A View, Altered (16)

7/27/2019 A View, Altered (16)

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A View, Altered

By Chan Yuk Chi

It was a perfect Monday when David was born, if you could consider it being

born. He floated, suspended, in a strange twirling static within the confines of his

liquid filled tank, eyes and fists squeezed shut as the light from the laboratory around

him illuminated his features. His company, the scientists that stood around him

enraptured, did not matter much to him. They were here to witness the spectacle, a

farfetched miracle worth their disbelief.

Still, they couldnt help but wonder if this one would make it.

Gentlemen, if I might have your kind attention for just a moment.

The crowd, eyes now glazed with wonderment, turned to face Mortimer. He

was perched upon a small plastic stool from which he could address his newfound

parish of scientific minds.

Im sure that youre all very excited to see the outcome of our experiment,

but my partner and I would appreciate it if you vacated the premises for the time

being. A crowd gathering might haveadverse effects on the experimentif, or when,

he awakes. Now, if you might be so kind?

They grunted, beginning to shuffle out slowly as quietly as they could

manage, as though the request had carried with it a warning to remain silent, and

absent. The door closed with a hushed whisper, with which Mortimer took as his cue

to turn and face Nathan.

See? Easy. Told you they wouldnt mind.


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Chan / A View, Altered / 2

Thats because no one can deny showmanship like yours.And by

showmanship, I mean cocky derisiveness.

I aim to please.

You know, itd be nice if you stopped calling him the experiment. He has a

name now.

Yeah, one I disagree with. And until we can find a more suitable name, Ill

just keep calling him the experiment.

Were not changing the name.

Whered you dig up David anyway?

Ill explain it to you just like how Ill explain it to him.In time.

Mortimer laughed as he walked over to the console beside the tank, a

horizontal cylinder filled with blue fluid that bubbled ever so often, settling his gaze

on the small figure inside that seemed to have no difficulty at all breathing. The Stage

1 enhancements had taken rather well, he thought.

Mort,its almost time.

Lets begin the start-up sequence then.

Mortimer pressed his palm against the glass, smile mirrored in the shadow that

his hand cast, and laughed again,

Hey kiddo, ready to see the world?

The tube warmed under his touch as the housing began to hum, a low buzz

emanating from the cylinders vibrations, dashing and boundingoff of the angular

surfaces of the lab and into their eager ears. Mortimer knelt, pressing his forehead up

to Davids slowly uncurling fingers, his smile shifting to utter a prayer almost, a wish

for good luck.


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He rose to join his partner, and together they toiled for hours.Trying for hours

that slowly became lost to them to free that fraction of a person from his crystal cage,

time slowly becoming lost to them and as they worked to grant his eyes the chance to

see light beyond his prism.

It was some time later that they found themselves there, standing amidst rows

of miniature beds, looking down at him.

At David.

He lay curled up in his crib, asleep, small body almost swallowed whole by

the blankets of wool and fibres lining his cot. The two scientists inched away, out of

the nursery and onto the viewing deck, speaking carefully not to wake him, even from

behind tempered glass.

Nate I

Dont say it. Its still far too early.

But what if

Dont jinx it.

Nathan, this might be it.

Its still too early.

Can you imagine?

I dont wantto. Remember what happened to Subject Five?

Nobody could have predicted what happened.

Exactly.

They started for the main lab facility, pressure doors sliding apart to flood the

empty decontamination corridor with the gentle alabaster glow of Vida-Rays. It was

quiet, the fixtures in the darkened hallway casting long shadows ahead of the rapping

Comment [JT1]: Better! Subtle change b

better!


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of their hard-soled shoes against the tiled floor. It was late, but they knew the others

were still awaiting news from them.

Another set of doors opened, the soft hiss of the seal between them breaking

enough to recall the rapt attention of the thirty odd, anxious hearts that had been

holding their breaths for hours and hours yet. Mortimer smiled first, and then spoke,

the sound of his words resounding and resolute amongst the muted hopes and worries

that crept out of the tired irises that watched him.

It worked.

The collective gasp, like a vacuum meeting air, burst into exultant cheering

and roaring applause. T, and the pair smiled, standing in the doorway, their worries

melting away with the exuberance of the celebrations around them.

Let the record reflect that Subject Thirteen, David, has successfully

completed the initialisation sequence, and is now pending advanced testing. But this

may very well be thebeginning of a grand new era in human genetic research.

Nathan took a step forward, looking to Mortimer, and then back to the crowd,

smiling.

Gentlemen, my fellow scientists, we have just created the first genetically-

altered human being.


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You must be joking.

What? Its nice!

Its nice compared to the lab, I suppose.

Its nice compared to other houses!

Mort, compared to other houses it looks bloody miserable.

The pair stood in the front lawn of an edifice of old brownstone, bags strewn

at their feet and equipment streaming past them as the technicians marched through

the overgrown doorway.

David shifted slightly, though still asleep and nestled in Mortimers arm, as

the cold autumn wind brushed his cheek and coloured it tender.

Lets get inside,Nathan. I dont want him to catch a cold.

Should I start calling you mother, or will nanny suffice?

The chill was stalled at the doors threshold, the soft warmth of the oak around

them rousing the child from his slumber beneath the darkness of his gently opening

eyelids. David watched his absent-minded fathers from his small nook as they looked

around and spoke to the other, strange people in grey caps and coveralls. He thought

they looked funny.

The house was nice, or at least its hallways were from what he could see, like

Dad said. He liked it. Father didnt agree though, his face was still scrunched into a

mean scowl. David didnt like that look much.

He turned his head, slowly, and looked into the living room, still trying to

manage being inconspicuous and holding onto the fleeting joy of being awake when

he shouldnt. One of the other men was slumped against the wall, head bowed, and

David grew curious, stilling for a second look.


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Head bowed, shoulders hunched; submissive body language. Hands raised to

temples, knees raised to chest; defensive posture. Eyes lowered, chest compressions

slow; something is wrong with him.

David blinked, his brown irises registering the image, his analysis completed

and reviewed, and again, something speaking up from inside him. A notion, a voice

speaking illogical words and filling his head, like a wave of light and emotion, with

impulse and something different, something calm and compassionate. A feeling that

remained short of an action only by a deficit of his input.

He is troubled. I should help.

His tiny hands crept inside the folds of his blanket, retrieving his gift to the

strange man and securing it between his two rows of barely formed teeth. He waited,

just a moment, till they took another step closer. And with a hearty, drawn breath, he

acted.

He nudged his fathers arm andwriggled, knocking away his guiding hands

and leaping onto his leg. He slid down, careful not to gnaw his package, and began to

crawl as soon as his hands touched the hardwood floor panels.

He could sense the adults behind him walking slowly, tracking him, as though

they thought not to interfere, but David didnt dare to stop. The instinct that had risen

up within him cried out and for action, andbade him forward. He closed the distance.

The man looked up, and into his eyes. David smiled.

His hands reached the tips of his brown, hard, leather boots, and he stared up

into his face, his fingers reaching for his gift.

A small rattler, a childs toy, with a bulb on one end and a long handle on the

other, was held in his tiny grip. His hand curled around it and hoisted it to the man,


7/75


beaming. The man smiled, and looked to the other adults, before looking down at

David and accepting the toy with an uncurled palm.

The two scientists stared at each other, as though not daring to believe what

they had just seen transpire. But even as David began showing the man how to play

with the toy, they could not deny what they had suspected, and hoped for, since the

day he had been created.

Fascinating.

Do I have to go? I really dont want to. Cant I just stay here and keep

playing chess with you?

Son, weve been over this.

I detected at least three separate fallacies in your argument.

David, youre not going to miss your first day of school.

Nathan watched their discourse from the second floor, with Mortimer knelt in

front of the brilliant, brash, defiant child of those years ago. Mortimer ran his hand

through his hair and sighed.

You said it yourself! You said you made me smarter than everyone else!

You are.

So why do I still have to go to school!


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Because you might be smart, but there are things you still have to learn.

Why cant I learn them from you?

Mortimer laughed, looking away and catching his friends gaze, before turning

back and matching Davids,

Son, you know you arent like others.

I know, you told me. You said Im special.And that I was made to do great

things.

YesDavid, you are. You were brought onto this earth to do wondrous,

amazing things.

