANDS!!
!TWEEDLES$
SHAKE!HANDS!!!
ALICE$/$TWEEDLES$HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!STATE!YOUR!NAME!AND!BUSINESS!!
HOW!DO!YOU!DO!!!
The'TWEEDLES'end'the'song'tied'up'in'an'elaborate'handshake'knot.!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Uh!oh,!I!think!we’re!stuck.!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!How!rude!!Now!what!do!we!do?!!
ALICE:!I!believe!it’s!proper!to!start!with!an!introduction.!Tweedle!Dum,!meet!Tweedle!Dee.!Tweedle!Dee,!meet!Tweedle!Dum.!!
!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!Oh,!how!do!you!do,!Tweedle!Dum?!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!I!beg!to!differ,!but!I!believe!I’m!Tweedle!Dee.!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!But!if!you’re!Tweedle!Dee,!then!I’m!Tweedle!Dum!and!that!would!mean!I’m!shaking!my!own!hand.!!!
TWEEDLE$DEE:!But!you’re!shaking!my!hand.!So!you!must!be!Tweedle!Dee.!!TWEEDLE$DUM:!Oh!dear!!!
! 19!
HOW$D’YE$DO$(REPRISE)!!!TWEEDLES$
HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!!
STATE!YOUR!NAME!AND!BUSINESS!
!ALICE'tiptoes'away'as'the'TWEEDLES'exit.'!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Alice!left!the!Tweedles!to!sort!out!their!identity!crisis!–!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!And!chased!after!the!White!Rabbit.!$CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!She!trailed!him!through!the!woods!to!his!house!–!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!(like'a'realOestate'agent)!A!comfy!little!3!bedroom,!2!bathroom,!1!man!on!third!hideaway!just!perfect!for!such!an!interesting!rabbit.!!
!ALICE:!Oh!there!you!are.!My!name!is!–!oh!wait.!!(extending'her'hand'in'greeting)!I!mean,!how!do!you!do,!my!name!is!–!!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Hermione,!Hermione,!hurry,!I!can’t!find!my!gloves!–!!!ALICE:!But!my!name!isn’t!–!!!WHITE$RABBIT:$Hermione,!Ron,!Harry,!I!don’t!care!what!your!name!is!!Don’t!argue!with!me;!you’re!making!me!later!than!I!already!am.!Hurry,!hurry,!my!gloves,!
somewhere!in!my!house,!I’m!late!!!
ALICE'runs'inside,'looks'around'inside'the'WHITE'RABBIT’S'house.!!ALICE:!Hermione?!I!should!think!I!know!my!own!name!!Boy,!I!never!knew!rabbits!could!be!so!pushy.!Next!I’ll!be!taking!orders!from!my!pet!iguana.!(CHESHIRE'CAT'1'reveals'the'cookie'jar.)!Oh!look,!another!cookie.!I!really!shouldn’t,!but!he’ll!never!even!notice.!(ALICE'eats'the'cookie'and'spins'offstage.)!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$Famous!last!words.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$Alice!took!one!bite!and!grew!as!big!as!a!house.!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$The!White!Rabbit’s!house!to!be!exact.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Her!arms!and!legs!stuck!out!the!windows!and!doors!–!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!And!the!roof!sat!on!top!of!her!head!!!
! 20!
TALL'ALICE'enters'wearing'the'house'like'a'dress'and'the'roof'like'a'hat.!!TALL$ALICE:!Oh,!no.!I!can’t!go!out!in!public!in!this!house!dress.!I’ve!got!to!do!something.!!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Help,!help,!there’s!a!monster!in!my!house!!And!I’m!late!!!TALL$ALICE:!I’m!not!a!monster,!I’m!a!little!girl.!Okay,!a!very!big!little!girl.!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Help,!help,!there’s!a!very!big!little!girl!in!my!house.!And!I’m!still!late!!
!DODO'BIRD'and'ROCK'LOBSTERS'enter.!!
DODO$BIRD:$Whoa!!Love!the!hat!!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!I’m!late!!Help!me!!Help!me!!!!DODO$BIRD:!I!have!the!answer!!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!And!there!was!much!rejoicing!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$MARTY:!What!a!relief!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$WENDY:!What!a!save!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$TAMMY:!What!a!genius!!!ROCK$LOBSTER$BOBBY:!What!a!comfort!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$BUDDY:!What!a!rescue!!!
ROCK$LOBSTER$MANDY:!What!a!disaster!!!
DODO$BIRD:!We’ll!burn!the!house!down!!!WHITE$RABBIT$/$TALL$ALICE:!Nooooo!!!DODO$BIRD:!Hurry!up!now,!gather!the!wood.!Anybody!got!a!light?!I’m!all!out.!!
TALL$ALICE:!Didn’t!your!mother!ever!tell!you!not!to!play!with!matches?!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Just!hurry!!Please!!I’m!–!!ROCK$LOBSTERS:!Late.!We!know.!!
! 21!
TALL$ALICE:!Oh!dear,!I!better!do!something!fast.!Maybe!if!I!eat!one!of!those!carrots!growing!in!the!rabbit’s!garden!!!
CHESHIRE'CAT'2'holds'up'a'bunch'of'carrots.'TALL'ALICE'grabs'one'and'eats'it'fast.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!When!Alice!ate!that!carrot,!can!you!guess!what!happened?!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:$That’s!right!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$Cue!Small!Alice!!!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!
! 22!
Scene$4$$SMALL'ALICE'runs'away'into'the'garden.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Alice!ran!away!through!the!blades!of!grass!and!explored!the!jungles!of…!
!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!(like'a'horror'movie)!The!Garden!!Mwadhadhadhadha!!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Up,!down,!big,!small!–!no!matter!how!hard!I!try,!I!never!seem!to!fit!in!!!
ROSE:!Up,!down!–!!!
LILY:!Big,!small!–!!!PETUNIA$/$DAISY$/$VIOLET:!I!never!seem!to!fit!iiiiiiin.!!
FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS:!Eeuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
The'FLOWERS'laugh'with'major'attitude.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Oh!how!pretty!you!all!are!!!ROSE:!We!know!!Right,!Daisy?!!DAISY:!That’s!right,!Rosy.!!
