AGES AND STAGESSo what is normal?

Sara Hitchens, Counsellor/Psychotherapist www.sarahitchens.counselling.co.uk

Erik Erikson: 8 psycho-social stages

Each stage builds on the previous one

Stage 1: Birth – 2 years

Can I trust people around me?

Important event:

feeding Trust vs. mistrust

Birth – 2 yearsTop Tips

Be there physically and emotionally More than food, babies want to be held;

cuddled; responded to with smiles and baby talk

OK for a baby to cry – but don’t ignore cries for long

When crawling, create a safe, child-proof zone, with toys, books, etc

Stage 2: 2 - 3 years

Can I do things for myself?

Important event: potty training

Autonomy vs. shame

2-3 yearsTop Tips

Avoid making demands about potty training Involve them in simple decision making over

food, toys, clothing Set clear limits and establish good habits Choose your battles Stay firm! Organise play dates

Stage 3: 3 - 5 yearsAm I good or bad?

Important events:Play & exploration

Initiative vs. guilt

3 – 5 yearsTop Tips

Wherever safe, allow them to take risks Praise them for trying Encourage them to learn from mistakes and

move on Avoid teasing or ridiculing

The Brain: 0-5 years

By age 6, the brain is 95% of its adult size. Brain is very plastic, constantly changing… it needs interaction to develop

Stage 4: 5 – 11 years

Can I be successful?

Important event: School

Competence vs. inferiority

The Brain – until pubertyGrey matter, or thinking part of the brain, continues to thicken as the brain cells get extra connections.

Process peaks at about age 11 in girls and age 12 in boys, roughly about the same time as puberty.

The capacity to be skilled in many different areas is building up during this time.

4 – 11 yearsTop Tips

Give them lots of opportunities to find things that they enjoy and are good at

Give praise (when it is deserved) Remain firm on important rules; compromise

on rules that are negotiable Have your own interests away from parenting

Stage 5: 11 - 18 years Who am I?

Important event: social relationships outside the family

Identity vs. role confusion

What’s really happening?Pre-frontal cortex - CEO of the brain – is still developing

Part of the brain involved in planning and organizing

Unfair to expect them to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision making before their brain is finished being built. ...

Pruning? Or the brain sculpting itself?

Use it or lose it!

Teenage brain more responsive to new experiences and rewards

Dopamine input to the pre-frontal cortex is much higher than normal.

11 – 18 yearsTop Tips

Recognise and treat them as young adults Respect their privacy Allow their opinions and tastes to be different Support them as they take control of their own

lives, including their choice of career Continue to negotiate limits Don’t take their pulling away from you

personally; it’s normal!