Mortimer raised a finger, and rested it gently on the childs forehead,

And this mind of yours might very well be the most brilliant one the world

has ever seen.

The finger drifted slowly downwards, settling into a jab centred in Davids

chest, right above his heart.

But to do all that you were destined for, you will need more than that. We

built you to be kind, but you have to learn about people first before you can know

kindness, and I cannot teach you about that. Do you understand?

Yes Dad, I think I do.

Excellent, now get your coat on. The bus will be here any minute.And

remember, keep everything that weve said a secret, all right?

Nathan smiled as his friend shuffled their young charge out the door and into

that amber sunlight, so familiar to him now in his suburban existence, and descended

the steps.

I told you this was what would happen if we tried to raise him like a real

child.


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Mortimer turned, the softness in his face hardening barely yet unmistakably as

he spoke, harshly but softly as though wary of prying ears,

He is a real child.

Hardly. Hes a lot more.

Why should that matter? To us, at least.

You know hes not like others. His IQ is too high to determine accurately. He

can see clear as day underwater. He can swim faster, run swifter, jump higher and lift

greater than any other human being.

Now whos the one who sees him as just an experiment?

What is he, if not that?

Our responsibility.

Youve gotten rather attached to him.

He is my son. Of course I care about him.

Thats not what I said. I said attached.

Mortimers eyes fell, and rose again, his voice softer now,

Perhaps I have. So what?

Mort, you know what the project is for. You know what the mission is. One

day we have to give him up. One day, we will have to say goodbye to him forever.

I know that.

So why set yourself up for that sort of heartbreak?

Because he deserves to be loved like a normal child. Thats the very least we

can give. Hes more than just an experiment, Nathan. Hes more than just an asset to

the programme.

What is he, then?

Hes our son. Hes our wonderful, human, son.


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Hes more than just human.

What would you suggest? Raise him purely for the mission? What use will he

be to mankind, how will he save humanity, if he is not first human?

The way to humanity is through exposing him to other people. Exposing him

to the world and letting him get hurt and learn. The way to humanity is through

strength.

The way tohumanity is through love.

Nathan laughed, and then fell quiet as he saw the seriousness in hispartners

face.

I think you care too much about him.

Mortimer turned to the window, watching as the school bus rolled across his

field of vision. Its presence comforted him somewhat. He shrugged, dipping his head

slightly and whispering,

Why shouldnt I?

And what happens if he decides not to do it, when the time comes? What

happens if he chooses this life over his duty?

Its not his duty if we force him to do it.

Mort

Hell do it, even if he doesnt want to. Thats the way hes made. And thats

the sad thing, because he wont even know why hes driven to do it.

Youre going to soften him.

Youre too hard.

You know, I love him too. But there are limits.

Why should there be?

Because hes perfect now. Hes exactly what we need right now.


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How will love change that?

Because love changes people. Itll turn him into something else.

And the world wont?

Hell change the world. Thats what he was made to do.

Nathan started up the stairs again, Mortimer speaking softly enough such that

his partner could only guess at, and hope against, the words he spoke,

What if the world changes him?

Hey Gay-vid, I heard your parents are fags.

David turned, the kids around him suddenly hushed. They shrank away

towards the sidelines, leaving the voices that mocked him and laughed. Jerald Fowler.

David dismounted the swing.

Youd better shut up Jerald.

Whatre you going to do if I dont, huh? Kissme?

Shut up.

The one on the left picked up a rock and hurled it, flying wide to Davids

right. He didnt flinch. The boys advanced, slowly, like the hyenas hed seen in his

fathers documentaries.

David stayed put.


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Youd better back off, and keep thatmouth of yours shut.

Youve got balls for someone whos outnumbered.

And youve got big words for someone whosso small.

David saw the fingers on his right hand curling and uncurling, the bullys

eyebrows narrowing. They stopped, Jerald matching his unmoving gaze.

What did you say?

Why? Cant hear me from down there?

The other children on the periphery began to giggle. The boy on Jeralds right

shouted at them, and they fell quiet again. David smirked,

Whyre you so interested in gay people anyway? Your two boyfriends not

enough for you?

The kids started laughing again, a couple of them whooping and clapping. The

three started walking again, faster now, angrier.

Say that to my face.

Id rather not, Im allergic to ugly.

They were upon him in moments, Jerald standing inches from him, the other

two circling. The kids had fallen quiet again, frightened for David. Jerald spokein,a

harsh whisperwhichthat threatened with a menace that underlaywith an underlying

menace his words.

So you want a fight, is that it?

I dont want anything. I just want you to leave me alone.

Its too late for that, Gay-vid.

Youd better stop calling me that.

Why, afraid of admitting what you are?


13/75


David shoved past him, his indignant heart thrashing and yearning for

violence. The bullies began laughing, calling after him as he walked away. Jeralds

voice spoke up above their din.

A faggot and a coward. Just like his dads I bet. What kind of a fag name is

Mortimer anyway?

That anger from before, his anger, burned too painfully to ignore anylonger

more.

Thats it. Strike head first, then chest, then neck, and then deal with the other

two.

David turned and ran back, leaping up, his screaming voice accompanying his

balled fingers as he brought his fist down with as much force he could muster, right

into the centre of Jeralds face.

Im sorry, David did what?

Mortimer thanked the voice on the other end of the phone, and set it down as

fast as he could, running into the study to fetch Nathan and inform him of Davids

latest exploit in the schoolyard.

Nate? Nathan! Davids gotten in a fight!

Wait what? Jesus! Is he all right?


14/75


I dont know! The school called and asked us to come down.

Shit, that sounds bad. Ill get the keys, you call Control.

The next hour passed in a flurry of motion and sound. They transitioned from

oak hallway to leather seats to fluorescent-lit corridor, hurried along by their own

desperate worries into the principals office.

David sat along the wall, hunched over in his seat and fiddling with his

fingers, looking up upon the entrance of his fathers and smiling at them from behind a

black eye. Mortimer rushed over and looked him over with his medical kit, while

Nathan spoke to the clerk.

Were here for David.

Of course, Mister Atlas. Take a seat with your husband and son, Principal

Munray will be right out to see you.

Husband? Oh, were not married.

Right, of course. So sorry for that, please, take a seat anyway.

Nathan walked back over, and David grinned up at him. Nathan couldnt help

but smile back.

Hey there Slugger.

You should see the other guys.

Guys?

There were three of them!They were older than me too!

You seem rather happy about getting into a fight.

I know it was wrong, Im sorry. I tried not to get mad.

Mortimer nudged Davids chin with a playful fist, and recalled his attention.

I know son, I know you did. I believe you.

I feel really rotten though.

Comment [JT2]: Cut this into two

sentences. Too many action clauses here,especially if you want to put along the wa

and hunched over in separate clauses.


15/75


Why?

Principal Munray said that they had to be put in the hospital.

Nathan took a step back, raising his hand to his mouth. Mortimer gestured

towards the door, and turned back to David.

Son, Father and I are going to have a short talk outside, all right? Well be

right back.

Is everything okay Dad? You look worried.

Its nothing son, just sit tight.

Mortimer led Nathan back out into the hallway, the other children having

since retreated into their classrooms.

Jesus Mort! In the hospital!

Its not that big of a deal.

Davids nine years old! Howd he hospitalise three older kids!

Look, these things happen!

Like hell they do! When was the last time you saw a borderline-

superpowered kid with genetic modifications beat the shit out of three other people?

Okay, I get it all right? Just calm the hell down, youll scare him.

I think its safe to say hes done the same to everyone else.

What the hells the matter with you? Hes your son too.

I justlook this isgod damn Mort

I know, I know. Look this is bad but weve gotto keep it together for him,

okay?

Whyd he even get in a fight?

Why dont you ask him yourself?


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They walked back in, David again playing and plucking at his fingernails. The

clerk smiled and motioned them through the oak door behind her, into the Principals

office. He rose to greet them, a man of average height and short hair, eyes belying the

not-quite intelligence that he seemed to hold with high regard.

Good afternoon Mister and Mister Atlas.

Mortimer responded this time,

Oh no, were not married.

Oh, Im sorry. I was just led to believeah never mind. Please, take a seat!

You too, David.

So what happened?

Munray turned to David, eyes fixed on his frame as it began to straighten and

firm, still unafraid.

Well David, would you like to tell us what happened this morning?

