11 25 Sex and Relationships - God Hates Divorce, God Hates the Way We Relate (25 Nov 12)

7/27/2019 11 25 Sex and Relationships - God Hates Divorce, God Hates the Way We Relate (25 Nov 12)

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God Hates Divorce

Actually, God Hates The Way We Relate

Paul B. Bailey

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10

Are we not all children of the same Father? Are we not all created by the same God? Then

why do we betray each other, violating the covenant of our ancestors?

11 Judah has been unfaithful, and a detestable thing has been done in Israel and in Jerusalem.

The men of Judah have defiled the Lords beloved sanctuary by marrying women who worship

idols.12

May the Lord cut off from the nation of Israel every last man who has done this and

yet brings an offering to the Lord of Heavens Armies.

13Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lords altar with tears, weeping and groaning

because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesnt accept them with pleasure.14

You

cry out, Why doesntthe Lord accept my worship? Ill tell you why! Because the Lord

witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been

unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

15Didnt the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does

he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of

your youth.16

For I hate divorce! says the Lord, the God of Israel. To divorce your wife is to

overwhelm her with cruelty, says the Lord of Heavens Armies. So guard your heart; do not

be unfaithful to your wife. Malachi 2.10-16, NLT

It seems to me that prophets have internal radar that moves into over drive when they sense

oppression. Prophets are not silent bystanders they boil over (Nabi) with a holy anger and cannot

help but get involved. Malachi is a prophet who is sick and tired of the various forms of oppression

that he witnesses on a daily basis played out on the macro scale of the geo-political and socio-

economic world of Israel and the ancient near East and on the micro-scale of family and relationship.

Malachi is a prophet who bubbles or boils over with a word that is designed to challenge and

transform the way we relate to each other on both a macro scale (international politics and

economics) and a micro scale (family and social relationships).

At the time Malachi writes the people are trapped in a morass of priestly corruption,

oppressive labour practices, economic and social injustices that feed poverty, marital

breakdown, violence, and widespread sexual immorality (3 :5). These conditions have come

about because the people, led by errant priests, have broken the Deuteronomic covenant.1

The passage we have read is about Gods attitude towards oppression in relationships, specifically

how divorce is used by men, in Malachis time, to oppress women.

It must be said that the translation of the passage, especially verse 16, from Hebrew to English is

problematic because how you choose to translate the first clause determines the shade of meaning

given to the passage. For example the NIV renders verse 16 as:

16

The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the Lord, the God of Israel, does violence

to the one he should protect, says the Lord Almighty.

1Elaine A. Health, DIVORCE AND VIOLENCE: SYNONYMOUS PARALLELISM IN MALACHI 2:16,Ashland

Theological Journal28 (1996) p. 2


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Whereas the NLT and KJV renders verse 16 as

16For I hate divorce! says the Lord, the God of Israel. To divorce your wife is to overwhelm

her with cruelty, says the Lord of Heavens Armies. So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful

to your wife.

There are good arguments for either translation; however, in my view the context of the passage

makes the NLT and KJV the most likely translation.

Firstly, Gods concern in the passage is faithfulness; the prophets concern in the entire writing is

Gods pursuit of justice in the face of oppression.

Secondly, the YHWHs concern in the entire passage is oppressive treatment of women who were

being oppressed first by unfaithfulness to their marriage vows by violent treatment and marital

infidelity, finally by divorce. For example, in verses 13-14, YHWHs contention is the betrayal of the

marriage vows:

13Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lords altar with tears, weeping and groaning

because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesnt accept them with pleasure.14

You

cry out, Why doesnt the Lord accept my worship? Ill tell you why! Because the Lord

witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been

unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

The key word here is the word unfaithfulfrom the Hebrew, bagad which comes from a root word

which means to cover-up or to act covertly, the word means to act treacherously, deceitfully, deal

treacherously.

Verse 16 is an example of Hebrew parallelism, which is where the same thought is expressed in

different ways in the (a) and the (b) clause of a particular verse. For example

(a) The earth is the Lords(b) And the fullness thereof

Verse 16 says,

(a) For I hate divorce! says the Lord, the God of Israel.(b) To divorce yourwife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, says the Lord of Heavens Armies

In other words, the single thought flowing through verse 16 is that divorce, has it was being

practiced in Malachis day, was the final act in a series of violent and treacherous actions which men

used to oppress women in marriage.

In Ancient Israel and in Jewish and Islamic law today, men divorced women and not vice-versa; to

divorce a woman was to place her at a social and economic disadvantage. In the Ancient Near East,

relationships were governed by the Hammurabi Code. The code provided that women were no

more than chattel, to be bought and sold, the code considered women to be lesser beings. Underthe code a woman was considered to be a maidservant to her husband and under certain conditions,


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God Hates Divorce


Paul B. Bailey

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the womans mother could also be used as a maid servant in the mans home. The code also

allowed that if a woman was considered to be a bad wife a man could divorce her, keeping her

dowry (or bride price) and the children. Under the code a woman could only be separated (as

opposed to divorced) from her husband for cruel treatment or neglect; there would be no

punishment for this maltreatment.2

The code allowed a man who previously divorced his wife to return at any time to reclaim her, even

if she was married. The Law of Moses cave a bill of Divorcement:

When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favour in his eyes, because he

has found some indecency in her, he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand

and sends her out of his house. (Deuteronomy 24:1)

Now, the certificate was a way of protecting the woman, because it meant the first husband couldnever come back and reclaim her. The certificate always had a phrase on it:

You are free to remarry any Jewish man, or any Jewish woman that you wish.

