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7 Secrets for Online Dating Success
7 Secrets for Online Dating Success
Prepare for Online Dating: 7 Tips .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
6. Lower Online Dating Expectations .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
7. Online Date Fails .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
1. Online Dating Profiles: Set Intentions .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
2. Online Dating: To Upload a Picture or Not? .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
3. Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
4. Online Dating Profile: Be Yourself . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
5. Protect Privacy in Online Dating ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Resources .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Prepare for Online Dating: 7 Tips
Prepare for Online Dating: Are You Happy With The Way You Are?
• Areyouusingarecurringstatementtoexplainwhyyou’renot
meetingMr.Right,rightnow?
• Assesshowtruethesereasonsareforyourdatinglife.
• Somepeopleattributequalitiesaboutthemselvesthatmayormay
notbetrue.
• Makethechangebeforeyoujoinanonlinedatingservice.
• It’soktomakethispartofa1-yearplan.
• You’regoingtomeetsomeonewhoyouareideallygoingtospendtherestofyourlifewith.
*Rememberthatyoushouldwanttodothesethingsforyouandonlyyou.
• Areyouwaitingtofixthequalitiesthatyouthinkarekeepingyoufromfindingtheperfectpartner?
• Someexamplesofpotentialstepsforward:
Prepare for Online Dating for Yourself
Weight loss
Weight gain
Therapy
Life coaching
Antidepressants
Electrolysis
Dental Work
Quitting Smoking
Plastic Surgery
BeforeIwentonline,Ihadcosmeticdentalsurgery.WhenImetmen,oneofthefirstthingstheywouldsaytome
was,“Youhaveafabuloussmile.”
IalwayswonderedwhetherIwouldhavebeenaspopularasIwashadmyteethlookedbad.
~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach
2www.IntersectionsMatch.com
1. Online Dating Profiles: Set Intentions
• Anythingyoutypeonasocialsharingplatformisthereforever.
• Online,youarerepresentedinawaywherenoteveryonegetsthefullcontextofyourpersonality.
• Becarefulaboutwhoyou’rebashingandwhateveryou’resaying.
• Yoursenseofhumormaybemisunderstoodbyothers.
• Obscurereferencesorcommentsmayalsobemisunderstood.
Online Dating Profiles = A Résumé?
Youhavetobeveryawarethattheonlinemediumhasitslimitations.
Atthesametime,ithassuchanamazingreach.
Social Media Adds to Online Dating Profiles?
Socialmediaisagreatwayforyoutolookintowhatpeoplereallythink.
Questions to Ask While Observing Social Media Mannerisms:
Do I like the way this person thinks?
Do I like the way they respond?
Are they hot-headed?
Are they dogmatic?
Are they open-minded?
Are they generous?
3
Youronlinepresenceisyourresume.
~ Randi Zuckerberg at the the Massachusetts Women’s Conference
SometimesIwillsaysomethingandpeoplegetverybentoutofshape.Theydon’tknowthatI’mjoking.
~ Susan Winter
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
• Womenshouldnotsendinappropriatephotosofthemselves.
• Often,questionslikethese:“Doyouhaveanymorephotosofyouinabathingsuit?”meanthesemen
aretryingtogeta booty call.
• Makeyouronlineprofileveryclear.
• It’sbetternottogetintolongchats.
• Afterwards,it’simportanttomeetrightaway.
• Meetinapublicplace.
• Withgreattraininganddiscipline,you’llstayoncourse.
Online Dating Profiles: Protocol
• Onlinedatingisheretostay.
• Wedosomuchonline,thatonlinedatingmakesplainsense.
• Theinternetgivesyoutheabilitytomeeta wider range of people.
• Theinternetgivesustheabilitytodothereversesearchontelephonenumbers,emailaddresses
andphotos.
Online Dating Profiles: Why Online?
4www.IntersectionsMatch.com
2. Online Dating: To Upload a Picture or Not?
• Uploadingaphoto,youwanttomakeagreatfirstimpression.However...