David cleared his throat, and stood, turning towards his scientist parents and

away from the overbearing presence glowering at him from behind his desk.

Those three boys, led by Jerald, viciously verbally assaulted me this morning,

at approximately nine-thirty a.m. I attempted to disengage when he approached with

clear hostile intent, which I tried to ignore. When it became clear that an altercation

was imminent, I incapacitated the three of them in self-defence. After I was certain

that there was no more danger to myself or anyone else on the playground, I brought

them to the school nurse and immediately surrendered myself into custody.

Mortimer looked at him for a moment, again puzzled by the boy who seemed

to inspire that strange feeling of curiosity in so many others, before asking,

How did you bring them to the nurse?

I carried them.


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David sat back down, muted smile quickly overpowering the earlier monotone

of his report. Munray jabbed a finger at him.

Now waita moment young man, dont you

Thats all right Principal Munray, my friend Mortimer and I can handle

David on our own. Thank you for your help, well make sure hes properly educated

on playground etiquette.

Nathan stood, hand outstretched to shake, and the conversation was over.

They made their way back out into the carpark, the sun having since decided to avail

the world of its presence behind thick clouds far away, and journeyed home mostly in

silence.

It was a while before Mortimer spoke up.

So, David. What really happened?

Jerald called you gay.

Mortimer laughed, turning around in the passenger seat and looking back.

Whats wrong with gay people!

Nothing.

So why didnt you like it when he called us gay? Dont you like gay people?

I do like them.

Comment [JT3]: Ooh I actually like whayou did hereWith the car scene made

separate again!


18/75


So whats the matter? You didnt like him making fun of them?

I didnt like him making fun of you, Dad.

So thats why you beat him up?

Yes.

Well, have you considered that we might actually be gay, and hes just

stating a fact?

Yes, but it doesnt matter to me if youre gay or not. Youre still my dads,

and I dont like anyone making fun of you.

Mortimer looked into that earnest face peering back at him from the backseat,

again surprised, as he found himself regularly now, at the depth of character that this

child possessed that seemed so beyond his years. He reached back, and tussled his

hair.

Thank you for protecting us, son.

Youre welcome, Dad.

Why did you carry them, though?

Because it wouldnt havebeen right to leave them there like that.

What do you mean, son?

They were hurt, so I helped.

Even though they were bullies?

People should help other people who are hurt. You taught me that,

remember?

Mortimer looked at Nathan, as though searching for an answer, and saw his

partner smiling as he drove. He heard David speak up from the backseat again.

Anyway, I think Ill visit them tomorrow. Ill bring flowerstoo.


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The rest of the ride was again quiet, and upon arriving home, David left for his

room, locking the door and initiating his daily meditation session. Mortimer was left

staring at framed pictures in the hallway as Nathan left to report in to Control. He

shouted from the study some minutes later something indistinguishable from the soft

buzz of spring.

Hey! Did you hear me?

Huh? Oh sorry, I wasdistracted. Anyway yeah, what is it?

Controls just glad no one died, given how special the kid is.

They arent the only ones.

They suggested we enrol him in some programmes. Let him channel his

energy elsewhere, you know? Im thinking swimming.

Dont you think its a little early to commence training?

Honestly? Not really.

Maybe when hes older, Nate.

Another silence fell between them. Finally Nathan turned, mounting the stairs

and climbing up slowly.

Anyway, Im going to take a nap.

Ill wake you for dinner.

You should know that theyve renamed the project after you.

Me?

Yeah. Were all now a part of Project Atlas. How about that.

Nathan left Mortimer for his room, his partner now gazing intently at the

pictures of their small family, a tiny smile just now beginning to creep onto his face.


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Youre going to give me four good laps, or were going to stay here till hell

freezes over.

David clung onto the edge of the pool, chin resting on the parapet, heart

pounding to the rapid beat of his breaths.

Oh come on coach! Ive already beaten my previous record!

You want to be a champ? Then thats not good enough!

Nathan watched from a distance, smiling as he saw his son, the athlete, take

off again into the water. He was only wearing his swimming cap, with his

enhancements granted his eyes perfect clarity in all mediums, just as they had

intended.

Nathan stepped forward, the tapping of his shoes against the tiles echoing

throughout the hall. The coach, a fit man of age indeterminate, turned to regard him

with a tip of his cap, before they both went back to watching David. He had already

set off for the far side again.

Nathan arrived at the pools edge just as Davidshead emerged from beneath

the sapphire surface, his smile wide, eyes clear and excited.

Coach, how was that?

Not bad, World-Lifter, not bad. Could be better, but thatll do for today. Get

on out of there, thats it for today. Ill see you again in a couple of days.

Thanks coach.

Comment [JT4]: Feels a bit too much likrun-on sentence, especially with the his s

the athletething. See if you can restructu

this to make it less run-on sentencey


21/75


He looked older than he should, Nathan noted. But then again, he was far from

sure about what David should be like. His musculature was more developed than most

others his age, but that was the point. There was no precedent, he thought, as the boy

hauled himself up along the edge of the pool in front of him.

Hello Father, how come youre here?

Thought Id take you to see something. You up for it?

Yeah sure, just let me shower and Ill be good to go.

He smiled, nodded to the coach, and headed off to the locker room. Nathan

turned to face the other man.

Hows he doing?

Hes doing goodNate, real good.

Is he on schedule for the project?

Yeah, without a doubt.

What about his psychological profile?

Kids got a good heart. I can mould him into something mission ready.

Good. Have you reported it in to Control?

Yeah, they keep tabs as close as you do.

You know how important this is, to them and to me.

YeahNate, I do. Does he still believe that all this training is just for leisure

and sport?

Yes, he does.

The coach laughed, and Nathan found himself smiling in response, if a bit

uneasily.

Well, wed better start entering him in some competitions then.

Are there even swim meets for ten year olds?


22/75


Ocourse there are! You didnt get out much as a kid, did you?

It wasNathansturn to laugh now.

That much I didnt do. You know me John, Im a scientist.

Well, at least youre good at that. Where are you bringing the kid anyway?

Alpha Site.

Dont you think thats a little obvious?

I think he might likeit. Maybe even give him an interest. It would certainly

make things a lot easier down the line.

You sure he wont suspect anything?

He wont. Not for now, at least.

The tapping of another set of footsteps ended the conversation for them, as

David strode out back into view. Nathan offered his hand, and John took it.

Be careful Capn.

Will do John, take care of yourself.

They shook, and John walked away, giving David a firm pat on his shoulder

as they passed each other. David turned, watching his coach round the bend, before

walking up to Nathan.

Hey Father, what was that about?

Oh nothing. Just thought Id finally meet your coach. He says that hes

considering entering you in some competitions soon.

Awesome! Anyway, where are we going?

Somewhere special.


23/75


They drove for some time out into the country, past the green fields and low

hills to where the skies glowed warmer and softer with evenings splendour.

The car turned down one of the few roads leading away from the main artery,

the waves of the rolling landscape dying down into an endless flat plane. David

looked out, to the horizon as it burned brown, just as it peered into view, emerging

from behind the shimmering veil that hovered above the dirt.

A single spoke that grew into an immense ladder appeared in the dying light

of the desert sun, casting a shadow that could mask its entirety over the sand around

it. It bridged the world to the sky above, a conduit illuminated by starlight. As they

approached closer, David saw rows of bleachers now sunken and slumping, their

sides still flying the tatters of old flags, seated at, what he estimated to be, several

kilometres from the tower.

Father, whats that?

Whats what?

That giant metal thing surrounded by bleachers.

You can see it?

Of course, its right there.

Ill be had. Your eyesights been improving.

Yeah, just like youd said it would.

Brilliant. Your Dad would be thrilled to hear how well the enhancements are

developing.

Comment [JT5]: Good jobPacing has

much improved here! It reads moresmoothly.

Comment [JT6]: See, while this is very,very descriptive, it lacks the hyperbolic

comparisons and therefore it reads mucheasier. Do you notice?


24/75


Where is he anyway?

Hes in the lab, working on another project. Hell be home for dinner.

It was another fifteen minutes before they had reached the stands, a strange

vignette in itself. The metal tower watched them from some distance away.

