COMMUNICATION

Trainer notes to be used in conjunction with Power Point Presentation

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Active listening 1 – or how to really listen Active listening is the term used to describe consciously paying attention to another, rather than letting their words wash over us (and only hearing some of them). Active listening is a skill, and like any other skill we can all develop it – with practice.

1. Really concentrate on the speaker – we are capable of processing far more information than the normal speed of speech in words per minute. Harness this spare disk space to listen actively.

2. Pay attention to what is being said and what is not being said. Be sure to ask questions around the latter.

3. Give vocal encouragement without cutting across or interrupting (‘I see…’)

4. Build on what has been said, using their language (such as company jargon).

5. Listen for unusual and over-emotive words – explore when you can, to get the underlying meaning and emotions.

6. ‘Echo’ key words – shows you have listened without interrupting.

7. Engage in eye contact and be sensitive to different cultures – what is considered a comfortable level of eye contact can vary.

8. Summarise what you believe has been said – do this more frequently in longer meetings with several attendees.

9. Be aware of your own and others’ body language, or non-verbal communications. We cannot not communicate, even when we are not speaking.

10. Ask the right questions. Look at the 10 points above again and give yourself a mark out of 10 according to how well and how often you actively listen. Highlight 3 areas where you want to improve and listen out for them in this workshop. It was hard to get a conversation going because everyone was talking so much”

Yogi Berra

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Active listening 2 - Good question… When we want to establish rapport: How are you? Good weekend? How’s business?

When we want to get more information: Can you elaborate on that? Can you tell me more? How do you mean? Can you describe that in more detail? Where and when did this happen? What were the results? How did this come about? Who needs to be involved? How can X make a difference? Who are your competitors?

How will you measure success? How does this year compare to last? To what extent...? How has X changed? In what way is X different to Y? What will success look like? What examples can you give of…? How do you see yourself/this situation/brand X 5 years from now?

When we want to find out underlying thoughts and opinions: What do you think about...? What are your views on...? How do you feel about ...? How would you feel if...? If you were brand X what would you do?

What’s important to you about…? What single thing would you change? What are the risks if you don't do X?

When we want to reflect back or summarise: As I understand it....? What you're saying is....? Can I just check I understand this correctly…?

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Building rapport 1 - seeing the other perspective When communicating with others, remember that people do things for their own reasons, not yours (so this bit really helps). Get to know the people you want to improve communications with and find out what makes them tick. They may view the world very differently to you…

Think of the proposal, argument, discussion, deal, whatever, in their terms. Put yourself in their shoes and ask ‘What’s in it for me?’ WIIFM!

Acknowledge, and show you understand people’s or companies’ different values, corporate cultures and sensitivities.

Demonstrate what the benefits of adopting your proposal will be – paint a vivid, sensory-rich picture of the outcomes, ‘as if’ they have been achieved.

Speak their language. This might mean using their terminology back at them (provided you are very sure you know what it means), rather than your own. It might also mean speaking in and to their preferred sense for receiving information.

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.” – Mark Twain

Think of a time when a proposal, argument, discussion, deal, whatever, in your terms. That you dealt with and put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask ‘What’s in it for me?’ WIIFM. My next opportunity to put this into practice will be:

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Building rapport 2 - tuning into Language We take the world in through our senses. At work, these three senses tend to predominate. What’s more, each of us has a preferred sense for receiving and giving information about the world. Words and phrases that people use when in VISUAL mode: “I see what you mean” “I can picture that” “Have an insight” “Focus on…” “Vision” “I’m looking closely at the idea” “We see eye to eye” “Show me what you mean” Words and phrases that people use when in AUDITORY (Hearing) mode: “I like the sound of that” “Let’s discuss” “That rings a bell” “I don’t like your tone” “We’re on the same wavelength” “In harmony with…” “I hear you” “Loud and clear” “Calling the tune” Words and phrases people use when in KINAESTHETIC (Feeling) mode: “I don’t like the feel of it” “I feel good about that” “Scratch the surface” “That’s rough” “Falling to pieces” “A cool customer” “I can get a grip on that” “I’m warming to your idea”

What is your preference? What are the preferences of others with whom you want to communicate more effectively?

