A 5 Minute Messa.ge

8/9/2019 A 5 Minute Messa.ge

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brother and sister who adored him and wathed over him like a parent. randmothers, aunts,

unles, ousins. A very tight, happy and loving family. 7e ant wrap our heads around this2 you

think there has to be some type of family drama or problem that would ause your hild to start

using any type of drug. -t doesnt6 -f drugs grab hold of your hild, it is a demon you may not

even be aware of until something drasti ours.

'. ;ou an talk to your kids about drugs, shools an eduate them2 it usually doesnt help or

work in most ases. ;oure luky if your kid learned something from the eduation proess.

anny had all the letures, eduation and information from shool, his family, his siblings, his

ousins and from families we know with kids with drug abuse problems There are many families

who are e+periening the in and out of rehab hell2 a hell we would gladly visit if we were given

the hane. 9nfortunately, most of you know what happened to him. o reDread lessons " and !.

7e talked onstantly about what was going on out there from our limited knowledge base. That

is one of the problems2 as parents most of us dont even know what to look for when you would

never put the words drugs and your kid in the same sentene. :emember, anny didnt start

smoking weed alone. - am sure he didnt e+periment with other substanes alone either. ;our kid

may be trying different party drugs and you wouldnt even know it.

E. Teenagers are very skilled at half truths. There is a fine line between trusting your kid and

beoming a mania who is following the teens every move. My son told me everything - wanted

to hear to ensure he was okay and not doing anything stupid. *e even told me about an

intervention his friends had after 0ew ;ears for some of his buddies. - knew all about it6 *e left

out the part that he was being intervened as well. *e told me about the amount of partying his

friends were doing at ollege when they ame home for winter break and how many of them

have hanged. *e trained us to leave him alone. As the parents of a "@ year old, we had no

reason not to trust him so we gave him the freedom to at like a first year ollege student.

. :ight under our nose our son was using drugs. - work from home for the past "F years. My

offie is two feet from his bedroom. - am home all the time. There was not one sign that ould

not be onsidered a typial teenage ation. anny went to shool, he went to work at his part

time $ob, and he had a girlfriend he adored. *e ate dinner with us every night. *e alled home

and reahed out to us whenever he was out. *e alled me every day on his way home from

shool to see what we were having for dinner. *e had onversations with us when he felt like it.

*e told us he loved us every single day. =ounds normal rightG *e never took money from my

purse, oasionally he would take my debit ard but - ould see e+atly what he did2 fast food

and gas in his ar. *e got angry one in a while, what teenager doesntG *e slept late and stayed

up late2 typial ollege student behavior. oes that sound like a drug abuserG 0ot to us espeially

after having gone through the teenage years with our older kids.

F. There is tremendous shame and embarrassment felt by kids when they reogni?e they have a

substane abuse problem. They may have done terrible things to get money to buy drugs. These

feelings of shame an prevent them from seeking help from the people who love them and would


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do anything for them. 7e learned a great deal about our son after his death that - know, "((H,

would ause him to be sared out of his mind to tell us. )arents know that parental love is

unonditional but many kids dont understand it. -t is that fear of what may happen if their

parents find out that holds them bak from being truthful. 7e thought we had an open

relationship with anny where he ould tell us anything Imom and siblings espeiallyJ. -f he had

not been given a lethal dose of homemade drugs, we most likely would have only found out if he

told us, someone else told us, or if he got arrested. 7e found out when we broke down his

bedroom door. )arents, please reinfore unonditional love to your kids. #et them know that no

matter what they have done or are doing, you will be there for them. -t may be disappointing and

embarrassing, but you an save your kids life. 7e wish we had the hane to at least try.

@. The unwritten CO1 O% T110A1:= is to keep silent about anything you know that may

ause you lose a friend. This is the way it is and the way it always was. 7e all have to learn a

new ode, a ode that an save a life. *aving a friend be mad at you is different than having a

friend or their hild that is dead. ;ou only lose a friend when they are gone forever. That friend

will thank you some day and their family may be spared the agony my family is living through

right now. :eDread number 3. There is a new normal out there that is beyond most of our

omprehension. Anyone who knows their friends are making bad hoies, using drugs that are

deadly or parents who know their kids are using drugs but didnt reah out to warn the parents of

their friends to look out/ B:1A8 the CO12 open up your mouth and tell their families. -t

wasnt until anny died that we found out how many of his friends knew what he was doing. 7e

also learned that one of his friends, a friend he had sine age E, was in a day rehab. *is mother

didnt all me and warn me to look out for my son. - would have done that for her if - was the

one that found out first. *er son is now in rehab and an try to get a new start2 anny didnt get

that hane. 7e didnt get a hane to help our son. *ad someone tipped us off, it may havetaken a while to proess but we would at least been looking out for signs. =hools and polie

departments have a plae in this at some point, but first and foremost, kids should have a safe

method of informing so they will atually do it. Be reative, find ways within your ommunities

to let kids know they need to B:1A8 the CO1 and tell someone. They an save a life.

"(. %or those of you who are luky enough to have the opportunity to help your hild O0T

M1== -T 9)666 et them into rehab. o what you need to save them. -f you need to move to a

new area to get them away from their friends, O -T. *elp them get the support they need

through groups, ounseling et. Be there for them every step of the way now and forever. 7e

didnt get the hane to help our anny. 7e ant help but be somewhat $ealous of those familiesthat an at least try. - spoke to families that are living the 4in and out of rehab hell5 and - swear,

we would take that hell over our hell any day. Both are horrible but your kids are alive, our son is

not. - ant even desribe the pain my family is e+periening right now and how our lives are

hanged forever. -f you are luky enough to get the hane, do it right66

9nfortunately, many kids have very short memories for a loal tragedy. 7e saw real and true

tears at annys funeral from many of the hundreds of kids who ame. 7e have also learned that


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a few days later, many were bak to business as usual waiting for the ne+t hane to get wasted

at whatever e+use there is for a party. =ome kids learned a lesson, many didnt learn a thing.

)lease share this with everyone on your friend list and parents, please reogni?e it doesnt $ust

happen to other people, it an happen to you. 7e thought the same thing and will now have to

live with broken hearts for the rest of our lives. )lease learn from our e+periene and hopefully

help your hild or friend before it is too late.

=inerely, #inda #a$terman

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A 5 Minute Messa.ge