2011 isDiastema and Spaces Proximal to the Anteriors

Rectification Year

Although we think we live in a civilized society, we still expect some of our young people to live their lives with the terrible burden of a median diastema. Many sufferers are afraid to go out in daylight in case they get mistaken for Paul Dowsing or Madonna.

This is why we are asking you to give generously. Just £100 can pay for a composite build up and £1,000 for a course of orthodontic treatment. Please support Diastema and Spaces Proximal to the Anteriors Rectification Year and send a cheque today (1/4/11)

Cheques should be made payable to “DSPARY” and sent to Orthodontic Dept Queens Hospital DE13 0RB

The Amazing Orthodontic Company

Just chew at 50 cycles per second andSay goodbye to electricity bills with the new Dynamax 240 (also available in 110 volt format for European users)

Dynamax 240

----------------------------------------------Don’t waste your money on Dolphin Cephalometrics Softwear send your cephalogram to us and we will let one of our dolphins trace it for you.www.seaworld.com

-------------------------------------------The IOTN increaserSimply apply vigorously to lower 5/5 and hey presto IOTN 4h

Another first from the Amazing Orthodontic Company

Don’t forget all the old favourites still available from theAmazing Orthodontic CompanyAO 121- wow Memory wire. Lost appliances find their own way home. AO 121- mud

Fantastic range of grunge coloured modules including sludge brown and snot green.AO 121- cer Amazing Orthodontics Ceramic brackets with willow pattern motif

AO 14U- tofAmazing Orthodontics Bracket Removing Toffee guarantees a clean debond in 5 minutes.

-----------------------------------------European Dictionary of OrthodonticsCopies still available apply to the editor www.euro-dic-ed Announcements a free service from the Amazing Orthodontic companyPractice for saleApply Dr Devious, The Devious Practice, Burton on TrentBirthsTo Mrs Block twinsJasper jumpers Knitted to order

Please note all the great products from the Amazing Orthodontic Company are available only on the 1st April

Remember a free CPD certificate with every order.

Dear Orthodontic Surgeon,

The department of health in conjunction with the National Institute for Clinical

Excellence (NICE) and your own society the British Orthodontic Society have

got together to produce a list of mandatory training for orthodontists . It is

important that you attend training sessions in all of the listed subjects at the

specified times. You must keep and maintain a folder with the certificates of all

the training sessions that you have attended and this folder should be kept at

your principal place of employment. It is expected that you will have

completed all the training for the first time by 6 April 2011.

For a hospital Orthodontist the list of mandatory training modules is as follows:

1. Fire lecture to be attended yearly

2. Equality and Diversity

3. Equal Opportunities

4. Conflict resolution

5. Basic life support

6. Paediatric life support

7. Harassment at work

8. Manual handling

9. Basic first aid

10.Use of rotating and vibrating instruments

11.Bereavement training

12.Anger management

13.Reading from power point presentations

14.Working with numpties

15. Avoiding April fools jokes

The Amazing Orthodontic Company Invisible Brackets

The Amazing Orthodontic Company is so proud of its invisible orthodontic brackets that we have attached a set absolutely free.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Say goodbye to tying ligatures and placing modules with the Amazing Orthodontic Company’s Elf ligating brackets

Elf Ligating Brackets

Available in Grumpy, Bashful, Dopey, Sleepy, Happy and Doc (Sneezy is off sick at present)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This certificate confirms that the above named attended the symposium on stripping, bonding and the use

of rubber materials at S.R. headquarters

On 1st April 2009.

Signature:

For the S.R Organisation. Edward Angle House Burton on Trent STAFFS AP1 14U

URGENT COSHH WARNING

To all users of nitrile gloves

Control of Substances Hazardous to Health Regulations (COSHH) REQUIRE YOU TO READ THIS INFORMATION CAREFULLY AND CASCADE IT TO YOUR STAFF.

Nitride gloves are in common use in the Health Service where they have replaced latex gloves because of concerns relating to latex allergy. For hygiene reasons they are used in

conjunction with a liquid soap or an alcohol hand rub. These products contain either Glycerine or Glycerol. Glycerine and Glycerol are chemically the same i.e. C3H7(OH)2..

Under some circumstances C3H7(OH)2 can react with the Nitride gloves to give small

quantities of C3H5(NO3)3 or Nitro-glycerine (also known as Tri Nitro- glycerine)

C3H5(NO3)3 Nitro-glycerine is a highly volatile and unstable substance which can explode even in the absence of a flame or spark. Users of Nitride gloves are most at risk when removing the gloves and it is suggested that they are removed by rolling them off the hands slowly rather than pulling them off suddenly. To date recorded incidents of severe explosions are quite rare. In one case an elderly orthodontist in Burton on Trent lost both hands, but this seems to have had little or no effect on his clinical abilities. Fortunately explosions can only occur on April 1st. Makers of the amazing memory wire (lost appliances find their own way home)now bring you the“ THE EUROPEAN DICTIONARY OF ORTHODONTICS” Here are a few examples from this valuable work of reference.

Satisfactory result. The patient brought you a box of chocolates.Post Treatment Settling. Your nurse has eaten half of them.Excellent Result. The patient bought you a bottle of whisky.Unstable Result. You and the nurse decide to drink it.Poor Result. Then you decide to drive home.Long term retention. You receive a custodial sentence.

