10 SECRETS TO FINDING JOY IN HOMEMAKING

By Hilary Bernstein

hilarybernstein.com

© 2015 Hilary Bernstein

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Cover illustration by Morgan Sessions.

ISBN 9780989105347

First edition

I love homemaking. Except when I don’t.

The need to create a home is very strong – it’s the way God

has wired many women. It’s definitely the way God has

wired me. So I naturally gravitate toward making my living

space a place of comfort and refreshment. It doesn’t matter

if I’m working with a dorm room, a teensy tiny one-

bedroom apartment, or an actual house – I love to create a

home that’s a haven.

It’s important to note that God has called women to

build their homes (Proverbs 14:1), watch over their

homes (Proverbs 31:27), manage their homes (1

Timothy 5:14), and work at making their homes

(Titus 2:4-5).

The part that I don’t like is all the hard work. If I dwelt on

negatives, I could get discouraged and be tempted to give

up if I only focused on the messes that needed cleaned, or

the repetitive work of laundry and dishes and cleaning

toilets.

See, I love homemaking when I experience the final

product – and I love it when I have a burst of creative

energy and know exactly how I want to decorate (or

redecorate) a particular space in a room.

When my house is all cozy and I’m able to make my

family’s lives better through my completed chores, it’s

great. Yet actually doing some of the chores is pure

drudgery:

The times when I spend a half an hour picking up

my house and my kids dump the LEGO bin in the

middle of the floor.

The times when a family member gets sick in the

middle of the night and I’m left scrubbing the mess

off the toilet and bathroom wall.

The times when I’m in the middle of cooking dinner

– and I’m running late – and I discover I’m missing

a key ingredient.

The times when I’m so tired and stressed that the

last thing I want to do is wash a load of laundry. (Or

dry it. Or fold it. Or put it away.)

The good news is that even with all of the unexciting but

necessary parts of homemaking, I’ve found 10 different

ways to experience great joy. And I’d love to share them

with you. Ready to become a joyful homemaker?

SECRET #1

SPEND TIME WITH GOD. EVERY DAY.

Life is busy. And it’s so tempting to get wrapped up in our

own daily plans to zip through a day without turning to

God.

Don’t do it.

To find joy in homemaking – and joy in life! – spending

time with the Lord is absolutely vital.

Grab your Bible and dig in. It may mean setting your alarm

10 minutes earlier – and not hitting snooze. It may mean

going to bed earlier and meditating on His Word before

your head hits the pillow. Got some free time in the car

pool lane? Take your Bible along! Read. Pray. Talk to God

about your day and your concerns.

I believe one of the trickiest seasons of life to spend

time with God is when you’re mothering newborns

and infants. They have an amazing way of gobbling

up time with their cries and hungry bellies and dirty

diapers. Yet it’s in those desperate, sleep-deprived

moments when mommas NEED God’s Word. And

you NEED to connect with your Heavenly Father.

So do it. Even if it means choosing just one verse for

your day to pray about, meditate on, and put into

practice.

Here’s the thing – without spending time with God each

day, there’s no way you can be a homemaker (or wife or

mom or friend or neighbor) who is abounding in love,

patience, kindness, or gentleness. Apart from a relationship

with Christ, there’s just no way it’s humanly possible. You

desperately need those qualities, though. And they’re

available to you when you walk with Him every day.

SECRET #2

MAKE A DAILY TO-DO LIST.

I would be lost without my to-do lists.

Typically I have a lot of lists floating around in all of my

paperwork – things I need to do in the month, week and

day-by-day. As a visual person, it’s a lot easier for me to

write things out and feel a great sense of accomplishment

when I cross off my tasks.

My daily list is pretty basic – it usually includes spending

time with God, homeschooling, writing blog posts, and

cleaning. I even need reminders to wash the dishes or do

the laundry because strangely enough, if they’re not written

down, I forget about them.

And without my lists, I procrastinate until right before my

husband comes home. Since a messy house stresses him out

– and as much as possible I try to put his needs for peace

ahead of my wants of laziness – my to-do list helps remind

me to tend to certain tasks throughout my day.

Even though my scrawled chores are only on scrap pieces

of paper, they give my days much purpose and direction. I

can accomplish things because I know what needs to be

done.

SECRET #3

LOWER MY STANDARDS.

To-do lists are one of the most helpful ways for me to

complete my homemaking chores. But if I only focus on a

list, I miss out on the most important part of my home – the

people who live in it.

Because people are the most important priority in my home

– and daily I need to work at making this a reality – I know

a spotless house isn’t truly important. I can relax on my

stringently clean ideals because it takes away quality and

quantity time with my family.

By letting go of perfect ideals and embracing homemaking

in my unique season of life, I’ve been able to find much

contentment and joy. Even when my house looks less than

perfect. Even when I have a rambling to-do list. A grace-

filled approach has shown me that homemaking can be

rewarding.

SECRET #4

FOCUS ON THE ESSENTIALS.

When it comes to homemaking, I’ve narrowed the

essentials in my family’s home. I fill our cupboards and

fridge with healthy food. I keep our dishes washed. I pick

up our living room and dining room before my husband

gets home after work. I try to keep our bathroom fairly

clean. I make sure everyone has clean clothes to wear. I pay

our bills.

Aside from those essentials, anything else that I can

accomplish is a great bonus!

When I look at all other tasks as being bonus

accomplishments instead of requirements that I don’t

regularly finish, I give myself a lot more grace – and that’s

much better than guilt.

SECRET #5

MAKE BASIC HOMEMAKING PLANS.

