A Manager’s Guide to Relationships

How to use common management strategies to improve your love life

Self Awareness

Getting to know yourself, your personality, values, and what you are looking for in a mate.

Ask others for feedback Pre-date: How and where to meet your mate.

How to interact with individuals that you meet.

The First Date

Appearance – dress appropriately for the occasion The right way and the wrong way

Behavior The right way and the wrong way

Questions to ask and avoid

Committed Relationships – Conflict Management/Effective Communication

Problem 1 – Jealousy Problem 2 – Commitment Problem 3 – Miscommunication

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

Why is it important to get to know thy self? Helps develop the ability to diagnose

important differences among others with whom you interact.

With greater self awareness you will be able to find someone who is more compatible.

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

In order for a relationship to function correctly three interpersonal needs develop.

These needs are: Need for Inclusion Need for Affection Need for Control

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

TEST TIME. Please take the handouts and answer with

honesty.

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

Need For Inclusion Everyone needs to maintain a relationship

with other people, to be included in their activities, and to include them in one’s own activities.

People differ in their relative needs: (1) the need to include others; or expressed inclusion and (2) the need to be included by others, or wanted inclusion.

American Heritage Dictionary

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

Need for Affection The need to form close personal

relationships. All individuals need others to show warmth

and affection towards them, but also maintain some distance.

People vary in their need to express affection towards others and also their need to feel affection expressed toward them.

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

Need for Control The need to maintain a satisfactory balance of

power and influence in relationships. Individuals have a need to exert control and

direction over others, while also remaining independent from them.

Individuals have a need to be controlled or be directed, but at the same time maintain freedom and discretion.

The need to exert control is expressed, while the need to be controlled is wanted.

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

To interpret your scores you can compare your expressed total with your wanted total.

If your “Wanted” score is higher than your “Expressed” score, then you are a person who wants to receive but won’t initiate interaction, this is the passive pattern

If the reverse, then you are controlling; you want to express but are unwilling to accept.

By comparing your need scores, you can determine which is your most important need.

Self AwarenessGetting to Know Yourself

“In order to know oneself, no amount of introspection or self-examination will suffice. You can analyze yourself for weeks, or meditate for months, and you will not get an inch further - any more than you can smell your own breath or laugh when you tickle yourself. You must first be open to the other person before you catch a glimmering of yourself. Our self-reflection in a mirror does not tell us what we are like; only our reflection in other people. We are essentially social creatures, and our personality resides in association, not in isolation.” – J.R. Harris

5 Good Places To Meet The opposite Sex1. THE BOOKSTORE. Shop in your regular sections, but pay attention to others who are also

shopping there. It's easy to start up a conversation about the books and authors you like to read. And you'll know that you already have something in common with the other person.

2. CHILDREN'S SPORTING EVENTS. For those of you who are single, but have small children, this is ideal. Other single parents will also be attending these events, and you won't have to worry about the other person being "scared off" by the fact that you have a child, because that person has a child, too.

3. ONLINE CHAT ROOMS. This works well for people who are too shy to approach others. Just be careful not to reveal too much information about yourself too quickly. Go slowly and use the same precautions you would when meeting someone in person.

4. THE LOCAL GROCERY STORE. Not the big chains--too many married people. The odds will be against you. Try the corner Mom & Pop type stores in your neighborhood, where more singles are prone to shop.

5. THE MALL This is usually more of a teen thing, but you can't deny the amount of traffic flow in and out. Try the food court. That's the place where people take a break and will be more open to conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~Author:Copyright (c) 2000, Ruth D. Kerce Writer of historical and contemporary romances, and webmaster of

Addicted-to-Romance.com Sign up for the *Whispers of Love* newsletter at http://www.addicted-to-romance.com mailto:Addicted-to-Romance-subscribe@egroups.com

Pre-Date Where and How?

The Pacific Book Store

Pre-Date Where and How?

Figure out what you want from the date. Choose a place where you can meet

those objectives. Plan out open ended questions for the

other Dress according to the location of the

date Develop a contingency plan

Failure!

Bad Behavior

Improper greeting Tardiness Appearance Inconsideration Improper farewell

Bad Questions

Do you like collectibles? Do you get dumped or do you do the dumping? Tell me something interesting about yourself. Can I meet your mother? What would our children look like? How much money do you make? What is your Myspace/Facebook/Aim? Did you bring your Purse/wallet? What are your views on politics? Are you 18?

Good Behavior

Proper greeting BE EARLY! Dress appropriately for the occasion Good manners

Dinner etiquette Consideration Proper farewell

Good Questions

What wish would you ask a genie? What superpower would you have? If you could have unlimited service for 5 years from an

extremely good cook, driver, housekeeper, masseuse, or personal secretary?

Would you rather be extremely successful professionally and have a tolerable yet unexciting private life, or have an extremely happy private life and only a tolerable and unexciting professional life?

How forgiving are you when your friends let you down? Do you address the issue with your friends?

If you were at a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and found a dead bug in your salad, what would you do?

Good Questions

If you were able to live to 90 and retain either the body or your mind of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which one would you want?

While parking late at night, you scrape the side of an expensive new car. You are certain no one else is aware of what happened and the damage appeared to be minor, would you leave a note?

Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Follow-Up

Thank your date If both parties seem interested, follow up

with a phone call If not interest, be polite and honest about

not being interested Reflect on the date

What went well What can be improved

Success!

Committed Relationships

Party!

Miscommunication/Jealousy

Conflict Resolution

Miscommunication and Jealousy Avoiding approach

Peace and Harmony Collaborative Approach

Discussion

Review

Knowing yourself Take personality tests Talk with other people for feedback

First Date Dress appropriately Formulate Key objectives/questions Take appropriate action

“The” Relationship Conflict Management

Presented to you by:

Long Vo as Baxter Lee

Sophia Vue as Rose Yang

Adriane Paynas Mutual Friend

Justin Huebner as Maitre d / Waiter / Party friend