CALMCALM CoachingCoaching(Career and Life Management)(Career and Life Management)A Systems Approach To Coaching A Systems Approach To Coaching

Stress and Work/life BalanceStress and Work/life Balance

John C GoodmanPrincipal, Center for Internal Change

50 Minutes to CALM50 Minutes to CALM™™(Career and Life Management)(Career and Life Management)

A Systems Approach To A Systems Approach To Stress and Life BalanceStress and Life Balance

John C GoodmanFounder, Center for Internal Change

What You Will Learn TodayWhat You Will Learn TodayTo view stress and life balance from a systems To view stress and life balance from a systems perspectiveperspectiveHow areas of stress in your life impact your How areas of stress in your life impact your internal systemsinternal systemsHow stress impacts other areas and people in How stress impacts other areas and people in your lifeyour life

–– How stress impacts areas and people in their livesHow stress impacts areas and people in their livesAnd how stress impacts areas and people…And how stress impacts areas and people…

How to reframe stress creating beliefsHow to reframe stress creating beliefsHow to gain control over How to gain control over negativenegative stress by stress by replacing it with a state of replacing it with a state of CALM™CALM™

What is Stress?What is Stress?Stress is the body’s response to the demands Stress is the body’s response to the demands made upon it.made upon it.–– The degree of stress depends on the intensity of the The degree of stress depends on the intensity of the

demand, our interpretation of the demand, and cope demand, our interpretation of the demand, and cope ability to cope with them.ability to cope with them.

“Pressure, strain, or a sense of inner turmoil “Pressure, strain, or a sense of inner turmoil resulting from our perceptions and reactions to resulting from our perceptions and reactions to events or conditions. A state of negative events or conditions. A state of negative emotional arousal, usually associated with emotional arousal, usually associated with feelings of discomfort or anxiety that we feelings of discomfort or anxiety that we attribute to our circumstances or situation.attribute to our circumstances or situation.“Stress is our perception of an event, not the “Stress is our perception of an event, not the event itself.”event itself.”

Relax!Relax! It Is Just It Is Just StressStress

Scientific research is continuously Scientific research is continuously revealing the damaging effects negative revealing the damaging effects negative stress has on our lives.stress has on our lives.

Some symptoms of stress:Some symptoms of stress:•Sweating

•Shakiness

•Dizziness

•Exhaustion/M.E.

•Stomach ache

•Indigestion

•Lack of concentration

•Nausea

•Loss of appetite

•Diarrhea

•Insomnia

•Panic

•Panic attacks

•Paranoia

•Aggression

•Cynicism

•Guilt

•Anger

•Depression

•Mood swings

•Tearfulness

•Nightmares

•Rash decision making

•Disorganization

•Frequent mistakes

•Higher vocal tone Worrying excessively

•Lack of sense of humor

•Withdrawal

•Cold hands/feet

•Skin problems

•Ulcers

•Forgetfulness

•Memory problems

•Inability to absorb information

•Lack of co-ordination

•Indecisiveness

•Phobias

•Headache

•Tension

•Backache

•Irregular breathing

•Palpitations

•Breathlessness

•Restlessness

•Fidgeting

•Facial tics

•Dry mouth

•Misjudging people

•Misjudging situations

•Inaccuracy

•Anxiety

These are the minor symptoms of stress some of the more serious include total nervous

breakdown, heart attack and stroke.

Stress Is Life. Life is StressStress Is Life. Life is StressStress is a necessary part of our life.Stress is a necessary part of our life.Stress can be motivating or immobilizing.Stress can be motivating or immobilizing.Most people are either: Most people are either:

Generous with their stress Generous with their stress Or they are stingy Or they are stingy Or bothOr both

So . . .So . . .

DON’T DON’T PANIC!!!PANIC!!!