One way I’ve learned to make my jobs a little easier is to

have a basic homemaking plan.

If I know basically what I want to accomplish – and how I

want to accomplish it – I can work at accomplishing it.

For example, I know I want my home to be fairly clean –

and cleaned with safe cleaners. To achieve that cleanliness,

I plan two deep cleans a year – a fall cleaning in

November, before all of the holiday busyness and company

hits, and a spring cleaning in April, right as I’m eager to air

my home out and celebrate the newness of spring.

Because I know I’ll be deep cleaning in November and

April, I decide my cleaning chores by rooms – and I tackle

a different room each week. By the end of the month,

cobwebs and clutter are gone.

Every other month of the year, I’m content if my home is

looking presentable. I work at keeping clutter maintained

every day (if things are going well!) or every few days. I

try to clean the bathroom and change sheets once a week. I

know each day’s tasks include a load of laundry.

By breaking up my tasks into daily responsibilities, I don’t

have to be overwhelmed with a weekly laundry day or

cleaning day. It works for me.

In much the same way, I have a loose plan for grocery

shopping. Once a month, I make a huge shopping trip to

stock up on basics, then throughout the month I make a

quick weekly trip to replenish fresh foods. This plan has

evolved over time, but after plenty of trial and error, I’ve

found what works best for me.

Just as homemaking is a never-ending cycle, my

homemaking routines and plans are constantly being

tweaked and refined. Even though they’re always changing,

it’s still a huge help to have them in place.

Homemaking isn’t always easy. But it CAN be enjoyable.

I’ve found that having basic plans and following through –

is an important key to success.

SECRET #6

LEARN TO SAY NO TO POTENTIAL

COMMITMENTS.

I thrive when I have things to do and places to go. But I’ve

found that I can easily get exhausted and downright

grouchy if I have too many plans for days on end.

I’m learning to evaluate our invitations and decide what’s

best – or essential – to do. My husband and I choose to

limit our children’s activities and prefer to let them have

plenty of free time to play and just be kids.

When I attempt to stay home more often, I avoid rushing

(and nagging my kids to hurry), I save money and stick to

my family’s budget, and I have more time to keep up with

work at home.

SECRET #7

KEEP AT LEAST ONE ROOM CLEAN.

I’m not exactly sure why it’s so difficult to keep even one

room clean with children in my home. But it is.

While I can’t keep every room in our house clean, I do

make sure to pick up one or two rooms every afternoon.

When my entire house is out of order – and I feel like

completely frazzled because of the mess – I take about an

hour of concentrated, quick cleaning to feel less of a mess.

Since the messiest rooms in my home tend to be my

children’s bedrooms and playroom, I close the doors when

the clutter is epic.

SECRET #8

HAVE A ROUGH IDEA OF A WEEKLY MENU.

Menu planning isn’t a difficult concept, yet it’s a routine

that just doesn’t come naturally to me. In fact, it’s one of

my greatest struggles as a homemaker.

As much as possible, though, each weekend I try to make a

basic weekly menu. I plan seven dinners and know what

I’ll need to pick up at the grocery store – or pull from the

freezer.

I like to give myself flexibility to pick what meals my

family’s in the mood for each day. Yet I’m grateful when I

know my kitchen is stocked with all the necessary

ingredients and I don’t have to start brainstorming meal

ideas at 4:30 p.m.

SECRET #9

MAKE YOUR BED EACH MORNING.

AND WASH YOUR DISHES EACH NIGHT.

Some routines are worth keeping every single day, just for

a healthy state of mind. I believe two of those routines

include making your bed every morning and washing your

dishes every night.

Making your bed can easily take less than a minute every

morning – when you get out of bed, quickly pull the sheets

and covering up, arrange your pillows, and that’s it. A

made bed helps your bedroom to look better all day long,

and it’s inviting to pull back the covers every night.

Similarly, having a kitchen with clean dishes also brings

peace of mind.

Very rarely, I go to bed for the night and leave my kitchen

full of dirty dinner dishes. When I do that, waking up to a

huge pile of dried-on, crusted-on dishes gives me a really

bad start to my day. So as tired as I may be after I put my

children to bed, I know I need to wash my family’s dishes

for my own peace of mind.

SECRET #10

MAKE TIME FOR CUDDLES

– AND CONVERSATION.

Marching through each day with a to-do list and series of

routines is no way to fully enjoy the life God has given

you. With my own family, I’ve tried to be more intentional

about enjoying time together and counting on spontaneity.

Sometimes, my young children just want me to play. Or my

husband wants to sit down and talk over parts of his day.

When these moments happen and I’m tempted to choose

housework over relationships, I remind myself that God has

blessed me as a wife and mother – and investing in my

family is the most important part of my home.

So I make sure I get plenty of cuddles and “I love yous” in

each day – because before I know it, my current season of

life will pass. And with the uncertainty of life, I may not

always get the opportunity to actively demonstrate my love

and affection to my family.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hilary Kimes Bernstein writes about finding joy in

homemaking on her blog, No Place Like Home. She hones

her homemaking skills at her family’s home in Ohio, where

she and her husband Aaron raise their son and daughter.

An experienced journalist, Hilary blogged at Accidentally

Green for four years, has written several eBooks, and is the

site editor at Keeper of the Home and The Humbled

Homemaker. She was employed as a columnist and editor

at The Gazette, a daily newspaper in Medina, Ohio, for ten

years, and was awarded second place as the Associated

Press Best Columnist in Ohio in 2003. Hilary graduated

from Otterbein College with a bachelor of arts, cum laude,

in journalism.

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