ACADEMIC ENGLISH IIIClass 16

May 3, 2013

TodayAcademic style continued

“Waste Management” – taking out the trash

Source: commons.wikimedia.org

Taking out the trashIn the class that we are going to hold on this day, it is my plan that we, as a class, will look at an issue which is common in writing fairly often; I want to talk about and discuss the issue of ‘wordiness’.

Today, we will examine a common issue, wordiness.

WordinessConciseness is important in both academic and business writing.

- Concise writing expresses ideas without unnecessary wordiness.

Wordiness:

- Increases the length of your work without adding meaning.

- Makes writing more difficult to understand.

WordinessExample 1:

The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price.

2 issues:

1. The words reason, why, and because all express the same idea.

2. Saying something is inexpensive includes the idea of price.

WordinessExample 1:

The reason why Dave came to Success College was because it is inexpensive in price.

Concisely:

Dave came to Success College because it is inexpensive.

WordinessExample 2:

Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.

2 issues:

1. ‘Despite the fact that’ is just a long way of saying ‘despite’.

2. ‘Came to the conclusion that’ is a long way of saying decided.

WordinessExample 2:

Despite the fact that she was feeling ill, Ann came to the conclusion that she would go to work.

Concisely:

Despite feeling ill, Ann decided to go to work.

WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.

- This sentence can be cut down to three words:

Sociology is fascinating.

WordinessIn my opinion, I think the study of Sociology is very fascinating.

Sociology is fascinating.

- In my opinion and I think just repeat the same idea.

- Fascinating is clearly a judgment, so there is no need to include either ‘I think’ or ‘In my opinion’.

- Sociology includes the idea of studying it, so the study of is redundant.

- Fascinating can be defined as very interesting, so adding very is unnecessary.

Some simple examples

1. The stegosaurus was huge in size. - The stegosaurus was huge.

2. Now she is at school. • - She is at school.

3. He was happy and joyful about the great gift. • - He was happy about the gift.

4. Because of the fact that he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim decided to take the night off. • - Because he got a good grade on the midterm, Tim took the night off.

5. In the summer season, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park. • - In the summer, many Vancouverites like to picnic in Stanley Park.

6. On January 14, in the middle of winter, the weather was freezing cold. • - On January 14, the weather was freezing.

7. I think smoking in public places should be banned. • - Smoking in public should be banned.

8. In order to get the true facts of the case, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses. • - To get the facts, the lawyer interviewed 4 witnesses.

9. Furthermore, Henry VIII also married six different women. • - Henry VIII also married six women.

10. Redundancy is defined as unnecessary repetition. • - Redundancy is unnecessary repetition.

11. New Westminster, which was British Columbia’s first capital city, is located on the shores of the Fraser River. • - New Westminster, British Columbia’s first capital city, is located along the Fraser

River.

12. The computer is sitting on top of the table. • - The computer is on the table.

Common Causes of WordinessW = wordy C = concise

Use of vague words which need explanation instead of precise words.

W: She talked to him in a loud angry voice. C: She yelled at him.

W: The crime wave had some bad results that cost people a lot of money.

C: The crime wave had some costly results.

Common Causes of WordinessUse of long expressions instead of individual words

W: to come to the conclusion that C: to decide

W: to put forward the idea that C: to suggest

i.e., The president put forward the idea that the meeting be extended.

The president suggested that the meeting be extended.

Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording:

end result

past experience

share in common

small in size

= end

= past

= share

= small

Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording:

made a discovery

made an attempt

made an accusation

made an appearance

made a decision

= discovered

= attempted

= accused

= appeared

= decided

Common Causes of WordinessRepetitive wording, or words that provide excessive detail

W: Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of learning the rules of playing chess.

C: Imagine someone attempting to learn the rules of chess.

Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of “it” and “there” as meaningless subjects W: It was exciting to go to the New Year celebrations. C: The New Year celebrations were exciting.

W: There were thirty-four people in the room who were waiting for the mayor.

C: Thirty-four people in the room were waiting for the mayor.

Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of relative clauses (starting with that, who, which) W: The news, which was released yesterday, was devastating. C: The news released yesterday was devastating.

W: The girl who was talented gave a concert. C: The talented girl have a concert.

Common Causes of WordinessOver-use of passive verbs

W: The criminal was caught by the police, and later the

criminal was convicted by the courts.

C: The police caught the criminal and the court convicted him.

passive

passive

active active

Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.

Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.

Active voice:

- The subject performs the action expressed by the verb.

i.e., Andrew threw the hammer.

Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.

Passive voice:

- The subject receives the action expressed by the verb.

i.e., The hammer was thrown by Andrew.

Side note: passive vs. active voiceIn academic writing, active sentences are preferred over passive sentences.

- The active voice is:

- More concise

- More direct

- Easier to understand

Side note: passive vs. active voiceExamples:

It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.

Active:

Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.

Side note: passive vs. active voiceExamples:

The Old Man and the Sea was written by Ernest Hemmingway.

Active:

Ernest Hemmingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.

Side note: passive vs. active voiceException:

If the agent – the one performing the action- is unknown, you can use the passive voice.

i.e., The walls had been defaced by grafitti.

The car was pushed over the cliff.

PracticeTerry Fox

Source: www.cbc.ca

HomeworkFinish the Tebbrry Fox examples (check website for sample

answers)

JOURNAL: Re-write the paragraph about Canada in Space more concisely.

Deadline: Tuesday 2:00 p.m.