• Youdonotwanttosetthebarunrealisticallyhigh.
Why Avoid Posting a Picture Online? 3 Factors to Consider
You are a High-Profile Person like some of our clients.
Inthiscaseyouwouldbeabettercandidateforacustomizedsearch-servicelikeoursthan
forbasiconlinedating.
You are less than confident about yourself physically.
Consideraddressingyourinsecurity(suchactionsshouldbeinternallymotivated). See Page 2
You may simply be uncomfortable publishing your personal photo online.
Perhapsyouneedtopushtheboundariesofyourcomfortzone.
2
3
1
5www.IntersectionsMatch.com
• It’simportanttobeasproactiveaspossibleinthe
relationshiparenaofyourlife.
• Asignificantnumberofmenandwomenwillentirely
disregardonlineprofilespostedwithoutpictures
• Onelimitsoneselfsubstantiallybychoosingnottoposta
pictureonline.
3. Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture
Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Does it Look Like You?
Three to five photos is ideal sothatyourpotentialdatecanseeyouindifferentsituations.Howevera
minimum of these twoisamust:
Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: You Need Two
• Alwaysuserecent,accuratephotos.
• Attemptstomisleadcanbeeasilyexposed.
• IfrecentFacebookphotos,fromabirthdaypartyoranevent,don’tmatchuptoanonlinedatingprofile,
someone can figure you out pretty quickly.
• Blurryphotos,oronesinpoorlightmakeithardtoseedetail.
Nexttonegativity,uploadingthewrongphotoisconsideredoneofthe
biggestonlinedatingmistakesbysomedatingexperts.
6
Ithinktheworstthingiswhenyouseesomeonecomingtowardsyouand
youthink,‘ThatbetternotbethepersonIsawinthephotograph.’
~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
Full Body Shot
Nomatterwhatyourbodytypeis,
thisisimportant.
2Headshot
Makesureyourfaceisclearlyvisible.
1
Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Don’ts
Shots with other people
It’sunclearwhoiswho,andtheirrelation
toeachother.
Far away shots
Whenyou’rehardtosee,yougiveyour
potentialdateverylittleinformation.
ie. You on a distant mountain top
Landscapes
Avoidpostingphotosthatdon’tevenhave
youinthem.
Not being authentic
Noteverybodywantsthesametype.You’re
lookingforapartnerthatreallywantsyou.
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2
3
4
• Noteveryoneisapetlover.Photoswithpetscan be a turn-off.
• Noteveryoneisafanofchildreneither.
• Sometimes it’s better to write about your loves and interests in your profile.
Choosing Online Dating Profile Picture: Children and Pets
7www.IntersectionsMatch.com
4. Online Dating Profile: Be Yourself
• Don’tsay“Ihaveasenseofhumor”,
• Saysomethingfunnythatrepresentsyourstyle.
• Thenyou’llknow,thatatleastinthoseterms,ifyouarecompatible.
Online Dating Profile: Use Your Own Humor
• Describewhatyou’relookingforinapartnerasopposedtodescribingwhoyouthinkyouare.
• Ifyousay,“I’mlookingforamanwholikestoski,”theassumptionisthatyouliketoski.
Online Dating Profile: Don’t Exaggerate• It’salwaysbettertonamewhatyouwantfromtheotherperson.
• What not to do:somewomenwillsaythattheyliketogolfwhentheyreallyjustwantacountryclubguy.
• Men might say “Idoyoga”becauseitlooksadmirable.
• It’sbettertosay“I’mlookingforamanwhobelongstoacountryclub.”or“...womanwhodoesyoga.”
Online Dating Profile: Make It About Them
Online Dating Profile: Be Upfront• Sayitevenifitmayhaveanegativeconnotation,suchas,womenwholookformenincountryclubs
mightbeassumedtobegolddiggers.
• It’s best to get it all on the table early.
8
When[myMr.Right]readmyprofile,inhisfirstemail,hesaidthatitwasoneofthebestprofileshe’dread.It
wasbecauseIsaidwhoIwaslookingforinaman.