David got out of the car, Nathan trailing behind him as the boy headed to the

seats now stained brown with dust and black with soot. Nathan stopped, and watched,

as David crossed from stand to stand, flag to flag, before starting towards the tower,

the sand beneath his feet turning from brown to charred black. David bent down, his

hand tracing the ground, the fingers tracing the burnt grains. Nathan started again,

pausing at the boys side.

Father, what is this?

Guess.

A rocket launch site?

Not just any launch site. This was where it happened.

What happened?

The first flight to Mars.

Oh.

David stood, dusting his hands on his jeans and standing shoulder-to-shoulder

with Nathan, looking out to the tower as wind filled the space between them. Finally,

he spoke again.

So whyre we here?

I was here that day. I was involved with the project.

Why? Youre a genetic engineer.

I was a soldier first. I was in charge of augmenting the astronauts to prepare

them for the journey, and their mission on Mars.


25/75


I never knew that.

Theres a lot you dont know.

Who were the stands for?

There were politicians, military men, reporters, family members. Not to

mention your Dad. I met him here.

What was it like?

It was a sunny day. Absolutely brilliant, not a cloud in the sky, just like the

meteorologists had predicted. There was a lot of fanfare, a lot of hope. It was like the

whole world had pinned their hopes for a better world on this one flight, as if going to

Mars was the solution for all of Earths problems. But then again, I bought into it too.

Its easy to believe in something, really believe in it and put all your faith in it, when

you want to.

I meant what was it like when you met Dad.

Oh. Well, he was one of the scientists. He came up and talked to me, and one

thing led to another I suppose.

David peeked at Nathan from the corners of his eyes, careful not to twitch, and

saw a smile.

What happened?

He was a geneticist, I was a genetic engineer. We were both very good at

what we did, and things just took off. Then one day, we were working together. And

then you came along, so here we are.

Is that why you brought me here?

Not quite.

Then?

Well, have you ever thought about doing it?


26/75


Doing what?

Being an astronaut.

Iwell not really.

Well, would you want to?

It seems like a nice idea.

Tell you what. When youre older, you can come join me on base, and well

see about getting you a spot on one of those rockets.

David stepped forward again, venturing further into the field of burnt sand, his

feet leaving a trail into the scorched plain. He turned.

Did youever do it?

Do what?

Go up in one of the rockets.

Yeah, once. One of the first.

Where did you go?

Our mission was to map the far side of the moon. They used the rocket just

for the novelty of it.

What was it like?

It wasit was likeI dont know how to describe it. Its like when you look

up into the night sky and see the stars and you wish that they were closer, and then

when you reach up to try and touch them, suddenly theyre there. Its likewhen you

realise that something wonderful, something incredible has happened and you know it

has, but you cant understand what.

Nathan walked forward, the footprints he left running alongside Davids. He

gazed up, his mind now somewhere far away and wonderful, the metal tower seeming

to glitter in his eyes, even in the low light.

Comment [JT7]: So much better!


27/75


Training doesnt prepare you for it. When youre in the cockpit before launch

youre not ready either. When the thrust kicks in and you feel yourself lifting off the

ground, you start getting an idea but you still dont know. You dont expect whats

coming. But when you take off, and start racing up and you see the sky changing

colour from blue to orange to purple to deep black, it suddenly hits you that youre

going into space. Theres nothing like that feeling, that sensation of having no limit

above your head. And then the stars start appearing, one by one, and you feel like for

the first time, you can actually reach out and touch them. Theres nothing that gets

you ready for that.

That sounds fun.

It is. Its the most fun Ive ever had.

David traced a circle around him in the sand, then stood up and walked over.

Nathan smiled, and David did too.

Father, what do the astronauts now do?

They help people. They explore, and find new things that they can bring back

so that others can enjoy them.

What would it be like if I joined?

Itd be tough. Youd always be in training. There would never be any time

for other things. And Id expect you to stick with it, all the way to the end. Id never

stop pushing you, none of the trainers would, and once you committed you wouldnt

ever be able to back out. It would become your duty. But at the end of it, when your

rocket goes up and you get to see the best view that the universe has to offer, itll all

be worth it.

Maybe Ill do it. It sounds fun, and if I get to help people, why not?


28/75


Nathan turned and put his hand on Davids shoulder, and David faced him.

Nathan looked away, eyes gazing out to the metal tower that once held the rocket of

mankinds hopes and dreams in its solemn embrace, and back.

Son, do you remember what I told you about what you were meant to do?

Of course, I think about it everyday.

Good, Im glad you do.

Why Father?

I just wanted to make sure that you remember.

They turned and started back towards the car, feet shuffling through the dust

as the sky sank beneath the sand.

Have I ever told you the story of King David and how he defeated Goliath?

No Father.

Ill read it to you later, hows that sound?

Isnt Dad reading to me?

Oh Im sure he wont mind taking the night off.

Does it have to do with how I was named?

Nathan smiled, not bothering to contain his laugh.

You really are a smart one, you know that?

Yeah, you tell me all the time.

That, I do.

Anyway, whats important about the story?

Ill tell you in time.

They paused outside the car, turning back to look at the tower in the waning

light. Nathan wrapped his arm around Davids shoulders.

One day, youll do everythingthat rocket was meant to, too.


29/75


He breathed in the air, charged with the energy of the approaching storm, and

kept going.

He turned down a small alley, the light from the sparse streetlights, few as

they were, was too faint to pose any real threat to nights greedy darkas he darted

from shadow to shade to shroud. His footsteps remained soft, masked by the rumbling

thunder as he hurried along.

He looked up, the world brightened artificially by the low-light sensors in his

glasses, towards the towers of the city. The wind, carrying with it the electric smell of

rain, ran down the tired streets around him.

He left the alley and crossed the street, under the glowering eye of the storm

that hovered invisible, the night growing colder around him. He left the street for the

uncomfortable warmth of the interior of one of the buildings. No one else was on the

street anyway. It would be suspicious if he stayed out.

The voice on the other end of the communicator spoke again.

Through the plaza. Into the park

He carried on.

Formatted:Highlight

Comment [JT8]: Better!!! Try and see if

you can do anything about the shadow to

shade to shroud though, sounds a teeny b

hyperbolic.

Comment [JT9]: You can add one line of

instruction before and after this paragrap

This will cut the need for you to say he le

the alley or turned down a small alley a

cut out a precious clause!

Formatted:Highlight


30/75


He saw that the storm had arrived, wraiths carrying their terrible torrents, their

breaths snapping at the trees that lined the path. Again he could smell the rain, its

scent now mixed with the coppery ozone from the lightning that sparked long lines of

searing light across the ether, the sound of the maelstrom erupting from war drums

into roars.

He sat down on a bench, the specific one that the voice stipulated, and pulled

down his hood. Another man approached, peeling away from the darkness that had

begun to overwhelm the meagre lampposts that stood watch, and sat beside him.

Are you Mortimer?

Thats right.

I received your message.

Can you help?

I need details.

Thats why Im here.

Whos the cargo?

They did not face each other, careful, even though the electrical storm roaring

above them had already disabled all electronic surveillance devices nearby.

My son. His name is David.

Where do you need him to go?

Anywhere. He needs to disappear, somewhere where they cant find him.

Whos they?

Whoever comes looking.

Whats in it for me?

Ill do what you wanted. Ill give you the documents you asked for.

Youll be shot, or stabbedif youre discovered. Murdered.

Formatted:Highlight

Comment [JT10]: Slightly hyperbolic

clause. Can you alter this slightly? The res

of it is a lot better now

Comment [JT11]: Instruction before thi

can help cut out this clause!

Comment [JT12]: You have a storm

reference in every one of first 4 paras. Cu

one /two out of the first 3 (highlighted in

green)

Honestly, the ones in paragraphs 2 and 3

can be omitted. The paragraphs/sentence

can stand fine without them and your

description in those paragraphs already

indicates a storm.


31/75


As long as you can keep David safe, it wont matter.

When?

Not yet. In a few years maybe, he needs time to be convinced.

What do you mean convinced?

Hesspecial, very special. And hes in a dangerous situation right now. Itll

take some time.

Hes not a Mod, is he?

Does it matter?

The other man shrugged, visible even under his thick coat.

Not really, as long as his programming doesnt freak out and shoot me in the

back of my head.

He wouldnt.

What makes you so sure?

Because hes my son. And because I built him. Hes a wonderful boy.

