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managing communication
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MANAGING CONFLICTUSING ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
What is efficient communication?
What is efficient communication?
• We communicate efficiently when: We express our own emotions and
opinions We understand the other person’s
opinion and emotions. We treat others with respect,
and ask respect from others
= ASSERTIVE communication
Inefficient communication is when:
• We do not express our emotions and opinions
• We give up our opinions easily, and let others intimidate us
• We don’t ask others for respect
= PASSIVE Communication
Inefficient communication is when:
• We express our opinions in an aggressive or demanding way
• We don’t consider other person‘ opinions and emotions
• We don’t treat other people with respect
= AGGRESSIVE Communication
Passive – Assertive – Aggressive
Why use assertive communication?
• The other person is more likely to listen to us and understand us
• Positive emotions (we feel better)
• We create healthy relationships, based on trust and clear personal limits
ExampleGary & Brooke
3 steps to assertive communication:
1. Goal setting for the interaction
2. Unconditional acceptance
3. Criticizing specific behaviors
3 steps to assertive communication:
1. Goal setting for the interaction
2. Unconditional acceptance
3. Criticizing specific behaviors
1. Goal setting for the interaction
• What do I want to achieve?– I want other people to do what I want– I want to have a good relationship, to get along(if possible)
• Inefficient goals:– I want to convince the other person– Who’s right? Who’s to blame?– “I want you to want to do it”
3 steps to assertive communication:
1. Goal setting for the interaction
2. Unconditional acceptance
3. Criticizing specific behaviors
2. Unconditional acceptance
• “I’m an imperfect human being, I accept my mistakes, without making up excuses.”
• I never rate myself as a whole, only ratingmy behaviors.
• People can only see and judge my behavior(even if they sometimes use labels):
• “I don’t have a problem with you as a person, but with your behavior in this/that situation”
Assertive rights I have the right to ask anything from anybody, as long as I recognize
his/her right to say No.
Often, in our interactions, the assertive rights are not obvious/known. I have the right to discuss them with the persons involved.
I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to make mistakes, and assume responsibility for them, without blaming myself.
I have the right to not know the reasons for my behavior, I don’t have to justify it (but I am responsible for what I do)
I have the right to make illogical or irrational decisions.
I have the right to say No, I don’t know or I’m not interested.
I have the right to do anything, as long as I don’tinfringe on the rights of others.
3 steps to assertive communication:
1. Goal setting for the interaction
2. Unconditional acceptance
3. Criticizing specific behaviors
3. Criticizing specific behaviors
• We are influenced only by what other people do, not what they think or feel (!!)
• Ask or criticize specific, concrete behaviors, do not generalize
• Do not try to justify your opinion – Not an argument but a negotiation
• It is essential to appreciate (give rewards) other people’s efforts to do what we asked
Summary
• What do I want from the interaction?• It doesn't matter who’s right! (that’s not the purpose)• What matters is to get along better together (or apart)
• I accept myself as an imperfect person (I admit my mistakes, without finding excuses)
• I understand that people never judge me, but my behavior
• I’m affected only by other’s behavior (not his opinions or emotions)• I can get what I want only if I ask for specific behaviors• People will continue to make an effort only if I appreciate their attempts
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GOAL
SSELF ACC
.SPECIFIC
Bottom line:
• Appreciate more other people’s efforts.
• Be the first to say thank you.
Thank you for your attention!