Relax

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

We are affected by everything that We are affected by everything that interacts with us in our environment interacts with us in our environment

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

We affect everything in our environmentWe affect everything in our environment

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

Stress can be externally or internally Stress can be externally or internally triggeredtriggered

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

BUT, it is only internally generatedBUT, it is only internally generated

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

A Systemic View of The SelfA Systemic View of The Self

The Internal System

Belief SystemValue System

Purpose/Mission

Emotional SystemFeelings/moods

Mind

Physiological SystemFight or Flight Behaviors/Actions

Somatic Responses

Sympathetic Nervous SystemSpeeds things up

Parasympathetic Nervous SystemSlows things down

Neurological SystemAutonomic Nervous System

Body

The Self

Circles Of InfluenceCircles Of Influence

Work

Spiritual

Environment

Social

Relationships

Family

Beyond Environment

Self

The Causes Of Career and Life StressThe Causes Of Career and Life Stress

What are your What are your Energy Drainer Energy Drainer and what are and what are Energy GainersEnergy GainersExamine the causes and cures for stress in our Examine the causes and cures for stress in our lifelife

Social

SelfHealth

FamilyMoney

Relationships

Spiritual

Career

Mental

Creating CALM Life BalanceCreating CALM Life BalanceEnergy DrainersEnergy Drainers

Social

SelfHealth

FamilyMoney

Relationships

Spiritual

Career

Mental

No ExerciseNo physical ActivityNot Eating HealthyNot Enough SleepTo busy to relaxation

No Spiritual or Religious Practice

Social Isolation andno time for social activities

Over workingFear of downsizing

No timefor loved onesand those you care about

No time for family

Poor Communicating$$$ Problems

UnemployedInadequate compensation/rewards

Isolation

No time for yourself

Creating CALM Life BalanceCreating CALM Life BalanceEnergy GainersEnergy Gainers

Neutralize and/or turnNeutralize and/or turn Energy Drainers Energy Drainers into into Energy GainersEnergy GainersCultivate Cultivate Energy GainersEnergy Gainers to offset, minimize and balanceto offset, minimize and balanceyour your Energy DrainersEnergy Drainers

Social

SelfHealth

FamilyMoney

Relationships

Spiritual

Career

Mental

Financial Planning

ExerciseYogaEat HealthyGet Enough SleepRelaxationTake Time For Fun

MeditationSpiritual & Religious Practice

FriendsVolunteer WorkFunctions

Work you value, feel valued doing, and are passionate about

Making timefor loved onesand those you care about

Spending time with family

Sharing & Communicating

Earning Enough $$$

We Experience Stress on Different LevelsWe Experience Stress on Different Levels

Changing the level at which we experienceChanging the level at which we experiencestress can change the impact of stress on usestress can change the impact of stress on use

IdentityIdentityBeliefs and ValuesBeliefs and ValuesCapacity/AbilityCapacity/AbilityBehaviorBehaviorEnvironmentEnvironment

Data ProcessingData Processing

OutputBehaviorActions

ProcessValues Beliefs

Thoughts

FILTERS

SensesEmotions

InputInformation

Data

Logical LevelsLogical LevelsEnvironmentEnvironment::

What external events trigger your What external events trigger your feelings/reactions of stress? feelings/reactions of stress? Do you have control over these events? Do you have control over these events? If you donIf you don’’t have control or influence over t have control or influence over these situations then all the worry, fear, and these situations then all the worry, fear, and anxiety in the world will not change them. anxiety in the world will not change them. You need to redirect that energy into You need to redirect that energy into something you do have control over, like something you do have control over, like your perception and reaction to the events.your perception and reaction to the events.What resources does your environment offer What resources does your environment offer to deal with stress? Knowing what options to deal with stress? Knowing what options are available can be very empowering and are available can be very empowering and create a sense of control.create a sense of control.

Logical LevelsLogical LevelsBehaviorBehavior::

What Do You DoWhat Do You DoHow do you create your experience of How do you create your experience of negative stress? Examine your actions, negative stress? Examine your actions, behaviors, and feelings. Are your behaviors behaviors, and feelings. Are your behaviors allowing you to meet your goals. Do they allowing you to meet your goals. Do they match your intentions? match your intentions? Having someone point them out to you may Having someone point them out to you may help. help. Notice the feedback your body offers you Notice the feedback your body offers you (true biofeedback). (true biofeedback). Remember, the more flexibility you have, the Remember, the more flexibility you have, the more options there are and the more control more options there are and the more control you have. you have.