Hes a Mod. Theyre capable of anything.

Hes more than just that. Hes a human.

Like hell he is. Genetic freaks, each and every one of them.

Mortimer turned, one hand grabbing the mans collar fast enough to catch him

unaware, the other balled into a ready fist.

Dont you dare say anything against my son, smuggler. Not a single, damned

thing.

All right, jeez. Sorry.Didnt know he meant that much to you.

Mortimer let go, fingers trembling as they unfurled. The rain began to fall.

I care about him a lot.

So I gathered. You must love him a whole lot to risk this much for him.


32/75


I do. But my partner doesnt understand.Davids his job, not his family.

You didnt answer me. What do you mean convince?

The government has plans for him. Grand plans. And hes going to go along

with it. He wantsto go along with it.

Mortimer gave a troubled, trembling smile, before continuing,

Of course he would, thats how we made him. Tricked him into doing it even

before he was born. I cant believe I went along with it.

Thats all well and good and everything but you still havent told me whats

he mixed up in.

Right. I cant tell you specifically. But its something important.

So whyre you taking him away fromit?

Mortimer looked out, into the white static that had begun to form around them.

Because I want him to have a life beyond a mission.

Is he going to put up a fight?

He might. Ill try to convince him first, but I expect it wont be easy.

How old is he now?

Hes twelve. I expect the mission to launch sometime when hes eighteen.

You have my communicator ID.

Thanks. So youll do it?

Yeah, if the payments good.

It will be.

Then therell be no problems.

You might have to grab him.

Ive done that before too. Itll be fine.

Just tell him I sent you. Tell him its me.


33/75


If he wants to go for whatever it is that the government wants him to, wont

he hate you for taking him away?

Mortimer ruminated, and whispered, almost drowned out by the roar of the

downpour.

Hell understand in time. I hope he does, at least.

David imagined what it must be like to be inside it.

He watched as it shined in the sun, the immensity of its frame reaching up and

brushing the sky with its tip. The rocket, an obelisk aimed at the stars, stood gently

humming, its engines warming and whining.

He adjusted the sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose, sighing out the

hot breath of summer. He blinked, and started the walk up the road, his breathing

slow as he approached the guardhouse, the sound of his footsteps slowly being

drowned out by the growing shriek of a flight of military fighters flying past.

He reached inside his pocket, fingers twirling the plastic encased pass, eyes

looking straight ahead past the security bollards to the airfield. The sergeant of the

guard stopped him, one hand outstretched, the other still holding his rifle.

Kid, you look a little lost.

No sergeant, Im here to watch the launch.

Comment [JT13]: Better! Do you see

how this still has your trademark

descriptiveness and ornate use of languagwithout being purple?

Comment [JT14]: Slightly better! Work

connecting the paragraphs better.

Something to do with the first sentence of

this one, I think.

Comment [JT15]: Turn this into two

sentences. If you dont want to cut the

description, break it up so it doesnt seem

lengthy.


34/75


Not unless you have the proper documentation you aint.

Roger that sergeant, heres my pass.

David pulled the small plastic rectangle from his pocket and handed it over,

and the other guards continued watching him. The sergeant didnt bother checking it.

Kid, whered you get this?

My Father gave it to me. It gives me full clearance to enter the base.

The sergeant stared a little harder at David, his suspicion clear behind his eyes,

before he walked back to the guardhouse and placed the pass beneath a scanner. The

other men raised their rifles slightly in Davids general direction. The sergeant

returned a minute later.

Sorry kid. Didnt realise you were one of the squints. Dyou need an

escort?

No, Ill be all right on my own I think.

Actually kid, thats not really a question. You need an escort to move around

the base. Rocket launch right? Go with Jacopo. Hell bring you to the flight centre.

They waved him through, and he crossed from burnt asphalt to well-worn

concrete. The soldier walking beside him spoke up.

Hey, so wherere you supposed to go?

The flight centre.

Right, thats what Sarge said.

A squad of men jogged past. The soldier continued.

Whatre you doing here anyway?

To watch the rocket launch.

What for? Shouldnt you be like, studying or something?


35/75


My Fathers embedded with the space programme permanently. Im here

because Ive beenoffered a place as a cadet.

Youre like, 14.

I know.

Thats pretty badass. What school are you in anyway?

toiles De La Mer.

Thats that good school right?

The best.

Yeah, you look the type. I knew a Merist boy once, smartest fella I ever

Corporal, are you going to insist on talking the whole way?

Right, um. Sorry.My bad. Ill uhnever mind.

They continued, with only the sound of boots tapping against the sun-baked

ground. David began to ponder his words, snatching intermittent peeks at the soldier

from his peripheral vision as other uniformed men rode past on squat buggies.

What the hell did I say that for? Eyes faced to the floor, shoulders hunched

forward slightly and arched. Footsteps more closely spaced, smaller strides. Damn I

embarrassed him. I shouldnt have said that.

They crossed the open space into the shade of the massive control tower,

which in turn resided in the even more immense shadow of the rocket. They stopped

in front of a pair of frosted glass doors, the sign above the entrance marking FLIGHT

CENTRE in large white letters. Jacopo turned to walk away, and David hesitated

before calling out to him.

Corporal!

He half turned, the other half of his face still hidden to him.

Yeah?


36/75


Sorry about that. What I said, I mean. I shouldnt have been so curt. I

apologise.

The soldier turned, puzzled.

Its all right kid, dont worry about it.

David snapped his heels together, and raised his hand to his forehead to salute.

The soldier tilted his head slightly, then straightened his back and saluted back. He

smiled.

Good luck kid, hope you make it into the nauts.

He turned sharply, and strode off into the heat.

Back straight, strides wide. Thats better.

David watched as he walked away, considering the man for a moment, before

passing through the twin glass doors. Quietly smiling, he carried on down the long

length of the corridor and towards the rocket launch centre.

Ready kid?

They walked down the hallway together, its fluorescent lights cold, and white

and militarily precise. They passed yet more who had stopped to salute them.

Ready, Father.

You nervous, Cadet?

Comment [JT16]: So much better! Youkept the best part of the sentence militariprecise and cut out the fluff


37/75


Not at all, sir.

They stopped in front of a pair of sentries that scrutinised their passes,

weapons at the ready, before letting them past to a pair of heavy titanium-alloy doors.

Nathan placed his hands on their thick handles, stopping to turn back to his young

charge and nod, before swinging them open in wide berths and entering the room.

The wall on the far side was hollowed out, its outer face now replaced by

thick, blast-proof glassthat , overlookedingthe expanse of the airfield. Today, only

the rocket stood on the tarmac.

He could hear the soft droning radio chatter from the control room, drifting

into the ears of the soldiers and scientists that milled about, chattering in their own

quiet, excited way, about the launch. They turned as Nathan cleared his throat to

address them.

Gentlemen, meet David.

David felt Nathans grip on his shoulder, firm, unyielding, shrink upon his

gentle shrug, as he addressed the most senior officer in the room. He faced the man,

heavyset and greying, with twin shining steel stars perched upon the shoulders of his

white uniform, and brought his arm up sharply in a smart salute. The man

reciprocated, and he forced away the clenching sensation in his throat, his voice

almost foreign to him in its rapt, harsh, military tone.

Cadet David Atlas reporting, sir!

The other man lowered his arm, and outstretched his hand to grip Davids in a

firm shake. He chuckled.

Well if all fails, you can always be the programmes poster boy.

David laughed too, still unsure about whether he felt insulted or doubted or

flattered, before smiling politely and pushing those thoughts to the blind spot at the

Comment [JT17]: Slightly better. I think

this is a reasonable compromise. See howfeel about it when I read it again.


38/75


back of his mind. He retreated, leaning against the wall in a tiny space beside the

corner of the room, and watched as Nathan talked to the other uniformed men. And

then the scientists, making it a point to speak to every mind in the room, only

returning to Davids side after everyone had been sufficiently conversed with.

Now, that wasnt so bad, was it Cadet?

Not at all sir. I just felt a little out of place.

You can stop addressing me as sir, David.

Youre in uniform Father, its only right.

Nathan considered him, keeping his gaze on the rocket as white clouds of

vapour seeped from its vents and panels, and wondered what David might be like by

the end of the mission. He spoke again.

So what do you think?

Is the old guy going to be here every week?

