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Business Communications

Providence College471.12

Winter 2005Bruce Duggan

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Week 7 Quiz

• Ch 5 Writing Business Messages• Ch 6 Completing Business Messages

Exercises• pg 529

Previous quiz• punctuation

Completing Business Messages• ch 6

Handbook 2.7, 2.8, 2.9• - • ‘

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7a

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Quiz

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Exercises

pg 529 adverbs & adjectives prepositions, conjunctions &

articles

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Previous quiz

SOME JOB CANDIDATES GETTING TOO SLICK FOR INTERVIEWERS

Monday, February 7, 2005

Toronto—Who's in charge here?

Accustomed to calming interview jitters in others, recruiters say they are now encountering the opposite challenge: the too-slick candidate.

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Previous

These "professional candidates" have been coached, rehearsed, groomed—sometimes even tipped off about the questions they will be asked in interviews for the jobs or promotions they are applying for. They turn up better dressed than the interviewers, proffer firmer handshakes and—thanks to their career coaches—often appear to be the best man or woman for the job.

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Previous

This makes it all the more difficult for recruiters to differentiate between an "enthusiastic self-starter and a highly-coached, interview-savvy candidate," management consultant Michael Gravelle told an overflow crowd of human resources practitioners at a conference in Toronto.

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Time to Play a Game

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Hedging I think there are probably some

ways we may be able to cut costs.

We can cut costs.

I think we can cut costs.

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Hedging I believe that Mr. Johnson’s

employment record seems to show that he may be capable of handling the position.

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Camouflaged Verbs The boss indicated his

commitment to the plan at the meeting.

The boss committed to the plan at the meeting.

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Camouflaged Verbs The manager undertook

implementation of the rules.

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Camouflaged Verbs Verification of the shipments

occurs weekly.

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Camouflaged Verbs We need to reach a decision

about the new store this week. We should to give consideration

to locating either in the mall or on our own.

Please make an investigation of the costs of each.

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Non-parallels He went to breakfast, had a

muffin, and was drinking a cup of coffee.

He went to breakfast, had a muffin, and drank a coffee.

He had a muffin and a coffee at breakfast.

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Non-parallels Miss Simms had been drenched

with rain, bombarded with telephone calls, and her boss shouted at her.

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Non-parallels Ms. Singh dictated the letter, and

next she signed it and left the office.

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Non-parallels To waste time and missing

deadlines are bad habits.

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Stranded modifiers Our antique desk is suitable for

busy executives with thick legs and large drawers.

With its thick legs and large drawers, our antique desk is suitable for busy executives.

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Stranded modifiers Walking to the office, a red sports

car passed her.

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Stranded modifiers Working as fast as possible, the

budget was soon ready.

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Stranded modifiers After a three-week slump, we

increased sales.

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Stranded references The legislative branch and the

judicial branch of government have separate responsibilities—the first to pass laws and the second to enforce them.

The legislative branch of government is responsible for passing laws. The judicial branch is responsible for enforcing them.

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Stranded references The Law Office and the

Accounting Office distribute computer supplies for legal secretaries and beginning accountants, respectively.

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Excess enthusiasm The Toast-&-Tune is the biggest

thing to happen to sliced bread since peanut butter!

This amazing new toaster will toast your bread to a beautiful brown, while simultaneously serenading you with extraordinary CD-quality music.

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Excess enthusiasm We are extremely pleased to offer

you a position on our staff of exceptionally skilled staff and highly educated employees. The work offers extraordinary challenges and a very large salary.

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Hedging I believe that Mr. Johnson’s

employment record seems to show that he may be capable of handling the position.

Mr. Johnson’s employment record shows that he is capable of handling the position.

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Camouflaged Verbs The manager undertook

implementation of the rules.

The manager implemented the rules.

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Camouflaged Verbs Verification of the shipments

occurs weekly.

Shipments are verified weekly.

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Camouflaged Verbs We need to reach a decision

about the new store this week. We should to give consideration

to locating either in the mall or on our own.

Please make an investigation of the costs of each.

decide

consider

investigate

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Non-parallels Miss Simms had been drenched

with rain, bombarded with telephone calls, and her boss shouted at her.

Miss Simms had been drenched with rain, bombarded with telephone calls, and shouted at by her boss.

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Non-parallels Ms. Singh dictated the letter, and

next she signed it and left the office.

Ms. Singh dictated the letter, signed it, and left the office.

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Non-parallels To waste time and missing

deadlines are bad habits.

Wasting time and missing deadlines are bad habits.

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Stranded modifiers Walking to the office, a red sports

car passed her.

A red sports car passed her while she was walking to the office.

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Stranded modifiers Working as fast as possible, the

budget was soon ready.

Working as fast as possible, the committee soon had the budget ready.

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Stranded modifiers After a three-week slump, we

increased sales.

After a three-week slump, sales increased.