VIOLET:!Everybody!loves!us!because!we’re…!!
FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS:$The!Girls!of!the!Golden!Afternoon.!!SMALL$ALICE:!The!Golden!Afternoon?!What’s!that?!!LILY:!It’s!the!name!of!our!very!exclusive!garden!club,!right,!Petunia?!!
PETUNIA:!Totally!true,!Lily.!If!you!want!to!be!cool,!you!have!to!be!one!of!us!!!
ROSE:!No!one!gets!in!unless!we!say.!!
VIOLET:!And!we!don’t!let!in!just!anyone.!!!FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS:!Mm!mm!mm!!!
$$$
! 23!
THE$GOLDEN$AFTERNOON$!DAISY$
ROSE!AND!VIOLET!GOT!IN!LAST!SEPTEMBER!!
VIOLET$AND!PETUNIA!MADE!THE!CUT!IN!JUNE!
!
FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS$IT’S!NOT!EASY!TO!BECOME!A!MEMBER!!OF!THE!“GOLDEN!AFTERNOON.”!!
AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON!!PETUNIA$
FOR!A!“GOLDEN!AFTERNOON”!NEVER!SETTLES!
!LILY$
EVERY!DAY!YOU!HAVE!TO!PREEN!AND!PRUNE.!!
!FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS!
IF!YOU!WANT!TO!KEEP!YOUR!STEM!AND!PETALS!!IN!THE!“GOLDEN!AFTERNOON.”!
AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON!!!
ROSE$$ $ OH!WE!CAN’T!JUST!LET!IN!JUST!ANYONE!
!PETUNIA$
WE’RE!SWARMED!BY!WANNA!BEES.!!
$LILY!
ALL!THE!WEEDS!THAT!WE’VE!EXCLUDED!!
!DAISY!
ARE!THE!WEEDS!WE!LOVE!TO!TEASE:!!!
VIOLET!THISTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!
ROSE$HEDGEROW!!!
!
FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS$ $POISON!IVY!!!Eeuuuuuuuuuuuu!!
$ROSE$
IF!YOU!WANNA!BE!A!BUD!IN!OUR!BOWER,!!
LEARN!THIS!SECRET!SONG!AND!STAY!IN!TUNE!
! 24!
ROSE$/$LILY$/$PETUNIA$/$DAISY$/$VIOLET$OTHERWISE!YOU’RE!JUST!A!DRIED!WALLFLOWER!!TO!THE!“GOLDEN!AFTERNOON!”!
!FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS!
AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON,!AFTERNOON!!!
!SMALL$ALICE:!Oh,!I!wish!I!could!be!just!like!you!!!
LILY:!Keep!dreaming,!crabgrass!!!
PETUNIA:!You’re!just!a!silly,!little,!uncool!weed.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!I’m!not!a!weed.!I’m!a!little!girl.!!ROSE:!Violet,!she!says!she’s!a!little!girl!!!
FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS:$Eeuuuuuuuuu!!!
VIOLET:!Whatever!!!
PETUNIA:!You’re!way!too!uncool!to!become!a!Girl!of!the!Golden!Afternoon.!!SMALL$ALICE:!You!wouldn’t!talk!to!me!like!that!if!I!weren’t!three!inches!tall.!!ROSE:!But!you!are,!Alice,!you!are!three!inches!tall!!!
LILY:!Beat!it,!slug,!before!you!wind!up!on!the!bottom!of!somebody’s!shoe.!!
DAISY:!Look,!girls,!I!think!she!has!bugs!!!FLOWERS$/$WILDFLOWERS:$Eeuuuuuuuuu!!!The'FLOWERS'laugh'at'SMALL'ALICE'as'she'stomps'away.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Oh,!they!make!me!so!mad!!They!think!they!can!be!mean!to!me!just!because!I’m!smaller!than!they!are.!!
!The'CATERPILLAR'enters,'blowing'bubbles.'''CATERPILLAR:!Oh,!don’t!let!those!dried!up!little!flower!buds!get!you!down,!kid.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!I!wish!I!could!be!as!pretty!as!they!are,!then!life!would!be!so!easy.!!$
! 25!
CATERPILLAR:!Sweetiepie,!lambchop,!honeydew!–!they’re!just!gonna!wind!up!sitting!around!in!somebody’s!old!glass!vase!for!three!days!‘til!they!wither!and!die,!then!it’s!“thanks!a!lot”!and!out!with!the!garbage!!But!enough!about!them.!Whooo,!
pray!tell,!are!youuuuu?!!
SMALL$ALICE:!My!name!is!Alice.!Whooo,!pray!tell,!are!youuuu?!!CATERPILLAR:!I!am!whoever!you!want!me!to!be!or!I!might!be!who!I!say!I!am!or!maybe!who!I!someday!hope!to!be.!You!dig?!
!SMALL$ALICE:!Yes.!Um,!no.!!CATERPILLAR:!I’m!the!Caterpillar,!kiddo,!your!wonder!of!wonders,!your!miracle!of!miracles,!your!happy,!happy!day!!
!SMALL$ALICE:!Oh,!I’m!so!confused.!Nothing!makes!any!sense!here.!Life!can!be!so!hard!when!you’re!only!three!inches!tall.!!
!CATERPILLAR:!Alice,!the!caterpillar’s!gonna!share!two!magical!little!words!with!you,!guaranteed!to!make!even!your!very!worst!day!simply!absolutely!fabulous!!Ready?!
!
SMALL$ALICE:!Ready.!!
CATERPILLAR:!Repeat!after!me:!Zipdahddeeddooddahd!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Zipdahddeeddooddahd!!CATERPILLAR:!Zipdaddeeday!!!
SMALL$ALICE:$Zipdaddeeday!!Zipdahddeeddooddah,!zipdaddeeday!!!
CATERPILLAR:!You’ve!been!holding!out!on!me!!Hit!it!!!
ZIPMAMDEEMDOOMDAH$$CATERPILLAR$
THIS!IS!JUST!THE!KIND!OF!DAY!YOU!DREAM!ABOUT:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHEN!YOU!OPEN!UP!YOUR!MOUTH!A!SONG!POPS!OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!