Probably not. Either that or hell be in an office for most of the time.

Then sign me up.

They laughed, and continued watching the crowd as the silent countdown

drew down to zero, and together they turned towards the gallery window. David could

imagine the pilots, the rocketmen, smiling as they flipped switches and began the

launch sequence.

The air growled as the rocket just beyond their glass shield began to fire its

engines. Slivers of bright flames licked shot out, licking at the ground and recoileding

back into exhaust ports, before exploding out in a burning plume of brilliant light. In

the midst of theatroaring fury, the massive ship slowly rose off the ground.

The carpeted ground beneath them shuddered and shook, the vibrations

growing in intensity as the rocket drifted upwards gradually, before pausing in a held

Comment [JT18]: Are they the same or

different? If same, cut one. If different, use

an AND.

Comment [JT19]:


39/75


breath, and shooting upwards in a sudden, rapid burst. The sound disappeared in a

loud clap that caught the worlds voice and kept it silent, and in thatdeafening quiet

the rocket left, vanishing from their views and into the eye of the nebulas above.

David ran forward, pressed up against the glass, eyes straining to peer into the blue

sky above for any trace of the rockets immensity,but finding it now engulfed in the

even greater vastness of the space.

He felt a hand rest upon his shoulder, and he spun around to see the old

Admiral.

Your first launch?

My first one up close, sir.

Nothing quite like it, eh?

Definitely not.

So why do you want to join the programme anyway?

I thought that if one day, if I ever got the chance to, Id very much like to fly

one of those things.

Youre a thrill seeker eh?

No sir. I just thought that space exploration was important.

Why?

Well, who knows whats out there. Maybe the solutions that we didnt find

on Mars do exist, hiding somewhere amongst the stars. Maybe theres another planet

for the secessionists to move to. Maybe theres a different source of energy thatll

solve the shortages, just waiting to be found.

And you want to be the one who finds them?

Yes sir, absolutely.

Comment [JT20]: Can you cut this whol

chunk? Like reduce it slightly. Seems

excessive.


40/75


The Admiral stared into Davids eyes, his gaze weathered and unrelenting, as

though seeking some sort of truth from behind his shining brown irises.

For glory?

To helppeople, sir.

The Admiral did not move at first, still studying the young man before him,

before nodding slowly and walking away. David stood still for a moment, confused,

before walking back to his spot on the wall, knees somewhat weakened by the

exchange. He spoke, more quietly now, to Nathan.

Father, could we possibly leave soon?

I hope the Admiral hasnt scared you off.

Not for good. But a tactical retreat now might be nice.

Nathan laughed, patting Davids shoulder and warming hisalmost trembling

frame with his touch.

Of course kid. Wait for me out in the lobby would you? I have something to

take care of.

Nathan waited until David had turned the corner at the far end of the hallway

and had disappeared from both sight and sound, before closing the door for good

measure and addressing the other men.

So, what do you think?

One man, a scientist, spoke up.

A little shy, isnt he?

Hes just nervous. Its a big day for him.

Another man, a soldier, joined in.

If he bumps into ET when we send him up, hell need to be a little more

approachable.


41/75


Hell grow into it.

Are you sure?

Absolutely.

The Admiral, who was looking out the window, turned and walked up to

Nathan. He spoke with the air of frankness surrounding a man who had known

failure, and had seen success, and was still deliberating between the two.

He certainly believes in the mission. Have you briefed him already?

No sir.

So how does he already know his objectives?

He came up with finding a planet and searching for an alternate energy

source by himself, sir.

The Admiral tilted his head and squinted slightly, sceptical.

Really?

Yes sir.

Well, hes well-suited for the task at hand.

Yes sir, he is.

What other training has he been involved in to prepare him for deep space?

Hes been swimming for some years now sir. And weve been instructing

him in the finer virtues of human behaviour.

Whatfor?

To be a good ambassador. We have no guarantee what he will and wont see,

or meet, out there.

The Admiral sucked on his cheek, looking around to the others in the room,

before turning back to Nathan.

Captain, in your honest, objective, opinion, is he the right man for the job?


42/75


Yes sir, he is. He was made for this. Hes the ideal candidate.

Will he be ready in time?

Yes sir, he will be.

What about you, or Mortimer for that matter? Will you be willing to watch

him launch off into the far reaches of space?

Yes sir.

Hes your son, Nathan.You might not see him for years. You might never

see him again. Its perfectly fine to have some reservations.

Nathan blinked, careful not to show the aversion that ran wild behind his eyes.

None at all, sir.

None?

The mission comes first, sir.

The Admiral drew a deep, chesty breath, and sighed, before extending his

hand to shake.

Well, congratulations Captain. Im impressed. I never once thought this

project would work, but youve proven me wrong. Have the cadet report for

preliminary training next week. Project Atlas is green-light for phase 2.


43/75


David blinked, the mirage inside his irises fading, and he realised that

someone was on the other end of his blank stare. His eyes fell to the floor of the

MagTrain as itjostled slightly beneath his feet, gliding along, the sound of its

occupants hundred conversations drowned out by the soft music playing from the

twin communicators wedged in his ears. He peeked up again, across to the other wall

of the cabin, at the young woman that his eyes had absently found, and again, his

furtive glances becoming less subtle, until she looked back.

For all that he was, he was never very good at describing people. But this

time, for some inexplicable reason, he was especially so.

Brown, long hair. Petite. A little tall, maybe 511? Gosh shes pretty. Uh,

damn, did she see me looking? Oh damn I think she did.

David turned his gaze out the window beside her, but in his periphery he could

see her glancing back at him. He lied with his expression, acting as though he was

deep in ponderous thought about what the trains were like on Mars, or how it felt to

wear goggles underwater, and eventually she returned to her book. David sighed, and

turned away from her to look out of the glass panels beside him, inexplicably

disappointed at something.

He realised that he had an urge inside him. He wanted to do something, what?

He thought about how she looked so graceful, standing there static as the world

around them shifted with tremendous force, the light dancing in circles around her

lustrous brown hair. He tried to dredge upanaction to match his state of emotion-.

He realised that he wanted to cook for her.

He dared himself to say something as the landscape drifted past his gaze, his

thoughts rushedingdown into his throat andhishands, but yetheandfinding

themselvesfound themtrapped there by firm, fallible fear, and so he stayed quiet.

Comment [JT21]: Clean up the diction

used in this entire phrase. Right now it

sounds both hyperbolic and confusing.

Comment [JT22]: Is there a better verb

describe this?

Comment [JT23]: Can you merge these

two clauses together?

Comment [JT24]: Again? You never

mentioned a first time. Cut the again.

Comment [JT25]: This first clause needsdrastic reworking. I suggest ending thesentence after found and starting it agai

You need a way to say he kept glancing up

again and again. This does not work. Its

confusing and unelegant. Try again.

Comment [JT26]: So what?

Comment [JT27]: I understand whatyoure trying to say, but it sounds a bit lik

contrived Singlish expression from a LowKay Hwa book. Can you just say he acted

Comment [JT28]: Does he know what? I

not, make it clear whether he knows whathes disappointed in.

Comment [JT29]: Not a comma. Not a

comma.

Maybe: He realised he had an urge ins ide

him to do something for her. What,though

A lot more elegant. Try to combine the twsentences, and dont use the comma.

Comment [JT30]: Teeny bit hyperbolic

passable. If you can think of somethingbetter PLEASE replace this. Its slightly

problematic but not cringey.

Comment [JT31]: This makes the sente

a lot cleaner, less convoluted, and clearer!


44/75


People brushed past him at each stop, but he stayed static, rooted, until the MagTrain

finally arrived at her station and she approached moved to his sideof the trainto

alight. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead opted to feign shifting his

jaw and deferredto shyness. She did not look his way, and walked out as soon as the

doors slid apart.

David noticed it first, his eyes catching the image of her book being knocked

from her grasp by another passenger entering the cabin, and he reacted. He caught it

even before shed been able to turn, holding it up to her with a nervous smile, gaze

still not daring to meet hers.

Thank you.

David thought she smiled. He tried to shift his tongue from his throat, failing,

and only managing out a weak mumble.

Youre welcome.

She smiled again as she walked away, and he slumped against the wall again

as the train began to pull away from the platform.

Real smooth David.

