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Each story takes place on a different sort of astral plane. The story of the fleshis just one of these astral planes, but humans are unduly focused on this due totheir endocrinal composition, and the ultrapleasurable nature of orgasm. Thestories can get tangled though, timewise, and then there is a mess like a ten-year-old yoyo or a cheap set of frog windchimes with only black thread to hold itsdangling ting-tangers that you find in a thrift shop and stand there like an idiottrying to untangle. You can't untangle it. Only the Dildos can.

The Dildos are "spatially instantaneous beings," or S.I.B.s, and they aresometimes confused with Angels, but Angels and Dildos don't really get along. Infact, during their spatial peregrinations, when the infrequent collision occursbetween a Dildo and an Angel there is usually a violent confrontation resulting inone or both of these beings zapping the other(s) into one of the eighteen LimbosInvented by Stupid People or L.I.S.P.s. George Bush all by himself is responsiblefor three of these new Limbos which just arose in the last 194,000,000,000 years(don't ask: in short, the Limbos can fall anywhere in any of the time continua).

I have had numerous encounters with Dildos. They often appear out of one of thestoried planes of the multilayered existence we refuse to acknowledge, and try todisentangle our threads which are fouling up the cosmic order they rather anally

love to restore, because apparently the universe is like a good pop song whenthese threads are in the right position and unspooling "correctly." Apparently, Iam good at fucking up my strings because I often need the assistance of theseDildos. They will speak to you on certain occasions when you're really fucked up,even if other people are standing right around you talking to you, because theyknow no one will believe them, and they figure even you probably won't believetheir existence or the strange factoids they whisper to you.

But they like to talk to themselves when they are disentangling your threads andsometimes you can get some good gossip this way by listening, hear some storiesabout what's happening at their Akashic level instead of just down here where wemostly just watch bad reality t.v. shows, eat dead animals arranged in interestingcolorful shapes, and fuck.

Dildos are very common in thrift stores because that's where the threads of timeare always entangled in such an interesting manner. I often feel their presencemoving through racks of discarded toys of the 1970s, like maybe a Snoopy Sno-conemaker or an old battered glow-in-the-dark Wham-O Frisbee. Once, I picked up a pileof glow-in-the-dark stars some dead child had once had stuck to the ceiling abovehis bed and about eight Dildos shot through my body, and I'm fairly sure an Angeljust missed colliding with three of them, as I sank to the floor of this SalvationArmy store and saw the brilliant colors of another Galaxy stirred like a peacockfeather in mercury above my head as they passed. They were laughing likecrackheads in a Sunday night car at eleven p.m. and they strewed images ofseventeen different lives this child's plastic stars had connected with through mybody and I was a Carmelite Nun killing a frog, a bisexual Babylonian boy becoming

a god for a weekend, a man who thought he was a cat in an asylum in Poland duringthe German occupation and about fourteen other people.

Oddly enough, I felt ecstatic. This tells us something about the way the storiesare secretly connected that we are not allowed to know yet, not allowed toparticipate in.

The Dildos don't want us to fuck the threads up even more, I think, because theyknow we fuck everything else up of which we have any knowledge whatsoever. Some ofthem whisper kind encouraging things which aren't really words, and I call thesethe Little Old Lady Dildos because they are benevolent and less impatient with

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human presences they are passing through. Dildos aren't gendered...I asked oneonce about gender when it was whispering away and it just laughed and said "genderis a useful prison" or maybe it said "prism"...it wasn't really words.

Here's one of the biggest unknown secrets about Dildos. Dildos invented theInternet, which is really just a human metaphor for the EtherNet or AkashicRecords. Google is really the beginning of the next Story for humans, which isAkashic Recovery, some sort of Therapy we are expected to undergo when the human

species enters a sort of collective 1970s spiritual mindset and begins tocalculate and restructure the "algorithms which fuck up human children" by whichmeans we begin to finally evolve towards entering the realm of the Dildos.

The Dildos are not looking forward to this. This is the most pessismistic I everfeel them, when they discuss the plane where we enter into Congress with theDildos. Several of them have even voiced the notion that we will be a directthreat to them, and made fun of Angels, and blamed them for communing with us asmuch as they do. They called the Angels "Thread-Fuckers" and called us "ThreadParasites."

The Dildos told me they have to visit me so often because I confuse the eroticplane with the spiritual plane almost religiously, or else they were just saying I

was a chronic Thread-Fucker I'm not sure. They said this is a really stupid way totry to become an Angel and that while it might end in a few pretty threads forsome other people on spatially or temporally different planes, for example poetryor music or weird plants with new properties, it only makes more work in the longrun for the Dildos.

And then I heard the Dildo utter what I think was a great Sigh.