MY,!OH!MY!WHAT!A!WONDERFUL!DAY.!PLENTY!OF!SUNSHINE!HEADING!MY!WAY.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!$
SMALL$ALICE:!But!what!does!it!mean?!!
! 26!
CATERPILLAR:!I!have!no!idea,!but!it!sure!makes!you!feel!good!when!you!say!it!!Now!you!try!!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$CATERPILLAR$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ $ $ $
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY,!OH!MY,!WHAT!A!WONDERFUL!DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLENTY!OF!SUNSHINE!HEADING!MY!WAY.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!$
CATERPILLAR$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
MISTER!BUBBLE’S!ON!MY!SHOULDER.!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $
IT’S!THE!TRUTH!!
CATERPILLAR$ $
IT’S!ACTUAL.!$
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$CATERPILLAR$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!
EVERYTHING!IS!SATISFACTUAL.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WONDERFUL!FEELING!WONDERFUL!DAY!!!
CATERPILLAR:!You!see?!!SMALL$ALICE:!I!do!feel!a!little!better.!!
CATERPILLAR:!A!little!better?!Girl,!you!got!to!try!!Now!say,!Zip.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!Zip.!!CATERPILLAR:!No,!ZIP!!!SMALL$ALICE:!Zip!!!
CATERPILLAR:!C’mon,!Zip!!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:$Zip!!!
CATERPILLAR:!Yeah,!Zip!!!
! 27!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:!Zip!!!CATERPILLAR:$That’s!it,!I!say!Zip!Zip!!!ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:!Zipdahddeeddo!!‘!
CATERPILLAR:!Zipdahddeeddoddahdday!!I!say,!Zip!Zip!!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:$Zipdahddeeddah!!!CATERPILLAR:!Now!that’s!the!dooddah!way!!Doo!dah,!doo!dah!!!ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:$Doo!dah,!doo!dah!!!
CATERPILLAR:!Doo!dah,!doo!dah!!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:$Doo!dah,!doo!dah!!!CATERPILLAR:!DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!!ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE:$DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$CATERPILLAR$$ $ ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!!
! ! OHHHH!!ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!
MY,!OH!MY!WHAT!A!WONDERFUL!DAY.!
PLENTY!OF!SUNSHINE!HEADING!MY!WAY.!WONDERFUL!FEELING!
AdWUH,!AdWUH,!AdWUH,!AdWUH!
AdWUHdWUHdWUHdWUH!WONDERFUL!DAY!!!
CATERPILLAR$$ $ !ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!!
!
ZIP$CHORUS$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$CATERPILLAR$$ $ ZIP!!
!!
END$OF$ACT$ONE$! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!
!!
!
! 28!
ACT$TWO$$
Entr’acte$$ZIPMAHMDEEMDOMDAH$(PLAYOFF)$!
CATERPILLAR!! ! ZIP!ZIP!ZIPdAdDEEdDO!
! ! ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!
! ! DOOdDAH!DOOdDAH!!
SMALL$ALICE$$ $ DOOdDAH,!DOOdDAH!
$CATERPILLAR!! ! DOOdDAH!DOOdDAH!
!
SMALL$ALICE$$ $ DOOdDAH,!DOOdDAH!
$The'CATERPILLAR'has'sprouted'butterfly'wings.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!You’re!a!butterfly!!!
CATERPILLAR:!Just!getting!in!touch!with!my!Inner!Fabulousity,!kiddo,!and!so!can!you!!
!
SMALL$ALICE:!But!what!should!I!do?!!
CATERPILLAR:!Be!yourself!and!be!happy!!!SMALL$ALICE:!No,!I!mean!about!being!three!inches!tall.!!CATERPILLAR:!You!wanna!grow!up!big!and!strong,!you!gotta!eat!the!right!foods.!Try!one!of!these!magic!cookies.!Simply!delicious!!Hasta!la!vista,!baby!!
!The'CATERPILLAR'flies'away'and'the'CHESHIRE'CAT'reveals'the'cookie'jar.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$As!the!CaterpillardslashdButterfly!flapped!away,!Alice!ate!the!magic!cookie.!(SMALL'ALICE'pulls'out'a'cookie'and'takes'a'bite.)!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:$Uh!oh.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Cue!Medium!Alice!!!
!
! 29!
Scene$5$$ALICE'replaces'SMALL'ALICE.'$CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Alice!grew!back!to!a!more!medium!size,!but!she!was!still!confused.!
!ALICE:!I’m!so!confused!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Until!she!meets!me.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Us.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!We!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1,2,3:!Aloha,!Alice.!I!–!We!are!the!Cheshire!Cat.!!
ALICE:!Oh!how!do!you!do?!I!have!a!cat!named!Dinah!just!like!you.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Oh!really?!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Just!like!us,!huh?!!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Can!Dinah!stand!on!her!head!like!this?!!The'CHESHIRE'CAT'arranges'his'body'parts,'so'he'is'standing'on'his'own'head.!!
ALICE:!No,!I’m!sure!she!can’t.!Though!I’m!not!sure!of!anything!anymore.!I’m!not!even!sure!of!who!I!am.!I!thought!Wonderland!would!be!everything!I!always!dreamed!
about,!but!everyone!wants!me!to!be!something!else!!
!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Somebody!having!a!bad!day?!!ALICE:!Maybe!the!White!Rabbit!can!help!me,!but!I!can’t!find!him!anywhere.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!You!might!ask!the!Mad!Hatter.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!He!knows!where!everything!is.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Trouble!is,!he!keeps!it!all!under!his!hat.!!ALICE:!A!Mad!Hatter?!I!don’t!want!to!make!anyone!mad.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Haven’t!you!noticed…!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!We’re!all!a!little!mad?!
! 30!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Why,!I!myself!am!not!all!here!!!And'the'CHESHIRE'CAT'disappears.'ALICE'stumbles'upon'a'Mad'Tea'Party.''THE$UNBIRTHDAY$SONG$(PT.$1)$$MAD$HATTER$$ $ A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!YOU!
!UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$$ $ TO!YOU!! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!YOU!
!
MAD$HATTER$! ! TO!YOU!
! ! IT’S!GREAT!TO!DRINK!TO!SOMEONE!!
AND!I!GUESS!THAT!YOU!WILL!DO!!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!YOU!–!OUT!!
!
ALICE:!Oh,!excuse!me,!I!didn’t!mean!to!crash!your!birthday!party.!!
MARCH$HARE:!It’s!not!a!birthday!party,!it’s!an!unbirthday!party.!!
ALICE:!An!unbirthday!party?!!MAD$HATTER:!Well,!you!only!have!one!birthday!each!year,!but!you!have!364!unbirthdays!!
!UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS:!Happy!Unbirthday!!!THE$UNBIRTHDAY$SONG$(PT.$2)$$MARCH$HARE$$ $ A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!US!
!DORMOUSE$$ $ TO!US!!
! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!US!!
MARCH$HARE$$ $ TO!US!!$ $ IF!THERE!ARE!NO!OBJECTIONS,!LET!IT!BE!UNANIMOUS!
!
! 31!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!US!–!OUT!!OUT!!!
ALICE$$ $ A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!ME!
!
MARCH$HARE$$ $ TO!WHO?!
!
ALICE$$ $ TO!ME!!
!MARCH$HARE$$ $ OH!YOU!!
! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!YOU!!
ALICE$$ $ WHO!ME?!!
MARCH$HARE$$ $ YES!YOU!
!
ALICE$$ $ I!SEE.!
!UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS!! ! LET’S!ALL!CONGRATULATE!OURSELVES;!ANOTHER!CUP!OF!TEA!!
! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!WE!–!OUI!!OUI!!OUT!!OUT!!OUT!!!
MAD$HATTER$$ ! WE!OUGHT!TO!THROW!A!PARTY!TO!A!VERY!SPECIAL!PARTY!!
ALICE!! ! YOU!MEAN?!
!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS!$ $ GUESS!WHO?!
!MARCH$HARE$$ $ I!HATE!TO!BE!SPECIFIC!BUT!THIS!GIRL!IS!TERRIFIC.!!
!$$$$$
! 32!
ALICE!! ! YOU!MEAN?!!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS!$ $ WE!DO!!!
! ! THIS!DAMSEL!IS!SO!WONDERFUL,!LET’S!TREAT!HER!ROYALLY.!
!DORMOUSE$/$MARCH$HARE$/$MAD$HATTER$$ $ A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!
!UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!!
DORMOUSE$/$MARCH$HARE$/$MAD$HATTER$$ $ A!VERY!VERY!MERRY!UN!!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$! ! A!VERY!VERY!MERRY!UN!!
DORMOUSE$/$MARCH$HARE$/$MAD$HATTER$/$ALICE$/$UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$$ $ BIRTHDAY!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU!
! ! TO!YOU,!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU!–!OUT!!
$ALICE:!Say,!where!I!come!from,!we!play!by!the!rules!!!MAD$HATTER:!Yes,!but!rules!can!be!so!limiting.!!!
MARCH$HARE:!It’s!so!much!more!fun!to!make!up!your!own!rules.!!!
ALICE:!But!if!everyone!makes!up!their!own!rules,!how!do!you!know!if!you’re!playing!the!game!right?!!
MAD$HATTER:!Well,!that’s!part!of!the!game,!I!guess.!!
The'WHITE'RABBIT'enters,'late'as'usual.!!ALICE:!Oh,!it’s!the!White!Rabbit!!Hi,!Mr.!Rabbit,!it’s!me,!it’s!–!!!I’M$LATE$(REPRISE)$$WHITE$RABBIT$! ! I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE!FOR!A!VERY!IMPORTANT!DATE!
! ! NO!TIME!TO!SAY!GOODBYE,!HELLO!
!UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$$ $ HE’S!LATE!!
! 33!
WHITE$RABBIT$! ! I’M!LATE!!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$$ $ HE’S!LATE!!
!
WHITE$RABBIT$! ! I’M!LATE!
!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$! ! YOU’RE…!
!WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!my,!will!you!look!at!the!time!!!
UNBIRTHDAY$GUESTS$$ $ LATE!!
!
DORMOUSE:!Did!you!say!you!were!late?!!
ALICE:!Only!354!times.!Not!that!anyone’s!counting.!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!(showing'the'MAD'HATTER'his'pocket'watch)!See?!!MAD$HATTER:!Well,!your!watch!is!slow,!silly.!Here,!let!me!fix!it!for!you.!(The'MAD'HATTER'grabs'the'watch.'They'huddle'over'the'watch'like'a'patient.'The'CHESHIRE'CAT'makes'the'sound'of'a'heart'monitor'beeping.)!!
MAD$HATTER:!Scalpel!!!
MARCH$HARE:!Scalpel!!!DORMOUSE:!Scalpel!!!MAD$HATTER:!Forceps!!!
MARCH$HARE:!Forceps!!!
DORMOUSE:!Forceps!!!
MAD$HATTER:!Axle!grease!!!MARCH$HARE:!Axle!grease!!!
DORMOUSE:!Axle!grease!!!
MAD$HATTER:!Peanut!butter!!
! 34!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Peanut!butter?!!MARCH$HARE:!$Crunchy!or!smooth?!!MAD$HATTER:!Hurry,!we’re!losing!him!!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!no!no!no!!!
MAD$HATTER:!Bring!me!the!liverwurst!!!MARCH$HARE:!The!liverwurst!!!DORMOUSE:!The!liverwurst!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!That’s!the!worst!liver!I’ve!ever!seen!!!
MAD$HATTER:!(like'a'mad'scientist)!Live,!live,!I!command!you!to!live!!(The'CHESHIRE'CAT'makes'the'flatline'sound;'the'watch'is'dead.)!!
MAD$HATTER:!Oops.!You!might!want!to!get!a!new!watch.!!