DSA. The angle between A point, Sella and the D point. (where D point is the centre of an area which is always outside the surgery when you want her.)

The Tweed Triangle. An area on the Scottish borders where a number of orthodontists have disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

Tip edge. An orthodontic appliance first discovered on the margins of a land fill site.

The Goslon yardstick. A useful device for measuring the height of poultry.

Bolton standard. A second class ticket to Bolton.

Clinical Governance. The government of clinicians by people who can not put two words together in the correct order.

Invisible Braces. The lab has forgotten to make the appliance.

Kobyashi . A Japanese hooker.

Working model. Any hooker.

Kesling Springs. A small town in the Australian Outback.

Rubber Separators. Playtex bras.

Model Grinder. The person who puts away your study models.

PAR Score. Yer dads pulled.

Canine Protected. Owns a guard dog.

Peer Assessment. Your case comes up in the House of Lords.

Peer Assessment Rating. And I don’t fancy your chances.

Schamshieffe. A condom which bursts on use.

Schamshieffe Report. The sound of a bursting condom.

Senior Dental Nurse. An enquiry re possible sightings of a lost DSA. Specialist Register of the GDC. An opportunity to make a compulsory donation to provide a little extra luxury for the poor people of Wimpole street.

P.C.D’s. An new exciting opportunity for your nurse and technician to provide further luxury for the poor people in Wimpole street, while taking your job away from you.

Study Model. Gaze at the centrefold of “Playboy”.

Discharge Records. Monica Lewinski’s dress.

Chief Dental Officer. Spitting Bull.

Utility arches. A type of cheap but serviceable arch used in time of national emergency.

Limitation of Private Practice. If you don’t stop doing that it will make you deaf.

Occlusal settling. The total cost of treatment must be paid before the appliance is removed.

Local causes of malocclusion. “ Our dentist has already taken out some teeth & fitted a brace”

Wolfs Law. Never dress up as your granny and try to eat little girls.

Rickets. Lack of vitamin D causes softening of the archwires.

Traumatic Bite. The little bugger bit me.

Bilateral cross bite. So I bit him back.

Limited Opening. The pub shuts at eleven.

Trismus. Looking forward to December 25th with clenched teeth.

Swinging Gate. Kidderminster consultant attends wife-swapping party.

Oro-Facial Orthopedics. From the Greek “ Foot in mouth straight face “ it has come to mean the ability to ask a patient to wear a functional appliance without laughing.

Orhtopaedic change the money you have left after paying for your hip replacement

Standard deviation. Cross dressing.

t Test. What is the twentieth letter of the alphabet. Student t Test. What is the last letter in word “ pint “?

ANOVA. A small Vauxhall.

Randomised trial. A collection of long words grouped together in such a way that if they appear to have any meaning, it is only a chance occurrence.

Abstract. A short description of the paper the authors would have liked to have written.

Type 1 error. You should never have written this paper.Type 2 error. I should never have read it.

Double Blind Trial. We didn’t. NICE. The National Institute of Clinical Effectiveness, has combined kappa analysis with the t test to form the nice kappa t test.

MBT. Monthly ordeal for female dyslexics.

To order you copy of Dr Scary's European Dictionary of Orthodontics: -E mail www @ Euradic . comOrders only accepted on April 1st 2000

Young Orthodontist of the year

Congratulations!

You have been nominated to for the finals of young orthodontist of the year. All you need to do is to complete a short multiple choice questionnaire called a Prili test.

The Prili test is named after Dr Burtoni Prili who by mistake set his class a series of multiple choice questions for which there was no correct answer. He was about to throw the papers away when he noticed that his best students had all given very similar answers. Later he tried a series of experiments where similar question papers were given to acknowledged experts and lay people. He showed he could judge the best in the group with just 5 questions. Have a go take the test below. Remember there is no correct answer.

Question 1. Cross out the odd one out: - A] □ GrowthB] □ DevelopmentC] □ Expansion

Question 2. Cross out the odd one out: -

A] □ EducationB] □ ExperienceC] □ Teaching

Question 3. Cross out the odd one out – A] □ LevelB] □ AlignedC] □ Straight

Question 4. Cross out the odd one out: -

A] □ DiscoverB] □ ResearchC] □ Experiment

Question 5. Cross out the odd one out: -

A] □ A Pril 1 test B] □ The closing date for this competition.C] □ An anagram of “FL” and “OO”

When you have completed the test, place the form in the stamped addressed envelope and post it straight away. Remember that entries received after the closing date of Sunday 1st April 2007 will not be considered. Good luck.

The Orthodontist of the year competition is sponsored by the “Amazing Orthodontic Company” and the “European Dictionary of Orthodontics”

More about Dr Burtoni Prili.

Having proved that all examinations could be replaced by ticking 5 boxes Dr Prili was hounded out of the university world and eventually found sanctuary in the model box room of Queens’s Hospital Burton on Trent. Where he lived on a diet of chocolates and biscuits left over by the nurses. This unsuitable diet probably led to his early death in 2002. He was cremated and his remains are stored in box 1207.