He passed the rest of the day passed like most others, that is to say, in a daze

with no particular distinction to call to memory save that singular chance encounter,

and some hours later he found himself waiting in the flight centre for Nathan. His

mind still lingered on her, what he imagined she must look like when she smiled, and

how he was still somewhat perturbed by his shocking inaction. He leaned back

against the wall, looking left and right down the coldly lit hallway, and stretched,

yawning.

Nathan opened the door opposite the row of chairs David was sitting in, and

jabbed a thumb in the general direction of the exit, somewhere to the left of them

Comment [JT32]: Break this into two

sentences.


45/75


through the hallways. David policed his things, and together they left, quietly through

the even quieter corridors. Nathan only began to speak when the car had started up.

So wouldyou like to tell me what happened today?

What do you mean?

You know exactly what I mean.

I was distracted. It wont happen again.

Youre going to have to do a lot better than that,Cadet.

Look, what do you want me to say? Im sorry, okay?

You nearly got your entire team killed! Sorry isnt going to cut it!

My focus slipped.

Your focus didnt just slip. It slipped during a live fire containment exercise!

If the control box hadnt vented the oxygen in time, all of you would have been

cooked in your suits.

I know, okay?

You sure dont act like you know. Because if you did, youd understand how

serious this is.

David turned to Nathan, eyes burning and fierce.

What makes you think that I dont understand exactly how serious this is?

Theyremy team, my responsibility. What makes you think that I dont have a firm

grasp on the gravity of the situation?

Because youre still not sorry!

I already said I am, what more do you want?

To god damned act like youre sorry!

What do you want from me? Im fifteen,for Gods sake!

Thats no god damned excuse!


46/75


Whatre you so worked up about? Theyre my team, not yours! Theyre

under my command!

And youre under mine, so youre my responsibility. Youre my job, and Ill

be damned before I let a screw-up this big go without me stepping in!

David turned his gaze out as the first buildings of the urban fringe went past

the window, finding it harder to be penitent in between the bouts of anger welling up

inside himthat threatened, wrestlingto burst out. They stayed silent for the rest of the

drive home.

David left for his room the instant the car ground to a stop, the crunching of

gravel beneath his feet gradually overpowering Nathans voice as it fell further away

behind him, and he searched for the book that she had been carrying. Mortimer found

him on his bed after returning from the lab some hours later, propped up against the

headboard and reading from a steady stream of blue text beamed directly into his

corneas. He coughed from the crack in the door, and David blinked, the book fading

from his vision.

So I heard something bad happened during training today.

Yeah, I guess.

Anything you want to talk to me about?

Not really.

Hows that book youre reading?

Its actually pretty awful.

They both laughed. Mortimer pushed aside the door and sat at the foot of the

bed.

Son, whats on your mind?

II dont know.

Comment [JT33]: Though I reworked thI think this paragraph and sentence can

honestly do without this clause. It makes iseem a bit run-on, unnecessary, and frank

a teeny bit immature.

Comment [JT34]: Break into twosentences!


47/75


Come on, you can talk to me.

There was a girl today, on the train.

Ah, this.

I justI dont know. I looked at her and I wanted to cook for her.

Okay, this is new.

David sat up and started to speak.

I dont know, I felt like I wanted to make something for her. She made me

feel like creating something new.

Thats called inspiration,son.

It felt like morethan that,Dad. It felt likeI dont know. It felt like I wanted

to build something, craft something, but just for her. She made me want to give her

something that no one else could, made me want to give me a part of myself, my soul

even. It was like there was this bright light hanging over me when I looked at her, and

I wanted to share that light with her. Or maybe she was the light. I dont know.

David sank back against the headboard and sighed. Mortimer considered him,

and his story, before tapping his foot.

And then what happened?

I stayed put and didnt talk to her. I didnt dare to.

Well, thats unfortunate.

She dropped her book on the way out, and I helped her pick it up.

Was that what you were reading?

Yeah. And then she smiled and thanked me.

I suppose thatswhat youve been thinking about the whole day?

Yeah, kind of. I guess.


48/75


I know what its like. I remember when I felt like that. Well minus the

cooking thing.

They laughed again, but this time they fell into an uncomfortable silence after.

Mortimer shifted, and David looked down at his hands, before looking up again with

strange earnestness.

Was what I did wrong, Dad?

Was what wrong?

Thinking about her.

No, of course not! I mean, you shouldnt have let it distract you during

training but its all right. Just dont let it happen again, okay?

How?

Learn to compartmentalise. I mean, its a skill that youll have to learn how

to do if you want to go up.

Is that why Fathers so upset?

I think its more because you could have been seriously hurt today. You

might not see it, but he really does love you.

He has a funny way of showing it.

Mortimer reached forward, resting both his hands on Davids shoulders.

David, Father loves you. And youre his responsibility. Hes worried about

you because if you got hurt, you wouldnt be the only ones affected.

He only ever thinks about the programme.

Youre part of the programme arent you?

Yeah.

Then doesnt that mean he cares for you too?

I guess.


49/75


David shrugged, Mortimers hands shrinking away. They were quiet again,

until David mumbled.

Why am I only starting to think like this now?

I cant really answer that. It just takes the right stimulus I suppose. The right

girl. Though you really shouldnt askme, I dont know much about this girl stuff.

David smiled. Mortimer smiled back, and rose to his feet.

You should probably explain this to your Father. Hell understand. Try to be

nice. Dinners in half an hour.

Dad?

Yeah son?

Do you think Ill ever see her again?

Maybe. Probably. I cant say for certain.

What do I do if I do?

Saying hi would be a good first step.

What if she doesnt like me?

Then forget about her.

David looked at his hands again, lower lip pursed and dejected. Mortimer

dropped to one knee beside him, and rested his hand on his knee.

Listen, son. Youre very, extraordinarily special. And you deserve someone

that not only inspires you, but is inspired by you in turn too. Someone whosas

special to you as you are to her, or him. The part about what kind of person they are

isnt the important bit.What is important is that sometimes, you might have to wait a

while. You might make a mistake or two somewhere along the line but thats okay

too. As long as you find someone who deserves you, and you deserve, in the end.


50/75


David smiled again, and Mortimer leaned over to kiss him on the forehead

before walking back to the door. David called out again.

Dad, how will I know?

Because shell make you want to give up the whole world for her.

Hurry up!

David panted, and gazed up towards the apex of the hill through sweat-stung

eyes, its outline now burning black in the dying, autumnallight of autumnal sunset.

Im hurrying, just give me a moment!

He heard her giggle as he got started again, hauling himself up the incline,

large step after large step.

Youre always so slow!

Me, slow?

Yes you slow, some champion swimmer you are!

Oh youre going to get it now.

He dug deep and forced himself to run, bounding up in great strides, racing

her words as she stood at the top dancing in her spritely manner, watching him with

sparkling eyes that glittered even in the waning light. Finally he was upon her,

Comment [JT35]: Do you have enoughwords to add in a small section here? May

he meets Ada for the first time, or Joanne?Or hes with Joanne and meets Ada? An

introduction to both these characters wo

be nice. But only if you have enough word

Comment [JT36]: Break into two

sentences!


51/75


picking her up and spinning her around in his embrace, before they both finally fell

onto the artificial turf and started laughing. She spoke first, gulping her breath down.

I thought we were going to watch the sunset.

Id much rather watch you, love.

Really? Thats what you thought of?

What! I thought it was pretty charming.

Charming? Hardly.

Your tongues just all daggers today, isnt it?

He rolled over to face her, and she continued looking up towards the sky as it

gradually morphed, orange fire slowly being swallowed and extinguished by the vast

blanket of nightfall. Each in their own right, the stars slowly appeared, tiny pinpricks

on the dark canvas sprawled out before them both. David remembered the view from

the simulators cockpit,pushing the image to the back of his mind. Finally, she turned

too.

David?

Yeah?

What will you do with her?

With who?

You know who Im talking about. Her.Joanne.

Oh.

David shifted his gaze away, towards the tiny stars perched upon her earlobe,

that h hoveredingjust above her andndilluminated by the sheer darkness of the sky

behind her.

Weve had this conversation before,Ada.

And still nothings changed.

Comment [JT37]: Why??? Give memotivation!


52/75


I know.

Do you still have feelings for her?