ALICE:!Oh!no,!you!broke!it!!!MAD$MATTER:!I!know!!Wasn’t!it!fun?!Let’s!do!it!again!!!WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!noooo!!Now!I’ll!never!get!there!on!time!!(The'WHITE'RABBIT'runs'away.'ALICE'grabs'the'watch'from'the'table'and'puts'it'in'her'pocket.)!!ALICE:!Hey,!wait,!you!forgot!your!watch!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!Alice!ran!after!the!White!Rabbit,!but!he!was!nowhere!to!be!found.!!!
ALICE:!Wonderland!is!too!crazy!for!me.!The!rules!keep!changing!and!no!one!can!tell!me!why.!I!want!to!go!home,!where!I!know!I!fit!in!no!matter!what!size!I!am.!If!I!can!
just!find!my!way.!
!CHESHIRE$CAT$1:!But!Alice!–!in!Wonderland,!there’s!only!the!Queen’s!way.!!ALICE:!But!I’ve!never!even!met!a!queen.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Then!this!is!your!lucky!day.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!You’re!going!to!meet!the!biggest!Queen!of!all!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!This!way!to!the!Royal!Rose!Garden.!!
! 35!
Scene$6$$The'CHESHIRE'CAT'leads'ALICE'to'the'Royal'Rose'Garden.'$CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$Cue!the!Royal!Cardsmen!!Royal!Cardsmen,!you’re!on!deck!!!
ROYAL'CARDSMEN'race'on'with'paint'buckets.!!
PAINTING$THE$ROSES$RED$!ROYAL$CARDSMEN$
PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!
WE!DARE!NOT!STOP!OR!WASTE!A!DROP!
SO!LET!THE!PAINT!BE!SPREAD!WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!
$ACE$OF$SPADES$
OH!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!!
TWO$OF$CLUBS$AND!MANY!A!TEAR!WE!SHED!
!
THREE$OF$DIAMONDS$BECAUSE!WE!KNOW!
$FOUR$OF$HEARTS$
THEY'LL!CEASE!TO!GROW!
!
ROYAL$CARDSMEN$IN!FACT,!THEY'LL!SOON!BE!DEAD!
AND!YET!WE!GO!AHEAD!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!!
ALICE$PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!THEY'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!
OH,!PARDON!ME,!BUT!MISTER!THREE!WHY!MUST!YOU!PAINT!THEM!RED?!
!
ROYAL$CARDSMEN$STOP!!
!
$$$
! 36!
THREE$OF$DIAMONDS$AT!FIRST!WE!PLANTED!WHITE!!‘CAUSE!WE!THOUGHT!THAT!IT!WAS!RIGHT!
!FIVE$OF$CLUBS$
AND!WE!HADN’T!EVEN!COME!UPON!THIS!SONG!
!SIX$OF$HEARTS!! ! BUT!NOW!WE’RE!IN!A!PICKLE!FOR!THE!ROYAL!MIND!IS!FICKLE!
!ROYAL$CARDSMEN$$ $ AND!IT!TURNED!OUT!THAT!WE!WERE!WRONG! !
THE!QUEEN,!SHE!LIKES!‘EM!RED!
AND!IF!SHE!SAW!WHITE!INSTEAD!
SHE'D!RAISE!A!FUSS,!AND!EACH!OF!US!WOULD!QUICKLY!LOSE!HIS!HEAD!
!
ALICE$OH!MY!!
!ROYAL$CARDSMEN$
SINCE!THIS!IS!THE!THOUGHT!WE!DREAD!
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!DON'T!TELL!THE!QUEEN!WHAT!YOU!HAVE!SEEN!
OR!SAY!THAT'S!WHAT!WE!SAID!
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!$ACE$OF$SPADES!
NOT!PINK!!!
TWO$OF$CLUBS$NOT!GREEN!
!
ALICE$NOT!AQUAMARINE!
!ROYAL$CARDSMEN$
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,!
PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!!!
The'WHITE'RABBIT'runs'on,'blasting'a'trumpet.'ALL'snap'to'attention.''$$
! 37!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Attention,!attention,!inhabitants!and!subjects!and!all!other!direct!or!indirect!objects!of!Wonderland:!fall!to!your!knees!and!tremble!before!her!majestic!majesty,!yes,!folks,!your!favorite!monarch!of!mean!and!mine,!The!One,!The!
Only,!Queen!of!Hearts!! !!
The'KING'OF'HEARTS'peeks'his'head'around'the'curtain.!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!And,!um,!let’s!not!forget!the!King!of!Hearts.!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!Oh!yeah,!him!too.!!
The'ROYAL'CARDSMEN'fall'to'their'knees.'The'QUEEN'OF'HEARTS'stomps'onstage.''PAINTING$THE$ROSES$RED$(REPRISE)$$
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$
WHO'S!BEEN!PAINTING!MY!ROSES!RED?!
!
ROYAL$CARDSMEN$
WHO'S!BEEN!PAINTING!HER!ROSES!RED?!
!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$
WHO!DARES!TO!TAINT!WITH!VULGAR!PAINT!!
THE!ROYAL!FLOWER!BED?!
FOR!PAINTING!MY!ROSES!RED!SOMEONE!WILL!LOSE!HIS!HEAD.!
!
TWO$OF$CLUBS$
YOUR!MAJESTY!PLEASE,!IT’S!ALL!HIS!FAULT!
!
THREE$OF$DIAMONDS$
NOT!ME!YOUR!GRACE,!THE!ACE,!THE!ACE.!
!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$$
YOU,!IT!WAS!YOU!!
$
ACE$OF$SPADES$
! ! OH!NO,!IT!WAS!TWO!!
!
!
! 38!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$
THE!DEUCE!YOU!SAY?!
!
TWO$OF$CLUBS$
NOT!ME,!THE!TRES.!
!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$
THAT'S!ENOUGH!NUMERICAL!STUFF!
ENOUGH!OF!YOUR!SCARLETS!AND!CRIMSON!VERMILLIONS!
ROUGES!AND!CHERRIES!AND!REDS! !
OFF!WITH!YOUR!HEADS!
!
ROYAL$CARDSMEN$
YOU’RE!GOING!TO!LOSE!YOUR!HEADS,!!
YOU’RE!GOING!TO!LOSE!YOUR!HEADS!!