~ Dr. Dale Koppel, dating coach
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
5. Protect Privacy in Online Dating
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Ration Information
• Explaintoyourdatesthatyouration your information.
• Keepinmindthatbecauseoftheinternet,muchofyour
personalinformationisalreadyaGooglesearchaway.
• Preserve whatever privacy you can.
• It’sbettertowalkawayfromabadmatchwhentheyknowas
littleaboutyouaspossible.
• Sincewomenaremorevulnerableit’sbettertoopen up only after a man reveals his details.
• Thoseare:whoheis,whathedoesandwhereheworks.
• Youshouldn’thavetotellamanaboutalong,drawn-outdivorce,forexample.
• Detailswillcomeoutlater,ifnecessary.
9
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Real Life Story
Theymightask,“Whatdidyouwrite.”Iwillsay,“I’lltellyouaboutitifImeetyou.”
Idon’twantamanGooglingme,andcomingtotheirownconclusionsofwhoIamwithoutevenhavinga
chancetomeetmeinreallife.
- Julie Spira, Cyber Dating Expert and Matchmaker
• Phoneoremailarenottheplacestogiveoutinformation.
• There should be very few email and phone interactions before you actually meet.
• Twoemailsandaphonecallareoftenenoughtoscheduleadate.
• It’sOKtobelieveinfirstimpressions.
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Email Is Not the Medium to Share
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Things to Consider on a Date
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Use the Phone Test
• Oncetheypasstheemailtest(theyseemliterateandinteresting),scheduleaphonecall.
• Youcangaugemuchfromthatconversation.
• Ifyou’returnedoffonthephone, it’s ok to turn them away.
• Ifthereisdeadairorpullingteeth,itwilllikelynotworkout.
• Ifthat’sthecase,don’tsurrenderanymoreprivacybymeetinginperson.
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Safe Phone Protocol
• Don’tgiveoutahomenumber:itcanbetracedtoanaddress.
• Youshouldhaveadateonthecalendarafter one or two phone calls.
• Theonlinepartofonline datingisonlyatool.Useittomeetsomeoneinreallifequickly.
10
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Is He/She a Phone Pal?
• Ifamanrefusestoscheduleadate,orcancelsonyoumorethantwice,somethingis likely going on.
• Iftheyonlywanttomakeplansduringweekdaysandnevertheweekend,thisisanotherwarningsign.
• It’slikelytomeanthereissomeoneelseintheirlives.
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
If you see potential: laymoreon
thetable.
If you know you won’t be seeing
your date again: letthemdomostof
thetalking.
• Meetinapublicplace.
• Tellafriendwhereyou’regoing,whoyou’regoingwithandasmuchasyouknowabouttheperson.
• Takearestroombreakandbringyourcellphonewithyou.
• Checkinwithafriendandsay,“Mydateisgoingreallywell.I’mhavinganicetime.”
• Or“It’snotgoingsowell.IthinkI’mgoingtoleave.”
• If you ever feel uncomfortable on a date, leave.
• Youowethemnothing.
Protect Privacy in Online Dating: Meeting Safely
11
Iusedtosay,“They’reprobablyonhousearrest.”or“Theycouldbemarried.”Alltheywantedtodowasbea
phonepal.
- Julie Spira, Cyber Dating Expert and Matchmaker
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
6. Lower Online Dating Expectations
• It’slikelythatoutofevery10peopleyouemail,onlyonewillturn
intoadate.
• It’s Not You.
• Werecommendsendingout10emailsandforgettingaboutit.
Lower Online Dating Expectations: One Out of Ten
• Anotheronein10rule:Only about one out of ten first dates will turn into a second date.
• Don’tgetdiscouragedwithlowoutcomes.
• Thechancesthatyou’llreallyhititoffwithsomeoneareaboutoneinahundred.
• It’simportanttorememberthatyou won’t be an ideal match for everyone.
• Keepyourexpectationsrealistictoavoidfeelingdemoralized.