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Building rapport 3 – non-verbal communications According to US psychologist Albert Mehrabian*, when people are trying to decipher a speaker’s attitudes and emotions, they rely on these elements:

Rapport is natural, and can be further developed and encouraged Conversation is easier when in rapport Rapport encourages people to open up Rapport needs to be built subtly People notice when you break rapport

* Many quote Mehrabian’s work as a definitive guide; further research led me to the discovery that he only in fact conducted two experiments, and the percentages were arrived at according to how respondents decoded a mismatch between what was said and how it was being said. However, whilst sometimes controversial and often misused, there does appear to be broad consensus on the relative importance of the three facets of communication in terms of how we make inferences about others’ communication.

When we apply some NLP techniques to Mehrabian’s model, we can effectively, yet respectfully, build rapport with others. Specifically, we can:

Listen carefully to the words, and adopt the vocabulary of the other person’s preferred representational system, ie, Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic.

Match the voice for pitch, pace, volume.

Mirror and match the non-verbal communications.

Vocal qualities- Pitch - Pace - Volume

Words - Questions - Statements

Non-verbal - Eye contact - Posture - Gestures - Facial expression

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Mirroring and Matching Mirroring and Matching are terms used to describe the process of adjusting some aspect of our behaviour to another person or people. The list below gives you a range of strategies for mirroring and matching. With practice you will develop your ability to build rapport in this way with anyone you choose. In order to keep it real, try matching and mirroring when you are speaking (doing it when another is speaking looks bogus). Try one or two of these strategies out at a time, and observe the results you get! Whole Body Matching – adjust your body to approximate the other person’s postural shifts. Partial Body Matching – match the upper or lower portions of the other person’s body. Match any consistent or stylistic use of body movement. Vocal Qualities – match shifts in tempo, tone, volume, resonance and intonation patterns. Verbal – hear and use the tonal markers, and those words and phrases that the other person marks out. Facial Expressions – see the ways in which the other person uses their face, e.g. wrinkles their nose, puckers their lips, raises their eyebrows, smiles at a certain point, eye movement, etc. Gestures – match the other person’s gestures in ways that are elegant and respectful. Breathing – adjust your breathing patterns to match the other person’s breathing pattern.

“Be as you wish to seem.” Socrates

Caution! These techniques will only really work if applied with integrity and respect.

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The GoThe Golden Rules of Crisis Communicationslden Rules of Crisis Communications Sympathy First - Express regret; acknowledge understanding of, compassion towards and empathy with the public’s emotion; demonstrate the concern for safety of people and the environment ahead of your own well being; demonstrate concern for the impacts; sound and look concerned.

State The Facts - In clear, simple non-technical language; address – Who, What, Why, Where, When and How; address all concerns but keep answers brief; avoid understatement - it’s acceptable to report later that things are better, it’s devastating to report they are worse than we claimed.

Detail What We Intend To Do - Explain precisely what we are doing or what we intend to do to address the situation. Demonstrate control and leadership.

Be Honest - Don't lie or exaggerate; avoid ‘spin’ at all costs; express our uncertainty (and what we are doing to remedy that); avoid passing the buck or blaming others.

Be Humble - Acknowledge the efforts of others; be seen to be cooperating with all appropriate regulatory authorities.

Remain Calm

Treat all inquiries as valid; be polite and helpful; don't answer speculative questions or be drawn into debate or argument with anybody.

Remember Your Legal Boundaries

Don't apportion blame or accept liability but balance legal rights with transparency, corporate social responsibility, reputation and corporate well- being; don't allow fear of potential legal ramifications to stall appropriate action.

Advise When Additional Information Will Be Released

Assure people about future updates; if possible, set a time and stick to it even if there is little to add. “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ― George Bernard Shaw