FOR!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!$The'CHESHIRE'CAT'stands'behind'ALICE'and'nudges'her'forward.'The'QUEEN'OF'HEARTS'turns'her'attention'to'ALICE.'$QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!And!just!what!do!we!have!here,!hmmmm?!!
ALICE:!I!believe!you!mean,!“whom!do!we!have!here.”!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!And!there!was!much!hubbub.!!ROYAL$CARDSMEN:!Hubbub,!hubbub,!hubbub!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Silence!!We!speak!the!Queen’s!English!here,!you!nameless!little!whelp!!
!ALICE:!Yes,!your!Loudness.!I!mean,!your!Largeness.!I!mean,!your!Highness!!And!my!name!is!Alice.!
!ROYAL$CARDSMEN:$Alice?!!ALICE:!Yes,!Alice.!I!think.!At!least!it!was!when!I!got!here.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!That’s!impossible,!everyone!knows!Alice!doesn’t!live!here!anymore!!
!
! 39!
ALICE:!Okay,!well,!um,!that!works!too,!because!all!I!want!to!do!is!get!out!of!here!and!find!my!way!back!home.!!
ROYAL$CARDSMEN:!Her!way!home?!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Your!way!home?!You’ll!find!my!way!home!or!we’ll!cut!off!your!head.!You’ll!be!who!I!say!you!are!and!no!one!else,!do!you!understand?!!
ALICE:!Oh,!nothing!makes!sense!here!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!And!don’t!you!forget!it.!Now,!before!you!go!anywhere,!you’ll!have!to!beat!me!in!Wonderland’s!favorite!pastime.!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!And!there!was!much!rejoicing.!!ROYAL$CARDSMEN:!Yea!!!
ALICE:!Wonderland’s!favorite!pastime?!!
The'CHESHIRE'CAT'whispers'in'ALICE’s'ear,'gesturing'wildly.'ALICE'gives'the'CHESHIRE'CAT'the'thumbs'up.!!
ALICE:!Well,!your!Majesty,!I!bet!you!probably!want!to!play!a!game!of!croquet!using!upsideddown!flamingos!instead!of!croquet!mallets,!right?!
!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!My!dear!young!girl,!croquet!is!so!nineteenth!century.!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1,2,3:!(to'ALICE)!Sorry.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!I!want!to!play!Simon!Says!!!ALICE:!Simon!Says?!!ROYAL$CARDSMEN:!Simon!Says!!!
WHITE$RABBIT:!All!Royal!Cardsmen!on!deck!for!the!royal!tournament!of!Simon!Says!!Because!the!Queen!says!so,!that’s!why!!
!The'ROYAL'CARDSMEN'and'ALICE'play'the'game.'!
SIMON$SAYS$(PT.$1)$$QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$
SIMON!SAYS,!"CURTSEY."!SIMON!SAYS,!"BOW."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"GENUFLECT."!
! 40!
SIMON!SAYS,!"MEOW."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"SWIM!UPSTREAM."!SIMON!SAYS,!"THINK!ABOUT!WHAT!I'M!SAYING."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"SCREAM."!SIMON!SAYS,!"GROVEL!AT!MY!FEET!LIKE!SPINELESS!DOGS."!
!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:$Now!stand!up!!(All'but'ALICE'stand'up.)!I!didn't!say!"Simon!Says!"!Off!with!their!heads!!
!
The'CHESHIRE'CAT'leads'the'ROYAL'CARDSMEN'offstage.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!I!see!you’ve!played!this!game!before.!!
ALICE:!Oh,!I!love!Simon!Says.!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!But!does!Simon!love!you,!I!wonder?!Simon!Says!stand!up.!Time!for!the!Lightning!Round.!!
!!The'pace'is'faster.'But'ALICE'keeps'up'like'a'pro.!!SIMON$SAYS$(PT.$2)$!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS$SIMON!SAYS,!"HOP!ON!ONE!LEG."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"DO!JUMPING!JACKS."!SIMON!SAYS,!"LEAP!LIKE!A!FROG."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"MELT!LIKE!WAX."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"WALK!LIKE!A!MONSTER."!SIMON!SAYS,!"SCREAM!WITH!NO!SOUND."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"TAP!DANCE."!
SIMON!SAYS,!"SIT!ON!THE!GROUND."!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:$Stand!up.!(ALICE'does'not'stand.)!Simon!says,!"hold!one!foot!behind!your!back!and!wave!your!arms!and!sing!at!the!top!of!your!lungs."!
!
ALICE$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED,!! ! ! Oh,!I!loathe!that!!
PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED,!! ! ! song.!Stop!singing!WE!DARE!NOT!STOP!! ! ! ! before!my!ears!
OR!WASTE!A!DROP! ! ! ! ! explode.!Did!you!!
SO!LET!THE!PAINT!BE!SPREAD!! ! ! hear!me?!I!said!!WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!! ! stop!that!singing! !
WE'RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,! ! ! Royal!Cardsmen,!
PAINTING!THE!ROSES,!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,! drag!her!away!!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,!PAINTING!THE!ROSES,!
PAINTING!THE!ROSES!
! 41!
ALICE:!But!you!didn’t!say!Simon!Says!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!The!crowd!gasped!!(They'invite'the'AUDIENCE'to'gasp!)!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!I’m!afraid!the!match!goes!to!Alice.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!You!may!have!won!the!match,!but!you’ve!just!lost!your!head!!Royal!Cardsmen!!Off!with!her!head!!
!
KING$OF$HEARTS:!Wait,!my!dearest,!why!don’t!we!have!a!trial.!Just!this!once,!you!know,!shake!things!up!a!bit.!!
!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Well,!all!right,!but!make!it!fast.!I!want!to!see!her!head!rolling!around!like!a!bowling!ball.!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!
! 42!
Scene$7$$WHITE$RABBIT:!All!assemble!for!the!case!of!Alice!versus!the!Queen!of!Hearts.!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!The!prisoner!is!charged!with!enticing!her!majesty,!the!Queen!of!Hearts,!into!a!game!of!Simon!Says,!and!thereby!willfully!and!with!Alice!of!
forethought,!did!put!a!bee!in!her!royal!bonnet!and!cause!our!beloved!Queen!to!lose!!her!royal!temper!!