Logical LevelsLogical LevelsCapabilityCapability::

Honestly appraise your abilities and Honestly appraise your abilities and capabilities and use them to your capabilities and use them to your advantage advantage Leverage your abilities and delegate Leverage your abilities and delegate your weaknessesyour weaknesses

Logical LevelsLogical LevelsBELIEFS AND VALUESBELIEFS AND VALUES::

What You ThinkWhat You ThinkOur beliefs, values and assumptions determine what Our beliefs, values and assumptions determine what causes us stress. This is why one person will feel causes us stress. This is why one person will feel overwhelmed while another will feel challenged. overwhelmed while another will feel challenged. Our beliefs influence our behaviors/actions and our Our beliefs influence our behaviors/actions and our identity/self. They are the lens and filters that color our identity/self. They are the lens and filters that color our world, magnify, minimize, or eliminate certain world, magnify, minimize, or eliminate certain observations or information in our world. We distort observations or information in our world. We distort reality to fit our belief system. Examples of distorted reality to fit our belief system. Examples of distorted thought patterns include over generalizing a single thought patterns include over generalizing a single incident and assuming it will always happen or be incident and assuming it will always happen or be true, thinking in extremes: all or nothing thinking, or true, thinking in extremes: all or nothing thinking, or over personalizing things, to name but a few. over personalizing things, to name but a few. Beliefs that increase your sense of control reduce Beliefs that increase your sense of control reduce stress. stress. If we change our beliefs our behaviors will change too.If we change our beliefs our behaviors will change too.

Logical Levels Logical Levels IDENTITYIDENTITY::

Who You AreWho You AreStress is a combination of emotions, beliefs, Stress is a combination of emotions, beliefs, behaviors, and physical reactions. It is not who you behaviors, and physical reactions. It is not who you are! are! Notice how it feels when you say; Notice how it feels when you say; ““I am stressed I am stressed out,out,”” ““I am overwhelmed,I am overwhelmed,”” ““I am depressed,I am depressed,”” Now Now change change ““I amI am”” to to ““I feelI feel””. It feels different doesn. It feels different doesn’’t it? t it? ““I amI am”” makes it part of your identity. makes it part of your identity. ““I feelI feel”” keeps it keeps it on a behavioral level. When we think and speak on on a behavioral level. When we think and speak on an identity level we become what we say. We tend an identity level we become what we say. We tend to create selfto create self--fulfilling prophecies. Keeping these fulfilling prophecies. Keeping these messages on a feeling level provides distance from messages on a feeling level provides distance from Then. It is easier to change behaviors than identity. Then. It is easier to change behaviors than identity.

CALM ColorCALM ColorRecall a time or place when you felt calm, relaxed, empowered orRecall a time or place when you felt calm, relaxed, empowered or in control. If in control. If you have difficulty finding it in your past then create this playou have difficulty finding it in your past then create this place in your mind. ce in your mind.

Notice: is it in color or black & white; what happens when you mNotice: is it in color or black & white; what happens when you move it closer or ove it closer or further away; make it brighter, bigger, or more vivid. Experimefurther away; make it brighter, bigger, or more vivid. Experiment until you have nt until you have created an optimal feeling. What happens when you double the fecreated an optimal feeling. What happens when you double the feeling? eling?

Now imagine if this image was a color what color would it be? DNow imagine if this image was a color what color would it be? Does this color oes this color have a texture or temperature?have a texture or temperature?

Surround yourself with this color and have the color circulate tSurround yourself with this color and have the color circulate through every part hrough every part of your body, both inside and out. of your body, both inside and out.

Some people inhale the color, others bring it in through their cSome people inhale the color, others bring it in through their chest, head or feet, hest, head or feet, others generate it from the inside outothers generate it from the inside out——it is all perfectit is all perfect

Some people find it more effective to use a sound, music or a soSome people find it more effective to use a sound, music or a song. They feel it ng. They feel it resonating through out their body.resonating through out their body.

The CALM Color is yours to keep and use as you wish.The CALM Color is yours to keep and use as you wish.

HeartHeart--Based* CalmBased* CalmWhen you’re aware of feeling negative stress STOP and take a timWhen you’re aware of feeling negative stress STOP and take a time e out.out.Redirect your focus away from your emotional state and racing Redirect your focus away from your emotional state and racing thoughts to your heart.thoughts to your heart.Pretend you are breathing through your chest into your heart arePretend you are breathing through your chest into your heart area and a and take several slow calm breaths.take several slow calm breaths.Recall a positive time when you felt love, appreciation, or wereRecall a positive time when you felt love, appreciation, or werehaving fun and vividly reexperience it.having fun and vividly reexperience it.Ask your heart for a more resourceful response to the event, a cAsk your heart for a more resourceful response to the event, a calm alm and effective alternative.and effective alternative.Be fully open to your intuition, subconscious mind and your commBe fully open to your intuition, subconscious mind and your common on sense.sense.Listen to the answer you heart gives you.Listen to the answer you heart gives you.