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Stranded references The Law Office and the

Accounting Office distribute computer supplies for legal secretaries and beginning accountants, respectively.

The Law Office distributes computer supplies for legal secretaries; the Accounting Office distributes those for beginning accountants.

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Excess enthusiasm We are extremely pleased to offer

you a position on our staff of exceptionally skilled staff and highly educated employees. The work offers extraordinary challenges and a very large salary.

We are pleased to offer you a position on our staff of skilled and well-educated employers. The work offers challenges and an attractive salary.

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7b

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Another game!

(OK, it’s remarkably similar to the previous 3 games…

...but hey,at least it’s not a

quiz.)

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Parallels The first half of the article is

written brightly, optimistic and enthusiastic.

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Parallel bullets Some points for locating a business

in rural Manitoba would be:• it’s a safe place to live

• has an intimate community life

• good social programs

• great health care

• good school programs.

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Changed perspective If you were to have only looked at

this site I would personally be convinced.

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Changed perspectives & parallels The piece of material that we read

is trying to convince me of two main things. Firstly, that Manitoba is a good place to operate a business and there is a high chance of success. Secondly, the article is trying to convince the reader to immigrate to Manitoba.

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Hedging …I feel there possibly could have

been some ethical problems in how the site portrays Manitoba. In some instances, it seems they might have stretched the truth a little bit.

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Incomplete sentence Selling the high level of different

cultures, leisure areas, and all the while enjoying the Canadian standard of living with our high levels of Medicare and public schools.

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Complexity Certain qualifications for eligibility

into the nominee program were listed, qualifications which the student’s father met, and there was a promise of a permanent visa upon acceptance.

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Complexity It is hard to read this material

without having biased opinion of Manitoba (since I live here), but I think that this small brochure is quite convincing on the claim that it is a great place to raise a family, but I do not think that it is very convincing on the claim that it is a great place to start a business.

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Hedging & complexity It seems that maybe Manitoba is

not as well rounded as they make it out to be and that there is a chance that you may not enjoy what you see or perhaps it is much better than what they say and they aren’t doing a good enough job using words to explain what Manitoba is about and all of the opportunities that people will have when coming into Manitoba.

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Parallels The first half of the article is

written brightly, optimistic and enthusiastic.

The first half of the article is bright and optimistic.

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Parallel bullets Some points for locating a business

in rural Manitoba would be:• it’s a safe place to live

• has an intimate community life

• good social programs

• great health care

• good school programs.

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Parallel bullets Rural Manitoba is an attractive

place to locate a business. Its communities are safe and intimate. They also have• good social programs

• great health care

• good schools

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Changed perspective If you were to have only looked at

this site I would personally be convinced.

If I had only looked at this site, I would have been convinced.

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Changed perspectives & parallels The piece of material that we read

is trying to convince me of two main things. Firstly, that Manitoba is a good place to operate a business and there is a high chance of success. Secondly, the article is trying to convince the reader to immigrate to Manitoba.

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Changed perspectives & parallels This article is trying to convince

me of two things:• Manitoba is a good place for

business.

• I should immigrate there.

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Hedging …I feel there possibly could have

been some ethical problems in how the site portrays Manitoba. In some instances, it seems they might have stretched the truth a little bit.

There are ethical problems in how the site portrays Manitoba. Some of the points it makes stretch the truth.

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Incomplete sentence Selling the high level of different

cultures, leisure areas, and all the while enjoying the Canadian standard of living with our high levels of Medicare and public schools.

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Incomplete sentence The site highlights Canada’s

standard of living, public schools, and Medicare. It sells Manitoba by emphasizing its multiculturalism and leisure areas.

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Complexity Certain qualifications for eligibility

into the nominee program were listed, qualifications which the student’s father met, and there was a promise of a permanent visa upon acceptance.

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Complexity The student’s father appears to

meet the nominee program’s requirements. The site promises him a permanent visa if he is accepted.

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Complexity It is hard to read this material

without having biased opinion of Manitoba (since I live here), but I think that this small brochure is quite convincing on the claim that it is a great place to raise a family, but I do not think that it is very convincing on the claim that it is a great place to start a business.

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Complexity This small brochure convinced me

that Manitoba is a great place to raise a family. It didn’t convince me it’s a great place to start a business. Of course, I might be biased—I live here.

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Hedging & complexity It seems that maybe Manitoba is

not as well rounded as they make it out to be and that there is a chance that you may not enjoy what you see or perhaps it is much better than what they say and they aren’t doing a good enough job using words to explain what Manitoba is about and all of the opportunities that people will have when coming into Manitoba.

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Hedging & complexity Manitoba may not match the

expectations they raise. For example, it may not be as well-rounded as they claim.

On the other hand, it might exceed expectations. If so, the writers lack the skills needed to make the case.

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Exercises

pg 160-161

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Exercise 6.2

a. Adaptation to the new rules was performed easily by the employees.

The employees adapted to the new rules easily.

