ACADEMIC WRITING IClass 16

April 25, 2013

Today

Paper 2 peer feedback

Peer Feedback – What to look forThesis statement: Should indicate:

- The two topics (i.e,. Dong Young Hall & Grad School Building)

- Points of comparison & contrast(i.e., location + facilities, surroundings + appearance)

- Clear argument/position (i.e,. The graduate school building is a better place to show a visitor to KMU).

- The thesis statement should be one sentence.

Although the graduate school building and Dong Young Hall share similarities in location and facilities, the graduate school building is a better place to show a visitor to KMU because of its superior surroundings and appearance.

Peer Feedback – What to look for

Organization:

- The essay should use point-by-point organization.

Body 1: Factor 1 (i.e., location)- Topic 1- Topic 2

Body 2: Factor 2 (i.e., facilities)- Topic 1- Topic 2

Peer Feedback – What to look forCohesion: The essay should make use of transition signals

that indicate comparison and contrast.

i.e., The graduate school building has an impressive appearance, with a grand scale and interesting details. The building is designed in the Greek style, with stone columns, making it seem like a classic academic building. In contrast, Dong Young Hall is of a more plain, modern design, with brick and glass being the main features. This plain design does not have the same impressive effect that the graduate school building has. Since appearance will be the first thing a visitor will notice about a building, the graduate school building is a better choice than Dong Young Hall due to its visually impressive design.

Peer Feedback – What to look for

Cohesion: Transition signals between paragraphs.

Canada and the U.S. are relatively similar geographically. Canada is a large country…

The cultures of Canada and the U.S. are noticeably alike. Canada is a …

Canada and the U.S. are relatively similar geographically. Canada is a large country…

In addition to geographical similarities, the culture of Canada and the U.S. are noticeably alike. Canada is a …

Peer Feedback – What to look forRelevance to the argument.

Thesis statement:

Although Canada and the United States share similar geographical features and cultures, the U.S. is a more interesting place for tourists due to its more numerous sites and larger cities. 

There is also a noticeable difference in the size of cities between Canada and the U.S. Large cities tend to attract the most tourists because they have many things to see and do and they are more convenient for accommodations and travel. Canada has only three large cities that would be attractive to most tourists; Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. While these cities are certainly interesting, they are also the only cities with substantial populations. On the other hand, the U.S. has numerous large cities, holding 9 of the world's 66 global cities (The 2012 Global Cities index, 2012), cities that are important to the global economic system, such as New York, San Francisco, and Chicago. These large cities contain various forms of entertainment, from Broadway in New York, to Hollywood in Los Angeles, food, from Chicago’s famous pizza, to Houston’s famous chicken, and accommodations for tourists from all over the world. 

argument

Peer Feedback – What to look forRelevance to the argument.

Thesis statement:

Although Canada and the United States share similar geographical features and cultures, the U.S. is a more interesting place for tourists due to its more numerous sites and larger cities. 

There is also a noticeable difference in the size of cities between Canada and the U.S. Large cities tend to attract the most tourists because they have many things to see and do and they are more convenient for accommodations and travel. Canada has only three large cities that would be attractive to most tourists; Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. While these cities are certainly interesting, they are also the only cities with substantial populations. On the other hand, the U.S. has numerous large cities, holding 9 of the world's 66 global cities (The 2012 Global Cities index, 2012), cities that are important to the global economic system, such as New York, San Francisco, and Chicago. These large cities contain various forms of entertainment, from Broadway in New York, to Hollywood in Los Angeles, food, from Chicago’s famous pizza, to Houston’s famous chicken, and accommodations for tourists from all over the world. 

argument

Peer Feedback – What to look forInformal vs. Academic language

i.e.,

The graduate school building is pretty big and it’s like a Greek temple. On the other hand, Dong Young Hall has a so-so design that I don’t like because it doesn’t look good.

vs.

The graduate school building is significant in scale and resembles a Greek temple. On the other hand, Dong Young Hall has a more plain design that is not visually appealing to the viewer.

Reminder

Paper 2, second draft is due Sunday (by 8:00 p.m.)

FIRST, download and use the self-evaluation checklistto improve your paper.

Send to: kachomework@gmail.com

Subject: AW1 Paper 2 Draft

File name: NAME_AW1 Paper 2 Draft