Not really. I realised that I never really liked her. I dont think anybody did,

they just went along with it to humour me.

So whyre you still with her?

David rolled onto his back, letting and his visionbe was once again flooded by

darkness and starlight. He could sense that she hadnt moved.

I suppose I just dont have the heart to do it. I cant bring myself to hurt her. I

cant hurt anyone, you know that.

So what would you call what were doing now?

He paused to think before answering.

Inadvertent circumstance.

An accident.

I didnt say that, I said inadvertent circumstance.

Close enough.

Well what would you have me do, then?

I dont know. Cut me loose.Set me free.

I dont want to.

Why not?

Because my Dad told me that one day Id find someone right for me.

Someone special, someone perfect.

So why didnt you wait for me then?

I did.I waited, and I waited, and I got tired of waiting. She came along, and I

saw a way out of the waiting. And then I met you, and I realised the mistake Id

made.


53/75


So fix it.

Its not that simple.

You know it is.

Yeah well, I dont want to hurt anyone.

Its a bit too late for that David.

David closed his eyes, the darkness of his eyelids only distinguished by the

lack of stellar illumination. He heard Ada shift closer, inching over until her breath

ran over his skin. He took a long pull of the night air, letting it fill up his chest, his

lungsand, hisheart,with cold courage, before blowing it out in a billowing cloud that

was only visible to his minds eye. He started again, with a whisper this time.

You know, a year ago I wouldnt have done this. I wouldve just sat tight and

held on, and I wouldve just let you slip by.

So whats different now?

I guess something just wasnt right. Maybe she wasnever right for me. I

cant imagine myself doing what we used to do now.

Want to know what I think?

What?

She brought her face into a low hover over his, her breath warming his lips,

and he opened his eyes and looked into hers. They sparkled grey and quiet and gentle

from the light reflected in his irises.

I think you changed. And it isnt your fault.

I havent changed one bit.

Havent you?

David rolled away, sitting up and facing her. She rose slowly, fatigued

somehow, and she met his gaze.

Comment [JT38]: Like this overly-

descriptive section but can you clean it upA very long sentence with an awful lot of

clauses. If you cant, its okay. But please t

The number of clauses and commas is

jarring.


54/75


I havent changed.

Yes you have. Its okay, you know.

I havent changed. Im telling you I havent.

Why are you so insistent on this?

Because I cant change. I cant, and I havent.

Whatre you talking about?

David turned away, looking out to the lights of the city.

Nothing, never mind. Forget I mentioned it.

Ada inched closer to him again, and turned his chin to face her.

Look, I know you. And I know that you would never have done this unless

you were sure about how you felt about me. And I also know you wouldnt have ever

just gone for Joanne because you were tired of waiting. I think you just changed, and

thats all right.

No, thats not it at all. I havent changed. I cant change. I was born

Perfect.

strong willed. Who could change me?

The world.

They were both silent now. David looked away, and Ada tugged as hard as she

could to get him to turn back to her.

Look, the world changes people all the time. Sometimes people become

versions of themselves that they dont like. Its not your fault.

I havent changed, all right?

All right, all right.


55/75


He looked away. She sighed, soft enough to be lost amidst the sound of the

whistling wind, but he could hear her. He always heard everything. She turned

towards the city too, and they watched the lights blink and dance quietly.

Its getting late, Ada.

Yeah, I guess it is.

We should go soon.

Yeah.

Im sorry for that.

I dont want to hear you saying sorry.

Then what?

I want to hear you making up your mind, and making a choice.Im not a last

resort, David Atlas.

I know.

I wont tell you what to do. I wont tell you what I want you to do. But I hope

that one day soon, youll make a choice for yourself.

She sighed again, and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

I hope that one day, youll stop living for others.

Living for others, to help others, is what I do best. Who else is there to live

for?

You, David. Live for you.


56/75


David found Mortimers study in darkness, save the gentle illumination that

the few candles he had set up provided. He paused before the crack of the door,

tapping on the rosewood first before pushing it aside.

Mortimer looked up from behind a barricade of wax candles that ringed his

desk, and upon seeing the young man silhouetted against the harsh electric light of the

hallway, waved him in.

Lights not working?

No, tonights just another one of those candle sort of nights.

David sat on one of the two velvet armchairs Mortimer kept beside the largest

of the four bookshelves encompassing the room, and patiently waited as the sound of

shuffled papers and shuffled feet heralded Mortimers approach.

I need to talk to you, Dad.

Yeah sure, whats up?

Its about Joanne.

Ah. Well, Im not sure Im the best person to be talking toabout this.

You once told me about how one day Id find someone special, and how

when I did, Id know, right?

Yeah.

I found her.

Yeah I know, youve been with Joanne for some time now.

Not her. Someone else.

Oh.


57/75


David looked at his feet, shrouded by blackness, as though the ink from the

books around them had bled out into the air and was clinging to the floor like some

ominous fog. Mortimer cleared his throat, and spoke again.

Whats her name?

Ada.

Thats a nice name.

Yeah. Shes reallywell, special.

Have you told Joanne?

No.

How long has it been?

I met her around a month ago.

I asked how long its been.

A week.

Mortimer sighed. David could hear the shifts in his shirts fabric as he shook

his head, and felt a sudden gnawing fear in his gut. He spoke up.

Its not like I intended for this. You know what Im like Dad. You know that

I wouldnt do this unless I had a reason to.

Mortimer kept silent for a while, and David sank back into his chair. After a

while, Mortimer replied.

So whats your reason?

III dont know. I suppose it was a feeling.

A feeling?

Yeah. I looked at her and got a feeling, something that I havent felt for a

long time. I dont think Ive ever felt it.

You think shes the special one?


58/75


Yeah, I do.

Then whatre you here for?

David leaned forward, his weight resting on his knees.

I wanted to ask if Ive changed.

What do you mean?

I was with Ada just now. She said that she thinks Ive changed.

I thought you said youve only knownher for a month.

We talk a lot about the past.

Well, do you think youve changed?

David hung his head and started shaking it slowly.

I dont know. I hope I havent.

Change isnt a bad thing, David.

But I was born perfect, right? What if I no longer am?

Mortimer got up and sat on the armrest of Davids chair, leaning over to

speak.

I want you to promise first that youll break things off with Joanne. Tonight,

after this.

Okay.

Promise me.

I promise.

Now, whyre you afraid of changing?

Im not afraid.

Then why are you here?

I

David looked away, to the bookshelf. Mortimer continued.


59/75


What do you want out of this whole thing with Ada?

Thats a big question.

Youre making big decisions.

I dont knowa future would be nice.

Even though you know that the programme isnt going to let you go for a

while?

One day its got to end.

That doesnt sound like the David that wanted so badly to go up into space

and make a difference.

I guess I want something different.

Would you have ever let Joanne keep you from going up?

Never.

How about now? With Ada?

No. I meanI dont know. I might reconsider. Shes really special, Dad.

Dont look now, but youve changed.

David bowed his head. Mortimer reached down, and lifted his chin with the tip

of his finger.

I never said that was a bad thing.

Im not perfect anymore.

I never said that either.

How can I be? Im growing selfish. I never wouldve done this in the past. I

never wouldve even looked at girls if it meant that Id get distracted from training.

But now Im caught up in all of this, and I feel like Ive lost my way.

Mortimer cupped Davids cheek in his palm, lifting his head to face him.

Why would you stay for her?


60/75


Shes special.

Do you love her?

II dont know.

Its a simple question.

II suppose. Yes. I mean, no wait, yes. Yes I do.

Are you certain?

Yes, yes I am.

Mortimer smiled.

Then theres nothing about you that isnt perfect. If you can do that, give up

that much for love, then you can do anything for it. And I cant think of any greater

exemplar of human perfection than being willing to sacrifice for love.

David pulled away, his gaze returning to the books on the shelf, resting there

quiet with dust on their spines and must in their pages.

Ireally?

Son, why were you created?

To help people.

The way to helping people has always, always, been through love.

But isnt this a deviation from the programme? The mission?

Youre finding a cause, not a distraction. What use will the mission be to you

unless you find something worth fighting for? Keep Ada in your heart, and your

mind, and you will find the strength that you may one day find lacking.

Will Father see it the same way?

Ah. Well, leave him to me. Although its probablybetter if you keep quiet

about this for now. Hes just getting over Joanne.

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