CAMOUFLAGED VERBS

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Exercise 6.2

b. The assessor will make a determination of the tax due.

The assessor will determine the tax due.

CAMOUFLAGED VERBS

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Exercise 6.2

c. Verification of the identity of the employees must be made daily.

Employee identity verification must be made daily.

CAMOUFLAGED VERBS

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Exercise 6.2

d. The board of directors made a recommendation that Ms. Habibi be assigned to a new division.

The board of directors recommended that Ms. Habibi be assigned to a new division.

CAMOUFLAGED VERBS

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Exercise 6.2

e. The auditing procedure on the books was performed by the vice-president.

The vice-president audited the books.

CAMOUFLAGED VERBS

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Exercise 6.1

a. The antiquated calculator is ineffectual for solving sophisticated problems.

SHORTER & SIMPLER

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Exercise 6.1

b. It is imperative that the pay increments be terminated before an inordinate deficit is accumulated.

SHORTER & SIMPLER

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Exercise 6.1

c. The was unanimity among the executives that Mr. MacTavish’s idiosyncrasies were cause for a mandatory meeting with the company’s personnel director.

SHORTER & SIMPLER

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Exercise 6.1

d. The impending liquidation of the company’s assets was cause for jubilation among the company’s competitors.

SHORTER & SIMPLER

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Exercise 6.1

e. The expectations of the president for a stock dividend were accentuated by the preponderance of evidence that the company was in good financial condition.

SHORTER & SIMPLER

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Exercise 6.3

a. The next time you write something, check your average sentence length in a 100-word passage, and if your sentences average more than 16 to 20 words, see whether you can break up some of the sentences.

SHORTER & CLEARER

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Exercise 6.3

b. Don’t do what the village blacksmith did when he instructed his apprentice as follows: “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.” the apprentice did just as he was told, and now he’s the village blacksmith.

SHORTER & CLEARER

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Exercise 6.3

c. Unfortunately, no gadget will produce excellent writing, but using a yardstick like the Fog Index gives us some guide posts to follow for making writing easier to read because its two factors remind us to use short sentences and simple words.

SHORTER & CLEARER

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Revisions

6A The move to our new offices…

6B Dear Ms. Giraud…

6C For delicious, air-popped

popcorn…

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Handbook

2.7 – 29 – ‘

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Handbook

2.7 – 29 – ‘

hyphen or dash?

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Apostrophes

• not pronouns

Possessive nouns• Wally’s coat…

• That prof’s curling…

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

• not pronouns

Possessive nouns• Wally’s coat was the ugliest shade of

green I’ve seen in my life.

• That prof’s curling…

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

• not pronouns

Possessive nouns• Wally’s coat was the ugliest shade of

green I’ve seen in my life.

• That prof’s curling was worse than his singing.

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

• not pronouns

Possessive nouns

Contractions

• isn’t

• hadn’t

• they’re

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

Dont tell me that you cant help. I know perfectly well that youre tutoring Stephens child, so why shouldn’t you spend some time with Bobbys as well?

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

Don’t tell me that you can’t help. I know perfectly well that you’re tutoring Stephen’s child, so why shouldn’t you spend some time with Bobby’s as well?

EXERCISE pg 536

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Apostrophes

Don’t tell me that you can’t help. I know perfectly well that you’re tutoring Stephen’s child, so why shouldn’t you spend some time with Bobby’s as well?

EXERCISE pg 536

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Hyphen or Dash?

purpose typingalternative

s

hyphen join-

singlenone really

dashseparat

e--

double

;,

( )

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Hyphen

Compound adjective before a noun A well-adjusted man…

Not needed after the linking verb

A man who is well adjusted…

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Hyphen

Compound adjectives A well-adjusted man doesn’t need

a pit bull as a pet.

Not needed after the linking verb

A man who is well adjusted doesn’t need a pit bull as a pet.

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Hyphen

Other compound words with capital letters

with the same letters

self | ex | quasi | all

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Hyphen

Other compound words with capital letters

• Pro-Liberal

with the same letters• anti-intellectual

self | ex | quasi | all• ex-wife

proper nouns

start & finish

if in doubt

look it up or leave it out

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Hyphen

In a sequence This contest to win the Porsche is

only open to first- and second-time callers.

correct but awkward

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Dash

Separating out asides

sudden turns in thought

a phrase containing commas

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Dash

Separating out asides

• That guy you heard me arguing with—who happens to be my uncle—was trying to cheat me.

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Dash

Separating out asides sudden turns in thought

• The trees by the house—those are the same tress I planted with my dad 30 years ago—caught on fire.

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Dash

Separating out asides sudden turns in thought a phrase containing commas

• All of my favourite groups—the Caravans, the Soul Stirrers, and the Gospel Harmonettes—recorded in Memphis.

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Dash

Separating out asides sudden turns in thought a phrase containing commas

quite similarCan I leave it out?