!
ALICE:!Don’t!be!silly,!I!just!beat!her!at!her!own!game.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!(weeping)!She!beat!me,!do!you!hear,!she!confesses,!she!beat!me,!beat!me.!!
!
MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Awwwwww.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:$(suddenly'happy'again)!Hurry,!get!to!the!good!part!where!we!cut!off!her!head!!!
ALICE:!But!we!haven’t!heard!any!witnesses!yet.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$1:$First!witness!–!!!CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Um,!better!make!that!plural.!!CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Tweedle!Dum!and!Tweedle!Dee,!take!the!witness!stand!!!
The'TWEEDLES,'still'knotted'up'in'a'handshake,'take'the'stand.!!
TWEEDLES:!Oh,!how!do!you!do?!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!Tweedle!Dee!and!Tweedle!Dum,!can!you!please!introduce!yourselves!to!the!court?!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!That’s!just!the!problem.!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!We!can’t!!!MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Gasp!!!
TWEEDLE$DUM:!We!don’t!know!who!we!are!anymore!!!
MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Gasp!!!TWEEDLE$DEE:!That!horrible!little!girl!got!us!all!tied!up!in!a!knot!!!
! 43!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!You!see?!You!see?!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!And!can!you!tell!the!court!her!name?!!TWEEDLES:!Sorry!!!
KING$OF$HEARTS:!Just!tell!us!her!name.!!
TWEEDLES:!Sorry!!!KING$OF$HEARTS:$No,!her!name!!!TWEEDLES:!Sorry!!$KING$OF$HEARTS:!Oh,!well,!never!mind!then.!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$2:!Next!witness!!The!Girls!of!the!Golden!Afternoon!!!The'FLOWERS'take'the'stand.''KING$OF$HEARTS:!Now,!girls,!did!you!observe!any!incredibly!suspicious!behavior!on!the!part!of!the!incredibly!guilty!party?!
!DAISY:!First!of!all,!she!came!running!into!our!garden…!!PETUNIA:!Without!even!asking!permission.!!
ROSE:$Then,!your!honor,!she!wanted!to!become!a!member!of!our!club!!!
MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Gasp!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!She!didn’t!!!VIOLET:!She!did!!!
LILY:!I!know,!right?!!
PETUNIA:!How!dare!she!!Ick!!!
VIOLET:!She!wanted!to!be!like!us!!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!And!what!did!you!tell!her?!!
DAISY:$We!told!her,!she!didn’t!have!a!chance.!!
ROSE:!That!girl!has!no!rosy!cheeks…!
! 44!
LILY:!Or!delicate!smile…!!PETUNIA:!Or!floral!style…!!DAISY:!She!doesn’t!even!have!the!sun!in!the!morning!!!
ROSE:!So!when!she!asked…!!
VIOLET:!Can!I!be!one!of!you?!!ROSE:!All!we!said!was…!!FLOWERS:!Eeuuuuuuuuuu!!!
CHESHIRE$CAT$3:!Next!witnesses:!the!Mad!Hatter,!the!March!Hare!and!the!!Dormouse.!
!
They'take'the'stand.!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Off!with!your…hat.!!
The'MAD'HATTER'takes'off'his'big'hat,'revealing'a'smaller'hat'underneath.''KING$OF$HEARTS:!What!do!you!have!to!add!to!the!already!rock!solid!evidence!!against!the!soon!to!be!headless!defendant?!!
DORMOUSE:!She!wants!to!play!by!the!rules!!!MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Gasp!!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!This!rebellion!must!be!stopped!!!
KING$OF$HEARTS:!And!just!where!were!you!when!this!horrible!crime!was!!committed?!
!
MARCH$HARE:!Well,!we!were!having!a!tea!party.!!
MAD$HATTER:!You!know,!today!is!my!birthday.!!!
KING$OF$HEARTS:!(to'the'QUEEN)!Why,!dear,!today!is!your!unbirthday!too!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!It!is?!!
!!
!
! 45!
THE$UNBIRTHDAY$SONG$(REPRISE)$$MAD$HATTER$$ ! WE!OUGHT!TO!THROW!A!PARTY!TO!A!VERY!SPECIAL!PARTY!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS!! ! YOU!MEAN?!!
KING$OF$HEARTS!$ $ GUESS!WHO?!!
MAD$HATTER$$ $ I!HATE!TO!BE!SPECIFIC!BUT!HER!HIGHNESS!IS!TERRIFIC.!!
$QUEEN$OF$HEARTS!! ! YOU!MEAN?!
!
MAD$HATTER!$ $ I!DO!!!
!MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT$! ! THE!QUEEN!OF!HEARTS!IS!ALL!THE!RAGE,!!
LET’S!TREAT!HER!ROYALLY.!$ $ A!VERY!VERY!VERY!VERY!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!
! ! WHO?!WHAT?!WHERE?!WHY?!WE!!HOORAY!!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!What!a!lovely,!lovely!song.!Now,!off!with!her!head!!!ALICE:!Oh,!I’m!not!afraid!of!you!!You’re!nothing!but!a!pack!of!playing!cards!!!
MEMBERS$OF$THE$COURT:!Gasp!!!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!What!did!you!call!us?!!
ALICE:!I!should!shuffle!you!all!and!cut!you!in!half!!!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!Revolution!!Revolution!!Off!with!her!head,!I!say!!!ALICE:!Wait,!don’t!I!get!a!defense!attorney?!Isn’t!anyone!going!to!help!me?!!
The'CATERPILLAR/BUTTERFLY'flies'in.!!
CATERPILLAR:!Hey,!kiddo,!I’ll!help!you.!If!it!so!please!the!court.!!KING$OF$HEARTS:!Well,!it!really!so!doesn’t,!but!I!guess!one!question!couldn’t!hurt.!!
! 46!
QUEEN$OF$HEARTS:!One!question,!then!off!with!her!head!!!CATERPILLAR:!Remember,!Alice,!inner!fabulousity.!Now,!answer!this!one!simple!question:!Whooooo!are!youuuuu?!!