Lower Online Dating Expectations: Keep Hopes Realistic
Lower Online Dating Expectations: Dating is Unpredictable
12
• Read The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell.
• Havealotofballsinthehopper.
• Ifonedatedoesn’tpanout,youcansay“That’s fine, I have another date set up for next week.”
• Youshouldbespendingatleast60minutesadayonsearching.
• Trytohaveatleastonedateaweek.
• If15hoursaweekisstillnotworkingfor,youmayneedtocontact a professional coach.
www.IntersectionsMatch.com
JulieSpiraandDr.DaleKoppelsharesomethefunniest,andstrangestonlinedatingstoriesfromtheirbooks.
Hewasshowingeverybodypicturesofthedeadwife.Thenhisvoicegotlouderandlouder.Hekept
repeatingit.
I looked at him and said, “I am so sorry for your loss,” and I left.Itwasquiteascene.Itwasdefinitelyone
ofthestrangerdatesI’vebeenon.
Online Date Fails: What Do You Do Next?
7. Online Date Fails7. Online Date Fails
OneofthestrangestdatesIhadveryearlyonwasamanwho
wentberserkintherestaurantbecauseI looked like his dead wife.
Itwasaverysadstory.
Hedidhaveawifewhowasaskinnierversionofmewhohad
passedawayayearortwoearlier.
Outofnowhere,somethingsethimoffinthemiddleofthe
restaurant.He stood up and said, “She looks like my dead wife,”
topeopleintherestaurant.
Online Date Fails: Dead Wife Look Alike ~ Julie Spira
Oneofmyfavoritestoriesisaboutoneofmyfirstdates.
Thismanaskedmeoutfordinner.Ilearnedquicklythatit’sprobablybettertojustgoforcoffeeandhavethe
requisitehourandnothavetositthroughmuchlonger.
WhenIgottotherestaurant,hewasalreadyseated. He didn’t stand up when I got to the table.Ithought,
“That’ssoold-fashioned.Hedoesn’thavetodothat.”
Wehadanokaydinner.IknewthatIwasn’tthatinterestedinhimandwouldn’tseehimagain.
Online Date Fails: Shorty ~ Dr Dale Koppel
13www.IntersectionsMatch.com
Whenitwastimetoleaveandwebothhadtostandup,ashestoodup,hethrewhisarmsupinthat
“victory”sign.
I thought, “Oh my goodness.” With his arms up, he was 5’10”, as he said he was. If he put his arms down,
he was probably about 5’4”.
Thatwasmyfirstindicationthatmentypicallylieabouttheirheight.Visually,itwasafunnythingforme.He
wasaveryshortguy.Ihadnoideahewassoshort.He had his arms up to give the illusion that he was taller.
ThebeststoryIeverheardwasofawomanwhowentoutwiththismanwhoshemetonline.Hegotarrested.
Therewasawarrantoutforhisarrest.Somebodycameupandarrestedhimrightinthemiddleofthedate.
Online Date Fails: Truth Revealed
Online Date Fails: The Recovery
Yes,Ihadthatstoryonmysite,too.Itwasunderthe“periloftheweek.”
Therewasawomanwhowasonadateandthemangotarrestedandbroughttojail.Theycalledheraskingher
tobailhimout.
Online Date Fails: Bailing Out on Dinner ~ Julie Spira
14www.IntersectionsMatch.com
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PrepareforOnlineDating:Tips
OnlineDatingProfiles:SetIntentions
ChoosingOnlineDatingProfilePicture
OnlineDatingProfile:BeYourself
ProtectPrivacyinOnlineDating
OnlineDateFails
LowerOnlineDatingExpectationsOnlineDating:ToUploadaPictureorNot?
SpecialthankstoNancySlotnick,SusanWinter,JulieSpiraandDr.DaleKoppelfortheircontributionstothisguide.
ToscheduleaReinventYourLoveLifeConsultationwithJasbinaorrequestmoreinfo Click Here
www.IntersectionsMatch.com 15
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