Old Testament Professor, Elaine A. Heath3, makes a direct parallel between the practice of divorce

and domestic violence in Malachi 2. Heath notes that the word unfaithfulness and the phrase to

cover with violence are parallels in verse 16; also that the act of divorce was a culmination in a

series of violent and abusive acts, in which a divorce woman is abandoned and left destitute to

either beg or prostitute herself in her fathers household was unable or unwilling to receive her

back.

According to Womens Aid

Domestic violence is physical, sexual, psychological or financial violence that takes place

within an intimate or family-type relationship and that forms a pattern of coercive and

controlling behaviour4

The United Kingdoms Home Office defines Domestic Violence as

Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour,

violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or

family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to,

the following types of abuse:

psychological physical

2B.R., Hammurabi's Code: Did It Enforce Laws Against Women's Rights and Independence?,

http://voices.yahoo.com/hammurabis-code-did-enforce-laws-against-womens-24408.html?cat=37, accessed

25th

November 20123

Elaine A. Health, DIVORCE AND VIOLENCE: SYNONYMOUS PARALLELISM IN MALACHI 2:16,AshlandTheological Journal28 (1996) 1-84http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violenceaccessed 25th November 2012
http://voices.yahoo.com/hammurabis-code-did-enforce-laws-against-womens-24408.html?cat=37http://voices.yahoo.com/hammurabis-code-did-enforce-laws-against-womens-24408.html?cat=37http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violencehttp://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violencehttp://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violencehttp://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violencehttp://voices.yahoo.com/hammurabis-code-did-enforce-laws-against-womens-24408.html?cat=37


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sexual financial

emotional

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or

dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and

capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence,

resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and

intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.5

Heath notes that,

Abuse of all kinds is an on-going abandonment and betrayal by the abusive partner. What the

church needs to hear and to tell those who are broken by domestic violence, is that God hates

domestic violence as much as he hates divorce. Furthermore, when wounded Christians face a

choice between divorce or continued victimization at the hands of an unrepentant, violent

spouse, they need to know that God is their helper in the painful, life-saving process of ending

the marriage. God's judgment rests against the oppressor and on behalf of the oppressed in

such a case.6

When the Bible says, God hates divorce it is making a statement about oppression, specifically the

patriarchal oppression of women by men who use and abuse women as no more that things in

relationship. When Malachi tells us that God hates divorce he is speaking about a social economic

reality in relationships where women were routine abused and then abandoned without protection

and recourse to the law. God stands up and the prophet boils over and says Stop! This is not

right!

This passage is a statement not against divorce itself, but against how a patriarchal system used

divorce to exploit and oppress women.

Throughout this passage there is a great concern for faithfulness in relationships; a real press for us

to keep our vows. At a most basic level faithfulness means not to betray the marriage covenant bysexual infidelity; however, this passage goes further. Malachi tells us that faithfulness to our

marriage vows includes our on-going commitment to treat our spouse with honour and fairness; it is

a commitment to honour and adore our spouse. According to Malachi, a man is unfaithful if he

mistreats or abuses her in any way.

5Home Officehttp://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/domestic-violence/

accessed 25

th

November 20126Elaine A. Health, DIVORCE AND VIOLENCE: SYNONYMOUS PARALLELISM IN MALACHI 2:16,Ashland

Theological Journal28 (1996) p.1
http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/domestic-violence/http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/domestic-violence/http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/domestic-violence/http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime/violence-against-women-girls/domestic-violence/


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God Hates Divorce


Paul B. Bailey

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What this does is shifts the whole discussion regarding divorce from Can I get a divorce? to If you

are not cared for and loved in the marriage, then you should expect to be liberated from that

oppressive union.

Gods concern is the quality of our relationships; Gods concern is for equality in our relationships.

God is on the side of the oppressed and the abused in marriages. When the Bible says God hates

divorce it is saying that God hates oppressive systems that rewards perpetrators of violence and

abuse and places one party in a precarious and vulnerable position with no recourse to the law.

When the Bible says, God hates divorce it is actually telling us that God hates the games we play in

relationships; he hates the treachery, the cover-ups, the manipulations, the mind-games, the

cheating, the betrayals, the insensitivity, the lack of consideration, the wilful and voluntary amnesia

regarding the vows we make.

God hates that way that we yearn and burn to get into relationships with each other; the flippant we

make big promises with little commitment; God hate the way that we will say or do anything to get

into a relationship but then we will say or do anything to get out of the relationship.

God says that you are: Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful! That is why God hates

divorce.

God hates divorce not because it is not necessary, but because it is a painful failure. He hates it

because it turns something beautiful into a property dispute. He hates it because the kinds of

divorce that Malachi rails against is inherently unequal and oppressive.

What then do we learn from Malachi?

Our marriage vows are really important; God takes them seriously, even if we do not. Because the

Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young.

We learn that Gods ultimate concern is how we relate to each other; in other words, how we

conduct our relationships. God is concerned that we are faithful to each other. The absolute

minimum is that we do not cheat, but being faithful means that we build on the foundation of our

vows. This means that our love and commitment to each other should be several years greater and

stronger that the day we stood in front of a community of family and friends and made publiccommitments to each other: those commitments were just the foundation of your relationship and

not the pinnacle. We fall from pinnacles but we build on foundations.

I want to say that there are times when, for a variety of reasons, a relation breaks down and instead

of being a source of joy becomes a source of pain. When this happens the relation, that cannot be

recovered, should end in divorce. Divorce should be that opportunity for both parties to reflect and

to pursue a new beginning; it should not be a weapon by which each party further attack and abuse

each other. Even in divorce we should seek the good of the other, reflecting on what did not work

and being grateful what did work. Even in divorce we should end our relation actively pursuing the

best for the other person as they move towards a separate future. Even in our anger and regret wemust remember love because that is the way of Jesus, the Son of God, the God who is love.

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11 25 Sex and Relationships - God Hates Divorce, God Hates the Way We Relate (25 Nov 12)