ALICE:!Well,!I’m!not!a!silly!pair!of!Tweedles!who!get!all!bent!out!of!shape!and!tied!up!in!knots!if!you!don’t!know!the!proper!way!to!say!hello!!!
WHOOOOO$ARE$YOUUUUU?$!TWEEDLES$$ HOW!D’YE!DO!AND!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!SHAKE!HANDS!!!
(x!10!times)$ $ $$SMALL$ALICE:!And!I’m!certainly!not!a!bunch!of!snooty!flower!girls!who!act!like!they’re!better!than!everybody!else!and!whose!only!ambition!in!life!is!to!look!pretty!!
!
FLOWERS$$ $ IN!THE!GOLDEN,!GOLDEN!AFTERNOON!(x!16!times)!
!TALL$ALICE:$And!I’m!not!some!party!animal!mad!hatter!who!likes!to!cheat!at!games!and!break!other!people’s!things!just!because!he!thinks!it’s!funny.!!
!MAD$HATTER!! ! A!VERY!MERRY!UNBIRTHDAY!TO!YOU,!TO!YOU!(x!6!times)!!
SMALL$ALICE:!I’m!not!a!crazy!white!rabbit!who!never!has!time!to!visit!and!play!and!get!to!know!me…!!
TALL$ALICE:$When!all!I!wanted!was!to!be!his!friend.!!WHITE$RABBIT$$ $ I’M!LATE,!I’M!LATE,!FOR!A!VERY!IMPORTANT!DATE!(x!4!times)!!
ALICE:!And!I’m!absolutely…!!SMALL$ALICE:!Positively…!!TALL$ALICE:!Categorically!NOT!a!big!old!nasty!Queen!of!Hearts!who!bosses!people!around!!
!QUEEN$OF$HEARTS!! ! PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED,!WE’RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!!
! ! PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED,!WE’RE!PAINTING!THE!ROSES!RED!!!
ALICE$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$TALL$ALICE:$Quiet!!!!
! 47!
!
ALICE:$I’ll!tell!you!who!I!am…!!
The'ALICES'join'hands.!!
SMALL$ALICE:!I’m!Alice!!!TALL$ALICE:!I’m!Alice!!!
ALICE:!I’m!Alice!!Do!you!hear!me?!!
ALICE$/$SMALL$ALICE$/$TALL$ALICE:$Alice!!Alice!!Alice!!!
WONDERLAND$CHARACTERS:!Alice!!Alice!!Alice!!!!
!
!$ $ $!!
!
$!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!!
!
! !!
!!
!
!!
!
!!
!
! 48!
Epilogue$$ALICE'is'discovered'sleeping'in'the'park.'MATHILDA'gently'wakes'ALICE.!!MATHILDA:!Alice,!Alice,!wake!up!Alice.!Alice!!!
ALICE:!(waking'up)!She’s!going!to!cut!off!my!head!!!
MATHILDA:!Who’s!going!to!what?!!ALICE:!The!Queen!of!Hearts!!!MATHILDA:!Oh,!Alice,!you’ve!been!dreaming!again.!You!were!asleep,!silly.!!
ALICE:!I!was?!(looks'around)!I!was!!And!now!I’m!back!home!!And!I’m!Alice!!I’m!Alice!!And!I!never!want!to!be!anyone!else!!
!
A'clock'chimes.'ALICE'pulls'the'WHITE'RABBIT’s'watch'out'of'her'pocket.'''MATHILDA:!Where!did!you!get!that!watch?!!
ALICE:!Curiouser!and!curiouser…!!!ALICE$IN$WONDERLAND$(FINALE)$$ALL$! ! ALICE!IN!WONDERLAND,!HOW!DO!YOU!GET!TO!WONDERLAND?!
! ! OVER!THE!HILL!OR!UNDER!LAND,!OR!JUST!BEHIND!THE!TREE?!! WHERE!CAN!IT!BE?!
! ! PAST!THE!RAINBOW,!FOLLOW!THE!BRIGHTEST!STAR!
! ! YOUR!HEART!WILL!LEAD!YOU!STRAIGHT!TO!WHO!YOU!ARE!! ! ALICE!IN!WONDERLAND,!WHERE!IS!THE!PATH!TO!WONDERLAND?!
! ! OVER!THE!HILL!OR!HERE!OR!THERE!! ! I!WONDER!WHERE!
!
$END$OF$ACT$TWO$
!!
!
! ! !!
!
!!
!
! 49!
ZIPMAHMDEEMDOOMDAH$(BOWS)$!
ALL$ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY,!OH!MY,!WHAT!A!WONDERFUL!DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLENTY!OF!SUNSHINE!HEADING!MY!WAY.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!!MISTER!BUBBLE’S!ON!MY!SHOULDER.$ $IT’S!THE!TRUTH!!IT’S!ACTUAL.!!
EVERYTHING!IS!SATISFACTUAL.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WONDERFUL!FEELING!WONDERFUL!DAY!!!!
ZIP!
ZIP.!NO,!ZIP!!
ZIP!!
C’MON,!ZIP!!ZIP!!
YEAH,!ZIP!!ZIP!!
THAT’S!IT,!NOW!SAY!ZIP!ZIP!!ZIPdAHdDEEdDO!!
ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!!I!SAY,!ZIP!ZIP!!NOW!THAT’S!THE!DOOdDAH!WAY!!!
DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!!DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!
DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!DOO!DAH,!DOO!DAH!!
$ $ $ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!$
! ! OHHHH!!
ZIPdAdDEEdDOOdDAH.!ZIPdAdDEEdAY!MY,!OH!MY!WHAT!A!WONDERFUL!DAY.!
PLENTY!OF!SUNSHINE!HEADING!MY!WAY.!WONDERFUL!FEELING!
AdWUH,!AdWUH,!AdWUH,!AdWUH!
AdWUHdWUHdWUHdWUH!WONDERFUL!DAY!!AdHEYdHEY!!AdHEYdHEY!!!
$ $ ZIPdAHdDEEdDOdDAHdDAY!!$ $ ZIP!!
!
!END$OF$SHOW$
! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!
!