Based on the FREEZEBased on the FREEZE--FRAME FRAME Technique developed by Doc Childre and the Institute of HeartMatTechnique developed by Doc Childre and the Institute of HeartMath h

The Systemic View of StressThe Systemic View of Stress

We are influenced by everything that We are influenced by everything that interacts with us in our environmentinteracts with us in our environmentWe have influence on everything in our We have influence on everything in our environmentenvironmentStress can be externally or internally Stress can be externally or internally triggeredtriggeredBUT, it is only internally generatedBUT, it is only internally generated

The Take AwayThe Take Away

A systematic understanding of stress and A systematic understanding of stress and how it impacts you and others in your how it impacts you and others in your ““system.system.””Tools and techniques to reduce and control Tools and techniques to reduce and control stress and distress. stress and distress. Strategies for restoring balance in your day Strategies for restoring balance in your day and in your life.and in your life.

Resources for Stress Management & Life BalanceResources for Stress Management & Life BalanceYou may enjoy these web sites if you need a break, timeYou may enjoy these web sites if you need a break, time--out, or are just interested in relaxation.out, or are just interested in relaxation.

Information and articles on stress management. Information and articles on stress management. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/stress.htmlhttp://www.internalchange.com/tools/stress.htmlArticle by Andrew Weil on Relaxation Breathing. Article by Andrew Weil on Relaxation Breathing. http://www.drweil.com/database/display/0,1412,100,00.htmlhttp://www.drweil.com/database/display/0,1412,100,00.htmlA page with some fun escapes if you need a distress brake. A page with some fun escapes if you need a distress brake. http://www.internalchange.com/destress/index.htmlhttp://www.internalchange.com/destress/index.htmlIf you just want to zone out for a while. If you just want to zone out for a while. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/your_heading_goes_here1.htmhttp://www.internalchange.com/tools/your_heading_goes_here1.htmRelaxation and breathing techniques. Relaxation and breathing techniques. http://www.internalchange.com/tools/relaxation.htmlhttp://www.internalchange.com/tools/relaxation.htmlYou can learn about the Heartmath Institute and the Freeze FrameYou can learn about the Heartmath Institute and the Freeze Frame technique. technique. http://www.heartmath.comhttp://www.heartmath.com

Books of interest:Books of interest:

Carlson, R.Carlson, R. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff.Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's All Small Stuff. New York: Hyperion,New York: Hyperion, 19971997Carlson, R.Carlson, R. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work:Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work: Simple Ways to Minimize Stress and Conflict While Bringing Out tSimple Ways to Minimize Stress and Conflict While Bringing Out the he

Best in Yourself and Others.Best in Yourself and Others. New York: Hyperion,New York: Hyperion, 19981998

KabatKabat--Zinn, J.Zinn, J. Full Catastrophe Living:Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body & Mind to Face Stress, Pain & IllnUsing the Wisdom of Your Body & Mind to Face Stress, Pain & Illness.ess. Jon Jon Foreword by Joan Borysenko Preface by Thich Nhat Hanh. New York:Foreword by Joan Borysenko Preface by Thich Nhat Hanh. New York: Dell Publishing, 1991Dell Publishing, 1991

Benson, H.Benson, H. The Relaxation ResponseThe Relaxation Response New York: Morrow, William & Co,2000 New York: Morrow, William & Co,2000

Childre D. & Martin, H. The Childre D. & Martin, H. The Heartmath Solution:Heartmath Solution: The Institute of Heartmath's Revolutionary Program for Engaging The Institute of Heartmath's Revolutionary Program for Engaging the the Power of the Heart's Intelligence.Power of the Heart's Intelligence. San Francisco: Harper, 2000San Francisco: Harper, 2000

Childre D. & Cryer, B. ed. Childre D. & Cryer, B. ed. FreezeFreeze--Frame:Frame: One Minute Stress Management.One Minute Stress Management. Boulder Creek: Planetary,1998Boulder Creek: Planetary,1998